February 2, 2023 • 41 mins
“My opinion is that happy hour makes life easier and better through discounts, while brunch makes it harder and more bougie for no reason with orange juice and vodka.” - Josh Johnson
“The thing about brunch though is one, your mimosas are bottomless. Also, we have changed the lifestyle when it comes to brunch. Now, it's not just orange juice. We done expanded the juices.” - Dulcé Sloan
It’s happy hour vs. brunch this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson.
#DailyShow #HoldUp #Podcast
Click here for Dulcé’s tour dates: https://www.dulcesloan.com/tour
Click here for Josh’s tour dates: https://www.joshjohnsoncomedy.com/tour
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm over here trying to eat my disco fries and
you over here and talk about some merger that didn't
go through. Look here, Brian, take that peen on the
water energy to the end of the fucking bar and
let me enjoy my Monte Cristo in peace. Hey, everybody,
(00:20):
welcome to hold up. This is the show with big
opinions about nothing, things that mean the world to us
that maybe other people don't care about at all. I
am one of your hosts. I'm a co host. My
name is Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for The Daily Show,
and I am joined by those Sayslan and certain more
(00:42):
noises here. Great, you rude, don't I'm rude. Make noise.
You can make a noise to ship. Come on, just
go bra bra no negro, brack brack. You can't. I
(01:09):
maybe try. You can't roll your tongue. I can. I
can roll. But this is not even what the episodes about.
No do it. We're gonna talk about this. Do you
do it? Ra? Ra Right, it's it's not working. You
(01:34):
can't do it. That's okay. A lot of people can't. Genetic,
you know what, Just give me time. It's genetic. Little
genetic my mom can't do it. But well, today on
the show, we're gonna be talking about something that's uh,
(01:54):
that's close to both of those. I think people will
be surprised at which side we landed on knowing us,
because you know, now there's been thirty some odd episodes
to get to know us. If you didn't before the
show start, if you don't know us from stand up,
if you don't know it's from the show, you know
our personalities now. And so I think they're going to
be some shocked some shocked faces that we won't see
(02:15):
because this is all audio. Um, and now it's on
the YouTube. They can see my hair. Okay, yes it is.
This is on YouTube. Yep, I am working on it. Okay.
Ever since my injury, I haven't been able to bench
the same that I was bending before you broke the
TT Today's episode, for those of you that don't know,
(02:39):
Josh had it didn't muscle injury to his uh, pectoral muscles,
which is if you don't know the titty muscle. Yes, yes,
it is the meat. So today's episode is happy Hour
versus brunch. By the way, this comment came from Little
(02:59):
sale Boat. We check out the comments when you leave them.
So shoot us a suggestion on what you want to
hear us talk about anyway, dut say, get into it.
Do you want to tell the people where you landed?
I think you should start? Okay, what wait? What I
want to do? What I want to do? What I
want to do is, first of all, before you say
where you're gonna be, before I say where I was
(03:19):
gonna be. I want to give the people time to think.
What do you think? Josh picked? What do I think?
What do you think? I picked? Playing the music? Okay,
we're done, Joshua, Um, I'm happy hour. Wow. Y'all didn't
(03:43):
expect that, did you? No? No, you probably didn't because
I don't drink. But I feel like happy hour has
more benefits to society than brunch do es Well, I
thought it was because of your love of discounted apps.
It is partially, but it is half because you can
get the half prize appetizers that um a happy hour,
(04:06):
but you don't have to buy alcohol to get them.
I know that this. This is the other thing is
that I I that obviously means that you're on the
brunch side. Yeah, And my opinion is that happy hour
makes life easier and better through discounts, while brunch makes
it harder and more bougie for no reason with orange
(04:30):
juice and vodka. Okay, first of all, mimosa is orange
juice and champagne. Oh champagne. Okay, that's that's my bad.
I was thinking of screw drivers, um, but still not
worth it. First of all, breakfast on a Sunday lasting
until two pm blessing too sometimes three. I'm in places
(04:54):
that did brunch till four o'clock because they know people
party in the city, right, and church was to almost
brunch to go till four right. That's why I don't
like the fact that Golden Krral on a Sunday, their
breakfast ends at eleven third. That's only the third hour
of church. Yeah, you're trying to miss people. You're missing
(05:16):
people like the Golden KRL. Like we were to go
in Crawl in Atlanta and they're like breakfast in that
eleven and my mother were what why? And she literally said,
but people are still in church, and the lady went,
I know, yeah, everybody at worked. I knew it was wrong,
(05:36):
but it was like corporate like no, even white church
and Georgia is still in at eleven. You gotta get
people till one o'clock. Come on, now, you gotta get
so to get there to get dressed. Sunday, you're supposed
to be able to chill and get your breakfast. I
shouldn't be in a hurry on Sunday to get some victles.
That sounds wold. The thing about brunch, though, is one
(06:01):
your mimoses are bottomless. Also, we have changed the lifestyle
when it comes to brunch, so now it's not just
orange juice. We've done expanded the juices. Okay, it's not
about orarange no more. We all have to listen. I
(06:22):
one day had bottomless mimoses and they have pomegranate juice.
Baby girl, you know how expencive, how pricey juice? That
a pomegran not Oh have you heard it in the Bible.
It might actually not be an apple that eve is
(06:43):
uh the attempts Adam with It's actually a pomegranate, That's
what I heard too, Yeah, which would be very difficult
to bite into. That's desk wild, That's it. I think, honestly,
(07:05):
I think that that's why they got kicked out of
the garden is because, like Adam bit into a whole pomegranate,
and the guy was like, you're too dumb to be here, Paradise.
What are you doing? You too? You bit right into it.
I told you not to eat it at all, and
then you bit it in the face. I told you
(07:26):
not to eat it at all anyway. Yeah, I told
you to leave it alone. Maybe that's why pomegranate is
so hard to open it to stains your fingers. But
I got that. I know how to sin. You stained
with sin? That like just the scarlet let on your fingers,
(07:48):
on your fingers and guilty. For those of you that
don't read anything, you missed all of these, Yeah, the Bible,
to the Scarlet Letter, to the sin in general. Get
your books up. Call your mama because something is off.
(08:10):
Put your books up. Probably the most ratchet way I've heard,
So it would be told to become literate, you'll get
your books up. You ain't never read The Prince by Machiavelli.
Get your books ha ha, Oh you've never read the
(08:32):
Count of Monte Cristo. Why don't you get your books up? Kids? God? What,
there were a lot of books I didn't read because
Wishbone was on TV. Yeah, yeah, Wishbone nullified the need
to read several books, like because even though Wishbone, there's
no way that they covered all the details, you still
spoiled the whole story because we got the gist. I
(08:53):
know what they're doing. I know what's doing. But when
they did Cyrano Diversion rack, I was like, you know what.
Oh when they did Ulysses, when they did the Odyssey,
I was like, okay, but you know the dog because
the dog can't shoot the arrow because they didn't have
any thumbs. Oh, so they had the fake little you
remember more of the fake yeah, to make it look
(09:19):
like a dog shot of arrow. I remember they were
doing Romeo and Juliet. My mom walked Biden was like,
see you go too far? Yeah, go too far. Yeah,
that's I mean. My mother fuck with uh wish And
who she didn't with was Clifford. That's when my mother
did not the idea of you know what it is though,
Clifford was a bad influence because Clifford is why to
(09:41):
this day you'll go to a friend's house and they
got a rabbit dog that doesn't have any home training,
and everybody thinks it's cute. Because that's what Clifford was
Clifford would destroy a whole town, leave bodies mangled, right,
houses and shampoos. And we were all like, he's big
and he's red. Isn't that cute? Nah? No, there's an
(10:03):
entire city living under a thread of devastation from this dog.
Who is what? A Doberman, a red golden what is it?
A dog? Yeah? And so now I'll go to a
friend's house and it's dog will be kissing on the
wall and they're like, no, no, Pooky, don't. Oh my god.
(10:26):
You know he's a puppy. He's only five. And I'm like,
that's so grown, that's so grown, But don't want you
go by dog gears and that's in that dog in
the dog thirty five. Oh, that's just a drunk uncle.
