I Choose...YOU!

It's 2025, and get ready to take some notes because Jennie is giving out some great advice to listeners! From how to deal with your emotional teenagers to how you can successfully reinvent yourself in the new year - Jennie is giving the best tips!
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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hey, everyone,
welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
the choices we make and where they lead us. Guys.
This podcast has been such a gift to me in
so many ways. I feel like since I've started, I've

(00:25):
grown so much, and I've gotten to talk to some
really incredible people and share their stories with all of
you and hear their choices, and We've formed this really
beautiful community and I'm just loving it, and I'm having
my I Choose Me live events. But I have to say,
hands down, the best part about this podcast is being

(00:46):
able to connect with you listeners on a deeper level
than I ever have before. I love getting to see
your comments and your feedback about episodes that we've done. Today,
I want to make it all about you, So I'm
going to open up the mic today and we are

(01:06):
going to get to know some of our beautiful listeners
and see if maybe I can bestow any advice or
wisdom their way, maybe learn a thing or two from them.
This is so fun. Okay, so let's just dive right in. Hi, Vicky,
how are you.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
I'm fantastic talking to you how are you?

Speaker 1 (01:27):
This is so exciting. Let's start with you listen to
the podcast obviously.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yes, I listen to both of your podcasts.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
Okay, good, good, And how is this one resonating with you?

Speaker 3 (01:37):
I really enjoy the women stuff. I'm a single mom
raising a daughter, and I love the women empowerment and
I love hearing that from other women. So that's always like,
when I heard you're doing a podcast like that, I
got very excited. And I've been listening to you pretty
much every week, so yeah, but I just like the
women empowerment stuff that you've been doing, just making it

(01:58):
okay that we're doing things that in the nineties people
would like shy away at us and be like, you
can't say that or you can't talk about that. But
it's our life and what we need to talk about,
especially when you're raising young daughters.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
So that's what I really like about your podcast.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
Right, So, you're a single mom raising your daughter, and
am I correct in the fact that you lost your
husband in twenty twenty three?

Speaker 2 (02:19):
That's correct?

Speaker 1 (02:20):
Yes, First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (02:24):
I mean, words do nothing for that kind of.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
Pain, right, No, but I appreciate it when we need.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
To acknowledge that you are still grieving, like you're in
the thick of it right now. I'm sure, and I
think it's something that it's important that you remind yourself
that and allow yourself that grace to go through that
all the stages of it, and you don't there's no

(02:51):
time limit on it. Other people can do it their way.
You have to do it your way. You just need
to give cut yourself some slack and remember.

Speaker 3 (02:59):
That thank you, because it's it's not people assume after
a certain time, it's just like back to normal routine.

Speaker 2 (03:04):
It's not that easy. How did you lose your husband
by suicide?

Speaker 1 (03:09):
Oh, dear, so tragic?

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Yeah it was.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
It was, yes, very unexpected, no signs of anything, just
some business issues with COVID and getting out of and
overcoming the business issues with COVID as it was ending.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
And I went to work one day and I couldn't.
I was texting him and calling him and he wasn't answering.

Speaker 3 (03:33):
And then I went home and the cops came and
they let you know so, but I made my I
knew the cops were on their way over, so my
mom took my daughter out of the house.

Speaker 2 (03:45):
She was only three.

Speaker 3 (03:46):
I didn't want her to be there for any of that,
so it was just me alone when they told me.

Speaker 2 (03:53):
So that was that was really terrible.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yeh, want to give you a hug.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
I appreciate that they when they came over.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
I didn't think they were telling me that. I thought
they were all coming because I filed the missing persons.
I didn't know that they were going to say that.
So I just didn't want my daughter to see like
two police officers and get scared.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
And she's young and whatnot.

Speaker 3 (04:12):
So yeah, I wasn't expecting that news, which was why
I told my mom to leave. So yeah, so it'll
be two years on February.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Oh my goodness. Well, I'm sending you so much strength
and just knowing that there are people out there that
believe in you that you can get through this and
you can do this and you can overcome this. I'm
one of those people. So I'm here with you.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
I have a very good I'm very fortunate. I have
a very good village.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
That's important.

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah, it's I couldn't do without it.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
Yeah, you asked a question about how do I make
time for myself and still be a present mom. Was
that your question?

Speaker 3 (04:54):
Yes, because being a parent and having time for your
own sanity is not an easy thing. And sometimes they're
just really they're really present and you just need a break.
And it's not in a month from now when I
can finally get like a babysitter and get time off.
It's like, right in that moment, you need to break.
So that's kind of where I was like asking what

(05:17):
you did.

Speaker 1 (05:17):
In that moment when you're like at the verge here?

Speaker 2 (05:20):
Yes enough to.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
Hear yes, because they're like, there is no like I'm
going to leave the house because I can't because I'm
by myself.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
So what do you do?

Speaker 3 (05:29):
Because it's sometimes you know, when they're any age, they
really can find a way under your skin.

Speaker 1 (05:35):
Oh yeah, I see your daughter's five now, right.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
My daughters she's in kindergarten.

Speaker 1 (05:38):
Yes, oh well, at least you have kindergarten and at
least at least she goes to school for I don't
know if she's half day full day yet, but thank
god for kindergarten full day. O. Get good. Yeah, I
you know, in those I can relate because there have
been times when I know when my kids were little
and I was raising the three little girls basically on

(06:02):
my own because their dad would be away a lot
of the time filming. He would be working out of town,
and I would be there with them. And Yeah, you
reach the point where your your blood starts to boil
and you're like, I don't know how to handle this.
I don't I don't want to lose my shit. Basically,

(06:24):
the only thing you can do in that moment is
take some deep breaths, maybe go out of the room
for a minute, if you can. I know they sometimes
follow you.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
I was gonna say I've done that before.

Speaker 3 (06:39):
She she'll follow and I'll be like, I just need
you not to follow right now, and then she'd but
you're upset, and then she keeps it going and then
she gets more upset. So but yes, I the deep
breathing is definitely something that is always helpful when I
actually remember to do it, because, as we all know,
in the heat, we're all like just flabbergasted, right, But yeah,

(06:59):
I'm definitely walking away.

Speaker 2 (07:00):
Is definitely always a if you can.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
I always thought like when someone would give me that
advice take a deep breath, I'd be like, Okay, that's
really gonna help, and Obviously I'm not gonna remember to
do that in the moment, like you just said. But
the fact of the matter is, the more you use it,
the more it becomes like something that is right there
in your pocket to pull out. So it might feel
foreign in the very beginning to like take a deep

(07:23):
breath and have that moment to yourself and because you
want to do something else that's a little bit seems
of what like it will be more productive. But the
more you try doing that in your moments of like
the height of your stress, it does start to help
and like it will be come your go to in
those moments. And another, I mean another thing is you

(07:47):
just said, like your daughter's old enough for you to
she understands when you're upset. She understands if you're dealing
with some emotions. It sounds like, yes, I think a
good thing from me would have been to like explain
to her, mommy's having some feelings right now, or mommy's
feeling frustrated right now. I just need to have two

(08:10):
minutes to myself and I'll be right back, you know,
and just see how like communicating your needs in that
moment with her affect her, Because you might be surprised.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
I've never done that.

Speaker 3 (08:23):
It's actually, yeah, that sounds like a really good idea.
I've never done that. I never told her just to
give me space for a minute. I usually just say
like it's more of a yell and as opposed to
saying it like the way you just said.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
It, just like calmly, try to explain it and see
how that goes. Like maybe maybe it works, maybe it doesn't.
But I know also too for me in my moments
of when my girls were little and I was dealing
with so much and feeling frustrated at the same time.
In the moment, my emotions are my feelings, I might

(08:55):
project them onto my kids or whatever I'm dealing with
in that moment exacerbates just the littlest thing. Like my
daughter when she was little. At that age, she had
to have her socks on a very specific way, and
if her socks were crooked in the slightest she would
freak out and have a whole thing. So I did
whatever I could to get the socks on right first

(09:16):
of all, Noah, of.

