Group Therapy

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is like and Gavin and I heard radio podcast. Yeah,
oh yeah, I like the energy. Gav. You threw a
curveball there to everybody. I appreciate it. My name is Brooks. Like,
welcome to the show. This is how men think. That
beautiful voice you just heard there was the music superstar

(00:21):
Gavin DeGraw. Goot to see you man, Good to see you, buddy, accolades.
I feel good. I try and brag you up every day,
so you keep coming back. Man, it's working. I'm coming back.
I'm not even leaving. You're not leaving. Even put my
cot in here camping with our sponsor r E I.
I was just at r e I today. You want
me to pick you up a tent and please do.

(00:44):
Maybe some day, if we get you a check from
the show, that you might be able to get an
apartment here in town. I would love that you come
stay in our house for at the time. I'll stay
in your gym. He's just say in my gym, No,
I know you. That's the most active room in the house.
Don't say that. Could you put the weights down? Leave
them down? Brother. I always like seeing your smiling face,
So thank you for coming. Dmitri. How are you, buddy,

(01:07):
I'm doing well. You look well? Yeah, yeah, you look
like oh I do well? What do you mean? Yeah?
I do? I mean oh, yoh, yeah, thank you. I'm
handing out the compliments. You compliment like nobody's business. And
I'll take it every day. I like it. I like
throwing it out there, like making people smile. Ryan, what's up, brother,
Good to be here. That's all you're that's all you're
hitting this with. I'm sharing a microphone right now, so

(01:28):
it's difficult. Oh he's Ryan's very upset here. Amy. Okay,
we'll get me on to that. And I gotta say this.
Does does Rick not look tan? Rick looks exceptional to health?
He does. I've been in the sun for fourteen straight days. Now, Okay,
what's the key? Brother? It was just a vitamin? Does vitamin?
You just kind of sit back on your chair and
your beach chair and wear your speedo and let the

(01:49):
sun kind of touchdown on your skin. Did I say speedo?
I just threw up in my mouth. I'm like, god,
letting the sun speed Oh yeah, you don't wear speedos? Holdo,
it's the best way to get the best. You want
me to show you my tan line. Yes, please, there
it is. That's hot. Great, So hold on, I just

(02:14):
threw up in Gavin's mouth, Rick, true question. Do you
wear a speedo? I wear a speedo? There you have
a guy forgot he played water polo. That's probably where
it came. But I don't know if he's just like
shorts now or are you still going like a pool?
You know with with the family, I may wear some
board shorts. Why did you want to stinger quotes on pool?

(02:34):
Is this a pool or not air quotes or when
it's not really what it's supposed to be. So you
said pool, I don't know what that means. We did
go to Europe and we went to a pool air
quotes and I sported the speed of the entire time
and I was proud, awesome, full euro Yeah, good for you.
I have respect for that man having super uncomfortable right now.

(02:58):
I believe that's jealousy of Rick. It is. Your comfort
level is off the chart. Well let's get to it here, gentlemen.
We have a super I'm super excited for today. We
have an incredible guest that we want to welcome to
the show. Her name is Sharie Heally. So today's episode

(03:20):
is group therapy, and Sharie is a life coach. She's
gonna help us through. We've all had conversations with her.
And I'm going to introduce you to our audience right now.
You will describe yourself as a possibilitarian? Am I saying that? Correct?
I love that. That's the first time I've ever heard
that word. So I love that. She is a possiblitarian. Uh.
Been in the industry for twenty years. Her number one strategy.

(03:43):
I love this part about your bio. Number one strategy
is pure joy, absolutely lovely. I'm sure you're gonna yeah.
It's a secret to our true potential in every life
area of life. Does one on one coaching workshop speaking.
I could read this for days as hold on Google.

(04:03):
We'll get to that Google X, Genitech, Nike, YouTube, Apple,
Go Daddy, you name it. She's worked with them. Um,
welcome to the show, Charie. Thank you for your time
for being here. Uh and can you elaborate? Is there
anything I missed in that bio? Oh? I don't know.
Ah Man, I'm here to cause an epidemic of joy.
I love it. That's it. She's just a ray sun China.

(04:27):
I used to apologize for that. It used to be
that I'd go and I'd give you know, talks and keynotes,
and that was like the message on slide fifty six.
And I'm just not about apologizing anymore. Don't realize it's
like the number one business strategy, it's the number one
strategy for relationships. It's everything, it's what we all want.
So can you give us a little background to your

(04:48):
history in this space? How did you get started? What
was your motive to start? But first off, how long
have you been in it? And how did you get
your start? Oh? Yeah, it's a great question. I wanted
to do it when I got out of college. I
was just twenty three and life coaching had become a thing,
and I was like, oh man, I studied like psychology
and communications and all this signed me up. And then

(05:08):
I started training and I thought, who's going to listen
to a year old barely started living. So I gave
myself some more study time. And I remember working in
l A, actually staring out at the ocean and a
board meeting, and I kept hearing the word bottom line,

(05:29):
bottom line, and then it sort of dawned on me
that this was not my bottom line. It wasn't It
wasn't mine. My bottom line is to figure out how
to get people out of bed and do what they're
here to do. I enjoy the ride. I love it.
I love that you said you help leaders get what
they want so they can change the world. But really
that can be anybody. Everybody's a leader. Uh. And to

(05:49):
discover our true potential in every area of life. So
have you had? That was a pivotal moment for you.
And then you sort of made a personal switch as well,
and also made a professional switch. Yea. Yeah. Then I
finally gave myself permission, like I got the permission slip
to go for it, because I felt like I was
old enough, you know, and it was time. And I
think we've all talked already. And I know you all

(06:12):
want something to all of our listeners want something, and
at a certain point in life that want just becomes
almost unbearable. You have to get it. And so I
made the leap and and left the whole corporate scene.
And I think that helps now because I was in
the hairball of the corporate scene and I can I
can talk to my clients about it. I know what
they're in But yeah, I feel like I'd been given

(06:35):
so much. I learned so much from many great teachers.
And there's an old saying that information that goes unshared
becomes a burden. Yeah, beautiful. So I felt like I
had to give. It was my turn, and that's actually yeah.
I mean I think it's a calling. My tagline is
bring it. The world needs you, and and on social

(06:55):
like I founded the Luminaries because I believe we all
are luminaries. We all have a g to give that
if not shared, is lost to the world forever. What
a superpower? Superpower? Can I ask you a question? What
is your favorite part about being a life coach? The
thing that just brings you the most joy. It is

(07:16):
the same thing that I said to Sister Maureen in
fourth grade when I was asked to make a list
of my favorite things, and everybody else said like ice
cream and like tahoe and stuff like that, and mine
was good talks. Wow, you came to the right place.
I mean, I'm so happy, like this is sitting here
with you guys having good talks. It's like, what would
cream and tahoe stop? We're going to Amy's. So let's

(07:40):
do some group therapy. So for our audience listening today.
We have all had one on one conversations with Shari
on the phone prior to this conversation, and every guy
has something that they want to work through in their life.
We touched on on the very first episode of this podcast,
what's something you're desperate to change? And now we've discuss

(08:00):
something with each personally with Sharie that we are wanting
to change in our life. And full disclosure, we've each
uh said that it's okay for her to open up
about our private discussion so that we can all try
and grow and help each other move through these issues
that we're each individually facing. So I'll leave it up
to you, Shari, You and Dmitri had a conversation. Uh,

(08:23):
do you want to elaborate on what that conversation. I'll
give you listeners kind of the outline of what we
talked about, and then Dmitri and I are going to
go after it. Okay, bring it the world needs, Yes,
bring it, the world needs. So Dmitri's um and and

(08:45):
this isn't the framework of everything that we're that we
do in these sessions, right, It's there's something that you
want and I'm here to help you get it right
and here to help you enjoy the ride in getting it.
So you talked about how you have a deep awareness
that life is short and you want to enjoy it,
and because of that awareness, it actually robs you of

(09:08):
the enjoyment at times, because you'll be, for instance, on vacation,
your favorite place to be on a beach with music
and tropical cocktails, drink during the day, right, and then
instantly that awareness kicks in and you're thinking about it
being over. It's going to end soon, and then you

(09:31):
can't be present to it anymore. And so we were
sort of we paused at that moment. I said, all right,
when I see you again, we're going to try to
figure out how to create that presence in you. Or
you would ask like, how do I deal with the thoughts?
Because the awareness is both the curse and the gift.
I agree with that. Yeah, can I can I ask

