March 9, 2023 • 38 mins
“Because Gatorade has been tried and true and tested on real professional college athletes, you know that it has all of the things.” - Dulcé Sloan
“Let me just let you know that Powerade got me where I am today, okay. It helped me from falling out on that field. ” - Josh Johnson
It’s Gatorade vs. Powerade, the ultimate sports drink duel, this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson.
#DailyShow #HoldUp #Podcast
Click here for Dulcé’s tour dates: dailyshow.com/dulcesloan
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So you're saying powerade is better because somebody put a
friend Stone vitamin and that bitch and let its solve. Yes,
it tastes better, is better for you? What's gatorade doing
besides getting dumped on the back of coach's next gatorade?
Out here, lazy trifling? All right, Hey, everybody, welcome to
(00:31):
hold up. It's a big show about pretty pretty small things,
pretty little, pretty, pretty insignificant. I am one of your
co hosts. My name is Josh Johnson. I'm a writer
for the Daily Show, and I am joined by Dosey's
little Doosay sloan. Yeah, I'm of course writing on a
daily show and just genuinely the person who annoys jos
(00:54):
the most, because if I won't do it, who will?
Great question. So we come to you today humbly seeking
your approval. We seek your validation because we are diametrically
(01:15):
opposed as usual. But this time I think I think
there's a line in the sand. I think that I
can't see any concessions being drawn. I can't see us
really coming to any common ground at all. Today's topic
is Powerade versus Gatorade. Okay, wolf, which one do you drink?
(01:37):
More if you drink either which one leaves you feeling
hydrated and which one just makes you feel a little ill.
I'll say, as someone who never really enjoyed Gatorade, m
but realize that there were absolutely no beneficial quality is
(01:59):
the power because Gatorade you could taste that it was
like salty. You're like, oh, I might be getting something
out of this, but there's so much sugar in a Powerade.
I feel like I'm drinking kool aid. So that's why
I can't condone or participants. Also, I don't see like
remember like also remember when we were in like because
when you graduate from high school two thousand and eight,
(02:23):
okay you just oh no, you were seven years after
you never mind, I don't know. I was in high
schools when powerade was like popping, popping, and so like
you see everybody drinking a powerade or whatever. But I'm
just like, this can't This doesn't taste like it's being helping.
This don't taste like it's restoring anything. I just feel
like I'm drinking this is this is an uncarbonated soda.
(02:46):
So I only go Gatorade because Gatorade tastes like Okay,
you can taste it. There's a little like saltiness too
a gatorade, guess because of the electrolytes and shit, and
then but there's a sweetness, so you'll keep drinking it.
So Gatorade I'll go in only because I feel like
it might actually be doing something. Powerade is just an
uncarbonated it's a soft rate. Okay, all right, so let's
(03:10):
let's Those are some great opening points. Some of them
were actually correct. A couple of them were really on point. Okay,
But power aid what you understand about power ad, what
you understand about the power that we're covered with with
power rate, okay, is that power aide actually has less
(03:30):
calories and more micronutrients than gatorade. You were right about salt?
What is right about the salt? What is so you
were on point? Okay? What's the salts? The electrolytes, the
micronutrients in there or vitamins B six and twelve as
well as magnesium. Like we're coming through with actual sustenance.
(03:53):
So you're so just because you googled what the hell
was in a power right? You know you didn't know
what was in a game. You did not know before
two seconds ago while I was talking. Got a damn
thing about what all up be in these powers of aids. Okay,
(04:14):
you would you rather even in the wording, would you
rather have Gator aid or Power Aid? Would you have
rather have the aid to be powered or the aid
of Gator? Do you know where Gatorade got its name from? Florida? Right,
Florida Gators. M Now, I don't give a shit. But
(04:38):
because I'm not a Gator fan, I'm any I'm a
fan of anything that's not U G five. Okay, because
Gator aid M M have been tried and true and
tested on real professional college athletes, you know it has
(05:00):
all of the things, the nutrientent taste, Okay, not a word,
what's about Listen, it's got The earliest version of it
consisted of water, sodium, sugar, potassium phosphate, and lemon juice. Okay, Okay,
Gatorade was the reason M got the Florida Gators one
(05:26):
in their first Orange Bowl over the Georgia tech Yallow Jackets. Okay,
how was it the reason? How they said it was?
They said it was a contributing factor, so it is credited.
They're saying it's a performance enhancing team credited gatorade. Okay,
coach m doping? No, no, the star quarterback not joking. Water.
(05:51):
You think water and water. I don't know what goes
in their big bodies to help them move big bodies.
I don't know anything about that. I'm just saying it
sounds like doping to me. Soudio, water, sugar, potassium, and phosphates. Mmm,
what's in those phosphates? Doping? What's it the phosphates? Check phosphates. Okay,
(06:14):
check the file. What's it? What's the popha? Don't phosphates? Me? Okay.
A phosphate is in anan salt functional group or esther
derived from a phosphoric acid, So basically it's more salt.
Does it have a bunch of chemistry stuff next to
it when you google it? Yes? Okay, can't No, No,
(06:36):
this is a naturally occurring thing in nature. Okay, hold on,
it was dope because you looked up all that ship
was not not. Hold on, Now, this is the thing.
This is just the early this is just the early
chemical makeup. M okay of a gatorade? Okay, all right,
(07:01):
they got thirst quenchers because for a long time all
they had was lemon, lime and orange let's see, they
started getting more flavors in the mid nineties. As I remember,
like people just sucking out, oh, Gatorade ice. Yeah. I
don't know what that was about, but there was like, oh,
I remember G two, Gatorade rain. Gatorade Tiger was a
Gatorade thirst quencher. Okay, as a result of um, I
(07:24):
guess juicing tiger woods. Okay, they put them in a
machine and squeeze them. This is the thing. I think
that the flavors of Gatorade went a bit wild, went
a little too far, stopped becoming flavors and started becoming
just experiments. So you're telling me that this gatorade frost
(07:47):
glacier freeze. Yeah, m I mean it is just blue. Yeah,
it's just gross. Don't know that gross, lou. I don't
know what a glacier tastes like. Yeah. And also there's
(08:08):
a glacier freeze and a glacier something else too, So
glacier is just a sort of accent mark on the
taste of freeze. But this has given me. This is
rehydrate replenished refuel electrolytes to help replenish what you lose,
and sweat carbs to help fuel refuel working muscles. Because
people don't know is that sugar is a carb. So
(08:34):
people like I'm cutting out cards, I'm cutting out cards,
putting out carbs. Guess what, motherfuckers, you can't have fruit. Yeah, dude,
we work with he was on niketo. Yeah, he couldn't
have fruit. Listen, I think the three of the blueberry.
You can have clueberries and you can have but you
(08:54):
can't have wormelon cap pomegranate. You can have anything that's
like high in sugar, and you can't have anything that.
Uh maybe this isn't fair to say, but I feel
like all the hardy fruits you can't have. I know
when I was working on my on my meal plan,
I couldn't have any tropical fruits. Oh okay, I could
have apples and berries. I could have what category your
(09:15):
fruit is? An apple? I don't know, but apple's got
a lot of fibers. So you don't want to load
up on too many apples because it makes your boops. Yep,
that's good. Oh. I remember when I was in Chicago.
