June 21, 2025 • 16 mins
Jennifer M. Needs some help. She wrote to Amy & T.J. describing the humiliation she felt when her husband of 2 years started telling people he only married her out of obligation. He’s done this several times and he does it right in front of her!
What do you think she should do? Some readers are sure what she should do: get out now! Amy and T.J. aren’t so sure just yet.
To read their weekly column Ask Amy & T.J., head to Yahoo News https://yhoo.it/AskAmyAndTJ
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey there, folks, Jennifer M wrote to us asking for
some relationship advice. Her husband of two years has been
telling people that he married her out of obligation, and
he's been doing it right in front of her rollbox.
Advice to Lisa, she needs to be curious my thoughts.
We might be looking at a relationship killer. And with that,
(00:22):
welcome to this relationship edition of Amy and TJ, where
we follow up on our most recent Yahoo Relationship column,
which you can find in the Life section of Yahoo
dot com.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
That's right, and this week here is what Jennifer M.
Wrote to us with Amy and TJ. I am sixty
years old and my husband of less than two years
has been telling his family and friends in my presence
that he married me out of a sense of obligation.
We had an eight year relationship prior to getting married.
He told me upfront that he didn't want to remarry.
(00:53):
I struggled with this privately, but with counseling, came to
accept his terms not long after he proposed out of
the blue. The obligation narrative is new. The first time
he relayed this to his family, I expressed dismay and surprise,
but not anger. I kept my cool. Now he is
repeating this narrative to his close friends. He does not
(01:14):
seem to understand how painful this is for me. What
should I do? So I immediately said that I thought she
had to talk to him, She had to take it
straight to him, And I know it's a hard conversation,
but she has to tell him how humiliating that feels,
and she needs to ask him if that's how he
really does feel, because maybe he was too afraid to
(01:37):
say it to her, but in the comfort or protection
of other people he knows love him, he could say
it kind of jokingly, but also maybe kind of honestly.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
What's the purpose in getting that out? Just getting it
off his chest? Is he trying to start a conversation?
Like what would be the purpose?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Maybe he feels guilty that he married her in the
first place because he now knows he shouldn't have, and
so instead of having an adult or mature conversation with
her about it, or even maybe fully admitting it to himself,
it's coming out in a really awkward, unfortunate way, but
it's still coming out, Like how long can you suppress
that those feelings come out? In some ways? And sometimes
(02:14):
they come out in passive aggressive ways.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Okay, so you're suggesting he hasn't even dealt with this fact.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I think he hasn't fully admitted it to himself, but
it's bubbling up and now it's really hard to have
a conversation and ask a question that you are afraid
to hear the answer to.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I thought. I mean, I think no matter where, if
you're listening, like, no matter what you think she should do,
and I think everybody starts with you gotta talk. Yeah,
first things first, you gotta talk. After that, I just
I would like to talk to this guy. I just
don't know why you would do that in front of people.
It's almost intentionally humiliate her. It's just humiliating. Go on
(02:54):
Instagram and say the same thing.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Right, I likened it too. You've been to couple's therapy before.
Sometimes you will admit feeling something or thinking something to
a third party in a safe space that you don't
feel necessarily safe or comfortable with saying just to your partner.
And I'm thinking that maybe that's why it's coming out.
I'm going to try to give him the benefit of
the doubt that he's not doing it. Maliciously okay, or
(03:18):
to be an asshole, but actually it's not okay. It's
immature as hell, and he hasn't dealt with his own emotions.
But maybe it's not malicious. Maybe it's just him not
dealing with how he actually feels.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Then we got a problem. Then what would have happened?
What happened when everything is fine after eight years and
as soon as you put a ring on it, there's
an issue now?
