August 25, 2022 • 47 mins
Former NFLer and star of The Bachelor franchise Clayton Echard is tackling this episode of HMT. He’ll take your questions head on and also share the details of he and Susie Evans’ recently announced plans to continue their relationship…apart. Does he have the answers to making a long distance relationship work? Time will tell.
In the meantime all his answers to your problems…are right here in front of you.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Everyone,
I'm Clayton A Grid and you may know me from
season eighteen of The Bachelrette and season twenty six of
The Bachelor. I am so happy to be a guest
hosting How Men Think. I'm gonna answer all your questions
and try to help you understand how men think. But first,
(00:24):
this is eleven questions with Clayton, So let's get into it.
So first, question number one, what am I known for? Well,
I guess it really depends on who you ask. If
you would ask the public, then what I just told
you from my intro would be how most people know me,
at least the majority from a number standpoint, but those
(00:46):
closest to me, my family and friends, would describe me
as someone who's goofy, hard working, and passionate about creating
change and others lives. Question two, who are you and
your personal life? For me? Personally, I'm an avid wellness advocates,
(01:06):
so fitness, nutrition, mental health. I really just like to
wake up every day and find a way that I
cannot only better my mental health, but better those um
mental health and states. Mental health states of people around me.
Um and being able to learn and then also provide
what I've learned to others as well. I love going
(01:29):
to the gym. I just try to be as active
as I can. Uh, and I'm somewhat of a nerd.
I now see knowledge is power. Knowledge enthusiasts. I love
to listen to podcasts. I love to watch documentaries from
time and time, and really just any way that I
(01:49):
can pick up on a new piece of knowledge. One
thing a day is what I challenge myself to learn.
At least it helps me better understand the world around
me because there is a lot of commonalities. There are
a lot out there. Um. Three shows that I've been
binge watching. I do not watch a lot of television
or shows, but I will say that I still from
(02:12):
time to time will turn something on. Uh. Susie and
I right now we are watching the Men Tai Tail documentary,
which was very, very fascinating. I definitely recommend people go
watch that if you know who he is. I think
that there was a lot that I was unaware of
until now, so it's really great to see the other
side because I formed a lot of judgments on him
(02:32):
without knowing the full story, so we've been watching that
and then also, uh, Susie and I just finished I
think there was two Seasons of Love on the Spectrum
and that was an incredible show as well. It just
was very wholesome and so awesome to watch genuine love
stories occur on that show. So that was just the two.
(02:53):
I don't have a full three to share with y'all.
My favorite food should be no surprise to any buddy
because I talk about it every third word that comes
out of my mouth. Essentially, it's to play, but I
also will put some other contenders in there. Pizza is
another one most people to know as well that I'm
(03:13):
big into, and thie food. Tie food is actually something
in the last year that I have been very, very
big into talking about my career. Question number five, well,
I hate to just use the word entrepreneur, but I
do a little bit of everything right now is I
(03:33):
guess the best way to put it. For one, I'm
a mental health speaker, and so I'm really trying to
effectively target the youth demographic right now, uh, to just
destigmatize the conversations around mental health. I really want to
change the framework of how our youth views mental health
not as something that is embarrassing to speak about, but
(03:55):
something that can be empowering and hopefully be able to
help them get a better grasp on it so that
they can view life in a more positive manner and
so that we don't see um, stress, anxiety and depression
continue to be to have a hole on our youth.
So UM, big and passionate about that and hoping to
(04:16):
continue that and see where I can impact the most
individuals in that realm. I also am going to be
uh an author here eventually UM working on a book
for mental health, again tailored to that audience as well.
So I'm currently writing a book, and then I also
am working on all right to do online wellness coaching.
(04:38):
When fitness and nutrition training, I do one on one
coaching with clients, so um, pouring into those avenues and
and then just other few other things on the side
that will just see where they go. I like to
always challenge myself to do more in every area of
my life. My biggest fear in life, UM, that's what
(05:00):
that's a great question. Uh. I would say, it's not
living up to my potential um and kind of parlaying
into that as well, it's it's falling into a place
of complacency. I've been there before, but also not losing
confidence in myself. I've struggled with confidence for a great
deal in my life, and now that I have really
(05:20):
seemingly become much more confident in who I am, I
just want to make sure that I never lose sight
of that. And if I weren't able to be the
person that I think I could be, I think if
I look back at it at the end of it all,
that would that would be really scary. I think that
would be a definition of hell is if I could
see my ultimate, full potential self standing in front of
(05:42):
me that and I never made it to that point,
that would be my own true health. So that's my
biggest fear in life by far. Um my biggest pet
peeve would probably be closed minded individuals that just yeah,
aren't willing to see things another perspective or viewpoint. I
(06:02):
will also caveat that by saying that I was very close,
much more close minded of an individual than I am now,
so that I've learned over the last half year or
so to see things from the other side. Uh, And
that willingness, I think will open people up and help
them have a better understanding of the world around them
and lead them to being a happier person. So, um,
(06:24):
you know, I I give people leeway if they're still
close minded. Um, I just hope that they'll at least
be willing to have the conversations just to hopefully change
their perspective. What makes me the most happy our relationships
to my friends and family and Susie in particular as well. Um,
Without them, my life has a purpose. But they're the
(06:46):
ones that keep me going through through it Allso I
couldn't imagine a life without those people in my corner.
They have pushed me through the darkest of times, and
just the thought of them brings me so much joy
to know that I have such a strong support system
that has guided me through a lot of darkness. What's
(07:06):
my ideal Saturday morning? Well, when when weeks are hectic
and I'm on my computer ten hours a day, or
traveling and doing these events and such, Uh, then my
ideal Saturday morning would really just be being able to
wake up without my alarm going off at five thirty
in the morning like it always does. Uh. Not being
able to set that timer or that alarm and just
(07:29):
waking up and not really having anything on the agenda.
It's a really great time for me to decompress and relax.
And I like to sit in a place of nothingness
at least for the morning, uh and and just take
that time to focus on myself and kind of clearing
the hard drive in my head and clearing space for
(07:50):
the upcoming week. But I also love sometimes to be
on the road and traveling, so waking up in a
new city experiencing a new culture with Susie that's also
an ideal SAT any morning. So it always always depends.
Um Am, I'm more of an athlete or an armchair quarterback.
I would say I'm still an athlete. I just actually
(08:12):
was at a basketball term at three on three over
the weekend. Granted I was the worst player on the
team of the four individuals that we had, but the
other three one was a former NBA player and another
two or former D one college basketball players. So I'll
give myself some lee when I played some good defense.
I'm twenty nine years old. I'm not that old, so
I still think I have some ability in me. What
(08:35):
keeps me motivated? The final question, question eleven, such a
great one. To ask. Uh. For me, what keeps you
motivated is the thought of, or the fear I should say,
of not being able to provide for my future family.
So with everything that I've ever done, I've always kept
in mind wanting to establish a sense of financial stability
(08:59):
uh and in a sense that I would be able
to provide for my family so that they would be
able to have a life similar to what I had
growing on. My parents did a great job of that.
But at the end of the day, UM, I know
that I will be able to provide that. I think
fear is can actually be a very positive thing to
drive us. It's it's so as long as we don't
dwell on it and let it over um overwhelmed us.
(09:20):
But for me, that fear keeps me going, and that's
what keeps me motivated to do it. Also, there was
a lengthy eleven questions. Everyone that knows me knows I
love to talk. So we made it through. But stick around.
We'll be right back after the short break. All right, everybody,
(09:45):
welcome back to how men think we are at these
segments where we will now take some live callers. So
without further ado, let's bring them in and answer these
questions the best of our ability. Hey, Cindy, how's it
going today? Hey it's going okay, okay, okay, Well we'll
start with okay, if I can ask you, Yeah, what's uh?
You have a question for me today? So go ahead
(10:07):
and dive right in and let's ask away and let's
let's talk talk about it. Okay, thanks so much. Um. So,
I guess my question is I tend to travel a
lot for work, and I have, um, well a lot
of times. Um, I travel with the same male coworker. Okay,
I spend a lot of time with this guy, so
naturally he comes up in conversations a lot, just inevitably.
(10:30):
But my boyfriend now claims to not like him, and
he thinks that he may have bad intentions. So, um,
how do I reassure my boyfriend that it's strictly a
working relationship and there's nothing more going on. Oh yeah,
that's a that's a really great question, And I think
I think the biggest thing My first question is is
(10:53):
has has he in your eyes? Has there ever been
a moment where he may be crossed the line or
something that you brought to your boyfriend and that might
have started to Foster started to foster the idea of
this guy possibly crossing the line and not being someone
that he wants you to be around. Has there been
an instance where you've felt that and maybe shared with him,
(11:14):
or has this just kind of come out of left field?
I mean, I think it There's not been an instance
like that, But it's more I think that I I
just talked about him maybe more than I should, just
because he's there for these travels that I'm doing. So
when I'm updating my boyfriend on what's going on and
what I'm doing when I'm out of town, he's there. Yeah. Absolutely,
(11:40):
And I think, um, when it comes to like coworkers
are going to be there and they're gonna be there
a part of your life. But I think the big
thing that's important to always distinguish is that yeah, there
isn't There isn't anything there more than just that working relationship.
