If it Makes You Happy

We all want to be happy, right?! 

What brings us happiness?

What can we do to be happy?

Do we have control over our own happiness?

How do we balance life, work, family to feel happy?

We explore How to be Happy With Ravi Patel discussing his show Pursuit of Happiness.

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is How Men Think with broths Like and Gavin
de Grab and I Hear Radio podcast. Welcome to another
episode of How Men Think. My name is brooks Like
and on this episode we are going to dive into
one of my favorite favorite words and topics, happiness, happiness.
What is happiness? How do we achieve happiness? What is

(00:22):
happiness to me? What is happiness to you? Can we
find a state of happiness in the current conditions? So
happiness is the term and the word and the topic
of discussion today. And riding Shotgun as my co host.
Today we have a very very special co host. He
is an actor, a filmmaker, a humanitarian and entrepreneur. He's

(00:45):
also a loving husband and father. Ruby Patel, Welcome to
How Men Think. Wow, what an intro. Good night, buddy,
Let's go. Yeah, let's go. But I like I I
wish our viewers and see what or see what I'm
seeing because we're doing this via zoom call, which I'd
rather do it in studio, but obviously given the conditions.

(01:06):
But you just have a glowing smile. You have a
glowing smile. You have a glowing smile and happy eyes.
Happy eyes are a big proponent opponent of happiness, and
so I noticed that right when you jumped on the call.
I'm getting it from you, man, I have I'm I'm
very sensitive to two people who have good vibes. And
I apologize to our listeners for saying the phrase good vibes,

(01:28):
but that is what I got from you when I
saw you, dude, I said good vibes. And text messages
all the time. I said good vibes, and the the
emoji of the guy with the sunglasses and that's that's
too much, too much, feel it back. Um, So I
want to dive into the discussion. One, because you're you're

(01:49):
such an accomplished and talented person. There's there's professional happiness,
but I love having you on because you're also a
father and so and a husband and so there's personal happiness.
And so I to dive into that. What the balance
of professional happiness personal happiness? Uh? Do they correlate? Are
they integrated? How does that show up in your life?
And and and also that just what you did with the show,

(02:13):
which we'll talk about on this as well as the
Robbie Patel's Pursuit of Happiness, which is on HBO Max,
where you travel around the world to find these different
definitions of happiness and how it shows up in different countries. Um.
But I want to start with one question to you,
and it's very vague in general, but it's a really
important question, and it's something I enjoy asking people because

(02:35):
I enjoy seeing which way they take it. What is
your definition of happiness? Mm hmm. I mean, I guess
it's trying to find a way to make each day
in the present as fun as possible, which means, you know,

(02:57):
laughing with the people you love the most. Uh, finding
a way to put smiles on each other's faces. Um.
But I think again, I think cord of that is
making sure you're giving to the people who give you
the most, the people you love the most, focusing on
the relationships that matter, and just I mean, I'm a
I'm a sucker for bonding. I love. I love my dudes,

(03:21):
I love my wife, I love my kids, A love
my dog. Um, and I love trying to love better.
I mean it's cheesy, but I just think it's so fun.
I love it, Dude. I want I want to like
get that and loop that and just put that just
for people to listen to. Because in what I love
about that. I love a couple of things. One the

(03:41):
words that you use first, you said fun, fun and
love and the people closest to you. And in my
own journey in two words, I had two words that
I really want to focus on, or wanted to focus on,
was laughter and love. And you said, how you can
be how you can be present and the most fun
with the people that you love today, not waiting for

(04:04):
tomorrow or planning a trip three months from now, like
today in this room. And so laughter and love were
two of the things that I focused on the most
in and having those top of mind has brought me,
has brought me certainly closer with the people in my life.

(04:24):
It's also connected me with the people at a deeper,
more affectionate, more loving, more vulnerable way. UM covid has
really revealed to me who's really important in my life
in in ways of like seeking connection with them. So
um for fun, for fun and love. What's on on

(04:45):
a daily like something that you will do say with
your wife or your you said, your homies, or your
your daughter, Like, what's something that's really fun and really
love fulfilling that you do on the daily. What what
do you think that you've done, by the way, just
really quick just to follow up on what you just said,
because I think that's beautiful. What are the specific things
you think you've done too bring all that laughter and

(05:08):
love into your life. Tried to make moments, tried to,
as you said early, be present. So, UM, I have
made space in my life, created and made and preserved
space in my life for connection. So after after five
o'clock I started this about eight nine months ago. After
five o'clock, I am not on my phone, I am

(05:28):
not on an email, I'm not on my computer. I
am fully fully immersed in connection. UM. I will do
I will do almost anything to never eat supper without
a crew of people around me. Again, awesome. I love
having people over for supper. UM. Connecting in the evening
instead of sitting down and watching a show in the evening,

(05:49):
I'll go to my brother in laws, or I'll go
to my buddy Corey's and we'll just sit in his
gradge in his studio, We'll just just anything instead of
falling into these other little norms and then creating space
us and just realizing how how important that human connection
with these people is, how important it is, and then
trying to make, trying to make moments because moments are memories.

(06:11):
So we're doing little surprises, doing little surprises, doing little
practical jokes and pranks, things that take a little time
to plan. But then but then when you execute them,
you get such a smile and a moment out of it.
You get a moment out of it, and you get
a memory out of it, versus just seeing people and
not having any memories. Yeah, that's I think that's really
profound because I mean, if you think about what life

(06:31):
really is, it's just a series of memories, so you know,
right ones that you want to talk about or that
you want to remember. But I think you hit on
a really big thing which could not be more important,
in which is creating boundaries for yourself. Because right now,
there's there's We've never been more distracted than we are today.
We've never had so much choice, and it's overwhelming, and

(06:55):
the net result is that we end up not feeling
control in our data lives, and so we have to
go out of our way more than ever to create
boundaries so that we feel some sense of control, so
that we feel planted in the day. It's something I
struggled with all the time. But I think, you know,
starting with just the brass tacks of technology creating boundaries

(07:16):
around when you use your laptop and when you use
your phone, that's a huge one. Um. I think that's
a very big one, because that, to me is the
beginning of trying to create that space, the same thing
with like television, Like technology is supposed to be there
to help us do better with our time, and instead
we let it take away our time and dominate our time. Yeah.

