August 14, 2025 • 41 mins
Amanda Smith was married to a man for over a decade. They had a family, and looked perfect from the outside, but on the inside, Amanda was not being true to herself.
Amanda recounts to Cheryl Burke the moment she realized she had to stop pretending to be in a marriage and start living her life authentically.
We meet her partner, Jessica, and find out how they reconnected years later, how they now manage a long-distance relationship, co-parenting, and how they seem to fall more in love each day. An episode that will make you believe it's never too late to find the love of your life.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Welcome back to I Do Part two. It's Cheryl Burke,
one of your celebrity mentors, back with you guys again.
Sometimes in our I Do Part two, it's not just
about finding love with another partner. It's actually about finding
love within ourselves. And today I'm going to be joined
by two women who both found each other and years
later found each other again. This is an empowering story
(00:34):
about why living your authentic truth is the only way
to have a successful relationship. It's a story about coming out,
finding love, making hard decisions, and living your best life
in your I Do Part two era, I can't wait
to hear about their love journey. Please welcome Amanda Smith
and Jessica Gelting to the pod. So, first of all,
welcome to I Do Part two day and happy anniversary.
(00:59):
It's your year anniversary. Is that correct? Yes, the anniversary.
So I don't know if you've heard this podcast before,
but it's all about finding love the second time around.
And we just found your story to be a beautiful story,
but just were captivated by it. What was it like
growing up as individuals, obviously in different households? What was
(01:21):
how was love shown in your family? I guess.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
My parents were divorced when I was like twelve and so,
and I grew up Mormon, so it.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Was it was interesting. My dad got remarried right away,
my mom got remarried right away. I didn't have the.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Best examples of love in my life, I guess, but yeah,
go ahead.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
My parents were also divorced when I was even I
think like kindergarten and pretty much don't really have a
relationship with my dad.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
And my mom's always plus one.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
I always joke, she's mine, she helps me with everything,
She's always there.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I can relate my parents too. When I was two
years old and then my dad abandoned us and just left.
So I feel like that's more of a common story nowadays. Yeah,
So talk to me about Amanda, your experience just with
you know, being Mormon and realizing I mean, I lived
(02:25):
in Utah for like a year and a half. I'm
a ballroom dancer and so my competitive partner was actually
Mormon and in a way had a similar story to
you to yours. What was it like just growing up
within that religion of being Mormon and then also knowing
deep down inside that maybe you know when it just
(02:48):
comes to maybe not living in the Mormon lifestyle. What
was that fight within yourself?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Like it was really tricky because you know, I didn't
I knew pretty early on that I was probably gay,
but there wasn't a lot of example of that, and
anything you heard about it was negative. It was girls,
it was perverted, all these different things. So you just
try and shove it down, shot it down.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Or part of me also thought like maybe everybody else
feels this way too, and it's normal, you know.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
But and then it was a lot of trying to
be what was expected and just there was a lot
of self hatred, a lot of shame, a lot of guilt,
a lot of just I need to fix this, I need.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
To change it.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
I can't be this way due to.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Things that my family said, but also things that culturally
were said.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I lived in.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
A small town in Idaho where almost everyone was Mormon,
and so it was just you didn't see that and
anything you've heard was so negative.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
So right, yeah, yeah, that must have been. Uh that
was really hard. How about now, how does your family?
Is your family accepting of you?
Speaker 3 (04:04):
So some of my siblings I can tell are super
super accepting.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I do kind of wonder sometimes like other siblings I'm like,
how did they feel about this?
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I don't know. They haven't really said much to me
about it.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
My dad hasn't really talked to me at all since
I kind of came back out and.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Divorced my husband.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
But I have an amazing stepdad who has really stepped
up and he just loves me and accepts me, and
it is just incredible.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
My mom passed away, but I do believe that if
she relied now that she would be a lot more
accepting than she would have been years ago.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
So yeah, I hear you. So let's go through the
timeline of how the two of you met. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
So I came out when I was like nineteen, and
that was a really hard, tricky time because I just
felt so much shame and like be this.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I can't do this.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
And then there was a lot of like gaslighting, like
you're not actually gay because you don't look at you
don't you had boyfriends all these things, you know, So
it was kind of like nobody really even believed me.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
And then I had my mom was telling me like
you just need to marry a nice Mormon boy.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
So I was out for about two years, kind of
living that life, but there was so much just I
felt like a horrible person because of what I had
been kind of conditioned to believe. And then that's when
we met. Was pretty shortly after I came out. We
had a mutual friend and I think I saw her
on my Space.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I remember that good old space.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Yeah, aging yourselves?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah yeah, I mean I had a pager. Okay, so
I'm really aging myself.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
So I think I saw her on my Space. And
then we went on a day actually to the Mall
of America. We went to and tell restaurants.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Jessica, what did you think of Like, what was your
first impressions of Amanda?
Speaker 6 (06:02):
My first impressions, Well, hold on this, Yeah, your name
was Amanda hardcore in my children. So I thought she
I was like the vanilla one, and I was like,
good straight at student, you know, mind by p's and q's,
and she was like.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Yeah, that's hell the fun And I was like, yeah,
she's too cool for me. I an aware.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Oh my gosh, I love that so much. But let's
go back here for a second. So Amanda, you married,
you married a man, and you guys got and then
you guys got back together.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Can you just tell me that whole.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Timeline from how you know you met your ex husband
and what that was like, because you guys were married
for quite some time. Correct, Yes, we were. Yes.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
So I kind of went back in the closet because
I just my A lot of my family members had
completely cut me off, you know, and I just felt
horrible about myself. I felt like I was going to hell,
Like there was no question about it. I was going
to hell. I felt bad about myself, and so I
started meeting. Came a lot of decisions I think that
I maybe wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Have because of just feeling so bad about who I was,
which is why I was Amanda hardcore, you know. And
so then I kind of went back in the closet.
That I moved to Utah, I kind of like changed everything.
But his sister I knew his sister, and she said,
you know, I have this brother that I think you
would really like, that you guys would really get along.
(07:24):
And he lives in California. I was living in Minnesota
at the time, and we just started talking and we
just clicked really well. And I was like, if I
am going to do this with any man, this is
the guy, Like he's so awesome, he's so great, and
I was like, I can do this. And so we
got married and we had a really great marriage. We
(07:46):
get along so well, we're such good friends where you know,
he's an incredible person, just amazing person.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I like it, Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was nothing bad
to say about him.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
And then I just really struggled with my sexuality and
I was like, this isn't a marriage. This is not
a marriage. It's like a co parenting partnership, you know.
And so we went through we tried so hard for
years of just like therapy for me, therapy for him,
for us together, you know, just trying to see if
(08:18):
we could make it work. We tried everything besides having
an open marriage, because neither of us were open to that.
And it kind of hit the point where I was like,
don't I don't want to ever cheat on him.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
I don't want to ever be unfaithful.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
I just if we're going to end this, I want
to just do it very cleanly, and I don't want
to wait until the kids are older, because that's not
fair to he's older, he's quite a bit older than
I am.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
So I just was like, I don't this isn't fair
to any of us.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
And we were living in separate rooms for a little while,
and he would have been totally fine doing that the
rest of his life.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
But I was like, this isn't I want you to
find love. You deserve it. He's such an incredible guy,
you know.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
So that's kind of how it was until we've you know,
kind of settled on the idea that we can't keep.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Doing this, and ultimately too, I mean, you deserve it
right to live your truth. And so talk to me
about your trips to Bali if you kind of eat,
pray love. Was it kind of like that that experience
or it.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Was, Yeah, I was in really just a super dark
place in my life and I wasn't happy, and I
just knew I wasn't. I just I had gone through
a lot of different things on top of everything else,
and my daughter had had cancer and my mom had died,
and so it's just there was a lot of heavy stuff,
and so I decided to go do a yoga teacher
(09:37):
training out in Bali.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
So I went to Bali.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I was there for three and a half weeks into
a yoga teacher training, and then I went back about
six months later and did another yoga teacher training and
then I and then I've been back since two times
to do host retreats there. So I listed a couple
of retreats there and it just has such a special
place in my heart. But it's a really magical place
and it's like, yea, you just start able to connect
(10:01):
with yourself.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
And while I was there, there was.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
A moment on my second trip there where I was like,
all by myself.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
I was just there by myself.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
And I was like, I would rather be alone and
true to who I am than stay in this marriage.