And nobody, nobody has home traded all their dogs because
we grew up on Clifford and we're like, oh, it's
(10:46):
normal for your dog to be a terrorist. Listen. I
remember as a little girl, how was like six years
old and I came home with a Clifford book. I
was sidden like reading a book from the library of school,
and mom was like, what's this. I said, it's Clifford
a big red dog, and she goes, hm, that dog
(11:08):
is too big, and then she just walked away. Yeah,
but you you're also talking about somebody who had been
an adult for too long. When you when you're an
adult for enough years, you're like, I can't even this
is not when I was six years old. She was.
That's an adult. She's been a full adult for five years.
(11:31):
End up for a while, as soon as I showed up.
But like every time she's like, that dog is too big.
I don't see what the point is. That dog is
so secured the number and the job. So when the
cartoon came out, remember where they were, like, my mate,
they got a cliff of carton. They gave that big
gass dog a cartoon for what I say when I
get a damn dog like she is not And they
came with a live action movie. She's like, don't you
(11:52):
come on with me talking about that movie with that
big gass dog. Like she was not a fan because
she's being reasonable and she's plugging in. But okay, Like
as a kid, you're like, wow, what if I had
a giant dog? Wouldn't that be cool? When I could
ride him and stuff and then she as a grown woman,
is like, if there was a dog that big, there's
(12:13):
no way it wouldn't be problems. Yes, now because now
the dog's too big to even protect. Because now all
all the burglar has to do is run between his
own legs and the dog won't be able to catch him.
But then the dog could just just step on him.
Maybe Clifford, clumsy Clifford might step on the front porch
(12:34):
trying to kill the burglar. You know, it wouldn't be
helpful if you tried to ride that dog from brunch.
This is my thing about brunch, because I don't remember
we were not talking about Clifford all the Clifford. Clifford
versus wishbone cliff for another day. Yes, write that down,
Somebody write that down, Clifford versus wish What what? Nigga?
(12:58):
What you know? We've been away. I'm not gonna tell
the people. I'm not gonna tell the people. I'm gonna
let them. I'm gonna let them hear Yo. Somebody sent
me a d M with a huge list of topics,
and now I can't find the DM oh dann, So
now I gotta hunt it down. Also, some rude ass
(13:20):
person dm me yo. First of all, when you're demon people,
watch your fucking mouth. How about that? Watch how you
talk to people. You're gonna take the time to find
me on the internet to talk to me about this podcast.
Watch your fucking mouth. You're talking to me crazy on
the phone that I paid for. You gotta take a screenshot.
(13:42):
Whoever's watching our YouTube, take a screenshot of dul safe
point and gonna be laughing because watch your fucking mouth,
you understand. Somebody was like, well, how can you say
you don't read YouTube comics comments when you know that's
how you get topics for this show. You can't say that,
And I'm just like, First of all, bitch, I said,
(14:07):
I don't read to YouTube comments about my stand up. Second,
I don't want I don't read the YouTube comments on
the show either, as literally somebody else's job. But I
do read some of the comments. But I'm not somebody
who goes to scroll through. I'm not somebody who sits
up and looks at every single comment, because in between
(14:27):
good comments you'll get bad comments and people are sucking mean. Yeah,
so for my mental health, you goofy hole. I don't
read comments on our coors Internet This is another get
your books up moment. Yes, get your fucking books up,
because you're also bib like really bringing world together, Like
for my mental health, you goofy hole like jeez, all right,
(14:55):
half fun you know what? You know what from my
for my blood pressure as it's like wait, wait, p
on g p, get out of my internet. I mean
(15:18):
the way that people talk to people want. I don't
need to input your funk about your big right, if
you're a fan of the show, thank you so much,
but the coming to my d m s and then
just try to one check me or insult me because
I rarely read my d ms anyway because a lot
of times I don't know where they are. And then
(15:39):
they have so many different there are different like categories
of d ms. So like people you follow, people you
don't follow, and then more people you don't follow. But
then there's like top requests to people you don't follow,
and then all requests people I'm not reading. No, no,
(15:59):
I'm with it, I'm with you. So it's like if
I'm sitting that brunch enjoying stuffed French toast, m hmm,
I'm talking about for sixteen dollars. By the way, stepping
fussy up. Uh, listen, the day that you realize that
(16:21):
you've been to pay sixteen dollars for eggs even though
the eg yo, I didn't everybody was talking about the
eggs and I didn't realize what was going on. And
the eggs are gotten, so you know that the eggs
are expensive. The eggs, real eggs have caught up to
brunch prices. Oh so now now they've got to be
that expensive just so that the restaurants can stay open.
(16:44):
There was just a shortage. Yeah, there's a shortage. What
happened to the chickens? I mean, it's a good question.
I'm I'm not gonna act like I know exactly the
Wait a minute, so we had a wing shortage, and
now we got an egg shortage. Egg shorgea the moment.
Oh it's bird flew. Lord, don't y'all tell my mama
(17:06):
that bird flew is back. As someone who was an
avid bruncher, I would go to this place called Marlow's
Tavern in Atlanta all the time, and we, me and
my home girl were literally goal like every Sunday, to
the point that the people that worked there because it
was like a buffet too. But what they would do,
which I think was probably against some health regulation maybe.
(17:29):
And this is also a very popular brunch spot. Um
and their bottles and mimosas were, uh, let's just say
one day my home girl had to drive us home
from brunch because your girl couldn't do it because the
server kept doing the math because it was fifteen dollar
bottles of lemosis, right bamas mimosas, And he was like listen.
I was like I had to. He's like, yeah, but
(17:50):
that's like seven he said. If you have another one,
it's only fire dogs a piece. And I was like, oh,
he's right, okay, and I had no another one. He's like, see,
not only three dollars a piece. Hey, you could get
it down to one fifty, he said it. And I
was like, sir, I don't have it in me. I'm
(18:10):
not drinking fifteen mimosa's first the suck at all. And
plus he was like, you could have your way with
me anywhere. I gotta drink fifteen mimosas. Don't you want
a fifty cent mimosa? That would bet you'd have to
drink thirty mimosas. You'd have to be a hero. Yeah.
(18:32):
Cent Mimosas are a possibility. If you want your stomach bumps,
if you don't have anything to do on Monday, go
ahead and get that fifty cent mimosa. Go ahead and
live your life. We're getting down the fifty cents fifth
and fifteen daughters bottomless. The other thing about a mimosa,
(18:53):
it's it's most the most acidic thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
or the champagne exactly clear. Yeah, that's gotta burn. It
does sometimes, But that's why you need that good breakfast.
That's why you need them grits. That's why you need
the French toasts. The thing about happy hour, it's happy
hour in most places, the only last two hours. I
(19:14):
also found out in certain states happy hours illegal. I know,
because it's dangerous, because it's sexy, because it's a rebel. Okay,
happy hours every day, clearly, not every day, because it's
not allowed some places. There's some places that they won't
even let happy hour come through because they're scared of
what it'll do to the community. From four pm, from
(19:37):
four to six pm, They're like, hey, we can't let
people have a happy hour. It's like footloose in real life,
all right, if people just start dancing. What might happen?
You might lose the youth. I think it's like you
you worked in a restaurant, so you can use the
come on generation is lost? This too much happy Hour.
(20:01):
I'm gonna tell you so. Morris Chestnut was the guest
last night on the show. And I will tell you this.
We don't make niggas like that no more. We don't.
We don't. We don't fucking him Michael straighthand like, we
don't make black men like that. We ain't printing them
(20:24):
out no more. We're just not. Wow. They're both in
their fifties, and I'm like, come more, Chestnut has been
fined my whole life, right, But you're like, go Moreris Chests.