(07:36):
Another one that I've done is I don't accept any
I don't have any calls or any work stuff prior
to one o'clock in the day. So I was a
professional athlete, you know. So I I've made enough money
to not have to work the rest of my life,
and and so I get to I get to choose
projects that I wish to be a part of because
of because they light me up, and because of the

(07:57):
people in them, and because of the impact that they
can make in the world. So I never set an alarm.
I never set an alarm because why would I set
an alarm? Why do I want to be up for
anything that when I want to wake up when my
body's rested. So I don't set an alarm, and then
I don't schedule any sort of calls before one PM
because I want that morning for fitness, I want to read,

(08:17):
I want to be active. I just want to be peaceful.
And then I'll do any sort of creative development or
project or this podcast in the afternoon between one and
five pm. That's the block of window that I have.
Do you know what that's called in the rest of
the world location privileged mother? No, it's it's It's awesome, bro.

(08:41):
I think that's so smart. I mean, it's absolutely a
privilege to even be able to do that. But I
think it's so um thoughtful of you to make that
decision to know, like, hey, I'm lucky. I get to
make some choices with my time, and I'm going to
choose to make my time mine. Most people don't. Don't.

(09:01):
Most people are so passive. Most of us are just
kind of riding the ride, and you wake up months
to two years later and realize, wait, what just happened?
Where was I? I think that's awesome, man. And you
know a lot of that stuff you're doing and stuff
that I'm trying to do in my own life, it's
hard as hell. So I want to I want to
ask you the same question so on the boundaries front,

(09:24):
because I think you do so much more professionally than
what I do. You know as an actor, as a filmmaker,
as executive producer, humanitarian, plus you have the this saves
lives Like you're an entrepreneur, um, how do you balance
all of the What are some boundaries in your life
that um that you set that will protect your happiness

(09:46):
and not help you be overwhelmed? Because I think being
overwhelmed is one thing that robs people of happiness totally,
and I think everyone these days because like we said earlier,
because we have so much choice, we have so much
pressure to perform in work and to achieve, achieve, achieve,
and then in a free time we kind of have
similar pressures, Like we spend more money than ever on
food and restaurants because there's so many choices with every

(10:08):
minute of the day, and then even in a few
minutes we don't have we're like, oh, I gotta go
to yoga, I gotta meditate, and you actually pay for
most of those things. Then you gotta make more money
to pay for those things. The vicious circle where you
never feel like you're doing enough and you've never had
enough money to pay for it, and uh, certainly you
know when it comes to achievement, all those things you listed,
I mean, we didn't. We did an entire episode on
this premise. The fourth episode of the series takes place

(10:30):
in South Korea with one of my best friends. It's
guy named Matt Polson who founded a company called oh Maze,
and he and I both have this kind of work hard,
play hard mentality in life and a lot of people
who live in cities have this mentality. And um, you know,
South Korea as a country is having a crisis of
workoholism that's leading to high rates of depression and suicide.

(10:53):
And so so this thing that you're asking is actually
central to uh, you know, it's it's one of my
core conflicts in life. And I think it came out of,
you know, being conditioned or conditioning myself to achieve to
and being obsessed with achievement and in great part attaching
my self worth to what I can achieve and like

(11:16):
all those things you listed, Like I probably get a
little bit of a dopamine hit when you say those things,
and I'm like, yeah, I did that. That's great. I
mean the same way you probably you know, in order
to succeed at at what you've done as an athlete,
you have to be obsessed like you have to. You
have to, And there's more to it than just loving
the game. There's there's there's a love of mastery there

(11:39):
that that you that you and I probably share. There's
a love of achievement that you and I probably share.
There's this core thing in our egos that that dances
with the thing we're doing as well. And I realized
now as I'm older, I'll look, I'm really proud, and
I get really excited about doing I'm very curious, and
I love doing things with people. I love um creating

(12:00):
experiences that make my life better or make the lives
of those around me better. But now that I'm a
father and I'm on the other side of forty, I'm
starting to also realize none of that is any good
if like I didn't remember what I did that day
because I was so busy right in the roller coaster.
And so now I'm trying to figure out a way
to balance things out the way you said, and I

(12:21):
think it has a lot to do with you know,
especially because of what I do is so purpose driven.
It's like almost a way of cheating the system where
I'm like, well, everything I do it's like I'm doing
it with my friends and family, or it's doing this
good thing in the world. So it's almost like I
have a justification to work all the time because my
work is my life. And now I'm in this new
phase where it's like, Okay, that's great, but I need

(12:44):
to carve out more space for myself. The way you
were just talking about space that has nothing to do
with achievement. Space that's passive. Uh. Space that's for eating
ice cream and flipping channels without without a cause, or
you know, just going for a walk. You know. Um,
the those are the things I'm starting to prioritize and
it's it's actually making my work life in a way

(13:06):
more inspired. There's two things in mind when I hear
you talk. There's two things in mind. For it's a
blessing and a curse to be a hyper driven person.
So for somebody to achieve the things that you have achieved,

(13:26):
you are a hyper driven person. There is something extraordinary
about you. You don't get to elevate to your level
without that. So that being said, that's an amazing blessing
in your life. It has served you so greatly in
your life. The flip side of that is if that
can't be controlled, it's going to consume you and it's
gonna eat you alive, and that you can never turn

