October 2, 2024 • 51 mins
Jennie and her husband Dave open up about their journey with fertility and the impact it had on their marriage. They also reflect on what the biggest issue was between them, and the advice they'd give to a couple who might be going on their own fertility journey.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
the choices we make and where they lead us. So
today I wanted to talk about something that was a
(00:22):
big choice my husband and I made that I know
a lot of couples have gone through and for a
lot of people, not everyone, but for a lot of people,
starting a family is important to them. I am blessed
to be the mother of three, and when Dave and
I got together, Dave didn't have any children. Today, we're
(00:43):
going to talk about our journey with IVF. Please welcome
my hobby Dave, back to the I Choose Me Podcast. Hi, honey,
Hey babe. Nice to see you on the podcast. Yeah,
you saw me in the kitchen a minute ago.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
M hm and the bedroom.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
This is pretty vulnerable topic and I really appreciate you
being open to talking about it because I think it
could help some people.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Yeah, it's definitely been the news and people are talking
about it more and people are open and you know,
discussing it.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Why don't we start at the beginning. We've talked about
our love story on the podcast before. If you guys
haven't listened to that. Go back and listen to that one,
so you're up to speed.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Fun one.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
It's a good one. Yeah, when we met, how old
were the girls at this point?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Fiona was eight, Lola was just turning twelve, and Luca
was sixteen seventeen. I think she had just turn or seventeen.
She's going into her senior year of high school.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
You entered into a relationship and automatically had three stepdaughters, Yes,
but no babies of your own.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
No, no children.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
What were your thoughts on kids when we met?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Were you thinking, No, I'm not you know, I'm not.
I hear people say, well, you know, I want to
be a great father and I want to be this
and I've got to have this family and I want
to do that. I never really thought of anything. I
kind of just went day by day and I never
thought like, did I think about children? Yeah? Did I
(02:22):
want to have kids? Of course? Yeah. I was like, yeah,
that'd be great. But it never defined me. I never
was pushed by you know, I've got to have children
of my own. I know that's a big deal to
a lot of men. I just, to be honest, I
was just I just didn't think about it. I always
said to myself, if it happened, wonderful and if it didn't,
(02:46):
then you know it didn't. But something great came out
of that, you know, with the girls and stuff. And
it's not like we didn't try. I mean, we're talking
about this whole episode because we I mean, we gave
it a good shot.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
What point in our relationship did we start talking about
maybe wanting to have kids together?
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Well? Do you? I mean, if you if you remember,
we we got married on July eleventh, what was it,
July twelfth, two thousand, four fifteen, and then we got pregnant,
like the same month.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
So we got naturally, we got pregnant naturally.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Yeah, we got back from Carmel. We went to a
little mini like honeymoon to Carmel up in you know, Monterey,
and like two weeks later, you were pregnant.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I mean I completely blocked this out.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
You gave me you remember how you told me.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I do remember telling you, but I didn't remember. It
was like so quickly after we got married.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Yeah, and you gave me a gift, like you were like,
here here's a box, and I opened up the box.
It was like a random Tuesday afternoon and I opened
up the b and it was this little like onesie with
like golf carts and golf things on it, and yeah,
and that's that's how you told me. I remember Liz,
(04:13):
your assistant at the time, you know, you know, it
was just me, you and her, and it was then
that was like, wow, okay.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
You were were you like excited? Were you?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Yeah? Yeah, I was excited. I mean I was in shock.
I was like, what so quick?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
I mean our relationship in general was so fast tracked,
I mean in every sense of the word.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah, and to have that, you know on top of it,
you're you're just kind of taking aback, going all right, well, yeah,
I mean that didn't turn out the way we had hoped.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
So what walk me through? And our listeners like what
happened with that pregnancy? Because, for the life of me,
I don't remember how I blocked it out.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
For the listeners, it's like I'm having this conversation, like
she's fully new to this conversation. Okay, So what happened
you mean after you told me, well, we went to Nancy,
(05:22):
your doctor gynecologist, and yeah, we were good to go.
And then that lasted almost four months and then you
know we found out what do you mean, well, I
don't want to get emotional on the first fifteen minutes
of a podcast with me. Yeah, we found out that
(05:48):
there was no heartbeat.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Do we find that out in the office? Do you
remember what went through your mind? Then?
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I don't know. I mean we've geez, I haven't really
talked about it, you know, I think it was, Yeah,
I was, I was upset.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Did you feel upset with me?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
No? No, you talking about like resentment? No, I was.
I wasn't like upset. I was just just down. M hm.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
So we had to have procedure, the DNC DNC, which.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
We became familiar with, or at least I did, you know,
because I, you know, i'd never you know, known anyone
in that situation or gone through that situation.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I think I remember them saying like we could just
wait and let it work its way nature, let nature
take its course where we could do the procedure. And
we opted to do the procedure because it was just
too much for me to you know, carry it. Yeah,
maybe that wasn't was that had been terminated.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, it was totally heavy.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
And then we had it done that day.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
We had it done that day, it's like it's wild,
it's like you know, in and out, but it's yeah,
it's it's really heavy. And so then after that, you know,
because it was totally unexpected, and it was like, well maybe,
I mean, I guess I'm you know, speaking for myself,
please do you know maybe that wasn't in the plan.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
And so so you sort of reconciled with yourself, well
that's not on the cards.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah, But then it happened again naturally, yes, mm hmm,
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Why don't I remember things?
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I think, Yeah, I think you I don't know. I mean,
it's a good one to block out. I guess.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
So what happened?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
And then so that one was shorter. I remember we
had to switch to doctors, and this one was only
you know, you found out you got pregnant. And then
this was only like a month and a half. And
then we went and we you know how they you
can kind of see it, you know, starting to come around.
And then this one was short. I mean, I think
(08:20):
the doctor, I forget his name, I think that the
doctor at the time was like, well, it's it's not
going to be healthy anyway. So then we you know,
we did the DNC again, and then by that time
I think I think that it had definitely taken an
(08:40):
emotional tool which we didn't know how to communicate at
the time, so we kind of just wrapped it up,
and then other things kind of came in the fold.
And then I think our relationship is starting to get
a little, you know, just chaotic and not having the
(09:00):
tools equipped to work through it. And we were going
to therapy, but we were not necessarily doing the wrong therapy.
We were just we weren't attacking the root.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
We were talking about that, right, and the deep sadness
and grief that both of us were feeling simultaneously, but
we weren't talking to each other about it. I feel
like I remember a little bit of just really going
inside and struggling personally and privately on my own, and
(09:31):
I felt and sort of saw that you were doing
the same thing.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
I mean, I I said stuff to you know, people like, oh, hey,
you know, man, it just didn't take, and people are like, oh, well,
you'll get it next time. It's it was very like
I just I just didn't know how it was so nonchalant.
(09:55):
I was thinking to myself, am I being too emotional
about this? You know, like once twice, like am I
is it just like no big deal. I don't know.
I had to like figure that out. I didn't work
through that. I mean, it wasn't and it wasn't. I'm
(10:15):
not making like, you know, my friends and family, you know,
like very you know, dismissive. It was just, yeah, I
don't think. I don't think I knew how to handle
it much less. I don't really think I had a
lot of people to converse with in it.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
So we were both dealing with that grief internally but
not sharing with each other, which I think was a
big problem. We'll get into that a little bit later,
but I think at that time, I was feeling really
down on myself, really ashamed, feeling like I was disappointing you,
(10:54):
like I wasn't able to carry a pregnancy with you,
who I loved.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
And I.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Had had these three beautiful daughters with Peter, and you
had stepped in and become such a wonderful stepdad to them,
and you have a great dad, and you have a
great relationship with your dad, and you are so fun
and just like love sports. So I remember I so
(11:28):
so so wanted to give you a baby boy, and
so I think I was, really.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
I was, you went down sort of a different you
know road or you know, with like dealing with it.
You I think were hard on yourself and you thought
a little insecurities crept in that you weren't good enough.
(11:59):
And because I was younger, I needed to fill that
so called Lloyd in my life, and I I tried
to communicate, you know a little bit, like you know,
it's not a big deal. I mean, I didn't marry
you because I wanted to have children, and this didn't
(12:21):
this wasn't even something to be like expected. But since
it happened, you know, I mean, I was, you know,
you being the mother you are and the person you
are and the human you are. Of course, and naturally
I want to have a child with you, who would
have been great. But I don't. I don't necessarily look
(12:44):
back and think that stuff. I truly do feel like
everything happens for a reason, and I'm so happy now,
we're so happy. Now, we're in the best place we've
come through this journey.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
And yeah, I want to go back to that time.