That's fine. You're like yeah, yea, yeah yeah. And you
see him in person, the way this nigga smelled throut, Yeah,
(20:49):
this man's cologne with a pen. You understand, Like, we
don't make this dude anymore. We don't like even look
at the whole class of dude, like the young black
like the younger black actors. Okay, we ain't making now
more more Chestnuts, right, We're not making any more Terrence
Hours either. But that's neither here nor there. What I'm
(21:10):
saying is that I just gotta let you go because
I also don't know what you're being, so I'm like,
we'll find it. What I'm saying is that, like bors
chest that is like, that's the manner will take you
to brunch because he wants you to have a nice sunday.
He wants to get to know you. You know, this
is like how dare you? First of all? How how
(21:31):
how in the full dare how dare you mean? How
very daren me? Look, you cannot just try to attach
Morris chest to brunch like it's an upcoming script. Okay,
can't be like here chestnuts attached. You can't do that.
(21:51):
That's a brunch happy hour. Happy hour is taking you
to a happy place, trying to get you as drunk
as possible in rush hour traffic. You understand there do
you read rush our traffic? But once happy hours over,
you have to take a happy ass home. No, you
don't have to leave a happy hour happy I was
(22:12):
just how you start the night. You have to go
home eventually. Eventually, if you're drunken ship at five thirty,
what else are you gonna do that day? No? No, no,
but it's not about You could say the same thing
about brunch with all the mimoses. Okay, chilling brunch, we
(22:33):
chilling brunch, brunch. Brunch. Brunch was the reason that that
Uberan left with nightclubs. Brunch are the reason Uberan left
was invented? Right, happy hour? First of all, if you
notice you work their restaurants before, right, yea happy hour
is during that time in a restaurant where no one's there,
(22:56):
Like a lot of restaurants were closed from like three
to five happy hours at time where no one's out
of restaurant, So like, hey, how do we get people
in here? Would I rather have no money? Or would
I rather sell these potato skins for seven dollars instead
of fourteen? Right? All I'm saying is happy hour brings
(23:17):
people together. So brunch in a way that is pressureless
unlike brunch. See the drawback of brunch, the drawback of brunches.
Maybe you went to happy hour the night before, Maybe
you did get a little too hammered. Happy hour on Saturday,
Happy hours Monday, Friday delicious. But Saturday can have brunch.
(23:37):
You can have brunch on Saturday. You got a brunch
on Saturday, but you can't have happy hour on Saturday,
but you have happy hour on Friday. Right, Yeah, So
I'm saying maybe you went hard on a happy hour
and now brunch is something that's hard to make it too. Brunch,
you gotta get up. You're like, you're like barely bluing
yourself together. You're barely holding on until you get your
(23:59):
food in you everything. You're not feeling well. Nobody's like
that for happy hour. Nobody goes so hard before happy
hour that they can't make it to happy hour because
they were at work. Exactly Brunch sometimes it's a trial
to get there. Listen, first of all, that's why I
last till two, because you know your constituents, customer your
(24:30):
customer base might have been up late the night before,
might not have gone to bed, so four in the
morning you passed out. For in the morning, you get
six hours to sleep. Baby girl, it's only ten a m.
Hat and brunch last till too. You can still get
some eggs, you can still get somebody French tursts, still
(24:53):
still get to Amolet your brunch is trying to drain
the people's wallets dry. I'm trying to keep money in
those pockets. What happened? Hey, Hey, hey, hey, they have
brunched specials. Why would you bottomless mimosas are the special?
Why would I buy five mimosas at fifteen dollars apiece
(25:16):
when I can pay the twenty dollars for the bottomless mimosas.
And then you can tell them, hey, let me get
a little more orange juice. Let me get a little
less orange juice. Let me get some cranberry juice. Just
give me a class of champagne Mommy's breakfast juice. Whatever
you need to do, They will adjust those mimosas for
(25:39):
you accordingly, unless they are a bunch of cheap funks
who pre mixed their mimosas. Was this me? Notice? Is
mostly orange juice? Anyway, What I'm saying is that if
it's a good Sunday morning, don't nobody want to get
dragged out of bed early to go get grits? You.
(26:00):
I don't know why people can up so early on Saturday.
It makes me, It drives me mad. But but a
good brun cheese. See this is the thing. Happy. I
always have a lot of tension in a happy hour,
all right, because somebody just got off of work. You've
been stressed out all day, and now you're bringing that
(26:22):
tension to be released at Happy hour with price cheese fast.
I'm over here trying to eat my disco fries and
you over here and talk about some merger that didn't
go through. Look here, Brian, take that pean on the
water energy to the end of the fucking bar and
let me enjoy my Monte Cristo in peace. Okay, So
(26:45):
i'm happy hour because there's too many people getting right
off of work, right off of work, and you know what,
happy I was meeting for people that did want to
go home. You just got off of work. You don't
want to go home. I wish you wouldn't have brought
up too many people things because now brunch, oh, you
won't talk about too many people about that? What? What
about that line? What about that line? Just sit down,
(27:08):
get a reservation. Reservations They don't all do reservations, they don't.
You don't have to wait in a line other people
who are hungry, tired, hungover. Yes, no, no, my my
my place brings you no line, my break my place
bringing happy hours can't have a line. If it's bumping,
(27:31):
they might have a line they don't definitely have a line.
Brunch prices don't. Brunt place do definitely have a line. Yeah,
if they're if they're good. And don't get me wrong,
I've waited in line to have a brunch place I
had never had before because somebody told me how good
it was, and I got in there and it was
as good as they said it was. I'm not saying
the line is wrong. I'm just saying if you're already
(27:54):
a little tired from the night before, a little hungover,
and then that's the other thing too. Some of these
places have a line so long that you end up
really being pressed. Like it's like, all right, we're about
to get in at one, so I hope everybody knows
what they want at the table because we need to
order as soon as we sit down, because some of
(28:14):
these places are strict and what I don't like. I
was in the airport the other day trying to get
breakfast and I just wanted to croissant just to check
whatever croissant cheese and whatever on it. And I was like, oh,
we're not really doing breakfast anymore. I said, what is
it ten forty? He said it's ten thirty five, and
(28:35):
I walked the funk away. I just didn't eat. I
was like, I'm not going to I'm not gonna have
your early hamburger. Also, I'm looking at the fucking croissants. Yeah,
it's ten. If it was ten fifty five, I can
give you that. Ten thirty five. Did the sausage just
(28:58):
turn off? Did the sausage decided to stop being sausage? Right?
Did this sausage just become a honey baked tam? Like?
What the funk are you talking about? So? I think
there should always be like a I mean five to
ten in a great spirit and some shing like that,
but the whole life. Oh it's ten, it's ten. So
my question is like, so when you stop serving breakfast
(29:18):
ten thirty one or was it ten twenty nine? Oh
that's my favorite when somebody, when somebody pulls that, I
want to lose my mind because if I'm already there,
Like let's say, if I'm just walking in, I have
no rights. Okay, I'll give that up. I've worked in
a restaurant. I know it's like if I walk in
(29:39):
at ten thirty one and I want to sit down,
get my waters, get myself situated, and then order a
whole breakfast, and y'all stop doing breakfast at ten thirty.
Then I'm with you. I'm fully with you. I don't
even try it. I don't even try to push. My
thing is if I walk in at ten, tell me hey,
because I'm a US, go listen, did you come here
(29:59):
for bakfast? Because breakfast is about to end? And I've
had places get us served breakfast even though breakfast had ended,
because we were still in there they let me know,
or because you were still you were in the line.
Still breakfast in is a brunchings at two. We had
a very long wait, longer than we anticipated. You waited
(30:19):
for like an hour, and now it's one fifty five
when you're sitting down, we won't honor the breakfast, or
it's to something you've been in line for an hour,
But it was anybody who got in line after two
o'clock could not get breakfast. And they were like, hey,
it's after two. This is the last batch of people.
(30:41):
We're not doing any more about it, and we're not
doing anybody else for breakfast that I can respect. Everybody
that was in this line waiting. Okay, all you'll get breakfast.
No new people we're not doing this that I can
respect happy hours. I've been happy. Hey, happy hour ends
a six, coming here five five, be prepared, I know
(31:02):
what you want to drink now, right, and be prepared,
and I get these half fire chicken fingers. That's not
your baby, girl. If I know when breakfast ends, and
then I get there and have the time to get there,
sit down, get served water, everything before breakfast is ended.
