March 29, 2021 • 49 mins
Are you going through a breakup? A part of the broken-hearts club? Well, we have just the cure! Today, Zuri and the ladies of the Groupchat are sharing their FUNNIEST & most F*CKED UP Breakup Stories! From next level ghosting, to (toxic) BFF drama, to a micropenis, and the songs you need to add to your Broken Hearts Playlist. Be sure to stay until the end for this weeks Party Trick: 3 Tips on How to Bounce Back From a Breakup! Share this episode with a friend, NOW + Let us know your favorite part of the convo: @ZuriHall + @HotHappyMess.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
M Hot Happy Mess. Celebrate your magic in the middle
of life's messes. Hot Happy. I'm Zurie Hall and this
is Hot Happy Made What is of? Welcome back to
(00:25):
another episode of Hot Happy Mess. I am your host,
Zuri Hall, and today we are talking about love or
lack they're of. Actually, you guys are loving this series,
and I'm so glad because y'all know I love to
talk about love and lack thereof. It's one of my
(00:45):
favorite topics to explore. So I'm really glad that the
relationship series is hit the way that we hoped it
would hit. My voice cracked there in a really weird way.
I think I'm kind of losing it slightly concerning no
losing my voice, not my mind, but that is also
up for debate. Sometimes. Um, we're talking about breaking up today.
Breaking up is hard to do. Sometimes, sometimes it's really easy.
(01:08):
Sometimes it's written on the wall. Okay, So I've got
some of my girls were stepping back into the group chat.
We're bringing you back into the fold with my real
life besties. Uh two of them today, Veronika and Ashley
are joining me and we're just sharing our stories when
it comes to breakups. We've had um how we've gotten
(01:29):
over them? Our number one go to breakup song. If
you have a breakup song that you are like, Yo,
this will get you through it. Please leave a review,
leave a five star review, but um drop the song
in the comment in the review. I would really love
to hear those and share those with our High Happy
Mess community, help our sisters out who might be going
(01:50):
through it. Right now, after the group chat, we have
this week's party trick, which is from marriage and family
therapist Beverly Andre. She's providing us with three tips to
bounce back from a breakup. Okay, and then we're wrapping
up this episode so that we can gear up for
marriage hard turn. We're making hard turns here, guys. That's
(02:14):
next week. Anyways. First up, this is the group Chat.
We are back with another episode of Hot Happy Mess
and we've got some of the group chat ladies here,
Veronica and Ashley. Hi lady Hi. So I have had
the honor the privilege the shared trauma of going through
some breakups with y'all, like being witnessed to them going
(02:38):
through them. Y'all have certainly supported me through um mine
and this episode is just all about breaking up like
how to do it, when to do it? Breakups gone bad,
and you know the group chat is all about just
keeping a real and diving in. So first up, Uh,
we'll kick things off with Veronica. What breakup are you
going to talk about today? Because it's not just from banting,
(03:00):
which I kind of love. No, not at all. I
think actually, if you're doing it right, friendship breakups are
sometimes even worse than romantic breakups. So um yeah, I
mean if you're friends with someone, for in, this breakup
was like ten years of friendship, if not more. Um.
I think you think like when you're when you get
this romantic relationship, you're not thinking it's gonna end, but
(03:21):
you're like, no matter what, like my girls will be
there to hold me down. You know, you expect your
friends to be there through your romantic breakups. Um. And
then when you break up with your friend, it's like
and you're single, It's like okay, so now where do
I go? Um? So that was for sure like one
of my hardest breakups. But then it's like, if that's
(03:43):
your sister, it ebbs and flows um relationships, So it's
like she's in a different place. And I realized after
that you know, we'll get back to it. If this
is really your systems, is really like your girl, it'll
come back. And it just um, I mean it happened
a few times. At this point, I was like, so
it's just I'm back because I remember you calling me,
like so we're back on and leave her. Veronica like
(04:09):
this toxic? Have you listened to the episode on toxicity? Mean?
When she explains me, I'm okay. The word the EPs
and flows fres She explained that to me. She was like,
you know, religious, I was wrong, you are if this
ain't Stockholm syndrome, you know what, I would let you
speak your truth because I'm still trying to figure out
(04:29):
how to know. And I say that so lovingly because honestly,
like and I feel like I've said this on the
podcast before about you, and I certainly say it in
real life to people when I'm trying to explain you.
It's like, right, but like, did you this? You have
like the biggest heart, You have the strongest resting bitch
(04:50):
face ever, but then like the biggest heart underneath it.
And I feel like once you decide that someone's your friends,
like once you block it, like you're they're like that's it,
and so it's great for to be in the receiving
end of that, you know, like I appreciate your friendship.
But then it's also like people who don't deserve it.
You know, we all have those people in our lives
(05:10):
also get the rewards of your loyalty even after they've
used up there get out of jail free car. So
that's just how I always felt about that breakup situation.
But but see, you have to come see the new
and improved version. So he has changed. Got to see
this car telling me he left me. Okay, you might
(05:30):
be right, You might be right. It's been a long time.
Hasn't been years since I even like the wait, you
were not reason the first time when she dumped me
after we all hung out, you were the reason. You
don't remember that here talking about toxicity and she's like toxic. No,
I wasn't. I was the new man who treated you right.
(05:51):
It was like not as sexy or fun and like
probably couldn't get you into as many clubs, but like
I came home at night and you knew where I was,
and you probably have the past good in my phone,
but this one was just like getting the Lamborghini bitch. Okay,
so that's he's going to go into and I'm excited
(06:15):
about that because I think it really is an important
conversation of perspective Actlet what are you going to be
helping us work through? What are you revealing when it
comes to the breakup. Yeah, So when I was in
college and even after college, I had like a relationship
that was the friendship that turned into a situationship that
turned into a relationship back to the situationship, and it
(06:38):
lasted for years and it was extremely toxic and almost
turned physical in a bad way. And so yeah, that's
the that's the breakup I'm talking about. Okay, very very
painful situation. Yeah. Yeah, when it comes to breaking up,
I feel like it's particularly hard to do when there's
(07:00):
like when the person who you're like, I think I
need to step away from this person, when they're so
good at like turning it back up and turning it
back on and being who they were when you loved them,
and being that person just long enough to kind of
like get you back into the their grid. And then
you get so used to this pattern that you almost
normalize it and you look up and you're like I've
(07:21):
been doing this ship for two or three or four
years with you, and that goes for friendships too, because
I've had that situation Brownico with you. What break it down?
Like what was the dynamic? When were you like, something's
not adding up, something's gotta give, I'm not liking where
we are. And then also how did you eventually walk
away from it? So? Um, I had just transferred from
(07:43):
my college in Baltimore Box to New York. I think
I was about nineteen, maybe not nineteen. Um. We I
just wanted to meet people, so I was just going
around doing things. So I had this promoter friend who
was taking people to the Hampton's and so I went
with my boyfriend at the time, and she was there
with her boyfriend at this time, and we just struck
up a conversation. We were like on a tennis court
(08:04):
or something. Maybe we're the only people there. So we
started talking and like we're talking about our relationships, and
I'm like, um, yeah, I'm with this guy. We've been
together for a year now, you know, or almost a year.
Our anniversary is coming up, and you know he's gonna
get me this promise. And Mary already picked it out
blah blah blah. Yeah, this is what's going on. And
I was very much more of the like assertive one.
Knew what I wanted, knew what my boyfriend was gonna
(08:25):
do for me, what was going on, and I was gonna,
you know, express myself. Um. She was more timid. She
was like, well, yeah, I hope he remembers our anniversary.
It was very much that kind of thing. Um, So
I kind of became almost a defender. I guess, like
we would go out, I'd be like the outspoken one. Um.
He took a while. Yeah, you know, it was kind
(08:48):
of like this duo. We'd go to clubs together all
the time, Um, just meeting people and that's a dynamic
that played out over and over again. Um. But it
was fun. We had so much fun. She I told
we felt like we were the only ones who could
understand our lives because we're doing all these crazy things
like being just going on meeting all these people and
doing all this club and the nightlife scene, and other
people kind of couldn't understand the things that we were doing. UM,
(09:10):
So we kind of had that system her. There was
no judgment. We would just tell each other everything. It's
it was a great friendship. It's always been a great friendship,
which is why the first time she kind of just
stopped talking to me, I was extremely hurt. Like I
was like showing up to her house like to like
bring the horbill and kind of like having to drag
myself away like you like going up to the city,
like I, yeah, I just need to be like listen,
(09:32):
what happened? Why are you ignoring me? And did she
just go straight up cold like stopped answering phone calls
and text What happened? Um? Basically? And then um, and
but she is a bit older, like maybe like five
years older than me. Oh, I didn't know she doesn't
having a child. Yeah, so it even stranger now to me,
you know. Um, so she just went cold turkey the
(09:55):
first time, and so I was really upset. I kept
texting her and being like, you know, what's going on?
Then I just kind of dropped it. Know, eventually she
came back around. I'm not sure what happened, but I
accepted at it. I was like, Okay, you know, it's
one time, it's not a big deal. Um. It happened again,
like maybe a year or something later, and I was
like I think I was more upset then because maybe
(10:15):
it was a few years later, but I had this
guy in my life who was no good and she
had been with me the whole time going through it, um,
and she had seen everything in around that time, the
first the second time she'd be broke up. Um. He
and I had broken up too, and so he was
my everything and she was my everything. And it was
like I got upset with her because it was like,
how dare you not be around at the time when
(10:37):
I needed you most, you know, like I kind of
expected him to do his nonsense that he was doing,
but like I really needed her. Um, So I got
upset as well. She she went away and I didn't.