And I was silently suffering, and.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Also there was a lot of hormones that I didn't
know what were going on that were just exploding.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yeah, like with those two consecutive pregnancies and then those
two consecutive situations, I think that neither of us acknowledged
the hormones at play, and that just that my mental
and physical was not the norm, and I got I
(13:38):
would be much quicker to be upset I was. I
think I was more apt to be insecure, like you said,
which turned into that jealousy, controlling feeling for you probably, Yeah.
And I was trying to burn the house down because
(14:00):
I didn't feel like I deserved this or it was
all my fault.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Yeah. And also I didn't help the situation because I
was like, mister nothing, everything's fine, Like we can move
forward like every look, don't worry about it at the time,
instead of like really delving into it and actually having
a conversation about her or actually like, you know, we
we need to really kind of get a hold of this.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Do you wish you had handled it differently?
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Of course, how would you have handled it differently?
Speaker 2 (14:36):
I would have I was. I was. I think at
the time I was more wrapped up into me, you know,
even though I was a partner and I was doing
everything that I was supposed to be doing. I was
at you know, doing the girls going and whatever they needed,
whatever you needed. But I was internalizing everything like kind
(14:58):
of selfishly like and myself like like, well what am
I going to get? Like what is the end going
to be for me? And like I don't really I
didn't at the time. I didn't know how to handle
what you were going through. I just I couldn't. And
(15:20):
my biggest flaw is fight or flight, and so I
would just remove myself because I couldn't handle it.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
When did we decide to go down the IVF road.
It must have been right after that, because I was like,
I want to go and find out what's going on
with my eggs, Like I wanted to know what if
my eggs were in fact the problem or if there
was an alternative for us. So I think that that
is when we went into the fertility center.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, I'm not sure on the actual day. I think
it was a year before. It might have been it
was a year before we broke up.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I think, yeah, we'll get to that.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
There's also is something I need to remind you of
it probably later on in this that you've probably forgotten about.
One great when we were broken up as well.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Great. I can't wait to hear it. So stay tuned
for that, guys. Geez. The IVF for for people that
have aren't familiar with IVF, there's a lot to it.
There are it's you have to find the right doctor,
fertility doctor. There is a lot of blood testing.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
We had a we had a really good one. She
was great.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
A lot of pokes and prods and shots, shots. There
was the painful retrieving of the eggs, which doesn't sound
bad in theory, but it was very unpleasant stuff. The hearing,
the hearing, the disappointing news that they have a grading
(16:55):
system with eggs. And I was I mean at that time,
I was in my forties.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
You were forty forty five, forty six.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
My mid forties, and you know I found out that
yeah it was me. It was my eggs. They were
not good enough.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
But that's not that's not true. You had good eggs.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
What was the scale did they?
Speaker 2 (17:18):
I think we had a C.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
It was a if you have a egg, B eggs,
C egg and so.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
On, and so we we tried.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
We rechieved some eggs, and then they looked at them
and they said, well, here are your options. You have,
you know, maybe a B minus egg and some C eggs.
Do you want to proceed?
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Right?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
And I was determined yeah, and we did. And then
that that's when I remember. I just remember continuing that
feeling of shame and sadness because that that confirmation that
I did my eggs weren't good enough anymore, weren't young
enough or able to have a viable pregnancy. So then
(18:00):
you did the sperm count test. Once we decided to
move forward, they needed to check your sperm count. Yeah,
do you want to tell them about that? This was
just this was the sperm count, So go.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Ahead, Like I always made, I know what you're getting
at because I always make a joke about it because
I had like to something out of to something I
had a great score.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Wait, no, good, a little more detail please. You're supposed
to have.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
What you know, sixty seven to sixty seven.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
So yeah, so you're supposed to have like the high
scores to sixty seven or something.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Yeah I score. Hey, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
And then you proceeded to joke around about it.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
I did to, yeah, to probably quell my anxiety. But
I mean, yeah, I felt great about that at score.
But yeah, like when we're talking about it, when you
know you're going down and I haven't actually like visually
in my head. I'm very visual, so I have little
(19:06):
scenes in my head that are playing out as you're talking.
And I can remember like the waiting room, the you know,
inside the office, when the restroom, when I went to
get water, when just feelings of like panic and anxiety,
and like I remember after this IVF it didn't take
(19:30):
and we went down that road. I remember the restroom,
and I remember the fake flower as I was sitting
on the toilet, not using the restroom, just sitting on
the toilet and taking that flower and ripping it and
throwing it in the drap. It's so like, it's so
weird because you know, for I mean, it's a heavy
(19:53):
subject for everybody, and and my heart goes out to
people who you know, are really trying and going through
the process, because we've been through the process, but we
only we only went through it once. We elected not
to try again because it was just it was really
heavy emotionally after you had been through all the miscarriages,
(20:15):
and we have friends that have successfully done it, and
it's it's you know, my heart goes out to them
even on you know, successfully having kids and stuff, because
it's it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
I do remember when you were joking around about like
you have this perfect sperm count and here I am
sitting over here with the imperfect you know, expired eggs. Yeah,
not that I'm angry at you about it now, but
as we're talking about it, I can understand like my
feelings about it and how that even sent me and
(20:50):
us into a darker, darker place.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Me thinking something so light and trying to make light
of it too in my eyes, help the situation actually
hurt the situation.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
I don't remember the the implantation process because we proceeded.
We got your perfect sperm and we put it met
up with my imperfect eggs and just prayed and hoped
that it would work. But it did. Its stick, It stuck,
(21:23):
I remember one stuck.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yeah, one stuck. But then we did oh yeah it did,
and then we went through the process. We went to
the next step.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Well, first we had to do all the shots. First,
they you know, they send you home with your marching everything. Yeah,
so we got they did the they had to prepare me,
I think before the implant of the sperm, and that
was you know, shots at daily shots.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Yeah, that we had to do, and Maven, you had
to do it when you were you were traveling, so
you were working and traveling a lot still, so you
had to do it on the road and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I don't really remember you being a part of the.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Shots a couple of times, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Maybe like two times, yeah, out of a lot. And
I remember being upset by that, but never communicating it
to you.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
No.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
I remember thinking, I don't think he understands what is
happening to my body.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, I did it. I think that that's a good
lesson for everybody who was taking from us not communicating.
And I think that that it was terrible that we
didn't communicate that stuff. I had no idea about that,
And I do remember sometimes I did it for you.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
I mean it was I think just from a male perspective,
it's it's obviously a lot less invasive for a man
to go through all this, But what was it like
me put my body through that? And like I guess
you just said you didn't really understand what was going
on with me physically and emotionally. How did you manage
(23:10):
that or not manage that? And is there anything that
you wish you had done differently so that maybe you
can help other guys out there. And I'm not I
don't mean to be pointing the finger.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
I'm trying to think of the experience, and because it's
not a great experience, if I'm speaking you know, for
me personally, it wasn't a great experience. I'm talking about
just emotionally. I'm talking about like disappointment and then seeing
(23:43):
you go through what you had to do, the process,
seeing the process, and then going through the process and
then ultimately failing at the process. But my takeaway wasn't
towards you. I wasn't upset at you. I was upset
at the process because I just I just didn't want
(24:05):
to be a part of that process anymore. My whole
thing was that if we can't do it, it's just
not in the cards for us. And maybe that's yeah,
I just I couldn't go Ever, once we left there,
once the IVF well, once it was done, I you know,
I never wanted to go back.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Yeah, we got to the place. I think that was
after all the prep work that we had to go through,
with the priming my body and getting my hormones to
the right levels with the shots.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
And then the DNC scene you go through the DNC.
I said, I'd never do that again. I'm never going
to make you do that again.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
We had already done it.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Four time, well three three times. We haven't gotten to
the fourth.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
We decided that IVF wasn't for us. We had already
spent a lot of money. Yeah, and the aftermath of
that experience threw.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Me into his tail spend. Personally. After that experience, the
life that I was in with you at the time
was just too overwhelming for me. You were a celebrity.
I had three step children. I think I was like three.
We were three and a half years into our relationship.
I started my own business. It was going it was
(25:19):
going well. I was gonna go do another one, and
I couldn't handle the severity of everything like mentally like happening.
So like, I just chose to kind of get out
of the situation, which is not healthy. And then I
(25:42):
feel like with the hormones that were going on with
you, you weren't you weren't the same. You were being influenced
by stuff you couldn't control. Essentially, I felt like and
I just couldn't be there to help you. I wasn't
mature enough.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
So what do you mean you couldn't handle it? That's
you decided that you needed to leave. You did that
fight or flight thing.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Yeah, I think it had gotten to the point where
I just I couldn't handle it anymore. But there was
also stuff going on with you that you didn't know
how to articulate. Your actions were not your Definitely.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
I wasn't myself. I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Yeah, I would say, yeah, behaving.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Like probably the person that you had fallen in love with,
because I was grappling with so many emotions personally inside
my head, right, and then seeing you react the way
you react, and I think kept just pushing me further
over the edge. Yeah, it was not a good time.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
No.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Do you think that the girls felt all of this
or did they know about all of this?
