December 1, 2020 • 39 mins
We've had doctors, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, life coaches, celebrities, women and men of all ages, every expert we could find to try to get inside the mind of a man.
Today we learn from the best of the best.
He drives a sleigh, slides down the chimney, loves milk and cookies and today he's coming to us LIVE from the North Pole.
Santa Claus is here. Ho Ho Ho Men Think!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is How Men Think with Brooks like and Gavin
to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Okay, well, welcome
to another episode of How Men Think. This is Dmitri
and I am. I'm flying solo today and I don't
know if that has to do with our special guests
or not. Our special guest today is Santa Claus. And
(00:23):
the only assumption I can make as to why I'm
here alone is that everybody else is either on the
naughty list or aware that they have done something and
they're afraid to be on a zoom with with Santa Claus.
But myself, I am thrilled. I love Christmas. I've always
loved Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. The lead
up to it is phenomenal with the decorations and the
(00:46):
music and the excitement and anticipation. Um, it's always been
you know, it's always been something for me that has
has carried me through the year. Um, it's been you know,
I had some some ever since I was a kid.
It's something I would look forward to. And obviously I
think we all get a little sad when the holiday passes,
and I think that's that's just goes to you know
(01:10):
why it's so important and how important it is to us. Um,
it's just so, I'm actually, why don't I Why don't
I bring Santa and now and I'll kind of explain
a little bit of of what Christmas is to me.
But I'm thrilled to introduce here. A man here needs
no introduction. Santa Claus. Oh why everyone? How are you? Oh?
(01:32):
You're all looking good. This is fantastic. I have to
tell you, Santa, I am actually uh like a closet
in my house right now because I have four children,
and if they were to walk by and see me
on a zoom with Santa Claus, I think the whole
place would just explode. So I'm hunker down. I understand completely. Yeah,
(01:57):
But what I'm am gonna do, if it's okay with you,
I'm gonna take a screenshot of you and I chatting,
and then I'm gonna hold it over their heads for later,
and I'm gonna tell them that that you and I
get together and shout about their behavior every once in
a while. I forgot to use it to my advantage. Um, well,
I gotta tell you it's Christmas, Like I was saying
(02:18):
just a minute a moment ago, Christmas is my favorite
time of year. It's obviously with everything that's going on
is here, it's been a bit more of a of
a challenge, but from my perspective, I've welcomed it more.
And um, you know, I'm trying to keep things normal
for the kids here at home because they're obviously remote learning.
They're they're doing school at home, and Christmas is a
(02:39):
very social time. So normally you go to people's houses,
you might uh, you know, go bake cookies with a
friend or something like that, and that's kind of about
the window this year. So we've been trying to do
some some different things here. My daughter, actually my oldest
daughter made a movie advent calendar, so every day we
pop open the thing and there's a smith movie, a
(03:00):
holiday movie that we that that we're gonna watch that night.
So a lot of screens. But what are you gonna do? Good? Yeah,
And they've been making a lot of Christmas cookies, which
which is nice. I hope to leave something for you
for when you visit, but right now I'm I'm taking
them down two at a time. You'd better leave some
for me. Um, I will say, though, there's it. I
(03:24):
was cleaning up flower every day in the kitchen, and
then I decided to just leave it. And now it's
just like a Winter Wonderland theme. That's just you know,
white dusting all over the floors and everything. So you
should see the kitchen here, I bet can I Yeah,
I love to. I watched The Polar Express the other
day for the first time. That always kind of creeped
(03:46):
me out a little bit because the animation. But man,
they made the North Pole look fantastic. It is fantastic.
Look around. Yeah, if that's a true invitation, I'll come
up and visit. Come on up. Um. Okay, well, so
I don't So what we have here is we've compiled
a list of questions that people want to know from
(04:07):
Santa Claus, from our listeners. And I want to preface
this by saying that these aren't from me, So I
want you to remember these are from other people because
some of them, you know, I assume Santa doesn't get offended.
But there's some questions here and there. I've been around
for quite a while. Okay, good, Yes, that's a matter
(04:28):
of fact, you've have right, Um. Okay, so let's let's
let's dive into some of these here. Um, let's start
at the top. So this one's a simple, it's a
saftball one. What is your favorite the favorite Christmas gift
you have ever received or given someone? Oh, the favorite gift.
I think a couple of years ago I got one
(04:49):
of those air popping popcorn machines and at first I
kind of thought, what's this? And actually I use it
all the time. It's been a wonderful gift. Oh, very nice.
Santa likes popcorn or Okay, now do you so? A
(05:09):
lot of people kind of obviously dress up as you
and and mimic you and portray you in different scenarios,
whether it be for her photo opportunity or you know,
something like that. Do you ever get offended or you know,
insulted by by other other Santas? Oh, not at all,
not at all. I've got ambassadors all around the world
(05:30):
and I can't be everywhere once, so I need help
and I'm happy to have everybody helping me out. It's
a big job, but I want everybody to do a
good job, all right, you know, you know none of that. Well,
I gotta tell you I'm drinking out of my uh
my reindeer monkey here, But it's just apple juice, So
don't worry about that. Sure, it's my Marty Moose monk.
(05:56):
Did you ever see Christmas Vacation? Oh, I've seen a
few Chris His movies. Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
Well that is one of the questions here. What is
your favorite Christmas or Holiday movie? Well? I kind of
like some of the old fashioned ones like Miracle on
thirty four Street and some of those I really enjoy
and I think that's what Mrs Claus likes as well.
(06:18):
Some of the newer ones are a lot of fun.
And I wish the North Pole were that glamorous but
pretty played around here. We have a bunch of reindeer
and elves running around and stables and barns. But it's
a beautiful place, but not quite as glamorous and some
of those movies. Yeah, I love that. Who would you say?
(06:39):
This is actually another question is nice segue. Who would
you say is did the best job portraying you in
a movie? Oh? Who's that Russell character? There? He did
a wonderful job. But his beard is not wide enough.
Kurt Russell? Is that the Christmas Chronicles? That's the guy
right there? Sure he's just skinny though, he needs to
fatten up a bit. Well that is quite a that's
(07:01):
quite some high praise though from from Santa Claus. Um.
Now here's here's a question. Do you do you ever
really give people? Listen? I know you're nice and you're
you know you're treat everyone is saying, But there's this
myth about you given coal to people that were naughty?
Have you ever given cole or have you ever just
given like a relation gift to some of it you
(07:23):
weren't part in my mouth? Well, this is the kind
of coal I give right here. And you don't want
to get this, let me not at all. We want
everybody to stay on the nice list, and I have.
I'm guilty. You know one time this this kid just
was not behaving and I gave him a chia pet.
(07:46):
I think that that made me worse than coal. Oh
it's horrible. Because the kids want iPhones and they want
skateboards and all this wonderful stuff in here, I give
them a g No no offense to the GIA company. O, no,
of course, no, no offense to the coal industry. I
assume as well. Santa loves everyone. Um, here's something, here's
(08:10):
something interesting. My wife wants something sexy for Christmas? What
do you recommend? Again, these are from our listeners. Oh,
I got I had got a great idea. Okay, look
this is my mask right here. Okay, look is that
sexy Santa? For those of you that that are listening,
(08:32):
I can't see Santa. Just Santa just took his face mask.
It was very nice Christmas themed plaid mask. But then
he turned it um from horizontal to vertical. I'm not
sure how that would stay on Santa. But uh, that's okay.
But I was trying to figure out it's okay. Well,
I'm officially uncomfortable. Here's something someone says, I would like
(08:59):
to suck up to my boss and win some points.
What is the best gift to give your boss? Oh?
I think probably the best thing you could do is
find out what kind of sports he likes and give
him some ballgame tickets or something like that. Here, you're
going to score big points right there. That's very nice.
That's a good Uh, it's good thinking. Obviously, when when
(09:21):
sports fully come back, I love that idea. Now I
just have to try and become someone's boss so I
can get some sports tickets, which will that's not that's
not gonna happen anytime soon. Um. Now, Santa, do you
have any kids? This is a question from the listeners. Oh,
I've got kids all over the world, millions of kids.