I was just telling somebody about this. I'm sure I
remember what I was talking to. When I say Chicago,
I was like um, this is so bad. Oh no,
(09:37):
I didn't have any thing. It doesn't have any money.
And so I went to a grocery store. I saw
a bag of apples. I was like, that's dinner, and
I was just I just ate dinner, like alluded to it.
Just ate four apples, and you know, it's a lot
of chew it, so you get tired of chew it,
or you get full off of just really try to
(10:00):
break down apples in your mouth. And then that is
way too much fiber that that had me sat down
pressed you shaking together and running over. What I'm saying is, yeah,
you should at least had some peanut butter that had
some oil. Hey, I'm with you, I understand. I recognize
my mistakes. Yeah, Bro, sometimes these stories you tell, I'm like,
(10:26):
I'm so glad that Josh isn't a better Listen. All
I know is, don't act like you really believe in
it because you you just already had it there. Don't
act like you went and got a real gatorade. I
did already have this because I was dehydrated. So yeah,
but if you had known better, you would have got
(10:48):
a powerade. No, if I'd have known better, i'd have
got a pedia light fair enough, fair enough. But the
thing is I have not seen a powerade in years
is still in business. Yeah, go to a Dwayne read
(11:08):
what Yeah, go go to any I don't know. I
feel like even the sports armor store sells them sports armor.
Oh sorry, under armour. That's my bad. No, that's my bad.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm a little tired. And I
let I let what I was thinking mash up with
(11:29):
what I was saying, and let me say something. Them
under armour shirts started becoming outer armor shirts real quick, right,
real quick. The level of confidence people have to wear
those under armours, but just casually the idea, because first
(11:50):
of all, you know how skin tight those things are.
They are a body stocking for a man. They soak
up every part of you and it is the closest
to a hug. A lot of people have had their
male spanks because it's while. What I can say is,
in my life I've seen the men that I've seen
(12:12):
wearing under armor as outerwear are never men that play sports. Yeah,
and I'm like, what are we what are we doing here?
What's happening? It's very interesting what it what it did
because it's like, you know, to see this man who
you know is not playing a sport because they because
(12:36):
they are a moisture wicking I got the benefit. I
have no idea what you just said, moisture wicking meter. Okay,
did you wear them under your clothes when you're playing
a sport because it pulls a sweat away from the body. No,
I didn't. I don't think so. I don't want to
(12:58):
lie on them, but I don't think so. The thing
is that what I found it does, and what I
think a lot of guys think that it does for them,
is that because it's skin tight given that body. Yeah,
if there's any muscle definition that you have at all, yeah,
under armour will follow it. So it's like you'll see
(13:19):
dudes with even a decent back, right, like even love back.
I love arms. Uh, I'm an arms, birt, I'm an arms,
like a man with just a nice uh huh because
I like hugs, so a nice arm. Yeah, but I do.
(13:40):
Some men do have a very weird hand. What. Yeah,
some men have weird hands. What are you talking about? Hands? Weird? Weird? How? Ye?
He don't go right? What does go right? Man? Like?
(14:01):
Every he a man? Who his hands are too small
for his body. I hope not what seen it? It
looked like muppets, just a little like grown man with
little kid hands. Like if you're a man who was like,
I'm a woman who's five four, Okay, if you were
a man who's taller than me but whose hands are
smaller than mine, I'm worried because it's weird. I don't
(14:25):
want to hold your hand and be the big spoon. Wow. Okay,
I didn't even know that that. Wow, I feel like it.
I just feel like I just woke you up. Yeah,
that was that was insane. Um. I like hands, I
like arms. I pay attention to those things. Um. The
(14:46):
guy who came up with it was um Kevin Plank.
He said it's a full back of the North of Maryland.
Plank got tired of having to change out of the
sweatsiak T shirts worn under his jersey. However, he noticed
that his compression shorts Warren during practice say try this
(15:07):
inspired him to make a T shirt using moisture wicking
synthetic material. So, yeah, so moisture ricking and he that's wild.
I came Wow, you really called it? Yeah? I don't
even know what half a compression stuff is for really well,
I think my homeward was telling me that he wore
(15:28):
compression shorts when he played football, one of them sports,
to keep his man parts still. I think it would
keep them still. I think you're right, just to stop
him from banging into each other. That is tough when
you're running and you won't go faster. Is that happening? Wait?
(15:50):
So testicles banging to each other? Yeah? Huh? Like like
with what you mean within or next two stuff? Within
like your legs? Not? No, not really, not not like
I thought you meant. Do they bang into stuff as
in like swinging from side to side? Do they hit thigh?
Does that happen? Yes? They are a pendulum shape if
(16:14):
you get if you get old enough. Now I don't
know how true this is all. They'll hit the water
in the toilet. No, no, no, what I've heard that.
I've heard that too, But that's not because I wasn't
where I was going. It took me. I feel like
the water in the toilet was just too high. Maybe
you don't know how long they get I doubt so.
(16:37):
The underarmer shorts makes sense because it's like they compared. Okay,
so you don't want your man parts to be moving
a bit. I do. There was the day you would
I think you and Devin, but mainly you get so
annoyed with me because I asked you if you had
(16:58):
to be what, could you just put your finger on
the end of it and stop from Sometimes you do
ask questions that make me worry about, like have you
have you met mister pains all we reason I asked
the questions because I know if I have to pee
(17:20):
and I have to wait, I can squeeze my thighs
together or wrap my or like you know, put my
legs one over the other. Yeah. Men don't have that
option because everything's in front. Yeah. Like if you put
your legs together, nothing happens. Yeah. So like you don't
even like the I have to pee kind of thing.
(17:42):
And it's just like, yeah, you're not doing anything. You
gotta bend it in half like a hose. What do
you mean? What has more? You're in it? Let's see. Okay,
power a vers since Gatorade it already came up here.
(18:06):
Bum Sorry, I don't even be doing that. Um, it's
power Aid better for you than Gatorade. Gatorade contains one
hundred and sixty milligrams of sodium and forty five milligrams
of patasting per server, whereas power Aid contains one hundred
and fifty milligrams of sodium and thirty five milligrams of
(18:27):
fatassium per serving. In comparison, Gatorade is slightly better at
replacing loss electroly depending on if that's what you need
you need? What do you drinking it? Do you need
some BEA twelve? Do you need some rehyderational logside it?
You know, maybe gatorade is over here, like, oh I
got electrolyte, I got some salt in it, but I
(18:49):
got some lemon water in case you hate your life. Okay, fine,
what sports drink is best for hydration? Best overall? Gatorade? Oh,
body armor. I tried this drink. It's actually pretty good.
So who conducted the study? Let's see? Was gatorade dot com?
(19:13):
Let's see? Is it a reputable source, reputable, repet rip riputable?
