April 15, 2021 • 62 mins
Bridger does everything possible to avoid a scene when Cole Escola (At Home with Amy Sedaris, Search Party) surprises him with a gift. Together, they discuss anthrax, shoplifting, and The View.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Well, I invited you here. I thought I made myself
perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you
gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests,
your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,
(00:35):
So how do you dare to surbey me?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Welcome to? I said, no gifts. I am Richard Wineger.
I hope you're doing okay. I hope you're having a
nice day. What's going on? Let's see. This morning I
went to the doctor, you know, for just a general
check up, and he told me that he has a podcast.
(01:12):
This was unprompted and of his little shocking for me.
So I just thought i'd let you know that there
is some level of competition out there, and I won't
be naming the doctor or the podcast. He's not getting
any advertising here. We have to move on. I'm today's guests.
I could not be more thrilled. One of the absolute funniest,
(01:33):
none other than Cola Scola Cole high Bridger. Welcome to.
I said, no gifts. How are you? I'm great? I
just I'm sorry about the mole.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
The I was listening to your doctor's podcasts and today's
topic was your mole.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Right, and it doesn't look like things are. It's going
to be an issue, right, he said, it's not cancerous,
but it is ugly, right and kind of just an
unremovable It's just something I have to live with at
this point. Yeah, insurance won't cover that, and yeah, I'm
not paying out of pocket. Right, I'll live ugly with
(02:14):
this ugly mole before I spend a penny. So great.
I mean I didn't obviously realize he was recording at
the time I was in the room, but I did
sign all of the sheets before going into the office.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Yeah, I mean it sounded like you were doing a
mic check. I mean it's opened with the two of
you going check check, check one two.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
This is Bridger. Well, when somebody that, when somebody tells
me to do something, I just kind of followed directions
I got at the doctor's office to cause trouble, right right,
right right. You're from Utah, right, And he's a medical
professional for all I know. He just wanted to check
my throat or what have you. Yes, and I trust him.
I've seen him three times now, so that's enough. There's
(02:56):
the charm. Yeah, RTA, and I know you know he's
taken some sort of oath. Mm hmmm, I had had listen.
I actually had a very stressful time on my way
to the doctor. There was the world's longest train stopping.
There was a train that truly was bisecting Los Angeles.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Oh ye, So you're in your car and then you're
waiting for a train to.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Pass right, and the train wasn't passing right and I
ended up having to drive beyond the train.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Wait, so you were your neck and neck, you're racing
the train, get around your neck and neck, and you
cut it off in order to make it to the
doctor's appointment.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Right, Only to be secretly recording this kind of personal issue,
this mole that I've been living with through the pandemic worryings.
Just am I going to be having this hideous thing
on me forever? And now you know you you will?
I will? How do you move forward?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
You don't, you have to dwell, you have to live
there just eat you from the inside out, and just
that's the sort of situation there. You are now.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Kind of one of those dead like you see those
photos of a fox that's kind of just been eaten
from the inside out lying in the snow focus.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
I think we have the same search history, Bridger, I'm
not sure what you're searching.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I you know, I'm constantly looking for a rotting foxes.
What are you talking about? I feel like I've seen
you must I actually don't know where this would have
come from, but I feel like at some point, some
sort of time lapse footage has crossed my desk of
a fox being kind of devoured by nature. You know what,
(04:44):
I won't lie, I can.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
I can conjure that image in my mind, which means
I must have seen it at some point as well.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
There must be some sort of maybe I don't know,
a National Geographic or Planet Earth or where they're showing
right where they kind of blindside you with dead and
the view must be a view they have the they
will just bring in various animal corps and put them
in the table and just let that be topic of conversation.
Occasionally they just let.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
It be something to cut to, you know, just the
swarm of flies devouring of all the ladies talk.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
That's my favorite part. Yeah, Cole, what have you been
up to?
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know nothing.
Everything I've been you know, everything's a chore.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Right, do you feel like it's getting harder and harder?
Speaker 3 (05:40):
I always, ever since I was a child, everything's been
getting harder and harder, and maybe everything will just continue
to get harder and harder until it's unbearable and then death.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I think that's probably true. I think that there's like
a through your twenties, things get a little bit easier then.
I mean, isn't it just the inevitable that you grow weaker,
more tired in the challenges.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
This time lapse, we are all the fox on the
table at the View, just being eaten from the inside
while the ladies talk about, you know, whatever they talk about.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I haven't. I don't know the last time. I don't
know that I've actually ever watched a full episode of
The View. Do you have you ever sat down just
set through the View? You still love it? Really? I don't? Yeah,
I mean, actually I don't know why I ask like that.
Of course, it's it's a very entertaining thing to watch
them fu.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Yeah, but now anything, I don't like reality anything. Reality
is too stressful for me, right, competition shows Real Housewives, Oh,
that's so anxiety inducing.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I'm only recently watching the Housewives, which and only because
it's the Salt Lake City Housewives, and so I feel
like I had no choice and then it took over
for me. It really because once I settled into that energy,
which was too much for me, I'm enjoying it, but
I can't the rest of them. I can't get into. Well,
(07:13):
you got to support your mom. I know that she's
sort of the star of that show. Well, look, they
put her through hell in those auditions, and she did
everything to get on. She started her own little business,
turned it into an empire. Have you really been watching
the whole show? Oh, I've seen every episode of that season,
and you do like it. I do enjoy watching it, Okay.
(07:36):
I didn't expect to because I know a lot of
people and I'm sure you do too, a lot of
people who love all of the housewives. Yes, and I
could not. I tried maybe Beverly Hills or something at
some point, and I think I watched two episodes and
that was it for me. But the Salt Lake Housewives
are so unbelievably low rent, and I just feel like
(08:00):
they're always in an extremely drafty room and there's something
about them that feels right, and I can get into it,
and it's also like it's just fun to see them hosting,
like at events that are supposedly classy and that I'm like, oh,
that's next to them, all.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Right, right, right, right today we're at the tcby for
the big charity event.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Yeah yeah, I mean these shows are so convoluted and
so I mean everything about no one goes to that
many events or even interacts with their friends that much.
Oh yeah, Or I don't.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
I can't imagine like seeing like fighting with people and
then continuing to see them for years and years, you know,
like I've maybe had like like one disagreement with like
maybe three friends, you know, then it took like a
year to recover from that, you.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Know, right, Like I'll go to a wonderful dinner with
a friend and not see them for two years.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Sure, sure, and nothing bad happened at all, right, But
these shows are made to just stress you out, and
it's like, uh, oh is Amber going to show up
to the party and you're just on the edge of
your seat and I just find myself like my stomach
is in knots over like something I don't care about
about people that I don't care about that I would
(09:27):
hate in real life, And I think why am I
doing this myself? So instead I've been watching a lecture
on the plague. Wait, you've been watching a lecture on
the plague? Yes, who is doing a lecture? It's through
The Great Courses Plus. Do they st this podcast?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
They should? I can't believe they have an yet.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
It's like it's like Masterclass, but Masterclass is really slick
and sexy and like celebrities. Right, It's sort of like
Masterclass goes to these berties and says like, do you
want to hear some money talk? Right? It doesn't have
to be about anything, yeah, and you don't really learn anything.
It's just Aaron Sorkin being like, man, I love cocaine
(10:11):
and writing, and you're.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Like, oh, why am I paying for this? Okay?
Speaker 3 (10:15):
But then The Great Courses Plus is people that should
never be on camera. It's these college professors who have
no charisma. They're on these horrible sets. It's like a
substitute teacher sort of energy.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
It's like tele learning at college that was called something
like distance learning.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
They're reading off of a teleprompter. They don't do any cuts,
so often they'll stumble, oh that sounds incredible to me. Yeah,
it's very soothing. But I just finished the twenty four
part lecture on the plague.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Twenty four parts? How long is each part? Half an hour? Oh? Okay,
so that's not bad. No, And do you feel like
you learned about the plague?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I do. I want to hear what you've learned. I mean,
just a brief summary.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
I learned that it was actually really bad, like despite
all the you know, like movies and popular songs and like,
you know, culture, it was actually at the time.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
People didn't love it.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
And that is it took me, you know, twelve hours
of that lecture to sort of put that together.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
I imagine you're a little bit in denial.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Yeah, I mean I learned about, you know, how they
blamed the Jews.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I learned.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Just all sorts of awful, awful things about how there's
even some some people think there was more than the
plague going on, that there was anthrax.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Or you know anthrax.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Yeah, which is I didn't realize is like a naturally
occurring thing.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Right, It was so so much to me, like an
ninety like a sexy nineties thousands poison. I thought it
was from the nineties. Yeah, wow, anthrux. Wait, is it
a bacteria. I guess I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
I don't. I'm saying yes, but I but only because
I want to have an answer for you. The truth
is I don't. I don't really remember.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I feel like maybe. And the reason associate anthrax with
like a more modern thing is well outside of the
early thousands scare is that I think there's like the
metal band Anthrax. It's kind of in the metallica realm,
that kind of thing. So those are my two big
associations with anthrax.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Some people slash themselves with urine. Okay, they thought, like
the fumes from urine and like from the latrines would
would like kill the bad plague air.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Right, Well, I mean urine kind of has some medicinal
I mean, don't they tell you to p on yourself
if you your doctor said that doctor I remember he
got me up on the table and said, okay, now
just pee, just let it go, just let it go,
let's let's get the mic on you, and then just start.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
To pee, like I really want to talk about this mole.
But okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Well I was going to say, I think, I mean,
I could be wrong. If you get stung by a
sting ray, you're supposed to pee pee.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Or someone jellyfish, jellyfish, that's right.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yes, that's why I've had so many problems with stingrays.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
You're always pissing on yourself after these stingray attacks. Rest
in pace, Steve Irwin, who was kind by Yeah, which
is I know why you had me on here. I
asked you to come on. Well, you wrote the poem. Yeah, yeah,
sting Ray, Stingray, you killed Steve sting Ray, Stingray.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I'm relieved you wrote. Kind of you. It's kind of
a hit piece that you wrote. Yeah, you've been waiting
years to finally get this out.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Oh yeah, Well, speaking of poetry, the lecture on the
plague ended, and then I won't talk about it anymore.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
But I need to get my money for I'm happy
to talk about this. I don't want you to feel
like we can't read about the great like.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
The only reason I don't want to talk about it
is because I actually haven't retained that much information.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Right, And now you're kind of being exposed. The moment
that you tell someone you read something or have seen
something like, oh yeah, it's a fear to get it.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Yeah, I'm terrified. I'm sweating, but it ended with it
was made like in twenty seventeen, so it was pre COVID, right,
But basically she said there are more, bigger, worse plagues coming.
There was even an outbreak of the plague in the
(14:50):
nineties in India and now and then there was a
variant of it that ended up on madicascar that is
resistant to all iotics. But then she for some reason
decided like, oh, well, you know what, but it's.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Not all bad.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Like she had to have like end on a positive note,
and her positive note was if we hadn't had the plague,
Chaucer might not have had benefactors who came into money
because of the plague, so we might not have had Chaucer. Yeah,
(15:29):
so it's like, oh good, I feel better that there
might be some great poetry. I can't.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I mean, I feel like there have been several excellent
COVID produced you know, there's the Netflix show, and we're
all grateful for these crown I mean the kind of
produced because of COVID. Yeah. Yeah, Actually, speaking of that,
I will say and say it, but I'm just going
(15:57):
to say, the one person that has created anything within
this pandemic worth watching and I'm so glad you're here.
Is you and you produce a very fast when you
put you made your special like late April of last
year or something. Yeah, yeah, so we were like a
month into the pandemic and you had like a.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
And I saw an opportunity, and I said, here we go.