(09:52):
you a question like, let's say if you because we
all get your group texts we're doing something during Dame,
we get you with a little tail on the dock
or on the beach, and it frustrates the rest of
us are jealous of the life you live that every day. Yeah,
but yes. But my question to you is, if you
go on a week long vacation, how early on into
that vacation will that mindset start to dominate or to

(10:14):
come up. I'm good for for the first few days, basically,
if it's a week's vacation. So I was just on
a vacation recently. We got there on a Saturday, So
by Tuesday ish, I was thinking, okay, tomorrow's Wednesday. And
then it's like then, you know, then we're rolling towards
the end, and so I start thinking all right, you know,
and I'm and I still have fun, but in my

(10:35):
head it's like, okay, well, you know, three more days,
two more days, Tomorrow's the last night, and it's like
and then I have to kick into a mode where
I'm like, okay, well, what's the next thing that you
know that that's exciting, because you know, life is hectic
and it's like you come back from vacation, you gotta work,
the kids go to school or whatever, and and even
though you have moments in those days that are fun,

(10:56):
you know everything you're being pulled in all different directions.
So it's very hard to get that same feeling that
you have when you're just away somewhere. So yes, I
you know, around the middle, I started thinking and then
it's like a clock in my head and I still
have fun on those last days. But I'm well aware
that it's But can I just ask, uh, is it?
Is it sort of like these are the last days

(11:18):
of my vacation, or these are the last couple of
days of my vacation, and I'm getting older, and well,
I don't know how many more of these are going
to be and we're all gonna die and all this
kind of staff for Is it just like I just
have a couple of days left vacation. Can I still
enjoy the rest of the vacation. No, it's that I don't.
I don't have an impending thought of doom or anything
like that. I don't think like my life is shorter.

(11:39):
And thanks for pointing out that I'm getting old, that
I should start thinking about that. Um, I don't start thinking.
I don't think about myself being old. I don't think
the end of the world. I don't think of anything
like that. So it's a good question. But no, it's
just it's simply just this is such a nice time,
and I even look even this podcast, I look forward
to this. We're having a great time, and in my head,
I'm like, oh, we probably got like an hour left. Yeah.

(12:00):
And I kind of feel the same way almost when
you go on vacation on the second or third day,
you have so much time you like, I don't really
when I go that happens to me. I don't know
what to do. Like every day we're so programmed, like Okay,
I'm gonna go work out, I'm gonna go to the office,
and I'm gonna go home and we're gonna make dinner
and go to baseball practice or whatever. Like everything is
so kind of scheduled and plan where it's like when

(12:21):
I do get free time, even if I'm at home
or not on vacation, I'm like, huh, what what should
I do? Like I guess I'll go clean the garage
or you know, And that I feel that way on
vacation as well, where I'm like what's next. Like to me,
it's almost the travel aspect of it is the fun part,
and then when you get to go where you're doing

(12:43):
nothing is the like the depressing part, which is this
part you should be enjoying. The only difference between you
and me is you do that and no speedo in
his jeans. It is it to treat just vacations that
you feel this way, or is it other aspects of

(13:04):
your life that you're also counting down the days or
wondering how much more of this you have left? And
the reason I ask is as that was being described,
I could not agree more with that whole mindset. And
I'll tell you this. The best day of the year
for me is Christmas Day. I love Christmas more than anything.
The worst day of the year as Christmas because when
Christmas morning comes, I say, and I this happens every year,

(13:28):
Like I do not want to open all the presents
first thing in the morning because it's over now and
I have to wait an entire year until Christmas yet,
so I want to just do like one and then
let's have breakfast. Or if my wife's like, okay, you open,
like you have more left, and like no, no, no,
why don't you open because I want that pile to remain,
because I don't want Christmas to be over summertime like

(13:52):
putting off or maybe you know I have September November
in the last decade and I'm just I do like
I scroll them away and you budget your presence. If
are my love language, how many how many you have
at your house? Affect other aspects of your life. To
Christmas is as a prime example. I love the lead
up to Christmas. The you know, there's just decorations everywhere,

(14:14):
there's music, the Christmas you know, the whole thing. And
then yeah, but when that Christmas Day comes, like I
look forward to Christmas, and then it's like, oh, it's Christmas.
It's now, Now, it's done. Now we get three. Yeah.
I don't know if you guys heard what Gavin said
when you were laughing, because he said, that's so sweet.
And this is something that's really true that I learned
from all of you and and continue to with every
man I've ever worked with, is there's always a good reason, right.

(14:38):
What do we talk about, Brooks, The truth, the truth
behind the behavior. So while you're stressing, worrying, can't enjoy Christmas,
you know you all want to slow down. You said
it on another call to what you desperate to change
is that you want to be able to slow down
and enjoy life. And so it's a struggle because you

(14:58):
all have so much to give. You want to you
want to I think ultimately, Dmitri, you want to enjoy,
you know, and ultimately Rick wants to find happiness and comfort.
And Ryan you talked about wanting to reach full potential,
chasing potential. There's so much to do and there's so
much to go, give and get. You know that it's

(15:21):
it seems to be in conflict with the slowing down
and enjoying. But like I said before, joy is the
ultimate strategy. It's what we're here for, and you're already
a very good practitioner of it, Dmitri. So my goal
with you would be to talk about how to cultivate
more presents so that you can really get it when

(15:42):
it's there for you, you know. Yeah, can you elaborate?
Is there any like, is there any because for people
listening that can that this resonates with? Is there any
actionable items or specific tactics or tools that you could share.
But I'm all about the you know, the practical ways.
So so you had said, Dmitri that there was a

(16:04):
worry in you that once the good time was over,
you were sort of like looking at your watch for
when's the next time. Like we'll take the vacation as
an example. That third day in you're already thinking about
when's my next one, you know, and is that usually
months away? Yeah? I mean yeah, I mean summertime. There's
a few more so summertimes basically the Christmas book end

(16:29):
on the other side, So there are there are some,
but it's yeah, it's it's usually a few months away,
or you know, something to that effect. Yeah. So the
practices is finding that beach mindset with even a non
alcoholic or a real alcoholic cogtail in the moment to moment,
you know, not thinking that it's only going to come

(16:50):
a few times a year. I mean, that's always an option.
You are free, it's a out. It's about slowing down
in the body, in in vacation and being fully present
to vacation, which is the easiest, but the hardest is
when you're not on vacation and cultivating the vacation mindset

(17:13):
moment by moment. So like right now, you just said
that you're in the podcast, but you're thinking it's going
to be over soon and we're also having a great time. Yeah,
and not in a completely in the depressed way like
oh my god, it doesn't consume me, but in my head,
I'm like, oh yeah, I know this is and and
maybe that's a defense mechanism. Maybe I know you know
this way. I don't get super hurt if I know
that that things come to an end. Does it rob
you of any does it rob you of any joy

(17:36):
in the moment or is it just a thought that's present. No,
it's mainly just a thought this present. I'm sure you
can't have that pop into your head knowing that there's
an end to something you're enjoying without it having some
sort of effect. But um, but it doesn't rob me
of the joy. I still have a great time. Yeah, yeah,
you nailed the tool. Though. Both of you are talking
about being in your head, and your question to me

(17:57):
when we talked was what do I do with the thoughts?
And it's all about getting down into the body. It's
about like taking an elevator from the head down to
the heart or down to the body. And I mean
we could all practice that. We've probably all felt this,
like at the gym or at working out or yoga,
when you have to ground down and get into your
skin so you can actually be present. Where where do

(18:20):
you feel that the most? When you can really be present,
when you're just you're not up here in your head. Um,
you mean like a specific situation. Well, yeah, where I'm
sure there are areas in your life where time sort
of stops and you experience that presence. It's really sitting
or sitting around. It's funny that we're doing this now,
but it's sitting around with a group of people, could

(18:41):
be family, could be you know, these guys here are
with And when you're just sitting around and you're talking,
you're laughing, that's the time I don't think about anything.
The sarcastic comments fly. Just we're just having fun and
there's no you're not because you're not thinking about you're
not worried about anything. It's just this is this is
a fun moment. And that's why, you know, you bring
up Maybe you're sitting around, you know, and you're having
a you're having a drink or whatever and laughing, and

(19:02):
really that's the sweet spot for me because it's like
and and again, it doesn't matter. It's not specific. It's
not my always, my family is not always my friends.
It's not like there's a certain group that dominates that.
But it's it's that just you know, and it's probably
if I were to try and analyze it, which not
my job to do, I guess, but it's it's probably

(19:23):
shrugging off the stresses of life and it's just like, oh,
this is the moment. We're just laughing and having a
good time. Yeah, there's a part of you that's settled
enough that you allowed yourself to just get out of
the head and be you know what I think it is.
It might be that possibly that you're sort of decompressing
and checking out from some of the everyday stresses, which
you've talked about openly on the podcast before. But I

