8: Beauty Boss Jackie Aina is a Forvr MOOD | An AlphaBabe Spotlight - Zuri Hall's Hot Happy Mess

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
M Hot Happy Mess, Celebrate your magic in the middle
of life's messes Happy. I'm Zuri Hall and this is
Hot Happy Maid Shot. Hello, Hello, what is up? Welcome

(00:25):
back to the podcast. I am your host, Zuri Hall,
and this is Hot Happy Mess. Today we have a
very special episode, a stand alone episode if you will.
It's an alphabebe spot like, oh my god, oh my
police cracked on the last one and now I'm choking yikes. Anyways, Uh,

(00:49):
this is a special episode because it's a stand alone
You know, we've had our Peace and Happiness series to
get things going here on Hot Happy Mess, and we
are headed into a very sexy series coming up next.
Stay tuned and I'll tell you all in just a minute.
But today is all about an amazing, badass alpha babe

(01:10):
who is doing her thing. Okay, So, an alpha babe
is a concept, a phrase of saying whatever you wanna
call it, that I came up with quite a few
years ago, probably five or six years ago, to kind
of reclaim the word alpha and combine it with this soft, sexy, um,

(01:30):
sort of pretty and sometimes delicate word of babe. Because
as a highly ambitious working woman, I feel like we
sometimes get like a bad rap of alpha. Oh you're
so alpha, you're never going to find a man. Oh
you're so alpha, You're you're too strong or domineering or this,
or that you're too too It was all about reclaiming
that word and taking the word alpha and making it

(01:53):
a good thing, making it something that we should be
proud of. Who why not be the leader of your
own life? And that's exactly what I think of when
I think of the term alpha. And yet still I
strongly believe that we can be strong and brave and
bold and badasses in the boardroom or whatever it is

(02:15):
in our professional or work life, and then also be
delicate and soft and sweet and sexy and sort of
lean into our femininity. We don't have to choose, we
can be both, and I really feel like that's the
beauty of duality. So these Alphabet spotlights will come every
now and then, and each episode will spotlight one amazing

(02:38):
badass woman who is just doing the damn thing in
her life and yet still keeping it real about the hot,
happy and mess of it all. So, like I said,
for me, alphabet means being an unapologetically ambitious and mindful
millennial woman who's designing a life that she loves and
she leads, she knows what she wants, and she is

(02:59):
not fright to work for it. Okay, that juxtaposition of
alpha and babe is all about embracing our duality as women.
We can be smart and sexy, strong and soft, a
hard working badass, and a self care kind of sewer.
You know, it's all about substance and style. I started
a blog, the Alphabet Blog year years ago, like a minute,

(03:23):
and over time it's slowly morphed into a women's empowerment initiative.
You know. At the start of I actually did an
Alphabet Power panel where I brought together some of the
best colleagues that I have in in this entertainment news
industry of ours, and we all came together for a
really dope panel to kind of share our industry lessons,

(03:45):
our career journeys, are words of wisdom to other aspiring
hosts and really just anyone who wanted some empowerment and
some encouragement. And we raised thousands of dollars for COVID
nineteen relief efforts. So that was really cool and I'm
excited to do more of that. If you to check
out the old blog posts the archives. If you will,
you can go to the alphabab blogs on my website,

(04:07):
Zeri Hall dot com. Okay, So, in the meantime, I
am so excited to kick off our Alphababe Spotlight series
with one of the dopest of alphabab's that I can
think of, Jackie. She is so laid back, so down
to earth, so funny, and obviously one of the most

(04:29):
influential voices in beauty today. Jackie Aina is a Nigerian
American content creator and activist with over six million followers
across her social media platforms. Jackie uses her voice to
advocate for the inclusivity of people of color within the
beauty industry. Jackie is loved for serving up the best

(04:49):
in skin care and makeup content and my favorite part
is that she makes us laugh while she does it.
Her personality is just it. Now she's venturing into the
lifestyle and well in space with her new self care
brand for the anti quote Regular Segular Girl Forever Mood.
So I'm so excited for you to hear this journey.

(05:09):
We are talking about the ups and downs of Jackie's life,
her time in the service, her first marriage, and sort
of the revelations that she had, the growth that she
had through that journey, through that divorce process, how she
found herself and her calling, how YouTube took off. At
one point, Um, she talks about rock bottom for her

(05:33):
when she barely had more than a few dollars to
her name and was just really going through it. And
to think about where she started, where she ended up
and what she has built for herself now is just
so inspirational. So I know you're gonna love the conversation.
Just a quick heads up, we were having slight technical difficulties. Okay,
it's still a baby podcast, so we're learning to walk.

(05:55):
We're getting it together, but we fixed the tech issues
moving forward, so I rebuke extra echo in the name
of Okay, new year, new tech. Here we go in
the meantime, without further ado, Here's Jackie. How are you today, Love,
I'm good. Thank you so much for having me. I'm
so excited to have this chat. Of course, of course
I'm excited to talk with you too. Obviously. I am

(06:18):
a fan of your your career and everything that you've
been able to accomplish, particularly as a black woman, UM
in this beautiful country of ours, and what I love
most is how real you are and how the personality
that you showed when you first started off is the same,
not in a way that doesn't say you can't evolve,
but that you don't seem to have changed the essence

(06:40):
of who you are, even with the accomplishments and the
success that you found in this industry. And that's why
I'm so excited to do this alphab ab spotlight. I
just want to hop right in. We're gonna do a
rapid fire Cosmo style quiz moment. Whatever comes to your
mind first, no censoring. Okay, stop, I'm trying right all right, Jackie,

(07:01):
If you could do a karaoke duet with literally anyone
in the world, who would it be besides Rihanna already
got to do that. We were gonna talk about it.
We were gonna talk about the fact that you and
Rihanna shared to Mike. It was a moment. Even if
she drags me, I'm a saying Maria, I'm a say Maria,
She's gonna drive me because I'm sounding horrible, But I'm
saying Maria because one hell am I exactly just own it.

(07:22):
Speak that into existence, Mariah. I will say this about
Maria when she drags you, it is a blessing like
anything trickling down from Miscarry. I sat on her staircase
for two hours waiting for this amazing woman to come
out of what apparently was her bedroom. I thought Murai
wasn't even at the house for this interview. I was like, oh,
she's so late because you know the traffic when the front.

(07:48):
When the door of the bedroom opened, and I realized
Maria Canary have been in there the whole time, taking
her time. You can't do anything, but just you know,
some people weren't to get to that level, and you
know what wouldn't even be offended, like listen aspirational. I
was just blessed. I got to stare sit on the staircase.
You know, the twins are running around. Morocco was going

(08:10):
up and down, and I was just like, you know what,
this is a story. I'm grateful to have it. Okay,
So you were karaoke with Mariah the song that sums
up your current week? What kind of week you've been having?
It's been. What kind of week is that? I'm just saying,

(08:31):
get away, get out the way. I got stuff to do,
I got well, I can't say I got place with
the goal because to be quarantine, then you got stuff
to do this, I got stuff to do. I got
gifts to buy. I've been in such a like get
in and out, like what do you want? Get to
the point please, that's just what I haven't been on.
But you know what, I need to be more optimistic
and like slow down sometimes interesting do you feel like

(08:53):
and I don't want to do too much because it's
supposed to be rapid fire. But is the move get
out the way people blocking the energy the things that
you need to do, or is it just I just
got you to do so I gotta do. It's just
like I just got to do so I need keep
keeping moving right right right, okay, okay, move y'all. Get
out the way. I feel sexiest when ironically without makeup,

(09:18):
when it's just me lingerie at home, even if I'm
by myself, you know, I feel it all beautiful and
I'm just like, oh am I comfortable. Yeah. Speaking of Lingerigor,
we see you in that Savage by Fancy, we see you,
we see you in that Only Savage could give me
like post Linger because it was very much out of
my comfort zone. But I was like you know what,

(09:41):
I'm thirty three, like lingrea is a national part of life.
You know. It definitely did some ma jesting, but I
genuinely do love the product. So I'm glad that you
brought that up and said that because I wondered that, right,
like when I see women, especially like savage is so
sexy and soda, but I definitely ordered me at my
closet and I was like, who, I would love to