This is going to be it, and I this is
going to launch me into the stratosphere. And lo and behold,
A few people have watched it and it have been
very nice about us.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
It is the only only thing that has been produced
in the last year in COVID conditions that I think
is worth consuming. Thanks Bra, I'm not I'm not just
saying if the listener has not seen help, I'm stuck. Yeah,
it's an absolute I've seen it twice now, and I
mean I had seen the live show, which is wonderful,
(16:58):
but it translated so well to you've shot on like
an iPhone camera or something, right, Yeah, Had you been
planning on doing it or was it just like I'm bored?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
And it was like, I really, I did the live
show and I wanted I hoped it would be made
into a special, but then nobody wanted it. And also, well,
you know, people don't have the best taste, and by people,
I mean me. But I always wondered, like, how would
(17:29):
I produce this as a special anyway when so much
of it hinges on the fact that I'm just alone
on stage doing costume changes. Very low stakes, right, so
actually having to do it alone in my apartment was
the perfect, like, you know, the correct stakes for that.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Right? Was it hard? It was shooting anything, I mean,
on any level, it's difficult. And it looks very good.
Oh stop, thank you, I think it looks terrible. I'm
still very pleased with under the conditions, the fact that
it was shot by one person.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
And I mean I edited it. I did everything, my makeup, hair, everything.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
How long did it take?
Speaker 3 (18:14):
Like ten days because everything had been written already, and
then I just sort of made a schedule and I
filmed it all at night because my neighbors are loud
and there's street noise because I live in New York.
So yeah, And did it ever feel like it was?
Did you feel like, oh I should just stop? I
feel like after two days of that, I'm never mind.
(18:35):
I'm not now when I started doing something, I'm too
afraid to stop.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I'm afraid I'm afraid of stopping anything.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Right. I'm afraid to stop talking right now because what
if I die, you know that sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
I'm just going to sit in silence for about Oh God,
it's kind you a little pelican cutting board? Oh it is.
It's a little I bought that edit a thrift store
in Utah called Deseret Industries and maybe two thousand and two.
It's just like I don't I really love it. It's
like a piece of art of a pelican that somebody
(19:12):
made it. I think it's called someone signed the name
Scota or something in the bottom corner, and I've never
known where it came from or what was the point.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
For the For the listeners, when you post this episode,
will you also post a photo of that cutting course,
so that the course I have something to, you know,
look forward to a companion piece.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
That we have to They will see that it's like
a weird fabric. It's not a cutting board. It's like
someone painted on a piece of fabric. And I really
appreciate it. I either stole it or paid very little
for it. There was a period when I did a
decent amount of shoplifting, and but that I feel like
it was too big too, What do you do to
(19:55):
get that rush?
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Now?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
I consider shoplifting. Okay, I'll be in a store. Yeah, yeah,
I haven't shoplifted since I was a teenager. But occasionally
I'll be like, what if I just stole this right now? Yeah?
And then I think, and then what happens when everyone
finds out that I've been arrested for shoplifting? Right? Have
you ever shoplifted? No? Have you ever been tempted?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
No?
Speaker 3 (20:19):
I'm too scared of that. I'm even afraid of people
thinking I'm shoplifting. So if I'm like and I always
try to make my presence known at a store, if
there's a camera in the store, I like sort of
acknowledge it, and I'm very careful with how I hold
my items, Like yes, I look at the camera as
(20:40):
if to say, yes, this toothpaste is going in this basket.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
No funny business here, don't worry about me. But that,
to me feels like you're drawing even more attention to
I feel like whoever's watching the security camera thinks they're
trying to pull one over on us. And well, maybe
I don't know, you'd have to, you'd have to, Maybe
we should. We'll do a part two of this interview
where I go to the Rite Aid on the corner
(21:06):
right to speak to the security guards and get their take. Now,
there was a point, you know, I wander through a
lot of stores. I love wandering through stores and just
looking at objects with that with no intention of buying them.
And there was a period that I feel like when
I first moved to La that I would go to
a seven eleven on occasion just wander around to just
(21:29):
free my mind. And I think the person occasionally or
eventually thought that I was shoplifting and asked me not
to come back, which is probably just what was happening
in my life that I thought seven eleven was a
relaxing place to be. It's you know, it's familiar.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Yeah, it's got to be sort of sterile comfort. You know.
Air conditioning at a seven eleven is always exquisite, right,
freezing cold, freezing cold, freezing cold.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
It's like a retirement home in there, you know.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
But I I used to hang out at a pharmacy
when I was a little kid, and I got kicked
out for spending too much time there.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Really, yeah, and how old were you when this was happening.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
It's like ten and my friends and I would just
go to this pharmacy and ask people if they needed help,
like finding things.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Did you ever help anyone?
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Sometimes? Sometimes I think people were just humoring us. And
right there were children. We had nothing to do. It
was so boring, you know, childhood, well, Cole miserable. Oh
what I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Here we go look look, okay, so obviously you're here.
I'm here. Yes. A few weeks ago, you agreed to
be on the podcast. I was so happy.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Yeah, yeah, I love Coleah reluctantly.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Of course, I kind of dragged you into this and
all that said, it seemed like you were at least
going to play fair and just be here as a
pleasant guest. We would have a nice little chat and
then move on with our lives, hopefully never see each
other again. And then a couple nights ago, the doorbell rang.
(23:24):
Yeah I believe it was night wow, which is frightening
for any purpose. Sure, we don't have a lot of visitors.
And I opened the door and there was a box there,
large square box addressed to me return address on no,
I mean, not unknown, but from williams Sonoma. I had
(23:48):
not ordered anything from Williams Sonoma, Love william Sonoma. I
have never purchased anything there because it's a little above
my you know. It's more of a going and brows
and dream of a life of William Sonoma, shopper, see
the latest novelty, that kind of thing. So I brought
it in and my mind started circling what possibilities this
(24:12):
could have, where this could have possibly come from, And
then it occurred to me Cole was the last person
I had contact with. They've got my address, and obviously
I I don't know. I was. I was a little
broken up about it. And now I'm just going to
ask you. Okay, this podcast is called I said no gifts,
(24:34):
and I have to assume I opened the box and
there was a gift wrapped box. Is this a gift
for me? Yes? Okay? Should I open it here on
the podcast?
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Yeah? You should open it, and then I'll explain. I
know you said no gifts, and I respect that boundary.
But once once you open it, I can explain and
hopefully it'll make sense, Okay, and you'll understand why I
had to.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Okay, for the listener, this is a heavy white box,
maybe the heaviest gift on this podcast so far, I
would hope so you left you give gifts by weight. Yeah, yeah,
let's just open it up here and see what happens.
This looks like a beautiful wedding gift if I were
ever to get married. This is how it would feel like.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Right, I think that's probably what what these things are usually.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
And keep going, keep right, I'm not gonna I'm going
to keep my eyes away from the box until.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
It completely opened, kind of do it.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Doing my best to keep it a complete surprise. Oh
my god.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Yeah, this is a beautiful waffle maker.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Yeah, a vertical waffle.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Maker, which a vertical waffle maker I'm not even familiar with. Well,
the reason that I got it for you is because
I've been having this recurring nightmare of you making waffles
and just getting waffle batter everywhere because it's hard with
(26:25):
a regular waffle iron. You pour the batter on and
it usually spills over the sides. Yes, And I just
I keep waking up in a cold sweat because I'm
I just see you just waffle batter everywhere, just a disaster,
and you're cleaning it up and then the waffle's burning
and like you know, it happened once, and I thought, oh,
(26:47):
that's a weird dream. Sure after six years pretty consistently
every night of dreaming, and I've known you, like what
three right? So yeah, and I was probably a kind
of a stranger in a dream initially. Yeah, absolutely, I
was like, well, that's weird.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Why would I dream about that? Just yeah?
Speaker 3 (27:10):
So I found this on the Williams Norma website. It's
a vertical waffle maker. You pour the batter in on
top so that it doesn't spill out the sides.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Wow. Yeah, you can then kind of like a coin
slot almost, yes.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Exactly, and then you know, when it's done, you can
open it up and the waffle comes out.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
And you do you own one of these? No, you don't. No,
it's just this dream that's kind of just been this
image of the waffle maker for that kind of thing.
I would hate to own something like that.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
But I thought, if I want to sleep tonight or
any night, I need to make this.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
I need to fix this. Right. It's hard to say
what effect this is going to have on your dreams
moving forward, whether it will continue and maybe a new
element will be introduced to the dream. I mean, god
knows what message I was trying to get through to
you or whoever's placed this dream in your head? Right, yeah?
I mean, were there any other elements of the dream
(28:18):
that you could remember?
Speaker 3 (28:19):
Or is it I just remember hating you so much?
And then when I met you, I remember I hated you,
and I was like, why do I hate Why do
I hate him? We've never met before. And then I
was like, oh, it's the dream. I hate him because
of the dream. And then eventually I sort of was
(28:40):
able to separate the you know, the nightmare from right.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
The nightmare right and now reality you're just a strong
dislike yes, yeah, and the dream continues, I imagine it. Yes, yes.
Is it an increasing hatred or just kind of a baseline, Well,
now it's.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Sort of comfort you know, it's a comforting hatred. It's toxic.
It's a codependent hatred, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Yeah, And that would without that hatred, I mean, you're
going to be completely off balanced.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Well see, I mean that's I need something to break
up the monotony of you know, this pandemic life. So
maybe not hating you could be just what I need
shake things up.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Do you owe the waffle maker of any type? I
don't want to like a waffle. I love a waffle,
but I I would never I don't have a lot
of counter space. You know, I live in New York, right,
I already have a kitchen aid mixer. I have a
Vitam mix I have a toaster, my l like cre
se I have. You know, there's just there's no counter space,
(29:52):
there's no cabinet space. You know, what are you making
in your kitchen aid?
Speaker 3 (29:58):
So far I have I've only made one batch of cookies.
And when was that? That was like two months ago?
Oh okay, so recently. This is a new quest. But
I bought the kitchen aid mixer like six months ago
and I've used it once.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
How was your experience?
Speaker 3 (30:18):
I realized in that for this exact cookie recipe, it
would have been easier to mix my hand. Actually, it
was just like a simple chocolate chip recipe, oatmeal chocolate
chip recipe, and there was just no need for the mixer.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
But I think a mixer makes the butter back up.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Sorry, this is for the listeners who are falling asleep
the car.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Okay, okay, okay. The listener loves a cookie recipe discussion. Okay,
who doesn't. If somebody has a problem with that. I
don't know. I don't know what to tell anyone. That's fair.
Oh so it was a you. It felt like overkill
for you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
I bought it originally because I wanted the like I
made merangue once, and like a vegan merangue, and my
hands and arms hurt so much.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
I thought, you know what I need to do.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
I need to spend hundreds of dollars to make sure
I never feel this pain in three years when I.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Make this thing again. But I need to spend it
right now. Do you think you'll make vegan merangue again?
Maybe it's just not fun to make stuff for myself,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Right? Like, maybe when I can see people again. The
fun of making things for me is people being like.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Oh my god. You know, I can't believe you were
able to.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Yeah, sorry, I had extra you know. I would have
made this mye for just me, but I thought, why
not bring it?
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Well? I think a kitchen aid is also just kind
of nice looking. It's just a nice thing to have
on your counter, right, Yeah, absolutely, it's a status symbol.
And I grew up you know, poor h trashy.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
I say, like I was Niles Crane, like a young
Niles Crane, but in Roseanne's house, you know.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Right, that makes perfect sense. Yeah. So I just.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Always, you know, wanted things like a KitchenAid mixer or
to listen to NPR, right of course.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, and so I'm sorry to hear you've only used
the kitchen aid once. Do you feel like you got
it kind of burned you and you're just not going
to go back to it.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
I really just hate washing things. And you know in
New York, do you have a dishwasher? Now? Do you
have a dishwasher? But you know those things aren't dishwashing.