I went cold turkey too. I was like, all right,
like we can hold out, Like let's see what happens
that one point. What happened, it was like a game
(10:57):
of chicken at that point, like you didn't want it
to be over, but you weren't gonna be the one
to be like banging out her door again. Exactly. I
was not giving in um, and I didn't understand why,
Like what it was like, I wasn't thinking about like
the in depth analysis of why she was behaving why
she was. I just knew at the moment I was
not going to give in to it. And then I'm
not sure how we got together after that, but it
(11:18):
just seems like it just always keeps coming back like
that exit just keeps coming back like you can when
she would disappear. What was her explanation when she came
back on the grid. Well, the first time, I mean
it was so petty. Should I The first side was
when we all each other. Yeah, good question. I genuinely
was asking and did not realize that I was the answer. Yeah.
(11:43):
I vaguely recall it. You know, my memories trashed. Was
it because we had hung out or something? Because I
remember being like Breanica, this is not normal for a
friend to act like this about you having other friends.
I'm not sure if it was that. Well, she told
me that, Um, it was that we made her feel
uncomfortable because you were like talking about like how we
(12:03):
can eat all the things we want and blah blah blah.
But it was not like in a malicious way, Like
it wasn't like what you know, we were just talking
about it. And I have like the skinny struggle too,
like I'm trying to gain weight. I eat everything I
want and I can't gain any weight, So it depends
on how you're seeing it or how you're taking it.
Why the way hold on because you're talking mad They
and I just want to lay it out very clear
so there's no misunderstanding. We the three of us went
(12:26):
to lunch or dinner or something. You and I were
talking about what we wanted to order on the menu,
and as skinny chicks with fast metabolism, we just what
happened this. I went don on with that. She felt
some type of way about that, and therefore I was like, yeah,
I'm good on Veronica, my best and have okay, just
(12:49):
to confirm I wasn't tripping. That sounds as ridiculous today
as it did almost eight years ago, Aslety is over
here looking like I want to say it, but what
the hell? That's nice that, you know, but like it's
funny in Hindzack because you just have to laugh at
some things to keep from crying. But then it also
(13:10):
is kind of wild that it is ridiculous. But in
all seriousness, the way you were talking about romantic relationships,
be right, It can be the same way, right, like
a dude that we're dating, or you know, a chip
we've been talking to for a little while. And then
the smallest, most seemingly dumb ship is this stuff that
(13:31):
sets them off or well I don't like the way
you looked at them, or why do you need other friends?
Or da da da da da, And it's like those
tiny little things that add up over time, and yeah,
do you become toxic? Like it's it's a formal promotional manipulation.
And maybe it had been something else, and maybe it
was building up from somewhere else. I don't know, but
I was like, Okay, well I can't understand it, but
(13:53):
maybe it triggered her. Maybe this is something she really
has an issue with, So let's just go on with
the friendship. It won't happen again, Like, let's it's more
important to me. It will be for ends and let's
move on um. And then so we did. And the
second time was again when I broke up or mutual
break or whatever it was to mess with the man.
And then she also disappeared, and I was really upset.
(14:14):
I took that one to heart. I didn't think about, well,
what was she going through? What maybe caused this? I
was just like that's messed up, Like did you have
an efficial? Did you ever have an official breakup speech
with her? Like, Hey, I can't do this anymore, it's
been real. Or do you just kind of like fall off? No,
it's never like that. It's a falling off. And then
(14:35):
the last one actually happens like seven months ago or something.
We were talking about politics on text and it was
something about Trump. You were talking about a certain topic.
I can't remember exactly what it was, and I was like, oh, well,
I agree with this part, but you know, obviously I
don't agree with like how he's using it, the message
behind it, blah blah blah. And then it was just like,
(14:56):
you know, her trying to convince me to her side,
and I'm move the person, and it's like, as long
as you're not harming anyone, as long as there's like
nothing malicious underneath it, I'm gonna allow you to feel
how you want to feel. We don't have to agree
on everything a percent um, as long as I can
respect where you're coming from on it. But obviously she
felt stronger about it, and so she disappeared for like
(15:17):
three four months, and I was like, ghost on you
because she didn't like what you said or what your
opinions or thoughts were. That's hell manipulative though. It's like,
I'm gonna punish you with my absence anytime you do
something in my presence that I don't approve of. To me,
that feels like, you know, I'm gonna withhold my love,
(15:39):
my affection, my presence, and I'm gonna hit you with
my absence anytime you do something I don't approve of,
which I don't see it that way, but I tried to,
you know, I just I feel like I know her
stole in her intentions, and you know, I think that
sometimes and she's still practicing on how to find a person,
how to use it. And maybe the way I took
it was that, you know, maybe she didn't want to
(16:01):
further damage a relationship by saying anything or do something,
so she needed her time and space and she's allowed
to take it. You know, I'm kind of in a
place in my life where i've you know, fool me on,
shame on me, fool me twice, or fool me on
you alright, alright forty one or what I oh? Yeah,
(16:25):
the third time, I was like, listen, do you have
your own things you're working on, So I'm gonna stay
over here do my thing, and when you're ready, you
could come back. So that's what. It's not affecting me
emostly as much. You know. It's like I said, to me,
my own person. And it's sad a little bit because
I feel like for me, in order for me to
do that, I kind of had to let go a
piece of the friendship. I kind of have to realize
I can't rely on her as much, which is what
(16:46):
you really want with like a sisterhood and best friend,
you want like that kind of deep emotional I can
rely on your connection. And I was like, okay, well
it's not gonna be her, Like we're so like the
greatest of friends and I love her so much, but
that little piece, I can't put it there. I gotta
take it. Wait, So have y'all talked? It was the
last time we talk? Oh yeah, talked to her every day.
I love her. Yeah, she's like, that's who I'm on
(17:07):
vacation with. I'm glad you guys are talking terms and
hopefully you know you said, she's growing and y'allard in
a good place, so that's good. You guys are really
on talking terms. She said the talk every day. Oh ship,
I thought you were joking. See that. Also the fact
(17:31):
that Ronica Hopps on a whole ass breakup episode just
to reveal that she isn't fact back with her time.
That's evening. I thought this was a breakup. Oh my god,
who looked? You know? You are canceled athlete. Can we
please talk about someone you broke up with that you
(17:52):
did not just space time before this episode because I
haven't talked to this person, um in ninety year. So
uh no. But this is somebody that I met when
I was nineteen. We started off as really really good friends, um,
truly good friends, and he really liked me, and initially
I was like, oh, like, I don't like him, and
(18:15):
he pursued me for a long time and so finally,
you know, we crossed that lens. I felt like, you know,
this is a good friend. So what better way to
like form a relationship with somebody than to have them
as your friends first, a really good friend somebody that
like I respected and that that respected me. And so
that's where it led, and it just turned into like
(18:38):
over the years. I did not know it then, but
it was like a very emotionally and mentally abusive relationship
over the years. Um, and some of the small things
he would do, yeah, like we would be up and
we would be down, Like he'd picked arguments, Like he
was very critical of me and the ways that I
(18:59):
looked and the things that I like, And it got
to the point where it was like, yeah, I mean
if you just lost a little bit of weight, like
we can make this work. Or you know, like anything
that I liked, like I was like, oh, I remember
even talking about a car. I was I wanted to
get a Jeep Grand Cherokee like when I was younger,
which I ended up getting when I was older, But
(19:19):
I was like, yeah, I really loved the geper and
Cherkeys just like yeah, that's super super dumb, Like that's
how it was dumb. It just like yeah, right. Or
I was saying I wanted to move to Charlotte when
I graduated, Why would you use to a city like that?
Like that's that's stupid. Or even when I talked about
(19:40):
my profession, um, what I wanted to do, it was like, well,
why would you do that? So everything that I said
that I liked was something that was just it was
very negative. It was stupid, and I just was so
young and inexperienced at the time that I didn't understand
what was actually going on. And so I kept going
back to, well, we used to be really good friends
(20:02):
and he was always so nice to me, and we
were like really really close, Like I just need to
help him get back to that place, and so I
would try like all of these things over the years,
Like it really actually affected my friendship, really close friendships,
because they saw the change in me UM, and I
was trying to do something that I wasn't, Like what
(20:23):
what did they notice about you that was different? I
was like snapping on my friends, So that was mad.
I was just always upset. I was always trying to
put so much more energy into making him like me,
into being what I thought he wanted me to be UM,
and I was neglecting my friendships, and I was like
(20:45):
I was being mean, you know what I mean? Like
I said, I was always irritated, and I'm always trying
to figure out he was making me miserable. UM. And
so when there was a point in time where we
actually were together and I found out that he was
it was like the first time I found out and
I was so devastated. I mean, I was like I
(21:07):
had never been a heartbroken in my life. Like my
best friend came and I was in my apartment. I'm
talking like I've swoll when I had eaten. My apartment
was a mess. Like I was extremely heartbroken. And even
from that point on, it was just like, Okay, I'll
never do that again, and then we would be good.
And then it was something else, and then it was
(21:27):
more manipulation, like yeah, like maybe if you change this,
if you would just be a little bit more loyal,
if you would do this a little bit more like,
you know, then you would be the right person for
me and this last city guys for years, and I
could not let go of the person that I knew
initially who was my friend. That's what I could not
(21:50):
let go of because I wasn't understanding at that point
in my life that like people changed maybe who he
was and was not truly who he actually is, Like
I could not like conceptualize that. Um. And so later
on into adulthood, we actually were not Um, we weren't dating,
but it was still like a situation ships in some way,
(22:13):
and um, we were in a specific location and he
was I've never been so disrespected by anyone in my
entire life, like very does. It was so traumatizing. It
was so traumatizing. So we were in a specific location
(22:34):
out of town together with some of his friends, and
long story short, like we were joking around and he
grabbed my arm and he twisted he like twisted my
arm up like it actually really hurt. And he was
a big guy. And I remember like I was like, like,
what the are you doing? And even his friends like,
he's like, yo, what are you doing? And he was like,
(22:56):
you don't never don't ever call me that a game, like,
don't ever say anything would ever touched me like that?
Like and also actually I don't not that anything that
you would do would warrant that. Nothing excuses that type
of behavior. But what was the thing that triggered him
or set him off? So I cannot remember what the
joke was, but somebody said a joke and he said
(23:20):
something back. I started laughing, and you know how you're like, yo,
shut up and you like tap somebody on the arm.