Speaker 3 (09:18):
Course, anything to avoid the freak out. In the morning
before school.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
Oh yeah, yeah, but I think I had to remember
to not project my stuff onto the kids, and that's
really really hard to do, especially when you're doing it
alone in.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
The morning when you're getting ready for school and work.
They're like, you know, at a snail's pace, and when
you're trying to get them to go a little faster,
then that's like my daughter this morning actually was like,
my sock's on and right, it feels funny. I'm like,
just move it, and she was like, no, it still
feels funny. I'm like, okay, come help you with the
suck and she's like, no, you didn't do it right.

Speaker 2 (09:53):
I'm like, okay, so can you try. I'm going back
and forth about her sock, ironically enough, like two or
three minutes, and then finally.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
I must have moved it just a rend inch and
she's like, okay, my sock's son.

Speaker 4 (10:04):
Good now.

Speaker 2 (10:04):
I'm like, okay, great, let's go. But it was like
this the most random I was. I didn't do anything different, like.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yeah, they have no idea what they're doing to our
nervous system. In those moments, I can so relate. My
daughter Fiona was the same way, and I would have
to do some major deep breathing with her just to
get through those moments and not lose it. And sometimes
I just actually walked away. I had to walk away.
If it was about something as trivial as a zock

(10:32):
not being on right, I would say, you know what,
I'll be in the car when you figure it out.
You can join me, or I'll be in the other room.
You let me know when you're ready to go, and
just remove yourself from it. You know they're safe, you
know that it's not going to be you know the
bad's going to happen, so you can walk away. But
it's just removing yourself from it and letting them figure
it out, because they need to learn to self regulate

(10:54):
like that. In those moments where they are having those
panics and freak outs, there's nothing you can usually do.
It's usually something they need to do for themselves and
something they need to learn to do for themselves. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (11:06):
No, one hundred percent.

Speaker 1 (11:07):
And you know, I really think that just you remembering
to take care of yourself and have some alone time
and self care in place is really helps you to
show up effectively and be your best mom in every
moment and specifically those moments.

Speaker 3 (11:26):
Yeah, I'm a big TV person. That's like my most
relaxing thing to do. And my husband used to say
to my daughter, if she's watching nine O two and oh,
you can't talk to her, even though she's seen them
seven thousand times.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
And so my daughter now says, do you still watch
nine O two and oh?

Speaker 3 (11:40):
I'm like, I can't believe you remember Daddy making those
nine two and oh jokes at me because I've seen
every episode twelve thousand times. And so now like I
will put on NINEO two and O sometimes, and sometimes
I'll put on like other shows, and I'm like, have
all my series and I'm watching. When I tell her, like,
just go in your room and play, and I can,
like watch TV for even twenty minutes alone for some
reason calms me and like brings me back to normal

(12:03):
more than anything else in the world. I don't know
what it is about television shows and getting lost in
it or what the deal is, but I just feel
so much, so much better, definitely.

Speaker 1 (12:12):
I mean that's the beauty of TV. I think the
way it helps some people just sort of escape whatever's
going on in their world and just really focus in
on what they're watching and their characters that they love
so much. And that's great. That you've pinpointed it that
that's your thing, oh.

Speaker 3 (12:29):
One hundred percent, like all the like anytime, yes, and
if it's you know, like I have like got my
go tos and then I have like the stuff. I
haven't actually watched it because I actually read something where
they said like if you get anxious about something, there's
very it's something very comforting about watching a show you've
seen twelve thousand times, so like Friends or a Big

(12:50):
Bang Theory.

Speaker 1 (12:50):
You know, yeah, oh yeah, one hundred percent.

Speaker 3 (12:53):
So it's always like an interesting it's always interesting just
to be like it's still entertaining me, but I know
exactly what's gonna happen.

Speaker 1 (13:00):
It's like comfort food, you know, like sometimes you just
need to give it to yourself. But I just think,
you know, like little things like just start with when
you're at home and you know you're in those moments,
give yourself five minutes of reprieve. You know, even five
minutes can help set reset your nervous system and just
get you back to a base where you can show

(13:21):
up and be there as an effective and authentic, loving
mom that I see that you clearly are. Thank you,
But I just think that you and you said you
have a foundation of people around you that support you.

Speaker 3 (13:37):
And yeah, I have my mom, sisters, a lot of
unbelievably close friends that are really somewhat far away, but
there's still very very supportive and very helpful, and it
keeps me sane.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah, being able to reach out to them when you
just need a little break, when you need some advice
or need somebody to just cheer you on or pick
you up. It's so important. So you're doing great, thank you. Yeah,
I think you're doing great. And then, you know what,
every day is a new day. Even if you suck

(14:13):
at being great one day, or if you if you're
not your best, you don't show up your best. You
know one day it's okay, give yourself a break and
know that in the morning it's a new opportunity to
put your best foot forward and try again. You know,
it's all we can do, just keep trying.

Speaker 2 (14:31):
Yeah, No, you're absolutely right.

Speaker 1 (14:35):
I love that. Well, thank you very listening to the
podcast and find support in me, I hope, or watch
the old show. Whatever I do, I do, can do
I do.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
I work forty five minutes away from my daughter Grose
to school, so on my car rides there to and
from I put on that's like my podcast time, which
is also extremely helpful. It's like a television, so it's
just like just me and my podcast. I have like
my whole eye, like an order. I watch them in
every week.

Speaker 2 (14:57):
It's a whole thing.

Speaker 1 (14:58):
Okay, good, I'm so glad to be on your your roster.

Speaker 2 (15:01):
You're you're on my roster twice.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
He is so nice talking to you. I want to
ask you a question. What was your last I choose me.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
Moment finding time to do your podcast.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
To come talk to me.

Speaker 5 (15:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:19):
I was so excited, like, no matter what's happening, I'm
going to do Jenny Garth's podcast.

Speaker 2 (15:23):
This is the coolest thing ever.

Speaker 1 (15:25):
And you're right now.

Speaker 2 (15:26):
Besides that, I'm at work.

Speaker 3 (15:28):
Yes, my boss knew. I'm actually in her office. She
was like, oh my god, that's so cool. So yes,
like I was like, not messing around with doing your podcast.

Speaker 1 (15:36):
We'll tell your boss, I said, thank you.

Speaker 2 (15:38):
I'm sure she'll listen.

Speaker 1 (15:41):
Thank you for listening, and thank you for for course
seeing you.

Speaker 3 (15:45):
Thank you and thank you for everything you're doing. I
see you all the stuff you're doing, the women's lunches
you're having, and I choose me. It's really, really, really
helpful to all women just to hear it all the
way around, because you are not Your platform is much
different than let's say mine.

Speaker 2 (16:00):
What really is a great thing the way you're're sing
and I really appreciate it.

Speaker 1 (16:03):
I'm so glad. Thank you. That means so much to me.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Have a great day you too, Rendy.

Speaker 6 (16:17):
Hi, Hi, how are you.

Speaker 1 (16:19):
I'm good. It's so nice to meet you.

Speaker 5 (16:21):
You too.

Speaker 1 (16:22):
It looks like you're at your place of work. I am, Yes,
it's in the middle of the workday. Thank you so
much for taking time out to talk to me. What's
your question?

Speaker 7 (16:31):
Okay?