(19:45):
also think it's like getting to know you men, you
have a massive heart, and it's apparent how much you
love your family and your kids and value that quality
time with them. You always speak like it's beautiful to
watch you speak about your family, and so part of
that might just be the sadness like, oh, I want
this to last forever, and I know that it's I

(20:06):
only have three more days of it, you know, like
it's just your you have so much joy doing that
with your family or doing it, Like we see how
much joy you have on this podcast that it's you
want to keep it. We all want to keep these things.
It's funny you say that. When I was little, we
were getting a dog, a family dog, and they asked me,
my parents asked me what dog I wanted and I
said I wanted a puppy that wasn't going to grow

(20:27):
up that was And they're like, well that doesn't happen.
I was like, oh, well there goes that. That isn't
that That's the truth behind the behavior. Like, that's what
we're trying to find out is men have behavior like
yours is a behavior out of love. You want these
times with special people to be everlasting. So it's not

(20:51):
an issue. It's not a flaw, it's not a you know,
it's and I think as we get into the Ryan's
and ricks and the rest of us our issues, it's
these are great men have issues out of love. Um
I agree. So giants to wrap this up, uh sharid.
So lastly, like, what does Dmitri do to overcome this

(21:11):
so he can be more present and have the most
joyous experience and then leave there in peace. Yeah, I'm
gonna give you two things because your gift is awareness.
That's what we talked about. If you could give a
gift of a lifetime of one thing to your family,
to the people you love the most. You set awareness,
so let's use that. That's your highest value. So expand

(21:31):
your awareness. I asked you to get down into your
body right and slow down, because the only way to
manufacture time, which is what you're asking for, or to
stretch time, is presence. So that requires actually slowing down,
and that starts in the body. So it's hurt, you know,
just putting on the brakes and allowing yourself to just
be here right now. And I think we can all

(21:53):
feel ourselves get to heavy in our chair, shoulders, come down,
deep breath, just be in your heart exactly like Brooks said,
that's who you are, and then expand your awareness three
sixty Like you're already doing that, but you're in the future.
So try expanding the awareness in the present, like so
that you can feel the air, you know, it's warm out,

(22:16):
it's summer. You can taste the drink fully like it's sensual.
You can listen to your kids laughter like you're so
in it. It's full on, three D, full color. Every
single one year sense is taking it in because a
lot of time it's just the brain and that's not
even a sense. It's like it's just the brain going,
you know. So that's the hack to get out of

(22:38):
the head. But then there's one more thing, that part
of you that says, oh, man, I don't want the
puppy to grow up. I don't want the boat ride
to end. How old is that part of you? That voice?
M hm um. I don't know. I mean, um, it's

(22:58):
a distinct part of your sonality. Because we're made up
of all these different parts. I'm guessing that that part
is a little young. Yeah, it is when I was
a kid, Yeah for sure. Yeah. So what would you
tell your kids if they were like, DoD oh my god,
you know, it's almost over. You have to talk to
that part of yourself like you would to your kids.
I bet you'd tell them something amazing. You're right, man,

(23:27):
sucks kid. Can I just add one thing, So, when
you're on the vacation, do you kind of sit back
and let your kids go do their own things, or
do you engage with the kids on whatever activities or
your wife for say, or whatever. Like I was just
on a on a baseball vacation trip last week and

(23:49):
my daughter was the only one that was staying in
all the house with the other families and so there
are no other little kids around. So like, what really
got to me was engaging with her and doing actual
things with her during that time frame, Like I mean,
obviously you're you're not killing time, but you're kind of
like so we went and got to be begun, We
went and got fireworks, we went and made a fire,

(24:10):
you know. And it was to me it was that self.
It fulfilled so much just having that. Yeah, it was
one on one, but it was also just doing activities
with her and not being like, oh, I'm gonna get
to do the barbecue and sit on my phone and
do whatever. Um, and that really helps me. Now that's true.
I'm and I'm definitely in it for the same reason

(24:32):
like not to speak in such weird things, but the
same reason I want the poppy that won't grow up.
I want to play with it. So when I go
on vacation and I'm definitely in I play with the
kids and I do this. It's not I'm not one
of those guys like go do your thing and I'm
just gonna sit here in a lawn chair and drink
a beer. When you're when you're when you're performing the
activities with your kids. You know you're jumping in doing
these things with the kids. Are you thinking to yourself,

(24:54):
are you thinking, I'm having this is a great time,
I'm in this, I'm having this activity. Or are you
think I'm making great memories? I'm making great memories. I'm
making great memories. You know, no, because I actually I don't.
I don't care. So I mean, for the kids, the
memories are important. I don't care so much about making
memories for me because the same reason when I got married,
I told my mom she wasn't allowed to bring a

(25:15):
camera to the wedding because I was so I was like,
what you're gonna do is you're gonna sit there. I
know you're gonna sit there and take pictures and and
be like, oh, I can't wait to see this picture,
and this is gonna great, and you're gonna miss what's
happening at the wedding. So I said, we have a photographer.
They're gonna take pictures. You can look at them all.
I said, but you cannot bring a camera because I
don't want you to miss things by taking So I'm
not about you know, I'm not I'm definitely not thinking

(25:36):
about memories about making them like, no, this is great.
Everybody sees this on Instagram being the kids on the beach.
So your mom stood by the corner and brought a
paintbrushing and easel and paint, did the whole wedding just
as Okay, it looks terrible, by the way. Sorry to

(26:00):
wrap up with you, Dmitri Is. I want you to
raise the bar on your own awareness. Dive in even deeper,
more fully, feel even more joy when you're in it,
because it'll make it last longer. And I'm going to
remind you of your mantra, the thing that's going on
in your brain all the time anyway, when you ask yourself,
what's my end game and what is your end game?

(26:21):
My end game is you would just enjoy life exactly,
So dive in more fully. And that little voice in you,
the little boy that shows up and says, but it's
going to end soon, just tell them, tell him to
go have a cocktail memories from life. I appreciate that.
I think that that does make a lot of sense,

(26:42):
and that is something that I probably haven't processed obviously haven't,
but it seems like a relatively simple jumping off point,
and I could see how that would work, and I'll
definitely definitely try that more Brown. Thank you for sharing.
We appreciate it. We're gonna go to break. When we
get back, we are going to go to Ryan. Back

(27:03):
from break. This is Brooks like and how men thinking.
We have Sharie Healy with us. We're doing group therapy today.
Thank you Dmitri for being the sacrificial lamb to go
first and heiled it. And now we're onto my dear
friend Ryan. You were in the hot seat, my man,
So Shari take it away Ryan's face. I wish you
could see. Let's just get this over. When is this

(27:30):
going to end? Okay, maybe it's time Brooks that we
tell them how I see men so that Ryan can
relax a little bit. Yeah, on our conversation, you just
spoke beautifully about man and it was you got into
this work. I believe to help serve women and really
learned a lesson yourself about men. Correct. Yeah, I mean
I originally started this because I felt like I could

(27:52):
change the world, since I believe that we all have
a gift to give that my gift would be that
if I could make every woman happy, then I would
make all the men into ldren happy. By default. So
I started there. But then I, in working with women,
needed to really and for myself to get to a
place where I felt like I could more understand men.
I had had a really long history of bad relationships

(28:14):
and and I thought, there's no way guys are bad.
It's there's something more for me to learn here. So
I think through a lot of study of you, guys,
I learned that men are spectacular and that you really
truly are here for the highest reasons. I think I've
never met a man who cares about his partner who

(28:36):
doesn't want her to be happy. You have tons to give,
and I think it's almost overwhelming when you can't find
a way to give what you want to give, and
you try so damn hard and you're just trying to
do it right. And I don't know that we as
women always make it very easy. We have a lot

(28:57):
of feedback for you so well. I appreciate it, very
kind words. And for the listeners. I want everyone to
realize that when Saris said that men are spectacular, she
was looking directly in my eyes. I was so with
that said, I know that, um, what you're cooking right now?

(29:20):
We have an ammy in the in the room who
has very strong feelings about your challenge. So I'm going
to lay it down and then probably Emmy will want
to jump right in. Um, you have a habit behind me.

(29:41):
You have a habit of worrying, correct I do. I
I stress about certain things. Yes, for the very good reason,
because I believe there's always a good reason for our behavior.
That you are chasing potential. You want to reach your
highest potential. You think that it would tragic for anyone
to not really reach the limits of their human potential.

