January 26, 2023 • 41 mins
“If I'm on the internet, I'm not going to see these little impulse buys. I'm not going to see this pack of gum at the register. There's no pack of gum at the register in an online store.” - Dulcé Sloan
“An online store will tell you up top - the thing you want, we ain't got any. The one you like, it's not here. We'll send you an email when it gets here, but for today, don't waste your time." - Josh Johnson
It’s online vs. In-store shopping this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Everyone, It's Josh Johnson, and we want to know what
do you want to hear us argue about on the podcast.
Drop a comment on any hold up clip you see
on The Daily Show's Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or YouTube pages,
or you can tweet at us using the hashtag hold
up just let us know. Hey, everybody, welcome to hold Up.
(00:24):
I'm Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for The Daily Show
and I'm joined by my co host, The Fact, the legends,
the menus those days. I don't know what fact men,
but the fact that you said the fact. The fact
door says slow, you have to keep it now. I'm
information Joshua. Now you are a writer on The Daily Show.
(00:49):
I'm gonna corresponded, but I didn't want to say you.
Happy New Year, me, grol Oh, Yeah, Happy New Year,
Happy mo fucking new year. Now listen when my friends, oh,
this year should be great because it's our Jordan here.
What does that mean? I guess that was his number.
It was his number, but a lot of there have
(01:11):
been a lot of athletes in the history of sport
that have not done well with the number twenty three.
I understand it is going to be some people's Jordan year.
But you can't tell me anyone that's ever put on
the number twenty three jersey for football, for you know basketball,
Well you know there and everyone people turned thirty three.
(01:33):
They're like, oh, it's your Jesus here just died and
came back on the third day. That's probably have a
whole religion, and so they're like, oh, is your Jus
You're I don't think anything happened. No, it was a
pretty big year for him, but yeah, I don't think
it means something has to happen for me every time. Yeah,
(01:54):
Like I don't even remember what year that was when
I was thirty three, so nothing it had happened because
I think it would. Yeah, like I don't remember when
I did it. Uh oh, when I moved to l
A and I was really doing stand up full time,
(02:15):
so I guess it did do a thing. Hey, you
are really out here that full Jesus here. I was reborn,
you know what I mean, because I stopped into a
different lifestyle truly because I was you know, I was
able to stop selling stucco, stopped doing bilingual customer service.
If you motherfucker's email me again. I remember one day
(02:36):
and when um, I was taking a nap and I
got a call from this woman and she's called from
a temp agency offering me a job. I said, ma'am,
I'm not available for this job. And I tried to
hang up the phone and you wouldn't let me. I
guess they really needed a bilingual customer service age. I
was like, ma'am, I don't even live in Georgia. I
(03:00):
like how you tried to hang up, and she the
idea that she didn't let you, the idea that you
were about to hang up. And then she's on the
other end like, I guess you're just gonna let him
die then, and then like you're like, wait, what does
that mean? Was because she was like because she was
getting an attitude with me, and that's what I was
not understanding. M I don't know how I don't live
(03:21):
in the state of Georgia anymore. Mm hmm. Was not
of a viable answer, because they're gonna even Georgia. I'm sorry,
you can take me off your list whatever. She's like,
I mean, I just don't understand it. I just went
Google me, and I hear Google you. I said, because
I have time now, m hm, and we've made a
part of the day sloan. Oh okay, yeah, I see
(03:52):
what you mean. Thank you. She's like, I'll take you
off your list. Thank you, like in congratulations about your
successes and thank you so much. Yeah, you know you
always turned someone into a friend, right or a sword
Because something came up through the other days of comic
and he was like, hey, don't say arch nemesis, and
I was like, WHOA to be your nemesis, I have
(04:17):
to know your last name, which is what an arch
nemesis would say. Though, to be fair, that's a that's
how you can't you can't be like I don't know
you will know to be your arch nemesis. That's one thing.
But the way you said it was exactly how it
arch Nemesis would say it. Because I was like, Sir,
I really don't have it. And then he said something
slick on and said, you know what, let's go. You
(04:39):
want an epsis. I was like, I'm not because I
just I didn't want. Honestly, I just don't care enough
to be his arch nemesis. Yeah, you know what it
feels like. Uh. And And for the listeners, we're gonna
get into the episode in on a second, But what
what it feels like being your friend and watching you
move through the world and also to you tell stories.
(05:01):
It feels like when you're telling me the thing, this
is now the confessional booth from when the thing happened.
But sometimes you'll tell me about a thing and I
don't know if you forgot I was there, but I
saw it happen. So then now you're telling me your
friend you weren't. I wasn't there when you were talking
(05:21):
to him, but I've been there before when you've told
me about things and maybe I was in the background
or maybe I was at the club and you didn't know,
But like like the way that I'll see the thing happen,
but then you tell me later. By the time it's
in my head, it's like I'm watching Big Brother, and
so you'll be at you'll be somewhere, and so it'll
say something and that you'll be like, don't try me.
(05:44):
Then you'll tell me about the thing, and you'll be like,
and so what's going through my head in the moment
I was like, you get the confessional, It's it's the
full edit in my head talking about selling stucco and
you've brought us right into our topic today for the listeners.
(06:05):
Today we're doing online shopping versus in store shopping. Okay,
And I want to shout out real quick because we
got this episode topic from someone on Instagram leaving a comment.
Because when you leave your comments, when you when you
make your tweets and your hashtag hold up, and when
(06:27):
you comment on things under the Daily Show's page that
have us on them, we do see them and we
appreciate all of them. And so we saw this with
would be a great topic. So shout out to I'm
gonna try to say it right, but it's a handle,
so I feel less bad about mispronunciation. Um, ab chess
or two is where we got this from. Yeah, there
(06:50):
must have been ninety one other ab chess just when
they were born. Friends. Oh, yep, you're right, you're right.
Maybe we get that part out. I'm not looking up
that I remember I had boobs when this man was born. Person,
mm hmm. Anyway, what side of the argument do you
(07:12):
land on? Of course, I'm in store shopping, you're in store. Okay,
this is this perfect thing I'm still weary about. Yes,
Amazon has my ship, right, Amazon has a credit card information,
But I don't like it. I don't like that. Now
(07:34):
every website was to store your card in a wallet everybody,
because like I remember when the Internet started mm hmm.
And what people don't realize was what I had a
conversation with the money the other day, and I was like,
you know the noise that the Internet used to make. Yeah, yeah,
(07:55):
the Internet used to be loud. They put that noise
in because they didn't believe people would believe if they
didn't have any noise. But my question is why was that.
Why are a group of adults sitting in a room
I think on those sales. I think it's because what
(08:18):
what ended up happening was they were looking for sounds
to make it sound like the computer was doing something right,
and they needed to make people think that computer was
putting in work all right. And and those are the
most stressed out sounds I've ever heard come out of
the machine. So they did. They did right by their endeavor.
When you would get the CD wrong from a O
(08:41):
O and it would go you have this many hours
of internet? Could you imagine now somebody saying to you,
you can only be on the internet for thirty hours total,
and they get to buy more. It was a pay
as you go internet. We live in a better world,
to be honest with you, if there was a limit,
if there was a limit on Twitter, if you could
(09:03):
only do Twitter for twenty minutes, oh really, chill out.
Well remember when Facebook used to stop? So Facebook in
two thousand five when I got on Facebook, which is
good God, good Jesus above. I got on Facebook in
(09:27):
two thousand five. Do you understand it's before Facebook? Because
I think when you were talking about this one day,
everybody who updated their status, you you're friends with, you'd
see all of that and then that was it. And
then you're like, okay, I finished Facebook. Oh so it
would stop for you, Like it would be like that's
(09:48):
all we got, right, So say I'm friends with two people.