(09:43):
I treat all the children of the world as if
they were my own. That's funny because there's a follow
up question and they say, I don't really like other
people's kids. How do you do it? Well, it's simple
for me because I'm only around the kids in a
very short period of time in December. So it's easy
because I get to go home. But the barrage, you're ducky.
(10:09):
That's an excellent point, and you know what to Even further,
bedtime is one of the hardest times of being a parent,
trying to get the kids because sleep. You come in
after they're asleep. That's right, quite an advantage. Okay, So
someone else wrote it's tough this year, and frankly, I
(10:32):
don't want to be near anyone in my family. I'm
sick of them. How can I get into the Christmas spirit? Eggnog? Uh,
regular nag regular? That a lot of sugar. They'll be careful. Okay,
So sad, I think put on some Christmas music and
(10:53):
maybe put up a few lights here and there and
and doing the radio, end all those Christmas songs, and
you'll get the Christmas spirit. Yeah, that's that's true. It's
it's it's very uh, it really kind of it kind
of takes you over and you can't help it but
feel in a good mood when you hear the music
and see the lights and stuff like that. Wonderful day
(11:14):
and if worse comes to worse. There's that line from
Christmas Vacation, which was he has Clark says, Dad, all
those years, how did you do it? There's a lot
of I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.
That's true. I keep throwing out Christmas Vacation. I once
watched Christmas Vacation every day between Thanksgiving and Christmas, once
(11:34):
a day every day. I don't know if I'm bragging
or if i'm you know, confessing. And I know what
you're thinking. How can someone so popular with so many
friends watch that movie every day? And the answer is
they can't. I don't have I'm not that popular. I
don't have a lot of friends. But I did watch
that movie. So I may throw out lines here and there. Um,
So here's another question for you. How do I tell
(11:59):
my partner nice sleep that I do not like my gift. Oh,
that's a tough one. That's a trap, right there. Be careful. Well,
if you really want to tell me you don't like
the gift, you could always take it through the window,
open up the window and throw it out the window.
But go over very well. No, I think that's the yeah,
(12:20):
the nicely part that probably goes out the window as well.
You should always accept a gift graciously. Now, you can
always read gift. Remember, you can always wrap it up.
Just make sure that it doesn't get back to the
person that sent it. All right, So Santa is okay
with a gift? Santa? Huh do you read gift? Oh no, no, no, no, no,
(12:42):
no no no. We don't be gift up here at
the North Well, no no, no, everything's made new every year.
We keep busy up here. There's no way to return it.
Where are you gonna do? Bring it all the way
back to the north bowle here's actually, here's a question
for someone and actually this rings true my home too,
But it's actually vice versa. But this says, actually it's
(13:04):
not vice versa. So it says my husband always wants
to decorate before Thanksgiving, but my entire life, it's been
traditioned to always wait until after. This year was tougher,
tougher discussion because of all that's going on. What's your stance?
Should people decorate before Thanksgiving or wait till the day after? Oh? Well,
I think you should eat the birds first. I'm one
(13:26):
of those camps. So some Christmas music here there is, okay,
but you know, eat the birds first, get that taken
care of, and then you can die, right And you know,
traditionally the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is a little
slow anyway, so there's time to decorate. M hm. Okay,
Well that's that backfired because I'm actually the one that
(13:48):
wanted to decorate before Thanksgiving. You know, maybe we'll just
cut that out and I don't won't have my Why
don't you just leave those give those lights up all
year round? Exactly? Is that? What you do? Is the
North Pole Christmas all year round? O? You know what
we do and this is this was my idea and
not Mrs Clau's idea. What we do. The entryway to
(14:11):
the house is beautiful, it's all decorated up, and we
leave it all real Christmas e. Right, So when guests
come in, you know, they come into the house and
they see Christmas going on, and usually that scares him
and they run the other direction. What that's it said?
What guests are you having at the North Pole? What
guests you said? You have guests to come by during
(14:31):
the year. That's exciting. Get a lot of guests up
there if they can find it. You know, you need
a really good compass to find the North Pole. You know,
just keep going up there where the arrow says, keep
going north, Just keep going north. Most people don't get
all the way up there because it's quite far. It's
not an easy trip. But the people that do make
it have a wonderful time. It's beautiful up here, absolutely beautiful.
(14:54):
A little chilly, but beautiful, very nice. Okay, so this
one gets a little up. I don't know if you
want to sip a night before this. But my wife,
again this is from someone else. I'm just I'm just
a messenger. My wife gets super turned on during Christmas,
especially Christmas Eve. Do you know why that is? And
(15:16):
also is that weird for you to hear? Well, whatever
I can tell about you're laughing awkward? Well, you know,
it's the ambiance of all the holidays. It's it's the
lights and and you know, the whole magical part of
(15:36):
Christmas that want to be special, you know. So this
is a really good time to treat your loved ones
with kindness. And uh go in and give your wife
a little smooth and and and you know, take time
for yourselves. You know you've got all those kids running around.
They keep you busy, you know, so remember both the
door and have a little bit of fun with the
(15:56):
with the mussiness, and give her a big old kiss.
Remember saying I love you doesn't hurt you one bit.
Oh that's very nice. What's the most romantic I'm going
off the cuff here just because you I didn't realize
the recessor romantic. What's the most romantic thing you've ever
done for Mrs Claus? Oh? Well, one time, you know,
I think it was Valentine's and I did the whole
(16:17):
thing with the rose pedals leading down the hall through
the bedroom, and I put a little chocolate on the
pillow and then one of the ls eight the chocolate.
It didn't quite work, but the idea was there, and
I really tried. I'm not great at all that sort
of stuff. But I tried, and Mrs Claus appreciates that.
(16:39):
You know. I think when you're with someone as long
as I've been with Mrs Claus, you know, just being
kind to one another and and all the other stuff
sort of works itself out very nice. Remember, I'll give
you a little secret. I'll give you a little secret.
It's always yes, dear, Yes, yes, that's the part I
keep forgetting. Oh well, listen, and you better relearning, you
(17:01):
young kids. You know. I gotta thank you young guys
how to do things. I'm not that young, but thank you. Well.
I guess nobody knows how old you are, so and
I won't go there, we won't ask that question. But
I like your I like your advice to the rose
petals and a little mistletoe in the bedroom. Huh oh, yeah,
that works. Just the fact that you remembered works. Um,
(17:27):
How did you know Mrs Claus was the one? Well,
that's an interesting interesting story. We were at an Iditarod
race and this was a long long time ago, and
she came around the corner with that team pulling pulling
this leigh and she was cracking that whip. And I
said that's the one for me. Oh, it's just a beauty.
(17:51):
She kind of had this beautiful red outfit on. It
was cooking like about to hear and oh boy, that
did it for me. Okay, like a bull you saw
red and that was right? You have that right? There
was no at that point. Now, okay, here's another question. Um,
(18:13):
does Mrs Claus like her alone time on Christmas Eve?
When you're out all night? Does she miss you? And
does she consider it like a boy's night out where
like next week she gets a night out where you
have to stay home and she gets to do what
she wants. She's practically pushes me out the door. She
can't wait till I'm out of there. But I will
(18:35):
tell you one thing. She's really good at hiding everything,
all the evidence and tending up before I get home.
So I don't really know what goes on when I'm gone.
Oh you might need to get one of those, uh
give yourself one of those ring cameras or a nanny
camera or something. That's an idea. I'll probably be shocked. Okay,
(18:57):
So here's one. It says my husband doesn't help decorate
the house. I have to basically beg him to decorate
the tree. But shouldn't he want to do it. Shouldn't
that be something that he wants to do together with me. Well,
I'll be careful here, because you know, decorating and all
that sort of stuff doesn't really become natural for a
(19:19):
lot of man you know, some yea, some some that's fine,
you know, but but most of us, it's not what
we really like to do. It's not what we're best at.