It was food network dot com? Who did it? M
and you're gonna trust them? You're gonna trust them? You
want to touch trust the was it dives, dig ins
(19:34):
and dashes? Huh? Is that who you want to trust? Another?
Is that what is that what you want to trust?
You want to put your faith in um in uh dinner,
destitute and and dogs, ma'am, ma'am, m ma'am. Do you
(19:55):
want to put your faith in dugouts, ditches and drains?
The test was listen. This is from Dana Angelo White
ms okay suspicious. She's a registered dietitian, certified athletic trainer
and owner of Dana White Nutrition Ink with specializes in
(20:19):
culinary in sports nutrition. She's the one that did it,
she wrote the article. She's the owner of Dana White
Nutrition Ink. Lots of d's lots of lack of trust
from ma'am. She specializes in culinary in sports nutrition. She's
got some recipes. M hmm. Yeah, keep making that face.
(20:41):
I'm just saying, I'm throwing out there. This is the
person that you want to teach you to dip, dive,
dodge thisne This is not Guy Fietti. Okay, she said
best overall Gatorade your friend power A Yeah, yeah, wasn't
(21:02):
even on the list. Mm hmmm. So just trust this
list because it exists. A tress the list because a
nutrition has made it. Okay. Also, now, hold on, what
are the best drinks to replace electrolts. Here are a
(21:25):
electrolyte rich beverage you may want to add to your
health and Williams toolkit. One coconut water or coconut juice.
Two milk? Oh, what milk? That doesn't sound right at all.
If you worked out and then you had a tall
glass of milk, I think you're dad. This is that
(21:49):
nineteen fifty two. No one is exercises and having a milk.
What do you mean? No one? They're they're putting them
on electrolyte lists. Hold on, are there? I hope somebody
to just swerve their car when they fucking heard milk. Yeah,
the way to my inserts bro. In addition to its okay,
(22:13):
are there electrolytes and milks without google in a ditch.
In addition to its rich supply of electrolytes like calcium, celdium,
and potassium, milk provides a healthy combination of carbs and protein.
These are two macro These two macro nutrients can help
you refuel and promote muscle tissue repair after a workout.
(22:34):
Oh so when you hurt your boob, you should have
been drinking milk. Never mean you and like milk? I
don't like it enough to drink it after a workout, like, like,
at what point? Imagine if you finished a race and
somebody hand you a glass of milk, You'd be like,
I didn't know you wanted to fight. I'ma have to
come up with with my own powerade slash Gatorade. If
(22:58):
milk is doing such a great job with all of
the signs that I have read is that no one
can tell me why parade is even worth drinking. Wow,
I feel like an entire time. It's not a conversation conversation.
The articles are out, It's been proven the articles are hack. Okay,
(23:20):
remember that you are too sleepy to have this conversation
with No, I'm no, I'm awake. You're well, and I'll
tell you right now. Tell me. I don't care what
Dana White's nutrition says on dip dive, Dash, drink and drool. Okay,
(23:46):
these are not real stats. You want to get hydra powerade,
but it's a proven fact that there is literally more
milligrams of potassiums and things and Gatorade grams. You lost
(24:07):
me once you talk about milligrams and not really getting
it in when you're when you're not talking about getting
in the nutrients that you need, Holly right fully. Okay,
then it's better because somebody put a Frindstone vitamin and
that bitch and let its solve. Yes, it tastes better,
is better for you? What's gatorade doing besides getting dumped
(24:29):
on the back of coaches? Next? Gatorade out here, lazy trifling,
all right, not the back of coaches. Next. Yeah, you
(24:55):
are a mess. I'm a menace, real menace. Gatorad's a minute,
all right. The most excited kids get about gatorade is
to dump it. No, no one's even drinking Powerade though, Powerade. Listen,
that's what I'm saying. At least Gatorade. Gatorade gave you
hydration throughout the game, and then you won nounce a
celebratory act. Okay, Power eight ain't even on the field.
(25:20):
Power A ain't even come to practice whenever they want
to dump a gatorade on a coach. Andn't it always full?
Why is it always full? Because nobody's drinking it. They
bought it, but they didn't drink it. They've been playing
for four outs. This game was four hours long. You
only think they got one container. You bake a fresh batch,
(25:41):
put ice in it, and then you make this coach
sticky for the next three months. You're gonna you're gonna
put Yes, you're gonna put ice. You know there's multiple
coolers that gatorade outside. Stop it in an already worthless drink.
You're telling me you're gonna have reserve gatorade to jump
on top of the real gatorade that you drink. That's
(26:02):
not happening. I'm interested in what gatorade does to the ground.
All right? Does that grass grow hard or does it die?
Or does it do that grass grows better than any grass? Really,
that grass has nutrients. Okay, you think that grass has
electoral lights? Are you serious that grass got electro lights?
(26:23):
I think that don't even need electro lights. If you
pour gatorade into a farm's soil and then you let
the grass grow, and then you let a cow eat
the grass, by the time you eat the burger, the
cow would be like, you don't want to eat that?
Can gatorade make plants grow faster? Because we've all been
in the eighth grade? Okay, and let's get into it.
(26:47):
Let's get into it. This is the most research we've
ever had in a episode. It's the first time we've
ever been accurate about anything. Oh man, we'll just be guessing.
Plants need a mixture of water light. Okay, somebody must
use a comma. Plants need a mixture of water, light, water,
(27:09):
and soil with a lot of nutrients and minerals in it.
Oh what the fuck I wrote this? Adding gatorage to
the soil will stunt the plant's growth before it even starts.
This happens as a result of the added sugar from gatorade.
Now to your point, to make it fair, will power rate.
I can already see where this is going. I'll tell
you right now. Maybe the research haven't been done because
(27:32):
maybe people haven't stumbled onto the hidden effects of powerade.
How much power it gives you, how much aid it
aids you. We concluded that powerade does not help a
plant grow. Haters, we also care to the conclusion that
it is best to give a plant water. You're not
reading that. I'm telling you. What. Did you ever play football?
(28:01):
Come on, okay, sorry, you played a sport. Let's think
of said come one, let's not let's act like we
know each other. You know what I mean? Stay? Stay
h Yeah, I played a little bit of soccer, and
we would we would sometimes have um orange slices on
(28:22):
the sideline and parade and what power rade. That's where
I first had powerade was was playing soccer. Yeah, you
had gatorade, don't lie. Look some kids brought their dusty
gatorade to practice and and I'm sure it helped keep
them slow. And the rest of the kids had powerade.
(28:45):
So I think the bully in them, you bullying them?
I think you fuck a powerade so heavy? Because power? Yeah,
Because here's the thing. This, this is what people don't
understand about sports, all right, This is what they don't
understand about physical activity. Okay, but they understand about strength
(29:10):
and conditioning. About what? All right? Strength and conditioning. No,
you're Louisiana a sent hop down. That's fine, I know it.
They don't know, but that you need power to pull
off all of these Jesus. And when you need power,
where do you go? Do you go to something that
(29:30):
doesn't even have it in the name, or do you
go to power aid? Jesus? You know what I mean?
