Edi Patterson Disobeys Bridger

Bridger agrees to keep recording even after Edi Patterson (The Righteous Gemstones, Knives Out) forces a gift on him. The two discuss dips, magic, and being held captive in your own home.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:09):
I invited you here, I thought, a man myself perfectly clear.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
When you're a.

Speaker 1 (00:17):
Guest to my home, you gotta come to me empty.

Speaker 2 (00:23):
And I said, no.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Guess your presences presence and I already had too much stuff.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
So how do you dare to surbey me?

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Before the podcast begins, a reminder that Chicago Live show
is coming up at the Den Theater May twenty third.
You have to be there. If you're in Chicago or not,
you have to to be there. That's just simply what
you have to do. So google it, go to our Instagram,
look in the show notes, you know, look around the

(01:10):
internet for the tickets. And we're going to have a
fantastic time. We'll have special guests. I'll be wearing who
God knows what, and you know, maybe I'll bring some
gifts I've received on the podcast to give away. You
really never know what will happen with me because I
am I don't have a lot of control over my life,
and you'll get to experience that live. So the Den Theater,

(01:33):
May twenty third, seven thirty pm. No excuses. Now, let's
get into the show. Welcome to I said, no gifts.
I'm Bridger Weineger we're here in the studio. You might
be listening, you might be watching on YouTube. You might
be ignoring all of this completely. God only knows what's

(01:56):
happening in my life. Busy Morning threw away the case
idea that had been sitting in the fridge for about
six days. So if you wanted that, you're out of luck.
I'm on edge. I've been trying to book travel through
credit card points for at least four days, and this
is a real sore spot for me, a very difficult

(02:17):
thing for me. Anytime I'm on an online portal spending
any anything involving money, let alone credit card points, I'm paralyzed.
So everybody, just nobody try me. That's what I'll say.
Don't push me. Okay, Time to get into the podcast.
I adore today's guest. Everybody loves her. It's Edie Patterson.

Speaker 1 (02:40):
Edie.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
Oh, hi Bridgard, welcome to I said no gifts.

Speaker 3 (02:42):
Well, thank you for having me.

Speaker 2 (02:43):
I'm sorry to bring you here on such please usful
day for me.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
Oh, well, me too. I'm with you though on that,
like trying to get something with points.

Speaker 2 (02:53):
Oh, it's existential, it is. It's a weird thing for
me because I'm the sort of person who uses, like
treats gift cards like they're more important than cash. Oh,
I like I if I get a gift card, the
way I protect it on how I'm going to spend
it is psychotics.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
Same same. I've actually had I know what you mean now,
because I actually have had ones like that. I've put
in places like in a little holder on my desk,
where I've tacked them to some sort of bulletin board
to go, well, that one's for something special, and then
they run out.

Speaker 2 (03:33):
They run out, yeah, or inflation goes up and they
lose value. It's really it's like an obvious mistake I'm making.
And I'm sure these these gift card companies especially really
count on people like me to not use the money. Agreed.
I honestly like there was a point I had saved
up enough gift cards that I probably could have bought

(03:54):
a house at least put But this is the sort
of I'm just completely paralyzed. It's gonna be like, this
is gonna be my special thing. I won't spend that
on groceries.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Right, And then you go, why wouldn't I?

Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, it's the same. It's all money yep. But I'm
looking to treat myself. But the problem is is I'm
I can't treat myself in any form ever, so that
I'm just the gift card is sitting at the bottom
of my sock drawer for the rest of my life. Yep.
And now the same with the credit card points. But
then they have the online portal, which is like something
that hasn't been updated since two thousand and five. Yeah,

(04:29):
it's frustrating.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
You're mad, seriously horrible. It's horrible. And I still haven't
figured out how to do the airline ones. Oh I
can do hotel ones, right, but I still haven't figured
out the other and that's infuriating.

Speaker 2 (04:46):
And I've been told that. I've been told the airline
ones are it's trickier because airline prices are they fluctuate
so much more. And the points, I mean, people love this,
people love to listen anyway, credit card pot But I'm
making my way through and I'm aging rapidly while I

(05:10):
do it. I get it. Have you traveled it all recently?

Speaker 3 (05:13):
Uh? Yeah, I went to Texas and came back here
from Texas.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
Okay, And you're from Texas.

Speaker 3 (05:20):
I'm from there, and my mom was there for a
minute and went and got her okay, and her cat
and we came here. That was probably a month ago.

Speaker 2 (05:31):
Okay, that's the cat's name, Miss Press, I love. Are
you a cat person? Yes? Okay? Do you have cats
of your own?

Speaker 3 (05:40):
I used to. My husband and I had the greatest
cats on earth, Vruka and Violet.

Speaker 2 (05:45):
Oh, fantastic name.

Speaker 3 (05:46):
And they have both since passed, but they're the greatest.
And Miss Priss is my mom's cat, who was a
full on feral Texas cat and for whatever reason and
just always loved my mom and would let my mom
pet her in the backyard. And then my sister and

(06:07):
I just decided this cat is really cute and she's
going to be your cat. Oh and she is. And
now she's fully an inside cat, and she is weirdly small.
She's maybe some kind of mini okay, but she looks
like a Disney cat. Seriously. She fluffy, she's fluffy, she's little,
she's she's hilarious. But yeah, do you like cats?

Speaker 2 (06:30):
I love cats.

Speaker 3 (06:31):
I think they're magic.

Speaker 2 (06:33):
Oh, they're fantastic. When people don't like cats, I think
it says something about how much attention and love you need.
If or I guess attention if you don't like cats,
because cats will are very selective. Yeah, and I love
dogs too, but dogs will give their full attention to
just about any fucking yahoo. They're not super discerning.

Speaker 3 (06:54):
Yes, and a cat you kind of have to like
figure out their magic, figure out their lay and like, Yeah,
they're mystical and awesome and I love them.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yes, Yes, I had two cats a year I guess
about ten years ago, and then threw all the moving
back and forth from LA to New York. We ended
up having to find a new home for them, and
they now live with a YouTube magician.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
Oh how's that going.

Speaker 2 (07:21):
I haven't looked into it. I think it seemed like
a lovely home. It seemed like a family and a
teen YouTube magician. I thought, you know what, sure, this
don't work. They seem like they love cats. But maybe
my cats will become YouTube stars. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (07:39):
Well, let's just hope that he is it a boy magician.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
It's a boy magician.

Speaker 3 (07:43):
Let's just hope he's not like doing them like doves.
Oh you know what I mean, we're not trying to
get any of that magic for your cats.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
Yeah, they're like crushed in the bottom of a top
hat or that kind of thing. No, thank you.

Speaker 3 (07:56):
Yeah, somebody did doves once when I got invited to
the Magic Castle, and it was just so upsetting.

Speaker 2 (08:05):
What like what did they do? They come out of
a jacket or do they.

Speaker 3 (08:08):
Yeah, out of a jacket, out of their pants, out
of like it's just like every single second of it.
You're just like you just had a live creature jammed
in there with your balls, or like you, oh cool,
you just pulled nine doves out of a hat. Oh,
Like what are we supposed to be stoked at?

Speaker 2 (08:29):
Right? There's just there are so many magic tricks you
could do. Yeah, No one's like specifically like I hope
I see the doves tonight, No, no one. No one
wants to see a live bird anywhere, just free flying
around inside.

Speaker 3 (08:43):
Yeah, do some weird human stuff, like you're you're weird
woman assistant, Like, why don't you guys chop each other up.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
Cut each other. Let's see the midsection of one of you.

Speaker 3 (08:55):
Yeah, let's see the rings of your tree, bitch.

Speaker 2 (09:00):
Yeah. I mean I think if I were like going
to a magic show and expected to see an animal,
I might be like, oh I got to see a rabbit.
But even then, it's like, just leave it alone because
you know it's not their pet. Yeah, they're not.

Speaker 3 (09:12):
Treating that's their their working animal.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
Yeah, their little employee. That's not fair to anybody. No,
no thanks. I uh just last night, out of desperation,
tried to start this new David Blaine series. Have you
seen this?

Speaker 3 (09:25):
I just was flipping through with my mom last night
at Cedar Sini and the TV is totally blue, okay,
because it's something's Wronger. Then we were on the guide
and we ended up on just something else done, maybe
like a murder show or something. But I saw that

(09:46):
David Blaine thing, and I was like, he has a
new show, He's got.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
A whole news Well is this documentary style in uh
conjunction with National geographic which was shocking to me. I
don't know if he's elevated or they declined. I don't
know they met somewhere in the middle. But last night
he was in Brazil and what what we were seeing
was people not doing magic tricks, which shouldn't be that

(10:09):
big of a shock because he like holds his breath
or whatever. But this was like people sticking like a
knife in their nose through their nostril, which is a
hard thing to look at. Yeah, people chewing up and
swallowing nails. Oh boy, that old trump. It's either doves

(10:31):
or swallowing nails.