So uh, you know, just help out where you can
and and the rest of it. I'm telling you you
stay out of the way. Interject too much advice. I've
(19:40):
learned that the hard way. Don't say to move that
over that way a little. That's a trap. Be careful,
stay out of it. Your best to stay out of
all of it. Man, Santa, I knew you were the
expert on presents and giving and the spirit of Christmas.
I guess I didn't really know that you had such
great relationship advice. Oh all right, how do you think
(20:01):
guys getting married so long? That's a good point. So here,
actually here's a question for you, and this, I guess
this is a personal feeling for you that they don't
want to sult you. But I want to break up
with my boyfriend? Would you prefer I wait until after Christmas? Oh?
I would? I would? Yes, nobody needs all that extra
(20:21):
drama right at the holidays. Just wait. You know, a
couple more weeks isn't gonna kill you. You just wait.
It will make everybody's holiday a lot happier for sure. Okay, Well,
let's that's good advice. I guess. Yeah, as long as
they they you know, they're together anyway, might as well
just enjoy the holiday. I don't know at the moment,
I'm kind of torn on that one, because then you're
(20:42):
going through the motions. But listen, who am I to
argue your Santa claus Um? Okay, let me see here.
It says, how do I get my husband to get
what I really want as a gift this year? And
he tips? Anyway? That does Mrs Ods drop hints for you? Oh?
(21:02):
Does she drop hands? Let me tell you? Have you
ever seen a brick coming at you? Thankfully? No? Well,
you know what she does, and I think she thinks
she's being clever, but I've caught onto her. She gets
all these magazines you see, and all these catalogs in
the mail, and what she does is she kind of
folds over the paper, you know, it's called dog eared,
(21:25):
and she kind of folds it over to the page
where she wants, you know, and then she leaves those
in next to the commode. I can get the idea.
It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Okay.
The next question here is, uh, so they're very impressed
(21:45):
with how organized you are, obviously keeping all the kids
in the world and adults, uh, you know, organized, and
they want to know what's what's a little tip that
they can give their husband odds to how to stay
more organized or how to be a little more organized organized.
You think it's organized around here, it's the elves. Oh,
(22:07):
it's mostly chaos. Okay, well that's good. That's that's the elves.
They keep me in line, and you know the hardest
thing for me to do. You know, sometimes I'll pick
up a tool to make a toy and I'll set
it down and I completely forgot where I set it down.
So it's best if you can remember to put it
back exactly where you found it. That way, it'll always
(22:28):
be there. But when you have so many elves running
around here and everybody's sharing tools again, it gets a
little crazy, especially this time of the year. We're racing
against the clock. Okay, well that's kind of a win
for for unorganized guys out there, Santa said. Listen, he's
not organized either, so yes, yes, you just back off.
Let's get the job done. Worry about the organization later on.
(22:52):
Here's an interesting one. If you could change one thing
about Christmas and the holiday season, what would it be? Oh,
I think, oh, let's see, probably not to do Christmas
commercials in July. I think that, you know, hold off
a little bit. You know, when you're in California, so
(23:13):
you know, when it's a hundred degrees outside and you
go inside and you see a commercial for Christmas stuff
in the middle of summer, then work, wait a little
let it get a little cooler, at least let the
leaves fall off the trees before you start talking about Christmas.
That's a good point, because listen, Christmas especial because it's
(23:33):
that time of year, right, But if you stretch it out,
it's gonna get You're gonna water it down. That's right,
You've got it right there in a nutshell. This is
interesting because you they want to know. Basically, most people
get tired of their jobs like that. There's a day
when they want to call in sick. I don't want
to go in. Now you technically, I guess you were
(23:54):
fully work one night a year. So maybe this isn't
the case. But has there ever been? I wish I
only work here? Why? Who are you kidding? Now? I
haven't selted Santa. Oh boy, let me tell you. You
come on up here to the north Bowle. You try
to follow me around for one day, you won't be
able to keep up. Look these are these are from listeners, Santa.
(24:16):
That wasn't me. Okay, I'll let that one slide. Yeah.
The last thing I need is a cheap Oh that's right, Listen,
I'm running out of them. Oh. Really a lot of
bad people out there. You have no idea. What would
you say the ratio? How many? How many people would
you say the percentage of people are are naughty? Well,
(24:38):
you know, especially with the kids, we don't really have
any naughty kids. We just have kids. They're good kids,
but they have some issues that they need to work on. Everybody,
all the kids are wonderful. Okay, They're just all really wonderful. So,
like I said, have a few bad habits, and we
have two as adults. Remind them, you know, what those
(24:59):
bad habits are and to get back on the nice list.
You see, that's how it's. Kids just need encouragement and
they need you know, you need to give them good
examples and and that's really what's important. Give the kids
some positive examples and and and the best way to
show kids about how things work is to is to
(25:20):
show them, you know, learn by doing. And if you
said a good example, the kids will pick up on that.
Trust me, the kids are not stupid. There' smart. Wow, Santa,
that was that was very well said. And not not
that I should sound surprised because after all your Santa Claus,
but that was very well said. There are no naughty kids,
(25:41):
They're just have some habits and we have to lead
by example. I love that. That's very nice. Um, but
what about no adults. Well that's a different story. Yeah,
I don't think we have time for the answer on
that one. On your show. Is there anything that is
there like a bar for for naughty? It's like you
would say, you know what, that's it. That's this is
(26:02):
the one thing that I want that that well, I'm
sort of I'm sort of old fact. And you know
I'm I'm old school, so a lot more gets by
these days than than I would like to think. But
you know, each his own very nice. Okay, Um, this
one's um again. It could be uncomfortable, maybe not. It
(26:24):
says my wife put a baby on her Christmas list,
and I just wanted to know if that falls on
you or me. I just don't want to double up
and end up with two. Oh no, you don't. Hey,
I know what you should do. I've got an idea.
You know what you do. You get your car and
you drive down to the town center, okay, and they
(26:44):
always have an activity scene down there, right. I don't
know where. I don't know where this is going, but
go ahead for at night where nobody's can see, and
make sure there's new cameras turned on. Okay, and you
swipe the little baby right out of an activity scene
to bring that home, wouldn't that be Well she'll get
the answer on that one, Santa. We are officially off
(27:07):
the rails. You just told someone to go down and
steal the baby. Jesus. Oh no, No, that was just
just thought that went through my head for one moment.
That's all, okay, all right, we'll let we'll let that
one slide after all of you. Our Santa clause is
really the ultimate judgment comes to you. So that's fine. Um,
(27:29):
this one isn't such a question as it seems more
of a confession. Um. It says I once left you
falla shaped cookies as a joke, and I'd like to
apologize that was immature with me that right? That was?
Do you remember the number one? Do you accept their apology? Oh?
Sure I do. We all make mistakes. Some people just
(27:49):
want to have a little bit of fun. That's all,
no harm, no foul. What's the spinoff of that? What's
the worst thing? So what do you like? Like? Obviously
people leave you cookies at right now? When I was little,
my dad told me we were making cookies, and my
dad told my siblings and I that Santa might enjoy
a little wine and cheese. So what is it that?
(28:12):
What's your favorite thing to get? And what is something
you particularly don't care to be left? Well, wine and cheese.
You gotta be careful, remember I have to drive that sleigh.
That's not a good idea to mix those. Well, I
don't know. I enjoyed cookies pretty much. I do like brownies.
Brownies are good, and fudge is good, and uh, you know,
(28:34):
some Jesus graggers are fine. I need that to anything.
You lead me off, listen. If I don't like it,
I'll leave it behind or I'll feed it to the rain.
Here alright, I love it. I love the honesty of
Santa Claus. Do you ever feel you seem pretty laid back?
(28:59):
But do you ever feel stressed or anxious? Darting? Hold
you ever feeling? A lot of these Christmas movies portray
you was like, oh my god, Christmas might get canceled.