(13:47):
it off. The other part that I see about you
is you're so multi talented. You're so multi talented. You
can act, you can produce, you can direct, you have
humanitarian you're an entrepreneur, Like there's you can do anything
because you're so multi talented. So then everything is an option,
you know, like, oh, say acting is not going on
right now, Okay, well then it can be an entrepreneur,

(14:08):
I can I have this other thing. So there's always
gonna be worked for you. Plus, you're a hyper driven person.
How do you get the balance back and say no, no, no,
I'm gonna I'm gonna step back from this because I
want to eat more ice cream with my daughter. I
want to Because so many people struggle with that, how
do you do it well? I think the I think
the hyper drive comes from is probably rooted. Look, I

(14:31):
do think there's a lot of reasons that are positive
as to why I am hyperdriven, Like in terms of
just a genuine curiosity, a love of of connecting, blah
blah blah. But so there's also a strong part of
it that's rooted in insecurity and wanting to get people,
wanting to gain. Whether it's a chip on my shoulder
and I'm trying to prove to myself or to someone
around me, I don't know. I haven't done augh therapy

(14:54):
to figure that out, but there's definitely some chip on
my shoulder that I think is driving me to do
all that. Like even when you said all those things
about me, it's like, oh, like, that's probably the thing
that I've always wanted people to say about me, that
I can do all these things. That's probably because because
if I'm being honest, I'm actually not great at any
one thing, but I am good at a lot of
different things. And that's probably the muscle that I'm trying

(15:15):
to flex at all times and and to show that,
like part of the conceit that I'm part of the
thing that I'm probably trying to prove to people is
that I have the stamina of an athlete where I
can do all these things at the same time, because that,
to me, is a sport in and of itself. Um,
and look, it's great, it's really cool. But again, um,

(15:39):
you know, I'm trying to I'm trying to change a
lot of that circuitry so that it's a little healthier
for me. Right now, it's hard, man. Can you can
you walk me through that process specifically if you can,
because I'm going through the same thing. I'm experimenting with
a lot of just a lot of lifestyle optimization experiments
going on. How long has it been since you've been

(16:01):
out of hockey. It'll be three years in November, three
years and I've only recently and probably the last nine
months to a year, Rubbie found, like found my balance
of my pursuit, my personal pursuit of happiness. So as
an athlete, it used to be pursued the Stanley Cup.
I want to be a champion, the best in the world.

(16:22):
That's not chasing happiness. That's chasing the result in the
sport that I was in, And so a lot of
your happiness takes a back seat. You missed some birthdays,
you missed some weddings, your training Saturday morning, Sunday morning,
when your friends were getting together the night before, you're
not there. You miss out on a lot of happiness
in pursuit of this goal. Since I've been out of hockey,
I've discovered, Wow, my pursuit now is happiness. The ultimate

(16:46):
pursuit in my life is a balance of doing things
I love with people I love with, also things that
fulfill me, impacting and serving the world, and balancing all
of that is the pursuit of happiness. You mean, inner
growth basically is what you're what you're what you're seeking now,
and you probably haven't been able to give that any
attention when you're an athlete. I mean a lot of

(17:07):
athletes do enjoy their time in sports, but I also
feel like the way sports have evolved the last fifteen years,
it's not like like it's not like the way the
bulls were in the Last Dance, Like it's sports have
just become so intense and so competitive and so uh
scientific that that it seems like in order to reach

(17:29):
the top of that mountain, you need to be always,
always busting your ass, and I imagine that comes at
an expense of enjoying the climb. You're always looking towards
the future and a lot of personal sacrifices. I mean, yeah,
that's gotta be tricky man. I mean that's and I
also think that's why so many athletes struggle with the
transition out of sports. Yeah, and it's a it's a

(17:53):
real thing. And I did too, because, like you said,
loss of purpose. So you are multi talented. You can
do many different things. I did one thing. I did
one thing. I was a mile deep on one thing,
and then when that thing's gone, now what do you do?
But I always argue, I would argue that you think

(18:13):
you're only great at one thing, But the result of
you being great at that one thing, it came out
of a skill set that is the hardest to cultivate,
which is learning to work your ass off to achieve
something that idea, that mastery. Like, that's something that I
want to teach my daughter. I want to teach my
daughter how to be kind and I want to learn

(18:35):
her I want to teach her mastery the idea of um,
how hard work can achieve great things and and how
uh hitting your hitting your face on the pavement can
be an awesome part of the process to your you know,
like I want to teach your grit, I want to
teach your stamina. I want to teach her the courage

(18:58):
it takes to reach a very high height, and I
think undeniably you have done that. I think professional athletes,
actors feel this way as well. People who achieve great
success and have given career often wrongly feel if I
didn't do this, what else would I do? The fact
the matter is you could. You could probably be successful.

(19:21):
First of all, I would change the definition of success
to not be the Stanley Cup or anything that's in
the future. Will change it to did you have a
good day and are you enjoying the process? Whatever that
thing you're heading towards. Make sure that that aligns with
your core values as as a person. Make sure the
way you're pursuing it day to day is also aligned

(19:43):
with your core values. UM, so that you're enjoying yourself along. Liy,
That's exactly it. And I've found that being out of hockey,
a lot of the characteristics that I developed and were
present in me to perform in that arena are now
are now helping me excel in other areas of my life.
I then, what you just said about the day to
day thing, this is my golden question and I want

(20:03):
to I want to pose it to you. Um, this
is what I asked myself every single day, this is
the number one question that governs my life and my
and and thus my happiness. Are my daily actions congruent
with my life goals? Are my daily actions can grue
it with my life goals? And when I think about that, first,

(20:23):
I have to start with my life goal. What's my
life goal? I want to live in laughter and in love.
I want to live the happiest life in the imaginable
to me. So then are my daily actions congruent with
that life goal? And that's really helped me reshape my
days um and and build in more connection with loved ones,