Speaker 8 (16:32):
So I listened to your podcast on Jenny's Journals and
you talked about incident with your daughter. She was upset,
calling you narsis, and so you talked about being able
to just let your kids fill their emotions and vent
without taking it personally.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
I want to know how you do that.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
Oof. It's hard because we are moms. We give them
everything we have and then they just trample on it,
scrunch it up and throw it back at us like
a bod Sometimes, you know, we live for those moments
when we get the snuggles and I love yous and
the thank yous, yeah, but we can't control how often

(17:13):
those come. And I found myself just having to really
forget that they were ever going to come, just to
you know, to be able to give unconditionally and be
that mom that that consistent even when they're a little shitheads,
we consistently love them no matter what, like unconditionally. And

(17:36):
I think it's so important that we adopt that mindset
because it's really important to give our children that safe
place to vent where they know they're not going to
be judged, and it really gives them that opportunity to
to process all the emotions that they're feeling, because there's
so much being thrown at young people today and I

(17:58):
don't myself know how they handle it as well as
they do most of the time. And I'm you know,
like I sit there and look at them and think, Wow,
you're amazing that you're getting through all of this. But
it's really important to remind them that it's okay to vent,
it's okay to let it all out sometimes. And I
always say to my girls, listen, listen, I'd rather you

(18:18):
you know, come home and treat me badly or you know,
disrespect me than going out there and doing it to
your peers or your teachers or people that you work with,
or whatever their circumstances are. Because I'm I'm always going
to love you no matter what, and I think when
they know you're always going to love them no matter
what and not judge them, because I've seen the damage

(18:41):
it can do when a parent judges somebody for having
their feelings, and the damage that I see that that
does makes me just want to be more of a
sounding board for them, you know, just be more loving
and unconditional and understanding when they have to have those
eruptions because they have to let it out, you know. Yeah,

(19:04):
there's a book called The Four Agreements. Have you heard
of it? I? No, it's called the Four Agreements. It's
a tiny little book. I'm fully blanking on the author
and I can't see that far to see the title
of it, but it's right up there on my bookshelf.
That is a book that was the foundation for me
to really stop taking not just stuff from my kids personally,

(19:26):
but anything personally in life, because that's so damaging to
be to walk around and take everything personally when nothing
actually needs to be taken personally, everybody's doing their own thing,
nobody's thinking about how it's going to affect you. So
I think that reading the Four Agreements was a huge
stuff for me. And that's one of the agreements, and
it is take nothing personally, okay, So that might help.

(19:49):
I don't know, I'll look into that.

Speaker 8 (19:50):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (19:51):
Another thing that I always said to my girls. This
is another little thing that I did when they were
in their deepest, darkest moments of despair or their biggest feelings,
you know, like I would just sit and listen and
not interrupt and just continue to listen even when there
was silence. I wouldn't say anything. I would just sit
there until they keep talking, and then when it was

(20:12):
all out, I would say, you know what, I really
wish I had a magic wand that I could wave
and fix all of this for you. But I don't.
And I think in me acknowledging that even I wish
I could fix everything, but I can't help them to
sort of self regulate and realize, oh okay, even my
mom can't do anything about what's happening in this moment.

(20:35):
But everything's going to be okay because I still feel loved. Yeah,
So that would be what I would do with my
you know what I've done in my life with my girls.
And you know, you have to be like like a
duck or like teflon and just let roll right off
of you because they love you so much. They just

(20:55):
have so much else going on and they got to
get it out. And if it's got to get out,
I'd rather it come to me first so they can
feel that support and that love, because if they vent
on other people, it's not going to feel the same
for them.

Speaker 9 (21:09):
Right.

Speaker 7 (21:10):
Yeah, great view point, Thank you.

Speaker 1 (21:12):
I appreciate that, But go cry. I mean sometimes it hurts.
They hurt your feelings, their soul crushers, they suck it
out of you, like all the things. Being a mom
is so hard on top of being a human, you know,
and you're just figuring it out just like they are.
We're all figuring our lives out as we go. And
oftentimes I'll say to my kids, like I done, I've

(21:35):
never done this before. I've never been right here in
this moment before. So I don't have all the answers
and I don't know the right thing to say, but
I know that I love you, and I know that
everything is going to be okay because we're together and
we have each other.

Speaker 4 (21:47):
I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 (21:48):
Yeah, you got it. I hope that helps.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
Thank you.

Speaker 7 (21:51):
I appreciate it really.

Speaker 1 (21:54):
Thank you for being on.

Speaker 8 (21:56):
Yeah, most definitely thank you for allowing me this opportunity.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
But wait, wait, wait, I have to ask you. Oh yeah, Brindy,
what was your last I choose me moment?

Speaker 8 (22:06):
So, as a mom of five and a full time employee,
my choose me moment was going back to school full
time on top of all that fun stuff. So yes,
I will be starting on Chico State next next semester January,
start my bachelor's and social work.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
Amazing. How do you find time? Wow?

Speaker 7 (22:25):
I really don't. I just figure it out, just do it.

Speaker 1 (22:30):
You're right, Yeah, I love that. You know what, You're
not afraid. That's what it takes to succeed, you know
in life, is to find out what you want to
do and do it and don't let all the little,
you know, obstacles keep you from doing it. Amazing. You're
such a great role model for your kids. Thank you,
Thank you, You're welcome. I love you. Have a great day,

(22:51):
all right, thanks bye?

Speaker 6 (22:56):
Hello?

Speaker 1 (22:57):
How are you, Patricia?

Speaker 7 (22:58):
I'm good? How are you.

Speaker 1 (23:00):
I'm so good. You're calling in from Redlands, California.

Speaker 7 (23:04):
I am, but I'm actually caretaking for my sister who's
having spinal surgery right now. So I'm actually in Arizona.
But okay, that's where I do reside as in Redlands.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
Okay, Well, that's a you're a very good sister, first
of all, very.

Speaker 7 (23:18):
Nice with the territory of being an RN. You know,
I'm happy to do it.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
Oh, that would be nice to have a sister that's
an r N. I see that. I see that. What's
your question?

Speaker 7 (23:29):
Yeah, thank you so much. So I was asking is
how is a woman? Have you been able to temper
between being vulnerable and strong? What things would you say?
Can you pull out of your tool belt that you know,
keep you grounded, give you joy?

Speaker 1 (23:49):
Well, I think that in order to even have access
to tools in your tool belt, or you know, even
the capacity to be able to be strong and or vulnerable,
you need to start by practicing self care. You know,
you need to start with yourself. You need to prioritize
the activities and the things in your life that nourish you,

(24:09):
that nourish your mind and your body, like exercise and
healthy eating, getting enough sleep, you know, really remembering to
take care of yourself will inevitably make you this strong
platform where you can be anything you want to be. Really,
and if you want to be strong and vulnerable at
the same time, a lot of people might think that

(24:31):
those two things don't co exist together, but the fact is,
you know, being strong is a sign of being vulnerable.
You have to be vulnerable in order to be strong,
and vulnerability is often thought of as a weakness, I think,
especially in women. You know, vulnerability kind of got a

(24:56):
bad rap a long time ago, when actual really being
vulnerable is just about letting people get to know the
real you and not covering stuff up.

Speaker 6 (25:08):
You know.

Speaker 7 (25:10):
Yeah, authenticity for sure.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
Absolutely, when you are who you are, people can see
it and smell it and feel it a mile away.

Speaker 7 (25:19):
Yeah, And I've I've learned when you talk people up,
not being phony or fake, but when you can genuinely
celebrate with somebody else's when and not find any joy
in cutting people down. It just I don't know, there's

(25:40):
just there's just something good about being able to talk
someone up or to compliment somebody, finding something in them,
the good of.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
Someone you know, Yeah, I love that I love that.
I remember that point in my life as I, you know,
grew up. I don't even know how old I was,
but I decided I don't want to go about people anymore.
I don't want to talk badly about anyone anymore because
it doesn't feel good, and I'm sure it wouldn't feel
good to them.