(10:02):
put this online, but sometimes the insecurity or the self
consciousness comes in. Was that a process for you, Like
I'm about to be on the interwebs in a hole
as broad panting and it is what it is, and
and then I can be savage like that, no pun intended.
What was that for you? What was that process? Like?
For me? It was not only like inner insecurity about

(10:25):
like bodies, because yeah, like I'm confident, but I'm not
just this person who just unconditionally loves every single ounce
with myself. It's not like I'm never critical of myself.
Of course I have securities, but it was more it
was less of that and more like, I know the
people who are my followers that are a little bit

(10:45):
more conservative are probably not gonna be comfortable with it,
and you know what, like you have the right to
not be comfortable with it. But at the end of
the day, like if I post something online, it's because
I chose to. No one held a gun in my
head and forced me to do it. You know, Like
I feel like I'm at an age where I don't
I can think before I post, and I can post responsibly,

(11:07):
and I can also dress responsibly, and I just feel
like there's so much like shame in a lot of
religious groups. I'm Christian. I grew up Baptist Southern Baptists,
so saying you don't really celebrate your body or your
sexuality or all you look, and to be honestly, but
older than I get sory like the more comfortable I
am with those things, so my content, why wouldn't my

(11:29):
content reflect that as well? You know, there was really
some eyebrow comments, eyebrow raising comments for people like you
don't have to do this, And it's like I know
that at three three, trust me, I have all people
know that I'm not fifth rain, I'm not twenty, you know,
like I've been married before, I've looked like and I've
decided that if this is what I want to do

(11:51):
or if I'm comfortable with it, I'm gonna post it
and good. It's like you know, like for me, I
feel like things are done within reason and they're is
sich things like tastefully doing something, and if I want
to poise it tastefully, I'm gonna do it. And if
somebody else doesn't want to be tasteful, that's the prerogative.
Like I'm exactly look the other way. But that's this

(12:11):
is what's happening over a year, So get on board
or get off. Okay, So that was the lingerie moment um.
Next up, first kiss. My first kiss was I was thirteen.
I think I was. I think I was their teen
and I just like nothing, nothing escalated after that. It

(12:32):
was like I just got one kiss in my thirteen
didn't actually get like a man until I was like
in college. Same, Wait, were you a late bloomer? My
first kiss was seventeen and a half. Wow, And I
didn't have the until sophomore year of college. Jackie, do
not so sweet me? Okay. Joseph and Valencia wouldn't let

(12:54):
me out the house. They wouldn't let me do nothing.
My parents look, okay, my dad is Nigerian so super strict,
like I had to come at ten pm on Prom
night like he was not, you know he was. They
let they let me have prom night. My dad locked
himself in the room and turned off all the lights.
He wouldn't come out to see me in my dress,
but he let me go. Your dad told you to

(13:16):
be home at dinner class even on prom, Like I
was like, well damn those occopers allowed. Never really he
was stripped. So I wasn't trying to like chance. And
I was definitely not rebellious when I was young, say
like if somebody told me to do something, I just
did it. I didn't question it. I didn't ask why.
I didn't want it. Was just like that's what it is, Okay,

(13:37):
got it, and that's what we're doing, that's what's happening. Yeah,
I was the same authority. Wow, what a relationship. Okay,
beauty product that you swear by, Okay, I gotta have
something from my lips. So for me, it's got to
be the Jack Black Lip Dreams. And they they're in Sephora,
but there they look like guy skincare, But I swear
by these. They're like they're okay, and I don't have

(14:00):
to put them on again for hours like they're so good, okay,
because that's my thing. It's like I'll throw the chapstick on.
But we just might have to be asked you for
twenty thirty minutes. If I gotta keep reapplying every hour,
I don't know. You don't gotta keep reapplying like you
put it on. It's gonna last for hours, it's so good, Okay,
I am secretly terrified of Okay. The Nigerian in me

(14:22):
does not believe in telling people what I'm secretly terrified. Up. Yes,
I don't put that on the atmosphere because I truly
believe you need to tell people what you're afraid of,
they'll use it against you. So I don't tell people,
really my my goals, and I don't tell people what
I'm afraid of. Wow, see I feel you with the goals,
and that took some time for me to get you.
That was just the last couple of years. Because people

(14:42):
will take a whole dream you have and be sending
so much negative energy you don't even realize towards that intention.
They will sabotage and they may need even they may
not even realize that they're doing it, but I don't.
I don't give energy to any of that stuff because
if I can do it, by time I tell you,

(15:02):
I've already done it, like it's already you can't talk
me out of it, you can't convince me otherwise, like
I've already done it, and then you can just celebrate
with me instead of giving me the advice that I
did not ask for and like you're probably not qualified
to give in the first place. So there anyway, anyway,
sitting here taking comments from people who ain't done nothing,
they ain't been nowhere, ain't trying to go nowhere. Listen,

(15:24):
just saying talk about it. Hot cheetos or hot fries,
hot cheetos, Okay, thank you. I was like, this is
gonna reveal a lot I choose sori. Have you ever
put hot cheetos on a burger? Though? No fire, Is
it really a life changing situation? I don't even Okay,
I don't eat there anymore. But back in the day

(15:45):
when I used to eat cheefe burgers, there's just something
about that cheese coding the hot cheetos bam, Like okay,
it'll make you cry. Okay, let me throw a cup
of Cheetos on a burger one time this weekend in
honor of Jaggie. I'll report back. I'll let you to
how it goes. It's like stuff in there is so
good that actually sounds delicious, and I eat them. Really,

(16:05):
I just bought a fifty pack, honest to god, in Bolkin.
That's on top of my first That's how serious, is right?
Me and my therapist probably need to talk about this.
That's conversation for another day. Um. The superpower I would
like to possess, Okay, I want to be invisible. Why
we wouldn't show up places? And just kind of that too.

(16:27):
I could be kind of like Landlow, like you know,
sneaking in a conference room, sneaking in the banks or
something like just like not banks you wish you're not
gonna do is just like casually throw out sneaking into banks.
I mean, and that is not a whole robbery you
never know. No, I don't mean to steal nothing. I mean,
like what if I can go be the fly on

(16:49):
the wall of like a billionaires meeting with this, and
like I just want to learn stuff and like discover
things and I want to be able to do I
get pulled over by the cops. Like if I get
pull over by the cops, my car over and just disappear.
I love that, And I actually love that you want
to be invisible out of bank and not even attempt

(17:09):
to walk out with the gold bars because I'm telling
you right now I'm invisible out of bank. I can't say, well,
will are all happen? I can't say what might not
go missing at the end of that day. And lastly,
before we kick things off of the the the jackie
of it all, what is your love language? Okay? So
I feel like mine is definitely touch. I'm very affectionate.
I love a lot of thos. I like hand holding,

(17:31):
so definitely touch. Okay, physical touch. I scored a one
out of eleven on physical touch. Wow that for no reason,
Like there's nothing, there's no child to no, no reflect
nothing that would be like, okay, that makes sense. I
just never liked to be like hugged or like physical space,
like hanging out on a couch with someone. I would

(17:52):
like give them so much space to where they would
be like does she even like me? Like are we
netflixing and chilling? Or should I leave? And I'm like, no,
this is great, like, I'm having so much fun and
they're like, oh, I was socially distancing before it was
like socially mandated. It's just bizarre. It's so funny. They're
like they're you're like ten feet apart from them and
they're like yeah, They're like could you not? My boyfriend

(18:12):
is like what is why? Or I don't even get
it and he's like at twenty five out of ten.
So it's just the most um, but it's good balance. Okay, um,
let's go ahead and and dive into this amazing career
that you have busted your butt for, completely poured yourself into,
because things like this don't happen overnight, and it's very

(18:34):
rare that something like this happens quickly. Uh, just break
down for our listeners. What has your journey been like
from US army that to now this amazing beauty mogul
not just YouTuber, which was already impressive when you think
about the subscribers and the viewership that you've am asked,
but also in the traditional beauty space. You have carved
out a lane for yourself and you are one of

(18:56):
the best, one of the top in your fields. So
how how did that journey me, how did that process
happen for you? Very nonlinear, and to spare you the
juicy details, I'll just keep it summarized. But basically, I
have always been a pretty creative person since as long
as I can remember, Like, I feel like I genuinely
am meant to be doing exactly what I'm doing now,

(19:18):
and I've always known that as early as like nine
or ten years old. But as I mentioned earlier, it
posed a conflict being that you know, I'm the daughter
of an immigrant, and most I think that most children
of immigrants have the same story, and that like our
parents just expect bigger and better for us, and bigger
and better to them, is not necessarily the same when