(30:04):
And you and I talked about how there is no
zenith of perfection. There's no moment at which you arrive
really until you declare you're enough, until you declare that
moment right, because there's always more. We talked about great
beings who look like they've checked all the boxes, who
would tell us, no way, there's still so much more.
So when we talked about the worry and I asked

(30:25):
you what it costs you or if you enjoy it,
you said, well, I don't know that I would give
it up because it's a means to an end. I
think it's who I am, and it's what's going to
help me reach my potential. Yeah, I believe in many
ways stress is a necessary evil on the path to success.
That's the most concise way I can put it that
if you're not stressed, you are therefore complacent, and there

(30:48):
is nothing worse than complacency, because if you're complacent, you'll
never achieve What is achieving it is to find it's
it's an individual thing. Your definition of achievement could be
different than mine, and that's fine. It could be financial,
it could be personal goals, whatever it may be. I

(31:09):
think a little stress, and I understand it. It's all
relative and there's a happy medium there because stress can
also be crippling and and the abilitating. But like I
think a certain level of stress, if it is driving
you and and allowing you to push yourself to an
uncomfortable level and then achieve things that you otherwise wouldn't,

(31:32):
then it's a good thing. And I would argue stress
in that case is is allowing you to realize potential
you otherwise would not be able to realize. Is it
stress or is it motivation? Like where we talking about?
Like is this stress or are you just an uber
motivated guy? Like the verbiage I think for our listeners
is very important. Question is one of the more astute

(31:53):
questions for you just blew your mind peanuts. Is it
stress or is it motivation? Because I think motivation is
a powerful thing man, But stressed to me seems like
a Brooks is nailing this because it is motivation that

(32:13):
I would love for you all to have. But Ryan
turns it to stress and worry, and then he thinks
it's productive, and I think it's counterproductive. I see, I
see the two their synonyms. Like, well to what I said,
what so what is your end game? Your endgame is
to constantly be stressed in trying to hit this ultimate thing?
What's the ultimate thing? Are you just gonna keep chasing

(32:35):
be stressed and keep chasing greater stuff until it's a
it's a fair question. I think you want to look
back on your life when when you're on your deathbed
and say I accomplished everything I could have could have
accomplished with my God given abilities. With you know, I
I was able to accomplish the most that I possibly could.

(32:58):
So you're you're in a legacy search, is what you're
talking about. I don't want to look back and say
I could have done more or I did not realize
my potential where I underachieved. Here's the distinction though in
the motivation. There's joy in the worry no joy. And

(33:19):
I know on a previous podcast you said you wanted
to slow down and enjoy. You know, I think that
we talked about that being something that you wanted full potential,
but because it brings joy. Right. So the hack on
this one is they always say you can't go after
something like I want to be a millionaire. You know,

(33:40):
I want to because why because it'll give me freedom?
You know. Well, then you need to know freedom now.
You need to be able to experience the joy of
it now. So right at the end of your life,
are you gonna say, oh, I accomplished all my goals
or are you gonna say I had a really good time?
Well when you when you do Wold in that voice,

(34:01):
I don't know that I'm gonna say it, he said,
I wish I had a different voice. Well, where Amy
needs to go is she needs to value your value.
This is your highest your highest pursuit is his achievement.
Amy doesn't share that in the same way. Question when
you die, you're going to be dead anyway, Just to

(34:22):
remind you you don't know what you accomplished, probably, but
are you do you want up that path for your
own satisfaction or for somebody else that you're leaving behind
to be like, Wow, my dad was the such and
such accomplish her. Yeah, I mean with with the success,

(34:44):
with the success I will have, I have will have
built a life that my family reap the benefits of.
With my hard work and with the stresses that I endured,
we all would have had a better life as a
result of it. That is the hope there. We just
got to the truth behind the behavior because you want
to give so much to your family. We talked about

(35:07):
you wanting to give your wife the ultimate life. Yes,
that's absolutely right. And I think there's a competitive element
to me, and it's it's just in my DNA that
I it's a zero sum game like I, if someone
else is winning, I'm losing. I need to I need
to be as good as I possibly possibly can be.

(35:28):
I and I again, I don't understand why that can
be perceived as such a negative thing. To want to
realize potential and to not underachieve. What are you sacrificing?
Is there anything that's negative that's affecting you in that pursuit.
It's it's a good question, Kevin, I would say that.
When you will answer, I would say, I think about

(35:52):
because it's it's there are sacrifices that are made, but
there are sacrifices that you're making in the short term
so as to provide more benefits and a better life
in the long term. So you have to make these
sacrifices along the way so as to create some opportunities.
Are you trying to convince me or convince you when

(36:12):
you tell me that? I believe that, and no, like
Amy clearly doesn't believe that. That's fine because I know
you very well. So my thing is, I see how
you compare yourself to others, and if you don't achieve
what they have, you deem yourself a failure. And I
just disagree with that so much. Would you tell the

(36:33):
specific story, I'll tell you a couple of stories. The
first so the too. So we're just saying happy birthday
to Brooks. Brooks just turned thirty six. I am thirty six.
So in that moment, rather than celebrating Brooks is now
thirty six year on Earth, I thought to myself, Wow, Okay,
we're the same age. Brooks has made probably like thirty

(36:53):
million over his NHL contracts. We're the same and what
have I made? Like he were the same age? And
this guy who I love has made exponentially more money
than me and is so much more successful than me
from a monetary standpoint. God, man, that's longer than the
actual song Happy Birthday. Yeah it happened. That annoys me,

(37:15):
So I'm like, but do you think that attitude is
you said you want to give your your wife the
best life that she can possibly have. Is having that
attitude and that kind of negative competitiveness and that's stress
to be better? Is that giving her the better life now?
Or you're just waiting for the end and be like, Hey,
wasn't that a great life? That the thing would be?
If you would ask my wife, she would say she

(37:36):
doesn't care about money, al right, And I'm bringing this
on myself and I admit that, but like, yeah, I do. Again,
it's not all about money. But but the Brooks example
is one that crossed my mind when he turned the
same age as me. And then I spent twenty minutes
on Google looking up all your salaries on Wikipedia, and

(38:00):
then when and then when you got injured, I wondered, like,
is it a guaranteed contract that in the NHL or
did he get paid out on guaranteed? So that's depressing.
I was hoping at least if you got injured, you
didn't get the full turn. If you want, we gotta
give this, sure you can you do. I I stand

(38:21):
strong on women do not do this. We do not
compare ourselves to other women and deem our value or
our success based on money. We I I stand strong
on that somebody, another girlfriend of mine that has made
more money is in no way more successful than me,
or do I even think about it, because that's not

(38:41):
how we look at it. And Brooks is not the
richest thirty six year old. So when you get to
that final thing, right before you're about to die, you're
going to look back and you're gonna say, are you
Are you gonna say, hey, that was a great life
I achieved all I can. Are you gonna say you
know what I could have done better? Because that's the
attitude you're taking through your entire life or on your death.
Better You're gonna go work is going to be strangling

(39:07):
me on my definitely thing yeah, tell me. Does do
your wife and kids ever say anything about your worry
about me? Yeah? My wife said, says often that I
am stressed, and how can she? She has asked me
in the last year two take on less professionally so

(39:28):
as to free up some brain space and bandwidth, to
just be more relaxed because it consumes me and so
but I refused to do that, and I doubled down
and say, like, I can handle it because I want
to just continue to go a hundred miles an hour.
And is your potential only a dollar number? Is there

(39:51):
another definition of potential? Look it makes when you, guys,
when we have this conversation, I am like in real
time thinking about how I'm being perceived in this conversation.
And yeah, it does seem as if I'm chasing the dollar,
and in some ways I am, and I think I
don't think I'm alone in that pursuit. Um. But yes.