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Right?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
They seem to be doing well up to that point,
don't We have limited information? But what happens? Then?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I would ask you, as a man, maybe if he
set up front, hey, I don't want to ever remarry,
because clearly he was married before and he didn't want
to go down that aisle haha again. But then maybe
he did feel pressure. Maybe she doesn't realize how much
pressure he did feel to marry her because he knew
that's what she ultimately wanted. But then once he did it,
he immediately regretted. Does that make sense where now he's
got the pressure and he ended up doing something he
(04:09):
didn't want to do, so now he's resentful.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Well, then that means she's not giving us enough good
information to go on here because what you're saying. She
writes that she struggled privately with him, saying he didn't
want to get married, accepted it, but then not long
after he proposed out of the blue. She's suggesting that
she had moved on and then he decided that da
(04:32):
da da da? Now is that really the case? How
much time between those two things was there pressure? It
could have been, but she said she was at peace
with him.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
She might have been giving him pressure without realizing it.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
That is something you all do. Oh we talk about
this all the time, and you all isn't fair. I
apologize because not all women do all things. But this
is something that I have experienced. We're talking about it
here as well. But the pressure from you is not
about the marriage or anything relationship wise. It's when we're
(05:07):
gonna go see that movie? Are we going upstate?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
We don't want to be demonstrative, but we want to
let you know what we would actually probably really like.
But no pressure. You know, no one wants to to
be the person who gives the ultimatum. No one wants
to be the person who says let's do this or else.
So maybe she didn't even realize the pressure She was
putting on him.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
You know, guys generally I can obviously I can speak
for myself and in experience with guys, I know in
these in relationships the pressure stinks. Like just when you
feel it, the pressure and then sometimes you start feeling
it from a friend or a cousin or that stuff,
(05:47):
it just freaks a guy out, Yeah, because even well
intentioned guys will just freak out about it. Now you're
doing something, the most important thing of your life, perhaps
on somebody else's timeline, and even if you move your
timeline by six months, that mean you're doing something for
somebody else. You're not actually doing what you want to do.
That starts to stink because now you're starting to question everything.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
So couldn't you see him? Maybe that starts to come
out now in inconvenient, really awful ways. I mean, that's
a I mean, I feel for her. That is a
gutting thing to hear anyone say to your face, but
it's even more gutting to know that he's saying it
in front of other people. Can you see feel for her?
The pressure?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
You now am building a while scenario in my head.
I can see this happening, and maybe I've seen it
happen somewhere before. But what you describe right, the pressure,
the pressure, the pressure, who says what the conversation was
in a group of folks, how that conversation was going,
had they been arguing earlier? Was he was she nitpicking
about something or whatever? And you could see in an
offhand moment, I ain't want to marry you know it? Yep,
(06:51):
you could hear that mean thing coming out in a
heated moment. No it's not okay, now it's not right.
But some context in that. We say stupid when we're
mad and other people around when we feel and humiliated.
So this could have just been a defense mechanism. We
just don't know what triggered.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
It's so fascinating. And so many of you actually left
your comments about what you thought she should do, what
your advice to her would be. And again didn't we
see a lot of men, guys again, men writing in
with their comments more so than women. I thought that
was so fascinating. I love that men keep speaking up.
We love hearing what you have to say to us
(07:30):
or to Jennifer M. But Keith tells Jennifer M. Easy
tell people you married him out of spite.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
That's something I that's a quick comeback. That's just funny.
I just like I don't give a damn.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I wonder if she combatd it with humor in the
moment instead of feeling hurt. And you know what that does.
You come from a place of strength, a place of confidence,
knowing that your love is real and knowing that you
are meant to be together. And so if he makes
a comment, instead of immediately feeling wounded, if you can
come back with a quick bar back, he might think
that's sexiest. Hell.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Actually, that's a great sad for that one. First, it's
a great comeback. Handle it with a little humor. I
don't mind that at all.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
In public, yes, And then in private you still have
to have the conversation. I would fully suggest doing that
and the next time have that at your arsenal. Maybe
if he brings it up again and then say, hey, Bud,
we got to talk.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
This next one is a theme and we'll just sum
it up with this. I don't have this person's name,
but they say leave a lot of people just period,
point blank say divorce, divorce, divorce. You shouldn't be with
this person and just don't need to hear anymore. They
just hear what's described and they say that's the end.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Of it'out respect respect. It's about respect, right, John says this.
I have to say, this is all kind of her fault.