You know, they're supposed to be hand washed, you know,
the bowl, the bowl, I think so, yeah, the metal book.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
I don't know that I'll go through the dishwasher three
times a week.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
I mean, maybe it's maybe that's why that mole is
getting so much bigger.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Every time I wash it, I feel kind of a
pulse in my leg and I just the heat radiating
down and I've just ignored it. But it's worth it
if it saves me an extra ten minutes. I mean,
I'm turning into a monster. Maybe I will cool, you
can absolutely, Maybe this is just the Kitchen Aid Hotline
(33:25):
podcast at this point, But I hope so. I mean,
I can tell you I recently had a problem. It
wasn't mine, wasn't mixing correctly. I looked it up. You
have to drop a dime in the bowl and mix
it around, and if the dime does it's this weird
old trick that like, if the mixer doesn't move the
dime enough, it means it's not adjusted properly. I know
a lot about a kitchen Aid mixer.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Wow, is this like some secret blog, like like KitchenAid
Queen's like like listen, honey, we've been around, Like I
love those kinds of It's everywhere, okay.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
I think like literally kitchen Aid. I think like the
company line is like, well, if it's not mixing properly,
put it for whatever reason, A dime is the exact
object that you need at the bottom of the bowl
to make sure it's correct. That's nickel erase air. That
is to do you cook much at home? I like
(34:19):
to bake. I like baking.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
It's prettier, you know, you get like a pretty thing
at the end. And there's too much intuition in cooking,
and I don't trust.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
My intuition, What do you like to bake them?
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Well, I'm vegan, I and so I make a lot
of just like vegan things.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
And I made a key lime cake with Italian meringue
butter cream frosting. Oh that sounds incredible and like a.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Gram cracker cream cheese filling. It was way too sweet.
It was too much. Oh okay, sure, Like that wasn't
the recipe at all. I just sort of imagined like,
oh this would be that, this would be amazing.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Did it look nice? It looked great, It looked great.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
It took me two days to make it because I
had to repeat every step twice because I, you know,
messed something up every step along the way, like the
temperature of the sugar for the meringue, you know, using
the wrong amount of flour, you know that sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Did you in high school have cooking classes or that
sort of thing? You didn't, did you? I took so
many cooking I mean it was essentially I think it
was just a failure of the Utah public school system
that I think I took a foods they were called
foods classes. I would take one of probably every semester
and learned absolutely nothing.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
Hall neck was gone. By the time I got to
high school. There was wood shop. I had to make
a bird house. But some this Skuy Braiden Lever, who
came from a very big Apostolic Lutheran family, made a
bird house for me. And that was a sexual awakening
for me.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
Of course it was.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
I was like, why do I love that he's making
my bird house for me? Like?
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Why do I why is my face read from this? Yeah?
Did you take other elective classes in high school? Just
like I took a children's theater class. A children's theater class, Well,
this was like.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
In a bigger school that I transferred to my junior year,
and there was like a theater class that was right
before lunch and we would take a children's story, improvise
a show, said it, and then during lunch we took
the show to different grade schools. Oh that's wonderful. Yeah,
it's very sweet. Yeah I loved it. I felt like, well,
(36:49):
we're on tour now, right, And I'm sure the elementary
schoolers looked at you as a star. I don't remember
like the audience reaction. I just remember feeling so glad,
like rushing to eat my food before class because like
I had just performed and it felt so like God,
no time to eat because we just we just did
two shows.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
You know what I mean? Was there feeling put upon?
Was there like any inter class drama or anything where
someone that felt there was a star or someone wasn't
pulling their weight? There was a murder right outside of
the death.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
Outside of the death. No, everyone got along. It was
like fun. That might have been like the best experience
I've ever had in a school setting. Wow, aside from
Brandon Lever making my God bless yeah, God bless him. God.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
I wonder where he is dead. Do you think the
murder the murder you had kind of pulled him into
the class with promise of touring elementary schools. I said, look,
you're gonna you're gonna be huge, make you a star.
I think your star. This waffle maker is wonderful. I
(38:04):
have a a regular one, a regular waffle maker, which
I have kind of converted into just a well it's
no longer a waffle maker because I just use it
to reheat regular I'm essentially using it as a panini
press or like when I have left over pizza or whatever. Yeah,
I throw it in there, which I can't recommend enough
into a waffle iron. It's fantastic. It's the only way
(38:27):
I'll ever reheat, at least pizza. You basically fold it
into a sandwich and burn it.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
You do you do you have a toaster oven? I
don't have a toaster of Okay, yeah, neither do I.
But if I did, that's how I would reheat pizza.
So it doesn't not as for anyone who was wondering,
maybe tease that at the top of the episode, when
you're like, hear what Cole's preferred method of reheating pizza is.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
After the break, after the break, we finally get to colds. Yeah,
I know my current waffle iron is not just full
of pizza grease most of the time. I guess I
wash that in the sink. I don't know that you're
even supposed to wash a waffle maker. I think you
probably should, right, But it feels like, you know, kind
(39:16):
of an electronic device that I just drop in the
sink and suddenly I'm splashing water all over it, and
how do you dry it out? This kind of things
like how to clean a cast iron skillet?
Speaker 3 (39:25):
Right, do you have a cast iron skillet? I do,
but do you use it? I don't because I'm so
anal about the cleaning of it, like re seasoning it.
And it's like, why bother making something in it if
it's going to take me four hours afterwards to you know,
re season it and make sure it has that gorgeous
(39:46):
sheen on top.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Have you ever made anything in it?
Speaker 3 (39:49):
My boyfriend made pancakes in it once and then I
passed it aggressively, was like, well, no, I have to
clean it.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Those those to me, just the like getting into it,
it seems like a giant challenge, the seasoning, all of this.
It doesn't I don't know that that's for me. It
feels like a full lifestyle. You have to accept it's
a religion. It's ultimately it's a religion.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
It ultimately it's for people who need God and then
they find them and they find Yeah. Cool.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
I feel like it's time to play a game. Okay,
do you want to play a game called tic tac toe?
Or we could do a crossword puzzle or word search.
I'll just hold it up to the zoom and we'll
just quietly say what I see, right, No.
Speaker 3 (40:42):
Do you want to play a game called Gift Master
or gift or a curse. I'll play gift master.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Okay, I need a number between one and ten seven. Okay,
for a minute, I have to do some calculating. So
you're going to have the microphone. You can promote something,
you can recommend something, you can do whatever you want.
I don't care. I'll be right back. Hello. Do you
want to make more money? Sure? We all do.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
Do you guys remember that commercial with Sally Struthers. I'm
going to do some free association here on Norman Lear.
There were a lot of shows when I was a child,
especially Norman Lear, shows that had a sort of orange,
yellowy brown. I think because they were shot on film,
(41:29):
but they really I really didn't like them. Watching them,
I could smell cigarette smoke, and I really I just
I didn't like it. This is the same reason I
didn't like Roseanne. It was like, this is my life,
Why do I want to see this reflected back at me.
I was much more into, you know, something aspirational like Sybil,
(41:51):
which apparently, and I don't know if Sybil Shepherd or
Christine Baranski.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Will ever be guests on this podcast.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
But apparently they did not get along at all, and
that is hard for me because I would like to
imagine that they were friends.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
Oh are we I kind of I kind of want
you to just continue talking for a while. No, No,
I think I think I'm done. I think I've said
what I needed to say, half heard whatever was happening,
and I support everything you were saying. Great, thank you, Sybil.
Shepherd is becoming kind of a recurring theme on this
podcast because I think that Shepherd mouse pad or I did,
(42:34):
and she sent it to me, and that's neither here
nor there. We need to play the game, okay, but
also just excellent use of that time. This is how
this game works. I'm going to tell you three potential
gifts things you're going to give to people, and then
three celebrities or famous people, and you're going to tell
me which gift you'll give which person and why does
(42:56):
that make any sense? Yes? Okay, perfect? These are the
three gifts that you'll be giving. Okay. Number one is
a trip to White Sands National Monument. Now, I believe
it's New Mexico. It came across my desk because I
feel like a lot of people post about it on Instagram.
(43:17):
It's you know, sand Dune's White Sand picturesque. That's what
you're dealing with there. Number two is homemade fudge. Homemade
fudge like that I made, yes, okay. And finally, guitar lessons.
Those are the three gifts. Can you'll be giving two?
Let me find them. I'm getting slightly better at this.
(43:37):
Sometimes I struggle, sometimes I nail it, okay. Number one
this is two people. This is Derek and Julianne Huff. Okay,
they're the brothers sister team on Dancing with the Stars.
Number two is celebrity chef Bobby Flay. And number three,
I don't know how many people. This is the Sackler
(43:59):
family now right, kind of the family behind the opioid crisis. Yes,
of the I believe Purdue Pharmaceutical Yeah well, okay, yes,
so go ahead.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
Immediately, I'm poisoning that sudge and giving it to the
Sackler family because.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
It's coming from my home. It's lazier focused, I love. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Oh, poisoning them, by the way, with an overdose of
the opioids that they.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
Produce or finance.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
Okay, So we have Bobby Flay hmmm, Okay. The last
thing I want is either of them playing like Derek
and Juliana. I don't want them. I feel like the
Juliana maybe play is Julianna or Juliana Julianne Julianne Juliana
(44:57):
makes more sense. Yeah, it does, but I'm not I'll
talk to her about it afterwards.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
For now.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
Oh yeah, Julianne, I feel like already plays the guitar.
Oh that sounds right interesting, So maybe I would give her.
I would give them the guitar lessons as a sort
of passive aggressive way of saying, like keep trying, babe.
(45:26):
And then Bobby Flay sort of seems a little like, uh,
what are the humors? I learned about this in the
plague lecture, Like there's like yellow like bile, and then
there's like he's whichever one is like cold and flemy
and probably needs to be like an arid climate for
(45:49):
his health, kind of like write out almost.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Yeah, yeah, so I would. I would send him there.
I think that's an excellent I mean, if you, If
not you, someone should be sending that poison fudge to
the I hope, so somebody's got to get them. I
hope it's Julianne half. I hope she sends you. Hope.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
I hope she sends poison fudge to the Sackler family.
I would if I woke up to that headline tomorrow,
I would kill myself because I wouldn't get any better
than there.
Speaker 2 (46:19):
Was absolutely nothing better than that. Juliane becoming an unexpected
kind of hero.
Speaker 3 (46:25):
Yeah, yeah, kind of on this mission of revenge on
behalf of America, of the world, of the world. Yeah,
well that's wonderful. Do you give Do you like giving gifts?
Speaker 2 (46:37):
I do like giving gifts. You know what I do?
You know that? Finally? Yeah, fuck you, I like I
like giving gifts. I don't care what you think. Yeah,
I do like it. Do you give unexpected gifts or
just on occasions? I'm trying.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
You know who's the best gift giver is Amy Sedaris,
and she gives like gifts at random times if she
sees something that makes her think of you, right, she'll
send people things. And I really like that, and so
I've tried to or it's sort of inspired me to
(47:20):
just keep my eye out for things like that, just.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
To be thinking of other people while you're out in
the world.
Speaker 3 (47:27):
But I still mostly just give gifts for you know, housewarming, right,
you know, birthdays, I love bringing toilet paper.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Is that true? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (47:38):
Because who doesn't need it? You know, right, It's just
a thing. It's very practical. Yeah, we'll always be used.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
Is there Have you given any type of gift that
you've been particularly proud of? Oh?
Speaker 3 (47:48):
Well, the best gift was I got a Toto washlet
you know, like those little bidet toilet seats. Oh sure,
that like heated to my mother there for Christmas, and
that's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Did she like it? She used to ray.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
My aunt had one, and she would just always rave
about it, like for ten years she would talk about like,
oh my god, that toilet seat, and so I finally
got I got it for her, and I don't think
I can ever top that, right, at least to her.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Yeah. And has Amy Sidaria's given you anything good? I mean,
like what anything exciting?
Speaker 3 (48:28):
She gave me a portrait of me as chassis painted
by David's husband Hugh Hamrick.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Oh my god, that's incredible. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
She gave me this letter that Joan Crawford sent to someone. Yeah,
she just sends me those are beautiful gifts. Yeah, yeah,
sends me acep soaps and lotions lovely.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
Yeah, I mean, listener if you haven't seen at Home
with Amy Sidaris. Obviously, Amy Sidaris is very funny and
a bit cold. It's also extraordinary. Thanks. You didn't use
your time to promote anything. I'm not anything to promote
pp matter. That's another thing. Another thing people should look
up years again. Thanks? Thanks? Is that years? That feels recent? Two? Three?