Oh we're not gonna make it any time. Is it
really that chaotic? Or are you pretty? Uh? Well? Most
of the year, I'm pretty laid back, you know, but
I've got a real tight schedule right when we're right
down to the wire, and I just want to make
(29:20):
sure everything goes smooth. And you know, it's like it's
like when the kids ask me, Sanna, you know, how
do I get good at doing this? Or how do
I get better at doing that? Or how can I
win the big game? You know, it all comes down
to practice. And I've been doing this for a long time,
so I'm getting pretty good at it. But anything. It's
like anything with with music or with sports or anything. Man,
(29:41):
if you practice, and you know, you really put your
nose to the grindstone, you can accomplish anything, even traveling
around the world and one night you know it takes practice.
You know that that came from years and years of
hard work, and that's the way to do it. So
that's what we want to teach the kids. Don't give up.
And if you don't make it to first time, well
you get back up and you try a little bit
(30:03):
harder next time and and eventually you'll get it. Persistence,
persistent Santa, you're a very inspirery Um. Okay, so what
about I guess the question here that they're asking is
about in laws and presence, Like, what's the idea on
(30:27):
on presence for your in laws? Say they don't specify
whether they get along with their in laws or don't,
but what's the what's the safe way to go with
that because obviously there could be a lot of tension
between in laws and that's right where let me give
you a little secret. It doesn't always go smoothly with
all the in laws, but if they're her in laws,
you better give presents. Oh I fell into that trap
(30:54):
one time. What happened? Yeah, that was a mistake. It
doesn't matter even if it's a cheapet. Well not now,
not if they listen to the How Men Think podcast?
Now are they gonna know that the chia pet is
your it? It doesn't hurt to get him a little something,
you know, go down to the nine cent store and
(31:14):
find a little something fun. Yeah, you don't have to
spend gobs of money to give somebody a thoughtful gift. Okay,
and even if particularly don't, you know, you know somebody's
not on your a list, Well, it's still minde to
be kind. That's very nice. But you know what, you
just gave me an idea. Maybe I will get a
chia pet from my in laws. There you go give
(31:35):
it to them and they'll even think, look at this,
we got a gift. And this way i'll know if
they listen to this podcast or not. That's right, And
you know, because they're offended, then they listen. But if
they don't, then I could be like, you know what,
I'm gonna guarantee you one thing with that statement. In
two years, you're gonna get that cheeta pet back. It'll
(31:56):
sit in their closet for two years and they don't
remember who gave it to him. I guess i'd be like, oh,
how nice, it's the same one. That's right, Well, I
gotta tell you, okay. So I think we're pretty good
with the questions. Before you know, we we move on.
I want to I want to tell people about something
that you're doing up until Christmas. But before we do that,
(32:19):
I do have a question that was not set in
from the from the vehle. This one's from me, and
I think I pretty much kind of know the answer
to it. But I want to just clarify the song.
Santa Baby. You can't stand that girl either, right? Oh no,
who's that that? Come on? She's a handful, she's she
asked for the stable, the convertible, the yacht, a deed
(32:41):
and engagement ring. And all she says is think about
all the guys I haven't kissed. That's how good I've been.
Like and then on top of that, she's like, Santa,
hurry the f up, hurry down the chimney, Like it's
a little demanding. You cannot tell me as I know
you're Santa Claus. You cannot tell me as A man
that does that does not turn you off a bit. Oh,
let me tell you a little secret, youngster, hire bar. Okay,
(33:11):
not everybody's the same, and you'll learn that you're still young.
You'll learn that. I guess I all these years I've
been offended for you, I was thinking that she wasn't
treating you very nicely. Oh, listen, all the hugs and
kids that I get, How can you be offended because
she's kind of being a bit of a bitch. But
(33:33):
an engagement ring, a convertible, a deed or whatever. Fine,
you know what, there's no secret here. We knew this already.
But you're a better man than me, Sanna. You just
have different expectations than you do, that's all. And hide
your wallet. She had a lot of expectations. And then
she's all said, hurry down the chimney, like, hurry down
(33:54):
the chimney. It's your we know how you're coming. It's
Christmas Eve. There's the way I get stuck. Come on,
you look great, We'll think. Hey, do you think his
red makes me look bad? No, the red does not. Well,
Mrs Claus said, the camera adds ten pounds and I
don't need me at all. These zoom cameras. I think
(34:16):
they add more than tent so don't worry about it.
Oh great, great, there goes myself to see. Oh no,
I meant uh no, but that was a supposed to
be a compliment, like I said, Okay, good, there we go.
Now I've done it again. Yeah, another piece of goal
right over here. God, now I've done it. I want
to just point out that this is this for those listening.
(34:38):
I know you can't see him. This is the authentic
Santa Claus. This is not your mall Santa and orthopedic
shoes with a fifth bit counting his steps. So all
he talks to me like, this is legitimate Santa Claus.
And despite the fact that I have used the word
bitch in front of him and I have potentially offended
him with both yours questions in mine, he is uh
he is everything you have dream he is, and it's
(35:00):
an honor to be here talking with him. Um. One
thing I want to remind everybody too, it's been a
very very difficult year and I think we all need
a very good distraction from all that's going on, all
the chaos in the world, especially the kids, really, especially
the kids. So you know, really we really need a
little bit of fun and a lightheartedness and all kidding aside.
(35:24):
You know, we need to have more love and compassion
for one another. Santa. Damn it, he did it again.
Don't you get me all trip up over here. For
those of you that can't see, he's crying right now,
it's not a crying, it's more of a it's a
it's an high perspiration. Okay, it's okay, damn it, Santa. Well,
(35:49):
I gotta tell you so. As we know, Santa is
according to Santing, he's busy all year round. We know
he's definitely busy on the twenty on the night of.
But up until then, I can tell you that he
is part of something called Santa the Experience. And what
you can do is you can book your sleigh ride.
Departure is now through December one. Now through December. It's
(36:10):
Santa the Experience dot com. And what you get is
you get a magical elf guided journey from the comfort
of your own home to the North Pole. You can
explore Santa's mail room, the ELF's bedroom, the reindeer stables,
and the toy factory plut that's amazing. Plus you get
to hang out with Mrs Claus and talk directly live
with Santa, which I can tell you firsthand is an
(36:32):
experience that you have never had. Like I'm forty seven
years old now, and obviously I've been a fan of
Santa since I was little. This too, to be able
to sit down and talk directly with him is is
something I'll always remember. But the kids will absolutely love it.
I am telling you it is the one of the
most wonderful experience the kids will ever have. And I
(36:55):
really do believe honestly that this is going to become
a new annual editions for the families. It is absolutely wonderful.
You will absolutely love it. It sounds great, it says.
Each virtual experience takes place via Zoom, and you can
share it with other family members around the world, so
you could have your grandparents joining uncle's ants, cousins, and
(37:15):
you can all safely join the treasured memory of visiting Santa.
And after you say goodbye, you can receive a video
recording of your chat with Santa to keep. Because it's
I mean, frankly, I'll be honestly, like I said, I'm
forty seven, this is a once in a lifetime trip.
You can transport yourself to Santa the Experience and Unforgettable
Live Family, Virtual Winter Wonderland. And that again is Santa
(37:38):
the Experience dot Com. And that's now through December. You'll
have a wonderful time. I guarantee it, Santa the Experience
dot Com. Santa, I appreciate you. Um, I appreciate you period,
but I appreciate you joining us today. I appreciate you,
uh rolling with the questions from the listeners, you know,
(38:00):
maybe a few that I might have thrown in for myself.
It was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it. Well, Santa,
I appreciate the world appreciates all that you do, because um,
you certainly bring a lot of happiness and joy in
a world that doesn't always have that. So thank you
so much for everything you do. Well, thank you very
(38:21):
much for having me and you have a wonderful holiday season.
Okay to you and your family. Thank you. Don't forget me.
I will no chia pets? How good? I forget you? Right? Who?
Who can? How can you have? Don you forgive me?
I'm the guy that brought up the fallac shaped cookies
and whatnot, and that's gonna get me in hot water.
(38:43):
I tell you right now. Well, this has been an
episode of another episode of How Men Think. I appreciate
you guys for joining us, and I appreciate Against Santa
and everybody for listening. And I just want to say
it's been a crazy year. Be kind, be thoughtful, think
of others, and take care of yourself. And happy holidays.
