A Fond Memory: Michael Urie Disobeys Bridger

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
And I invited you here. Gonta made myself perfectly clear.
When you're a guest to my home, you gotta come
to me empty. And I said, no, guests, your presences

(00:29):
presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how
do you dare to surbey me?

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Hello?

Speaker 3 (00:49):
It's Bridger, host of this podcast. This week's episode is
a mild rerun with our dear friend Michael Yury, who
everyone adores. And you can listen to that in just
a moment. But I want to remind you I said
no gifts. The podcast you're currently listening to is coming
to Chicago May twenty third, the Den Theater, seven thirty pm.

(01:12):
We have incredible guests. We've got Brendan Scanell, Claire Ruddy,
Ange Kim, some surprises. It's going to be delightful. Go
to the Dentheater dot com to get tickets or Google it.
I don't care what you do. Just get a ticket. Chicago,
come on, surrounding area, come on, come to the show.
We're going to have a terrific time. Okay, now here

(01:33):
is the episode. Enjoy. Welcome to I said no gifts.
I'm Bridger Wineger. We're in the backyard I'm here to
protect you. You're safe. Now. The mysterious clicking in my
car ended up being a dry leaf that was kind
of trapped under the windshield wiper, so that was actually

(01:54):
kind of cute. It was obviously not going to get
the car looked at, so that solved itself. Let's get
into the podcast. I adore today's guest. It's Michael Uri. Michael, Hello,
welcome guys. What a pleasure, What an absolute pleasure.

Speaker 2 (02:10):
What about the mystery sounds in a car? Oh, very strange.

Speaker 3 (02:13):
It was at least two weeks of clicking. Oh, and
I just wasn't going to look into.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
It, and it was a leaf all the time, it.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
Kind of holding on and clicking, clicking, clicking.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
Gosh, you must have survived a couple of rains.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
Oh yeah, it was like a It was very brittle
by the time I got to it. Wow. But it's
a story of survival.

Speaker 2 (02:31):
Ultimately, probably dried out and then got wet again and
then tried out.

Speaker 3 (02:35):
Kept thinking of it was going to have a second
chance to escape, and now it's gone. It's a very
holl story. Ultimately.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
I've got currently a hangar on one of the hooks
in the back of my car. Oh No, it took
a while for me to remember that it was a hanger.
I kept thinking somebody was I kept thinking somebody was
throwing things at me, Like it sounds like something's falling
on the roof of the car, but it's actually just
a hanger banging the inside.

Speaker 3 (03:01):
For you to go there first, to think that someone's
just antagonizing you over, I know, I know, is it
plastic or wire or would.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
Be would it's I think that it's gosh, I don't
even know. I haven't even looked back really. Once I
realized what it was, I just but it's still there.
I think it's plastic. It was for a Blazer, So
I'm guessing one of those big plastic.

Speaker 3 (03:20):
Right heavy, yeah, because there are the thin plastic that
I almost constantly snap taking them out of things, And.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
I get so angry when one of those things snapped.
When you like pull a sweater off and it's snacks awful.
Nothing makes me more angry.

Speaker 3 (03:34):
Although that snapping, if you did it on purpose, would
be so satisfying, but it's always just disheartening. Like now
I've got like this thing that kind of still works,
but it'll fit weird into the garbage can, and it's
going to pile up in.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
There, absolutely, And I don't need another hook. I've got
plenty of hooks, so the top part is all of us.
I've got nothing, but I'm lousy with hooks.

Speaker 3 (03:57):
Now, you told me you almost ran over my neighbor's
dogs on the way own. Yes, I did the same.

Speaker 2 (04:02):
Yes, And I can't. I can't pass a loose dog
and not stop and check on them. So I got
out and I talked to the dogs for a while.
I knocked on a few doors and I was about
to call the number when another neighbor of yours said
not to bother because she's called the police. Oh boy,
and animal control, I guess, and told that, And they

(04:24):
don't care.

Speaker 3 (04:25):
The owners don't care, and animal control doesn't care.

Speaker 2 (04:27):
And animals from control, I guess, doesn't. I mean the
dogs have collars and and.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
I think one of them is kind of a tidy
little vest.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
One even has a costume. But they won't they will not.
And then and then it seems like there's a school
right by. There's a school, so I heard kids, and
then I and then there was another yard where there
were dogs inclosed and I thought are those your brothers
and sisters? But the dogs wouldn't say anything. They just
barked at me. They were very they were they kept

(04:54):
barking it.

Speaker 3 (04:54):
They're kind of snappy little dogs.

Speaker 2 (04:56):
Yeah, not nice.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
Yeah, street ultimately will be street dogs probably, but these
neighbors just are out of control.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
I guess they must still be feeding them.

Speaker 3 (05:04):
They're still feeding and dressing them, but that's as far
as they'll go. They're not going to take care of
them in any other way.

Speaker 2 (05:11):
One of them's very wiry hair and personality. It's very
wiry hair, and the others quite cute.

Speaker 3 (05:18):
Very cute little creature, but so snappy. And then right
across the street we have similar dogs that make Jim
furious because he doesn't want them out and about, and
the neighbors will do nothing about an animal control will
do nothing. I don't know what step you have to
get to for animal control to step in. Does the
animal have to bite you?

Speaker 2 (05:36):
Probably yeah, or be without a collar.

Speaker 3 (05:39):
Okay, so I could use myself as bait kind of
just go out there and get I'm.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
Sure you could get bitten by one of the that
wiry one would bite you, for sure. We have cats,
Oh yeah, I guess that's good.

Speaker 3 (05:50):
I mean, I've I read a big thing recently about
cats in LA. Apparently we're just gonna have billions of
cats forever. Really, it's they breed too quickly to take
care of the issue.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
Well, they're they're probably keeping the coyotes at the top
of the food chain.

Speaker 3 (06:05):
Oh my god, that's devastating to hear. That's tough to hear.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
I mean, if it's a stray cat that gets picked
off by a coyote, I think that's better than like
a housed cat or or.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
Okay, this is a classist thing. This is a real
we're dealing with some class warfare here.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
And I have a twenty My partner and I have
a twenty year old cat, twenty, he's twenty. What's his name, Dawson.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
Oh, I'm not familiar with this cat.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
Dawson was Ryan's cat before I came into the picture,
and probably named for Dawson's.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
Creek, I would help twenty two thousand and three.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
Yeah, yeah, and was named you know, was named Dawson
when Ryan got him.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
Interesting, we kept the name, so Ryan did not name
HI Dawson. But we realized a few years ago that
He's not Dawson's Creek. He's Jack Dawson of the Chippewa
Falls Dawsons, who from that from Titanic? Is that knew?

Speaker 3 (07:01):
The last time I saw Titanic was in a movie
was in the car Mic twelve in West Shordan, Utah,
nineteen ninety seven. So dot com for me. Oh wow,
so that's an even deeper.

Speaker 2 (07:14):
That's what we think. Yeah, we love Titanic, Ryan, I love.
In fact, we've gone to see remasters in the theater. Yeah,
oh yeah, we love that.

Speaker 3 (07:21):
I feel like I would respond really emotionally to that movie.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
Oh it's great?

Speaker 3 (07:27):
Is it hold up?

Speaker 2 (07:27):
Oh yeah, it's terrific. It's so Great's majestical? Majestically majestical
is the word. We're not stopping to question. Majestical. If
it's majestical, does that mean it's just testing.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
Majestical sounds like a medical term. That sounds like a
severe problem.

Speaker 2 (07:45):
I sprained my majestical. I was just a pta. It was.
I'm doing all these exercises. I don't know if it's
ever going to get better, but uh, it's it's The
movie is is huge, still huge and sprawling in the effects.
Hold up, this is the thing that you did special effect?

Speaker 3 (08:00):
Oh my god, I'm of course.

Speaker 2 (08:02):
Is that so many don't hold up?

Speaker 3 (08:05):
I mean some don't hold up, like a week later,
I know, I mean, what's that the TV show we
just didn't watch True Detective. Oh, it starts with a
like a herd of cartoon reindeer. It looks so I know,
I know you can't and you can't.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
It's it's wild. And then and then like the reactions
to the special effects, I think is the other thing
is like the acting around the special effects, Like you
can tell if they're just acting with tennis balls or
if like something like I mean, I always use Jurassic Park,
the original Jurassic Park as the example. Like that's nineteen
ninety three. You watch that movie and you don't know,

(08:41):
you can't really tell what's computer and what's puppet. Largely puppet.
There is a lot of puppet, but there's also quite
a bit of CGI and those hold up and they
really hold up. Yeah, I'd say even better than like
subsequent Jurassic films.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
Oh, some of those later Jurassic ones. I mean it's
full cart.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Yeah, not just the Titanic. There's a few places in
Titanic where you're like, that's not a person falling from
the ship.

Speaker 3 (09:07):
Oh, I remember that moment. Yeah, the person that hits
the Yeah, we love him. That's an iconic person in that.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
It's a few little things where you're like, I don't
really buy that. But so much of it is really
really good. But it's also practical. I think that's the
thing about Like, so much of what makes a special
effect work is the practical effect mixed with the CGI.

Speaker 3 (09:26):
Of course, I want to know that something real happened. Yeah,
Like like I respond better to like even I know
it's a special effect, but I know it happened kind
of in reality, something happened.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
It's not just like people in an entirely green room
with green things everywhere, acting with green scene partners. Something
has to be real.

Speaker 3 (09:46):
Right, And the thing I have seen from that movie
multiple times since its releases the old lady dropping the
thing in the ocean.

Speaker 2 (09:54):
Yeah, the heart of the ocean. Yeah is that.

Speaker 3 (09:59):
The Is that the actual end of the movie. I
don't remember from my original viewing of it. Do you
want me to tell you? Yes? I do?

Speaker 2 (10:07):
After she drops it, So the whole movie, they're like,
where is this diamond? Where's this big blue diamond? Turns
out she's had it all along, okay, and now that
she's told the stories, she can release Jack Dawson from
her heart and release the heart of the ocean into
the ocean for his.

Speaker 3 (10:22):
Five Okay, because I feel like when I watch it
on YouTube, it says like cut scene or delete a
scene him like what they originally filmed this and didn't
put in the movie? That makes that actually makes more
sense to me.

Speaker 2 (10:31):
But no, it's in there. It's so definitely in there.

Speaker 3 (10:34):
I wonder if there's some other part of what I'm
watching that's been deleted.

Speaker 2 (10:37):
Oh maybe, Well there is like a whole I think
there was a whole deleted thing of this, the people
on the submarine looking at the time. I think there
was a lot more to that. Oh, in the original
the six hour cut, right, the three hour cut.

Speaker 3 (10:51):
That's very James Cameron of being in a submarine.

Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yes, yeah, he loves the submarine.

Speaker 3 (10:55):
He loves to get in one gets below the ocean.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
I think the final final moment of Titanic and those
if you haven't seen it, please plug your ears. I
think you go into a fantasy sequence where she's back
on the ship, young beautiful Kate winslet and everyone's alive again,
and she gets to experience is that right, Analise, Yeah,
that's right, Aalise is nodding.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
What does she get to experience getting to port?

Speaker 2 (11:18):
Yeah, they make it, they make it.

Speaker 3 (11:23):
We just watched her kind of getting off the ship
with her suitcase.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they make it and then they live
happily ever after. Something something like that. I can't really
I can't really remember, but it's something kind.

Speaker 3 (11:33):
Of liss nodding their head. Interesting, Okay, okay, good, I've
got to I've got to get back to it. Yeah,
do you know what I was also wonder what?

Speaker 2 (11:42):
Sorry, sorry, please.

Speaker 3 (11:43):
Don't actually do apologize. I appreciate the apologize.

