Day Dates vs. Dinner Dates

“You can actually have an experience with a person in a day date, that I think in dinner dates you’re limited.” - Josh Johnson

 

“What I’m saying is, you better take a bitch to dinner first. You better spend them coins.” - Dulcé Sloan

 

It’s day dates vs. dinner dates this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson. #DailyShow #HoldUp #Podcast

 

Buy tickets to Dulcé's shows: https://www.etix.com/ticket/e/1030895/dulce-sloan-off-cabot-beverly-off-cabot-comedy-and-events

 

Buy tickets to Josh's shows: https://www.tacomacomedyclub.com/events/63671

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, Francis Dules say Sloan, come see me this weekend
January and fourteen, for four shows at the Off Cabinot
Comedy Club in Beverly, Massachusetts. I don't know where that is,
but I'm gonna find out. This is one of my
first date in my new tour, New vo Reiche because

(00:20):
apparently your girl's new money, I mean in the words
of somebody, and we never had that old money. Ha ha, Josh,
are you gonna be out here in these streets? I am, indeed,
I'm gonna be a Tacoma Comedy Club January twelve to

(00:40):
the fourteen, for five shows. You can get your tickets
at Tacoma Comedy Club dot com or in the link
in the show notes. And real quick, we want to
know what do you want to hear us argue about
on the show. You know, we we have our own
thoughts on things. We go back and forth no matter what,
but we want to hear what you want to hear,

(01:01):
all right, So you can hit us up by leaving
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We read them. We look at the comments. Let us
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hashtag hold up for those ideas. So with all that

(01:22):
out of the way, let's get into the show. Hey, everybody, welcome,
How you doing. Hello, how's the day going? You know,
if you were using this to fall asleep, big mistake. Alright,
hold up, so wake up and enjoy some of these

(01:44):
hot topics. We are coming to you with the most
important things to us, not the world, not your peers. You.
This will not make you seem smart when you go
and hang out with your friends and y'all discussed podcast. Um,
we're not talking about world events. We're not talking about
current events. We're talking about the things that are happening
in our lives that we are diametrically opposed on. Okay,

(02:05):
and so today we're talking with myself, one of your
co host, Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for The Daily Show.
When I am joined by don't say as loan, I'm
a correspondent on this here Dayly Show, and uh, I
am going to tell you what today's top recording should be.

(02:25):
Because I was in Arlington, Virginia over the weekend and
a very nice lady and a very gorgeous pink like
a light like a dusty peak coat. Pink peak coat
by the name of a Jesse gave me some topics
to discuss on this show, and one of those topics
is day dates versus dinner dates. When we tell you,

(02:49):
come tell us, come to our shows and tell us.
She said, she found out that I was going to
be at the Arlings and Draft hops because I was
listening to the show. We're always like, come see us,
come talk to us. And she came. She came, and
she talked, and now we're doing her topic on the show.
So start off to Jesse and Arlington in Arlington, Virginia.

(03:09):
Thank you for coming to see me at the Alington Drafthouse.
And this is Jay dates versus dinner dates. Now, josh
you've been on dates before. Soon, we hope, mm hmm.
Now I think I have a feeling an inclination. Huh,

(03:31):
A little tickle in my ear about what I think
think m hm, you might pick but tell the people, Joshua, yeah, yeah,
what as a former trader Joe's employee, like, what is

(03:53):
that even I have to do with it? It was
out here trying to date people out. What do you prefer?
Day dates or dinner dates? Okay, m while I believe
that both of these dates are important, I truly believe

(04:16):
that they're both important. I think that for your peace
of mind, for your time, and for your overall day
as an individual, I'm gonna go with day dates. All right,
you said day dates. I can explain what I heard.
What I heard was I don't have any money. No no,

(04:41):
that's not what it is, I promise, no, no, no, no,
because the day date is done by the man who
only wants to get coffee because he doesn't want to
invest money into trying to see my virgine. No said
he can spend at a Starbucks and then maybe your
dead or later. Not no, no, no, let's be very

(05:04):
clear here. Okay, I just said both dates were important.
I didn't say they weren't. I am saying that for
your day as the individual. I can't explain. I'm not
saying that no one that loves day dates isn't broke,
all right, I'm not. I'm not gonna be out here
telling you that no one that loves day dates has

(05:27):
no money. That's not what I'm saying I'm saying functionally. Functionally,
I think that it's it's an easier and it's a
better um impression. Tell us about your pripverty, go ahead,
my poverty, like this this is my thing. I'm not
even Wow, Okay, so I'm not even cold. I'm just

(05:49):
trying to protect myself from all the things you're about
to say. Wow, this is like both calmly and like
and this is like maybe the most sideways you've ever
covered me, Like, like this is actually this is actually
wild because you're not like, you're not yell at or anything.

