April 13, 2023 • 44 mins
“Sarcasm cannot be conveyed over a text. The number of times I've gotten into it with somebody, because I was being sarcastic and they thought they were being attacked.” - Dulcé Sloan
“Emojis are what have brought context back to text. If you can text me something and then end it with a little yellow dude with his eyes rolling back of his head, I'm like, "Oh, okay. For a second I thought you were coming for me. Now I'm realizing, we're on the same page."- Josh Johnson
It’s texting vs. calling, this week on Hold Up with Daily Show correspondent Dulcé Sloan and writer Josh Johnson.
#DailyShow #HoldUp #Podcast
Click here for Dulcé’s tour dates: https://www.dulcesloan.com/tour
Click here for Josh’s tour dates: https://www.joshjohnsoncomedy.com/tour
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you break up with me via text message, then
in my mind, in my mind, you are twirling the
end of your mustache. You are dictastardly. I am tied
to railroad tracks, you son of a bitch. That is
(00:20):
so funny. Hey, everybody, welcome to hold up. It's a
big show about a lot of nothing. I am one
of your co hosts. My name is Josh Johnson. I
am a writer for The Daily Show, and I am
joined by dousays Line. It's your girl me the smooth
(00:42):
operator herself. Okay. I am a stand up comedian. I'm
also corresponding on The Daily Show and what the fuck
I do the voice of Honeybee on the Great North
Thump Fox, and I'm out here just chilling in them
all with your daddy. You know, got some new hair
on Jilla McCAT shirt because you know, Nigga's got a stunt.
(01:10):
The laughing. Don't get me wrong, I love your joy
I'm always I'm always happy for you to be joyful.
But the steps and the levels to the laughing. Today
we were talking to the people about probably one of
(01:34):
one of one of the topics. Because on the show
we don't really get deep. We don't talk about world events.
We don't. We don't talk about huge, serious topics. But
today might be the most serious we've ever done because honestly,
what this really speaks to is generations, you know what
I mean? And the type of friend, the type of
(01:55):
loved one, the type of communicator that you are. So
it's how much time you're allowing to spend with someone, um,
how you communicate. And the topic for today, kids is
texting versus calling. And you know it's some ship because
I'm the one that introduced it. Now I'm gonna give
y'all some time to choose, play the music, and we're back. Okay, Joshua.
(02:30):
What I'm not gonna do today is come for your neck.
Also the coordination between your burgundy shirt and his burgundy hair. Come, oh,
I know, come together together, we make one a bad bitch.
You mash us together. Hey, if you see Joshua behind,
(02:54):
he I'm doing my best is a bad bitch doing
my squats squats. I'm also doing the squats. At the
point these squats I've been doing must have been popping,
because another comic asked me if I had a bbl wow,
And for somebody to ask me if my ass was
purchased when it was not who that's a compliment I've
(03:19):
ever heard one. I don't care who you are. Yeah,
when it was homegrown, homegrown, just doing a little squats
and just changed a little shape a little bit. So Joshua.
When it comes to text v call in the Battle
of the Century, yeah, who who you're running with? I
(03:40):
gotta go texting, I gotta I gotta go texting day
one day out. What I'm not gonna do today. I'm
not gonna come for your neck, Okay, Because this comes
down to how someone communicates, and if you're communicating, then
it's not wrong. Yeah. Yeah, as long as you're trying
to make your feelings, no, as long as you're trying
(04:02):
to be an adult about things. Than all, we're all
in support of your effort absolutely, because people the thing
I will say, first thing I'll say of why I'm
in support of texting versus going. A lot of times
some people will say, oh no, I like to call
so I can get the context of the situation, so
that I can hear their voice, so I can word.
A lot of miscommunication can happen over the phone. You
(04:25):
can catch the wrong tone someone wasn't meaning to you know,
impart to you. You can I mean, it happens. You
could be on the phone. Are you saying that there's
more misunderstanding on the phone than there is with text messaging.
I'm not saying there's not more. I'm saying that it
can still happen. I'm not saying it can't. What I
will say is because like, first of all, sarcasm cannot
(04:48):
be conveyed over a text. The number of times I've
gotten into it, into it with somebody because I was
being sarcastic with someone when they thought you were being attacktful,
Like we need where you use emojis? No, because the
emojis are what have brought context back to text. Okay,
(05:09):
don't make no sense. Some of them don't make any sense.
But if you can text me something and then end
it with a little with a yellow yellow dude with
his eyes rolling back at his head, I'm like, oh, okay,
all right, that's for a second I thought you were
coming from me. Now I'm realizing little dude eyes rolled back.
We're on the same page. Okay. Is there something that
(05:31):
you think cannot be conveyed via text? I think, like
what subjects. What conversations can you not have via text message?
You can't do breakup over text message? Okay, because because
with a breakup, Because this is the thing. The reason
that there is miscommunication in text messages is because now
(05:54):
I'm I'm really trying to give me, give me some
give me some slack here to try to explain what
I'm saying, because I deeply believe this, but I've never
had to put it into words. I just sort of
live by it. When you were texting a person, you're
making them say what you said in their head. Yeah,
(06:15):
which is why people mis misunderstand people in text message,
because they read it with a nasty tone, even if
you didn't mean it nasty right right, right, right right.
What I think happens with a breakup, I don't think
it can happen over text message because no matter how
well and thought out the text message is, and how
long it is and how kind it is, you might
(06:38):
as well call them and read that because I guarantee you,
if somebody is breaking up with you and they're texting
it to you, you're not gonna read it the way
they wrote it, no matter what it is, because there's
going to be hurt and vololutely. Yeah the fuck not Yeah?
If I if you break up with me via text message,
then in my mind, in my mind mind, you were
(07:00):
twirling the end of your mustache. You are dictastardly. I
am tied to railroad tracks. You son of a bitch.
That is so funny. Wow, if you via text message,
(07:23):
you're a villain? Yes, yes, where are your henchmen? Who
would you? Yeah? Bastard? If you break up with a
via text message, the fuck is wrong with you. I
had a guy that I meant I was when I
lived in La I met this guy at a bar.
We were like making out and then we were gonna
hang out. He wanted to come wanted me to come
hang out with him the next day, but I was
(07:45):
I had I had a bunch of flights. I had
a bunch of work that I needed to do because
I was gonna be in the road that week, and
I'd buy like a bunch of flights. He was like,
we're gonna be in a bar for like two hours.
I was like, I'm not gonna be able to make it,
and I was like, okay, Well, I was like in
my mind, I was like I could go to this
bar but I was always in the hab to like,
I don't want to push off work to go hang
out with a boy, okay, because I had to get
this money, you know what I mean? Because I was
(08:06):
doing what Josh grinding, Yes, grinding, indeed grinding, and that
that's the real grind right there, is that you sacrifice
to grind for a grind. Bro. Yeah, I mean, because
you could have been out here grinding, living in sin,
making the beasts with two backs, you know what I'm saying.
But you were like, no, I'm gonna do my work grind,
(08:27):
all right, I'm gonna make the pages Russell, Okay, whether
I'm doing homework and I'm flipping pages, you know, or
whether I'm cashing checks and I'm flipping bills. Okay, I'm
giving American Airlines three hundred dollars at a time, cheeze. Yeah, yeah,
that's a real thing. Oh hope those miles don't grind
(08:49):
as long as I don't grind to a halt, baby,
we are, right, Yeah, And he wanted me to come
hang out, and I was like, I'm trying, and I
was really trying to, just I was trying to so
I'm I'm like a Saturday night. The next day I
wanted to hang out. I flew out Monday. He flew
out Monday. We really didn't talk throughout the weak. I
tried to hit him up and he'd be like one
(09:10):
or two sentences. I was like, okay, Friday, we both
get back in town. This fucker texts me high Sloan.
First of all, that is not my first name. Yeah,
he gave me the most thank you for your application
career Builder fucking text message. Yeah. Yeah, well, if you
(09:31):
need a reference, right, we can't provide it. You didn't
work here long enough. So I just was like when
I said high Sloan, I was like this this is
I didn't I don't think I even read read the
rest of it. I was like, yeah, fine, but it
was like he's like, oh, you're you know you're in
and out of town a lot. And I just texted
him back. We were out of town the same amount
(09:51):
of days and we both got back today. We could
have hung out, and I was like, whatever, whatever bitch
you had on hook must have activated active because you
sent me this with a switch. Yes. I don't know
if if this if she finally filled up with well,
(10:14):
I don't know what happened? What kind of magic rag
and a fucking bowl of water? This bitch was? It
just was like doo doo doo and she became a
full fed woman. Oh so like that situation, I was like, yeah,
this is this is fine. Yeah, I mean I think
that the thing that calling has for me where I
(10:35):
choose texting overcalling. Do you know I'm a team calling.