So I'm not alone, you know, And it just was
this really kind of awha moment. So I actually text
her when I got home from the trip, and because
I knew I was going to get divorced, I knew
that was happening, and I said like, hey, how did
(10:30):
your divorce go? You know?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
She's like, uh, why, what's happening?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
You know, And then we just talked for a little
bit and then we kind of stopped talking after that.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Jessica, during Amanda's marriage and her you know, creating a family,
you also were married too, correct, Yeah, how I guess
what did your life look like during that time of
of different marriages.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
I was gay the whole time and out she never
went back. My kids got it. So I was with
my ex wife.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
We were together for thirteen years and we have two kids,
six and nine, and.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
We had separated.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
And let's see it, when you had gotten back from Balwie,
I had already we had already started like the divorce
and everything.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
I think I might have even moved on.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
You had been divorce because this was twenty twenty three,
you were divorced, and so yeah, that was pretty much that. Yeah,
that's why you reached out, and you're like, how did
it go? And okay, do you need free advice? That's right,
got it?
Speaker 1 (11:37):
And so in your kids. So first of all, I'm
so sorry, is your how's your daughter today? Is she
cancer free?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yeah, so she's thirteen now, super healthy, blood work once
a year.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yeah, it's almost like it never happened.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
But oh good, Okay, I'm so happy to hear that.
And I'm sorry about your mother. What how did your
kids take the news? The how did you tell them?
How did you tell them? Like the whole process of everything.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
So my daughter, I hadn't told that I was gay
earlier like a couple of years, you know, and she's
just one of those people she never has a lot
of was she was like, okay, like what are we.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Having for dinner?
Speaker 3 (12:15):
You know, like it was like, you know, it's been
really open about like like all that stuff. So it
was like it didn't even FaZe her.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
And then a couple of years later, or maybe it
was like a year before we got divorced, I told
my son, and he had a lot of questions and
it was a really really tender moment with him because
he is just like such a sweet boy, and he
was just like, I am just sad that you don't
get to be married to who you want to be
married to, you know kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
And because he just got that, like he just understood it.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
And we kind of talked about church stuff at the time,
because I had stopped going to church at that time.
So I said, do you understand why it would be
hard for me to go to church? You know, because
he didn't.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Really understand why I wasn't going anymore.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Yeah, and I don't think that God said that, you know,
so like that you can't be with who you want
to be with. And so it was really cool and
just like, you know, it's a really special moment. And
then when we were getting divorced and we told them,
they were.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Sad, they were so sad.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
And then I said, so, if I started dating someone,
do you understand what that's going to look like? And
they said, yeah, it'll be a woman. And I'm like, okay,
Like it was just like and then my son who's six,
he was five at the time, he kind of snickered
a little because he didn't know, like oh, because he
just was younger and didn't understand.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
And my older two were like.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
That's not funny, you know, like they just like totally
stood up for me, and it was so small.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I was like, wow, I love that. I love that.
So yeah, I feel like kids are just so intuitive, right, so,
and I just love that they, you know, shared their
compassion and love. So I can't even imagine. I don't
have kids, but you know, I'm sure it's just not
an easy conversation. And then you start to like they about,
(14:00):
oh know, how are they going to react? And then
really it's just it's okay, it's all good. And how
about so when your guys' families, do your kids get along? Like,
how is it working out.
Speaker 6 (14:10):
Yeah, it's they're all here together and just running around
from room to room inside outside, upstairs, downstairs.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
The boys go off, the girls go off and do
their Baker play. Their age range is wide, but you
can't tell.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
I mean, they just feed off of each other. But
also they like reset with each other too.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
And we thought five is a lot, We thought how
it is, but they actually haven't shown they need that
a whole lot of like reset time we have.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
I love helping.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
It's even we're not together though, they're still like communicating.
They like share a group message and they send pictures
and videos and we'll FaceTime a lot, and they you know,
pop in and they always know what's going on in
each other's lives and what's important to him.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
That's great. And so how talk us through how you
reconnected after all these years? Like who who texts two first?
Speaker 2 (15:12):
So this was it's wild, like it's one of those
like crazy crazy things. So I hadn't been back to
Minnesota for like twelve years, probably my Dwayne. Nobody lived
in Minnesota anymore except for anyway. My stepdad was from Minnesota,
which is why we had originally moved here, and he
wanted to do a family reunion for his birthday back
(15:35):
in Minnesota.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
So and I was kind of like, oh, you know,
like Minnesota, okay, you.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Know, and so these so we came for the fourth
of July. We were coming for the fourth of July,
and I flew in on a Saturday, and then Sunday afternoon,
she had heard a song on Spotify or something that
had this little phrase in it that I used to
say to her, and she was just like, set me
(16:01):
the song and said, Hey, I just heard this song
and thought of you because it says this in it.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
And I was like, guess.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Where I am right now? Like that, She's how I responded.
I was like, guess where I am right now? And
so I just sent her a screenshot of like my
location and she's like, oh, damn, Braggie, what are you
doing here? You know?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
And then we just started talking about like I'm going
through I'm going through that divorce now.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
So this had been the last time we had text
was in October.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
When I got home from Bali, and this was July,
so we hadn't talked for a mom and she just
texted me.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Out of the blue right after I landed him. And
normally we wouldn't have just done that.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
And I even sat on it from Friday until Sunday,
so it was like some playlists that came up, and
it was like, there's one line in the song that
is like a long standing joke.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Between us that I never hear.
Speaker 4 (16:49):
I've never heard, and then it came up and I
laughed when I heard it, and then so I was like, oh,
you know whatever, and then I read it the second
time and I laughed again, and I was like, I
have to.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Share this with her, so I sent her.
Speaker 5 (16:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
I didn't expect her to be in Minnesota, so then
she was like so crazy north and then I drove
up and sat for just like two.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Hours, and there was you just caught up or like
was there instant connection? Did you feel like you know
that feeling when you know it's like right.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
She touched my knee twice. We've been texting all week.
And then right before I flew out, I was like,
so are we going to see each other?
Speaker 5 (17:30):
You know?
Speaker 3 (17:30):
And so she yea, I'll come up to where you are.
I had no time to visit her.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
I had that entire day was fully booked, like I
was like going from one thing to another that had
like times with people I had to be there, and
I was like, sure, no problem, I can be there.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
I'll drive two hours and two hours back two hours.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
So she got up there and yeah, I was like.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
What.
Speaker 7 (17:56):
I was like, that's my first she said, She's.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Like you are or something like that.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
We haven't seen each other for so many years. But
then she doesn't share much on social media, and so
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Really know much about and she had two kids, you know,
so I didn't really know much about her in her life,
and we just connected and.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
We didn't want to stop talking. I just and I
touched her beat twice.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
You guys are the cutest ever. So you guys were
obviously following each other during your time of just like yeah,
so okay, so you kind of knew a little bit.
So you two posts the most out of the two
of you, you're more socialized. Okay, So yeah, so Jessica
definitely knew more about what was happening in your life
that vice versa. So now I guess today, are we
(18:55):
planning on maybe moving closer to each other or you're
going to Obviously your kids, you know, are a priority
and what's life like now?
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Right now?
Speaker 4 (19:05):
It's just this, and we don't really have a long
term answer, and I can sometimes ask us and it's
as simple as this, this is what it is right now.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
You know exactly if they're life there, we have our
life here.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
Is there a way to make that work for everybody
in the future?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
And what does that look like?
Speaker 4 (19:22):
We don't know, And it's okay to talk about that
if they have questions, because sometimes they have worries that
have come up, like what would happen if this, or
what would happen if that. So it's definitely talked about,
but not in a way that's like here's our plan.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Right And honestly, you can only live day by day, right.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Like yeah, And it's like her essence here, stationed here,
my essence there, stationed there.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
So it's just a lot of back and forth.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
And this summer we've been able to see each other
almost every other weekend, so on the other whole parents day.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
A lot of times I come here. It's easier for
me to come here than it is for her to
go there, So I come here a lot and this
is like my second home, so it's almost like I
live part time in Minnesota, part time in California. Yeah,
but it's really great when I can bring my kids
and kind of bring them into this world and have
the two worlds.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
And yeah, I honestly think it's healthy. I mean, you know,
at the end of the day, some space, you know,
it just grows, makes you miss each other more. It's
like I think that if you want to make it work,
you make it work, right.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
And it's kind of I always think it's like, as
hard as it is and sad for us, it's it's
okay for our kids. How you know, they both had
families that had split, and now they get us all
of themselves majority of the time, and I think that's
pretty special. Like during their ages right now, they're going
to be older and they're gonna ditch us and they're
not going to want to hang out.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
So this page of life is so temporary.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Anyways, I feel like as much as I get sad
about not being in this year, I'm still like okay
with that. We get to like really focus on our
kids that entire time we're with them.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
We're with them.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
You're so right. Actually, yeah, that's a good point because
I have to say my mom, she worked so many hours.
