March 2, 2023 • 33 mins
“As someone who is a nacho connoisseur, the thing I love about nachos is the variety. The topping combinations are endless. ” - Dulcé Sloan
“Just because chili and cheese are in the name, it doesn't mean that's where you have to stop. Because don't forget what chili cheese fries lack in toppings, it makes up for in the seasoning. ” - Josh Johnson
It’s nachos vs. chili cheese fries this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson.
#DailyShow #HoldUp #Podcast
Click here for Dulcé’s tour dates: https://www.dulcesloan.com/tour
Click here for Josh’s tour dates: https://www.joshjohnsoncomedy.com/tour
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
What I'm talking about my nachos. I'm talking about that
good white caso. Okay, why the good white case, that
good comptation. You said that, like fuck new Hey, everybody,
(00:30):
welcome to hold up. This is the show that's a
lot about a little big opinions over small things, a
lot of stress over things that people don't really care about.
I am one of your co hosts. My name is
josh Johnson. I'm a ride for the Daily Show. When
I am joined by, Today's episode is gonna be one
(00:54):
that I didn't even know that we uh, we disagreed
on so heavily. It was why because we were trying
to talk about something completely different and yet and yet
we found out that once again, once again, Josh Johnson,
Joshua Solomon Johnson, you can't just keep making up real
names like this. Why not? Because it just doesn't it's
(01:17):
not even who I am. You mean, you could be
talking about a different person. Today's episode is gonna be
nachos versus chili, cheese fries. Get into it. Look a
look at them. I just had a very stress My
(01:37):
last hour of life has been very stressful. I'm sorry.
That was just me. Thank you so much. So tell
me how you feel about nachos. Tell me why you
chose nachos today. I chose nachos because one, they're more
fucking delicious. Okay, all right, this is the thing I
love about nachos. I like variety. Okay, I like variet's. Hey.
(02:05):
I like that you can put out of what's gonna
you're gonna say it twice, and that's like it's two
different things. Okay, alright, cool, cool, cool, cool, Hey man,
I'm living my life trying to question and so I
love the fact that you can have all kinds of
nachos because you know, your movie theater nachos. They're the
(02:26):
saltiest nachos you'll ever you in your life, because it's
those yellow studio chips, my studio stadium chips that are
so salty you can feel the greens of salt. Yeah. Yeah,
you can get them between your teeth, get them between
your teeth, truly, you can just rubb them and season
other things. There's that there's that cheese sauce, which oh yeah, yeah.
(02:51):
That The movie one is nasty. It's wild. The movie
one is unacceptable, and you know it's crazy. My mom
went and we got some movie there and they were like,
it's like, oh, it's Arizona nachos. And I was like wait.
I was in the dollartry with her, and I was like,
why is Arizona te making nacho kids? I fox with
a ARIZONI okay, yeah, yeah, sure, sure have a green
(03:15):
tea Arizone's come on, okay, and then you get your
little pickolehall opinions or whatever or or my favorite thing dudes.
And I go back to Atlanta. There's this place called
Willie's that I go to with my mama and my
brother and it has a whole like because he Chipotle.
That's why what Chipotle? Because like the secret is a Chipotle.
(03:35):
And somebody I just saw it on TikTok somebody just
found out that they could make nachos at at Chipotle.
It was like, yeah, he just asked them to replace
the rice with chips. And I was sudden he got
sucking nacho's genius. Right. So, but I love nachos because
of the variety, you know, Okay, first of all, if
the caseo the she Also, I think it's funny that
(03:57):
we call the cheese sauce caeso when it's when it's
just cheese. It's just it's just Spanish, right, Yeah, I
want to hear the rest of your thing. I'm not
gonna mention the cheese yet. I want to hear your
thing because I was about to interrupt. I'm trying to
stop myself. No, no, no interrupt the Okay, the cheese.
I'm I'm gonna try to be as objective as possible
(04:19):
in this argument because sometimes the cheese from the movie
theater nachos is also the same type of cheese that
ends up on chili cheese fries. So I can't fully
come down on you for the cheese on those nachos
because I know that it happens to me too. So
I'm trying to I'm trying to show grace and trying
(04:40):
to assume that you're talking about the best type of
nachos and I'm talking about the best type of chili
cheese fries. Yes, we are talking about no bottom basement
when you're talking about tatchos. Yeah, the nacho cheese that
is at a baseball game is is actually so American
because of the problems it gives you. All Right, we're
(05:01):
talking constipation, we're talking cardiovascular issues. All right, you can
feel them. When you're eating, you can feel yourself slowing down.
You can feel you can feel your blood slow down.
And that is the wildest part. When I'm talking about
my nachos, I'm talking about that good white caso. Okay,
(05:27):
why for good white caso, that good comcation. You said that,
like Fox News, that good Christian, white white caso Protestant case,
(05:51):
that good white Protestant. Old, honey, that's case. I remember
that's the case. So that yes, that that's the case.
I always tell you about where you have to have
it with a margarita. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah you did.
That's what I'm telling you about case. You need a
margarita to bust up all that cheese. Yeah, but you
(06:13):
need the cheese to counteract the acidity of the margarita.
Yeah yeah, or you couldn't leave your mouth alone. Like
like I'm just I'm just saying, it's like, it's not
this much counteracting. It's Wednesday night. What he's about supposed
to be doing what you're acting like Wednesday means it's
(06:42):
Wednesday day night of course. About with my girlfriends get
in case though, and margaritas after we just came from
this fucking Mary hay, purse legging, tumpleware, bullshit than yeah. Okay,
all right, all right, listen, listen, all of us got
(07:04):
an suv? Okay, why who knows? Okay, so nachos, so
so nachos, keep going. The toppings. Combinations are endless. Okay,
you could do the meets, you could do no meats.
You can see what a guy I saw a guy
do that made vagina my vagina slamshit. And he just
(07:28):
got nachos, which just he just wanted cheese and grilled chicken.
That this is this is the type of thing that
I've started to judge people on and I've I've even
talked about this on stage, where it's like we have
to quit waiting until the serial killers kill to call
them serial killers. Yes, all right, there are some things
(07:50):
that people are gonna do that it's so off and
upsetting that you're like, no, no, no, watch him. Okay,
right because the fact that you are not in the
second grade. It's like when I eat meat adults who
only eat cheese pizza, Yeah, yeah, yeah, cheese pizza's kid food. Yeah.