(31:22):
And so I'm still like within five ten minutes before
breakfast ends, and you tell me there's no more breakfast,
I'm like, oh, then there was never breakfast here because
if it stops at ten thirty, I showed up at
ten and then by the time you are ready take
my order, it was like ten ten and you're like, oh,
we stopped doing breakfast. It's like, okay, is this also
(31:42):
a gas station? Like help me out here. I do
think it's very interesting that people can pick and choose.
It's like, well, you know, we start serving breakfast at
ten thirty, and I was like, but it's ten o'clock now. Well,
but by the time your food is ready, then I
was like that that that that that I'm ordering at
(32:04):
ten you're telling me the pancake batter just throws itself
out at ten twenty nine. The thing that ends up
happening though, And I've since I've been at restaurants before,
I can I can genuinely say there will be things
that take the one that. There are some dishes where
I'm like, oh, okay, I can I can see how
(32:27):
this is over because there was like a dish that
it took a while to cook because they did the
whole they would do like pans of it at a time,
and so it's like, okay, that takes twenty months to cook.
So it's gonna be just barely past breakfast by the
time we saved. What time did you start cooking it? Oh,
(32:49):
but they ran out, that's the thing, So it'll be
like it'll be ten twenty and they're like, we're done
with breakfast at ten thirty. So at ten twenty, I'm like, oh, yeah,
let me get this whole breakfast cast. The roll thing
you guys are talking about you seem so famous for, right,
And they're like, oh, that actually takes twenty minutes to make,
and if and if we make one for you, that's fine.
We sold one, but now the other eight people that
(33:13):
it can feed won't know to order it. It's so
it's just gonna go to waste. And I'm like, it's
not just tell those people they can order it. I
worked to restaurants before, and I'm just like there's a
lot of things that happened. Like I'll be at a
restaurant they're like, I'm like, hey, can I get this,
and they'll go, actually, we don't. I was like, I'm
gonna stop you right there. I hear you is this
(33:36):
pre made? Well, no, we don't really do substitutions. I'm
just asking you to give me different cheese. It's it's
hard to when a place doesn't do substitutions if they
are not doing them because they don't know how to
do anything better, or if they're not doing them because
(33:58):
they're that like per sneak any about it. Some places
are just per snickitty, which makes me feel like that
you pre make everything if you're that person, Like, oh,
I can't because like one of my friends she has
a joke about, like Daniel Pereg he has a joke
about like being at brunch and just starting it with
like is it possible that's out? She'll start everything. But
(34:19):
it's like I'm changing in order. It's I'm getting tomatoes
taken off of something, I'm getting crutons taken out of something,
I'm getting avocado taken off of something. For the most part,
I'll eat this however you make it, but don't look
me in my face and tell me it looks like
I'm just some type of asshole, because I'm like, yo,
(34:42):
can I just not get tomatoes and crutons in this salad?
And sometimes avocado makes me sick? So can I not
get these things? Well? Actually, Also, I don't like it
when anybody who works at a job acts like it's there.
It's there. Establishment oh that you're bothering them at their house.
(35:03):
You're bothering them at their house. If I didn't come
in here, you can't pay your rent, So I don't
understand why you're getting an attitude with me. And I've
a server before, people like, oh, you think that way,
because it's like. What I don't like is when people
treat I know how to treat wade staff because I've
(35:24):
been a waiter before. I've been a server before. So
when I get somebody who if I see you split
a check three ways at another table, don't come over
and tell me you can't split a fucking check. I
just saw you split the check at that table. Do
you don't want to split a check because you don't
want to take three black people's credit cards? What the
fund is happening in here? There's a lot of times
(35:46):
I've been arresting. I'm like, I know, I just saw
you just put the check. Or people be like, oh, no,
we can do it. No, he can do it. I
don't understand why we don't want to ask people to
do their job no more. Yeah, people are very timid
around the idea of like, no, you need to do this.
This is like really important. I'm I'm an American. I
can't do this. Man. Also, when we started, they were
(36:10):
like you want to separate checks? And you go yes.
Your friends like no, and I said, yes, Well, he
don't want him to do that much work. Why the
funk not? He's not doing any work. It's the computer.
It's why we have computers. So when you get the restaurant,
they're like, we don't split checks. Oh, you don't want
to make no money because if you don't put a check,
(36:32):
you just created a problem for me. I mean, I'll
throw this out there right now. This seems like a
brunch problem. I feel like, no, it's the restaurant. No,
it was a restaurant problem. And you're like a happy
hour you don't have the same issues. You don't feel
like more than one person at a time goes the
happy hour. No, no, no, I just mean that at
(36:54):
happy hour, it's like if people don't split checks. Splitting
a check is splitting a check. You've seen people a
check and fucking Applebee's. That's not expensive. Sometimes people let
you know who they are and you can't act surprise later.
You know. Sometimes people tell you, hey, I'm the brunch
type person. I need to be taken out, wined and
(37:15):
dined in the early parts of the afternoon. And then
there's some people who are like, hey, I'm over here
at happy hour trying to get in as much as
I can. Off of the man, all right, because as
soon as it turns six o one, you know, the
happiness is shutting down. We're going full price on all
the chicken wings. Let me take advantage of them before
(37:36):
they can take advantage of me. You know, well, let's
let's let's let's kick it to the listeners, because I
I feel like neither one of us really budged and
(37:56):
uh maybe we didn't defend that. Well, no our positions
because you know what brunch is boogie right? But happy
hour for the poor either, it's not fully Yeah, there
there are some. Here's the thing. Happy hour has the
same vibes as try and get into a club before
(38:17):
a certain time because that's when the cover charges. Yes, yes, yes, okay, okay, okay, okay,
that's I can admit that wholeheartedly. I'm lucky enough to
be at a point in my life where sometimes I'm
there for the happy hour. I am you know what's
happy hour? I just felt like eating there. You know,
it's true because a lot of times you're on the road,
(38:38):
look at God, you're just like, al right, well I
just flewid and it's four o'clock. Yeah, you get the
closest place, Yeah, the closest place. What is the ruby Tuesdays?
I honestly, I'm a kind of the nineties. I enjoy
a salad bar I just do we don't tap the
pamm Well, listen the listeners. I want to know, are
(39:01):
you bad and bougie or are you pinch your pantis?
Are you? Are you fat at bougie? Are you. Josh,
it's really where are sensible? I want to thank you
(39:22):
out to listen in another episode of Hold Up. Uh.
What I expected you to do this week is you know,
stip your books up all right? You can get kid
on your phone. You will be out here being literate.
You don't even be looking at TikTok all day long
unless you watching them. Uh. Then people make stuff when
and that's that's cool, but otherwise put it on phone,
(39:45):
put a kid on our path. Read a book, okay,
learn the classics alright, learn a word today. You know
you're worried everybody's wording for today, strumpet. Look it up, y'all,
please read. Take care of yourselves. And if you're looking
to catch up with us, you can find Duels Say
Sloan at dul Say Sloan on Everything. And if you're
(40:06):
looking to catch up with me, you can find me
at my other podcasts at Josh Johnson Show wherever you
get your podcast. We love you, we appreciate you, and
have a safe, happy, healthy and booge your weekend. Get
the behind me Satan. Hey, everybody, it's Josh here. I'm
gonna be doing stand up on the Road as part
(40:27):
of the Freshman Tour on March tenth and eleven. I'm
gonna be in Kansas City at the Kansas City Improv.
You get your tickets from their website Improv KC dot
com or in the link that we provide. And then
after that, I'm gonna be in Fort Collins March thirty
one and April one. Okay, so it's not a joke.
I'm really gonna be there and I'm gonna be doing
a show for you. If you come, you can get
(40:49):
go their website Comedy Fort Collins dot com or just
check out the link that we provide. Duel Say is
also going to be on the road. Dulsa is gonna
be out here in this you read. You can catch
me this weekend at the Laughing Tap in Milwaukee February third,
in the fourth. Then you can see me also out
(41:12):
and about in the mall with your daddy at the
Grand Rappids Comedy Club February and in the mall with
your uncle it laughs, Seattle, March third and the fourth.
