"The Legend of Ranger Joe" Recap Season 5, Episode 6

We've made it to Full House's 100th episode!! To celebrate, the writers gave us a $25,000 puppet, a new TV career for Joey and new tap shoes for Michelle. Plus, we have an "everywhere you look" that made us laugh out loud.

It's all right here on How Rude, Tanneritos! Follow us on Instagram @howrudepodcast & TikTok @howrudetanneritos  

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:19):
I've finally got like the little cover for my camera
on my computer.

Speaker 2 (00:25):
Uh huh a webcam. You know you're supposed to keep
it covered.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
People, Get's easy to like hack into your thing and
just be like watching.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
Wait, so you're supposed to put like a little like.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
A little there's like a little cover. I've ordered one
off of Etsy.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
It's like a little butterfly or whatever, just and you
just put it on the thing and you can like
slide it over or whatever.

Speaker 2 (00:42):
But yeah, yeah, I'm supposed to keep those things covered.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
Dang. Well, now now I'm self conscious, even though.

Speaker 1 (00:49):
You probably should stop scrolling the internet completely naked. So yeah, yeah,
I want to, Yeah, put on a part. I don't know,
I don't look. Hey, no shame, you know, do what
you want to do. I'm just letting you know that
it's an option.

Speaker 3 (01:03):
I actually hate being completely naked like that. Like, are
you a never nude?

Speaker 1 (01:08):
Are you a Tobias Funke from Arrested Development?

Speaker 2 (01:11):
And you are a never nude?

Speaker 1 (01:13):
Okay, you don't know what any of those ones just meant.

Speaker 3 (01:15):
I know I have seen arrested Development.

Speaker 1 (01:17):
Sorry, my god, everyone who has seen Arrested Development, so
so Tobias fu K. One of the one of the
characters is uh, he's a never nude, which means he
never likes to be fully nude, and so he wears
denim shorts even in the shower. It's a running gag
throughout the whole show that he is never nude. It's ridiculous.
But oh it's so great.

Speaker 2 (01:38):
So now watch it now, now you have okay, he's
never watching it arrested development. No, you will love it.

Speaker 3 (01:48):
I mean, it's he clipped.

Speaker 1 (01:49):
But I've never sat down to watch this episode, down
and watch it. If I can sit and watch this
like episode after episode, you know, it's like that that
it will hold your attention because I have the attentions
out of a banat and it is hilarious. But and
you will then find out what uh.

Speaker 2 (02:05):
What A never knew? I never nude.

Speaker 3 (02:07):
I didn't know that was like a phrase a thing,
but I guess I was once they came up with it. Yes, okay,
so it's been adopted into the American lexicon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
as a thing.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
Oh, trust me when I when you when I say
never knew, there's a lot of people out there who
are like, I know exactly what you're talking about.

Speaker 3 (02:24):
Yeah, I mean I don't. I mean, I'm nude in
the shower, but I don't like to I don't like
to go brawl. I never go brawless. Even when I sleep,
I have to be wearing some sort of like like
loose yoga bra or something like that, because I hate
the feeling of under boob on my but it touches
your your stomach. I mean, this is just a problem

(02:44):
for me because I'm old.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Hey, we all have with do they? Oh my god?
What have we done? What have we done?

Speaker 3 (02:55):
We started the day well, you know, I just felt
like I needed to share with you that I am a.

Speaker 2 (03:01):
Net he we get on this topic.

Speaker 1 (03:03):
I don't even know how we're here. Someone we went
from starting the show to get underboo and we don't
know what happened. Oh, we went about the root of
never nudes and Tobias fume and arrested development.

Speaker 3 (03:15):
Okay, on the topic, Why did I even bring that up? Then?

Speaker 2 (03:18):
I don't like to be nude. I don't, Oh, because
we're going this is this is how we have to
dissect a conversation between the two of us. Is how
they help we get here. It's been three minutes and
we're like, I don't even know what just happened. That's great.
Oh it's so great. I have had the worst brain
fog this week, like Harry menopause so bad, it's compounded.

Speaker 3 (03:43):
See, I went through menopause during the during the pandemic, because.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
So every perfect.

Speaker 1 (03:47):
So you were just anyway, you were like, I don't
like everything sucks and this is extra sucky, but I
don't have to interact with humans, so it's okay.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
Right, it was.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
Terrible, but yeah, maybe a blessing in disguise. So, yeah,
you're going through menopause. The world is falling apart like.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
Nothing, and I don't know which to blame for what? Right,
you know, I'm like, oh, that's definitely black. Could be
either one.

Speaker 3 (04:09):
I don't really you never know. You just always feel confused.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yes, oh god, that was very very true.

Speaker 1 (04:16):
Uh any uh, well, we have big I was gonna say,
any big weekend plans coming up, and then I was like,
what am I thinking?

Speaker 2 (04:22):
You and I have big weekend plans coming up?

Speaker 3 (04:24):
See rain two weekends, rainfow two weekends in a row.
I will see you in person, And I'm like, last
weekend I saw you at JP's that Pablo's screening of
before We Forget yep.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
And then Saturday you didn't come to my show, and then.

Speaker 3 (04:38):
You never let this go. You will never let this go.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
We're gonna let it go because I know that you
think I actually care.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
No, I don't. I don't like you. You know that
you would not drive out to La night.

Speaker 1 (04:52):
No. I wouldn't drive out to their two nights in
a row. No, I didn't have to. If my friend
wasn't doing a show, you know, then I wouldn't pH gosh, oh.

Speaker 3 (05:01):
See, I'm not even taking you seriously. I'm not don't
take you're taking me seriously?

Speaker 2 (05:05):
Oh god, You're never no.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
No, But yeah, I did get to see you last Friday,
which was really fun.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
That was super Yeah it was. And then now late.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
I stayed out till eleven fifteen.

Speaker 2 (05:16):
M my, I'm like, I never do thoth of you. Wow,
you did stay late.

Speaker 3 (05:22):
I was planning to leave when you left. We were
going to do our Irish goodbye.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
Oh that's it. Yeah, I did an Irish goodbye together.
He and I just I was like, I'm going He's
like me too. Just walked to the car.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
That's the best way That's the only way to get
out of anywhere with any sort of speed or efficiency
is just to irish.

Speaker 1 (05:39):
There's more than four or five people that you know
and then and you're I'm.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Just like, uh, you know, I love you. I'll see
you later, yeah, exact.

Speaker 3 (05:48):
Otherwise it's going to be forty five minutes before you
actually leave if you go around.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
Bike cuse I know how I am, and I'll be like, oh, oh,
did I tell you? I'll pull a full Janus Sweeten
on it, you know what I mean, and say goodbye
seven times?

Speaker 3 (05:59):
Right, Welcome back to how Rude tant Rito's I am
the never Nude Andrea Barber.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
And I am Jody Sweeten. And I'm not gonna tell
you whether or not I'm dude right now. You'll have
to guess.

Speaker 3 (06:13):
I have pictures. I have pictures. I'm not gonna talk about,
you know.

Speaker 1 (06:16):
Okay, today we're just seing and now everyone's gonna be like, what, Yeah,
that's sorry, never mind.

Speaker 3 (06:22):
I will never disclose. I will never that will never
see the light of day. We're just gonna say, okay.
Season five, Episode six, The Legend of Ranger Joe, It's here.
It's a ride.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
Oh Boy, mister Woodchuck's debut Mister Woodchuck.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
It originally aired on October twenty second, nineteen ninety one,
and it goes a little something like this. Ranger Roy
offers Joey a chance to be his successor as Ranger Joe. However,
Joey's over the top gratitude gives Ranger Roy second thought. Meanwhile,
Michelle becomes obsessed with tap dancing and Jesse brainstorms names

(06:59):
for the twins. This is our one hundredth episode. It
is flash Yes. This whole time, I've been thinking it
was the baby's birth that was the one hundredth episode.
I've been thinking that for thirty something years. But no,
this is the one hundredth episode. I counted Anna verified
with Jeff, Anna verified with like some fan ritos, Sokay,

(07:19):
this is the one hundredth episode. Great legend of Ranger Joe.

Speaker 2 (07:22):
Legend of Ranger Joe. I had no idea.

Speaker 3 (07:24):
It's a little anti climactic, like I was expecting some
sort of party or a dance or a stunt or
a you got a flash.

Speaker 2 (07:31):
Back, you got a muppet, you got a mister wood check.

Speaker 3 (07:33):
Okay, okay, that's that is celebration enough, you know, let's
take what we can get. It's a big milestone though,
because it is a big milestone.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
Syndicated right with.