And maybe you guys are friends in that matter, and
that should be okay. I think there is sometimes the
(12:00):
insecurity of having you know your significant other to be
around people of the opposite sex, and that could be seen,
uh to be scary to that individual. I think the
best thing that we can do is just reassure our partners,
let them know that, hey, listen, you have nothing to
worry about. Um, you know, we're just we're just coworkers.
Like he obviously is around me, but like he's never
(12:22):
he's never crossed the line. If he ever did, I
would certainly let you know. And I put my foot down.
I think reassuring your partner that you're there's nothing to
worry about, but also acknowledging as well, um, you know,
they're concerns. I think it's always important that we validate
because their concerns are important to them, whether or not
(12:43):
we agree with them as a separate matter. But one
thing that I've definitely learned is that it's important to them. Nonetheless,
it's a fear of theirs, and if we love that individual,
if we care about them, then we have to really
like give that fear weight. We have to hold it
and be mindful of it and and just let them know, like, hey,
I you know, I understand that you're um concerned about this.
(13:06):
I can promise you no lines have been crossed. I
love you to death, um, And if ever that were
to be the case, then I would let you know.
But maybe also too I don't know if it's possible,
but maybe you know, y'all could all meet at some point,
whether it just like if it just happens casually, I'm
not if you have the ability to do so. Um,
I think him just meeting him possibly and and being
(13:28):
less of an unknown. The unknown scares us, I think
as individuals, so the more that we know about a situation,
the more comfortable we are with it. So I think
that could also be an avenue to explore as well.
Is uh just being able to kind of all three
meet up at some point it's a work event and
you're just like, hey, I'm gonna bring my boyfriend along.
(13:49):
That might be a really great way to just break
that ice, to kind of casually to soften the fear
and say, okay, hey, listen, like this is who it
is like you guys get to know each other, and
then the better understanding as of this coworker that he
maybe doesn't know, well, the more he knows, I think,
the more comfortable it will be. M Yeah, that totally
makes sense. Thank you. Absolutely. Hey MICHAELA, how's it going.
(14:14):
I'm okay. How are you I'm doing I'm doing well.
I'm excited to hopefully provide a little insight for your question,
but but laid on me. I'm curious what's what you
got for me today? Okay, So my husband and I
we've been married for like two issue years, and uh,
one of like the main arguments we always have is
(14:36):
how much he's always on his phone. Like he's just
like NonStop on his phone, playing video games, group chats
with his bros. You know, constant like social media scrolling.
He's like totally addicted, and like I've told him before
how much it bothers me because it happens during dinner,
on trips, you know, like when we're in the middle
(14:56):
of a conversation. So I just want to know, like,
can I get my point across about my feelings about
how much it bothers me so that he like gets it?
You know. Yeah, great question. And I think, gosh, if
this one hits home because I had a very similar
conversation with Susie. Um, I think that two things. One, Uh,
(15:21):
with any conversation that we have or think something that
we want to get across to our partner, I think
we always need to be able to bring it in
a way where it never seems like it's an attack.
So going in being calm as we entered the discussion
and say, you know, hey, listen, I just want to
sit down and talk with you for a second. You
got a moment, uh, and then say, you know, I
(15:41):
just want to bring something up to you that's been
bothering me. Uh. And and it sounds like you've expressed
it prior. Um, but I think against I can't speak
on all uh men. Um. I never like to use
absolutes and say everybody's this way. Um. But he maybe
you know this is he? Uh? Is he a rash
no thinker? As he kind of a he's looking to
(16:02):
always solve a problem? I mean, is that kind of
how he typically is when you bring him, uh, you know, problems.
Is he always looking to find an answer? Or is
that typically how it goes? I'm just curious. Yeah, I
mean yeah, most of the time he's pretty setural, Okay. Yeah.
And so that's good for me to know because that's
(16:23):
that's similar to how I operate. And something that I
learned through with Susie is that oftentimes she doesn't want
a solution to her problem, she just wants support. And
so but we sometimes as men, at least some men
will um look to find a solution to the problem. So, UM,
I think keeping that in mind if I were in
(16:44):
your spot issues is to understand that perspective that Okay,
if that's bothering you, he may be in his head
thinking well, how can I how can we solve this?
So um, Yeah, that's where I think it's a it's
a matter of how can we get to that point?
So when you talk with him, it's about not seeming
accusatories are are coming after him and raising our tone,
(17:05):
but staying calm the entire time, and then just saying, hey, listen,
like this is something that's been bothering me. Um, you know,
but I'd like to find a solution to this problem,
like do you and what would that look like? And
I think just having that discussion, um, and keeping it
open and honest and just maybe I don't know what
that looks like for you all. Um. Susie and I
(17:26):
tried to set aside two hours every night where we
put our phones down and we didn't pick them back up,
and so we would put our phones in another room
and it worked actually fairly well for us. UM. But
I think it's a matter of kind of from a
guy's perspective, it's like, okay, if here's if this is
a problem, how do we find a solution. So I
think that's the way that he might be viewing it.
(17:48):
And uh, if you're just if you go to him
in that nature and say, hey, listen, like I just
want to fix I'm looking to find kind of this
an answer to this because like I wanted to be happy.
I don't want this to be something that or there
puts you know, distance between us um and I think
saying it that way will respect him as well, and
it won't seem like an attack like I want you
(18:09):
to get off your phone and stop talking to your friends.
Because those things that he's doing, you know, he's placing
value in um and and with the group chat with
the boys. You know, that's that to him brings him happiness.
So he obviously doesn't want to maybe rid himself completely
of it, but there's a way to find balance, and
I think that's just where it's a matter of like
let's sit down and have a conversation and try to
(18:30):
figure out where that balance is. Does that hopefully help? Yeah? No,
that's great, thank you, Okay, perfect. Hey Katie, it's Layton
how you doing? Hey? Good? How are you good? I'm
doing great? What do you got for me? I gotta
these questions are coming in hot right now, so hopefully
I uh, I'll give you my my my best answer.
(18:51):
But um yeah, shoot shoot, let's let's see what you
got for a question. Okay, UM, thank you so much.
This is really way I'm going me so. UM. My
boyfriend of three years and I moved in together probably
a year ago. Um, but he just got this incredible
job opportunity in another state. Okay, and I can't leave
(19:16):
our current state because of my job. And I really
like my job. But I worry that if he moves like,
our relationship isn't going to survive the move. And so
I'm really worried about that. I have two questions, Um,
how do we make long distance work if he takes
(19:37):
the job? I hear so many things about that. Um
and to um, is there a time limit that we
should put on it to either live together again or
break up? Because I don't want to waste my time.
I don't want to waste his time. Yeah, absolutely so.
I think for one, I just wanted to acknowledge that
(20:00):
think that your fear and concern is is very valid
because that is a question that everybody does. A lot
of people have when a long distance becomes a part
of the equation, especially when you're together and then you
separate for a portion of time. UM I currently again,
this one hits home as well. UM, in my in
(20:20):
my day to day right now, Susie and I are
going to be living separately just for a short period
of time while um, I look for a house, but
I think and then she'll move back in. But with that, um,
we had that same fear right we talked about it
like what if this ends up being something that ends
up being a negative outcome for us and and breaks
this up. And I think the big thing that we
(20:43):
realized or told ourselves is let's not let that fear
overtake us until it becomes a concern. We both are.
We both are in the position where like we're conscious
of it, but we're chasing our dreams, are aspirations, were
taking this time to separate for this the short period
time that will be a part. But yes, I do
(21:03):
believe that it is great to put to like put
in a marker or a point where you're like, okay,
we will end up living together here if whether it's
a month away, three months away, a year, but having
a plan, I think it's so important that you have
a plan in place because just establishing a plan will
start to quell some of that fear instead of just thinking, well,
(21:26):
we just moved to different states and um, I don't
even know what we're going to do a month from now.
So if you establish that plan, that will help, I
think keep the concern at bay. Long distance does work.
I mean there's there's examples of people successful marriages that
did long distance for years. UM, so it is doable. Uh.
And I think also having that action plan in place.
(21:49):
But if you're going to do a long distance I
do still think you can't replace being in an environment
with somebody physically. So UM, I think as I was
in one of my past relationships, I did long distance
and what worked was we found time to fly out
and see each other. Uh. And so taking that time
(22:10):
to budget, what's that look like if we fly out
once a month, do we set that up on the
schedule right away? Do we plan weeks in advance? So
when we go our separate ways, um and live separately,
we already know that in the next two months every
two weeks there's already a flight scheduled to to see
each other. UM. I think establishing a plan and doing
(22:35):
that will well. Again, I think that's what I would
suggest you all do, UM, because it's taking the initiative
to continue to nurture that relationship. I think it's great
that you guys both have incredible jobs and that you
right now you to see it as well. We don't
want to not take our dream job because of someone else. UM.
(22:58):
But here's the thing again, I think it's again just
being mindful working together through devising a plan of how
can we make this work? And then if it ever
gets to the point where one of you realizes that
it's either the job or the relationship, then I think
someone has to compromise. And sometimes that is just the
point in our lives where we have to say, well,
what's more important to us this job or our partner, um,
(23:18):
And if it's meant to be, if if that person special,
then ultimately you'll choose that partner. But again that's down
the road. I think right now there's a lot of
what ifs, UM, and we can't be dwelling in the
what is. What we can do though, is established a
plan so that we can give ourselves the best chance
at bake at making both realities exist. Does that help
(23:39):
so much? Thank you so much? Yea that other people
are going through it, so I'm right there with you.