Speaker 3 (10:32):
Yeah, but don't swallow nails around me unless you're gonna
poop them out on the sidewalk.

Speaker 2 (10:39):
Then that might be interesting. I better hear metal hitting
cement as you walk away, exactly. No, is that we
didn't watch the whole thing because it was just kind
of a difficult to look at sort of thing. Just
people doing shocking. It's more dares. Oh got it? Dares
to me or not? I don't Know's not as much fun.

Speaker 3 (11:01):
I need to be tricked, agreed, Because on a dare,
the whole time you would be thinking like, oh, this
person just got dared to do this. They're gonna get hurt.

Speaker 2 (11:09):
Yes, there's just a risk here, and someone is desperate
for attention and they'll they finally decided they'll do whatever
it takes. Yeah, so I maybe I need to give
it more of a shot. I will say. David Blaine
is a narrator tough, Okay, I don't know that he
was born to narrate television. It is the most monotone

(11:30):
thing I ever ever heard. It's a zero inflection whatsoever.
It's just wow.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
And is it partly trying to be like super serious,
like I think, you know, let's take anything like this
because I want you to know it's fact.

Speaker 2 (11:46):
But it's not even that as much as like, I
think it's that an attempt at that but not having
the ability to even do that, So it's just flat.
Oh feels like he's reading for the first time the
narration and I know he wants to keep control of
the show, but like, come on, I'm on, Dave, come on, dB,
come on baby. Oh when was last time you were

(12:11):
at the Magic Castle.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
It's been a long time. That was probably. Oh you
know what, we actually had a friend doing really cool
stuff there. I'm like, what brought me there? Yeah, my
husband and I went with my friend Jeremy Rally and
his wife Danny Morrow, and we were going to see
our friend Helder, who's like a legit amazing.

Speaker 2 (12:34):
Great name for a magician.

Speaker 3 (12:35):
Yeah, held, Yeah, he does these really cool, like really
elevated kind of social experiment, thought experiment magic shows. He'll
do him at the Geffen and like, and so what
is he doing He's like, man, it's almost like a

(12:56):
play but with magic in it. At the Magic Castle,
I think he was doing a close oh card stuff. Right,
But like the shows that we've seen at the Geffen
and stuff, I mean they're super emotional, like manipulative. Well no,
weirdly yeah, just like he's like, it's very honestly elevated.

(13:18):
It's almost like you're watching a like the PBS version
of like when people find their roots.

Speaker 2 (13:26):
You know.

Speaker 3 (13:26):
Oh wow, Yeah, he manages to weave in some like
really cool complex human stuff.

Speaker 2 (13:33):
Okay, Yeah, and you're friends with this guy? Yeah wow,
good for you. How did you become friends with Helder?

Speaker 3 (13:38):
You know? I think I became friends with him because
he just started coming to I think he was friends
with Jeremy and he started coming to improv shows at
the Groundlings.

Speaker 2 (13:48):
Oh okay, and saw the sort of.

Speaker 3 (13:53):
The tie ins with what he's doing and sort of
I'm a nerd for improv, sure, and he's of was
very fascinated and interested in the kind of higher thinking
that can go with improv, right, sort of openness and
how it can you know, translate into real life.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
Huh.

Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (14:13):
And do you feel like he's putting that into his
show now for sure.

Speaker 3 (14:17):
I mean he's he's very bright.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
Huh. I need to I need to get into Helder seriously. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (14:23):
His I think I'm saying his last name right, but
I think it's Guena modish.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
Yeah, what is that?

Speaker 3 (14:31):
I would say Argentinian?

Speaker 2 (14:33):
Okay, just like a rolled something there. Yeah, Helder to
me sounded so Scandinavian. Uh No, okay, no saying Helder Helder.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
I think I think this is how you say it.
It's either Guina modis or Guina modas. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
He's the reason he goes by Helder just nice. Everybody
can say Helder.

Speaker 3 (14:55):
Just to maybe like white creeps. There's a reason everyone
else is probably fine with it and knows exactly how
to say his last name.

Speaker 2 (15:06):
In middle school, I think a magic shop opened to
normal and I bought. I felt like I was going
to try to do magic for about a month. Okay, workout.
Did you do anything like that in middle school? Any
weird little hobbies? You know?

Speaker 3 (15:19):
I just that vein of things. I think probably I
just gravitated more towards like the sort of sketch.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
Oh, so you like comedy early on? Yeah, I always
liked it right right. Yeah, Yeah, to me in middle school,
it just didn't seem like a possibility whatsoever.

Speaker 3 (15:41):
Yeah, it didn't really to me either. And then in
middle school, actually, these three friends and I wrote this.
There was a talent show at school and we wrote
this dating game parody. Oh no way, because on the
we didn't have cable at my house, but on the
regular channels there were a couple of them that had

(16:02):
constant reruns, and so they'd have like Brady.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
Bunch, right, love Boat and.

Speaker 3 (16:08):
Like Green Anchors, like all that cool stuff, Petticoat Junction,
and within that mix there was like a chunk of
like sixties game shows.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
Oh sure, which was awesome dream.

Speaker 3 (16:20):
Yeah, And so we always thought that was so funny,
the weird dynamic with the people on it, and like
how weirdly sexist it was. And like they're always talking
about making whoopee, which we were like.

Speaker 2 (16:35):
Making who is one of the worst things that anyone
that's ever thought.

Speaker 3 (16:38):
That's the worst God, that's.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
One of those like things that's trying not to be
as crass, and it sometow ends up being way more
disgusting than the actual term. Fully, like, oh, we're all
sick hearing that, Yeah.

Speaker 3 (16:53):
It's sick.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
What does it mean?

Speaker 3 (16:55):
What does it mean to you?

Speaker 2 (16:57):
It's just like to me, like there's like an inflation.
It was like something puffy.

Speaker 3 (17:02):
And something puffy and inflated, that's gonna pop exactly, and like,
oh yeah, it's it's like a fake fun It's like
oh whoopee's And.

Speaker 2 (17:14):
It brings yeah, it kind of brings like an adolescent
weirdness to it. Like everything about it is just like
this is should not be repeated anymore totally.

Speaker 3 (17:24):
But we've we've got many aspects of the you know,
the dating game were really really funny, and so we
did a dating game sketch where three of us were
the guys and one was a football what was like
a football jock, one was a businessman, and I was

(17:46):
the nerd. And it was of that time period where
like it was full on like idea of a nerd.
So I had a pocket protector and like black glasses,
right pre and cell yes, pre in cell.

Speaker 2 (18:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (18:01):
God, being a nerd now would be a whole other thing.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
Oh my god, it brings off so much dangerous baggage
totally does. Nerds have had a real journey over the
last twenty years.

Speaker 3 (18:12):
Yeah, man, take us back to pargettular.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
That's all we want to quiet and do math.

Speaker 3 (18:20):
But yeah, we wrote it and we performed it, and
I remember just that feeling because look, let me just
tell you not to brag, but the nerd got a
lot of lass, just and going, oh, maybe this is
a thing that could be my job. That was the

(18:41):
first time ever that I thought, especially from a small
city and.

Speaker 2 (18:45):
Of course completely anyone.

Speaker 3 (18:48):
Yeah, where'd you grow up?

Speaker 2 (18:49):
Right outside of Salt Lake City?

Speaker 3 (18:50):
So it's just like, you don't know anyone doing anything
like that.

Speaker 2 (18:53):
People on TV do totally why would I be able
to do that? Right?

Speaker 3 (18:57):
And no one around, you know, thinks that it's a thing.

Speaker 2 (19:00):
The idea of even going to college out of state
was like, no, totally, that's not for people like me.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
Yeah, same, So yeah, but yeah, that's that's I guess
when it sort of popped off. But probably even before that,
I was trying to make in the mix with me
loving comedy and loving hilarious things. I also loved horror,
and we were My dad loved horror, and we were
allowed to watch horror movies way too young. My sister

(19:29):
and I so we're both still we both still love.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
It due horror movies. Horror movie I think.

Speaker 3 (19:35):
Probably favorite of all time is The Shining Oh, of course,
so beautiful, kind of.