I know your team calling, And I feel like some
calls are so short that for the lead up and
for the conversation it could have been a text message,
the same way some meetings could have been emails. There
are some calls that could have been texts, because if
you really don't have much to say to me, you
(10:56):
might as well text me. Most meetings can be emails.
Some emails can be text messages, right, we all know that. Yeah,
I prefer calling because one I was born in eighteen
eighty three. Okay, I remember T nine texting? Yes, Yes,
(11:19):
where you really had to the fact when people you
knew somebody was good and mad when they text you
back fast on T nine because T nine was for
those that don't know, T nine would try to guess
based on your next letter. Ye, the word so essentially
(11:40):
what Gmail is doing now, but horrible. Like it would
be like you you want to send them the word mayonnaise, right,
and it's like I'm I'm saying, ma'am, I even have
the apostrophe up. So I've never heard of mail on
a's right. I didn't know you can pronoun it foctory.
(12:00):
So hard it was it was insane. It would be like,
you mean mayonnaise, right, and I'm like, I've never texted
anyone mayonnaise and all. Also, no one can spell mayonnaise
but the people who produce mayonnaise as mayo. Yeah, the
same way you've never texted somebody congratulations. You said congras
and your phone said us you don't know. So I
(12:22):
feel like that was T nine. When somebody text you
back fast, it was either a real emergency, hard heart emergency,
or they want to murder you. I remember my friend this.
This It still makes me laughing. So my friend was
telling the story about how she was dating this dude,
and as she was she admitted that she was fully
(12:44):
out of pocket for this. So this is like, this
is this is a situation where everybody knows what it is.
So this isn't one of those less debate on the
Internet that she's telling the story, and this is she
said she was wrong, right, Oh, I love this. So
she was dating this dude, this dude. This is a
texting versus colleague situation too, because okay, so she was
(13:08):
dating this dude, this dude pretty and he's so pretty
it makes her a little insecure. Right, Oh, I hate
those guys because they make you say stupid things. And
so then he is just I'm pretty sure he's just
living his life. Like the way she told the story,
it seemed like he was living his life. Then a
woman commented on one of his pictures on Instagram. Right now,
(13:29):
the woman that commented on one of his pictures on
Instagram was like an X from two xes ago, so
like a third X. So we're talking about somebody who's
like just checking testing the water whatever. Right, But she
don't need to be saying shit, She don't need to
be saying anything. But if you, if you have a
free and open Internet, you actually can't control who decides
(13:50):
to comment under your thing. Because it's not like it's
not like she found DMS. It's not like it's not
like he was doing anything. He just posted something. And
then she posted something. Right, Well, she's she she just
said something about him looking good or whatever. Right, Okay,
so she tried it. She tried, so she tried and
then he said, um, thanks, Like he didn't say he
wasn't like he said, yeah, he said, like so he
(14:14):
was uncomfortable, right, but but she saw it. She got
so mad that he even spoke to her in the thing,
but also in a public format like this isn't once again,
we're not talking about dms. This is a public format
that he was like, um, thanks, right, X yeah, I
mean right, she flips out, and she is text to
(14:37):
him hard did she flip? Like? She she said, she
flipped all the way out. She said that she just
saw red and like, wasn't it because also she wasn't
like a full adult at the time, so like we're
talking about grown, but we're not talking about grown grown, right,
and so she's just seeing red because I guess she
already didn't like this woman or whatever, and so now
this woman sniffling around her man and she didn't like her,
(15:00):
and the dude responded to it, albeit uncomfortably, right, but
but anyway, uh, she's like, my mistake, My mistake was
that I didn't call. First, I texted him I was
gonna kill him, and then I called, so of course
he didn't pick up. Of course, of course he didn't
(15:22):
pick up. But then no, ma'am. Then then she started
texting him more because he because he wouldn't pick up.
I've been in the situation where this motherfucker won't answer
and he's never gonna answer. And so you said you
(15:44):
were gonna kill him first. So well, one, you can
only threaten someone's life in person. Yeah, like I threatened
my X, Yeah, be for whatever reason, and um, it's fine,
but threats have to be done in person. You can't threaten.
(16:06):
You especially can't threaten over text message, Instagram, over written word,
over things that are screenshotible. You cannot threatenin a screenshotible.
You can't threaten over text message. You can't because you
can't give the police evidencia. But in person, sir, yeah,
(16:28):
I heard you've never met your grandparents? Do you want to?
Because you can't? And so basically, yeah, that's a that's
a situation where she should have called, she decided to text,
And what you do it you do the reverse of that.
First of all, you report her comment as spam. Would
(17:00):
you rather argue over text or on a call? Oh,
on the phone. On the phone, you think so apps
a fucking lootlely because in text message argument, yeah will
take all day. It will take all day. But I
feel like in a text message argument, I never misspeak.
In a text message argument. It takes me. It takes
(17:21):
me the time it takes me a type, and then
it takes me the time it takes me to read it,
and then I send it. It's been super rare in
my life that I've text anything that I regret texting.
I've set a lozed stuff I regret saying because now
on the call, you're moving at the speed of your mouth. Now,
text message arguments do make you think about what you
(17:43):
were saying, Yeah, because you got to type out the
whole thing. I've backspace mania too far. So many times
I've been like, don't say don't say that. Yeah you
want this person in your life, don't say this. Right,
there's the thing. I'm saying something truly ugly to somebody
the a text message. They can always go back and
(18:04):
look at it. They could also, you can't. You can
obviously record a person talking to you, but there's a
special type of like contextualizing you can do if you
screenshot a nasty text message. There's there's a thing where
I think, obviously you can listen to someone's voice and
(18:24):
people can make what they will of what the person
was saying, because texting makes you read in your voice,
in your head. I'm telling you, if somebody, if somebody
sends you something truly profane and you screenshot that and
you put that whether you whether you put it out
for the world or you show it to your friend,
and you're like, so they just text me this randomly,
(18:47):
it seems ten times crazier. No, no, no, no, no.
The best part of a text message argument. As I
was going back and forth with this guy I was seeing,
and he was trying to convince me that something he
said to me before is what he didn't say. For
the year and a half I knew him, like we
were hanging out here to have almost two years we
(19:09):
hung out. We mainly I probably talked to him on
the phone like twice. Yeah, it was always texting. There
was one time where I had to he said something
to me. I was like, that's not what you said.
So this is what I said. It's something you said
so I was able to go back and go, this
is what you said. So my favorite part of a
text message argument is that I can literally screenshot with
(19:31):
someone's If someone's screenshoting what you said and sending it
to you, you're wrong. Oh I don't know about that.
There's I've never been in a situation where I had
to say someone, this is what you said, and they're like, no,
I didn't, and then I have to take a screenshot
of our current text message thread and go, hey, dummy,
(19:52):
this is what you said, and either they will go, okay,
that is what I said or deflect. But I've never
a screenshot is someone in an argument and been wrong.
You're forgetting that. There are plenty of unreasonable people on
the planet. I'm not saying people. I'm saying that if
I'm to the point where I'm screenshotting in an argument,
(20:12):
yeah to the person that I'm talking Joe, oh yeah,
that you have proof I'm with you. I have proof.
I'm just saying I honor. Please. Let I've been in
a conversation with someone where they said I said something
I didn't say, and then they sent me a screenshot
of the thing that they think I said, and it's
still not what I said. And that's when I'm like, ah,
(20:35):
I don't know what to do here. I like, I don't.
I genuinely have no idea how to proceed because you're
saying I said something I didn't say, and your proof
of me saying it is still not me saying it.
So now I'm like, ah, geez, I don't like him.
When you're in the midst of an argument with somebody
and they're arguing with you about the one thing and
(20:57):
then you go, oh, you're hurt. Yeah, like you you
can't let this go. Yeah, you can't let this go.
Yeah yeah, and you keep talking and keep talking. You're like, Okay,
I figured out what the real reason you're upset is.