He said he didn't want to get married. She should
have taken him at his word before. And John, I
hear you. But when he proposed to her, what, how
is she supposed to take that? Then? If she wanted
(09:05):
to marry him and he proposed to her, should she
have questioned and said, are you sure?
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Given what we are?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
What changed?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Given what's been described? It seemed like that conversation should
have been had. Most women don't get proposed to out
of the blue, right the timing. You might be all
here or there, but you're not surprised the guy you've
been with for two years might get down on a knee.
You all have had a conversation at something about me
and a lot.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Of times, you know, like the day it's happening because
of the nervous energy, like out of the weird. I
don't know. I think most women pretend they're surprised. I
think most women know it's coming.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
What's the thing now? Most women all you all will
go behind the guy's back and tell your girlfriend so
she can be wearing a nice enough outfit and their
hair is done right.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I mean, there's a lot of stuff that goes on
behind the scenes where we try to act like we
didn't know, but yeah, mostly we know.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
So she I proposed to out of the blue. If
that's true, then I am really really siding with her
now in that there was enough separation of.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Time where she thought he had a change of heart
and she accepted it, and it's what she wanted to.
Why wouldn't she say yes? Okay, Michael, Okay, Michael, this
is an interesting comment what he had to say about
Jennifer m He said, women bash their significant other all
the time. My wife did it in front of friends
and friends. Wives would do it in front of me.
(10:31):
Women get upset about this topic because women complain how
the man didn't lift the toilet seed or dust before vacuuming.
Men complain about women cheating during the relationship while not
having physical relationships with their partner or relations with their partner.
It's not our fault. Women's shortcomings are so much worse.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
WHOA, There's a lot there, but there's stuff worth addressing. Okay,
there's a lot there like okay, Now, this idea that
a woman in front of a group of people could
say to her husband, oh, he's such an idiot.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Sometimes you're right, right.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Little comments like that and putting him down that we
generally accept, would that be fair to say?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I do think that that is fair on a general basis.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Yes, so he is hinting at that now, even as
that's humiliating and upsetting and you shouldn't do that. Do
you still not equate it to or should we equate it?
Is it that an equal jab?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
You know? I don't think it's equal to say. I mean, look,
I don't think you should say my husband's an idiot
whatever and he's standing right there in front of him,
because that would be the equivalent. But it's one thing
to say my husband's an idiot. It's another thing to say, uh,
I regret marrying him, or I should never have married him,
or I'm obligated now because I married this dufist Like
that takes it to a whole other level combining right,
(11:47):
I yes, neither one is okay. But I do think
telling a room that you are you married someone because
you felt obligated to marry them is the lowest possible blow.
I think you could give. It means like I didn't
want to marry this person who was standing right next
to me, aka my wife.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
But he wanted to be with her. How did we
He was in an eight year relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
It was not like this was some new love and
he didn't realize what he was getting into, like he
knew her. I don't get it.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I would marriage turned things somebody and waitset. I'm trying
to look at the rest of what Michael.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
That was something he was saying that women, what men
complain about women is so much worse. Like women complain
that men don't don't put the toilet seat down, but
men are dealing with women cheating on them. I don't
that seemed like that was a big I think lots
of different issues can happen for both genders.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Michael is going to have to write in and we need.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
More information to us, all right, Carl. Carl wrote in
and said, next time he says it in public, just
state that you married him out of pity. It's not
bad like this similar pity spite. Those are interchangeable. Both
of those are fun quips, Okay, Here's what Mary. This
is the first female first woman we have writing in
for a comment about Jennifer m all right, here's what
(13:01):
she said. Here's what Mary said. Please don't let him
disrespect you. That is what he is doing. I would
tell him how much that hurt you, and if he
ever does it again, I would suggest you divorce him.
If he is not in love with you enough to
respect you, then find someone who is. When someone you
love does not return that love in equal kind, and
(13:21):
if you stay with him, you will maybe forgive, but
please trust me, you will never forget.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Well said Mary.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I think that's a really good piece of advice. I
agree with her because maybe you give him one more chance.