(19:40):
you're like from the US and we're so optimistic and
we're we tend to be a little bit more open
minded career wise, career wise, right, So I always thought
I was gonna like go to school and do fashion.
That was like a very very early on goal of mine.
And my parents were like, no, you're gonna go to
school and you're gonna be a pharmacist. And of course,
because my rebellious I'm like, Okay, I want to go

(20:03):
to school. I'll do it? Okay, okay? Really were you
so easy because you said you had that thing with
authority and it's like, okay, well, I guess this is
what I had to do with something inside of you
ever fighting against that or was it you hadn't come
into your own yet to the point where you would
even think to counter it. Well, I would definitely say

(20:26):
it's the latter. But also it was kind of posed
like an ultimatum. It was like, yeah, you can go
to school. I really want to go to fred him.
They were like, you can go to school, but like,
you'll be on your own. We cut off, which I
don't even know why they said cut off. They didn't
have read. They cut on from what. I don't know,
what are you taking away? So they were just like, yeah,

(20:49):
you can do that, but you be on your own,
or you can go to school, will help you, support
you whatever. So then I was like okay, But then
I get to school and it wasn't even supporting me anyway.
So like the second year in I'm like my parents
by that time. My parents split up my sophomore year
and it was depressing, like it was one of the
most inpressing years of my life, Like I was just

(21:10):
going through it. My mom was like homeless um because
she was like living in shelters. And this was the
third time that this has happened to us, because my
parents split up like twice, first when I was in
middle school, second time when I was in high school,
and both times we were living in shelters at the time.
We were homeless um when they split up. So then
we get to college, I was just like, I just

(21:30):
my brain just explored. I was like, I don't know
what I'm gonna do with my life, but I'm not
incentivised to be here. My parents aren't even together anymore.
Like I don't really have anybody forcing me to do this,
so I gotta do something else. So then the guys
I'm dating at the time was in the army, the
guy that I later on going to marry, and he
basically like posed it like at the time, the army

(21:53):
was like everything that I was looking for is stability.
It was like money, it was through opportunities. It was
like the chance to like get me out of what
I had going on at the time. So it's not
like I wanted to be in the military, but it
was just kind of like, I mean, I guess I
don't really have any other option. It was more like
a why not the way out and means to an

(22:13):
end exactly. It was like, oh why not? And so
I went into it knowing absolutely nothing about it. I mean,
my aunt at the time was a veteran, and like
I asked her questions, but that was like, I don't
know what, thirty years. It was just different when she
was in, right, So I went in and then while
I was in UM it was very much so still
doing creative stuff on the side, not like a job

(22:34):
on the side. I had discovered makeup when I was
in college, and so when I joined the military, I
kind of took up skill with me. And then wait, wait, wait,
you said when you join the military, you take the
skill with you. Were you trying to be like hold on,
I know it's summarized, but let me just like beat
my face before. You couldn't You couldn't, you couldn't. I
don't know you don't wear any makeup when you're like

(22:56):
I come from a military family and I'm the black
sheep who was like I'm going to Holly would so
like I am living for all of your stories because
I should know more and I just don't like So
there's no you're not allowed even if you want to,
So no, when you're okay, So when you're in the service,
you can wear makeup. But I'm saying, like I went
to like basic training, like when I first joined, like
that entry training, you know where anything, So you're going

(23:18):
completely cool turkey, no makeup, no good products, nothing. Everybody
looks the same, this package, the same, dresses, the same,
you're the same draws. Everything is the same. You don't
have a skincaretine, you don't have anything. Everybody there's no skin,
no skin creptol forgett. But you don't have time. So
I joined, I'm still possessing this love for makeup. And
by the way, I'm in the reserves, so I'm part

(23:39):
time military. When I joined, I don't have like full
time commitment to It's like one leg and you do
like two days a month. It's very part time. And
then two years and I ended up marrying the guy
that had encouraged me to join UM. When we got married,
we lived in Hawaii. And when I lived in Hawaii
and I was married, I was very unhappy. It was
not I did a marriage for both of us. Um,

(24:02):
we just were too young. I mean we're talking like
twenty one. I got we both were twenty one at
the time. Twenty one wow, and very babies. And yeah,
you would think when I tell the story these stories
of people, they would think I'm like in my forties,
but I'm like, no, this is all happened by the
time I was twenty one. Twenty one, We're married and
we're not happy. And this is when YouTube started to

(24:24):
like really really get popular with like makeup. And I
noticed that a lot of the people that I used
to really watch and enjoy back then, none of them
looked like me. I was like watching these videos of
like white women and Asian women, and I was basically
taking their looks and I was like making them work
for my skin tone. So in addition to that, I'm
still doing makeup on the side for fun. And whenever

(24:44):
I would go like to a counter or like a
makeup store, I just felt like the experience was so
discouraging because I just remember like walking This is in
two thousand nine, mind you. I remember every time I
would walk into a store, no matter what store I
was at or what you know, I would go to,
you can always just tell they didn't know what to
do because the black are walking. They would just be frantic.

(25:08):
They'd be like like pull up, like who's gonna get
or who's gonna have to deal with this face? Exactly?
It was like who what what are we gonna do?
And so I just got so sick and tired of
experiencing that, and so I just started being like, you
know what, I'm gonna stop asking for welcome, stop going
to make up counters. I'm gonna just start going acting
like what I'm doing. I'm gonna learn how to do
this stuff myself. And so it was really my best

(25:28):
friend who encouraged me and pushed me into starting my
channel because I was not trying to be like on
camera like that, Like I was very like I was
way more timid and shy back then. I was still
I still got a somewhat of a big personality, but
I just was not trying to be like hi guys.
It was just it was weird back then. So my

(25:49):
best friend was the one who was like, well, I mean,
what else are you doing? Like you might as well
and I was like huh. So then I was basically
like how I started my channel and when I started
my channel, I did realized I was not only feeling
a void for myself, but other people who looked like me,
who you know, wanted to see someone who looked like them,
someone who represented them, someone who spoke the way that

(26:11):
they spoke. And you know, I have the same features
that they did, learning how to do these really cool
glam techniques. That's kind of like how it started from there.
That's fascinating that when you started, I'm curious to know
what was the goal? Was there an end goal at
that point or was it just hey, I see a
void or not? Even you say didn't even see the void.
You didn't even realize how desperately people wanted this content,

(26:34):
myself included as a black woman. When I think about
YouTube in the I'm like twenty tens, early even before,
like there weren't many people who did look like me,
look like you on the platform. And also it wasn't
a space for monetization really, Like we were just on
there engaging with and consuming content that we enjoyed. So

(26:56):
were you just sharing to share? What was what was
your hope when you first got started with YouTube? So
to be completely realistic, but first, like I would say,
three years. I was just posting, casually sharing to share.
No goal, no, like I mean, yeah, the goal was
to get followers, but you don't think those followers translate

(27:17):
to something. It was completely non transactional whatsoever. Like I
wasn't thinking of like, oh, I can you know milk this,
I can grow, I could do this. To be honest
with you, I kind of wish I was a little
bit more business sappy because I think I probably could
have had more strategy. I could have grown a lot
more back then. Um, but you know, like that's unfortunately,

(27:39):
like I'm here now that I can't change, you know,
and I wouldn't have it any other way anyway. But no,
it was completely just me casually posting, community building, and
to be honest with you, it did a lot for
my self esteem because I was living in this on
this island. I didn't know anyone in Hawaii except my
ex husband and then we were I'm happy. And then

(28:01):
I started working for MAC when I lived out there,
and that was like a little boost of confidence and
the little like a bit of like positivity I had
going for myself at the time. So I finally started
to feel like not worthless and that was the first

(28:21):
time I didn't not like the first time I felt
like I had some worth because the past couple of years,
like leading up to getting married and then up until
that point, like it was just like a lot and
you know, being isolated from family and friends definitely made
that worse. But my that community really built me and
really like it was like a void that acts missing too,

(28:45):
and so yeah, it was more like an emotional void
if anything, and it was not transactional whatsoever. It's interesting
to me when you say that you were in this
space where you weren't particularly happy. Um, this fills an
emotional void in your life. On the podcast here on
how Happy Mess, but we've had a lot of conversations
about um. Are the moment, like the breaking point when