Speaker 2 (11:46):
I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just remembered, like, we
have this little house here, right right, And I got
this little house here, and we have and we spent
a week or two over the summer getting it ready
to airbnb before we would move here now. And one
of the things that we put in the house we
get some books to put in the house about some
books that like books, yeah, you know, like To Kill
a Mockingbird and there's game, you know, traditional books that

(12:09):
you find it is Selation. But we also got the
double VHS of Titanic.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
Oh, that's a great air it's on the sholf. Is
there a VHS play, No, that's called a VC That's
really sad for me to call it a VHS play.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
There's no way I'm in the market for one of those.
Little I had this when I was first moved to
New York, this little TV. It's a tiny TV that
has a built in piece combo. That's so if I
find one, I'm getting it and I'm putting it somewhere
in the house.

Speaker 3 (12:37):
A great Airbnb thing so that you.

Speaker 2 (12:39):
Can come to our house and watch nothing.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
But we do it.

Speaker 2 (12:43):
We also have a TV. But but you can't play
the tape that was Titanic.

Speaker 3 (12:48):
Just two VHS tapes.

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Or four, No, just the two, just the two, or
it would be a lot that would be like yeah, no,
I don't know. That would be like north by Northwest No, no, no, no, no, no,
that's what i mean, North in South, North and South.
I feel like that's a mini series. Things are I
don't know, I don't know read the recesses of my brain.
I'm not sure, but it's only two and I think

(13:10):
that the I think the iceberg is when you switch tape.

Speaker 3 (13:14):
Oh oh, that's a perfect cut. I think that's yeah.
Or you can stop watching right there and just assume
something else happened.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
Oh that's true.

Speaker 3 (13:21):
Just kind of create your own little fantasm.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
Oh you could finish it, or just think that's the
end and be very confused. So sweet. They made love
in a car.

Speaker 3 (13:30):
So that's why everyone talked about the Titan.

Speaker 2 (13:34):
That's history.

Speaker 3 (13:35):
Do you know I was wondering about recently? I heard Oops,
I did it again Britney Spears song recently, and I
was like, remember the part where it breaks down and
it's a very dated thing that happens where she's like
talking to a guy about the jeweled getting dropped in
the ocean. Do you remember this? There's like a she
talks to a guy and she's like, thank you for this.
Didn't the old lady drop it in the ocean? Oh? Yes, right, right,

(13:56):
right right. I want to know who the guy was,
who was that actor? Who was the He could be
dead by now? No one knows who that I named. Yeah,
we should guess who could have possibly been.

Speaker 2 (14:07):
That's like nineteen. That's like two thousand.

Speaker 3 (14:11):
Second album two thousand least. Yeah, nine eleven.

Speaker 2 (14:16):
Eleven, So who was famous pre nine eleven? We're gonna
go with like a I'm gonna say it's going to
be like Scott Wolfe.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
Or like.

Speaker 2 (14:27):
Uh Dermot mulrooney.

Speaker 3 (14:30):
Who plays uh oh, I can't even think of the
CBS show. So no, I guess Scott wolf is. No,
it's no post r. He was lucky for John.

Speaker 4 (14:43):
Well, you know it's you're not okay, you're far off,
but it actually not, and it's actually connected in a
very funny way.

Speaker 3 (14:50):
It's a real like it's a celebrity.

Speaker 4 (14:52):
No, that's that's where you're far off. But it's going
to come back to medical ship in a second doctor
his name, his name is Eli Swanson and he actually
was mostly a model, but then he decided to quit
modeling and acting and he became a doctor.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
So many, so many stories like that.

Speaker 3 (15:09):
Of course he became a real estate agent, not a
TV doctor, but an actual now supposedly doctor. Was that
his final role? Nail in the coffin? Wow, what's what's
his name? One more time?

Speaker 2 (15:28):
Eli?

Speaker 4 (15:29):
Eli Swanson?

Speaker 3 (15:30):
Eli reached out do you think it.

Speaker 2 (15:33):
Do you think a doctor turned I mean an actor
turned doctor would have a good bedside manner?

Speaker 3 (15:38):
Oh, I think incredible, right, Yeah, I feel like a
recent Oh I went to a an urgent care recently. Yeah,
the worst bedside manner I have ever excalated. This was
a couple of months ago, and I had had a
fever for a few days and various other things. And
I went in and told him this, and he I
couldn't give like a what my temperature was, and so

(16:00):
when he was listing my symptoms, he said, you're a
subjective fever. It's just like I can say, I told you.
You can just believe me.

Speaker 2 (16:09):
It's not that crazy you think you have a fever, sir, subjective?
You just keep the heat on in your house. But
I'm not convinced. Wow, that's not cool. I've got a
great LA urgent care doctor.

Speaker 3 (16:24):
Please, Oh wait, that you can recommend.

Speaker 2 (16:26):
Yes, I've gone two times now today, two times today.
I'm very I'm definitely ill. No over the actually once
back in April and then once recently. Because I don't
I live mostly in New York, but whenever i'm so,
I don't have a doctor here.

Speaker 3 (16:42):
Right, I mean neither do I well, right.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
I've only had a doctor in New York for a
few years. It was the thing that I, you know,
neglected for a long time. But I was staying near
this urgent care and I thought I had I got
I thought I got very sick. I was very I
was not feeling well, and I was shooting this movie
and I had to kiss spoiler if you're going to
see that. If you see it, I had to kiss
a I'm not going to say who. I had to

(17:06):
kiss a very famous actor.

Speaker 3 (17:08):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (17:10):
And I was like, I think I'm sick. And it
was several days away, and I thought, if I'm sick,
I need to get on antibiotics right away so that
I'm not contagious when I have to kiss legendary household name.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (17:25):
I had a screaming if I have COVID or strep throat,
That's what I thought. I thought it was strep throat
because I've had strep throat many times in my life,
and I know the feeling, and I've in fact diagnosed
myself to a doctor. They said, no, you don't don't
take my job tested me. They said, you're subjective. Strep

(17:45):
throat and then later tested me and later it was
strep throw and I was right along, but this time
it was not strep throat. I went to this doctor
and he was so nice, and he gave me all
the drugs that I could possibly have wanted, which it's
all I really want. I want that, I want, I
want antibiotic, I want steroid, and I want like something

(18:05):
that will make me feel immediately better. And he gave
them harry like a heroin shot like immediately. But it
turned out and this is okay, Now it's gross. Are
you ready? This is where it gets gross. It was
not strep throat. Thank god. I am prone to canker
sores and have been my entire life connection. Oh yes,

(18:25):
I have been my entire life. If I bite myself immediately,
I will definitely get definitely get a cankerstorm. And sometimes
they just come from stress or you know whatever. I
had two canker sores where on my uvula, on my.

Speaker 3 (18:43):
How did they get there?

Speaker 2 (18:44):
I have no idea. I have no idea.

Speaker 3 (18:47):
I didn't know that they could climb.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
Basically, this has happened to me before, where I've had
canker stores in the back of my mouth and it
has felt like because it makes you know, it makes
the whole area irritated, like a sore throat situation. These
were on my uvula. He looked back there and he
was like, he's like, it's probably strapped. You're right, and
you're probably right. Let me just take a look. And
he looked and he was like, Oh, you've got canker

(19:14):
stores on your uvula. And I that's never happened to
me before. There were two of them.

Speaker 3 (19:19):
Oh, I wonder how that happened. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
I don't know if it was like they got the
uvula got scratched by some you know, or something. Yeah,
at that time, I ate a pencil, or I had
my glass sandwiches. I don't know, but I suddenly like
like like suddenly I felt so much better. Right because
a canker stor because those do get better and you
can medicate them. You can, well, I do, yes, Actually,

(19:46):
if you get them, I have a pretty good remedy.

Speaker 3 (19:48):
I would love to hear this, I mean share it
with the listener.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
It's called canker. I think it's called canker, rid canker,
and it's made of b pollen. Okay, And I get
it online, okay, and my mother found it for me.
You're ago because because I always suffered from them and
nothing that you can get at CBS or Walgreen. It
really does a trick. It might numb it, but it
doesn't really make it better. But this stuff, it stains

(20:13):
everything it touches. It's it's black and it's a black liquid,
and it stains everything it touches. So it'll get if
you have it near your teeth, it'll get all of
your teeth, all your all of your fingers in your hands.
But it really does the trick. If you start using
it as soon as you get a kinker store, it
will not run its.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Course and you just kind of apply it with your finger.

Speaker 2 (20:31):
It has it. It has a tip, so I I
just use the tip or I douse a Q tip
for the uvula was so far back there. I doused
a Q tip and I just like jammed it back there,
but immediately started feeling better.

Speaker 1 (20:44):
Uh.

Speaker 3 (20:44):
Of course the steroids helped, right. I think he gave
me storids. Then. See, this is the thing about urgent
care doctors. They will give you whatever they're going to
lead to. When there's like this super bacteria that we
can't destroy it will be because of urgent care doctors. Yes,
they will give anybody whatever drug they want. Yeah, antibiotics, sure, sure,
you just drive by and they'll throw it into your car.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Absolutely want to steroid and here it is, go far
whereas your real doctor, your normal doctor will be like
I gave you a steroids six years ago, you're not
getting another one.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
Or like begging them Yeah, yeah, like I gave you.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
A zpac once once in twenty thirteen. I can't give
it to you again. But you know, an urgent care
they don't. They don't well, I don't.

Speaker 3 (21:24):
Think they'll ever see you again. They think you're going
to die at home and you're the problem for them
is solved.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
Yeah, But what they don't know is they're creating like.

Speaker 3 (21:31):
A cult mutants.

Speaker 2 (21:32):
Yeah. And I'm going to go back to doctor this
doctor every time I'm sick in Los Angeles, because I
know he'll give me and he's really sweet. Back to
bedside matter.

Speaker 3 (21:40):
He's really sweet. Yeah, he was nice. I can't believe.
I mean, imagine if you could have given and this
will get beaped strap throat, that would have been a
career high for you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:51):
But what if you kill him. I mean, this is
the other thing, like legendary, right, what if I kill
legendary household name with my strep throw and if he's like,
you know, like he's just one strip thrown away from death.
I also like, I work with Harrison Ford on this
show Shrinking.

Speaker 3 (22:08):
You could have killed so many.

Speaker 2 (22:10):
I don't think anything he's gonna kill Harrison Ford. But
he's been in has in literal plane crashes. I mean
I think I hear him crashing right now, crash in
my backyard.

Speaker 3 (22:21):
Harrison. Welcome to the podcast. You finally answer our call.

Speaker 2 (22:26):
But my first job, I remember my first job. I
think it was my first or second job during the pandemic.
But four things were happening when they were do jobs
and everybody was like in hazmat suits.

Speaker 5 (22:37):
Very weird sets at that weird time, Yeah, really weird,
very like that that moment in ET when the Peter Coyote, Yes, yes, okay, continue,
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (22:49):
Peter Coyote the first that's such a good movie.

Speaker 3 (22:52):
Oh it's a great movie.

Speaker 2 (22:53):
My god, Peter Coyote is the only man whose face,
adult man whose face you see in that whole movie.

Speaker 3 (23:02):
Or Camp or Jone's Muppet babies or.

Speaker 2 (23:07):
You don't see an adult man until that point.

Speaker 3 (23:09):
Am I read that it must be that.

Speaker 2 (23:11):
It might be that. But there is a cut scene
from ET with Harrison Ford as his principle. I think
he's the principal at Elliott's school.

Speaker 3 (23:21):
How did they get rid of that? They cut it?

Speaker 2 (23:22):
I think because they decided they didn't want to see
any people, any men, any adult men.

Speaker 3 (23:28):
Harrison Ford didn't want to get typecast as in educate
right right right after of course, mister Indiana, after Doctor
Jones and Doctor Jones.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
But the second job I had when we were I
think it was the first second job I had during
COVID super lockdown still you know, only outdoor restaurants things
like that. Was this competition reality show that I hosted
called Clipped. I'm sure you saw it.

Speaker 3 (23:56):
I was watching before you got here.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
About It was basically top for the British Bakeoff, but
with topiary artists.