You know, she just created a business or started a
business when they divorced. But still I was able to
still have more one on one time. I think everything's
meant to be, you know, And I feel like, you guys,
you're such you have such a strong connection and bond
that nothing will break it. So thank god for technology nowadays.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Huh yeah, fake time a lot. And it's also kind
of been nice too because this is my first time
on my own really, you know, and so it was
kind of nice to like have these moments of like
doing life on my own and can I do this,
and just kind of building my confidence and like I
can do life on my own. You know.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
That's been good too, rather than because we kind of
just jumped right into it after my divorce and so
it was like damn, damn, and I didn't really have
that and.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
So and I've had three years out.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
So I went through my divorce, I went through my
you know, finding myself.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
I rented for a year and then I bought a house.
I built this for the kids.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
So it's like I needed that time anyways, and I
just kind of got into like the Okay, maybe I
can just buy a camper van and hang out with
my kids for the rest of my life stage and
then in walks her.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I love it. So what are you guys going to
get married? Do you believe in marriage? Again? Like? What
is what is your view on marriage? And are you
two thinking about it?
Speaker 3 (22:14):
So we have both been like never again.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Like I went into like like there's no way I'll
ever get married.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Why like why would I ever get married? Like that'll
be fun?
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Really, that's why I was like a hard no, no no, and.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Suddenly were like, well that would be fun.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
I don't always want to planet right, you may have
a par we got that back.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
For twelve years.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Well it's fun. I mean, cow, I feel like you
guys are. But no pressure, no pressure. I love me
a good old Pinterest board. So uh, I'm sure. I'm
sure I'll see your beautiful wedding set in the near future,
probably on People magazine or thank you. Yes, actually I
(23:06):
could be your wedding pan. I'm a great wedding planner
s boards.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
That's all I want.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yes, I mean we should get those big ones like
that we you know that you see on television there's
like big confetti pans. This We're good we're good. I'll
just borrow it from like the set. Yeah, we're good. Okay,
Hey guys, it's cheryld Burke. Okay, So I have to
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(23:59):
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(24:20):
iHeart for twenty percent off and free shipping. First of all,
your story is so beautiful to anyone who is listening,
who may be struggling in a marriage or just struggling
with their own identity. I guess what would you say
to them.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
I would say, talk to your support people that are
your safe people, and be honest and be open and
don't protect other people. And that's not just like protecting
you know, it's like take care of yourself first and
put yourself around people that are going to support you
doing that. And it's a big scary step and it
(24:59):
affects a lot of people and it feels really selfish.
But we only have one life peer and there are
ways to do it cordially and you can come out
on the other side of it. And it's hard to
even remember not being able to be in that mindset.
So you do get there, and it does take time.
You do have to put a lot of work in.
You have to be very intentional with what you do
(25:20):
and what you spend your time doing.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I feel like you either go one way or the other, and.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
It takes a lot of work to go the right way,
and you have to keep making those decisions.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
It's hard. It's hard.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
I feel like life it's not made for a singleton.
It it feels easier with somebody else.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
So it's intimidating, it's scary, but it's worth it.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
I would say that things I carried two words with
me through the whole process of my divorce and kind
of getting there is intentional and deliberate.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Like I wanted everything to be very intentional and very deliberate.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
I thought everything through, I weighed everything out.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
I was like, how is this going to affect my kids,
How is it gonna affect him, How's it going to
affect my community. I'm going to lose my community, you know,
and friends and family and just all these people I'm
going to lose. But I was like, I don't want
to just make this rash decision, you know, and just
be like I can't do this anymore. I'm out. So
I was just very intentional, very deliberate.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
And I just got to the point too, where I
realized I can't show up as the mom I want
to be when I'm struggling with this so much. Like
I got to the point where I was miserable, Like
I just was so unhappy and I have this perfect life,
you know, I have this amazing husband and like these
beautiful kids and you know, and it was just like
everything seemed so perfect, but I was so miserable.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
And I just felt like I was trying to take care.
I was sacrificing my own happiness for everybody else.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
And I got to the point where I was like,
I can't keep doing this otherwise I'm not going to
make it to be the mom that they need me
to be, you know. And so once you once I
kind of started making choices for myself, it was like
it improved their lives. It made their lives better. I
am able to show up as a better mom, as
(27:01):
a better even with him. The relationship that we have
now is so much better because there isn't this weird
tension and so whole parent better and we get along
better and just all of this, not that we didn't
get along before, just it's like a different relationship where
I don't build this pressure to show up as a
white to a husband. That was like weird for me
(27:22):
to say husband. I was like, I don't want a husband.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
I didn't want a wife. But I'm like, I'm.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
We all change, we all eve all. Yeah, No, I
mean not the same story. But I can relate. Like
this is a great lesson because at the end of
the day, you can't fill up anyone else's cup until
you fill yours up right, and that is that like
inner voice and that feeling of just you know, I
truly believe doctors will come at me, but that is
(27:48):
the type of stuff that creates diseases, and like that
just feeling of not being able to be your fully
authentic self. And I think that this is such a
great example of of it. And you guys are living
proof that you know, you do have to be who
you are and the people that don't like it, oh
well bye.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
You know you have to be okay, people down essentially,
and that's I think hard for both of us. We
didn't want to let anybody down, yeah, but you know,
we both even when we entered our relationships.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
You know, I was twenty years old when.
Speaker 4 (28:19):
I started dating my ex, and you think what you
changes you go through from twenty to age three to
four when we got divorced. And it's okay that we
grew apart, but our lives were so intertwined that it
felt like I was tearing everybody's life apart. Our friends,
our families that emerge, our kids obviously aren't everything when
we knew and it's it's it feels so selfish to
(28:42):
say and to fight for.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
But selfish is a good thing, is a good word.
I know there's such a bad meaning when people say, oh,
you're selfish, you have to be. It's your life. You know,
you have to give to self before you can give
to others. I mean, it's just a it's facts. And
you both learned in this relationship that you didn't know
in your previous relationships.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
I learned that all the things that are in like
books or all these taglines that people say about being
like so in love and this is different and this
is not about I was like whatever, Like I read
every romance book before and I was like whatever, gang,
I loved it.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
I love homework. I love me a Hallmark movie. I
always want a homework ending.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
And like all the things I feel like I said,
and she says, it's like so corny, it's straight out of.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
All these books.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
I love it.
Speaker 7 (29:34):
But when you really feel it, it's real and like,
I feel like a lot of people don't know that
it can be that intense and that constant and fun
and easy.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
I've learned that all the time we're like is this real?
Like how do we keep loving each other?
Speaker 2 (29:52):
More?
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Like like surely we can't fall more in love and
then like each day happens and just something else that
I love it. And it could be some bad that happened.
It could be like our worst moment.
Speaker 4 (30:02):
It could be like we're struggling, we're going through something
really hard, and we're not available in like the way
that we want to be for each other, especially when
you're long distance.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
It's hard when you're struggling to be there for somebody.
Speaker 4 (30:13):
But actually not like the way that we communicate and connect,
it's very safe. And we even have like an emoji
when we're spiraling, or when we have a white flag
day where it's like I just I'm wake by my
white flag.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
I just I can't give anything right now, and then
that the other one s so I taught her to spiral.
Speaker 6 (30:32):
I spiler right now just then I know she needs
a few more positive Oh.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
It's a confirm we're good and like that's it.
Speaker 4 (30:40):
It's like communicating just our needs and our wants and
and the goods and the bads, and.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
It's like what did you mean by that? What did
you mean by this? Where I felt this and we
do it and like a very I always.
Speaker 4 (30:50):
Say, she gives me the benefit of the doubt, and
so she lets me explain. You know, if something came
off from I like that, she'll ask me because I
didn't mean it, you know, and I mean in a
her full way.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
And I always feel bad if she took it that way.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
But I love that we're able to give each other
that time and we trust each other that it was
not intentional to.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Hurt each other and we are just misunderstood.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
And I think that's probably one of the biggest things,
is like you can just honestly communicate through it.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
And that is a great thing about long distance. It's
forcing you to communicate for it, right. So so I'm
I'm that, you know, coming from a divorce and just
obviously being a bad picker in general, I've just been like, really,
I've been that woman who's like, you know, life is
not the notebook, but now you're making me feel like
maybe maybe it can be.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
It's obnoptious, it's annoying.
Speaker 4 (31:38):
I always say this is what Seriously, when I say
it's annoying, how much I love youself?
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Like it's obnoxious. I wish I didn't love you as much.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Oh, I love that I love all the time.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
Like can I just not love you so much easier.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
And when you guys, is it communicate? Would you say
name like two things that really keep keep you guys?
Is connected? Is it communication and communication?