(49:15):
I don't know. Nothing matters anymore.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (49:18):
Okay, we've we played the game, and then we got
into another thing. We have to answer a listener question. Yes,
this is called I said no emails. People are writing
into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. They
have just various issues. Let's see if we can answer
something here one moment. Okay, this says hello bridger and
(49:39):
insightful guest. I'm in the process of purchasing my first home,
and my parents are graciously loaning me a part of
my down payment. This is a true loan plus interest
that I will be paying them back for in full.
I'd like to get them something that says thank you,
without spending too much, because they are loaning me the money.
(50:00):
After all. My parents are semi retired, have three small
rescue dogs, a cat, and a chicken. They mostly hang
out of their suburban home, don't drink much, and prefer
to be working in the yard when it's warm outside
with all the animals. Can you give me some ideas
for an appreciation gift that are one easy on the
wallet and two aren't tacky or overplayed? And thanks? Ashley
(50:24):
in Dallas? Okay, So Ashley's parents are, as far as
I can tell, predatory lenders. I don't. It seems like
someone has just found herself. She's tangled up in something
that's going to only become worse. Yeah, and she wants
to give them a gift.
Speaker 3 (50:43):
This is like PhD level gift giving because it's like,
what do you get for someone who's loaning you money?
That's because you know, you get something too expensive. It's like,
what do you do, like.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
Right, that money could be going towards the.
Speaker 3 (50:59):
Yeah, yeah, So but I understand, you know, wanting to
a gesture a gesture.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
Right what we're looking at here? And then also we're
getting details like there's a chicken, which I don't know
that you know. It's the complication here is what you
get your banker. I don't. I'm not in the habit
of giving my banker a gift, right, But mom and
dad have apparently some level of money. Yea. And but look,
(51:35):
she's moving into a house. This is what I think is.
It's making a nice dinner and having them over, kind
of like kids made dinner and mom and dad are going.
Speaker 3 (51:45):
To have I was going to say, it sounds like,
you know, maybe I don't know what the travel situation is.
Maybe this house is somewhere on the other side of
the country. They're like, we don't want to travel, right,
you know, maybe they're not you know, maybe they're anti vaxers.
Who don't you know, she didn't include any of that information.
I wish I wish she had. Please respond and Bridger
(52:09):
will update the audience accordingly. I'm kidding he never will.
But I think, honestly, you just have to, like you
have to. It has to be something that you make.
I think, honestly, a thank you card, like a like
a letter, like a like an actually thoughtful letter, an
(52:31):
actually thoughtful letter with some details about their relationship.
Speaker 2 (52:36):
Yes, yes, it's nice. I mean, unless she's a terrible writer.
Speaker 3 (52:40):
A framed photograph of her in front of the house
not bad, yeah, or.
Speaker 2 (52:46):
Maybe like a.
Speaker 3 (52:49):
Actually I don't know, sen some dog treats or something
some corn kernels for the chickens. So what you do
is you chicken feed a photo of you in front
of the house in an nice thank you card, and
then if you can fit a dog one of the
little flat little milk bone treats in the envelope as
well as some corn dragged corn for the chicken, they
(53:12):
just end up with a dusty letter, which I'll appreciate it.
I'll have kind of a homie feel great. Yeah, I
mean I don't see any that's neither techy nor overplayed.
Speaker 2 (53:23):
Yeah. And mom and dad are also going to be
getting a monthly mortgage payment, yes, which maybe there's just
a thoughtful note every time you pay them.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
Yeah, like, hope you're enjoying this interest. I hope you're
enjoying making money off.
Speaker 2 (53:38):
Of me as I fall further and further into debt.
Speaker 3 (53:42):
Just alone on the down payment though, so well, I
don't know, but honestly, like just a photo of you,
like so happy in front of the house, Yeah, as
like perfectly look at how happy I am because of
something you did, and then maybe they'll or the interest
for you.
Speaker 2 (54:04):
Yeah, I think that that's all perfectly nice.
Speaker 3 (54:06):
Amy had this this chapter in her book about entertaining,
Like if you have a rich uncle over you, try
to like present very poor so that he'll maybe give
you more money. So like a photograph in front of
the house. Maybe make it make the house look sort
of dingy, put a tarple on the window that are
sort of falling apart, you know. Maybe get the photo
(54:31):
in the rain without like a rain jacket or something
like thank you so much, like just really dust, you know,
like get the envelope dirty as if maybe you found it,
you know.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
Yeah, I think that's great. Maybe try to send it
without a stamp so it's a first returned there's no
money for even for postage at this point. Yeah, and
cover it in two cent stamps. Yeah. Yeah, I think
that's wonderful. That question is could not be more comprehensively answered.
(55:06):
Can we answer one more? Do you mind? I would
love to something hopefully a little easier. Yeah, maybe not.
I mean we're just going to go to the next
thing here. Okay, this is Hybridger and guest. My name
is Bobby, and I need gift advice for my boyfriend's parents.
We've been together for five years and he has five siblings. Okay,
(55:27):
he and his siblings go in together on the gifts
for every holiday and do not include me in their
big presence. Well, this is feeling weird. Let's see. So
I am on my own to buy a Mother's Day,
Father's Day, Birthdays, Christmas. I ran up out of ideas
about three years ago, and they have since just been
getting boo I've been getting booze in a restaurant gift
cards every holiday. It's getting embarrassing. These people are in
(55:49):
their early fifties, have a lake house, and they ride motorcycles.
Please help. And it doesn't look like there's a name there.
That's probably my mistake, probably copying pasting. But this is
now an unknown person. Bobby, Oh, Bobby is at the beginning.
This is a reading reading comprehension problem. I knew it.
How many eggs are there still in the basket?
Speaker 3 (56:10):
If Robby has given way hold on, what do you
get for your I don't get Jim's.
Speaker 2 (56:20):
I've never gotten them. I mean maybe that's a problem
on my I let him get the presence. Yeah, I'm
not in charge. He doesn't get my parents anything, right.
I feel like you're just and also there's not this
I feel like this is kind of a psychologically complicated
thing where the boyfriend and siblings are all going in
on these gifts and leaving Bobby out. Yeah. I think
(56:42):
it would be up to the.
Speaker 3 (56:43):
Boyfriend to be like either say like, hey, can we
put my boyfriend's name on this, or he should help
you find like you know what my parents would like,
here's this?
Speaker 2 (56:57):
Get them? Yeah, I think I mean, why this person
is putting a lot of energy to these parents. It
doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I say just stop altogether,
although now you've created kind of a pattern that's going
to feel strange when it ends.
Speaker 3 (57:15):
Right, Well, I'm curious, do we can't get Bobby on
the line? But does he get gifts from them? That's
a good question because Bobby also mentioned Father's Day and
Mother's Day and like that's all like yeah, are they
getting you gifts for your birthday and for Christmas?
Speaker 2 (57:35):
And you know, do you get an Easter basket? You know?
Speaker 3 (57:37):
Is it that sort of thing like or or do
the parents get you and your boyfriend like a joint gift? Like, right,
isn't that case?
Speaker 2 (57:48):
Yeah? I don't know. You wouldn't kill him any Bobby
has kind of been dragged into this high level gift
giving scam the Ghost where for whatever reason, gifts are
being given over and over, but these six children want
nothing to do with Bobby's gifts. I think Bobby should
take whatever.
Speaker 3 (58:08):
Another thing that's really good, uh for rich people is
like donating money.
Speaker 2 (58:15):
For like to charity their name. Yes, that really is.
Speaker 3 (58:20):
Like some sort of like one upmanship of like I
know you want something, but guess what people need things?
Speaker 2 (58:27):
Well you're buzzing around the lake house.
Speaker 3 (58:29):
Yeah, yeah, so yeah, making a donation in their name
is really it's really classy.
Speaker 2 (58:36):
But just get like a very expensive card with that.
Oh that's beautiful, one of these cards you know. Uh, Well,
I feel like, did they go out of business? I
feel like a walk away from me. You're kidding. No,
at the beginning of this pandemic, I right before you
saw to it that they would go out a business.
Speaker 3 (58:56):
I swore, if it's the last thing I do, Papyrus
will go out of business.
Speaker 2 (59:01):
Their brick and mortar stores will close.
Speaker 3 (59:04):
No.
Speaker 2 (59:05):
When we were getting ready before this podcast began, I
needed help wrapping gifts, and so I went to Papyrus
because I'm so bad at wrapping gifts. And they were
having a fire sale going out of business, and a
team there very sweet teen wrapped all these gifts on discount,
heavily discounted because they were going out of business. But
(59:26):
apparently you've kind of got this rogue papyrus that's running.
Should I go say something? I don't know, right, they're
just kind of automatic. Our phone's been ringing. We haven't
been paid in months, but is that what's going on? Yeah?
But yeah, an expensive card. Maybe find one of those
charities where they put your name on a bench or
(59:48):
a brick or that kind of thing. That's a thing, right,
I think like I've seen that before.
Speaker 3 (59:54):
Yeah, yeah, we're going to put your name on a
on a on something, a charity where they put your
name on something.
Speaker 2 (01:00:04):
I think those are more expensive though, Right, that's a
Christmas gift, that's a fiftieth anniversary gift. But a Mother's Day,
Father's Day maybe animal charity or something.
Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
The ASPA right, or something really like dismal, Right, something just.
Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
Really just sad, And that reminds everyone of how horrible.
Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
So many dead children's funds goes to kind of propelling
children's deaths.
Speaker 2 (01:00:34):
So just to remind everyone that they're dead children Awareness.
My charity are raising awareness for dead children. Cole. Okay,
we're done answering questions. Cole. I'm so happy to see you.
I'm so glad you be here. This cafle Maker is wonderful.
Speaker 3 (01:00:56):
I really wanted to show up everyone else who's ever.
Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
I mean, this is something that would be you want
to do, embarrass you.
Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
Frankly, you have good multiple time.
Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
Good for a moment. One of this podcasts have been humiliated.
And we're just going to exit on that note. And uh, listener,
this is the end. Thank you for being here, and uh,
do whatever you need to do now. I don't care.
I have a nice day, Bye bye. I said, No
(01:01:34):
Gifts is an exactly right production. It's engineered by our
dear friend on Alis Nelson and the theme song is
by miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show
on Instagram at I said No Gifts, that's where you're
going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts. I'm getting.
Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you
(01:01:54):
found me, and why not leave a review while you're there.
It's really the least you could do. And if you're
interest student advertising on the show. Go to midroll dot
com slash ads.
Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
And I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear.
Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
But you're a guess to my home.
Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
You gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guess,
you're on presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,
So how do you dare to surbey me?
Well, I invited you here. I thought I made myself
perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you
gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests,
your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,
(00:35):
So how do you dare to surbey me?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Welcome to? I said, no gifts. I am Richard Wineger.
I hope you're doing okay. I hope you're having a
nice day. What's going on? Let's see. This morning I
went to the doctor, you know, for just a general
check up, and he told me that he has a podcast.
(01:12):
This was unprompted and of his little shocking for me.
So I just thought i'd let you know that there
is some level of competition out there, and I won't
be naming the doctor or the podcast. He's not getting
any advertising here. We have to move on. I'm today's guests.
I could not be more thrilled. One of the absolute funniest,
(01:33):
none other than Cola Scola Cole high Bridger. Welcome to.
I said, no gifts. How are you? I'm great? I
just I'm sorry about the mole.
Speaker 3 (01:44):
The I was listening to your doctor's podcasts and today's
topic was your mole.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Right, and it doesn't look like things are. It's going
to be an issue, right, he said, it's not cancerous,
but it is ugly, right and kind of just an
unremovable It's just something I have to live with at
this point. Yeah, insurance won't cover that, and yeah, I'm
not paying out of pocket. Right, I'll live ugly with
(02:14):
this ugly mole before I spend a penny. So great.