Speaker 2 (19:40):
Yeah, I think that's kind of like almost above horror
even so good. It's just such a good one and
it's so scary. Yes, just a fantastic And you would
make your own horror movies.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
Yeah, I'd make them in in VHS camera and would
just like sort of it would be all one taken
of cause start again and put some the year pause
started again. But I liked making little mini slasher movies.

Speaker 2 (20:06):
Do you have any still on VHS?

Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah, somewhere somewhere at my mom's house.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Nights of the Hunter.

Speaker 3 (20:14):
There's Gunthers on a Hunter. Somewhere, there's a there's one
I made in high school. My friend, my friend in
high school, Sherry, her her mom and dad sometimes would
just go do cool things, and every now and then
it'd be like, you know, six or seven of us

(20:34):
just spending the night at Sherry's with no Yeah, and
so there were more than a couple of times where
I would force everyone to be in a horror movie
all night, and I'd be you know, placing them at
the end of the stairs, the bottom of the stairs
like they just you know, we'd film like my friend
Holly sort of a hand pushing her at the top

(20:56):
of the stairs, pause the camera, fill her at the
bottom like displaye.

Speaker 2 (21:01):
You know, so they were all slasher stuff. Of course
we're using Were you making up your own fake blood?
Was it ketchup?

Speaker 1 (21:10):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (21:11):
You know what?

Speaker 2 (21:11):
We we only messed with blood.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
I feel like once maybe when I made like my
I think then four year old cousin Bradley, he was Gunther,
son of Hunter, and he was a murderer, and I
think in that one we played with like some ketchup
and stuff.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
What was the storyline? What did you say? It was
Night of the Hunter? Yeah, which is actually which is
actually kind of creepy. No, yeah, wow, So you were
really you're a born natural.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
I must have heard someone say that.

Speaker 2 (21:43):
It's such a good phrase, night of the Hunters.

Speaker 3 (21:46):
It sounds so scary.

Speaker 2 (21:47):
What was your Night of the Hunter then?

Speaker 3 (21:49):
Just like some money going around and killing people. So,
you know, probably my sister in my dad's clothes, killing
our neighbor friends, a.

Speaker 2 (21:58):
Little girl in baggy clothes.

Speaker 3 (22:00):
Yes, Gunther though had extra special elements. That one was
filmed at my grandmom's house in Range, Texas, and for
a while my grandmom collected. She was very into collecting
teddy bears. Oh sure, So there were sort of like
upper rails in a certain room with full of teddy bears.
And one of those teddy bears was also a murderer.

(22:25):
And we would play with like having an enter frame
and you don't see the hand, and yeah, that Gunther,
son of Hunter got a little wild.

Speaker 2 (22:34):
Did Gunther team up with the teddy Bear?

Speaker 3 (22:36):
I think I can't remember well. And then one of
them killed the other one. I can't remember who ended
up the victor or if just everyone died.

Speaker 2 (22:46):
This is how franchises are borne. You no ip everywhere.
You can do a movie about the Teddy Bear or
Gunther that this alien versus predator sort of situation. Wow,
that's incredible.

Speaker 3 (23:00):
Do you like horror?

Speaker 2 (23:01):
And I love horror?

Speaker 3 (23:02):
Okay, what's your favorite?

Speaker 2 (23:03):
Ever? I love The Shining Yeah, I love Halloween. I
love The Haunting. The original I think it was like
in sixty made in sixty four or something.

Speaker 3 (23:15):
I don't know if I've ever seen it.

Speaker 2 (23:16):
I mean, it's unbelievable. It's so good. It's so creepy
and like in a way that like, you know, there
aren't like a lot of like jump scares. It's just
like pure atmosphere and dread and just watching a woman
kind of lose her mind in a haunted house. Who
could ask them? I love haunted house movies, and there
aren't that many, or at least that many good ones.

Speaker 3 (23:37):
Yeah, what are the good ones?

Speaker 2 (23:39):
I love the others. That's a good, so good. What
other haunted house movies are there? Though?

Speaker 3 (23:45):
Even the conjuring, the original one with like Lily Taylor.

Speaker 2 (23:48):
Oh, that's a great one's pretty good. Yes, yeah, I
don't like them. I mean I like them as scary
movies enough to like found footage. Ones that are in
a haunted house. What are those? They're new or or not?
Paranormal activity, paranormal activity, but those of it to me
don't seem haunted house. I need a haunted house to
be kind of victorian. I don't need it to be
a new build. I can't deal with a new build haunted.

(24:11):
This looks too much like a condo or a model home.
That's not scary, Tom. I need old house. Yes, I
need creaking. I need door, brass door essentially.

Speaker 3 (24:23):
So, did you mess with skin a rink?

Speaker 2 (24:27):
What's that? Just that that's a scary word. Okay, what's so?

Speaker 3 (24:31):
This is a haunted house, one that I think is
all vibe.

Speaker 2 (24:34):
Oh, this is what I need.

Speaker 3 (24:36):
It's like maybe from a year and a half ago.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
Oh, pretty new.

Speaker 3 (24:40):
Yeah, and it was super polarizing, but people either loved
it or thought it was too slow. But there's something
about the clips I've seen of it that I haven't
even been able to watch it. Yeah, I think skin
a marinksim and it's the the premise is so creepy.
It's just very like day in the life, if you

(25:01):
can call them. But it's two little kids, okay, at
home alone. Like one of them I think is even
like not even old enough to be verbal. Okay, one's
like a baby.

Speaker 2 (25:15):
This is an eerie type of Yeah.

Speaker 3 (25:17):
And even just the trailer with the way it's lit
and the sounds, I'm like, I don't know, I don't
know if I can take this.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
When evil spirits get involved with you know, children not
pre toddler talking about leave them them alone. So scary
that kind of thing when a child can see something
that the adult is so scary, no, thank you. The
other thing, and I say this on the podcast probably

(25:46):
too often that really scares me is the strangers. Oh yeah,
which is that's a real life situation, so.

Speaker 3 (25:53):
Like a home invasion Bible. Yeah, you know what was
such a cool, cool version of that was just pulling
up my socks was the original They redid it? The
original one is I think German. Oh, but it's those
guys who go in that house.

Speaker 2 (26:15):
Ah, funny, funny game game. Oh that's a tough Did
you see that first one? I didn't see the original.
I saw the English remake, so maybe I saw one
or the other.

Speaker 3 (26:25):
That original one is.

Speaker 2 (26:27):
Just people showing up to terrorize you. Yeah, I can't imagine.

Speaker 3 (26:31):
There's this chunk of it that I think about sometimes
where they've got, you know, somebody horribly hog tied to
a chair or something and maybe tape on the mouth,
just awful, probably being beat, and they've got this loud
like Grand Prix or F one racing on on the
TV and it's just so long it's just that playing

(26:55):
for So that's that's cruciating because that's.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
What would really happen. Yes, Like they're focused on torturing you.

Speaker 3 (27:03):
Yeah, it's awful that. Another one that was so exciting
when I saw it because it's what would happen in
certain instances, is it's a French one. The girl trying
to get away from this guy who comes into the
country home of her friend. Oh oh, high tension.

Speaker 2 (27:26):
High tension, I've heard of this.

Speaker 3 (27:28):
Yeah, But she, the girl who is being pursued, actually
does some things to try and it makes it so
much scarier, Like when you know everyone downstairs is murdered, right,
she's hiding under a bed, and you're like, oh god,
And she remembers that she's trying to make it seem

(27:49):
like there's no one else in the house, like just
go ahead and leave no one else here to kill,
and she remembers that there is. She's been staying in
this guest room, and she remembers there's water in the
sink from like when she brushed her teeth that morning
or whatever. So she sneaks out from under the bed
and like wipes that dry and then gets back under

(28:09):
the bed, and you're like, oh god, oh god, that's
what you would have to do. Too much.

Speaker 2 (28:15):
No, this is like a morality play about cleaning up
after yourself and using the bathroom. Yes, exactly. This is
what you get when you don't wipe up after yourself.
You put yourself in danger. Yeah, exactly that sort of thing.
The other thing that scares me is I don't want
to know what I would say in these situations. I
feel like I would humiliate myself in the biggest possible way.

Speaker 3 (28:34):
Yeah, well, by what you would say.

Speaker 2 (28:37):
Yeah, I feel like in these extreme scenarios, I'm sure
I would say something so stupid, like what I don't
want to know. I don't know what me trying to
convince a killer not to kill me. I'm sure it
would be so stupid.

Speaker 3 (28:50):
You know, I think, I think maybe I'm with you
on that because I have in so right after college,
for just a beat, I lived in Austin with two
friends of mine, and the place was haunted, without a doubt,
a haunted condo. I've never since lived anywhere like this.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
Huh.