So yeah, absolutely, I wish you nothing but the best.
And thank you for the question. Thanks Clayton. Hey, Michelle's Clayton.
Not great? How you doing? Hi? I'm good. How are
you good? I'm doing great. I don't know why I
just told you my last name, but I'll try to.
(23:59):
I'll try to make it a bit less and uh
less formal here going forward. So thank you, thank you
for having on here today. And yeah, I go ahead
and shoot shoot with the question. I'm curious what you
got for me? Sure? Yeah. So, Um, I've been the
best kind of best friends, I would say, with this
guy for about nine years and I um, I've never
(24:21):
had feelings for him before, but I would say in
the last like two months or so, I've just started
to feel kind of jealous. Um, when he'll call me
and just tell me about the dates that he's been
going on or whatever. Um. Mostly it's because I think
he's found this one girl and he really likes her
and so they've been going on dates. They've been dating
(24:44):
for around two months essentially, so I guess it's probably
just this one woman who has been wrong. Um, but
I just worry if I tell him about my feelings,
like about how I feel about being not okay with
him telling me about this person, that it will ruin
(25:05):
the great friendship that we do have, right Like, um,
and I don't I don't know, because like I'm really torn.
I also don't want to be wondering like if I
don't tell him, what if he does feel something for
me and like we should take it to the next
level or I don't know. I just I don't know
if I should keep the feelings to myself, like let
this play out a little bit more with this woman
(25:26):
he's been seeing for two months, or um, if I
should say something. Yeah, oh man, that is quite the predicament.
And I think it's it's challenging, right I without knowing y'alls.
I mean again, you said nine years correct that you
guys have been friends. Yeah, we start we worked together,
um for about four years at the same uh location,
(25:50):
you know company, and then um, we stopped working together
the last five years, but we've remained friends. Okay, Well
I'm curious what why in the pass did you all
never explore, um, you know, a connection between you two
past just friends and was did you ever did you
all ever date other individuals and that time frame or
(26:13):
is this is this the first time that he's finally
talked like talking to somebody, um and you've felt these
feelings or what is it about the time? Um? You know?
I think I I was dating somebody, um and probably
wasn't really ready to date again. Um. And then I
(26:34):
think and that probably, I mean I was dating somebody
when we worked at the same place, and then once
we we left, I probably I've not been dating that
person for like the last three to four years. Um.
And so it just naturally moved into talking about each
other's dates at that time. And I wasn't seriously considering anything,
(26:55):
right because I was like just gotten out of a
six year relationship, Like I definitely wanted it was nice
to have a guy buddy to like shoot, you know,
just to talk about dates with, you know, and just
to be to have somebody who you can talk to
about that stuff, who has who comes from a from
the male perspective, you know, and isn't just my girlfriend.
(27:15):
So I was enjoying that, um probably for the last
two years, and that I don't know, I guess maybe uh,
he hadn't really had anybody serious before, and neither had
I for the last two or three years. So I
think it's the fact that this chick is like, it's
a long it's long term, right, and he's starting to
tell me about like connections that they're having on their dates,
(27:37):
and it's and now I'm realizing that bothers me. Do
you are you fearful that do you see you now
see him wanting to potentially be a potential future partner?
Are you concerned that she may take away from your friendship?
I just kind of want to distinguish between those two.
I'm curious, so do I, Clayton, I would like to
(28:00):
wish between those two as well. That's kind of my issue, right,
I like, I really don't want to ruin our friendship. Yeah,
I am interested to see if we have a chance
to do a thing, but I really don't want to
ruin our friendship. Yeah, absolutely, Okay, Yeah, so I think again,
I will say my thought as honesty is almost always
(28:23):
the best policy, I'm not I don't like to speak
in absolute because I think there's an exception to every rule. UM.
But I think with a friendship that you all have
in the longevity of it, I think that it warrants
a potential conversation. I think again, though, it's all about
prefacing it, so asking him if he has the time
to speak, saying letting him know that you want to
respect him in the relationship that he has. UM. But
(28:47):
I think I think it's fair two to let him know, like, hey,
like this is something that you know, I want you
to know. UM, And I just want to know if
like there's a potential here and if there's not, UM,
that's totally cool. Uh. You know, I I want to
respect you again the relationship that you have and so
(29:08):
UM and I still want to be obviously a great friend,
but like, is you know what do you think there's
a chance that this could ever be something? UM. It's
really tough because again I I don't you don't want
to overstep and make it seem like you're potentially interfering
in this relationship of his that may bring him happiness. UM.
But I guess the alternative is that you don't say anything,
(29:29):
and then it builds up these feelings and then you
start to create distance, uh, and and separate yourself. And
if you have you have you all have a strong friendship.
I think that that will end up coming up inevitably.
So if it's two months in and you hold off,
then it becomes six months in, and the timing really
(29:50):
never is right. UM. Yeah, I see what you're saying.
I think that it just my fear is that it
would build up and you would still harbor these feelings
and then distance would start to be put put in
between y'all, and then you would say, well, now it's
a six month in relationship. I'm just gonna go ahead
and I can't even like associate talk with them. Is
It just upsets me. So I'm just gonna create this
distance and then that relationship, that friendship is lost. UM.
(30:15):
I just think you have to be very respectful if
you go into the conversation and say, I only just
want to bring this up once. UM, I don't want
to be a big thing, but you know, I do
want to be honest with you. And UM, you know,
do you think that do you feel any any of
these feelings? And if not, that's okay, I will I
will rightfully Um, you know I want to support you
and your happiness. You're my friend and so ultimately I
(30:37):
want what's best for you. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate
that advice very much. Absolutely, thank you so much for asking. Hey,
al Rad's Clayton. How you doing Hi, I'm good, Thank you?
How are you? I am doing good. I'm getting hit
with some hard questions right now about relationships. So I
I'm thinking you might have one too for me, and
I'm curious to know what it is. But we can.
(30:59):
We can dive in if you got if you got
the top of mind right now? Yeah, I do. Okay, cool,
here we go. Um, So, I've been single for five
years now and all of my friends are married and
starting to have kids. I've been on a few different
dating apps, but I'm not getting any matches. So I
want to know what I can add or do to
(31:19):
my online dating profile to catch the attention of more men. Okay,
fair question. I used to be on the dating apps myself,
and so, uh, you always heard about the things you
should and shouldn't do for guys. It's like, oh everyone
he's got a fish pick um And there was like
the dudes and don't of navigating the apps. But here's
(31:40):
my best bit of advice is you're gonna want to
put on your profile what is authentically you, uh, and
so what you feel most comfortable with. It's not about Yes,
you could post a provocative photo um and and maybe
get some more people you know that are going to
start in boxing you, But ultimately is that really the
(32:03):
image that you're wanting to portray. Um. I understand the
frustration with seemingly not getting enough matches and thinking, well,
I have to change something about myself. But if you
do that, you're going against who you really are and
truthfully are, and I think, uh, you don't that might
(32:24):
attract somebody that then when they find out who you
know there really you is, um, you run the risk
of like, well I posted this, but that's not fully
who I am. Like I just did that to kind
of maybe attract or or or get more you know,
likes on a you know, on a dating app. So um,
I would my advice would be just continue to push
(32:45):
what you think is most authentically you. Actually, here's an example.
I I'm not a big drinker, and when I was
on the apps, I at first said that I did
drink because I thought that people would look at that
and be like, I don't want to date a guy
that doesn't drink every he sounds like a boar um.
But then what happened was is I went out on
dates and when I wasn't drinking, they were kind of like, well,
(33:07):
you said you drank all the time. I was like, no,
I don't, like, just on special occasions. So I realized
that I was trying to cater to an audience, but
I wasn't fully truthfully being myself on the profile and
saying like, hey, I should just put no, and then
someone's like, why don't you drink? Well, I you on
special occasions, right, So the expectations if we are who
we are and we put that on our profile, then
(33:28):
we attract what we want to attract. So I would
just say, honestly, UM, just continue to post what you
want to post on there, uh and eventually like you're
gonna find that person that's going to see that like wow,
this girl is exactly what I want and exactly what
I've been looking for. Um, Because I would I would
hate for you to to swap something out and then
(33:49):
you never know when that person that's you know, sifting
through the photos sees one picture and you took down
a picture that you thought nobody was gonna be interested in,
and that might have been the one um that ended up,
you know, making them be like, yeah, I'm gonna swipe
right or whatever direction it is. Nowadays, I assume it's
still right. But um, that'd be my advice. Just keep
(34:10):
being you, authentically you, and and it'll it'll come around.
It only had two relationships, Seriously, It's just relationships my
entire life. I'm twenty nine, so, UM, I know timing
isn't doesn't seem to always be on our sides. But
if you're a good person, you care, and you and
you do all and you just you're a genuinely good person,
then I do believe that, like, you'll find your person,
(34:30):
I mean should I. I am now in a happy relationship,
but prior to that point, I was just like you.
All my friends were engaged and married, and I was
starting to wonder if my time is ever going to come?
And here we are, so I think I would just say,
just keep being you and that person will come around.
That help. It's kind of long winded, but hopefully that
(34:52):
helps a little. No, No, it's good it's good context.
It's it's really kind of scary to do that. But
I see your point and why that makes a lot
of sense. Yeah, it is, and it is scary. I absolutely, Um.