(20:45):
stronger prioritization of relationship. Um. I have zero tolerance for
doing I don't want to do. I do not. Yeah,
anyone who's purpose driven success is alert to do right.
They don't understand Yeah. So but I want I want
to shape it. I want to pull it back to you. So,

(21:06):
how how are you currently like looking at your life,
assessing your life and and prioritizing more happiness and defining
more happiness in your life? Can I assume that this
is what the conversations were like in the hockey locker room,
just just exactly real, deep real deep conversations the hockey

(21:27):
fans in loving this stuff? Um, how do I do it?
I don't know, man, I mean I feel like it's
I think just the process of trying, in of itself
is what begets it. Like there's joy in trying to
live a better life that the process of pursuing joy

(21:49):
begets joy. Um. And if you're lucky, you're able to
harness optimism and you know I do, dude, I'm a
cheesy dude, Like I have a gratefulness journ. I keep
you do it. It's the best, right, Three things I'm
grateful for every day? Three things that I like today? Great?
You know? Um, you know I have a long ways

(22:11):
to go on a lot of things we've just discussed.
But I find that I'm happier when I'm thinking about
trying to be happier when I'm trying to figure it out. Mhm.
So what what other like practices would you have in
the course of your day? Love the gratitude journal. Gratitude
is amazing, like where gratitude lives. Um. I think fulfillment

(22:32):
and joy and peace that they all accompany gratitude. Um.
What other personal practices do you include in your day
that lead you towards happiness. By the way, for anyone
who's listening the gratitude journal, I know it sounds lame
and stupid, but like there's something it does if you
just do it for a few minutes a day, it's crazy.
I think what it does is it reframes your experience
in the world because it makes you feel your day

(22:54):
a little more. It makes you pay attention to these
kind of like few three or four things that you're
looking to get out of that day, and your subconsciously
view the day through the lens of of gratefulness. Um,
it's really I mean, I've had you know, I'm I'm
like the dude in every dude's life. I've sent all
my friends to therapy, all my guy friends, and I

(23:15):
make all my dudes do these gratefulness journals when they're
down and they and they're all are like, you know,
I'm like a bros bro so that they're they're they're
none of them are even even never heard of a
gratefulness journal. Usually when I asked them to do this
and then they do it and they're like, it's it's
actually pretty amazing. We still can't tell anyone that I'm
doing it, but it's amazing, So I'd say I do that.

(23:35):
I mean, look, I'm actually so I'm very I'm like,
I actually have a d D. And and so I
say that to me, I've never been disciplined, Like I'm
not one of these perfect guys who like wakes up
at the same time every day. Is like I can
even just look at you and your physique and the
way that you speak and see that you're a very
disciplined person of a discipline approach to life. Yeah, and

(23:58):
and potentially type A correct and I'm yeah, and I'm
trying to get out of that. So I'm the opposite
of that. Okay, we're we gotta hang out. Yeah, Yeah,
I'm a sloppy I'm a sloppy dude, you know, like
I'm I'm I'm literally a d D. And so what
I found with habits and and look, getting like changing

(24:20):
your habits is one of the hardest things in life.
Um when it comes to habits with me, I love
trying new things, and I get really excited about new things.
And in true a d D sent I'm quite distractable.
So I might start something, go hard, and then pivot
to something else. Um. What I've noticed with me when
it comes to changing my habits is I keep trying,

(24:44):
and sometimes things stick, sometimes they go away, sometimes I
have to restart. The only difference between me today and
me ten years ago is that today I'm not as
hard on myself when I mess things up, Like I
used to carry a great shame about not being the
person that I wanted to be. And now I'm like,
you know what, this is just who I am, and
and I'm trying my best. I'll keep trying, and uh

(25:06):
so I say that to me. You know, all these
habits come and go. I love going on a periodic
cleanse like dietary clans. I love doing the fasting thing.
I'm literally about to start a brain cleanse because that's
my big goal in life now. Is my brain feels foggy,
my memories horrible, um, and I have a trouble sometimes

(25:29):
feeling present, and I've decided that's like my number one
goal in life is to make my brain feel as
high functioning and clear as possible. And so what I'm
gonna do is because basically it turns out everything contributes
to brain health. So I'm gonna go on a pretty
intense clean diet. I'm gonna start meditating. Uh, I'm going

(25:52):
to I'm gonna go on like a technology cleanse a
lot of the things that you already sounds like you're doing. Um,
I'm gonna take new tropics things that are like good
for your brain. Um. Your brain needs he you need
specific healthy fats for your brain to operate too yet

(26:12):
threes and uh. One of the things I take is
the bulletproof brain octane oil. I have that in my
shake every morning. It's healthy fats for your brain. Yeah. Yeah,
I've taken it before. Do you like it? I love it?
I love it. Ye. So I've tried that, and I've
tried them that Joe Rogan one the alpha brain or
on it alpha brain, but I couldn't tell the difference

(26:33):
that I couldn't tell the deers in my brain with
either one. M Can I add one more thing in
there for you? I want as many as you got. Um.
I love this. I'm actually really curious and excited to
hear to do it with me. I'm sure when you're
starting when I haven't figured out to day, but I'm
going to try to do it with a big group
of people and I'll probably turn it into like a

(26:54):
group crowdsource, some sort of media project where I try
to get a bunch of people to do with me
and we learned what we can along the way. Maybe
I turned into an audio documentary something amazing. I love that.
I even just love that. Please, I even just love
that that You're gonna pull people in on it with you,
because I think people are going to jump in on
that with you. For sure. One thing to be more

(27:15):
motivated if I know other people are in it. True, Yeah,
very much. Um have you ever heard of I've talked
about it here on the show. You ever heard of
the five factors of health? No? Give it to me.
So there's a term. Ben burger On kind of coined
this term, the five factors of health. Um, and health
leads to our happiness a lot. And it's the old quote.