I mean I didn't obviously realize he was recording at
the time I was in the room, but I did
sign all of the sheets before going into the office.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
Yeah, I mean it sounded like you were doing a
mic check. I mean it's opened with the two of
you going check check, check one two.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
This is Bridger. Well, when somebody that, when somebody tells
me to do something, I just kind of followed directions
I got at the doctor's office to cause trouble, right right,
right right. You're from Utah, right, And he's a medical
professional for all I know. He just wanted to check
my throat or what have you. Yes, and I trust him.
I've seen him three times now, so that's enough. There's
(02:56):
the charm. Yeah, RTA, and I know you know he's
taken some sort of oath. Mm hmmm, I had had listen.
I actually had a very stressful time on my way
to the doctor. There was the world's longest train stopping.
There was a train that truly was bisecting Los Angeles.
Speaker 3 (03:16):
Oh ye, So you're in your car and then you're
waiting for a train to.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Pass right, and the train wasn't passing right and I
ended up having to drive beyond the train.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Wait, so you were your neck and neck, you're racing
the train, get around your neck and neck, and you
cut it off in order to make it to the
doctor's appointment.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
Right, Only to be secretly recording this kind of personal issue,
this mole that I've been living with through the pandemic worryings.
Just am I going to be having this hideous thing
on me forever? And now you know you you will?
I will? How do you move forward?
Speaker 3 (03:56):
You don't, you have to dwell, you have to live
there just eat you from the inside out, and just
that's the sort of situation there. You are now.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Kind of one of those dead like you see those
photos of a fox that's kind of just been eaten
from the inside out lying in the snow focus.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
I think we have the same search history, Bridger, I'm
not sure what you're searching.
Speaker 2 (04:23):
I you know, I'm constantly looking for a rotting foxes.
What are you talking about? I feel like I've seen
you must I actually don't know where this would have
come from, but I feel like at some point, some
sort of time lapse footage has crossed my desk of
a fox being kind of devoured by nature. You know what,
(04:44):
I won't lie, I can.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
I can conjure that image in my mind, which means
I must have seen it at some point as well.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
There must be some sort of maybe I don't know,
a National Geographic or Planet Earth or where they're showing
right where they kind of blindside you with dead and
the view must be a view they have the they
will just bring in various animal corps and put them
in the table and just let that be topic of conversation.
Occasionally they just let.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
It be something to cut to, you know, just the
swarm of flies devouring of all the ladies talk.
Speaker 2 (05:21):
That's my favorite part. Yeah, Cole, what have you been
up to?
Speaker 1 (05:26):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (05:26):
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know nothing.
Everything I've been you know, everything's a chore.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
Right, do you feel like it's getting harder and harder?
Speaker 3 (05:40):
I always, ever since I was a child, everything's been
getting harder and harder, and maybe everything will just continue
to get harder and harder until it's unbearable and then death.
Speaker 2 (05:53):
I think that's probably true. I think that there's like
a through your twenties, things get a little bit easier then.
I mean, isn't it just the inevitable that you grow weaker,
more tired in the challenges.
Speaker 3 (06:09):
This time lapse, we are all the fox on the
table at the View, just being eaten from the inside
while the ladies talk about, you know, whatever they talk about.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
I haven't. I don't know the last time. I don't
know that I've actually ever watched a full episode of
The View. Do you have you ever sat down just
set through the View? You still love it? Really? I don't? Yeah,
I mean, actually I don't know why I ask like that.
Of course, it's it's a very entertaining thing to watch
them fu.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Yeah, but now anything, I don't like reality anything. Reality
is too stressful for me, right, competition shows Real Housewives, Oh,
that's so anxiety inducing.
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I'm only recently watching the Housewives, which and only because
it's the Salt Lake City Housewives, and so I feel
like I had no choice and then it took over
for me. It really because once I settled into that energy,
which was too much for me, I'm enjoying it, but
I can't the rest of them. I can't get into. Well,
(07:13):
you got to support your mom. I know that she's
sort of the star of that show. Well, look, they
put her through hell in those auditions, and she did
everything to get on. She started her own little business,
turned it into an empire. Have you really been watching
the whole show? Oh, I've seen every episode of that season,
and you do like it. I do enjoy watching it, Okay.
(07:36):
I didn't expect to because I know a lot of
people and I'm sure you do too, a lot of
people who love all of the housewives. Yes, and I
could not. I tried maybe Beverly Hills or something at
some point, and I think I watched two episodes and
that was it for me. But the Salt Lake Housewives
are so unbelievably low rent, and I just feel like
(08:00):
they're always in an extremely drafty room and there's something
about them that feels right, and I can get into it,
and it's also like it's just fun to see them hosting,
like at events that are supposedly classy and that I'm like, oh,
that's next to them, all.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Right, right, right, right today we're at the tcby for
the big charity event.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Yeah yeah, I mean these shows are so convoluted and
so I mean everything about no one goes to that
many events or even interacts with their friends that much.
Oh yeah, Or I don't.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
I can't imagine like seeing like fighting with people and
then continuing to see them for years and years, you know,
like I've maybe had like like one disagreement with like
maybe three friends, you know, then it took like a
year to recover from that, you.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
Know, right, Like I'll go to a wonderful dinner with
a friend and not see them for two years.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
Sure, sure, and nothing bad happened at all, right, But
these shows are made to just stress you out, and
it's like, uh, oh is Amber going to show up
to the party and you're just on the edge of
your seat and I just find myself like my stomach
is in knots over like something I don't care about
about people that I don't care about that I would
(09:27):
hate in real life, And I think why am I
doing this myself? So instead I've been watching a lecture
on the plague. Wait, you've been watching a lecture on
the plague? Yes, who is doing a lecture? It's through
The Great Courses Plus. Do they st this podcast?
Speaker 2 (09:46):
They should? I can't believe they have an yet.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
It's like it's like Masterclass, but Masterclass is really slick
and sexy and like celebrities. Right, It's sort of like
Masterclass goes to these berties and says like, do you
want to hear some money talk? Right? It doesn't have
to be about anything, yeah, and you don't really learn anything.
It's just Aaron Sorkin being like, man, I love cocaine
(10:11):
and writing, and you're.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Like, oh, why am I paying for this? Okay?
Speaker 3 (10:15):
But then The Great Courses Plus is people that should
never be on camera. It's these college professors who have
no charisma. They're on these horrible sets. It's like a
substitute teacher sort of energy.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
It's like tele learning at college that was called something
like distance learning.
Speaker 3 (10:34):
They're reading off of a teleprompter. They don't do any cuts,
so often they'll stumble, oh that sounds incredible to me. Yeah,
it's very soothing. But I just finished the twenty four
part lecture on the plague.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Twenty four parts? How long is each part? Half an hour? Oh? Okay,
so that's not bad. No, And do you feel like
you learned about the plague?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I do. I want to hear what you've learned. I mean,
just a brief summary.
Speaker 3 (11:04):
I learned that it was actually really bad, like despite
all the you know, like movies and popular songs and like,
you know, culture, it was actually at the time.
Speaker 2 (11:19):
People didn't love it.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
And that is it took me, you know, twelve hours
of that lecture to sort of put that together.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
I imagine you're a little bit in denial.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
Yeah, I mean I learned about, you know, how they
blamed the Jews.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
I learned.
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Just all sorts of awful, awful things about how there's
even some some people think there was more than the
plague going on, that there was anthrax.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Or you know anthrax.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
Yeah, which is I didn't realize is like a naturally
occurring thing.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Right, It was so so much to me, like an
ninety like a sexy nineties thousands poison. I thought it
was from the nineties. Yeah, wow, anthrux. Wait, is it
a bacteria. I guess I don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:11):
I don't. I'm saying yes, but I but only because
I want to have an answer for you. The truth
is I don't. I don't really remember.
Speaker 2 (12:19):
I feel like maybe. And the reason associate anthrax with
like a more modern thing is well outside of the
early thousands scare is that I think there's like the
metal band Anthrax. It's kind of in the metallica realm,
that kind of thing. So those are my two big
associations with anthrax.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
Some people slash themselves with urine. Okay, they thought, like
the fumes from urine and like from the latrines would
would like kill the bad plague air.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Right, Well, I mean urine kind of has some medicinal
I mean, don't they tell you to p on yourself
if you your doctor said that doctor I remember he
got me up on the table and said, okay, now
just pee, just let it go, just let it go,
let's let's get the mic on you, and then just start.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
To pee, like I really want to talk about this mole.
But okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Well I was going to say, I think, I mean,
I could be wrong. If you get stung by a
sting ray, you're supposed to pee pee.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Or someone jellyfish, jellyfish, that's right.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Yes, that's why I've had so many problems with stingrays.
Speaker 3 (13:34):
You're always pissing on yourself after these stingray attacks. Rest
in pace, Steve Irwin, who was kind by Yeah, which
is I know why you had me on here. I
asked you to come on. Well, you wrote the poem. Yeah, yeah,
sting Ray, Stingray, you killed Steve sting Ray, Stingray.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I'm relieved you wrote. Kind of you. It's kind of
a hit piece that you wrote. Yeah, you've been waiting
years to finally get this out.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Oh yeah, Well, speaking of poetry, the lecture on the
plague ended, and then I won't talk about it anymore.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
But I need to get my money for I'm happy
to talk about this. I don't want you to feel
like we can't read about the great like.
Speaker 3 (14:17):
The only reason I don't want to talk about it
is because I actually haven't retained that much information.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Right, And now you're kind of being exposed. The moment
that you tell someone you read something or have seen
something like, oh yeah, it's a fear to get it.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Yeah, I'm terrified. I'm sweating, but it ended with it
was made like in twenty seventeen, so it was pre COVID, right,
But basically she said there are more, bigger, worse plagues coming.
There was even an outbreak of the plague in the
(14:50):
nineties in India and now and then there was a
variant of it that ended up on madicascar that is
resistant to all iotics. But then she for some reason
decided like, oh, well, you know what, but it's.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Not all bad.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Like she had to have like end on a positive note,
and her positive note was if we hadn't had the plague,
Chaucer might not have had benefactors who came into money
because of the plague, so we might not have had Chaucer. Yeah,
(15:29):
so it's like, oh good, I feel better that there
might be some great poetry. I can't.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I mean, I feel like there have been several excellent
COVID produced you know, there's the Netflix show, and we're
all grateful for these crown I mean the kind of
produced because of COVID. Yeah. Yeah, Actually, speaking of that,
I will say and say it, but I'm just going
(15:57):
to say, the one person that has created anything within
this pandemic worth watching and I'm so glad you're here.
Is you and you produce a very fast when you
put you made your special like late April of last
year or something. Yeah, yeah, so we were like a
month into the pandemic and you had like a.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
And I saw an opportunity, and I said, here we go.
This is going to be it, and I this is
going to launch me into the stratosphere. And lo and behold,
A few people have watched it and it have been
very nice about us.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
It is the only only thing that has been produced
in the last year in COVID conditions that I think
is worth consuming. Thanks Bra, I'm not I'm not just
saying if the listener has not seen help, I'm stuck. Yeah,
it's an absolute I've seen it twice now, and I
mean I had seen the live show, which is wonderful,
(16:58):
but it translated so well to you've shot on like
an iPhone camera or something, right, Yeah, Had you been
planning on doing it or was it just like I'm bored?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
And it was like, I really, I did the live
show and I wanted I hoped it would be made
into a special, but then nobody wanted it. And also, well,
you know, people don't have the best taste, and by people,
I mean me. But I always wondered, like, how would
(17:29):
I produce this as a special anyway when so much
of it hinges on the fact that I'm just alone
on stage doing costume changes. Very low stakes, right, so
actually having to do it alone in my apartment was
the perfect, like, you know, the correct stakes for that.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Right? Was it hard? It was shooting anything, I mean,
on any level, it's difficult. And it looks very good.