I think you're very valid. It's very understanding for you
to to feel that way. Um, But I think it's
(35:12):
also scary to think that, Well, if you aren't yourself,
then what happens if you miss that person that was
looking for who you really are and if you convey
yourself in a different light? So um, I would Yeah,
I understand your fear, and I think it's it's really
hard to say, like there's I don't think there's any
certain particular pick that's gonna post that's gonna do well
(35:34):
and and resonate most. I think authenticity reads at the
end of the day. So hopefully that helps. And I
wish enough but the best I think, I think your
your person is kind and trust me, I do believe it, um,
and and I believe it will come away. And I
think you should just keep being yourself, which that's my opinion,
I hope. So thank you, Yeah, thank you so much
(35:56):
for the question, right right, all right, So we're gonna
go ahead and take a break. Thank you so much
for all the questions. There were some tough ones, but
I think a lot of people are going through those
two kind of questions they have them, so so very
awesome to be able to answer a few. And we
will be right back. All right, Welcome back, everybody. We
(36:25):
are at the official point of Q and A, so
we're gonna dive in here. There's some pretty juicy questions
and as long winded as I am, I'm going to
try to be as clear and concise as possible. So
here we go. Question number one. At the end of
The Bachelor, you found yourself in love with three women.
How did you finally figure out that Susie was the
(36:46):
one for you? Oh? Man, I mean that is a
tough question. Um. Yeah, And on the show, I don't
think I and we talked about the Susie and I
don't think we really knew if we were each other's person. Um.
I went with where my heart was leading me, and
(37:06):
unfortunately it was an a disastrous manner that I navigated
through it all, Um, and I caused a lot of pain,
and I learned a lot of lessons that I needed
to learn. I was immature and and I did a
lot of things I wish I would have done differently. Um,
but I just in that moment, I went with my gut.
I just I felt that when I needed to go
(37:27):
after her and I needed to let the other two women,
um go and then on their own journeys. And so
it was really really tough and challenging to navigate that environment. Um,
but I didn't really figure out that Susie was the
one for me until after the show, and tell Susie
and I got to spend more time with each other, uh,
in the in the real world, so that I would
(37:48):
say we figured that out after the show. Going okay,
question two, going through what you did on TV and
having Batchel Nation fans way in with their opinion, did
that affect your relationship then and how did you get
through it? Oh? My gosh, yes, gosh. Unfortunately Bachelor Nation
(38:10):
their opinions and there constant commentary online, UH can start
to really leak into the minds of those of of
the um the leads in the and then the women
or the men on the show, depending on what season
it is. But yes, uh, those opinions can resonate and unfortunately, UM,
(38:33):
what was in my inbox versus what was in Susie's
inbox were two different things. We both had support in
our inbox saying that we understand why you did what
you did, and then she had the same thing going
on in her inbox, uh, and what that actually end
up doing and we had to catch it, thankfully we
did before end up creating more damage. But it was
(38:55):
almost causing a divide between the two of us because
I was getting a ton of support in my d M,
she was getting a ton of support on her DM.
So it's strengthened our viewpoints and it made it a
lot harder for us to see the other side. So
what we ultimately had to do was shut it off.
That third party, the Bachelor Nation. We had to cut
it off and say, we are not going to allow
(39:17):
anybody else to dictate our relationship or tell us how
our relationship should be. And we sat down, we went
to therapy, UH, and we dove into it and really
found got to the root of the issue, which was
that she wasn't feeling understood and either was I. And
so we started to see each other's perspective and we
knew that even our loved ones, they have opinions, but
(39:38):
they don't know the full story. Uh So we had
to just say listen, if we're gonna make this work,
it comes down to the two of us and only
our opinions matter when it comes to our relationship. Question three,
how is your students relationship today? I'm happy to say
it's better than ever. Even though people are freaking out
that they're about to separate eight, we're only doing it temporarily.
(40:01):
I want people to understand that she doesn't want to
live in a cooped up a little apartment with me
and my middle brother, rightfully. So it's a small, tiny apartment.
She's been there once before. She's gonna go to l
A and spend some time there while I buy a
house in Scottsdale. And the plan is once I buy
the house in a couple of months, she will move
out and live with me. With all of that, we're
(40:22):
still going to see each other most of the weekends.
We're planning out what weekends already. We can buy plane
tickets to see each other. It's a fifty minute flight,
no concern whatsoever. We are an incredibly great spot. So
the next question, what am I worried about the most?
And being in a long distance relationship. While one of
the uh, one of the callers earlier just brought it up.
(40:45):
We talked touched on this, but I think again when
it comes to me, um, this is a breakdown and communication.
But I don't see that really happening between Susie and I.
But when there's distance between individuals, sometimes, uh, the intention
of your actions can get lost because you're not there
physically with that person to be able to read body language,
(41:07):
to read tone text messaging can be misinterpreted. Um. And
distance can make the heart grow fonder, but sometimes distance
uh can cause you if you're not putting the effort
into see each other, it can create distance, not from
a physical standpoint, but then it starts to create distance
emotionally because you're not around that person, you're not nurturing
(41:27):
that relationship. So uh, my worry would always be if
not feeling like the effort is going to be put
in and that physical distance starts to turn into emotional distance.
But I'm mindful of that and so is Susie, So
I don't see that being an issue. UM. Next question,
do I have any regrets from my season being the Bachelor? Yes? Many, UM,
(41:50):
But I will say that with those regrets. I wish
I would have done things differently, but I didn't. And
I also do believe that everything does happen for a reason.
So I think I was meant to make a fool
out of myself. I think I was meant to do
make take the decisions that I did in order for
me to have my weaknesses and insecurities be exposed and
(42:11):
come to light so that I could then see them
for what they were, acknowledge them, and then work on
strengthening those weaknesses and turning them into strength. So, UM,
I regret a lot of the things that I did
on the show, but i'm I do. I am thankful
that they were all brought to light my insecurities because
(42:31):
I've now addressed them and still I addressing them to
be a better human being, and I think I've become
that from the show. Next question, are we am I
watching Gabby and Rachel's season in the bat Streat? I've
watched a few episodes, Um, not all of them. Uh,
and that's just because Susie and I we last night
(42:53):
when the episode was airing. We were with our family.
So UM, if we have, if we happen to be home,
we will turn and on. UM. But if we're working again,
we have our own aspirations right now that we're working
towards UM. You know, the show takes two hours some nights. Uh,
it's two hours long, and we sometimes don't have that time,
or we decided to um do something else instead of
(43:14):
watch the show. So we're both very much in support
of those two finding their happiness. We both know those
two women and wish them nothing but the best. Uh.
And so at the end of the day, UM, We're
just our lives are busy at times and we're not
always able to watch. Okay, hondes some dating relationships questions
(43:34):
how long should you message someone before you meet in person? Now,
I will say again, I gotta go back to the
times when I used to be on the apps dating apps,
and gosh, I mean it felt like it was all
a matter of a game of I can't respond back
too quickly and we have to re talk for a
week before we can meet up. My personal opinion, again,
(43:58):
this is just me. I am who I am and
nobody else is who I am. So but my thought
is this, you should message as long as it takes
to become comfortable with meeting that person. So if you're
somebody like me who I could meet up right away
because to me, strangers I can have conversations with right
out the gate um, then so be it like then
(44:20):
then you can meet up the same day that you
message that person. Again, I think it depends on the
gender of the individual. Obviously, if you're meeting up with
a stranger, I know that from a female perspective, you
want to be in a safe environment, populated environment at
a bar or whatever it might be. Some of those
a lot of people, so just obviously be smart about that.
But I don't think there's any amount of time. It's
(44:41):
it's until you feel comfortable. Right at the end of
the day, you should be comfortable with meeting up with
that person. Some people it takes a little longer to
get become comfortable with. So that would be my answer
that however long it takes to become comfortable. Um, So okay,
last question here today, what are some things you can
do to make time for your spouse when you're dealing
with busy schedules. So I think one of the best
(45:05):
things you can do is schedule time to sit down
with your partner when it fits with both your schedules,
because I refuse to believe that you're twenty four hours
for the next week are completely taken up. Um, you
can always find time, even if it's a long distance
and you're not physically together. You can schedule a zoom
(45:27):
call and I guarantee you have fifteen minutes. I do
not believe anybody everyone it's not there's there's not a
single person out that it does not have fifteen minutes.
So schedule time, be mindful, take the initiative to sit
down talk with your partner. And then when you do that,
as far as making time for them, set a schedule,
(45:47):
put it in your physical phones calendar. I do that.
I and then once you put it in there in there,
you're more likely to follow through. You can set reminders
that okay, hey, in thirty minutes, a mind is going
to go off, that you have a conversation coming up,
or time that you're gonna spend with your partner. But
when you take the initiative and place it in your
calendar physically, you're more likely to do it. That would
(46:11):
be my advice. So I believe that is all the
time that we have for questions today. Thank you all
so much. For tuning in to how men think. This
is so much fun and if you all are interested
in keeping up to date with me and what's my
next steps in life entail, then you can find me
on social media at Clayton Eckard first and last name
(46:34):
on inscareum really easy, It's easy to get in contact
with me there. You can shoot me a d M,
you can shoot me an email, whatever you want in
the comments of my pictures. That's where you'll find me.
It's where I'm most active and I will keep you
all updated as far as what's next all through the app.
So that's where you can find me, that hiding and all.