Speaker 3 (29:12):
But the things I used to say out loud to
whatever was happening there are so lame, remember any of
the Yes, That's why I'm like, Oh, I'm exactly with you.
It would be so embarrassing. There was one day mid day,
no one was home except me and I listened to
footsteps come up the stairs, and so I just started

(29:33):
out loud, going, hey, look, just be cool. We're going
to be cool, but you have you have to be cool.
Don't make this weird. So I think I would try
to get to like down if someone was trying to
kill me, I would try to talk, talk reason and
be like, man, let's chill. And I don't think it.

Speaker 2 (29:56):
Would worry, like sincere bargaining, sincere bargaining not good for me. Yeah,
just to please, no one take me hostage in my
own home. That's all I ask. I don't feel like
it's too much to ask.

Speaker 3 (30:11):
It's not it's not too much.

Speaker 2 (30:14):
Well, I feel like there's something i've you know, I've asked,
and I feel like I haven't been heard, and I
feel like we should just get into it. Okay, let's
get into an Idio. I was looking forward to having
you on the podcast, obviously, thought Idio, come by, we'll
have a nice time chatting and then move on with
our lives. Sure, nobody having hurt anyone's feelings, and the

(30:36):
podcast is called. I said no gifts, and I know
emails are sent, or at least I assume they are.
I would hope that one of them crossed your desk
at some point.

Speaker 3 (30:46):
Maybe I don't know.

Speaker 2 (30:49):
I mean I I don't know either, because here you
come trotting into the studio today holding what I will
describe as the most beautifully wrapped gift I've ever seen. Good. Yeah,
it's in this gorgeous bag.

Speaker 3 (31:04):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (31:05):
Is this a gift for me?

Speaker 3 (31:07):
Yeah, it's a gift for you. And I've out and
out disobeyed, to use your word, well.

Speaker 2 (31:14):
The defiance here, I don't even know how to push
back on this.

Speaker 3 (31:17):
Well, try come at me.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
I'm spineless. You know that I'm crumpling here. You knew
that I wouldn't be able to stand up for myself.
You know this is something I'm working on in therapy,
and so you're just steamrolling me.

Speaker 3 (31:31):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (31:33):
Well should I open it here on the podcast?

Speaker 3 (31:35):
You should open it here on the podcast.

Speaker 2 (31:40):
All right? And it's kind of this beautiful, kind.

Speaker 3 (31:42):
Of putty gray bag, which you know as I as
I bought this gift, they said, would you like an
opaque bag that you can't see through? And I said, yes,
please that one, and uh, they lie.

Speaker 2 (31:56):
It's a little bit. See there's a little bit. It's
more of a tease.

Speaker 3 (32:02):
Wow, that's what. Now we should start calling balls a
tease bag.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
I feel like that's in making woopy territory. It is.

Speaker 1 (32:17):
Bag.

Speaker 2 (32:20):
Okay, I'm going to bed, forget it. I want to divorce. Okay, Well,
let's open this up here. That's kind of beautiful bow
up here. That's right, double tiede, double tie. I'm just
gonna take all my strength sweating. Okay, this is a
different significant Should I take it the mountain specific order? Okay?

(32:45):
I'm currently holding a can okay, and I'm going to
try to guess to me based on what I know
about the bag and they can, I would say, and
my time in uh, you know, gas stations across America,
I would say, this is a ca of refried beans.
But close? Does that feel close?

Speaker 3 (33:03):
Close?

Speaker 2 (33:03):
Okay, let's see what's Yeah, this is exactly what I
just called it refried beans. It's Brito's bean dip.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
That's right, it's bean dip. And that is because of
a character I created the growlings a long time ago,
bean dip, and I just thought that she should give
you something with her name on it.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
What's bean DIP's origin story?

Speaker 3 (33:28):
Well, she's she's very aggressive and very wild and really
rich and uh.

Speaker 2 (33:35):
Really sweet, but really aggressive. Have you had this bean
dip before?

Speaker 3 (33:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (33:40):
I actually loved that beings. I haven't had it in years,
but either is delicious. I've never actually like looked into
what this is. Actually. Yeah, it's just I mean it's
kind of like refried beans essentially, except for they blasted
into Uh, it's just true. They like obliterate it. You don't.
I don't feel like you can say a bean in it, right,
It's like more of a pete.

Speaker 3 (34:02):
Oh no, no, no, you're not seeing a bean chunk
in that. That is a full pete.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
This is cat level pay fancy feast of refried beans.

Speaker 3 (34:11):
Fully, it might be the same ingredients.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
Is this something that you would eat like growing up
in Texas?

Speaker 3 (34:18):
For sure?

Speaker 2 (34:19):
Yeah, it's a very Utah I would see this frequently totally,
but we would. Uh, this is a special one because
it feels like you don't buy this really at grocery stores.

Speaker 3 (34:27):
They do have it at grocery stores, but but yeah,
I feel like I have it at seven eleven because I.

Speaker 2 (34:34):
Feel like when I'm at a grocery store or like
when my mom would be there, she would buy like
the can of refried beans which was in Utah was rosarita.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (34:44):
But then like my dad would probably be in convenience
stores more often and get this.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
Yeah, my mom would buy like a cannon refried beans
if we were gonna have like refried beans and rice
or like.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
Right, you know, put it in some tacos. But you
were never dip. Oh that this would we would literally
buy that to dip and the refried beans were a
separate then yeah, interesting.

Speaker 3 (35:07):
Nobody was trying to dip into a can of refried beans. Wow,
I'm not gonna say no, class, it's not cool that
they did that.

Speaker 2 (35:17):
I'm having some dark feelings.

Speaker 3 (35:19):
Right, you need to call someone in your family up
today and say the other one's literally called dip, you idiot.

Speaker 2 (35:28):
I'm finally going to confront my mom. Yeah, mom, you
have no idea what you did to me.

Speaker 3 (35:33):
Mom, you have no idea what you did to me.
And guess what.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
I'm sitting here with my full tease bag out ready
to walk into seven to eleven. You get my own
can of bean dip? Should we open it here? It's
gonna okay, that's yeah, and it has of course the
satisfying yet dangerous poll top. That's right, the room is

(35:59):
about to smell great for the rest of the episode.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
Feel free a part no one will know.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
Oh yeah, they have such a strong scent. Yeah, let's see.
That's like something you could open this, you know, if
you're having guests over, having a fancy party, just open
this and leave this in a part of the home
and it'll uh, you know, fresh enough the air and an.

Speaker 3 (36:19):
Interesting Honestly, if you do have a little party and
you have that out and some free toes, you'll be
shocked at how quickly it's gone.

Speaker 2 (36:28):
Oh, people love it. People love it. It's essentially salt. Yeah,
which who can resist salt? Okay, I pull out the
next thing because it feels like they're combined. Oh but yeah,
it's sort of what a trick. This is an undippable snack.
You think you think it's dippable? Well should we try?

Speaker 3 (36:47):
I kind of thought, like, if we hold it hard enough,
But you know what, all if I'm going to try
to have to see if those have gluten in them?

Speaker 2 (36:54):
Oh see the act or just gluten free?

Speaker 3 (36:56):
Well it makes me sick, probably, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (37:01):
Pop, let's see here, my sister CELIAX, so I'm pretty
verse in looking for gluten. They don't have gluten ingredients,
but they are manufactured on equipment, So okay, you're okay
with cross contamination their potential.

Speaker 3 (37:15):
Okay, okay, I'll show you what I meant of like
folding it.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
Follow your lead here?

Speaker 3 (37:19):
Okay, whoops, funny in the coffee. So yeah, what if
we just like hold it pretty sturdily?

Speaker 2 (37:27):
Oh yes, you really knew you had more faith in
the strength of a funion than Oh and look, fight,
I have a hard time pushing. How is that, dude?

Speaker 3 (37:41):
Legitimately so good?

Speaker 2 (37:42):
That really works? I'm gonna do this again.

Speaker 3 (37:45):
I got you these because these play heavily in uh
the third season of The Righteous Gemstones. Oh of course,
Aunt Tiffany always needs her Fundians. Shout out Valen Hall.
She's awesome.

Speaker 2 (38:00):
She really is wonderful. Bunyans are. I think there's not
a person on Earth who doesn't like a funion.

Speaker 3 (38:07):
Shame thing as with kat if you don't like bunions
about you, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:12):
It's just a lot of flavor, pure flavor, and then
you're dipping it in a bean dip. We may be
the first two people on Earth who have made this combination.

Speaker 3 (38:21):
Well, let's let's trademark.