If only thirty people updated their status or how many
people I knew, you'd scroll to the end and it's
like and we're done for today. My Space is the
same thing. You remember how my space worked. But I
remember being to somebody's top eight was a big deal.
What I'm saying is that enough. It us to be enough.
(10:13):
And I remember when you didn't put your real name.
Yeah yeah, when everybody his email address was pony Girl seven,
you know sixty two or you know wrestling maniac. My
favorite handle to date is I was playing VR and
(10:35):
I met this guy playing VR and his handle was
Ferrari sixty nine. You know it. Good Jesus, Oh, good Jesus,
(10:56):
because something happened. Something happened when email came out, and
all of a sudden, all of us had to be
professional business accounts, like business emails. Yeah, like no one
had a silly like, uh, my Hotmail account was deuced
in a quarter, which is my nickname. My Yahoo account
(11:16):
was do say two thousand. Do say also my nickname
and the two thousand because it was literally the year
two thousand at Yahoo dot com. But for some reason,
when these Gmail email addresses came out, we all got
really everyone started using their real name. So me coming
(11:37):
from the era of you know, black Planet, MySpace, college Club, Me,
Henty Asian Avenue, all of these silly gas websites because
my stace is really just trying to teach us all
how to code, and so coming from the air where
you didn't use your real name on the Internet, and
now all of my credit card information is just stored
(11:58):
by conned the fuck No I don't need Forever twenty
one to keep my credit card information. I don't need
Rainbow clothing stores to have my credit at all times.
I remember when a Rainbow if you were gonna pay
with a debit card, you have to show them I
D and if the back of your card wasn't signed,
they wouldn't take it. Look, you know who already has
(12:20):
your credit card information ready to go if you use
it enough, if you're a loyal customer online stores. But
that's what I don't like. I understand. But if stores
are doing it, what's the difference. It's I prefer an arm.
I'll tell you this. If I go in a store,
(12:42):
it is beneficial for stores to me to go in
a store because I'm gonna buy more ship if I'm
in a store. For the fact that you've gone in
a target. Yeah you've never gone to a target and
not spent two d I but yeah, you got a
good job, like when I didn't have the job I
have now, or I could easily walk into a target
(13:04):
get exactly what I was gonna get. Why do you
close one eye? I mean exactly wink wink what I was. Yeah,
if I came in here for a person some cheap
(13:26):
ass ear rings. I'm getting a person some cheap ass
ear rings, maybe a snack, and then the funk up
out of here. Now I'm a target, like what's this?
And a little cheap ass s actually with a little
goofy ship in the front that no one knows what
it is, but you still want to buy it, that
dumb ship because you need, because I need. Because but
(13:47):
if I'm on the internet, I'm not gonna see these
little impulse buys. I'm not gonna see this pack of
gum at the register. There's no pack of gum at
the register and online store. You see what I'm saying. Sure, sure,
I'm with you, but I my my biggest rebuttal to
that is that sometimes you'll go in the store and
they don't have what you want. Sometimes you will call
(14:09):
ahead and ask them specifically if they have what you want,
and they really don't feel like doing all that walking,
and so they'll lie and say they have what you want,
and you get there and they have what you want.
An online store will tell you up top, we ain't
got any the one you like, it's not here, and
we'll let you know. We'll send you an email when
it gets here, but for today, don't waste your time.
(14:31):
That's why. That's why you go to the online store,
see if they have it, and then go to the store. Okay,
but this is and this brings up an interesting point
because what you're talking about is a bit of a
of a hybrid situation using everything the pros of everything,
which I am a huge fan of. But if we're
(14:52):
talking real, like real debate, okay, like real dire straits,
and there are some store is that don't have an
online website, and there are some websites that have no
physical location. If you had to choose between the two
of those, you know what I mean, I feel like
we'd still land work picking. I'm pickings when I can
(15:13):
walk in because one one, if you were a business
that does not have a website, well you interact with people?
Fun are you doing? Fuck are you doing? When I
see restaurants that don't have websites, I'm like, why I
say something? But Matt Richards said something to be interesting
(15:34):
the other day. You've never seen a Chinese food restaurant commercial? Yeah? No,
because people know, you just know, people know to come
through and they know when to come through because McDonald's
had that commercials for years. Yeah, but McDonald's is trying
to sell you on something that's not as timeless as
Chinese food. They need a gimmick. The gimmick because because
(16:00):
Chinese food, what they do so well is that a
bunch of places over over the whole of our lives.
As long as we've been eating Chinese food, we know
that for every Chinese restaurant out there, there are some
staples that they will have, and so there's a shared
language there that even though all of Chinese food is
very different and all of the different restaurants are not
(16:22):
a chain, we still know generally how to navigate based
on having been to several Chinese restaurants, whereas with McDonald's,
McDonald's might come to your country, they might be like, hey,
have you ever heard of a big mac? Let me
tell you about a big mac. You know, Chinese restaurants,
(16:44):
they don't need to be like, have you ever heard
of chicken? That's not that's not necessary. I'll tell you this.
We all fall the mcgriddle. We were like, wow, wow,
how do they come up with a technology? Right? Wait?
What the mcgretel. It's a pancake with the syrup on
(17:07):
the inside. Yeah, they put egg and cheese in the middle,
and we're like, this is crazy, how did they do this?
And then I mean the Beautiford Highway Farmers Marketing Highway
Georgia in Atlanta, and I see this Korean street food. Oh,
(17:28):
so they've been jocket Korean street food this entire time.
It's a fucking ploy. Wow, it's the same. If I
were Korel, I go, I go after him, I'd be like, hey, hey,
I'd walk into any McDonald's in America be like me
my money. Stop the presses, okay, cease, and the motherfucker's
(17:53):
sis stop pressing anything to the grill. Y'all can't afford today,
all right? Because I'm Sue and everything. I still hate
putting my credit card information into the internet. I barely
like looking at my bank information anywhere. I don't like it.
(18:13):
I don't. I've never liked it. I understand it's super
fucking convenient, it's great. PayPal still freaks me out. All
of this ship still freaks me out. I know that
they can still your information like Target had, Like yeah,
Target got got but they yeah, they didn't have that leak.
They had that full on spill. That was it. That
(18:35):
was everybody. It was, it was about these It was
if you don't know what we're talking about. Target had
like a big hack and a lot of people's credit
card numbers and like a lot of their information got
every if you want, if you thought about Target, your
information got leaked. Yeah, it was, and it was in
(18:55):
the I think the millions of customers. So it's really bad.
And I think Will had the same thing happened did.
I'm always like with these hackers, instead of stealing credit
card information, just hacks Sally May one time. I guess
you could do both, because then here's the thing. I understand.
(19:18):
You've got to get your money because it is in
the mask that get up in Anonymous. Yeah, Anonymous ain't
hack Sally May order Freddie Mack. Yet also we talk
a lot about Sally May, but we will never talk
about Freddie Mack. I don't like that. I think that
what's happening with Anonymous is that they are more focused
on like um global issues and like the like economic
(19:42):
issues will quickly get them caught. I don't think they'll
be as Anonymous of it, Like if they leak something
from Wiki leaks or something like that. If someone says
something that that on What's app that's like hateful and
might lead to the you know, the persecution of a
bunch of people. They jump in there and they're like, hey,
(20:02):
this is this person by the way, just so you
know they did it, and especially if they can uncover it.
I think that when it comes to the economic stuff,
especially like student loan stuff, I think they know that
they would get got so fast that they're like, we
don't need those problems. Oh, because there's not enough VPNs.