Maybe he has a reason, maybe he has some pent
up resentment he needs to work through with you, and
then maybe he won't feel that way and won't act
that way. But yeah, on once he does it again,
or if he does it again, I don't think there's
any coming back from that.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
The relationship didn't change over eight years, except we call
it a marriage now, so that means there's something there.
You invest eight years, there was something going on there
to the point after eight years marriage was still on
the table. Right, that's not two people who thinking about
not being together. That's true. You're still talking about it,
so I don't know how we get to this place.
(14:08):
So to what Mary is saying, I still think there's
something there. I like, tell him how much it hurt.
Let's talk it out, see if we can get through it.
But don't you dare do this again.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
That's the ultimatum I would be okay with. If you
do it again, we're done. I think that's fair. It's
fair because he doesn't have to say that. So I
actually love this last comment. We plucked that you plucked
Actually DJ the best. I think this is my favorite
of all of them. This is right up my alley, Diff,
whoever you are, I love this piece of advice you
(14:42):
have for Jennifer M. Diff writes, introduce him to others
as your first husband. That'll give him something to think about.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Wait for it. Some people are trying to figure out wait.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Wait, oh, there could be a second, there could be
a third. You never know.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
This is my first husband is online.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
I love you know what. That's my favorite. That's a
drop the mic moment. Jennifer m If you get the chance,
just you know what, if you want to wait to
have the conversation. Do that first, and then let him
come to you and say what was that all about?
And say, oh, funny you should ask, And there's your
conversation starter. I love it. Diff Thank you, Thank you
for the perfect piece of advice for Jennifer em.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Again, it sounds like something else is going on there
that needs to be addressed. Fine, but I just hate
to hear that kind of an investment in a relationship
that still was going strong after eight years. Let's figure
this thing out before we completely call it quits.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
It's worth a conversation. So thank you all, by the way,
for reading our new column ask Amy and TJ on Yahoo.
In the life section every Monday, you will see a
new question that a reader has written to us and
our advice, and again, we love to hear your comments,
so please leave them for us and we will maybe
feature one of them on our podcast the following Saturday
(16:05):
after our columns drop on Monday. But thank you for
listening to us here on the Amy and TJ Podcast.
We hope you have a wonderful day.
Hey there, folks, Jennifer M wrote to us asking for
some relationship advice. Her husband of two years has been
telling people that he married her out of obligation, and
he's been doing it right in front of her rollbox.
Advice to Lisa, she needs to be curious my thoughts.
We might be looking at a relationship killer. And with that,
(00:22):
welcome to this relationship edition of Amy and TJ, where
we follow up on our most recent Yahoo Relationship column,
which you can find in the Life section of Yahoo
dot com.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
That's right, and this week here is what Jennifer M.
Wrote to us with Amy and TJ. I am sixty
years old and my husband of less than two years
has been telling his family and friends in my presence
that he married me out of a sense of obligation.
We had an eight year relationship prior to getting married.
He told me upfront that he didn't want to remarry.
(00:53):
I struggled with this privately, but with counseling, came to
accept his terms not long after he proposed out of
the blue. The obligation narrative is new. The first time
he relayed this to his family, I expressed dismay and surprise,
but not anger. I kept my cool. Now he is
repeating this narrative to his close friends. He does not
(01:14):
seem to understand how painful this is for me. What
should I do? So I immediately said that I thought she
had to talk to him, She had to take it
straight to him, And I know it's a hard conversation,
but she has to tell him how humiliating that feels,
and she needs to ask him if that's how he
really does feel, because maybe he was too afraid to
(01:37):
say it to her, but in the comfort or protection
of other people he knows love him, he could say
it kind of jokingly, but also maybe kind of honestly.
Speaker 1 (01:48):
What's the purpose in getting that out? Just getting it
off his chest? Is he trying to start a conversation?