Speaker 2 (38:25):
And then Sue Frido lay into oblivion. Would you have
a favorite type of dip? Is it bean dip?

Speaker 1 (38:32):
You know?

Speaker 3 (38:33):
My favorite type of dip is also this Texas thing
that well to Texas things.

Speaker 2 (38:38):
My love to hear about Texas dip.

Speaker 3 (38:41):
My mom would make this one called rotel dip.

Speaker 2 (38:43):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (38:44):
So it's salsa, okay, and like a block of velvet alvida. Yes,
but even on the velveta it says like cheese products.

Speaker 2 (38:54):
Of course, it's not.

Speaker 3 (38:56):
Not even a cheese So yeah, it's like one of
those big square.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
Almost looks like a stick of butter or something.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
Yes, right, Yeah, it's like a giant stick of butter
plus salsa.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
And then it is so.

Speaker 3 (39:12):
Deliciously awesome. And then the other one she makes is
just uh has people have started calling it pink to
but it's pink is sweet, right, and it's not?

Speaker 2 (39:25):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (39:26):
Yeah, that one is like sour cream. And is that
one salsa too?

Speaker 2 (39:32):
It might be.

Speaker 3 (39:33):
I think it's like sour cream and salsa.

Speaker 2 (39:35):
That makes sense, red and white that turns pink.

Speaker 3 (39:38):
Yeah, I'll get the exact recipe and sent it to
you that get ready to change the lives of anyone
who comes to your house. They'll be like, why do
I like this?

Speaker 2 (39:49):
I can tell you sour cream is wonderful, sauce is wonderful. Yeah,
why wouldn't you put those two things together?

Speaker 3 (39:54):
True?

Speaker 2 (39:54):
And like with Velvita, that's another thing where it's I
think processed cheese got a real bad for a long time,
American cheese, all these things, and I think we're slowly realizing, well,
it's a blast of flavor. Who can resist it? Is
just like science's idea of what cheese tastes like. Great,
it's great.

Speaker 3 (40:13):
And nine times out of ten, if you get some
nacho's somewhere, oh.

Speaker 2 (40:16):
My god, it's the face they're pouring that over it.
If you're dipping a chip into cheese, it's probably fake
cheese and better for it.

Speaker 3 (40:25):
And you're better for it.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
I love any sort of caseo, any sort of melted cheese.
Anything I can put a tortilla in, or a tortilla
chip in. San GUACAMOLEA do you like guacamole? Love? Okay?
When people I mean dip, people get very particular about dip,
and I feel like I'm very agnots agnostic about dip
where I'll I don't know that I've ever had a
bad dip.

Speaker 3 (40:48):
I don't know that I have either hamus ranch love.

Speaker 2 (40:54):
And now I've run not a dip Baba ganoche love fantastic,
smoky love it. And I think that may be the
end of dips. So maybe it's not that hard to
like dip because they're about nine of them.

Speaker 3 (41:07):
Here's the thing I make into a dip that is
very polarizing. I love yellow mustard on almost anything.

Speaker 2 (41:15):
Anything almost like, what's an extreme idea for yellow mustard?

Speaker 3 (41:19):
Well, the thing that I've gotten the most, like sort
of what are you doing? Is if I've got like
cashews or almonds or something, oh and just a squeeze
thing of yellow mustard, I'll literally sit there and dollip
on each one as I checked.

Speaker 2 (41:35):
Seriously.

Speaker 3 (41:36):
Yeah, it's good on anything. I would happily put it
on these funions.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
Wow. Yeah, I mean I love yellow mustard, don't get
me wrong, but I just I guess I don't think
creatively when I think about mustard. I just think of
the obvious things. Hot dogs brought worst sand some sandwiches.
But now I'm thinking an almond that might work.

Speaker 3 (41:56):
Actually, yeah, branch out even if you uh like you
saying you love anything on a tortilla. Get you a tortilla,
Get it hot, right on the burner, on the stove,
Flip it. Put some chunks of parmesan.

Speaker 2 (42:11):
Oh sure, cut them off.

Speaker 3 (42:13):
The parmesan block. Put chunks. Slather it with mustard. It's
the greatest jail food, the best snack you've ever had.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
That's very like snack you thought of when the parents
were gone and you had the house and we were
just like, well, these are ingredients. I know, this makes
basic sense.

Speaker 3 (42:33):
Yes, you're gonna love it.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
I probably would love I love all those ingredients. Yep.
It's just you have to kind of get into the
mindset of, well, this is a new recipe. Yes, and
I have to you know, be bold, Yes, just be
bold Harba sean and mustard.

Speaker 3 (42:50):
When you approach this. Don't approach it like you would
a killer who's trying to kill you and you're trying
to talk them out of it.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Just go go with it, just let it take over,
leave me for dead. Then parmetan is not a very
melty cheese either.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
No, that's the point, just eat those chunks when you're
crispy tortilla. Your tortilla is gonna be so crispy, is
almost gonna like crack when you fold it, and you're
gonna have those hard chunks in there with that yellow mustard.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
Get ready. It's just like a post apocalyptic like did
you ever see the Road? Or it's like that where
we found these ingredients in the cellar and this is
a feast.

Speaker 3 (43:34):
Oh my god. The road reading it was even more impactful.

Speaker 2 (43:39):
I loved the book a lot more.

Speaker 3 (43:42):
When you just said the cellar was.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
Oh in the book, Oh, that's a tough.

Speaker 3 (43:46):
Oh my god. And the thinking that he was doing
of like do we just stay here forever? Or do
I try to take us out of the cellar?

Speaker 2 (43:57):
Oh my god. Oh it's so dark.

Speaker 3 (44:00):
It's so dark. It's so beautiful.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
That book, my god. Yeah. My problem with the movie
was I just felt like the kid was a little
too old. Felt like.

Speaker 3 (44:11):
That was a coffee funion.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
He has just swallowed a funion, like a piece of
spaghetti that came out of her coffee, and she had
the time of her life doing it. It's crazy. This
was someone that no one should trust with a restaurant recommendations. Right.

Speaker 3 (44:28):
Actually, I'm such a foodie. I know, really stuff.

Speaker 2 (44:36):
She's like, we're in a flying jay or something truck
stop somewhere. But yeah, very very roade equivalent. I should say,
maybe those Cormack McCarthy books. I don't know if you've
read any of the others, but I always get hungry
reading them because there'll be like a cowboy eating literally
like tortillas and beans and coffee, and I'm like, that's

(44:56):
a dream meal for me.

Speaker 3 (44:57):
Dude, I am so with you on this, I have
I can't agree more. There is a an episode of
The Brady Bunch that plays in my mind sometimes where
they're like lost in the Grand Canyon and they're like separated,
but Bobby, I think, has sort of thought ahead and

(45:21):
he has a flashlight full of baked beans in case
he's lost.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
That little sicko, that little sicko, and he.

Speaker 3 (45:30):
Sits at one point and screws off the top of
that flashlight and eats those baked beans.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
As his family starves, and it.

Speaker 3 (45:38):
Just seems like the most amazing, delicious thing. So I
am so with you on these Cormick Bookcarthy, like.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
Oh yeah, like the most basic foods possible. I love it.
Did Alice was Alice with the family died. She was
just dead. She was dead long ago. She fell off
a mountain lion. Someone should do a study on the
mind of people who grew up with and without cable,

(46:09):
because we didn't have cable either. I would love to know,
like the cultural differences between people who obviously I guess
I don't have cable now either, just stud to where
the world is. But like kids who had cable and
who didn't, I agree, there's a very you've learned. I
think you've learned a lot of things while watching cable,
and you were forced to become a different sort of
person if you didn't have it.

Speaker 3 (46:30):
Agreed, it's I agreed. I think it probably. Yeah, it
probably pushes people who are inclined toward the arts more
towards the arts if you don't have cable, weirdly.

Speaker 2 (46:43):
Like hungry for it or something and maybe having to
like create create more. Right.

Speaker 3 (46:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (46:50):
My dad's mother, who lived in the same city as us,
had cable, okay, and are family friends growing up.

Speaker 2 (47:00):
There.

Speaker 3 (47:01):
They live next door to the dad's mom, their mamma,
and the Crittles mamma had cable, right, and so we'd
go over to their mamma's house sometimes to swim, and
I would just she had a TV just right past
the sort of backscreen door that was at the pool,

(47:22):
and the TV was right there near the door, and
I would just sneak out of the pool and just
like turn it to MTV and stare I mean transfixed.

Speaker 2 (47:34):
Yeah, it's like a complete universe that you're not allowed
to access at home.