Happy holidays,
This is How Men Think with Brooks like and Gavin
to Grab and I heard radio podcast. Okay, well, welcome
to another episode of How Men Think. This is Dmitri
and I am. I'm flying solo today and I don't
know if that has to do with our special guests
or not. Our special guest today is Santa Claus. And
(00:23):
the only assumption I can make as to why I'm
here alone is that everybody else is either on the
naughty list or aware that they have done something and
they're afraid to be on a zoom with with Santa Claus.
But myself, I am thrilled. I love Christmas. I've always
loved Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. The lead
up to it is phenomenal with the decorations and the
(00:46):
music and the excitement and anticipation. Um, it's always been
you know, it's always been something for me that has
has carried me through the year. Um, it's been you know,
I had some some ever since I was a kid.
It's something I would look forward to. And obviously I
think we all get a little sad when the holiday passes,
and I think that's that's just goes to you know
(01:10):
why it's so important and how important it is to us. Um,
it's just so, I'm actually, why don't I Why don't
I bring Santa and now and I'll kind of explain
a little bit of of what Christmas is to me.
But I'm thrilled to introduce here. A man here needs
no introduction. Santa Claus. Oh why everyone? How are you? Oh?
(01:32):
You're all looking good. This is fantastic. I have to
tell you, Santa, I am actually uh like a closet
in my house right now because I have four children,
and if they were to walk by and see me
on a zoom with Santa Claus, I think the whole
place would just explode. So I'm hunker down. I understand completely. Yeah,
(01:57):
But what I'm am gonna do, if it's okay with you,
I'm gonna take a screenshot of you and I chatting,
and then I'm gonna hold it over their heads for later,
and I'm gonna tell them that that you and I
get together and shout about their behavior every once in
a while. I forgot to use it to my advantage. Um, well,
I gotta tell you it's Christmas, Like I was saying
(02:18):
just a minute a moment ago, Christmas is my favorite
time of year. It's obviously with everything that's going on
is here, it's been a bit more of a of
a challenge, but from my perspective, I've welcomed it more.
And um, you know, I'm trying to keep things normal
for the kids here at home because they're obviously remote learning.
They're they're doing school at home, and Christmas is a
(02:39):
very social time. So normally you go to people's houses,
you might uh, you know, go bake cookies with a
friend or something like that, and that's kind of about
the window this year. So we've been trying to do
some some different things here. My daughter, actually my oldest
daughter made a movie advent calendar, so every day we
pop open the thing and there's a smith movie, a
(03:00):
holiday movie that we that that we're gonna watch that night.
So a lot of screens. But what are you gonna do? Good? Yeah,
And they've been making a lot of Christmas cookies, which
which is nice. I hope to leave something for you
for when you visit, but right now I'm I'm taking
them down two at a time. You'd better leave some
for me. Um, I will say, though, there's it. I
(03:24):
was cleaning up flower every day in the kitchen, and
then I decided to just leave it. And now it's
just like a Winter Wonderland theme. That's just you know,
white dusting all over the floors and everything. So you
should see the kitchen here, I bet can I Yeah,
I love to. I watched The Polar Express the other
day for the first time. That always kind of creeped
(03:46):
me out a little bit because the animation. But man,
they made the North Pole look fantastic. It is fantastic.
Look around. Yeah, if that's a true invitation, I'll come
up and visit. Come on up. Um. Okay, well, so
I don't So what we have here is we've compiled
a list of questions that people want to know from
(04:07):
Santa Claus, from our listeners. And I want to preface
this by saying that these aren't from me, So I
want you to remember these are from other people because
some of them, you know, I assume Santa doesn't get offended.
But there's some questions here and there. I've been around
for quite a while. Okay, good, Yes, that's a matter
(04:28):
of fact, you've have right, Um. Okay, so let's let's
let's dive into some of these here. Um, let's start
at the top. So this one's a simple, it's a
saftball one. What is your favorite the favorite Christmas gift
you have ever received or given someone? Oh, the favorite gift.
I think a couple of years ago I got one
(04:49):
of those air popping popcorn machines and at first I
kind of thought, what's this? And actually I use it
all the time. It's been a wonderful gift. Oh, very nice.
Santa likes popcorn or Okay, now do you so? A
(05:09):
lot of people kind of obviously dress up as you
and and mimic you and portray you in different scenarios,
whether it be for her photo opportunity or you know,
something like that. Do you ever get offended or you know,
insulted by by other other Santas? Oh, not at all,
not at all. I've got ambassadors all around the world
(05:30):
and I can't be everywhere once, so I need help
and I'm happy to have everybody helping me out. It's
a big job, but I want everybody to do a
good job, all right, you know, you know none of that. Well,
I gotta tell you I'm drinking out of my uh
my reindeer monkey here, But it's just apple juice, So
don't worry about that. Sure, it's my Marty Moose monk.
(05:56):
Did you ever see Christmas Vacation? Oh, I've seen a
few Chris His movies. Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
Well that is one of the questions here. What is
your favorite Christmas or Holiday movie? Well? I kind of
like some of the old fashioned ones like Miracle on
thirty four Street and some of those I really enjoy
and I think that's what Mrs Claus likes as well.
(06:18):
Some of the newer ones are a lot of fun.
And I wish the North Pole were that glamorous but
pretty played around here. We have a bunch of reindeer
and elves running around and stables and barns. But it's
a beautiful place, but not quite as glamorous and some
of those movies. Yeah, I love that. Who would you say?
(06:39):
This is actually another question is nice segue. Who would
you say is did the best job portraying you in
a movie? Oh? Who's that Russell character? There? He did
a wonderful job. But his beard is not wide enough.
Kurt Russell? Is that the Christmas Chronicles? That's the guy
right there? Sure he's just skinny though, he needs to
fatten up a bit. Well that is quite a that's
(07:01):
quite some high praise though from from Santa Claus. Um.
Now here's here's a question. Do you do you ever
really give people? Listen? I know you're nice and you're
you know you're treat everyone is saying, But there's this
myth about you given coal to people that were naughty?
Have you ever given cole or have you ever just
given like a relation gift to some of it you
(07:23):
weren't part in my mouth? Well, this is the kind
of coal I give right here. And you don't want
to get this, let me not at all. We want
everybody to stay on the nice list, and I have.
I'm guilty. You know one time this this kid just
was not behaving and I gave him a chia pet.
(07:46):
I think that that made me worse than coal. Oh
it's horrible. Because the kids want iPhones and they want
skateboards and all this wonderful stuff in here, I give
them a g No no offense to the GIA company. O, no,
of course, no, no offense to the coal industry. I
assume as well. Santa loves everyone. Um, here's something, here's
(08:10):
something interesting. My wife wants something sexy for Christmas? What
do you recommend? Again, these are from our listeners. Oh,
I got I had got a great idea. Okay, look
this is my mask right here. Okay, look is that
sexy Santa? For those of you that that are listening,
(08:32):
I can't see Santa. Just Santa just took his face mask.
It was very nice Christmas themed plaid mask. But then
he turned it um from horizontal to vertical. I'm not
sure how that would stay on Santa. But uh, that's okay.
But I was trying to figure out it's okay. Well,
I'm officially uncomfortable. Here's something someone says, I would like
(08:59):
to suck up to my boss and win some points.
What is the best gift to give your boss? Oh?
I think probably the best thing you could do is
find out what kind of sports he likes and give
him some ballgame tickets or something like that. Here, you're
going to score big points right there. That's very nice.
That's a good Uh, it's good thinking. Obviously, when when
(09:21):
sports fully come back, I love that idea. Now I
just have to try and become someone's boss so I
can get some sports tickets, which will that's not that's
not gonna happen anytime soon. Um. Now, Santa, do you
have any kids? This is a question from the listeners. Oh,
I've got kids all over the world, millions of kids.