Do you do? You go ahead? And if you need
a big squat, right, let's say let's say you're trying
to trying to hit a pr in the gym. PR
is a personal record for those that don't know. Do
you try to hit a pr in the gym? You
try and get that power going? You need some power aid?
(29:50):
All right, why are you hanging like that? Just to
emphasize how important it is, Yeah, I would have believe
that order come, no, no, Sometimes you have to say
things between your teeth. Yeah, like whenever your mom wanted
to scary, she'd be like, like that is true. Also
because it's like I'm I'm you know, I'm trying not
(30:15):
to y I do. Remember, I don't know how I
said I was when one of my friends went on,
but I did the talking through the teeth thing. And yeah,
because it's like when someone talks to you between their teeth,
it's like they already bit you. That's the level of
scared you get where like you're it over your mouth.
(30:35):
Here your mouth, you're not sure not to ask for
the scoodles. It is a thing that children will get
you to that place. Yeah. Yeah, because now you'll see
these videos like you saw that dude straight up press
his teacher, like really want to fight his teacher. That's
always happened, Okay, there's a video of Like the reason
this one went viral though, is because the teacher did
(30:57):
swing on him, right, is a black boy? He was
once you move on, I believe he was hispanic and
the teacher was black, right, And the kid is like
up and like in his face and everything. And I
didn't watch a whole video because I was just like, ah,
I don't need to spend my day doing this. But
it was just like he was really prestive and no
(31:18):
one obviously I don't expect the other students to do anything,
but people forget. People always have an opinion on when
people swing, no matter who it is, but people forget
that before anyone ever swings, there's usually, like there was
in this situation, people holding up cameras filming instead of helping,
and then people just being bystanders instead of getting in
(31:40):
the way and trying to diffuse it. So it's like
you could be doing your best to be like sit down,
get out, whatever, whatever, and then if somebody's like in
your facing, you're facing your face at a certain point,
being in your face, I don't know what to tell you,
Like there's an instinct that kicks in, you know, at
(32:00):
a certain point because it's like when I think about
like my male friends would tell me of like when
they got to a certain agea would then challenge their
father m and I was like, what happened? He's like,
but every friend was like, my dad punched me in
my chest. Yeah, and then I sat the fuck down.
Also like that. That's the other thing too, is it's
like I don't know what this kid's home life was.
(32:22):
I don't know what. I don't know anything about either
one of these people. All I know is like if
someone is people like everyone on the internet is such
a saint when it's other people's problems. But it's like
everyone commenting was like, you know, oh, he has to
hold himself to a higherstand. And also that shocking punch,
that shore punch. But this guy is getting pressed for
(32:43):
longer than I was watching the video. The videos like
I think it's two and a half minutes long. Punch
that kid. And so that's when somebody started feel big.
And it's just getting closer because you didn't see the
altercation beforehand. You did see the argument, you see a
little what hop up then walk to the class. This
ship's probably been going on for ten in full minutes
and so it's like after a while with the kids
(33:04):
like all right, ah, I don't know, I don't know
what to tell you. And then they started. Then they
started swinging on each other, and now you're fighting a
grown man. And then this is the most annoying thing
is that. So I did. I was like, I'm not
gonna watch this whatever, right, and then someone later I
saw it because it went super viral. Then later I
(33:25):
saw just the ending, and it does seem like as
soon as the fight started, that's when the principle and
the officer at everybody showed up. It's like, guys couldn't
have been here fifteen seconds earlier. This thing has clearly
been going on for a while. Yeah, I've had an
argument for a teacher. Argument with a teacher laughs forever forever,
(33:48):
because neither one of you will back down. There's long
moments of silence, like the longest I remember one of
my teachers in high school arguing with him because like
my economics class, I just could never get one and
I need to see things two Economics is completely made up.
Of course we're going recessions. Of course we're going to depressions,
because all of this ship is fucking fictional right, And
(34:10):
I'm going and I'm just in class, going back and
forth with him, back and forth with him, back and
forth with him, and then eventually I just go whatever, coach.
And he was like, Oh, that's your big comeback. Whatever, coach,
that's what you're gonna say. I said, either I cuss
you out and get suspended or say whatever, coach. So
(34:31):
I'm gonna say whatever, coach. And he's like, yeah, that's
that's that's a good plan. Like he completely agree. He
was like, oh, yeah, y'all, I would have to kick
you out, all right. Yeah yeah yeah. That's also where
he realizes as an adult, it's like, maybe I've taken
this thing too far. The sixteen year old is the
one that shut this down. Yeah yeah, maybe the fact
(34:52):
that I wanted more of this is like a little weird, sir,
I'm stirring that moment. He was like, she can't be
I'm forty. I also can't let her be right for
long in the classroom, like if like if he lets
you be right for a quick second, it's like, hey,
all right, he's still in charge, right right, So it
(35:13):
seems like this this moment right now, it's the perfect
time to kick it to the listener and let them know. Ay,
you don't even really have to vote, You don't even
have to let us know how you feel as much
as other episodes, because powerade is better. And that's that's
not why it is. No, it's not. It's better. Listen,
it's not. Just doesn't get it. And that's all right, nigga.
The whole point of a sports drink is to rehydrate you,
(35:36):
and there is science that proves that gatorade hydrates you
better because of the components of Gatorade. It's not like,
who is he even looking Who is he looking at?
Do y'all know who he's looking at it? Uh? You know,
let us know what you think. Let us know if
it's gatorade for you, powerade for you. Let us know
(35:59):
which one quenches your thirst, which one makes you feel
like you're ready to get back out there on the field,
on the court. When was the last time he was
on the field. Really have to answer, yes, you do, Yes,
you do. I've never been an athlete and never never
tried to act like I was an athlete. Us, on
(36:21):
the other hand, no me, okay, yes, use Joshua Ezekiel
Johnson sitting up acting like that just because listen, if
you was playing soccer at the same time he was
getting orange slices, you wasn't. You wasn't even varsity, baby,
you weren't even j V. Wow, we're talking about varsity that. Okay, look,
let me just let you know where I am today. Okay,
(36:47):
help me from falling out on that field, help me parade?
Got you doing a podcast in a padded room? You'd
rather I go with your gatorade, with your your your
ditch dined and dug out data eight. But yeah, y'all,
(37:07):
let us know how you feel. Yeah, let us know
that Josh is once again wrong, wrong, wrong, y'all have
a great rest of the day and a wonderful weekend,
all right, Po'll say, just doesn't get it. Josh is
always wrong. Hey, everybody, I'm gonna be out on the
(37:34):
road as part of the Freshman Tour doing stand up.
You can catch me in Kansas City March tenth and eleventh,
in Oklahoma City March sixteenth and eighteenth, in Fort Collins
March thirty first and April first, in San Diego April
twentieth through the twenty second, and in Dayton Ohio, June
twenty third to the twenty fourth. If you were looking
for tickets or any of that stuff, you can find
(37:56):
it at Daily show dot com slash Josh Johnson. Can't
we just hear there? Hello? Friends? That's your girls. Don't
say slump. And I got some shows coming up ann
Arbor Comedy Showcase in Annearbur, Michigan, March nineth to tenth
and the eleven. And I'm going to be at the
Blue Room Comedy Club April fifth through the sixth in Springfield, A, Missouri.