(40:15):
The other example is my wife's father, My father in law,
was very very successful professionally, retired very very young. It
made a great living, and he he's an outlier. There
are very very few people that were would ever be
able to have the success he had in the short

(40:36):
amount of time, and I think to myself, that is
the bar that has been set. That my wife grew
up in a great family with a a father who
provided to an unbelievable level for the family, and they
were able to go on unbelievable trips and do things
that like very few families got to do. So in
my head, I say to myself, if I do not

(40:56):
provide at least the same childhood and lifestyle that my
I grew up with for her and my son, I
will have failed and that will be that will be
gut wrenching for me to feel as if I was
unable to provide the same quality of life that she
grew up with. Yeah, so there's the good reason there's
you are not being judged, certainly not by me or

(41:17):
probably a million listeners, because she is a little bit
because she wants you to be happy. There's a good
reason there too. I want to set up a go
fund before you. But yeah, but here's how we hack it.
So I want to give you, guys, each like a
tool to walk away with the the experiencing of potential
reached every day is what I want for you. That

(41:40):
that's going to be the hack that gets you to
enjoy the ride, because I don't want to take away
the dollar number. You should get it. Oh you had
to bleep me, sorry, you should. You should absolutely go
get it. But I think the quality of the getting
it is what we all want for you, and I
know you do too, and your wife does and your
kids do. So the quality of enjoying the ride happens

(42:03):
by every night when you hit the pillow you check
off I reached my potential for today. That you have
some measure of the reaching of potential every single day,
because like you and I talked there, every day you're alive,
there's going to be a higher bar for the next day.
So give yourself the credit for every single day at

(42:24):
least one one way in which you reach your potential.
I'm sure there's countless. Yeah. Can I step in here
for something? No, okay, keep counting your money. The easiest
way for me to be happy is if you just
open up your wallet and chot Right now, let me

(42:47):
let me say something from my own personal spirits because myself,
I think you guys in here, Demetri, you've opened up
about wanting to make more money. Um we I think
everybody listening to this. I think everybody wants to make
more money. The more money you have, the more you
can give and do with an effect and possibly influencing
people's lives. So, yeah, we want to make more money.

(43:07):
But being something I've been through personally Ryan is being
in a locker room. It's also you have to keep
in mind what's current. So I could sign a contract
some of the ones you looked at at and I
could be one of the top paid guys on the team,
and I feel amazing right, Like it's in order, I'm
one of the top dogs on the team getting compensated amazingly.

(43:29):
To three years go by, I'm still on that contract
and somebody else signs a contract that's bigger than mine,
and even though I might play more minutes or have
more points or a bigger role, their compensation is higher
than mine. Now I had to learn how to deal
with that because I'm like, you're paying this guy that
I want mine torn up. I want to renegotiate. I want,

(43:50):
but at the end of the day, that's gonna rob
me of joy. And also why should I not be
so damn happy for that guy that he worked his
tail to earn that, you know, like because you're better
than him. But but I understand what you're saying. But yeah,
I understand what you're saying as well, because you're saying,

(44:10):
I play more minutes and I'm better than this guy,
yet he's getting paid more than me. That's not fair.
But also the landscape has changed since I signed a contract.
That so that that has changed, um and you knowingly
enter when you enter a long term contract, you know that.
But also I think it robs you. Like if you
have gratitude, if you appreciate that person and the joys
in their life, I think you can appreciate it more

(44:32):
in your life. Versus comparing and always trying to divide
yourself will put yourself on an island. But my question
for you is I I didn't achieve all the things
I wanted to in my National Hockey League career. Far
from it, like a fraction of all the things I
wanted to achieve, didn't even make close to the amount
of money I wanted to make, did not win a
Stanley Cup, thousands of things I didn't achieve. But I

(44:55):
look back at my career and say, damn, did I
play my ass off? And was I out of every
single day? And so I don't have the achievements that
I want or everything that I wanted. But at the
end of my life, I want to look back and said,
I had so much damn fun every day and I
gave everything I had to it and the rest is
out of my control. Can I tell you how good

(45:16):
it made me feel when you were listing all the
things you didn't achieve that I told you. He's irritating.
So Gavin, I have a question for Gavin. Does a
hit song mean more to you than another song just
because that one became a hit and made you money

(45:38):
when a deep track might be a better song or
mean more to you, like what brings the fulfillment the well,
there's different, good question. I mean, there's different levels of
fulfillment for me. UM with different you know, with different
types of songs. There's there's gonna be material there that

(45:58):
that doesn't make you any money, you know, UM, at
least not directly. A lot of what we call B sides. UM,
there's records that are almost like entire B sides that
I've made, you know, or we just remember. After I
cut my second record, UM, I was disappointed in the
production that was overproduced for my taste, you know. And UM,

(46:20):
I didn't dislike the record. I just felt like it
was heavy handed production wise, and um, the and the
mix was over just things that were just designed to
make it sound a little bit too much in what
the marketplace was out at the time, you know, which
is very anti my my uh my mode as far
as being an artist is concerned. So within a few months,

(46:43):
I cut another record, UM with completely different songs, just
because I wanted to make a record that was the
opposite of what was a commercial sounding record. UM. So
by doing that, I still had I still had hits
on the record that I had made UM that second record,

(47:03):
but I got more more pleasure and more fulfillment from
the record that hardly sold anything that nobody marketed. And
on top of that, ironically, I got more longevity career
wise by making a record that was artistically admirable and
critically more impressive. UM And in my opinion, it prolonged

(47:26):
my career far longer than chasing uh uh pop success
could have. I mean, don't get me wrong, playing those
playing the hits at a show typically that's why why
fans come to hear the hits, you know. UM, But
I but I don't think that. I don't think that's
my fan base. My fan base wants to hear good songwriting. Um.

(47:49):
And so by making a record that wasn't necessarily quote
unquote hit oriented record that just really sounded authentic, that
gave me the time to another record that could just
satiated me and the quote unquote marketplace um musically. Um So, ultimately,

(48:10):
long term, the record that I made that I didn't
have any so called hits on it really did very
well for me and prolonged my career and actually made
me a lot of money over time, not in record sales,
but but but by elongating my my my life as
a as an artist. UM So, I do understand, but

(48:31):
so many versions of this, this argument and that you
want to be the best, and you want to maximize
your earning potential, you want to put in all the
time required. Personally, for me, I rarely ever thought to myself,
I need to practice. As an athlete, probably you feel
more of that because you get to a certain level
and you either have to be the best or you're
not the best and you're not going to play. Or

(48:52):
of course there's then they apply the business element to that,
which is you may be better than someone else, but
you're costing more money. They need to spread out the roster, right.
And the same thing happens musically in some ways where
someone may say, well, we invested X amount of dollars
in this artist, we need to recoup this money and
we have to do it let's say per artist basis, right,

(49:13):
So so they chase may chase some success in that regard.
I hear what what you're what you're saying regarding being
the best because as an artist, for me personally, I
never really thought to myself, I need to go practice.
That's not really how I operate. I love to play music, right,
So I mean if I had a guitar at my apartment,

(49:35):
once I leave here, I probably go grab a drink
and then go back to my apartment and just sit
around and you know, write songs, um just because I
want to. You know, it's not about I need to
put in the time like an athlete really has to
put in the time, because you know, if you spend
five days on the couch, you may be over overresting, right,
But it's also the same I played hockey because I

(49:56):
love to, Like that's my question for you is are
you having fun in your day? Do you love the chase?
Do you love what you do because that's a motivation.
Do you love the task or just the idea of
winning at the task? No, I enjoyed the task for sure. Yeah.
But but and then, but when you get a little
bit of taste of success, I want more and successes.

(50:17):
And I would love for you, Gavin to do to
list all of the things that you've failed to him.
Let me tell you. I mean, I I could, I could,
I could listen, I could list to you all the
songs that I've marketed that just that just were a
total with you know what I mean, Songs that I
thought were obvious hits, you know. Um, I mean I

(50:38):
remember I remember complaining to Billy Joel. I was like,
you know, I got the songs on the radio and
it's a big hit. But I have this other song
right now and I think it's a bigger hit, but
no one will play it, you know what I mean.
And we had this really great conversation and I thought, Okay, cool, cool,
and I walked away thinking of myself. That didn't help

(51:01):
me either. I mean, I just complained to my idol
and I was STARTI I still walked away like this sucks,
you know what I mean. I just got to talk
to my idol, you know, and I was still just
you know, disappointed to the fact that I I believed
in something musically that could help, that should have happened
in my mind, you know, as an act, thinking this
song should be a hit if no one will play it.

(51:22):
But you know it's not. It's not all up to me,
and it's not even it's not even up to somebody else.
It's just it happens or it doesn't happen. You still,
you keep grinding because you love to grind. I love
to grind because I'm passionate about what I'm doing. So
to me, it's it's me loving my own cooking, you
know what I mean. Is it coming over for dinner?
It's great, and you know, a couple more people are

(51:42):
sitting at your table thinking this guy can't cook worth it?
But I'm like, isn't it delicious? You know They're like, yeah,
sure thing. You know, if they don't come back over
for you know, next weekend, guess how good you are
of a ship. The one thing I want to add
Ryan is is I think what I want to hich On,
is self fulfillment, Like what's fulfilling to you? You know,

(52:04):
is it getting that win, whether it's monetary reason for
monetary reasons, or is it you know, sitting back and
saying I just accomplished that or I'm doing this or
you know. And I think that's what Brooks and Governor
Bull touching upon. It's like, and as you go through life,
think those accomplishments or that fulfillment will even change, you know,
like even using Dmitry as an example, like he's trying

(52:26):
to find fulfillment while he's sitting on his ass on vacation,
you know, and I think if you or sitting on
my ass, But I think finding that fulfillment, whether it's
monetary or whatever that reason is, I think that will
really help. You know, you just said that better than
me Rick when I was asking him to experience his
potential every night. You know, it's like taste, taste what

(52:48):
you did every day, experience the self fulfillment. And I
just have to I want to take you off the
hot seat because I know here's but I see you
as the ultimate provider. You're just two giant giver, and
I think expanding your definition of providing. You're you're always
going to bring in the money. I know you'll never stop.