(46:54):
And thank you once again for taking the time out
of your day to sit here with me and hopefully
learn a thing or two. This is how men think.
An I Heart Radio London Audio Production listen each Thursday
on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you
get your podcasts.
We're taking you inside the mind of a man. This
is how Men Thick and I heard radio podcast. Everyone,
I'm Clayton A Grid and you may know me from
season eighteen of The Bachelrette and season twenty six of
The Bachelor. I am so happy to be a guest
hosting How Men Think. I'm gonna answer all your questions
and try to help you understand how men think. But first,
(00:24):
this is eleven questions with Clayton, So let's get into it.
So first, question number one, what am I known for? Well,
I guess it really depends on who you ask. If
you would ask the public, then what I just told
you from my intro would be how most people know me,
at least the majority from a number standpoint, but those
(00:46):
closest to me, my family and friends, would describe me
as someone who's goofy, hard working, and passionate about creating
change and others lives. Question two, who are you and
your personal life? For me? Personally, I'm an avid wellness advocates,
(01:06):
so fitness, nutrition, mental health. I really just like to
wake up every day and find a way that I
cannot only better my mental health, but better those um
mental health and states. Mental health states of people around me.
Um and being able to learn and then also provide
what I've learned to others as well. I love going
(01:29):
to the gym. I just try to be as active
as I can. Uh, and I'm somewhat of a nerd.
I now see knowledge is power. Knowledge enthusiasts. I love
to listen to podcasts. I love to watch documentaries from
time and time, and really just any way that I
(01:49):
can pick up on a new piece of knowledge. One
thing a day is what I challenge myself to learn.
At least it helps me better understand the world around
me because there is a lot of commonalities. There are
a lot out there. Um. Three shows that I've been
binge watching. I do not watch a lot of television
or shows, but I will say that I still from
(02:12):
time to time will turn something on. Uh. Susie and
I right now we are watching the Men Tai Tail documentary,
which was very, very fascinating. I definitely recommend people go
watch that if you know who he is. I think
that there was a lot that I was unaware of
until now, so it's really great to see the other
side because I formed a lot of judgments on him
(02:32):
without knowing the full story, so we've been watching that
and then also, uh, Susie and I just finished I
think there was two Seasons of Love on the Spectrum
and that was an incredible show as well. It just
was very wholesome and so awesome to watch genuine love
stories occur on that show. So that was just the two.
(02:53):
I don't have a full three to share with y'all.
My favorite food should be no surprise to any buddy
because I talk about it every third word that comes
out of my mouth. Essentially, it's to play, but I
also will put some other contenders in there. Pizza is
another one most people to know as well that I'm
(03:13):
big into, and thie food. Tie food is actually something
in the last year that I have been very, very
big into talking about my career. Question number five, well,
I hate to just use the word entrepreneur, but I
do a little bit of everything right now is I
(03:33):
guess the best way to put it. For one, I'm
a mental health speaker, and so I'm really trying to
effectively target the youth demographic right now, uh, to just
destigmatize the conversations around mental health. I really want to
change the framework of how our youth views mental health
not as something that is embarrassing to speak about, but
(03:55):
something that can be empowering and hopefully be able to
help them get a better grasp on it so that
they can view life in a more positive manner and
so that we don't see um, stress, anxiety and depression
continue to be to have a hole on our youth.
So UM, big and passionate about that and hoping to
(04:16):
continue that and see where I can impact the most
individuals in that realm. I also am going to be
uh an author here eventually UM working on a book
for mental health, again tailored to that audience as well.
So I'm currently writing a book, and then I also
am working on all right to do online wellness coaching.
(04:38):
When fitness and nutrition training, I do one on one
coaching with clients, so um, pouring into those avenues and
and then just other few other things on the side
that will just see where they go. I like to
always challenge myself to do more in every area of
my life. My biggest fear in life, UM, that's what
(05:00):
that's a great question. Uh. I would say, it's not
living up to my potential um and kind of parlaying
into that as well, it's it's falling into a place
of complacency. I've been there before, but also not losing
confidence in myself. I've struggled with confidence for a great
deal in my life, and now that I have really
(05:20):
seemingly become much more confident in who I am, I
just want to make sure that I never lose sight
of that. And if I weren't able to be the
person that I think I could be, I think if
I look back at it at the end of it all,
that would that would be really scary. I think that
would be a definition of hell is if I could
see my ultimate, full potential self standing in front of
(05:42):
me that and I never made it to that point,
that would be my own true health. So that's my
biggest fear in life by far. Um my biggest pet
peeve would probably be closed minded individuals that just yeah,
aren't willing to see things another perspective or viewpoint. I
(06:02):
will also caveat that by saying that I was very close,
much more close minded of an individual than I am now,
so that I've learned over the last half year or
so to see things from the other side. Uh, And
that willingness, I think will open people up and help
them have a better understanding of the world around them
and lead them to being a happier person. So, um,
(06:24):
you know, I I give people leeway if they're still
close minded. Um, I just hope that they'll at least
be willing to have the conversations just to hopefully change
their perspective. What makes me the most happy our relationships
to my friends and family and Susie in particular as well. Um,
Without them, my life has a purpose. But they're the
(06:46):
ones that keep me going through through it Allso I
couldn't imagine a life without those people in my corner.
They have pushed me through the darkest of times, and
just the thought of them brings me so much joy
to know that I have such a strong support system
that has guided me through a lot of darkness. What's
(07:06):
my ideal Saturday morning? Well, when when weeks are hectic
and I'm on my computer ten hours a day, or
traveling and doing these events and such, Uh, then my
ideal Saturday morning would really just be being able to
wake up without my alarm going off at five thirty
in the morning like it always does. Uh. Not being
able to set that timer or that alarm and just
(07:29):
waking up and not really having anything on the agenda.
It's a really great time for me to decompress and relax.
And I like to sit in a place of nothingness
at least for the morning, uh and and just take
that time to focus on myself and kind of clearing
the hard drive in my head and clearing space for
(07:50):
the upcoming week. But I also love sometimes to be
on the road and traveling, so waking up in a
new city experiencing a new culture with Susie that's also
an ideal SAT any morning. So it always always depends.
Um Am, I'm more of an athlete or an armchair quarterback.
I would say I'm still an athlete. I just actually
(08:12):
was at a basketball term at three on three over
the weekend. Granted I was the worst player on the
team of the four individuals that we had, but the
other three one was a former NBA player and another
two or former D one college basketball players. So I'll
give myself some lee when I played some good defense.
I'm twenty nine years old. I'm not that old, so
I still think I have some ability in me. What
(08:35):
keeps me motivated? The final question, question eleven, such a
great one. To ask. Uh. For me, what keeps you
motivated is the thought of, or the fear I should say,
of not being able to provide for my future family.
So with everything that I've ever done, I've always kept
in mind wanting to establish a sense of financial stability
(08:59):
uh and in a sense that I would be able
to provide for my family so that they would be
able to have a life similar to what I had
growing on. My parents did a great job of that.
But at the end of the day, UM, I know
that I will be able to provide that. I think
fear is can actually be a very positive thing to
drive us. It's it's so as long as we don't
dwell on it and let it over um overwhelmed us.
(09:20):
But for me, that fear keeps me going, and that's
what keeps me motivated to do it. Also, there was
a lengthy eleven questions. Everyone that knows me knows I
love to talk. So we made it through. But stick around.
We'll be right back after the short break. All right, everybody,
(09:45):
welcome back to how men think we are at these
segments where we will now take some live callers. So
without further ado, let's bring them in and answer these
questions the best of our ability. Hey, Cindy, how's it
going today? Hey it's going okay, okay, okay, Well we'll
start with okay, if I can ask you, Yeah, what's uh?
You have a question for me today? So go ahead
(10:07):
and dive right in and let's ask away and let's
let's talk talk about it. Okay, thanks so much. Um. So,
I guess my question is I tend to travel a
lot for work, and I have, um, well a lot
of times. Um, I travel with the same male coworker. Okay,
I spend a lot of time with this guy, so
naturally he comes up in conversations a lot, just inevitably.
(10:30):
But my boyfriend now claims to not like him, and
he thinks that he may have bad intentions. So, um,
how do I reassure my boyfriend that it's strictly a
working relationship and there's nothing more going on. Oh yeah,
that's a that's a really great question, And I think
I think the biggest thing My first question is is
(10:53):
has has he in your eyes? Has there ever been
a moment where he may be crossed the line or
something that you brought to your boyfriend and that might
have started to Foster started to foster the idea of
this guy possibly crossing the line and not being someone
that he wants you to be around. Has there been
an instance where you've felt that and maybe shared with him,
(11:14):
or has this just kind of come out of left field?
I mean, I think it There's not been an instance
like that, But it's more I think that I I
just talked about him maybe more than I should, just
because he's there for these travels that I'm doing. So
when I'm updating my boyfriend on what's going on and
what I'm doing when I'm out of town, he's there. Yeah. Absolutely,
(11:40):
And I think, um, when it comes to like coworkers
are going to be there and they're gonna be there
a part of your life. But I think the big
thing that's important to always distinguish is that yeah, there
isn't There isn't anything there more than just that working relationship.
And maybe you guys are friends in that matter, and
that should be okay. I think there is sometimes the
(12:00):
insecurity of having you know your significant other to be
around people of the opposite sex, and that could be seen,
uh to be scary to that individual. I think the
best thing that we can do is just reassure our partners,
let them know that, hey, listen, you have nothing to
worry about. Um, you know, we're just we're just coworkers.