Speaker 3 (24:03):
Oh, I actually loved this idea. Okay, this is great.

Speaker 2 (24:06):
And the head judge was Martha Stewart. Oh so so
here I am on the set with Martha Stewart during
but long before the vaccine and during super COVID times,
and I was like, what if I And I was fine,
I never got COVID and I was very careful. I
wasn't going anywhere. And I was like, what if I
killed Martha Stewart? What if I give Martha Stewart COVID

(24:30):
and she dies from it?

Speaker 3 (24:30):
And she's demanding a kiss from everyone on.

Speaker 2 (24:32):
Set because everyone, do you want to hear funny Martha Stewart?

Speaker 3 (24:35):
Anecdotically, I mean, no, let's move on. I want nothing
to do with Martha Stewart.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
She I have two I really like her.

Speaker 3 (24:44):
I mean I got a god are you kidding?

Speaker 2 (24:46):
And she was cool. I got a real kick out
of her. So so we had never met, but she
well we sort of met, but she would never have remembered.
But she had been on an episode of Ugly Betty
which I was on, and she filmed it. It was
a phone call. It was basically my so I played
Vanessa Williams assistant, and Vanessa Williams, her character was sort

(25:08):
of like Anna win Tour and so she knew everybody.
And so she was like, I need I need a recipe.
I'll call Martha Stewart and she calls. She just like
picks up the phone calls Martha Stewart and they shot
Martha on her now defunct talk show. They just went
and shot her there and she's literally on the set
of her talk show and she answers the phone. It's
so stupid, but I mean, it must have taken her

(25:30):
six minutes. So I wasn't going to bring that up
as something that you know, I wasn't gonna bring I
was I was going to make small you know, if
small talk came up. I wasn't going to be like,
remember Ugly Betty because I was sure she wouldn't.

Speaker 3 (25:43):
To have to insist that she remembers.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
No, you remember, oh you remember Martha. But so we're
sitting during some downtime and she asked me about myself
very kindly. She's like, so, what shows have you been on?
And I was like, well, I was on this show
Ugly Betty. And I thought, well, maybe i'll mention it now.
I was on this show Ugly Betty. And before where
I can, she goes, oh, I was on Ugly Betty.
I still get checks.

Speaker 3 (26:06):
Martha is aware of her residual checks.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
That's can you believe that?

Speaker 3 (26:10):
That's incredible?

Speaker 2 (26:11):
Martha? And this is like this one episode of Ugly
Betty is not. I mean, you're going to get some
residual checks, but.

Speaker 3 (26:19):
Like at this point she's probably getting like fifty dollars
a year or something.

Speaker 2 (26:23):
Maybe, yeah, like maybe, And and she knows, Wow. Can
you imagine how many checks Martha Stewart must get endless
she opens them all she knew, Wow.

Speaker 3 (26:35):
Unless things have really dried up, she's counting on them.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
She was shooting three shows at once during the pandemic,
Like I don't think you know. She was literally shooting
two shows at the same time while we were doing
this September of twenty twenty.

Speaker 3 (26:49):
That is remarkable.

Speaker 2 (26:51):
Crazy. And then the other one was the first day
of shooting. We were shooting in Terrytown, New York. Do
you know where that is. It's sort of like just
just below West chest forty five minutes outside the city. Okay, great,
I'm sure super charming at this big, beautiful castle we
were shooting, you know, on the grounds. Everything was outside,
you know, very covid. But after lunch on the first day,

(27:11):
I had lunch in my trailer or whatever. I said.
She didn't have a trailer, she had. There was like
a house on the property that was her trailer and
she had a driver, and you know, after lunch, I said,
what you do for lunch? And she said, oh, we
took a drive and we went and looked at Sing Sing,
which is a prison. Enough, that's right over there.

Speaker 3 (27:32):
What an interesting thing I said, to be doing?

Speaker 2 (27:34):
Is that? What ex cons do?

Speaker 3 (27:38):
They go? I look, it's kind of like looking at houses,
you know, right, just like when.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
You're a homeowner, right, I want to look at it.

Speaker 3 (27:50):
Or like if you're at curiosity.

Speaker 2 (27:51):
If you're at a bookstore and you see a book
you own, you pick it up for some reason.

Speaker 3 (27:55):
You're now an enthusiast.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
Yeah, I do that. And if I'm at a bookstore
and I see book I own, I think, oh, look
at this, I own this. It's the same book at home,
but I have to look at it.

Speaker 3 (28:04):
Wow, Martha's life, I mean truly, God bless the prison,
every element. I'm like, this woman is incredible.

Speaker 2 (28:12):
And now she's eighty and never been hotter.

Speaker 3 (28:14):
Oh she looks.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Wine with snooped.

Speaker 3 (28:18):
All the way she's taken control of her life post
prison has been just so remarkable. Yeah. Wow, to go
look at Sing Sing and what is that you drive
up to? Like a chain link fence and watch the
prisoners work out.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
I guess, yeah, yeah, you're like, that's a high wall.
I don't know, what do you what do you?

Speaker 3 (28:37):
What do you look at her snipers in their towers?
I don't know. Wow. And that's what she did for lunch,
That's what she did for the Martha Stewart diet.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
Let's go for a drug.

Speaker 3 (28:46):
You go look at prisons. Wow. Those are both incredible stories.
Martha Stewart stories all.

Speaker 2 (28:53):
Day, Martha Stewart days, we're pretty pretty great.

Speaker 3 (28:57):
Was your family of Martha Stewart family?

Speaker 2 (29:00):
No, No, I didn't discover Martha until I mean, you know,
like my first real like memory of Martha was probably
when she was on Ugly Betty, and you know, she
was pretty big at that time. I can't remember when
she went to prison, if that was before or after,
but she always been famous, and you remember she after
her own Apprentice, of course.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
I mean, and now, look, we got the worst possible
host of the Apprentice's president. What if we had gotten
Martha Stewart.

Speaker 2 (29:28):
Can you imagine a different story. We would look terrific,
This country would look Terris Sparkling. There's a great clip
that I've seen, like on TikTok or whatever, when Joan
Rivers was on Martha Stewart's show and it's this hilarious
I can't remember. I'm gonna butcher it, but basically, Joan's

(29:49):
doing a bit and she's like, somebody sent me a gift.
It was Trump's stakes, and Martha immediately goes disgusting or
something like that, and Joan said, I know, oh I
can't eat Trump. Jones's bit was about how she thought
Trump's stakes were made of Trump.

Speaker 3 (30:06):
It's so clever. I love god.

Speaker 2 (30:08):
She was funny.

Speaker 3 (30:09):
What's incredible? Wait? Was she on the original Martha Stewart?
What were they doing?

Speaker 2 (30:14):
I don't know, cooking. It was Martha Stewart's talk show.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
Okay, the talk show. I went to the talk show
you did when I was interning at Letterman. I think
that's right. My mom came and visited and we went
and saw Martha Stewart live. I think that's right. Wow,
went and waited in line and then went in or
that's just a fantasy that I always wanted to happen.

Speaker 2 (30:33):
That seems like it really happened. So she shot out
in New York. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, what
was Letterman like?

Speaker 3 (30:41):
I loved, I mean, I adore. I'm obsessed with David
Letterman to this day. It was a dream and it
was also a complete nightmare. Yeah, being an intern there
was like being hazed by a frat every single day.
Oh wow. I worked in There's Writer's department, and there
was some real negative qualities to it. I mean, the
atmosphere of that show was so bad. I mean I

(31:01):
have to imagine Dave would at this point be like,
oh yeah, it was not a healthy work environment. But
I got to be on the show. I like the
whole thing. I got to play Alan Calter's son. Oh wow,
can you imagine Rip, one of my favorite announcers ever.
He died a last year, a couple of years ago.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
He was the guy.

Speaker 3 (31:20):
He was great, you kind of look like look he
has red hair. He had red hair, my god, and
he had a lot of bits on the show.

Speaker 2 (31:26):
He was hilarious.

Speaker 3 (31:27):
He was so funny. He was really man. He was old. Yeah,
he was probably well I think he was probably when
he died, maybe in his late seventies or eighties or
not that. But yeah, I got to play his son
twice on the show. I looked into Dave's eyes during
one of those bits, and I felt like my entire
insides turned to ashes. I was so scared, just terrified.

(31:50):
But that ex part of the experience was wonderful.

Speaker 2 (31:52):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (31:53):
Every other element was hell. I was eating crackers for lunch,
I had no money. It was just awful.

Speaker 2 (31:59):
But of course offices there in the at Sullivan Theater.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
Yes, yes, wow, I mean but thank god, I mean that.
I don't think I would be sitting here right now
if I didn't do that.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
Yeah. So Ryan was on my partner. Ryan was did
a bit on Letterman once.

Speaker 3 (32:13):
What what did he do?

Speaker 2 (32:14):
It was so cool that he called. He was He
was like, my commercial agents just called and I'm supposed
to go over to Letterman to do a bit. And
there was no audition. He just like got picked right
And I was like, what are you? He was so
nonchalant about it. I was like, and I was a
big fan. I watched Letterman on when I was in
college and I had my little TV VCR combo. I

(32:37):
would watch Letterman every night. And I was like, this
is the coolest thing you've ever done. You're doing a
bit with Letterman. Tell me everything? And he was like,
I don't know. It's like I'm supposed to be, like
I'm going to be in a suit, and I'm like
a young executive and I just walk out in the
middle of his monologue and I put a name tag
on him and then I say he goes. He says

(32:58):
what's this for? And I say, couldn't hurt my help,
and then I walk off. And I was like, that
is a classic Letterman bit. It's so good, you say,
he said, I'm from the network, and I was like,
that's and he's like, is it funny?

Speaker 3 (33:15):
Okay? Cool?

Speaker 2 (33:16):
I was like, you don't understand. It's so funny. It's
so good.

Speaker 3 (33:19):
You're gonna be. It's gonna be. It's gonna kill those
interruptions I lived for, Oh God. And he didn't.

Speaker 2 (33:25):
He had no idea. He never watched letterm and he'd
never seen it.

Speaker 3 (33:27):
Wow, of course this is not how it always is.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
Yeah, and he was like he was like, I didn't
even gaze eyes on him until I was on TV
in front of him.

Speaker 3 (33:35):
Oh. Like, they just said I would need a lot
of prep before that happened.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
I think if it had been me, I would have
I also, I would have been so nervous and so anxious,
but because he didn't really have any right, he just
went and did it. It's on his reel and he
like takes the namesack off and the smacks it on
his chest and like Letterman's like old and frail. Even
then he was like old and frail and right and
said when I smacked him in his chest, I thought

(34:01):
I was gonna break him.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
He kills him on stage. You two are out for
our older celebrities. You're both trying to kill all of
the food. Wow. Well, I mean speaking of putting people
in danger and kind of just being a nuisance in general.
I was really excited to have you here today, Michael.
I thought you, I adore Michael, will have a lovely time.

(34:23):
We'll record something, who knows what it is, but it'll
be nice, and then he'll leave. So I was a
little surprised, I would say I was borderline upset when
you nearly ran over my neighbor's dogs and then showed
up late holding what's obviously a gift. Oh yeah, the podcast.

(34:44):
I mean, what's the title of the podcast, Michael, I
want to hear you say it.

Speaker 2 (34:49):
You said no gifts.

Speaker 3 (34:50):
I said, no gifts. Right right, So I'm wondering there's
this little pink box sitting here on the table. Gorgeous.
There's no denying that.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
Sorry, I misunderstood.

Speaker 3 (35:06):
Okay, it was an ignorance.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
That's my that's totally my beast black of education. You
know what, why didn't I just take it with me?
I'll return it to whence it came unless you want
to just see what it is, if you'd like to
open it.

Speaker 3 (35:20):
I mean it is very invited, I mean it is.
There's a temptation here from me. Maybe if you don't mind,
I'll open it.

Speaker 2 (35:27):
Here on the podcast open and I think you should
open it.