You can't jump off enough servers. No, No, America does
(20:26):
not play with money. No, she never has because I don't,
which I always thought was interesting because my mother told
me anything, if you want to change anything in America,
you funk with the white man's money, because come for
someone's money. Hey, this is this is we're playing a
different game now, Like if you're playing politics, it's like
some nothing may come of anything, right, people can talk
(20:50):
and talk and talk all day. Like a lot of
what if you look at some of the stuff Anonymous
has done, A lot of it started as like truly
pranks and like things that were sort of taking the
piss out of politicians and stuff money is. You gotta
be real careful because America's a business. America's a business
first and foremost. I think people forget. I think some
(21:11):
people when they were in school, they weren't paying attention
enough to realize that America is a business, has always
been a business. I don't think online shopping could have
popped anywhere like it did here. Anywhere but here, Like
America is so business orient convenience oriented, I don't think
that online shopping would have had the same effect because
(21:33):
it's like, I know there's times I'm just like I
need to do exit. And that's not only the online shop.
It's like when you think about like just Uber Eats
or something like that. Like the other day it was like, hey,
I need some stuff from the drug store. I truly
do not have time. What if someone just brought this
to my house. The fact that there when I was
(21:54):
a kid, that wasn't a thing because we had stopped
doing like pizza and Chinese food got delivered. You had
to go to McDonald's. Everything betweets and Chinese food delivered.
Everything else you had to go pick up. New York
is different, just because if everybody went to McDonald's yeah,
the whole If everybody went to go get what they
(22:15):
needed in New York, the city would shut down. Too
many humans in the street, so you needed. I think
online shopping has its benefits, but the thing that's but
the cons are so you know, I went on vacations
last month and I needed a new babe in suit
is my Mama close it? And I ordered a bunch
(22:35):
of bathing suits because they don't we don't sell bathing
suits in the wintertime in department stores, so I had
to order a bunch of bathing suits off of bezos
is Internet. I now have eleven bathing suits that I
have to return and you can't just go to because
(22:59):
before Amazon would come to you if you had to
return something. They don't do that anymore because they realized
that people are lazy enough, well they'll forget to return
something and then they just don't wrap the refund people
they just have the money. So now I have until
the thirty one to return eleven bathing suits that don't fit.
(23:19):
And that's I think is the pitfall with online shopping
because now if something doesn't work, if something doesn't fit,
now I have to go to the whole food to
find the Amazon locker to return this fund. I bought
a tea kettle from sucking Amazon fresh out the box.
Did not work. I don't have someone else returned it,
(23:40):
and I think I had a shorter return window or
mr return window, because I think the emailed me and
they were like, hey, we charged you, and I was
like fuck, but I was on the road and again.
And that's the thing. If you don't return it, you
bought it. But I promise you right now, these eleven
bathing suits, Oh, they're going the funk back. I'm with you.
I'm in full support of of everything that you said
(24:04):
just now as a con because I accept them as
cons of online shopping. This is this is where I
think that online shopping is a bit superior in that
we don't give credit to online shopping for the things
that in store brick and mortar stores do that ends
up being online. So, for instance, with online shopping, hey,
(24:26):
we will let you know when the thing is back
in stock. You'll get an email from us as soon
as the thing is back in stock, and we can
send it to you. If you're at a brick and
mortar only store and they don't have what you want,
they're not calling you a week from now to be like, hey,
by the way, we got it. Maybe a comic book
shop will do that. That's the only person I've ever
had hit me up after I've been in there looking
(24:48):
for something specific and then left my info with them,
and then they hit me up and they were like, hey,
we we got it if you want to come back through, right,
That's an aspect when I was a little yeah, all right,
so staying keep going yeah, um yeah. Now now if
they don't have what I want, I just leave. I
don't tell them to contact me. I don't need it
(25:12):
that bad, now, Okay. I was like Josh Johnson walking
in at thirty two years old, being like, yeah, I
need the Superman. That were eight hundred sixty five paragraph
um paragraph, the idea. The most assultic thing about that
whole like rand you just went on, was that I
(25:34):
buy just the paragraph. You know what they had the
new Superman boy, the New Spiderman, the boy that came
out of Miles Morales. This is my question. If the
daddy black and the mama Puerto Rican, and the daddy
is there, how is his last name Morales? Is the
(25:55):
daddy also Latino? I mean maybe he was mad at
his daddy. You know, baby, he's like, hey, I go
with maiden names when you're not acting right, Okay, Because
I saw that and I was like, Okay, that's awesome.
It's a whole Afro Latino family and they're like, no,
the dad's black and the mom is Puerto Rican. So
I'm like, is this his step daddy. Look, I'm I'm
(26:18):
not gonna lie to you. I haven't kept up hard.
I haven't um listen when there's like a because he's
like in a multiverse, right, when there's a spider pig,
all kinds of ship, right, you might be asking the
wrong one. I I'm is that not your universe? It
(26:41):
was not. I liked the Growing Up, but I have
not read Spiderman in quite a while. I think that
I just used it as an example because to me,
there are things that we think brick and mortar stores do.
There are actually aspects of online shopping, and I think
that you gotta you gotta pull that over. If we're
splitting it down the middle, you gotta push that couch
(27:03):
on my side because the notifications and the recommendations are
you're gonna get those mainly online. You might go into
a brick and mortar store and find a sales associate
passionate enough to help you find the right top for you,
the right pants that look good, that's not just trying
(27:25):
to upsell you. You might find that genuine person. They're
out there, but there's a higher likelihood that, based off
what you like, a website will pick something else that
you might like and be right. But I'll say this,
when I really need something, it's not in a store.
It's not on the end. It's all that. When I
(27:47):
really need something, it's never there. Now, I really needed
some black flats. The store didn't have them. They had
to mail them to me. I needed a new purse,
store didn't have it. I'm gonna probably find one A
lot like a real leather purse, because, um, my friends
have shaved me and told me that I can afford
(28:07):
a real leather purse because at one point my other
person was peeling. So they're like, yeah, you have a
good job, your purse can't be peeling. Um, but I've
it's very rare. I go into a store and I'm
just like, black leather purse is what I need. It's
it's like it's a lot of times I can't find
what I want anyway, So going into a store, it's like, hey,
(28:31):
you know what, I didn't find what I wanted. I
didn't find what I needed, but I found something that works.
Oh I just realized another thing, another pro for online shopping.
When you're online shopping, do you mean food or stuff? Um?
(28:52):
I guess I was thinking just stuff for this episode. Okay,
because I had them delivered grocery. I did. Amazon delivered
groceries to me. Yea. I never want another human being
to pick up my fruit or meat ever again. Oh really,
I never want to know the person to pick up
my produce or my fruit or my meat ever again.
Ever again. Yeah, I I've realized while you were talking before.
(29:16):
Another pro, especially for us of online shopping. Nobody follows
you in the store. You know it's following you through
the internet. Yep, yep, you're really just out here, free
to shop in peace, in bed, in pajamas, maybe a snuggie. Yeah,
try doing that experience in a brick and mortar. Roll
(29:37):
up to a brick and more store with a snuggie. Right,
you know there are stories you can walk through with
his nail. There are some, but try just walking through
a store without getting looks, especially depending on the store.
There are people who use the internet to find the
dress they want to wear for their wedding. Roll up
to a wedding stress store with a snuggy odd they
(30:00):
won't even let you try stuff all. They'll be like, no, no,
you're clearly going through something. No, clearly it's musty under
that snuggie. Bro Being musty is one of the cardinal
sins of black people. Yeah, it really is. It's like
(30:20):
it's one of those things where it will change your
whole view on the person. Like someone could be giving
a lecture at a university, but if you pass them
and they got they got that you know that that smell,
that's it's bo But it's also choked, like they've been
choking stink all day. Like you can tell they put
on extra layers so the stink wouldn't get through. If
(30:44):
someone smells that on you, no matter what your lecture
was about there, like, I bet you you were wrong.