Speaker 7 (26:09):
Yeah, and really you're reciprocating that joy of giving something.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Nice, you know, treating people the way you would want
to be treated.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, I love that. I think that comes down to
just being an active listener too. I think listening to
other people is a great place to focus, you know,
a lot of your energy, because that's like the foundation
of being able to give of yourself to others is
to fully understand where they're coming from or what they're

(26:42):
feeling in any given moment.

Speaker 7 (26:46):
Yeah, the gift of active listening, it really you can
pick up a lot in that without even saying a word.
And being still and being present is a verb, it's
it's in action, and you can very much engage with
eye contact and leaning in and a touch without a word.

(27:10):
Sometimes that has more effect.

Speaker 9 (27:12):
M h.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
I mean, you know all the tricks already being an rn.
It sounds like you are used to comforting people, comforting others,
taking care of other people. Are you able to turn
that in on yourself?

Speaker 7 (27:29):
Very much? I've been able to, you know, even caretaking
for my sister now, you know, it's it's been a
discipline to still I'm getting out and doing the walk
in the morning before she wakes.

Speaker 1 (27:45):
I love that.

Speaker 7 (27:46):
Yeah, getting that sunshine with my doggie. You know, I
don't have to be strong all the time for her
without me being like, without me reciprocating something. You know,
I have to fill my tank. So you know, it's
it's really about I have to give from overflow. So

(28:09):
if it means going for that walk, if it means
finding time to have my devotions, you know, even this
right now, you know this is a little escape, but
it's a joy and it's you know, with my favorite actress,
you know who I was brought up with, and you
know I love it, and so it's a joy. And

(28:30):
you know that's a joy that I'll share with her
when I go back to her.

Speaker 1 (28:33):
So you know, I am happy to be something that
fills your cup. It sounds that you are doing all
the right things in life because you have a feeling.
I get this just general feeling of peace and love
from you, and confidence, like an inner quiet, beautiful confidence
and not boastful, like I just feel like you're the

(28:54):
real deal. So I think we can all learn a
lot from you.

Speaker 7 (28:59):
It's life is fragile, and people are fragile. I've really
learned that. And and I want to do some medical
missionary work next year. And so you do have to
be authentic, but you always have to feel your tank

(29:20):
and you can't give without you having the abundance in
your heart, you know, you having the joy. It's I
don't do well being phony or fake, and and I
want to be able to see people get better. But
but I want to do it being present and and

(29:41):
and I have to use all my senses, my eyes, ears,
you know, listening without even them saying a word, listening
to their respirations, so, you know, being at one hundred percent.
I have to make sure that I'm on point with
me having my own private time and you know, I
mean just enjoying the shower a little longer, you know,

(30:04):
really enjoying that hot cup of tea with the honey
and all of those essential things. And you know, exercisiness
is vital. So yeah, it's it's it's a gift. It's
a gift that God has given me. But it's also
a gift to share. And then when people get better.

(30:25):
You know, that's a good one too.

Speaker 1 (30:27):
Yeah, your work there is done. I love that you
feel so grateful too, Like I feel like a lot
of foundation for you, taking care of you is being
grateful for like you said, that hot cup of tea
or that longer shower.

Speaker 7 (30:42):
You know, I just took a picture on the side
and I'm doing a grateful you know, every day on
my you know, Instagram.

Speaker 4 (30:49):
And Facebook and so love, love, love.

Speaker 7 (30:52):
My Instagram post tomorrow is going to be like a
grateful day number twenty one of being on I made
the list, you know. Amazing those little things, you know,
they matter, They.

Speaker 1 (31:07):
Matter, I think just like you know, having conversations with
like minded people, people that have the same priorities as
you do, I think that's real. That also can be
a form of self care. So I'm so happy to be.

Speaker 7 (31:23):
Align myself with I've I've learned in my fifties. Now
do you aligning yourself with people that run the same
race as you do? You know, with joy and passion
and motivation, and you know, being being health minded. You know,
if not faster, you know, but yeah, and also people

(31:47):
that are willing to come alongside you and and maybe
slow down in order to pick up the pace with them.
You know. No, a good leader is good without them
knowing how to be a mm hmm part of the group.

Speaker 1 (32:02):
So I think that you touched on two really important things.
One is surrounding yourself with like minded people, but also
somebody that's even better than you. Like, like my best
friend Adele is the best person I know, and I
try to be like more like adel Like on a

(32:25):
daily basis, I think to myself, what would Adele do
in this moment. And just also in business, just surrounding
yourself with people that are more accomplished than you or
more have more experience than you, and just keeping yourself
around people that are bringing you up and not pulling
you down. And I know, as I when I entered
my fifties, that was sort of a time for me

(32:47):
to clean house a little bit and really assess those
relationships that weren't checking off all the boxes. I had
quite a number of relationships that were checking off some
of the boxes, sure, boxes like the positivity and the
gratitude and then just just that leading with love and kindness,

(33:08):
those moments, those boxes, I really those are so important
to me in the people that I surround myself with,
and I think.

Speaker 7 (33:16):
That you know sometimes I just I just touched upon
this the other day about you know, looking at the
fall behind me. There's sometimes different seasons for certain people,
and we don't realize when sometimes those friendships like they've
overstayed their visit and whether you have grown beyond that friendship,

(33:39):
whether you know, you're two people are in different places
in life and it's almost like you want to stay
just to preserve it. But it's almost it's almost like
square peg round hole, like it's not working like it
did before, and it's and it's okay to let things go,
but you know, if it's meant to be, it'll come back.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
Absolutely. I Mean, it's really hard to let go of
friendships because you know, friendships take a lot of nurturing,
a lot of energy and oftentimes a lot of time,
you know, years, time spent, and it's really really hard
to let things go. And yeah, I've had to do

(34:23):
that in my life a number of times, and just
go ahead and go through the grieving process with that too,
because when you do decide that a friendship has reached,
you know, it's life expectancy for you. It's hard to
make that decision and to give yourself some credit and
grace and love and support in making that tough decision,

(34:46):
because it's not easy.

Speaker 7 (34:47):
Boy, bring princess grace. That's a tough one.

Speaker 1 (34:51):
Oh yeah, that's all we need though it's a little great.

Speaker 7 (34:55):
Yes, if we've received it, we definitely should share it
with ourselves and others.

Speaker 1 (35:00):
I have to ask you, Patricia, before I let you go,
what was your last I Choose me moment?

Speaker 10 (35:07):
The last I choose me moment was, Yeah, reacheen out
to someone who has been wanting to speak with me,
and so I decided that I'm going to be open
to choosing love.

Speaker 1 (35:22):
Oh my god, I'm so excited right now. I can
I'm so. I can tell the way you're talking that
this is uncharted territory and you're feeling a little vulnerable,
and I love it for you.

Speaker 7 (35:34):
Yeah, it's it's definitely you know, these are different times,
and yeah, so being able to be use wisdom with
that without letting your heart get who carried away. And
but I but I also don't want to be living
in hesitation. And I do want I do want to

(35:55):
share love as well as receive it, you know, because
that's what we're made for a partnership. And so yeah.

Speaker 1 (36:02):
I'm so excited. This sounds like a whole new chapter
for you that you're just kind of cracking open the
pages too. And it starts with that, with being open.
That's that's all you gotta do for right now, is
just be open.