(08:15):
I don't give a fuck. How many comments you put
underneath this YouTube video? Guess what I'm not gonna read them.
It's not my job. Also, grow to fuck up put
something else on a pizza. I'm sorry, this is wild,
It's insane. There was a guy I went to eye
Hoop with Logan one time. We were just on the
road doing the show, and a guy a table a
(08:38):
table away from us ordered his bacon. What extra moist?
He said, extra moist? What is it? I think he
just wanted them to run it under the falsett I
guess I have no idea what that means, but it was. Yeah,
it was so upsetting that we were like, all right,
so police please. Like as much as we call the
(09:01):
cops off, people in mind their own business. That's something
that I wish I would have called nine one one about.
Like that. Is he saying that he didn't want them?
Is he saying that he didn't want them to get
the oil off of it? I think that he wants
bacon cooked as little as possible, because he said extra
(09:22):
this nink. It just my extra moist. It's what he said,
which means to have that order already means you've done
that before. Wait hard, I'm trying to protect myself from
this conversation because I'm scared. Yeah, yeah, I worried about
everybody involved. And I know it's not the same. I
(09:44):
know it's not the same as the cheese and the chicken.
It is. It is, Okay, it's not a still serial killery,
but there's a level of juvenilosity. Here's the thing. Okay,
if you're gonna if you're gonna cloak yourself to protect yourself,
(10:05):
you got to only use real words sustained. So, oh
my god, this reminds me. This guy is to work with.
I can't remember which job it was. This niggas is
talking about some woman he thought it he liked, and
I was like, well, He's like, yeah, you know, I
really liked her feminosity. And I was like, I don't
want I don't, I can't yep, no, yeah, no, yeah, no,
(10:31):
blessings to him. No, I said femininity. He said, what's that?
He was like, no, No, she had a lot of it. Yeah,
she said, yeah, you know, she got that feminosity. And
I was like, I gotta go. I said, can I
call out of work? I'm already here, but I gotta
go home. No, I'm with you, I'm with you. It is.
It is mad ning but I guarantee you he will
(10:51):
pull Oh I think he already had a kid. Uh. Hey, man,
everybody know, dumb dudes got great dick. I don't know
why they have to be dumb, Like some people just
have the penis. Know what I'm saying is, but they're
like dumb dudes, broke dudes, country ass dudes. Okay, So yeah,
(11:13):
if you would city motherfucker with some money, he would
a temparate game up. You read books. I was sit
there with one of my friends at the cellar the
other day. We saw this. He was there was this
guy who was talking to you know, some other comics
or whatever. We didn know who he was. And this
is a male, a man, black man. Saw this other
(11:37):
man from across room and was like, Yo, that dude
looks dumb. Because when a man walked by, originally I
was like, who the fuck is? Because he made my
ovaries move? So's who the fuck is this big motherfucker right,
nice big strapping man, like yother dude looks dumb and
I was like, ah, don't do that. You sound like
a hater. And I looked up and I was like, Yo,
this nigga does look dumb. And so I was like, no,
(11:58):
So I went over and talk to you know, other people,
and Megan's talking to him for a second. I was like, damn,
that nigga was right. Stude is dumb, which means, yeah,
his dick's gonna be amazing, and he's so dumb. He's
one of those people where every time he had a thought,
I saw it, like you know the cartoon where you
(12:21):
just see the little and just the wheel turning, like
you just see like the animated little I saw it
when it turned as I when it stopped. Yet an
idea a little and then the work we're back on.
Every time he had an idea, I saw it every time.
And I bet you what that man loved with Chila
cheese fries. How dare he? How very dare me? I was?
(12:50):
I was truly trying to extend an olive branch, and
you burned it. You burned it in my baby, I
pulled him alive. I pulled the olives off the branch
and put them on my nachos. That's what I did.
I took the olives put them on my nachos. Because
I will tell you this, nachos with Queso are so
(13:10):
much better than nachos with melted shredded cheese because once
the chimp once that shredded cheese ain't hot normal uh
huh yeah yeah, it has just spackled my nachos to
this play. Sure it's concrete. We could pay rolls with
sucking melted cheese like it's you're I'm coming, it's pieces right. Yeah.
(13:34):
So I also love the fact that you can put
veggies on it. No vegis on it. You can put
all kinds of meats. You're at seafood nachos. I have
had seafood nachos fucking amazing, right, Yeah, if you get
if you get the right shrimp, it's it's like, really
really good. I guess my thing is for chili cheese fries.
What I'm making sure that you and the other listeners
(13:57):
don't miss is that just because chili and cheese are
in the name, it doesn't mean that's where you have
to stop. I'm not saying that there is many toppings
for chili cheese frieses are nachos, because I don't think
that there are. I'm just saying that people hear chili
cheese fries and they could incorrectly or correctly assume that
(14:19):
only chili and cheese will be on those fries. But
I believe if you get the right fry, all right,
if you get the right temperature, and if you fry
it to perfection, it is incredibly difficult for a nacho
to beat a fry. Okay, because when you get chili
and you get cheese, and you get the right meat,
(14:39):
whether it is beef or it is turkey or it
is ground chicken, if that is your preference, what you two,
no matter what you do, and no matter how you
brown it when you throw it in the chili, because
don't forget what the chili cheese lacks in toppings it
makes up for in the season. What kind of chili
(15:00):
when were talking about? Because this is the thing, okay,
we have to talk about when it comes to the
chili cheese fry. Okay, I can tell you. Let me
ask you, okay, is the fry important or can you
use any kind of fry? Now? This this h there's
(15:26):
there's when you want to talk about schools and you
want to talk about thought there are schools? Have thought alight?
I did not see that you want to talk about schools.
(15:46):
What we'll talk about thoughts what are we talking about?
Schools of thoughts or Wow, that would be a good
name for an album if you think about it. Schools
of thoughts. Yeah, a waffle fry, A waffle fry, a
waffa fried chili cheese fries. Yeah, waffa fried chili cheese fries. Yeah.