Speaker 3 (07:44):
The syndication means that your show can run in perpetuity
in reruns and we get residual checks. So yes, thank
you fan Ritos.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
Yeah, appreciate it anyway.

Speaker 3 (07:55):
Well, yeah, hey, my last one was for forty two cents,
like it costs more to send me the show. Wow?

Speaker 2 (08:01):
Able to check out for that much anymore?

Speaker 3 (08:05):
Exactly? Back to the show. This episode was directed by
Joels Wick. It was written by Boyd Hale.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yay, we love Boyd Hale.

Speaker 3 (08:13):
And we have some wonderful guest stars. We have Barney
Martin as Ranger Roy. You'll know him as Morty Seinfeld
on Seinfeld. He also guest appeared on Happy Days, Punky Brewster,
Chips Benson, and he played Pete Peters in the nineteen
ninety three series Daddy Dearest starring Richard Lewis and John Rickles.

(08:34):
Oh yeah, so this is a great, great character actor.
This guy is, oh god, absolutely fantastic. Then we have
Colleen Morris as Linda the cable Girl.

Speaker 2 (08:44):
I love that.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
That's her Burday that was the prequel to Larry the
Cable Guy.

Speaker 3 (08:51):
She's fantastic. She's most notable for playing the role of
Jennifer North in the nineteen ninety fourth television series Valley
of the Dolls.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Oh I remember, Okay, random full house connection.

Speaker 3 (09:04):
Here we go.

Speaker 1 (09:05):
There's a copy of the book Valley of the Dolls
in the alk cove on set.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
Shut up.

Speaker 1 (09:13):
And I remember it simply because it was a cover
that had like all these colorful pills like drawn on
the front of it, and it just always captured my attention.

Speaker 2 (09:23):
It's like, oh, what's that? And I remember it.

Speaker 1 (09:25):
The entire run of the show, being Valley of the Dolls,
and because I remember being like, oh, is that about?

Speaker 2 (09:31):
You know, I was a kid, like what about?

Speaker 1 (09:33):
And then I like started flipping through the book and
I was like, I don't think this is about.

Speaker 2 (09:37):
That at all.

Speaker 1 (09:37):
This is children's literature about like Stepford wives and yeah,
like you know, women popping bills and yeah.

Speaker 2 (09:44):
But anyway, yeah, so that's a weird.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
I can just picture you eight year old Jody sweet
and Board going through the set deck and just be like,
what's this.

Speaker 1 (09:54):
Oh yeah, I also go through those books all Simony
alcove just randomly read stuff that is.

Speaker 3 (09:59):
So, that is so you Moving along, we have Taj Mowery.
He is returning as Teddy. Oh my gosh this one scene,
but he's so freaking cute in that one scene. And
then we have Michael J. Shay as stage manager. Not
an actor, but he's a first d D.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
I was gonna say, but he is a stage man.

Speaker 3 (10:21):
He's this great stage manager. He has worked on How
How I Met Your Mother? How I Met Your Father?
And he was the stage manager on Home Improvement, Boy
Meets World and Married with Children, so he's very experienced
at stage managing and he was great. He was great
in this. He was lovely, yeah, role playing himself basically.
So we start with the teaser in stephan Michelle's room.

(10:42):
Stephanie is putting on tap shoes or she's putting tap
shoes on Michelle rather while emphasizing you are welcome to
play with my old tap shoes. But keep in mind
tap dancing is a skill that requires grace and rhythm.
I love this outfit you're wearing. You got this yellow
card in sweater thing.

Speaker 1 (11:01):
Over the da One of my favorite outfits, the sweater
with the little like Onesie thing and then the cowboy boots.
Oh my god, I felt I felt like an adult.
I was like, I am twenty five, Like I just
I don't know why I.

Speaker 2 (11:15):
Felt like that. I felt cool. I felt very cool.

Speaker 3 (11:18):
Oh you looked adorable, like it's so much style, especially
for an eight year old.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
It's adorable.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
Yeah, it's I can tell you love this. I did
like stretton around and yeah, this was.

Speaker 2 (11:28):
Yeah, very so.

Speaker 3 (11:29):
Michelle shouts I've got grace and rhythm, and she begins
to jump up and down on the practice floor to
prove her point. Once she's done, she asks, how is that,
and Stephanie is stone faced. Well, we know the taps were.
She takes her place on the practice floor and boasts,
watch your big sister and see how it's done. Stephanie

(11:49):
shows off an impressive tap performance as she sings out
tea or two and two for tea this, I can
just you were born for that. You were born to perform, Jody,
I should just picture you in tap class, Oh, Janna
Sweeten on the side.

Speaker 1 (12:05):
First dances dance recital was A was a tap dance number.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
I was a dancing duck.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
Oh a tap dance and the dancing duck, I am,
and then you like tap your little foot. Yeah yeah,
when I remember I still have the duck costume somewhere.

Speaker 2 (12:20):
Wow, that's that's you.

Speaker 3 (12:23):
You hold on to things.

Speaker 2 (12:24):
No, I don't. My mother does, oh jams. Yeah that
makes more sense.

Speaker 3 (12:27):
That makes a lot more sense.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
But I actually am very glad.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
I mean I have the little orange tights and my
old tap shoes and the little like like furry cape
that is like the little duck feathers and a little hat.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
Yeah cute as that?

Speaker 3 (12:39):
Do you never like b or any of the girls
in it growing up?

Speaker 1 (12:42):
I mean it's a leotard from nineteen eighty five. I've
pulled on it. It would just explode into dust, you know,
just elastic one is like yeah.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
So Michelle enthusiastically tries to copy Stephanie, but she can't
quite nail it as well as step still stuff encourages her,
telling her she's doing great, so Michelle doesn't stop. She
continues to breathlessly sing too for Tea as she stumbles
through these steps. That's when Steph glances at her with regret,

(13:14):
wondering what have I done?

Speaker 2 (13:17):
Never give kids tap shoes?

Speaker 3 (13:19):
What were you thinking?

Speaker 1 (13:20):
Tap, shoes, horns, whistles, nothing loudstracting, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
Like this is this is rookie mistake here, rookie mistake.
But I do appreciate that the teaser tied into a storyline.
They're getting better about this the record.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
They're probably gonna build a dance studio.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
I would assume, well, yeah, like you know, just why not,
like right there in the girls room, just build a
whole studio a little bit perfect, easy, easy, and getting
the permits in San Francisco.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Easy done, be done in a week.

Speaker 3 (14:00):
So next in the kitchen, Jesse is brainstorming baby names
with DJ. He admits, I sure hope the twins are
a boy and a girl, because I picked out the
perfect names, Elvis and Priscilla. Can we still for a
moment and just acknowledge that he wants to name his
children after a married couple, like.

Speaker 1 (14:18):
This is just yeah, I didn't think about it like that,
Like it's just.

Speaker 3 (14:25):
This has gone too far, Like this has gone too far, Jesse,
Just take a seat. I didn't. I shouldn't be surprised
because this is this is Jesse. How many different ways
can we incorporate Elvis into our real lives? I don't know,
so DJ wonders, excuse me, DJ wonders, what if there

(14:46):
are two girls? And Jesse immediately answers, Priscilla and ELVISA
this is getting worse.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
There additional Greek name.

Speaker 3 (14:57):
So DJ challenges him, if you get two boys, you're
gonna name them Elvis and Priscillo, and Jesse admits he
hadn't thought of that yet. But uh, he loves that idea,
He tells DJ. It's so important what you name your
kid because it can determine your their whole personality. You
think I have cool hair in a great band if
my name was Marvin Marvin and the Rippers, I don't

(15:19):
think so.

Speaker 1 (15:20):
Marvin Gay just saying, I know you know this sometimes, don't.

Speaker 3 (15:25):
Judge up with me.

Speaker 2 (15:26):
Let's me get it on by Marvin Gay. I don't
think anyone's questioning him. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 (15:31):
No, no, no, not at all. The DJ questions him,
why are you so obsessed over names? Jesse hesitates, I
don't want my kids going through what. I never mind,
and DJ presses him, never mind what? And he repeats,
never mind. DJ shrugs, Okay, you have a secret. I'll
just go dig in through your past until Jesse cuts

(15:53):
her off and tell you what, and she smirks, never mind, bye,
and she heads out the door in her cute little
red and gold plaid skirt. Right, yeah, very cute, so cute.
Then Joey walks in. He's wearing a robe and he
looks quite disheveled. Jesse sarcastically notes, you look good. How'd

(16:13):
your set go last night? Joey groans, I bombed. Those
foreign tourist groups are tough. I had to keep waiting
for the interpreter to translate my bullwinkle be sighs.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
My life is going nowhere.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
I was really, I was like, where are we going
with this joke?