But you're like nah, I'm like no, yeah, you just
admit it. Yeah, if you're if you're hurt about something
(21:20):
in life, please just admit it. You're gonna you're gonna
get so much further, so much quicker if you just
admit it, especially if it's with someone who you're like,
if there's a person that's gonna be in your life forever.
So we're not talking about the end of a friendship.
We're not talking about the end of a relationship. If
this is like family, or if this is a close
friend and you're hurt by something, just admit it. Just
(21:44):
let just let it out now and not three days
from now, because because I've called two years two ye,
three years, ten years, yeah, ten fucking years literally ten
years later. Yeah, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me, nigga? Really? Yeah?
(22:10):
What is more while is when someone's upset with you
for something that you didn't know you did. I've been
in text conversations with people that became arguments and neither
one of us knew how it became an argument. Yeah,
just morphs it just slowly, like like things. And and
that's to your point. I haven't really had that happened
while I was on the phone. That's fair, yeah, because
(22:33):
it I think a lot of things were perceived as
slick in text everything. Listen, we need fuck all of
these emojis, We need more fonts. I mean that that
would be great, Listen. I can't argue with that. If
if anytime I said something sarcastic it was in italics, Yeah, yeah,
(22:54):
it would change our lives. I would say, this is
what I will say, though I've heard alex as the
as the go to. I think italics it's for when
you're being fancy. Oh I knew, here's what you were
gonna say when you're being fancy. Italics, when you're being sarcastic.
I'm gonna be sarcastic way more than I'm gonna be fancy,
(23:15):
I know. But that's why they need to add the
option for the sartic castic one, and the sarcastic one
needs to be I'm gonna throw it out there. A
lot of people are gonna hate this. Underline comic Sands.
I'll allow it because Comic Sands is ugly enough. I'll
allow it that you're like, oh yeah, what they're saying
is dumb, and they know it's dumb, so it needs
(23:35):
to be in a dumb fought. Yes. Yeah, when you're
saying something serious, bold letters, bold letters, and a when
it's on, when it's on, if you if you putting
it on your grandmama, bold and underline, all right, oh god,
(23:55):
if you're putting it, if you're putting it down on everything.
I love bold and underline everything. I love God, my mama, kids, yeah,
my kids. Look, that's on my whole bank account. All right,
bold and underlined and that's on what period? Wow with
an extra team and that's all. Mary had a little lamb. Yeah,
(24:18):
m m, we're not we're not doing enough. It's like
you're giving us all these emojis. I don't need, don't body,
I don't need the more dancing. What I need I
need an eye roll, an emoji that actually rolls, because
the eyroll emojas just like it's looking up. But that's
what gifts are for. Um, Joshua, did you know I
(24:39):
was a gift? What what? I'm a gift? When it's me?
Oh wow, yeah, look at you and I didn't realize
you know your girls? Mhmm. The cheeks is sitting different
if you know what I mean? Oh God, tell me Mark,
(25:03):
go ahead. Oh just just basically, I think that texting
broadens the spectrum of people who can engage in good
conversation now because you have the ability to to wait
until you have something to say, you have the ability
to backspace what you are about to say, and you
have the ability to think, really really think about what
(25:24):
you're gonna say next. Doesn't mean it always works, doesn't
mean it's always spelled correctly, But I think thanking, Josh.
I think that if you're on the phone and you have,
let's say, a crush on somebody right, and you're nervous,
it's gonna be way hard to be suave or be
yourself or think about what to say next. Then if
you are texting them, I think that texting also, if
(25:48):
you want, if you want to talk about the I'm
not good at I'm good at flirting on the phone?
Are texting on the phone? On the phone? No, no, no,
Now when you say hold on, hold on? When you
say on the phone, are you talking about FaceTime too, Well,
that's up to you. When you say calling versus texting,
(26:10):
are you talking about FaceTime? I wasn't talking about FaceTime,
but I think now I'm trying about FaceTime. Yeah, I
mean I think that FaceTime. It's a different FaceTime. It's
a different animal. Yeah, it's a different beast. But I
think that there's something to be said for here. I'll
throw it out. This is gonna make it maybe too broad. Also,
when it comes to texting, you gotta throw dms in there.
(26:33):
People have whole DM conversations for the length of their friendship,
you know, on their favorite app. I guess I would
include dms Facebook messenges because pms. Dms give more for
better for worse. But I think that sometimes for better,
if you're interested in the person, dms give more access.
(26:54):
So it is a it is a win for texting
because dms to a certain degree, if there's an artist
you want to work with, if there's an icon you respect,
you have the ability to reach out to them and
let them know so and let's see. And that's why
I hate DMS. I know, I'm with you that it
goes both ways. I just think that the access that
(27:16):
it gives me to like reach out to people and
let them know. Ay, I really like what you make
and I think that you're great at it, you know
what I mean. I couldnot imagine the dms like I think,
like Chloe Kardashians like two hundred and forty million followers.
I only know that because I was just looking at
her instagrams. Imagine the dms she fucking gets. Yeah. Yeah,
(27:38):
I wouldn't even go to that part of my phone.
That's that's fair. That corner of the Internet can be
left alone because I have dms that I get and
I know people. There's first of all, there's no one
being inappropriate with me and people don't believe me. I
handed one of like one of the comics. I handed
one of my guy friends and think it was like
Matt one of them my phone and they were like like, hey,
there's a Dixon here and I was like, I told you,
(28:00):
m hm. So I don't know who these other women
complaining are, but you know what once again and I'll
sit now, mind you. I was on E one day
talking about send me dick picks and when my friends
was like, you got the wrong you were you were
talking to the wrong demographic. Yes, yes, yes, that was
my fault. If you're watching E at ten am, maybe Bravo,
(28:20):
maybe maybe Bravo, but you really yes, yes, Spike Bike
TV was still on the air. Yeah, is the Esquire
channel still on the air. Yeah, you need to go
to whatever whatever channel hosts Bellatore? All right, who Belltour
is one of the m M A promotions. Whatever channel
(28:42):
hosts Bellatore would be like, send me pictures of your penis.
I guarantee there would be thousands. You might have to
burn your phone. I don't know. I'm telling you you
were you were on the wrong network at the wrong time.
Well I I'm on my heart radio right now. Oh
(29:10):
I get waiting through for the review of this ship.
Well those they got on there was asking for Dick
pick Yeah why not? Yeah, only not to us, to
Josh just just look, don't send Josh h please please please,
I've been through enough. But no, I do. I love
(29:35):
getting a phone call. Yeah, yes, because this is the thing,
like somebody like sending a text me like, but someone takeing,
Like when someone calls you, that means they have the time.
What I don't like is if you call me and
then tell me that you're busy. The fuck did you
call me for? That reminds me what time I was
(29:56):
living in Chicago by roommate came in my room to
ask me or something. Forgot what he had to ask
me for and just started coughing, And I was like, you,
so you just brought germs. This man have walked through
the room, had a cough, walked the room, cough, cough, coffing,
and he's like, what did I come in here for?
(30:18):
I was ready to strike ale. You should have been
You should have leapt from your bed. That was wild,
like Santa gone from roof to roof. You should have
leapt from that fucking bed. Yeah, that's but you had
just been healed. Yeah, like Benny himself swung his jacket
at you and you um, then he would be hitting
(30:45):
people with such expensive jackets. Jackets. That's where the healing
comes from. As the threads m the thread count on
it is infinite, immaculate if they have not I finished
counting the threads on a Benny hansuit. But just getting
a phone call from somebody, just being able to giggle
(31:08):
on the phone with a boy, you know, I like
the little girl said, I love boys. Because the thing is,
the phone saved us during this We've been in this panorama.
I think we are we finally out of the panorama.
It depends on who you ask, but sure, okay, because
I know people can still catch that ship. But the
(31:32):
phone was saving niggas. Yeah when we were in lockdown.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. The cell phone towers had never
been so used. Is clubhouse still a thing? I don't know.
They sent me an email yesterday and I was like,
are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, Like I feel as
(31:52):
though the conference call clubhouse, the conference call up. Yeah,
there are all these groups, right, and it's not even
on this phone because house party felt the house party
came and went so fast because it was like everyone
was like, Okay, we don't need to see each other. Yeah.
