Gil Ozeri Disobeys Bridger

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
And I invited you here. I thought I made myself
perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you
gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests,
you're o presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,

(00:35):
So how do you dare to surbey me?

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Bridger Winecker. I'm
opening my computer already, just to make sure it's online
for all of us. Last night's Little House on the
Prairie was all action. I will say that Mary is
obsessed with winning a dictionary and I'll leave it at that.

(01:11):
What else was on TV? We started watching? Is it
Sherry Peppini? Now she's got her own docuseries telling her story.
She seems totally normal. I don't think she did anything wrong.
I'm on her side, and there are eight more episodes
or so, but we'll see what I feel like Sherry.
You know, she had a plan and she went through

(01:32):
with it, and I think she pulled it off in
a big way. What else is going on? There's something
I have to bring up because I can't dance around
this the rest of my life. The listener needs context
for my life. On occasion we got a dog. We
got a new dog. I was not We've been looking
for a few weeks and you know, going from shelter

(01:53):
to shelter, having a very difficult time. I was against
the idea of getting a puppy for so many reasons.
But then this little goblin popped up on one of
the million rescues we were following, and now she lives
in our home. Her name's Bonnie, and so far she
seems to you know, I don't like to bring up

(02:14):
this sort of thing. I watched that documentary about the
parents who adopt their kid and then gave it away
or whatever, so I don't want to end up with
my own docuseries being shamed on HBO. But I think
we're gonna hold on to Bonnie as long as she's
okay with staying with us. So now you've got the
context of my life, that's essentially. And I watch The
Little House on the Prairie and I take the dog

(02:35):
out every two hours.

Speaker 3 (02:37):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
I think today's guest is so funny. I just adore him.
It's Gill Osari Gil Welcome, Dyson.

Speaker 3 (02:43):
Doma, Hi, thank you for having me. Roger, how are you?
I'm doing all right, Is that true that you watch
a Little House on the Prairie.

Speaker 2 (02:50):
Yes, we've started. I had never seen it, okay, and
my boyfriend had seen every single episode as a kid
and was obsessed with it. And then, you know, because
I want to watch anything else on TV, we found
this and I'm having the time of mind.

Speaker 3 (03:04):
How many seasons are there? I think they are four hundred.

Speaker 2 (03:08):
I think they are honestly like four hundred episodes because
every season is like twenty five episodes.

Speaker 3 (03:13):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (03:13):
Each one is an hour long, only nominated for one
Ammy apparently.

Speaker 3 (03:17):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (03:18):
I don't know what happened with the academy, But.

Speaker 3 (03:21):
How is it? What does it hold up?

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Have you seen any of the show before?

Speaker 3 (03:24):
I mean I saw it when I was younger. Okay,
it I remember. It's being melodramatic.

Speaker 2 (03:28):
Correct, it's very melodramatic, but also very gentle.

Speaker 3 (03:31):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (03:32):
And the most of the problems are pretty low steaks.

Speaker 3 (03:35):
Right, I mean the horse won't eat an apple.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
There's an episode where they adopt a raccoon and then
it gets out of control.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
Usually the pretty close to your bonnie.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
Yes, I mean she's probably going to become rabid pretty sooner.
But we I think we're only about ten episodes in,
so it's a long journey, long journey. And recently Tim
Hideker was on the show and he said, do you
know what happens in the final episode? And then when
someone says that on a podcast, you kind of have
to have the information has to be shared. So he
told me what happens? Oh god, do you want to

(04:08):
know what happens?

Speaker 3 (04:09):
I think I have heard this, but go ahead.

Speaker 2 (04:11):
They blow up the town.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
WHOA is that true? That's not what was in my head.
What were you thinking? I thought? I thought he dies
of cancer, maybe Michael, maybe.

Speaker 2 (04:22):
Michael Landon dies of cancer and real life unfortunately, that's okay,
that's what I've heard.

Speaker 3 (04:28):
I heard the real true story.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah, you were mixing up Access Hollywood and Little House
on the Prayer.

Speaker 3 (04:32):
I was, which I often do. Very was Mario Lopez
and Billy Bush? Were they on?

Speaker 2 (04:41):
They run the general Store? Mario has not aged a
day since nineteen seventy two, amazing, And then he got
into Save by the Bell.

Speaker 3 (04:50):
It's a weird career.

Speaker 2 (04:51):
Yeah, the trajectory of this man bounced around, but he
finally found where he needed to be. Access Holly Reporting
life from from the American or the Grove. There was
the Grove, and I think maybe city Walk Universal city Walk.

Speaker 3 (05:06):
Okay, so an even worse place. Yes, it's getting worse.
It's worse and worse. Soon he'll be at knots very
far on the side of the freeway. Side of the
freeway exactly.

Speaker 2 (05:15):
Yeah, it will be interesting to see how much longer
he I think he'll hold on to that until he's
hosting a New Year's Eve specials.

Speaker 3 (05:23):
Yeah. I feel like that's probably the net thing they'll
let him there. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
I hope so I feel like that must be what
he has a sight set on.

Speaker 3 (05:30):
I guess. So, yeah, he wants that's like the which is.

Speaker 2 (05:33):
Interesting, right do we feel like he has like as
a person, like is he like, do I have bigger
and this isn't what I'm meant to do. There's this
thing I want to do? Or is he like, this
is what I'm doing?