Speaker 7 (36:15):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (36:16):
One thing I always would when I would start to
get involved or like my mind would get ahead of
reality or my heart would get ahead of reality, I
would just remind myself we'll see, we'll see how a
therapist tell me to just keep that in mind. Like
when you think about that person, just think, oh, we'll
see never know.

Speaker 7 (36:38):
Yeah, you know, it's it's it's uh, it's it is.
It's uncharted territory, but it's it's good. It's all good,
and and I'm I'm looking forward.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
And this person is extremely lucky. You're an amazing human.
It's awesome. Thank you for sharing yourself.

Speaker 7 (36:59):
With us likewise likewise, and thank you for sharing your
gift of just you know you you've taken just such
so many different levels of who you are in life,
and and just this platform is really a great way
for people to see who you are. But but you're

(37:21):
also it's just you're always evolving. I love that. I
love that in people because you just see different sides,
and you know, it's been a joy and it's been
fun to just see your you know, different ways that
you know you're contributing and you know, the world is

(37:42):
a lucky place to have you girls.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
Oh you got to keep on trucking. That's what I say.
Thank you for Trisia, Good luck on your new adventure.

Speaker 7 (37:52):
Thank you, take care.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
Why Hi, Sarah, how are you?

Speaker 4 (38:04):
I'm good? Thank you?

Speaker 6 (38:05):
How are you?

Speaker 1 (38:06):
I'm great? I'm better now to be talking to you.
This is so much fun.

Speaker 6 (38:10):
Yeah, this is exciting getting to see.

Speaker 1 (38:12):
The people that listen to the pod and yeah, absolutely good.
What's your question? What do you want to talk about?

Speaker 6 (38:20):
Yeah, so my question was really around your decision to
make your hair perplacement surgery public. So what was that
tipping point for you on how much to keep private?
And when is it an appropriate time to share? And
when is that value in sharing?

Speaker 4 (38:38):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (38:38):
I held on to that secret for a while because
I had to think it through, I had to really
be yeah sure that I wanted to share something so
deeply personal. I think the tipping point for me is
always I just have to go back to being myself
because and being honest. And I think that when we
are authentic and honest about who we are and what

(39:02):
we're going through in our lives, there's this beautiful sympotico
like kismity relationship that you form with people that you
don't even know, but that people that can you come
in contact with. However, however that happens, people feel that
and it resonates and it's like a reciprocal thing. So

(39:23):
for me, it was just about sharing all of who
I am with people so that they can really be
all of who they are with the people in their
lives and just sort of like reinforcing the fact that
it's okay to be authentic, it's okay to be flawed,
it's okay to have things on our bodies that are
different and breaking down, and you know, all our how

(39:45):
aging affects all of us. We're all the same. And
just because you know, maybe you saw me on TV
in the nineties, and maybe you've grown up watching me
or whatever, you think I'm a famous la la la whatever.
We're all the same, and I think that that is
always just what I want out of anything I do
in life, is to just have that mutual like connection.

Speaker 6 (40:06):
Yeah, yeah, you know, and I appreciate it so much
because totally different scale and like life application. But you know,
I have a job and I run a large team,
and so running that team and having those connections with
people that work for me and work with me, and
finding that balance on where I'm comfortable sharing and I
want to be authentic, but where I'm going to draw

(40:29):
the line and kind of protect just my personal information
is something I think a lot of us wrestle with
just in different aspects and avenues of everyday life.

Speaker 2 (40:39):
So that was really.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
I think definitely, like especially women in business, women in leadership,
we think we have to be perfect, We think we
have to be perfect, we have to be up these
unrealistic standards that everybody needs to look up to. But
I find more often than not, when I'm authentic and
when I am my true self flaws and all the

(41:06):
people that work for me and with me and around
me feel that more of an authentic connection and then
are somehow invested more in whatever the work is that
we're doing together.

Speaker 9 (41:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
So it makes them connect on even a deeper level
when they know who they're working with and for you know,
they develop a different kind of passion. But I can
totally relate and hear you and think there have been
a lot of times in my life where if I
have an employee, people say, don't get too close to
your employee, don't be friends with them. You're the boss.

(41:41):
Remember that. I know I'm the boss, like I'm you know,
I don't need to be reminded. I don't need them
to know that. They know that too. But I think
when you connect with people on that real level, on
that level that we're all the same We're all going
through the same shit. Yeah, and it's okay to talk
about it with one another if we need support or

(42:02):
if we just want to share with something, you know,
it's okay. Like it doesn't make you not a strong leader.

Speaker 6 (42:08):
Right right, No, I appreciate it. I think that's that's
really valuable input and insight to have. Yeah, So thank you,
You're so welcome.

Speaker 1 (42:16):
Sierra. What was aast I choose me moment?

Speaker 6 (42:19):
I don't have enough.

Speaker 2 (42:21):
I choose me moments, that's right.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
That a lot, It's okay.

Speaker 6 (42:24):
Yeah, yeah, So you know, working mom to teenagers, life
is busy. So I've been trying to just do simple
things like on the weekend, get a manicure, even if
it makes me late for a basketball game or so,
I'm just kind of focused on the little things. I
think one of the things I said to myself is
I'm going to take more intentional time in the morning

(42:46):
to be kind to myself. Because we have to be perfect,
we have to be super mom, we have to be
you know, the best employee ever and all the things,
and so I'm hard on myself. I push myself hard,
I drive hard, and so I think I think just
giving myself more peace, especially as I start the day
with that like intentionality, will actually help me get through,

(43:07):
you know, the rest of the year. And because I
kind of do things in sprints, right like finish lines.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
But me too, like let me get through this and
then I'll get through that, and then I'll get through
that yep, yep.

Speaker 6 (43:17):
And I just I don't know, a little bit more manageable.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
Yeah, Like that's kind of like compartmentalizing our like our
to dos, you know, but you're right, we need to
start with that foundation of like self care and self
love in order to be able to handle all those
things right, right.

Speaker 6 (43:33):
And then I think it's also important as a parent
to be modeling that right, to show my kids that
I care about myself and I take care of myself
and I matter, and that I you know, I won't
run myself into the ground because I don't want them
to so.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
And and you want to be there for them. And
if you run yourself into the ground, who's going to
be the mom?

Speaker 7 (43:52):
Right?

Speaker 9 (43:53):
Right?

Speaker 1 (43:53):
Yeah, I think there's so much more writing on the
importance of self care and self love than we ever
thought before. And I'm so happy that it's like coming
to the forefront of people's minds finally. Yeah. Yeah, I
think reach the point. Yeah, we've reached the point where
we acknowledge like, oh my god, this is unsustainable. Like
what this life that I'm trying to fool people, this

(44:16):
Instagram life that I'm trying to show everybody is so
unrealistic and it's wearing me thin.

Speaker 5 (44:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 6 (44:23):
Yeah, well, and I think people see, you know, even
I would do funny things with the back to school pictures, right,
I would post two side by side, the one for insta,
which is like the kids standing there smiling, looking a
little happy, and then the one that was the first
one on the reel where they're like pulling at each
other and their's signs flying everywhere. Because people do just

(44:43):
appreciate that this, you know, this picture perfect, it doesn't exist,
and putting it out there as a standard for each
other is it's not helpful.

Speaker 1 (44:50):
It's not, no, it's awful. Its just that thing that
makes us compare our lives to other people, like take over. Yeah,
it's like a disease almost in your brain. It just
consumes you when you start scrolling.

Speaker 4 (45:06):
Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 1 (45:06):
So starting with the little things is the perfect way
to like enter into that world of choosing yourself and
feeling comfortable choosing yourself. Yeah, because you can feel a
little uncomfy sometimes, for sure. I'm so happy that you're
doing that and for your parents. You're doing great, Sarah,

(45:29):
keep it up. I love it, Thank you, appreciate it.