Like he obviously is around me, but like he's never
(12:22):
he's never crossed the line. If he ever did, I
would certainly let you know. And I put my foot down.
I think reassuring your partner that you're there's nothing to
worry about, but also acknowledging as well, um, you know,
they're concerns. I think it's always important that we validate
because their concerns are important to them, whether or not
(12:43):
we agree with them as a separate matter. But one
thing that I've definitely learned is that it's important to them. Nonetheless,
it's a fear of theirs, and if we love that individual,
if we care about them, then we have to really
like give that fear weight. We have to hold it
and be mindful of it and and just let them know, like, hey,
I you know, I understand that you're um concerned about this.
(13:06):
I can promise you no lines have been crossed. I
love you to death, um, And if ever that were
to be the case, then I would let you know.
But maybe also too I don't know if it's possible,
but maybe you know, y'all could all meet at some point,
whether it just like if it just happens casually, I'm
not if you have the ability to do so. Um,
I think him just meeting him possibly and and being
(13:28):
less of an unknown. The unknown scares us, I think
as individuals, so the more that we know about a situation,
the more comfortable we are with it. So I think
that could also be an avenue to explore as well.
Is uh just being able to kind of all three
meet up at some point it's a work event and
you're just like, hey, I'm gonna bring my boyfriend along.
(13:49):
That might be a really great way to just break
that ice, to kind of casually to soften the fear
and say, okay, hey, listen, like this is who it
is like you guys get to know each other, and
then the better understanding as of this coworker that he
maybe doesn't know, well, the more he knows, I think,
the more comfortable it will be. M Yeah, that totally
makes sense. Thank you. Absolutely. Hey MICHAELA, how's it going.
(14:14):
I'm okay. How are you I'm doing I'm doing well.
I'm excited to hopefully provide a little insight for your question,
but but laid on me. I'm curious what's what you
got for me today? Okay, So my husband and I
we've been married for like two issue years, and uh,
one of like the main arguments we always have is
(14:36):
how much he's always on his phone. Like he's just
like NonStop on his phone, playing video games, group chats
with his bros. You know, constant like social media scrolling.
He's like totally addicted, and like I've told him before
how much it bothers me because it happens during dinner,
on trips, you know, like when we're in the middle
(14:56):
of a conversation. So I just want to know, like,
can I get my point across about my feelings about
how much it bothers me so that he like gets it?
You know. Yeah, great question. And I think, gosh, if
this one hits home because I had a very similar
conversation with Susie. Um, I think that two things. One, Uh,
(15:21):
with any conversation that we have or think something that
we want to get across to our partner, I think
we always need to be able to bring it in
a way where it never seems like it's an attack.
So going in being calm as we entered the discussion
and say, you know, hey, listen, I just want to
sit down and talk with you for a second. You
got a moment, uh, and then say, you know, I
(15:41):
just want to bring something up to you that's been
bothering me. Uh. And and it sounds like you've expressed
it prior. Um, but I think against I can't speak
on all uh men. Um. I never like to use
absolutes and say everybody's this way. Um. But he maybe
you know this is he? Uh? Is he a rash
no thinker? As he kind of a he's looking to
(16:02):
always solve a problem? I mean, is that kind of
how he typically is when you bring him, uh, you know, problems.
Is he always looking to find an answer? Or is
that typically how it goes? I'm just curious. Yeah, I
mean yeah, most of the time he's pretty setural, Okay. Yeah.
And so that's good for me to know because that's
(16:23):
that's similar to how I operate. And something that I
learned through with Susie is that oftentimes she doesn't want
a solution to her problem, she just wants support. And
so but we sometimes as men, at least some men
will um look to find a solution to the problem. So, UM,
I think keeping that in mind if I were in
(16:44):
your spot issues is to understand that perspective that Okay,
if that's bothering you, he may be in his head
thinking well, how can I how can we solve this?
So um, Yeah, that's where I think it's a it's
a matter of how can we get to that point?
So when you talk with him, it's about not seeming
accusatories are are coming after him and raising our tone,
(17:05):
but staying calm the entire time, and then just saying, hey, listen,
like this is something that's been bothering me. Um, you know,
but I'd like to find a solution to this problem,
like do you and what would that look like? And
I think just having that discussion, um, and keeping it
open and honest and just maybe I don't know what
that looks like for you all. Um. Susie and I
(17:26):
tried to set aside two hours every night where we
put our phones down and we didn't pick them back up,
and so we would put our phones in another room
and it worked actually fairly well for us. UM. But
I think it's a matter of kind of from a
guy's perspective, it's like, okay, if here's if this is
a problem, how do we find a solution. So I
think that's the way that he might be viewing it.
(17:48):
And uh, if you're just if you go to him
in that nature and say, hey, listen, like I just
want to fix I'm looking to find kind of this
an answer to this because like I wanted to be happy.
I don't want this to be something that or there
puts you know, distance between us um and I think
saying it that way will respect him as well, and
it won't seem like an attack like I want you
(18:09):
to get off your phone and stop talking to your friends.
Because those things that he's doing, you know, he's placing
value in um and and with the group chat with
the boys. You know, that's that to him brings him happiness.
So he obviously doesn't want to maybe rid himself completely
of it, but there's a way to find balance, and
I think that's just where it's a matter of like
let's sit down and have a conversation and try to
(18:30):
figure out where that balance is. Does that hopefully help? Yeah? No,
that's great, thank you, Okay, perfect. Hey Katie, it's Layton
how you doing? Hey? Good? How are you good? I'm
doing great? What do you got for me? I gotta
these questions are coming in hot right now, so hopefully
I uh, I'll give you my my my best answer.
(18:51):
But um yeah, shoot shoot, let's let's see what you
got for a question. Okay, UM, thank you so much.
This is really way I'm going me so. UM. My
boyfriend of three years and I moved in together probably
a year ago. Um, but he just got this incredible
job opportunity in another state. Okay, and I can't leave
(19:16):
our current state because of my job. And I really
like my job. But I worry that if he moves like,
our relationship isn't going to survive the move. And so
I'm really worried about that. I have two questions, Um,
how do we make long distance work if he takes
(19:37):
the job? I hear so many things about that. Um
and to um, is there a time limit that we
should put on it to either live together again or
break up? Because I don't want to waste my time.
I don't want to waste his time. Yeah, absolutely so.
I think for one, I just wanted to acknowledge that
(20:00):
think that your fear and concern is is very valid
because that is a question that everybody does. A lot
of people have when a long distance becomes a part
of the equation, especially when you're together and then you
separate for a portion of time. UM I currently again,
this one hits home as well. UM, in my in
(20:20):
my day to day right now, Susie and I are
going to be living separately just for a short period
of time while um, I look for a house, but
I think and then she'll move back in. But with that, um,
we had that same fear right we talked about it
like what if this ends up being something that ends
up being a negative outcome for us and and breaks
this up. And I think the big thing that we
(20:43):
realized or told ourselves is let's not let that fear
overtake us until it becomes a concern. We both are.
We both are in the position where like we're conscious
of it, but we're chasing our dreams, are aspirations, were
taking this time to separate for this the short period
time that will be a part. But yes, I do
(21:03):
believe that it is great to put to like put
in a marker or a point where you're like, okay,
we will end up living together here if whether it's
a month away, three months away, a year, but having
a plan, I think it's so important that you have
a plan in place because just establishing a plan will
start to quell some of that fear instead of just thinking, well,
(21:26):
we just moved to different states and um, I don't
even know what we're going to do a month from now.
So if you establish that plan, that will help, I
think keep the concern at bay. Long distance does work.
I mean there's there's examples of people successful marriages that
did long distance for years. UM, so it is doable. Uh.
And I think also having that action plan in place.
(21:49):
But if you're going to do a long distance I
do still think you can't replace being in an environment
with somebody physically. So UM, I think as I was
in one of my past relationships, I did long distance
and what worked was we found time to fly out
and see each other. Uh. And so taking that time
(22:10):
to budget, what's that look like if we fly out
once a month, do we set that up on the
schedule right away? Do we plan weeks in advance? So
when we go our separate ways, um and live separately,
we already know that in the next two months every
two weeks there's already a flight scheduled to to see
each other. UM. I think establishing a plan and doing
(22:35):
that will well. Again, I think that's what I would
suggest you all do, UM, because it's taking the initiative
to continue to nurture that relationship. I think it's great
that you guys both have incredible jobs and that you
right now you to see it as well. We don't
want to not take our dream job because of someone else. UM.
(22:58):
But here's the thing again, I think it's again just
being mindful working together through devising a plan of how
can we make this work? And then if it ever
gets to the point where one of you realizes that
it's either the job or the relationship, then I think
someone has to compromise. And sometimes that is just the
point in our lives where we have to say, well,
what's more important to us this job or our partner, um,
(23:18):
And if it's meant to be, if if that person special,
then ultimately you'll choose that partner. But again that's down
the road. I think right now there's a lot of
what ifs, UM, and we can't be dwelling in the
what is. What we can do though, is established a
plan so that we can give ourselves the best chance
at bake at making both realities exist. Does that help
(23:39):
so much? Thank you so much? Yea that other people
are going through it, so I'm right there with you.
So yeah, absolutely, I wish you nothing but the best.