Speaker 3 (47:38):
It was delishous.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
Oh yeah, anytime I went to a friend's house with
cable ooh, completely different experience. Fully loved, loved, loved. Yeah.
I just recently, weirdly, I've been on YouTube watching the
people are uploading like old MTV Music Video Awards, like
the entire show. Oh, that's awesome watching I think the
ninety five A worn how great, Brittany. No, this was

(48:02):
like full Michael Jackson. Oh, which is a complicated situation.
But he does like a fifteen minute thing which I
found very unsatisfying, to be honest.

Speaker 3 (48:12):
Oh really no moonwalk.

Speaker 2 (48:14):
A lot of it, but that he was doing essentially
like twenty seconds of each song, and it felt oh scattered,
MJ was scattered. Yeah, come on, just do all of
Billy Jean. Yes, that's the only one who want to
hear give me a break? Anything passed off the wall
or no, let's see thriller, thriller. Yeah, after that, I
don't need I don't need to hear bad. I don't

(48:37):
need to hear bad give me a break, and any
of those ballads from the mid nineties.

Speaker 3 (48:40):
Man in the Mirror, Oh no, thank you.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
I don't need you preaching to me. You've got your
own problems, deal with that before you start.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
Yeah, seriously, stop preaching to us.

Speaker 2 (48:50):
Yeah, come on, how dare how dare you?

Speaker 3 (48:56):
God? Seriously, how dare he hit us with Man in
the Mirror? Come on, Michael, please.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
He knew what he was doing, he knew what he
was doing. But then there was the scream video with Janet,
and I'm I'm full on board with Janet. Of course
we love Janet.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
Me too, And I did enjoy the like awesome cringe
of like those weird moments in the silence of like
oh oh yeah, I remember you seeing me so uncomfortable,
and I really liked.

Speaker 2 (49:27):
It for this person. Yeah, yeah, there was MJ. There
was Live. Do you remember the band Live? Oh God?

Speaker 3 (49:38):
Yeah, you knows the song.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
Of course shirtless singing. Yeah, there was a big period
where it was kind of a hole, which was great
to see court. So it's very fun, very fun to watch. Okay,
I'm gonna watch and they have the commercials and everything.
It's like, I hope I'm not exposing these YouTube channels
and then MTV comes after them. These things should be preserve.
I agree. I'd love to watch a old VHS recording

(50:04):
of a Oh my God, an Awards show. It's fantastic.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
There's a song on Serious I mean, I'm not a
song a radio a station on Serious Radio, Lithium, that's
all like nineties grunge type style.

Speaker 2 (50:17):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
I've just recently realized, like through hearing live on there,
that like they were sort of this early version of
like almost like a beat dropping in EDM. Interesting, you
know what I mean, Because they would do these and

(50:38):
it would go like that forever, and then out of
nowhere they.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
Would go like.

Speaker 3 (50:43):
Are and You're like, WHOA. Every song of theirs is like, has.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
This crazy where everybody is gonna.

Speaker 3 (50:52):
Write it up?

Speaker 2 (50:53):
Yeah, lollapalooza, yeah ninety seven. Yes, I'm trying to think
if I have a favorite music do you does anything
spring to mind for you? Oh? I love music videos
and me too. Whenever I anytime I bring up the
word favorite, my mind goes blank. Mind too, despite like,
what's the one you like? What's something I really really love? Okay,

(51:14):
let's focus. Let's see. It would probably be from the nineties.
It would probably be you know, I like some Oh,
I like some b York videos too, like that. Oh,
it's a so quiet video that Spike Joe. It's amazing, amazing.

(51:35):
I wouldn't say that's a favorite, but that comes to mind.
That's an easy Paul for me. Oh, I you know,
I love the uh the Weezer video for the Sweater
song and me too. It's kind of dreamy and they
have all these dogs run into the studio. That's a
great one. Yeah, I don't know, sir.

Speaker 3 (51:54):
I love the I feel like it's so classic. I
love the Sabotage Beastie.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
Oh my god, that's an all time That song is incredible.

Speaker 3 (52:02):
Yea.

Speaker 2 (52:02):
The video is amazing. Ye Oh, it's so good.

Speaker 3 (52:06):
And I actually love that Food Fighters video. We're on
the airplane.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
Oh yeah, to fly, Yes, yes, Dave. Girls like a
naturally very funny person. I love. There's this one for
a Blur song called Coffee and TV and it's a
little milk carton that walks around town.

Speaker 3 (52:23):
Oh dude, Yeah, fantastic, awesome.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
And now but they don't you don't really see music
videos anymore. They each have a budget about one hundred dollars.

Speaker 3 (52:31):
I know. I got to direct one what, like I
guess now it's like a year and a half ago
for l King. Oh wow, and I love how it
turned out and we actually got to like really do something.

Speaker 2 (52:45):
What is the video concept?

Speaker 3 (52:47):
The song is called Try Jesus, and it's like awesome
mix of country and like gospel almost the vibe of it.
But it's basically this woman who's like hooked up with
a bunch of losers and she's like, I don't know,
maybe I need to try Jesus. Yeah. She and her
manager had gone to record it and one of them,

(53:09):
either l or Chip. Her manager was like, oh, this
seems like something Judy Jemstone would sing, and so they
just reached out on it and said would you ever
want to direct it? I was like, Yes, I would,
that's incredible. So yeah, I wrote the video and talked
with the l of all about it. And then yeah,
then we set out renting a dollar store outside of

(53:30):
Nashville and tree.

Speaker 2 (53:31):
Yeah, it was awesome. Had you directed before?

Speaker 3 (53:34):
No, that was my first that's amazing.

Speaker 2 (53:35):
Oh, I can't wait to see this.

Speaker 3 (53:37):
Yeah, I want to do more.

Speaker 2 (53:38):
You should.

Speaker 3 (53:40):
That was my first though.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
Yeah. Wow, And now I'm realizing one other. This is
a very deep poll, but I can't imagine. It's by
a ben called The Intelligence. I just love this video
and it's the most simple thing, but it's two actual
crabs and one's playing the guitar and it's one of
the It's just so very delightful. It's for a song
called dating Cops. So that's a very fall I love

(54:01):
music video.

Speaker 3 (54:02):
I do too, And now that's got me thinking, Oh,
there was this really wild one. I guess it's like
ten years ago. At this point. The video is this
guy running. The whole video is him running through a
field and just getting shot over and over with arrows. Oh.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
That sounds incredible. It's so good. What is that?

Speaker 3 (54:24):
Yeah, we'll have to look it up and.

Speaker 2 (54:25):
At least put some keywords in and see if that's
a music video. Guy in field being murdered.

Speaker 3 (54:31):
Oh, you're gonna know the band immediately, Jay Jay.

Speaker 2 (54:35):
Yes, okay, I haven't seen that.

Speaker 3 (54:37):
I think you'll like it.

Speaker 2 (54:38):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (54:38):
I wanted to do something old school, like from when
I was growing up, of like a little bit of
a preamble and a story. I would have done way more.
I would have done like a whole like of course
fifteen minute video, but that was sort of sort of quick.
But still I got to have it. I got to
have her say a little something before.

Speaker 2 (54:59):
It, so it's like as close to like when they
were making music videos and totally totally Oh, I'm so jealous.
I can't wait to see this. Yeah, okay, I'm going
to reach. I think there's at least one more thing
in here.

Speaker 3 (55:11):
There are two more things in there, and I'm so
glad these were open first. The next two are their
own cattory.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
And this is something I've never seen before. I mean
I hadn't seen it either.

Speaker 3 (55:20):
These next two are things that I got for you
because the title of them was disgusting God gushers.

Speaker 2 (55:37):
I'm familiar with gushers, the candy from They would put
them in like at least other kids in school would
have them in their sack. Lunches yep, and I think
they're disgusting. Have you had one before? I'm excited to try.
I mean, it's an absolute texture nightmare for me. And
now money bites, money byes, what's the there's like a

(55:58):
mix that people make with the checks mix muddy.

Speaker 3 (56:02):
Buddies, oh, or like puppy Chow.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
Puppy Chow. I think those are kind of that's the
same thing that like peanut butter checks and chocolate powdered chugar.
Maybe I wonder if that's but this has waffle cone,
so this is a whole new thing, that thing.

Speaker 3 (56:16):
But I was like muddy bites. There was something so like,
it's so scatological about that.

Speaker 2 (56:25):
Gushers. That's a tough combination of snacks.

Speaker 3 (56:33):
Come on, get loose, get your tea's bag out, get
you some gushers, slurp some muddy bites.

Speaker 1 (56:44):
Uh.

Speaker 2 (56:45):
Would you like to try a gusher first or a
muddy bite first?