(06:12):
You not you know, be be a belligerent or anything.
You're very calmly coming truly for my neck. Like it's like,
and I don't, wow, where's all this coming from. I'll
tell you what. I'm gonna tell you why. Okay. I
believe that a lot of pressure is put on people,

(06:33):
and this is like everything that I'm describing right now
is going to be genderless. Okay, I'm talking about all
of dating. I'm talking about everybody who does date. All right,
there's an incredible amount of pressure and there's an incredible
amount of like anxiety around just dates in general, first
dates especially Okay, I think that rather when I look

(06:57):
at myself as an individual and what it was like
in how ago when I was dating and stuff like that,
I think that it is a much easier thing to
start your date because the benefit that I think that
day dates have that dinner dates don't night dates don't,
is that if we hang out long enough, it goes

(07:17):
into the night. You know, if you're having a good time,
If you're having a good time and you and you
enjoy my company, we're we're into the we're into the
night date. Now now we're gonna go get dinner, you know.
And I think that you also lessen the amount of
anxiety you have throughout the day, because when you do
have a night date, like a dinner date, you're worried

(07:39):
about that thing all day, especially if you really like
the person or you really want them to like you.
That's anxiety driving all day. So you nip some of
that in the bud by starting the date, like you
woke up, you had your breakfast, maybe you worked out,
maybe you just you know, went to you know, work
or something. Especially if this if this day date is
on a weekend, you did a couple things and then

(08:00):
you met someone and you met up and you were able.
In my opinion, there are better activities to do during
the day then there are at night sometimes, So if
I want to take you on, uh like an event,
there's like there's there's concerts at night, there's comedy shows
at night, there's there's all this stuff. But you can

(08:21):
actually have an experience with a person in a day
date that I think in in dinner dates you're limited.
And also with with uh late night dates or nighttime dates,
you do start to have the pressures of like, okay,
where are we gonna end up? Where is this going?
Whereas I think in a day day you talked about

(08:42):
the broke dudes. I think in the day day you
you either have to really believe in yourself or you
have to be having the best date of all time
to think that you're gonna pull a bedroom out of
this date. If y'all met up at two pm, That's
That's all I'm saying, is that I think a nighttime day,
if we're eating up at ten, If if you're going
on a date with someone and y'all are meeting up

(09:05):
at nine to have dinner, right, see, No, it's almost
bad time to begin with No, you can't meet that
late for dinner date. You can't meet that late. I'm
just but night is night to me, night is night.
Point we all know they're going to dinner at seven
and going to dinner at ten one, there's a whole

(09:26):
different class restaurant. Yeah, I got a restaurants closed at
ten if I'm even dinner at ten. I see what
you're saying now, Like I've gone to I've had daytime dates,
like had brunch, Um gone to the belt line here
and walked around with some dude, got all my steps
in that day. I'll take that damn much. Um. But oh,

(09:50):
I will offer up one last thing because I don't.
I don't I apologize for interrupted, but I do want
to offer up one last thing. When you were on
a day date, the the ability to split with these
go sideways goes up exponentially because when you have a
nighttime date, yes you have a nighttime date, you know

(10:11):
and they know that y'all both planned to be here.
So then when you get the text of like oh,
your apartment's all fire or whatever, it's like it's blatantly
obvious you're just trying to leave like it like it
just is unless it was going wonderfully and y'are both
vibing and it's undeniable whatever people can tell that you're
trying to get out of there, whereas with a day date,

(10:32):
if it goes sideways at all, the whole rest of
the day is what you have to look forward to,
so you can be like, oh, hey, yeah, my dog
freaking out, so I gotta go see he just hit
me telepathically and yeah, my roommate told me, like you
don't have roommates. I'm like, it is what it is, bro,
I gotta go. I told guys on date, this isn't

(10:54):
gonna I'm gonna go. Yeah, Like, oh, do you have
something else to do? No? Yeah, yeah, I've been I've
been on a date before where I said in the
middle of and I didn't say it in a rude way,
and I wasn't like it wasn't like I was getting
some attitude. I was just like, Ah, this one's not

(11:15):
going well, is it? Like it was just the thing
where we both agreed. We were both like like we
started laughing. We were like, ah, yeah, I don't know
what it was. We both from both of the pictures
we thought we'd like each other and it's like, nah,
I've had that. I had a date go bad to
the point and I had to drive for this date too,

(11:36):
Like I drove over thirty minutes. It was like Atlantis,
you drive thirty minutes all the time, but almost forty
minutes for this date. It doesn't go well. And so
it's not going well to the point where he offers
to get food to go from my mom. It's just
a good Southern boy, yeah, yeah, just trying to be

(11:57):
a gentleman in the face of a date that's not
it's fine, it's not going well, and I'm just like, yeah,
I think I'm gonna get two appetizers, bro. And then
and you know, like this isn't and he's like, he's
like this is at a certain point. He's like this
isn't going good. And he's like no, He's like, you
want to order something for your mom? I was like sure,

(12:17):
And I called my mom. I'm like, hey, I'm anna
applebee is what do you want? Um? And I got
her like entree and he goes, you can get a
dessert too, And just a nice white man in the
army taking me on a date, because you also know,
like that's the thing about when you're when you're when
it's going poorly unless someone is delusional to people can

(12:39):
feel it. Yeah, but you'd be surprised. A number of
times I've been on date with the guy really thought, Hey,
what I just say about delusional. I also don't understand,
like some of my friends really want you to give
somebody a chance, like well wait wait wait wait wait

(13:00):
right wait wait wait wait wait wait. Okay, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. So I was gonna go over to the stand.
This is a Halloween right, I'm gonna go understand anyway,
that's the thing of the day was at like seven,
we got pizza. The date started with a church hug
and anyway, the church hull and the thing was fun. Up.