Speaker 2 (16:30):
Where? Yeah? Like is this gonna be? And I was like, okay,
we Germans were fine?

Speaker 3 (16:36):
Well, and he sounded like the Charlie Brown teacher. Yeah
it was.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
Yeah, it was overly offensive. But I would, uh, I would.

Speaker 1 (16:48):
I think Joey should ask if it's the foreign tourist
groups and the translating or if it's the bullwinkle.

Speaker 3 (16:54):
He's not ready for that level of self reflection, Like
he's still you know, he's still in Joey Land, which
is I'm sure a really fun place to be. But yeah,
so he sighs, my life is going nowhere, and Jesse
tries to cheer him up. What happened to the happy,
go lucky grinning Joey we all know and love. Joey

(17:17):
dreadfully responds, he's gone forever. Man. No matter what I do,
I can't catch a break. Jesse stays optimistic. Come on,
today's a brand new day, and Joey Flatley comments, yeah,
until I read my bad review in the paper. Jesse reveals,
no paper today, there's a strike. See that your luck

(17:37):
is already changing on cue the phone rings, Jesse picks
it up and answers, talk to me.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
Is this our first?

Speaker 3 (17:44):
Talk to me? I don't know that's heard. Talk to me.

Speaker 2 (17:46):
I don't know we've heard talk to me.

Speaker 3 (17:47):
Talk to me.

Speaker 2 (17:49):
I don't know.

Speaker 3 (17:50):
It's early. It's still early. Talk to me? If not
the very first, he says, it's k f LX radio.
And I love how the phone perfectly just the coffee cups.

Speaker 1 (18:02):
Like the corn said, the blue phone is a key
piece of full House memorabilia. It's the exact same shade
of blue as the coffee cup. Yeah, it matches the curtains.
What you don't buy phones that match your curtains. AB,
come on, I haven't liked I haven't lived, you haven't lived. No,

(18:25):
I I feel like somewhere in my house at some
point growing up, there was probably a mob phone of
some sort, oh, you know, to match the Yeah, the
curtains and the carpeting and the yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
The couches.

Speaker 2 (18:44):
Oh gosh, those were floral. Those were a lot of floral,
but with mov roses probably.

Speaker 3 (18:50):
And that that just screams Jana Sweeten, absolutely and I
love it and I am here for it. So Jesse
tells the person on the other line of the blue phone.
Of the blue phone, no, I don't know how much.
Deputy Dog weighs. What am I an idiot? Joey yells,
don't hang up, and he lunges for the phone. He

(19:10):
repeats from memory without his gun and badge, Deputy Dog
weighs exactly forty three pounds. Shortly after he covers the
receiver and beams I just won two tickets to the
Donnie and Marie reunion. He hangs up, and then realization hits.
He tells Jesse, I almost forgot I gotta wait for
the cable guy. He's supposed to be here. Between nine

(19:31):
and six.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
What time is the Donnie and Marie Show? Is it
a matinee?

Speaker 3 (19:36):
Right? Well?

Speaker 1 (19:37):
Yeah, well, well, I mean we can't say yeah because
they're old, because there's they're still around.

Speaker 3 (19:43):
They're still right. They weren't old then and they're not
old now. You know, they're they're fabulous. But yeah, you'd
think the show would start at eight pm, so the
cable guy will be long gone. Plus that's a really
long window. I mean I.

Speaker 2 (19:56):
Decided that's true. That yeah, that's why do that?

Speaker 1 (19:58):
Why?

Speaker 3 (19:59):
I mean anytime.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
In the next seventeen hours like, oh great.

Speaker 3 (20:03):
And then you're trapped. It's like, now you got to
take a day off work, You have to clear your schedule.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
You can it always come in the last thirty minutes.

Speaker 3 (20:08):
They do, they do. This is just universal, universal problem.
Way back in nineteen ninety one too. Just then there's
a knock at the door. Joey Grin's no way, I'm
not that lucky. Sure enough, he opens the door to
find Linda, the beautiful cable woman who's here to fix
the TV.

Speaker 2 (20:27):
And why back door at the back door?

Speaker 1 (20:29):
Right?

Speaker 3 (20:29):
Why is why is the service provider walking through the
backyard and knocking all the back door.

Speaker 1 (20:33):
She's already I mean, she's already done something in the
backyard which you kind of see in the next thing.

Speaker 2 (20:37):
You're yeah, you know, I already did.

Speaker 3 (20:38):
That for you.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
So she's been rolling around the park in the backyard
for a while, you know, just you know, I was
setting up some satellites or something out there, some live cams.

Speaker 3 (20:49):
I don't know, but yeah, this this again. There's we
could do a whole dissertation on entrances and exits and
visitors to the full house. So Joey blurts out, you're
the cable guy, and she nods. He pleads hold on,
don't move. He quickly shuts the door, fixes his hair,
and opens it again. He gives her a charming smile.

(21:12):
Come right in the TV's in the living room.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
She asks, you're.

Speaker 3 (21:16):
Joey Gladstone, right, I've seen your act. You're very funny.
He equips, you must have seen it in English. She
walks into the living room. Joey turns to Jesse and whispers,
I think she likes me.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
How do I look?

Speaker 3 (21:29):
Jesse quickly examines him, Well, you're rocking the Hugh Hefner
robe thing, but i'd buff up the Ninja turtle slippers.
Joey nods, I already buffed them once, but I'll buff
them again. He heads into the next room, quickly polishing
each slipper on the back of his legs, which was
a funny, like Dave commits, Man, he can make even
rubbing your feet on the back of your legs funny.

(21:51):
It's so great. In the living room, Linda quickly wraps
up her work, saying, she put a booster on the
cable out back.

Speaker 2 (22:00):
That's what I'm saying. Three hours.

Speaker 3 (22:07):
Yeah, yeah, well that you know this is She knows
what she's doing more than anybody else in the house.
She tells Joey everything is fixed. In fact, a monster
truck show is playing on the TV, and Joey marvels, wow,
we never got the truck and track or Pull network
before Linda gives him a little grin.

Speaker 2 (22:25):
Let's just say that's our little secret.

Speaker 3 (22:27):
He beams, thanks, this is really turning out to be
a great day, but she disagrees. Not for me. I
just tried to get Donnie and Marie tickets, but they're
sold out. Joey's eyes widen. That's amazing. I just won
two front row seats do you want to go? She
excitedly grabs a pen and paper. Sounds great, call me later,

(22:50):
and she hands over her phone number. Joey nods in
disbelief absolutely. As Linda heads out, she pauses and adds,
I love your slippers, and he jokes I'll wear them tonight.
He lets her out the door before announcing.

Speaker 2 (23:04):
Jess, I got the date.

Speaker 3 (23:06):
I'm on the roll of a lifetime. This is this
is all like the opening scene basically, you know, like
this all this has happened in the first.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
Front load a sitcom.

Speaker 1 (23:17):
You know what I mean? We got We've got ninety
seconds to load everything in everything, Yeah, everything they have
said up. We've got we got Linda, we got boosters,
we got we got monster trucks, we got the Turtle slippers,
we got Johnny, Marie, h Elvis and Priscillo. I mean,
there's there's a lot happening, like I have whiplashes and

(23:39):
we have a phone.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
I mean, my god, what don't we have in this scene.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
There's a lot happening, and it's I'm a little overwhelmed,
but hey, I'm here for this. So Jesse walks in
and congratulates Joey. See that that extra buffing paid off.
Then Jesse turns on the TV so they can tune
in to Wake Up San Francisco. Becky tell the viewers
we're back with a special guest who works right here

(24:03):
at Channel eight. Danny jumps in. I grew up watching
this man. He was like a father figure to me.
Not that I didn't have a great father, although my
dad did sometimes wear socks with his sandals, which got
kind of cheesy. But Becky gently places a hand on
his leg to remind him we're only a half hour show.
Wake Up San Francisco's only a half hour. It's a

(24:25):
morning talk show, right, shouldn't it be least an hour
or three?

Speaker 2 (24:29):
It's San Francisco, all right.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Sometimes they have the show in the morning, sometimes they don't.
Sometimes it's thirty minutes, sometimes it's sixty. You know, it's
whatever the Tanners want to do. You know, it's kind
of based on whatever their schedule, whatever fits into their schedule,
and whatever of their family members they can get to
come on the show at the time.