That's what it was. And he was like, don't you
ever touch me like that again. Don't you ever hit me?
And that's what made him like he like him by
ass up. And I had never seen that kind of
physical behavior from him before. So I was like whoa,
(23:41):
Like this is crazy, and I knew it was bad.
At that point, I still needed validation from other people
that Like I was like, that's bad, but what his
friend said it was bad. I was like, Okay, this
is bad, and so for the yeah, so well. And
so for the rest of the night, he continued to
be very like so distressed. Like I literally was like,
we have been through so much over the last eight years.
(24:03):
I have done so much for you, Like I have
a relationship with his mom. My mom has a relationship
with his mom, Like I've been to his mom's house,
he's been to my family's house, like we're very connected. Um.
And so I was like, I don't know what I've
ever done to you to feel like you're treating me
like I'm just some random ship off the street, Like,
(24:24):
but you shouldn't treat any woman like that. But I'm
somebody who's been here, like quote unquote holding you down
for like eight years and not understanding that like real
love does not equate to like going all all of
this pain. Um. So, later on in the night, I
was really upset and I was like, hey, you know,
(24:46):
like I can't believe I mean, I was kissed, So
it was not it was not like a chill conversation,
but I basically telling him like I felt really disrespected.
I can't believe you would treat me like this, especially
in front of your friends, Like I don't understand what
I've ever done to you to make you like this
is respectful to and um, y'all, he put his five
(25:08):
in my face, like I'm five seven and he's like
six three, and she's like, I mean way bigger than me,
but it's this in my face, called me every name
in the book, like every derogatory name in the book,
like it was terrible, and was like I will I
will knock you out like it was it was. And
(25:28):
this was at like two o'clock in the morning. Um.
And actually I was actually supposed to go to the
airport at the same time he was, So I'm thinking
we're going to ride together and yeah, he was like, yeah,
I don't know how you're gonna get to the airport,
Like you have to sign your own way, he said,
I was on my own, but luckily his friend knew
(25:48):
I needed to go to the airport and knew that
he had been on one like the whole night, and
so he was like, I'm gonna be downstairs waiting on
you whether you like come down or not, and I'm
going to take it to the airport, which was super
nice of his friend who I had only known for
like seven hours. Um. Yeah, and so yeah, he had
(26:08):
sit in my face tell me every name in the book,
and it was I could tell that we were on
the brink of like this being really physical because at
this point I was like, I really want you to
hit my ask so I can like right, I mean,
I would be sucked up, but but I'm not no
knock because this is really really bad and I really
could have been seriously injured. Um. And I walked, I
(26:33):
walked out of the hotel room, and I never talked
to him again. So that was it. You just never
never talked. Did he reach out and you ignore or
did he just not even reach out? Um, well, I've
blocked him from everything, so if he tried to reach out,
like I would never know. Um. But that was kind
of like God telling me, like he should have been
(26:54):
out of my life a long time ago, because it
was so abusive. Um, but yeah, we never talked to
in It was like an eight year relationship friendship, flash
situationship down the train and then I just so, I actually, yeah,
so we actually do so communicate and she communicates to
my mom and I realized through a conversation with her
(27:15):
about a year and a half ago, I filled various
like he's a narcissist, like because he has abused his mom,
like yeah, And so she was confiding to me about
all of this stuff that had been going on between
him and her, and I didn't have the heart to
like tell her like what had gone on. But it
was then I was like, oh my god, like he's
(27:36):
literally a narcissistic person. And in aving after you left
that trip and you know, you blocked him on everything,
you know. Touching on that theme of breaking up, it
doesn't make it any easier sometimes to walk away from someone,
even when you do it, even when you know you've
done the right thing. What was the aftermath like for you?
(27:57):
Was it difficult or was it like you know what
after all the ship that went down there, like I'm out,
like I couldn't care less, there's nothing left to grieve
or moren when it comes to the loss of this
relationship or was it still difficult for you to realize
this disguised that in my life anymore? Um, it was
less it was for for one thing, it was super difficult,
(28:17):
Like I actually left feeling so broken, and because I
was like, first of all, I've never been in this
situation before, and I don't know what I did to
deserve like this type of treatment. I've always just tried
to be a good friend and like I mean I
did a lot for him. Um. And I was actually
really embarrassed, Like I didn't even tell anybody for like
a long time, UM, because I had this process everything
(28:41):
and it almost kind of seemed like a death. It's
actually one of the hardest years of my life, like
to date. UM. And I had to forgive myself and
understand that like this was not your fault. And it
literally took me until a year and a half ago
to realize like he has he's a nurse to this,
like and I forgave myself, but like that actually kind
(29:04):
of closed it up for me. But yeah, it was
really really tough. Yeah, because when you think about narcissists
and actually you and I have had so many conversations
because you had to walk me through that when I
realized I'm doing what this um, It's like, you're right.
Something about realizing that is the label that truly applies
(29:24):
to them kind of frees you up a little bit
because you're a victim, right. I was a victim of victims,
and we were victims for a reason. They take advantage
of people who can be taken advantage of because they're like,
what have I done? How can I be better? I
want to help you, let me protect you, let me
fix this, And they thrive on that dynamic. So it's
(29:49):
the good in you, right that that left you exposed
and vulnerable. And so it breaks my heart that, like
you've had that moment that I had that moment of
what could I've done to deserve this? Yeah? Yeah? And
it was so crazy because I remember getting off the
phone with her and I had like his mom, Yeah,
I'm talking about his mom. I had chills because I
(30:11):
was like, oh my gosh, like everything makes so much
sense now. And I came in and told my husband
and I was like, you will never believe this, Like
I just realized I was dealing with the nursess for
like eight years and like it all makes so much fit. Well,
these are are heavier breakup so thank you for sharing that. Yeah,
I want to make a bit of a hard turn
(30:32):
to a a lighter version of the breakup conversation. Um,
who has the funniest or most fucked up breakup that
they've ever either pulled off or been on the receiving
end of? It? Can be funny or fucked up, Like
you already remembered what you just thought of was you
(30:53):
have the craziest stories? Sorry, wait, rote got one. I'm
trying to think, I'm trying to think of. I can't
even break up effectively. I tried to do the slow
fade and someone will still be in a whole relationship
with me in their mind for like two more months
because they never like fully got the memo Oh my god,
(31:15):
there is Yeah, there are trying to break up with
you for like literally like three months and they're like,
I still love you months, like I will break I
will have a whole Hey, this isn't working, it's been real,
Like I just I want to just walk away from
this and love and happens to whatever. And they'll be like, okay, cool,
So what do you want for dinner and I'll be
like were spaghetti and not just like I'm just still
(31:37):
in it. I'm just I'm bad at ripping the band
aid off. And I hate to feel like I can't
be friends with someone anyone on the other side of
a breakup. It took me a while to realize some
people you just can't do that with because it was
just that shitty or they were just that terrible, or
you become terrible around them, Like I've had things where
it's like I don't like who I am when I'm
(31:58):
with you, so I can't even do a friendship thing
with you. But I'm just bad at it, Like I
just I want to be gentle, but people don't be
taking hinds, And then I just still be looking at
people a long time. I just wait for them to realize.
I guess I don't think I've ever done any messed
up break up. I don't think either. I mean, have
(32:21):
you okay, they just have to be a whole relationship, right,
I definitely have people like if I've gone on a
couple of dates with you and then I just like
disappear or like kind of ghost you or fall off
and you don't get the hit and you're blowing me
up and whatever it is, and I just go completely
like like just you just are getting crickets. But I've
never had a crazy one, or like, I don't think
I've ever had a funny one either. I had. I
(32:46):
don't know if you can want to admit this if
it beats the cuddle ring, I don't know. There was
a summer I was younger. I was working at like
an Aldo or something with this guy um and we
were hooking up, just looking up like the whole summer.
And then one time, like I just like came to
his house and I was like ring the bell and
somebody answered. I'm like, oh, I can't remember his name
(33:07):
at this point. Actually I remember now and I'm not
gonna say his name was Diego Okay. I just actually,
oh my god, listen. I was I was very I
was like what seventeen, I don't know, but he was
older than me. Oh wait, no, I was never mind,
(33:29):
but right I was like eighteen and he was older
than I. Don't. Somebody's listening, They're like, hold on, we
was in a relationship when you was seventeen? Who was
her cover her tracks with the Shady Ass so I
come back full up with this ouside and ring the doorbell.
Somebody answer at the door. I've never seen this person before,
and I'm like, oh, like I'm here for Diego or whatever,
(33:50):
and they're just looking at me like they don't know
what I'm talking about. I sew to God and I'm like, yeah,
his brother or his cousin like Lucier too, and like
I forgot I knew the person name. Then they went
to get him him and then he just came down
and was like yeah, I don't know where he is,
like he he's not here, he's gone or whatever. I said,
what do you mean he's gone? Like like he he
was working at I'll Doe with me, like yes to
(34:10):
come to work like the next day in the morning. Yeah.
And then um, They're like no, no, no no, he's gone,
like I don't know where he went whatever. I was like, okay,
it's weird. I was texting him calling him, um nothing.
And then like I go to work and he's gone,
like he had like quit something. He's gone, and I
was just like okay, and then he wasn't like nothing,
(34:33):
just disappeared. I still to this day, wait so with
you by just falling off the face of the planet.
Maybe that Verenica. The fact that he disappeared, Noah heard
from him, he didn't show up at also the next day.
It all Veronica is thinking, is how Road disappearing or
(35:00):
doing well in this check Veronica? Or that the fact
that she's like, wait, maybe I'm the nartist, So do
we know where Diego is? No, I had no idea.