(13:20):
We've been talking about like for like three weeks, like texting.
I was like, we went on an app and we're
texting and stuff and been like we've been sitting each
other like playlists and stuff like that and all these
other things. We talked on the phone and then I
met him in person. I just went nope. As soon
as I saw him, I was like, I don't want
to put my mouth on him. And that's my gauge.
Now that's my gauge if I see a man. But

(13:44):
I was like, I don't want to put my mouth
on this man. M yeah, what was he talking for?
And so we're on the date. I don't remember the
fun he was talking about. The whole time. I was
like no, yeah, no, And then at the end he
was asking I was gonna do. I was like I
was gonna hand over to the sand. He was like, okay, cool,
I can do that, and like I didn't. They had

(14:06):
a spot at the stand too, and so I was
like right, and I was like no. He's like, what,
You're going to a comedy club. I said, I'm going
to work, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and he's like, I mean,
but it's not like the same. I said, do you
want me to sit next to you at a cubicle? Mhm,
because that's what the funk this is. I'm going to work, yeah,

(14:29):
after me, you having to go? No, He's like, well,
I can just come anyway. It's like it's a comedy club.
I can go if I want to, And I was like, really, yeah,
I would. It would very much be weird now because
I just told you no, and now he just like, well,
it doesn't matter. I can go from once and I
was like, yeah, I'm gonna go mm hmm. Now, okay,

(14:50):
I want to get a sense from you of of
why you so deeply disclike the the day dates outside
of the because I feel like i've I've acknowledged the
brokenness that some people exhibit, but I've also given what
I feel are very valid reasons to start with a

(15:12):
day date, because if you really like this person, it's
going into the night. So I feel like I get
the best of both worlds. I understand. This is the
thing with the day date. It's the day date feels
very much like the day date seems like something you

(15:33):
only do if you're not sure if you like somebody. Okay, like,
if you know that you like somebody, just do a
regular fucking date. But if it's hey, you want to
hang out tomorrow, then it's a date. Then the day
date make because there are things you can do during
the day that you can't do at night. You're right,

(15:53):
But I feel like the day date is very much,
very tentative, very tent to tent It's I don't know
how very tool is a real word. Um, it's you're

(16:15):
not sure about the person, so it's like I don't
want to spend my nighttime hours with someone I'm not sure.
Let me go ahead and see you have a three
pm because like I like like a brunch situation, because
like I've had like gotten dinner with the guy or
like gotten coffee with the guy and then it turned
into us getting dinner. I see, I see. This is

(16:37):
what I'll pitch you. And it's it's what I tell
all my friends when they're when they're dating, is that
I've found the best dates and the and this is
this is regardless of what you choose to do. And
once again this is for everybody. I find that the
best dates are things that you were going to do
anyway that you want to see if you enjoy someone

(16:58):
else's company while doing which is why I um chose
the day dates because to me, it's like, Okay, I've
always wanted to try this place, I've always wanted to
try this thing. Let me both try this thing and
bring someone along that I think I might enjoy their company.
Because I also find that a lot of people, a

(17:21):
lot of people, a lot of my friends get flaked on, right,
and when you get flaked on, and it's like okay,
I was gonna get I was gonna get dinner at
this nice restaurant with this person, and now they've canceled.
Is a very different feeling than like I've always wanted
to try, you know, just throwing it out there as
a general date idea. It's like, I've always wanted to
try acts throwing, so let me try acts throwing, and

(17:43):
let me do it with this person who I think
is cool. And then they flake out, and it's like,
all right, look, maybe I'm going to act throwing by
myself now, but I've always wanted to try acts throwing.
And it's a very different day now. And you also
have the rest of and you know, if I can,
if I can speak to confidence and psyche and all
that stuff for a second, a day date gives the

(18:05):
rest of your day time to recover if the thing
does not go well and if you don't get the
desired result, Whereas a nighttime date it's like, now I
just gotta go to bed, upset, right, But if a
day date doesn't go well, then I still then it's
the whole rest of my fucking day. It's not like
this didn't go to well, let me go to bed.
It's oh, this date didn't go well and it's only

(18:28):
four thirty. I see we're saying the same thing, but
we disagree on how it makes us feel. That makes sense, Yeah,
like I understand, like you're going to go do something anyway,
Like I've gone a day dates where we've gotten to
like an aquarium or a museum, or I've done archery
or I've done these different things where it's like like

(18:50):
the whole going through the movies and going on a
date thing, I think is one. I think one of
my guy friends was saying to me, like, it doesn't
mean he doesn't like to do it because you're sitting
with somebody for two hours in the dark, and you're
not getting to know them at all. You're just sitting
with them in the dark watching it thing. But I
just know they're able to be quiet, right, you know,
there be quiet either than react to a movie. Um,

(19:11):
and then you have but then you have that didn't
have something to talk about at dinner because now we
can sit about and set up and talk about and
analyze the movie or film, because I think films and
movies are two totally different things and we can Hey,
that's a different day, that's a different day. That's a
different day. We both agree. We know what I'm saying.