Oh stop, thank you, I think it looks terrible. I'm
still very pleased with under the conditions, the fact that
it was shot by one person.
Speaker 3 (18:06):
And I mean I edited it. I did everything, my makeup, hair, everything.
Speaker 2 (18:12):
How long did it take?
Speaker 3 (18:14):
Like ten days because everything had been written already, and
then I just sort of made a schedule and I
filmed it all at night because my neighbors are loud
and there's street noise because I live in New York.
So yeah, And did it ever feel like it was?
Did you feel like, oh I should just stop? I
feel like after two days of that, I'm never mind.
(18:35):
I'm not now when I started doing something, I'm too
afraid to stop.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
I'm afraid I'm afraid of stopping anything.
Speaker 3 (18:43):
Right. I'm afraid to stop talking right now because what
if I die, you know that sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
I'm just going to sit in silence for about Oh God,
it's kind you a little pelican cutting board? Oh it is.
It's a little I bought that edit a thrift store
in Utah called Deseret Industries and maybe two thousand and two.
It's just like I don't I really love it. It's
like a piece of art of a pelican that somebody
(19:12):
made it. I think it's called someone signed the name
Scota or something in the bottom corner, and I've never
known where it came from or what was the point.
Speaker 3 (19:21):
For the For the listeners, when you post this episode,
will you also post a photo of that cutting course,
so that the course I have something to, you know,
look forward to a companion piece.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
That we have to They will see that it's like
a weird fabric. It's not a cutting board. It's like
someone painted on a piece of fabric. And I really
appreciate it. I either stole it or paid very little
for it. There was a period when I did a
decent amount of shoplifting, and but that I feel like
it was too big too, What do you do to
(19:55):
get that rush?
Speaker 3 (19:56):
Now?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
I consider shoplifting. Okay, I'll be in a store. Yeah, yeah,
I haven't shoplifted since I was a teenager. But occasionally
I'll be like, what if I just stole this right now? Yeah?
And then I think, and then what happens when everyone
finds out that I've been arrested for shoplifting? Right? Have
you ever shoplifted? No? Have you ever been tempted?
Speaker 1 (20:18):
No?
Speaker 3 (20:19):
I'm too scared of that. I'm even afraid of people
thinking I'm shoplifting. So if I'm like and I always
try to make my presence known at a store, if
there's a camera in the store, I like sort of
acknowledge it, and I'm very careful with how I hold
my items, Like yes, I look at the camera as
(20:40):
if to say, yes, this toothpaste is going in this basket.
Speaker 2 (20:44):
No funny business here, don't worry about me. But that,
to me feels like you're drawing even more attention to
I feel like whoever's watching the security camera thinks they're
trying to pull one over on us. And well, maybe
I don't know, you'd have to, you'd have to, Maybe
we should. We'll do a part two of this interview
where I go to the Rite Aid on the corner
(21:06):
right to speak to the security guards and get their take. Now,
there was a point, you know, I wander through a
lot of stores. I love wandering through stores and just
looking at objects with that with no intention of buying them.
And there was a period that I feel like when
I first moved to La that I would go to
a seven eleven on occasion just wander around to just
(21:29):
free my mind. And I think the person occasionally or
eventually thought that I was shoplifting and asked me not
to come back, which is probably just what was happening
in my life that I thought seven eleven was a
relaxing place to be. It's you know, it's familiar.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Yeah, it's got to be sort of sterile comfort. You know.
Air conditioning at a seven eleven is always exquisite, right,
freezing cold, freezing cold, freezing cold.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
It's like a retirement home in there, you know.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
But I I used to hang out at a pharmacy
when I was a little kid, and I got kicked
out for spending too much time there.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Really, yeah, and how old were you when this was happening.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
It's like ten and my friends and I would just
go to this pharmacy and ask people if they needed help,
like finding things.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Did you ever help anyone?
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Sometimes? Sometimes I think people were just humoring us. And
right there were children. We had nothing to do. It
was so boring, you know, childhood, well, Cole miserable. Oh
what I don't, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Here we go look look, okay, so obviously you're here.
I'm here. Yes. A few weeks ago, you agreed to
be on the podcast. I was so happy.
Speaker 3 (22:55):
Yeah, yeah, I love Coleah reluctantly.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
Of course, I kind of dragged you into this and
all that said, it seemed like you were at least
going to play fair and just be here as a
pleasant guest. We would have a nice little chat and
then move on with our lives, hopefully never see each
other again. And then a couple nights ago, the doorbell rang.
(23:24):
Yeah I believe it was night wow, which is frightening
for any purpose. Sure, we don't have a lot of visitors.
And I opened the door and there was a box there,
large square box addressed to me return address on no,
I mean, not unknown, but from williams Sonoma. I had
(23:48):
not ordered anything from Williams Sonoma, Love william Sonoma. I
have never purchased anything there because it's a little above
my you know. It's more of a going and brows
and dream of a life of William Sonoma, shopper, see
the latest novelty, that kind of thing. So I brought
it in and my mind started circling what possibilities this
(24:12):
could have, where this could have possibly come from, And
then it occurred to me Cole was the last person
I had contact with. They've got my address, and obviously
I I don't know. I was. I was a little
broken up about it. And now I'm just going to
ask you. Okay, this podcast is called I said no gifts,
(24:34):
and I have to assume I opened the box and
there was a gift wrapped box. Is this a gift
for me? Yes? Okay? Should I open it here on
the podcast?
Speaker 3 (24:51):
Yeah? You should open it, and then I'll explain. I
know you said no gifts, and I respect that boundary.
But once once you open it, I can explain and
hopefully it'll make sense, Okay, and you'll understand why I
had to.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
Okay, for the listener, this is a heavy white box,
maybe the heaviest gift on this podcast so far, I
would hope so you left you give gifts by weight. Yeah, yeah,
let's just open it up here and see what happens.
This looks like a beautiful wedding gift if I were
ever to get married. This is how it would feel like.
Speaker 3 (25:31):
Right, I think that's probably what what these things are usually.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
And keep going, keep right, I'm not gonna I'm going
to keep my eyes away from the box until.
Speaker 3 (25:42):
It completely opened, kind of do it.
Speaker 2 (25:48):
Doing my best to keep it a complete surprise. Oh
my god.
Speaker 3 (25:58):
Yeah, this is a beautiful waffle maker.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Yeah, a vertical waffle.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Maker, which a vertical waffle maker I'm not even familiar with. Well,
the reason that I got it for you is because
I've been having this recurring nightmare of you making waffles
and just getting waffle batter everywhere because it's hard with
(26:25):
a regular waffle iron. You pour the batter on and
it usually spills over the sides. Yes, And I just
I keep waking up in a cold sweat because I'm
I just see you just waffle batter everywhere, just a disaster,
and you're cleaning it up and then the waffle's burning
and like you know, it happened once, and I thought, oh,
(26:47):
that's a weird dream. Sure after six years pretty consistently
every night of dreaming, and I've known you, like what
three right? So yeah, and I was probably a kind
of a stranger in a dream initially. Yeah, absolutely, I
was like, well, that's weird.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Why would I dream about that? Just yeah?
Speaker 3 (27:10):
So I found this on the Williams Norma website. It's
a vertical waffle maker. You pour the batter in on
top so that it doesn't spill out the sides.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
Wow. Yeah, you can then kind of like a coin
slot almost, yes.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Exactly, and then you know, when it's done, you can
open it up and the waffle comes out.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
And you do you own one of these? No, you don't. No,
it's just this dream that's kind of just been this
image of the waffle maker for that kind of thing.
I would hate to own something like that.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
But I thought, if I want to sleep tonight or
any night, I need to make this.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
I need to fix this. Right. It's hard to say
what effect this is going to have on your dreams
moving forward, whether it will continue and maybe a new
element will be introduced to the dream. I mean, god
knows what message I was trying to get through to
you or whoever's placed this dream in your head? Right, yeah?
I mean, were there any other elements of the dream
(28:18):
that you could remember?
Speaker 3 (28:19):
Or is it I just remember hating you so much?
And then when I met you, I remember I hated you,
and I was like, why do I hate Why do
I hate him? We've never met before. And then I
was like, oh, it's the dream. I hate him because
of the dream. And then eventually I sort of was
(28:40):
able to separate the you know, the nightmare from right.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
The nightmare right and now reality you're just a strong
dislike yes, yeah, and the dream continues, I imagine it. Yes, yes.
Is it an increasing hatred or just kind of a baseline, Well,
now it's.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Sort of comfort you know, it's a comforting hatred. It's toxic.
It's a codependent hatred, you know.
Speaker 2 (29:08):
Yeah, And that would without that hatred, I mean, you're
going to be completely off balanced.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Well see, I mean that's I need something to break
up the monotony of you know, this pandemic life. So
maybe not hating you could be just what I need
shake things up.
Speaker 2 (29:30):
Do you owe the waffle maker of any type? I
don't want to like a waffle. I love a waffle,
but I I would never I don't have a lot
of counter space. You know, I live in New York, right,
I already have a kitchen aid mixer. I have a
Vitam mix I have a toaster, my l like cre
se I have. You know, there's just there's no counter space,
(29:52):
there's no cabinet space. You know, what are you making
in your kitchen aid?
Speaker 3 (29:58):
So far I have I've only made one batch of cookies.
And when was that? That was like two months ago?
Oh okay, so recently. This is a new quest. But
I bought the kitchen aid mixer like six months ago
and I've used it once.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
How was your experience?
Speaker 3 (30:18):
I realized in that for this exact cookie recipe, it
would have been easier to mix my hand. Actually, it
was just like a simple chocolate chip recipe, oatmeal chocolate
chip recipe, and there was just no need for the mixer.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
But I think a mixer makes the butter back up.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
Sorry, this is for the listeners who are falling asleep
the car.
Speaker 2 (30:43):
Okay, okay, okay. The listener loves a cookie recipe discussion. Okay,
who doesn't. If somebody has a problem with that. I
don't know. I don't know what to tell anyone. That's fair.
Oh so it was a you. It felt like overkill
for you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
I bought it originally because I wanted the like I
made merangue once, and like a vegan merangue, and my
hands and arms hurt so much.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
I thought, you know what I need to do.
Speaker 3 (31:16):
I need to spend hundreds of dollars to make sure
I never feel this pain in three years when I.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Make this thing again. But I need to spend it
right now. Do you think you'll make vegan merangue again?
Maybe it's just not fun to make stuff for myself,
you know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (31:36):
Right? Like, maybe when I can see people again. The
fun of making things for me is people being like.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
Oh my god. You know, I can't believe you were
able to.
Speaker 3 (31:48):
Yeah, sorry, I had extra you know. I would have
made this mye for just me, but I thought, why
not bring it?
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Well? I think a kitchen aid is also just kind
of nice looking. It's just a nice thing to have
on your counter, right, Yeah, absolutely, it's a status symbol.
And I grew up you know, poor h trashy.
Speaker 3 (32:09):
I say, like I was Niles Crane, like a young
Niles Crane, but in Roseanne's house, you know.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Right, that makes perfect sense. Yeah. So I just.
Speaker 3 (32:22):
Always, you know, wanted things like a KitchenAid mixer or
to listen to NPR, right of course.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
Yeah, and so I'm sorry to hear you've only used
the kitchen aid once. Do you feel like you got
it kind of burned you and you're just not going
to go back to it.
Speaker 3 (32:40):
I really just hate washing things. And you know in
New York, do you have a dishwasher? Now? Do you
have a dishwasher? But you know those things aren't dishwashing.
You know, they're supposed to be hand washed, you know,
the bowl, the bowl, I think so, yeah, the metal book.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
I don't know that I'll go through the dishwasher three
times a week.