(38:20):
Come chext me out, Love you bye,
So you're saying powerade is better because somebody put a
friend Stone vitamin and that bitch and let its solve. Yes,
it tastes better, is better for you? What's gatorade doing
besides getting dumped on the back of coach's next gatorade?
Out here, lazy trifling? All right, Hey, everybody, welcome to
(00:31):
hold up. It's a big show about pretty pretty small things,
pretty little, pretty, pretty insignificant. I am one of your
co hosts. My name is Josh Johnson. I'm a writer
for the Daily Show, and I am joined by Dosey's
little Doosay sloan. Yeah, I'm of course writing on a
daily show and just genuinely the person who annoys jos
(00:54):
the most, because if I won't do it, who will?
Great question. So we come to you today humbly seeking
your approval. We seek your validation because we are diametrically
(01:15):
opposed as usual. But this time I think I think
there's a line in the sand. I think that I
can't see any concessions being drawn. I can't see us
really coming to any common ground at all. Today's topic
is Powerade versus Gatorade. Okay, wolf, which one do you drink?
(01:37):
More if you drink either which one leaves you feeling
hydrated and which one just makes you feel a little ill.
I'll say, as someone who never really enjoyed Gatorade, m
but realize that there were absolutely no beneficial quality is
(01:59):
the power because Gatorade you could taste that it was
like salty. You're like, oh, I might be getting something
out of this, but there's so much sugar in a Powerade.
I feel like I'm drinking kool aid. So that's why
I can't condone or participants. Also, I don't see like
remember like also remember when we were in like because
when you graduate from high school two thousand and eight,
(02:23):
okay you just oh no, you were seven years after
you never mind, I don't know. I was in high
schools when powerade was like popping, popping, and so like
you see everybody drinking a powerade or whatever. But I'm
just like, this can't This doesn't taste like it's being helping.
This don't taste like it's restoring anything. I just feel
like I'm drinking this is this is an uncarbonated soda.
(02:46):
So I only go Gatorade because Gatorade tastes like Okay,
you can taste it. There's a little like saltiness too
a gatorade, guess because of the electrolytes and shit, and
then but there's a sweetness, so you'll keep drinking it.
So Gatorade I'll go in only because I feel like
it might actually be doing something. Powerade is just an
uncarbonated it's a soft rate. Okay, all right, so let's
(03:10):
let's Those are some great opening points. Some of them
were actually correct. A couple of them were really on point. Okay,
But power aid what you understand about power ad, what
you understand about the power that we're covered with with
power rate, okay, is that power aide actually has less
(03:30):
calories and more micronutrients than gatorade. You were right about salt?
What is right about the salt? What is so you
were on point? Okay? What's the salts? The electrolytes, the
micronutrients in there or vitamins B six and twelve as
well as magnesium. Like we're coming through with actual sustenance.
(03:53):
So you're so just because you googled what the hell
was in a power right? You know you didn't know
what was in a game. You did not know before
two seconds ago while I was talking. Got a damn
thing about what all up be in these powers of aids. Okay,
(04:14):
you would you rather even in the wording, would you
rather have Gator aid or Power Aid? Would you have
rather have the aid to be powered or the aid
of Gator? Do you know where Gatorade got its name from? Florida? Right,
Florida Gators. M Now, I don't give a shit. But
(04:38):
because I'm not a Gator fan, I'm any I'm a
fan of anything that's not U G five. Okay, because
Gator aid M M have been tried and true and
tested on real professional college athletes, you know it has
(05:00):
all of the things, the nutrientent taste, Okay, not a word,
what's about Listen, it's got The earliest version of it
consisted of water, sodium, sugar, potassium phosphate, and lemon juice. Okay, Okay,
Gatorade was the reason M got the Florida Gators one
(05:26):
in their first Orange Bowl over the Georgia tech Yallow Jackets. Okay,
how was it the reason? How they said it was?
They said it was a contributing factor, so it is credited.
They're saying it's a performance enhancing team credited gatorade. Okay,
coach m doping? No, no, the star quarterback not joking. Water.
(05:51):
You think water and water. I don't know what goes
in their big bodies to help them move big bodies.
I don't know anything about that. I'm just saying it
sounds like doping to me. Soudio, water, sugar, potassium, and phosphates. Mmm,
what's in those phosphates? Doping? What's it the phosphates? Check phosphates. Okay,
(06:14):
check the file. What's it? What's the popha? Don't phosphates? Me? Okay.
A phosphate is in anan salt functional group or esther
derived from a phosphoric acid, So basically it's more salt.
Does it have a bunch of chemistry stuff next to
it when you google it? Yes? Okay, can't No, No,
(06:36):
this is a naturally occurring thing in nature. Okay, hold on,
it was dope because you looked up all that ship
was not not. Hold on, Now, this is the thing.
This is just the early this is just the early
chemical makeup. M okay of a gatorade? Okay, all right,
(07:01):
they got thirst quenchers because for a long time all
they had was lemon, lime and orange let's see, they
started getting more flavors in the mid nineties. As I remember,
like people just sucking out, oh, Gatorade ice. Yeah. I
don't know what that was about, but there was like, oh,
I remember G two, Gatorade rain. Gatorade Tiger was a
Gatorade thirst quencher. Okay, as a result of um, I
(07:24):
guess juicing tiger woods. Okay, they put them in a
machine and squeeze them. This is the thing. I think
that the flavors of Gatorade went a bit wild, went
a little too far, stopped becoming flavors and started becoming
just experiments. So you're telling me that this gatorade frost
(07:47):
glacier freeze. Yeah, m I mean it is just blue. Yeah,
it's just gross. Don't know that gross, lou. I don't
know what a glacier tastes like. Yeah. And also there's
(08:08):
a glacier freeze and a glacier something else too, So
glacier is just a sort of accent mark on the
taste of freeze. But this has given me. This is
rehydrate replenished refuel electrolytes to help replenish what you lose,
and sweat carbs to help fuel refuel working muscles. Because
people don't know is that sugar is a carb. So
(08:34):
people like I'm cutting out cards, I'm cutting out cards,
putting out carbs. Guess what, motherfuckers, you can't have fruit. Yeah, dude,
we work with he was on niketo. Yeah, he couldn't
have fruit. Listen, I think the three of the blueberry.
You can have clueberries and you can have but you
(08:54):
can't have wormelon cap pomegranate. You can have anything that's
like high in sugar, and you can't have anything that.
Uh maybe this isn't fair to say, but I feel
like all the hardy fruits you can't have. I know
when I was working on my on my meal plan,
I couldn't have any tropical fruits. Oh okay, I could
have apples and berries. I could have what category your
(09:15):
fruit is? An apple? I don't know, but apple's got
a lot of fibers. So you don't want to load
up on too many apples because it makes your boops. Yep,
that's good. Oh. I remember when I was in Chicago.