Rob Hayes and Matt Richards used to do a twerking
(32:13):
competition on Clubhouse, but you can't see video on Clubhouse.
Had to make a clap on the app. So it's
a booty clapping camp. How do you know people aren't
just slamming an empty sprite can That's the point you
don't So this so is this other girl June. We
(32:38):
were the judges and so the biggest score, the highest
score you could get, would be five peaches. And so
basically you knew people were just going You knew it
was hands. We all know it was hands. We were
all living in this illusion that this was booty cheeks
clapping right, yeah, in various patterns, and people would do
it and we'd be like sometimes it was like listen,
I'm gonna give that a peach seed, uh, because you wow,
(33:01):
I'm gonna get that the fuzz like you just took
a quick shave at the side. But some people came
through and it was just melodic. It was rhythmical. It
was brutifer rhythmical. I didn't know you hated a non word.
I think that this is my thing. This is This
is another reason that I think the texting wins out
(33:23):
is that when you make apps out of our two things,
texting wins. You know, so a clubhouse is just a
conference call app, and then texting Twitter's texting listen. As
someone who has never understood Twitter as a concept, as
a lifestyle, as a label, as a movement, I just
(33:44):
I've never gotten into Twitter. It's just too many words
for me. Okay, I guess because like when Twitter and
Instagram came out, I was like, oh, they just broke
Facebook in half. Yeah, it did feel like Facebook was
already doing everything that Twitter was gonna do. But now
there's just a different ecosystem that I think is at play,
(34:04):
where even though Twitter is essentially Facebook now because now
they've allowed so much video on it, I think that
Twitter still sort of beats Facebook in a lot of ways.
I have laughed from a text message. I've never laughed
(34:24):
as hard as I've laughed on the phone. M Okay,
especially if you're talking due. Yeah, most of my text
messages are utilitarian, Okay, unless I just met somebody. But
for the most part, it's somebody texted me about a ship,
it's workshit so a show, Daily show, my manager, Hey,
(34:45):
what are you doing like catching up with somebody when
you don't have time to call? Like somebody called me
the other day. I was like, Hey, just seeing how
you're doing. We've been talked in a while. And if
you if we haven't talked in a while and you
call me, I love that. The text message makes me go, Okay,
you're still not that concerned that you haven't talk to
(35:07):
me in a while, You know what I mean, It's
still not a thing that you really I think that
I think of the text message. I see your point,
but I think of the text message in a different
way because I'm always someone who's a bit self conscious
about what other people might be doing in the moment,
and I think that sometimes calls can be seen as
(35:29):
a bit intrusive, especially depending on the hour, whereas a
text message is like all right whenever, I mean see
and I think we have to because they remember, like
you couldn't call anybody's house past like nine or ten. Yeah, yeah,
past ten for me. But I also remember where to
send a text message cost ten cents, And I remember
(35:50):
when my friends with Guy's friends was, he was like,
you're texted me, and I was like, hey, he'sa costs
ten cents. I said, I'll give you a dollar and
we can have a conversation. But I remember like calls
being free after seven, because it calls are free after nine.
Everybody's talking so late. They were like seven. But in
the same way that, like I remember, like growing up,
(36:11):
anybody could show up at your house at any time.
I give you that you can't have the same type
of catch up on texting that you can on a
phone call, Like if you haven't talked in years and
they call you and now you're catching up and what's
been going on with you? All this stuffing like that,
it's not the same in text message. But I will
(36:32):
I'll see that, and I will raise you that texting
is a never ending conversation. You never say goodbye in
a text message. You just say i'll talk to you soon,
or i'll talk to you tomorrow, talk to you later.
But if you look at a text message between two people,
it's the entire history of their relationship as it evolved.
(36:53):
Nobody says bye. That's crazy. Just stop texting me, why
would you say bye? That's it's terrifying. I can say
when you're in this like when you meet somebody and
you're in the talking stage, that's when you're like, hey,
i'll talk to you later. It's that's where when you're
in the talking stage with a new person, that's where
you say goodbye and text messaging. Yeah, yeah, I've been
(37:16):
texting you as long as I've had this phone. And
if you're doing something, you'd be like, hey, I gotta
run or I gotta do this. But like you've never
been like, uh, well I'll talk to you nat or bye.
And I was like what is yeah? Bye is like
very final? And text message bye is for enemies? Wait?
(37:41):
Who can I text and be like okay bye? Like
if you take if you text someone and you just
said goodbye, they probably give you a phone call if
they're real first Omi, who has a phone call? That's like,
(38:02):
how do we test this theory? Who do we text goodbye?
They see uh? Roy, Roy? Where is that at work? Yeah?
The text before he goodbye? Now is it just the
word goodbye or is it like it's been real goodbye?
(38:22):
It's just the word goodbye. Just the word goodbye, okay,
and I'm gonna text it to him right now and
we're gonna see because also have to text somebody you
know who always has their phone. Yeah, yeah, Now should
I do it too, because you're you're about to do it. Okay,
he just read it. Let's see what happens. See what
(38:44):
because he's the uncle, so he has his read receipts
on let's due. I was talking to he got an
iPhone and he didn't know what read recees were. And
I was like, uh, sir, you talked to too. I
wanted to. I wanted to tell him m hmm, but
it was like, also he has to be he talked
too many bitches. You need to you take off the
(39:04):
tree receipts. Because the day I thought I saw him
read something and he didn't, I was like, I'll kill you.
What are you talking about? Roy ain't concerned this thing?
Are already ready? He said shit, he said a motherfucking thing.
This thinker Roy is not concerned at Oh I am upset.
(39:29):
This is why I get for me a strong black
woman side of a bitch thinking is not concerned at all.
Must not meant to text me? This a mistake? Oh, gosh,
(39:49):
that's so funny. Think Roy ain't shit, that's so funny. Women,
I'll miss you, goodbye, I'll miss He's not doing he
is not called. He let it was like it must
have been for me. The phone bustle, go back in
the pocket. That's wild. He didn't say shit. Oh god,
(40:13):
Now what have you texted to him? And see what
he does? They say? They say, I want to see
how fast you because he read it a suit about
sent it this right here. This is why texting is better.
You get to know the score. He was concerned. He says,
(40:35):
he's won for me. Yeah, he rejorgs. He just read by.
So he read by two minutes like dad, be nice
and clean. Huh he said, wow, he said nothing to me.
(41:01):
Oh god, see now the Niga texted me. He said,
huh wait did Josh send that to both of us?
I sent it to you. Why are you asking me
about Josh? I'm I'm almost positive he thinks that got fired.
Damn be nice and clean it up. Okay, okay, either wait,
(41:23):
did Josh send that to both of us about? Oh god,
he wasn't concerned about my welfare or nothing. I'm telling
him what we're doing right now, just so he doesn't
walk up to someone in the building right now and
be like, damn you know they fired Josh Right, this
(41:45):
is nonsense. Well, let's get get to the listeners, because
apparently Roy, you don't love me as much as I
thought he did. Jess, Well, yeah, let us know, you know,
when it comes to texting, calling, when it comes to arguing,
talking a little flirty, all right, relaying a message, getting
(42:09):
in contact with somebody, what do you prefer and what
do you do? All right? Are you a texter? You
a caller? Let us know, let us know. This has
been another episode of hold Up. Brought to you by
the people who brought Hugh Comedy Central, and it's brought
to you by me Thulsdays Zone and Joshua and Joshua
(42:29):
Ezekiel Johnson, Joshua a set of people where they can
see you on the socials. You can go in the
show notes right now, we did it real nice and
nifty for you is real sweet and all compound up
and everything you can get, you can get it right
in every episode. Whatever you want to just all you
(42:49):
gotta do is click the episode, look down, hit that
seamore button. If you're on Spotify and then all you
need to do is go to Josh Johnson Comedy dot
com backslash Tour. You all have a great, great rest
of the day and a wonderful, wonderful weekend. Thank you
for listening. Smooth Operato me. Hey everybody, it's Josh. I
(43:22):
am going to be on the road as part of
the Freshman Tour. I'm going to be in all of
these cities coming up, and I would love to see
you there. You can get your tickets in the link
that we provide in the show notes. April thirteenth, New Orleans,
April fourteenth, Bad Rouge, and April twent through the twenty second.