Speaker 5 (32:03):
And I think it's like a respect for each other
and just like openness and very honest and open. And
I think that's where the communication comes in important because
you're exposing you're vulnerable.
Speaker 4 (32:16):
You know, you're like exposing your worst parts or or
the things that you want the most, you know, and
I can feel risky.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
And Jessica you said something like safety. I think that's
so important. You feel safe.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
Yes, It's like I can't do something that's going to
turn off her love for me. She's not gonna like,
she doesn't get mad at me. She gives me the
time and the space to figure out how I'm feeling
and what I meant to say and what I meant
to say or how it was supposed to come out
or how I thought it came out. And that that's
safety in that time and knowing that she's giving me
(32:50):
the benefit doubt during that time is like invaluable.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Absolutely, What are your what is your love language? Too?
Speaker 3 (32:58):
All of them?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
All of them?
Speaker 3 (33:01):
Do you know what's interesting that you ask this.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
This is so interesting you asked this because my love
languages were like gift some words of affirmation.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
For like, what was was quality time and physical touch.
Like I was like, oh, I don't need that. And
it's interesting because now I feel like quality time and
physical touch. I'm like, these are like my love languages,
and they weren't because I wasn't in a relationship that
made me want that, and now that I'm in it,
I'm like touch.
Speaker 4 (33:30):
Well, I literally liked, tell me how to She said
it would be fine if I said it every five minutes,
and then she gave me an extension.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
It could go to to.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Oh my gosh, I love that so much. How about yours, Jessica,
what's your what's your love leguge?
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Mine's definitely quality time at the top.
Speaker 4 (33:46):
And I was really honestly worried because that's like the
thing they get the least of, you know, so on paper,
to me, I was very, very worried, and I was
guarding my part a lot in the beginning. But I
learned that quality time doesn't have to be physically together.
We spend a lot of quality time together at the
end of our day talking about our days and really
(34:07):
breaking down our entire days. She I can call her
in them on my birthday to learn about a good meeting,
to learn about a hard meeting.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
I can say something at a doctor appointment.
Speaker 4 (34:16):
Like the quality time is different for a lot of it,
but it's quality time focused on each other present.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
And when we are together, we are very intentional about
like doing things and going out or if we're here,
just like we have that quality time of we're just
we have so little of it that we take full
advantage of the time that we do have together and
like maximizing everything everything.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
We sit at the counter for hours and just about
everything and nothing at the same time.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I love that. So you guys are like not obviously
distracted by your phone. You're intentionally in this together, which
is good. So what's next for you to other than
me planning your wedding?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
What's next? We just honestly what's always next is we
always keep planning our next trip. Who's coming, who's.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
Going, And like, my kids want to go there again,
so we'll probably start planning that.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Racking up the miles, Yeah, what car.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Should get right, exact, counting down until the next time
that we're.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Together and like holidays, Like, what do you guys do
for holidays? You guys just are you gonna switch?
Speaker 3 (35:32):
We're gonna spend one together. Yeah, so we did spend
the fourth of July.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Is fourth We spent fourth of July and say, so
so we go to Now.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
We have Thankskeeping coming up, and I feel like that's
like a real one. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
My ex is taking my kids on a cruise, so
they'll be gone for a week.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
And I'm like, I guess, so I'm coming for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
And now it's just gonna be the two of you.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
No, we're gonna host it now with my whole family.
Speaker 4 (35:58):
Oh god, change because I'm the last in the world
to host anything.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
And I'm like, I'll go to your home for it.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
They love her, They already accepted her whole family as mine,
so that'll be fun.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
What do you guys think of certain celebrities. I'm not
sure if you're if you if you know, I'm sure
you know you've heard of like Sophia Bush that you
know are actually coming out and being their true selves.
What do you think the shift is in this generation
that we're living in, Like, why all of a sudden.
Speaker 4 (36:31):
Well, when I got married, it was illegal to get
married as two women. So we lived in Minnesota at
that time and it wasn't legal. We got married in
kN Kun it wasn't legal. We didn't get legally married
until we had moved to California. Now to be living
in a time, well, yeah, And I came out when
I was in high school and it was not cool.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
It was not cool. It was I was.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
That was a big deal.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
It was a big high school and people had a
lot to say about it. And my own family was
anty and accepting until I came out when I was
outed when I was seventeen, and I didn't really have
my family backing me until two weeks two months before
I got married when I was twenty four. So that
was a long time to go without that. And now
(37:15):
to have more people, really famous people, people that they
look up to and so out there on the Internet
and available for everyone to see and live in it,
and I think it just creates a safe culture for
people to come out.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
I have to say too, I had it was in twentynineightteen.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
I remember this happening specifically, Taylor Swift had released her
Like Lover album and there was you need to calm down,
love it, and she'd said, like Shade never made anybody
list gay, and that whole song was basically about like
being true to yourself and you know, you guys all
just shut up and let people live their lives.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
And I just remember being like, the world is changing.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
The world is changing, and it's going from like how
it was when I was out before to this, like
being more accepted and having celebrities like Taylor Swift accepting
people and like showing their support.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
And that video came out and I was just like,
oh my gosh, like we're going in this beautiful direction here.
And I feel like that kind of helped me a lot,
and that was like a little mental shift for me
to be like this is different. For sure. Strength and
numbers is that a real thing?
Speaker 1 (38:22):
It really? And also this is where social media is beautiful, right,
like just being able to really express who you are.
You don't need to you don't need to be on
TV to do it anymore. Like you can use your
own platform and it doesn't matter. Of all walks of life.
It has Glenn and Doyle been somebody of somebody you
love and events have you done for podcast? Yet I'm
as with their podcast No No.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
But it's actually interesting because when I had gone to
Bali in October and felt like I could be alone
by myself, I met a girl there and she said,
you need to listen to this book I'm Tamed by
Glennon Doyle and I had listened to it before, but
it wasn't the right time.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
And so I listened to it.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
I Want a Bali And I actually had quoted this
in this magazine article where in the in the book
it says I'm doing this for my children basically, but
what I want.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
This for my children? And it just really hit.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Me, and so it was like, yes, Glennon Doyle had
like a huge role in me being like Okay, I
can do this, you know, and just some of the
things she said in that book, I just I mollowed
the entire way home from that flight and was like,
I need to do this. And I feel like her
book Hunting was kind of a huge part of that.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Do you guys listen to there? We can do her
things he listen to.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
Yeah, I listened to a couple.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
I'm not It's amazing. I literally have listened to every episode.
I think I'm obsessed, but yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
They're hilarious and so relatable, like I'm my sister.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
She called their sister sister. I just like I'm obsessed
with their sister as well. It's just a great you
know trio. Anyway, you guys are so this. Thank you
for sharing and taking the little timing up together to
doing this so we really appreciate it. And yeah, I
mean positive love energy to you. Thanks for like maybe
(40:11):
me thinking maybe I'm like, okay, maybe there is I
can find this type of love. I'm not so jaded
after my conversation with you.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
Don't and tell you I'm not even dating.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
I don't even want to date. I'm just perfectly happy
alone with my friendship.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Someone wows you and wows you and Maasi and Maasi
and Wazi again, because that's not supposed to be. You're
supposed to show up all the.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Time exactly and not through a dating app. Thanks, thank
you guys so much, and yeah, enjoy your time together.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
Thank you, Thank thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Thanks again to Jessica and Amanda for sharing their love
journey with us. Have you recently left a marriage for
a brighter future, wanting to live authentically but don't know
where to start? Well, we can help, call us or
email us. All the info is in the show notes.
Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review
the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where
(41:02):
falling in love is the main objective
Welcome back to I Do Part two. It's Cheryl Burke,
one of your celebrity mentors, back with you guys again.
Sometimes in our I Do Part two, it's not just
about finding love with another partner. It's actually about finding
love within ourselves. And today I'm going to be joined
by two women who both found each other and years
later found each other again. This is an empowering story
(00:34):
about why living your authentic truth is the only way
to have a successful relationship. It's a story about coming out,
finding love, making hard decisions, and living your best life
in your I Do Part two era, I can't wait
to hear about their love journey. Please welcome Amanda Smith
and Jessica Gelting to the pod. So, first of all,
welcome to I Do Part two day and happy anniversary.
(00:59):
It's your year anniversary. Is that correct? Yes, the anniversary.
So I don't know if you've heard this podcast before,
but it's all about finding love the second time around.
And we just found your story to be a beautiful story,
but just were captivated by it. What was it like
growing up as individuals, obviously in different households? What was
(01:21):
how was love shown in your family? I guess.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
My parents were divorced when I was like twelve and so,
and I grew up Mormon, so it.