I'm just out here trying to just have older men
take me to Rainbow. Hey, what are we doing for
your birthday? I don't know Yet's gonna be in the
(41:34):
mall with somebody's daddy,
I'm over here trying to eat my disco fries and
you over here and talk about some merger that didn't
go through. Look here, Brian, take that peen on the
water energy to the end of the fucking bar and
let me enjoy my Monte Cristo in peace. Hey, everybody,
(00:20):
welcome to hold up. This is the show with big
opinions about nothing, things that mean the world to us
that maybe other people don't care about at all. I
am one of your hosts. I'm a co host. My
name is Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for The Daily Show,
and I am joined by those Sayslan and certain more
(00:42):
noises here. Great, you rude, don't I'm rude. Make noise.
You can make a noise to ship. Come on, just
go bra bra no negro, brack brack. You can't. I
(01:09):
maybe try. You can't roll your tongue. I can. I
can roll. But this is not even what the episodes about.
No do it. We're gonna talk about this. Do you
do it? Ra? Ra Right, it's it's not working. You
(01:34):
can't do it. That's okay. A lot of people can't. Genetic,
you know what, Just give me time. It's genetic. Little
genetic my mom can't do it. But well, today on
the show, we're gonna be talking about something that's uh,
(01:54):
that's close to both of those. I think people will
be surprised at which side we landed on knowing us,
because you know, now there's been thirty some odd episodes
to get to know us. If you didn't before the
show start, if you don't know us from stand up,
if you don't know it's from the show, you know
our personalities now. And so I think they're going to
be some shocked some shocked faces that we won't see
(02:15):
because this is all audio. Um, and now it's on
the YouTube. They can see my hair. Okay, yes it is.
This is on YouTube. Yep, I am working on it. Okay.
Ever since my injury, I haven't been able to bench
the same that I was bending before you broke the
TT Today's episode, for those of you that don't know,
(02:39):
Josh had it didn't muscle injury to his uh, pectoral muscles,
which is if you don't know the titty muscle. Yes, yes,
it is the meat. So today's episode is happy Hour
versus brunch. By the way, this comment came from Little
(02:59):
sale Boat. We check out the comments when you leave them.
So shoot us a suggestion on what you want to
hear us talk about anyway, dut say, get into it.
Do you want to tell the people where you landed?
I think you should start? Okay, what wait? What I
want to do? What I want to do? What I
want to do is, first of all, before you say
where you're gonna be, before I say where I was
(03:19):
gonna be. I want to give the people time to think.
What do you think? Josh picked? What do I think?
What do you think? I picked? Playing the music? Okay,
we're done, Joshua, Um, I'm happy hour. Wow. Y'all didn't
(03:43):
expect that, did you? No? No, you probably didn't because
I don't drink. But I feel like happy hour has
more benefits to society than brunch do es Well, I
thought it was because of your love of discounted apps.
It is partially, but it is half because you can
get the half prize appetizers that um a happy hour,
(04:06):
but you don't have to buy alcohol to get them.
I know that this. This is the other thing is
that I I that obviously means that you're on the
brunch side. Yeah, And my opinion is that happy hour
makes life easier and better through discounts, while brunch makes
it harder and more bougie for no reason with orange
(04:30):
juice and vodka. Okay, first of all, mimosa is orange
juice and champagne. Oh champagne. Okay, that's that's my bad.
I was thinking of screw drivers, um, but still not
worth it. First of all, breakfast on a Sunday lasting
until two pm blessing too sometimes three. I'm in places
(04:54):
that did brunch till four o'clock because they know people
party in the city, right, and church was to almost
brunch to go till four right. That's why I don't
like the fact that Golden Krral on a Sunday, their
breakfast ends at eleven third. That's only the third hour
of church. Yeah, you're trying to miss people. You're missing
(05:16):
people like the Golden KRL. Like we were to go
in Crawl in Atlanta and they're like breakfast in that
eleven and my mother were what why? And she literally said,
but people are still in church, and the lady went,
I know, yeah, everybody at worked. I knew it was wrong,
(05:36):
but it was like corporate like no, even white church
and Georgia is still in at eleven. You gotta get
people till one o'clock. Come on, now, you gotta get
so to get there to get dressed. Sunday, you're supposed
to be able to chill and get your breakfast. I
shouldn't be in a hurry on Sunday to get some victles.
That sounds wold. The thing about brunch, though, is one
(06:01):
your mimoses are bottomless. Also, we have changed the lifestyle
when it comes to brunch, so now it's not just
orange juice. We've done expanded the juices. Okay, it's not
about orarange no more. We all have to listen. I
(06:22):
one day had bottomless mimoses and they have pomegranate juice.
Baby girl, you know how expencive, how pricey juice? That
a pomegran not Oh have you heard it in the Bible.
It might actually not be an apple that eve is
(06:43):
uh the attempts Adam with It's actually a pomegranate, That's
what I heard too, Yeah, which would be very difficult
to bite into. That's desk wild, That's it. I think, honestly,
(07:05):
I think that that's why they got kicked out of
the garden is because, like Adam bit into a whole pomegranate,
and the guy was like, you're too dumb to be here, Paradise.
What are you doing? You too? You bit right into it.
I told you not to eat it at all, and
then you bit it in the face. I told you
(07:26):
not to eat it at all anyway. Yeah, I told
you to leave it alone. Maybe that's why pomegranate is
so hard to open it to stains your fingers. But
I got that. I know how to sin. You stained
with sin? That like just the scarlet let on your fingers,
(07:48):
on your fingers and guilty. For those of you that
don't read anything, you missed all of these, Yeah, the Bible,
to the Scarlet Letter, to the sin in general. Get
your books up. Call your mama because something is off.
(08:10):
Put your books up. Probably the most ratchet way I've heard,
So it would be told to become literate, you'll get
your books up. You ain't never read The Prince by Machiavelli.
Get your books ha ha, Oh you've never read the
(08:32):
Count of Monte Cristo. Why don't you get your books up? Kids? God? What,
there were a lot of books I didn't read because
Wishbone was on TV. Yeah, yeah, Wishbone nullified the need
to read several books, like because even though Wishbone, there's
no way that they covered all the details, you still
spoiled the whole story because we got the gist. I
(08:53):
know what they're doing. I know what's doing. But when
they did Cyrano Diversion rack, I was like, you know what.
Oh when they did Ulysses, when they did the Odyssey,
I was like, okay, but you know the dog because
the dog can't shoot the arrow because they didn't have
any thumbs. Oh, so they had the fake little you
remember more of the fake yeah, to make it look
(09:19):
like a dog shot of arrow. I remember they were
doing Romeo and Juliet. My mom walked Biden was like,
see you go too far? Yeah, go too far. Yeah,
that's I mean. My mother fuck with uh wish And
who she didn't with was Clifford. That's when my mother
did not the idea of you know what it is though,
Clifford was a bad influence because Clifford is why to
(09:41):
this day you'll go to a friend's house and they
got a rabbit dog that doesn't have any home training,
and everybody thinks it's cute. Because that's what Clifford was
Clifford would destroy a whole town, leave bodies mangled, right,
houses and shampoos. And we were all like, he's big
and he's red. Isn't that cute? Nah? No, there's an
(10:03):
entire city living under a thread of devastation from this dog.
Who is what? A Doberman, a red golden what is it?
A dog? Yeah? And so now I'll go to a
friend's house and it's dog will be kissing on the
wall and they're like, no, no, Pooky, don't. Oh my god.
(10:26):
You know he's a puppy. He's only five. And I'm like,
that's so grown, that's so grown, But don't want you
go by dog gears and that's in that dog in
the dog thirty five. Oh, that's just a drunk uncle.