(27:36):
He who has his health has a thousand wishes, he
who doesn't has but one. And so health. So then
if I'm looking for the best happiness, I'm going to
prioritize my health. This is me personally, and so here
are the five factors of health. Um, how how we sleep, eat, move,

(27:57):
think and connect? So how we sleep, eat, move, think
and connect? Are kind of the five factors of health.
Then there's a couple more factors that can that are
kind of on the outskirts of like genetics. Like genetics
play a little part in it, but then also the
atmosphere you live in. Do you live in a really

(28:19):
smoggy city or do you live up in the Pacific
Northwest where you're in the mountains and nature everything. So
there's there's outside factors, but the main ones that we
can control on the daily are sleep, eat, move, think,
and connect with people. And so if people look at that,
people can can find a better route to happiness by

(28:40):
looking like, right now, people are missing out on connection
big time. So maybe they're working out, maybe they're sleeping better,
maybe they're they're moving, or they're thinking positive, but they
aren't getting connection and so they don't feel happy. But
the thing that I would love to challenge you with
when you do this brain thing is sleep. Sleep sleep sleep.
Rest is a weapon. We would say that in in

(29:03):
hockey would say rest is a weapon. Let us rest
because if we rested, like last night, I wear this
band on my wrist right here. This tracks my sleep
and last night I got this is the whoop three
point oh strap whoop three point oh okay. Um, and
my mental acuity, my mental sharpness is infinitely better when

(29:24):
I sleep properly. And it's it's the number one factor
of health that I prioritize in my life. So when
you're doing your brain experiment, I would encourage you to
incorporate sleep in it. I love that. Man. Have you
heard Arianna Huffington's podcast At all I have? But sleep
is her mission? Yeah. The rest is a weapon. Yeah,

(29:49):
because because if I sleep, if I sleep well, I'm
gonna wake up with energy. Um, I'm gonna make a
good conscious nutritional decision on gonna want to move my
body because I have energy, I'm going to have positive
mindset and most likely I'm gonna want to be around
people like if you wake up, if you had a

(30:09):
tough sleep and then your daughter's goofing off in the morning,
or like you're like, oh, maybe like babe, what are
you they're sweetie? What are you doing here? But if
you're in a great place, you're probably more receptible. Look
how playful she is. Look, look she's gooping around on
It can totally reshape our mindset. And also it's not
just about how much sleep you get, but it's about
the quality of sleep you get. And there's all these

(30:30):
things that affect your quality of sleep, such as you know,
like I was talking to someone about sleep just last
week and they were like, Okay, what time you go
to bed? You I'm like that ten thirty. Sometimes I've
like okay, no caffeine afternoon. Okay, no caffeine afternoon. No
screens within like three hours of sleeping ideally. Uh, there's

(30:50):
all these things that affect and going to sleep at
the exact same time. Ritual and rhythm is actually a
really big part of sleep as well. Um. None of
the are part of my life, and none of them
come naturally to me. I've I've like my whole my
my operating system for my entire life has been premised

(31:12):
on uh, imbalanced and spontaneity. Uh and a lack of predictability.
Routine was actually the enemy. But now that I'm a
dad and I'm getting a little older, and I'm just
it's something that I'm really craving for. Behavioral standpoint is
something that I really you know, I'm trying to incubate
because right now I'm crushing beer and I'm making I'm

(31:34):
like making these eggs sandwiches on brioche buns four times
a week that are incredible. I'm eating ice cream. I'm
also living an incredible life at this very moment that
I'm amazing. So that's awesome too. But everything that moderation,
there's balance, there's balance, like that's happiness, right if you
want to be that's that's that's also grace. Like I
loved before how you said you're you're accepting yourself more.

(31:55):
That's grace versus beating yourself up. I shouldn't drink these beers.
I shouldn't have the this bond. I should be moving
or a better diet, like allowing yourself because this and
this is coming from my own uh failure in this
as I never gave myself any grace as an athlete.
It was like strict, it was black and white, there
was no gray, there was no grace. And so I've

(32:16):
found that more in my life. Dude, I want to
hear more about uh this mini this little docuseries that
you have Rebbie Hotel's pursuit of happiness. Can you tell
us what you saw? I want to get back on
the happiness train. What you saw around the world your experiences.

(32:39):
Can you tell our listeners what is the show and
then give us some stories from the show relating to
what you found happiness to be throughout the world. So
in every episode of Pursuit of Happiness, which again is
on HBO Max right now, UM, I travel with someone
in my life that I love or admire or both

(33:00):
and we have some big question about life. And generally speaking,
we picked big questions that I was already talking about
in therapy, so stuff that I felt was kind of
urgent in my life, and it would be that question
that takes us to an international destination where we got
to see how a different culture was handling that question.
So we went to Mexico, my my, my parents, and

(33:22):
I uh to one of the hottest retirement destinations for expats.
And that episode was about retirement and aging, and that
came out of a conversation and therapy. I was talking
about therapist and saying, Hey, I'm at this age where
I'm starting to realize, like people's my friends, parents are
starting to pass away, and I'm starting to feel kind

(33:42):
of older now, and this idea of mortality is starting
to settle settle in and I'm wondering how I can
go about asking the questions about my parents that I
might be asking after they've passed away. I wish I
would have asked earlier. And I and also part of

(34:04):
that came out of just being a father. You know,
I have a three year old daughter and be one
of the most one of the most beautiful parts of
becoming a father is the empathy you get for your
own parents because you realize, like, like, I look at
my daughter, and I had this realization, oh, I'm I'm there, baby,
like I'm there like and and all I want for

(34:26):
my daughter is to like to have a great life,
but also I want us to love each other and
to be each other's lives forever. And and you know,
Americans have become so individualized in private, and we actually
live geographically further away from our parents. We don't see
our families as much as it feels like we should.