We don't do it enough. We knowledge do we not
(16:08):
do it enough. We don't appreciate how much you catch.
Because I will say this when it comes to a
chili cheese fry versus a nacho. The only way that
the chili cheese fry can compete with the nacho in
terms of how much you grab and get when you
pull is if it's a waff of fry, right, because
you can put chili. We've all put chili and made nachos.
(16:30):
We put chili on on Ttia chips have been like
nacho's beach. Right. You've all seen the walking nachos. Have
you seen? Yo? I'm gonna tell you the wildest I've been.
I've been in loving eating nachos my whole life. Fright,
I'm in love with the nacho. One thing I can
never get behind, and it might sound crazy, is when
(16:53):
people use deritos as the chips in the chip in
the nachos, only because like you remember when Chet when
like the nacho cheese doritos, the season, he used to
be heavy, like not now we're just just a whisper,
(17:13):
just an afterthought, just a shadow of flavor. But when
him chips used to be orange right where their chips
was orange. Okay, when you was getting the orange on
your fingers like you would just eating the whole bag
(17:33):
and shee toes right, using a dorito as a tortilla
chips okay in nacho's okay, totally destroys the whole flavor
of your nachos. It also lets me know that you
were an agent of chaos. See ild say something else,
but that's a better way to put that. Yeah, because
(17:54):
they were there. There are two people in my life
who I saw do it, and one of them is
in jail, and the other one might need to be
in jail. Say say, say this is this is your
moist baker. Yeah, yeah, that's your moist baker. Because you know, no, sorry, sorry,
it's just you know that you're not actually about flavor
(18:14):
when you do that, You're just about doing stuff to
do it. You're about eating yeah, yeah, you're about eating
and it just sounds you're not. You're not you're not
doing I'm for you. You won't. You're too nice to
say it, but you want to say it so bad.
You're not gonna it sounds poor. You can't to say
(18:43):
it than you so much. And I didn't say it.
I didn't say it. You said it. You said it.
I said it because I could see that you needed
the release. But you were like the way that you
were like and a dorito and like the way you
were ticket. I felt like a soda that had got
put to paint shaker. Now listen, I know there's a
(19:07):
lot of people that might have an issue with me
saying that things are poor. I'm also somebody who has
mixed in college because I had a lot of white friends.
I've had a yeager mixed with mountain dew. Okay, yeah,
I've slept in many A mobile home wasn't mine, but
I was friends with him. We all have a past.
(19:28):
I really wonder why, because why'd you pick chili cheese
fries over the nacho? Do you not like I mean,
do you? I think that if you get it right,
there's a higher pinnacle for a chili cheese nacho than
even a nacho. All right, If we're talking a perfectly
fried waffle fried and then chili and cheese, and we're
(19:49):
talking about cheese, that is what kind of cheese? What
kind of cheese? What kind of cheese? Because for me,
there's a few if you if you go about melting
it right, and to me, the best chili cheese is
going to actually be in the same form as those
stadium fries and those stadium nachos, but not the same
(20:11):
type of cheese. So when I when I talk about
melted cheese, I don't just mean throwing a couple of
craft singles on, throwing it in the microwave. To me,
that is blasphemy. What I'm talking about is in a pot,
melting down, making your own cheese sauce at home, right,
melting it down and then pouring it over. Okay, okay
because to me, now even as it cools. Because the
(20:34):
other issue with some nachos like you, like you mentioned before,
with the cement and some chili cheese fries, is the
quickness that you have to have to eat it. Yes,
when when it gets cold, it's done. And so because
there's a there's a third element in there. I recognize
(20:55):
that a chili cheese fry is going to need more
of your time and attention than a nacho because chili cheese,
for you gotta worry about the chili being cold. You
gotta worry about the cheese being cold. You gotta worry
about the fry being cold, the fried being cold. Bro. Yeah,
it's ready to fight if I If I get served
(21:17):
chili cheese fries, I like, I'm not the type of
person to like wow out at a restaurant or anything,
but if it, if it comes and it is cold,
I do get a little upset because I'm like, all right,
clearly the chili and the cheese are too hot for
me to send this back like it's cold. So I'm
gonna go ahead and fight through. But you know what
(21:40):
you did to me. Also, also, I've had chili cheese fries.
My mom made it for me one time, and she
didn't do it often, which I'm thankful for because it
actually can't be that healthy. But my mom made me
chili cheese fries from scratch, and that labor of love
(22:00):
I will never forget. Okay, because she made the chili,
she made the chili and making the chili making. That's
what I'm saying before. Okay, we lose you on some toppings.
When it comes to nacho's, nacho's edge out on the toppings.
I'm objective enough to respect that. But the seasoning, Okay,
the way that you can season chili to then put
(22:22):
over the fries is it's tough to beat. I've had
very dry nachos before and it has made me just so.
It makes you go, it makes you live it honestly,
it makes you go, yeah, I'm a good person. What
the fuck been over here? And I think that the
other reason that chili cheese fries for me edge out
(22:48):
the nacho is because when you are eating them right,
and you and they've got it right, whether whether it's
a loved one that's made it for you or whether
you're just at the right stadium, they got it right. Okay.
I think that there's a bit more heft to the
(23:13):
meal when it is a chili cheese fry then when
it's a nacho, because stop right there, yeah, stop right there, Okay.
As someone who is a nacho connastul okay, yeah, nachos
can be heavy. Because I used to work across there
(23:34):
was a taco place across my um, across you from
RS round La that I'm gonna go to to the
point where them girls had my phone number and if
they didn't see me for a while. Honestly, one girl
I just had to stop once she found out I
did ConA and she was blowing me up all the time.
I was like between even we're friends, like this being weird.
And so they would do nachos where it was like
(23:55):
it was teriso, fucking plants, hands, rice and other ship.
And you know how much they like you because every
time I will go to box kept getting heavier. M yeah.
So it was like this one thing in nachos was
like three meals at least, okay, okay, And then one
day they maybe like I came in there and they're like, oh,
we're doing breakfast nachos And I was like best sounds
(24:17):
h m hm, fucking running let's see, because I hadn't
I had to know. I had to know, and it
was and it was. It was as good it was
supposed to be. But I do have a hard time.