You didn't get with this motherfucker might be like in
a ditch somewhere. What wrong with you? If his brother
(35:21):
this is not like like so his brother wasn't tripan either,
so we feel like Diego was safe. He just wasn't
fu any of y'all anymore. Yeah, basically I think he
was just done, like okay with everything starting to new
somewhere maybe you see. And although I was done, he
was just I don't know, story, Ashley, please tell me
(35:45):
that you did not Okay, this is super fucked up. Okay,
So this guy was like hanging out with um for
a minute. Actually that I didn't want a relationship with
because I wasn't like a hundred percent of track. But
he was like hute enough, you know, and he was
super fine. We always had a good time when we
went out, Um, so we have been hanging out for
(36:07):
months actually, and then we actually we're going to you know,
hook up and and girl like it was it was like,
y'all can't see it, but she's using two of her
fingers to imply, you know the emoi y'all that had
like the two fingers that like that is basically saying
(36:30):
that something is tiny. Yeah. So I literally started laughing
in his face. Oh I remember he told me his story.
I was so I was a roll in because I
was like, is this a joke? Like literally, you guys
know it is very clear. It needs to be very
clear to our high happy mess. Listeners asked, we had
(36:51):
a whole naked man and as soon as she saw
what she saw, started laughing in this poor man's hysterically
you said you couldn't. Yeah, no, I like fell off
my bed like because I was like laughing so hard
to like rolled over and like fell off my bed.
(37:11):
I was like yeah, like it was so funny. And
he was like no, no, no, like reality, and I
was like yes, it is, like I'm right here, like
I know. He went up and went to the bathroom
and I was like, it's cool, like everything's fine and
(37:32):
I know, and I was like, well, we could still
be cool, like we could go hang out. Literally didn't.
I didn't. I don't think you realized that you do
that moment because you said we can. What am I
gonna do with that? You could try? No, I can,
I can. I ain't that to try'n try. So he
(37:56):
went to the bathroom. He was like no, like you
know what I mean, like it, we can and try again.
And I was like no, but we could still be friends,
like and so we did hang out for a little bit.
That was that you probably traumatized that man so deeply.
(38:16):
Somebody for somebody like me, you know what, it's somebody
for everybody. It just wasn't me. Oh my god. Okay,
before I let you guys go break up aftermath getting
through it? What is your number one go to song
for breaking up? What's your go to breakup song? And
then what is your top recommendation for someone who's going
(38:38):
through a breakup? My song is the best thing I
never had. Beyonce, Remember she was in the wedding dress
and then like I think she was jilted at the altar.
That or irreplaceable to the left to the left because
that who why you gotta ex? But that had me
(38:58):
in my feelings because I was a jam Oh well no,
I feel like that for me. That song is when
I'm still dealing with your dumb ass and we're just
going out the like I need to get back in
the groove. I need to remember who I am. Song
is the best thing I never had or irreplaceable like that. Yeah,
I say, you know, okay, yeah, okay, so it's yours.
(39:22):
How are you gonna act like that? Tyrese Ashley? No,
mine was X Factor. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one
when I when I hear the song to this day,
it takes me back. That's the one. Yeah, Veronica, You're
too so mine like my old school one was Toni Braxton,
he wasn't man enough. And then my new one is
(39:45):
dualipa Don't come Out? What kind of dow was it? Is?
It called don't come out? Oh don't start? Now that's
a good one, as you like that one I liked,
I don't get a very first one. You know what
I needed? I needed Jabs and Sullivan Hotels, the whole
back out of day. Yeah, I texted I needed the
(40:07):
album dropped Jasmine just wrote a whole album about our life.
They need to listen to a sad like. Every song
was like she was just sitting there with us at
brunch and just take it out and then just threw
some lyrics and some melodies on that ship and just
made the most fire album of twenty late. It was
(40:33):
so oh my god, girls like me with her that song,
I have never felt more scenes like literally st literally
like I feel like that was my whole dating life. Yeah,
no doubt a hundred percent me. Myperonica Silent because she's
the girl that's like the other girl. I'll send it
(40:58):
to you. Her is the other singer who's on this
song that they do it girls like me? What's the
other girls like me? It's basically like talking about the
dude who you know is constantly choosing the girl he
swears he doesn't want, like she's gorgeous, she's hot, she
probably treats him like ship half the time. She's um
(41:19):
just everything that guys want, right like superficially, but then
they say they want this like downass chicken, this one
who's gonna ride or die. But when you show up
as that, they're like, yeah, So that was cute. But
I'm gonna go over here and chase this chick who
is like lit on Instagram and just like tips and
ask and all they yeah, is like I cannot relate. Okay, anyway,
(41:54):
not my struggle. I'm sorry that you guys have to
do on how to get over a breakup? Yeah, what's
your number? One? It? Before I let you go? I work.
I just get into work, and I'm like, all right,
let's work on me, because working on him and I
always actually meant work like professionals. So you go into like, Okay,
how do I make myself feel better? How can I
be better? I'm just all of it and professional work,
(42:16):
like every all the way around, working out, work, all
of it, all the work, Ashley. What about you, I say,
turn into Edward scissor Hands and cut that ass off,
like yeah, really cut off all communication and time heals everything,
like you'll get over it, but stop communicating. Right, That's
a good one because I've not done that very often,
(42:42):
and it's just like picking out a scab that just
can't heal for even longer because you're not allowing time
for deal. You're just like, oh no, I can check in.
I said, whatever, um so that's a really good one.
I'm my number one breakup tips. I would say, surround
yourself with people who know you and love you and
(43:02):
can just like support you through it, who know to
be gentle with you, who knew about the relationship or
whatever it was. Like, sometimes I feel like there's this
inclination or your first instinct is to just isolate, like
I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want
to turn off all the lights, shut my doors, and
I answer calls for a week and just like go
off the grid basically. But in the moment that I've
(43:22):
done that, all you do is spiral into like deeper
despair and then you just get into that kind of
like self pitying mode where it's just woe is me,
And even though woe is you, it's like when I'm
with my friends, my best friends who loved me, when
I'm calling my mom, when I'm answering and allowing them
to lift my spirits, it's so much better and you
(43:43):
just heal quicker. So I would say, yeah, it's like reassuring, yeah,
that you need at that point in time, right right right,
and comfrom just being reminded that you are loved in
the middle of a moment where you might feel such
a lack of it. Well, eighties. If people want to
keep up with you, let them know what you're doing,
(44:04):
what you do where they can find you. Veronica Pain,
I'm a je designer. I have my new collection coming
out and like, well, we're gonna start dropping first pieces
like next month, so you can check it out at
or on a dot com. It's O R A n A.
And then following on Instagram is Veronica with the K
and last name p A y n E Veronica Underscore Pain. Yeah,
(44:26):
you can find me on Instagram at Ashley A s
h l E ray r A y E Underscore. I
am an executive mentor now and I am creating this
super doope program for women who are expiry executive, So
you can go and follow me and um look out
for content surrounding that program. Oh and do you saying
(44:49):
that reminds me? Our next series is the Career in
Finance series. So Ashley is about to be all up
in this thing because the way she wants she has
and promotes or gets promotions, I should say, very impressive.
So y'all are definitely gonna want to hear what she
has to say when it comes to that, because she's
killing the game. Happy bet. Thank you so much to
(45:12):
my girls for sharing their stories. I always appreciate their
transparency and how real they keep it. And like I said,
these are the conversations that we have offline, off record,
you know, heart to heart, and they've really been resonating
with you, like you're saying that, those are the segments
that you really love too, And so I'm so glad.
I'm so glad that you guys gets you sharing the
(45:33):
awesomeness that is my friends. Make sure you go check
out everything that Ashley and Veronica are doing. You can
hit them up on Instagram. They dropped their platforms and
all that jazz. Next up, as promised this week's party trip,
we are going one on one with marriage and family
therapist Beverly Andre. She's going to provide us with three
(45:56):
tips to bounce back from a breakup. Here you go,
oh heay, So navigating a breakup, be careful about the
great area right, the transitioning from relationship to single ship.
I think a lot of people try to do whatever
they can to hold on to that person so that
they can still be in their life in whatever capacity
at the expense of them, So be careful of that
(46:17):
great area. Um, don't feel like you need to rush
past your emotions to do anything with them. It's okay
to acknowledge that you're grieving the loss of this relationship
and a friendship because some people like, oh, that person's
my best friend. Don't be afraid to take time to
nurture yourself and to be aware of this is what
(46:38):
I'm feeling and this is my process. Um, third ship,
don't be afraid to wallow. I mean, don't make it
a long term thing. But you don't have to put
on the front and be having like, oh I'm a
you know, bad bitch and that could do whatever I want.
Or no. You can say okay, it's okay, it's okay.
You don't have your pojobmas on for three days. That's
(46:59):
just okay. We'll bathe eventually, but you get at least
three good days to right shake it off. I love
that and that permission to just be gentle with yourself
and do whatever it takes in those few days and
just get through it. I love that. Alright. That's all, folks.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of Hot Happy mess.
(47:20):
Let us know in our super secret sexy Facebook group page,
Hot Happy Mess. Go find us. It's a secret group,
but once you're in you can keep the conversation going.
Hit us up on Instagram at Hot Happy Mess. Let
us know your thoughts if you have any ask Zuri submissions.
We've been getting some really good ones, so I'm excited
to share those in and upcoming solo episode and make
(47:42):
sure you come back next week on Monday for our
Should I Get Married? Episode? Landing the ring. You know
what I'm saying, putting little bling on that special finger.
We are diving into all things engagement. How do you
know if you are ready for it? How do you
know if you should walk away from a relationship that
(48:02):
you thought would end an engagement and marriage? And also
how do our upbringings shape our outlooks on marriage. We
have the amazing expert bever Leandre who gave us this
week's party Trick, joining us to talk about navigating pre
engagement and engagement. And also, of course we're bringing you
(48:24):
another group chat segment where Travasha and Leiah are gonna
go into their very diametrically opposed Is that the right phrase?
I'm trying to be dramatic, but I don't quite remember
what that means, so I don't want to mix up up.
It's super late. I am recording this from my hotel
room and take Helma Washington because we have officially kicked
(48:46):
off season thirteen of American Ninja Warrior coming to NBC. Yeah, clearly,
I'm delirious, um super excited. So I've got a lot
going on, but I'm excited to share it all with you.