(29:07):
you just decided, I can't do this anymore. I can't
feel how I've felt another day, you know, and so
you have to kind of like max out before you
decided to make a change. Um, Like, what was that
moment for you? And was their fear associated what emotions
came with deciding I am about to make a hard
turn in my life. But it's only because I deserve

(29:29):
happiness and I need to make this hard turn to
get too happy. Well when I was when I was married,
were bocome happy for a while, Like I'll even say,
like I was unhappy even before we got married, but
I didn't know. I wasn't mature enough to like understand,
like that's your dunk, girl, Like listen to that and
don't marry this guy. Right, both of you good? You

(29:51):
know what I mean. It's not just about people be
good for both of us. And so um, we get
into the relationship, we're both not happy. We not and
weeks he actually left me. It was a it was
a bit of an ego bruise. It was, yeah, I
just thought it would be good for both of us,
um or I didn't think that relationship we clearly both

(30:11):
were happy, and so um he ended up, you know,
deciding to end the marriage, and I was just like
literally hanging on my thread, like trying to be a
loyal wife. Honey, I was, you know, I don't care
how hard it gets. I just I'm married that log.
I'm stuck. This is what it is. And so when
he left me, it was a bit of an ego

(30:32):
bruise because I felt like I was like in the trichy,
like I was holding one, you know what I mean.
It was definitely a little bit of an ego bruise.
And then, um, ultimately we ended up splitting with the
parting ways, I moved back to California, and then I
started looking for work and I started working on the
local Army base. Um, I had to move back to

(30:54):
my mom and she's about an hour forty five minutes
away from the space, so I didn't have a car.
Sold my car to move to Hawaii. So I literally
moved back to California with like nothing like less than
like a hundred fifty dollar or something like that. And
so in order for me to be able to work
on base, because I didn't have a car and I
lived an hour with my mom lived in our way,
I had to move on base. But the problem was

(31:16):
this is a reserve base, so there's no like barracks
or anything like that. There was an all male veterans
hormal shelter, and I didn't realize it was an all
male shelter until I moved back. No, wait, is that
where you stayed. That's where I stayed for like a
couple of weeks, because I'm how long. I'm just trying
to like get this paper ch out. Like I thought

(31:38):
it was just like a little like I don't know,
I thought it was like a on camp on base
housing situation, right he realized like it was for all mails.
So then because I was working on base and like
the higher ups found out, they were like you're staying where?
And I was like wait there, and they were like, uh,
you need to lead now, and I was like okay.

(31:59):
I was like, well, you know you're gonna pay anymore
because like I feetford to stay in the base hotel,
Like yeah, what time is it? So they ended up
being like, yes, we'll help you. We'll we'll we'll put
you in the on base hotel. And I'm telling you,
ZERI this hotel was like twenty five dollars a night
and I couldn't even afford that, and like god, that's

(32:19):
how she This was like that's how down. Yeah, So
I'm staying in this hotel. I've been staying there for
like a couple of days. And trigger warning, this is
definitely involving like suicidal thoughts and you know, things of
that depression. And so I just remember like one night,
I'm standing in this hotel room by myself, like a
lot of time on myself, um, outside of work, and I,

(32:43):
you know, my my negative thoughts had just caught it
to me, and I do this is like two thousand
nine ten, which was supposed to be the year and
would have been the year I would have graduated college.
So I started my my thoughts started catching up to me.
He started seeing pictures of your your old friends and
colleagues that graduated and are getting jobs in this in

(33:06):
this hotel, I can't even afford to pay for a
twenty five dollar a night hotel that I can afford
to pay for myself. I'm sitting here by myself on
the verge of you know, a fresh divorce, no money
to my name, pretty much nothing going for me. And
I was just like really really really depressed, and I
really really felt like I was going to do something

(33:30):
that I would have regretted. So I remember calling my
mom that night and I said, I just need you
to like to stay on the phone with me, because
I don't think I don't I don't trust myself to
be by myself in this hotel right now, Like I
just need you to feel the phone with me. I
need you to make me feel better. And so we
talked up to me and I just cried for like

(33:50):
I don't know, two or three hours straight and was
just on the phone with her Benten and she was
just listening and you know, being president, doing what mom do.
And so finally I think we got off the phone
and get one am, and I felt better. I actually
did feel better. I really did after I talked to
my mom and I definitely felt like, okay, I can

(34:11):
I feel better. I can do this. I just I
think I stually need to de vent and get it out,
and you know, I just need to be heard. And
so I get up and then I started listening to music.
I started cleaning up the room whatever, and that song
Biggie Sky's the Limit came on by Okay, yeah, yeah.
The lyrics, I'm like, Skies a limiting, you know that

(34:34):
you can't have or be which one? And I'm like,
I can't have what I want, I can't be what
I want. I just started listening to the song and
I started really like listen to the lyrics and I
was like, yo, pay it again. I started listening to
it again. Have it on loop. I put it on loop,
and I told myself, I'm not gonna like I'm not

(34:56):
gonna turn this off until I believe every single part
of this. And I listened to my song. I'm not
I'm kidding. It had to have been like till six am.
I had to. I played that song for like three
four hours straight. I just kept playing it and kept
playing it and kept playing it, and literally that night
was the turning point from me. I said, I will

(35:17):
never be that Jackie again. Whatever she was buried tonight,
whoever I was that had low enough self esteem to
be married, divorced and to end up around that person
is gone. I'll never do that first ever And I
never looked back. Oh my god, Jackie, I am getting

(35:38):
literal chills hearing you talk about your journey. The fact
that you're so open about it is just a blessing
for so many people's lives, because so many of us
I've had that moment that rock about, a moment where
you are just like this ain't it, but it feels
like you are so far away from any other option
and you lose hope and those thoughts get really, really dark.

(36:01):
And so for you to be open about those thoughts
at your darkest moment and for people to see where
you are now, it's such an inspiration. I myself take
inspiration from that hearing this right now? What would you
say to people who are listening, um, who might be
in one of those rock bottom or dark moments where
it just feels like the clouds are not gonna part,

(36:22):
and even if they do, there is not going to
be much waiting for me on the other side of
this cloud parting. What would you hope they understand about life,
the universe, how, how how it all works, what can happen?
I feel like the biggest takeaway from my own experiences
and this is such a blessing. And it also occurs.
Everything is temporary, you know, some for some people, even money,

(36:44):
you know, like I'm doing right now. In five years,
who knows what kind of pitfalls are coming. I mean,
I don't like to get out there and give me
a manifest but when you're going through something, it's always temporary, always,
So I think that's what helped me. No one was

(37:05):
really tell me that, but I was just telling myself that, like, Okay,
this sucks now, but it can't be forever, right, Like
why would it be forever? You know? Um? And I
feel like that's something that when you're in it at
the at the time that it's happening, you forget to realize, Okay,
this is not going to be forever um. So that's

(37:25):
something that I tell myself a lot. But that's also
I think something that will also homble you and check
you because we're want to get too comfortable. You never
wanna think you're too far above anybody, or you're too
good to be, you know, working with certain people, or
to be just be genuinely kind of people because maybe
you're on high, that high could be temporary, so watch
yourself because you never know where you could be. M M.

(37:48):
That's that's amazing advice. We talked a lot about protecting
our peace, about you know, work life balance, just shifting
our perspectives um. Kind of segueing into that that idea
of peace. For me, the power of no was a
big thing. I felt like I had to be everything
and everybody. I had to say yes to every opportunity
because I didn't know if I could get another one.