Speaker 3 (35:30):
Okay, we're both doing something a little tacky here.

Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I chose hot pink for the box, so,
like I was, I was like from.

Speaker 3 (35:38):
The beginning, stunning. Oh it's a lovely color, blinding pink.
I wonder how I even open this. It's kind of
like a trick.

Speaker 2 (35:49):
Yeah, because you pull that yeah.

Speaker 3 (35:51):
Just then it kind of drops and blows.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Oh yeah, is that the top?

Speaker 3 (35:58):
The top? It was opened in a way that is
deeply confusing.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
Yeah, that is weird.

Speaker 3 (36:03):
Now got some kind of easter grass? Yeah, yeah, pull
it out. And then is there something in the eastern
It must be in there. Yeah, it must be in
unless it ate it. There's a measuring tape in here,
that's right a Iikeia to find this in this beautiful
box is absolutely ideal. This was the perfect box for

(36:25):
this ikeea measuring tape. Okay, why did you bring this?
And this is actually very handy for me. Okay, I'm
constantly measuring.

Speaker 2 (36:33):
I know this about you because I'm a fan of
the podcast. I know that you lost all of your
measuring tapes, threw them all out, you got rid of them,
you said no more.

Speaker 3 (36:46):
I couldn't have them in my home anymore.

Speaker 2 (36:49):
And I heard the the Paul Rubens episode Oh Sure,
which is IP which is rip oh tragic. But I
will say it's one of the best episodes of a
podcast I've ever listened to it. It is so a listener.
I'm sure you already heard it, but if you haven't,
it's so good. You're terrific.

Speaker 3 (37:10):
Paul is so it's.

Speaker 2 (37:13):
Actually like devastating to hear him so recently be so brilliant.

Speaker 3 (37:18):
It was just constantly funny, so funny, so inventive.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
I adored it. I wanted to listen to it again.
But in it, at some point I can't remember how
it came up. You said that you had lost all
other measuring and I thought it was some kind of
like measuring tape bandit that came to your house and
took them all. Well, you were talking about yardsticks. That's
what it was, because it was in the game, I think,

(37:44):
and yardstick was one of the gifts for a celebrities. Yes, yes, yes,
And you said that it's made of metal, hopefully not plastic.
And Paul said, well, you can get one made of
cloth or tape right from Ikea. And I'm this is incredible.
I have been carrying this measuring tape around with me

(38:08):
for the last month because we have this house in
la and it's tiny, and so we have to measure
everything that.

Speaker 3 (38:16):
We bought within the last inch.

Speaker 2 (38:18):
And I picked one of these up at Ikea. He
described the Ikea free measuring tape.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
Imagine Paul Rubins and Ikea.

Speaker 2 (38:27):
Well, that's the thing. I immediately started to imagine him
taking these because they're free. I'm sure he has many
of them. I'm sure he had many of them in
a drawer somewhere.

Speaker 3 (38:36):
I mean, he gave me essentially his junk draw I
can't believe I didn't get one of these from him,
because he needed them so much, so badly, but he
didn't know is that you did too, And so now
you have this. Wow, this is really a full circle thing.

Speaker 2 (38:52):
I've literally been carrying this around for the last month
since I got to Los Angeles in my in my
jean jacket pocket.

Speaker 3 (38:58):
That's a very cool thing to have in a jean
jacket and paired.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
Yeah, it was great and and and I wear that gene.
I'm not wearing it today, but I wear that jean
jacket most days. And so as soon as I heard that,
I thought, that's that'll be the gift that I bring
Bridger and I went and found it and and and
anyway here it is.

Speaker 3 (39:15):
So it's so weird because I was just a couple
of days ago thinking about Paul, like a very recent
thing thinking about him. I don't know why, but yeah,
what about him?

Speaker 2 (39:24):
All the time? He was he was so magical, just
one of the all times, just a complete original. Yes,
and also somebody you know, I mean he talked about
he was in some movies, you know, he did things
not as Pewe and was great.

Speaker 3 (39:41):
A like a FBI agent in Matilda.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
Amazing, great, amazing, and he gave you fake money from
the movie Blow. And of course he was like a
vampire and Buffy and the vampires there right, Penguin's parents
and Batman father, so like, you know, like and and
of course Peewee and I always, you know, since I

(40:08):
was a kid, thought that he hung the moon. And
I never met him, but he was a hero. And
when he died, my dear friend Becky Newton, who was
on Ugly Betty with me, we shared a love of
Pewee forever, she sent me a giant doll oh of Pewee.

Speaker 3 (40:27):
No, how big is it?

Speaker 2 (40:28):
It's it's it's huge. It's it's probably a yardstick's tall,
but I have it in New York. And I mean,
like he really.

Speaker 3 (40:39):
Was just so important adventure, Oh my god. Absolutely truly
a perfect movie, completely perfect movie. I never saw Big Top.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
Big Top was not as good, but it was also
very fun.

Speaker 3 (40:52):
We should revisit.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
And then he remounted his his stage show. That's right,
and I saw him on Broadway. Yeah, it's it was fantastic.

Speaker 3 (41:02):
When that was like in the tens, the teens.

Speaker 2 (41:05):
Yeah, I would say the time went with Ryan, so
it was post It was probably like nine or ten. Ryan,
I've been together since eight, so probably like ten.

Speaker 3 (41:13):
And what was the show?

Speaker 2 (41:15):
It was People's Playhouse. Wow, curtain went up and there it.

Speaker 3 (41:18):
Was, Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (41:19):
Yeah, it was incredible cherry shame. You know, the mailman
came by the like the little wizard guy that's just ahead.

Speaker 3 (41:30):
That scared me until I was old enough for not
to scare me anymore. But yeah, there was always an uncanny,
weird element to that that. Yeah, it was very eerie.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
But they had the foil ball and you know the
Word of the Day and all that stuff, and it
was delight. We went on Christmas Day, Oh what a.

Speaker 3 (41:45):
Perfect Chris wonderful and Paul loved holidays and there you go.
Absolutely well as far as measuring goes, are you do you?
I feel like I'm pretty good at estimating time, but
spatially I'm so bad.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
I can be I can. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm
not great at it. That's why I need you know. Ryan.
We actually have this rug in our house that Ryan
and I fought. Oh, every time we would be out,
I'd say, well, that rug is not this side. He's like, no,
no it is, and I'd be like, no, that's definitely
not and he's like, I promise you didn't. Then we
go home, and this has happened several times. You'd go

(42:18):
home and remeasure it and he was always right and
I was always wrong, and I'd be like, god, I
sure I thought it was more than five feet.

Speaker 3 (42:24):
Were you heading out rug shopping without the measurements?

Speaker 2 (42:27):
Kind of yeah, I mean this is another like an
obvious and we would go back and try to find
like the email receipt to see if it had of course,
but he was pretty confident it was my It was
really on me. I was the one who was skeptical
about how how big them?

Speaker 3 (42:42):
Well, it's also I just got a kitchen rug. And
even if you have their measurements, I don't think it helps.
Once you get into your house, it's always like, oh
that's way too big.

Speaker 2 (42:50):
Right, still exactly, it's still it doesn't really matter, right,
And you're trapped. And we were in a we're in this.
We have this tiny house. It's five hundred and eighty square.

Speaker 3 (43:01):
Feet over and that's a very small time, like.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
An actual tiny house, right, And we've lived in apartments,
so like I actually love small.

Speaker 3 (43:08):
Oh so nice to just be able to look at
everything and have everything under control.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
Yes, I actually quite like being in small places. And
we got all this tiny furniture to fill this tiny
house and we were airbnbing it for the for all
of the fall before I came back to shoot drinking
and it was adorable, all these tiny little things and
it was tiny little house. And then we got there
to live there, and I was like, oh, this is awful.

(43:33):
This is the worst couch I've ever sat on, Like,
I can't I can't possibly sit in this chair.

Speaker 3 (43:37):
You just have these horrible reviews on where are these
coming from?

Speaker 2 (43:41):
I don't understand what's wrong with sitting on it?

Speaker 3 (43:43):
Two places jail.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
Yeah, So so we started looking for and then we
want there's this show we like to watch. I don't
know if you guys do this, but if it's the
end of the night and like we're not quite ready
for bed, but we aren't ready to start a new
TV show.

Speaker 3 (43:58):
Do we have the energy for a plot?

Speaker 2 (44:00):
Yees don't have the energy for a plot. Our go
to is my lottery dream home.

Speaker 3 (44:05):
I knew you were going to say this. You mentioned
this to me a couple of months ago and I
have started watching it.

Speaker 2 (44:10):
And I have Oh my gosh, David tattooed. David is
the greatest.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
Watching his transformation throughout the series is fascinating.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
And if you watch later seasons where he's covered in tattoos,
the credits are still from season one where he doesn't
have any tingle. Yeah, so you see him like imagine
winning the lottery and he has no tattoos. But then
it cuts to him in Memphis or wherever, meeting the people,
and he's like, basically like face tattoo tattoos.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
Now, Yes, I love him.

Speaker 2 (44:39):
He said something on an episode recently. We were watching
recently in our tiny little home, sitting on our tiny
little couch on our tiny little sofa and toothpick chairs.
They were looking at a small room that had a
big couch in it, and he said he walked in
and they were like, oh, I love this room. I
love this couch. And he's like, that's right. When you

(45:00):
have a small room, big furniture makes it feel bigger.
And I thought that's totally crazy.

Speaker 3 (45:06):
Yeah, that feels like the opposite.

Speaker 2 (45:07):
But it's true. Really, we got like a proper couch
for our tiny house, and it now feels it's a
totally different place.

Speaker 3 (45:16):
I would think the exact me too, in that blowing
David from my of my Lottery dream Hall.

Speaker 2 (45:23):
It's totally true. If you have a small place, put
a big piece in there and it will make it
feel bigger. And in fact we're putting we're building a
tiny office in our in the tiny backyard of our
tiny house, and we've decided that our horrible, tiny couch
is going to go there. It's fine if you're just
like sitting at attention. It's when you want to relax

(45:44):
in any way that it doesn't work.

Speaker 3 (45:45):
It's causing problems.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
So like to be an office couch. It's gonna be fine, right,
but but it's not ready yet. So right now we
have our new normal sut sized couch and our tiny
awkward how are you? But it all fits.

Speaker 3 (46:04):
It fits. You're finding out some interesting things about the space.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
Yes, So like all these years of living in tiny
spaces thinking you need tiny furniture, I was wrong, Like
a tiny place can sustain a big piece of furniture.

Speaker 3 (46:17):
Where did you get the big couch? Court court crt
r CRT.

Speaker 2 (46:23):
How do I know that furniture I guess I'm just
studied this furniture shopping. Yeah, it's a famous furniture.

Speaker 3 (46:28):
Okay, my lottery dream home, let's get back.

Speaker 2 (46:30):
Okay, Yeah, we've got finally. God, I've been dying to
talk about those.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
This show is so interesting to watch because it's whenever
I think lottery, I'm like endless money. But then there
will be episodes where the person has not one enough
to even buy a house, and so it's like what
it feels very like. It feels like there's a lot
of stretching to describe what a lottery is.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
Like.

Speaker 3 (46:49):
I feel like I'm gonna be watching an episode and
they're gonna be like, I want twenty dollars on a scratch.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
And I'd like to buy this house. What kind of house?
A Barbie house? Yeah? Exactly. Yeah, And sometimes it's inherented.
Have you seen one like that?

Speaker 3 (47:01):
Ya? Well, that's real. They push it's.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
Season thirty or something.

Speaker 3 (47:05):
And you know what I mean. They's kind of dark
to call your inheritance a lottery winning.

Speaker 2 (47:09):
Yeah, I guess it isn't quite.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
A mom died in a slipping, let's celebrate, and she
never spent a dime on herself, so now we get
it all.