Really big in anouncements coming, So stay tuned. Leave that
five star review, let us know what is your go
to break up song so we can just get the
(49:07):
playlist started and I will see you next week. By
M
M Hot Happy Mess. Celebrate your magic in the middle
of life's messes. Hot Happy. I'm Zurie Hall and this
is Hot Happy Made What is of? Welcome back to
(00:25):
another episode of Hot Happy Mess. I am your host,
Zuri Hall, and today we are talking about love or
lack they're of. Actually, you guys are loving this series,
and I'm so glad because y'all know I love to
talk about love and lack thereof. It's one of my
(00:45):
favorite topics to explore. So I'm really glad that the
relationship series is hit the way that we hoped it
would hit. My voice cracked there in a really weird way.
I think I'm kind of losing it slightly concerning no
losing my voice, not my mind, but that is also
up for debate. Sometimes. Um, we're talking about breaking up today.
Breaking up is hard to do. Sometimes, sometimes it's really easy.
(01:08):
Sometimes it's written on the wall. Okay, So I've got
some of my girls were stepping back into the group chat.
We're bringing you back into the fold with my real
life besties. Uh two of them today, Veronika and Ashley
are joining me and we're just sharing our stories when
it comes to breakups. We've had um how we've gotten
(01:29):
over them? Our number one go to breakup song. If
you have a breakup song that you are like, Yo,
this will get you through it. Please leave a review,
leave a five star review, but um drop the song
in the comment in the review. I would really love
to hear those and share those with our High Happy
Mess community, help our sisters out who might be going
(01:50):
through it. Right now, after the group chat, we have
this week's party trick, which is from marriage and family
therapist Beverly Andre. She's providing us with three tips to
bounce back from a breakup. Okay, and then we're wrapping
up this episode so that we can gear up for
marriage hard turn. We're making hard turns here, guys. That's
(02:14):
next week. Anyways. First up, this is the group Chat.
We are back with another episode of Hot Happy Mess
and we've got some of the group chat ladies here,
Veronica and Ashley. Hi lady Hi. So I have had
the honor the privilege the shared trauma of going through
some breakups with y'all, like being witnessed to them going
(02:38):
through them. Y'all have certainly supported me through um mine
and this episode is just all about breaking up like
how to do it, when to do it? Breakups gone bad,
and you know the group chat is all about just
keeping a real and diving in. So first up, Uh,
we'll kick things off with Veronica. What breakup are you
going to talk about today? Because it's not just from banting,
(03:00):
which I kind of love. No, not at all. I
think actually, if you're doing it right, friendship breakups are
sometimes even worse than romantic breakups. So um yeah, I
mean if you're friends with someone, for in, this breakup
was like ten years of friendship, if not more. Um.
I think you think like when you're when you get
this romantic relationship, you're not thinking it's gonna end, but
(03:21):
you're like, no matter what, like my girls will be
there to hold me down. You know, you expect your
friends to be there through your romantic breakups. Um. And
then when you break up with your friend, it's like
and you're single, It's like okay, so now where do
I go? Um? So that was for sure like one
of my hardest breakups. But then it's like, if that's
(03:43):
your sister, it ebbs and flows um relationships, So it's
like she's in a different place. And I realized after
that you know, we'll get back to it. If this
is really your systems, is really like your girl, it'll
come back. And it just um, I mean it happened
a few times. At this point, I was like, so
it's just I'm back because I remember you calling me,
like so we're back on and leave her. Veronica like
(04:09):
this toxic? Have you listened to the episode on toxicity? Mean?
When she explains me, I'm okay. The word the EPs
and flows fres She explained that to me. She was like,
you know, religious, I was wrong, you are if this
ain't Stockholm syndrome, you know what, I would let you
speak your truth because I'm still trying to figure out
(04:29):
how to know. And I say that so lovingly because honestly,
like and I feel like I've said this on the
podcast before about you, and I certainly say it in
real life to people when I'm trying to explain you.
It's like, right, but like, did you this? You have
like the biggest heart, You have the strongest resting bitch
(04:50):
face ever, but then like the biggest heart underneath it.
And I feel like once you decide that someone's your friends,
like once you block it, like you're they're like that's it,
and so it's great for to be in the receiving
end of that, you know, like I appreciate your friendship.
But then it's also like people who don't deserve it.
You know, we all have those people in our lives
(05:10):
also get the rewards of your loyalty even after they've
used up there get out of jail free car. So
that's just how I always felt about that breakup situation.
But but see, you have to come see the new
and improved version. So he has changed. Got to see
this car telling me he left me. Okay, you might
(05:30):
be right, You might be right. It's been a long time.
Hasn't been years since I even like the wait, you
were not reason the first time when she dumped me
after we all hung out, you were the reason. You
don't remember that here talking about toxicity and she's like toxic. No,
I wasn't. I was the new man who treated you right.
(05:51):
It was like not as sexy or fun and like
probably couldn't get you into as many clubs, but like
I came home at night and you knew where I was,
and you probably have the past good in my phone,
but this one was just like getting the Lamborghini bitch. Okay,
so that's he's going to go into and I'm excited
(06:15):
about that because I think it really is an important
conversation of perspective Actlet what are you going to be
helping us work through? What are you revealing when it
comes to the breakup. Yeah, So when I was in
college and even after college, I had like a relationship
that was the friendship that turned into a situationship that
turned into a relationship back to the situationship, and it
(06:38):
lasted for years and it was extremely toxic and almost
turned physical in a bad way. And so yeah, that's
the that's the breakup I'm talking about. Okay, very very
painful situation. Yeah. Yeah, when it comes to breaking up,
I feel like it's particularly hard to do when there's
(07:00):
like when the person who you're like, I think I
need to step away from this person, when they're so
good at like turning it back up and turning it
back on and being who they were when you loved them,
and being that person just long enough to kind of
like get you back into the their grid. And then
you get so used to this pattern that you almost
normalize it and you look up and you're like I've
(07:21):
been doing this ship for two or three or four
years with you, and that goes for friendships too, because
I've had that situation Brownico with you. What break it down?
Like what was the dynamic? When were you like, something's
not adding up, something's gotta give, I'm not liking where
we are. And then also how did you eventually walk
away from it? So? Um, I had just transferred from
(07:43):
my college in Baltimore Box to New York. I think
I was about nineteen, maybe not nineteen. Um. We I
just wanted to meet people, so I was just going
around doing things. So I had this promoter friend who
was taking people to the Hampton's and so I went
with my boyfriend at the time, and she was there
with her boyfriend at this time, and we just struck
up a conversation. We were like on a tennis court
(08:04):
or something. Maybe we're the only people there. So we
started talking and like we're talking about our relationships, and
I'm like, um, yeah, I'm with this guy. We've been
together for a year now, you know, or almost a year.
Our anniversary is coming up, and you know he's gonna
get me this promise. And Mary already picked it out
blah blah blah. Yeah, this is what's going on. And
I was very much more of the like assertive one.
Knew what I wanted, knew what my boyfriend was gonna
(08:25):
do for me, what was going on, and I was gonna,
you know, express myself. Um. She was more timid. She
was like, well, yeah, I hope he remembers our anniversary.
It was very much that kind of thing. Um, So
I kind of became almost a defender. I guess, like
we would go out, I'd be like the outspoken one. Um.
He took a while. Yeah, you know, it was kind
(08:48):
of like this duo. We'd go to clubs together all
the time, Um, just meeting people and that's a dynamic
that played out over and over again. Um. But it
was fun. We had so much fun. She I told
we felt like we were the only ones who could
understand our lives because we're doing all these crazy things
like being just going on meeting all these people and
doing all this club and the nightlife scene, and other
people kind of couldn't understand the things that we were doing. UM,
(09:10):
So we kind of had that system her. There was
no judgment. We would just tell each other everything. It's
it was a great friendship. It's always been a great friendship,
which is why the first time she kind of just
stopped talking to me, I was extremely hurt. Like I
was like showing up to her house like to like
bring the horbill and kind of like having to drag
myself away like you like going up to the city,
like I, yeah, I just need to be like listen,
(09:32):
what happened? Why are you ignoring me? And did she
just go straight up cold like stopped answering phone calls
and text What happened? Um? Basically? And then um, and
but she is a bit older, like maybe like five
years older than me. Oh, I didn't know she doesn't
having a child. Yeah, so it even stranger now to me,
you know. Um, so she just went cold turkey the
(09:55):
first time, and so I was really upset. I kept
texting her and being like, you know, what's going on?
Then I just kind of dropped it. Know, eventually she
came back around. I'm not sure what happened, but I
accepted at it. I was like, Okay, you know, it's
one time, it's not a big deal. Um. It happened again,
like maybe a year or something later, and I was
like I think I was more upset then because maybe
(10:15):
it was a few years later, but I had this
guy in my life who was no good and she
had been with me the whole time going through it, um,
and she had seen everything in around that time, the
first the second time she'd be broke up. Um. He
and I had broken up too, and so he was
my everything and she was my everything. And it was
like I got upset with her because it was like,
how dare you not be around at the time when
(10:37):
I needed you most, you know, like I kind of
expected him to do his nonsense that he was doing,
but like I really needed her. Um, So I got
upset as well. She she went away and I didn't.
I went cold turkey too. I was like, all right,
like we can hold out, Like let's see what happens
that one point. What happened, it was like a game
(10:57):
of chicken at that point, like you didn't want it
to be over, but you weren't gonna be the one
to be like banging out her door again. Exactly. I
was not giving in um, and I didn't understand why,
Like what it was like, I wasn't thinking about like
the in depth analysis of why she was behaving why
she was. I just knew at the moment I was
not going to give in to it. And then I'm
not sure how we got together after that, but it
(11:18):
just seems like it just always keeps coming back like
that exit just keeps coming back like you can when
she would disappear. What was her explanation when she came
back on the grid. Well, the first time, I mean
it was so petty. Should I The first side was
when we all each other. Yeah, good question. I genuinely
was asking and did not realize that I was the answer. Yeah.