Speaker 7 (45:32):
You Vet.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
Hi, Melissa, Hi, how are you good?

Speaker 7 (45:44):
How are you?

Speaker 1 (45:45):
I'm so happy to talk to you.

Speaker 4 (45:47):
I'm so happy to talk to you.

Speaker 1 (45:48):
Okay, So you're forty nine. You're from Marion, Iowa, Iowa. Yes,
and I love it Yes, Midwestern Okay.

Speaker 4 (45:56):
And western absolutely. And I am the baby of the
family like you. So yep, very similar, very similar.

Speaker 1 (46:03):
Yes cool, that's so cool.

Speaker 9 (46:05):
What is your question?

Speaker 1 (46:06):
What do you want to talk about?

Speaker 9 (46:07):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (46:08):
Lots, but we'll just start with one. I just wanted
to know, like I really started.

Speaker 11 (46:12):
Obviously, I've followed you since I've been fifteen, so watching
in Beverly Hills nine two want to know? So I
just I just have started following you, and I choose
me podcasts and everything that you've talked about has been
such an inspiration. And I turned forty nine, and really, Jenny,
I woke up and I was like, who am I
as a person?

Speaker 6 (46:32):
Right?

Speaker 11 (46:32):
Like how like like I.

Speaker 4 (46:34):
Hit that early.

Speaker 11 (46:35):
I know you talked about it like you know, hitting
closer to fifty And I was like, I'm forty nine
and you know I am going through I had a
couple relationship changes in my life and I was looking
at who am I?

Speaker 4 (46:45):
Like where do I want to be?

Speaker 11 (46:46):
And so I just kind of wanted to like pick
your brain and have the opportunity to talk to you
about like how do you You've reinvented yourself so many
times in your life and such an inspiration and you've
truly stayed true to who you are as a person,
and I love that, and I just want to know, like,
how how have you done that? And how have you
been so successful in everything that you've done?

Speaker 1 (47:07):
Oh, that's good questions, good questions as it's tricky.

Speaker 6 (47:11):
It is.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
Life is a roller coaster. They are ups and they're downs,
and we all go through it, you know. I think
for me, acknowledging that there are ups and downs is
really comforting because I never try to hold myself up
to some unrealistic every day is a perfect sunny day,

(47:32):
you know.

Speaker 4 (47:33):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
Yeah, Like I allow myself to have my moments that
I need to just sort of recoil and maybe hide
and lick my wounds and you know, heel myself before
I peek back out into the world. I mean, reinventing
yourself is it doesn't mean a racing or discarding your

(47:54):
past or who you truly are. It's it's taking the
core of who you are and breathing fresh life into it,
you know. So for me that just means that looks
like getting really quiet sometimes with myself. But yeah, I
think it's just giving myself that space to get quiet
and think about who am I? Where do I come from?

Speaker 4 (48:18):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (48:19):
What are my morals? Like on a core level? What
am I? What do I stand for in life? What
do I want to be remembered? How do I want
to be remembered by the people that truly know me
and love me? Yeah?

Speaker 11 (48:33):
Yeah, how do you like make sure that you practice
grace and you give yourself grace and choose kindness even
in those moments of weakness that I just feel like, Yeah,
it's just so yeah, like you're such an inspiration in
that level of everything that you've even been vulnerable and
shared about your opportunities and things that have happened, And
I'm so blessed. I work hard, like I said, I

(48:55):
have those Midwestern values, but you know sometimes it's just like, yeah,
it's hard.

Speaker 4 (49:00):
It's hard. There's no one to answer you a question.

Speaker 1 (49:02):
Do you feel like you're failing somehow when you have
these moments of like who am I? And what am
I doing? And what do I want?

Speaker 4 (49:09):
Yeah?

Speaker 11 (49:10):
Yeah, Like I just feel like I'm so hard on
myself about like I've been, I like said, I've worked
very hard my whole entire life. I have an amazing career.
I'm really really happy. I just am like empty nesting,
you know, the kids are gone. It's like one of
those things of like now you're like, Okay, you know
who am I? Who's my husband? What does this look like?

(49:31):
And you know that next chapter of like.

Speaker 4 (49:33):
All of those things that are just so amazing.

Speaker 11 (49:36):
And I just think that I'm just struggling with like
how do I stay true to who I am as
a person and then make sure that I'm taking care
of those around me still?

Speaker 4 (49:45):
And it's just yeah, so it's just it's such a yeah.

Speaker 11 (49:48):
I think it's like that forty nine age where I'm
just like, I don't know, it just seems so weird.
Like I didn't bother me when I hit thirty, didn't
bother me when I hit forty.

Speaker 1 (49:57):
And all of a sudden, forty that's differently.

Speaker 8 (50:01):
Older.

Speaker 1 (50:01):
You get everything hits differently, And that's the beauty of
it all is because there's so much evolution that happens
in your late forties, in your fifties, your early fifties,
your mid fifties or late fifties, Like it is the
most enormous growth period, I think in our lives because
we're here for we're watching it, we understand it, like
we can appreciate all that's happening. But I think for me,

(50:26):
when I was at that stage, I had to really
create a vision for what I wanted in my future.
Because you know who you are, alist like you, you
know who you are. It's not about you like who
am I. You know who you are if you get
quiet and you sit with yourself and you remember what's
important to you, you know, and so it's about what's

(50:48):
next more and creating that sort of vision for what
you want, what you want your life to look at like,
and you have to visualize it. You have to Like
for me, I made you know, a vision board and
hung it up in my office where I see it
all the time. Things that are important to me, phrases,

(51:09):
you know, quotes, things that resonate for me and what
I want for my future. And just having that visual
for me helped me to reinforce it on a daily basis.
And so it just sort of seeps into like what
you do and how you do it every day because
you're working towards something. Yes, it feels like when you're

(51:30):
at that stage, that empty nest or stage, like all
the good stuff's over and like, oh my gosh, there
was all these years spent getting to write here and
now right here becomes like your kids their lives, like
they fly, and then you're like left.

Speaker 4 (51:46):
Like that in a nest exactly exactly.

Speaker 1 (51:49):
But it's not an empty nest. It's the most full
nest you've ever had because you have all these tools
now and all this confidence in yourself that you know
you can get whatever you want life. You just have
to really define it.

Speaker 9 (52:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
Yeah, And that takes time, that takes patience, that takes
you know, being realistic and just really defining it I
think is really really important. And then reminding yourself of
it every day does what I'm focusing on. It does
where I'm putting my energy meet up with what it
is that I want for my next chapter. And say

(52:30):
you want to completely reinvent yourself, do something that you've
never done before, put that on your vision board and
break it down like how do I what steps do
I need to take to get to that?

Speaker 4 (52:43):
Exactly? Yeah, no, and before.

Speaker 1 (52:45):
You know what, you'll get there and then you'll be
asking yourself the same.

Speaker 4 (52:48):
Question, what can I do next? What can I do next?

Speaker 11 (52:51):
It is like you always want to reinvent yourself and
think bigger and challenge yourself and grow, like you never
want to be stagnant regardless of whatever it is. Right,
choose kind, choose grace and all of those things. And
I feel like I give that more to people than
I give it to myself. And it's like it's it
is so it's yeah, yeah, but you're right, like, just
see that vision I have in my future. I know

(53:13):
who I am as a person. I will always stay
true to myself. I've always said I need to be
okay with me and need to be able to look
at myself in the mirror and be okay with who
I see back right, And I'm not saying every day
I you know, but I live and learn and I
make mistakes. And I've gotten myself into therapy in the
last six months, which is you know, a big thing, right,
It's huge amazing therapists and she's awesome. We just talk

(53:37):
through things of scenarios and how I'm feeling about certain topics,
and it is you just like you're so it's as
a woman, you're so like have so much pressure of
being successful and you know, and who you are and
how you're providing for your family and all of these
things and who you're contributing and like, yeah, like just
all of those things and working out and being social,

(53:58):
all all the things, all things we expect.