Speaker 2 (47:20):
Yeah. My favorite is when somebody who does win a
big amount when it's oh, because there's always a moment
where he's like, so, how much did you win? And
they tell it and then he's like, and how much
are you giving me to work with to find you?
Because the premise of the show listener is that David
comes to your town and he shows you three.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
Homes in a very flowy outfit in a gorgeous lower
year turning heads in whatever small town he's in, and
he shows you three possible homes and you have to
pick one, and then they come back six months later
when you haven't yet moved in, and they do a pretend.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
It's great here. But he'll ask at the beginning how
much did you win? And then he'll say how much
is your budget? How much you're giving me to work with?
Is what he says. And my favorite is when they're like,
we won ten million dollars and he's like, oh my god,
that's amazing, and what's your budget and they're like three
hundred thousand.

Speaker 3 (48:16):
We will not be using the money.

Speaker 2 (48:17):
We won't be using the money, and so suddenly suddenly
he's like they're like we'd like at least one bathroom.
It's like and you see his face, like you see
him dial along side. He gets so excited, like I'm
gonna be able to find a mansion for these people,
and it's like, okay, you're getting a trailer.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
Yeah, there's a lot of things on the show like that.
I'm like, oh, this is confusing.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
I see the word lottery and I think we're just
going for it, right and they.

Speaker 2 (48:44):
No, No, No, it's model homes or you know, like
but it's still so exciting and it's fun to to
like try and guess what they're gonna what they're gonna pick.

Speaker 3 (48:52):
Oh, are you good at guessing?

Speaker 2 (48:54):
No, I'm usually wrong. I'm usually wrong. I'm often surprised.
Ryan's better at it than I. And he's like, they're
not going to do that because they want split level,
or they're not going to do that because they need
a backyard, and I'm like, I wasn't really paying attention.
Maybe I missed that part.

Speaker 3 (49:07):
Yeah, I'm I feel like I'm pretty good at guessing
on House Hunters, but that's because I kind of know
the tricks of how they produce that show. At this point, Oh,
which they like basically you have to have closed on
the house before they let you on the show. So
like the houses that actually look lived in and have furniture,
those are just houses they've found that won't be purchased.
It's usually the ones that look like something like very

(49:29):
temperate or like you can tell that it's a house
that's going to be moved into rather than one that's
being lived in.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Right.

Speaker 3 (49:36):
So, but on Lottery Dream Home, there's no telling what's
going to anyone's guest. Yes, it's truly anyone's guests. Yeah,
and the people are always interesting, yes they are. And well,
people who play the lottery, I mean it's it's it's
a it's a special kind of person who plays lottery.
I don't know if you play the lot I don't
play the lottery.

Speaker 2 (49:54):
I don't. I don't gamble. And at least you play
the lottery.

Speaker 3 (49:56):
At least is hooked. I'm trying to get them to stop.
The money is just I mean, here's the deal.

Speaker 4 (50:02):
I'm terrified of winning because then suddenly all of your relationship.

Speaker 3 (50:06):
Dynamics changed totally. You'd have to tell no one you
have to move. I don't want any of that. I'm
ready for the lottery to ruin my life, just destroy
all my relationships. I'm happy to What.

Speaker 2 (50:18):
Would you do if you win the lottery?

Speaker 3 (50:19):
Well, first, I'd go on my lottery dream home. That's
the only reason I want to win the lottery. I
don't care about the financial freedom. Let me meet David.
Is there no other way for me to What would
I do if I won the lottery? I unfortunately, because
it's a mental illness of mine. I wouldn't change anything.
I simply would spend no more money, right, I would

(50:40):
just sit in a bank account and everyone would resent me. Oh,
I would kind of. That's how I would ruin relationships
because they'd be like Bridger has so much money and
he's doing nothing new with it. He's not buying us
better things. He's not solving any of our problems. He
just continues to worry about money.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
Yeah, what would you do? I also, I'm a keep
money under my mattress kind of a guy too. But
I do think I would take my parents sure, and
like colleges for nephews and nieces and things. Right, and
then I would because we have a little apartment and
a little house, I want a big I want a

(51:16):
big I want some day, I definitely want some day
to be able to furnish a shop.

Speaker 3 (51:22):
Without Oh can you imagine not think about a price,
to just be like, oh, I like how that looks,
and it doesn't matter now it's mine.

Speaker 2 (51:29):
Yes, And I don't need a tape measure because it
doesn't matter. The house is big enough for anything.

Speaker 3 (51:34):
We need to actually make sure that it's not small
too small for the.

Speaker 2 (51:37):
House exactly exactly. So I think that's probably where I
would go. I would, I would, but I wouldn't do
anything outrageous, right, you know, like cars. I don't really
care about cars.

Speaker 3 (51:49):
They mean nothing to me.

Speaker 2 (51:50):
Yeah, and I don't need like I like to travel,
but I wouldn't need to travel extravagantly. I think I
think I would travel more, but I would, you know,
still travel modestly. I don't need to, you know. But
I think set up my family and a big house, I.

Speaker 3 (52:07):
Would probably buy a new doormat. That's and that's like
a slightly bigger, better doormat. That would be the shift
in my life.

Speaker 2 (52:15):
Oh, okay, do you have a small doormat.

Speaker 3 (52:17):
I think it's too small. I like it because it's
it's like, doesn't get soaked in the rain, like it
it's like kind of a weird elastic or something, because
we had one of those natural fiber ones and it
was just soaked all the time. So this one is
good for the rain. But I think it's too small
for the space and I think it looks ridiculous. But
I'm not willing to change. I'm waiting to win the lottery,

(52:40):
my lottery dream doormat.

Speaker 2 (52:44):
Imagine a look on David's face when he says what
do you win in You're like fifteen million, and then
he's like and what's your budget and you're like thirty dollars?

Speaker 3 (52:53):
What?

Speaker 2 (52:53):
Oh, I don't want a house. I'm just looking for
a doormat.

Speaker 3 (52:57):
That's what he has a suicide pill for. I was
right on the show, and you can.

Speaker 2 (53:01):
Just like imagine when the cameras stopped rolling, he goes
over to a producer and he's like, I flew all
the way here.

Speaker 3 (53:08):
I'm staying in. Its supposed to be my career. Where
did this guy come from?

Speaker 2 (53:13):
Oh? I also love on that show when he goes
to the local realtors.

Speaker 3 (53:18):
Oh, anytime we get a local realtter or involved househowners,
international householders, I love these people.

Speaker 2 (53:24):
Yes, and he's like he's like, come here, give me
a hug, give me some sugar. And you can see
they can tell like this person hasn't hugged anyone in years,
or like this is not hugging down.

Speaker 3 (53:34):
I wonder how they track down those people. Oh, what
is the casting process for a reltter on a reality
show where the reeller is not actually involved?

Speaker 2 (53:43):
Oh? Good question. Last night I was actually at the
Artios Awards, which is the casting director's Oscars session. Now
the casting doctors have an OSCAR twenty twenty six coming around.
There will be a casting director Oscar, which is very exciting.
It was. It was very exciting last night to be

(54:03):
there because this is the first time they've all gathered
since the news. But there was a reality show category.
Oh of course, because there's casting for of course. But
my Lottery dream Home is not nominated.

Speaker 3 (54:14):
Oh no, that's got a sting. I wonder if it's
ever been nominated.

Speaker 2 (54:18):
I don't know, I don't know, but I would nominate them,
Oh of course. I mean it's like basically the only
reality show I watched, so I probably wouldn't be a
good judgment.

Speaker 3 (54:25):
I mean, they have two viewers right here. That's I mean,
something somebody cares about it. I mean, And there are
also a thousand seasons, so many we're getting into parents
dying and leaving money and calling that a lottery. So
obviously there's plenty of episodes.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
I love that you can hear a school here.

Speaker 3 (54:42):
Oh yeah, we're getting the announcements right now. We'll get
children screaming, children laughing. What else do we get? Sometimes
they'll have like music playing fun upbeat like Bruno Mars music.
I don't know what they're doing over there. But the
thing is is I have no idea what the school's
schedu rule is because we'll go it'll be like Tuesday
through Thursday silence, and then suddenly there's noise on a Friday.

(55:06):
I'm like, wow, this is not a normal school.

Speaker 2 (55:09):
Or maybe they're punished during the week and then they're
let loose on Friday.

Speaker 3 (55:13):
And cages up there.

Speaker 2 (55:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (55:15):
I don't know what's going on there, but I get
a little bit of elementary school happening.

Speaker 2 (55:20):
It's a fun every day kids laughing. As the kids.

Speaker 3 (55:24):
Laughing, I think it's time to play a game.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
Oh finally, I've been waiting.

Speaker 3 (55:31):
For him only I think it's gift or a curse.
Oh I'm so good at well, I mean yeah, I'm
not that good at anything. What are we talking about?
I need a number between one and ten from you,
Michael eight. Okay, I need to do some like calculating.
So right now you can promote, recommend, do whatever you
want with a microphone or my lottery.

Speaker 2 (55:50):
Dream Home is a show you can find on Max.
There are dozens and dozens of seasons. The host David
is delightful and tattooed to the wazoo.

Speaker 3 (56:02):
It's a great show.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
I also just recently watched the latest seasons of Fargo
and True Detective and love them. Albeit there is some
faulty reindeer cgi in one of them, but those shows
are terrific. Great performances from the two leading detectives on
True Detective and Juno Temple, famous for Ted Lasso is

(56:26):
brilliant on Fargo. And then I also when's this coming out?

Speaker 3 (56:30):
March twenty first?

Speaker 2 (56:31):
March twenty first. If you are listening to this on
March twenty first, and you are anywhere in the Tri
state area, you have two more weeks to go. See
Spam a Lot on Broadway, which is the greatest show ever.
I was in it with Bridgers partner Jimmy Smagoula, and
it is closing early, sadly, but it is, I promise you,
the most fun you'll have on Broadway. So go check

(56:53):
it out.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
Excellent. What a shame about spam Alat fun show. I know,
we're so good in it. Thank you, Jim so Good
and it's brilliant. James I.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
Gohart plays King Arthur and he's he's wonderful. And Taren
Killem was wonderful, oh, Taren, former podcast guest here pre
spam Alot, and now Alex Brightman is playing Lancelot. Christopher
Oldzgerald one of the greatest musical comedy actors of all time.
So Good plays Patsy and it's just a wonderful show.
It is non stop laughs, and it's playing at the Saint

(57:27):
James Theater through I think April ninth is the last
show pure entertainment.

Speaker 3 (57:31):
Go see it. Just a fun time and uh yeah again,
thank you for apologizing about this cartoon reindeer at the
beginning of True Detective. I was really upset by that.

Speaker 2 (57:41):
When you saw that, were you like, is this a
Christmas show?

Speaker 3 (57:43):
It felt like, like, where's Tim Allen He's gonna be
I was, I was honestly shocked. I was thinking, this
is the first thing I'm singing your TV show, and
it's the most phony looking cgi cariboo or whatever. Throw
a few extra dollars towards the cariboo.

Speaker 2 (57:59):
Yeah, maybe it's hard to get trained caribou.

Speaker 3 (58:02):
Well, I don't care.

Speaker 2 (58:04):
I don't care.

Speaker 3 (58:05):
Get another trained animal trained to have trained dogs running
through the snow with antlers than we are in.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
I mean, Jim Cameron would have done it. Jim Cameron
would do it. You can do it, Hbo or whatever.