(11:43):
I vaguely recall it. You know, my memories trashed. Was
it because we had hung out or something? Because I
remember being like Breanica, this is not normal for a
friend to act like this about you having other friends.
I'm not sure if it was that. Well, she told
me that, Um, it was that we made her feel
uncomfortable because you were like talking about like how we
(12:03):
can eat all the things we want and blah blah blah.
But it was not like in a malicious way, Like
it wasn't like what you know, we were just talking
about it. And I have like the skinny struggle too,
like I'm trying to gain weight. I eat everything I
want and I can't gain any weight, So it depends
on how you're seeing it or how you're taking it.
Why the way hold on because you're talking mad They
and I just want to lay it out very clear
so there's no misunderstanding. We the three of us went
(12:26):
to lunch or dinner or something. You and I were
talking about what we wanted to order on the menu,
and as skinny chicks with fast metabolism, we just what
happened this. I went don on with that. She felt
some type of way about that, and therefore I was like, yeah,
I'm good on Veronica, my best and have okay, just
(12:49):
to confirm I wasn't tripping. That sounds as ridiculous today
as it did almost eight years ago, Aslety is over
here looking like I want to say it, but what
the hell? That's nice that, you know, but like it's
funny in Hindzack because you just have to laugh at
some things to keep from crying. But then it also
(13:10):
is kind of wild that it is ridiculous. But in
all seriousness, the way you were talking about romantic relationships,
be right, It can be the same way, right, like
a dude that we're dating, or you know, a chip
we've been talking to for a little while. And then
the smallest, most seemingly dumb ship is this stuff that
(13:31):
sets them off or well I don't like the way
you looked at them, or why do you need other friends?
Or da da da da da, And it's like those
tiny little things that add up over time, and yeah,
do you become toxic? Like it's it's a formal promotional manipulation.
And maybe it had been something else, and maybe it
was building up from somewhere else. I don't know, but
I was like, Okay, well I can't understand it, but
(13:53):
maybe it triggered her. Maybe this is something she really
has an issue with, So let's just go on with
the friendship. It won't happen again, Like, let's it's more
important to me. It will be for ends and let's
move on um. And then so we did. And the
second time was again when I broke up or mutual
break or whatever it was to mess with the man.
And then she also disappeared, and I was really upset.
(14:14):
I took that one to heart. I didn't think about, well,
what was she going through? What maybe caused this? I
was just like that's messed up, Like did you have
an efficial? Did you ever have an official breakup speech
with her? Like, Hey, I can't do this anymore, it's
been real. Or do you just kind of like fall off? No,
it's never like that. It's a falling off. And then
(14:35):
the last one actually happens like seven months ago or something.
We were talking about politics on text and it was
something about Trump. You were talking about a certain topic.
I can't remember exactly what it was, and I was like, oh, well,
I agree with this part, but you know, obviously I
don't agree with like how he's using it, the message
behind it, blah blah blah. And then it was just like,
(14:56):
you know, her trying to convince me to her side,
and I'm move the person, and it's like, as long
as you're not harming anyone, as long as there's like
nothing malicious underneath it, I'm gonna allow you to feel
how you want to feel. We don't have to agree
on everything a percent um, as long as I can
respect where you're coming from on it. But obviously she
felt stronger about it, and so she disappeared for like
(15:17):
three four months, and I was like, ghost on you
because she didn't like what you said or what your
opinions or thoughts were. That's hell manipulative though. It's like,
I'm gonna punish you with my absence anytime you do
something in my presence that I don't approve of. To me,
that feels like, you know, I'm gonna withhold my love,
(15:39):
my affection, my presence, and I'm gonna hit you with
my absence anytime you do something I don't approve of,
which I don't see it that way, but I tried to,
you know, I just I feel like I know her
stole in her intentions, and you know, I think that
sometimes and she's still practicing on how to find a person,
how to use it. And maybe the way I took
it was that, you know, maybe she didn't want to
(16:01):
further damage a relationship by saying anything or do something,
so she needed her time and space and she's allowed
to take it. You know, I'm kind of in a
place in my life where i've you know, fool me on,
shame on me, fool me twice, or fool me on
you alright, alright forty one or what I oh? Yeah,
(16:25):
the third time, I was like, listen, do you have
your own things you're working on, So I'm gonna stay
over here do my thing, and when you're ready, you
could come back. So that's what. It's not affecting me
emostly as much. You know. It's like I said, to me,
my own person. And it's sad a little bit because
I feel like for me, in order for me to
do that, I kind of had to let go a
piece of the friendship. I kind of have to realize
I can't rely on her as much, which is what
(16:46):
you really want with like a sisterhood and best friend,
you want like that kind of deep emotional I can
rely on your connection. And I was like, okay, well
it's not gonna be her, Like we're so like the
greatest of friends and I love her so much, but
that little piece, I can't put it there. I gotta
take it. Wait, So have y'all talked? It was the
last time we talk? Oh yeah, talked to her every day.
I love her. Yeah, she's like, that's who I'm on
(17:07):
vacation with. I'm glad you guys are talking terms and
hopefully you know you said, she's growing and y'allard in
a good place, so that's good. You guys are really
on talking terms. She said the talk every day. Oh ship,
I thought you were joking. See that. Also the fact
(17:31):
that Ronica Hopps on a whole ass breakup episode just
to reveal that she isn't fact back with her time.
That's evening. I thought this was a breakup. Oh my god,
who looked? You know? You are canceled athlete. Can we
please talk about someone you broke up with that you
(17:52):
did not just space time before this episode because I
haven't talked to this person, um in ninety year. So
uh no. But this is somebody that I met when
I was nineteen. We started off as really really good friends, um,
truly good friends, and he really liked me, and initially
I was like, oh, like, I don't like him, and
(18:15):
he pursued me for a long time and so finally,
you know, we crossed that lens. I felt like, you know,
this is a good friend. So what better way to
like form a relationship with somebody than to have them
as your friends first, a really good friend somebody that
like I respected and that that respected me. And so
that's where it led, and it just turned into like
(18:38):
over the years. I did not know it then, but
it was like a very emotionally and mentally abusive relationship
over the years. Um, and some of the small things
he would do, yeah, like we would be up and
we would be down, Like he'd picked arguments, Like he
was very critical of me and the ways that I
(18:59):
looked and the things that I like, And it got
to the point where it was like, yeah, I mean
if you just lost a little bit of weight, like
we can make this work. Or you know, like anything
that I liked, like I was like, oh, I remember
even talking about a car. I was I wanted to
get a Jeep Grand Cherokee like when I was younger,
which I ended up getting when I was older, But
(19:19):
I was like, yeah, I really loved the geper and
Cherkeys just like yeah, that's super super dumb, Like that's
how it was dumb. It just like yeah, right. Or
I was saying I wanted to move to Charlotte when
I graduated, Why would you use to a city like that?
Like that's that's stupid. Or even when I talked about
(19:40):
my profession, um, what I wanted to do, it was like, well,
why would you do that? So everything that I said
that I liked was something that was just it was
very negative. It was stupid, and I just was so
young and inexperienced at the time that I didn't understand
what was actually going on. And so I kept going
back to, well, we used to be really good friends
(20:02):
and he was always so nice to me, and we
were like really really close, Like I just need to
help him get back to that place, and so I
would try like all of these things over the years,
Like it really actually affected my friendship, really close friendships,
because they saw the change in me UM, and I
was trying to do something that I wasn't, Like what
(20:23):
what did they notice about you that was different? I
was like snapping on my friends, So that was mad.
I was just always upset. I was always trying to
put so much more energy into making him like me,
into being what I thought he wanted me to be UM,
and I was neglecting my friendships, and I was like
(20:45):
I was being mean, you know what I mean? Like
I said, I was always irritated, and I'm always trying
to figure out he was making me miserable. UM. And
so when there was a point in time where we
actually were together and I found out that he was
it was like the first time I found out and
I was so devastated. I mean, I was like I
(21:07):
had never been a heartbroken in my life. Like my
best friend came and I was in my apartment. I'm
talking like I've swoll when I had eaten. My apartment
was a mess. Like I was extremely heartbroken. And even
from that point on, it was just like, Okay, I'll
never do that again, and then we would be good.
And then it was something else, and then it was
(21:27):
more manipulation, like yeah, like maybe if you change this,
if you would just be a little bit more loyal,
if you would do this a little bit more like,
you know, then you would be the right person for
me and this last city guys for years, and I
could not let go of the person that I knew
initially who was my friend. That's what I could not
(21:50):
let go of because I wasn't understanding at that point
in my life that like people changed maybe who he
was and was not truly who he actually is, Like
I could not like conceptualize that. Um. And so later
on into adulthood, we actually were not Um, we weren't dating,
but it was still like a situation ships in some way,
(22:13):
and um, we were in a specific location and he
was I've never been so disrespected by anyone in my
entire life, like very does. It was so traumatizing. It
was so traumatizing. So we were in a specific location
(22:34):
out of town together with some of his friends, and
long story short, like we were joking around and he
grabbed my arm and he twisted he like twisted my
arm up like it actually really hurt. And he was
a big guy. And I remember like I was like, like,
what the are you doing? And even his friends like,
he's like, yo, what are you doing? And he was like,
(22:56):
you don't never don't ever call me that a game, like,
don't ever say anything would ever touched me like that?
Like and also actually I don't not that anything that
you would do would warrant that. Nothing excuses that type
of behavior. But what was the thing that triggered him
or set him off? So I cannot remember what the
joke was, but somebody said a joke and he said
(23:20):
something back. I started laughing, and you know how you're like, yo,
shut up and you like tap somebody on the arm.
That's what it was. And he was like, don't you
ever touch me like that again. Don't you ever hit me?
And that's what made him like he like him by
ass up. And I had never seen that kind of
physical behavior from him before. So I was like whoa,
(23:41):
Like this is crazy, and I knew it was bad.