I'm gonna be in San Diego, California, so I'd love
to see you there. Hello friends, I've got some dates
(43:43):
coming up where you can see me your girl telling
the comedy jokes. I'm going to be at the Moontower
Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas April nineteenth through the twenty second.
And I'm going to be at Last Boston in Boston, Massachusetts,
May eleven through May thirteenth. It'll be available on my website.
(44:04):
Emma Leak three and just at the club probably so
come see me. I love you, bye,
If you break up with me via text message, then
in my mind, in my mind, you are twirling the
end of your mustache. You are dictastardly. I am tied
to railroad tracks, you son of a bitch. That is
(00:20):
so funny. Hey, everybody, welcome to hold up. It's a
big show about a lot of nothing. I am one
of your co hosts. My name is Josh Johnson. I
am a writer for The Daily Show, and I am
joined by dousays Line. It's your girl me the smooth
(00:42):
operator herself. Okay. I am a stand up comedian. I'm
also corresponding on The Daily Show and what the fuck
I do the voice of Honeybee on the Great North
Thump Fox, and I'm out here just chilling in them
all with your daddy. You know, got some new hair
on Jilla McCAT shirt because you know, Nigga's got a stunt.
(01:10):
The laughing. Don't get me wrong, I love your joy
I'm always I'm always happy for you to be joyful.
But the steps and the levels to the laughing. Today
we were talking to the people about probably one of
(01:34):
one of one of the topics. Because on the show
we don't really get deep. We don't talk about world events.
We don't. We don't talk about huge, serious topics. But
today might be the most serious we've ever done because honestly,
what this really speaks to is generations, you know what
I mean? And the type of friend, the type of
(01:55):
loved one, the type of communicator that you are. So
it's how much time you're allowing to spend with someone, um,
how you communicate. And the topic for today, kids is
texting versus calling. And you know it's some ship because
I'm the one that introduced it. Now I'm gonna give
y'all some time to choose, play the music, and we're back. Okay, Joshua.
(02:30):
What I'm not gonna do today is come for your neck.
Also the coordination between your burgundy shirt and his burgundy hair. Come, oh,
I know, come together together, we make one a bad bitch.
You mash us together. Hey, if you see Joshua behind,
(02:54):
he I'm doing my best is a bad bitch doing
my squats squats. I'm also doing the squats. At the
point these squats I've been doing must have been popping,
because another comic asked me if I had a bbl wow,
And for somebody to ask me if my ass was
purchased when it was not who that's a compliment I've
(03:19):
ever heard one. I don't care who you are. Yeah,
when it was homegrown, homegrown, just doing a little squats
and just changed a little shape a little bit. So Joshua.
When it comes to text v call in the Battle
of the Century, yeah, who who you're running with? I
(03:40):
gotta go texting, I gotta I gotta go texting day
one day out. What I'm not gonna do today. I'm
not gonna come for your neck, Okay, Because this comes
down to how someone communicates, and if you're communicating, then
it's not wrong. Yeah. Yeah, as long as you're trying
to make your feelings, no, as long as you're trying
(04:02):
to be an adult about things. Than all, we're all
in support of your effort absolutely, because people the thing
I will say, first thing I'll say of why I'm
in support of texting versus going. A lot of times
some people will say, oh no, I like to call
so I can get the context of the situation, so
that I can hear their voice, so I can word.
A lot of miscommunication can happen over the phone. You
(04:25):
can catch the wrong tone someone wasn't meaning to you know,
impart to you. You can I mean, it happens. You
could be on the phone. Are you saying that there's
more misunderstanding on the phone than there is with text messaging.
I'm not saying there's not more. I'm saying that it
can still happen. I'm not saying it can't. What I
will say is because like, first of all, sarcasm cannot
(04:48):
be conveyed over a text. The number of times I've
gotten into it, into it with somebody because I was
being sarcastic with someone when they thought you were being attacktful,
Like we need where you use emojis? No, because the
emojis are what have brought context back to text. Okay,
(05:09):
don't make no sense. Some of them don't make any sense.
But if you can text me something and then end
it with a little with a yellow yellow dude with
his eyes rolling back at his head, I'm like, oh, okay,
all right, that's for a second I thought you were
coming from me. Now I'm realizing little dude eyes rolled back.
We're on the same page. Okay. Is there something that
(05:31):
you think cannot be conveyed via text? I think, like
what subjects. What conversations can you not have via text message?
You can't do breakup over text message? Okay, because because
with a breakup, Because this is the thing. The reason
that there is miscommunication in text messages is because now
(05:54):
I'm I'm really trying to give me, give me some
give me some slack here to try to explain what
I'm saying, because I deeply believe this, but I've never
had to put it into words. I just sort of
live by it. When you were texting a person, you're
making them say what you said in their head. Yeah,
(06:15):
which is why people mis misunderstand people in text message,
because they read it with a nasty tone, even if
you didn't mean it nasty right right, right, right right.
What I think happens with a breakup, I don't think
it can happen over text message because no matter how
well and thought out the text message is, and how
long it is and how kind it is, you might
(06:38):
as well call them and read that because I guarantee you,
if somebody is breaking up with you and they're texting
it to you, you're not gonna read it the way
they wrote it, no matter what it is, because there's
going to be hurt and vololutely. Yeah the fuck not Yeah?
If I if you break up with me via text message,
then in my mind, in my mind mind, you were
(07:00):
twirling the end of your mustache. You are dictastardly. I
am tied to railroad tracks. You son of a bitch.
That is so funny. Wow, if you via text message,
(07:23):
you're a villain? Yes, yes, where are your henchmen? Who
would you? Yeah? Bastard? If you break up with a
via text message, the fuck is wrong with you. I
had a guy that I meant I was when I
lived in La I met this guy at a bar.
We were like making out and then we were gonna
hang out. He wanted to come wanted me to come
hang out with him the next day, but I was
(07:45):
I had I had a bunch of flights. I had
a bunch of work that I needed to do because
I was gonna be in the road that week, and
I'd buy like a bunch of flights. He was like,
we're gonna be in a bar for like two hours.
I was like, I'm not gonna be able to make it,
and I was like, okay, Well, I was like in
my mind, I was like I could go to this
bar but I was always in the hab to like,
I don't want to push off work to go hang
out with a boy, okay, because I had to get
this money, you know what I mean? Because I was
(08:06):
doing what Josh grinding, Yes, grinding, indeed grinding, and that
that's the real grind right there, is that you sacrifice
to grind for a grind. Bro. Yeah, I mean, because
you could have been out here grinding, living in sin,
making the beasts with two backs, you know what I'm saying.
But you were like, no, I'm gonna do my work grind,
(08:27):
all right, I'm gonna make the pages Russell, Okay, whether
I'm doing homework and I'm flipping pages, you know, or
whether I'm cashing checks and I'm flipping bills. Okay, I'm
giving American Airlines three hundred dollars at a time, cheeze. Yeah, yeah,
that's a real thing. Oh hope those miles don't grind
(08:49):
as long as I don't grind to a halt, baby,
we are, right, Yeah, And he wanted me to come
hang out, and I was like, I'm trying, and I
was really trying to, just I was trying to so
I'm I'm like a Saturday night. The next day I
wanted to hang out. I flew out Monday. He flew
out Monday. We really didn't talk throughout the weak. I
tried to hit him up and he'd be like one
(09:10):
or two sentences. I was like, okay, Friday, we both
get back in town. This fucker texts me high Sloan.
First of all, that is not my first name. Yeah,
he gave me the most thank you for your application
career Builder fucking text message. Yeah. Yeah, well, if you
(09:31):
need a reference, right, we can't provide it. You didn't
work here long enough. So I just was like when
I said high Sloan, I was like this this is
I didn't I don't think I even read read the
rest of it. I was like, yeah, fine, but it
was like he's like, oh, you're you know you're in
and out of town a lot. And I just texted
him back. We were out of town the same amount
(09:51):
of days and we both got back today. We could
have hung out, and I was like, whatever, whatever bitch
you had on hook must have activated active because you
sent me this with a switch. Yes. I don't know
if if this if she finally filled up with well,
(10:14):
I don't know what happened? What kind of magic rag
and a fucking bowl of water? This bitch was? It
just was like doo doo doo and she became a
full fed woman. Oh so like that situation, I was like, yeah,
this is this is fine. Yeah, I mean I think
that the thing that calling has for me where I
(10:35):
choose texting overcalling. Do you know I'm a team calling.