I bet you're not as smart as I thought you
were because you sting. We are so funny about smelling good. Yeah, yeah,
I will even have I've had the thing where this
is really unfair because you know, you know about pheromones, right,
(31:06):
I love pheromones, but they will. But the thing is
because you don't have any siblings, right, No, there's something
that happens when you're a teenager, and I probably this
is probably just nature yours, especially a brother to a
sister or just a brother or just a son. Boys
when they go through puberty smell like a family member.
(31:28):
Male smell terrible. My brother fresh out the shower, remember
mother yelling at him, being like, what the funck? And
he's like, I just took a shower and my mother
being like, p you, I don't. It must be all right,
(31:53):
but yeah, something about your pharomones. Doctor would put, it's
not my pheromones, it's a it's a thing. I witnessed.
I I was, I think I was playing I was.
I was like playing soccer with some people. And afterwards, uh,
we met up with some friends and they were all
talking about so we all stink from running around in
(32:13):
the sun and like trying to score goals and stuff
like that. And there was this dude who was already
good looking, but the way that the that the women
in that group, we're trying to get near him and
we're talking about how good he smelled when he was gone,
when he was in the bathroom. I was so upset
because I know that they were going off those pheromones
(32:34):
he was dropping from, you know, just having rippling muscles.
Maybe muscles sweat different. I have no idea, but the
way that they were gone about the fare balls, I
was like, this dude can't be good looking and have
good stink sweat. That's not fair. I'll tell you that
I saw a study one time where they took it
was like a college and had just women just wear
(32:56):
T shirts like before their cycle, during their cycle, and
after their cycle. And they gave these T shirts to
men like you know, college age boys, and they were like,
smell these shirts. How how attractive do you think the
person is? And they tracked that right before the menstrual cycle.
(33:16):
Of course, is where all these men were like, yo,
who was this person? Yeah she smelled like a good person.
Yeah she smells like she's beautiful. I am someone who
had to have planned be delivered to me, and that
(33:38):
that is a blessing. The other benefit of an online store,
no lock up, You're not going to Walgreen's hitting the button,
wait for somebody to shot like run by and be
like which one you want to get and then unlock
the thing and then pull it out for you online
shop and you just add the cart. Honestly, when are
(33:59):
we gonna just make the whole story that, yeah, it's
almost there. It's like the only thing they haven't locked
up is the chips. When they started locking up baby formula,
I was like, this country trash. We have a little
bit of pride where when someone comes here and talks
about how trash we are, we get defensive. But it's
so funny when I travel and I'm like, oh, y'all
(34:20):
don't in the street. Y'all don't like It's like you
don't even have a way to bridge two ideas being
in the UK, like being in London and going on
like their Walgreen which was called Boots, and I was like,
and nothing was locked up. Now it was nothing locked up.
They'll give you recommendations. This this thing I liked because
(34:43):
when we were in London and I remember I had
to get that um I got something because I had
hurt myself right, so I was trying to get some
real pharmacy. We went to a real pharmacy and there
was just one day that was like, look it's Russian.
Don't know what it says, but it works, Russian tailing all. Yeah,
(35:04):
she gave me those Russian tile at all. And I
was like, wait, so are you saying like is this
over the calendar or is this She's like it's a
little strong, like it's like she was like how much
she what hurts here? None of the package was in English.
None of the package was in English. I don't even
know how she knew what she was telling because when
I was in the Bahamas, Uh, one of my friends
had lost her in Hailer and another friend of the
(35:27):
bugs are just really eating her up and she was
having a bad history interaction. And our chef told us
to go to the pharmacy and she's like, just tell
them you need a new in Hailer and just and
she just gave her and in Halo just the album
you all and Hailer, and then gave my friends and
other prescription strength. And I'm just like, oh, yeah, back
in this day, you used to be able to go
(35:48):
to a pharmacy and go, hey, here's a problem. Yeah,
And I will say a good point. That's the thing
that I think the concession I can make is that
brick and mortar stores have better customer service than online shopping,
because online shopping they don't want they don't even want
(36:09):
you to call. They won't tell you. You have to
google the number. You'll google the number for a place
that has a store that should have the number on
the website. You can't call Amazon. You can't, there's no number.
Amazon has no customer service. And for as large as
that company is, as someone who worked customer service for
like twelve years, a fact that a company that big
(36:31):
doesn't have customer service is insane. It shouldn't be legal.
It shouldn't. I can't call where is my waffle line?
That up? It's not updating. I got kids in here
(36:56):
I'm supposed to have on top of the line. Four
Berner top waffle iron trademark by waffle House Waffle Irons.
It comes with a fight in every box where is
there's no one to call. As soon as you open
the box, you get a punch in the face, truly,
And a convict is cooking your eggs because he's good
(37:21):
at it. Delicious, delicious. Where the fund is what you
can't call? You can't call Amazon, and find out you're
not Yeah, you're not wrong. So I think it's sound.
Kicked this over to the listeners. Did we make valid points?
I think we made a few. I think we made
at least two each, at least to each. Tell us
(37:42):
what you think. Do you think online store or in
store shopping? I'm gonna be in store shopping all the
way because I like to touch the feel of cotton,
the fabric of our lives. You don't see what I'm saying.
I Um, I'm gonna I'm gonna be online shopping because
(38:19):
I care about the future, and I think that there's
even more innovations to be made. I think we've taken
the brick and more store as far as it's gonna go.
I think that everything that's coming for the future of
shopping is gonna be online. So you know what needs
to happen, you know, like food trucks so when they
get to a point they could do brick and mortar store.
(38:42):
We need remember the book mobile when you were a kid.
That's what we need to start doing with these trucks. Girl, Okay, yeah,
pull up in your neighborhood with the essentials. This sounds
like the most kidnapp herble store I've ever hurt. You're
gonna roll up and they'd be like, come all in
(39:02):
and and get your supplies, and then you're just gonna
close the van and drive off. It's like it could
be like a bookmobile situation, or it could be like
an ice cream truck situation. We pull up, you see
the pictures on the side, Like, y'o, let me get
some toilet paper, let me get some paper towels, let
me get some dishwashing liquid, let me get some diapers,
(39:25):
let me get some tampons, cat food, and I'm out
just roll up in your neighborhood. Oh come, I mean yeah,
I think I mean that would be the evolution of
the brick and mortar store. I think that's the next
step because, like say, someplace like here, people gotta go
to train, people gotta do this. Like could you imagine
(39:45):
if a mobile, if just j Z Penny just pull
up in your neighborhood. Also, they keep telling me there's
not on the end of it, and don't I don't
believe him. Yeah, Dillard's pull up, Yeah, Dillard's pull up
(40:06):
in the apartments. You know, nor s from rack, Let's
go dressing room in this bitch. Understand, pull up, there's
a fitting room. I've been one of those wardrobe trucks
on set. So let us know what you think you know.
Let us know if you either of us have warned
(40:26):
you over from the position you started in, or if
you were with us the whole time. We want to
hear from you. Thank you so much for listening. Um,
I'm I'm Josh Johnson. If you want more of me,
you can find me on my podcast, The Josh Johnson Show,
which is where if you listen to podcasts, and if
you are looking for duels, say sharks. Today, I come
(40:47):
to you with my new business. Oh gosh, okay store
on wheels. Baby girl. You can find me in your hood,
in your neighborhood in tomorrow with your daddy. You know
what I mean. I'm gonna internet, you know what it is. Also,
(41:08):
hey man, call you Mama, Bye, see you. This has
been hold up. We've covered conscious rap versus club bangers,
bars versus body wash, diners versus waffle houses, all sorts
of things. What else should we be talking about? We
want to know from you. Let us know, drop us
(41:30):
a comment or hit hold up on social at the
daily show
Everyone, It's Josh Johnson, and we want to know what
do you want to hear us argue about on the podcast.