Speaker 1 (54:02):
So much from ourselves, yes, when actually we just there's
nothing to expect, Like we just wake up and be
nice and be positive and listen to others and put
other people's feelings first, and everything else will fall into place.

Speaker 11 (54:18):
Absolutely, No, it makes sense. It makes sense, and it's
just it is. It's just like, so thank you for
being such an inspiration. And I love to listen to
your podcasts and every version and.

Speaker 4 (54:28):
I love how raw and vulnerable you are and just.

Speaker 11 (54:31):
Yeah, you're an amazing, amazing you know, just someone to
look up to and admire.

Speaker 4 (54:35):
So yeah, and you've been there too.

Speaker 1 (54:37):
You're doing it too. You know, you're setting such a
beautiful example for your friends, your family, your kids, what
you know, anybody that's watching you. Let me ask you this,
do you ever look in the mirror and say I
love you?

Speaker 4 (54:52):
No, I haven't in a long time.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
Oh that was huge for me, Like that's something sounds
so corny and silly and also so like why would
I do that? Yeah, but if you stop, if you
see your reflection in the mirror, and you stop, and
you can give yourself a moment five seconds and look
into your own eyes and say I love you.

Speaker 4 (55:20):
Makes sense.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
There's like this connection that you get with yourself and
this acceptance that you get for yourself no matter what.
And sometimes you can look in the mirror and say,
oh my god, you're such an asshole. Just you were
just such an asshole. But you know what, I still
love you. Oh my god, you really messed up just
two minutes ago out there in the kitchen when you
screamed at him. But I still love you. And everything's

(55:44):
gonna be okay.

Speaker 4 (55:45):
That is so perfect.

Speaker 11 (55:47):
That is everything, absolutely, And I think that's where somewhere
along the way I lost myself and I don't know,
and I like, I don't know what that looks like,
and I don't know if I love myself anymore. So
then I feel like, you know, when you just sometimes
you feel nun like you're just going through the motions
and you're just kind of here, and it's like I
can't I don't love myself enough to love someone else

(56:09):
and I can't give because I can't receive and I
don't feel it right. And I think that's ultimately kind
of where I've been at like the last like six
months or so.

Speaker 4 (56:18):
And it like said, and I woke up and I'm like,
I'm forty nine.

Speaker 11 (56:21):
I'm like and all of a sudden, I'm like, I
want accomplish this and I want to do this and
I want to do and I'm like and I'm like,
what am I doing? Like why all of a sudden
am I feeling this pressure and like needing to be
this person? And it just yeah, and I think I
was I'm like.

Speaker 4 (56:34):
I'm chubby, and I'm like with my clothes fit all
of those things.

Speaker 11 (56:38):
Like I said, we're so hard. Yeah, yeah, and it's
it's so hard. It's so hard.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
But yeah, I want you to do that, Okay. I
want you to start practicing that every day every day.
If it's the first thing in the morning, last thing
at night, if you do it multiple times a day, great,
live yourself in the mirror and say I love you,
and you can it can be as quick is that,
or you can stay with yourself as long as you
feel like you need to and it's gonna feel weird,

(57:04):
it's going to feel uncomfortable. You're going to want to
look away, you're not going to want to do it.
But when you look at yourself in the mirror and
you love yourself and you say I love you, and
you tell yourself, I know this has been hard. I
know you're going through hard stuff right now. I know
you want a lot of things. I know you feel
confused right now. But I've got you and I'm here
for you, and everything is going to be okay. You're

(57:28):
gonna get goosebumps when you connect with yourself on that level,
and then you're going to have like this feeling like,
oh my god, I can't wait to get back to
the mirror and talk to myself.

Speaker 4 (57:38):
Yeah.

Speaker 11 (57:39):
Yeah, yeah, it's so true, right, like to see that
person and yeah, and to love myself back.

Speaker 4 (57:45):
Yeah, and that's really what I need.

Speaker 1 (57:47):
Yeah, I love you, Oh my god, I love you.
You're doing so good.

Speaker 4 (57:51):
I love you too. Like I'm serious. If you're ever
in Iowa, give me a call.

Speaker 6 (57:55):
Let's tell you.

Speaker 4 (57:57):
If you come home to Illinois. I don't know how nice.

Speaker 1 (58:00):
Sister will not give up her time with me. I'm
pretty sure.

Speaker 4 (58:03):
About that fair.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
Well, let's wait, wait, what was your last I choose
me moment?

Speaker 4 (58:08):
I am working on that a work in progress. Okay
about we maybe check.

Speaker 11 (58:11):
Back in in six months and see what that when
I'm a closer to it it can be.

Speaker 1 (58:16):
You have to start small. You have to start with
little things like you know what, I'm going to choose
to put on some lipstick today because it makes me
feel better. Or I'm going to choose to go to
bed a little bit early today and give myself a
little extra sleep. I'm going to you know, it's little things.
And every time you do something little for yourself, acknowledge it.

(58:38):
Say hey, look look at me. I'm choosing myself right now.
And it feels good.

Speaker 11 (58:42):
Absolutely, And I feel like if you do choose yourself,
then that puts yourself and you choose you, and that
makes everyone else better because then it just as a
natural progression that it comes after, right, and then you
can be there for the ones that you love. But
if you don't take care of yourself, then you can't
be there for the ones that you love.

Speaker 1 (59:00):
It's very true words of wisdom. Thank you, no, thank you,
thank you.

Speaker 4 (59:05):
I appreciate it.

Speaker 11 (59:06):
This has been awesome, such an amazing experience, and I
can't thank you enough. And I look forward to continue
watching you foster and grow and yes do all the
amazing things that you're.

Speaker 1 (59:15):
Doing you too. Yeah, thank you, thank you, take care,
have a great day.

Speaker 4 (59:21):
Yes you too, Thank you.

Speaker 7 (59:23):
Bye bye.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
Hi Marcia, Hi, how are you? I'm so good. So
nice to meet you.

Speaker 9 (59:32):
Nice to meet you too.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
Thank you for listening to the pod. Yeah, tell me
what do you want to talk about today? How can
I help you?

Speaker 5 (59:42):
I was just wondering, you know, because my mom has
Alzheimer's and I'm her caregiver.

Speaker 9 (59:47):
How I could make Ie me moments for myself.

Speaker 1 (59:50):
That's a very You are in a in quite a position,
you know, giving so much to someone who needs so much.
I can relate. I have, you know, taken care of
my parents at different points in my life too, and
it's a lot. Yeah, it's really challenging. You have to

(01:00:10):
have so much patience and so much peace inside of
you in order to be able to take some care
of somebody like that on that level. Yeah, I think
you need to need to start, I know, because it
probably takes up a lot of your day, a lot
of your time. Thinking of how you can better take
care of somebody, How can you can prep how you
can meet their needs? You just need to take carve

(01:00:34):
out those how can I take care of myself when
I Because it is true, they say, with the oxygen
mask on yourself before putting the oxygen mask on others.
When you're on the plane, you know, you have to
remember how important it is to take care of yourself,
even just a little bit. The littlest things can help you. Know,

(01:00:55):
it's really important to eat well. Yeah, if we eat
just junk and filler food, food that's not helping us
or benefiting us in any way, that's going to catch
up to you, and you're not gonna feel good and
then you're not going to be in a good mood.
You're not gonna be in good spirits, and you're not
gonna be able to take care of somebody.