Speaker 2 (27:05):
I think they were. I think Fiona was young. So
Fiona was like ten or eleven, and she was very compassionate.
Lola was fourteen fifteen teenager, really upset when she found
out we were pregnant the first time when she was
(27:26):
like twelve, she said she was going to go move
to her dad's. Now, I mean you take all that
with a grain of salt. They you know, they have
a brother now and they adore that little boy and
he's so cute. But yeah, I don't know, they know
they didn't know what was going on, like the severity
(27:46):
of what was going on with the both of us,
But you know, we didn't even know what was going on.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, it wasn't something we sat around at the dinner table.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
No, it's like this thing that just it just sat
there and you just went, well, you know, I'm grieving,
so is that going to go away? But I mean
at the time, I didn't know I was grieving.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Right, We didn't even know that we needed to grieve
properly or treat ourselves with a different kind of compassion.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
But it's so odd. What are you grieving something you
didn't even know it didn't even exist.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
I think we were grieving the loss of the idea
of what we thought our future should look like, right,
and grieving. I was grieving on your behalf for you
not becoming a.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Dad, fulfilling something that I had built up in my
head for so long.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
So we were separated for a while, like ten months. Yeah,
I remember just like being gobsmacked, quite honestly, that you left,
and I remember I had just, you know, a few
years prior to this, gone through a after in a
relationship with somebody for seventeen years, and I was so
(29:06):
excited to be in a relationship with you and have
a fresh start and a second third chance. And I
was pretty like destroyed. And you literally just were tail
lights and left me and the girls. Not to point
(29:27):
a finger, I'm just telling you the facts. You left
the girls and I to deal with it, and unfortunately,
in that time I was just a mess. I think,
even more destroyed somehow than when my relationship with Peter
ended and the girls all handled it differently. They weren't
(29:53):
happy with me. They were mad at me because I
was so upset again, so heartbroke, and I remember Fiona
wrote me a song on the piano to try to
make me feel better. I have a recording of it
on my phone and I listened to it sometimes.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
And then they would go. So you were still doing
like one week off, one week on, and Peter lived
around the corner from like the new restaurant bar that
I had opened, and I would work during days and
Loula would sneak sneak out and come over there. During
the day and kind of see me and yeah, it
(30:32):
was hard. And then Luca when she would come back
from New York, you know, I see her and yeah
it was hard. And then you know, they kind of
got settled into you know, we weren't going to be together,
and then we started getting back together and we started
(30:55):
to date again, and then we didn't talk about you know,
we had gotten back together in December of that year
and you had gotten pregnant naturally again and you don't
remember that. And then that's when we had to go
and do the final DNC, which was in January of
(31:18):
that year, which was and then that kind of set
us back for a couple of months until July is
when we you and I rented a house in Joshua
Tree with like no internet, nothing, and we just went
there with the dogs for four days and ride laughed.
(31:42):
You know, think, what do.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
You think it was that brought us back together? Even
what was it that brought us back together before we
had that last pregnancy. What made you come want to
come back? I guess or decide that you had dealt
with what you needed to deal with enough in order
(32:07):
to come back, given that you knew that leaving the
way you did, probably you shouldn't do that again the
way you did. You know what I mean, like, had
you did you learn something about yourself or did you
do work on yourself or did you.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
I mean I think that that, I think, i've I've
I think we both came back together with a sense
of what the work we need to do to get
to where we want to be. We both, I mean,
we communicated what we need to have in this relationship
to move forward, and you said I'll do that, and
(32:43):
I said I'll do that, and so far, you know,
we've kind of kept to it all the while opening
communication up and not falling into those habits I mean
for me, I mean, I don't like confrontation, and if
(33:06):
it's a fan, I just bail.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Yeah, I think it's important to like, that's a problem.
Look at your upbringing and yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
I mean I grew up in Virginia Beach, Virginia, and
I didn't want to be around there anymore, so I left.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
But you also had as a child of kind of
an unpredictable energy in your home, and when things would
get unpredictable, it would be scary and you would hide
or leave.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah, I'd go to the beach.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
So that was I think a lot of the work
that you had to start with on the ground level
is looking where that fight or flight for you.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Also like it it's so weird. I don't you know,
I don't know who else deals with us, But it's
the feeling you get when you're in a situation and
to communicate it, like you know, it's so much easier
just to be like, okay, I'm going to leak. And
then when you leave a person like I have that
(34:04):
problem I struggle with, it's just this weight comes off,
you know, and it's like it's almost like you feel free, Yeah,
instead of actually having the conversation and doing the work
and respecting, you know, the person you're in that relationship with,
giving them that respect to communicate that. I've had to
(34:26):
work on that a lot.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I mean, because we were that was it.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
But that's one of your triggers too, which is abandonment,
and I feed right into that.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
It was like a perfect storm.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Do you remember, like, how how did you feel the
last time? How did you feel in December when when
we got back together, and like what were your thoughts?
Speaker 1 (34:49):
I remember telling this is after the three pregnancies didn't work.
After you left, after we were broken up, completely ready
to sign the paper first divorce papers, we started hanging
out a little bit. Then we got pregnant, and I
remember I had taken myself to the beach by myself
(35:09):
in an RV, and I I was still grappling with
things and really trying to because the coming back together
process where we started hanging out again was extremely difficult.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
It was like wading through shit, you know, because we
were we still weren't really equipped well.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Because you I was being a little bit more patient,
Like I was like, I'm kinda I have this apartment
I'd like to like, I was making it like, well,
we didn't we did. We did this, this and this
wrong in the first like the first go round. Let's
(35:52):
not do that a second go around.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Oh so you were trying to not rush back into things.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Do you think that that was because you didn't think
you were ready yet again?
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah? I think I loved you. I knew, I mean,
I was you were my wife still technically, I just
I yeah, I wanted to wanted to go slow. There's
a lot like you were like bullshyet there's a.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Lot there that's I feel like we still need to
communicate through because I'm just feeling this tinge of like
heat coming up the back of my neck. But I've
learned to handle that in a different way now, not react, yeah,
and attempt to communicate my way through it, which we
can do great at a later time. But yeah, that
(36:45):
the coming back together part was very difficult for me.
I'll speak for myself. And I continued to feel like
you didn't really want it by you going slow and
doing it the way you wanted to do it, did
it didn't make me feel good. And I remember just
really struggling with that. So I went to the beach
(37:06):
that day with the dogs and I wasn't feeling well.
I was feeling nauseous. I went to the drove the
RV into Santa Barbara, got a pregnancy test, took it
in the r V. Yeah that's right, and saw that
I was pregnant again, and I was like, oh my, oh.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Yeah, that's right. I totally forgot about that. You you
were in an.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
RV and I called you. Do you remember what you
thought when I told you? That?
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Man? No, I mean shocked, just like really shocked.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
I think I felt like doom. I felt like, oh,
this is here we go. This is not good. Like
I didn't have that joyous ya the first time we
had you know, I felt like, I don't think we're
really even ready to deal with this again. And then
nature made it so that we didn't have to deal
with it again. Yeah, so we kind of at that
(38:08):
point got the message. I think that we weren't necessarily
meant to have kids naturally. Did we ever after all
of that drama. I don't think we ever had the
conversation of like, let's adopt or let's do as surrogate.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
No.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
I remember asking you, did you want to explore having
a surrogate, having someone else carry the baby?
Speaker 2 (38:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (38:30):
And you were absolute about not wanting that.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
No, because I don't know if this is wrong. I
like everything now, you know what I mean. I don't
need that. I have everything I need.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
And I was really just trying to do it for you, Yeah,
because I already had my kids and I was like
already I remember thinking like, oh my god, going back
to sleepless nights and diapers and my boobs hurting, and yeah, but.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
I wish, I wish, I wish you wouldn't like the pressure.