Drop a comment on any hold up clip you see
on The Daily Show's Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, or YouTube pages,
or you can tweet at us using the hashtag hold
up just let us know. Hey, everybody, welcome to hold Up.
(00:24):
I'm Josh Johnson. I'm a writer for The Daily Show
and I'm joined by my co host, The Fact, the legends,
the menus those days. I don't know what fact men,
but the fact that you said the fact. The fact
door says slow, you have to keep it now. I'm
information Joshua. Now you are a writer on The Daily Show.
(00:49):
I'm gonna corresponded, but I didn't want to say you.
Happy New Year, me, grol Oh, Yeah, Happy New Year,
Happy mo fucking new year. Now listen when my friends, oh,
this year should be great because it's our Jordan here.
What does that mean? I guess that was his number.
It was his number, but a lot of there have
(01:11):
been a lot of athletes in the history of sport
that have not done well with the number twenty three.
I understand it is going to be some people's Jordan year.
But you can't tell me anyone that's ever put on
the number twenty three jersey for football, for you know basketball,
Well you know there and everyone people turned thirty three.
(01:33):
They're like, oh, it's your Jesus here just died and
came back on the third day. That's probably have a
whole religion, and so they're like, oh, is your Jus
You're I don't think anything happened. No, it was a
pretty big year for him, but yeah, I don't think
it means something has to happen for me every time. Yeah,
(01:54):
Like I don't even remember what year that was when
I was thirty three, so nothing it had happened because
I think it would. Yeah, like I don't remember when
I did it. Uh oh, when I moved to l
A and I was really doing stand up full time,
(02:15):
so I guess it did do a thing. Hey, you
are really out here that full Jesus here. I was reborn,
you know what I mean, because I stopped into a
different lifestyle truly because I was you know, I was
able to stop selling stucco, stopped doing bilingual customer service.
If you motherfucker's email me again. I remember one day
(02:36):
and when um, I was taking a nap and I
got a call from this woman and she's called from
a temp agency offering me a job. I said, ma'am,
I'm not available for this job. And I tried to
hang up the phone and you wouldn't let me. I
guess they really needed a bilingual customer service age. I
was like, ma'am, I don't even live in Georgia. I
(03:00):
like how you tried to hang up, and she the
idea that she didn't let you, the idea that you
were about to hang up. And then she's on the
other end like, I guess you're just gonna let him
die then, and then like you're like, wait, what does
that mean? Was because she was like because she was
getting an attitude with me, and that's what I was
not understanding. M I don't know how I don't live
(03:21):
in the state of Georgia anymore. Mm hmm. Was not
of a viable answer, because they're gonna even Georgia. I'm sorry,
you can take me off your list whatever. She's like,
I mean, I just don't understand it. I just went
Google me, and I hear Google you. I said, because
I have time now, m hm, and we've made a
part of the day sloan. Oh okay, yeah, I see
(03:52):
what you mean. Thank you. She's like, I'll take you
off your list. Thank you, like in congratulations about your
successes and thank you so much. Yeah, you know you
always turned someone into a friend, right or a sword
Because something came up through the other days of comic
and he was like, hey, don't say arch nemesis, and
I was like, WHOA to be your nemesis, I have
(04:17):
to know your last name, which is what an arch
nemesis would say. Though, to be fair, that's a that's
how you can't you can't be like I don't know
you will know to be your arch nemesis. That's one thing.
But the way you said it was exactly how it
arch Nemesis would say it. Because I was like, Sir,
I really don't have it. And then he said something
slick on and said, you know what, let's go. You
(04:39):
want an epsis. I was like, I'm not because I
just I didn't want. Honestly, I just don't care enough
to be his arch nemesis. Yeah, you know what it
feels like. Uh. And And for the listeners, we're gonna
get into the episode in on a second, But what
what it feels like being your friend and watching you
move through the world and also to you tell stories.
(05:01):
It feels like when you're telling me the thing, this
is now the confessional booth from when the thing happened.
But sometimes you'll tell me about a thing and I
don't know if you forgot I was there, but I
saw it happen. So then now you're telling me your
friend you weren't. I wasn't there when you were talking
(05:21):
to him, but I've been there before when you've told
me about things and maybe I was in the background
or maybe I was at the club and you didn't know,
But like like the way that I'll see the thing happen,
but then you tell me later. By the time it's
in my head, it's like I'm watching Big Brother, and
so you'll be at you'll be somewhere, and so it'll
say something and that you'll be like, don't try me.
(05:44):
Then you'll tell me about the thing, and you'll be like,
and so what's going through my head in the moment
I was like, you get the confessional, It's it's the
full edit in my head talking about selling stucco and
you've brought us right into our topic today for the listeners.
(06:05):
Today we're doing online shopping versus in store shopping. Okay,
And I want to shout out real quick because we
got this episode topic from someone on Instagram leaving a comment.
Because when you leave your comments, when you when you
make your tweets and your hashtag hold up, and when
(06:27):
you comment on things under the Daily Show's page that
have us on them, we do see them and we
appreciate all of them. And so we saw this with
would be a great topic. So shout out to I'm
gonna try to say it right, but it's a handle,
so I feel less bad about mispronunciation. Um, ab chess
or two is where we got this from. Yeah, there
(06:50):
must have been ninety one other ab chess just when
they were born. Friends. Oh, yep, you're right, you're right.
Maybe we get that part out. I'm not looking up
that I remember I had boobs when this man was born. Person,
mm hmm. Anyway, what side of the argument do you
(07:12):
land on? Of course, I'm in store shopping, you're in store. Okay,
this is this perfect thing I'm still weary about. Yes,
Amazon has my ship, right, Amazon has a credit card information,
But I don't like it. I don't like that. Now
(07:34):
every website was to store your card in a wallet everybody,
because like I remember when the Internet started mm hmm.
And what people don't realize was what I had a
conversation with the money the other day, and I was like,
you know the noise that the Internet used to make. Yeah, yeah,
(07:55):
the Internet used to be loud. They put that noise
in because they didn't believe people would believe if they
didn't have any noise. But my question is why was that.
Why are a group of adults sitting in a room
I think on those sales. I think it's because what
(08:18):
what ended up happening was they were looking for sounds
to make it sound like the computer was doing something right,
and they needed to make people think that computer was
putting in work all right. And and those are the
most stressed out sounds I've ever heard come out of
the machine. So they did. They did right by their endeavor.
When you would get the CD wrong from a O
(08:41):
O and it would go you have this many hours
of internet? Could you imagine now somebody saying to you,
you can only be on the internet for thirty hours total,
and they get to buy more. It was a pay
as you go internet. We live in a better world,
to be honest with you, if there was a limit,
if there was a limit on Twitter, if you could
(09:03):
only do Twitter for twenty minutes, oh really, chill out.
Well remember when Facebook used to stop? So Facebook in
two thousand five when I got on Facebook, which is
good God, good Jesus above. I got on Facebook in
(09:27):
two thousand five. Do you understand it's before Facebook? Because
I think when you were talking about this one day,
everybody who updated their status, you you're friends with, you'd
see all of that and then that was it. And
then you're like, okay, I finished Facebook. Oh so it
would stop for you, Like it would be like that's
(09:48):
all we got, right, So say I'm friends with two people.
If only thirty people updated their status or how many
people I knew, you'd scroll to the end and it's
like and we're done for today. My Space is the
same thing. You remember how my space worked. But I
remember being to somebody's top eight was a big deal.