And nobody, nobody has home traded all their dogs because
we grew up on Clifford and we're like, oh, it's
(10:46):
normal for your dog to be a terrorist. Listen. I
remember as a little girl, how was like six years
old and I came home with a Clifford book. I
was sidden like reading a book from the library of school,
and mom was like, what's this. I said, it's Clifford
a big red dog, and she goes, hm, that dog
(11:08):
is too big, and then she just walked away. Yeah,
but you you're also talking about somebody who had been
an adult for too long. When you when you're an
adult for enough years, you're like, I can't even this
is not when I was six years old. She was.
That's an adult. She's been a full adult for five years.
(11:31):
End up for a while, as soon as I showed up.
But like every time she's like, that dog is too big.
I don't see what the point is. That dog is
so secured the number and the job. So when the
cartoon came out, remember where they were, like, my mate,
they got a cliff of carton. They gave that big
gass dog a cartoon for what I say when I
get a damn dog like she is not And they
came with a live action movie. She's like, don't you
(11:52):
come on with me talking about that movie with that
big gass dog. Like she was not a fan because
she's being reasonable and she's plugging in. But okay, Like
as a kid, you're like, wow, what if I had
a giant dog? Wouldn't that be cool? When I could
ride him and stuff and then she as a grown woman,
is like, if there was a dog that big, there's
(12:13):
no way it wouldn't be problems. Yes, now because now
the dog's too big to even protect. Because now all
all the burglar has to do is run between his
own legs and the dog won't be able to catch him.
But then the dog could just just step on him.
Maybe Clifford, clumsy Clifford might step on the front porch
(12:34):
trying to kill the burglar. You know, it wouldn't be
helpful if you tried to ride that dog from brunch.
This is my thing about brunch, because I don't remember
we were not talking about Clifford all the Clifford. Clifford
versus wishbone cliff for another day. Yes, write that down,
Somebody write that down, Clifford versus wish What what? Nigga?
(12:58):
What you know? We've been away. I'm not gonna tell
the people. I'm not gonna tell the people. I'm gonna
let them. I'm gonna let them hear Yo. Somebody sent
me a d M with a huge list of topics,
and now I can't find the DM oh dann, So
now I gotta hunt it down. Also, some rude ass
(13:20):
person dm me yo. First of all, when you're demon people,
watch your fucking mouth. How about that? Watch how you
talk to people. You're gonna take the time to find
me on the internet to talk to me about this podcast.
Watch your fucking mouth. You're talking to me crazy on
the phone that I paid for. You gotta take a screenshot.
(13:42):
Whoever's watching our YouTube, take a screenshot of dul safe
point and gonna be laughing because watch your fucking mouth,
you understand. Somebody was like, well, how can you say
you don't read YouTube comics comments when you know that's
how you get topics for this show. You can't say that,
And I'm just like, First of all, bitch, I said,
(14:07):
I don't read to YouTube comments about my stand up. Second,
I don't want I don't read the YouTube comments on
the show either, as literally somebody else's job. But I
do read some of the comments. But I'm not somebody
who goes to scroll through. I'm not somebody who sits
up and looks at every single comment, because in between
(14:27):
good comments you'll get bad comments and people are sucking mean. Yeah,
so for my mental health, you goofy hole. I don't
read comments on our coors Internet This is another get
your books up moment. Yes, get your fucking books up,
because you're also bib like really bringing world together, Like
for my mental health, you goofy hole like jeez, all right,
(14:55):
half fun you know what? You know what from my
for my blood pressure as it's like wait, wait, p
on g p, get out of my internet. I mean
(15:18):
the way that people talk to people want. I don't
need to input your funk about your big right, if
you're a fan of the show, thank you so much,
but the coming to my d m s and then
just try to one check me or insult me because
I rarely read my d ms anyway because a lot
of times I don't know where they are. And then
(15:39):
they have so many different there are different like categories
of d ms. So like people you follow, people you
don't follow, and then more people you don't follow. But
then there's like top requests to people you don't follow,
and then all requests people I'm not reading. No, no,
(15:59):
I'm with it, I'm with you. So it's like if
I'm sitting that brunch enjoying stuffed French toast, m hmm,
I'm talking about for sixteen dollars. By the way, stepping
fussy up. Uh, listen, the day that you realize that
(16:21):
you've been to pay sixteen dollars for eggs even though
the eg yo, I didn't everybody was talking about the
eggs and I didn't realize what was going on. And
the eggs are gotten, so you know that the eggs
are expensive. The eggs, real eggs have caught up to
brunch prices. Oh so now now they've got to be
that expensive just so that the restaurants can stay open.
(16:44):
There was just a shortage. Yeah, there's a shortage. What
happened to the chickens? I mean, it's a good question.
I'm I'm not gonna act like I know exactly the
Wait a minute, so we had a wing shortage, and
now we got an egg shortage. Egg shorgea the moment.
Oh it's bird flew. Lord, don't y'all tell my mama
(17:06):
that bird flew is back. As someone who was an
avid bruncher, I would go to this place called Marlow's
Tavern in Atlanta all the time, and we, me and
my home girl were literally goal like every Sunday, to
the point that the people that worked there because it
was like a buffet too. But what they would do,
which I think was probably against some health regulation maybe.
(17:29):
And this is also a very popular brunch spot. Um
and their bottles and mimosas were, uh, let's just say
one day my home girl had to drive us home
from brunch because your girl couldn't do it because the
server kept doing the math because it was fifteen dollar
bottles of lemosis, right bamas mimosas, And he was like listen.
I was like I had to. He's like, yeah, but
(17:50):
that's like seven he said. If you have another one,
it's only fire dogs a piece. And I was like, oh,
he's right, okay, and I had no another one. He's like, see,
not only three dollars a piece. Hey, you could get
it down to one fifty, he said it. And I
was like, sir, I don't have it in me. I'm
(18:10):
not drinking fifteen mimosa's first the suck at all. And
plus he was like, you could have your way with
me anywhere. I gotta drink fifteen mimosas. Don't you want
a fifty cent mimosa? That would bet you'd have to
drink thirty mimosas. You'd have to be a hero. Yeah.
(18:32):
Cent Mimosas are a possibility. If you want your stomach bumps,
if you don't have anything to do on Monday, go
ahead and get that fifty cent mimosa. Go ahead and
live your life. We're getting down the fifty cents fifth
and fifteen daughters bottomless. The other thing about a mimosa,
(18:53):
it's it's most the most acidic thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
or the champagne exactly clear. Yeah, that's gotta burn. It
does sometimes, But that's why you need that good breakfast.
That's why you need them grits. That's why you need
the French toasts. The thing about happy hour, it's happy
hour in most places, the only last two hours. I
(19:14):
also found out in certain states happy hours illegal. I know,
because it's dangerous, because it's sexy, because it's a rebel. Okay,
happy hours every day, clearly, not every day, because it's
not allowed some places. There's some places that they won't
even let happy hour come through because they're scared of
what it'll do to the community. From four pm, from
(19:37):
four to six pm, They're like, hey, we can't let
people have a happy hour. It's like footloose in real life,
all right, if people just start dancing. What might happen?
You might lose the youth. I think it's like you
you worked in a restaurant, so you can use the
come on generation is lost? This too much happy Hour.
(20:01):
I'm gonna tell you so. Morris Chestnut was the guest
last night on the show. And I will tell you this.
We don't make niggas like that no more. We don't.
We don't. We don't fucking him Michael straighthand like, we
don't make black men like that. We ain't printing them
(20:24):
out no more. We're just not. Wow. They're both in
their fifties, and I'm like, come more, Chestnut has been
fined my whole life, right, But you're like, go Moreris Chests.
That's fine. You're like yeah, yea, yeah yeah. And you
see him in person, the way this nigga smelled throut, Yeah,
(20:49):
this man's cologne with a pen. You understand, Like, we
don't make this dude anymore. We don't like even look
at the whole class of dude, like the young black
like the younger black actors. Okay, we ain't making now
more more Chestnuts, right, We're not making any more Terrence
Hours either. But that's neither here nor there. What I'm
(21:10):
saying is that I just gotta let you go because
I also don't know what you're being, so I'm like,
we'll find it. What I'm saying is that, like bors
chest that is like, that's the manner will take you
to brunch because he wants you to have a nice sunday.