I have a hard time finding nachos up here. I
can't say the chips and nachos are just as important
(24:43):
as as the potatoes and chili trees tries, because one
I've had. I haven't been et nachos before. And not
only were chips salty, but the chips very wide, yes, yes,
and so it was catching the corners on my mouth
m hm and cutting you with the salt and cut
me with the salt. Yeah. Also you regarding to like
chilies and how thin their tortilla chips are snapping, yeah,
(25:06):
And just talked about that, right what years ago, I
had a damn I'll tell you about this I did,
and stand up about the I was on that date.
This is like, I don't even think I lived in
New York yet I was in Chicago, and I was
just I was trying. I had ordered guacamole, and their
idea guacamole was just stabbing an avocado twice because it
(25:30):
was the thickest guacamole and the thinnest chips I've ever
paper chips, And so every I'm trying to talk to
her about her life and interests and stuff, and I'm
just snapping chips, left snapping, And so finally I put
two hands on one chip to get more leverage, because
(25:51):
after the fifth one it's noticeable, right because I'm just
snapping them and then trying to move on like okay,
that's interesting, and then just snapping more of them. Right,
last one, I put two in and I don't even
dig that deep. I'm not trying to shovel the chip.
I'm just trying to get something and bring something back
from me. And on the last chip, two hands, I
(26:18):
stick at it and I just I just like a
folk room, just pop it back up and stay even
staying on the chip, the guac flies all over her, like,
just flicks all over her. It gets on her. And
I was like, I'm I'm fun Like this shouldn't be
happening to me. This isn't fair. I'm a good birthday. Yeah. Well,
(26:52):
how do you feel about the totedo scoops? I don't
feel like it's natural, but I do feel like it's
helpful depending on what the dip is. Yes, yeah, but
we all know that you can't use them as nachos.
No you can't, you can. It feels like nacho cupcakes
when you do that. Who told me they try to
use as I think my ex was telling me a story.
(27:13):
Those are good, the chips that he had and he
would nachos. You really have to go ahead, and if
you're gonna do that, you have to do each individual watch,
do each engine, and you have to pour a little
bit of Kso you have to put a little bit
of meat, a couple of onions, one little piece of halapeno.
I think that that's a great like snack for weddings
(27:33):
or for like like when people are walking around, be like,
be like, hold your own nacho, you know what I mean?
That to me makes sense. But to just put a
bag of them on a plate and then just start
pouring cheese and you're asking for chaos. That's what he did.
That's what he did. But we're not together now, Hey, yeah,
you might as well be biting the side of a
paper cup. It does not make sense. But like ways,
(28:00):
like not even at the time, but like like that
that's what you meant, right a corner. Yeah, um. And
so my thing is when you know what to expect
and you're getting the same thing when it comes to
the to the levels of m consistency when you're biting
when with chili cheese fries, Because what happens to nacho
(28:23):
sometimes is that the nachos that are in the very
middle at the very bottom sometimes get left completely dry.
Above those get too wet soggy, and the ones that
the edges are perfect. See, And that's why people have
to learn if you're gonna do a big thing of nachos, right,
because I hate going to places where they're just like
(28:45):
you do a big thing of nachos, butsiness, all the
toppings are on top. It looks like a lot. Yeah,
I'm in it somewhere. Think it was a Taco Mac
in the land away they used to do it. Is
they able to do a Lara chips Lara mean cheese,
Lara chips, Lara meet cheese, Lara chips meet and cheese.
Let us sire cream and all of the rest of
(29:07):
the top hangs. Yes, go on the very top exactly exactly.
And that is a professional. That's somebody that cares about people.
I think now it's time to kick it over to
the listener. Let us know what you think. Tell us
all right, are you team chili cheese fries or you
team nacho Na Chili cheese fries are superior. You're a
(29:38):
liar from the devil. Listen. No matter how many calls
you do to the nacho's it's not gonna help listen.
It's like, yeah, I think that the nacho is something
that is easily accessible for the children. You know, for
the kiddies, that could be a good because it's like
chili cheese fries. You gotta get chili. Okay. The first
(30:04):
thing you said you love about nachos was the variety,
and now you're gonna be like with chili cheese, right,
you gotta get chili. You don't, You don't always have chili, right,
I'm with you, Yes, but nachos could just be cheese
and chips, or cheese and chips and salsa. If you
hate your life, yes, but if you or if you're seven,
if you're seven. Unfortunately, some people who are thirty seven
(30:28):
all who enjoy those as nachos, and I never want
those people to see my boots before I get more upset.
We're gonna we're gonna kick it to the listeners because
you know, me and Josh we bring it to you
every episode, and um, I think one we were very
cordial in this one too. We know we were really
supporting each other's points, even though you came in how
(30:52):
at the beginning and very aggressive. You look strong and
then you're like, yeah, because if she's friends, yeah, we're forever.
Um it's uh listen man, I'm in my skin a dress.
I'm sucking unstoppable. I give girl to ask you so
(31:12):
much of my money. I put one of the kids. Listen,
one of them kids getting booked from me. I promise
you somebody out of uniform of my black ass. I'm
telling you right now, Chicago's pink carpet birthday. I'm trying.
I'm sure a couple of square feet are on your girl.
If you are looking to catch up with me, you
can find me at my other podcasts of Joshahnson Show.
Episodes come out every Thursday where we have your podcast,
(31:32):
and if you are looking to catch up with duels, say,
you can find her in the streets. I'm kidding. Um,
I'm also on the internet. I'm also on this podcast
that you're currently listening to. And I'm a look excite.
(31:58):
If there's a fun name, I got shows covered up
if you want to hear about. Okay, y'all, y'all have
a great rest of the week into the weekend. Now, Hey, everybody,
(32:28):
it's Josh here. I'm gonna be doing stand up on
the road as part of the Freshman Tour. March tenth
and eleventh. I'll be in Kansas City at the Kansas
City Improv. You could get your tickets at Improv KC
dot com or in the link that we provide. And
then after that, I'm gonna be in Fort Collins at
the Comedy four March thirty first and April first. It's
(32:51):
not a joke. I'll really be there. You get your
tickets in the link that we provide or by going
to Comedy four Collins dot com. You can catch Duels
Last Seattle March third to the fourth, and an Arbor
Comedy Showcase in Ann Arbor, Michigan, March ninth to the eleventh.