What I'm saying is that enough. It us to be enough.
(10:13):
And I remember when you didn't put your real name.
Yeah yeah, when everybody his email address was pony Girl seven,
you know sixty two or you know wrestling maniac. My
favorite handle to date is I was playing VR and
(10:35):
I met this guy playing VR and his handle was
Ferrari sixty nine. You know it. Good Jesus, Oh, good Jesus,
(10:56):
because something happened. Something happened when email came out, and
all of a sudden, all of us had to be
professional business accounts, like business emails. Yeah, like no one
had a silly like, uh, my Hotmail account was deuced
in a quarter, which is my nickname. My Yahoo account
(11:16):
was do say two thousand. Do say also my nickname
and the two thousand because it was literally the year
two thousand at Yahoo dot com. But for some reason,
when these Gmail email addresses came out, we all got
really everyone started using their real name. So me coming
(11:37):
from the era of you know, black Planet, MySpace, college Club, Me,
Henty Asian Avenue, all of these silly gas websites because
my stace is really just trying to teach us all
how to code, and so coming from the air where
you didn't use your real name on the Internet, and
now all of my credit card information is just stored
(11:58):
by conned the fuck No I don't need Forever twenty
one to keep my credit card information. I don't need
Rainbow clothing stores to have my credit at all times.
I remember when a Rainbow if you were gonna pay
with a debit card, you have to show them I
D and if the back of your card wasn't signed,
they wouldn't take it. Look, you know who already has
(12:20):
your credit card information ready to go if you use
it enough, if you're a loyal customer online stores. But
that's what I don't like. I understand. But if stores
are doing it, what's the difference. It's I prefer an arm.
I'll tell you this. If I go in a store,
(12:42):
it is beneficial for stores to me to go in
a store because I'm gonna buy more ship if I'm
in a store. For the fact that you've gone in
a target. Yeah you've never gone to a target and
not spent two d I but yeah, you got a
good job, like when I didn't have the job I
have now, or I could easily walk into a target
(13:04):
get exactly what I was gonna get. Why do you
close one eye? I mean exactly wink wink what I was. Yeah,
if I came in here for a person some cheap
(13:26):
ass ear rings. I'm getting a person some cheap ass
ear rings, maybe a snack, and then the funk up
out of here. Now I'm a target, like what's this?
And a little cheap ass s actually with a little
goofy ship in the front that no one knows what
it is, but you still want to buy it, that
dumb ship because you need, because I need. Because but
(13:47):
if I'm on the internet, I'm not gonna see these
little impulse buys. I'm not gonna see this pack of
gum at the register. There's no pack of gum at
the register and online store. You see what I'm saying. Sure, sure,
I'm with you, but I my my biggest rebuttal to
that is that sometimes you'll go in the store and
they don't have what you want. Sometimes you will call
(14:09):
ahead and ask them specifically if they have what you want,
and they really don't feel like doing all that walking,
and so they'll lie and say they have what you want,
and you get there and they have what you want.
An online store will tell you up top, we ain't
got any the one you like, it's not here, and
we'll let you know. We'll send you an email when
it gets here, but for today, don't waste your time.
(14:31):
That's why. That's why you go to the online store,
see if they have it, and then go to the store. Okay,
but this is and this brings up an interesting point
because what you're talking about is a bit of a
of a hybrid situation using everything the pros of everything,
which I am a huge fan of. But if we're
(14:52):
talking real, like real debate, okay, like real dire straits,
and there are some store is that don't have an
online website, and there are some websites that have no
physical location. If you had to choose between the two
of those, you know what I mean, I feel like
we'd still land work picking. I'm pickings when I can
(15:13):
walk in because one one, if you were a business
that does not have a website, well you interact with people?
Fun are you doing? Fuck are you doing? When I
see restaurants that don't have websites, I'm like, why I
say something? But Matt Richards said something to be interesting
(15:34):
the other day. You've never seen a Chinese food restaurant commercial? Yeah? No,
because people know, you just know, people know to come
through and they know when to come through because McDonald's
had that commercials for years. Yeah, but McDonald's is trying
to sell you on something that's not as timeless as
Chinese food. They need a gimmick. The gimmick because because
(16:00):
Chinese food, what they do so well is that a
bunch of places over over the whole of our lives.
As long as we've been eating Chinese food, we know
that for every Chinese restaurant out there, there are some
staples that they will have, and so there's a shared
language there that even though all of Chinese food is
very different and all of the different restaurants are not
(16:22):
a chain, we still know generally how to navigate based
on having been to several Chinese restaurants, whereas with McDonald's,
McDonald's might come to your country, they might be like, hey,
have you ever heard of a big mac? Let me
tell you about a big mac. You know, Chinese restaurants,
(16:44):
they don't need to be like, have you ever heard
of chicken? That's not that's not necessary. I'll tell you this.
We all fall the mcgriddle. We were like, wow, wow,
how do they come up with a technology? Right? Wait?
What the mcgretel. It's a pancake with the syrup on
(17:07):
the inside. Yeah, they put egg and cheese in the middle,
and we're like, this is crazy, how did they do this?
And then I mean the Beautiford Highway Farmers Marketing Highway
Georgia in Atlanta, and I see this Korean street food. Oh,
(17:28):
so they've been jocket Korean street food this entire time.
It's a fucking ploy. Wow, it's the same. If I
were Korel, I go, I go after him, I'd be like, hey, hey,
I'd walk into any McDonald's in America be like me
my money. Stop the presses, okay, cease, and the motherfucker's
(17:53):
sis stop pressing anything to the grill. Y'all can't afford today,
all right? Because I'm Sue and everything. I still hate
putting my credit card information into the internet. I barely
like looking at my bank information anywhere. I don't like it.
(18:13):
I don't. I've never liked it. I understand it's super
fucking convenient, it's great. PayPal still freaks me out. All
of this ship still freaks me out. I know that
they can still your information like Target had, Like yeah,
Target got got but they yeah, they didn't have that leak.
They had that full on spill. That was it. That
(18:35):
was everybody. It was, it was about these It was
if you don't know what we're talking about. Target had
like a big hack and a lot of people's credit
card numbers and like a lot of their information got
every if you want, if you thought about Target, your
information got leaked. Yeah, it was, and it was in
(18:55):
the I think the millions of customers. So it's really bad.
And I think Will had the same thing happened did.
I'm always like with these hackers, instead of stealing credit
card information, just hacks Sally May one time. I guess
you could do both, because then here's the thing. I understand.
(19:18):
You've got to get your money because it is in
the mask that get up in Anonymous. Yeah, Anonymous ain't
hack Sally May order Freddie Mack. Yet also we talk
a lot about Sally May, but we will never talk
about Freddie Mack. I don't like that. I think that
what's happening with Anonymous is that they are more focused
on like um global issues and like the like economic
(19:42):
issues will quickly get them caught. I don't think they'll
be as Anonymous of it, Like if they leak something
from Wiki leaks or something like that. If someone says
something that that on What's app that's like hateful and
might lead to the you know, the persecution of a
bunch of people. They jump in there and they're like, hey,
(20:02):
this is this person by the way, just so you
know they did it, and especially if they can uncover it.
I think that when it comes to the economic stuff,
especially like student loan stuff, I think they know that
they would get got so fast that they're like, we
don't need those problems. Oh, because there's not enough VPNs.
