November 19, 2021 • 15 mins
Global warming, wars, crime—children are exposed to frightening headlines every day. You can’t shelter youngsters from reality, but you can talk to them about worrisome topics without either sugar-coating the news or causing anxiety. Dr. Saltz reveals how.
Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
These are challenging times, but you don't have to navigate
them alone. Welcome to How Can I Help? I'm Dr
Gail Saltz. I'm a clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at
the New York Presbyterian Hospital, a psychoanalyst, and best selling author,
and I'm here every week to answer your most pressing questions,
(00:27):
hopefully with understanding, insight and advice. I received a question
from a listener about how to talk to their child
about what is happening in the world without giving their
child more than they can handle. These days, it seems
like there's almost always something scary going on in the news,
(00:50):
whether at home or abroad. We hear about COVID, global warming,
natural disasters, and all sorts of heinous crimes. As a result,
parents can feel overwhelmed as they try to keep from
frightening their kids while also seeking to ensure their children
(01:11):
have a realistic view of the world in which they live.
There's no way to protect your child from the scary
and painful things that happen locally and around the globe.
In fact, I'd contend that you do your children a
disservice when you shelter them from too much. That's because
(01:34):
it's important for kids to learn how to manage painful feelings. Still,
there are certain basic parameters to consider when delivering bad
news and if to deliver bad news, including in regards
to how you share that information and the level of
(01:54):
detail you provide. How much detail you share should be
influenced by their age, their developmental maturity, their exposure to
the news elsewhere in their lives. In other words, you
would rather be an accurate source to them than have
them get their information from perhaps inaccurate classmates. And with
(02:20):
the attention to their general anxiety level and methods of
coping with news. Let's turn to my listeners question and
ask how can I help, Dear doctor Salts. My ten
year old daughter asked me about global warming and whether
(02:40):
all the polar bears were going to die and what
will happen to people. I wasn't sure what to say
because I don't want to scare her, but global warming
is scary and frankly, there are a lot of aspects
of climate change that look bleak for the future. For
(03:01):
her future, She's only ten, and I'm not sure how
much is healthy to talk to her about. Ten seems
young to know of something so heavy and ominous, but
it also seems like they're going to talk about it
in school anyway. I don't keep the news on at home,
(03:23):
and she doesn't have a phone yet for social media,
so she doesn't see so much about the news. But
of course some things are just being talked about in
school and being talked about by my husband and myself
by friends, because of course she hears things, and I
don't want her to feel in the dark about important things.
(03:46):
But at the same time, there is so much upsetting
stuff going on. I also don't want her to feel
nervous and worried all the time. I'm an adult, and
I feel worried enough. How should I handle this discussion
of climate change and the news. News like climate change
(04:09):
is not just a one and done news event, like
a crime or even like a natural disaster. It's an
ongoing news item that will continue to be discussed, observe,
reported on, and as you bring up it does affect
everyone's future, in fact, every living being in the world.
(04:33):
In addition, like it or not, the way you live
as a family, the way policy will be constructed, conservation
and how to be a positive force for change will
be shaped by understanding what is happening with climate change
and why. This makes it not only a likely non
(04:57):
avoidable news item, but even one you probably don't want
to avoid. That being said, I am aware that increasingly
many young people are finding themselves too anxious and too
depressed about climate change, so you do want to be
(05:19):
thoughtful in how you discuss this. When it comes to
anxiety producing information. One of the best defense mechanisms are
mine uses to manage anxiety is called intellectualization. It is
using facts, logic, reasoning, and in this case science to
(05:43):
explain and to help your daughter understand climate change without
injecting a lot of worry, panic, or catastrophizing into the content.
In other words, explaining the reasons the plan and its
temperature is at risk of rising, and that rising temperatures
(06:04):
can affect whether geography and living organisms on the planet. Similarly,
you can explain that scientists are looking at and proposing
ways to decrease global warming and how this is important
to do now and for our future. If she asks questions,
(06:27):
I would try to answer those questions as well as
you can and as honestly as you can, or if
need be, tell her it's a good question and you
don't know the answer, but you will try to find
it and come back to her, which you then should do.
And of course that we don't know the answers to everything,
(06:51):
generally speaking, so some of her questions won't be answerable.
You might talk to her about things you do at
home to try to help the earth, like recycling, turning
off water and electricity when you're not using them, things
that she can do to help, because helping also decreases
(07:13):
anxiety around big problems that aren't totally in your control.