Speaker 3 (24:50):
Yes, yes, yeah, oh yes, I forgot. This is basically
Tanner Town.

Speaker 1 (24:55):
No one else actually lives in San Francisco except for
like fifteen other people that randomly come in and out right.

Speaker 3 (25:00):
The same the same background actress.

Speaker 2 (25:02):
Right, it's just like it's the Truman Show.

Speaker 1 (25:07):
Like the Tanners have no idea that they're living, that
everything is literally made.

Speaker 2 (25:13):
To revolve around them.

Speaker 1 (25:14):
Yeah, I have no idea, We have no idea. Weird
that we just wake up one day and there's a
studio in our house and yeah, there's.

Speaker 3 (25:22):
Like this is amazing. Yeah, they're so just dang innocent.
Oh man, so Becky continues here. He is the host
of San Francisco's favorite cartoon kiddie show.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
Ranger Roy.

Speaker 3 (25:37):
Ranger Roy bounds onto the set and exclaims Audi ho
junior Rangers. Joey points at the TV. I used to
love that guy. I watched him every day as a kid.
On screen, Roy gets the audience involved, give yourselves an
official Ranger Roy bear huger, and he hugs himself lightly.

(25:58):
Joey immediately hugs himlf in response, and Jesse realizes you
got that date just in time. On the morning show,
Ranger Roy has a big announcement to make. After thirty years,
he's retiring and leaving the enchanted forest. He brings out
his squirrel puppet Merle to help deliver the news. Merle explains,

(26:22):
we're moving to Florida to an enchanted condo. That's not all,
Ranger Roy reveals, I'll be choosing a new ranger to
take my plates. Joey blurts out, I'd be perfect for
that job.

Speaker 2 (26:34):
Lucky for you. I bet nobody else is even on listening.

Speaker 3 (26:37):
Heay, the nepotism is strong right right this family. Danny
chimes in, you know what, my friend Joey would be
perfect for that job, and Joey's jaw drops. Ranger Roy responds, well,
I'm interviewing today. Bring Joey on to Jesse switches off
the TV and Joey turns to him.

Speaker 2 (26:57):
This is a dream come true.

Speaker 3 (26:58):
I can't believe it. It's my lucky day. He throws
his arms around Jesse for a bear hug and Jesse's scowls.
And if you want your luck to last, let go
and we're out. Nepotism trend continues.

Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yes, oh, this is just I love this show.

Speaker 3 (27:19):
Back in Stephan Michelle's room, Michelle is still doing her
tea for two tap routine at warp speed. The Holy
miss Aphonia like.

Speaker 2 (27:29):
Yeah right, Luckily tap dancing isn't one of the things
that sets it off. I would have lost my mind.
Oh it was.

Speaker 3 (27:35):
It was driving me crazy, and I was, you know,
watching it through a screen. I cannot imagine being there.
Michelle is not happy when she realizes Stephanie is not
watching her. Steph looks up from her homework wearing her
Wells wears Waldo glasses.

Speaker 2 (27:52):
Mm hm oh yeah, and she was like, big, did
I what was popular?

Speaker 1 (27:58):
Like?

Speaker 2 (27:59):
Was that a style of was popular? I don't know.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
There a lot of.

Speaker 2 (28:02):
People wearing glasses that look like that. Why did I
pick those?

Speaker 3 (28:05):
I don't know. They looked like special glasses that you
had to order for like some like disease, and like
what I.

Speaker 1 (28:18):
Said, they didn't look cute and you're like, wow, you
look like your head's disease.

Speaker 3 (28:21):
Yes. Basically, my mother, who had carroticonas, had to order
like special glasses that were so thick they should called
them like oak bottles because they were so thick. Because
she couldn't see because she had bad corneas. So this
was like the e coun Well, they're like the bad
cornea glasses. Sorry, had an issue. I thought it was

(28:41):
just an astigmatism. But here who knows her Cornea is.

Speaker 1 (28:47):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Carrott and Cones, Carrotten, Cones, card and
conas great, which looked adorable?

Speaker 3 (28:55):
You looked adorable.

Speaker 2 (28:56):
There's just you know, you know, for someone with the
with unfunctioning eyeballs.

Speaker 3 (29:01):
Thank you, you look very healthy.

Speaker 2 (29:03):
Yeah, you never know that those were your eyeballs.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
Stephanie pleads, I watched all the way to school, I
watched during school, I watched all the way home from school.

Speaker 2 (29:16):
I watched, and I watched, and I watched.

Speaker 3 (29:19):
Michelle is completely unfazed. Good, now watch this. She launches
right back into her frantic tapping and chants the song
over and over and over again. Step shakes her head
at the nuisance she has created. Just then, Joey enters,
holding something behind his back. He says, hey, girls, I'd
like you to meet a very special friend of mine.

(29:40):
He reveals a familiar puppet up.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
He came to the right room, pump. It's welcome, of course.

Speaker 1 (29:49):
Just pick the right audience for this. Yeah, this is
very appropriate. Say hello to mister Woodchuck.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
He's here, He is here, mister Woodchuck.

Speaker 3 (30:01):
And I learned this from reading Jeff's book.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
This was this.

Speaker 3 (30:05):
This puppet cost twenty five thousand dollars.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
I remembered that.

Speaker 1 (30:09):
I remember hearing that because after Dave's dog ate the
face off of it twenty years later, he was like,
you have no idea.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
I was like, okay, you get it. He was like, no,
you don't even know.

Speaker 1 (30:19):
How it was.

Speaker 2 (30:20):
You don't even know.

Speaker 3 (30:21):
In nineteen ninety one, it was twenty five thousand dollars eight.
But it was built by the by the.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
Henson Muppet Monster Workshop.

Speaker 3 (30:30):
Yeah, the special fleece technology.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
Yeah, they they have a.

Speaker 1 (30:35):
Special little muppet fleecing that they use. And uh yeah,
so I got to touch a Henson Muppet Monster creation.

Speaker 3 (30:45):
Even this is before you got your hot Dog muppet
of your own at.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
The stint right over there there yet see it.

Speaker 3 (30:52):
I can see him.

Speaker 1 (30:53):
I literally I s pulled it out to show to
my kids and miscal and I was like, you guys,
look at it.

Speaker 2 (30:57):
And they were just like, that's great, that's really great.
Oh yeah, They're like, okay, lady.

Speaker 3 (31:06):
Oh I love this. So Michelle Brightly greets mister Woodchuck,
and mister Woodchuck responds say, I'm very hungry. Is that
tap board made of what Joey switches back to his
normal voice to explain, mister Woodchuck is going to audition
with me today at the Ranger Roy Show, and I
know I'm going to get it because today is my

(31:27):
lucky day.

Speaker 2 (31:28):
I mean, yeah it is.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
You just got a twenty five thousand dollars puppet made
in two hours, right, that's this is unbelievable. Pull a
puppet right out of your puppet show. Yeah, is that
a puppet to your carrying?

Speaker 3 (31:43):
Or yeah?

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Is that a hot coppet you're carrying? Are you're just
excited to see me? Okay?

Speaker 3 (31:49):
The jokes rates themselves, So Joey pat's pockets and mutters, now,
if I could just remember where I put my party's.
He reaches into a pocket and pulls out a twenty
dollar bill. Then he checks his breast pocket and exclaims,
my lost banaka I can't miss.

Speaker 2 (32:07):
Okay, I don't make any banocas around anymore.

Speaker 1 (32:10):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
For those for the youth, banaka was basically a spray
of mint flavored gasoline that you that you sprayed into
your mouth to give you fresh breath, but really just
steered your taste buds off and uh and made you

(32:31):
not taste your breath anymore, so that nobody else around
you could either.

Speaker 3 (32:34):
No, that stuff was so strong, My god, yes, bro,
it would make your eyes could make your eyesight.

Speaker 2 (32:43):
We would have like like kids have banoka contests. This
is how we entertained ourselves in the early nineties. We
would see how much I remember, we'd be like, how
many banocas raised can? Because after somewhere after four.

Speaker 3 (32:55):
You were like, oh, go closes up. I'm sure that
was hazardous on multiple levels, but yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:03):
Sure, how many sprays? Yeah that was oh god, like
that was a flex back.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
At night, right, and let me tell you it still
would be, you know, and that's yeah, And that's coming
from someone who has done a lot of things.

Speaker 2 (33:19):
But you know, and that one hurts.

Speaker 3 (33:22):
Yeah, that was a lot of the worst of all
of the things.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
Yes, it probably discontinued it after some sort of lawsuit
that someone's trachy had got burned.