(38:09):
And you're just in this hustle mindset, your ambition is
driving you. So my twenties was all about people pleasing
just one because you want to be liked in a
certain space that's really just it. That was a bottom
line and then too because there was a scarcity mindset
is what I realized I had in my twenties. I've
got to do it and I've got to get it
all now, and there is no there's no space in

(38:33):
which I can believe that abundance is real. So like
I've gotta it's now, now, now or never. Um, what
has your journey And obviously I've grown out of that
and evolved and worked a lot to to shift to
an abundance perspective in mindset? Um? What is your perspective
on that? What was your journey to peace? Like as
as your career really started to take off, Um, what

(38:56):
was the shift that happened where you realized, Okay, I'm
killing it in my career, but something's gotta give personally, emotionally, mentally, spiritually,
I need to take care of myself, you know what.
I feel like it's such a good point that you
brought up about how you went from operating on scarcity
versus operating on abundance. But I feel like generationally, especially

(39:17):
for a lot of us as African Americans, that's like
a that's like a generational thing for a lot of us,
like we've always had just like survived, you know what
I mean. So growing up I had like the two
sort of dualities in my parents relationships. I have, like,
you know, one side of the family that's very like, okay,

(39:38):
you know, I'm good with rowing him now, I'll you know,
take work as a columns and blah blah. And then
you have the other half it's a little bit more
like No, I could say, no, no, you came to work.
You came to work because you know, to do work
with me. So I saw a little bit of both
of that good goods and baths on both guides. Sometimes, Um,
I've had to learn for myself to balance because very

(39:59):
much like you, you know, when you're on the up
and hill planey, you're looking at it from like I
may not ever get this opportunity again, you know what
I mean. And that's a very normal thing I think
in an all creative fields, like you literally think this
is probably gonna be the last opportunity I'm ever gonna get.
But then I have to remind myself like, well, they

(40:21):
came to you the first time. Y'all didn't see it,
but Jackie had to lean in for emphasis into the camera,
so I wouldn't you get another, you know, opportunity. But
I think that also comes with confidence, grow that comes
with like having the numbers to back it up, you
know what I mean. So, UM, it takes time. It

(40:42):
takes time, But I definitely for a while I too
operated on scarcity, and I think we just all have
to learn we don't have to over time. We don't
have to, especially as black women. We don't have to
operate as if it's our last opportunity. It's okay to
say no. I genuinely have no problem saying though. In fact,
sometimes I'll be like hell no, thankfully at the buffer

(41:05):
so they don't actually hear that from me. And I'm like, strong,
not hard pass. What has it been like for you
as a high achieving, extremely successful black woman, just period um,
when it comes to the pressures, when it comes to
navigating those um. But you have been honest about, you know,
making space for yourself. The fact that people blew you online.

(41:28):
I saw I post recently, um when I was just
grolling about you talking about people being like, oh my god,
you're so brave for showing this or showing this about
yourself and you're like, first of all, I'm not brave,
I'm doing my job. And like the fact that you're
drawing attention to this type of stuff, it wears on you.
And I think people um underestimate how human the public
figures are that they idolize or respect or admire. So

(41:52):
what's that been like for you at the top of
your game to really just you know, be picked apart publicly. Yeah.
I mean the thing is, because I've been doing this
for eleven years, like I've seen a direct shift and
like how people treat you on talk to you when
you're like the under guild versus when you know you're
on a pettis go and their I want in my word,

(42:13):
like they could sleeve you. And I've seen a direct
shift over the years, and like how Yeah, I think
the higher you get in their eyes, like, the less
human you are and the less like relatable you are,
And sometimes that can be um to my detriment, not
to there's, but to mine. And so I definitely feel

(42:33):
like it's important that I remind people like, look, just
because I make videos about things that I'm passionate about,
it does not mean I'm going to be the voice
of every movement. Nor should I be, because my main
goal is to use my platform responsibly, and so because
of the type of adront that I create and the
things that I talk about a lot of times that

(42:53):
people will do is they'll be like, oh, you care
about this, so you should also so you should also
be speaking about is absolutely the ill not because it's
not my job to be the voice of everything, the
expert at everything. I think sometimes it's important to step
aside and know when to pass the mic and give
other people the opportunity to share their experiences and their

(43:15):
voices too. And it's also not fair to me to
put that kind of responsibility on me because I learn
new stuff every day too, you know what I mean?
For people to expect me to be let a voice
and the authority, absolutely not. And it's okay. I I
feel like the most effective leaders can't say, actually, I'm

(43:35):
gonna take a step back on this room, not the
expert here, but I'll let someone else, you know, take
this one on because this is not my ministry, this
is not my Arab expertise. And it does not mean
I don't know about it, but it just means that,
like I think that this needs to be handled with
greater care than just happening on Instagram live and ranting
about it or just sharing a Twitter. I I don't know,

(43:57):
whatever it is. I just care more about like using
my platform responsibly more than I do just talking about
things just because people are pressuring me to talk about them.
So I tend to get there a lot, and I
tend to be anti back because like I said, it's
not my responsibility and I feel like, you know, it's
always black women who get thrown into things even without

(44:18):
our permission. Like do you ever start to like ask
how that wears with me mentally and emotionally. No, because
people just assume that I'm a NonStop you know, I'm
just a NonStop like information I guess, like right, I'm
not sure like a source of like I am not Google, sir, No,
we're not Wikipedia, not a whole human exactly. But like

(44:40):
you know, for example, when Black Lives Matter just started
to become somewhat mainstream this year, a lot of people,
it was the reactions and the messages that I got
were very strange. I feel talk about that because yeah,
it's strange because it's like I think that people think
I'm an influencer first, and then I'm black third or

(45:03):
fourth because the things that they were saying to me,
and this wasn't black people by the way, These were
like non black people that were non followers and followers
as well. But they would send me articles and be like,
you need to use your platform the top about black
lives matter, And I'm like, do you see what calling
my skin is? Right? Like I am busy being black.

(45:23):
You know that this applies to me too, right? Did
you not factor that in? But I honestly think they
don't think of it as like a, oh yeah, I
forgot she's black too, so it affects her family members
and there's like a there's like a disconnect there, right,
These Like I remember this one lady who was a photographer.

(45:47):
I guess she wanted to like go to a protest
and take pictures of protesters. So she messages me and
I'm pretty sure this was the same copy and paste
message she sent to like every top verified account that
showed up burns. She was like, we need to make
this message go viral. Please share my pictures of the
black protestors. And I was like, okay, Like this is

(46:10):
this is a white woman. By the way, I was
that girl like, I don't know if your goal is
to actually talk about black issues, but if you're just
attempting to go viral, I cannot help you exactly off
the shoulders of a true black experience, right. It was
the way that she presented this information to me as

(46:32):
if it would be jarring and shocking to me, like, oh, yeah,
I would have known I would have a black woman
and I would have never known. Thank you for the girl.
It's like the lact of self awareness for me. And
I got so many messages like that, and it got

(46:53):
to a point where it was like, y'all need to
just stop sending me videos and pictures of deceased people
because I had to. I had to stop. Yeah, he
was like I just had to tell people to stop,
Like you don't ever throwing a trigger warning or say hey,
really viral, really really um graphic message. But I just

(47:13):
nobody stops to think about that stuff. They share information
the same way they do TikTok's and realized, like the
person that you're sending this to like this deeply affects me.
To me, it was like no different than like seeing
a photo of like a family member being hard like
that person looked like me, I could be really to
that person. You're not stopping to think about that when
you relay this information on my lap. You think, oh,

(47:34):
influence are you have a lot of followers talk about
talking about it. You don't think of how that actually
mentally affects me when you're doing that. Yeah, it was
a lot and I had a lot of um, what
the hell you're not gonna do? Is this? I'm so
glad to hear that you were able to set those
boundaries for yourself because there is a lot of pressure
to be everything to everyone period. It's exacerbated when you're

(47:57):
online and when you have a significant allowing I think
it's there's something about the social platforms, the WiFi of it,
like all of it, that dehumanizes the other person. You
can idolize them, you can love them, and yet still
they are not entirely human to you. Add to that
the black experience and it becomes even more dangerous and detrimental.

(48:18):
We had Evilyn from the Internet on recently and she
has Yeah she's the best, so funny. She has the
viral video about calling in black. Do you ever feel
like I just as an influencer, as a YouTuber, as
a beauty mogul, as a public figure, like I need
to just call in black today. I can't. I can't
make it in. I can't be everything to everybody because I, Jackie,

(48:40):
need to take care of myself. Absolutely, absolutely, yes, yes,
And I think sometimes I think I've literally verbatim said like,
I think sometimes you guys forget that I'm black. I
don't know how you forget it, but I think that
truly people there's like a disconnect and they're like, whoa whoa,
Like when we we group, this is like a black
woman I'm talking to. That's very so emotionally um even

(49:03):
in a lot of ways financially, you know, affected by
the same exact things like how do you think I
got to where I am by just being quirky? No,
Like the stuff that I talked about now is just
now acceptable. But for years I had to be told
don't don't say don't even say the word dark in
their videos, like stop it, are you serious? Oh? Absolutely?