(33:11):
So make sure your mom is out holding your dad's hand,
because I'm a problem
What I'm talking about my nachos. I'm talking about that
good white caso. Okay, why the good white case, that
good comptation. You said that, like fuck new Hey, everybody,
(00:30):
welcome to hold up. This is the show that's a
lot about a little big opinions over small things, a
lot of stress over things that people don't really care about.
I am one of your co hosts. My name is
josh Johnson. I'm a ride for the Daily Show. When
I am joined by, Today's episode is gonna be one
(00:54):
that I didn't even know that we uh, we disagreed
on so heavily. It was why because we were trying
to talk about something completely different and yet and yet
we found out that once again, once again, Josh Johnson,
Joshua Solomon Johnson, you can't just keep making up real
names like this. Why not? Because it just doesn't it's
(01:17):
not even who I am. You mean, you could be
talking about a different person. Today's episode is gonna be
nachos versus chili, cheese fries. Get into it. Look a
look at them. I just had a very stress My
(01:37):
last hour of life has been very stressful. I'm sorry.
That was just me. Thank you so much. So tell
me how you feel about nachos. Tell me why you
chose nachos today. I chose nachos because one, they're more
fucking delicious. Okay, all right, this is the thing I
love about nachos. I like variety. Okay, I like variet's. Hey.
(02:05):
I like that you can put out of what's gonna
you're gonna say it twice, and that's like it's two
different things. Okay, alright, cool, cool, cool, cool, Hey man,
I'm living my life trying to question and so I
love the fact that you can have all kinds of
nachos because you know, your movie theater nachos. They're the
(02:26):
saltiest nachos you'll ever you in your life, because it's
those yellow studio chips, my studio stadium chips that are
so salty you can feel the greens of salt. Yeah. Yeah,
you can get them between your teeth, get them between
your teeth, truly, you can just rubb them and season
other things. There's that there's that cheese sauce, which oh yeah, yeah.
(02:51):
That The movie one is nasty. It's wild. The movie
one is unacceptable, and you know it's crazy. My mom
went and we got some movie there and they were like,
it's like, oh, it's Arizona nachos. And I was like wait.
I was in the dollartry with her, and I was like,
why is Arizona te making nacho kids? I fox with
a ARIZONI okay, yeah, yeah, sure, sure have a green
(03:15):
tea Arizone's come on, okay, and then you get your
little pickolehall opinions or whatever or or my favorite thing dudes.
And I go back to Atlanta. There's this place called
Willie's that I go to with my mama and my
brother and it has a whole like because he Chipotle.
That's why what Chipotle? Because like the secret is a Chipotle.
(03:35):
And somebody I just saw it on TikTok somebody just
found out that they could make nachos at at Chipotle.
It was like, yeah, he just asked them to replace
the rice with chips. And I was sudden he got
sucking nacho's genius. Right. So, but I love nachos because
of the variety, you know, Okay, first of all, if
the caseo the she Also, I think it's funny that
(03:57):
we call the cheese sauce caeso when it's when it's
just cheese. It's just it's just Spanish, right, Yeah, I
want to hear the rest of your thing. I'm not
gonna mention the cheese yet. I want to hear your
thing because I was about to interrupt. I'm trying to
stop myself. No, no, no interrupt the Okay, the cheese.
I'm I'm gonna try to be as objective as possible
(04:19):
in this argument because sometimes the cheese from the movie
theater nachos is also the same type of cheese that
ends up on chili cheese fries. So I can't fully
come down on you for the cheese on those nachos
because I know that it happens to me too. So
I'm trying to I'm trying to show grace and trying
(04:40):
to assume that you're talking about the best type of
nachos and I'm talking about the best type of chili
cheese fries. Yes, we are talking about no bottom basement
when you're talking about tatchos. Yeah, the nacho cheese that
is at a baseball game is is actually so American
because of the problems it gives you. All Right, we're
(05:01):
talking constipation, we're talking cardiovascular issues. All right, you can
feel them. When you're eating, you can feel yourself slowing down.
You can feel you can feel your blood slow down.
And that is the wildest part. When I'm talking about
my nachos, I'm talking about that good white caso. Okay,
(05:27):
why for good white caso, that good comcation. You said that,
like Fox News, that good Christian, white white caso Protestant case,
(05:51):
that good white Protestant. Old, honey, that's case. I remember
that's the case. So that yes, that that's the case.
I always tell you about where you have to have
it with a margarita. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah you did.
That's what I'm telling you about case. You need a
margarita to bust up all that cheese. Yeah, but you
(06:13):
need the cheese to counteract the acidity of the margarita.
Yeah yeah, or you couldn't leave your mouth alone. Like
like I'm just I'm just saying, it's like, it's not
this much counteracting. It's Wednesday night. What he's about supposed
to be doing what you're acting like Wednesday means it's
(06:42):
Wednesday day night of course. About with my girlfriends get
in case though, and margaritas after we just came from
this fucking Mary hay, purse legging, tumpleware, bullshit than yeah. Okay,
all right, all right, listen, listen, all of us got
(07:04):
an suv? Okay, why who knows? Okay, so nachos, so
so nachos, keep going. The toppings. Combinations are endless. Okay,
you could do the meets, you could do no meats.
You can see what a guy I saw a guy
do that made vagina my vagina slamshit. And he just
(07:28):
got nachos, which just he just wanted cheese and grilled chicken.
That this is this is the type of thing that
I've started to judge people on and I've I've even
talked about this on stage, where it's like we have
to quit waiting until the serial killers kill to call
them serial killers. Yes, all right, there are some things
(07:50):
that people are gonna do that it's so off and
upsetting that you're like, no, no, no, watch him. Okay,
right because the fact that you are not in the
second grade. It's like when I eat meat adults who
only eat cheese pizza, Yeah, yeah, yeah, cheese pizza's kid food. Yeah.
(08:15):
I don't give a fuck. How many comments you put
underneath this YouTube video? Guess what I'm not gonna read them.