(34:46):
And I feel like our parents generation got kind of
screwed because I don't think that's what they thought it
was gonna be like. And I think now, I don't know,
I'm trying to figure out a way to to picks
that because that because because uh, you know, I love
my parents and I. And by the way, that's a
big reason why my wife and I are talking about

(35:07):
moving to these coast is to be close to them. Um.
So that's that Mexico episode. There's another episode. I went
to Japan with my wife and that episode is about
parenting and marriage. Um. Japan known for doing everything, and
it's in the most innovative ways, especially the way they
raised their kids, who are incredibly well behaved and mature. Um.
You know, we had this one scene where we followed

(35:28):
this kid who had just turned six and he's doing
this this tradition UH called the first errand um where
he the kid goes by himself through this city to
go buy groceries from a grocery store at the age
of six. Yeah, and it was like totally everyone seemed

(35:49):
cool with it. He knew what he was doing. He
was extremely confident. It was insane. Um. Could you imagine
letting your daughter in three years it's somewhere in l
A to get one. I wouldn't trust her too. I
wouldn't trust the city like I would be. I would
think it's not safe enough. So that was you know,
that episode was just so fun and a great conversation

(36:13):
about you know, probably what's the most important business in
my life right now, which is my family. Uh uh.
And that then we did an episode in Denmark which
was more about a question that's urgently American for me
right now, which is how do we decide who our
family is. It's quite it's quite a conversation about intersectionality.
The reason why we went to Denmark was because it's

(36:34):
most of us only know it is the happiest place
in the world, but it turns out it's only so
it's only happy if you're white. Um, it's not so
great for its immigrants and refugees and so it actually
they're experiencing. Their situation is actually not dissimilar from some
of the big issues we're dealing with in this country
right now. So that was a really compelling uh it's

(36:55):
journey for me. And then the other episode was in
South Korea with my buddy Matt, and that was about
work life balance, uh in a country that's experiencing it
as well. So you know, each episode truly was a
life changing journey for me, and I set out to
do that when I got a chance to have my
own show, because one I'm at this age where I

(37:18):
realized that shows projects work, like relying on the success
of these things in the future is not reliable. And also,
especially like I've been on so many canceled shows, I know,
shows come and go. So I wanted to come up
with the concept where I'm like, I'm gonna enjoy this
no matter regardless of if anyone watches it, it will

(37:40):
have still been a life changing journey for me. But
then beyond that, Um, if I really was having a
life changing journey, then that's going to come across on
camera and hopefully make the show. Yes, absolutely authentic, genuine Yeah,
um what what are what were you some of your
biggest takeaways of happiness through this journey, through the places
you you visited. What were some of the things that
hit you the artists, like, really struck you and changed

(38:02):
your life. Yeah, So in Mexico, you know, it was
really a conversation about what do we all kind of
want together in this next phase of life? And ah,
you know, I think going to Mexico it taught me
a couple of things. One I didn't realize that, you know,
because everyone's living so much longer now, retirement is not
just one phase. It's kind of a couple of phases.

(38:24):
There's just all spring break phase that they get to
do before they before the kind of final you know decline,
I guess and so um and and then also I think, yeah,
I think I always assumed that my family would come
live close to me or near me wherever I was.

(38:44):
And it just got me thinking that, like, no, like
they have their friends and their life where they are,
if anything, I should come closer to them, and why not?
Uh uh? And I also just from hanging out with
a bunch of retire people there there's a lot of
things about that lifestyle where I started thinking, there's a

(39:05):
lot of this I don't have to wait for retirement
to pursue the community elements of that lifestyle something that
I want today. Can you speak to that a little
bit more? Yeah, I mean, I think you know, community
in America is it's been going away for a long
time because we're so individual, because we're privatized, because we're

(39:27):
not codependent in any way. We're not dependent in the
way that we used to be. Um, if you want ah,
if you need food, you get it from grocer store.
You don't need your neighbor. You have an app where
you can order from in fact, to the grocery store.
You need to ride to the airport. We take uber
Like there's literally no reason your own parents. You don't

(39:47):
need them. They used to be needed for wisdom and
like now you just google things, you have questions. So, um,
we just don't need each other anymore. And as in
that intend with just a society that really values its
individuality and its privacy. You know, we've seen a demise

(40:08):
of the American neighborhood. There's not m yeah, seeing other
front yards and and run around and he used to
be really safe and the neighbors used to watch each
other's kids and you know, you're walking down there's just
that just doesn't exist anymore. And Um, seeing that that
was kind of what a lot of people were seeking

(40:28):
in retirement. I think it was like a real reminder
that you know, we really want that in our lives,
and we're willing to make real sacrifices to find a
way to bring that into our lives, you know. And
again that's a big reason why we're talk about leaving
l A interesting Yeah, and what I've learned that, like
we were talking before the show started, Um, but living
in the Hollywood Hills. Um, every house is gated, which

(40:52):
keeps people out but also keeps you in. And so,
like you said, there's no front yard, there's no seeing
your neighbor every single day, like you can live. You
can live in an area and not know you live
somewhere for five years and not know the person that's
three houses down because you never see them because they
drive in their gate and then they drive out their
gate and there's no actual face to face interaction. Um. Yeah,

(41:14):
it's especially hard to places like l A too, because
in cities in general, there's such a culture of achievement. Um,
And I think that affects the community elements when you
know that any time you're hanging out with someone that
the most interesting thing about them is their career. Right yeah, yeah, Um,

(41:34):
what did you learn in the South Korea episode about
work life balance? Because that's a big thing I think
a lot of people are struggling with, especially right now,
where both of those worlds are collided because their kids
are at home, their partner or spouses at home, you're
trying to work at home. But just in general, what
did you learn from your takeaway from the South Korea
episode about work life balance. So so they're doing some

(41:55):
interesting things to combat workaholism in Korea. Uh Like, for example,
we walked along this one bridge they call the suicide Bridge,
I think that's the name of it. It's right off
the street, and it's become such a problem that the
government has put these images of these inspirational messages along
with images of delicious food. The idea being that if