I was just telling somebody about this. I'm sure I
remember what I was talking to. When I say Chicago,
I was like um, this is so bad. Oh no,
(09:37):
I didn't have any thing. It doesn't have any money.
And so I went to a grocery store. I saw
a bag of apples. I was like, that's dinner, and
I was just I just ate dinner, like alluded to it.
Just ate four apples, and you know, it's a lot
of chew it, so you get tired of chew it,
or you get full off of just really try to
(10:00):
break down apples in your mouth. And then that is
way too much fiber that that had me sat down
pressed you shaking together and running over. What I'm saying is, yeah,
you should at least had some peanut butter that had
some oil. Hey, I'm with you, I understand. I recognize
my mistakes. Yeah, Bro, sometimes these stories you tell, I'm like,
(10:26):
I'm so glad that Josh isn't a better Listen. All
I know is, don't act like you really believe in
it because you you just already had it there. Don't
act like you went and got a real gatorade. I
did already have this because I was dehydrated. So yeah,
but if you had known better, you would have got
(10:48):
a powerade. No, if I'd have known better, i'd have
got a pedia light fair enough, fair enough. But the
thing is I have not seen a powerade in years
is still in business. Yeah, go to a Dwayne read
(11:08):
what Yeah, go go to any I don't know. I
feel like even the sports armor store sells them sports armor.
Oh sorry, under armour. That's my bad. No, that's my bad.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm a little tired. And I
let I let what I was thinking mash up with
(11:29):
what I was saying, and let me say something. Them
under armour shirts started becoming outer armor shirts real quick, right,
real quick. The level of confidence people have to wear
those under armours, but just casually the idea, because first
(11:50):
of all, you know how skin tight those things are.
They are a body stocking for a man. They soak
up every part of you and it is the closest
to a hug. A lot of people have had their
male spanks because it's while. What I can say is,
in my life I've seen the men that I've seen
(12:12):
wearing under armor as outerwear are never men that play sports. Yeah,
and I'm like, what are we what are we doing here?
What's happening? It's very interesting what it what it did
because it's like, you know, to see this man who
you know is not playing a sport because they because
(12:36):
they are a moisture wicking I got the benefit. I
have no idea what you just said, moisture wicking meter. Okay,
did you wear them under your clothes when you're playing
a sport because it pulls a sweat away from the body. No,
I didn't. I don't think so. I don't want to
(12:58):
lie on them, but I don't think so. The thing
is that what I found it does, and what I
think a lot of guys think that it does for them,
is that because it's skin tight given that body. Yeah,
if there's any muscle definition that you have at all, yeah,
under armour will follow it. So it's like you'll see
(13:19):
dudes with even a decent back, right, like even love back.
I love arms. Uh, I'm an arms, birt, I'm an arms,
like a man with just a nice uh huh because
I like hugs, so a nice arm. Yeah, but I do.
(13:40):
Some men do have a very weird hand. What. Yeah,
some men have weird hands. What are you talking about? Hands? Weird? Weird? How? Ye?
He don't go right? What does go right? Man? Like?
(14:01):
Every he a man? Who his hands are too small
for his body. I hope not what seen it? It
looked like muppets, just a little like grown man with
little kid hands. Like if you're a man who was like,
I'm a woman who's five four, Okay, if you were
a man who's taller than me but whose hands are
smaller than mine, I'm worried because it's weird. I don't
(14:25):
want to hold your hand and be the big spoon. Wow. Okay,
I didn't even know that that. Wow, I feel like it.
I just feel like I just woke you up. Yeah,
that was that was insane. Um. I like hands, I
like arms. I pay attention to those things. Um. The
(14:46):
guy who came up with it was um Kevin Plank.
He said it's a full back of the North of Maryland.
Plank got tired of having to change out of the
sweatsiak T shirts worn under his jersey. However, he noticed
that his compression shorts Warren during practice say try this
(15:07):
inspired him to make a T shirt using moisture wicking
synthetic material. So, yeah, so moisture ricking and he that's wild.
I came Wow, you really called it? Yeah? I don't
even know what half a compression stuff is for really well,
I think my homeward was telling me that he wore
(15:28):
compression shorts when he played football, one of them sports,
to keep his man parts still. I think it would
keep them still. I think you're right, just to stop
him from banging into each other. That is tough when
you're running and you won't go faster. Is that happening? Wait?
(15:50):
So testicles banging to each other? Yeah? Huh? Like like
with what you mean within or next two stuff? Within
like your legs? Not? No, not really, not not like
I thought you meant. Do they bang into stuff as
in like swinging from side to side? Do they hit thigh?
Does that happen? Yes? They are a pendulum shape if
(16:14):
you get if you get old enough. Now I don't
know how true this is all. They'll hit the water
in the toilet. No, no, no, what I've heard that.
I've heard that too, But that's not because I wasn't
where I was going. It took me. I feel like
the water in the toilet was just too high. Maybe
you don't know how long they get I doubt so.
(16:37):
The underarmer shorts makes sense because it's like they compared. Okay,
so you don't want your man parts to be moving
a bit. I do. There was the day you would
I think you and Devin, but mainly you get so
annoyed with me because I asked you if you had
(16:58):
to be what, could you just put your finger on
the end of it and stop from Sometimes you do
ask questions that make me worry about, like have you
have you met mister pains all we reason I asked
the questions because I know if I have to pee
(17:20):
and I have to wait, I can squeeze my thighs
together or wrap my or like you know, put my
legs one over the other. Yeah. Men don't have that
option because everything's in front. Yeah. Like if you put
your legs together, nothing happens. Yeah. So like you don't
even like the I have to pee kind of thing.
(17:42):
And it's just like, yeah, you're not doing anything. You
gotta bend it in half like a hose. What do
you mean? What has more? You're in it? Let's see. Okay,
power a vers since Gatorade it already came up here.
(18:06):
Bum Sorry, I don't even be doing that. Um, it's
power Aid better for you than Gatorade. Gatorade contains one
hundred and sixty milligrams of sodium and forty five milligrams
of patasting per server, whereas power Aid contains one hundred
and fifty milligrams of sodium and thirty five milligrams of
(18:27):
fatassium per serving. In comparison, Gatorade is slightly better at
replacing loss electroly depending on if that's what you need
you need? What do you drinking it? Do you need
some BEA twelve? Do you need some rehyderational logside it?
You know, maybe gatorade is over here, like, oh I
got electrolyte, I got some salt in it, but I
(18:49):
got some lemon water in case you hate your life. Okay, fine,
what sports drink is best for hydration? Best overall? Gatorade? Oh,
body armor. I tried this drink. It's actually pretty good.
So who conducted the study? Let's see? Was gatorade dot com?
(19:13):
Let's see? Is it a reputable source, reputable, repet rip riputable?
It was food network dot com? Who did it? M
and you're gonna trust them? You're gonna trust them? You
want to touch trust the was it dives, dig ins
(19:34):
and dashes? Huh? Is that who you want to trust? Another?
Is that what is that what you want to trust?