And thank you for the question. Thanks Clayton. Hey, Michelle's Clayton.
Not great? How you doing? Hi? I'm good. How are
you good? I'm doing great. I don't know why I
just told you my last name, but I'll try to.
(23:59):
I'll try to make it a bit less and uh
less formal here going forward. So thank you, thank you
for having on here today. And yeah, I go ahead
and shoot shoot with the question. I'm curious what you
got for me? Sure? Yeah. So, Um, I've been the
best kind of best friends, I would say, with this
guy for about nine years and I um, I've never
(24:21):
had feelings for him before, but I would say in
the last like two months or so, I've just started
to feel kind of jealous. Um, when he'll call me
and just tell me about the dates that he's been
going on or whatever. Um. Mostly it's because I think
he's found this one girl and he really likes her
and so they've been going on dates. They've been dating
(24:44):
for around two months essentially, so I guess it's probably
just this one woman who has been wrong. Um, but
I just worry if I tell him about my feelings,
like about how I feel about being not okay with
him telling me about this person, that it will ruin
(25:05):
the great friendship that we do have, right Like, um,
and I don't I don't know, because like I'm really torn.
I also don't want to be wondering like if I
don't tell him, what if he does feel something for
me and like we should take it to the next
level or I don't know. I just I don't know
if I should keep the feelings to myself, like let
this play out a little bit more with this woman
(25:26):
he's been seeing for two months, or um, if I
should say something. Yeah, oh man, that is quite the predicament.
And I think it's it's challenging, right I without knowing y'alls.
I mean again, you said nine years correct that you
guys have been friends. Yeah, we start we worked together,
um for about four years at the same uh location,
(25:50):
you know company, and then um, we stopped working together
the last five years, but we've remained friends. Okay, Well
I'm curious what why in the pass did you all
never explore, um, you know, a connection between you two
past just friends and was did you ever did you
all ever date other individuals and that time frame or
(26:13):
is this is this the first time that he's finally
talked like talking to somebody, um and you've felt these
feelings or what is it about the time? Um? You know?
I think I I was dating somebody, um and probably
wasn't really ready to date again. Um. And then I
(26:34):
think and that probably, I mean I was dating somebody
when we worked at the same place, and then once
we we left, I probably I've not been dating that
person for like the last three to four years. Um.
And so it just naturally moved into talking about each
other's dates at that time. And I wasn't seriously considering anything,
(26:55):
right because I was like just gotten out of a
six year relationship, Like I definitely wanted it was nice
to have a guy buddy to like shoot, you know,
just to talk about dates with, you know, and just
to be to have somebody who you can talk to
about that stuff, who has who comes from a from
the male perspective, you know, and isn't just my girlfriend.
(27:15):
So I was enjoying that, um probably for the last
two years, and that I don't know, I guess maybe uh,
he hadn't really had anybody serious before, and neither had
I for the last two or three years. So I
think it's the fact that this chick is like, it's
a long it's long term, right, and he's starting to
tell me about like connections that they're having on their dates,
(27:37):
and it's and now I'm realizing that bothers me. Do
you are you fearful that do you see you now
see him wanting to potentially be a potential future partner?
Are you concerned that she may take away from your friendship?
I just kind of want to distinguish between those two.
I'm curious, so do I, Clayton, I would like to
(28:00):
wish between those two as well. That's kind of my issue, right,
I like, I really don't want to ruin our friendship. Yeah,
I am interested to see if we have a chance
to do a thing, but I really don't want to
ruin our friendship. Yeah, absolutely, Okay, Yeah, so I think again,
I will say my thought as honesty is almost always
(28:23):
the best policy, I'm not I don't like to speak
in absolute because I think there's an exception to every rule. UM.
But I think with a friendship that you all have
in the longevity of it, I think that it warrants
a potential conversation. I think again, though, it's all about
prefacing it, so asking him if he has the time
to speak, saying letting him know that you want to
respect him in the relationship that he has. UM. But
(28:47):
I think I think it's fair two to let him know, like, hey,
like this is something that you know, I want you
to know. UM, And I just want to know if
like there's a potential here and if there's not, UM,
that's totally cool. Uh. You know, I I want to
respect you again the relationship that you have and so
(29:08):
UM and I still want to be obviously a great friend,
but like, is you know what do you think there's
a chance that this could ever be something? UM. It's
really tough because again I I don't you don't want
to overstep and make it seem like you're potentially interfering
in this relationship of his that may bring him happiness. UM.
But I guess the alternative is that you don't say anything,
(29:29):
and then it builds up these feelings and then you
start to create distance, uh, and and separate yourself. And
if you have you have you all have a strong friendship.
I think that that will end up coming up inevitably.
So if it's two months in and you hold off,
then it becomes six months in, and the timing really
(29:50):
never is right. UM. Yeah, I see what you're saying.
I think that it just my fear is that it
would build up and you would still harbor these feelings
and then distance would start to be put put in
between y'all, and then you would say, well, now it's
a six month in relationship. I'm just gonna go ahead
and I can't even like associate talk with them. Is
It just upsets me. So I'm just gonna create this
distance and then that relationship, that friendship is lost. UM.
(30:15):
I just think you have to be very respectful if
you go into the conversation and say, I only just
want to bring this up once. UM, I don't want
to be a big thing, but you know, I do
want to be honest with you. And UM, you know,
do you think that do you feel any any of
these feelings? And if not, that's okay, I will I
will rightfully Um, you know I want to support you
and your happiness. You're my friend and so ultimately I
(30:37):
want what's best for you. Yeah, thank you. I appreciate
that advice very much. Absolutely, thank you so much for asking. Hey,
al Rad's Clayton. How you doing Hi, I'm good, Thank you?
How are you? I am doing good. I'm getting hit
with some hard questions right now about relationships. So I
I'm thinking you might have one too for me, and
I'm curious to know what it is. But we can.
(30:59):
We can dive in if you got if you got
the top of mind right now? Yeah, I do. Okay, cool,
here we go. Um, So, I've been single for five
years now and all of my friends are married and
starting to have kids. I've been on a few different
dating apps, but I'm not getting any matches. So I
want to know what I can add or do to
(31:19):
my online dating profile to catch the attention of more men. Okay,
fair question. I used to be on the dating apps myself,
and so, uh, you always heard about the things you
should and shouldn't do for guys. It's like, oh everyone
he's got a fish pick um And there was like
the dudes and don't of navigating the apps. But here's
(31:40):
my best bit of advice is you're gonna want to
put on your profile what is authentically you, uh, and
so what you feel most comfortable with. It's not about Yes,
you could post a provocative photo um and and maybe
get some more people you know that are going to
start in boxing you, But ultimately is that really the
(32:03):
image that you're wanting to portray. Um. I understand the
frustration with seemingly not getting enough matches and thinking, well,
I have to change something about myself. But if you
do that, you're going against who you really are and
truthfully are, and I think, uh, you don't that might
(32:24):
attract somebody that then when they find out who you
know there really you is, um, you run the risk
of like, well I posted this, but that's not fully
who I am. Like I just did that to kind
of maybe attract or or or get more you know,
likes on a you know, on a dating app. So um,
I would my advice would be just continue to push
(32:45):
what you think is most authentically you. Actually, here's an example.
I I'm not a big drinker, and when I was
on the apps, I at first said that I did
drink because I thought that people would look at that
and be like, I don't want to date a guy
that doesn't drink every he sounds like a boar um.
But then what happened was is I went out on
dates and when I wasn't drinking, they were kind of like, well,
(33:07):
you said you drank all the time. I was like, no,
I don't, like, just on special occasions. So I realized
that I was trying to cater to an audience, but
I wasn't fully truthfully being myself on the profile and
saying like, hey, I should just put no, and then
someone's like, why don't you drink? Well, I you on
special occasions, right, So the expectations if we are who
we are and we put that on our profile, then
(33:28):
we attract what we want to attract. So I would
just say, honestly, UM, just continue to post what you
want to post on there, uh and eventually like you're
gonna find that person that's going to see that like wow,
this girl is exactly what I want and exactly what
I've been looking for. Um, Because I would I would
hate for you to to swap something out and then
(33:49):
you never know when that person that's you know, sifting
through the photos sees one picture and you took down
a picture that you thought nobody was gonna be interested in,
and that might have been the one um that ended up,
you know, making them be like, yeah, I'm gonna swipe
right or whatever direction it is. Nowadays, I assume it's
still right. But um, that'd be my advice. Just keep
(34:10):
being you, authentically you, and and it'll it'll come around.
It only had two relationships, Seriously, It's just relationships my
entire life. I'm twenty nine, so, UM, I know timing
isn't doesn't seem to always be on our sides. But
if you're a good person, you care, and you and
you do all and you just you're a genuinely good person,
then I do believe that, like, you'll find your person,
(34:30):
I mean should I. I am now in a happy relationship,
but prior to that point, I was just like you.
All my friends were engaged and married, and I was
starting to wonder if my time is ever going to come?
And here we are, so I think I would just say,
just keep being you and that person will come around.
That help. It's kind of long winded, but hopefully that
(34:52):
helps a little. No, No, it's good it's good context.
It's it's really kind of scary to do that. But
I see your point and why that makes a lot
of sense. Yeah, it is, and it is scary. I absolutely, Um.