(19:32):
You know what I'm saying. Fast and Furious is not
a film. We can all relax. We can all relax.
So like I said recently that like, if there's a
guy that you like, a person you really like, you know,
we're not the gender anybody, um, but especially if you're
dealing with men, regardless of what your preference is, if
you're dealing with men, I think a good first day,

(19:54):
especially dealing with it's just heterosexual men. I think an
escaped room is a great first date because I tell you,
I'm gonna tell you, I'm gonna tell you. I'm gonna
tell you, I'm gonna tell you. One. Will he take

(20:14):
directions from a woman because some men won't? Yeah? Two?
Can he be collaborative? Can he be cooperative? Is he
does he only? Is he a creative thinker? How does
he work under pressure? Is he a leader? Is he
a follower? Is he motivating? Is he helpful? Is he

(20:38):
good at problem solving? Doing puzzles? Can he do math?
What color? Is he color blind? Like? There are all
these things because like we've don't escape from in Miami
together and there's so many things that go on in
escape room where you have to collect. Like it's this
idea of being able to cooperate with people you know
and stranger some people who don't know. Well, I think

(21:00):
it's a really good thing if you don't know somebody,
because some people just get angry and just shut the
funk down. I've seen that escaping for We're just like
I don't get this, and then they're just done. You're like, bro,
we have fifties seven more minutes in here, stand up help.
The reason I brought up the anxiety and the confidence

(21:23):
and the nervousness and stuff like that for day dates
versus like nighttime dates is that I think that there's
there's a way that you can like free yourself up
to your point about um, like not being sure about

(21:44):
a person or not, I mean, like like to your
point about that, I think though it's a double edged sword,
because yes, that is that is how some people are
gonna take it, and that's how some people are gonna
use it. But I also think that you're able to
see someone potentially in their best light when they are
uh not under the pressure of of like what people

(22:07):
make nighttime dates out to be in their mind. I
understand what you're saying, But for me, a date is
a date pressure Like it's always whether it's three pm
or seven pm or nine pm, I'm nervous whether the
sun is up or it is taking its you know,
slum before the evening, it's still a fucking date. So
I'm still going. You know what I mean, I understand.

(22:30):
I understand what you mean that that makes sense at
least for a nighttime date, because also there's stunts you
can't put Like it's like you can't ask somebody to
meet at seven pm for coffee. Yeah, there's something to
happen in the evening. It's like, okay, I expect it's
like dinner in this or dinner in that. But also
I've realized that like just going to dinner with somebody

(22:55):
doesn't give you enough info. M who doesn't give you anything.
So I think like an activity in dinner is I
think the way to go. So if you do something
earlier in the day where it's like, let's mean at seven,

(23:16):
go do this, and they get dinner after, because there's
not so much stuff you want to do after dinner,
you know what I mean exactly, And I think that
this is also important that will offer up to the
listeners just in case they are still coming at me
the way you were coming at me at the beginning,
if they still think that I'm broke or what. I
also don't drink, and so I think that a lot

(23:38):
of nighttime activities they don't exclude me. I'll go to
a bar, I'll hang out. But like, but like, I
also am of a mind of like, let me because
I don't just I don't drink. I don't care the
person that I, you know, went on the date with
at the time drank. But I just feel like, let me.

(24:03):
Let let me pick something for us to do that
can be the most fun for both of us, so
that you can see me having fun, you can see
what I'm like when I'm fun as opposed to being
at a bar. Because now that's that's the thing I've
always worried about ever since I, you know, became of
age to drink. Was was that since I've never drank before,

(24:25):
I don't want to now seem like a weirdo did alcohol. No. No,
I just feel like it's not it's not really for me,
you know, it's not like even a judgment thing um.
And that's and that's the thing is, ever since I've
been twenty one, I've I've literally been like, uh, I

(24:47):
don't want to be that guy that takes someone to
a bar and then doesn't drink. That seems like a
very odd guy. No, that is a creepy And that's
why I've had to That's why I've had to be
like we're going to dinner, or we're going to go
to this concert, or we're gonna like I literally have
to lean on activities because because I don't drink, right, Yeah,

(25:10):
if you drink, it'll actually like make it a lot
easier for you to be like, hey, you want to
go grab a drink, so people like if you like
for people who it's like going to get coffee later
on in the day, M's like, hey, you want to
go grab drinks and then that's where my coffee comes from, right,

(25:31):
and so the coffee things. So it's like, okay, so
it's too late, I don't want to meet it four.
So then it's gonna get drinks and then you go
get drinks and then it drinks are good, then you
go get food or then you go, I don't know,
have sex, like you really the two options. I'll really
offer up this as well. For day dates. If somebody's crazy,

(25:51):
it's broad daylight right now, that's the thing. But I
also know I'll say this certain crazy only come out
at night, like date crazy. Yeah, date crazy. The sun
has to be there, Okay, it's going to wear it's

(26:15):
like date yeah. Do you think they wouldn't tell on
themselves though? If they went on let's say you got
them on three day dates, do you think they stay
who's doing? Okay? I would be crazy after three day dates,
I understand, But I'm just saying, for the sake of argument,
let's say you're like, they just happen to shake out
that way. Honestly, it's I I think if you're going

(26:41):
to do a day date, you have to show more effort. Yeah,
I know, a ton of effort goes into a good
like this this thing that I was initially let's call
grab a coffee walk in the park boom. Yeah. But
that's the thing I was initially pushing back off because
that's not what I meant by day dates. You know,
I understand that that's in there and I and I

(27:02):
acknowledged immediately. I was like, hey, I've been broke before.
I know what broke dudes do. I understand that this
is an aspect, but for me, as someone who doesn't drink,
I would like, no, we're gonna do this thing and
it's and it and it will be fun. Um but
it and it happens to be like because I still

(27:24):
call a day date like five to me. But the
problem is with five o'clock. That is, if you have
a day date at five and it doesn't go well,
then now it's interrupted your day and your evening. Yep,
I mean that is part of the risk you take
though hang out with a person. Also, that's the time

(27:49):
is very easily cancel, a little like canceled on. Oh,
you're right, you're right someone being late because it's also
five a pm is when people usually get off work. Yeah,
if you're having a day date during the week at five,
maybe both of you either are working from home or