He wants to get to know you. You know, this
is like how dare you? First of all? How how
(21:31):
how in the full dare how dare you mean? How
very daren me? Look, you cannot just try to attach
Morris chest to brunch like it's an upcoming script. Okay,
can't be like here chestnuts attached. You can't do that.
(21:51):
That's a brunch happy hour. Happy hour is taking you
to a happy place, trying to get you as drunk
as possible in rush hour traffic. You understand there do
you read rush our traffic? But once happy hours over,
you have to take a happy ass home. No, you
don't have to leave a happy hour happy I was
(22:12):
just how you start the night. You have to go
home eventually. Eventually, if you're drunken ship at five thirty,
what else are you gonna do that day? No? No, no,
but it's not about You could say the same thing
about brunch with all the mimoses. Okay, chilling brunch, we
(22:33):
chilling brunch, brunch. Brunch. Brunch was the reason that that
Uberan left with nightclubs. Brunch are the reason Uberan left
was invented? Right, happy hour? First of all, if you
notice you work their restaurants before, right, yea happy hour
is during that time in a restaurant where no one's there,
(22:56):
Like a lot of restaurants were closed from like three
to five happy hours at time where no one's out
of restaurant, So like, hey, how do we get people
in here? Would I rather have no money? Or would
I rather sell these potato skins for seven dollars instead
of fourteen? Right? All I'm saying is happy hour brings
(23:17):
people together. So brunch in a way that is pressureless
unlike brunch. See the drawback of brunch, the drawback of brunches.
Maybe you went to happy hour the night before, Maybe
you did get a little too hammered. Happy hour on Saturday,
Happy hours Monday, Friday delicious. But Saturday can have brunch.
(23:37):
You can have brunch on Saturday. You got a brunch
on Saturday, but you can't have happy hour on Saturday,
but you have happy hour on Friday. Right, Yeah, So
I'm saying maybe you went hard on a happy hour
and now brunch is something that's hard to make it too. Brunch,
you gotta get up. You're like, you're like barely bluing
yourself together. You're barely holding on until you get your
(23:59):
food in you everything. You're not feeling well. Nobody's like
that for happy hour. Nobody goes so hard before happy
hour that they can't make it to happy hour because
they were at work. Exactly Brunch sometimes it's a trial
to get there. Listen, first of all, that's why I
last till two, because you know your constituents, customer your
(24:30):
customer base might have been up late the night before,
might not have gone to bed, so four in the
morning you passed out. For in the morning, you get
six hours to sleep. Baby girl, it's only ten a m.
Hat and brunch last till too. You can still get
some eggs, you can still get somebody French tursts, still
(24:53):
still get to Amolet your brunch is trying to drain
the people's wallets dry. I'm trying to keep money in
those pockets. What happened? Hey, Hey, hey, hey, they have
brunched specials. Why would you bottomless mimosas are the special?
Why would I buy five mimosas at fifteen dollars apiece
(25:16):
when I can pay the twenty dollars for the bottomless mimosas.
And then you can tell them, hey, let me get
a little more orange juice. Let me get a little
less orange juice. Let me get some cranberry juice. Just
give me a class of champagne Mommy's breakfast juice. Whatever
you need to do, They will adjust those mimosas for
(25:39):
you accordingly, unless they are a bunch of cheap funks
who pre mixed their mimosas. Was this me? Notice? Is
mostly orange juice? Anyway, What I'm saying is that if
it's a good Sunday morning, don't nobody want to get
dragged out of bed early to go get grits? You.
(26:00):
I don't know why people can up so early on Saturday.
It makes me, It drives me mad. But but a
good brun cheese. See this is the thing. Happy. I
always have a lot of tension in a happy hour,
all right, because somebody just got off of work. You've
been stressed out all day, and now you're bringing that
(26:22):
tension to be released at Happy hour with price cheese fast.
I'm over here trying to eat my disco fries and
you over here and talk about some merger that didn't
go through. Look here, Brian, take that pean on the
water energy to the end of the fucking bar and
let me enjoy my Monte Cristo in peace. Okay, So
(26:45):
i'm happy hour because there's too many people getting right
off of work, right off of work, and you know what,
happy I was meeting for people that did want to
go home. You just got off of work. You don't
want to go home. I wish you wouldn't have brought
up too many people things because now brunch, oh, you
won't talk about too many people about that? What? What
about that line? What about that line? Just sit down,
(27:08):
get a reservation. Reservations They don't all do reservations, they don't.
You don't have to wait in a line other people
who are hungry, tired, hungover. Yes, no, no, my my
my place brings you no line, my break my place
bringing happy hours can't have a line. If it's bumping,
(27:31):
they might have a line they don't definitely have a line.
Brunch prices don't. Brunt place do definitely have a line. Yeah,
if they're if they're good. And don't get me wrong,
I've waited in line to have a brunch place I
had never had before because somebody told me how good
it was, and I got in there and it was
as good as they said it was. I'm not saying
the line is wrong. I'm just saying if you're already
(27:54):
a little tired from the night before, a little hungover,
and then that's the other thing too. Some of these
places have a line so long that you end up
really being pressed. Like it's like, all right, we're about
to get in at one, so I hope everybody knows
what they want at the table because we need to
order as soon as we sit down, because some of
(28:14):
these places are strict and what I don't like. I
was in the airport the other day trying to get
breakfast and I just wanted to croissant just to check
whatever croissant cheese and whatever on it. And I was like, oh,
we're not really doing breakfast anymore. I said, what is
it ten forty? He said it's ten thirty five, and
(28:35):
I walked the funk away. I just didn't eat. I
was like, I'm not going to I'm not gonna have
your early hamburger. Also, I'm looking at the fucking croissants. Yeah,
it's ten. If it was ten fifty five, I can
give you that. Ten thirty five. Did the sausage just
(28:58):
turn off? Did the sausage decided to stop being sausage? Right?
Did this sausage just become a honey baked tam? Like?
What the funk are you talking about? So? I think
there should always be like a I mean five to
ten in a great spirit and some shing like that,
but the whole life. Oh it's ten, it's ten. So
my question is like, so when you stop serving breakfast
(29:18):
ten thirty one or was it ten twenty nine? Oh
that's my favorite when somebody, when somebody pulls that, I
want to lose my mind because if I'm already there,
Like let's say, if I'm just walking in, I have
no rights. Okay, I'll give that up. I've worked in
a restaurant. I know it's like if I walk in
(29:39):
at ten thirty one and I want to sit down,
get my waters, get myself situated, and then order a
whole breakfast, and y'all stop doing breakfast at ten thirty.
Then I'm with you. I'm fully with you. I don't
even try it. I don't even try to push. My
thing is if I walk in at ten, tell me hey,
because I'm a US, go listen, did you come here
(29:59):
for bakfast? Because breakfast is about to end? And I've
had places get us served breakfast even though breakfast had ended,
because we were still in there they let me know,
or because you were still you were in the line.
Still breakfast in is a brunchings at two. We had
a very long wait, longer than we anticipated. You waited
(30:19):
for like an hour, and now it's one fifty five
when you're sitting down, we won't honor the breakfast, or
it's to something you've been in line for an hour,
But it was anybody who got in line after two
o'clock could not get breakfast. And they were like, hey,
it's after two. This is the last batch of people.
(30:41):
We're not doing any more about it, and we're not
doing anybody else for breakfast that I can respect. Everybody
that was in this line waiting. Okay, all you'll get breakfast.
No new people we're not doing this that I can
respect happy hours. I've been happy. Hey, happy hour ends
a six, coming here five five, be prepared, I know
(31:02):
what you want to drink now, right, and be prepared,
and I get these half fire chicken fingers. That's not
your baby, girl. If I know when breakfast ends, and
then I get there and have the time to get there,
sit down, get served water, everything before breakfast is ended.
(31:22):
And so I'm still like within five ten minutes before
breakfast ends, and you tell me there's no more breakfast,
I'm like, oh, then there was never breakfast here because
if it stops at ten thirty, I showed up at
ten and then by the time you are ready take
my order, it was like ten ten and you're like, oh,
we stopped doing breakfast. It's like, okay, is this also
(31:42):
a gas station? Like help me out here. I do
think it's very interesting that people can pick and choose.