You want to put your faith in um in uh dinner,
destitute and and dogs, ma'am, ma'am, m ma'am. Do you
(19:55):
want to put your faith in dugouts, ditches and drains?
The test was listen. This is from Dana Angelo White
ms okay suspicious. She's a registered dietitian, certified athletic trainer
and owner of Dana White Nutrition Ink with specializes in
(20:19):
culinary in sports nutrition. She's the one that did it,
she wrote the article. She's the owner of Dana White
Nutrition Ink. Lots of d's lots of lack of trust
from ma'am. She specializes in culinary in sports nutrition. She's
got some recipes. M hmm. Yeah, keep making that face.
(20:41):
I'm just saying, I'm throwing out there. This is the
person that you want to teach you to dip, dive,
dodge thisne This is not Guy Fietti. Okay, she said
best overall Gatorade your friend power A Yeah, yeah, wasn't
(21:02):
even on the list. Mm hmmm. So just trust this
list because it exists. A tress the list because a
nutrition has made it. Okay. Also, now, hold on, what
are the best drinks to replace electrolts. Here are a
(21:25):
electrolyte rich beverage you may want to add to your
health and Williams toolkit. One coconut water or coconut juice.
Two milk? Oh, what milk? That doesn't sound right at all.
If you worked out and then you had a tall
glass of milk, I think you're dad. This is that
(21:49):
nineteen fifty two. No one is exercises and having a milk.
What do you mean? No one? They're they're putting them
on electrolyte lists. Hold on, are there? I hope somebody
to just swerve their car when they fucking heard milk. Yeah,
the way to my inserts bro. In addition to its okay,
(22:13):
are there electrolytes and milks without google in a ditch.
In addition to its rich supply of electrolytes like calcium, celdium,
and potassium, milk provides a healthy combination of carbs and protein.
These are two macro These two macro nutrients can help
you refuel and promote muscle tissue repair after a workout.
(22:34):
Oh so when you hurt your boob, you should have
been drinking milk. Never mean you and like milk? I
don't like it enough to drink it after a workout, like, like,
at what point? Imagine if you finished a race and
somebody hand you a glass of milk, You'd be like,
I didn't know you wanted to fight. I'ma have to
come up with with my own powerade slash Gatorade. If
(22:58):
milk is doing such a great job with all of
the signs that I have read is that no one
can tell me why parade is even worth drinking. Wow,
I feel like an entire time. It's not a conversation conversation.
The articles are out, It's been proven the articles are hack. Okay,
(23:20):
remember that you are too sleepy to have this conversation
with No, I'm no, I'm awake. You're well, and I'll
tell you right now. Tell me. I don't care what
Dana White's nutrition says on dip dive, Dash, drink and drool. Okay,
(23:46):
these are not real stats. You want to get hydra powerade,
but it's a proven fact that there is literally more
milligrams of potassiums and things and Gatorade grams. You lost
(24:07):
me once you talk about milligrams and not really getting
it in when you're when you're not talking about getting
in the nutrients that you need, Holly right fully. Okay,
then it's better because somebody put a Frindstone vitamin and
that bitch and let its solve. Yes, it tastes better,
is better for you? What's gatorade doing besides getting dumped
(24:29):
on the back of coaches? Next? Gatorade out here, lazy trifling,
all right, not the back of coaches. Next. Yeah, you
(24:55):
are a mess. I'm a menace, real menace. Gatorad's a minute,
all right. The most excited kids get about gatorade is
to dump it. No, no one's even drinking Powerade though, Powerade. Listen,
that's what I'm saying. At least Gatorade. Gatorade gave you
hydration throughout the game, and then you won nounce a
celebratory act. Okay, Power eight ain't even on the field.
(25:20):
Power A ain't even come to practice whenever they want
to dump a gatorade on a coach. Andn't it always full?
Why is it always full? Because nobody's drinking it. They
bought it, but they didn't drink it. They've been playing
for four outs. This game was four hours long. You
only think they got one container. You bake a fresh batch,
(25:41):
put ice in it, and then you make this coach
sticky for the next three months. You're gonna you're gonna
put Yes, you're gonna put ice. You know there's multiple
coolers that gatorade outside. Stop it in an already worthless drink.
You're telling me you're gonna have reserve gatorade to jump
on top of the real gatorade that you drink. That's
(26:02):
not happening. I'm interested in what gatorade does to the ground.
All right? Does that grass grow hard or does it die?
Or does it do that grass grows better than any grass? Really,
that grass has nutrients. Okay, you think that grass has
electoral lights? Are you serious that grass got electro lights?
(26:23):
I think that don't even need electro lights. If you
pour gatorade into a farm's soil and then you let
the grass grow, and then you let a cow eat
the grass, by the time you eat the burger, the
cow would be like, you don't want to eat that?
Can gatorade make plants grow faster? Because we've all been
in the eighth grade? Okay, and let's get into it.
(26:47):
Let's get into it. This is the most research we've
ever had in a episode. It's the first time we've
ever been accurate about anything. Oh man, we'll just be guessing.
Plants need a mixture of water light. Okay, somebody must
use a comma. Plants need a mixture of water, light, water,
(27:09):
and soil with a lot of nutrients and minerals in it.
Oh what the fuck I wrote this? Adding gatorage to
the soil will stunt the plant's growth before it even starts.
This happens as a result of the added sugar from gatorade.
Now to your point, to make it fair, will power rate.
I can already see where this is going. I'll tell
you right now. Maybe the research haven't been done because
(27:32):
maybe people haven't stumbled onto the hidden effects of powerade.
How much power it gives you, how much aid it
aids you. We concluded that powerade does not help a
plant grow. Haters, we also care to the conclusion that
it is best to give a plant water. You're not
reading that. I'm telling you. What. Did you ever play football?
(28:01):
Come on, okay, sorry, you played a sport. Let's think
of said come one, let's not let's act like we
know each other. You know what I mean? Stay? Stay
h Yeah, I played a little bit of soccer, and
we would we would sometimes have um orange slices on
(28:22):
the sideline and parade and what power rade. That's where
I first had powerade was was playing soccer. Yeah, you
had gatorade, don't lie. Look some kids brought their dusty
gatorade to practice and and I'm sure it helped keep
them slow. And the rest of the kids had powerade.
(28:45):
So I think the bully in them, you bullying them?
I think you fuck a powerade so heavy? Because power? Yeah,
Because here's the thing. This, this is what people don't
understand about sports, all right, This is what they don't
understand about physical activity. Okay, but they understand about strength
(29:10):
and conditioning. About what? All right? Strength and conditioning. No,
you're Louisiana a sent hop down. That's fine, I know it.
They don't know, but that you need power to pull
off all of these Jesus. And when you need power,
where do you go? Do you go to something that
(29:30):
doesn't even have it in the name, or do you
go to power aid? Jesus? You know what I mean?
Do you do? You go ahead? And if you need
a big squat, right, let's say let's say you're trying
to trying to hit a pr in the gym. PR
is a personal record for those that don't know. Do
you try to hit a pr in the gym? You
try and get that power going? You need some power aid?