Speaker 3 (56:48):
I think a gusher first, and then I don't even
know if I can have the muddy bites because they've
got cones.

Speaker 2 (56:53):
Oh right, you can't have that's certainly a gluten and
let's these might even be let's see let's just make
sure I know there's a gluten. Yeah. These seem okay,
and yet they're impossible to open. Maybe if I pull
it like this, Oh the mean that's almost too easy.
These were opened in storm. We're gonna both be poisoned.

(57:13):
This is like that advil murderer.

Speaker 3 (57:15):
Yeah, it's like old Halloween warnings.

Speaker 2 (57:17):
Yeah, exactly, Okay, I know, m I'm not okay. I
have to get a different flavor. This flavor is abhorrent.
It's lime. Oh, artificial lime for me? Is whoa?

Speaker 3 (57:35):
That orange one had no flavor and I'm like, did
I get covid in here?

Speaker 2 (57:41):
Rapid covid? Okay, I have to give it another shot
with the blue. I think that's a safer hmm. Oh
my god, that green is for me. That is truly
poisonous flavoring. Oh okay, blue, They're.

Speaker 3 (57:57):
So like fake it's Oh, the gush is wilder.

Speaker 2 (58:06):
This is a bad This is a bad candy. They
should no longer be on the market.

Speaker 3 (58:10):
That is fully of poisoned candy.

Speaker 2 (58:13):
We've come so far with artificial flavoring and they have
fucked it up in a huge way. Tropical. Oh, they
taste horrible.

Speaker 3 (58:21):
I know, they should at least taste as good as
like Star Wars.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
Oh yeah, bare minimum. Come on, they don't. This is
a national brand. They have the science, the food scientists
that could be evolving the flavor. They don't care about us.
Oh that's a terrible these I think, like initially we're
kind of almost like the fruit snack category, where people
think parents would be tricking to thinking oh it's a fruit.

Speaker 3 (58:47):
Oh yeah, because they'd be in lunches and.

Speaker 2 (58:51):
Now oh okay, now I guess I'll be trying my
muddy bite private like, okay, let me know. If you
want me to over my eyes, I'm gonna have to
blur out all of the footage. Chair that's what it
looks like. It is very uh the cone is very
accurate to a real cone. Maybe that might actually be

(59:12):
a waffle cone. And then the inside is some dusty chocolate.

Speaker 3 (59:15):
Ha ha ha oh, because I forgot to tell you this,
there is a sign by these in the store that
says do not eat well. It says all these muddy
bites were left on a shelf for six months, hence
the dusty chocolate. Enjoy before before bagging.

Speaker 2 (59:37):
You think six months, yeah, just to collect the right amount.
It's not gonna stop me.

Speaker 3 (59:45):
Okay, great, Oh I don't oh.

Speaker 2 (59:51):
This almost says more like an onion than a oh no,
something wrong is happening in my mouth right. I don't
know if it's because the funion altered what's happening in
my mouth, but there's like a a savoriness to this

(01:00:12):
that should not be happening. What is happening?

Speaker 3 (01:00:17):
Oh god, they're just like both of them are such
Oh oh, they're such synonyms for you know, very like
very explicit.

Speaker 2 (01:00:33):
Well and listen, it sounds like there's a letter on
the back from the creators. Oh hi, and it says
we started Muddy Bites because we thought to ourselves, what's
better than eating a Sunday cone? Well, well, yeah, enjoying
the last bite over and over again, of course. Okay,
where delicious milk chocolate made from only the best ingredients.
I'm gonna stop you right there. Yeah, come on, fills

(01:00:55):
the waffle cone tip for the perfect bite. It's like
every day is summer vacation or hitting a home run.
With every swing, it's happiness multiplied. Jared and Tyler. Jared Tyler,
what are you doing?

Speaker 3 (01:01:07):
What are you doing? I see the deal. Now I didn't.
I didn't put it together like, oh, if someone does
eat a drumstick.

Speaker 2 (01:01:15):
That part is good.

Speaker 3 (01:01:16):
That part is the best I can remember that course.
So that's what they're trying to do here.

Speaker 2 (01:01:21):
But that's not an artificial This is a copy of that.

Speaker 3 (01:01:25):
Yeah, and there was part of this that made me
gasp fee oh the waffle tip. God, just at least
add a few words about the end of the waffle cone,
the waffle tip of the muddy bite. Get out of here.

(01:01:51):
How dare you? Jared and Tyler?

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
Wow, they're really getting away with something here. This snack
should have like a rating like movies. Yeah, these are X. Yeah,
this is an X, and so's the gusher. And I
will say that they have there are notes of meat
I'm tasting. I'm tasting notes of ground beef for site.

(01:02:13):
But maybe people are into that. Maybe people have all
sorts of tastes and cases.

Speaker 3 (01:02:19):
You know what I didn't notice in the seven to
eleven was that the logo on that they have on
the front of the cone that's running this little guy.
He has a full erection.

Speaker 2 (01:02:35):
Not really without a huge kind of glance. He also
kind of looks like a slice of pizza. Whoever was
they paid. They probably bought this on Fiver or something.
They got like some amateur to do their logo. That's
not ideal. The best bite over and over again. I'm sorry,
but I will not be having another muddy bite. I
don't want to stop anyone else from having a money

(01:02:56):
Please have a money bite. But for me, you know,
if the meat the meat element, my mouth is so confused.

Speaker 3 (01:03:07):
With hints of ground beef in the waffle tip.

Speaker 2 (01:03:17):
Well, I think we should play a game. I do too. Okay,
We're gonna play a game called Gift or a Curse. But
I need a number between one and ten from you. Okay, seven, Okay,
I have to do some light calculating. So right now
you can recommend, promote, do whatever you want. I'll be
right back.

Speaker 3 (01:03:31):
Okay, great, I would say in this moment, I will
tell people to watch season four of The Righteous Gemstones.
It's currently airing on HBO also known as Max comes
on Sunday nights right after White Lotus. How about that

(01:03:54):
throat clear and yeah, episode three air word on this
past Sunday night, and uh yeah, catch that catch up
on all the other seasons if you want to you
before you watch it. And I'm doing a show on
May sixth at the Crownlings. That's a improvise one person show.

(01:04:17):
Oh that's what I've got right now.

Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
Oh that's beautiful. Yeah, Jemsuns is so good. And I
might be biased, but Edie is just outstanding. Hey, come on,
everybody's gotta Yeah, everybody's gotta watch it and listener. What
am I? I'm reminding you that we have Patreon now
Patreon dot com slash I said, no gifts, bonus episodes. Also,

(01:04:39):
whatever nonsense. I feel like posting. Sometimes it's late at
night and I'm desperate to do a post, and then
it just ends up being something I probably shouldn't have
posted in the first place. I don't know, but that's
an opportunity for you. Okay, this is how we play
Gift or a Curse. Great, I'm gonna name three things.
You'll tell me if there are a gift or a
curse and why, and then also if you're right or wrong,
because there are answers. Yep, all right. This first one

(01:05:02):
is from one of our Patreon listeners, Brit Gift or
a Curse going through the drive through and the person
in front of you paid for your meal gift why.

Speaker 3 (01:05:14):
I think that it was just probably something they wanted
to do. They probably didn't even see you. I know
if I did that, I would just do it just
to be cool, be nice, and have them have an
extra perk in the day. I know people could argue

(01:05:34):
that they saw you and they felt really bad for you,
but I think probably they don't even care who or
what you are. They just were trying to do something nice.

Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
Wrong curse. This person is mind your own business. I
don't want you knowing anything about how much I'm spending
at the drive through, and you're obviously very curious about
my fast food budget, and so you think what's the
easiest way to find.

Speaker 3 (01:06:04):
Out, Oh pay now, Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:06:08):
Pright into my personal business.

Speaker 3 (01:06:10):
You're yeah, I didn't even think about this.

Speaker 2 (01:06:12):
Now.

Speaker 3 (01:06:12):
They know too much about you, know.

Speaker 2 (01:06:14):
Too much, and it's almost like they're reverse following you. Yeah,
it's like a very subtle piece of soccer move Yep, yep.

Speaker 3 (01:06:23):
Well I know why I got that one wrong, and
I will never do it.

Speaker 2 (01:06:26):
Again, all right. Number two. Uh, This is from a
listener named Brent. Gift a curse. Gift you a curse.
Standing on escalators.

Speaker 3 (01:06:37):
Well, it could go either way. Ultimately, curse because keep
it moving if you can, and if you I have
been in situations where my bag is too heavy to
walk on the escalator, but in that case, put it
right in front of you, have it, take up only
the width of your body and leave room enough for
someone to run past on the side if they want to.