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Was it was interesting. My dad got remarried right away,
my mom got remarried right away. I didn't have the.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Best examples of love in my life, I guess, but yeah,
go ahead.
Speaker 4 (01:50):
My parents were also divorced when I was even I
think like kindergarten and pretty much don't really have a
relationship with my dad.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
And my mom's always plus one.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
I always joke, she's mine, she helps me with everything,
She's always there.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
I can relate my parents too. When I was two
years old and then my dad abandoned us and just left.
So I feel like that's more of a common story nowadays. Yeah,
So talk to me about Amanda, your experience just with
you know, being Mormon and realizing I mean, I lived
(02:25):
in Utah for like a year and a half. I'm
a ballroom dancer and so my competitive partner was actually
Mormon and in a way had a similar story to
you to yours. What was it like just growing up
within that religion of being Mormon and then also knowing
deep down inside that maybe you know when it just
(02:48):
comes to maybe not living in the Mormon lifestyle. What
was that fight within yourself?
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Like it was really tricky because you know, I didn't
I knew pretty early on that I was probably gay,
but there wasn't a lot of example of that, and
anything you heard about it was negative. It was girls,
it was perverted, all these different things. So you just
try and shove it down, shot it down.
Speaker 3 (03:12):
Or part of me also thought like maybe everybody else
feels this way too, and it's normal, you know.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
But and then it was a lot of trying to
be what was expected and just there was a lot
of self hatred, a lot of shame, a lot of guilt,
a lot of just I need to fix this, I need.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
To change it.
Speaker 3 (03:34):
I can't be this way due to.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Things that my family said, but also things that culturally
were said.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I lived in.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
A small town in Idaho where almost everyone was Mormon,
and so it was just you didn't see that and
anything you've heard was so negative.
Speaker 1 (03:53):
So right, yeah, yeah, that must have been. Uh that
was really hard. How about now, how does your family?
Is your family accepting of you?
Speaker 3 (04:04):
So some of my siblings I can tell are super
super accepting.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
I do kind of wonder sometimes like other siblings I'm like,
how did they feel about this?
Speaker 3 (04:16):
I don't know. They haven't really said much to me
about it.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
My dad hasn't really talked to me at all since
I kind of came back out and.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Divorced my husband.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
But I have an amazing stepdad who has really stepped
up and he just loves me and accepts me, and
it is just incredible.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
My mom passed away, but I do believe that if
she relied now that she would be a lot more
accepting than she would have been years ago.
Speaker 1 (04:44):
So yeah, I hear you. So let's go through the
timeline of how the two of you met. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
So I came out when I was like nineteen, and
that was a really hard, tricky time because I just
felt so much shame and like be this.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
I can't do this.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
And then there was a lot of like gaslighting, like
you're not actually gay because you don't look at you
don't you had boyfriends all these things, you know, So
it was kind of like nobody really even believed me.
Speaker 3 (05:13):
And then I had my mom was telling me like
you just need to marry a nice Mormon boy.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
So I was out for about two years, kind of
living that life, but there was so much just I
felt like a horrible person because of what I had
been kind of conditioned to believe. And then that's when
we met. Was pretty shortly after I came out. We
had a mutual friend and I think I saw her
on my Space.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I remember that good old space.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Yeah, aging yourselves?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah yeah, I mean I had a pager. Okay, so
I'm really aging myself.
Speaker 5 (05:50):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
So I think I saw her on my Space. And
then we went on a day actually to the Mall
of America. We went to and tell restaurants.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Jessica, what did you think of Like, what was your
first impressions of Amanda?
Speaker 6 (06:02):
My first impressions, Well, hold on this, Yeah, your name
was Amanda hardcore in my children. So I thought she
I was like the vanilla one, and I was like,
good straight at student, you know, mind by p's and q's,
and she was like.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Yeah, that's hell the fun And I was like, yeah,
she's too cool for me. I an aware.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
Oh my gosh, I love that so much. But let's
go back here for a second. So Amanda, you married,
you married a man, and you guys got and then
you guys got back together.
Speaker 3 (06:31):
Can you just tell me that whole.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Timeline from how you know you met your ex husband
and what that was like, because you guys were married
for quite some time. Correct, Yes, we were. Yes.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
So I kind of went back in the closet because
I just my A lot of my family members had
completely cut me off, you know, and I just felt
horrible about myself. I felt like I was going to hell,
Like there was no question about it. I was going
to hell. I felt bad about myself, and so I
started meeting. Came a lot of decisions I think that
I maybe wouldn't.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Have because of just feeling so bad about who I was,
which is why I was Amanda hardcore, you know. And
so then I kind of went back in the closet.
That I moved to Utah, I kind of like changed everything.
But his sister I knew his sister, and she said,
you know, I have this brother that I think you
would really like, that you guys would really get along.
(07:24):
And he lives in California. I was living in Minnesota
at the time, and we just started talking and we
just clicked really well. And I was like, if I
am going to do this with any man, this is
the guy, Like he's so awesome, he's so great, and
I was like, I can do this. And so we
got married and we had a really great marriage. We
(07:46):
get along so well, we're such good friends where you know,
he's an incredible person, just amazing person.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
I like it, Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was nothing bad
to say about him.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
And then I just really struggled with my sexuality and
I was like, this isn't a marriage. This is not
a marriage. It's like a co parenting partnership, you know.
And so we went through we tried so hard for
years of just like therapy for me, therapy for him,
for us together, you know, just trying to see if
(08:18):
we could make it work. We tried everything besides having
an open marriage, because neither of us were open to that.
And it kind of hit the point where I was like,
don't I don't want to ever cheat on him.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
I don't want to ever be unfaithful.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
I just if we're going to end this, I want
to just do it very cleanly, and I don't want
to wait until the kids are older, because that's not
fair to he's older, he's quite a bit older than
I am.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
So I just was like, I don't this isn't fair
to any of us.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
And we were living in separate rooms for a little while,
and he would have been totally fine doing that the
rest of his life.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
But I was like, this isn't I want you to
find love. You deserve it. He's such an incredible guy,
you know.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
So that's kind of how it was until we've you know,
kind of settled on the idea that we can't keep.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Doing this, and ultimately too, I mean, you deserve it
right to live your truth. And so talk to me
about your trips to Bali if you kind of eat,
pray love. Was it kind of like that that experience
or it.
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Was, Yeah, I was in really just a super dark
place in my life and I wasn't happy, and I
just knew I wasn't. I just I had gone through
a lot of different things on top of everything else,
and my daughter had had cancer and my mom had died,
and so it's just there was a lot of heavy stuff,
and so I decided to go do a yoga teacher
(09:37):
training out in Bali.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
So I went to Bali.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I was there for three and a half weeks into
a yoga teacher training, and then I went back about
six months later and did another yoga teacher training and
then I and then I've been back since two times
to do host retreats there. So I listed a couple
of retreats there and it just has such a special
place in my heart. But it's a really magical place
and it's like, yea, you just start able to connect
(10:01):
with yourself.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
And while I was there, there was.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
A moment on my second trip there where I was like,
all by myself.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
I was just there by myself.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
And I was like, I would rather be alone and
true to who I am than stay in this marriage.
So I'm not alone, you know, And it just was
this really kind of awha moment. So I actually text
her when I got home from the trip, and because
I knew I was going to get divorced, I knew
that was happening, and I said like, hey, how did
(10:30):
your divorce go? You know?
Speaker 3 (10:31):
She's like, uh, why, what's happening?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
You know, And then we just talked for a little
bit and then we kind of stopped talking after that.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Jessica, during Amanda's marriage and her you know, creating a family,
you also were married too, correct, Yeah, how I guess
what did your life look like during that time of
of different marriages.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
I was gay the whole time and out she never
went back. My kids got it. So I was with
my ex wife.
Speaker 4 (11:08):
We were together for thirteen years and we have two kids,
six and nine, and.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
We had separated.
Speaker 4 (11:15):
And let's see it, when you had gotten back from Balwie,
I had already we had already started like the divorce
and everything.
Speaker 3 (11:22):
I think I might have even moved on.
Speaker 4 (11:24):
You had been divorce because this was twenty twenty three,
you were divorced, and so yeah, that was pretty much that. Yeah,
that's why you reached out, and you're like, how did
it go? And okay, do you need free advice? That's right,
got it?
Speaker 1 (11:37):
And so in your kids. So first of all, I'm
so sorry, is your how's your daughter today? Is she
cancer free?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Yeah, so she's thirteen now, super healthy, blood work once
a year.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yeah, it's almost like it never happened.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
But oh good, Okay, I'm so happy to hear that.
And I'm sorry about your mother. What how did your
kids take the news? The how did you tell them?