At that point, I still needed validation from other people
that Like I was like, that's bad, but what his
friend said it was bad. I was like, Okay, this
is bad, and so for the yeah, so well. And
so for the rest of the night, he continued to
be very like so distressed. Like I literally was like,
we have been through so much over the last eight years.
(24:03):
I have done so much for you, Like I have
a relationship with his mom. My mom has a relationship
with his mom, Like I've been to his mom's house,
he's been to my family's house, like we're very connected. Um.
And so I was like, I don't know what I've
ever done to you to feel like you're treating me
like I'm just some random ship off the street, Like,
(24:24):
but you shouldn't treat any woman like that. But I'm
somebody who's been here, like quote unquote holding you down
for like eight years and not understanding that like real
love does not equate to like going all all of
this pain. Um. So, later on in the night, I
was really upset and I was like, hey, you know,
(24:46):
like I can't believe I mean, I was kissed, So
it was not it was not like a chill conversation,
but I basically telling him like I felt really disrespected.
I can't believe you would treat me like this, especially
in front of your friends, Like I don't understand what
I've ever done to you to make you like this
is respectful to and um, y'all, he put his five
(25:08):
in my face, like I'm five seven and he's like
six three, and she's like, I mean way bigger than me,
but it's this in my face, called me every name
in the book, like every derogatory name in the book,
like it was terrible, and was like I will I
will knock you out like it was it was. And
(25:28):
this was at like two o'clock in the morning. Um.
And actually I was actually supposed to go to the
airport at the same time he was, So I'm thinking
we're going to ride together and yeah, he was like, yeah,
I don't know how you're gonna get to the airport,
Like you have to sign your own way, he said,
I was on my own, but luckily his friend knew
(25:48):
I needed to go to the airport and knew that
he had been on one like the whole night, and
so he was like, I'm gonna be downstairs waiting on
you whether you like come down or not, and I'm
going to take it to the airport, which was super
nice of his friend who I had only known for
like seven hours. Um. Yeah, and so yeah, he had
(26:08):
sit in my face tell me every name in the book,
and it was I could tell that we were on
the brink of like this being really physical because at
this point I was like, I really want you to
hit my ask so I can like right, I mean,
I would be sucked up, but but I'm not no
knock because this is really really bad and I really
could have been seriously injured. Um. And I walked, I
(26:33):
walked out of the hotel room, and I never talked
to him again. So that was it. You just never
never talked. Did he reach out and you ignore or
did he just not even reach out? Um, well, I've
blocked him from everything, so if he tried to reach out,
like I would never know. Um. But that was kind
of like God telling me, like he should have been
(26:54):
out of my life a long time ago, because it
was so abusive. Um, but yeah, we never talked to
in It was like an eight year relationship friendship, flash
situationship down the train and then I just so, I actually, yeah,
so we actually do so communicate and she communicates to
my mom and I realized through a conversation with her
(27:15):
about a year and a half ago, I filled various
like he's a narcissist, like because he has abused his mom,
like yeah, And so she was confiding to me about
all of this stuff that had been going on between
him and her, and I didn't have the heart to
like tell her like what had gone on. But it
was then I was like, oh my god, like he's
(27:36):
literally a narcissistic person. And in aving after you left
that trip and you know, you blocked him on everything,
you know. Touching on that theme of breaking up, it
doesn't make it any easier sometimes to walk away from someone,
even when you do it, even when you know you've
done the right thing. What was the aftermath like for you?
(27:57):
Was it difficult or was it like you know what
after all the ship that went down there, like I'm out,
like I couldn't care less, there's nothing left to grieve
or moren when it comes to the loss of this
relationship or was it still difficult for you to realize
this disguised that in my life anymore? Um, it was
less it was for for one thing, it was super difficult,
(28:17):
Like I actually left feeling so broken, and because I
was like, first of all, I've never been in this
situation before, and I don't know what I did to
deserve like this type of treatment. I've always just tried
to be a good friend and like I mean I
did a lot for him. Um. And I was actually
really embarrassed, Like I didn't even tell anybody for like
a long time, UM, because I had this process everything
(28:41):
and it almost kind of seemed like a death. It's
actually one of the hardest years of my life, like
to date. UM. And I had to forgive myself and
understand that like this was not your fault. And it
literally took me until a year and a half ago
to realize like he has he's a nurse to this,
like and I forgave myself, but like that actually kind
(29:04):
of closed it up for me. But yeah, it was
really really tough. Yeah, because when you think about narcissists
and actually you and I have had so many conversations
because you had to walk me through that when I
realized I'm doing what this um, It's like, you're right.
Something about realizing that is the label that truly applies
(29:24):
to them kind of frees you up a little bit
because you're a victim, right. I was a victim of victims,
and we were victims for a reason. They take advantage
of people who can be taken advantage of because they're like,
what have I done? How can I be better? I
want to help you, let me protect you, let me
fix this, And they thrive on that dynamic. So it's
(29:49):
the good in you, right that that left you exposed
and vulnerable. And so it breaks my heart that, like
you've had that moment that I had that moment of
what could I've done to deserve this? Yeah? Yeah? And
it was so crazy because I remember getting off the
phone with her and I had like his mom, Yeah,
I'm talking about his mom. I had chills because I
(30:11):
was like, oh my gosh, like everything makes so much
sense now. And I came in and told my husband
and I was like, you will never believe this, Like
I just realized I was dealing with the nursess for
like eight years and like it all makes so much fit. Well,
these are are heavier breakup so thank you for sharing that. Yeah,
I want to make a bit of a hard turn
(30:32):
to a a lighter version of the breakup conversation. Um,
who has the funniest or most fucked up breakup that
they've ever either pulled off or been on the receiving
end of? It? Can be funny or fucked up, Like
you already remembered what you just thought of was you
(30:53):
have the craziest stories? Sorry, wait, rote got one. I'm
trying to think, I'm trying to think of. I can't
even break up effectively. I tried to do the slow
fade and someone will still be in a whole relationship
with me in their mind for like two more months
because they never like fully got the memo Oh my god,
(31:15):
there is Yeah, there are trying to break up with
you for like literally like three months and they're like,
I still love you months, like I will break I
will have a whole Hey, this isn't working, it's been real,
Like I just I want to just walk away from
this and love and happens to whatever. And they'll be like, okay, cool,
So what do you want for dinner and I'll be
like were spaghetti and not just like I'm just still
(31:37):
in it. I'm just I'm bad at ripping the band
aid off. And I hate to feel like I can't
be friends with someone anyone on the other side of
a breakup. It took me a while to realize some
people you just can't do that with because it was
just that shitty or they were just that terrible, or
you become terrible around them, Like I've had things where
it's like I don't like who I am when I'm
(31:58):
with you, so I can't even do a friendship thing
with you. But I'm just bad at it, Like I
just I want to be gentle, but people don't be
taking hinds, And then I just still be looking at
people a long time. I just wait for them to realize.
I guess I don't think I've ever done any messed
up break up. I don't think either. I mean, have
(32:21):
you okay, they just have to be a whole relationship, right,
I definitely have people like if I've gone on a
couple of dates with you and then I just like
disappear or like kind of ghost you or fall off
and you don't get the hit and you're blowing me
up and whatever it is, and I just go completely
like like just you just are getting crickets. But I've
never had a crazy one, or like, I don't think
I've ever had a funny one either. I had. I
(32:46):
don't know if you can want to admit this if
it beats the cuddle ring, I don't know. There was
a summer I was younger. I was working at like
an Aldo or something with this guy um and we
were hooking up, just looking up like the whole summer.
And then one time, like I just like came to
his house and I was like ring the bell and
somebody answered. I'm like, oh, I can't remember his name
(33:07):
at this point. Actually I remember now and I'm not
gonna say his name was Diego Okay. I just actually,
oh my god, listen. I was I was very I
was like what seventeen, I don't know, but he was
older than me. Oh wait, no, I was never mind,
(33:29):
but right I was like eighteen and he was older
than I. Don't. Somebody's listening, They're like, hold on, we
was in a relationship when you was seventeen? Who was
her cover her tracks with the Shady Ass so I
come back full up with this ouside and ring the doorbell.
Somebody answer at the door. I've never seen this person before,
and I'm like, oh, like I'm here for Diego or whatever,
(33:50):
and they're just looking at me like they don't know
what I'm talking about. I sew to God and I'm like, yeah,
his brother or his cousin like Lucier too, and like
I forgot I knew the person name. Then they went
to get him him and then he just came down
and was like yeah, I don't know where he is,
like he he's not here, he's gone or whatever. I said,
what do you mean he's gone? Like like he he
was working at I'll Doe with me, like yes to
(34:10):
come to work like the next day in the morning. Yeah.
And then um, They're like no, no, no no, he's gone,
like I don't know where he went whatever. I was like, okay,
it's weird. I was texting him calling him, um nothing.
And then like I go to work and he's gone,
like he had like quit something. He's gone, and I
was just like okay, and then he wasn't like nothing,
(34:33):
just disappeared. I still to this day, wait so with
you by just falling off the face of the planet.
Maybe that Verenica. The fact that he disappeared, Noah heard
from him, he didn't show up at also the next day.
It all Veronica is thinking, is how Road disappearing or
(35:00):
doing well in this check Veronica? Or that the fact
that she's like, wait, maybe I'm the nartist, So do
we know where Diego is? No, I had no idea.
You didn't get with this motherfucker might be like in
a ditch somewhere. What wrong with you? If his brother
(35:21):
this is not like like so his brother wasn't tripan either,
so we feel like Diego was safe. He just wasn't
fu any of y'all anymore. Yeah, basically I think he
was just done, like okay with everything starting to new
somewhere maybe you see. And although I was done, he
was just I don't know, story, Ashley, please tell me
(35:45):
that you did not Okay, this is super fucked up. Okay,
So this guy was like hanging out with um for
a minute. Actually that I didn't want a relationship with
because I wasn't like a hundred percent of track. But
he was like hute enough, you know, and he was
super fine. We always had a good time when we
went out, Um, so we have been hanging out for
(36:07):
months actually, and then we actually we're going to you know,
hook up and and girl like it was it was like,
y'all can't see it, but she's using two of her
fingers to imply, you know the emoi y'all that had
like the two fingers that like that is basically saying
(36:30):
that something is tiny. Yeah. So I literally started laughing
in his face. Oh I remember he told me his story.