(28:11):
you don't have jobs, or one has a job and
one doesn't, one works from home and one has no job.
Like there there is something to be said for a
five o'clock. But I could do five o'clock um dates
back in Chicago because working in Trader Joe's I had
very specific shifts and so sometimes I got off it too,
you know, and you also have to factor in both

(28:33):
for you and the person that you're going on date with.
Once again, this goes for everybody, right right. I think
that especially on the basis of a first date, nobody
can take it too personally that people are planning the
date around their lives, if that makes sense. So yes,

(28:54):
I don't understand what someone would be upset because like
one of my friends was like, she, how has a
date and you'll have a date, and she always make
sure she has a show after the date, after the date,
because if it's going, hey, man, I gotta go, I
gotta show, I gotta go, I gotta show. But sometimes
it's and I've done the I gotta show, and it's like, oh,

(29:16):
I can come, And I'm like, because I think even
if a day goes well, because I feel like sometimes
when dates go well, people make the mistake of just
like because I had a date one time that lasted
like thirty six hours. Yeah, and then I never saw
him again, which was fine because I didn't need to. Um,

(29:39):
I'll throw this out there then. Sorry, I just had
a flashback to that. UM. The fucking nervous. Some people
you were you you looked at the camera like you
were seeing him. Oh oh, I think sometimes we forget

(30:03):
the dude too. Small dicks are just as horny as dudes.
I feel like men and smaller penises are horny or
than dudes with bigger penises. I don't. I don't think
that's right at all. I think it is. This is
the thing. But this is the thing. Dudes with a
small dick want to show you their dick as much
with the dude with it, just as much as a

(30:25):
guy with the big dick. And they don't warn you.
They don't pay anything what it's like. They should. They
know it's small. So why are you doing all this
hemming and hawing try to get me to look at
it when you know I'm gonna be disappointed. I have

(30:46):
no dude, but I truly I okay, I don't have
any like frame of reference for any of this, So like,
of course you don't because you don't deal with men.
I'm don't I understand, but that's what I'm saying. I'm like,
the thing you said initially did not sound correct, but
now we're dealing with other facts. What did I say,

(31:08):
what did I say? You were saying that dudes with
small penises are hornier than dudes with big penis is
And I feel like the reason that I don't know
if that's true is that to me, it's not about
because you just said it yourself. A person knows, right,
So I think a lot of people carry themselves like

(31:30):
they know, and it gives off the vibe that they know,
which gives off the vibe to other people that like,
let me stay away. Is that not true? No, because
some doing either otherything like big dick energy. H there
are dudes with small dicks that are running around out
here with big dick like real big dick energy is

(31:51):
a very is a completely it's not as we all know.
It's affect right, but it's not as flagrant like if
you see a very short if you see a short
man with too much confidence, he has a big dick.
We all know this, but I think it's just he

(32:12):
might have money. No really, Oh, let me saying something.
A man with a big dick is an asshole. A
man that knows he has a big dick is a
asshole at all times. Like a very big dick, he's
an asshole. They're always an asshole. They It's like men
with big dicks act like pretty girls. Okay, I can

(32:36):
get into anywhere. You can't say anything to me. I'm unstoppable.
But the problem is, like one of the smallest dicks
I've ever seen was on a man who was six three,
and one of my friends was like, do you think
it was small? It's oh I was. I liked him

(32:56):
so much and I don't even have time tell you
have funny acting. This dude was with me, was with
me before this, but and my friend was like, do
you think it was small because he's so tall? And
I was like, I was like, what she's like because
of perspective? Do you for scale? And I said no,

(33:16):
because my hand is always the same size. Oh my god.
Look listen. What I'm saying is so you'll be on
a day date with some small dick having man who's

(33:37):
given you big dick energy. I understand him being extra flirting,
extra morning, and then all of a sudden, you or
face to face with a dick you can suck and
whistle Dixie at the same time. And he should have
never came out the house. Now help me out, though
this does not once again this is a this is

(33:59):
an asked fact of dating that doesn't Actually, it's not
like his dick would be bigger at night. He's not
like aware dick. No, but you've just you've just attributed
the small thickness to the day date. But it's gonna
be small year round, right, It's gonna be about it.

(34:20):
It's twenty four hours a day, seven days a week
until fifteen in the morning, can't stop on stop. What
I'm saying is that being on a day date that
goes well, okay, that could then goes into an evening
date that goes into you all hanging out even more,
and then you're presented persented for your like an Emmy,

(34:54):
for your actions and efforts and service to your country.
Uh huh, you're rewarded mm hmm with nonsense. Okay, I'm
just saying that should be a warning because like I
was doing this joke for a while and didn't ever
Actually it didn't go. I wanted to go. But I'm
just like, we need some type of identifiers. I wasted

(35:17):
so much time flirting with men whose dicks were innies
instead of auties, and they need to be branded. They
need to be stop wasting people's time. I need just
I don't care if it's dots. I don't care if
it's sucking Morris code. When these suckers are eighteen brandon,
let me stop you right, let me count these do

(35:40):
the same here. Let me talk over you for a second.
You could have plausible to my ability that you lost it. Firstly,
the brand brand I know, I understand. It's a terrible
thing to find out. Brand dig is a little far
fine too, all right, No no no no, no no

(36:04):
no no no. I need a jewelry. They need to
be I don't care getting better tattooing tattoos, branding ear
rings is something sounds good, cuts in an eyebrow. Okay, look,
just something something, Give me something. I don't care if