How did you tell them? Like the whole process of everything.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
So my daughter, I hadn't told that I was gay
earlier like a couple of years, you know, and she's
just one of those people she never has a lot
of was she was like, okay, like what are we.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
Having for dinner?
Speaker 3 (12:15):
You know, like it was like, you know, it's been
really open about like like all that stuff. So it
was like it didn't even FaZe her.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
And then a couple of years later, or maybe it
was like a year before we got divorced, I told
my son, and he had a lot of questions and
it was a really really tender moment with him because
he is just like such a sweet boy, and he
was just like, I am just sad that you don't
get to be married to who you want to be
married to, you know kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
And because he just got that, like he just understood it.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
And we kind of talked about church stuff at the time,
because I had stopped going to church at that time.
So I said, do you understand why it would be
hard for me to go to church? You know, because
he didn't.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Really understand why I wasn't going anymore.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Yeah, and I don't think that God said that, you know,
so like that you can't be with who you want
to be with. And so it was really cool and
just like, you know, it's a really special moment. And
then when we were getting divorced and we told them,
they were.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Sad, they were so sad.
Speaker 2 (13:14):
And then I said, so, if I started dating someone,
do you understand what that's going to look like? And
they said, yeah, it'll be a woman. And I'm like, okay,
Like it was just like and then my son who's six,
he was five at the time, he kind of snickered
a little because he didn't know, like oh, because he
just was younger and didn't understand.
Speaker 3 (13:32):
And my older two were like.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
That's not funny, you know, like they just like totally
stood up for me, and it was so small.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
I was like, wow, I love that. I love that.
So yeah, I feel like kids are just so intuitive, right, so,
and I just love that they, you know, shared their
compassion and love. So I can't even imagine. I don't
have kids, but you know, I'm sure it's just not
an easy conversation. And then you start to like they about,
(14:00):
oh know, how are they going to react? And then
really it's just it's okay, it's all good. And how
about so when your guys' families, do your kids get along? Like,
how is it working out.
Speaker 6 (14:10):
Yeah, it's they're all here together and just running around
from room to room inside outside, upstairs, downstairs.
Speaker 4 (14:17):
The boys go off, the girls go off and do
their Baker play. Their age range is wide, but you
can't tell.
Speaker 3 (14:25):
I mean, they just feed off of each other. But
also they like reset with each other too.
Speaker 4 (14:30):
And we thought five is a lot, We thought how
it is, but they actually haven't shown they need that
a whole lot of like reset time we have.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
I love helping.
Speaker 4 (14:48):
It's even we're not together though, they're still like communicating.
They like share a group message and they send pictures
and videos and we'll FaceTime a lot, and they you know,
pop in and they always know what's going on in
each other's lives and what's important to him.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
That's great. And so how talk us through how you
reconnected after all these years? Like who who texts two first?
Speaker 2 (15:12):
So this was it's wild, like it's one of those
like crazy crazy things. So I hadn't been back to
Minnesota for like twelve years, probably my Dwayne. Nobody lived
in Minnesota anymore except for anyway. My stepdad was from Minnesota,
which is why we had originally moved here, and he
wanted to do a family reunion for his birthday back
(15:35):
in Minnesota.
Speaker 3 (15:36):
So and I was kind of like, oh, you know,
like Minnesota, okay, you.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
Know, and so these so we came for the fourth
of July. We were coming for the fourth of July,
and I flew in on a Saturday, and then Sunday afternoon,
she had heard a song on Spotify or something that
had this little phrase in it that I used to
say to her, and she was just like, set me
(16:01):
the song and said, Hey, I just heard this song
and thought of you because it says this in it.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
And I was like, guess.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
Where I am right now? Like that, She's how I responded.
I was like, guess where I am right now? And
so I just sent her a screenshot of like my
location and she's like, oh, damn, Braggie, what are you
doing here? You know?
Speaker 2 (16:19):
And then we just started talking about like I'm going
through I'm going through that divorce now.
Speaker 3 (16:25):
So this had been the last time we had text
was in October.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
When I got home from Bali, and this was July,
so we hadn't talked for a mom and she just
texted me.
Speaker 3 (16:34):
Out of the blue right after I landed him. And
normally we wouldn't have just done that.
Speaker 4 (16:38):
And I even sat on it from Friday until Sunday,
so it was like some playlists that came up, and
it was like, there's one line in the song that
is like a long standing joke.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
Between us that I never hear.
Speaker 4 (16:49):
I've never heard, and then it came up and I
laughed when I heard it, and then so I was like, oh,
you know whatever, and then I read it the second
time and I laughed again, and I was like, I
have to.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Share this with her, so I sent her.
Speaker 5 (16:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:00):
I didn't expect her to be in Minnesota, so then
she was like so crazy north and then I drove
up and sat for just like two.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
Hours, and there was you just caught up or like
was there instant connection? Did you feel like you know
that feeling when you know it's like right.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
She touched my knee twice. We've been texting all week.
And then right before I flew out, I was like,
so are we going to see each other?
Speaker 5 (17:30):
You know?
Speaker 3 (17:30):
And so she yea, I'll come up to where you are.
I had no time to visit her.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
I had that entire day was fully booked, like I
was like going from one thing to another that had
like times with people I had to be there, and
I was like, sure, no problem, I can be there.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
I'll drive two hours and two hours back two hours.
Speaker 1 (17:45):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (17:48):
So she got up there and yeah, I was like.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
What.
Speaker 7 (17:56):
I was like, that's my first she said, She's.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Like you are or something like that.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
We haven't seen each other for so many years. But
then she doesn't share much on social media, and so
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Really know much about and she had two kids, you know,
so I didn't really know much about her in her life,
and we just connected and.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
We didn't want to stop talking. I just and I
touched her beat twice.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
You guys are the cutest ever. So you guys were
obviously following each other during your time of just like yeah,
so okay, so you kind of knew a little bit.
So you two posts the most out of the two
of you, you're more socialized. Okay, So yeah, so Jessica
definitely knew more about what was happening in your life
that vice versa. So now I guess today, are we
(18:55):
planning on maybe moving closer to each other or you're
going to Obviously your kids, you know, are a priority
and what's life like now?
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Right now?
Speaker 4 (19:05):
It's just this, and we don't really have a long
term answer, and I can sometimes ask us and it's
as simple as this, this is what it is right now.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
You know exactly if they're life there, we have our
life here.
Speaker 4 (19:18):
Is there a way to make that work for everybody
in the future?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
And what does that look like?
Speaker 4 (19:22):
We don't know, And it's okay to talk about that
if they have questions, because sometimes they have worries that
have come up, like what would happen if this, or
what would happen if that. So it's definitely talked about,
but not in a way that's like here's our plan.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Right And honestly, you can only live day by day, right.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Like yeah, And it's like her essence here, stationed here,
my essence there, stationed there.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
So it's just a lot of back and forth.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
And this summer we've been able to see each other
almost every other weekend, so on the other whole parents day.
Speaker 3 (19:54):
A lot of times I come here. It's easier for
me to come here than it is for her to
go there, So I come here a lot and this
is like my second home, so it's almost like I
live part time in Minnesota, part time in California. Yeah,
but it's really great when I can bring my kids
and kind of bring them into this world and have
the two worlds.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
And yeah, I honestly think it's healthy. I mean, you know,
at the end of the day, some space, you know,
it just grows, makes you miss each other more. It's
like I think that if you want to make it work,
you make it work, right.
Speaker 4 (20:22):
And it's kind of I always think it's like, as
hard as it is and sad for us, it's it's
okay for our kids. How you know, they both had
families that had split, and now they get us all
of themselves majority of the time, and I think that's
pretty special. Like during their ages right now, they're going
to be older and they're gonna ditch us and they're
not going to want to hang out.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
So this page of life is so temporary.
Speaker 4 (20:44):
Anyways, I feel like as much as I get sad
about not being in this year, I'm still like okay
with that. We get to like really focus on our
kids that entire time we're with them.
Speaker 3 (20:53):
We're with them.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
You're so right. Actually, yeah, that's a good point because
I have to say my mom, she worked so many hours.
You know, she just created a business or started a
business when they divorced. But still I was able to
still have more one on one time. I think everything's
meant to be, you know, And I feel like, you guys,
you're such you have such a strong connection and bond
that nothing will break it. So thank god for technology nowadays.
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Huh yeah, fake time a lot. And it's also kind
of been nice too because this is my first time
on my own really, you know, and so it was
kind of nice to like have these moments of like
doing life on my own and can I do this,
and just kind of building my confidence and like I
can do life on my own. You know.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
That's been good too, rather than because we kind of
just jumped right into it after my divorce and so
it was like damn, damn, and I didn't really have
that and.