I was so I was a roll in because I
was like, is this a joke? Like literally, you guys
know it is very clear. It needs to be very
clear to our high happy mess. Listeners asked, we had
(36:51):
a whole naked man and as soon as she saw
what she saw, started laughing in this poor man's hysterically
you said you couldn't. Yeah, no, I like fell off
my bed like because I was like laughing so hard
to like rolled over and like fell off my bed.
(37:11):
I was like yeah, like it was so funny. And
he was like no, no, no, like reality, and I
was like yes, it is, like I'm right here, like
I know. He went up and went to the bathroom
and I was like, it's cool, like everything's fine and
(37:32):
I know, and I was like, well, we could still
be cool, like we could go hang out. Literally didn't.
I didn't. I don't think you realized that you do
that moment because you said we can. What am I
gonna do with that? You could try? No, I can,
I can. I ain't that to try'n try. So he
(37:56):
went to the bathroom. He was like no, like you
know what I mean, like it, we can and try again.
And I was like no, but we could still be friends,
like and so we did hang out for a little bit.
That was that you probably traumatized that man so deeply.
(38:16):
Somebody for somebody like me, you know what, it's somebody
for everybody. It just wasn't me. Oh my god. Okay,
before I let you guys go break up aftermath getting
through it? What is your number one go to song
for breaking up? What's your go to breakup song? And
then what is your top recommendation for someone who's going
(38:38):
through a breakup? My song is the best thing I
never had. Beyonce, Remember she was in the wedding dress
and then like I think she was jilted at the altar.
That or irreplaceable to the left to the left because
that who why you gotta ex? But that had me
(38:58):
in my feelings because I was a jam Oh well no,
I feel like that for me. That song is when
I'm still dealing with your dumb ass and we're just
going out the like I need to get back in
the groove. I need to remember who I am. Song
is the best thing I never had or irreplaceable like that. Yeah,
I say, you know, okay, yeah, okay, so it's yours.
(39:22):
How are you gonna act like that? Tyrese Ashley? No,
mine was X Factor. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one
when I when I hear the song to this day,
it takes me back. That's the one. Yeah, Veronica, You're
too so mine like my old school one was Toni Braxton,
he wasn't man enough. And then my new one is
(39:45):
dualipa Don't come Out? What kind of dow was it? Is?
It called don't come out? Oh don't start? Now that's
a good one, as you like that one I liked,
I don't get a very first one. You know what
I needed? I needed Jabs and Sullivan Hotels, the whole
back out of day. Yeah, I texted I needed the
(40:07):
album dropped Jasmine just wrote a whole album about our life.
They need to listen to a sad like. Every song
was like she was just sitting there with us at
brunch and just take it out and then just threw
some lyrics and some melodies on that ship and just
made the most fire album of twenty late. It was
(40:33):
so oh my god, girls like me with her that song,
I have never felt more scenes like literally st literally
like I feel like that was my whole dating life. Yeah,
no doubt a hundred percent me. Myperonica Silent because she's
the girl that's like the other girl. I'll send it
(40:58):
to you. Her is the other singer who's on this
song that they do it girls like me? What's the
other girls like me? It's basically like talking about the
dude who you know is constantly choosing the girl he
swears he doesn't want, like she's gorgeous, she's hot, she
probably treats him like ship half the time. She's um
(41:19):
just everything that guys want, right like superficially, but then
they say they want this like downass chicken, this one
who's gonna ride or die. But when you show up
as that, they're like, yeah, So that was cute. But
I'm gonna go over here and chase this chick who
is like lit on Instagram and just like tips and
ask and all they yeah, is like I cannot relate. Okay, anyway,
(41:54):
not my struggle. I'm sorry that you guys have to
do on how to get over a breakup? Yeah, what's
your number? One? It? Before I let you go? I work.
I just get into work, and I'm like, all right,
let's work on me, because working on him and I
always actually meant work like professionals. So you go into like, Okay,
how do I make myself feel better? How can I
be better? I'm just all of it and professional work,
(42:16):
like every all the way around, working out, work, all
of it, all the work, Ashley. What about you, I say,
turn into Edward scissor Hands and cut that ass off,
like yeah, really cut off all communication and time heals everything,
like you'll get over it, but stop communicating. Right, That's
a good one because I've not done that very often,
(42:42):
and it's just like picking out a scab that just
can't heal for even longer because you're not allowing time
for deal. You're just like, oh no, I can check in.
I said, whatever, um so that's a really good one.
I'm my number one breakup tips. I would say, surround
yourself with people who know you and love you and
(43:02):
can just like support you through it, who know to
be gentle with you, who knew about the relationship or
whatever it was. Like, sometimes I feel like there's this
inclination or your first instinct is to just isolate, like
I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want
to turn off all the lights, shut my doors, and
I answer calls for a week and just like go
off the grid basically. But in the moment that I've
(43:22):
done that, all you do is spiral into like deeper
despair and then you just get into that kind of
like self pitying mode where it's just woe is me,
And even though woe is you, it's like when I'm
with my friends, my best friends who loved me, when
I'm calling my mom, when I'm answering and allowing them
to lift my spirits, it's so much better and you
(43:43):
just heal quicker. So I would say, yeah, it's like reassuring, yeah,
that you need at that point in time, right right right,
and comfrom just being reminded that you are loved in
the middle of a moment where you might feel such
a lack of it. Well, eighties. If people want to
keep up with you, let them know what you're doing,
(44:04):
what you do where they can find you. Veronica Pain,
I'm a je designer. I have my new collection coming
out and like, well, we're gonna start dropping first pieces
like next month, so you can check it out at
or on a dot com. It's O R A n A.
And then following on Instagram is Veronica with the K
and last name p A y n E Veronica Underscore Pain. Yeah,
(44:26):
you can find me on Instagram at Ashley A s
h l E ray r A y E Underscore. I
am an executive mentor now and I am creating this
super doope program for women who are expiry executive, So
you can go and follow me and um look out
for content surrounding that program. Oh and do you saying
(44:49):
that reminds me? Our next series is the Career in
Finance series. So Ashley is about to be all up
in this thing because the way she wants she has
and promotes or gets promotions, I should say, very impressive.
So y'all are definitely gonna want to hear what she
has to say when it comes to that, because she's
killing the game. Happy bet. Thank you so much to
(45:12):
my girls for sharing their stories. I always appreciate their
transparency and how real they keep it. And like I said,
these are the conversations that we have offline, off record,
you know, heart to heart, and they've really been resonating
with you, like you're saying that, those are the segments
that you really love too, And so I'm so glad.
I'm so glad that you guys gets you sharing the
(45:33):
awesomeness that is my friends. Make sure you go check
out everything that Ashley and Veronica are doing. You can
hit them up on Instagram. They dropped their platforms and
all that jazz. Next up, as promised this week's party trip,
we are going one on one with marriage and family
therapist Beverly Andre. She's going to provide us with three
(45:56):
tips to bounce back from a breakup. Here you go,
oh heay, So navigating a breakup, be careful about the
great area right, the transitioning from relationship to single ship.
I think a lot of people try to do whatever
they can to hold on to that person so that
they can still be in their life in whatever capacity
at the expense of them, So be careful of that
(46:17):
great area. Um, don't feel like you need to rush
past your emotions to do anything with them. It's okay
to acknowledge that you're grieving the loss of this relationship
and a friendship because some people like, oh, that person's
my best friend. Don't be afraid to take time to
nurture yourself and to be aware of this is what
(46:38):
I'm feeling and this is my process. Um, third ship,
don't be afraid to wallow. I mean, don't make it
a long term thing. But you don't have to put
on the front and be having like, oh I'm a
you know, bad bitch and that could do whatever I want.
Or no. You can say okay, it's okay, it's okay.
You don't have your pojobmas on for three days. That's
(46:59):
just okay. We'll bathe eventually, but you get at least
three good days to right shake it off. I love
that and that permission to just be gentle with yourself
and do whatever it takes in those few days and
just get through it. I love that. Alright. That's all, folks.
I hope you enjoyed this episode of Hot Happy mess.
(47:20):
Let us know in our super secret sexy Facebook group page,
Hot Happy Mess. Go find us. It's a secret group,
but once you're in you can keep the conversation going.
Hit us up on Instagram at Hot Happy Mess. Let
us know your thoughts if you have any ask Zuri submissions.
We've been getting some really good ones, so I'm excited
to share those in and upcoming solo episode and make
(47:42):
sure you come back next week on Monday for our
Should I Get Married? Episode? Landing the ring. You know
what I'm saying, putting little bling on that special finger.
We are diving into all things engagement. How do you
know if you are ready for it? How do you
know if you should walk away from a relationship that
(48:02):
you thought would end an engagement and marriage? And also
how do our upbringings shape our outlooks on marriage. We
have the amazing expert bever Leandre who gave us this
week's party Trick, joining us to talk about navigating pre
engagement and engagement. And also, of course we're bringing you
(48:24):
another group chat segment where Travasha and Leiah are gonna
go into their very diametrically opposed Is that the right phrase?
I'm trying to be dramatic, but I don't quite remember
what that means, so I don't want to mix up up.
It's super late. I am recording this from my hotel
room and take Helma Washington because we have officially kicked
(48:46):
off season thirteen of American Ninja Warrior coming to NBC. Yeah, clearly,
I'm delirious, um super excited. So I've got a lot
going on, but I'm excited to share it all with you.
Really big in anouncements coming, So stay tuned. Leave that
five star review, let us know what is your go
to break up song so we can just get the
(49:07):
playlist started and I will see you next week. By
M
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