Speaker 2 (33:31):
I'm sure it was right.

Speaker 1 (33:31):
They were like, oh, like it actually just weird's away
your throat so you can't use it anymore.

Speaker 3 (33:38):
Your esophag is just disintegrated.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
But again, minty fresh, yeah.

Speaker 1 (33:43):
Yeah, Hey, the halatosis bay, that's what helotosis actually isn't
a thing.

Speaker 2 (33:50):
Wait, it's not no helotosis. Here's you're random fact.

Speaker 1 (33:54):
For this day.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
I don't know. I couldn't tell you, but I'm going
to tell you.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Toosis was a word and a fake disease made up
by uh lysol and listerine in order to sell mouthwash.
It is not an actual disease. Quote unquote. It's just
bad breath. It's just bad breath.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
It's just so it's not like a condition, that's what
you're saying. No, but some people do have it worse
than others. But that's yeah, but.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
That's just such a natural But that's dental hygiene, that's
your that's the tongue, that's not your coca.

Speaker 2 (34:31):
It's a lot of everything. All I'm going to say
is that halatosis is not an actual thing.

Speaker 3 (34:37):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
I mean, you might have bad breath, but the halatosis
as a disease is not.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
No, it was.

Speaker 1 (34:43):
It was simply made in order to tell people that
they had something wrong with them so that they could
buy the solution.

Speaker 3 (34:50):
So they would buy they buy the banaka and the
listrine and all of you.

Speaker 1 (34:54):
I think lustine, it was listening lysol, whatever it was.
This was in like the thirties or four or fifties,
like way way, this was a while back.

Speaker 3 (35:03):
Yeah, wow, yeah, the things you didn't think you would
learn on this podcast today. You know, Joony Sweeten is
you're here to deliver. We are an educational podcast and
an entertainment podcast. I have no idea where I am? Okay,
joe Yeah right, bannockam okay. So Joey gives himself and

(35:24):
mister Woodchuck a spray of banoka before heading for the door.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
You can hear it sizzle on the puppet.

Speaker 3 (35:30):
It's a visceral experience. The scent, the taste, the sound,
like all of it, and then and then the feel
of it. It's it's really yeah, all five senses and
maybe a sixth too.

Speaker 1 (35:42):
So Michelle turns, it's pretty strong. I it could rocket
you into a fourth dimension.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
You know a lot.

Speaker 3 (35:49):
It's for sure outlawed in forty eight states. Now, oh yeah,
Michelle turns to Stephanie. You want to see something amazing,
step size Sure, Michelle launches into the exact same tap
routine yet again, and Stephanie just rolls her eyes.

Speaker 2 (36:06):
Have a sprayer with banaka?

Speaker 3 (36:07):
That would that would have wing right, have disarmed her
completely for the next two weeks.

Speaker 2 (36:16):
Right, it was just grabbing her eye get a chemical burn.

Speaker 3 (36:21):
Next on the Ranger, Roy set Danny's at the.

Speaker 2 (36:23):
Studio, telling it's just next door.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
Right, yeah, well it's Channel eight. Yeah they all they
share studio space.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:32):
He tells ranger Roy, hey, thanks for meeting with Joey.
You're going to love him.

Speaker 2 (36:38):
Have anybody else to audition?

Speaker 3 (36:39):
So, you know, an audition for one?

Speaker 1 (36:41):
Right?

Speaker 3 (36:42):
Yeah, why not? Nanny extend extends his hand for a handshake,
but Roy freezes Danner. I never shake hands. Danny realizes, Oh,
of course you invented the Ranger, Roy bear hug lay
one on me. He reaches out, but Roy puts his
hands up and man's get away from me. Danny asks,

(37:03):
what's the matter, So Roy confesses, I suffer from acute
physical paranoia.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
Oh, we got it's kind of like a like a
Howie Mandel thing. Doesn't like touching people.

Speaker 3 (37:14):
Yeah, it doesn't like shaking hands or touching people.

Speaker 2 (37:16):
I'd be fair after COVID. Yeah, I respect that.

Speaker 3 (37:21):
I respect it. I kind of want to adopt it
as well, you.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
Know, I know, I at least stop locking door handles.
So that's a step up.

Speaker 3 (37:27):
Yeah. Yeah, So apparently human contact causes Ranger Roy to
hyperventilate and break out in hives, and that's why he
started the whole hug yourself thing. Kind of brilliant, right,
Then Joey strolls in with a pep in his step.
Howdy ho, Danny introduces his friend. This is Joey Gladstone,

(37:47):
commedy genius. Joey reaches out to shake Roy's hand, and
Danny quickly intercepts, whispering to Joey, you can't touch him.
Joey responds, nobody can touch him. He's a living life.
But if anyone's going to might as well be me.
He starts his routine, telling mister Woodchuck myrtle, the squirrel

(38:08):
lives in the enchanted treehouse. How would you like living here?
The puppet replies, well, I have been looking. I have
been looking to branch out. Puns keep coming that they they,
they just won't stop. Roy cracks a smile. Cute, what
else you got? Joey launches into a medley of cartoon

(38:28):
voices to show off his range, and Roy is extremely impressed, admitting, Gladstone,
you're the man. I've been looking for. Joey is stunned.
Really I got the job, and Roy nods mm hmm.
I don't.

Speaker 2 (38:44):
Can you imagine if it was that easy to get
a job in this business?

Speaker 3 (38:46):
Right like, there was no audition, got the job, waiting around,
no like callbacks.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
No.

Speaker 2 (38:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (38:55):
I like the way I like the way Ranger Roy
runs things that happen Chanted Forest.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
Yeah, he does it well and it worked out great
for Joey. Joey blurts out, thank you, Ranger Roy, Sir,
your highness, your woodsiness, I love you, and then he
hugs him from the physical contact. Roy immediately starts gasping
for air. Janny quickly peels him off, but Joey is celebrating,

(39:22):
so he's completely unaware of his misstep. Joey tells the
hyperventilating TV host, you don't know how much this means
to me.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
I'm just as.

Speaker 3 (39:30):
Choked up as you are. He bolts for the door
and shouts, thank you so much for the job. I
gotta call my agent. This is the luckiest day of
my life. Roy is now blowing into a paper bag
trying to recover. Janny reassures him forgive Joey. He didn't
know what he was doing. You made a real smart
move by hiring him. Roy gasps between breaths. He's fire.

Speaker 2 (39:57):
Feels a little unfair.

Speaker 3 (39:58):
I mean, Joey didn't know it's Joy has warned. Yeah,
this guy's a TV host of a children's show, like
children are always all over you, Like, does this man
he might be in a long profession If he doesn't
like physical contact.

Speaker 1 (40:12):
Well, maybe that's why he's retiring. He's like all these years,
these I just want to he wants to go. Yeah, yeah,
he can't wait to go move to you know, Florida.

Speaker 3 (40:23):
Yeah, just get away, get away from all the kids.
He wants to hang out with the with the old
people in Florida. Yeah, it's it's a smart.

Speaker 2 (40:29):
Move for Roy.

Speaker 3 (40:32):
Over in the living room, Becky and Stephanie are glued
to the TV, shouting go, go go, and steph Grinn's
how did we ever live without the truck and tractor
pull channel?

Speaker 2 (40:42):
How did we nice?

Speaker 3 (40:44):
Callback? Though, Michelle storms in and shuts off the TV
without warning.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
Somebody took my tap shoes.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
She's absolutely in her demanding phase. He's just right. Stephanie
raises an eyebrow. Does that finger in my face, mean
you think it was me? Michelle fires back, duh, and
again the audience loves this. They are applauding for her.
This is now like a reoccurring bit her.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
Little duffing yeah yeah.

Speaker 3 (41:15):
Becky steps in and asks Stephanie, what do you know
about this? Stephanie shrugs, I'm as sad about this tap
shoe tragedy as Michelle. Michelle hits her with a classic
police and suddenly the front door swings open. Joey bertson,
howdi ho junior rangers? Guess who's the new ranger?

Speaker 2 (41:35):
Roy?

Speaker 3 (41:36):
The girl's cheer for this big accomplishment. Joey is still stunned.
Talk about a lucky day. First a newspaper strike saved
me from a bad review. Then I want tickets to
Donnie and Marie. Then a beautiful woman came over fixed
her cable, and now she's going out with me tonight.
I'd pinch myself, but I'd just probably just strike oil.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
He said, he's on a run. He's han't been day.