The tone and the words you use when you're explaining
matter if you feel very upset about it, If you
feel scared and you use catastrophic words, she will pick
(07:33):
up on that and she will read the situation as
dire and immediate. So it's important that you take a
moment and try to calm yourself. If you can explain
the risk is far in the future and that bright
minds are working on how to prevent bad outcomes, it
(07:54):
will be more manageable information. It's also okay to let
your child be somewhat sad or distressed over distressing news.
It is, after all, a normal reaction. But what you
don't want is for her to feel overwhelmed and really
preoccupied and panic. Let her know this can be an
(08:20):
ongoing conversation that she can come back with more questions
and more thoughts later, even thoughts about what you can
do as a family to help, How can I help
with Dr Gail Salts will be back after this short break.
(08:46):
I hope that was helpful. When it comes to sharing
and discussing news with children, these are some things to
really think about. It's a good idea to perhaps limit
it how much you share. Talk about big news they're
bound to hear about anyway, but don't update them on
(09:09):
every terrible detail. What's more, don't keep the news on
in the background of your home when your children are present,
because they hear it and they interpret it. And even
though you know the news broadcast is playing the same
story over and over, a child can view it as
(09:29):
though the event is happening over and over again. Be
their source of information. When they're significant news your children
are likely to hear somewhere. It is better for you
to be that source rather than sugarcoating the details. Pay
(09:49):
attention to your emotional response to the news, which will
set the tone of your child's emotional reaction. Deliver the
news to your children in a calm manner and ask
if they have questions and be prepared to respond to those.
If you don't know the answer, tell them you'll try
(10:10):
to find out. Or if the answer can't really be known,
it's fine to say that too. It's better to say
that than make up an answer. You may express surprise, sadness,
and concern, but try to do it in an even manner.
When you speak in a very upset tone or even
(10:33):
an hysterical way, children perceive the panic, and that's primarily
what they register, more so than the content. The other
reason to be your child's source for news so that
your child can properly process the information and doesn't hear
about it first from someone who relays it in an
(10:57):
inaccurate or an over the emotional way. Then that will
be their first registering of the news, and it may
really distress them in a different way. But if you've
told them already, then when they hear it again from someone,
even if it's highly distressed, it will not distress them
as much because they will already know the information from you.
(11:21):
Share the information that they can grasp. How much detail
you deliver has to do with what they can comprehend,
So use words, concepts, and comparisons they're likely to understand
to explain the news in a way that's accessible to them.
What is over their heads can be left out because
(11:43):
confusion tends to increase uncertainty and anxiety. Let them guide
the follow up. It will take your children time to
process upsetting news, so once you've explained what happened, let
them god what additional information you provide with their questions.
(12:05):
It's okay for you to ask if they have questions
or are wondering about a particular aspect of the news,
but resist the urge to overshare or provide more information
than they need to formulate an age appropriate understanding of
the news. Focus on your children. Most kids, when hearing
(12:27):
a news story, become frightened because they first imagine that
this could happen to them or their family. So reassure
them that your family is safe and secure. For example,
the news that happened has not happened to any of
you specifically, or that you would evacuate and have a
(12:51):
safety plan in the setting for example of a hurricane
or a bomb threat. Let them know that in most cases,
these incidents are uncommon, even rare. Explaining that has a
calming effect. Allow a child to grieve if something upsetting
(13:12):
or sad has happened, it really is okay to be sad.
Children sometimes need ways to express that if they're young,
Drawing pictures or playing games that re enact a scenario
that saddens them can help children work through those feelings.
(13:33):
Allowing kids to repeatedly discuss feelings, or even for example,
to memorialize someone or something that they've lost, can help
them to process and accept those difficult losses and know
when your child does need help. It's normal to experience
(13:54):
increased anxiety or sadness following a distressing event, but be
aware are of issues that persist for weeks or more.
Like if a child is regressing in regards to milestones
they've hit, such as potty training, sleeping alone at night,
or getting homework done, such regression could indicate they may
(14:18):
have ongoing anxiety that needs attention. Other signs of ongoing
anxiety can include slipping grades, socially isolating themselves, being quick
to tear up or cry, changes in appetite and sleep,
frequently expressing their worries, and fears throughout the day or
(14:41):
avoiding anything that reminds them of the event, like being
outside in a rainstorm after hearing about a terrible hurricane
or refusing to fly in a plane after hearing about
a plane crash. Early intervention and treatment by a mental
health professional can make a big difference in putting your
(15:01):
child back on their previous developmental path. Do you have
a problem I can help with? If so, email me
at how Can I Help? At Seneca women dot com.