I didn't. I felt like I wasn't pressuring you in
that you were No, you weren't pressure, and you had
some you wanted it.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
I wanted it for you, and even when you were like, no,
I don't, I'm okay with it.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
I didn't.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
I told you I believed you, but I guess deep
down inside I didn't.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
I don't think you did.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Who WHOA. This is a lot. The girls are all
young women now.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
How do you feel with certainty today about not being
a biological father? Wonderful you didn't hesitate at all.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
I feel great. I feel fantastic.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
You're killing me. I feel great that you're a great
with it because I finally am like, you know what,
I'm real good with it too.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
No, I mean I'm I enjoy love. I love the girls,
I love spending time with them. Secretly, I'm like, I
want them to wait, but I secretly like, deep down,
I'm very excited about the grandkids one day, one day,
(40:30):
and that could be twenty thirty years from now, forty
years from now. But there is a part of me that, yeah,
I'm excited about that because I love you. I want
us to kind of go shut that door. You know,
the past is the past, and I'm grateful for it.
There's so much gratitude for what we went through, even
(40:53):
though it sounds crazy, and even though I hadn't really
like we still really haven't discussed it.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
I guess we are now.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Yeah, I mean we have, but I'm just so grateful
for what we have and what the path in which
the girls are going, and you know, their next chapter
is in life, and to be a part of that
is very special and quite selfishly, I it's nice to
play golf and not have an eight year old.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Oh sorry, you guys just heard the actual truth. That
is the bottom line for you.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
No, that's a joke. That's just a joke. But no,
I'm very grateful for how the story played out and
people who are looking to do IVF and are going
through IVF. I mean, my heart goes out too all
(41:54):
of you. I think it's it's it's a wonderful thing,
but it's also you know, communicate with your partner is huge.
Communication is huge.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
I think communicating more specifically about your feelings through the
process with one another.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Yeah, because I mean, what if I would have came
to you? And like, man, I'm just so.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Sad, then we would have been sad together.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Yeah, but I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't
know if I was supposed to be that sad you know. Yeah,
but my heart goes out to people who are doing it,
and especially the success stories are amazing, and there's a
lot of other stories that you know, people don't get
(42:41):
a chance to tell.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Let me ask you this when you hear Even still
to this day, we know people who are having babies
from IVF, from the assistance of IVF, currently very very
close friends of yours. How does how does that make
you feel? Because I've watched as we went through this
(43:04):
whole process. I've watched as every one of your friends
pretty much has started their families in your You haven't
You never got to do those things that they are doing. Yeah,
and I know that along the way that has been
hard for you, Even though you didn't really tell me
(43:25):
about it, I could tell. But how is it now
and where you are today hearing that your close friends
are expecting a.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
Maybe I'm I'm I have like I'm a little anxious
for them because I wanted to be like joyous and
I wanted to succeed. So I guess I guess anxious.
I'm nervous, and I hope everything works out, and I'm
sure it will, and I'm very excited for them.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
There's no part of you that's sad or.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Like like.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
No, no, no, no, because you want to go golfing.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
No, not just that. I mean I I got Fiona.
I did elementary school, Like I went from having an
apartment to walking in a fifth grader to school every day.
And then was Lola was in like what six grade?
Speaker 1 (44:28):
No?
Speaker 2 (44:28):
What was now? Lola was six? What was Fiona like third? Fourth?
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Yeah, you really got to raise.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
I went to we went to how many weekends do
we do? Soccer? Soccer? Soccer? Soccers? A lot of weekends. So,
I mean, yeah, were fully, I've already done all that.
I haven't changed diapers, that's it.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
You know, well you will get to with our grim babies.
I think that's one of the reasons we're both so excited,
and we might actually just like steal the baby ah
for you know, the weekends for sure, and then give
it back.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
I'm very excited. I'm very excited about that. And yeah,
I'm I'm I'm happy for the journey that we went on,
even though it was God, it sucked.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
But I think talking about it bringing it to light,
certainly talking about it with one another, but sharing our
story with other people is the key to moving through it.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Yeah, I mean I didn't. I went into this talk
today now probably like unprepared. But it is emotional topic.
It's and especially it's it's at the four I mean,
it's in the election right now, and it's huge. It's
a big deal because there this is a really good
way for people to fulfill their dream to have a family.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
And to have that option that right be someone else's
decision is real, real difficult for for me and for
a lot of people to understand. Right, do you feel
good about sharing?
Speaker 2 (46:19):
Yeah? Yeah, I feel good. Yeah. How do you feel?
Speaker 1 (46:25):
I feel good?
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Did we jar your memory a little bit? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (46:28):
You jarred my memory. Also brought up some things I
didn't want to really remember.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Oh yeah, I mean I had some stuff pop up too.
While we were talking. I was like, what is that?
Speaker 1 (46:39):
Wait, what are you remembering the time I threw your
golf clubs?
Speaker 2 (46:42):
No, well, no, I didn't say that. That was in
the beginning of the podcast, when I was like, well,
when we were talking about hormones, I was like, well,
you did write that into one of your shows where
you threw my golf clubs in the pool. So and
then when I asked you why did you do that?
You said, I want to go after something you love.
(47:07):
And I was like, well that, yeah, okay, you did
a good job.
Speaker 1 (47:12):
Now, whenever we have a fight and you go for
a drive, you.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
Take your golf No, no, that was no, you store
your golf all the time. I ran out of the
house and I ran out and with my golf clubs
and threw them in the back of the truck.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Just in case.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
Yeah. I was like, oh, if I leave these here,
they're going to be snapped.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
So good times.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
That's good stuff to laugh and laugh about.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
That good we can laugh about it, you know.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
I mean you did you did like a one you
did a twirl. I'm on camera, but you did a
twirl with my cell phone and then it came out
and flew at my head and hit the back of
the wall. And I got up like this and you
were staring at me, and I was like, okay, hormones, hormones.
(48:00):
Everyone's had hormone stories.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Yeah, yeah, that would be a fun episode. Let's just
get all be really honest about our worst moments. Okay, Okay,
So I feel like we've talked about this a little
bit too much. I feel like we're gonna go. I
know I'm gonna go. I need to decompress a little.
I need to process some of the stuff that's coming
up for me.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Well, listen, honey, I wouldn't have changed anything about our story,
and I'm grateful we went through it together. I'm sorry
we had to go through it. I love you.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
No, that means a lot to me. Thank you. I
obviously love you too before I let you go, Babe,
what was your last I choose me moment?
Speaker 2 (48:43):
Oh? Man? She you always asked me this question, like
you'll ask it like, when was the last I choose moment? Well,
that's easy. Sunday morning football all day. No one was here,
you were out of town, and I literally I watched
(49:04):
football all day with me and the dogs. I chose
me that day, and I chose fantasy football players.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Okay, well, very habit people football can be and I
choose me mom.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Well, thank you for having me on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (49:21):
You're welcome, love you, love you. I want to thank
my husband Day for coming back on the pod and
for having that uncomfortable conversation with me. That time in
our relationship was definitely not easy, but I wanted to
share it because I know that a lot of people
go through similar struggles when it comes to fertility and
(49:45):
starting a family. Or maybe you don't have a partner,
but you're thinking of starting a family on your own
and you want us to know a little bit more
about IBF. We felt like it was important for us
to share our story with you because even though it
was difficult, we made it through, and all of that
pain created room for significant growth, both individually and in
(50:09):
our relationship as we continue to choose ourselves each week.
I want to ask you a question. Have you been
avoiding having a conversation with someone in your life because
you know it will be difficult. I know Dave and
I talked about this, how when we were going through
some of our darkest times, we weren't talking to each
(50:29):
other about our feelings. We weren't communicating, and it almost
broke us. Are you and your partner communicating about not
just the good times, but also the difficult times? Or
maybe you've been putting off having a tense conversation with
a family member. Look I am here to tell you
living in your head with your thoughts is not the
(50:50):
way to do it. And I know because I'm a
master at living in my head with my thoughts. So
even if you can't talk with that person this week,
I want to encourage you to have a conversation with someone.
Talking about whatever you might be going through is going
to feel a lot better than keeping it inside. Thank
(51:13):
you for listening to I Choose Me. Please check out
our socials, follow the show, rate US, review us, drop
me a message a comment, use the hashtag I Choose Me.
Whenever you feel like it. I'll be right here next week.
I hope you choose to be here too,
You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,
welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
the choices we make and where they lead us. So
today I wanted to talk about something that was a
(00:22):
big choice my husband and I made that I know
a lot of couples have gone through and for a
lot of people, not everyone, but for a lot of people,
starting a family is important to them. I am blessed
to be the mother of three, and when Dave and
I got together, Dave didn't have any children. Today, we're
(00:43):
going to talk about our journey with IVF. Please welcome
my hobby Dave, back to the I Choose Me Podcast. Hi, honey,
Hey babe. Nice to see you on the podcast. Yeah,
you saw me in the kitchen a minute ago.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
M hm and the bedroom.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
This is pretty vulnerable topic and I really appreciate you
being open to talking about it because I think it
could help some people.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Yeah, it's definitely been the news and people are talking
about it more and people are open and you know,
discussing it.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Why don't we start at the beginning. We've talked about
our love story on the podcast before. If you guys
haven't listened to that. Go back and listen to that one,
so you're up to speed.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
Fun one.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
It's a good one. Yeah, when we met, how old
were the girls at this point?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Fiona was eight, Lola was just turning twelve, and Luca
was sixteen seventeen. I think she had just turn or seventeen.