Speaker 3 (42:00):
This was an amazing recap of the first you know
five rights of the show. Incredible. Then DJ comes racing
down the stairs and says, you guys, are gonna love this.
I found out why Uncle Jesse's so obsessed with finding
cool names for the twins. I called Grandma and Uncle
Jesse's real name is Hermes. The family goes silent before echoing.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
Hermes believes.

Speaker 1 (42:29):
Just kidding.

Speaker 2 (42:30):
Oh the company.

Speaker 3 (42:33):
No, I knew what you remember, But at first I
was like, oh did I mispronounce it? No?

Speaker 2 (42:36):
No, no, it's the wait. So what came no?

Speaker 3 (42:39):
No, no, what came first? The designer? The designer, your men?

Speaker 2 (42:43):
No, Hermes.

Speaker 1 (42:45):
Hermis is a Greek god, right, and Mes and Mez
is a French design designer house, which I probably came
about sometime in the mid twentieth century.

Speaker 3 (42:57):
Oh okay, so literal Greek god, the Greek.

Speaker 2 (43:00):
Guy way before, way before. The company that makes really
expensive bags.

Speaker 3 (43:06):
Good to know it's a chicken and chicken her egg moment.
Yeah yeah, yeah, okay. So Becky blinks I married to
Hermes and Michelle gasps. I got an uncle Hermes DJ
goes on. He was teased so much in kindergarten that
he begged to change his name.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
I mean, I bet one letter away. Hermes changed that
M to a P. You know it's her piece.

Speaker 3 (43:34):
I didn't even think that that's super unfortunate. This is
the most random storyline, Like where.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
Will why he was? He would have been Hermes Cochrane?

Speaker 3 (43:46):
Right, how many dimes does this guy change his name
in a lifetime.

Speaker 2 (43:50):
I'm starting to question Jesse. Who Jesse really is?

Speaker 1 (43:53):
Right? A. Cochrane is an exterminator nanny, he gets three
record deals, he goes on tour.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
I'm beginning to think he might be a spy.

Speaker 3 (44:05):
Whatever it is. He really needs to just pick a lane.
He's gone through nine lives practically already. Right, wow, but
this is just a super random okay, so certain random
be storyline. I don't know where they short on.

Speaker 1 (44:18):
I mean, I definitely know people who have changed their name.
Uh that a lot of people don't know.

Speaker 3 (44:25):
Wait really anyone I know?

Speaker 2 (44:27):
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (44:28):
Wait really can you say it on air?

Speaker 2 (44:31):
I'm not gonna say it on air, but yeah, but
but yeah, definitely.

Speaker 3 (44:36):
A mutual mutual friends.

Speaker 2 (44:38):
No no, no, no, no, not a mutual friend, but
someone who if I said their name, we would both know.
You'd be like, oh, and I think you know this already.
I love being completely vague.

Speaker 3 (44:48):
I know, well, and I'm like.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
Stuck on this. I'm like, yeah, I gotta guess who
it is.

Speaker 3 (44:53):
Oh, okay, that's not his real name. No, sweet changed
his first name and his last name.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
Wow, but I didn't know that for ever.

Speaker 3 (45:02):
I was like, what, Yeah, well, the things you learned later.
That was amazing, an amazing tangent. Comet comes trotting in
with Michelle's missing.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
Tap shoes in his mouth. I wish she was wearing them.

Speaker 3 (45:23):
That would be a special animal.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
Yea, right, dog and tap shoes would be amazing. That
would be so cute.

Speaker 3 (45:29):
It might sound even better than Michelle's little Tea for
two rendition. Right, But Michelle commands drop them, and the
dog obeys. Then Jesse walks in, asking you, guys, see
what comet dug up. Steph scrambles and says, smiling innocently, well,
you know how dogs like to bury things. Jesse narrows

(45:50):
his eyes in a plastic bag. Michelle spins to face Stephanie,
you should be ashamed of yourself. And she's really enjoying.
She's really letting you have it. Oh yeah, join letting
you have it. Steph confesses, all right, I did it,
and I'm glad all day long. It's been tea for

(46:10):
two tap tap tap tea for two tap tap tap.
I couldn't take it anymore. It was either get rid
of those shoes or lose my mind. She stomps upstairs,
still singing the song under her breath. This little mental
breakdown like this is fantastic. You're delivery of this was stuff,
just finally, anyone would go crazy after that much teeth

(46:33):
too tapping, you know so much. You're well within your
right that outburst. It was a great and I put
them in a plastic bag. It's not like I've ruined
the tap shoes.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
It lesally.

Speaker 3 (46:43):
I mean you were a thoughtful you were a thoughtful hider. Yeah,
I appreciate that. So Michelle turns to her uncle and
sweetly says, thanks, Uncle Hermes for finding my shoes. Jesse responds,
you're welcome, and then he stops dead in his tracks
and asks, wait, what did you call me? Michelle repeats,
Uncle Hermes, that's your name. Becky and dj burst out laughing.

(47:07):
Jesse glares, who told you my name was Hermes? And
dj answers. Grandma. He In says she's lying, but Becky
gives him a knowing look and he breaks it's Hermes
and the girls lose it all over again. Jesse defends
his namesake. Not only is Hermes the Greek god of swiftness,

(47:30):
it's also my great grandfather's name. I'll have you know.
He saved the entire town from destruction when he raced
barefoot down a volcano to warn everyone. Of course, no
one was in the town, because well, who could miss
a volcano erupting? But the point is the name Hermes
stands for strength, courage, and very hot feet. So now

(47:50):
who among you will make fun of a name so
bold and courageous as Hermes. Becky and DJ keep their
composure and say we're sorry. She'll ask Uncle Hermes, do
you want us to call you that now? And Jesse scoffs, No,
what am I some kind of geek?

Speaker 2 (48:09):
So this makes me question, what is What's Pamela's real name?
Can't be Pamela. It's gotta be yeah, uh, Euripides or something,
you know, I don't know something, uh.

Speaker 3 (48:20):
Yeah, something, something flamboyant.

Speaker 2 (48:22):
I don't know this for Oh it's not it's not
pam it's Persephone.

Speaker 1 (48:29):
I like that.

Speaker 3 (48:30):
Yeah, so we're just renaming were renaming the Catopo lie
where they just.

Speaker 2 (48:34):
Well if she's gonna be Greek. We gotta throw it
in there somehow.

Speaker 3 (48:39):
This storyline, this was a lot of explaining. It was
resolved in one scene.

Speaker 2 (48:44):
It was a sea storyline.

Speaker 1 (48:47):
It was a C.

Speaker 3 (48:47):
Yeah, it wasn't a B storyline. It was a C storyline.
And I just I don't know, didn't didn't totally hit
for me. But whatever, Uncle Hermes, He's a Greek. Now, yeah,
I believe Herms.

Speaker 1 (49:00):
This is also the one like when you see the
little like Greek sandal with the like the wing on
the back of it, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (49:06):
Oh yeah, I believe.

Speaker 1 (49:07):
I forget what company that's a logo for, oh, but anyway,
I believe that is the like the for Hermes Swift.

Speaker 3 (49:16):
Of foot stands for oh yes, Swift Swift Footwear. Yeah, okay,
this all it's I'm connecting the dots here. Yeah. So
next in the kitchen, Danny burst through the back door
and approaches Joey. I got to talk to you about something.
Joey responds, I know the newspaper strike is over and
I got a bad review, but who cares. I'm gonna

(49:36):
be ranger, Joe. They can't touch me. Danny tries to
get a word in, but then the phone rings and
Joey answers it. The person on the other end explains
that Joey's fourth cousin is a janitor at KFLX, and
all family members are disqualified from winning the contest, so

(49:56):
instead they're offering him a KFLX sweat and they.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
Called it in.

Speaker 3 (50:03):
Oh yeah, that's right, they called.

Speaker 2 (50:06):
They called.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
Jesse answered, that's weird what radio show calls people.

Speaker 2 (50:12):
That is a big that's a big loophole that I.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
Wasn't even what I'm saying. I think the uncle set
him up. Yeah, it was like no, no, called this number.
And then the uncle janitor took tickets and gave the
sweat band a Joey.

Speaker 3 (50:26):
Oh, this was the boiled boiled again.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
This is poor Joey.

Speaker 3 (50:33):
Just when he was starting to get some good luck,
here we go. It's all going downhill. So Joey sighs
to Danny Boy of all the rotten luck, and Danny
Grimace's speaking of rotten luck. Just then someone knocks at
the door. Joey opens it to find Linda the cable girl.
She delivers the bad news, Joey, It's worse than you think,

(50:56):
and Joey space falls. Oh no, they're taking away my
truck and track for poll. Linda shakes her head. The
whole cable's out, but we're still on for that concert, right,
He stammers, well, I don't have the tickets anymore.