I know your team calling, And I feel like some
calls are so short that for the lead up and
for the conversation it could have been a text message,
the same way some meetings could have been emails. There
are some calls that could have been texts, because if
you really don't have much to say to me, you
(10:56):
might as well text me. Most meetings can be emails.
Some emails can be text messages, right, we all know that. Yeah,
I prefer calling because one I was born in eighteen
eighty three. Okay, I remember T nine texting? Yes, Yes,
(11:19):
where you really had to the fact when people you
knew somebody was good and mad when they text you
back fast on T nine because T nine was for
those that don't know, T nine would try to guess
based on your next letter. Ye, the word so essentially
(11:40):
what Gmail is doing now, but horrible. Like it would
be like you you want to send them the word mayonnaise, right,
and it's like I'm I'm saying, ma'am, I even have
the apostrophe up. So I've never heard of mail on
a's right. I didn't know you can pronoun it foctory.
(12:00):
So hard it was it was insane. It would be like,
you mean mayonnaise, right, and I'm like, I've never texted
anyone mayonnaise and all. Also, no one can spell mayonnaise
but the people who produce mayonnaise as mayo. Yeah, the
same way you've never texted somebody congratulations. You said congras
and your phone said us you don't know. So I
(12:22):
feel like that was T nine. When somebody text you
back fast, it was either a real emergency, hard heart emergency,
or they want to murder you. I remember my friend this.
This It still makes me laughing. So my friend was
telling the story about how she was dating this dude,
and as she was she admitted that she was fully
(12:44):
out of pocket for this. So this is like, this
is this is a situation where everybody knows what it is.
So this isn't one of those less debate on the
Internet that she's telling the story, and this is she
said she was wrong, right, Oh, I love this. So
she was dating this dude, this dude. This is a
texting versus colleague situation too, because okay, so she was
(13:08):
dating this dude, this dude pretty and he's so pretty
it makes her a little insecure. Right, Oh, I hate
those guys because they make you say stupid things. And
so then he is just I'm pretty sure he's just
living his life. Like the way she told the story,
it seemed like he was living his life. Then a
woman commented on one of his pictures on Instagram. Right now,
(13:29):
the woman that commented on one of his pictures on
Instagram was like an X from two xes ago, so
like a third X. So we're talking about somebody who's
like just checking testing the water whatever. Right, But she
don't need to be saying shit, She don't need to
be saying anything. But if you, if you have a
free and open Internet, you actually can't control who decides
(13:50):
to comment under your thing. Because it's not like it's
not like she found DMS. It's not like it's not
like he was doing anything. He just posted something. And
then she posted something. Right, Well, she's she she just
said something about him looking good or whatever. Right, Okay,
so she tried it. She tried, so she tried and
then he said, um, thanks, Like he didn't say he
wasn't like he said, yeah, he said, like so he
(14:14):
was uncomfortable, right, but but she saw it. She got
so mad that he even spoke to her in the thing,
but also in a public format like this isn't once again,
we're not talking about dms. This is a public format
that he was like, um, thanks, right, X yeah, I
mean right, she flips out, and she is text to
(14:37):
him hard did she flip? Like? She she said, she
flipped all the way out. She said that she just
saw red and like, wasn't it because also she wasn't
like a full adult at the time, so like we're
talking about grown, but we're not talking about grown grown, right,
and so she's just seeing red because I guess she
already didn't like this woman or whatever, and so now
this woman sniffling around her man and she didn't like her,
(15:00):
and the dude responded to it, albeit uncomfortably, right, but
but anyway, uh, she's like, my mistake, My mistake was
that I didn't call. First, I texted him I was
gonna kill him, and then I called, so of course
he didn't pick up. Of course, of course he didn't
(15:22):
pick up. But then no, ma'am. Then then she started
texting him more because he because he wouldn't pick up.
I've been in the situation where this motherfucker won't answer
and he's never gonna answer. And so you said you
(15:44):
were gonna kill him first. So well, one, you can
only threaten someone's life in person. Yeah, like I threatened
my X, Yeah, be for whatever reason, and um, it's fine,
but threats have to be done in person. You can't threaten.
(16:06):
You especially can't threaten over text message, Instagram, over written word,
over things that are screenshotible. You cannot threatenin a screenshotible.
You can't threaten over text message. You can't because you
can't give the police evidencia. But in person, sir, yeah,
(16:28):
I heard you've never met your grandparents? Do you want to?
Because you can't? And so basically, yeah, that's a that's
a situation where she should have called, she decided to text,
And what you do it you do the reverse of that.
First of all, you report her comment as spam. Would
(17:00):
you rather argue over text or on a call? Oh,
on the phone. On the phone, you think so apps
a fucking lootlely because in text message argument, yeah will
take all day. It will take all day. But I
feel like in a text message argument, I never misspeak.
In a text message argument. It takes me. It takes
(17:21):
me the time it takes me a type, and then
it takes me the time it takes me to read it,
and then I send it. It's been super rare in
my life that I've text anything that I regret texting.
I've set a lozed stuff I regret saying because now
on the call, you're moving at the speed of your mouth. Now,
text message arguments do make you think about what you
(17:43):
were saying, Yeah, because you got to type out the
whole thing. I've backspace mania too far. So many times
I've been like, don't say don't say that. Yeah you
want this person in your life, don't say this. Right,
there's the thing. I'm saying something truly ugly to somebody
the a text message. They can always go back and
(18:04):
look at it. They could also, you can't. You can
obviously record a person talking to you, but there's a
special type of like contextualizing you can do if you
screenshot a nasty text message. There's there's a thing where
I think, obviously you can listen to someone's voice and
(18:24):
people can make what they will of what the person
was saying, because texting makes you read in your voice,
in your head. I'm telling you, if somebody, if somebody
sends you something truly profane and you screenshot that and
you put that whether you whether you put it out
for the world or you show it to your friend,
and you're like, so they just text me this randomly,
(18:47):
it seems ten times crazier. No, no, no, no, no.
The best part of a text message argument. As I
was going back and forth with this guy I was seeing,
and he was trying to convince me that something he
said to me before is what he didn't say. For
the year and a half I knew him, like we
were hanging out here to have almost two years we
(19:09):
hung out. We mainly I probably talked to him on
the phone like twice. Yeah, it was always texting. There
was one time where I had to he said something
to me. I was like, that's not what you said.
So this is what I said. It's something you said
so I was able to go back and go, this
is what you said. So my favorite part of a
text message argument is that I can literally screenshot with
(19:31):
someone's If someone's screenshoting what you said and sending it
to you, you're wrong. Oh I don't know about that.
There's I've never been in a situation where I had
to say someone, this is what you said, and they're like, no,
I didn't, and then I have to take a screenshot
of our current text message thread and go, hey, dummy,
(19:52):
this is what you said, and either they will go, okay,
that is what I said or deflect. But I've never
a screenshot is someone in an argument and been wrong.
You're forgetting that. There are plenty of unreasonable people on
the planet. I'm not saying people. I'm saying that if
I'm to the point where I'm screenshotting in an argument,
(20:12):
yeah to the person that I'm talking Joe, oh yeah,
that you have proof I'm with you. I have proof.
I'm just saying I honor. Please. Let I've been in
a conversation with someone where they said I said something
I didn't say, and then they sent me a screenshot
of the thing that they think I said, and it's
still not what I said. And that's when I'm like, ah,
(20:35):
I don't know what to do here. I like, I don't.
I genuinely have no idea how to proceed because you're
saying I said something I didn't say, and your proof
of me saying it is still not me saying it.
So now I'm like, ah, geez, I don't like him.
When you're in the midst of an argument with somebody
and they're arguing with you about the one thing and
(20:57):
then you go, oh, you're hurt. Yeah, like you you
can't let this go. Yeah, you can't let this go.
Yeah yeah, and you keep talking and keep talking. You're like, Okay,
I figured out what the real reason you're upset is.
But you're like nah, I'm like no, yeah, you just
admit it. Yeah, if you're if you're hurt about something
(21:20):
in life, please just admit it. You're gonna you're gonna
get so much further, so much quicker if you just
admit it, especially if it's with someone who you're like,
if there's a person that's gonna be in your life forever.
So we're not talking about the end of a friendship.