Speaker 3 (21:44):
So and I've had three years out.
Speaker 4 (21:46):
So I went through my divorce, I went through my
you know, finding myself.
Speaker 3 (21:50):
I rented for a year and then I bought a house.
I built this for the kids.
Speaker 4 (21:53):
So it's like I needed that time anyways, and I
just kind of got into like the Okay, maybe I
can just buy a camper van and hang out with
my kids for the rest of my life stage and
then in walks her.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I love it. So what are you guys going to
get married? Do you believe in marriage? Again? Like? What
is what is your view on marriage? And are you
two thinking about it?
Speaker 3 (22:14):
So we have both been like never again.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Like I went into like like there's no way I'll
ever get married.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Why like why would I ever get married? Like that'll
be fun?
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Really, that's why I was like a hard no, no no, and.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Suddenly were like, well that would be fun.
Speaker 4 (22:37):
I don't always want to planet right, you may have
a par we got that back.
Speaker 3 (22:42):
For twelve years.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Well it's fun. I mean, cow, I feel like you
guys are. But no pressure, no pressure. I love me
a good old Pinterest board. So uh, I'm sure. I'm
sure I'll see your beautiful wedding set in the near future,
probably on People magazine or thank you. Yes, actually I
(23:06):
could be your wedding pan. I'm a great wedding planner
s boards.
Speaker 3 (23:14):
That's all I want.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yes, I mean we should get those big ones like
that we you know that you see on television there's
like big confetti pans. This We're good we're good. I'll
just borrow it from like the set. Yeah, we're good. Okay,
Hey guys, it's cheryld Burke. Okay, So I have to
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(23:38):
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(23:59):
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(24:20):
iHeart for twenty percent off and free shipping. First of all,
your story is so beautiful to anyone who is listening,
who may be struggling in a marriage or just struggling
with their own identity. I guess what would you say
to them.
Speaker 4 (24:37):
I would say, talk to your support people that are
your safe people, and be honest and be open and
don't protect other people. And that's not just like protecting
you know, it's like take care of yourself first and
put yourself around people that are going to support you
doing that. And it's a big scary step and it
(24:59):
affects a lot of people and it feels really selfish.
But we only have one life peer and there are
ways to do it cordially and you can come out
on the other side of it. And it's hard to
even remember not being able to be in that mindset.
So you do get there, and it does take time.
You do have to put a lot of work in.
You have to be very intentional with what you do
(25:20):
and what you spend your time doing.
Speaker 3 (25:22):
I feel like you either go one way or the other, and.
Speaker 4 (25:26):
It takes a lot of work to go the right way,
and you have to keep making those decisions.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
It's hard. It's hard.
Speaker 4 (25:31):
I feel like life it's not made for a singleton.
It it feels easier with somebody else.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
So it's intimidating, it's scary, but it's worth it.
Speaker 2 (25:39):
I would say that things I carried two words with
me through the whole process of my divorce and kind
of getting there is intentional and deliberate.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Like I wanted everything to be very intentional and very deliberate.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
I thought everything through, I weighed everything out.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
I was like, how is this going to affect my kids,
How is it gonna affect him, How's it going to
affect my community. I'm going to lose my community, you know,
and friends and family and just all these people I'm
going to lose. But I was like, I don't want
to just make this rash decision, you know, and just
be like I can't do this anymore. I'm out. So
I was just very intentional, very deliberate.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
And I just got to the point too, where I
realized I can't show up as the mom I want
to be when I'm struggling with this so much. Like
I got to the point where I was miserable, Like
I just was so unhappy and I have this perfect life,
you know, I have this amazing husband and like these
beautiful kids and you know, and it was just like
everything seemed so perfect, but I was so miserable.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
And I just felt like I was trying to take care.
I was sacrificing my own happiness for everybody else.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
And I got to the point where I was like,
I can't keep doing this otherwise I'm not going to
make it to be the mom that they need me
to be, you know. And so once you once I
kind of started making choices for myself, it was like
it improved their lives. It made their lives better. I
am able to show up as a better mom, as
(27:01):
a better even with him. The relationship that we have
now is so much better because there isn't this weird
tension and so whole parent better and we get along
better and just all of this, not that we didn't
get along before, just it's like a different relationship where
I don't build this pressure to show up as a
white to a husband. That was like weird for me
(27:22):
to say husband. I was like, I don't want a husband.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
I didn't want a wife. But I'm like, I'm.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
We all change, we all eve all. Yeah, No, I
mean not the same story. But I can relate. Like
this is a great lesson because at the end of
the day, you can't fill up anyone else's cup until
you fill yours up right, and that is that like
inner voice and that feeling of just you know, I
truly believe doctors will come at me, but that is
(27:48):
the type of stuff that creates diseases, and like that
just feeling of not being able to be your fully
authentic self. And I think that this is such a
great example of of it. And you guys are living
proof that you know, you do have to be who
you are and the people that don't like it, oh
well bye.
Speaker 4 (28:06):
You know you have to be okay, people down essentially,
and that's I think hard for both of us. We
didn't want to let anybody down, yeah, but you know,
we both even when we entered our relationships.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
You know, I was twenty years old when.
Speaker 4 (28:19):
I started dating my ex, and you think what you
changes you go through from twenty to age three to
four when we got divorced. And it's okay that we
grew apart, but our lives were so intertwined that it
felt like I was tearing everybody's life apart. Our friends,
our families that emerge, our kids obviously aren't everything when
we knew and it's it's it feels so selfish to
(28:42):
say and to fight for.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
But selfish is a good thing, is a good word.
I know there's such a bad meaning when people say, oh,
you're selfish, you have to be. It's your life. You know,
you have to give to self before you can give
to others. I mean, it's just a it's facts. And
you both learned in this relationship that you didn't know
in your previous relationships.
Speaker 4 (29:06):
I learned that all the things that are in like
books or all these taglines that people say about being
like so in love and this is different and this
is not about I was like whatever, Like I read
every romance book before and I was like whatever, gang,
I loved it.
Speaker 3 (29:22):
I love homework. I love me a Hallmark movie. I
always want a homework ending.
Speaker 4 (29:25):
And like all the things I feel like I said,
and she says, it's like so corny, it's straight out of.
Speaker 3 (29:32):
All these books.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
I love it.
Speaker 7 (29:34):
But when you really feel it, it's real and like,
I feel like a lot of people don't know that
it can be that intense and that constant and fun
and easy.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
I've learned that all the time we're like is this real?
Like how do we keep loving each other?
Speaker 2 (29:52):
More?
Speaker 3 (29:52):
Like like surely we can't fall more in love and
then like each day happens and just something else that
I love it. And it could be some bad that happened.
It could be like our worst moment.
Speaker 4 (30:02):
It could be like we're struggling, we're going through something
really hard, and we're not available in like the way
that we want to be for each other, especially when
you're long distance.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
It's hard when you're struggling to be there for somebody.
Speaker 4 (30:13):
But actually not like the way that we communicate and connect,
it's very safe. And we even have like an emoji
when we're spiraling, or when we have a white flag
day where it's like I just I'm wake by my
white flag.
Speaker 3 (30:25):
I just I can't give anything right now, and then
that the other one s so I taught her to spiral.
Speaker 6 (30:32):
I spiler right now just then I know she needs
a few more positive Oh.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
I love that.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
It's a confirm we're good and like that's it.
Speaker 4 (30:40):
It's like communicating just our needs and our wants and
and the goods and the bads, and.
Speaker 3 (30:44):
It's like what did you mean by that? What did
you mean by this? Where I felt this and we
do it and like a very I always.
Speaker 4 (30:50):
Say, she gives me the benefit of the doubt, and
so she lets me explain. You know, if something came
off from I like that, she'll ask me because I
didn't mean it, you know, and I mean in a
her full way.
Speaker 3 (30:59):
And I always feel bad if she took it that way.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
But I love that we're able to give each other
that time and we trust each other that it was
not intentional to.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
Hurt each other and we are just misunderstood.
Speaker 4 (31:09):
And I think that's probably one of the biggest things,
is like you can just honestly communicate through it.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
And that is a great thing about long distance. It's
forcing you to communicate for it, right. So so I'm
I'm that, you know, coming from a divorce and just
obviously being a bad picker in general, I've just been like, really,
I've been that woman who's like, you know, life is
not the notebook, but now you're making me feel like
maybe maybe it can be.
Speaker 3 (31:36):
It's obnoptious, it's annoying.
Speaker 4 (31:38):
I always say this is what Seriously, when I say
it's annoying, how much I love youself?
Speaker 3 (31:41):
Like it's obnoxious. I wish I didn't love you as much.