I think you're very valid. It's very understanding for you
to to feel that way. Um, But I think it's
(35:12):
also scary to think that, Well, if you aren't yourself,
then what happens if you miss that person that was
looking for who you really are and if you convey
yourself in a different light? So um, I would Yeah,
I understand your fear, and I think it's it's really
hard to say, like there's I don't think there's any
certain particular pick that's gonna post that's gonna do well
(35:34):
and and resonate most. I think authenticity reads at the
end of the day. So hopefully that helps. And I
wish enough but the best I think, I think your
your person is kind and trust me, I do believe it, um,
and and I believe it will come away. And I
think you should just keep being yourself, which that's my opinion,
I hope. So thank you, Yeah, thank you so much
(35:56):
for the question, right right, all right, So we're gonna
go ahead and take a break. Thank you so much
for all the questions. There were some tough ones, but
I think a lot of people are going through those
two kind of questions they have them, so so very
awesome to be able to answer a few. And we
will be right back. All right, Welcome back, everybody. We
(36:25):
are at the official point of Q and A, so
we're gonna dive in here. There's some pretty juicy questions
and as long winded as I am, I'm going to
try to be as clear and concise as possible. So
here we go. Question number one. At the end of
The Bachelor, you found yourself in love with three women.
How did you finally figure out that Susie was the
(36:46):
one for you? Oh? Man, I mean that is a
tough question. Um. Yeah, And on the show, I don't
think I and we talked about the Susie and I
don't think we really knew if we were each other's person. Um.
I went with where my heart was leading me, and
(37:06):
unfortunately it was an a disastrous manner that I navigated
through it all, Um, and I caused a lot of pain,
and I learned a lot of lessons that I needed
to learn. I was immature and and I did a
lot of things I wish I would have done differently. Um,
but I just in that moment, I went with my gut.
I just I felt that when I needed to go
(37:27):
after her and I needed to let the other two women,
um go and then on their own journeys. And so
it was really really tough and challenging to navigate that environment. Um,
but I didn't really figure out that Susie was the
one for me until after the show, and tell Susie
and I got to spend more time with each other, uh,
in the in the real world, so that I would
(37:48):
say we figured that out after the show. Going okay,
question two, going through what you did on TV and
having Batchel Nation fans way in with their opinion, did
that affect your relationship then and how did you get
through it? Oh? My gosh, yes, gosh. Unfortunately Bachelor Nation
(38:10):
their opinions and there constant commentary online, UH can start
to really leak into the minds of those of of
the um the leads in the and then the women
or the men on the show, depending on what season
it is. But yes, uh, those opinions can resonate and unfortunately, UM,
(38:33):
what was in my inbox versus what was in Susie's
inbox were two different things. We both had support in
our inbox saying that we understand why you did what
you did, and then she had the same thing going
on in her inbox, uh, and what that actually end
up doing and we had to catch it, thankfully we
did before end up creating more damage. But it was
(38:55):
almost causing a divide between the two of us because
I was getting a ton of support in my d M,
she was getting a ton of support on her DM.
So it's strengthened our viewpoints and it made it a
lot harder for us to see the other side. So
what we ultimately had to do was shut it off.
That third party, the Bachelor Nation. We had to cut
it off and say, we are not going to allow
(39:17):
anybody else to dictate our relationship or tell us how
our relationship should be. And we sat down, we went
to therapy, UH, and we dove into it and really
found got to the root of the issue, which was
that she wasn't feeling understood and either was I. And
so we started to see each other's perspective and we
knew that even our loved ones, they have opinions, but
(39:38):
they don't know the full story. Uh So we had
to just say listen, if we're gonna make this work,
it comes down to the two of us and only
our opinions matter when it comes to our relationship. Question three,
how is your students relationship today? I'm happy to say
it's better than ever. Even though people are freaking out
that they're about to separate eight, we're only doing it temporarily.
(40:01):
I want people to understand that she doesn't want to
live in a cooped up a little apartment with me
and my middle brother, rightfully. So it's a small, tiny apartment.
She's been there once before. She's gonna go to l
A and spend some time there while I buy a
house in Scottsdale. And the plan is once I buy
the house in a couple of months, she will move
out and live with me. With all of that, we're
(40:22):
still going to see each other most of the weekends.
We're planning out what weekends already. We can buy plane
tickets to see each other. It's a fifty minute flight,
no concern whatsoever. We are an incredibly great spot. So
the next question, what am I worried about the most?
And being in a long distance relationship. While one of
the uh, one of the callers earlier just brought it up.
(40:45):
We talked touched on this, but I think again when
it comes to me, um, this is a breakdown and communication.
But I don't see that really happening between Susie and I.
But when there's distance between individuals, sometimes, uh, the intention
of your actions can get lost because you're not there
physically with that person to be able to read body language,
(41:07):
to read tone text messaging can be misinterpreted. Um. And
distance can make the heart grow fonder, but sometimes distance
uh can cause you if you're not putting the effort
into see each other, it can create distance, not from
a physical standpoint, but then it starts to create distance
emotionally because you're not around that person, you're not nurturing
(41:27):
that relationship. So uh, my worry would always be if
not feeling like the effort is going to be put
in and that physical distance starts to turn into emotional distance.
But I'm mindful of that and so is Susie, So
I don't see that being an issue. UM. Next question,
do I have any regrets from my season being the Bachelor? Yes? Many, UM,
(41:50):
But I will say that with those regrets. I wish
I would have done things differently, but I didn't. And
I also do believe that everything does happen for a reason.
So I think I was meant to make a fool
out of myself. I think I was meant to do
make take the decisions that I did in order for
me to have my weaknesses and insecurities be exposed and
(42:11):
come to light so that I could then see them
for what they were, acknowledge them, and then work on
strengthening those weaknesses and turning them into strength. So, UM,
I regret a lot of the things that I did
on the show, but i'm I do. I am thankful
that they were all brought to light my insecurities because
(42:31):
I've now addressed them and still I addressing them to
be a better human being, and I think I've become
that from the show. Next question, are we am I
watching Gabby and Rachel's season in the bat Streat? I've
watched a few episodes, Um, not all of them. Uh,
and that's just because Susie and I we last night
(42:53):
when the episode was airing. We were with our family.
So UM, if we have, if we happen to be home,
we will turn and on. UM. But if we're working again,
we have our own aspirations right now that we're working
towards UM. You know, the show takes two hours some nights. Uh,
it's two hours long, and we sometimes don't have that time,
or we decided to um do something else instead of
(43:14):
watch the show. So we're both very much in support
of those two finding their happiness. We both know those
two women and wish them nothing but the best. Uh.
And so at the end of the day, UM, We're
just our lives are busy at times and we're not
always able to watch. Okay, hondes some dating relationships questions
(43:34):
how long should you message someone before you meet in person? Now,
I will say again, I gotta go back to the
times when I used to be on the apps dating apps,
and gosh, I mean it felt like it was all
a matter of a game of I can't respond back
too quickly and we have to re talk for a
week before we can meet up. My personal opinion, again,
(43:58):
this is just me. I am who I am and
nobody else is who I am. So but my thought
is this, you should message as long as it takes
to become comfortable with meeting that person. So if you're
somebody like me who I could meet up right away
because to me, strangers I can have conversations with right
out the gate um, then so be it like then
(44:20):
then you can meet up the same day that you
message that person. Again, I think it depends on the
gender of the individual. Obviously, if you're meeting up with
a stranger, I know that from a female perspective, you
want to be in a safe environment, populated environment at
a bar or whatever it might be. Some of those
a lot of people, so just obviously be smart about that.
But I don't think there's any amount of time. It's
(44:41):
it's until you feel comfortable. Right at the end of
the day, you should be comfortable with meeting up with
that person. Some people it takes a little longer to
get become comfortable with. So that would be my answer
that however long it takes to become comfortable. Um, So okay,
last question here today, what are some things you can
do to make time for your spouse when you're dealing
with busy schedules. So I think one of the best
(45:05):
things you can do is schedule time to sit down
with your partner when it fits with both your schedules,
because I refuse to believe that you're twenty four hours
for the next week are completely taken up. Um, you
can always find time, even if it's a long distance
and you're not physically together. You can schedule a zoom
(45:27):
call and I guarantee you have fifteen minutes. I do
not believe anybody everyone it's not there's there's not a
single person out that it does not have fifteen minutes.
So schedule time, be mindful, take the initiative to sit
down talk with your partner. And then when you do that,
as far as making time for them, set a schedule,
(45:47):
put it in your physical phones calendar. I do that.
I and then once you put it in there in there,
you're more likely to follow through. You can set reminders
that okay, hey, in thirty minutes, a mind is going
to go off, that you have a conversation coming up,
or time that you're gonna spend with your partner. But
when you take the initiative and place it in your
calendar physically, you're more likely to do it. That would
(46:11):
be my advice. So I believe that is all the
time that we have for questions today. Thank you all
so much. For tuning in to how men think. This
is so much fun and if you all are interested
in keeping up to date with me and what's my
next steps in life entail, then you can find me
on social media at Clayton Eckard first and last name
(46:34):
on inscareum really easy, It's easy to get in contact
with me there. You can shoot me a d M,
you can shoot me an email, whatever you want in
the comments of my pictures. That's where you'll find me.
It's where I'm most active and I will keep you
all updated as far as what's next all through the app.
So that's where you can find me, that hiding and all.
(46:54):
And thank you once again for taking the time out
of your day to sit here with me and hopefully
learn a thing or two. This is how men think.
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