It's like, well, you know, we start serving breakfast at
ten thirty, and I was like, but it's ten o'clock now. Well,
but by the time your food is ready, then I
was like that that that that that I'm ordering at
(32:04):
ten you're telling me the pancake batter just throws itself
out at ten twenty nine. The thing that ends up
happening though, And I've since I've been at restaurants before,
I can I can genuinely say there will be things
that take the one that. There are some dishes where
I'm like, oh, okay, I can I can see how
(32:27):
this is over because there was like a dish that
it took a while to cook because they did the
whole they would do like pans of it at a time,
and so it's like, okay, that takes twenty months to cook.
So it's gonna be just barely past breakfast by the
time we saved. What time did you start cooking it? Oh,
(32:49):
but they ran out, that's the thing, So it'll be
like it'll be ten twenty and they're like, we're done
with breakfast at ten thirty. So at ten twenty, I'm like, oh, yeah,
let me get this whole breakfast cast. The roll thing
you guys are talking about you seem so famous for, right,
And they're like, oh, that actually takes twenty minutes to make,
and if and if we make one for you, that's fine.
We sold one, but now the other eight people that
(33:13):
it can feed won't know to order it. It's so
it's just gonna go to waste. And I'm like, it's
not just tell those people they can order it. I
worked to restaurants before, and I'm just like there's a
lot of things that happened. Like I'll be at a
restaurant they're like, I'm like, hey, can I get this,
and they'll go, actually, we don't. I was like, I'm
gonna stop you right there. I hear you is this
(33:36):
pre made? Well, no, we don't really do substitutions. I'm
just asking you to give me different cheese. It's it's
hard to when a place doesn't do substitutions if they
are not doing them because they don't know how to
do anything better, or if they're not doing them because
(33:58):
they're that like per sneak any about it. Some places
are just per snickitty, which makes me feel like that
you pre make everything if you're that person, Like, oh,
I can't because like one of my friends she has
a joke about, like Daniel Pereg he has a joke
about like being at brunch and just starting it with
like is it possible that's out? She'll start everything. But
(34:19):
it's like I'm changing in order. It's I'm getting tomatoes
taken off of something, I'm getting crutons taken out of something,
I'm getting avocado taken off of something. For the most part,
I'll eat this however you make it, but don't look
me in my face and tell me it looks like
I'm just some type of asshole, because I'm like, yo,
(34:42):
can I just not get tomatoes and crutons in this salad?
And sometimes avocado makes me sick? So can I not
get these things? Well? Actually, Also, I don't like it
when anybody who works at a job acts like it's there.
It's there. Establishment oh that you're bothering them at their house.
(35:03):
You're bothering them at their house. If I didn't come
in here, you can't pay your rent, So I don't
understand why you're getting an attitude with me. And I've
a server before, people like, oh, you think that way,
because it's like. What I don't like is when people
treat I know how to treat wade staff because I've
(35:24):
been a waiter before. I've been a server before. So
when I get somebody who if I see you split
a check three ways at another table, don't come over
and tell me you can't split a fucking check. I
just saw you split the check at that table. Do
you don't want to split a check because you don't
want to take three black people's credit cards? What the
fund is happening in here? There's a lot of times
(35:46):
I've been arresting. I'm like, I know, I just saw
you just put the check. Or people be like, oh, no,
we can do it. No, he can do it. I
don't understand why we don't want to ask people to
do their job no more. Yeah, people are very timid
around the idea of like, no, you need to do this.
This is like really important. I'm I'm an American. I
can't do this. Man. Also, when we started, they were
(36:10):
like you want to separate checks? And you go yes.
Your friends like no, and I said, yes, Well, he
don't want him to do that much work. Why the
funk not? He's not doing any work. It's the computer.
It's why we have computers. So when you get the restaurant,
they're like, we don't split checks. Oh, you don't want
to make no money because if you don't put a check,
(36:32):
you just created a problem for me. I mean, I'll
throw this out there right now. This seems like a
brunch problem. I feel like, no, it's the restaurant. No,
it was a restaurant problem. And you're like a happy
hour you don't have the same issues. You don't feel
like more than one person at a time goes the
happy hour. No, no, no, I just mean that at
(36:54):
happy hour, it's like if people don't split checks. Splitting
a check is splitting a check. You've seen people a
check and fucking Applebee's. That's not expensive. Sometimes people let
you know who they are and you can't act surprise later.
You know. Sometimes people tell you, hey, I'm the brunch
type person. I need to be taken out, wined and
(37:15):
dined in the early parts of the afternoon. And then
there's some people who are like, hey, I'm over here
at happy hour trying to get in as much as
I can. Off of the man, all right, because as
soon as it turns six o one, you know, the
happiness is shutting down. We're going full price on all
the chicken wings. Let me take advantage of them before
(37:36):
they can take advantage of me. You know, well, let's
let's let's let's kick it to the listeners, because I
I feel like neither one of us really budged and
(37:56):
uh maybe we didn't defend that. Well, no our positions
because you know what brunch is boogie right? But happy
hour for the poor either, it's not fully Yeah, there
there are some. Here's the thing. Happy hour has the
same vibes as try and get into a club before
(38:17):
a certain time because that's when the cover charges. Yes, yes, yes, okay, okay, okay, okay,
that's I can admit that wholeheartedly. I'm lucky enough to
be at a point in my life where sometimes I'm
there for the happy hour. I am you know what's
happy hour? I just felt like eating there. You know,
it's true because a lot of times you're on the road,
(38:38):
look at God, you're just like, al right, well I
just flewid and it's four o'clock. Yeah, you get the
closest place, Yeah, the closest place. What is the ruby Tuesdays?
I honestly, I'm a kind of the nineties. I enjoy
a salad bar I just do we don't tap the
pamm Well, listen the listeners. I want to know, are
(39:01):
you bad and bougie or are you pinch your pantis?
Are you? Are you fat at bougie? Are you. Josh,
it's really where are sensible? I want to thank you
(39:22):
out to listen in another episode of Hold Up. Uh.
What I expected you to do this week is you know,
stip your books up all right? You can get kid
on your phone. You will be out here being literate.
You don't even be looking at TikTok all day long
unless you watching them. Uh. Then people make stuff when
and that's that's cool, but otherwise put it on phone,
(39:45):
put a kid on our path. Read a book, okay,
learn the classics alright, learn a word today. You know
you're worried everybody's wording for today, strumpet. Look it up, y'all,
please read. Take care of yourselves. And if you're looking
to catch up with us, you can find Duels Say
Sloan at dul Say Sloan on Everything. And if you're
(40:06):
looking to catch up with me, you can find me
at my other podcasts at Josh Johnson Show wherever you
get your podcast. We love you, we appreciate you, and
have a safe, happy, healthy and booge your weekend. Get
the behind me Satan. Hey, everybody, it's Josh here. I'm
gonna be doing stand up on the Road as part
(40:27):
of the Freshman Tour on March tenth and eleven. I'm
gonna be in Kansas City at the Kansas City Improv.
You get your tickets from their website Improv KC dot
com or in the link that we provide. And then
after that, I'm gonna be in Fort Collins March thirty
one and April one. Okay, so it's not a joke.
I'm really gonna be there and I'm gonna be doing
a show for you. If you come, you can get
(40:49):
go their website Comedy Fort Collins dot com or just
check out the link that we provide. Duel Say is
also going to be on the road. Dulsa is gonna
be out here in this you read. You can catch
me this weekend at the Laughing Tap in Milwaukee February third,
in the fourth. Then you can see me also out
(41:12):
and about in the mall with your daddy at the
Grand Rappids Comedy Club February and in the mall with
your uncle it laughs, Seattle, March third and the fourth.
I'm just out here trying to just have older men
take me to Rainbow. Hey, what are we doing for
your birthday? I don't know Yet's gonna be in the
(41:34):
mall with somebody's daddy,
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com