(09:43):
I treat all the children of the world as if
they were my own. That's funny because there's a follow
up question and they say, I don't really like other
people's kids. How do you do it? Well, it's simple
for me because I'm only around the kids in a
very short period of time in December. So it's easy
because I get to go home. But the barrage, you're ducky.
(10:09):
That's an excellent point, and you know what to Even further,
bedtime is one of the hardest times of being a parent,
trying to get the kids because sleep. You come in
after they're asleep. That's right, quite an advantage. Okay, So
someone else wrote it's tough this year, and frankly, I
(10:32):
don't want to be near anyone in my family. I'm
sick of them. How can I get into the Christmas spirit? Eggnog? Uh,
regular nag regular? That a lot of sugar. They'll be careful. Okay,
So sad, I think put on some Christmas music and
(10:53):
maybe put up a few lights here and there and
and doing the radio, end all those Christmas songs, and
you'll get the Christmas spirit. Yeah, that's that's true. It's
it's it's very uh, it really kind of it kind
of takes you over and you can't help it but
feel in a good mood when you hear the music
and see the lights and stuff like that. Wonderful day
(11:14):
and if worse comes to worse. There's that line from
Christmas Vacation, which was he has Clark says, Dad, all
those years, how did you do it? There's a lot
of I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.
That's true. I keep throwing out Christmas Vacation. I once
watched Christmas Vacation every day between Thanksgiving and Christmas, once
(11:34):
a day every day. I don't know if I'm bragging
or if i'm you know, confessing. And I know what
you're thinking. How can someone so popular with so many
friends watch that movie every day? And the answer is
they can't. I don't have I'm not that popular. I
don't have a lot of friends. But I did watch
that movie. So I may throw out lines here and there. Um,
So here's another question for you. How do I tell
(11:59):
my partner nice sleep that I do not like my gift. Oh,
that's a tough one. That's a trap, right there. Be careful. Well,
if you really want to tell me you don't like
the gift, you could always take it through the window,
open up the window and throw it out the window.
But go over very well. No, I think that's the yeah,
(12:20):
the nicely part that probably goes out the window as well.
You should always accept a gift graciously. Now, you can
always read gift. Remember, you can always wrap it up.
Just make sure that it doesn't get back to the
person that sent it. All right, So Santa is okay
with a gift? Santa? Huh do you read gift? Oh no, no, no, no, no,
(12:42):
no no no. We don't be gift up here at
the North Well, no no, no, everything's made new every year.
We keep busy up here. There's no way to return it.
Where are you gonna do? Bring it all the way
back to the north bowle here's actually, here's a question
for someone and actually this rings true my home too,
But it's actually vice versa. But this says, actually it's
(13:04):
not vice versa. So it says my husband always wants
to decorate before Thanksgiving, but my entire life, it's been
traditioned to always wait until after. This year was tougher,
tougher discussion because of all that's going on. What's your stance?
Should people decorate before Thanksgiving or wait till the day after? Oh? Well,
I think you should eat the birds first. I'm one
(13:26):
of those camps. So some Christmas music here there is, okay,
but you know, eat the birds first, get that taken
care of, and then you can die, right And you know,
traditionally the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is a little
slow anyway, so there's time to decorate. M hm. Okay,
Well that's that backfired because I'm actually the one that
(13:48):
wanted to decorate before Thanksgiving. You know, maybe we'll just
cut that out and I don't won't have my Why
don't you just leave those give those lights up all
year round? Exactly? Is that? What you do? Is the
North Pole Christmas all year round? O? You know what
we do and this is this was my idea and
not Mrs Clau's idea. What we do. The entryway to
(14:11):
the house is beautiful, it's all decorated up, and we
leave it all real Christmas e. Right, So when guests
come in, you know, they come into the house and
they see Christmas going on, and usually that scares him
and they run the other direction. What that's it said?
What guests are you having at the North Pole? What
guests you said? You have guests to come by during
(14:31):
the year. That's exciting. Get a lot of guests up
there if they can find it. You know, you need
a really good compass to find the North Pole. You know,
just keep going up there where the arrow says, keep
going north, Just keep going north. Most people don't get
all the way up there because it's quite far. It's
not an easy trip. But the people that do make
it have a wonderful time. It's beautiful up here, absolutely beautiful.
(14:54):
A little chilly, but beautiful, very nice. Okay, so this
one gets a little up. I don't know if you
want to sip a night before this. But my wife,
again this is from someone else. I'm just I'm just
a messenger. My wife gets super turned on during Christmas,
especially Christmas Eve. Do you know why that is? And
(15:16):
also is that weird for you to hear? Well, whatever
I can tell about you're laughing awkward? Well, you know,
it's the ambiance of all the holidays. It's it's the
lights and and you know, the whole magical part of
(15:36):
Christmas that want to be special, you know. So this
is a really good time to treat your loved ones
with kindness. And uh go in and give your wife
a little smooth and and and you know, take time
for yourselves. You know you've got all those kids running around.
They keep you busy, you know, so remember both the
door and have a little bit of fun with the
(15:56):
with the mussiness, and give her a big old kiss.
Remember saying I love you doesn't hurt you one bit.
Oh that's very nice. What's the most romantic I'm going
off the cuff here just because you I didn't realize
the recessor romantic. What's the most romantic thing you've ever
done for Mrs Claus? Oh? Well, one time, you know,
I think it was Valentine's and I did the whole
(16:17):
thing with the rose pedals leading down the hall through
the bedroom, and I put a little chocolate on the
pillow and then one of the ls eight the chocolate.
It didn't quite work, but the idea was there, and
I really tried. I'm not great at all that sort
of stuff. But I tried, and Mrs Claus appreciates that.
(16:39):
You know. I think when you're with someone as long
as I've been with Mrs Claus, you know, just being
kind to one another and and all the other stuff
sort of works itself out very nice. Remember, I'll give
you a little secret. I'll give you a little secret.
It's always yes, dear, Yes, yes, that's the part I
keep forgetting. Oh well, listen, and you better relearning, you
(17:01):
young kids. You know. I gotta thank you young guys
how to do things. I'm not that young, but thank you. Well.
I guess nobody knows how old you are, so and
I won't go there, we won't ask that question. But
I like your I like your advice to the rose
petals and a little mistletoe in the bedroom. Huh oh, yeah,
that works. Just the fact that you remembered works. Um,
(17:27):
How did you know Mrs Claus was the one? Well,
that's an interesting interesting story. We were at an Iditarod
race and this was a long long time ago, and
she came around the corner with that team pulling pulling
this leigh and she was cracking that whip. And I
said that's the one for me. Oh, it's just a beauty.
(17:51):
She kind of had this beautiful red outfit on. It
was cooking like about to hear and oh boy, that
did it for me. Okay, like a bull you saw
red and that was right? You have that right? There
was no at that point. Now, okay, here's another question. Um,
(18:13):
does Mrs Claus like her alone time on Christmas Eve?
When you're out all night? Does she miss you? And
does she consider it like a boy's night out where
like next week she gets a night out where you
have to stay home and she gets to do what
she wants. She's practically pushes me out the door. She
can't wait till I'm out of there. But I will
(18:35):
tell you one thing. She's really good at hiding everything,
all the evidence and tending up before I get home.
So I don't really know what goes on when I'm gone.
Oh you might need to get one of those, uh
give yourself one of those ring cameras or a nanny
camera or something. That's an idea. I'll probably be shocked. Okay,
(18:57):
So here's one. It says my husband doesn't help decorate
the house. I have to basically beg him to decorate
the tree. But shouldn't he want to do it. Shouldn't
that be something that he wants to do together with me. Well,
I'll be careful here, because you know, decorating and all
that sort of stuff doesn't really become natural for a
(19:19):
lot of man you know, some yea, some some that's fine,
you know, but but most of us, it's not what
we really like to do. It's not what we're best at.
So uh, you know, just help out where you can
and and the rest of it. I'm telling you you
stay out of the way. Interject too much advice. I've
(19:40):
learned that the hard way. Don't say to move that
over that way a little. That's a trap. Be careful,
stay out of it. Your best to stay out of
all of it. Man, Santa, I knew you were the
expert on presents and giving and the spirit of Christmas.