Speaker 1 (31:46):
Oh, I love that I love all the time.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
Like can I just not love you so much easier.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
And when you guys, is it communicate? Would you say
name like two things that really keep keep you guys?
Is connected? Is it communication and communication?
Speaker 5 (32:03):
And I think it's like a respect for each other
and just like openness and very honest and open. And
I think that's where the communication comes in important because
you're exposing you're vulnerable.
Speaker 4 (32:16):
You know, you're like exposing your worst parts or or
the things that you want the most, you know, and
I can feel risky.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
And Jessica you said something like safety. I think that's
so important. You feel safe.
Speaker 4 (32:28):
Yes, It's like I can't do something that's going to
turn off her love for me. She's not gonna like,
she doesn't get mad at me. She gives me the
time and the space to figure out how I'm feeling
and what I meant to say and what I meant
to say or how it was supposed to come out
or how I thought it came out. And that that's
safety in that time and knowing that she's giving me
(32:50):
the benefit doubt during that time is like invaluable.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Absolutely, What are your what is your love language? Too?
Speaker 3 (32:58):
All of them?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
All of them?
Speaker 3 (33:01):
Do you know what's interesting that you ask this.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
This is so interesting you asked this because my love
languages were like gift some words of affirmation.
Speaker 3 (33:08):
For like, what was was quality time and physical touch.
Like I was like, oh, I don't need that. And
it's interesting because now I feel like quality time and
physical touch. I'm like, these are like my love languages,
and they weren't because I wasn't in a relationship that
made me want that, and now that I'm in it,
I'm like touch.
Speaker 4 (33:30):
Well, I literally liked, tell me how to She said
it would be fine if I said it every five minutes,
and then she gave me an extension.
Speaker 3 (33:36):
It could go to to.
Speaker 1 (33:38):
Oh my gosh, I love that so much. How about yours, Jessica,
what's your what's your love leguge?
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Mine's definitely quality time at the top.
Speaker 4 (33:46):
And I was really honestly worried because that's like the
thing they get the least of, you know, so on paper,
to me, I was very, very worried, and I was
guarding my part a lot in the beginning. But I
learned that quality time doesn't have to be physically together.
We spend a lot of quality time together at the
end of our day talking about our days and really
(34:07):
breaking down our entire days. She I can call her
in them on my birthday to learn about a good meeting,
to learn about a hard meeting.
Speaker 3 (34:13):
I can say something at a doctor appointment.
Speaker 4 (34:16):
Like the quality time is different for a lot of it,
but it's quality time focused on each other present.
Speaker 2 (34:23):
And when we are together, we are very intentional about
like doing things and going out or if we're here,
just like we have that quality time of we're just
we have so little of it that we take full
advantage of the time that we do have together and
like maximizing everything everything.
Speaker 4 (34:46):
We sit at the counter for hours and just about
everything and nothing at the same time.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
I love that. So you guys are like not obviously
distracted by your phone. You're intentionally in this together, which
is good. So what's next for you to other than
me planning your wedding?
Speaker 3 (35:05):
What's next? We just honestly what's always next is we
always keep planning our next trip. Who's coming, who's.
Speaker 4 (35:12):
Going, And like, my kids want to go there again,
so we'll probably start planning that.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Racking up the miles, Yeah, what car.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
Should get right, exact, counting down until the next time
that we're.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Together and like holidays, Like, what do you guys do
for holidays? You guys just are you gonna switch?
Speaker 3 (35:32):
We're gonna spend one together. Yeah, so we did spend
the fourth of July.
Speaker 2 (35:36):
Is fourth We spent fourth of July and say, so
so we go to Now.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
We have Thankskeeping coming up, and I feel like that's
like a real one. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
My ex is taking my kids on a cruise, so
they'll be gone for a week.
Speaker 3 (35:48):
And I'm like, I guess, so I'm coming for Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
And now it's just gonna be the two of you.
Speaker 3 (35:56):
No, we're gonna host it now with my whole family.
Speaker 4 (35:58):
Oh god, change because I'm the last in the world
to host anything.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
And I'm like, I'll go to your home for it.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
They love her, They already accepted her whole family as mine,
so that'll be fun.
Speaker 1 (36:12):
What do you guys think of certain celebrities. I'm not
sure if you're if you if you know, I'm sure
you know you've heard of like Sophia Bush that you
know are actually coming out and being their true selves.
What do you think the shift is in this generation
that we're living in, Like, why all of a sudden.
Speaker 4 (36:31):
Well, when I got married, it was illegal to get
married as two women. So we lived in Minnesota at
that time and it wasn't legal. We got married in
kN Kun it wasn't legal. We didn't get legally married
until we had moved to California. Now to be living
in a time, well, yeah, And I came out when
I was in high school and it was not cool.
Speaker 3 (36:51):
It was not cool. It was I was.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
That was a big deal.
Speaker 4 (36:54):
It was a big high school and people had a
lot to say about it. And my own family was
anty and accepting until I came out when I was
outed when I was seventeen, and I didn't really have
my family backing me until two weeks two months before
I got married when I was twenty four. So that
was a long time to go without that. And now
(37:15):
to have more people, really famous people, people that they
look up to and so out there on the Internet
and available for everyone to see and live in it,
and I think it just creates a safe culture for
people to come out.
Speaker 3 (37:29):
I have to say too, I had it was in twentynineightteen.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
I remember this happening specifically, Taylor Swift had released her
Like Lover album and there was you need to calm down,
love it, and she'd said, like Shade never made anybody
list gay, and that whole song was basically about like
being true to yourself and you know, you guys all
just shut up and let people live their lives.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
And I just remember being like, the world is changing.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
The world is changing, and it's going from like how
it was when I was out before to this, like
being more accepted and having celebrities like Taylor Swift accepting
people and like showing their support.
Speaker 3 (38:06):
And that video came out and I was just like,
oh my gosh, like we're going in this beautiful direction here.
And I feel like that kind of helped me a lot,
and that was like a little mental shift for me
to be like this is different. For sure. Strength and
numbers is that a real thing?
Speaker 1 (38:22):
It really? And also this is where social media is beautiful, right,
like just being able to really express who you are.
You don't need to you don't need to be on
TV to do it anymore. Like you can use your
own platform and it doesn't matter. Of all walks of life.
It has Glenn and Doyle been somebody of somebody you
love and events have you done for podcast? Yet I'm
as with their podcast No No.
Speaker 2 (38:47):
But it's actually interesting because when I had gone to
Bali in October and felt like I could be alone
by myself, I met a girl there and she said,
you need to listen to this book I'm Tamed by
Glennon Doyle and I had listened to it before, but
it wasn't the right time.
Speaker 3 (38:58):
And so I listened to it.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
I Want a Bali And I actually had quoted this
in this magazine article where in the in the book
it says I'm doing this for my children basically, but
what I want.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
This for my children? And it just really hit.
Speaker 2 (39:16):
Me, and so it was like, yes, Glennon Doyle had
like a huge role in me being like Okay, I
can do this, you know, and just some of the
things she said in that book, I just I mollowed
the entire way home from that flight and was like,
I need to do this. And I feel like her
book Hunting was kind of a huge part of that.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
Do you guys listen to there? We can do her
things he listen to.
Speaker 3 (39:39):
Yeah, I listened to a couple.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
I'm not It's amazing. I literally have listened to every episode.
I think I'm obsessed, but yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:46):
They're hilarious and so relatable, like I'm my sister.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
She called their sister sister. I just like I'm obsessed
with their sister as well. It's just a great you
know trio. Anyway, you guys are so this. Thank you
for sharing and taking the little timing up together to
doing this so we really appreciate it. And yeah, I
mean positive love energy to you. Thanks for like maybe
(40:11):
me thinking maybe I'm like, okay, maybe there is I
can find this type of love. I'm not so jaded
after my conversation with you.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
Don't and tell you I'm not even dating.
Speaker 1 (40:21):
I don't even want to date. I'm just perfectly happy
alone with my friendship.
Speaker 3 (40:25):
Someone wows you and wows you and Maasi and Maasi
and Wazi again, because that's not supposed to be. You're
supposed to show up all the.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Time exactly and not through a dating app. Thanks, thank
you guys so much, and yeah, enjoy your time together.
Speaker 3 (40:40):
Thank you, Thank thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Thanks again to Jessica and Amanda for sharing their love
journey with us. Have you recently left a marriage for
a brighter future, wanting to live authentically but don't know
where to start? Well, we can help, call us or
email us. All the info is in the show notes.
Follow us on socials. Make sure to rate and review
the podcast. I Do Part two an iHeartRadio podcast where
(41:02):
falling in love is the main objective
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