All centers remain anonymous and listen every Friday to how
Can I Help with Me? Doctor Gail's Salts
These are challenging times, but you don't have to navigate
them alone. Welcome to How Can I Help? I'm Dr
Gail Saltz. I'm a clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry at
the New York Presbyterian Hospital, a psychoanalyst, and best selling author,
and I'm here every week to answer your most pressing questions,
(00:27):
hopefully with understanding, insight and advice. I received a question
from a listener about how to talk to their child
about what is happening in the world without giving their
child more than they can handle. These days, it seems
like there's almost always something scary going on in the news,
(00:50):
whether at home or abroad. We hear about COVID, global warming,
natural disasters, and all sorts of heinous crimes. As a result,
parents can feel overwhelmed as they try to keep from
frightening their kids while also seeking to ensure their children
(01:11):
have a realistic view of the world in which they live.
There's no way to protect your child from the scary
and painful things that happen locally and around the globe.
In fact, I'd contend that you do your children a
disservice when you shelter them from too much. That's because
(01:34):
it's important for kids to learn how to manage painful feelings. Still,
there are certain basic parameters to consider when delivering bad
news and if to deliver bad news, including in regards
to how you share that information and the level of
(01:54):
detail you provide. How much detail you share should be
influenced by their age, their developmental maturity, their exposure to
the news elsewhere in their lives. In other words, you
would rather be an accurate source to them than have
them get their information from perhaps inaccurate classmates. And with
(02:20):
the attention to their general anxiety level and methods of
coping with news. Let's turn to my listeners question and
ask how can I help, Dear doctor Salts. My ten
year old daughter asked me about global warming and whether
(02:40):
all the polar bears were going to die and what
will happen to people. I wasn't sure what to say
because I don't want to scare her, but global warming
is scary and frankly, there are a lot of aspects
of climate change that look bleak for the future. For
(03:01):
her future, She's only ten, and I'm not sure how
much is healthy to talk to her about. Ten seems
young to know of something so heavy and ominous, but
it also seems like they're going to talk about it
in school anyway. I don't keep the news on at home,
(03:23):
and she doesn't have a phone yet for social media,
so she doesn't see so much about the news. But
of course some things are just being talked about in
school and being talked about by my husband and myself
by friends, because of course she hears things, and I
don't want her to feel in the dark about important things.
(03:46):
But at the same time, there is so much upsetting
stuff going on. I also don't want her to feel
nervous and worried all the time. I'm an adult, and
I feel worried enough. How should I handle this discussion
of climate change and the news. News like climate change
(04:09):
is not just a one and done news event, like
a crime or even like a natural disaster. It's an
ongoing news item that will continue to be discussed, observe,
reported on, and as you bring up it does affect
everyone's future, in fact, every living being in the world.
(04:33):
In addition, like it or not, the way you live
as a family, the way policy will be constructed, conservation
and how to be a positive force for change will
be shaped by understanding what is happening with climate change
and why. This makes it not only a likely non
(04:57):
avoidable news item, but even one you probably don't want
to avoid. That being said, I am aware that increasingly
many young people are finding themselves too anxious and too
depressed about climate change, so you do want to be
(05:19):
thoughtful in how you discuss this. When it comes to
anxiety producing information. One of the best defense mechanisms are
mine uses to manage anxiety is called intellectualization. It is
using facts, logic, reasoning, and in this case science to
(05:43):
explain and to help your daughter understand climate change without
injecting a lot of worry, panic, or catastrophizing into the content.
In other words, explaining the reasons the plan and its
temperature is at risk of rising, and that rising temperatures
(06:04):
can affect whether geography and living organisms on the planet. Similarly,
you can explain that scientists are looking at and proposing
ways to decrease global warming and how this is important
to do now and for our future. If she asks questions,
(06:27):
I would try to answer those questions as well as
you can and as honestly as you can, or if
need be, tell her it's a good question and you
don't know the answer, but you will try to find
it and come back to her, which you then should do.
And of course that we don't know the answers to everything,
(06:51):
generally speaking, so some of her questions won't be answerable.
You might talk to her about things you do at
home to try to help the earth, like recycling, turning
off water and electricity when you're not using them, things
that she can do to help, because helping also decreases
(07:13):
anxiety around big problems that aren't totally in your control.