I guess I didn't really know that you had such
great relationship advice. Oh all right, how do you think
(20:01):
guys getting married so long? That's a good point. So here,
actually here's a question for you, and this, I guess
this is a personal feeling for you that they don't
want to sult you. But I want to break up
with my boyfriend? Would you prefer I wait until after Christmas? Oh?
I would? I would? Yes, nobody needs all that extra
(20:21):
drama right at the holidays. Just wait. You know, a
couple more weeks isn't gonna kill you. You just wait.
It will make everybody's holiday a lot happier for sure. Okay, Well,
let's that's good advice. I guess. Yeah, as long as
they they you know, they're together anyway, might as well
just enjoy the holiday. I don't know at the moment,
I'm kind of torn on that one, because then you're
(20:42):
going through the motions. But listen, who am I to
argue your Santa claus Um? Okay, let me see here.
It says, how do I get my husband to get
what I really want as a gift this year? And
he tips? Anyway? That does Mrs Ods drop hints for you? Oh?
(21:02):
Does she drop hands? Let me tell you? Have you
ever seen a brick coming at you? Thankfully? No? Well,
you know what she does, and I think she thinks
she's being clever, but I've caught onto her. She gets
all these magazines you see, and all these catalogs in
the mail, and what she does is she kind of
folds over the paper, you know, it's called dog eared,
(21:25):
and she kind of folds it over to the page
where she wants, you know, and then she leaves those
in next to the commode. I can get the idea.
It doesn't take a genius to figure it out. Okay.
The next question here is, uh, so they're very impressed
(21:45):
with how organized you are, obviously keeping all the kids
in the world and adults, uh, you know, organized, and
they want to know what's what's a little tip that
they can give their husband odds to how to stay
more organized or how to be a little more organized organized.
You think it's organized around here, it's the elves. Oh,
(22:07):
it's mostly chaos. Okay, well that's good. That's that's the elves.
They keep me in line, and you know the hardest
thing for me to do. You know, sometimes I'll pick
up a tool to make a toy and I'll set
it down and I completely forgot where I set it down.
So it's best if you can remember to put it
back exactly where you found it. That way, it'll always
(22:28):
be there. But when you have so many elves running
around here and everybody's sharing tools again, it gets a
little crazy, especially this time of the year. We're racing
against the clock. Okay, well that's kind of a win
for for unorganized guys out there, Santa said. Listen, he's
not organized either, so yes, yes, you just back off.
Let's get the job done. Worry about the organization later on.
(22:52):
Here's an interesting one. If you could change one thing
about Christmas and the holiday season, what would it be? Oh,
I think, oh, let's see, probably not to do Christmas
commercials in July. I think that, you know, hold off
a little bit. You know, when you're in California, so
(23:13):
you know, when it's a hundred degrees outside and you
go inside and you see a commercial for Christmas stuff
in the middle of summer, then work, wait a little
let it get a little cooler, at least let the
leaves fall off the trees before you start talking about Christmas.
That's a good point, because listen, Christmas especial because it's
(23:33):
that time of year, right, But if you stretch it out,
it's gonna get You're gonna water it down. That's right,
You've got it right there in a nutshell. This is
interesting because you they want to know. Basically, most people
get tired of their jobs like that. There's a day
when they want to call in sick. I don't want
to go in. Now you technically, I guess you were
(23:54):
fully work one night a year. So maybe this isn't
the case. But has there ever been? I wish I
only work here? Why? Who are you kidding? Now? I
haven't selted Santa. Oh boy, let me tell you. You
come on up here to the north Bowle. You try
to follow me around for one day, you won't be
able to keep up. Look these are these are from listeners, Santa.
(24:16):
That wasn't me. Okay, I'll let that one slide. Yeah.
The last thing I need is a cheap Oh that's right, Listen,
I'm running out of them. Oh. Really a lot of
bad people out there. You have no idea. What would
you say the ratio? How many? How many people would
you say the percentage of people are are naughty? Well,
(24:38):
you know, especially with the kids, we don't really have
any naughty kids. We just have kids. They're good kids,
but they have some issues that they need to work on. Everybody,
all the kids are wonderful. Okay, They're just all really wonderful. So,
like I said, have a few bad habits, and we
have two as adults. Remind them, you know, what those
(24:59):
bad habits are and to get back on the nice list.
You see, that's how it's. Kids just need encouragement and
they need you know, you need to give them good
examples and and that's really what's important. Give the kids
some positive examples and and and the best way to
show kids about how things work is to is to
(25:20):
show them, you know, learn by doing. And if you
said a good example, the kids will pick up on that.
Trust me, the kids are not stupid. There' smart. Wow, Santa,
that was that was very well said. And not not
that I should sound surprised because after all your Santa Claus,
but that was very well said. There are no naughty kids,
(25:41):
They're just have some habits and we have to lead
by example. I love that. That's very nice. Um, but
what about no adults. Well that's a different story. Yeah,
I don't think we have time for the answer on
that one. On your show. Is there anything that is
there like a bar for for naughty? It's like you
would say, you know what, that's it. That's this is
(26:02):
the one thing that I want that that well, I'm
sort of I'm sort of old fact. And you know
I'm I'm old school, so a lot more gets by
these days than than I would like to think. But
you know, each his own very nice. Okay, Um, this
one's um again. It could be uncomfortable, maybe not. It
(26:24):
says my wife put a baby on her Christmas list,
and I just wanted to know if that falls on
you or me. I just don't want to double up
and end up with two. Oh no, you don't. Hey,
I know what you should do. I've got an idea.
You know what you do. You get your car and
you drive down to the town center, okay, and they
(26:44):
always have an activity scene down there, right. I don't
know where. I don't know where this is going, but
go ahead for at night where nobody's can see, and
make sure there's new cameras turned on. Okay, and you
swipe the little baby right out of an activity scene
to bring that home, wouldn't that be Well she'll get
the answer on that one, Santa. We are officially off
(27:07):
the rails. You just told someone to go down and
steal the baby. Jesus. Oh no, No, that was just
just thought that went through my head for one moment.
That's all, okay, all right, we'll let we'll let that
one slide after all of you. Our Santa clause is
really the ultimate judgment comes to you. So that's fine. Um,
(27:29):
this one isn't such a question as it seems more
of a confession. Um. It says I once left you
falla shaped cookies as a joke, and I'd like to
apologize that was immature with me that right? That was?
Do you remember the number one? Do you accept their apology? Oh?
Sure I do. We all make mistakes. Some people just
(27:49):
want to have a little bit of fun. That's all,
no harm, no foul. What's the spinoff of that? What's
the worst thing? So what do you like? Like? Obviously
people leave you cookies at right now? When I was little,
my dad told me we were making cookies, and my
dad told my siblings and I that Santa might enjoy
a little wine and cheese. So what is it that?
(28:12):
What's your favorite thing to get? And what is something
you particularly don't care to be left? Well, wine and cheese.
You gotta be careful, remember I have to drive that sleigh.
That's not a good idea to mix those. Well, I
don't know. I enjoyed cookies pretty much. I do like brownies.
Brownies are good, and fudge is good, and uh, you know,
(28:34):
some Jesus graggers are fine. I need that to anything.
You lead me off, listen. If I don't like it,
I'll leave it behind or I'll feed it to the rain.
Here alright, I love it. I love the honesty of
Santa Claus. Do you ever feel you seem pretty laid back?
(28:59):
But do you ever feel stressed or anxious? Darting? Hold
you ever feeling? A lot of these Christmas movies portray
you was like, oh my god, Christmas might get canceled.
Oh we're not gonna make it any time. Is it
really that chaotic? Or are you pretty? Uh? Well? Most
of the year, I'm pretty laid back, you know, but
I've got a real tight schedule right when we're right
down to the wire, and I just want to make
(29:20):
sure everything goes smooth. And you know, it's like it's
like when the kids ask me, Sanna, you know, how
do I get good at doing this? Or how do
I get better at doing that? Or how can I
win the big game? You know, it all comes down
to practice. And I've been doing this for a long time,
so I'm getting pretty good at it. But anything. It's
like anything with with music or with sports or anything. Man,
(29:41):
if you practice, and you know, you really put your
nose to the grindstone, you can accomplish anything, even traveling
around the world and one night you know it takes practice.