She's going into her senior year of high school.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
You entered into a relationship and automatically had three stepdaughters, Yes,
but no babies of your own.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
No, no children.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
What were your thoughts on kids when we met?
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Were you thinking, No, I'm not you know, I'm not.
I hear people say, well, you know, I want to
be a great father and I want to be this
and I've got to have this family and I want
to do that. I never really thought of anything. I
kind of just went day by day and I never
thought like, did I think about children? Yeah? Did I
(02:22):
want to have kids? Of course? Yeah. I was like, yeah,
that'd be great. But it never defined me. I never
was pushed by you know, I've got to have children
of my own. I know that's a big deal to
a lot of men. I just, to be honest, I
was just I just didn't think about it. I always
said to myself, if it happened, wonderful and if it didn't,
(02:46):
then you know it didn't. But something great came out
of that, you know, with the girls and stuff. And
it's not like we didn't try. I mean, we're talking
about this whole episode because we I mean, we gave
it a good shot.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
What point in our relationship did we start talking about
maybe wanting to have kids together?
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Well? Do you? I mean, if you if you remember,
we we got married on July eleventh, what was it,
July twelfth, two thousand, four fifteen, and then we got pregnant,
like the same month.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
So we got naturally, we got pregnant naturally.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Yeah, we got back from Carmel. We went to a
little mini like honeymoon to Carmel up in you know, Monterey,
and like two weeks later, you were pregnant.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
I mean I completely blocked this out.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
You gave me you remember how you told me.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
I do remember telling you, but I didn't remember. It
was like so quickly after we got married.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Yeah, and you gave me a gift, like you were like,
here here's a box, and I opened up the box.
It was like a random Tuesday afternoon and I opened
up the b and it was this little like onesie with
like golf carts and golf things on it, and yeah,
and that's that's how you told me. I remember Liz,
(04:13):
your assistant at the time, you know, you know, it
was just me, you and her, and it was then
that was like, wow, okay.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
You were were you like excited? Were you?
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Yeah? Yeah, I was excited. I mean I was in shock.
I was like, what so quick?
Speaker 1 (04:32):
I mean our relationship in general was so fast tracked,
I mean in every sense of the word.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
Yeah, and to have that, you know on top of it,
you're you're just kind of taking aback, going all right, well, yeah,
I mean that didn't turn out the way we had hoped.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
So what walk me through? And our listeners like what
happened with that pregnancy? Because, for the life of me,
I don't remember how I blocked it out.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
For the listeners, it's like I'm having this conversation, like
she's fully new to this conversation. Okay, So what happened
you mean after you told me, well, we went to Nancy,
(05:22):
your doctor gynecologist, and yeah, we were good to go.
And then that lasted almost four months and then you
know we found out what do you mean, well, I
don't want to get emotional on the first fifteen minutes
of a podcast with me. Yeah, we found out that
(05:48):
there was no heartbeat.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Do we find that out in the office? Do you
remember what went through your mind? Then?
Speaker 2 (06:04):
I don't know. I mean we've geez, I haven't really
talked about it, you know, I think it was, Yeah,
I was, I was upset.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
Did you feel upset with me?
Speaker 2 (06:19):
No? No, you talking about like resentment? No, I was.
I wasn't like upset. I was just just down. M hm.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
So we had to have procedure, the DNC DNC, which.
Speaker 2 (06:36):
We became familiar with, or at least I did, you know,
because I, you know, i'd never you know, known anyone
in that situation or gone through that situation.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
I think I remember them saying like we could just
wait and let it work its way nature, let nature
take its course where we could do the procedure. And
we opted to do the procedure because it was just
too much for me to you know, carry it. Yeah,
maybe that wasn't was that had been terminated.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, it was totally heavy.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
And then we had it done that day.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
We had it done that day, it's like it's wild,
it's like you know, in and out, but it's yeah,
it's it's really heavy. And so then after that, you know,
because it was totally unexpected, and it was like, well maybe,
I mean, I guess I'm you know, speaking for myself,
please do you know maybe that wasn't in the plan.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
And so so you sort of reconciled with yourself, well
that's not on the cards.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Yeah, But then it happened again naturally, yes, mm hmm,
Oh my god.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Why don't I remember things?
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I think, Yeah, I think you I don't know. I mean,
it's a good one to block out. I guess.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
So what happened?
Speaker 2 (07:58):
And then so that one was shorter. I remember we
had to switch to doctors, and this one was only
you know, you found out you got pregnant. And then
this was only like a month and a half. And
then we went and we you know how they you
can kind of see it, you know, starting to come around.
And then this one was short. I mean, I think
(08:20):
the doctor, I forget his name, I think that the
doctor at the time was like, well, it's it's not
going to be healthy anyway. So then we you know,
we did the DNC again, and then by that time
I think I think that it had definitely taken an
(08:40):
emotional tool which we didn't know how to communicate at
the time, so we kind of just wrapped it up,
and then other things kind of came in the fold.
And then I think our relationship is starting to get
a little, you know, just chaotic and not having the
(09:00):
tools equipped to work through it. And we were going
to therapy, but we were not necessarily doing the wrong therapy.
We were just we weren't attacking the root.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
We were talking about that, right, and the deep sadness
and grief that both of us were feeling simultaneously, but
we weren't talking to each other about it. I feel
like I remember a little bit of just really going
inside and struggling personally and privately on my own, and
(09:31):
I felt and sort of saw that you were doing
the same thing.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
I mean, I I said stuff to you know, people like, oh, hey,
you know, man, it just didn't take, and people are like, oh, well,
you'll get it next time. It's it was very like
I just I just didn't know how it was so nonchalant.
(09:55):
I was thinking to myself, am I being too emotional
about this? You know, like once twice, like am I
is it just like no big deal. I don't know.
I had to like figure that out. I didn't work
through that. I mean, it wasn't and it wasn't. I'm
(10:15):
not making like, you know, my friends and family, you know,
like very you know, dismissive. It was just, yeah, I
don't think. I don't think I knew how to handle
it much less. I don't really think I had a
lot of people to converse with in it.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
So we were both dealing with that grief internally but
not sharing with each other, which I think was a
big problem. We'll get into that a little bit later,
but I think at that time, I was feeling really
down on myself, really ashamed, feeling like I was disappointing you,
(10:54):
like I wasn't able to carry a pregnancy with you,
who I loved.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
And I.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Had had these three beautiful daughters with Peter, and you
had stepped in and become such a wonderful stepdad to them,
and you have a great dad, and you have a
great relationship with your dad, and you are so fun
and just like love sports. So I remember I so
(11:28):
so so wanted to give you a baby boy, and
so I think I was, really.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
I was, you went down sort of a different you
know road or you know, with like dealing with it.
You I think were hard on yourself and you thought
a little insecurities crept in that you weren't good enough.
(11:59):
And because I was younger, I needed to fill that
so called Lloyd in my life, and I I tried
to communicate, you know a little bit, like you know,
it's not a big deal. I mean, I didn't marry
you because I wanted to have children, and this didn't
(12:21):
this wasn't even something to be like expected. But since
it happened, you know, I mean, I was, you know,
you being the mother you are and the person you
are and the human you are. Of course, and naturally
I want to have a child with you, who would
have been great. But I don't. I don't necessarily look
(12:44):
back and think that stuff. I truly do feel like
everything happens for a reason, and I'm so happy now,
we're so happy. Now, we're in the best place we've
come through this journey.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
And yeah, I want to go back to that time.
And I was silently suffering, and.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Also there was a lot of hormones that I didn't
know what were going on that were just exploding.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yeah, like with those two consecutive pregnancies and then those
two consecutive situations, I think that neither of us acknowledged
the hormones at play, and that just that my mental
and physical was not the norm, and I got I
(13:38):
would be much quicker to be upset I was. I
think I was more apt to be insecure, like you said,
which turned into that jealousy, controlling feeling for you probably, Yeah.
And I was trying to burn the house down because
(14:00):
I didn't feel like I deserved this or it was
all my fault.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Yeah. And also I didn't help the situation because I
was like, mister nothing, everything's fine, Like we can move
forward like every look, don't worry about it at the time,
instead of like really delving into it and actually having
a conversation about her or actually like, you know, we
we need to really kind of get a hold of this.