Speaker 9 (01:01:14):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:01:15):
If you're getting make sure you're getting enough sleep, Like
look at your schedule and decide, like how many hours
am I sleeping a night? Right, and ask yourself, is
do I feel refreshed when I wake up? If not,
maybe I'm not getting enough sleep. Maybe I'm getting too
much sleep. You really need to sort of look at
it and define how much sleep you personally need. For me,

(01:01:36):
I have to have six hours of sleep. If I
get more than eight hours, it's like a reverse effect.
I'm cranky and puffy and I don't feel good and
I am like ugh. But if I get like six
or seven hours, that's my golden ticket right there. So
it's just, you know, as much focused as you put
on taking care of someone else, you have to turn

(01:01:58):
it back and start taking care of yourself little by
a little, even if it doesn't feel right or it
feels selfish. You got a car about that time, Like,
what is it that you do in your life that
where you are taking care of yourself? What do you
do for self care?

Speaker 5 (01:02:16):
So usually during the day, because I have two computers,
so I have one down here and then one in
my room, and so I usually like game a lot during.

Speaker 9 (01:02:25):
The days and stuff.

Speaker 5 (01:02:26):
And then like we just recently had to have my
brother in law bring her bed downstairs to put in
the back room because I didn't want her to do
the steps anymore because she was starting to fall a lot,
and I was like worried about her falling down the steps,
and I was worried about how that was going to go,
because my routine with her would be to take her up,
put her in bed, and then just go in my
room and chill out midnight like until the morning. So

(01:02:51):
now the routine is I still put her to bed
at the same time, but we would do it down
here and then I go up in my room for
a little bit and then I come back down and
sleep on the couch because I don't hard to be
alone down here. So like that's really and you know,
I have like little trips that I take sometimes my sister.

Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
Will you get help with others?

Speaker 5 (01:03:12):
Yeah, it's it's me and my sister, with the help
of our our aunts, my mom's sisters. But it's mostly
me and my sister because my dad passed away twelve
years ago, so it's only my sister and I.

Speaker 9 (01:03:29):
So my sister's yeah, so my.

Speaker 1 (01:03:32):
Sister does on your shoulders, the.

Speaker 9 (01:03:34):
Grocery running and stuff like that for me.

Speaker 1 (01:03:37):
Okay, Well, that's really important that you have. I'm so
happy for you that you have a sister, that you
have those aunts that you can if you need a break,
you gotta take it. Yeah, you know, and you know
I know that you love gaming and that's super. That's great.
But what you know, what does like going outside for you?

(01:03:59):
Does that feel good at all? Like when you go
out in nature when you.

Speaker 5 (01:04:02):
Like yeah time, yeah, I when it's what I can
I uh, I'll take my sister's kids and we'll go
outside and play or some clinical for a walk.

Speaker 9 (01:04:14):
It's getting colder here now, so that's harder to do.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
You're in Pennsylvania.

Speaker 9 (01:04:19):
Yeah, so and we're getting a snowstorm this like tonight.

Speaker 6 (01:04:22):
So I was just.

Speaker 1 (01:04:23):
There, Martin, I was just there. Yeah, and it was
beautiful weather.

Speaker 5 (01:04:29):
I know.

Speaker 9 (01:04:30):
It's bipolar. I mean you.

Speaker 1 (01:04:36):
It's just about carving out those little moments and then
remembering that that's not selfish. That is vital to your
health and you being able to take care of your mom.

Speaker 5 (01:04:49):
Right, Yeah, I have a my sister and I are
going to Seattle to see my best friend Monday's like
in like two weeks.

Speaker 9 (01:04:57):
And she actually knew your daughter, by the way, my best.

Speaker 1 (01:05:00):
Friend it oh cool.

Speaker 5 (01:05:02):
Yeah, so yeah, we're going to do that and then
my aunts are going to keep her keep my mom.
And then we just went to the Heiress tour on Friday. Hey,
so my we went with her one sister and then
the other sister kept my mom, so we all three
went and had fun.

Speaker 1 (01:05:20):
Amazing. How much fun did you have at that show?

Speaker 9 (01:05:23):
It was so much fun.

Speaker 1 (01:05:23):
It was so much fun. Oh it was like I'm
a girl and I'm free. Yeah, so much fun.

Speaker 9 (01:05:31):
So good.

Speaker 1 (01:05:32):
I feel like you're taking pretty good care of yourself.
I feel like you have a good grasp on doing
little things here and there for yourself and trying to
keep your balance right. Yeah, you just need to make
you know, make it a priority and make sure every
day that you're checking off that box of taking care
of yourself.

Speaker 9 (01:05:52):
Right.

Speaker 1 (01:05:53):
I'm proud of you.

Speaker 9 (01:05:54):
I think you Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:56):
Okay, So, aside from going to the Aras tour, aside
from going to visit your best friend, what do you think,
even if it's something little, what would you say your
last I choose me moment.

Speaker 5 (01:06:06):
Was probably going over and visiting my cousin, just being
by myself because she has a daughter that's my niece's age.
So my niece likes to come with me when I go,
but I left her here, so I went and just
on out on my cousin for a little bit.

Speaker 9 (01:06:23):
You have, I would say that was probably it.

Speaker 1 (01:06:25):
Yeah, I love it. That's good. I'm proud of you.
You're doing great.

Speaker 9 (01:06:29):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:30):
And you're an amazing person for taking care of your mom.

Speaker 9 (01:06:33):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:34):
Yeah, it's rough, I know, I know it's hard. I
know it's hard. I know, but that's what we do.
We do hard things sometimes.

Speaker 9 (01:06:44):
Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:06:46):
Well I'm with you. I'm here supporting you from AFAR.

Speaker 9 (01:06:50):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:54):
Okay, that was so great getting to connect with and
talk with some of you listeners. Seriously cannot say enough
about how much you guys mean to me and I
love hearing from you. It really touches me and it
makes me feel really good and connected, and that's what
it's all about. And I hope to see you come
out to my I Choose Me Live event we're having

(01:07:15):
on Saturday, January eleventh. If you are able to, I
hope you are able to grab your tickets. I really
cannot wait to see you all in person and share
all the exciting things we have in store for the
best day ever. We're going to make some memories together
and we're going to learn a lot about ourselves and
about each other, and it's going to be super cool.
So get your tickets and I'll see you there January eleventh.

(01:07:38):
As we continue to choose ourselves each week, I want
to remind you about something so simple. It's a choice
that we can make that a lot of us forget
to do all day long, and that is to drink water. Okay,
I know, very simple, but seriously, when was the last
time you had some water? Right now? Go fill up

(01:07:59):
a big glass or fill up your jug. I don't
know about you. I have a water bottle that goes
everywhere I go. I call it my emotional support water
bottle because if I leave the house without it, I'm
seriously like, oh no, where's my water bottle? What if
I get thirsty on the way to the store. I
have to have it wherever I go. So this is

(01:08:19):
your reminder to not forget to hydrate your body, and
I challenge you this week to keep hydration as a focus.
We all tend to let go, you know, eat whatever.
Our routines kind of fall apart with the food and
the sweets and the drinks and the schedules. But don't
forget drink some water. That's all I have to say

(01:08:42):
about that. Thanks for listening to ichoose me. You can
check out all of our social links in our show notes,
have you left a review of the podcast, because if
you haven't, I want to hear what you think. I
love your communication, I love your support, and I love
your critiques. I am here for it. I want to learn.

(01:09:03):
It's so easy, and I love getting to hear from you.
So make sure to use the hashtag I Choose me,
and I'll be right here next week. I hope you
choose to be here too,