(49:26):
People would be like, you talk about black issues too much?
You you're They would call me the race bader. Even
something as simple is like talking about, oh I I
like this bronzer because it actually shows my complexion. Or
I'd be like, oh brown, brown girl, friendly bronze, are alert,
and people would be like, oh, you talk about race
too much? Mad about it. I'm like this guy forbid,

(49:48):
like God forbid about shades like what? So Yeah, sometimes
I do feel like people forget they have to like
and I gotta remind them, you know, when you just
let them know, just real quick, just a little friendly
reminder of the timeline. Yeah, I'll keep it moving now.
This is an alphababe spotlight, which is uh, really exciting

(50:09):
for me because it's purely about highlighting you and all
of the alpha an babe and for me, alphababe is
really this concept of strength and femininity softness, like we
do not have to choose one or the other. As
a woman who is extremely ambitious, has worked my butt
off since I was thirty. I couldn't wait to get
my workers permit to start hustling and grinding. Yes, like

(50:30):
I was so excited for girl. I was selling beef
sticks and angory farms. I was working at game stops
I can call a duty. I've never been play the
damn game. And I was like, it's great, You're gonna
love it like just hustling. Um, and yet still we
want to be taken care of and pampered and treated
kindly and gently sometimes and then sometimes I want to
boss up and I need to do what I gotta

(50:51):
do and run things. And you just exemplify that alpha babe. Um,
So what has that been like for you? And now
want to kind of like shimmy into the personal space
when it comes to relationships, that relationship dynamics when it
comes to your personal life and not just romantically. You're
dynamic with friends, family, etcetera. Sometimes even in work situations

(51:14):
with people who are uncomfortable with a strong woman taking
up space professionally. Um, how has that journey been for you?
Did you have to get comfortable with your alpha or
was that always natural? Yeah? I mean yeah, I definitely
have to get more comfortable with my alpha over the years,
because I mean I just feel like this is uh,

(51:35):
something that a lot of black women can speak to,
is that you know, as I mentioned earlier, we're looking
at like the strength, the pillar, the columns that just
hold at the backbone of everything. I don't want to
be the backbone. Okay, how about I'm tired, I need
to break no, And like I'm in a position where

(51:56):
I can say that I can do that now. But
it took a lot time. It took a lot of
team building. I wasn't able to always do that because
you know, I didn't always have an assistant then always
have a manager. I didn't always have an agent and
a publicist and all other you know, the makings of
what builds you know, the backbone of the Jackie Ied team. Um,
And that came with a ton of work and also

(52:17):
a lot of rejection. So it's time. But I just knew.
I knew for a while that, like, I'm not gonna
be able to get to where I want to be
if I'm doing everything myself, everything on the on the
backs of like oh I did it myself. Like yeah,
Like it's it's cool to be able to brag into
like I did it myself with it myself. But to
what extend though, to the extent where you're getting three

(52:37):
and four out of the sleep at night and you
you walk into a room looking haggard. Everywhere you go, no,
thing's not worth it. It's not worth it. It's not
worth it. People love being like, oh I'll sleep and
I'm dead. I sleep because I want to sleep now.
I want to sleep tomorrow night. I would love to
sleep on Thursday. I want to do my skincare routine.
I want to be able to put time and effort

(52:57):
into having time to do my nails and do my
are Those are the things that I think make an
incredibly well balanced like businesswoman, business owner, even a creative
you like, you have to have balance. You absolutely have
to have balance. And that's just something that I've learned
over the years. But like I said, it took time.
I could not always even afford to do those things.
I couldn't afford to, you know, not be booked up

(53:21):
for seven like I had to take a job, but
I could get But now that I'm in a position
and have been for a few years now where I
can like, actually I don't have to take every opportunity.
I can say though, I really truly embraced the art
of like self care and you know, just being hampered.
And that's also little um if I can throw in

(53:42):
my brand. But that's how you already know we go
into forever moved, Like, ain't no way you're not talking
about forever mood. Talk to us about the self care.
I mean that's literally where that entire brand was Birth
was like I wanted something where people can literally feel
taken care of and like, don't forget to make sure
you're you, you're good for first, because when you're good

(54:02):
first and almost internally emotionally everything else around you, it's
gonna operate to newly and just like clockwork. And if
you're not taking care of yourself, I don't know, you
might be surviving. But why should I have to survive?
I want to thrive, Like I want to love what
I do, and I want to enjoy timing to work
and creating content and and you know, being the person.

(54:23):
But I am and I can't necessarily do that if
I'm running off et all the time. You got like
at the end of the day, like just please take
care of you first. It's okay to be a little
a little selfish, maybe not at the dutchriment of others,
but like where you can be whole and like thrive
and like you know what you do, please do it.
Please take care of yourself but yourself. That's a selfish

(54:43):
is not a bad word. I've said that many times.
I've said it on the podcast. You cannot pour from
from an empty cup. And that might sound so cliche,
but it's so true. When I am exhausted and burned out,
I'm not showing up as my best self. Nobody wants
to be around somebody who's miserable and snappy and on
edge all the time. So I can't show up for
you unless I show up for me first. So I

(55:04):
love that you have that perspective. Also, shout out to
Jackie so the Forever Mood candles. They were in our
Hot Happy Mess gift boxes that we sent out. Thank you,
love They're delicious. Thank you. I'm so glad you love them.
Oh my gosh. How has the reaction been to the
brand and also launching a brand like this in the
middle of a pandemic? Bravo, How did that go? Okay? So,

(55:24):
at first it was scary and it was definitely risky,
but because we were already working on it three pandemic,
it kind of was just like a I mean, it's
the perfect time, Like, yeah, the girl's only got nothing
to do but light up and talking about my my.
I'm in the industry of beauty, makeup, skin, hair, fashion,

(55:47):
but there was a time where you know, all of
that stuff is being showed because people weren't going anywhere,
and I wanted to create something that people could enjoy
now in the lowest Like I mean, if you're going
through a breakup, if you just lost your job, you know,
and a lot of people have experienced that this year,
if you if you're grieving somebody, there's I can't think

(56:10):
of a single thing that I've been through where I
wouldn't have a lot lit a handle Like it's perfect
for everything. It's something that can transform a room. Fragrance
and sense in general are like the one thing that
are literally tied to memories places that you've lived. I
can smell something like, oh, the surminds me. Why, oh
the surminds me koit? Oh that surminds me of you know, Switzerland.

(56:32):
Like there's so many different like fragrance and sent is
the only thing that does that. And so I wanted
to um one because I was already a candle lover,
and like I said, we were already talking about starting
this brand way before the pandemic hit. I was just like,
let's just let's just speed it up, like let's let's
get a pap and arrow might as well. So we
launched the brand. The response has been incredible, and people

(56:55):
have already known how much I loved candles and perfumes
and sense and fragrance anyway, so they were like, Okay,
this is different, but it's kind of not because it
makes sense. You we've already been talking about this stuff.
It's not makeup and beauty, but we already know how
Jackie feels about that. I'm saying in therapist like they're saying,
you're right, right, right, we already know how you feel,

(57:16):
so we're with it. And the response has been Wow,
that's not expecting honestly, because people always say, well, you
have a little followers, what did you expect did you?
And it's like no, because some people have followers and
they will not show up when you launch a product
because they are not that invested. Thank you exactly, especially
because it was a bit of a pivot for me professionally.