Speaker 3 (32:59):
I mean, maybe it's maybe that's why that mole is
getting so much bigger.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
Every time I wash it, I feel kind of a
pulse in my leg and I just the heat radiating
down and I've just ignored it. But it's worth it
if it saves me an extra ten minutes. I mean,
I'm turning into a monster. Maybe I will cool, you
can absolutely, Maybe this is just the Kitchen Aid Hotline
(33:25):
podcast at this point, But I hope so. I mean,
I can tell you I recently had a problem. It
wasn't mine, wasn't mixing correctly. I looked it up. You
have to drop a dime in the bowl and mix
it around, and if the dime does it's this weird
old trick that like, if the mixer doesn't move the
dime enough, it means it's not adjusted properly. I know
a lot about a kitchen Aid mixer.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
Wow, is this like some secret blog, like like KitchenAid
Queen's like like listen, honey, we've been around, Like I
love those kinds of It's everywhere, okay.
Speaker 2 (33:56):
I think like literally kitchen Aid. I think like the
company line is like, well, if it's not mixing properly,
put it for whatever reason, A dime is the exact
object that you need at the bottom of the bowl
to make sure it's correct. That's nickel erase air. That
is to do you cook much at home? I like
(34:19):
to bake. I like baking.
Speaker 3 (34:23):
It's prettier, you know, you get like a pretty thing
at the end. And there's too much intuition in cooking,
and I don't trust.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
My intuition, What do you like to bake them?
Speaker 3 (34:33):
Well, I'm vegan, I and so I make a lot
of just like vegan things.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
And I made a key lime cake with Italian meringue
butter cream frosting. Oh that sounds incredible and like a.
Speaker 3 (34:49):
Gram cracker cream cheese filling. It was way too sweet.
It was too much. Oh okay, sure, Like that wasn't
the recipe at all. I just sort of imagined like,
oh this would be that, this would be amazing.
Speaker 2 (35:01):
Did it look nice? It looked great, It looked great.
Speaker 3 (35:04):
It took me two days to make it because I
had to repeat every step twice because I, you know,
messed something up every step along the way, like the
temperature of the sugar for the meringue, you know, using
the wrong amount of flour, you know that sort of thing.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Did you in high school have cooking classes or that
sort of thing? You didn't, did you? I took so
many cooking I mean it was essentially I think it
was just a failure of the Utah public school system
that I think I took a foods they were called
foods classes. I would take one of probably every semester
and learned absolutely nothing.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
Hall neck was gone. By the time I got to
high school. There was wood shop. I had to make
a bird house. But some this Skuy Braiden Lever, who
came from a very big Apostolic Lutheran family, made a
bird house for me. And that was a sexual awakening
for me.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
Of course it was.
Speaker 3 (36:06):
I was like, why do I love that he's making
my bird house for me? Like?
Speaker 2 (36:11):
Why do I why is my face read from this? Yeah?
Did you take other elective classes in high school? Just
like I took a children's theater class. A children's theater class, Well,
this was like.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
In a bigger school that I transferred to my junior year,
and there was like a theater class that was right
before lunch and we would take a children's story, improvise
a show, said it, and then during lunch we took
the show to different grade schools. Oh that's wonderful. Yeah,
it's very sweet. Yeah I loved it. I felt like, well,
(36:49):
we're on tour now, right, And I'm sure the elementary
schoolers looked at you as a star. I don't remember
like the audience reaction. I just remember feeling so glad,
like rushing to eat my food before class because like
I had just performed and it felt so like God,
no time to eat because we just we just did
two shows.
Speaker 2 (37:10):
You know what I mean? Was there feeling put upon?
Was there like any inter class drama or anything where
someone that felt there was a star or someone wasn't
pulling their weight? There was a murder right outside of
the death.
Speaker 3 (37:26):
Outside of the death. No, everyone got along. It was
like fun. That might have been like the best experience
I've ever had in a school setting. Wow, aside from
Brandon Lever making my God bless yeah, God bless him. God.
Speaker 2 (37:44):
I wonder where he is dead. Do you think the
murder the murder you had kind of pulled him into
the class with promise of touring elementary schools. I said, look,
you're gonna you're gonna be huge, make you a star.
I think your star. This waffle maker is wonderful. I
(38:04):
have a a regular one, a regular waffle maker, which
I have kind of converted into just a well it's
no longer a waffle maker because I just use it
to reheat regular I'm essentially using it as a panini
press or like when I have left over pizza or whatever. Yeah,
I throw it in there, which I can't recommend enough
into a waffle iron. It's fantastic. It's the only way
(38:27):
I'll ever reheat, at least pizza. You basically fold it
into a sandwich and burn it.
Speaker 3 (38:33):
You do you do you have a toaster oven? I
don't have a toaster of Okay, yeah, neither do I.
But if I did, that's how I would reheat pizza.
So it doesn't not as for anyone who was wondering,
maybe tease that at the top of the episode, when
you're like, hear what Cole's preferred method of reheating pizza is.
Speaker 2 (38:55):
After the break, after the break, we finally get to colds. Yeah,
I know my current waffle iron is not just full
of pizza grease most of the time. I guess I
wash that in the sink. I don't know that you're
even supposed to wash a waffle maker. I think you
probably should, right, But it feels like, you know, kind
(39:16):
of an electronic device that I just drop in the
sink and suddenly I'm splashing water all over it, and
how do you dry it out? This kind of things
like how to clean a cast iron skillet?
Speaker 3 (39:25):
Right, do you have a cast iron skillet? I do,
but do you use it? I don't because I'm so
anal about the cleaning of it, like re seasoning it.
And it's like, why bother making something in it if
it's going to take me four hours afterwards to you know,
re season it and make sure it has that gorgeous
(39:46):
sheen on top.
Speaker 2 (39:48):
Have you ever made anything in it?
Speaker 3 (39:49):
My boyfriend made pancakes in it once and then I
passed it aggressively, was like, well, no, I have to
clean it.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
Those those to me, just the like getting into it,
it seems like a giant challenge, the seasoning, all of this.
It doesn't I don't know that that's for me. It
feels like a full lifestyle. You have to accept it's
a religion. It's ultimately it's a religion.
Speaker 3 (40:18):
It ultimately it's for people who need God and then
they find them and they find Yeah. Cool.
Speaker 2 (40:25):
I feel like it's time to play a game. Okay,
do you want to play a game called tic tac toe?
Or we could do a crossword puzzle or word search.
I'll just hold it up to the zoom and we'll
just quietly say what I see, right, No.
Speaker 3 (40:42):
Do you want to play a game called Gift Master
or gift or a curse. I'll play gift master.
Speaker 2 (40:48):
Okay, I need a number between one and ten seven. Okay,
for a minute, I have to do some calculating. So
you're going to have the microphone. You can promote something,
you can recommend something, you can do whatever you want.
I don't care. I'll be right back. Hello. Do you
want to make more money? Sure? We all do.
Speaker 3 (41:07):
Do you guys remember that commercial with Sally Struthers. I'm
going to do some free association here on Norman Lear.
There were a lot of shows when I was a child,
especially Norman Lear, shows that had a sort of orange,
yellowy brown. I think because they were shot on film,
(41:29):
but they really I really didn't like them. Watching them,
I could smell cigarette smoke, and I really I just
I didn't like it. This is the same reason I
didn't like Roseanne. It was like, this is my life,
Why do I want to see this reflected back at me.
I was much more into, you know, something aspirational like Sybil,
(41:51):
which apparently, and I don't know if Sybil Shepherd or
Christine Baranski.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
Will ever be guests on this podcast.
Speaker 3 (41:59):
But apparently they did not get along at all, and
that is hard for me because I would like to
imagine that they were friends.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
Oh are we I kind of I kind of want
you to just continue talking for a while. No, No,
I think I think I'm done. I think I've said
what I needed to say, half heard whatever was happening,
and I support everything you were saying. Great, thank you, Sybil.
Shepherd is becoming kind of a recurring theme on this
podcast because I think that Shepherd mouse pad or I did,
(42:34):
and she sent it to me, and that's neither here
nor there. We need to play the game, okay, but
also just excellent use of that time. This is how
this game works. I'm going to tell you three potential
gifts things you're going to give to people, and then
three celebrities or famous people, and you're going to tell
me which gift you'll give which person and why does
(42:56):
that make any sense? Yes? Okay, perfect? These are the
three gifts that you'll be giving. Okay. Number one is
a trip to White Sands National Monument. Now, I believe
it's New Mexico. It came across my desk because I
feel like a lot of people post about it on Instagram.
(43:17):
It's you know, sand Dune's White Sand picturesque. That's what
you're dealing with there. Number two is homemade fudge. Homemade
fudge like that I made, yes, okay. And finally, guitar lessons.
Those are the three gifts. Can you'll be giving two?
Let me find them. I'm getting slightly better at this.
(43:37):
Sometimes I struggle, sometimes I nail it, okay. Number one
this is two people. This is Derek and Julianne Huff. Okay,
they're the brothers sister team on Dancing with the Stars.
Number two is celebrity chef Bobby Flay. And number three,
I don't know how many people. This is the Sackler
(43:59):
family now right, kind of the family behind the opioid crisis. Yes,
of the I believe Purdue Pharmaceutical Yeah well, okay, yes,
so go ahead.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
Immediately, I'm poisoning that sudge and giving it to the
Sackler family because.
Speaker 2 (44:19):
It's coming from my home. It's lazier focused, I love. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Oh, poisoning them, by the way, with an overdose of
the opioids that they.
Speaker 2 (44:30):
Produce or finance.
Speaker 3 (44:33):
Okay, So we have Bobby Flay hmmm, Okay. The last
thing I want is either of them playing like Derek
and Juliana. I don't want them. I feel like the
Juliana maybe play is Julianna or Juliana Julianne Julianne Juliana
(44:57):
makes more sense. Yeah, it does, but I'm not I'll
talk to her about it afterwards.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
For now.
Speaker 3 (45:05):
Oh yeah, Julianne, I feel like already plays the guitar.
Oh that sounds right interesting, So maybe I would give her.
I would give them the guitar lessons as a sort
of passive aggressive way of saying, like keep trying, babe.
(45:26):
And then Bobby Flay sort of seems a little like, uh,
what are the humors? I learned about this in the
plague lecture, Like there's like yellow like bile, and then
there's like he's whichever one is like cold and flemy
and probably needs to be like an arid climate for
(45:49):
his health, kind of like write out almost.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Yeah, yeah, so I would. I would send him there.
I think that's an excellent I mean, if you, If
not you, someone should be sending that poison fudge to
the I hope, so somebody's got to get them. I
hope it's Julianne half. I hope she sends you. Hope.
Speaker 3 (46:10):
I hope she sends poison fudge to the Sackler family.
I would if I woke up to that headline tomorrow,
I would kill myself because I wouldn't get any better
than there.
Speaker 2 (46:19):
Was absolutely nothing better than that. Juliane becoming an unexpected
kind of hero.
Speaker 3 (46:25):
Yeah, yeah, kind of on this mission of revenge on
behalf of America, of the world, of the world. Yeah,
well that's wonderful. Do you give Do you like giving gifts?
Speaker 2 (46:37):
I do like giving gifts. You know what I do?
You know that? Finally? Yeah, fuck you, I like I
like giving gifts. I don't care what you think. Yeah,
I do like it. Do you give unexpected gifts or
just on occasions? I'm trying.
Speaker 3 (46:59):
You know who's the best gift giver is Amy Sedaris,
and she gives like gifts at random times if she
sees something that makes her think of you, right, she'll
send people things. And I really like that, and so
I've tried to or it's sort of inspired me to
(47:20):
just keep my eye out for things like that, just.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
To be thinking of other people while you're out in
the world.
Speaker 3 (47:27):
But I still mostly just give gifts for you know, housewarming, right,
you know, birthdays, I love bringing toilet paper.
Speaker 2 (47:36):
Is that true? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (47:38):
Because who doesn't need it? You know, right, It's just
a thing. It's very practical. Yeah, we'll always be used.
Speaker 2 (47:44):
Is there Have you given any type of gift that
you've been particularly proud of? Oh?
Speaker 3 (47:48):
Well, the best gift was I got a Toto washlet
you know, like those little bidet toilet seats. Oh sure,
that like heated to my mother there for Christmas, and
that's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (48:02):
Did she like it? She used to ray.