(53:08):
And if you could look at if I was your wife,
If if I've got a guy who loves me that
hard and is trying so hard to give me this
ultimate life, that's enough. She already won the lottery with you.
And everything else beyond that is gravy. You've already checked
the box from providing. We promised to text you all

(53:29):
our failures everything. Yeah, as Gavin asks repeatedly, Amy, when
do we get our checks? D Let's celebrate your giving mook,
I have a massage. We'll be back after the break.
Jump into my man Rick and what he's dealing with.

(53:50):
Back from break, we are do we group therapy, and
we're getting to, like we said, the truth behind the
behavior of these good serves, these good gentlemen. Now onto
you Rick, Rick, you are in the hot seatom okay,
do you want to dive into your conversation with Rick? Okay? Wreck, Hello,

(54:11):
so good, I'm next. You're on the hot seats. So
we had our little mini session and I'll give the
listeners a little wrap up of what we discussed that
you're challenged with, right, now or what you'd like to shift.
And I would sum it up in that you are

(54:32):
comfortably stuck, yes, right, comfortably stuck. Yeah, that you've you've
had a habit of putting yourself last, because, like we've
been talking about, there's always a good reason, right for
the things that men do. And the good reason is
because you're phenomenally loyal and you you really care you
you carry a lot of guilt if you don't deliver

(54:54):
you and so you have made choices in your life
that I think are not producing the kind of freedom
that you really want. Yeah, exactly. And I feel that
way a lot, you know, even like at my home space,
or my workplace or really kind of just in general
at everything. And I feel that if I don't sometimes

(55:15):
reach to a particular potential, that I consider myself a
failure at times when there's no reason to do that,
you know, and it's I just need to step back
and let it, let it go. And I have a
really hard time with like letting it go, you know,
whether it's um, you know, feelings or something may have
happened to me and really kind of talking to that

(55:36):
other side of my brain, you know, I'm usually listening
to the one side that's saying, oh, this is what happened,
or this is what you're going through, or this is
what's happening, instead of kind of peeling that other layer
back and listening to the other side saying just take
a rest, don't don't listen to that person over there anymore,
or don't give that person to give that person a break,
you know. And I and I put so much onto

(55:59):
myself about that that, um, it affects my relationships with
my friends, my family, my kids, you know, whatever that
may be. Yeah, we all have that voice inside of
us that's, you know, trying to help us be better,
be perfect, perform higher, better, more faster, you know. And
what I wanted to ask you was like, how do

(56:19):
I how do I shift that from listening to the
I don't know if negative is the right word to
use for that voice, but shifting from to the other voice,
you know, or or the other side of it to
help me actually steer my path, my life path through
whatever I'm trying to go through. Yeah, it's the best question.
It's universally, but we're all challenged with and I think

(56:40):
that's important for everyone to know that it's not just
some of us that have that voice. I think it
comes into our awareness when we're really little, and it's
a survival mechanism. So the shortcut, because I'm all about shortcuts,
like practical tools, right, the shortcut is really first off,
recognizing what's the psitive intention? Again, what's the good reason

(57:02):
for that little voice in you? Right? What do you
think it wants for you? Right? I feel like it
wants it wants me to do what I want to
be doing and not kind of being tied to what
somebody else wants or maybe a society thing. I don't
know if it's that big or not, but focusing on
what I want to be doing and not like what

(57:23):
I should be doing or what you know, like I
should be in a in a relationship or I shouldn't
be in a relationship, or I should be you know,
in a work situation or a non work situation, and
really listening to that other side of the voice saying, hey,
you know that this isn't right, or you know that
this is right. No, it doesn't always have to be negative,
but you know that this is right. Go do that, um.

(57:45):
And That's what I'm really struggling with in all aspects
of my life. Yeah, So if that little voice actually
wants the same thing for you that you know in
your higher self you want for you, which is freedom. Right,
I think every one of us is here to experience
at our highest level is freedom and love. And so
you're talking about also when we had our session, that

(58:06):
your highest value is happiness. You want that for your kids,
you want that for your wife, you want that for
all these guys. You know, that's what you're trying to give.
And so my question for you is is do you
think that you can have that happiness and freedom and
be successful. I definitely think I can. Um, you know,
and I think the biggest thing is for me is

(58:28):
trying to overcome that obstacle of that other side. Now
I know what is going to make me happy. I
know what how to get to that point. Um, And
I think you know, and talking to you and everybody
else is trying to, you know, to leap over those
those boundaries that are put that my I'm putting in
front of myself really trying to follow that path. Well,

(58:48):
the leap is first recognizing that that voice has a
high and positive intention for that one. First, that's what
I need to do. Yeah, and then don't fight it
because we all want to like, oh the part of myself,
you know, or like try to shut up and make
it quiet, and it will not until you direct it
towards the goal. So I think the shortcut for you then,

(59:11):
after recognizing the good reason, is going into the athlete,
the athlete in you, because that's that's probably a part
you know that really drives you in a good and
a healthy way. Like you've got this big race coming up,
you're swimming, and you identify as an athlete, and that
driving us to be congruent with who we think we

(59:31):
are is what you use. So instead of going into
the beat down and oh my god, I'm not there yet,
or oh my god, I don't feel free or I'm
not happy yet, and you know, you feel that gap
from where you are and where you want to be,
you go onto athlete mode because I think, there you
know how to be on a team, but you also
know how to be at your highest performance, right, Like,

(59:55):
tell me what it's like when you're swimming. What how
do you think does that voice even register when you're swimming?
You know, it's kind of funny, it's powerful, you know,
and there's a voice. That's that's thinking, and that's why
I actually love swimming and doing the workouts because it
allows me that kind of freedom or time to think
about a lot of things, you know, and that um,

(01:00:16):
you know, I feel like that is powerful and that's
the voice I need to continue to listen to while
I'm swimming and so or playing water polo or you know,
exercising in the gym, and and for me, it just
makes me overall feel good and strong, you know, maybe
even physically, but definitely mentally, you know, like I've just
accomplished something and that workout or I just accomplished something

(01:00:37):
in that race across Lake Tahoe, or I accomplished whatever.
And that's the part that I need to continue to
listen to and and can get me over that, you know,
get me through to tap into that more literally going
to cut and paste it. Yes, you know, there are
people who've struggled with lists or challenges in life that
you know, no one could cure. And I know one

(01:01:00):
of my teachers uses this technique to literally cut and
paste the mindset or the freedom that this person would
feel when he's surfing, and he could go from lisping
in one moment, barely able to get out a word
to putting himself on the board, feeling the ocean, feeling

(01:01:21):
the salty air, and all of a sudden he speaks,
as clear as you me, that is wild. It's a choice, right,
So that's that's the short kind. I think the other
side of it is, you know, it's getting to make
that decision to turn into the athlete or to go
down that path and to be that positive, make those
positive decisions, but to also you know, I deal with

(01:01:42):
the regret that I've left back, you know, like what
either whether it's a person or an individual or you know,
leaving somebody or something and saying, hey, that's not you know,
we didn't finish what we started. And that's the part
I have a really trouble, troubled I'm with with dealing mentally,
you know, with that of like whether it's usually it's

(01:02:03):
in like a work situation, right or you know, right, Well,
if we go back to this really resourceful side of you,
the athlete, the athlete probably won't quit when he's swimming
across like Taho, right, you won't give up. So you're
applying again that same blueprint to the job. Even though
this is a race you don't want to swim anymore,
not by myself, that's for sure. Yeah. Yeah, So again,

(01:02:26):
I think it's in that moment you think about you're
here in this lifetime to experience happiness and freedom. So
there's that athlete in you who says, and I know
what race to enter in, right, you know if this
is a race that just cutting it. I'm not going
to enter that anymore if I know I can't finish it.