(57:38):
It was it was home fragrance and that's not what
my main platform is about. So we went into it thinking, like,
you know, we can like start with some you know,
something cute whatever. We start a little mailing list and
it was like fifty people, Well you wait, you have
you have fifty k on the mailing list. It was
fifty It was like, well, like two days. Wow. We

(58:02):
were like, oh wow, k it seems that we have
something here. Fellow like okay. So yeah, it was like,
it's just not I was honestly not expecting that at all,
especially right now. I truly thought, Okay, if we stop

(58:23):
up and we get a lot, this will lost us
a couple of months. People can get to know the
brand now, they had other plans, they've bought by class,
sold out. The first day we have like a pre
pre order. Um the first day, ten thousand gone in
an hour. Wow, Jackie, that's amazing. The candle smells so
good though, so there's no surprise to me that we continue,

(58:46):
you know, and you know, I'm really describing not only
like what it smells like, but like the experience. So
like I'll be like, Okay, when I smell this, I'm
a dinner, I'm the man. Or like it's it's a flannel.
What's your favorite fragrance? It's a year ago too, of
all the candles. Oh, I thought you were gonna say perfume. Okay,
So my favorites they change all the time, because I

(59:07):
mean it sees, you know, food, it depends how you feeling.
It's moods exactly right now because it's Christmas, I'm gonna
say it's a toss about between fine pine and naughty nice. Um,
so naughty nice is it is like a It's it's
definitely a little bit on the manly side. It's like
if a vanilla fragrance was made from a guy made

(59:32):
into a cologne. It's very much like something that you
put out the fireplace. It's amazing nighttime candles, so like
right before bed. It's tasty. It's it's sweet but slightly
musky as as well. Um berry looks when you smell it,
you don't smell vanilla. It's there, it's very present, but

(59:54):
you're like, you can't really pentish something happening here. I
can't think. It's so cluts and you can't really pinpoint
one thing. And that's what I love about archiels is
it's not one blaringly obvious ingredient. It's a bunch of
different experiences in one. And then fine Pine's our it's
a pine simted candle. But I don't typically like pines,
so when worst out the sample, I was like, tine no,

(01:00:17):
thank you. You didn't like it? I love fine. It
was like the woods very christmasing. No, because I just
looks a little too manly for me sometimes. Okay, So
then they were like, no, just stress us. This has
pine but it also has tanted me. And I was like,
I mean that's a combination if ever I've heard one.
But I was not interested. I was like, but then

(01:00:39):
I started burning it and I was like, oh, I
hope that. Like, fine, this is cute. I can do this. Yeah.
So those are my my favorite right now. Okay, so
you know exactly the holiday spirit. Um, you're obviously successful
by just about anyone's standards, But what do you define
success as now at this point in your life? Has

(01:01:00):
that definition changed? When you look at everything you've accomplished
And I'm talking holistically, so not just professionally, but personally,
what makes you successful? So when I first time making money,
I felt like if I never had it right, yeah,
keep it wrong, we keep it real. Check. So when

(01:01:22):
I first are like really actually making like liberbal money
on social media and nothing else, this was like two thousands,
fifteen and of the sixteen ish, and my definition of
success was literally being able to use auto pay girl,

(01:01:44):
let me can we talk about can we get so
real about this? Because yes, auto pay is like creme
della creme for me for success. And I am still
so traumatized by how broke I used to be. I
can't do it. I can't commit to auto pay. He's
still my girl. They have cut my Verizon wireless play
off at least twice in the last year. And when

(01:02:04):
I tell you, I can pay for the freaking bill,
but something about me has set such a pattern of
not having enough money to pay bills, They're like, I'm
just I'm just in it. Like a lot of stuff
is on auto pay, but for some reason, I won't
do it with Verizon. And I think it's just me
trying to like not break patterns that I need to break.

(01:02:26):
But it's so fascinating to me that you say that,
because that's real. It's those tiny things sometimes that meet
a lot when you can finally do it if you
couldn't before. Yeah, I definitely view that as a privilege.
And so I was like, Okay, I'm good now, Okay,
we all auto pay? Nice? Nice, Okay. That was four
or five years ago. What's Jackie talking about? When it
comes because we saw the g Wagon, the Maddie, the

(01:02:49):
Olive Green, Matt Green. Yes, yes, So I feel like
my definition of success now is to be able to
spread the wealth. So I don't want to just be
able to eat good like I want to be able
to I want to be able to provide for my family,
my immediate family, my siblings, my mom. I'm gonna be
able to retire my mom and I probably could do

(01:03:14):
that now, but I just need to like work out
the kings and you know, finalize things. Um For me, yeah,
it looks like generational success. It's like, how are my
kids kids gonna do? You know? So I think that
this seems a lot as I step into newness as
a brand owner of business owner hopefully when day multiple
business owner, and yeah, I just think about like how

(01:03:37):
long will so? How long are you gonna so past
just my lifetime? You know, it's haply it's a legacy
building at this point as success for me. You recently said,
I found my quote a man could be ten times
more successful than a woman but still be jealous and
insecure that she is more in the spotlight than he is.

(01:03:57):
I am so incredibly blessed to be in the relation
ship I'm in now, I'm not with a man who
competes with me, or worse, tries to sabotage what I
got going. He adds value what I tell you. That
hit me like on a spiritual level, because as an
ambitious woman, someone who works their butt off, you like
men very often like the idea of a woman like us,

(01:04:19):
like the idea of a high achieving go getter. But
when it comes to the day to day of committing
to a woman like that, they cannot check them ego.
They cannot check their egos enough to commit to showing
up for her without feeling less than or slighted, or
their success being a direct reflection of their lack thereof

(01:04:40):
or what they are or aren't doing. And they could
be successful in their own right, which is the craziest part,
but if you are doing it too, they feel some
type of way. More often than I think, a lot
of men admit what was where was that for you?
Where was that that quote coming from? And what's your
perspective on on relationship dynamics and power dynamic and how
did you get to that place? Especially when you think

(01:05:02):
about what you said about being twenty one and completely
unhappy and now to be in a dynamic where not
only is your success applauded and encouraged, it's supported and
truly respected. Well, Okay, so when I tweeted that, I
definitely was thinking of like a couple of friends that
I know who always tell me these for her stories

(01:05:23):
of these days that they go on with these really
successful men. You know, they google these women and then
they start glitching, and then they start start tweaking just like,
I'm not the only person of value in this relationship. No,
you ain't like you. We aren't eating at the same
tables as y'all are. Get used to it, Okay, And

(01:05:44):
I remember sometimes I tweet stuff like casually because maybe
I talked about it to a friend, but I remember
tweeting that thinking like chow, like, let men just tell
you because that right now. Thankfully that's not my portion.
But I have definitely been in relationships where the guy
was the bread winner, and as soon as I started

(01:06:06):
making a little something, or as soon as I started
getting one victory lap, or as soon as I start
you know, getting an ounce of success, they either sabotage
it or they'll start like just saying stuff to try
to like humble me again. Like people I feel like
a lot of people have the subsession with like humbling
black women, like the moment we get one thing exactly,

(01:06:32):
we can't move a moment. And yeah, I've definitely been
in relationships like that, and the relationship that I'm in
now is night and for today, the difference is very clear,
like I'm very much so with a man that doesn't
stand in the way of what I'm doing, nor does
he try to compete with what I'm doing. So he

(01:06:55):
literally quite literally adds value. Like we fit. It's a
perfect atch. He has so many like he's taught me
so many incredible things back it's actually financed. So I
know because here I am. I start when when we
first started dating, I was like doing okay, I wasn't
a successful as I am now. But when we first

(01:07:17):
started dating, he was so in the corporate banking, investment
banking space. And when we finally started to get serious
and he was like, so you don't save money, listen
that it hits the heart. My boyfriend was like, okay,
so you think you cute, but the thing is until yeah,

(01:07:38):
it counts is balanced, and I was like, old, don okay,
give my life together. That is an asset right there, Jackie,
are you hitting me? And then I love you? On
top of that, for it to be somebody that you
actually trust and know what won't take advantage of you.
It is like I have been both because now people

(01:08:00):
can say that they have a partner like that, or
they can trust the person that they're with like that.
But and I tell you, he has taught me so
much about just like saving, investing, um, you know, no
one when to say no to opportunity to know who
say yes. It really has been just such a fruitful
relationship in so many ways. And like I just I

(01:08:20):
genuinely like being around him too, you know, like he's
not only a good person, but he is somebody that
like genuinely has taught me a lot about how to
just be better in the space that I'm in now
and in the course that I'm now instead of trying
to like savotage. It could be because these men and
they'll be literally sitting on duckets and like doing very well,

(01:08:44):
and they'll just be like with women that it's like
there's weirdly jealous. I don't know what it is, yes, no,
no doubt, It's like well, I need you need to
invest in me, pour into me. Like it's so crazy
some of the relationships that I've seen acquaintances go through
our friends, and it's like, there's no way that if
a man is comfortable and not just comfortable, but excited

(01:09:04):
about your success, that you should still have the dynamic
you have where it feels like there's no support coming
from that partner. And again that's just a testament to
their either ego or oftentimes insecurity lack of you know,
confident ego. What advice would you give to the alpha
bab's listening who are trying to to figure out a

(01:09:27):
relationship dynamic and they are more alpha than maybe the
traditional or stereotypical woman, Like, so, what's what's been the
key for you? What would you say to the women
out there who are strong? You know, I feel like
I'm going back to what we were saying about, are
like the dynamics professionally, how it's okay to sometimes say no,

(01:09:51):
not be strong the time, you know, being a bit
of a damsel in distress doesn't hurt and the way,
so do you you be like, babe, can you let
me tell you something? I used to be the girl
like standing next to a guy carrying like looking thing

(01:10:12):
I do myself, you know, like I'm strong, No, not anymore?
See yes, And I need to do more of that
because I'm over here trying to be like I can
do it by myself and I'm just tired and sore
and lifting boxes. I don't need to live. You gotta
just let you do it. Have you have you do?
You think? And sit here and honestly, at the end
of day, why should I do it? He he and

(01:10:34):
he'll happily like I'd be thinking. I'll be thinking like
you realize he don't think the way you think, right,
So if somebody asked me to do it for them,
I'm probably be like I gotta do. But when it's
when it's him, especially when it's somebody that loves you,
he's like, oh yeah, sure, like I don't mind. Then
I'm like, oh he's so nice. He's like he's so sweet.