Like what would be the purpose?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Maybe he feels guilty that he married her in the
first place because he now knows he shouldn't have, and
so instead of having an adult or mature conversation with
her about it, or even maybe fully admitting it to himself,
it's coming out in a really awkward, unfortunate way, but
it's still coming out, Like how long can you suppress
that those feelings come out? In some ways? And sometimes
(02:14):
they come out in passive aggressive ways.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
Okay, so you're suggesting he hasn't even dealt with this fact.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I think he hasn't fully admitted it to himself, but
it's bubbling up and now it's really hard to have
a conversation and ask a question that you are afraid
to hear the answer to.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I thought. I mean, I think no matter where, if
you're listening, like, no matter what you think she should do,
and I think everybody starts with you gotta talk. Yeah,
first things first, you gotta talk. After that, I just
I would like to talk to this guy. I just
don't know why you would do that in front of people.
It's almost intentionally humiliate her. It's just humiliating. Go on
(02:54):
Instagram and say the same thing.
Speaker 2 (02:55):
Right, I likened it too. You've been to couple's therapy before.
Sometimes you will admit feeling something or thinking something to
a third party in a safe space that you don't
feel necessarily safe or comfortable with saying just to your partner.
And I'm thinking that maybe that's why it's coming out.
I'm going to try to give him the benefit of
the doubt that he's not doing it. Maliciously okay, or
(03:18):
to be an asshole, but actually it's not okay. It's
immature as hell, and he hasn't dealt with his own emotions.
But maybe it's not malicious. Maybe it's just him not
dealing with how he actually feels.
Speaker 1 (03:31):
Then we got a problem. Then what would have happened?
What happened when everything is fine after eight years and
as soon as you put a ring on it, there's
an issue now?
Speaker 2 (03:40):
Right?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
They seem to be doing well up to that point,
don't We have limited information? But what happens? Then?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
I would ask you, as a man, maybe if he
set up front, hey, I don't want to ever remarry,
because clearly he was married before and he didn't want
to go down that aisle haha again. But then maybe
he did feel pressure. Maybe she doesn't realize how much
pressure he did feel to marry her because he knew
that's what she ultimately wanted. But then once he did it,
he immediately regretted. Does that make sense where now he's
got the pressure and he ended up doing something he
(04:09):
didn't want to do, so now he's resentful.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Well, then that means she's not giving us enough good
information to go on here because what you're saying. She
writes that she struggled privately with him, saying he didn't
want to get married, accepted it, but then not long
after he proposed out of the blue. She's suggesting that
she had moved on and then he decided that da
(04:32):
da da da? Now is that really the case? How
much time between those two things was there pressure? It
could have been, but she said she was at peace
with him.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
She might have been giving him pressure without realizing it.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
That is something you all do. Oh we talk about
this all the time, and you all isn't fair. I
apologize because not all women do all things. But this
is something that I have experienced. We're talking about it
here as well. But the pressure from you is not
about the marriage or anything relationship wise. It's when we're
(05:07):
gonna go see that movie? Are we going upstate?
Speaker 2 (05:10):
We don't want to be demonstrative, but we want to
let you know what we would actually probably really like.
But no pressure. You know, no one wants to to
be the person who gives the ultimatum. No one wants
to be the person who says let's do this or else.
So maybe she didn't even realize the pressure She was
putting on him.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
You know, guys generally I can obviously I can speak
for myself and in experience with guys, I know in
these in relationships the pressure stinks. Like just when you
feel it, the pressure and then sometimes you start feeling
it from a friend or a cousin or that stuff,
(05:47):
it just freaks a guy out, Yeah, because even well
intentioned guys will just freak out about it. Now you're
doing something, the most important thing of your life, perhaps
on somebody else's timeline, and even if you move your
timeline by six months, that mean you're doing something for
somebody else. You're not actually doing what you want to do.
That starts to stink because now you're starting to question everything.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
So couldn't you see him? Maybe that starts to come
out now in inconvenient, really awful ways. I mean, that's
a I mean, I feel for her. That is a
gutting thing to hear anyone say to your face, but
it's even more gutting to know that he's saying it
in front of other people. Can you see feel for her?
The pressure?
Speaker 1 (06:29):
You now am building a while scenario in my head.