The tone and the words you use when you're explaining
matter if you feel very upset about it, If you
feel scared and you use catastrophic words, she will pick
(07:33):
up on that and she will read the situation as
dire and immediate. So it's important that you take a
moment and try to calm yourself. If you can explain
the risk is far in the future and that bright
minds are working on how to prevent bad outcomes, it
(07:54):
will be more manageable information. It's also okay to let
your child be somewhat sad or distressed over distressing news.
It is, after all, a normal reaction. But what you
don't want is for her to feel overwhelmed and really
preoccupied and panic. Let her know this can be an
(08:20):
ongoing conversation that she can come back with more questions
and more thoughts later, even thoughts about what you can
do as a family to help, How can I help
with Dr Gail Salts will be back after this short break.
(08:46):
I hope that was helpful. When it comes to sharing
and discussing news with children, these are some things to
really think about. It's a good idea to perhaps limit
it how much you share. Talk about big news they're
bound to hear about anyway, but don't update them on
(09:09):
every terrible detail. What's more, don't keep the news on
in the background of your home when your children are present,
because they hear it and they interpret it. And even
though you know the news broadcast is playing the same
story over and over, a child can view it as
(09:29):
though the event is happening over and over again. Be
their source of information. When they're significant news your children
are likely to hear somewhere. It is better for you
to be that source rather than sugarcoating the details. Pay
(09:49):
attention to your emotional response to the news, which will
set the tone of your child's emotional reaction. Deliver the
news to your children in a calm manner and ask
if they have questions and be prepared to respond to those.
If you don't know the answer, tell them you'll try
(10:10):
to find out. Or if the answer can't really be known,
it's fine to say that too. It's better to say
that than make up an answer. You may express surprise, sadness,
and concern, but try to do it in an even manner.
When you speak in a very upset tone or even
(10:33):
an hysterical way, children perceive the panic, and that's primarily
what they register, more so than the content. The other
reason to be your child's source for news so that
your child can properly process the information and doesn't hear
about it first from someone who relays it in an
(10:57):
inaccurate or an over the emotional way. Then that will
be their first registering of the news, and it may
really distress them in a different way. But if you've
told them already, then when they hear it again from someone,
even if it's highly distressed, it will not distress them
as much because they will already know the information from you.
(11:21):
Share the information that they can grasp. How much detail
you deliver has to do with what they can comprehend,
So use words, concepts, and comparisons they're likely to understand
to explain the news in a way that's accessible to them.
What is over their heads can be left out because
(11:43):
confusion tends to increase uncertainty and anxiety. Let them guide
the follow up. It will take your children time to
process upsetting news, so once you've explained what happened, let
them god what additional information you provide with their questions.
(12:05):
It's okay for you to ask if they have questions
or are wondering about a particular aspect of the news,
but resist the urge to overshare or provide more information
than they need to formulate an age appropriate understanding of
the news. Focus on your children. Most kids, when hearing
(12:27):
a news story, become frightened because they first imagine that
this could happen to them or their family. So reassure
them that your family is safe and secure. For example,
the news that happened has not happened to any of
you specifically, or that you would evacuate and have a
(12:51):
safety plan in the setting for example of a hurricane
or a bomb threat. Let them know that in most cases,
these incidents are uncommon, even rare. Explaining that has a
calming effect. Allow a child to grieve if something upsetting
(13:12):
or sad has happened, it really is okay to be sad.
Children sometimes need ways to express that if they're young,
Drawing pictures or playing games that re enact a scenario
that saddens them can help children work through those feelings.
(13:33):
Allowing kids to repeatedly discuss feelings, or even for example,
to memorialize someone or something that they've lost, can help
them to process and accept those difficult losses and know
when your child does need help. It's normal to experience
(13:54):
increased anxiety or sadness following a distressing event, but be
aware are of issues that persist for weeks or more.
Like if a child is regressing in regards to milestones
they've hit, such as potty training, sleeping alone at night,
or getting homework done, such regression could indicate they may
(14:18):
have ongoing anxiety that needs attention. Other signs of ongoing
anxiety can include slipping grades, socially isolating themselves, being quick
to tear up or cry, changes in appetite and sleep,
frequently expressing their worries, and fears throughout the day or
(14:41):
avoiding anything that reminds them of the event, like being
outside in a rainstorm after hearing about a terrible hurricane
or refusing to fly in a plane after hearing about
a plane crash. Early intervention and treatment by a mental
health professional can make a big difference in putting your
(15:01):
child back on their previous developmental path. Do you have
a problem I can help with? If so, email me
at how Can I Help? At Seneca women dot com.
All centers remain anonymous and listen every Friday to how
Can I Help with Me? Doctor Gail's Salts
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.