(01:02:46):
Like you said, when you need to, let's say, swim
a race or run a race, you go into athlete
mode if you're going to make a leap, is what
you said. I need a certain number of things, remind you.
You said, I need answers, I need clarity. I need
to know how I'll manage. I need excitement. I need
to know who's going to drive. You need to like

(01:03:07):
know all the things. And I'm sure you mapped that
out a lot when you actually are competing, right, so
you've lined everything up to know that you can win.
So did you ever have a coach back in the
day doing all the sports? Oh yeah, I've had multiple
m very strict, like rigid coaches. I've had two very

(01:03:29):
you know blessed in high school and then in college
that were amazing coaches. I mean, but very strict, very stringent.
You know, work. It's all about working hard. And they
made you better and they made it they made me better.
They maybe you know, like powerful and you know, to
withstand the tests of either a failure or whatnot. Right,
So do you allow yourself that when it comes to

(01:03:50):
the career and to success. I don't right now, you know,
And and I need to um and I and like
we were talking about, like I map all those those
things out in my head, you know what I want
to do, but I don't put it into action. Yeah. See,
I think that's really common. I think we all understand
the need for a coach when it comes to sports.
And then somehow we adult and we go out into

(01:04:12):
the world and we're supposed to figure it all out
on our own. And there are people who actually have
walked the path before you who could say, hey, Rick,
not a race you need to run anymore, or here
are a number of things that you could do two
millimeter shift here there to make it actually enjoyable and freeing,
and so you don't have to carry this guilt or

(01:04:34):
we talked about how you had set out to deliver
like six things when you signed on for this particular gig, right,
And I feel like the other side of you know,
I look at it and I'm like, I have to
do it all myself. When I don't the realities, I
can turn to, you know, somebody else and ask them, hey,
you like and being okay with asking for that help

(01:04:56):
and saying, hey, can you help me with this? Or
you know, that person may know something better about something
you know something else, and so it's hey, do you
mind helping me in this? In this aspect? Is that
something you find universally guys struggle with. I think so, yeah,
they definitely do, you know, because it's like, well, you're
gonna need to do this myself, and you know, and
and I you know a lot of successful people and

(01:05:17):
I don't care about success all that much, but it's
it's they they have asked people along the way, you know,
and they do have those coaches, you know, whether it's
in sports or life or whatever, and mentors, And I
think that's that's something that I really need to kind
of focus on. It's the same thing You're just going
to go back to being the athlete and going, oh, yeah,
I would have asked my coach how to improve my stress.

(01:05:39):
How right, it's not an admission that you don't know something.
And I think you guys put so much pressure on
yourselves to know everything, and they just want to Actually,
we should say this out loud. They want I think
women want to ride you harder, not knowing how hard
you're riding yourself already, Like why are you work so

(01:05:59):
much and why aren't you x y Z for me
when you're really battling this part of yourself and just
trying to give, Like if you could tell your family, look,
I am here to deliver happiness. I am the happiness
delivery man. That is what I'm going for every day.

(01:06:20):
I know that if you're trying to give that to others,
you have to give it to yourself Otherwise it comes outsideways.
It doesn't work. And I'm the first to admit I
mean I solo preneuring. You know. I thought I could
do it all on my own, and it took a
long time to realize that that is just no strategy. Yeah,
if I'm here to deliver joy in the same way

(01:06:41):
that you're here to deliver happiness, I gotta be like
feeling it right, you know, so that when you're just
around me, you get it. And I think that's the
other thing is like there are days where I feel incredible,
and whether it's a whether it's something positive happened at
work or at home or with you know, or even
working outside of it. You know, I always kind of

(01:07:02):
revert back to physical working side, working outside of it,
like Okay, I'm gonna now get back on track and
I'm gonna go swim and that's gonna make me feel good.
And it does make me feel good. But it's like
if I don't, there are days where I do. It's
it's the days that that feeling isn't there. How do
I deal with it and my coping it with something
else in my you know, how do I jump out
of that feeling that day and being Mr Happiness? Yeah

(01:07:26):
that's the yes. I mean, how long have you practice
swimming forever? Yeah? You're going to be doing this for
It's a choice in any given moment. And I think
it's about defying our culture. Really. I think our culture
has taught us ever since you know, the Industrial Revolution
or somewhere around there, that it was just work harder, faster,
and more correct. You know, like we're all still machines

(01:07:49):
when we get into business mode. And I think there's
a new moment, a new way where we need to
access more of our heart, We need to access more
of our creative ativity and you know, our intuition and
some of these skills that are beyond just producing results.
We need human skills, we need e Q all of

(01:08:10):
that and that comes from you feeling like a well,
happy man, correct and that. I feel like if you
get to that point, you that trickles down to everything else, people, environment,
whatever you're you know you're trying to get to. But yeah,
I think it's amazing. Yeah, I think it's the the strategy.
I think it's the strategy for being a greater partner,

(01:08:32):
It's the strategy for being a greater dad, for being
greater at your work. Is if you know, we all
know those great leaders that show up who just have
that calm to them, they're satiated. You know, we've got
to say no more machine. And I know Ryan loves
working hard. We talked to him. I don't think we're
going to take that away from him, but maybe you can. Yeah,

(01:08:56):
let's see the role model for Ryan. Yeah, it, thank
you so much. I have a question for you, Shury,
just on what you just mentioned because and I think
a lot of listeners can resonate with this. Certainly I do,
and I think these guys will as well. To be
successful in what every industry or career you are in,

(01:09:20):
there has to be something about you that is extremely driven. H.
So there is an innate personality in you that has
allowed you to succeed to the level and the degree
and elevate above others uh currently in your life. Now,
how do you balance how how can somebody with that

(01:09:43):
engine also balance it with dialing back a little bit
because it's innate in them and it's a it's been
a blessing in their life to allow them to succeed.
But how do we then put the governor on that
and back off the full speed or full throttle and
back off some of this dressed like Ryan's talking about
her some of the having the draw job control me,

(01:10:03):
like Rick's talking about, like how do we how do
we have that engine and also have control to bring
it back? Yeah, that's the best question. And I get
that all the time from leaders at Google and Nike
and YouTube and I mean, really a high powered, high paced.
If I pull back on the throttle, someone else is
going to take my job, passed me by. Yeah, but

(01:10:25):
I'll give you the perfect metaphor. It's super simple. Phil Edwards,
one of the world's greatest surfers, said, the best surfer
out there is the one having the most fun. And
you go out to surf the waves. Nobody a goes
out for a bad time. Be you're cool. When there
are no waves, you wait, you hang out, talk to
your buddies, you wait. You enjoy being in the water,

(01:10:46):
being out there. And then when the waves come, even
when you get thrown down into the rip, you're there
for that. You you go at it with everything you've got,
no matter what's being presented to you, because you want
to have fun, because you're hungry for the fun. Right. So,

(01:11:06):
I think if you have that mindset, that maybe there's
a new way upon us. Maybe the old way, the
industrial era taught us you have to do more, harder, faster, grind,
be stressed. That's what it looks like to work hard.
A lot of us were raised that way. Maybe we
question that and say, actually, when we're relaxed, we have

(01:11:28):
access to our prefrontal cortex. We have access to our heart.
We can actually be a channel. We can listen to
our own intuition. We have access to way more than
just the machine appear. They talk about it with sprinters too,
Like you ever watch a hundred meter dash in the Olympics.
They zoom in on sprinters faces and are their cheeks bouncing?

(01:11:50):
You guys ever see this? Are their cheeks bouncing while
they're running. So they're running the fastest race on earth
with full exertion, yet to be fully relaxed so that
your cheeks are actually bouncing. It seems like a contradiction,
but it's a state of flow. It's it's really like
gave as an artist, you know, when you're in a
state of flow, like or as a TV exact like,

(01:12:11):
things are just coming and you aren't thinking they're just
you are innately in it and reacting. As an athlete
the same thing, to find that balance between super intensity
but absolutely relaxed. And I think that's presence what you're
talking about, fully presence. Sometimes it's not about faster. Yeah,
it's just fun, like really how much fun? And just

(01:12:32):
when I was here and you Talkedmitri something, my wife
and I always talked about is when we go on
on a vacation, we might have one day that's like
a paramount amazing, my god, We're gonna do something incredible today,
so it's bungee jumping, and the next day is just
sitting by the pool. I challenge her. I'm like, Okay,
just because we did something incredible yesterday, we have to
make today better. I want today to be better. I

(01:12:53):
don't want each day of my life to be worse
than the day before. My challenge in my life is
to make my life better. Everything good day. And I
say that to people every day, the best day of
my life today. But like when you're on your relationship
with your on your vacation with your family, yeah, I
think if you're thinking how can I have the most
fun today would sort of help subside the oh my god,