(29:50):
All right, why are you hanging like that? Just to
emphasize how important it is, Yeah, I would have believe
that order come, no, no, Sometimes you have to say
things between your teeth. Yeah, like whenever your mom wanted
to scary, she'd be like, like that is true. Also
because it's like I'm I'm you know, I'm trying not
(30:15):
to y I do. Remember, I don't know how I
said I was when one of my friends went on,
but I did the talking through the teeth thing. And yeah,
because it's like when someone talks to you between their teeth,
it's like they already bit you. That's the level of
scared you get where like you're it over your mouth.
(30:35):
Here your mouth, you're not sure not to ask for
the scoodles. It is a thing that children will get
you to that place. Yeah. Yeah, because now you'll see
these videos like you saw that dude straight up press
his teacher, like really want to fight his teacher. That's
always happened, Okay, there's a video of Like the reason
this one went viral though, is because the teacher did
(30:57):
swing on him, right, is a black boy? He was
once you move on, I believe he was hispanic and
the teacher was black, right, And the kid is like
up and like in his face and everything. And I
didn't watch a whole video because I was just like, ah,
I don't need to spend my day doing this. But
it was just like he was really prestive and no
(31:18):
one obviously I don't expect the other students to do anything,
but people forget. People always have an opinion on when
people swing, no matter who it is, but people forget
that before anyone ever swings, there's usually, like there was
in this situation, people holding up cameras filming instead of helping,
and then people just being bystanders instead of getting in
(31:40):
the way and trying to diffuse it. So it's like
you could be doing your best to be like sit down,
get out, whatever, whatever, and then if somebody's like in
your facing, you're facing your face at a certain point,
being in your face, I don't know what to tell you,
Like there's an instinct that kicks in, you know, at
(32:00):
a certain point because it's like when I think about
like my male friends would tell me of like when
they got to a certain agea would then challenge their
father m and I was like, what happened? He's like,
but every friend was like, my dad punched me in
my chest. Yeah, and then I sat the fuck down.
Also like that. That's the other thing too, is it's
like I don't know what this kid's home life was.
(32:22):
I don't know what. I don't know anything about either
one of these people. All I know is like if
someone is people like everyone on the internet is such
a saint when it's other people's problems. But it's like
everyone commenting was like, you know, oh, he has to
hold himself to a higherstand. And also that shocking punch,
that shore punch. But this guy is getting pressed for
(32:43):
longer than I was watching the video. The videos like
I think it's two and a half minutes long. Punch
that kid. And so that's when somebody started feel big.
And it's just getting closer because you didn't see the
altercation beforehand. You did see the argument, you see a
little what hop up then walk to the class. This
ship's probably been going on for ten in full minutes
and so it's like after a while with the kids
(33:04):
like all right, ah, I don't know, I don't know
what to tell you. And then they started. Then they
started swinging on each other, and now you're fighting a
grown man. And then this is the most annoying thing
is that. So I did. I was like, I'm not
gonna watch this whatever, right, and then someone later I
saw it because it went super viral. Then later I
(33:25):
saw just the ending, and it does seem like as
soon as the fight started, that's when the principle and
the officer at everybody showed up. It's like, guys couldn't
have been here fifteen seconds earlier. This thing has clearly
been going on for a while. Yeah, I've had an
argument for a teacher. Argument with a teacher laughs forever forever,
(33:48):
because neither one of you will back down. There's long
moments of silence, like the longest I remember one of
my teachers in high school arguing with him because like
my economics class, I just could never get one and
I need to see things two Economics is completely made up.
Of course we're going recessions. Of course we're going to depressions,
because all of this ship is fucking fictional right, And
(34:10):
I'm going and I'm just in class, going back and
forth with him, back and forth with him, back and
forth with him, and then eventually I just go whatever, coach.
And he was like, Oh, that's your big comeback. Whatever, coach,
that's what you're gonna say. I said, either I cuss
you out and get suspended or say whatever, coach. So
(34:31):
I'm gonna say whatever, coach. And he's like, yeah, that's
that's that's a good plan. Like he completely agree. He
was like, oh, yeah, y'all, I would have to kick
you out, all right. Yeah yeah yeah. That's also where
he realizes as an adult, it's like, maybe I've taken
this thing too far. The sixteen year old is the
one that shut this down. Yeah yeah, maybe the fact
(34:52):
that I wanted more of this is like a little weird, sir,
I'm stirring that moment. He was like, she can't be
I'm forty. I also can't let her be right for
long in the classroom, like if like if he lets
you be right for a quick second, it's like, hey,
all right, he's still in charge, right right, So it
(35:13):
seems like this this moment right now, it's the perfect
time to kick it to the listener and let them know. Ay,
you don't even really have to vote, You don't even
have to let us know how you feel as much
as other episodes, because powerade is better. And that's that's
not why it is. No, it's not. It's better. Listen,
it's not. Just doesn't get it. And that's all right, nigga.
The whole point of a sports drink is to rehydrate you,
(35:36):
and there is science that proves that gatorade hydrates you
better because of the components of Gatorade. It's not like,
who is he even looking Who is he looking at?
Do y'all know who he's looking at it? Uh? You know,
let us know what you think. Let us know if
it's gatorade for you, powerade for you. Let us know
(35:59):
which one quenches your thirst, which one makes you feel
like you're ready to get back out there on the field,
on the court. When was the last time he was
on the field. Really have to answer, yes, you do, Yes,
you do. I've never been an athlete and never never
tried to act like I was an athlete. Us, on
(36:21):
the other hand, no me, okay, yes, use Joshua Ezekiel
Johnson sitting up acting like that just because listen, if
you was playing soccer at the same time he was
getting orange slices, you wasn't. You wasn't even varsity, baby,
you weren't even j V. Wow, we're talking about varsity that. Okay, look,
let me just let you know where I am today. Okay,
(36:47):
help me from falling out on that field, help me parade?
Got you doing a podcast in a padded room? You'd
rather I go with your gatorade, with your your your
ditch dined and dug out data eight. But yeah, y'all,
(37:07):
let us know how you feel. Yeah, let us know
that Josh is once again wrong, wrong, wrong, y'all have
a great rest of the day and a wonderful weekend,
all right, Po'll say, just doesn't get it. Josh is
always wrong. Hey, everybody, I'm gonna be out on the
(37:34):
road as part of the Freshman Tour doing stand up.
You can catch me in Kansas City March tenth and eleventh,
in Oklahoma City March sixteenth and eighteenth, in Fort Collins
March thirty first and April first, in San Diego April
twentieth through the twenty second, and in Dayton Ohio, June
twenty third to the twenty fourth. If you were looking
for tickets or any of that stuff, you can find
(37:56):
it at Daily show dot com slash Josh Johnson. Can't
we just hear there? Hello? Friends? That's your girls. Don't
say slump. And I got some shows coming up ann
Arbor Comedy Showcase in Annearbur, Michigan, March nineth to tenth
and the eleven. And I'm going to be at the
Blue Room Comedy Club April fifth through the sixth in Springfield, A, Missouri.
(38:20):
Come chext me out, Love you bye,
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