You know that that came from years and years of
hard work, and that's the way to do it. So
that's what we want to teach the kids. Don't give up.
And if you don't make it to first time, well
you get back up and you try a little bit
(30:03):
harder next time and and eventually you'll get it. Persistence,
persistent Santa, you're a very inspirery Um. Okay, so what
about I guess the question here that they're asking is
about in laws and presence, Like, what's the idea on
(30:27):
on presence for your in laws? Say they don't specify
whether they get along with their in laws or don't,
but what's the what's the safe way to go with
that because obviously there could be a lot of tension
between in laws and that's right where let me give
you a little secret. It doesn't always go smoothly with
all the in laws, but if they're her in laws,
you better give presents. Oh I fell into that trap
(30:54):
one time. What happened? Yeah, that was a mistake. It
doesn't matter even if it's a cheapet. Well not now,
not if they listen to the How Men Think podcast?
Now are they gonna know that the chia pet is
your it? It doesn't hurt to get him a little something,
you know, go down to the nine cent store and
(31:14):
find a little something fun. Yeah, you don't have to
spend gobs of money to give somebody a thoughtful gift. Okay,
and even if particularly don't, you know, you know somebody's
not on your a list, Well, it's still minde to
be kind. That's very nice. But you know what, you
just gave me an idea. Maybe I will get a
chia pet from my in laws. There you go give
(31:35):
it to them and they'll even think, look at this,
we got a gift. And this way i'll know if
they listen to this podcast or not. That's right, And
you know, because they're offended, then they listen. But if
they don't, then I could be like, you know what,
I'm gonna guarantee you one thing with that statement. In
two years, you're gonna get that cheeta pet back. It'll
(31:56):
sit in their closet for two years and they don't
remember who gave it to him. I guess i'd be like, oh,
how nice, it's the same one. That's right, Well, I
gotta tell you, okay. So I think we're pretty good
with the questions. Before you know, we we move on.
I want to I want to tell people about something
that you're doing up until Christmas. But before we do that,
(32:19):
I do have a question that was not set in
from the from the vehle. This one's from me, and
I think I pretty much kind of know the answer
to it. But I want to just clarify the song.
Santa Baby. You can't stand that girl either, right? Oh no,
who's that that? Come on? She's a handful, she's she
asked for the stable, the convertible, the yacht, a deed
(32:41):
and engagement ring. And all she says is think about
all the guys I haven't kissed. That's how good I've been.
Like and then on top of that, she's like, Santa,
hurry the f up, hurry down the chimney, Like it's
a little demanding. You cannot tell me as I know
you're Santa Claus. You cannot tell me as A man
that does that does not turn you off a bit. Oh,
let me tell you a little secret, youngster, hire bar. Okay,
(33:11):
not everybody's the same, and you'll learn that you're still young.
You'll learn that. I guess I all these years I've
been offended for you, I was thinking that she wasn't
treating you very nicely. Oh, listen, all the hugs and
kids that I get, How can you be offended because
she's kind of being a bit of a bitch. But
(33:33):
an engagement ring, a convertible, a deed or whatever. Fine,
you know what, there's no secret here. We knew this already.
But you're a better man than me, Sanna. You just
have different expectations than you do, that's all. And hide
your wallet. She had a lot of expectations. And then
she's all said, hurry down the chimney, like, hurry down
(33:54):
the chimney. It's your we know how you're coming. It's
Christmas Eve. There's the way I get stuck. Come on,
you look great, We'll think. Hey, do you think his
red makes me look bad? No, the red does not. Well,
Mrs Claus said, the camera adds ten pounds and I
don't need me at all. These zoom cameras. I think
(34:16):
they add more than tent so don't worry about it.
Oh great, great, there goes myself to see. Oh no,
I meant uh no, but that was a supposed to
be a compliment, like I said, Okay, good, there we go.
Now I've done it again. Yeah, another piece of goal
right over here. God, now I've done it. I want
to just point out that this is this for those listening.
(34:38):
I know you can't see him. This is the authentic
Santa Claus. This is not your mall Santa and orthopedic
shoes with a fifth bit counting his steps. So all
he talks to me like, this is legitimate Santa Claus.
And despite the fact that I have used the word
bitch in front of him and I have potentially offended
him with both yours questions in mine, he is uh
he is everything you have dream he is, and it's
(35:00):
an honor to be here talking with him. Um. One
thing I want to remind everybody too, it's been a
very very difficult year and I think we all need
a very good distraction from all that's going on, all
the chaos in the world, especially the kids, really, especially
the kids. So you know, really we really need a
little bit of fun and a lightheartedness and all kidding aside.
(35:24):
You know, we need to have more love and compassion
for one another. Santa. Damn it, he did it again.
Don't you get me all trip up over here. For
those of you that can't see, he's crying right now,
it's not a crying, it's more of a it's a
it's an high perspiration. Okay, it's okay, damn it, Santa. Well,
(35:49):
I gotta tell you so. As we know, Santa is
according to Santing, he's busy all year round. We know
he's definitely busy on the twenty on the night of.
But up until then, I can tell you that he
is part of something called Santa the Experience. And what
you can do is you can book your sleigh ride.
Departure is now through December one. Now through December. It's
(36:10):
Santa the Experience dot com. And what you get is
you get a magical elf guided journey from the comfort
of your own home to the North Pole. You can
explore Santa's mail room, the ELF's bedroom, the reindeer stables,
and the toy factory plut that's amazing. Plus you get
to hang out with Mrs Claus and talk directly live
with Santa, which I can tell you firsthand is an
(36:32):
experience that you have never had. Like I'm forty seven
years old now, and obviously I've been a fan of
Santa since I was little. This too, to be able
to sit down and talk directly with him is is
something I'll always remember. But the kids will absolutely love it.
I am telling you it is the one of the
most wonderful experience the kids will ever have. And I
(36:55):
really do believe honestly that this is going to become
a new annual editions for the families. It is absolutely wonderful.
You will absolutely love it. It sounds great, it says.
Each virtual experience takes place via Zoom, and you can
share it with other family members around the world, so
you could have your grandparents joining uncle's ants, cousins, and
(37:15):
you can all safely join the treasured memory of visiting Santa.
And after you say goodbye, you can receive a video
recording of your chat with Santa to keep. Because it's
I mean, frankly, I'll be honestly, like I said, I'm
forty seven, this is a once in a lifetime trip.
You can transport yourself to Santa the Experience and Unforgettable
Live Family, Virtual Winter Wonderland. And that again is Santa
(37:38):
the Experience dot Com. And that's now through December. You'll
have a wonderful time. I guarantee it, Santa the Experience
dot Com. Santa, I appreciate you. Um, I appreciate you period,
but I appreciate you joining us today. I appreciate you,
uh rolling with the questions from the listeners, you know,
(38:00):
maybe a few that I might have thrown in for myself.
It was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it. Well, Santa,
I appreciate the world appreciates all that you do, because um,
you certainly bring a lot of happiness and joy in
a world that doesn't always have that. So thank you
so much for everything you do. Well, thank you very
(38:21):
much for having me and you have a wonderful holiday season.
Okay to you and your family. Thank you. Don't forget me.
I will no chia pets? How good? I forget you? Right? Who?
Who can? How can you have? Don you forgive me?
I'm the guy that brought up the fallac shaped cookies
and whatnot, and that's gonna get me in hot water.
(38:43):
I tell you right now. Well, this has been an
episode of another episode of How Men Think. I appreciate
you guys for joining us, and I appreciate Against Santa
and everybody for listening. And I just want to say
it's been a crazy year. Be kind, be thoughtful, think
of others, and take care of yourself. And happy holidays.
Happy holidays,
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