It's not my job. Also, grow to fuck up put
something else on a pizza. I'm sorry, this is wild,
It's insane. There was a guy I went to eye
Hoop with Logan one time. We were just on the
road doing the show, and a guy a table a
(08:38):
table away from us ordered his bacon. What extra moist?
He said, extra moist? What is it? I think he
just wanted them to run it under the falsett I
guess I have no idea what that means, but it was. Yeah,
it was so upsetting that we were like, all right,
so police please. Like as much as we call the
(09:01):
cops off, people in mind their own business. That's something
that I wish I would have called nine one one about.
Like that. Is he saying that he didn't want them?
Is he saying that he didn't want them to get
the oil off of it? I think that he wants
bacon cooked as little as possible, because he said extra
(09:22):
this nink. It just my extra moist. It's what he said,
which means to have that order already means you've done
that before. Wait hard, I'm trying to protect myself from
this conversation because I'm scared. Yeah, yeah, I worried about
everybody involved. And I know it's not the same. I
(09:44):
know it's not the same as the cheese and the chicken.
It is. It is, Okay, it's not a still serial killery,
but there's a level of juvenilosity. Here's the thing. Okay,
if you're gonna if you're gonna cloak yourself to protect yourself,
(10:05):
you got to only use real words sustained. So, oh
my god, this reminds me. This guy is to work with.
I can't remember which job it was. This niggas is
talking about some woman he thought it he liked, and
I was like, well, He's like, yeah, you know, I
really liked her feminosity. And I was like, I don't
want I don't, I can't yep, no, yeah, no, yeah, no,
(10:31):
blessings to him. No, I said femininity. He said, what's that?
He was like, no, No, she had a lot of it. Yeah,
she said, yeah, you know, she got that feminosity. And
I was like, I gotta go. I said, can I
call out of work? I'm already here, but I gotta
go home. No, I'm with you, I'm with you. It is.
It is mad ning but I guarantee you he will
(10:51):
pull Oh I think he already had a kid. Uh. Hey, man,
everybody know, dumb dudes got great dick. I don't know
why they have to be dumb, Like some people just
have the penis. Know what I'm saying is, but they're
like dumb dudes, broke dudes, country ass dudes. Okay, So yeah,
(11:13):
if you would city motherfucker with some money, he would
a temparate game up. You read books. I was sit
there with one of my friends at the cellar the
other day. We saw this. He was there was this
guy who was talking to you know, some other comics
or whatever. We didn know who he was. And this
is a male, a man, black man. Saw this other
(11:37):
man from across room and was like, Yo, that dude
looks dumb. Because when a man walked by, originally I
was like, who the fuck is? Because he made my
ovaries move? So's who the fuck is this big motherfucker right,
nice big strapping man, like yother dude looks dumb and
I was like, ah, don't do that. You sound like
a hater. And I looked up and I was like, Yo,
this nigga does look dumb. And so I was like, no,
(11:58):
So I went over and talk to you know, other people,
and Megan's talking to him for a second. I was like, damn,
that nigga was right. Stude is dumb, which means, yeah,
his dick's gonna be amazing, and he's so dumb. He's
one of those people where every time he had a thought,
I saw it, like you know the cartoon where you
(12:21):
just see the little and just the wheel turning, like
you just see like the animated little I saw it
when it turned as I when it stopped. Yet an
idea a little and then the work we're back on.
Every time he had an idea, I saw it every time.
And I bet you what that man loved with Chila
cheese fries. How dare he? How very dare me? I was?
(12:50):
I was truly trying to extend an olive branch, and
you burned it. You burned it in my baby, I
pulled him alive. I pulled the olives off the branch
and put them on my nachos. That's what I did.
I took the olives put them on my nachos. Because
I will tell you this, nachos with Queso are so
(13:10):
much better than nachos with melted shredded cheese because once
the chimp once that shredded cheese ain't hot normal uh
huh yeah yeah, it has just spackled my nachos to
this play. Sure it's concrete. We could pay rolls with
sucking melted cheese like it's you're I'm coming, it's pieces right. Yeah.
(13:34):
So I also love the fact that you can put
veggies on it. No vegis on it. You can put
all kinds of meats. You're at seafood nachos. I have
had seafood nachos fucking amazing, right, Yeah, if you get
if you get the right shrimp, it's it's like, really
really good. I guess my thing is for chili cheese fries.
What I'm making sure that you and the other listeners
(13:57):
don't miss is that just because chili and cheese are
in the name, it doesn't mean that's where you have
to stop. I'm not saying that there is many toppings
for chili cheese frieses are nachos, because I don't think
that there are. I'm just saying that people hear chili
cheese fries and they could incorrectly or correctly assume that
(14:19):
only chili and cheese will be on those fries. But
I believe if you get the right fry, all right,
if you get the right temperature, and if you fry
it to perfection, it is incredibly difficult for a nacho
to beat a fry. Okay, because when you get chili
and you get cheese, and you get the right meat,
(14:39):
whether it is beef or it is turkey or it
is ground chicken, if that is your preference, what you two,
no matter what you do, and no matter how you
brown it when you throw it in the chili, because
don't forget what the chili cheese lacks in toppings it
makes up for in the season. What kind of chili
(15:00):
when were talking about? Because this is the thing, okay,
we have to talk about when it comes to the
chili cheese fry. Okay, I can tell you. Let me
ask you, okay, is the fry important or can you
use any kind of fry? Now? This this h there's
(15:26):
there's when you want to talk about schools and you
want to talk about thought there are schools? Have thought alight?
I did not see that you want to talk about schools.
(15:46):
What we'll talk about thoughts what are we talking about?
Schools of thoughts or Wow, that would be a good
name for an album if you think about it. Schools
of thoughts. Yeah, a waffle fry, A waffle fry, a
waffa fried chili cheese fries. Yeah, waffa fried chili cheese fries. Yeah.
We don't do it enough. We knowledge do we not
(16:08):
do it enough. We don't appreciate how much you catch.
Because I will say this when it comes to a
chili cheese fry versus a nacho. The only way that
the chili cheese fry can compete with the nacho in
terms of how much you grab and get when you
pull is if it's a waff of fry, right, because
you can put chili. We've all put chili and made nachos.