(42:17):
you see delicious food, it reminds you of your childhood,
connects you to the world, and hopefully dissuades you from
jez you know, it takes you away from the loneliness
that that is connected to suicide. But probably my favorite
scene of the series was this place we went to
called the Death Cafe, the death Cafe, and it's like

(42:39):
a cafe. You walk in, says death Cafe on the door,
go to the receptionists, you sign it, and you pay,
and what you're basically paying for is simulating your own death.
So we walked in signed this thing. We sat in
the waiting room where we had to fill out our
own eulogies. Then this guy took a picture of us
and that would go on our casket. Then we were

(43:00):
let into a room with a with a bunch of
caskets and we faked. We like laid in these caskets
for like ten minutes, and then we got up and
we read our eulogies and it was I mean, I'm
excited watch this because it will blow your mind. Uh.
It's really eye opening when you read your own eulogy

(43:21):
because if you really think about what people are saying,
it has nothing to do with your work. It has
everything to do with just who you are. Yeah, well,
so I want to hear more about that because that's
such an interesting experience that there must have been revelations
to yourself, like whoa I was given putting way too

(43:42):
much stock in this. I've learned now that I need
to prioritize this. This is actually what my heart wants,
This is what fulfills me. This is what joy is
to me. That's what happiness is to me. Anything specific
come to mind there? No, I think Actually the realization
is the one that you already said that you're pursuing
in your own life, which is trying to find a
way to make your day, your your your daily life

(44:04):
aligned with my life goals, with your life goals. That's
that's really what you know you know, the idea of
work life balance is it's it's it's a little confusing because,
first of all, it bifurcates work in life, which these
days isn't necessarily the case. A lot of times those
two things overlap. And beyond that, um life is just

(44:28):
more nuanced than those two things. So I would say, like, mainly,
what you realize we all worry about working life, but
what we really need to worry about is not how
much working or how much we're not working. What we
need to be thinking about is not work or life,
but just time. How much time we have, what we're
doing with their time. What's a measure for you? That's
a great question. What's a measure for you that allows

(44:53):
you to calibrate and decide, Yes, this is worth my
time or no, it's not worth my time. How do
you make that decision? Well, it depends. I mean, I'm
I'm gonna really I'm gonna kind of like you. I'm
in a position of privilege and I'm well aware of it.
Where you earned that you are, that I've earned, and
that that I have choices about my time. Look, i
mean people just don't have choices, or at least feel

(45:16):
like they don't have choices because they have to pay
bills and whatever else. Like I, I guess for me,
as long as I can control it, I have a
triple bottom line approach to my time, which is is
it something that I enjoy, Is it's something that's giving
me growth, and is it something that's connecting me to

(45:41):
the people I love? I would say, like, those things
are the ones that I chase. It's what I got
out of I made this documentary with my sister called
me the Patels that became. It was this crazy thing.
We spent so much time making it and then you know,
it changed our changed our careers, but it also changed
your lives. And the one thing I really got out

(46:01):
of it was, for the first time in life, I
saw how purposeful work can be, and how introspective it
can be, how can bring me close to my loved ones.
And once you get that feeling that buzz um, you
start chasing it and everything you do. M Yeah, it's
impossible to go backwards from that. Yeah, right. It's impossible

(46:23):
to do a job that you hate just for the money,
or to do somethingwhere to work with people you don't enjoy.
You're like, no, it's it's the same as being on
a team. When you're on a team when a culture
and the product on the ice and what you guys
are doing to creating together is amazing and just there's
symmetry there and just chemistry. You're like, I'm never I'm

(46:44):
never not being on a team where there's dissension and
arguments like like we I want to be in a
culture that's uplifting, empowering, inspiring, together, supportive, and we're working
together to a common goal. And then I'll never And
so any team that I'm on, and it used to
be sports teams, now it could be a business or entrepreneurship,
a podcast team. Any team that I'm on, I'm going

(47:05):
to try and foster that because I'll never put myself
in an environment where that doesn't exist again, and I'll
do everything in my power to make it exists. Dude,
that's awesome, man. Good for you. That's one of the
things I learned from sport, you know. Yeah, But I
also feel like you learned from sport that you need.
I mean, I feel like you're three years out. It

(47:27):
must be so hard. I don't know. I feel like
I've seen this in so many athletes where you feel
the need to feel relevant, like socially, like from the outside,
like what's my next big thing? I feel like it's
the thing that a lot of athletes ask themselves. And
it sounds like you're for whatever reason, you have a
very healthy mindset about this, which is like, you know,

(47:48):
I'm whatever I do. I want it to be about
my own inner growth. And that's I don't think most
people are blessed even feel bad, m Um, I never
played the sport. Maybe I'm lucky because I never played
the sport for that. I played the sport because I
love the competition and I love the sport, and so

(48:09):
the money was secondary, The fame was secondary, tertiary, like
it was like that's the never That wasn't what drove me. Um,
I don't. I don't probably a ceiling if those other
things are the ones driving you right right then, and
I don't think that. I don't think those are enough
to drive somebody to go to the depths that we
must go to to elevate to that level. That's not

(48:29):
enough compensation. Yeah, the internal personal reward, the goal and
the happiness, the happiness that you get from it is
what drives you. That's irreplaceable. That's and uh, it's It
reminds me of a great I can't remember where I
heard it or who said it, but one of the
greatest quotes I ever heard about happiness was that the

(48:49):
goal of all other goals is happiness. Yeah, And when
you think about it, the goal of all other goals,
Like why did I want to play in the NHL?
Because I loved I love playing hockey. It's just my
soul's expression. Every day it made me happy. Um, why
do I want to win a Stanley couple? I want
to be a champion. I want to be able to
say I'm the best in the world. Why because it