We're not talking about the end of a relationship. If
this is like family, or if this is a close
friend and you're hurt by something, just admit it. Just
(21:44):
let just let it out now and not three days
from now, because because I've called two years two ye,
three years, ten years, yeah, ten fucking years literally ten
years later. Yeah, and I'm like, are you fucking kidding me, nigga? Really? Yeah?
(22:10):
What is more while is when someone's upset with you
for something that you didn't know you did. I've been
in text conversations with people that became arguments and neither
one of us knew how it became an argument. Yeah,
just morphs it just slowly, like like things. And and
that's to your point. I haven't really had that happened
while I was on the phone. That's fair, yeah, because
(22:33):
it I think a lot of things were perceived as
slick in text everything. Listen, we need fuck all of
these emojis, We need more fonts. I mean that that
would be great, Listen. I can't argue with that. If
if anytime I said something sarcastic it was in italics, Yeah, yeah,
(22:54):
it would change our lives. I would say, this is
what I will say, though I've heard alex as the
as the go to. I think italics it's for when
you're being fancy. Oh I knew, here's what you were
gonna say when you're being fancy. Italics, when you're being sarcastic.
I'm gonna be sarcastic way more than I'm gonna be fancy,
(23:15):
I know. But that's why they need to add the
option for the sartic castic one, and the sarcastic one
needs to be I'm gonna throw it out there. A
lot of people are gonna hate this. Underline comic Sands.
I'll allow it because Comic Sands is ugly enough. I'll
allow it that you're like, oh yeah, what they're saying
is dumb, and they know it's dumb, so it needs
(23:35):
to be in a dumb fought. Yes. Yeah, when you're
saying something serious, bold letters, bold letters, and a when
it's on, when it's on, if you if you putting
it on your grandmama, bold and underline, all right, oh god,
(23:55):
if you're putting it, if you're putting it down on everything.
I love bold and underline everything. I love God, my mama, kids, yeah,
my kids. Look, that's on my whole bank account. All right,
bold and underlined and that's on what period? Wow with
an extra team and that's all. Mary had a little lamb. Yeah,
(24:18):
m m, we're not we're not doing enough. It's like
you're giving us all these emojis. I don't need, don't body,
I don't need the more dancing. What I need I
need an eye roll, an emoji that actually rolls, because
the eyroll emojas just like it's looking up. But that's
what gifts are for. Um, Joshua, did you know I
(24:39):
was a gift? What what? I'm a gift? When it's me?
Oh wow, yeah, look at you and I didn't realize
you know your girls? Mhmm. The cheeks is sitting different
if you know what I mean? Oh God, tell me Mark,
(25:03):
go ahead. Oh just just basically, I think that texting
broadens the spectrum of people who can engage in good
conversation now because you have the ability to to wait
until you have something to say, you have the ability
to backspace what you are about to say, and you
have the ability to think, really really think about what
(25:24):
you're gonna say next. Doesn't mean it always works, doesn't
mean it's always spelled correctly, But I think thanking, Josh.
I think that if you're on the phone and you have,
let's say, a crush on somebody right, and you're nervous,
it's gonna be way hard to be suave or be
yourself or think about what to say next. Then if
you are texting them, I think that texting also, if
(25:48):
you want, if you want to talk about the I'm
not good at I'm good at flirting on the phone?
Are texting on the phone? On the phone? No, no, no,
Now when you say hold on, hold on? When you
say on the phone, are you talking about FaceTime too, Well,
that's up to you. When you say calling versus texting,
(26:10):
are you talking about FaceTime? I wasn't talking about FaceTime,
but I think now I'm trying about FaceTime. Yeah, I
mean I think that FaceTime. It's a different FaceTime. It's
a different animal. Yeah, it's a different beast. But I
think that there's something to be said for here. I'll
throw it out. This is gonna make it maybe too broad. Also,
when it comes to texting, you gotta throw dms in there.
(26:33):
People have whole DM conversations for the length of their friendship,
you know, on their favorite app. I guess I would
include dms Facebook messenges because pms. Dms give more for
better for worse. But I think that sometimes for better,
if you're interested in the person, dms give more access.
(26:54):
So it is a it is a win for texting
because dms to a certain degree, if there's an artist
you want to work with, if there's an icon you respect,
you have the ability to reach out to them and
let them know so and let's see. And that's why
I hate DMS. I know, I'm with you that it
goes both ways. I just think that the access that
(27:16):
it gives me to like reach out to people and
let them know. Ay, I really like what you make
and I think that you're great at it, you know
what I mean. I couldnot imagine the dms like I think,
like Chloe Kardashians like two hundred and forty million followers.
I only know that because I was just looking at
her instagrams. Imagine the dms she fucking gets. Yeah. Yeah,
(27:38):
I wouldn't even go to that part of my phone.
That's that's fair. That corner of the Internet can be
left alone because I have dms that I get and
I know people. There's first of all, there's no one
being inappropriate with me and people don't believe me. I
handed one of like one of the comics. I handed
one of my guy friends and think it was like
Matt one of them my phone and they were like like, hey,
there's a Dixon here and I was like, I told you,
(28:00):
m hm. So I don't know who these other women
complaining are, but you know what once again and I'll
sit now, mind you. I was on E one day
talking about send me dick picks and when my friends
was like, you got the wrong you were you were
talking to the wrong demographic. Yes, yes, yes, that was
my fault. If you're watching E at ten am, maybe Bravo,
(28:20):
maybe maybe Bravo, but you really yes, yes, Spike Bike
TV was still on the air. Yeah, is the Esquire
channel still on the air. Yeah, you need to go
to whatever whatever channel hosts Bellatore? All right, who Belltour
is one of the m M A promotions. Whatever channel
(28:42):
hosts Bellatore would be like, send me pictures of your penis.
I guarantee there would be thousands. You might have to
burn your phone. I don't know. I'm telling you you
were you were on the wrong network at the wrong time.
Well I I'm on my heart radio right now. Oh
(29:10):
I get waiting through for the review of this ship.
Well those they got on there was asking for Dick
pick Yeah why not? Yeah, only not to us, to
Josh just just look, don't send Josh h please please please,
I've been through enough. But no, I do. I love
(29:35):
getting a phone call. Yeah, yes, because this is the thing,
like somebody like sending a text me like, but someone takeing,
Like when someone calls you, that means they have the time.
What I don't like is if you call me and
then tell me that you're busy. The fuck did you
call me for? That reminds me what time I was
(29:56):
living in Chicago by roommate came in my room to
ask me or something. Forgot what he had to ask
me for and just started coughing, And I was like, you,
so you just brought germs. This man have walked through
the room, had a cough, walked the room, cough, cough, coffing,
and he's like, what did I come in here for?
(30:18):
I was ready to strike ale. You should have been
You should have leapt from your bed. That was wild,
like Santa gone from roof to roof. You should have
leapt from that fucking bed. Yeah, that's but you had
just been healed. Yeah, like Benny himself swung his jacket
at you and you um, then he would be hitting
(30:45):
people with such expensive jackets. Jackets. That's where the healing
comes from. As the threads m the thread count on
it is infinite, immaculate if they have not I finished
counting the threads on a Benny hansuit. But just getting
a phone call from somebody, just being able to giggle
(31:08):
on the phone with a boy, you know, I like
the little girl said, I love boys. Because the thing is,
the phone saved us during this We've been in this panorama.
I think we are we finally out of the panorama.
It depends on who you ask, but sure, okay, because
I know people can still catch that ship. But the
(31:32):
phone was saving niggas. Yeah when we were in lockdown.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. The cell phone towers had never
been so used. Is clubhouse still a thing? I don't know.
They sent me an email yesterday and I was like,
are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, Like I feel as
(31:52):
though the conference call clubhouse, the conference call up. Yeah,
there are all these groups, right, and it's not even
on this phone because house party felt the house party
came and went so fast because it was like everyone
was like, Okay, we don't need to see each other. Yeah.
Rob Hayes and Matt Richards used to do a twerking
(32:13):
competition on Clubhouse, but you can't see video on Clubhouse.