Speaker 2 (51:10):
And she scoffs.

Speaker 3 (51:12):
That's so typical. You were just using me and Joey
protests No, I wasn't. I swear you want a KFLX sweatband.
She raises an eyebrow, Sure where is it, and he admits, well,
I don't have it right now. She rolls her eyes.
Oh there's a shock, and she storms away.

Speaker 2 (51:33):
She's falling apart very quickly.

Speaker 3 (51:35):
She's a little bitter for this, like you know, like
it's an innocent like he innocently Loanda the cable gal
has been burned.

Speaker 2 (51:42):
Many of you know.

Speaker 1 (51:44):
She has given many people the tractor trailer poll channel,
thinking that maybe it would get her somewhere, and it
just keeps getting her nowhere soil again.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
Yes, she's very bitter.

Speaker 3 (51:55):
She's tired of these men trying to hit on her. Okay,
this makes it exactly.

Speaker 1 (51:58):
She can go in the backyard and actually she actually
cut their cable. Now, Oh, first she was like, oh no,
it's out, and it was and now she's.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
Like, now I'm cutting.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
The cable and now they're never gonna get TV again again. Okay,
it all makes sense now, so Joey mutters, boy, if
this weren't my lucky day, I'd be a little blue
right now. Finally, Danny delivers his bad news Ranger. Roy
is having second thoughts about giving you the job. Joey's

(52:28):
eyes widened.

Speaker 2 (52:29):
What did he say?

Speaker 3 (52:30):
Danny admits he said you were fired. Joey is in disbelief.
What are you talking about? He loved me so much
he was speechless, and Danny explains that explains Roy's condition,
and Joey's face falls. I was on him like a
piranha on a workshop. Then realization hits once again. Oh
my god, I gotta stop that thank you telegram I

(52:53):
sent him. Danny gives him a puzzled look. How can
a telegram Hurtlanes? It's a hug agram, a guy dressed
in a bear suit who hands you balloons and gives
you a great, big bear hug. I even paid extra
for the tummy rub.

Speaker 2 (53:12):
Wow, this is a service. Like Wow, that guy in
the bearsuit should get a good tip.

Speaker 3 (53:19):
Right, Danny puts a hand on his shoulder. I'm no expert,
but I'd say your lucky streak is over. Joey shakes
his head. Maybe not, Maybe I can still get a
second shot at that job. I gotta stop that bear,
and he quickly races out the door for Joey. In

(53:40):
Ranger Roy's studio, Roy is on stage ready to start
his show. Then suddenly a man in a bear suit
bursts in, carrying a bunch of balloons. Roy happily asks
for me, and the bear nods a hug agram from
Joey Gladstone. He wraps his arms around Ranger Roy before
anyone can stop him. Joey rushes in, panicked. No, stop

(54:04):
that bear, get off him. It's a mistake. This man
can't stand to be touched. He yanks the bear off
and tells him sorry about this. I know I still
owe you for the tummy rub. Meanwhile, Roy stumbles off set,
breathing into a paper bag.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
This one excellent.

Speaker 3 (54:24):
This went south really fast. Danny is with Michelle and
Teddy when he spots the host and wins its. I
guess you're guess you got your bear hug? Huh, and
Roy just blaars. I gotta get my dog who's stuck
under my test.

Speaker 1 (54:42):
No, I thought you were about to pull out. Uh
murle the squirrel. Just Holly, Holly, the dollies Dolly, so

(55:04):
she can get stuck.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
In that corner of the room.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
I know, right, I'm like, I've blocked off all of
the various places she can get stuck, and she still
finds a place to get stuck. That's okay. She's one
hundred and ten years old and we forgive her.

Speaker 2 (55:15):
That's true.

Speaker 4 (55:16):
I was gonna say, though, the security on this stage
is which is killer non existing Because a random guy
in a bear suit coming up to hug your host
with children there, the other guys coming in to attack
that guy, no one to stop it.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
Danny shows up.

Speaker 3 (55:31):
With two extra kids, but one of them isn't even his.
There's no background checks.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
There's no no. Well, it was the early nineties, you know,
we didn't have all that stuff yet. You didn't have
to take your shoes off at the airport, You walk
your family to the gate.

Speaker 1 (55:45):
He wasn't nowhere seat belts. You don't have to worry
about some madman in a bear costume trying to hug you.
And rub your belly.

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Yeah that sounds so much.

Speaker 3 (55:55):
More sinister than it is.

Speaker 2 (55:57):
Oh, because it could as absolutely go there.

Speaker 1 (56:01):
And in my mind, this the story that I have
created is it's great, Oh dear, along the lines of
like Death to Smoochie, that that movie.

Speaker 2 (56:11):
Where about the like kids show hosts that and they're
just all horrible? Oh geez, oh good, this is gonna
be really dark.

Speaker 3 (56:18):
Yeah, it's really dark, full house after dark. Ugh. So
the stage manager warrens, we're on in fifteen seconds. Danner
cover for him. Yeah, you go for it, Just any anyone,
just take his place.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
I would.

Speaker 1 (56:34):
I'm gonna I'm gonna say that.

Speaker 2 (56:36):
This stage manager isn't managing much on the stage.

Speaker 3 (56:40):
Well, he's not managing the bear, he's not managing the
managing anything. No, And is this a live show? Is
that what we're suating that the live children's.

Speaker 1 (56:48):
Television Everyone loves to do a live children's television show.

Speaker 3 (56:52):
This is getting worse by the minute. So Roy hands
Merle to Danny, but Danny hesitates, I don't know anything
about puppets except if you machine wash them, their eyes
come off. The stage manager declares, that's good enough. You're
on in five four, three two. Michael Shade did a
great job with us. Perfect countdown. He's a fantastic The

(57:16):
Ranger roy theme starts in. Danny waves Merle in the
air while smiling. Danny greets the children seated around him
on little tree stumps. Howdy ho, Junior Rangers. Michelle, who
is seated amongst the kids, is howdy ho. Daddy Teddy
pipes up, where's ranger boy.

Speaker 1 (57:37):
Suit? Cute?

Speaker 2 (57:38):
I doubt?

Speaker 3 (57:39):
Danny hesitates. Uh, he's taken a little breather, but that
doesn't matter because I'm Ranger Dan. Teddy shoots back, where's
your ranger uniform? Danny uses Merle to talk to him.
That's a very good question, and uh, here's the answer.
He's an undercover ranger. Danny smiles, thank you, Earle, and

(58:00):
the puppet shouts it's Merle.

Speaker 2 (58:03):
Ranger.

Speaker 3 (58:04):
Dan quickly pivots to introduce his deputy Ranger, Joey Gladstone.
He pulls a reluctant Joey onto the set, telling the
kids say howdy hoe to Ranger Joe. Joey grumbles, no,
thank you, Ranger Dan. Danny slyly reminds his friend what
Ranger Joe doesn't realize is this could be his big

(58:24):
chance to be somebody. Joey sighs, forget it, my luck
has run out. Janny doesn't give up. There's a good
lesson here. Boys and girls. You make your own luck
in this crazy mixed.

Speaker 1 (58:36):
Up unless you're related to the Tanners, in which case
luck kind of comes knocking on your door.

Speaker 3 (58:42):
It finds you, right, it finds you. Yeah, yeah, it's
deliberately written that way.

Speaker 2 (58:46):
Yes.

Speaker 3 (58:47):
Uh. He pats Joey's head with merle and encourages go
get him, buddy. Joey goes for it. He pulls back
a curtain to reveal mister Woodchuck, and the kids cheer
for the puppet. He kicks off his asking mister Woodchuck,
how do you like living in the enchanted forest? Mister
Woodchuck replies, well, it looks delicious. I've never seen so much.

(59:10):
Would even Ranger Roy chuckles from the wings. Mister Woodchuck continues,
kind of reminds me where I'm from, Oakland. Roy lets
out a big belly laugh at this. Joey asks the
kids want to hear a Woodchuck Joe and they all
shout yeah. Mister Woodchuck starts knock knock, and the kids

(59:31):
ask who's there? Isador? Isador? Who Isador made of wood? Finally,
Roy jogs back onto the set with a howdie hope.
Joey says, well, Junior Rangers, it looks like Ranger Roy
is back in the enchanted forest, so I'll just take
a height to the enchanted unemployment office. Roy declares, not

(59:53):
so fast. This show is the last one for Merle
and me. But the good news is Ranger joe is
taking over. The kids cheer and Joey gasps, oh shucks, golly,
you mean you really mean it, Ranger Roy.