I can see this happening, and maybe I've seen it
happen somewhere before. But what you describe right, the pressure,
the pressure, the pressure, who says what the conversation was
in a group of folks, how that conversation was going,
had they been arguing earlier? Was he was she nitpicking
about something or whatever? And you could see in an
offhand moment, I ain't want to marry you know it? Yep,
(06:51):
you could hear that mean thing coming out in a
heated moment. No it's not okay, now it's not right.
But some context in that. We say stupid when we're
mad and other people around when we feel and humiliated.
So this could have just been a defense mechanism. We
just don't know what triggered.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
It's so fascinating. And so many of you actually left
your comments about what you thought she should do, what
your advice to her would be. And again didn't we
see a lot of men, guys again, men writing in
with their comments more so than women. I thought that
was so fascinating. I love that men keep speaking up.
We love hearing what you have to say to us
(07:30):
or to Jennifer M. But Keith tells Jennifer M. Easy
tell people you married him out of spite.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
That's something I that's a quick comeback. That's just funny.
I just like I don't give a damn.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
I wonder if she combatd it with humor in the
moment instead of feeling hurt. And you know what that does.
You come from a place of strength, a place of confidence,
knowing that your love is real and knowing that you
are meant to be together. And so if he makes
a comment, instead of immediately feeling wounded, if you can
come back with a quick bar back, he might think
that's sexiest. Hell.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
Actually, that's a great sad for that one. First, it's
a great comeback. Handle it with a little humor. I
don't mind that at all.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
In public, yes, And then in private you still have
to have the conversation. I would fully suggest doing that
and the next time have that at your arsenal. Maybe
if he brings it up again and then say, hey, Bud,
we got to talk.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
This next one is a theme and we'll just sum
it up with this. I don't have this person's name,
but they say leave a lot of people just period,
point blank say divorce, divorce, divorce. You shouldn't be with
this person and just don't need to hear anymore. They
just hear what's described and they say that's the end.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Of it'out respect respect. It's about respect, right, John says this.
I have to say, this is all kind of her fault.
He said he didn't want to get married. She should
have taken him at his word before. And John, I
hear you. But when he proposed to her, what, how
is she supposed to take that? Then? If she wanted
(09:05):
to marry him and he proposed to her, should she
have questioned and said, are you sure?
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Given what we are?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
What changed?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Given what's been described? It seemed like that conversation should
have been had. Most women don't get proposed to out
of the blue, right the timing. You might be all
here or there, but you're not surprised the guy you've
been with for two years might get down on a knee.
You all have had a conversation at something about me
and a lot.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
Of times, you know, like the day it's happening because
of the nervous energy, like out of the weird. I
don't know. I think most women pretend they're surprised. I
think most women know it's coming.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
What's the thing now? Most women all you all will
go behind the guy's back and tell your girlfriend so
she can be wearing a nice enough outfit and their
hair is done right.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
I mean, there's a lot of stuff that goes on
behind the scenes where we try to act like we
didn't know, but yeah, mostly we know.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
So she I proposed to out of the blue. If
that's true, then I am really really siding with her
now in that there was enough separation of.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Time where she thought he had a change of heart
and she accepted it, and it's what she wanted to.
Why wouldn't she say yes? Okay, Michael, Okay, Michael, this
is an interesting comment what he had to say about
Jennifer m He said, women bash their significant other all
the time. My wife did it in front of friends
and friends. Wives would do it in front of me.
(10:31):
Women get upset about this topic because women complain how
the man didn't lift the toilet seed or dust before vacuuming.
Men complain about women cheating during the relationship while not
having physical relationships with their partner or relations with their partner.
It's not our fault. Women's shortcomings are so much worse.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
WHOA, There's a lot there, but there's stuff worth addressing. Okay,
there's a lot there like okay, Now, this idea that
a woman in front of a group of people could
say to her husband, oh, he's such an idiot.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
Sometimes you're right, right.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Little comments like that and putting him down that we
generally accept, would that be fair to say?
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I do think that that is fair on a general basis.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Yes, so he is hinting at that now, even as
that's humiliating and upsetting and you shouldn't do that. Do
you still not equate it to or should we equate it?