(16:30):
We put chili on on Ttia chips have been like
nacho's beach. Right. You've all seen the walking nachos. Have
you seen? Yo? I'm gonna tell you the wildest I've been.
I've been in loving eating nachos my whole life. Fright,
I'm in love with the nacho. One thing I can
never get behind, and it might sound crazy, is when
(16:53):
people use deritos as the chips in the chip in
the nachos, only because like you remember when Chet when
like the nacho cheese doritos, the season, he used to
be heavy, like not now we're just just a whisper,
(17:13):
just an afterthought, just a shadow of flavor. But when
him chips used to be orange right where their chips
was orange. Okay, when you was getting the orange on
your fingers like you would just eating the whole bag
(17:33):
and shee toes right, using a dorito as a tortilla
chips okay in nacho's okay, totally destroys the whole flavor
of your nachos. It also lets me know that you
were an agent of chaos. See ild say something else,
but that's a better way to put that. Yeah, because
(17:54):
they were there. There are two people in my life
who I saw do it, and one of them is
in jail, and the other one might need to be
in jail. Say say, say this is this is your
moist baker. Yeah, yeah, that's your moist baker. Because you know, no, sorry, sorry,
it's just you know that you're not actually about flavor
(18:14):
when you do that, You're just about doing stuff to
do it. You're about eating yeah, yeah, you're about eating
and it just sounds you're not. You're not you're not
doing I'm for you. You won't. You're too nice to
say it, but you want to say it so bad.
You're not gonna it sounds poor. You can't to say
(18:43):
it than you so much. And I didn't say it.
I didn't say it. You said it. You said it.
I said it because I could see that you needed
the release. But you were like the way that you
were like and a dorito and like the way you
were ticket. I felt like a soda that had got
put to paint shaker. Now listen, I know there's a
(19:07):
lot of people that might have an issue with me
saying that things are poor. I'm also somebody who has
mixed in college because I had a lot of white friends.
I've had a yeager mixed with mountain dew. Okay, yeah,
I've slept in many A mobile home wasn't mine, but
I was friends with him. We all have a past.
(19:28):
I really wonder why, because why'd you pick chili cheese
fries over the nacho? Do you not like I mean,
do you? I think that if you get it right,
there's a higher pinnacle for a chili cheese nacho than
even a nacho. All right, If we're talking a perfectly
fried waffle fried and then chili and cheese, and we're
(19:49):
talking about cheese, that is what kind of cheese? What
kind of cheese? What kind of cheese? Because for me,
there's a few if you if you go about melting
it right, and to me, the best chili cheese is
going to actually be in the same form as those
stadium fries and those stadium nachos, but not the same
(20:11):
type of cheese. So when I when I talk about
melted cheese, I don't just mean throwing a couple of
craft singles on, throwing it in the microwave. To me,
that is blasphemy. What I'm talking about is in a pot,
melting down, making your own cheese sauce at home, right,
melting it down and then pouring it over. Okay, okay
because to me, now even as it cools. Because the
(20:34):
other issue with some nachos like you, like you mentioned before,
with the cement and some chili cheese fries, is the
quickness that you have to have to eat it. Yes,
when when it gets cold, it's done. And so because
there's a there's a third element in there. I recognize
(20:55):
that a chili cheese fry is going to need more
of your time and attention than a nacho because chili cheese,
for you gotta worry about the chili being cold. You
gotta worry about the cheese being cold. You gotta worry
about the fry being cold, the fried being cold. Bro. Yeah,
it's ready to fight if I If I get served
(21:17):
chili cheese fries, I like, I'm not the type of
person to like wow out at a restaurant or anything,
but if it, if it comes and it is cold,
I do get a little upset because I'm like, all right,
clearly the chili and the cheese are too hot for
me to send this back like it's cold. So I'm
gonna go ahead and fight through. But you know what
(21:40):
you did to me. Also, also, I've had chili cheese fries.
My mom made it for me one time, and she
didn't do it often, which I'm thankful for because it
actually can't be that healthy. But my mom made me
chili cheese fries from scratch, and that labor of love
(22:00):
I will never forget. Okay, because she made the chili,
she made the chili and making the chili making. That's
what I'm saying before. Okay, we lose you on some toppings.
When it comes to nacho's, nacho's edge out on the toppings.
I'm objective enough to respect that. But the seasoning, Okay,
the way that you can season chili to then put
(22:22):
over the fries is it's tough to beat. I've had
very dry nachos before and it has made me just so.
It makes you go, it makes you live it honestly,
it makes you go, yeah, I'm a good person. What
the fuck been over here? And I think that the
other reason that chili cheese fries for me edge out
(22:48):
the nacho is because when you are eating them right,
and you and they've got it right, whether whether it's
a loved one that's made it for you or whether
you're just at the right stadium, they got it right. Okay.
I think that there's a bit more heft to the
(23:13):
meal when it is a chili cheese fry then when
it's a nacho, because stop right there, yeah, stop right there, Okay.
As someone who is a nacho connastul okay, yeah, nachos
can be heavy. Because I used to work across there
(23:34):
was a taco place across my um, across you from
RS round La that I'm gonna go to to the
point where them girls had my phone number and if
they didn't see me for a while. Honestly, one girl
I just had to stop once she found out I
did ConA and she was blowing me up all the time.
I was like between even we're friends, like this being weird.
And so they would do nachos where it was like
(23:55):
it was teriso, fucking plants, hands, rice and other ship.
And you know how much they like you because every
time I will go to box kept getting heavier. M yeah.
So it was like this one thing in nachos was
like three meals at least, okay, okay, And then one
day they maybe like I came in there and they're like, oh,
we're doing breakfast nachos And I was like best sounds
(24:17):
h m hm, fucking running let's see, because I hadn't
I had to know. I had to know, and it
was and it was. It was as good it was
supposed to be. But I do have a hard time.