(36:26):
they're pinky nails, are paying in different colors. Stop wasting
people's time, dude, something Oh lord, oh man, Okay, I
just need to listen. It's you know how big my
titties are by looking at me? Sure? But okay, then

(36:47):
now the thing is I was because I can wear
something to make them perkier. I can we make them
look bigger, gonna make it look smaller. Okay, I can
wear spanks. I can lie to you all kinds of ways,
make up wigs falls. I can do all of the
things right, I can say, but I can also tell
the truth. Okay, I can also tell the truth. These men,
these allusions, these grace scut pants are not telling us

(37:09):
what we think they need to be telling us. Okay, Oh,
great fans season, Grace wet pants season. Now why am
I over here getting excited over a flash of dick y'all?
Sound wild? So many men's are growers. Too many men's
is growers. We have got so far away from the
actual quality of the date. I feel like, now, this,

(37:31):
this is a this is a separate thing. Uh, I'm
What I'm saying is that if you're out here slinging,
if you can't sling, okay, if you can only present,
you can't sling, you can only present. What I'm saying

(37:51):
is you better take a bitch to dinner first. You
better spend them coins. But you have to spend money. Now,
you have to spend money. You have to. You have to.
You have to because you've got to disappoint me. At
least I wanted to have a nice dinner first. But

(38:14):
you you're telling me that a date like a day
date of jet skiing. It's not fire. We could do
a day day of jet skin and if no, you'll die. Yeah,
that's what I'm saying. They're they're they're trade offs here. Yeah,
you you do it like later on in the day
so you can get off the jet ski you have
a nice dinner or something like that. A day date

(38:36):
on the jet ski would be absolutely awesome. Fox with it,
because you know, I love jet skis. Okay, they're just
water motorcycles and so and if you've never been on
a jet ski, get more white friends. That's all I'm saying,
because that's how I got my fresh jet ski called occasions.
And so what I'm saying is that if you are

(38:57):
trying to figure out, hey, should I take this girl
on jet skis or should I take her to the park?
Look down? But I feel like, now, aren't you just
letting the blessed get away with more? They already are?

(39:20):
But I'm but I'm saying they already are. Is is
part of this logic? Though? Yes? Are you? Are you
good with that? No? Then the no park for anybody? Right? Yes,
everybody should pick jet skis. I but do you do

(39:43):
you see how do you see how I'm helping your
Like I was, yes, okay, all right cool. If you
have a chance to get up a jet ski, get
on a jet ski fun, get on get on jet
ski for real. Yeah, if you're near water, if you're

(40:04):
able to do a rental. You know, if you own
a life jacket, then yeah, get on jet ski and
the jet peo will give you life jackets. What I'm
saying is that I just want us to be like
I like, listen, I prefer evening day because you know,
a nice it's it's nice to go out for the evening.
I'm perfectly if I'm sitting in my house, it's not
You're like you're sitting there on a Friday at eight pm,

(40:25):
going uh fuck? You know what I mean. If it's
Saturday at three pm, I don't give a ship. If
it's a p M, I'm like, damn, I would have
wish I was on a date. But if I go
on a day date, also a day date, lets me
know that you have another date lined up. Oh no,
I wouldn't. I wouldn't say that. Oh I always assume
that that. I understand that you always assume that. And

(40:45):
I'm not even saying that you have never ever, ever
been right. I'm saying though that I can only speak
from the experiences that I've like watched friends have and
stuff like that. I think that sometimes there is it
depends on when you meet the person. Because we both
know people who aren't actually players, men and women. Most people.

(41:08):
I don't think most people are players. I think this
whole Also, I think that player idea, that player culture,
player lifestyle thing has been detrimental to everybody. Yeah, it's
not It's not good for anybody. And I think only
a few people can actually pull it off to where
they have a date after their date and then and
and they're gonna also keep time and that you know
what I mean. I think that with me because because

(41:32):
once again I brought up the like not drinking and
stuff like that, It's like I had to pick things
that would be fun or interesting to do that had
nothing to do with that, so that I wasn't that
creep that was like, can I buy you a drink
and I guess another one while I just talk. Yeah,
because you can't do bars, because if you if you
buy me a drink and then you have water, I'm

(41:53):
going to think that you drug my drink. Yeah. Yeah,
it's like it's like I don't want to be anywhere
near any that like speculation, right, And so my thing
as well is I find that regardless of whin and
this actually kind of hurts my argument a little bit,
but regardless of what time of day it is, the

(42:14):
amount of work someone put into their idea is like
paramount to me for how much they care, you know,
because there's also a deeply casual side to nighttime dates,
which is netflix and chilling. It's like, Hey, I'm gonna
bring over some food or like let me cook for
you at my place. Yea cook for you? Ship. You

(42:35):
can't cook for me. You can't cook for me until
I have comfortably gone to your house and then left. Yeah,
like that whole Like a guy was like, I want
to cook for unifirst date doesn't? Absolutely not. It's like
why not? I said, I want to die on my
own time. Also, are you a chef? Are you a chef?