Speaker 2 (01:00:09):
The man nods.

Speaker 3 (01:00:11):
The smiles on these faces show me I've made the
right choice. So here's your official Ranger hat. Roy takes
off his hat and hands it to his predecessor. Joey
puts it on and.

Speaker 2 (01:00:23):
Exclaims, wait, wait, no, his successor. I was like, wait successor, Yeah, yeah,
his successor.

Speaker 3 (01:00:29):
There we go. Joey puts on the hat and exclaims, wow,
it fits in everything. Just the luckiest day of my life.
But everything works out.

Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Wow and all of it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:41):
Fifteen seconds into a live show and real Yeah, can
you imagine being at home watching the show with your
kids and being like, what is hating this is the
most disorganized kids show.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
I mean going to the flipment office, right, Yeah, these
kids are learning all sorts of things that so much.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
Yeah you even need to know.

Speaker 3 (01:01:01):
Roy tells the kids go give Ranger Joey a great
big bear hug. All the kids pylon to Joey and
Joey jokes. Okay, kids, cut it out, no no, no, no, hey,
all right, Well there we go. Another Joey centric episode.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
Joey centric episode.

Speaker 3 (01:01:23):
Our hundredth episode, one hundredth episode, the debut of mister Woodchuck.

Speaker 2 (01:01:29):
I don't know what more can we ask for.

Speaker 3 (01:01:32):
I love I love watching Dave Shine, I love getting
to see these episodes. But did we really need an
episode all about Joey's bad luck? I mean, for five seasons,
the guy has been unlucky in love, unlucky in his career,
unlucky in a lot of things.

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
It's true, so lucky and yet also the luckiest son
of a gun in the world, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (01:01:54):
Like also liked be like Joey just wait ten minutes
in the household where like it's gonna be fine.

Speaker 3 (01:02:01):
You know that's truey attractive woman will come through the
door some minutes.

Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
Knock at your back door in a couple episodes, and
it'll be fine. Someone will call you out of the
blue with free tickets and give you something free.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
Don't worry. Yeah I do. In my head, I want
to create.

Speaker 1 (01:02:19):
The world of where the Tanners are The Truman Show,
The Tanner Show, The Tanner Show, and it's the entire
everything just functions around them and they have no idea.

Speaker 3 (01:02:31):
No clue, no clue. That's very accurate because the world
does revolve.

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
And then they.

Speaker 3 (01:02:38):
Wait, haven't we seen those same people over and over?

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
Those people?

Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:02:46):
Yeah, big is this backyard? And they just it's a
backdrop like, oh my god.

Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
When they find what Oh hey, I would watch it.
I'm here for it.

Speaker 1 (01:02:56):
The Tanner Show, Well, I'm gonna make a nighty that
puppet show about it.

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
So there we go.

Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
I gotta divvy up which puppets you're gonna play, and uh,
which you're gonna I only got two arms, but I'm
gonna have to learn how.

Speaker 2 (01:03:10):
To do puppets with my feet. That's all I say.
Oh my gosh, we did that was that was our show?
That was our show.

Speaker 3 (01:03:19):
Ranger Joe and how many everywhere you looks I have one?

Speaker 2 (01:03:25):
I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:03:26):
You don't, I don't think I.

Speaker 2 (01:03:28):
Oh, I didn't. I didn't write any down.

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
Okay, well I have one in Stephanie's room.

Speaker 2 (01:03:34):
There's a poster.

Speaker 3 (01:03:35):
There's a smaller poster next to your Nelson poster. And
it looks like Neil Patrick Harris.

Speaker 1 (01:03:41):
No, that was my, Oh, that was my everywhere you
look because I went, oh, my gosh, Neil Patrick Harris
on the wall as like a.

Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
Teenage crush, which is so funny.

Speaker 3 (01:03:52):
That's right, right, right?

Speaker 2 (01:03:54):
Yeah, are you kidding?

Speaker 3 (01:03:56):
Like a teen heart I don't remember him as a
teen heartthrop.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
They made it and he was in teen Beat and
Tiger b and although yeah they were, they pushed him
as a as a like, you know, teen heart throb
sort of moment.

Speaker 2 (01:04:08):
I'm sure he loved it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:09):
Oh, I'm sure he felt not at all conscious, right,
I mean, like, I don't know, this is me? Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:04:16):
So okay, so Stephanie's into Nelson and Doogie howser, right,
this says a lot some news for her. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:04:26):
I love it.

Speaker 1 (01:04:27):
I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:04:28):
It's great, it was great, it was a very well,
I mean, it's just he looks I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:04:38):
It was actually obligated to put Neil Patrick Harris up
in the back.

Speaker 3 (01:04:42):
That was it, because I remember meeting him at an
ABC park.

Speaker 2 (01:04:46):
Yeah, yeah, we used to meet him.

Speaker 1 (01:04:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
He was always very sweet, and I bet it was.

Speaker 3 (01:04:51):
Either a contractual thing, right, there was just like grass promote.

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
Yeah, exactly, subliminal cross promotion of doogie howser.

Speaker 2 (01:04:59):
That's ter I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:00):
Okay, well no, that's it's funny.

Speaker 1 (01:05:02):
It was.

Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
Yeah, that was I was like, wait, I thought I
saw something.

Speaker 3 (01:05:05):
You're right. It was the house, the house or posters, amazing, amazing,
everywhere you look.

Speaker 1 (01:05:12):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
Yes, thank you, Thank you for reminding me of that.

Speaker 1 (01:05:15):
Well, everybody, thank you so much again for listening to
another ridiculous episode of Howard Dannerto's We Love You guys.

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
We're listening this far to the end. We know somewhere
around forty minutes you probably were like, I should.

Speaker 1 (01:05:27):
Check out, but you didn't, or three minutes love you
or three minutes yeah, and actually about three minutes you
were like, oh boy, this is gonna be one.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
But we love you guys.

Speaker 1 (01:05:36):
Thank you for going on this ride with us. We
we just we really do like I love breaking down
these shows. It's so much fun.

Speaker 3 (01:05:42):
It's very satisfying.

Speaker 1 (01:05:43):
And I love talking about the ridiculousness of the luck
of the Tanner family, all of it.

Speaker 2 (01:05:47):
It's just it's fun.

Speaker 1 (01:05:49):
Anyway, you guys, thanks for listening. Make sure that you
are liking and subscribing to the podcast wherever you're listening
to it. Check out our merch store Howard meerch dot com.
And I feel like I forget oh follow us on
Instagram at how Rude podcast or send us an email
at how Rude Tannerto's at gmail dot com. Uh, if
you have any everywhere you looks that maybe we've never noticed,

(01:06:12):
or random things, send us whatever, pictures of Doogie Howser.

Speaker 2 (01:06:16):
I don't know, just you know whatever you feel.

Speaker 3 (01:06:18):
Like, did you have a poster Doogie Houser on your
on your teenage bedroom wall?

Speaker 2 (01:06:23):
Like I need to know these things. No, I didn't
have posters.

Speaker 3 (01:06:26):
I don't think I'm asking the fans. You were like,
I don't care about you, sweet and I want to
know that.

Speaker 1 (01:06:31):
Yeah, No, I do.

Speaker 2 (01:06:33):
Ye I liked you know. I'd like to know those
people's walls for sure.

Speaker 3 (01:06:36):
Neil Patrick Harris, Yeah, okay to know because he wasn't
on my wall. There's too much Joey McIntyre on my wall.

Speaker 2 (01:06:42):
There's no room, no room, no room.

Speaker 1 (01:06:45):
And they're you know, neither one of them are like
large people, but not absolutely no room, just no no
no room.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
Well, thank you everybody for listening. Again.

Speaker 1 (01:06:53):
We love you guys, and remember the world is small.
The house is full of Neil Papa Caros. It's literally
there's so many. It just he's multiplied and stuffed him
into his house.

Speaker 3 (01:07:06):
And he's he is wonderful and he deserves it, he
really does.

Speaker 1 (01:07:10):
He really, you know what, With enough doogie howsers, you
could put on a fantastic Broadway performance.

Speaker 3 (01:07:16):
Oh oh god, I would pay a lot of money
to see that.

Speaker 2 (01:07:19):
Right with him doing all the roles, he's going to
teach Michelle how to tap dance.

Speaker 3 (01:07:24):
That's all I'm saying. Bye.