(49:10):
makes me happy? Why do I want to buy this car? Oh,
because it's just it looks so cool and I want
to drive it. And what is that emotion that I
get from its happiness? The goal of all other goals
is happiness. And so I keep that in mind now,
and so I compare everything too. Does this add happiness
or or detract happiness? So I'm at my lake house

(49:31):
right now up in the Pacific Northwest. I can go
out on the water. It's beach, it's waterfront. I can
go on the water I could fish right now, hunting
seasons right around the corner. I have a husky that
I could hike with. I have a home gym, I
could work out, and I can do anything I want.
So choosing to be here with you is my happiness
right now because I don't need to be and so

(49:51):
I measure everything else against against these other things that
bring me so much happiness. There's an opportunity cost every minute. Yeah, right,
and so but this is this is growth, this is communication,
this is connection, this is challenge for myself. I'm I'm
not a podcast host. I grew up as a hockey player.
So I want to challenge myself as And that's why

(50:12):
I have love having like actors and musicians and different
people on because you guys are so multi talented, and
I'm like, how does this How does this actor create
a film, executive produce, create a docuseries? Come up with
this concept executed? You know, is a humanitarian, is a father,
is a husband? Like I love seeing people that are
multi talented because it inspires me and so I get

(50:35):
to do That's one of the benefits I get of
doing this podcast is meeting people like yourself that then
give me inspirations find like house like that. I don't
know that i'd be here, but I appreciate that you're
doing it. Appreciate it. Man. Um, do you think do
you think the measure of happiness could be different from
person to person? Yeah, I mean probably. I don't really

(51:00):
know the answer to that, but I mean I think
I think if we're just talking about dudes, I think
most dudes, most of us, don't think about happiness, most
of us. Why is that? Well, I think, first of all,
I think most men aren't conditioned to think about emotions.
Number one. Um, we're not conditioned to look inward. And

(51:25):
I also think that there's something I think. I think
like I sometimes wonder, I'm like, I wish I was like,
you know, there was a version of me when I
was younger that was so happy, but wasn't thinking about
whether or not I was happy. I was never thinking
about what it takes to be happy. And it had
a lot to do with the fact that I wasn't
thinking about it. Thinking about how happy you are can

(51:47):
in a way of reduced how happy you are because
you're paying it. So I'm I'm, I'm. It's interesting because
I think in a lot of ways. I'm I put
so much effort in of being happier, but the place
I'm trying to get to is the place where I'm
not thinking about it anymore. Um. Yeah, I think it's
probably different for everyone. I don't really know. I just

(52:10):
I just know for me, it's something that I'm trying
to work on. Yeah, I think it's constant pursuit. I
think there's a pursuit. I always say I'm relentless in
my pursuit of happiness, But I also believe that there's
a complete opposite side to the coin of the grace
component of I don't need to do anything to be happy,

(52:32):
just being here, like breathing, breathing right like. But this is,
this is. This has come from my own mistakes and
where I needed to achieve, as you said, I need
to achieve. I needed to be purposed. I needed to
end up number one to be happy. I was very measured. Um,
but now I want I'm trying to add grace into
my life where I'm like, I wake up, my legs
can move me anywhere I want. I have air in

(52:53):
my lungs, oxygen my lungs. I am happy, I'm blessed,
beyond belief in the grace of life. You know, just
because of those two things, we get to wake up today.
There's people that woke up yesterday that didn't get to
wake up today. You know that is so just finding Yeah,
so I know you have to go, brother, Um, I
know you have things on your on your plate that

(53:15):
you have to go, but i'd love to. I'd love
to continue this conversation with you. I love that you've
added what you've added to our community here, and I
think it's such a relevant topic. I'd love to hear
any last. First off, give our our listeners one more
touch point on the show on where they can find
Robbi Patel's Pursuit of Happiness. You can find it on
HBO Max Today, which is uh, it's a streaming service.

(53:39):
It's like HBO's version of Netflix, I guess. So you
can find it online. I believe it's still not on
Roku or Amazon Fire, which is going to annoy people,
but you can I don't know. You can find on
Apple TV and your laptop and whatever else we can. Yeah,
where I want to tune infest? Sure where can people
find you? Where you hang out? So I just recently

(54:02):
made my Instagram handle public it's at show me the Rubby. Yeah,
my Twitter is the same thing. Um. Yeah, And you know,
I hope if anyone who's listening, if you watch the show,
please uh please holerate me on Instagram or Twitter and
tell me what you think. Certainly poured my heart into it,

(54:23):
so I appreciate you help me get the word out. Man. Yeah,
I love it. I can't wait to do I'm really
excited just about the concepts. I love the four topics
that you covered in the show. So, um, I'm gonna
tune into it tonight for sure, I'm gonna tune into
that workaholism. We'll tell me what you think that after
you watch it, all right, Yeah, that'll be the first
one I want to watch. Um. And then any last
words for our listeners on happiness, on how to achieve

(54:47):
happiness in their lives. I don't know, try to try
to try to try to nurture love, you know, try
to try to try to have someone or something the
world that you're in charge of. Um. Because caring for people,
caring for things, UM, that gives you purpose and uh,

(55:10):
you know that's that's where the juice is. I just
love that word. Like love. I love that you went
to love dude, Robbie. I know you gotta run, so
I'll let you go, brother. But thank you for your time. Dude.
You brought so much happiness to me, to our listeners,
and you're good. Dude. Let's do this. Let's do happiness
two point oh in the coming months. Would love him,

(55:31):
would love it to show up. I will tell him
I miss him. Okay, I'll tell Gab. I'll send him
right now. He'll have FOMO on this. But changing my friend,
And to all our listeners, all our listeners, I wish
you just a wealth of health and happiness. Um. I
know times are tough right now, but tough times the
last tough people do. And I wish you all the

(55:52):
happiness in the world. Thank you for tuning into another
episode of How Man Think till next week. Take care
of one another, love one another, and I hope your
hearts are happy.