Speaker 2 (01:06:59):
So you're saying, curse, curse, absolutely a curse. Oh, I
mean this, I mean what's shocking to me. I mean
it's how many people don't understand this. It's shaped like
a staircase for a reason. If you have the ability
to walk up a staircase, no excuses. I want you
walking up an escalator. Keep it moving, come on or yeah,
or at least stand to the side.

Speaker 3 (01:07:19):
Yeah. If you can't keep it moving, stand to the side.

Speaker 2 (01:07:22):
Oh this sets me off in a huge way when
I'm trapped behind somebody on an escalator.

Speaker 3 (01:07:26):
Yeah, especially if you're trying to run through an airport
and get a connecting flight.

Speaker 2 (01:07:30):
It is infury, and I even more so if it's
one that's going down where it's like this requires very
little energy. Huh. Okay, I can kind of get behind
the reason of like I don't want to walk up.
I still want to walk up, but we're headed down.
Gravity is assisting you. Hear, keep moving, get out of
the way.

Speaker 3 (01:07:50):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (01:07:51):
And no lovebirds standing next to each other. No, no, no, no,
no no.

Speaker 3 (01:07:54):
I feel the same about moving sidewalks in the airport.

Speaker 2 (01:07:57):
Of course, and the airport is telling people still and
to the side.

Speaker 3 (01:08:00):
Stand to the side, because I'm coming fast.

Speaker 2 (01:08:03):
I am flying, even if I'm not in a rush,
I'm just like I want to love it. Yes, it's
a thrill.

Speaker 3 (01:08:10):
It's a thrill.

Speaker 2 (01:08:11):
You feel like wonder Woman or something zipping through the airport.
Mm hmm. Curse. Okay, so you've gotten one right, so
car great, not a total failure. Finally, this is from
a listener named Mackenzie Gift or a curse keyless ignitions
in cars.

Speaker 3 (01:08:28):
Gift, Why just because then you can have your your
whole chunk of keys just in your bag, in your
pocket wherever you want to have it, and you don't
have to go digging for it to stick it in
the key hole. Just get going.

Speaker 2 (01:08:46):
You're on the move.

Speaker 3 (01:08:47):
You're you're on the move. This is exactly in the
vein as an escalator. Keep it moving.

Speaker 2 (01:08:56):
Wrong, curse. Look, I understand everything you've just said, but
I think I miss the delicious feeling of sticking the
key into the ignition, the revving it up. You know,
it feels like you'rev I'm revving.

Speaker 3 (01:09:13):
What is your car?

Speaker 2 (01:09:15):
A monster truck?

Speaker 3 (01:09:16):
Okay, okay, okay, I get it.

Speaker 2 (01:09:18):
I drive a monster truck, a Corvette. I'm always in
something that's catching eye. A Dodge Challenger, Dodge Challenger of course,
of course, cutting people off on the freeway, tailgating. And
the only thing missing is that I didn't get to
turn the key.

Speaker 3 (01:09:34):
Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:09:35):
I loved and I do feel like I'm being trained
to like. You know, what tries to crazy is when
the automatic door opens just for the driver and then
you're sending there as the passenger, waiting for the person
to get in and open your door. Drives me crazy, agreed.

Speaker 3 (01:09:49):
I can't. I can't fight the urge to uh. I've
tried it. Once it was locked. I then can't not go.

Speaker 2 (01:09:57):
Of course, I'm I get it back in. Yes, the
night's ruin.

Speaker 3 (01:10:01):
I'm done.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
I'm going to uber at that point, you know too
much forget it? Well, you got one out of one
three pretty poor, bad, unfortunately, huge failure, but it gives
our allows for room for improvement.

Speaker 3 (01:10:21):
Okay, okay, And at least we.

Speaker 2 (01:10:23):
Know you know how to stand on it or to
move on an escalator, which comes for a lot. All right,
people who are standing on the escalator fail.

Speaker 3 (01:10:30):
At everything, So I think you may be right.

Speaker 2 (01:10:33):
Okay, Well, I think we should get into this final
segment of the podcast. Let's answer a listener question perfect
people have been sending in voice notes on at least
would you play one?

Speaker 4 (01:10:42):
Hi Bridger, my name is Ann and this weekend, my
grandma turns one hundred and one. I have no clue
what to get her. She's from Missouri. She's very elegant,
she's very funny. Loves white wine like chardonay. I don't

(01:11:04):
know if I can keep giving a woman in her
hundreds wine. She'd probably like that, but I'd really appreciate
some advice. Here shout out to Dorothy. She's a great grandma.
I love her and I'm so lucky she's here.

Speaker 3 (01:11:20):
Thank you, Oh sweet, so sweeteah. And she has a
problem geez, sounds like a blast.

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
She's having the time of her life. She's still getting
boozed up at one hundred and one.

Speaker 3 (01:11:34):
Pretty great.

Speaker 2 (01:11:35):
Wow, what do you give this person that you know
has to dry out?

Speaker 3 (01:11:39):
My first idea is, maybe she doesn't have to dry out?
What about I wonder if there's anywhere even an hour
or two away a winery. That would be a fun.

Speaker 2 (01:11:51):
Time grandma granddaughter trip.

Speaker 3 (01:11:53):
Yeah, just even go and spend one day and one
night would be a blast.

Speaker 2 (01:11:57):
That's a great idea, be my first idea.

Speaker 3 (01:12:00):
But maybe Anne doesn't live where her grandma lives. In
that case, my next idea would be, maybe maybe it's
a really cool, like unique, some kind of jewelry.

Speaker 2 (01:12:18):
Oh yeah, some nice like a nice necklace or earring,
yes that's an or a bracelet, a charm bracelet with
wine bottles on it. Yeah, yeah, that seems like a
decent thing. I do ever think about? This is something
I think about, well, not often. I'm not frequently thinking
about this. But if I get to that age I
really want to start doing hard drugs, why not?

Speaker 3 (01:12:40):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:12:40):
I just feel like you get to a point where
you're like, let's just do it.

Speaker 3 (01:12:43):
Let's party.

Speaker 2 (01:12:43):
Yeah is at the door? Yes? Okay, So what drugs
should she get her? I feel like a starter on heroin?

Speaker 3 (01:12:50):
Great whoa full trade spotting from the jump. Okay, dirty
drugs okay.

Speaker 2 (01:13:02):
Or maybe okay, it's her birthday. Maybe she coke?

Speaker 3 (01:13:04):
Yeah, okay, that's a party drug coke or maybe uh
maybe some molly Molly's together.

Speaker 2 (01:13:13):
Molly seems like a grandma drug. Yeah, give your grandma
some molly and like be prepared to like brush her hair,
hug hug, lie together on a quill.

Speaker 3 (01:13:22):
Yeah, that sounds awesome.

Speaker 2 (01:13:24):
That's a perfect hundred and first birthday with your granddaughter.
I mean, if she doesn't like that, then she has
not learned anything in life. Sorry, grandma, Sorry grandma. Well
I think that we answered that. I think we've saved
a relationship, a grandma granddaughter relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:13:41):
Were the were they in peril dire straits?

Speaker 2 (01:13:44):
Yes, there was gonna be a some something that resembled
a divorce. Can you emancipate yourself from your grandma? Yes? Well,
happy one hundred and first birthday, Grandma. Yes, Deandra, don't
call back. Ah Um, Well we answered the question perfectly.
The room smells like an absolute gourmet.

Speaker 3 (01:14:09):
Yeah, the room smells like beans, onions and gushers.

Speaker 2 (01:14:18):
I've had such a wonderful time with you. Same what
a bless and I've now I've had lunch. Great, thank
you for being here. Yeah, thanks for having me listener.
The podcast is over. You can do whatever you want
with your day. If that involves muddy bites. I don't
know what to tell you, but that's truly up to you.
I'm sending you off into the world and hoping you

(01:14:40):
make a decent decision. I love you, goodbye. I said,
No Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer
is on Alisa Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed
by Ben Holliday. The theme song is by mir co
worker Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our booker,

(01:15:03):
Patrick Cottner. You must follow the show on Instagram. At
I said no Gifts, that's where you're going to see
pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't
you want to see the gifts?

Speaker 3 (01:15:14):
He lie?

Speaker 2 (01:15:14):
Invit? Did you hear?

Speaker 1 (01:15:18):
Gonta made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guess to me,
you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests,
You're our presences presents enough and I already had too

(01:15:39):
much stuff.

Speaker 3 (01:15:40):
So how do you dare to surbey Me