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Do you wish you had handled it differently?
Speaker 2 (14:31):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Of course, how would you have handled it differently?
Speaker 2 (14:36):
I would have I was. I was. I think at
the time I was more wrapped up into me, you know,
even though I was a partner and I was doing
everything that I was supposed to be doing. I was
at you know, doing the girls going and whatever they needed,
whatever you needed. But I was internalizing everything like kind
(14:58):
of selfishly like and myself like like, well what am
I going to get? Like what is the end going
to be for me? And like I don't really I
didn't at the time. I didn't know how to handle
what you were going through. I just I couldn't. And
(15:20):
my biggest flaw is fight or flight, and so I
would just remove myself because I couldn't handle it.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
When did we decide to go down the IVF road.
It must have been right after that, because I was like,
I want to go and find out what's going on
with my eggs, Like I wanted to know what if
my eggs were in fact the problem or if there
was an alternative for us. So I think that that
is when we went into the fertility center.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, I'm not sure on the actual day. I think
it was a year before. It might have been it
was a year before we broke up.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
I think, yeah, we'll get to that.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
There's also is something I need to remind you of
it probably later on in this that you've probably forgotten about.
One great when we were broken up as well.
Speaker 1 (16:07):
Great. I can't wait to hear it. So stay tuned
for that, guys. Geez. The IVF for for people that
have aren't familiar with IVF, there's a lot to it.
There are it's you have to find the right doctor,
fertility doctor. There is a lot of blood testing.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
We had a we had a really good one. She
was great.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
A lot of pokes and prods and shots, shots. There
was the painful retrieving of the eggs, which doesn't sound
bad in theory, but it was very unpleasant stuff. The hearing,
the hearing, the disappointing news that they have a grading
(16:55):
system with eggs. And I was I mean at that time,
I was in my forties.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
You were forty forty five, forty six.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
My mid forties, and you know I found out that
yeah it was me. It was my eggs. They were
not good enough.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
But that's not that's not true. You had good eggs.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
What was the scale did they?
Speaker 2 (17:18):
I think we had a C.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
It was a if you have a egg, B eggs,
C egg and so.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
On, and so we we tried.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
We rechieved some eggs, and then they looked at them
and they said, well, here are your options. You have,
you know, maybe a B minus egg and some C eggs.
Do you want to proceed?
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Right?
Speaker 1 (17:39):
And I was determined yeah, and we did. And then
that that's when I remember. I just remember continuing that
feeling of shame and sadness because that that confirmation that
I did my eggs weren't good enough anymore, weren't young
enough or able to have a viable pregnancy. So then
(18:00):
you did the sperm count test. Once we decided to
move forward, they needed to check your sperm count. Yeah,
do you want to tell them about that? This was
just this was the sperm count, So go.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
Ahead, Like I always made, I know what you're getting
at because I always make a joke about it because
I had like to something out of to something I
had a great score.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Wait, no, good, a little more detail please. You're supposed
to have.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
What you know, sixty seven to sixty seven.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
So yeah, so you're supposed to have like the high
scores to sixty seven or something.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
Yeah I score. Hey, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1 (18:41):
And then you proceeded to joke around about it.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
I did to, yeah, to probably quell my anxiety. But
I mean, yeah, I felt great about that at score.
But yeah, like when we're talking about it, when you
know you're going down and I haven't actually like visually
in my head. I'm very visual, so I have little
(19:06):
scenes in my head that are playing out as you're talking.
And I can remember like the waiting room, the you know,
inside the office, when the restroom, when I went to
get water, when just feelings of like panic and anxiety,
and like I remember after this IVF it didn't take
(19:30):
and we went down that road. I remember the restroom,
and I remember the fake flower as I was sitting
on the toilet, not using the restroom, just sitting on
the toilet and taking that flower and ripping it and
throwing it in the drap. It's so like, it's so
weird because you know, for I mean, it's a heavy
(19:53):
subject for everybody, and and my heart goes out to
people who you know, are really trying and going through
the process, because we've been through the process, but we
only we only went through it once. We elected not
to try again because it was just it was really
heavy emotionally after you had been through all the miscarriages,
(20:15):
and we have friends that have successfully done it, and
it's it's you know, my heart goes out to them
even on you know, successfully having kids and stuff, because
it's it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
I do remember when you were joking around about like
you have this perfect sperm count and here I am
sitting over here with the imperfect you know, expired eggs. Yeah,
not that I'm angry at you about it now, but
as we're talking about it, I can understand like my
feelings about it and how that even sent me and
(20:50):
us into a darker, darker place.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Me thinking something so light and trying to make light
of it too in my eyes, help the situation actually
hurt the situation.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
I don't remember the the implantation process because we proceeded.
We got your perfect sperm and we put it met
up with my imperfect eggs and just prayed and hoped
that it would work. But it did. Its stick, It stuck,
(21:23):
I remember one stuck.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Yeah, one stuck. But then we did oh yeah it did,
and then we went through the process. We went to
the next step.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Well, first we had to do all the shots. First,
they you know, they send you home with your marching everything. Yeah,
so we got they did the they had to prepare me,
I think before the implant of the sperm, and that
was you know, shots at daily shots.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
Yeah, that we had to do, and Maven, you had
to do it when you were you were traveling, so
you were working and traveling a lot still, so you
had to do it on the road and stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
I don't really remember you being a part of the.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
Shots a couple of times, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Maybe like two times, yeah, out of a lot. And
I remember being upset by that, but never communicating it
to you.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
No.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
I remember thinking, I don't think he understands what is
happening to my body.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Yeah, I did it. I think that that's a good
lesson for everybody who was taking from us not communicating.
And I think that that it was terrible that we
didn't communicate that stuff. I had no idea about that,
And I do remember sometimes I did it for you.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
I mean it was I think just from a male perspective,
it's it's obviously a lot less invasive for a man
to go through all this, But what was it like
me put my body through that? And like I guess
you just said you didn't really understand what was going
on with me physically and emotionally. How did you manage
(23:10):
that or not manage that? And is there anything that
you wish you had done differently so that maybe you
can help other guys out there. And I'm not I
don't mean to be pointing the finger.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
I'm trying to think of the experience, and because it's
not a great experience, if I'm speaking you know, for
me personally, it wasn't a great experience. I'm talking about
just emotionally. I'm talking about like disappointment and then seeing
(23:43):
you go through what you had to do, the process,
seeing the process, and then going through the process and
then ultimately failing at the process. But my takeaway wasn't
towards you. I wasn't upset at you. I was upset
at the process because I just I just didn't want
(24:05):
to be a part of that process anymore. My whole
thing was that if we can't do it, it's just
not in the cards for us. And maybe that's yeah,
I just I couldn't go Ever, once we left there,
once the IVF well, once it was done, I you know,
I never wanted to go back.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
Yeah, we got to the place. I think that was
after all the prep work that we had to go through,
with the priming my body and getting my hormones to
the right levels with the shots.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
And then the DNC scene you go through the DNC.
I said, I'd never do that again. I'm never going
to make you do that again.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
We had already done it.
Speaker 2 (24:42):
Four time, well three three times. We haven't gotten to
the fourth.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
We decided that IVF wasn't for us. We had already
spent a lot of money. Yeah, and the aftermath of
that experience threw.
Speaker 2 (24:57):
Me into his tail spend. Personally. After that experience, the
life that I was in with you at the time
was just too overwhelming for me. You were a celebrity.
I had three step children. I think I was like three.
We were three and a half years into our relationship.
I started my own business. It was going it was
(25:19):
going well. I was gonna go do another one, and
I couldn't handle the severity of everything like mentally like happening.
So like, I just chose to kind of get out
of the situation, which is not healthy. And then I
(25:42):
feel like with the hormones that were going on with
you, you weren't you weren't the same. You were being influenced
by stuff you couldn't control. Essentially, I felt like and
I just couldn't be there to help you. I wasn't
mature enough.
Speaker 1 (26:07):
So what do you mean you couldn't handle it? That's
you decided that you needed to leave. You did that
fight or flight thing.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Yeah, I think it had gotten to the point where
I just I couldn't handle it anymore. But there was
also stuff going on with you that you didn't know
how to articulate. Your actions were not your Definitely.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
I wasn't myself. I wasn't.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Yeah, I would say, yeah, behaving.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
Like probably the person that you had fallen in love with,
because I was grappling with so many emotions personally inside
my head, right, and then seeing you react the way
you react, and I think kept just pushing me further
over the edge. Yeah, it was not a good time.
Speaker 2 (26:57):
No.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
Do you think that the girls felt all of this
or did they know about all of this?