(01:13:15):
this is ending in three days, you know, and I'm
sure you do it, like I know you. I'm sure
you do it. But maybe being more mindful of even
just saying that, like I just want to have the
best time ever today and I'll think about tomorrow when
tomorrow comes. I think, Yeah, what you brought up about
flow is everything. And in the flow state. We feel
fully alive. I think we could all agree that that's

(01:13:36):
what we want, you know, the fully alive feeling of
like that full enjoyment, and that means like maybe you're better,
better better. It's just, oh my god, how can I
so taste this flavor? Because this flavor being by the
pool is very different than bungie. I have a sort
of a governing question in in my life is how
can I give everything to this? Yeah, is sort of

(01:13:59):
how I if I'm on the phone with somebody, how
can I give everything to this phone call? If I'm
on this doing this podcast, how can I give everything?
And it kind of keeps you present because I'm not.
That's why I have to this on the end of
that question, because it's not that it's not the next thing.
So you know, if you're doing a concert, how can

(01:14:19):
I give everything? Or a game just tonight, I know
we got eighty two game season, but just tonight, you know,
and then a conversation on the phone or going to
a meal with friends or something. It's really in my
life to help me keeping present, just reminding myself, how
can I give everything I have to this? I so
experience that with you like the whole entire time I've
been with you today. That's that's exactly you have that

(01:14:42):
presence we're talking about. I think I got it because
I didn't have it. I had some of the same
things as as Dmitri, like, oh my god, I'm five
years into my career. My career is how much long
am I going to play? You? No? I only have
X amount of time to win, an x amount of
time to make money, you know, like an athlete has
an earning potential, right, Like I think I had to
develop that, right. So you just mentioned Brooks giving everything

(01:15:05):
you have into anything you do, a phone call being
an example. So, Shari, the question I have for you
is Brooks has proven to be a serial facetimer. He
refuses to have normal phone calls and only FaceTime. So
when you had your pre interview, did you guys FaceTime
or did you talk like normal civilized human beings normal
human we call connected us. Oh nice, So it's on Amy,

(01:15:31):
But did you know there's three way FaceTime? You could
face time and and pastor. And I think the problem.
The problem is Brooks is very handsome, so that is
giving his best is by doing face. My question to
wrap things up and again the vibe I'm getting from
the three of you, and really we put the three
of you in the hot seat, is this go go

(01:15:52):
more more do do? And what I'm wondering from Gavin
Brooks Shari, if we all slow down a bit, do
we actually accomplish more? Because I'm certain we do. Like
I feel that that when you like, for example, when
you're trying to be creative, you can't be creative when
you have forty seven emails and the phone's ringing into

(01:16:13):
this and people are talking to you. You have to
like go somewhere else or be quiet. So would it
help these three to just slow down and relax? I
will say what you whispered into my ear to a
minute ago, Is this this like a difference between men
and women? And I will say no. With all the
work I've been doing with men, the very first thing

(01:16:34):
that I take them through is slowing down and getting
into your body so that you can actually feel and
then do anything well. And I think that's what I'm
constantly talking about as a soul pace, right, the pace
at which you are most connected to yourself and others.
And it's different for everybody, Like I think Ryan it
might be that you just super enjoy the hustle. And

(01:16:57):
it's not to say that that's wrong, it's only like
it cost you and are you okay with the cost?
And I think that the slowing down is really the
ultimate performance hack. And our world is going way too fast.
We all know it. To your point, Amy, yes, I
would something that I've been very aware of in my

(01:17:22):
life and I'm working on is and I hope this
maybe can resonate with you Ryan. Less projects, bigger ones,
less decisions, bigger ones are just I'm because I came
out of hockey world. Is my oyster opportunities. I want
to do. This could pulled this way that way. I
want to try dabble in this because now I have

(01:17:43):
time to explore thoughts that I've had for thirty five
years that I could never allocate resources to before. So
it's I'm kicking tires everywhere and I've found it's been
exhausting and I'm not getting real true fulfillment and purpose
in my life. And so I've tried to move some
stuff aside and say no to stuff and do less,

(01:18:04):
less projects, bigger ones, And I hope this podcast turns
into a big thing That's why I'm hearing Amy quite
often tart like investing in it because I want this
to be a powerful platform um and less decisions but bigger,
more meaningful ones. Does that resonate at all? Yeah? Great,

(01:18:24):
You're great bro. Now, mad I like the hell out
of you. Do you like him? I mean you have
to look at him? I mean you just got it.
I feel I feel like you. I feel like you're
I feel like you have so much figured out life wise.
I feel like I feel like you're on a real

(01:18:45):
path for true satisfaction in your life. It's unusual to
see can you give me a thank you? I appreciate
that You're very welcome. You won't make you wanted. I
think Ryan did and clinch his teeth during that. So
we're making progress. Jealous, could I ask you? Is because

(01:19:09):
I'm very happy, I'm very fulfilled and like, I love
my life. That being said, I love to learn and
grow and challenge and there's so much that I don't know.
But like what what specifically in my life in the
time that we've known each other leads you to say
that your openness to discuss your feelings. Is there a

(01:19:31):
true rarity amongst men in my opinion, a lot of
male friendships are much more on the surface. In my opinion,
you know, it's not such an expose into someone's desired
path in life. And and like to listen do you
speak about and actually to listen to a lot of

(01:19:52):
you guys speak about the things that you want to
improve in your lives and admitting certain things better lives.
I've never been around a group like this in my
whole life where guys spoke like this to each other,
you know, to just talk about the game, talk about
the bar and uh, you know, talk about your your
your crazy uh parts of your life. Never about the

(01:20:16):
things you wanted to improve as much about your life
and your dreams and things like that. And Sarah actually
really refreshing appreciate it, man, I think it's honestly, I
think it's because of one trade. I think I'm very
curious why you're holding my hand. Before that was a
pure lie. Don't lie to the people. But I think
I'm very curious. I think I'm I think for me,

(01:20:39):
personal development and personal growth have always been paramount. It's
led me to chase my dreams, it's led me to
try new opportunities like this, podcast. It leads to new friendships,
it leads to uh, discovering so many new things. Uh.
And I think I'm just I'm the same as you, Ryan.
I'm absolutely curious of maximum potential. I love driving the

(01:21:04):
tip of the sword, like what are humans capable of?
I love that in athletics for myself, I also love it,
and just in athletics in general, what's the human body
capable for of? But also spiritually mentally, Um, how can
we transcend time? Something I'm trying to do is to
try and do in a week what others would do
in a month, And so that's I can't. We can

(01:21:25):
all only work so hard. So I need to apply
intelligence in different ways. And um, I don't know. I'm
just constantly a student of life. You are too. I
love I love listening. I love I love our panel
like I love listening to you guys. I come in here,
and I've said it on many of the interviews. This
is a sharing platform. But as much as it is sharing,
I learned four times five times as much as I

(01:21:47):
ever share in here. So this is coming into a
classroom really a study of the world and interesting education.
We have terrific guests like Shari that comes on for
us to help us out. So for the listeners, I
hope it's so we try and share what we can,
but also for us, I mean thank you. It's a
learning platform. You gentlemen opening up those are issues that

(01:22:08):
are near and dear to your heart and sharing them
vulnerably with our audience is incredible. Mmm. Um. For our listeners,
where can because you are exceptional, you touched us all
today street, where can they find you? Uh? Should anybody
want to reach out to you? And they should? Where's
the best place to contact you? Thank you? Guys. I
just want to say the world needs more men like you.

(01:22:30):
It's been such an honor to be with you all. Um.
I'm at Shari Healy dot com. Yeah c H E
R I E H E A L E Y and
easily easily found on Instagram for the Luminaries The Luminaries
Luminaries Instagram dot com. Yeah. Well, thank you so much

(01:22:52):
for being here with us. And to put a bookend
on a bow on this episode, we will be putting
a picture of Rick and a speedo up on a
Man Think podcast on Instagram and that and that is
our definition of success. That's it for this episode group
therapy around one. I'm sure we're gonna do more of those. Uh.

(01:23:14):
That was a lot of fun though. Thank you guys
for listening. As always, if you have any questions or comments,
reach out to us please and take care of one another.
This is for you, Danielle. Love one another and we'll
see you guys right here next week. Bang. Hey guys,
it's Brooks and one last thing before we let you go.
If you like today's episode, we would love to get
a five star review from you on iTunes and if

(01:23:36):
you could possibly share it with a friend, that would
be amazing as well. We always look forward to your questions, comments,
or insights, so you can send us an email at
men at I heart radio dot com and also follow
along with us on Instagram at how Men Think Podcast

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