You can't jump off enough servers. No, No, America does
(20:26):
not play with money. No, she never has because I don't,
which I always thought was interesting because my mother told
me anything, if you want to change anything in America,
you funk with the white man's money, because come for
someone's money. Hey, this is this is we're playing a
different game now, Like if you're playing politics, it's like
some nothing may come of anything, right, people can talk
(20:50):
and talk and talk all day. Like a lot of
what if you look at some of the stuff Anonymous
has done, A lot of it started as like truly
pranks and like things that were sort of taking the
piss out of politicians and stuff money is. You gotta
be real careful because America's a business. America's a business
first and foremost. I think people forget. I think some
(21:11):
people when they were in school, they weren't paying attention
enough to realize that America is a business, has always
been a business. I don't think online shopping could have
popped anywhere like it did here. Anywhere but here, Like
America is so business orient convenience oriented, I don't think
that online shopping would have had the same effect because
(21:33):
it's like, I know there's times I'm just like I
need to do exit. And that's not only the online shop.
It's like when you think about like just Uber Eats
or something like that. Like the other day it was like, hey,
I need some stuff from the drug store. I truly
do not have time. What if someone just brought this
to my house. The fact that there when I was
(21:54):
a kid, that wasn't a thing because we had stopped
doing like pizza and Chinese food got delivered. You had
to go to McDonald's. Everything betweets and Chinese food delivered.
Everything else you had to go pick up. New York
is different, just because if everybody went to McDonald's yeah,
the whole If everybody went to go get what they
(22:15):
needed in New York, the city would shut down. Too
many humans in the street, so you needed. I think
online shopping has its benefits, but the thing that's but
the cons are so you know, I went on vacations
last month and I needed a new babe in suit
is my Mama close it? And I ordered a bunch
(22:35):
of bathing suits because they don't we don't sell bathing
suits in the wintertime in department stores, so I had
to order a bunch of bathing suits off of bezos
is Internet. I now have eleven bathing suits that I
have to return and you can't just go to because
(22:59):
before Amazon would come to you if you had to
return something. They don't do that anymore because they realized
that people are lazy enough, well they'll forget to return
something and then they just don't wrap the refund people
they just have the money. So now I have until
the thirty one to return eleven bathing suits that don't fit.
(23:19):
And that's I think is the pitfall with online shopping
because now if something doesn't work, if something doesn't fit,
now I have to go to the whole food to
find the Amazon locker to return this fund. I bought
a tea kettle from sucking Amazon fresh out the box.
Did not work. I don't have someone else returned it,
(23:40):
and I think I had a shorter return window or
mr return window, because I think the emailed me and
they were like, hey, we charged you, and I was
like fuck, but I was on the road and again.
And that's the thing. If you don't return it, you
bought it. But I promise you right now, these eleven
bathing suits, Oh, they're going the funk back. I'm with you.
I'm in full support of of everything that you said
(24:04):
just now as a con because I accept them as
cons of online shopping. This is this is where I
think that online shopping is a bit superior in that
we don't give credit to online shopping for the things
that in store brick and mortar stores do that ends
up being online. So, for instance, with online shopping, hey,
(24:26):
we will let you know when the thing is back
in stock. You'll get an email from us as soon
as the thing is back in stock, and we can
send it to you. If you're at a brick and
mortar only store and they don't have what you want,
they're not calling you a week from now to be like, hey,
by the way, we got it. Maybe a comic book
shop will do that. That's the only person I've ever
had hit me up after I've been in there looking
(24:48):
for something specific and then left my info with them,
and then they hit me up and they were like, hey,
we we got it if you want to come back through, right,
That's an aspect when I was a little yeah, all right,
so staying keep going yeah, um yeah. Now now if
they don't have what I want, I just leave. I
don't tell them to contact me. I don't need it
(25:12):
that bad, now, Okay. I was like Josh Johnson walking
in at thirty two years old, being like, yeah, I
need the Superman. That were eight hundred sixty five paragraph
um paragraph, the idea. The most assultic thing about that
whole like rand you just went on, was that I
(25:34):
buy just the paragraph. You know what they had the
new Superman boy, the New Spiderman, the boy that came
out of Miles Morales. This is my question. If the
daddy black and the mama Puerto Rican, and the daddy
is there, how is his last name Morales? Is the
(25:55):
daddy also Latino? I mean maybe he was mad at
his daddy. You know, baby, he's like, hey, I go
with maiden names when you're not acting right, Okay, Because
I saw that and I was like, Okay, that's awesome.
It's a whole Afro Latino family and they're like, no,
the dad's black and the mom is Puerto Rican. So
I'm like, is this his step daddy. Look, I'm I'm
(26:18):
not gonna lie to you. I haven't kept up hard.
I haven't um listen when there's like a because he's
like in a multiverse, right, when there's a spider pig,
all kinds of ship, right, you might be asking the
wrong one. I I'm is that not your universe? It
(26:41):
was not. I liked the Growing Up, but I have
not read Spiderman in quite a while. I think that
I just used it as an example because to me,
there are things that we think brick and mortar stores do.
There are actually aspects of online shopping, and I think
that you gotta you gotta pull that over. If we're
splitting it down the middle, you gotta push that couch
(27:03):
on my side because the notifications and the recommendations are
you're gonna get those mainly online. You might go into
a brick and mortar store and find a sales associate
passionate enough to help you find the right top for you,
the right pants that look good, that's not just trying
(27:25):
to upsell you. You might find that genuine person. They're
out there, but there's a higher likelihood that, based off
what you like, a website will pick something else that
you might like and be right. But I'll say this,
when I really need something, it's not in a store.
It's not on the end. It's all that. When I
(27:47):
really need something, it's never there. Now, I really needed
some black flats. The store didn't have them. They had
to mail them to me. I needed a new purse,
store didn't have it. I'm gonna probably find one A
lot like a real leather purse, because, um, my friends
have shaved me and told me that I can afford
(28:07):
a real leather purse because at one point my other
person was peeling. So they're like, yeah, you have a
good job, your purse can't be peeling. Um, but I've
it's very rare. I go into a store and I'm
just like, black leather purse is what I need. It's
it's like it's a lot of times I can't find
what I want anyway, So going into a store, it's like, hey,
(28:31):
you know what, I didn't find what I wanted. I
didn't find what I needed, but I found something that works.
Oh I just realized another thing, another pro for online shopping.
When you're online shopping, do you mean food or stuff? Um?
(28:52):
I guess I was thinking just stuff for this episode. Okay,
because I had them delivered grocery. I did. Amazon delivered
groceries to me. Yea. I never want another human being
to pick up my fruit or meat ever again. Oh really,
I never want to know the person to pick up
my produce or my fruit or my meat ever again.
Ever again. Yeah, I I've realized while you were talking before.
(29:16):
Another pro, especially for us of online shopping. Nobody follows
you in the store. You know it's following you through
the internet. Yep, yep, you're really just out here, free
to shop in peace, in bed, in pajamas, maybe a snuggie. Yeah,
try doing that experience in a brick and mortar. Roll
(29:37):
up to a brick and more store with a snuggie. Right,
you know there are stories you can walk through with
his nail. There are some, but try just walking through
a store without getting looks, especially depending on the store.
There are people who use the internet to find the
dress they want to wear for their wedding. Roll up
to a wedding stress store with a snuggy odd they
(30:00):
won't even let you try stuff all. They'll be like, no, no,
you're clearly going through something. No, clearly it's musty under
that snuggie. Bro Being musty is one of the cardinal
sins of black people. Yeah, it really is. It's like
(30:20):
it's one of those things where it will change your
whole view on the person. Like someone could be giving
a lecture at a university, but if you pass them
and they got they got that you know that that smell,
that's it's bo But it's also choked, like they've been
choking stink all day. Like you can tell they put
on extra layers so the stink wouldn't get through. If
(30:44):
someone smells that on you, no matter what your lecture
was about there, like, I bet you you were wrong.