Speaker 2 (27:05):
I think they were. I think Fiona was young. So
Fiona was like ten or eleven, and she was very compassionate.
Lola was fourteen fifteen teenager, really upset when she found
out we were pregnant the first time when she was
(27:26):
like twelve, she said she was going to go move
to her dad's. Now, I mean you take all that
with a grain of salt. They you know, they have
a brother now and they adore that little boy and
he's so cute. But yeah, I don't know, they know
they didn't know what was going on, like the severity
(27:46):
of what was going on with the both of us,
But you know, we didn't even know what was going on.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, it wasn't something we sat around at the dinner table.
Speaker 2 (27:54):
No, it's like this thing that just it just sat
there and you just went, well, you know, I'm grieving,
so is that going to go away? But I mean
at the time, I didn't know I was grieving.
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Right, We didn't even know that we needed to grieve
properly or treat ourselves with a different kind of compassion.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
But it's so odd. What are you grieving something you
didn't even know it didn't even exist.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
I think we were grieving the loss of the idea
of what we thought our future should look like, right,
and grieving. I was grieving on your behalf for you
not becoming a.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Dad, fulfilling something that I had built up in my
head for so long.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
So we were separated for a while, like ten months. Yeah,
I remember just like being gobsmacked, quite honestly, that you left,
and I remember I had just, you know, a few
years prior to this, gone through a after in a
relationship with somebody for seventeen years, and I was so
(29:06):
excited to be in a relationship with you and have
a fresh start and a second third chance. And I
was pretty like destroyed. And you literally just were tail
lights and left me and the girls. Not to point
(29:27):
a finger, I'm just telling you the facts. You left
the girls and I to deal with it, and unfortunately,
in that time I was just a mess. I think,
even more destroyed somehow than when my relationship with Peter
ended and the girls all handled it differently. They weren't
(29:53):
happy with me. They were mad at me because I
was so upset again, so heartbroke, and I remember Fiona
wrote me a song on the piano to try to
make me feel better. I have a recording of it
on my phone and I listened to it sometimes.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
And then they would go. So you were still doing
like one week off, one week on, and Peter lived
around the corner from like the new restaurant bar that
I had opened, and I would work during days and
Loula would sneak sneak out and come over there. During
the day and kind of see me and yeah, it
(30:32):
was hard. And then Luca when she would come back
from New York, you know, I see her and yeah
it was hard. And then you know, they kind of
got settled into you know, we weren't going to be together,
and then we started getting back together and we started
(30:55):
to date again, and then we didn't talk about you know,
we had gotten back together in December of that year
and you had gotten pregnant naturally again and you don't
remember that. And then that's when we had to go
and do the final DNC, which was in January of
(31:18):
that year, which was and then that kind of set
us back for a couple of months until July is
when we you and I rented a house in Joshua
Tree with like no internet, nothing, and we just went
there with the dogs for four days and ride laughed.
(31:42):
You know, think, what do.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
You think it was that brought us back together? Even
what was it that brought us back together before we
had that last pregnancy. What made you come want to
come back? I guess or decide that you had dealt
with what you needed to deal with enough in order
(32:07):
to come back, given that you knew that leaving the
way you did, probably you shouldn't do that again the
way you did. You know what I mean, like, had
you did you learn something about yourself or did you
do work on yourself or did you.
Speaker 2 (32:23):
I mean I think that that, I think, i've I've
I think we both came back together with a sense
of what the work we need to do to get
to where we want to be. We both, I mean,
we communicated what we need to have in this relationship
to move forward, and you said I'll do that, and
(32:43):
I said I'll do that, and so far, you know,
we've kind of kept to it all the while opening
communication up and not falling into those habits I mean
for me, I mean, I don't like confrontation, and if
(33:06):
it's a fan, I just bail.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Yeah, I think it's important to like, that's a problem.
Look at your upbringing and yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
I mean I grew up in Virginia Beach, Virginia, and
I didn't want to be around there anymore, so I left.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
But you also had as a child of kind of
an unpredictable energy in your home, and when things would
get unpredictable, it would be scary and you would hide
or leave.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Yeah, I'd go to the beach.
Speaker 1 (33:35):
So that was I think a lot of the work
that you had to start with on the ground level
is looking where that fight or flight for you.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Also like it it's so weird. I don't you know,
I don't know who else deals with us, But it's
the feeling you get when you're in a situation and
to communicate it, like you know, it's so much easier
just to be like, okay, I'm going to leak. And
then when you leave a person like I have that
(34:04):
problem I struggle with, it's just this weight comes off,
you know, and it's like it's almost like you feel free, Yeah,
instead of actually having the conversation and doing the work
and respecting, you know, the person you're in that relationship with,
giving them that respect to communicate that. I've had to
(34:26):
work on that a lot.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I mean, because we were that was it.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
But that's one of your triggers too, which is abandonment,
and I feed right into that.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
It was like a perfect storm.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Do you remember, like, how how did you feel the
last time? How did you feel in December when when
we got back together, and like what were your thoughts?
Speaker 1 (34:49):
I remember telling this is after the three pregnancies didn't work.
After you left, after we were broken up, completely ready
to sign the paper first divorce papers, we started hanging
out a little bit. Then we got pregnant, and I
remember I had taken myself to the beach by myself
(35:09):
in an RV, and I I was still grappling with
things and really trying to because the coming back together
process where we started hanging out again was extremely difficult.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
Totally.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
It was like wading through shit, you know, because we
were we still weren't really equipped well.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Because you I was being a little bit more patient,
Like I was like, I'm kinda I have this apartment
I'd like to like, I was making it like, well,
we didn't we did. We did this, this and this
wrong in the first like the first go round. Let's
(35:52):
not do that a second go around.
Speaker 1 (35:54):
Oh so you were trying to not rush back into things.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Do you think that that was because you didn't think
you were ready yet again?
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah? I think I loved you. I knew, I mean,
I was you were my wife still technically, I just
I yeah, I wanted to wanted to go slow. There's
a lot like you were like bullshyet there's a.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
Lot there that's I feel like we still need to
communicate through because I'm just feeling this tinge of like
heat coming up the back of my neck. But I've
learned to handle that in a different way now, not react, yeah,
and attempt to communicate my way through it, which we
can do great at a later time. But yeah, that
(36:45):
the coming back together part was very difficult for me.
I'll speak for myself. And I continued to feel like
you didn't really want it by you going slow and
doing it the way you wanted to do it, did
it didn't make me feel good. And I remember just
really struggling with that. So I went to the beach
(37:06):
that day with the dogs and I wasn't feeling well.
I was feeling nauseous. I went to the drove the
RV into Santa Barbara, got a pregnancy test, took it
in the r V. Yeah that's right, and saw that
I was pregnant again, and I was like, oh my, oh.
Speaker 2 (37:23):
Yeah, that's right. I totally forgot about that. You you
were in an.
Speaker 1 (37:26):
RV and I called you. Do you remember what you
thought when I told you? That?
Speaker 2 (37:36):
Man? No, I mean shocked, just like really shocked.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
I think I felt like doom. I felt like, oh,
this is here we go. This is not good. Like
I didn't have that joyous ya the first time we
had you know, I felt like, I don't think we're
really even ready to deal with this again. And then
nature made it so that we didn't have to deal
with it again. Yeah, so we kind of at that
(38:08):
point got the message. I think that we weren't necessarily
meant to have kids naturally. Did we ever after all
of that drama. I don't think we ever had the
conversation of like, let's adopt or let's do as surrogate.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
No.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
I remember asking you, did you want to explore having
a surrogate, having someone else carry the baby?
Speaker 2 (38:30):
No?
Speaker 1 (38:30):
And you were absolute about not wanting that.
Speaker 2 (38:34):
No, because I don't know if this is wrong. I
like everything now, you know what I mean. I don't
need that. I have everything I need.
Speaker 1 (38:46):
And I was really just trying to do it for you, Yeah,
because I already had my kids and I was like
already I remember thinking like, oh my god, going back
to sleepless nights and diapers and my boobs hurting, and yeah, but.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
I wish, I wish, I wish you wouldn't like the pressure.
I didn't. I felt like I wasn't pressuring you in
that you were No, you weren't pressure, and you had
some you wanted it.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
I wanted it for you, and even when you were like, no,
I don't, I'm okay with it.
Speaker 2 (39:19):
I didn't.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
I told you I believed you, but I guess deep
down inside I didn't.
Speaker 2 (39:25):
I don't think you did.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
Who WHOA. This is a lot. The girls are all
young women now.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
Hmm.
Speaker 1 (39:43):
How do you feel with certainty today about not being
a biological father? Wonderful you didn't hesitate at all.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
I feel great. I feel fantastic.