Is it that an equal jab?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
You know? I don't think it's equal to say. I mean, look,
I don't think you should say my husband's an idiot
whatever and he's standing right there in front of him,
because that would be the equivalent. But it's one thing
to say my husband's an idiot. It's another thing to say, uh,
I regret marrying him, or I should never have married him,
or I'm obligated now because I married this dufist Like
that takes it to a whole other level combining right,
(11:47):
I yes, neither one is okay. But I do think
telling a room that you are you married someone because
you felt obligated to marry them is the lowest possible blow.
I think you could give. It means like I didn't
want to marry this person who was standing right next
to me, aka my wife.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
But he wanted to be with her. How did we
He was in an eight year relationship.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
It was not like this was some new love and
he didn't realize what he was getting into, like he
knew her. I don't get it.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I would marriage turned things somebody and waitset. I'm trying
to look at the rest of what Michael.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
That was something he was saying that women, what men
complain about women is so much worse. Like women complain
that men don't don't put the toilet seat down, but
men are dealing with women cheating on them. I don't
that seemed like that was a big I think lots
of different issues can happen for both genders.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Michael is going to have to write in and we need.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
More information to us, all right, Carl. Carl wrote in
and said, next time he says it in public, just
state that you married him out of pity. It's not
bad like this similar pity spite. Those are interchangeable. Both
of those are fun quips, Okay, Here's what Mary. This
is the first female first woman we have writing in
for a comment about Jennifer m all right, here's what
(13:01):
she said. Here's what Mary said. Please don't let him
disrespect you. That is what he is doing. I would
tell him how much that hurt you, and if he
ever does it again, I would suggest you divorce him.
If he is not in love with you enough to
respect you, then find someone who is. When someone you
love does not return that love in equal kind, and
(13:21):
if you stay with him, you will maybe forgive, but
please trust me, you will never forget.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
Well said Mary.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
I think that's a really good piece of advice. I
agree with her because maybe you give him one more chance.
Maybe he has a reason, maybe he has some pent
up resentment he needs to work through with you, and
then maybe he won't feel that way and won't act
that way. But yeah, on once he does it again,
or if he does it again, I don't think there's
any coming back from that.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
The relationship didn't change over eight years, except we call
it a marriage now, so that means there's something there.
You invest eight years, there was something going on there
to the point after eight years marriage was still on
the table. Right, that's not two people who thinking about
not being together. That's true. You're still talking about it,
so I don't know how we get to this place.
(14:08):
So to what Mary is saying, I still think there's
something there. I like, tell him how much it hurt.
Let's talk it out, see if we can get through it.
But don't you dare do this again.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
That's the ultimatum I would be okay with. If you
do it again, we're done. I think that's fair. It's
fair because he doesn't have to say that. So I
actually love this last comment. We plucked that you plucked
Actually DJ the best. I think this is my favorite
of all of them. This is right up my alley, Diff,
whoever you are, I love this piece of advice you
(14:42):
have for Jennifer M. Diff writes, introduce him to others
as your first husband. That'll give him something to think about.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
Wait for it. Some people are trying to figure out wait.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Wait, oh, there could be a second, there could be
a third. You never know.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
This is my first husband is online.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
I love you know what. That's my favorite. That's a
drop the mic moment. Jennifer m If you get the chance,
just you know what, if you want to wait to
have the conversation. Do that first, and then let him
come to you and say what was that all about?
And say, oh, funny you should ask, And there's your
conversation starter. I love it. Diff Thank you, Thank you
for the perfect piece of advice for Jennifer em.
Speaker 1 (15:26):
Again, it sounds like something else is going on there
that needs to be addressed. Fine, but I just hate
to hear that kind of an investment in a relationship
that still was going strong after eight years. Let's figure
this thing out before we completely call it quits.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
It's worth a conversation. So thank you all, by the way,
for reading our new column ask Amy and TJ on Yahoo.
In the life section every Monday, you will see a
new question that a reader has written to us and
our advice, and again, we love to hear your comments,
so please leave them for us and we will maybe
feature one of them on our podcast the following Saturday
(16:05):
after our columns drop on Monday. But thank you for
listening to us here on the Amy and TJ Podcast.
We hope you have a wonderful day.
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