Speaker 3 (58:22):
Michael. This is how we play Gift, a curse, tame
three things. You'll tell me if there're a gift or
a curse and why, and then I'll tell you if
you're right or wrong. Because there are objectively true answers.
There are no subjective fevers here. Let's get into this
number one. This is from a listener named uh Anika
or anka A n n I k A. How do

(58:43):
we feel an I'd say Onnica, you could go in
any direction with that name, so I think AKA, there
we go. Of course, that was the obvious. They've suggested
gift her a curse when fitness trainers want you to
yell during their class, curse, Why.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
Well, not everyone needs to speak at the gym. When
I'm at the gym, I don't want to talk. I
don't even want to say no, I'm not using that
machine when someone says, are you using this machine? I
don't want to talk to anybody at the gym. I'm
there to do my thing. This is actually a problem
in New York. I know way more people in New

(59:29):
York than I do in LA, so this doesn't happen here,
but in New York. I've lived in New York since
nineteen ninety nine. I know too many people, and it's
too small of a player, very small. And I run
in the same circles as people who go to the gym,
and they're always there. And sometimes I go to the gym.
If I'm going to the gym for like a short
period of time, I'm like, I can't. I just can't

(59:50):
run into you right now. Nothing's happened since yesterday when
we had the same conversation at the fly machine, And
I've got nothing more to say to you. I like you,
but there's nothing. There's and I avoid people at the gym.
If I see somebody I know, even people I know, well,
I will avoid that.

Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
Oh that sounds horrifying to me to run into somebody
you know.

Speaker 2 (01:00:09):
Yeah, oh, and it happened. And at the gym I
go to, there's so many people. I mean, it's like
and Ryan and I always joke there's so many people
that we know at the gym, and like sort of
Broadway Famous Broadway, and it's like it's gotten so bad
that I avoid Bernadette Peter's at the gym.

Speaker 3 (01:00:29):
She will not leave you. She wants to.

Speaker 2 (01:00:31):
Talk between every set, and I love her. I mean,
I'm obsessed with her. I'm going to see her in
concert tomorrow. But I can't talk. I can't talk. I'm
busy listening. I'm busy listening to I said no gifts,
and I'm on my third set and I can't talk
to you. Bernette Peters.

Speaker 3 (01:00:45):
This is kind of the ultimate weightlifting podcast, really pumps
people high energy.

Speaker 2 (01:00:51):
But I actually was.

Speaker 3 (01:00:52):
I I think I was.

Speaker 2 (01:00:55):
It was some funny jiff of Bernadette or something like that,
and I sent it to Ryan Jiff for gift.

Speaker 3 (01:01:00):
Interesting. I love to hear somebody naturally say Jiff because
I say gift, but like I think it didn't feel intense.
It felt like you are a Jiff person.

Speaker 2 (01:01:08):
Generated is the word, right, Well.

Speaker 3 (01:01:10):
It's the technically it's supposed to You're supposed to say Jeff,
but I say, too bad. It looks like Giff, the
creator of Jeff's, dropped the ball.

Speaker 2 (01:01:20):
I'm a big fan of peanut Butter. I think that's
why I go to jail.

Speaker 3 (01:01:25):
How has there not been some sort of Jeff Peanut
Butter crossover campaign? Yeah, I don't know animated.

Speaker 2 (01:01:32):
Jeff, but I sent Ryan a Jeff of Bernett Peters
or something like that, just as a joke, just as
you know, you know, as you do. And he wrote back,
it's the lady from the gym, Like, that's how much.

Speaker 3 (01:01:45):
Bernadette's a huge meathead. She's just muscle bound, terrific shape.
I mean, she's like one hundred years. She looks in crab.
So she's just hitting the gym. She hits them. What
machines is she using?

Speaker 2 (01:01:57):
She does freeways. I always see her doing freeways.

Speaker 3 (01:02:00):
And she has benching thousands of pounds, can bench four
hundred pounds. Wow, you're saying curse.

Speaker 2 (01:02:10):
I'm saying it's a curse for a trainer to insist
that you shout absolutely, thank you, huge curse.

Speaker 3 (01:02:18):
I mean, what I'm thinking is what I can't do
in any situation is yell in unison. And this is
like they're saying during class. And since I was a child,
I feel so embarrassed when people are yelling in unison,
doing cheers or whatever. I can't do it. I simply
I will remain silent or I'll lip sync whatever we're yelling,
because I just spine is just tingling at the embarrassment.

(01:02:43):
I'm not going to get on a bike and yell
with the rest of my classmates about exercise. That's humiliating, don't.
I'm there, I'm doing the thing that's as much as
you can ask for me.

Speaker 2 (01:02:53):
I think that's a fair, that's totally fair.

Speaker 3 (01:02:55):
Never tell me to yell. No, I'll yell when I
want to. I will scream, but not when somebody's making
me exercise so very good.

Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
What about like a picket or a protest, I.

Speaker 3 (01:03:08):
Won't even do it. Then. If we're you know, like
November twenty sixteen, we're marching down through New York, everyone's
yelling some club president I'm not I'm silent. I've got
a sign. That's all you can ask for you Yeah, great, great,
So no one asked me to yell in Unison. It's
no one should do it. It's embarrassing for everybody. Okay,

(01:03:31):
very good. Number two this is from someone named Jacqueline
Gift or a curse. Misplacing your wallet, panicking that you've
lost it somewhere around town, and then finding it in
your home a few minutes later.

Speaker 2 (01:03:43):
Gift, Why, well, you're your moments from canceling your credit cards,
from panicking from the the horror of potentially getting order
the DMV and replace your driver's license. And now you
don't have to retrace your moments. Oh my gosh, moments.
You don't have to retrace your steps. What a relief.
You've got your wallet. I once left. I used to

(01:04:05):
have one of those phone cases that was also a wallet.
Oh sure, sure, And I loved it. I thought it
was the greatest thing ever. I was obsessed with it.
I thought I had figured out, you know, it solved
everything everything, Just like my tiny home, I have everything
in this one tiny thing. And then I was extremely

(01:04:28):
high in Dallas at a Starbucks on my way to
a Bury Manilo concert. I left it at the Starbucks
and didn't realize it until I went to the box
office to pick up my Manilo tickets and they said,
can I see your ID? And I was like no,

(01:04:48):
and thank god I'm notable. So he googled me and
they gave me the ticket and I went to the
concert thinking.

Speaker 3 (01:04:57):
Without that would have ruined my evening. I would have
gone home.

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
I should have gone back to Starbucks, the last place
you were. But the tickets were comped because I kind of.

Speaker 3 (01:05:05):
Know Berry Manalis, right, how do you know him?

Speaker 2 (01:05:08):
From being a fan from insisting found his door staff,
from insisting I've been a Fanolo for many years and
the moment I had a monarch from of fame that
was my first course. And I've been to his concert
nearly twenty times. Wow, I'm a big fan, like legit,
not an un ironic Fanelo. And I'm more than a Fanallo,

(01:05:31):
I'm an ambassallo. And uh so I was like, well,
I'm not going to miss the concert. And I also
I think we figured out that the Starbucks was closing soon,
and I was like, it's not going to matter anyway,
I'll just call tomorrow, right, you know, But of course
it was gone, and and I was in Dallas, and

(01:05:54):
I had to fly back to New York in a
couple of days.

Speaker 3 (01:05:56):
I was caught in Dallas just a week ago. You
got stuck. I hate American Airlines. We've said that on
this podcast before, but now I'm saying it again. It
was a rough experience. All of their the restaurants there
at Dallas Fort Worth close at nine pm. Even the
Chilis two Chili's two Starbucks is no longer serving hot
food after nine o'clock. My ultimate nightmare there stuck.

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
Was there a lounge you could buy into? Sometimes?

Speaker 3 (01:06:22):
Probably? But as we discussed with the lottery, there's no
way I'm paying for that, right right, No, that's fair.
I'm sorry. Continue, Okay, So anyway, I lost my phone
and wallet, and the easy thing to get was credit card,
literally on the doorstep of the place I was staying
the next day. That quickly, so fast? How does that happen?

Speaker 2 (01:06:44):
Because they want you to spend money. It got there
so so quickly. I had to have a friend who
was staying in my apartment FedEx me my passport so
that I could get on a plane and The hardest thing.
I mean, getting another driver's license was not easy, but
it wasn't pressing right. The hardest thing was replacing my phone,

(01:07:07):
because you cannot get a phone without an ID.

Speaker 3 (01:07:11):
Oh, I will not.

Speaker 2 (01:07:13):
They will not give you without an ID.

Speaker 3 (01:07:16):
Is that wild? That's bizarre? How does that work?

Speaker 2 (01:07:19):
I couldn't believe it. And I was like, do you
have Google? I am known. They wouldn't have said no, sorry.

Speaker 3 (01:07:28):
That won't work. Well, this was pre you being on
an Apple show.

Speaker 2 (01:07:31):
That's true.

Speaker 3 (01:07:31):
That would have helped.

Speaker 2 (01:07:32):
Oh, I wonder if that would have helped.

Speaker 3 (01:07:34):
That would have helped.

Speaker 2 (01:07:35):
If I was at the Apple store and I said,
we're colleagues, you might not realize this is what we're called.
But I couldn't believe it. Also like I'm from Dallas,
I'm from I'm from Dallas. You know I'm a sort
of a local boy.

Speaker 3 (01:07:50):
Does it means nothing?

Speaker 2 (01:07:51):
They had no idea who I was. They couldn't have
cared less at this at this.

Speaker 3 (01:07:54):
Apple is just getting destroyed low and.

Speaker 2 (01:07:58):
They were rude. They were even rude about it. I
could I was so discouraged. It was like such an upsetting,
discouraging moment. And I luckily I was staying with my
very dear friends, and they took very good care of
me and through the whole ordeal. But holy crap, was
at heart and they gave me. This is crazy. They
gave me one of their credit cards to use in

(01:08:19):
the interim, and I had to Like, I had a
rental car and I had to return it, and I
was driving without a license. I was freaking out. And
then I get to the airport and I'm like, oh shit,
I have to return this with gas in it. And
I go to the gas station and I'm and I'm
using their card and it asked for a ZIP code
and I'm like, I'm like, what's that.

Speaker 3 (01:08:39):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:08:40):
I don't know the zip code and I can't remember
how I figured it out. Eventually, Oh, I think I
had someone's one of their phones or something. They gave
me one of their phones and I was I was like, oh, yeah,
there's a Louby's cafeteria at the end of their block.

Speaker 3 (01:08:53):
Do you know what that is? Take the name of
this business.

Speaker 2 (01:08:57):
There's a Loubi's cafeteria at end of the block. If
I google the Lubies cafeteria, that will show me the
address and then and then I got the zip code
that way. It was like Lubis Cafeteria.

Speaker 3 (01:09:06):
Okay, what is that sidebar?

Speaker 2 (01:09:08):
Luby's Cafeteria. They're in Texas. I don't think there are
any they're there anymore. But when I was a kid
in Texas, there were two cafeterias. One was Louby's and
one was Wyatt's. Okay, And it is a place where
you go and there's a long line. It's like cafeteria,
you know, like a school cafeteria. Sure, long line. You
get a tray and you go through and you take
I want those I want this, Okra, I want the chicken.

(01:09:28):
I want this, you know, mac and cheese or the
pudding or whatever. And you go down the line and
you get in. You go sit at these nice tables
and it's quite lovely. It sounds loveless, Yes, it's quite lovely.
And there was a Loubies. It's not there anymore, but
there's a Louby's at the end of my friend's block.

Speaker 3 (01:09:43):
And that helped. God bless Louby or Loopy Luby l
u b Yluby Luby's. And I'm familiar with BUCkies, but
that's all different.

Speaker 2 (01:09:52):
BUCkies. I was. I was literally wearing my BUCkies pajamas
this morning. I love BUCkies.

Speaker 3 (01:09:58):
I've never been to one, but I read I feel
it would be a dream world for me.

Speaker 2 (01:10:01):
It is so cool. Yeah, BUCkies is a really and
I and the billboards are all over the South wherever
they are, And my parents live in the Austin area,
and I'm in Dallas a lot because that's where I
grew up and I have friends there, and I work
there sometimes, and I was and so I've driven from
Dallas to Austin many times. And there is a BUCkies halfway.

(01:10:22):
It's a little more than halfway, but there are so
many signs that you are whipped into a frenzy. By
the time you get there, you are so ready for BUCkies.
It's like it's like and some of the signs are
really cheeky. They're like beef turkey.