(01:10:55):
I'll you know, I'll be like, babes, you're just so tall,
this this wine glass up here, like do you think
you can give me in hand? You just can't read
never a hard God. A lot of times I am
being like kind of tongue in cheek and he couldn't.
I'm like playing it up and I'm being but yeah,

(01:11:18):
joke because it's like, yeah, of course I could do
it myself, but I want my man to do it,
and like he genuinely does my mind, Like he's so
sweet and he's so funny. So I think it's a
lot of balance of like it's okay to like, you know,
really like relinquish yourself of having this. I have to
do everything my self all the time. You absolutely and

(01:11:38):
when someone loves you, they're not gonna let you do
that anyway, Like they're gonna and that's just the truth.
Like when they love you, they're gonna help you, right right,
And so receive that open ourselves up to receive the
word it's hard, is received received hard, but not anymore money.
I was everything, Oh he wanted. You know, he's sitting back.

(01:12:02):
Let him do what he's gonna do. And I just replieve.
I don't resist fight at all. I love it. That's
officially that's our party trick of the Week. We have
a segment where we give a party trick, just a
little something for the week. You guys receive, appreciate the
act of receiving, it. Sometimes it's very difficult for me.

(01:12:22):
I'll say no to stuff that secretly I actually want,
and then I look back and I'm like, why I'm
the only one sitting with my pride without the thing
that I wanted. And that was also even applies to
like compliments like if somebody tells you you look nice,
ye seeve it don't or thank you just saying you,
and it's okay to be like, you know what I

(01:12:43):
do look, I thank you? Does a matter of fans,
I thank you, girl, I just got this new wig.
Oh thank you? What's your hut? Like? You can make
it funny, but you And that does not make you arrogant,
It doesn't make you stuck up. It just puts you
in a position to really really like, no, I deserve this.
And I feel like we tell ourselves we deserve stuff enough,

(01:13:05):
and that's we we you know, we beat ourselves up.
We see the stuff that we see in the media
that portrays this negatively um women, and we learn we
try to like be like super over humble not humble
is not I describe myself in a lot of fun ways.
I don't consider myself humble. I'm not I'm not arrogant.

(01:13:27):
I'm a nice person, but I'm also like, if see
myself look good, You're right, I do look extremely attractive.
You're all very welcome. You're welcome. You're welcome. Thank you
for noticing. No, that's it. And like we as women
are so conditioned to have humility to sometimes it's fo humility.
Sometimes you want to brag on yourself. We work our

(01:13:48):
butts off to get where we are to do what
we do. And then society still says, but I'm not
comfortable when you shine like that, and I'm really not
comfortable when you own it. So the fact that you're
saying own it, accept it, receive it, and don't add
the butt, don't add the oh my god, but this
was a hot mess or oh but this was didn't
Thank you. That's exactly what you got it right when

(01:14:10):
you gave me that compliment. And it doesn't mean you're arrogant.
It just means you're confident and self aware and you
know what you bring to the table. That's it exactly. Period. Okay, Um,
to wrap up what is next for you and then
what's in your happiness cocktail? So what's next for me?
Definitely more business ventures that are centered around making people

(01:14:31):
feel good and look good at the same time, because
looking good and never hurt nobody, never. Just building my empire,
you know, and doing more things like that are are
not social media related, you know, like more brands, more businesses,
So I'm super excited about that and actually working on
those and my happiness cocktail. Definitely a lot of laughter.

(01:14:52):
I'm not for everything. I'm my person that lasting every
single joke, Like I'm just funny to everything is funny
to you. Everything, um, candles of course, candles, and just
fragrance in general. Fragrance is is literally like my true
first love fart discover and makeup far discovered fashion. Yes, yes,

(01:15:13):
it is fragrance for me, like that's how I used
to go on with my mom. I also, I also
grew up um with hyper hydrosis. I was at an
overactive sweater, so we you know, like when when you're
an overactive sweater, you're always like wearing a lot of
fragrance to try to drown it out. And of course
they're different, and so growing up I like I would
like get to know different fragrances in different sense because

(01:15:34):
I was always acutely smell fragrance candles, perfumes. Right there
we go. It's a perfect combo. Wait now I have
to ask, have you ever bow tax your under arms
Chrissy Tea? And is it no negotiable for me? Should
I do that? I've been thinking about doing it. I'm
just like skeptical. I just don't know if I if
it will work or not. It's really really good and
it actually it's like okay, well, Ms Jackie Aina, thank

(01:15:59):
you so much for you your time. You are such
a motivation for women and men alike. I appreciate you
taking the time to just sit down and share your
story with our hot, happy mess audience, and we can't
wait to see what is next for you. Thank you
so much. Thank you for having me of course, happy
best special thanks again to Jackie Aina for joining me

(01:16:21):
for such an amazing conversation. What a way to kick
off our Alphabab Spotlight series. Make sure you keep up
with her on Instagram check out all the things she
has going on, because I'm sure there's so much more
to come. Oh and before I forget, if you have
someone who you think would make an amazing alphabab Spotlight,
it doesn't matter who they are, what they do no
need to be a celebrity or an influencer or a

(01:16:43):
famous person. It could be a real woman who's just
killing the game and is worthy of and deserves this
sort of spotlight and just more shine on on what
she's doing. Tell us submit them, nominate in alphababe that
you love for the spotlight. She nominate your damn self. Okay,
go ahead, shoot your shot, send us an email hello

(01:17:05):
at Hot Happy mess dot com. We're sliding the d
m s at Hot Happy Mess on Instagram, and let
us know who you think should be a future alphabab
spotlight And why don't forget y'all. Next week it's going down. Okay,
I'm so excited for the sex series. It's the loving
relationship series. We're just getting straight into the thick of it.

(01:17:26):
We're talking about how to be single and not just
pretend to love it. You bet to maximize, maximize those years. Okay,
those are some good years. We have a bonus episode
where I'm linking up with my group chat and we
are talking about the dumbest single ship we have ever done.
Because trust me, there's plenty plenty to talk about, commitment issues,

(01:17:47):
attachment theory, how to date with intention sex, sex, sex,
Let's talk about sex. Baby, I had to do it.
Is there any other song that people think of an
automatically saying when the topic of sex comes up besides
that one, someone slide of my d M S and
and give me some recommendations. Otherwise you're gonna hear me

(01:18:08):
break out into that for at least two, maybe three episodes,
thanks um. We're also talking about how to craft your
ideal relationship, get your power couple on, how to break up,
if you need to walk away, if you feel like okay,
should I be initialed and not? Should I stay? Should
I go? Engagement, marriage, divorce, all of it. We're also
going to explore alternative lifestyles, y'all. We are just We're

(01:18:31):
digging deep. It's gonna get real, and you already know.
We're gonna have some very special guests, some of your
absolute faiths will be popping up on the podcast this year.
We are booked, we are busy. We cannot wait to
share what is up our hot happy sleeve. Okay, so
make sure you're subscribed in the meantime, hit that button
right now and I will see you next Monday. By guys,

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8: Beauty Boss Jackie Aina is a Forvr MOOD | An AlphaBabe Spotlight

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}8: Beauty Boss Jackie Aina is a Forvr MOOD | An AlphaBabe Spotlight