Speaker 1 (40:01):
You're killing me. I feel great that you're a great
with it because I finally am like, you know what,
I'm real good with it too.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
No, I mean I'm I enjoy love. I love the girls,
I love spending time with them. Secretly, I'm like, I
want them to wait, but I secretly like, deep down,
I'm very excited about the grandkids one day, one day,
(40:30):
and that could be twenty thirty years from now, forty
years from now. But there is a part of me that, yeah,
I'm excited about that because I love you. I want
us to kind of go shut that door. You know,
the past is the past, and I'm grateful for it.
There's so much gratitude for what we went through, even
(40:53):
though it sounds crazy, and even though I hadn't really
like we still really haven't discussed it.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
I guess we are now.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Yeah, I mean we have, but I'm just so grateful
for what we have and what the path in which
the girls are going, and you know, their next chapter
is in life, and to be a part of that
is very special and quite selfishly, I it's nice to
play golf and not have an eight year old.
Speaker 1 (41:25):
Oh sorry, you guys just heard the actual truth. That
is the bottom line for you.
Speaker 2 (41:31):
No, that's a joke. That's just a joke. But no,
I'm very grateful for how the story played out and
people who are looking to do IVF and are going
through IVF. I mean, my heart goes out too all
(41:54):
of you. I think it's it's it's a wonderful thing,
but it's also you know, communicate with your partner is huge.
Communication is huge.
Speaker 1 (42:06):
I think communicating more specifically about your feelings through the
process with one another.
Speaker 2 (42:13):
Yeah, because I mean, what if I would have came
to you? And like, man, I'm just so.
Speaker 1 (42:17):
Sad, then we would have been sad together.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Yeah, but I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't
know if I was supposed to be that sad you know. Yeah,
but my heart goes out to people who are doing it,
and especially the success stories are amazing, and there's a
lot of other stories that you know, people don't get
(42:41):
a chance to tell.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Let me ask you this when you hear Even still
to this day, we know people who are having babies
from IVF, from the assistance of IVF, currently very very
close friends of yours. How does how does that make
you feel? Because I've watched as we went through this
(43:04):
whole process. I've watched as every one of your friends
pretty much has started their families in your You haven't
You never got to do those things that they are doing. Yeah,
and I know that along the way that has been
hard for you, Even though you didn't really tell me
(43:25):
about it, I could tell. But how is it now
and where you are today hearing that your close friends
are expecting a.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
Maybe I'm I'm I have like I'm a little anxious
for them because I wanted to be like joyous and
I wanted to succeed. So I guess I guess anxious.
I'm nervous, and I hope everything works out, and I'm
sure it will, and I'm very excited for them.
Speaker 1 (43:58):
There's no part of you that's sad or.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Like like.
Speaker 1 (44:05):
No, no, no, no, because you want to go golfing.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
No, not just that. I mean I I got Fiona.
I did elementary school, Like I went from having an
apartment to walking in a fifth grader to school every day.
And then was Lola was in like what six grade?
Speaker 1 (44:28):
No?
Speaker 2 (44:28):
What was now? Lola was six? What was Fiona like third? Fourth?
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Yeah, you really got to raise.
Speaker 2 (44:37):
I went to we went to how many weekends do
we do? Soccer? Soccer? Soccer? Soccers? A lot of weekends. So,
I mean, yeah, were fully, I've already done all that.
I haven't changed diapers, that's it.
Speaker 1 (44:51):
You know, well you will get to with our grim babies.
I think that's one of the reasons we're both so excited,
and we might actually just like steal the baby ah
for you know, the weekends for sure, and then give
it back.
Speaker 2 (45:04):
I'm very excited. I'm very excited about that. And yeah,
I'm I'm I'm happy for the journey that we went on,
even though it was God, it sucked.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
But I think talking about it bringing it to light,
certainly talking about it with one another, but sharing our
story with other people is the key to moving through it.
Speaker 2 (45:35):
Yeah, I mean I didn't. I went into this talk
today now probably like unprepared. But it is emotional topic.
It's and especially it's it's at the four I mean,
it's in the election right now, and it's huge. It's
a big deal because there this is a really good
way for people to fulfill their dream to have a family.
Speaker 1 (46:01):
And to have that option that right be someone else's
decision is real, real difficult for for me and for
a lot of people to understand. Right, do you feel
good about sharing?
Speaker 2 (46:19):
Yeah? Yeah, I feel good. Yeah. How do you feel?
Speaker 1 (46:25):
I feel good?
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Did we jar your memory a little bit? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (46:28):
You jarred my memory. Also brought up some things I
didn't want to really remember.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
Oh yeah, I mean I had some stuff pop up too.
While we were talking. I was like, what is that?
Speaker 1 (46:39):
Wait, what are you remembering the time I threw your
golf clubs?
Speaker 2 (46:42):
No, well, no, I didn't say that. That was in
the beginning of the podcast, when I was like, well,
when we were talking about hormones, I was like, well,
you did write that into one of your shows where
you threw my golf clubs in the pool. So and
then when I asked you why did you do that?
You said, I want to go after something you love.
(47:07):
And I was like, well that, yeah, okay, you did
a good job.
Speaker 1 (47:12):
Now, whenever we have a fight and you go for
a drive, you.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
Take your golf No, no, that was no, you store
your golf all the time. I ran out of the
house and I ran out and with my golf clubs
and threw them in the back of the truck.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Just in case.
Speaker 2 (47:27):
Yeah. I was like, oh, if I leave these here,
they're going to be snapped.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
So good times.
Speaker 2 (47:34):
That's good stuff to laugh and laugh about.
Speaker 1 (47:36):
That good we can laugh about it, you know.
Speaker 2 (47:38):
I mean you did you did like a one you
did a twirl. I'm on camera, but you did a
twirl with my cell phone and then it came out
and flew at my head and hit the back of
the wall. And I got up like this and you
were staring at me, and I was like, okay, hormones, hormones.
(48:00):
Everyone's had hormone stories.
Speaker 1 (48:03):
Yeah, yeah, that would be a fun episode. Let's just
get all be really honest about our worst moments. Okay, Okay,
So I feel like we've talked about this a little
bit too much. I feel like we're gonna go. I
know I'm gonna go. I need to decompress a little.
I need to process some of the stuff that's coming
up for me.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
Well, listen, honey, I wouldn't have changed anything about our story,
and I'm grateful we went through it together. I'm sorry
we had to go through it. I love you.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
No, that means a lot to me. Thank you. I
obviously love you too before I let you go, Babe,
what was your last I choose me moment?
Speaker 2 (48:43):
Oh? Man? She you always asked me this question, like
you'll ask it like, when was the last I choose moment? Well,
that's easy. Sunday morning football all day. No one was here,
you were out of town, and I literally I watched
(49:04):
football all day with me and the dogs. I chose
me that day, and I chose fantasy football players.
Speaker 1 (49:12):
Okay, well, very habit people football can be and I
choose me mom.
Speaker 2 (49:19):
Well, thank you for having me on the podcast.
Speaker 1 (49:21):
You're welcome, love you, love you. I want to thank
my husband Day for coming back on the pod and
for having that uncomfortable conversation with me. That time in
our relationship was definitely not easy, but I wanted to
share it because I know that a lot of people
go through similar struggles when it comes to fertility and
(49:45):
starting a family. Or maybe you don't have a partner,
but you're thinking of starting a family on your own
and you want us to know a little bit more
about IBF. We felt like it was important for us
to share our story with you because even though it
was difficult, we made it through, and all of that
pain created room for significant growth, both individually and in
(50:09):
our relationship as we continue to choose ourselves each week.
I want to ask you a question. Have you been
avoiding having a conversation with someone in your life because
you know it will be difficult. I know Dave and
I talked about this, how when we were going through
some of our darkest times, we weren't talking to each
(50:29):
other about our feelings. We weren't communicating, and it almost
broke us. Are you and your partner communicating about not
just the good times, but also the difficult times? Or
maybe you've been putting off having a tense conversation with
a family member. Look I am here to tell you
living in your head with your thoughts is not the
(50:50):
way to do it. And I know because I'm a
master at living in my head with my thoughts. So
even if you can't talk with that person this week,
I want to encourage you to have a conversation with someone.
Talking about whatever you might be going through is going
to feel a lot better than keeping it inside. Thank
(51:13):
you for listening to I Choose Me. Please check out
our socials, follow the show, rate US, review us, drop
me a message a comment, use the hashtag I Choose Me.
Whenever you feel like it. I'll be right here next week.
I hope you choose to be here too,
Host
Jennie Garth
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