I have a hard time finding nachos up here. I
can't say the chips and nachos are just as important
(24:43):
as as the potatoes and chili trees tries, because one
I've had. I haven't been et nachos before. And not
only were chips salty, but the chips very wide, yes, yes,
and so it was catching the corners on my mouth
m hm and cutting you with the salt and cut
me with the salt. Yeah. Also you regarding to like
chilies and how thin their tortilla chips are snapping, yeah,
(25:06):
And just talked about that, right what years ago, I
had a damn I'll tell you about this I did,
and stand up about the I was on that date.
This is like, I don't even think I lived in
New York yet I was in Chicago, and I was
just I was trying. I had ordered guacamole, and their
idea guacamole was just stabbing an avocado twice because it
(25:30):
was the thickest guacamole and the thinnest chips I've ever
paper chips, And so every I'm trying to talk to
her about her life and interests and stuff, and I'm
just snapping chips, left snapping, And so finally I put
two hands on one chip to get more leverage, because
(25:51):
after the fifth one it's noticeable, right because I'm just
snapping them and then trying to move on like okay,
that's interesting, and then just snapping more of them. Right,
last one, I put two in and I don't even
dig that deep. I'm not trying to shovel the chip.
I'm just trying to get something and bring something back
from me. And on the last chip, two hands, I
(26:18):
stick at it and I just I just like a
folk room, just pop it back up and stay even
staying on the chip, the guac flies all over her, like,
just flicks all over her. It gets on her. And
I was like, I'm I'm fun Like this shouldn't be
happening to me. This isn't fair. I'm a good birthday. Yeah. Well,
(26:52):
how do you feel about the totedo scoops? I don't
feel like it's natural, but I do feel like it's
helpful depending on what the dip is. Yes, yeah, but
we all know that you can't use them as nachos.
No you can't, you can. It feels like nacho cupcakes
when you do that. Who told me they try to
use as I think my ex was telling me a story.
(27:13):
Those are good, the chips that he had and he
would nachos. You really have to go ahead, and if
you're gonna do that, you have to do each individual watch,
do each engine, and you have to pour a little
bit of Kso you have to put a little bit
of meat, a couple of onions, one little piece of halapeno.
I think that that's a great like snack for weddings
(27:33):
or for like like when people are walking around, be like,
be like, hold your own nacho, you know what I mean?
That to me makes sense. But to just put a
bag of them on a plate and then just start
pouring cheese and you're asking for chaos. That's what he did.
That's what he did. But we're not together now, Hey, yeah,
you might as well be biting the side of a
paper cup. It does not make sense. But like ways,
(28:00):
like not even at the time, but like like that
that's what you meant, right a corner. Yeah, um. And
so my thing is when you know what to expect
and you're getting the same thing when it comes to
the to the levels of m consistency when you're biting
when with chili cheese fries, Because what happens to nacho
(28:23):
sometimes is that the nachos that are in the very
middle at the very bottom sometimes get left completely dry.
Above those get too wet soggy, and the ones that
the edges are perfect. See, And that's why people have
to learn if you're gonna do a big thing of nachos, right,
because I hate going to places where they're just like
(28:45):
you do a big thing of nachos, butsiness, all the
toppings are on top. It looks like a lot. Yeah,
I'm in it somewhere. Think it was a Taco Mac
in the land away they used to do it. Is
they able to do a Lara chips Lara mean cheese,
Lara chips, Lara meet cheese, Lara chips meet and cheese.
Let us sire cream and all of the rest of
(29:07):
the top hangs. Yes, go on the very top exactly exactly.
And that is a professional. That's somebody that cares about people.
I think now it's time to kick it over to
the listener. Let us know what you think. Tell us
all right, are you team chili cheese fries or you
team nacho Na Chili cheese fries are superior. You're a
(29:38):
liar from the devil. Listen. No matter how many calls
you do to the nacho's it's not gonna help listen.
It's like, yeah, I think that the nacho is something
that is easily accessible for the children. You know, for
the kiddies, that could be a good because it's like
chili cheese fries. You gotta get chili. Okay. The first
(30:04):
thing you said you love about nachos was the variety,
and now you're gonna be like with chili cheese, right,
you gotta get chili. You don't, You don't always have chili, right,
I'm with you, Yes, but nachos could just be cheese
and chips, or cheese and chips and salsa. If you
hate your life, yes, but if you or if you're seven,
if you're seven. Unfortunately, some people who are thirty seven
(30:28):
all who enjoy those as nachos, and I never want
those people to see my boots before I get more upset.
We're gonna we're gonna kick it to the listeners because
you know, me and Josh we bring it to you
every episode, and um, I think one we were very
cordial in this one too. We know we were really
supporting each other's points, even though you came in how
(30:52):
at the beginning and very aggressive. You look strong and
then you're like, yeah, because if she's friends, yeah, we're forever.
Um it's uh listen man, I'm in my skin a dress.
I'm sucking unstoppable. I give girl to ask you so
(31:12):
much of my money. I put one of the kids. Listen,
one of them kids getting booked from me. I promise
you somebody out of uniform of my black ass. I'm
telling you right now, Chicago's pink carpet birthday. I'm trying.
I'm sure a couple of square feet are on your girl.
If you are looking to catch up with me, you
can find me at my other podcasts of Joshahnson Show.
Episodes come out every Thursday where we have your podcast,
(31:32):
and if you are looking to catch up with duels, say,
you can find her in the streets. I'm kidding. Um,
I'm also on the internet. I'm also on this podcast
that you're currently listening to. And I'm a look excite.
(31:58):
If there's a fun name, I got shows covered up
if you want to hear about. Okay, y'all, y'all have
a great rest of the week into the weekend. Now, Hey, everybody,
(32:28):
it's Josh here. I'm gonna be doing stand up on
the road as part of the Freshman Tour. March tenth
and eleventh. I'll be in Kansas City at the Kansas
City Improv. You could get your tickets at Improv KC
dot com or in the link that we provide. And
then after that, I'm gonna be in Fort Collins at
the Comedy four March thirty first and April first. It's
(32:51):
not a joke. I'll really be there. You get your
tickets in the link that we provide or by going
to Comedy four Collins dot com. You can catch Duels
Last Seattle March third to the fourth, and an Arbor
Comedy Showcase in Ann Arbor, Michigan, March ninth to the eleventh.
(33:11):
So make sure your mom is out holding your dad's hand,
because I'm a problem
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