(42:56):
Because if you're a chef, then come with it. You
know you're a chef, then I will come to your restaurant. Okay,
So my buddy did that exact thing if he like
was like, oh, let me cook for you whatever, right,
and then he cooked for her, and then later on
that night she was like, okay, um, I had a
great time, thank you so much, blah blah blah, and

(43:23):
she robed hell out of him. She robbed. She was
the whole town. He was cooking, she was stealing. And
he was like, I don't know how she got everything
out of the how because she always had her purse.
So he's like, unless she had another bag, I didn't see.
Not this much stuff should be missing, right, Like what

(43:44):
yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah, he was like. He was like,
she came over, I cooked, and then like um, we
they ate and then like they made They didn't like
fully hook up, right, they like maybe made out on
the couch, watch a little TV whatever. And then she
was like I had a great time. I have to go, right.
But then he was like, hey, so so many different

(44:06):
things were missing from places that weren't next to each other.
I was like, man, you got rob robbed. She must
have had a bag she sat in the hallway. That's
what I'm thinking, right, it had to be. It had
to be a getting up when she went to the bathroom.
Like it's like how it's like a riddle. It's like, well, okay,

(44:28):
so she took so she took some stuff that was like, oh,
you might just be like a klepto, you know what
I mean, Because she took some of the night like
there was a nice he had a nice soap um,
like a real nice soap that you could just probably
like twist the cap back down and put that in
the purse whatever. And then she she got ahold of

(44:49):
some loose money, which is like, all right, you left
the money out, you know what I mean, That's that's
easy enough to steal. Uh. But then I think he
said he had a game boy, and he was like,
I don't know when she would have got the game
boy because it was like in his room on a
bookshelf or something. But they didn't go in his room,
so he's like, she must have just been in my

(45:10):
room when back was turned while I was cooking the funk.
Was he making pasta? I don't know. I know he
was making pasta. I know he was. He was probably
making postive. But it's like, it's like that's so. I mean,
I didn't get the full list of everything that she took,
but there was something he was more telling me about
the locations because he was like, she stole something from
the bathroom. She stole something from my bedroom, even though
we didn't like going, like it's not like they like

(45:33):
went to his bed, and you know what I mean.
And then she also took something from the living room.
And I was like, man, that's the money is there?
The money is like, all right is this meal? Because
because the money is like all right, look there's fifty
dollars on the table. Not saying anybody should steal, but
there's fifty dollars on the table. Now you just made

(45:55):
fifty dollars from your meal. Most people have to pay
for their food, right the soap at the game boy
and like I don't know he but he said it
was a lot of stuff, Like it was a lot
of things. So she must have had a bag in
the hallway, like when he thought she was going to
the bathroom, she was going to the bathroom and making
a stop at the hallway, And you know what I mean,

(46:17):
maybe her person was bigger than he thought it was.
That's what That's also what I think it has to be,
is like the bag in the hallway makes a lot
of sense, But the bag in the hallway could also
you know, maybe get seeing as trash or you know,
I mean like like that, that to me seems like
a deeper grift than just having a bag. That is

(46:37):
uh what you McCall it. You know the bags that
I don't know person, So I don't know what I'm
talking about. But you know, you know those bags that
have a button and when you undo that button, it
becomes a bigger bag. Yeah, it's like an accordion bag. Yeah. Yeah,
maybe she had one of those. Oh my god, who
was telling me they were going on this date. He

(46:58):
was in Manhattan, he went to go meet some girl like, No,
he was in Brooklyn when he got me some girl
like at the top of Harlem. So it took like
two and a half hours on the train. And she
was like, don't eat today. I'm gonna make you DARNI.
Johnny is gonna be a huge diarior. Johnny supposed to
Lasagna And he gets there and not only is nothing prepped,

(47:28):
not only is nothing prepped, Not only is nothing She's
still struggling with the package that the Lazaya noodles coming.
She hasn't even gone grocery shopping yet. Oh oh, what

(47:49):
an attack. Truly she wants him to come shopping with her.
She likes her men weak, That's what it is. She
was like, go ahead to starve yourself all day. All right,
I'm got'll see how you handle this long walk that
we've taken, this grocery store where we walked past all

(48:10):
the food. So it's two hours on the train. I
don't know where the funk he was coming from. What
was two hours on the train. It sounds like a nightmare.
He was in the backup Brooklyn, the basement of I
don't know where the funk he was. But took two
hours and some change from where he was to get
to the top of Harlem talking on the phone, and

(48:31):
then at one and then when he gets there, she
doesn't buzz him in. He has to wait thirty minutes
for him to let for her to let him in.
Is she home? Yes, So she's not answering her phone either.
She's not answering the phone. What reason did she give?

(48:51):
She wasn't ready? So she so she knew he was
down there. Yeah, this is chaos. This this is like
absolutely acceptable. Wait, so she knew he was down there
waiting for half an hour at the door while he
had already been on the train for two something hours
to get there, and he and she told him not

(49:12):
to eat. Yes, this is terrorism. And then while then
they're gonna get ready to go shopping, but she wants
to get weed before they go shopping, so now they
have to wait for the weed man. And so was

(49:34):
he sustained himself on water? I guess the hope of
getting pussy probably, I don't know. That's not like that.
What is worth all that? Then? Then so either still
no food, they're hanging out. She just wants to hang out.
She gets high, forgets that she's supposed to make this lasagna.