Speaker 3 (48:05):
My aunt had one, and she would just always rave
about it, like for ten years she would talk about like,
oh my god, that toilet seat, and so I finally
got I got it for her, and I don't think
I can ever top that, right, at least to her.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Yeah. And has Amy Sidaria's given you anything good? I mean,
like what anything exciting?
Speaker 3 (48:28):
She gave me a portrait of me as chassis painted
by David's husband Hugh Hamrick.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
Oh my god, that's incredible. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (48:37):
She gave me this letter that Joan Crawford sent to someone. Yeah,
she just sends me those are beautiful gifts. Yeah, yeah,
sends me acep soaps and lotions lovely.
Speaker 2 (48:53):
Yeah, I mean, listener if you haven't seen at Home
with Amy Sidaris. Obviously, Amy Sidaris is very funny and
a bit cold. It's also extraordinary. Thanks. You didn't use
your time to promote anything. I'm not anything to promote
pp matter. That's another thing. Another thing people should look
up years again. Thanks? Thanks? Is that years? That feels recent? Two? Three?
(49:15):
I don't know. Nothing matters anymore.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (49:18):
Okay, we've we played the game, and then we got
into another thing. We have to answer a listener question. Yes,
this is called I said no emails. People are writing
into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. They
have just various issues. Let's see if we can answer
something here one moment. Okay, this says hello bridger and
(49:39):
insightful guest. I'm in the process of purchasing my first home,
and my parents are graciously loaning me a part of
my down payment. This is a true loan plus interest
that I will be paying them back for in full.
I'd like to get them something that says thank you,
without spending too much, because they are loaning me the money.
(50:00):
After all. My parents are semi retired, have three small
rescue dogs, a cat, and a chicken. They mostly hang
out of their suburban home, don't drink much, and prefer
to be working in the yard when it's warm outside
with all the animals. Can you give me some ideas
for an appreciation gift that are one easy on the
wallet and two aren't tacky or overplayed? And thanks? Ashley
(50:24):
in Dallas? Okay, So Ashley's parents are, as far as
I can tell, predatory lenders. I don't. It seems like
someone has just found herself. She's tangled up in something
that's going to only become worse. Yeah, and she wants
to give them a gift.
Speaker 3 (50:43):
This is like PhD level gift giving because it's like,
what do you get for someone who's loaning you money?
That's because you know, you get something too expensive. It's like,
what do you do, like.
Speaker 2 (50:57):
Right, that money could be going towards the.
Speaker 3 (50:59):
Yeah, yeah, So but I understand, you know, wanting to
a gesture a gesture.
Speaker 2 (51:11):
Right what we're looking at here? And then also we're
getting details like there's a chicken, which I don't know
that you know. It's the complication here is what you
get your banker. I don't. I'm not in the habit
of giving my banker a gift, right, But mom and
dad have apparently some level of money. Yea. And but look,
(51:35):
she's moving into a house. This is what I think is.
It's making a nice dinner and having them over, kind
of like kids made dinner and mom and dad are going.
Speaker 3 (51:45):
To have I was going to say, it sounds like,
you know, maybe I don't know what the travel situation is.
Maybe this house is somewhere on the other side of
the country. They're like, we don't want to travel, right,
you know, maybe they're not you know, maybe they're anti vaxers.
Who don't you know, she didn't include any of that information.
I wish I wish she had. Please respond and Bridger
(52:09):
will update the audience accordingly. I'm kidding he never will.
But I think, honestly, you just have to, like you
have to. It has to be something that you make.
I think, honestly, a thank you card, like a like
a letter, like a like an actually thoughtful letter, an
(52:31):
actually thoughtful letter with some details about their relationship.
Speaker 2 (52:36):
Yes, yes, it's nice. I mean, unless she's a terrible writer.
Speaker 3 (52:40):
A framed photograph of her in front of the house
not bad, yeah, or.
Speaker 2 (52:46):
Maybe like a.
Speaker 3 (52:49):
Actually I don't know, sen some dog treats or something
some corn kernels for the chickens. So what you do
is you chicken feed a photo of you in front
of the house in an nice thank you card, and
then if you can fit a dog one of the
little flat little milk bone treats in the envelope as
well as some corn dragged corn for the chicken, they
(53:12):
just end up with a dusty letter, which I'll appreciate it.
I'll have kind of a homie feel great. Yeah, I
mean I don't see any that's neither techy nor overplayed.
Speaker 2 (53:23):
Yeah. And mom and dad are also going to be
getting a monthly mortgage payment, yes, which maybe there's just
a thoughtful note every time you pay them.
Speaker 3 (53:33):
Yeah, like, hope you're enjoying this interest. I hope you're
enjoying making money off.
Speaker 2 (53:38):
Of me as I fall further and further into debt.
Speaker 3 (53:42):
Just alone on the down payment though, so well, I
don't know, but honestly, like just a photo of you,
like so happy in front of the house, Yeah, as
like perfectly look at how happy I am because of
something you did, and then maybe they'll or the interest
for you.
Speaker 2 (54:04):
Yeah, I think that that's all perfectly nice.
Speaker 3 (54:06):
Amy had this this chapter in her book about entertaining,
Like if you have a rich uncle over you, try
to like present very poor so that he'll maybe give
you more money. So like a photograph in front of
the house. Maybe make it make the house look sort
of dingy, put a tarple on the window that are
sort of falling apart, you know. Maybe get the photo
(54:31):
in the rain without like a rain jacket or something
like thank you so much, like just really dust, you know,
like get the envelope dirty as if maybe you found it,
you know.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
Yeah, I think that's great. Maybe try to send it
without a stamp so it's a first returned there's no
money for even for postage at this point. Yeah, and
cover it in two cent stamps. Yeah. Yeah, I think
that's wonderful. That question is could not be more comprehensively answered.
(55:06):
Can we answer one more? Do you mind? I would
love to something hopefully a little easier. Yeah, maybe not.
I mean we're just going to go to the next
thing here. Okay, this is Hybridger and guest. My name
is Bobby, and I need gift advice for my boyfriend's parents.
We've been together for five years and he has five siblings. Okay,
(55:27):
he and his siblings go in together on the gifts
for every holiday and do not include me in their
big presence. Well, this is feeling weird. Let's see. So
I am on my own to buy a Mother's Day,
Father's Day, Birthdays, Christmas. I ran up out of ideas
about three years ago, and they have since just been
getting boo I've been getting booze in a restaurant gift
cards every holiday. It's getting embarrassing. These people are in
(55:49):
their early fifties, have a lake house, and they ride motorcycles.
Please help. And it doesn't look like there's a name there.
That's probably my mistake, probably copying pasting. But this is
now an unknown person. Bobby, Oh, Bobby is at the beginning.
This is a reading reading comprehension problem. I knew it.
How many eggs are there still in the basket?
Speaker 3 (56:10):
If Robby has given way hold on, what do you
get for your I don't get Jim's.
Speaker 2 (56:20):
I've never gotten them. I mean maybe that's a problem
on my I let him get the presence. Yeah, I'm
not in charge. He doesn't get my parents anything, right.
I feel like you're just and also there's not this
I feel like this is kind of a psychologically complicated
thing where the boyfriend and siblings are all going in
on these gifts and leaving Bobby out. Yeah. I think
(56:42):
it would be up to the.
Speaker 3 (56:43):
Boyfriend to be like either say like, hey, can we
put my boyfriend's name on this, or he should help
you find like you know what my parents would like,
here's this?
Speaker 2 (56:57):
Get them? Yeah, I think I mean, why this person
is putting a lot of energy to these parents. It
doesn't make any sense. Yeah, I say just stop altogether,
although now you've created kind of a pattern that's going
to feel strange when it ends.
Speaker 3 (57:15):
Right, Well, I'm curious, do we can't get Bobby on
the line? But does he get gifts from them? That's
a good question because Bobby also mentioned Father's Day and
Mother's Day and like that's all like yeah, are they
getting you gifts for your birthday and for Christmas?
Speaker 2 (57:35):
And you know, do you get an Easter basket? You know?
Speaker 3 (57:37):
Is it that sort of thing like or or do
the parents get you and your boyfriend like a joint gift? Like, right,
isn't that case?
Speaker 2 (57:48):
Yeah? I don't know. You wouldn't kill him any Bobby
has kind of been dragged into this high level gift
giving scam the Ghost where for whatever reason, gifts are
being given over and over, but these six children want
nothing to do with Bobby's gifts. I think Bobby should
take whatever.
Speaker 3 (58:08):
Another thing that's really good, uh for rich people is
like donating money.
Speaker 2 (58:15):
For like to charity their name. Yes, that really is.
Speaker 3 (58:20):
Like some sort of like one upmanship of like I
know you want something, but guess what people need things?
Speaker 2 (58:27):
Well you're buzzing around the lake house.
Speaker 3 (58:29):
Yeah, yeah, so yeah, making a donation in their name
is really it's really classy.
Speaker 2 (58:36):
But just get like a very expensive card with that.
Oh that's beautiful, one of these cards you know. Uh, Well,
I feel like, did they go out of business? I
feel like a walk away from me. You're kidding. No,
at the beginning of this pandemic, I right before you
saw to it that they would go out a business.
Speaker 3 (58:56):
I swore, if it's the last thing I do, Papyrus
will go out of business.
Speaker 2 (59:01):
Their brick and mortar stores will close.
Speaker 3 (59:04):
No.
Speaker 2 (59:05):
When we were getting ready before this podcast began, I
needed help wrapping gifts, and so I went to Papyrus
because I'm so bad at wrapping gifts. And they were
having a fire sale going out of business, and a
team there very sweet teen wrapped all these gifts on discount,
heavily discounted because they were going out of business. But
(59:26):
apparently you've kind of got this rogue papyrus that's running.
Should I go say something? I don't know, right, they're
just kind of automatic. Our phone's been ringing. We haven't
been paid in months, but is that what's going on? Yeah?
But yeah, an expensive card. Maybe find one of those
charities where they put your name on a bench or
(59:48):
a brick or that kind of thing. That's a thing, right,
I think like I've seen that before.
Speaker 3 (59:54):
Yeah, yeah, we're going to put your name on a
on a on something, a charity where they put your
name on something.
Speaker 2 (01:00:04):
I think those are more expensive though, Right, that's a
Christmas gift, that's a fiftieth anniversary gift. But a Mother's Day,
Father's Day maybe animal charity or something.
Speaker 3 (01:00:16):
The ASPA right, or something really like dismal, Right, something just.
Speaker 2 (01:00:24):
Really just sad, And that reminds everyone of how horrible.
Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
So many dead children's funds goes to kind of propelling
children's deaths.
Speaker 2 (01:00:34):
So just to remind everyone that they're dead children Awareness.
My charity are raising awareness for dead children. Cole. Okay,
we're done answering questions. Cole. I'm so happy to see you.
I'm so glad you be here. This cafle Maker is wonderful.
Speaker 3 (01:00:56):
I really wanted to show up everyone else who's ever.
Speaker 2 (01:01:00):
I mean, this is something that would be you want
to do, embarrass you.
Speaker 3 (01:01:04):
Frankly, you have good multiple time.
Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
Good for a moment. One of this podcasts have been humiliated.
And we're just going to exit on that note. And uh, listener,
this is the end. Thank you for being here, and uh,
do whatever you need to do now. I don't care.
I have a nice day, Bye bye. I said, No
(01:01:34):
Gifts is an exactly right production. It's engineered by our
dear friend on Alis Nelson and the theme song is
by miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show
on Instagram at I said No Gifts, that's where you're
going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts. I'm getting.
Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you
(01:01:54):
found me, and why not leave a review while you're there.
It's really the least you could do. And if you're
interest student advertising on the show. Go to midroll dot
com slash ads.
Speaker 1 (01:02:06):
And I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear.
Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
But you're a guess to my home.
Speaker 1 (01:02:18):
You gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guess,
you're on presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,
So how do you dare to surbey me?
Host
Bridger Winegar
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