Speaker 3 (01:10:37):
It'll just like say right right, I.

Speaker 2 (01:10:42):
Just like say one of the things that they.

Speaker 3 (01:10:44):
Sell, what's their number one thing is I think that
there's like a beef jerky wall. Okay, wow, you can
get my dream.

Speaker 2 (01:10:52):
Any kind of beef jerky. There's like also can't so
much candy, but there's there's also I've never seen so
much any urinals.

Speaker 3 (01:11:02):
There is throughout the store. There everywhere they're outside. You
can pump gas and pe at the same time. But
there's so many gas pumps, there's so many urinals. And
there's also so many freezers with ice. That's freney because
I think a lot of people on road trips with
coolers that need them right.

Speaker 2 (01:11:24):
And then of course, in addition to that, you can
get hot lunch, you can get pastries. Colatchies is a
big Calachis. You can get Calachies, and you can buy
your entire wardrobe. They've got clothing, clothing, anything for the kitchen.
Any you would have so many doormat options. I'm telling

(01:11:46):
you any doormat you could possibly want. It could say
don't mess with Texas, sure, but it could also you
probably can find the bridge.

Speaker 3 (01:11:54):
That's the one thing that no one will ever print
on a product is the name Bridger. Bridges closest I'll
ever get, not even a bridge, bridget, no.

Speaker 2 (01:12:02):
Bridge it yeah, oh yeah, bridget. Well you can always
get like a bridget and like turn the T into
an R.

Speaker 3 (01:12:07):
That's true, it's gonna be janky looking carv it R.

Speaker 2 (01:12:11):
But yeah, but when I like BUCkies is the kind
of place where you go and you're looking through like
their housewares department, and you think, I want to buy
all new housewares and I want them all.

Speaker 3 (01:12:23):
Idea that it went this.

Speaker 2 (01:12:24):
Far, it's worth it. There's some small BUCkies, right that
aren't like that. There's smaller BUCkies that are more like
a really nice seven eleven. But it's sort of I mean,
it's like it's basically like Target meets a gas station
meets seven eleven. Yeah, it's a gas station.

Speaker 3 (01:12:40):
Well, you're saying, gift. Ultimately back to that gift, gift, gift, gift.
It's a curse. Those moments between losing the wallet and
finding the wallet will aid you a million years. I
don't care what relief there is. At the end. You're
sick to your stomach, and by the time you get
to the wall wallet you might as well be dead. Damn.

(01:13:03):
It's a horrible I know that there's some relief there,
but I'd rather die. It's a curse.

Speaker 2 (01:13:09):
Wow, losing the wallet at all.

Speaker 3 (01:13:11):
I can't. I can't lose the wallet. I can't. I
would rather not find the wallet. Oh, I'd rather just
have to start over, start a scratch, because I'm devastated,
beyond belief. I lost my bag in New York a
couple of months ago. The ten minutes of not having
it horrible, absolutely horrible. Age at least five years. So

(01:13:33):
you've missed that point.

Speaker 2 (01:13:34):
Damn okay.

Speaker 3 (01:13:36):
Number three this is from and this is a strange
combination of names. Two listeners have written in Casey and
Anthony have suggested food courts.

Speaker 2 (01:13:45):
Are you sure it wasn't Casey Anthony.

Speaker 3 (01:13:47):
Her middle names? And we're just finding out Casey and
Anthony have written in apparently or Casey Anthony and she
thought that this would throw us, throw us off. It
didn't do much work on the fake name, but they've
suggested food courts gift or a curse. Food courts are
a gift?

Speaker 2 (01:14:07):
Why there's nothing like a cinnamon or a jamba juice
or a full on burger and fries to keep your
shopping experience going because I get very fatigued shopping. I'm
not I don't like shopping. I'm not a big shopper.

(01:14:28):
But if if I can split up a day shopping
at them all, or you know, some establishment with lots
of shops with a meal or even a snack, or
even if it's just like an even if it's just
like a diet coke, sure it will make all the
difference in the world. I recently went to a food
court at the Gallery in Glendale and I had the

(01:14:49):
most delicious five guys.

Speaker 3 (01:14:50):
Burger and fries. Oh incredible, and a diet coke. It
was truly terrific.

Speaker 2 (01:14:55):
And it costs thirty dollars. What thirty? It was twenty
seven dollars.

Speaker 3 (01:15:03):
For a bird's airport pricing, right, what are they doing
over there?

Speaker 2 (01:15:08):
I don't know. Is that am I just getting old?
Or is everything more expensive now?

Speaker 3 (01:15:13):
I mean things are more expensive, certainly, things have gotten
out of hand pricing wise, especially within food. Yeah, I
feel like food the food industry is kind of I
don't know what they're doing. The egg prices went up
for ten minutes, and then everybody said everything is now
forty dollars. But you should not be paying thirty dollars
at a food court five guys.

Speaker 2 (01:15:32):
I mean, I don't go to fast food often at all,
but like it used to be, you could get a
whole meal for five dollars, right, I.

Speaker 3 (01:15:39):
Mean that was sure, that was a thing okay, Well,
I mean sure, Michael, I.

Speaker 2 (01:15:43):
Mean six under ten.

Speaker 3 (01:15:46):
But I will say ten years ago you could get
an eight dollars meal. I think you could get something
great dollars and now. But if you had said, if
I were to estimate how much you paid at the
food court, five guys, I would have said, fifteen dollars.
What did you order? I got a bacon cheeseburger right right,
and fries okay, and probably a large diet coke.

Speaker 2 (01:16:09):
Sure, but that's that's it.

Speaker 3 (01:16:13):
I would say, max sixteen dollars for that. There's something
going on at that food court.

Speaker 2 (01:16:18):
Do you think they charged?

Speaker 3 (01:16:19):
They must be. There's no way a free standing five
guys is charging somebody thirty dollars for that meal. If
they are, then the whole company should be shut down.

Speaker 2 (01:16:28):
But it's also that five guys doesn't have a value menu.
I feel like most fast food places, you can get a.

Speaker 3 (01:16:37):
Combo right of course, and it's cheaper. Well it's not cheaper,
but the price is just combined and you don't have
to do the math. Is that I think that's basically
actually cheap. I don't think that. Well, maybe some places.

Speaker 2 (01:16:49):
They don't give it's everything's all a heart at five.

Speaker 3 (01:16:51):
Guys, that doesn't it means nothing to me. That should
not be thirty dollars in and out that same meal
would have been eleven dollars. I know for a fact
because as I eat it probably twice a week, so
in and out my heart is going to explode.

Speaker 2 (01:17:04):
Still has they still have a reasonable.

Speaker 3 (01:17:07):
Completely reasonable, well made and reasonable. I mean their politics
are probably horrible. Yeah, but if the fries and in
and out are not great, once you get used to them,
everything's fine. The burgers are terrific, excellent, and if you
order the fries well done, you're in a good spot.
Oh interesting, These are the tricks people need to know.

Speaker 2 (01:17:27):
You can do that. Oh yeah, you can say I
want my fries well done.

Speaker 3 (01:17:30):
Oh yeah, they're happy to do it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:32):
Oh okay, because I just like over salt them and
pretend like it's.

Speaker 3 (01:17:36):
I mean, it is ultimately just something salt delivery service.
I just need something to be pure salt in every meal,
so I don't really care what texture it is exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:17:46):
What would be your favor if you had to choose,
But any fast food is in and out what you would.

Speaker 3 (01:17:52):
In and out and howl and raise, which is not.
It's there, only have two locations in LA But it's
a fast food place. It's like hot Chicken. Oh yeah,
those are the two places.

Speaker 2 (01:18:02):
Frat Burger, what about fast?

Speaker 3 (01:18:03):
Never been to a fat Burger is really good? Is
it really really good? I don't even know where I
would go to fat.

Speaker 2 (01:18:08):
There's one in Los Felis.

Speaker 3 (01:18:12):
Oh, kind of in the same parking lot as John's
the grocery store, and there's a CVS there. Yeah, there's
yeah in the area, but it's not fast.

Speaker 2 (01:18:26):
I wouldn't say I wouldn't necessarily call Fat Burger fast.

Speaker 3 (01:18:28):
It feels more like a casual. You have to wait.
I mean they have a drive through situation. So you're
saying they have bad service.

Speaker 2 (01:18:35):
Yeah, I guess that's I guess that is what I'm saying,
that it's a good burger but lousy service.

Speaker 3 (01:18:40):
Well, I'll give you the correct answer here in a moment.
But I do want to say one more thing about
the Glendale Galleria. Yeah, I just found out they close
at eight pm. No, that makes no sense, that is
not natural for them all. I'm all as you're close
at nine pm, nine pm earliest, absolutely are during the holidays.
You've got a ten or eleven o'clock. Eight pm feels
like small town to me.

Speaker 2 (01:19:00):
Yeah, I mean, I feel like, if it's eight pm
and you're in the middle, will you even make it?

Speaker 3 (01:19:05):
You probably freeze, dissolve or something that makes no sense
to me. Eight o'clock very early nine pm. I don't know.
Maybe it's a pandemic post pandemic sort of thing where
that we can't sustain them all after eight pm. But
I'm pretty sure the dent Tai Fung is open after
eight o'clock. So that makes what you're not familiar with

(01:19:26):
dent Taipung. No. The Dumpling Place, super Dumpling Place, wonderful,
almost impossible to get into. They were at the Americana.
It's a big controversy because they moved to the Galleria.
It was a big win for the Galley.

Speaker 2 (01:19:39):
Oh oh, and you can get to it from the outside. Yes, yes, okay,
I know what you're talking about, but I've never been.

Speaker 3 (01:19:44):
I believe it used to be a virtual reality center
right there that no one went to. Turned into a restaurant. Wow,
great dumplings. I do like the Americana. I like the
American I prefer the Galleria.

Speaker 2 (01:19:58):
Do you like the grove.

Speaker 3 (01:20:00):
I don't mind the I feel like the grove is sparse.
They don't have enough happening at the grove. Don't you
think it's pretty small? It is pretty small.

Speaker 2 (01:20:07):
The food the Farmer's market situation is pretty great. Oh
the food court thing there which doesn't have they don't
have that. At the Americana they don't.

Speaker 3 (01:20:16):
The Americana you kind of have to do, almost has
no food. It's kind of like a cheese.

Speaker 2 (01:20:21):
Cheesecake factory or popcorn at the movie.

Speaker 3 (01:20:23):
Isn't that right?

Speaker 2 (01:20:23):
Really? All you can or Mike, it is like a
really nice restaurants.

Speaker 3 (01:20:27):
Right, like the Catsuya sushi place. I don't know that
that qualifies as a nice restaurant, but it's like a
sushi place.

Speaker 2 (01:20:34):
I like, you know, not not like I mean, cheesecake
factory is perfectly nice.

Speaker 3 (01:20:39):
But it's we all know what exactly what the cheesecake
factory literally a factory. Yes, it's there are people standing
in a line producing your product, horrible conditions. Okay, well
look I have to give you the answer. Yeah, food
courts are a gift.

Speaker 2 (01:20:56):
I love a food court.

Speaker 3 (01:20:57):
What I'll say, I love to go. I love a
hot dog on a I love them. Well, that might
be the only thing I like to eat in a
food court anymore, but there's probably something else I would
like to eat there. And I love the atmosphere. I
love the mix of smells that feels bad, and I
prefer them to a food hall. Are you familiar with

(01:21:19):
food halls? Food halls are simply food courts for millennials. Oh,
it's exactly a food court, except for we've started calling
them a food hall. Maybe they're like slightly nicer restaurants,
more chef driven restaurants. But they're ridiculous and I hate
that that it even exists. Just give me a trashy
food court that a teen can make me feel uncomfortable.

(01:21:40):
And Casey and Anthony have written in given us the suggestion.
Thank you, Casey. And and is probably her grandmother's name.
It's a beautiful middle name, full.

Speaker 2 (01:21:54):
Name Andrew, grandmother grandma Andrew.