(49:58):
So he's reminding her, we have to go little to
the door to get the stuff to make Little design it.
And now she doesn't want to make it because she's high.
She makes herself something to eat, like whatever she had
in her house, offers him none, and then wants to

(50:20):
fool around, and he was like, how dare you did
he sue he should sue. I will get this way
at a lawyer and he should sue he And then
the holes is he said, like at one point, like
the dealer was just hanging out, dealer hadn't left. The

(50:42):
dealer had left at a certain point. He was there
for too long. That's great, more for the for the suit.
This is building the case. And I've only said I'm
sure people, and I like, I thought, the thing is,
I know people listening to this, they're thinking I'm making
this up as I go along, because when he was
telling me this, I thought he was making it up
as he went along. But he started getting upset retelling

(51:03):
it and I was like, oh, no, this actually happened
to him. Yeah, no, and and oh that's so unacceptable.
But that's so And then I was like, so what
has it? Did you ever get the designer? And he
was like, no, that is so rude. And you know
what this is. This is the thing that bothers me

(51:25):
because this is the type of person who was so
blissfully unaware that she probably is telling a story about
this ungrateful dude who she introduced to her dealer. You know,
it's like I introduced to the plug and then he
want to get an add to with me because I
didn't make him dinner. I'm sorry, it's not the nineteen fifties.

(51:46):
I don't have to make somebody say that sounds like
the type of person that would forget that they offered
because they did forget that they offered, and then they'll
forget again because it clearly they smoke up, So they're
going to forget again, and then when they forget the
next time, they're going to be like, who are you
to think that I should just cook you something? Wol

(52:07):
have you done for me? Later, he said he she
reheated like some food or something like she head have
leftovers and trying to offer him some while she was
in the middle of eating it, and he was like, no,
I'm good now, Look we're all adults here. He could

(52:29):
have left a minute. I said this to him so
many times. Why did you leave when she didn't come
to the door. Why didn't you leave when the dealer
showed up? Why didn't you leave when food was coming?
Why didn't you order your own fucking foot? There was
so many times when you could have left. He was like,
I was just trying. I was like, funk, you were
trying to fun. That's why you stayed. I understand. But

(52:52):
also there's there's something to be said for like, just
because someone's willing to sit there doesn't mean that you
and this should all be illegal. Every every aspect of
this should be this is a thing about America, right,
the American justice system. People will sue for a bunch
of stuff. They'll try to get money everything. We shouldn't

(53:12):
be doing all that, right, We should be suing for
what's right. Okay, that man should sue her, and he
should be awarded a las angna. That's all I want.
I just want the world to be a little bit
more fair. But does she have to make it? She
has to make too or throw on away all right?

(53:34):
Or give him both that's restitution. Yeah, But this is
the thing. What if this is what you never think about.
What if it wasn't good, she's doid to make him? Yeah,
but but it was never It was never her job
to make it good. It was her job to make
it because she said she'd make it. That's I If

(53:55):
it's not good, I look, I can believe she may
have got high and remembered she doesn't make good lasagna.
That could also have been what happened. She may have
been high and was like the last time I try
to make lasagna, I accidentally make cake. Yeah. I mean,
so maybe she doesn't, but she should. She should do
what she said. That that's so rude. Um and look,

(54:18):
I'll even offer up this that must have been a
nighttime date because he was so he would it was
a day date. Wow, hilarious. What we're gonna do now
is kick over this to the listeners, you know, like what,
let us know your thoughts on day dates versus night dates. Remember,

(54:42):
you can eat it both, you can do activities that both.
It really is your presence. I believe the listeners with this.
Ladies femis, anyone living in their feminine energy stop paying
for things. Oh lord, stop, stop stop. Okay, these men

(55:05):
are worried that if we make as much money as them,
we're not going to need them. So let them know
we still need them, because this is the thing. They
still make more money than us. We still don't have
in income equality. Okay, So until the patriarchy and I

(55:25):
don't like to use that word because I'm not a
twenty year old white girl in college, but until society
as a whole starts paying women ladies famiis non binaries,
anyone living in their feminine in anosities. Until they start
paying us the same, you will not be paying for

(55:48):
this two for twenty and Applebee's don't do it. Don't
fuck it, don't buy your own drinks, and they're gonna
act like you all of them something because they bought
you a white wine spreads us say no, sir, I
have eight dollars. Oh gosh, women did not. Those women
did not march for you to pay for nachos. They

(56:09):
did it. You think Gloria Stein stood up? Uh did?
She burned bras And I've asked her about this and
she said I could be a trophy wife. Glorious Idem
told me to my face that I could be a
trophy wife. Because that's the thing. It's not about working,
it's choosing whether you do or not. Okay, you wanna

(56:31):
be to stay at home mom, that's feminism. You want
to run a corporation, that's feminism. If you want to
make sure that this motherfucker's paying for your tearer, Ma Sioux,
that's feminism. Stop paying for ship, stop it, stop it.
I feel like the message is getting somewhat muddied. No, no, no,
no, no no, this buddy, this best is just Chris the

(56:51):
clear baby girl. Play with me, nigger. We appreciate you listening, staying,
We loved it you listen. We hope you have as
much fun listening as we do recording. We are on
the socials. We are out in the world. If you
want to see us, if you want to keep up
with us, you can find me. Hit your Shauns and
comedy on TikTok, Instagram and YouTube. And you can find duels,

(57:14):
say Sloan. You can find me feminist icon so oh,
I'll write books about me, Josh. You can find me

(57:36):
not helping dounl say slow on all social media platform
I can't say it, Slott. Yes, I'm not helping, but
come find me. I have a great rest of the day.
Go on some great dates. We wish you the best

(57:57):
dates coming up me pay for ship. Be a man.

(58:18):
This has been hold up. We've covered conscious rap versus
club bangers, bars versus body wash, diners versus waffle houses,
all sorts of things. What else should we be talking about?
We want to know from you. Let us know, drop
us a comment or hit hold up on social at
the Daily Show,