Had to make a clap on the app. So it's
a booty clapping camp. How do you know people aren't
just slamming an empty sprite can That's the point you
don't So this so is this other girl June. We
(32:38):
were the judges and so the biggest score, the highest
score you could get, would be five peaches. And so
basically you knew people were just going You knew it
was hands. We all know it was hands. We were
all living in this illusion that this was booty cheeks
clapping right, yeah, in various patterns, and people would do
it and we'd be like sometimes it was like listen,
I'm gonna give that a peach seed, uh, because you wow,
(33:01):
I'm gonna get that the fuzz like you just took
a quick shave at the side. But some people came
through and it was just melodic. It was rhythmical. It
was brutifer rhythmical. I didn't know you hated a non word.
I think that this is my thing. This is This
is another reason that I think the texting wins out
(33:23):
is that when you make apps out of our two things,
texting wins. You know, so a clubhouse is just a
conference call app, and then texting Twitter's texting listen. As
someone who has never understood Twitter as a concept, as
a lifestyle, as a label, as a movement, I just
(33:44):
I've never gotten into Twitter. It's just too many words
for me. Okay, I guess because like when Twitter and
Instagram came out, I was like, oh, they just broke
Facebook in half. Yeah, it did feel like Facebook was
already doing everything that Twitter was gonna do. But now
there's just a different ecosystem that I think is at play,
(34:04):
where even though Twitter is essentially Facebook now because now
they've allowed so much video on it, I think that
Twitter still sort of beats Facebook in a lot of ways.
I have laughed from a text message. I've never laughed
(34:24):
as hard as I've laughed on the phone. M Okay,
especially if you're talking due. Yeah, most of my text
messages are utilitarian, Okay, unless I just met somebody. But
for the most part, it's somebody texted me about a ship,
it's workshit so a show, Daily show, my manager, Hey,
(34:45):
what are you doing like catching up with somebody when
you don't have time to call? Like somebody called me
the other day. I was like, Hey, just seeing how
you're doing. We've been talked in a while. And if
you if we haven't talked in a while and you
call me, I love that. The text message makes me go, Okay,
you're still not that concerned that you haven't talk to
(35:07):
me in a while, You know what I mean, It's
still not a thing that you really I think that
I think of the text message. I see your point,
but I think of the text message in a different
way because I'm always someone who's a bit self conscious
about what other people might be doing in the moment,
and I think that sometimes calls can be seen as
(35:29):
a bit intrusive, especially depending on the hour, whereas a
text message is like all right whenever, I mean see
and I think we have to because they remember, like
you couldn't call anybody's house past like nine or ten. Yeah, yeah,
past ten for me. But I also remember where to
send a text message cost ten cents, And I remember
(35:50):
when my friends with Guy's friends was, he was like,
you're texted me, and I was like, hey, he'sa costs
ten cents. I said, I'll give you a dollar and
we can have a conversation. But I remember like calls
being free after seven, because it calls are free after nine.
Everybody's talking so late. They were like seven. But in
the same way that, like I remember, like growing up,
(36:11):
anybody could show up at your house at any time.
I give you that you can't have the same type
of catch up on texting that you can on a
phone call, Like if you haven't talked in years and
they call you and now you're catching up and what's
been going on with you? All this stuffing like that,
it's not the same in text message. But I will
(36:32):
I'll see that, and I will raise you that texting
is a never ending conversation. You never say goodbye in
a text message. You just say i'll talk to you soon,
or i'll talk to you tomorrow, talk to you later.
But if you look at a text message between two people,
it's the entire history of their relationship as it evolved.
(36:53):
Nobody says bye. That's crazy. Just stop texting me, why
would you say bye? That's it's terrifying. I can say
when you're in this like when you meet somebody and
you're in the talking stage, that's when you're like, hey,
i'll talk to you later. It's that's where when you're
in the talking stage with a new person, that's where
you say goodbye and text messaging. Yeah, yeah, I've been
(37:16):
texting you as long as I've had this phone. And
if you're doing something, you'd be like, hey, I gotta
run or I gotta do this. But like you've never
been like, uh, well I'll talk to you nat or bye.
And I was like what is yeah? Bye is like
very final? And text message bye is for enemies? Wait?
(37:41):
Who can I text and be like okay bye? Like
if you take if you text someone and you just
said goodbye, they probably give you a phone call if
they're real first Omi, who has a phone call? That's like,
(38:02):
how do we test this theory? Who do we text goodbye?
They see uh? Roy, Roy? Where is that at work? Yeah?
The text before he goodbye? Now is it just the
word goodbye or is it like it's been real goodbye?
(38:22):
It's just the word goodbye. Just the word goodbye, okay,
and I'm gonna text it to him right now and
we're gonna see because also have to text somebody you
know who always has their phone. Yeah, yeah, Now should
I do it too, because you're you're about to do it. Okay,
he just read it. Let's see what happens. See what
(38:44):
because he's the uncle, so he has his read receipts
on let's due. I was talking to he got an
iPhone and he didn't know what read recees were. And
I was like, uh, sir, you talked to too. I
wanted to. I wanted to tell him m hmm, but
it was like, also he has to be he talked
too many bitches. You need to you take off the
(39:04):
tree receipts. Because the day I thought I saw him
read something and he didn't, I was like, I'll kill you.
What are you talking about? Roy ain't concerned this thing?
Are already ready? He said shit, he said a motherfucking thing.
This thinker Roy is not concerned at Oh I am upset.
(39:29):
This is why I get for me a strong black
woman side of a bitch thinking is not concerned at all.
Must not meant to text me? This a mistake? Oh, gosh,
(39:49):
that's so funny. Think Roy ain't shit, that's so funny. Women,
I'll miss you, goodbye, I'll miss He's not doing he
is not called. He let it was like it must
have been for me. The phone bustle, go back in
the pocket. That's wild. He didn't say shit. Oh god,
(40:13):
Now what have you texted to him? And see what
he does? They say? They say, I want to see
how fast you because he read it a suit about
sent it this right here. This is why texting is better.
You get to know the score. He was concerned. He says,
(40:35):
he's won for me. Yeah, he rejorgs. He just read by.
So he read by two minutes like dad, be nice
and clean. Huh he said, wow, he said nothing to me.
(41:01):
Oh god, see now the Niga texted me. He said,
huh wait did Josh send that to both of us?
I sent it to you. Why are you asking me
about Josh? I'm I'm almost positive he thinks that got fired.
Damn be nice and clean it up. Okay, okay, either wait,
(41:23):
did Josh send that to both of us about? Oh god,
he wasn't concerned about my welfare or nothing. I'm telling
him what we're doing right now, just so he doesn't
walk up to someone in the building right now and
be like, damn you know they fired Josh Right, this
(41:45):
is nonsense. Well, let's get get to the listeners, because
apparently Roy, you don't love me as much as I
thought he did. Jess, Well, yeah, let us know, you know,
when it comes to texting, calling, when it comes to arguing,
talking a little flirty, all right, relaying a message, getting
(42:09):
in contact with somebody, what do you prefer and what
do you do? All right? Are you a texter? You
a caller? Let us know, let us know. This has
been another episode of hold Up. Brought to you by
the people who brought Hugh Comedy Central, and it's brought
to you by me Thulsdays Zone and Joshua and Joshua
(42:29):
Ezekiel Johnson, Joshua a set of people where they can
see you on the socials. You can go in the
show notes right now, we did it real nice and
nifty for you is real sweet and all compound up
and everything you can get, you can get it right
in every episode. Whatever you want to just all you
(42:49):
gotta do is click the episode, look down, hit that
seamore button. If you're on Spotify and then all you
need to do is go to Josh Johnson Comedy dot
com backslash Tour. You all have a great, great rest
of the day and a wonderful, wonderful weekend. Thank you
for listening. Smooth Operato me. Hey everybody, it's Josh. I
(43:22):
am going to be on the road as part of
the Freshman Tour. I'm going to be in all of
these cities coming up, and I would love to see
you there. You can get your tickets in the link
that we provide in the show notes. April thirteenth, New Orleans,
April fourteenth, Bad Rouge, and April twent through the twenty second.
I'm gonna be in San Diego, California, so I'd love
to see you there. Hello friends, I've got some dates
(43:43):
coming up where you can see me your girl telling
the comedy jokes. I'm going to be at the Moontower
Comedy Festival in Austin, Texas April nineteenth through the twenty second.
And I'm going to be at Last Boston in Boston, Massachusetts,
May eleven through May thirteenth. It'll be available on my website.
(44:04):
Emma Leak three and just at the club probably so
come see me. I love you, bye,
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