I bet you're not as smart as I thought you
were because you sting. We are so funny about smelling good. Yeah, yeah,
I will even have I've had the thing where this
is really unfair because you know, you know about pheromones, right,
(31:06):
I love pheromones, but they will. But the thing is
because you don't have any siblings, right, No, there's something
that happens when you're a teenager, and I probably this
is probably just nature yours, especially a brother to a
sister or just a brother or just a son. Boys
when they go through puberty smell like a family member.
(31:28):
Male smell terrible. My brother fresh out the shower, remember
mother yelling at him, being like, what the funck? And
he's like, I just took a shower and my mother
being like, p you, I don't. It must be all right,
(31:53):
but yeah, something about your pharomones. Doctor would put, it's
not my pheromones, it's a it's a thing. I witnessed.
I I was, I think I was playing I was.
I was like playing soccer with some people. And afterwards, uh,
we met up with some friends and they were all
talking about so we all stink from running around in
(32:13):
the sun and like trying to score goals and stuff
like that. And there was this dude who was already
good looking, but the way that the that the women
in that group, we're trying to get near him and
we're talking about how good he smelled when he was gone,
when he was in the bathroom. I was so upset
because I know that they were going off those pheromones
(32:34):
he was dropping from, you know, just having rippling muscles.
Maybe muscles sweat different. I have no idea, but the
way that they were gone about the fare balls, I
was like, this dude can't be good looking and have
good stink sweat. That's not fair. I'll tell you that
I saw a study one time where they took it
was like a college and had just women just wear
(32:56):
T shirts like before their cycle, during their cycle, and
after their cycle. And they gave these T shirts to
men like you know, college age boys, and they were like,
smell these shirts. How how attractive do you think the
person is? And they tracked that right before the menstrual cycle.
(33:16):
Of course, is where all these men were like, yo,
who was this person? Yeah she smelled like a good person.
Yeah she smells like she's beautiful. I am someone who
had to have planned be delivered to me, and that
(33:38):
that is a blessing. The other benefit of an online store,
no lock up, You're not going to Walgreen's hitting the button,
wait for somebody to shot like run by and be
like which one you want to get and then unlock
the thing and then pull it out for you online
shop and you just add the cart. Honestly, when are
(33:59):
we gonna just make the whole story that, yeah, it's
almost there. It's like the only thing they haven't locked
up is the chips. When they started locking up baby formula,
I was like, this country trash. We have a little
bit of pride where when someone comes here and talks
about how trash we are, we get defensive. But it's
so funny when I travel and I'm like, oh, y'all
(34:20):
don't in the street. Y'all don't like It's like you
don't even have a way to bridge two ideas being
in the UK, like being in London and going on
like their Walgreen which was called Boots, and I was like,
and nothing was locked up. Now it was nothing locked up.
They'll give you recommendations. This this thing I liked because
(34:43):
when we were in London and I remember I had
to get that um I got something because I had
hurt myself right, so I was trying to get some
real pharmacy. We went to a real pharmacy and there
was just one day that was like, look it's Russian.
Don't know what it says, but it works, Russian tailing all. Yeah,
(35:04):
she gave me those Russian tile at all. And I
was like, wait, so are you saying like is this
over the calendar or is this She's like it's a
little strong, like it's like she was like how much
she what hurts here? None of the package was in English.
None of the package was in English. I don't even
know how she knew what she was telling because when
I was in the Bahamas, Uh, one of my friends
had lost her in Hailer and another friend of the
(35:27):
bugs are just really eating her up and she was
having a bad history interaction. And our chef told us
to go to the pharmacy and she's like, just tell
them you need a new in Hailer and just and
she just gave her and in Halo just the album
you all and Hailer, and then gave my friends and
other prescription strength. And I'm just like, oh, yeah, back
in this day, you used to be able to go
(35:48):
to a pharmacy and go, hey, here's a problem. Yeah,
And I will say a good point. That's the thing
that I think the concession I can make is that
brick and mortar stores have better customer service than online shopping,
because online shopping they don't want they don't even want
(36:09):
you to call. They won't tell you. You have to
google the number. You'll google the number for a place
that has a store that should have the number on
the website. You can't call Amazon. You can't, there's no number.
Amazon has no customer service. And for as large as
that company is, as someone who worked customer service for
like twelve years, a fact that a company that big
(36:31):
doesn't have customer service is insane. It shouldn't be legal.
It shouldn't. I can't call where is my waffle line?
That up? It's not updating. I got kids in here
(36:56):
I'm supposed to have on top of the line. Four
Berner top waffle iron trademark by waffle House Waffle Irons.
It comes with a fight in every box where is
there's no one to call. As soon as you open
the box, you get a punch in the face, truly,
And a convict is cooking your eggs because he's good
(37:21):
at it. Delicious, delicious. Where the fund is what you
can't call? You can't call Amazon, and find out you're
not Yeah, you're not wrong. So I think it's sound.
Kicked this over to the listeners. Did we make valid points?
I think we made a few. I think we made
at least two each, at least to each. Tell us
(37:42):
what you think. Do you think online store or in
store shopping? I'm gonna be in store shopping all the
way because I like to touch the feel of cotton,
the fabric of our lives. You don't see what I'm saying.
I Um, I'm gonna I'm gonna be online shopping because
(38:19):
I care about the future, and I think that there's
even more innovations to be made. I think we've taken
the brick and more store as far as it's gonna go.
I think that everything that's coming for the future of
shopping is gonna be online. So you know what needs
to happen, you know, like food trucks so when they
get to a point they could do brick and mortar store.
(38:42):
We need remember the book mobile when you were a kid.
That's what we need to start doing with these trucks. Girl, Okay, yeah,
pull up in your neighborhood with the essentials. This sounds
like the most kidnapp herble store I've ever hurt. You're
gonna roll up and they'd be like, come all in
(39:02):
and and get your supplies, and then you're just gonna
close the van and drive off. It's like it could
be like a bookmobile situation, or it could be like
an ice cream truck situation. We pull up, you see
the pictures on the side, Like, y'o, let me get
some toilet paper, let me get some paper towels, let
me get some dishwashing liquid, let me get some diapers,
(39:25):
let me get some tampons, cat food, and I'm out
just roll up in your neighborhood. Oh come, I mean yeah,
I think I mean that would be the evolution of
the brick and mortar store. I think that's the next
step because, like say, someplace like here, people gotta go
to train, people gotta do this. Like could you imagine
(39:45):
if a mobile, if just j Z Penny just pull
up in your neighborhood. Also, they keep telling me there's
not on the end of it, and don't I don't
believe him. Yeah, Dillard's pull up, Yeah, Dillard's pull up
(40:06):
in the apartments. You know, nor s from rack, Let's
go dressing room in this bitch. Understand, pull up, there's
a fitting room. I've been one of those wardrobe trucks
on set. So let us know what you think you know.
Let us know if you either of us have warned
(40:26):
you over from the position you started in, or if
you were with us the whole time. We want to
hear from you. Thank you so much for listening. Um,
I'm I'm Josh Johnson. If you want more of me,
you can find me on my podcast, The Josh Johnson Show,
which is where if you listen to podcasts, and if
you are looking for duels, say sharks. Today, I come
(40:47):
to you with my new business. Oh gosh, okay store
on wheels. Baby girl. You can find me in your hood,
in your neighborhood in tomorrow with your daddy. You know
what I mean. I'm gonna internet, you know what it is. Also,
(41:08):
hey man, call you Mama, Bye, see you. This has
been hold up. We've covered conscious rap versus club bangers,
bars versus body wash, diners versus waffle houses, all sorts
of things. What else should we be talking about? We
want to know from you. Let us know, drop us
(41:30):
a comment or hit hold up on social at the
daily show
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