Speaker 3 (01:21:59):
Well you two out of three, not bad, not bad,
not bad, not bad, not bad. I could have I
could have done better, but I could. You can always
do better. We can always do better, and that's one
of the nice things about life.

Speaker 2 (01:22:10):
Do you like Grand Central Market? Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:22:12):
I don't mind. I went there a lot during my
jury duty trial thing where they were trying to pick
jury duty. Yeah, and I ate a lot at they
have a good Korean place.

Speaker 2 (01:22:23):
Yeah, and amazing place or what and then a savch play.
So they have all different kinds of phenomenal.

Speaker 3 (01:22:32):
I've had neither of those.

Speaker 2 (01:22:34):
An egg slut, Oh, of.

Speaker 3 (01:22:35):
Course, egg slutt. That's the original egg slut. Egg slott.
I'm the kind of.

Speaker 2 (01:22:41):
Yeah, I like saying it, but.

Speaker 3 (01:22:43):
Yeah, but the place I like, I think we've seen
it's seen better days.

Speaker 2 (01:22:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:22:47):
Also, I think it should be called eggs sex worker.
Eggs sex worker is much catchier. It's time to get
with the times. Egg slut. Okay, it's time for the
final segment of the podcast. This is called I said
no emails. Yes, people write into I said no gifts
at gmail dot com, absolutely desperate for answers. Will you
help me answer a question? Yeah, okay, let's get into

(01:23:09):
the document here. This says dear Oh, speaking of dear
Bridget and predictably disrespectful guests. So I don't know if
that was purposeful or what, but this person is just
kind of getting at me from the start. I need
help for some background. My now fiance and I got
together just about six months before lockdown. As you can

(01:23:31):
into it, we survived and thrived, but as a result
of our honeymoon phase continuing into the pandemic, we had
extra time and money to go way over the top
with gifts for birthdays. As examples, I bought him a
much needed Martin acoustic guitar. He followed that with a
mini album of five of my favorite songs that he
recorded and played every instrument on. I came back at

(01:23:52):
that with having a dozen of our friends record their
versions of his favorite songs and learned how to mix
to create an album. Oh my God, what's happening here?
He came back at that with quite literally individually illustrating
the thirty two things he loves about me? Oh what
about me? For my thirty second birthday. It goes on,
but I'd hate to bore you. Won We've got bad

(01:24:13):
news for you. Last year we called a birthday gift
truths as things continued to escalate and we just couldn't
outdo each other. Yeah, this could have led to you
could escalate to murder. They would have killed each other.
In October of twenty twenty four, he will be turning forty,
and I feel that I must have a gift of grandiosity,
especially since we just did cards last year. He loves

(01:24:36):
music and art most of all the Tim and Eric universe,
and is really quite a brilliant, humble and unassuming art professor.
I'm willing to splurge on something within reason, but can't
come up with a new idea. I've done the cameo thing,
gotten him an outdoor pizza oven, a vacation period. Help
me come up with something new. Best regards Aaron, what
is this couple doing? Wow, the amount of things they've done,

(01:25:00):
It's like a lifetime of like I.

Speaker 2 (01:25:02):
Know, I think, I think for his fortieth birthday she
should dump him.

Speaker 3 (01:25:05):
Absolutely get rid of this looser. He drew some pictures
and recorded some songs that you had to act like
you liked. I know you're getting him a vacation, an
outdoor pizza oven. This guy's a dirt bag. I wonder
who she booked on cameo for it? Oh interesting, and
she kind of gave us no details about the music
or anything. Who could have possibly been? You feel like

(01:25:28):
the guy from Sugar Ray does a lot of cameos.
What's his name? Mark McGrath. I'm assuming it was Mark McGrath.
Let's go over that she got.

Speaker 2 (01:25:36):
She's willing to spend a lot of money a pizza,
an outdoor pizza oven.

Speaker 3 (01:25:40):
How much does that cost. It's a huge thing.

Speaker 2 (01:25:43):
That's expensive, right, it's got to be I mean, that's
a brick and you know it must be right.

Speaker 3 (01:25:49):
I mean, maybe my knowledge of a pizza oven is limited,
but I'm at I'm picturing one of those giant igloo shapes.

Speaker 2 (01:25:56):
It's gotta be huge. You don't just pick that up. No,
Low's that's something that you have to like have I
don't think maybe you do. I don't know. I don't know.
That's something.

Speaker 3 (01:26:07):
Assuming she spent thirty thousand dollars on that. Wow, the
vacation it feels like. And the pandemic. It's twenty twenty,
this has been four years of time. Yeah, the amount
of this is hundreds of thousands of dollars in gifts.
Let's assume this couple, she's got to get out of
the get him out of the picture.

Speaker 2 (01:26:25):
They don't there's no mention of they're not married.

Speaker 3 (01:26:28):
Well, if they are married, she should divorce and get
all of this back.

Speaker 2 (01:26:31):
Yeah, I think she should like go out with a bang,
she should go get pregnant by another man and then say,
happy fortieth.

Speaker 3 (01:26:43):
I'm naming the child after you. The perfect gift. He
didn't have to put in any work.

Speaker 2 (01:26:49):
And he doesn't have to raise the child because it's
somebody else's. He can leave, she can leave. And but
what did you get for?

Speaker 3 (01:26:57):
Did you?

Speaker 2 (01:26:57):
Are you forty?

Speaker 3 (01:26:59):
No? But Jim's about to turn a few years from fifty,
a couple of years from fifty, and he never does
anything for his birthdays. But he keeps threatening that he
wants to do something big for his birthday. And I
don't even know how that's going to manifest itself because
he never does anything for his birthday. What is he
going to want?

Speaker 2 (01:27:15):
What is Jimmy Smoogoola gonna want for his fiftieth?

Speaker 3 (01:27:19):
He doesn't ever want anything. It's he's a very hard
person to get a gift for. I guess some sort
of event, a party, yeah, where people come and celebrate him.

Speaker 2 (01:27:30):
I think, well, he loves he loves like like good desserts.

Speaker 3 (01:27:35):
He loves it. He loves a good meal. So I
think cheesecake factory.

Speaker 2 (01:27:39):
I think it's cheesecake factory at the Americana.

Speaker 3 (01:27:42):
That's always the ultimate gift. Jim would say, can we
please just go somewhere where we don't get a number?
He says that to me because that's so funny. So
that's what That's how I'll spoiled Jim on his fiftieth.

Speaker 2 (01:27:55):
But this person for my fortieth was in the pandemic
and got me a few things, but he got me
a vintage Berry Manelow shirt.

Speaker 3 (01:28:05):
Oh that's a really good you know that from what
decade would you say it was?

Speaker 2 (01:28:10):
I think it was eighties.

Speaker 3 (01:28:12):
Wow, So that's a real that's a stunning, s.

Speaker 2 (01:28:15):
Really cute shirt. Fit me perfectly, it was, it was.
That was a really really good gift. And for him
I got and his nephew, our nephew and his sister
helped help. We got him a video, a compilation of
everybody that loves him.

Speaker 3 (01:28:34):
He's very sweet. That's a yeah, end in tears sort
of thing.

Speaker 2 (01:28:38):
Yeah, yeah, exactly if he if he had tears.

Speaker 3 (01:28:40):
He's emotionless. He's emotionless. So he didn't get a very cold,
cruel person.

Speaker 2 (01:28:47):
Yeah. So yeah, like that's that's tough. That's she's she's
really outdone.

Speaker 3 (01:28:51):
Herself. She's she's painted herself into a corner where all
she can do is have an affair and get pregnant
and move on with her life and ditch this loser.
I think that's it, and take his pizza up and yeah,
take back the vacation. However you can do that, demand
the rights to the cameo. Uh, and then it's perfect.

Speaker 2 (01:29:13):
But if he's an art history professor, I suppose you
could do. You know, I was in the stage version
of the Da Vinci Code.

Speaker 3 (01:29:20):
Oh I love this. I know, I'm surprisingly on stage.
That's where I was. That's what it was born to be.

Speaker 2 (01:29:28):
I sort of thought that's what the bulk of this
interview would be about. But it's okay that.

Speaker 3 (01:29:32):
That episode we'll have a slight music and then get
into episode two. Dan Brown.

Speaker 2 (01:29:41):
Dan Dan is actually really cool.

Speaker 3 (01:29:44):
House, I hope. So he's got a lot of money.

Speaker 2 (01:29:46):
He has so much money, and he's done really well.
He's done a really good job with it, like he
you know, sometimes he's like like really really rich people.
You think, you know, what are you even doing with it?

Speaker 3 (01:29:57):
Like, oh, Constant, I'm like, oh, you get to have
all that money and we're making horrible choices he has.

Speaker 2 (01:30:03):
He had us over his house and it is a
really cool house. Very Dan Brown. Anyway, one of the
closing night gifts or opening night gifts that someone gave
all of us was a Mona Lisa card, but instead
of the Mona Lisa face, it was our own face.
And I wonder as an art historian if he might
get a kick out of something like that.

Speaker 3 (01:30:23):
That's not a bad idea, a commission of really accurate. Yeah,
it's what is the Mona Lisa oil? Well, I can
assume oil on whatever Mona Lisa has done the original
medium and of his face, or.

Speaker 2 (01:30:39):
What about like what about like a portrait of him
in the style of Van Goal?

Speaker 3 (01:30:44):
Oh interest, you know, like all Like I mean, I
think what we're kind of doing without realizing it is
setting up a divorce because he's not gonna like it
and she's gonna feel mad.

Speaker 2 (01:30:54):
I want them to separate.

Speaker 3 (01:30:56):
Yes, you're just trying to get these stupid part as
quickly as possible.

Speaker 2 (01:30:58):
Something to mock. I want her to do something to
say I don't respect you.

Speaker 3 (01:31:05):
This is all but a lie. Well, Aaron, let's see Aaron.

Speaker 2 (01:31:12):
Oh, I'm sorry you're talking to you were.

Speaker 3 (01:31:18):
Well, Aaron, I write this long to lose my mind
on the episode. No, Aaron has so many options here. Yeah,
cheesecake factory, baby painting. You can't go wrong, can't go wrong,
absolutely cannot go wrong. On a fortieth, you've got till October. Yeah,

(01:31:39):
you know to do all of those.

Speaker 2 (01:31:41):
Yeah, you could do them all right, but but you
know you could start now and you could have the
baby by October.

Speaker 3 (01:31:46):
Oh my god, the baby could be entering high school
really resent already? Yes, perfect, well, Michael, we answered the
question perfectly.

Speaker 2 (01:31:56):
Great, I think so.

Speaker 3 (01:31:58):
And now I have this measuring to which I'm just
gonna go crazy with measure thing. I'm going to know
the measurement of everything in my home.

Speaker 2 (01:32:05):
Anything within three feet.

Speaker 3 (01:32:06):
You can see your feet, but you can also go
you know, then you do three feet, and then you
just keep your finger there and then do another three feet.

Speaker 2 (01:32:13):
That's right. That's the beauty of the tape.

Speaker 3 (01:32:15):
That's the beauty of tape and space. Uh and uh,
I've just had a wonderful time with you here today.
Thank you for being here and listener, the podcast is over.
You've got to find something else to do. I'm not
giving you any suggestions. I'm leaving you on your own,
get out of here, goodbye. I love you. I said,

(01:32:38):
No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by
our dear friend Analise Neilson, and it's beautifully mixed by
Ben Holliday. And we couldn't do it without our guest booker,
Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course, could only come
from a miracle worker, Amy Man. You must follow the
show on Instagram at I said no Gifts, I don't

(01:32:59):
want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to
see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And
don't you want to see pictures of the gifts?

Speaker 1 (01:33:07):
And I invited you here, I thought I made myself
perfectly clear. But you're a guess to my home. You
gotta come to me empty, And I said, no guests.
Your own presences presents enough. And I already had too

(01:33:32):
much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me

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Host

Bridger Winegar

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