Speaker 3 (05:44):
I heard he really wants to save people, is what
he really wants to do. He physically, he wishes he
could be a doctor fire. He wants to change the world,
but he's only made it to extra I don't know.
I don't know I do. Do you think, yes, I'm
sure he has, Like right, you never really thought about that,
But I feel likes a show like that.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
I feel like there's gotta be like one. You must
have at least one thing beyond yes talking about celebrity birthdays.
Uh huh and like what's happening on Dancing with the Stars. Yeah,
but is it like host the Oscars? There must be
some unreasonable dream that he's never going to attend.

Speaker 3 (06:22):
Yes, maybe to me Oscars. If he's dreaming about the Oscars,
he's a lunatic. He needs to put he put in
like an institution. I feel like maybe he could get
to like you know, Miss America or something like that,
or like you know, host the way. No, he won't
even do that. I don't. I don't know.

Speaker 2 (06:41):
Doesn't there's not like a natural path for that sort
of person. Yeah, especially if they were already an actor.

Speaker 3 (06:46):
Yeah, I guess. And also if like Ryan Seacrest is alive,
right Ryan Seacrest, that it should be the goal. I
wonder if he still wants to be an actor?

Speaker 2 (06:58):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (06:58):
Maybe does he act still? Inside? I wonder what his
last performance You were going to say, was he ever
an actor? And I was going to say, no, that's
not nice. Just burn him down, burn him down. What
was was saved by the bell? The last thing.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
I wonder if that was the last the say when
he gets the special, when they go to Vegas and
get married.

Speaker 3 (07:17):
I think, well, have you seen? You should watch? If
you're doing rewatches, you should see The College years Saved
by the Bell. Oh I've seen, I've seen the College
Oh my god, yes, insane. It's a very wild show,
very wild chat.

Speaker 2 (07:29):
My last memory, and I don't we don't need to
get into nostalgia nineties blah blah.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
But my last.

Speaker 2 (07:35):
Memory of that was I think, uh, one of my
birthdays in elementary school that was on live on TV.
But we had rented jurass Park and I secretly wanted
to watch that. I was dying to know what would
happened as the one gay child.

Speaker 3 (07:52):
In the room, and everyone wanted Jurassic Jurassice Park.

Speaker 2 (07:55):
Yeah, which I guess sure, we had paid the ninety
nine cents to rent it. You want to throw that
had you already seen Jurassical I had already seen it too,
So it's not like I'm learning anything new.

Speaker 3 (08:06):
I will say, I think the College years is a
better piece of heart than Jurassic Paul. I'm gonna, I'm
gonna that's my hot take for today.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
All I remember is them waiting in line for.

Speaker 3 (08:16):
YouTube for you, for you too? Oh yeah? Is that
how you say YouTube?

Speaker 1 (08:22):
Do you say?

Speaker 3 (08:23):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (08:24):
No?

Speaker 3 (08:24):
This is my podcast is about.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
The way I say things too syllables.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
Well, I never I've never put the emphasis on on two.
Let me always say you too.

Speaker 2 (08:34):
I'm trying to think of, like in a vacuum, how
you would say the band name YouTube, because you.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
Said it almost like YouTube like you and I was confused.
I was like, did he just forget the B and.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
Bonto and the edge present YouTube? Let me see, I'm
trying to think you too, you too? I would say
you too? Okay, what would you say? That's right? You
just said I said something.

Speaker 3 (08:54):
Do you said YouTube? YouTube? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (08:56):
That sounds weird.

Speaker 3 (08:57):
YouTube. It just sounded weird to me.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
There's too much weight. Uh, I mean a similar way there.
You have to see, I'll never say it now.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
Now it's like yeah, now, it's like if you repeat
a word over and over again, it doesn't sound correctly
at all. Too. That was good. That was good. That
was a good one. Why did they call it you too? Like?
I think it's like, yeah, I think it's included. You're
part of Yeah, you're part of the band. To come
on join us. That's so corny. It is. Most band

(09:25):
names are corny, I feel like, I mean, even the Beatles, right.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
Yeah, I mean the Beatles is the most classic corny
band name, which almost kind of altered language in a
way where you kind of just assume the word beatle
is with an A.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
That's right, that's right. Someone I just recently watched someone
said that the band being good makes the name being good.
I'm interesting.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
Yeah, I wonder if there's a band that is good
and their name continues to stink.

Speaker 3 (09:52):
Maroon five, they're amazing, perfect, perfect catalog, perfect catalog, bad name.
They made one mistake. They made one mistake, and that
was Maroon. If they had just been called five or
like Burgundy five, I would have been like.

Speaker 2 (10:12):
Dark red five, red five. I think I feel like
there was a band name called five. Is that a
boy band that feels like but it's probably I feel
like it's the number five I V E. Which then
becomes completely baffling and makes.

Speaker 3 (10:27):
No one knows how to pronounce it.

Speaker 2 (10:29):
It's five viv viv Yeah. And then there's h five
for fighting. Another perfect band five for fighting. Yes, uh,
not a single mistake.

Speaker 3 (10:39):
There, No these great names. Are you really trying to think?
What are you trying to ild?

Speaker 2 (10:43):
Really like to think of a good band. Good band
where I don't agree with their name.

Speaker 3 (10:47):
Okay, and I don't agree with their name let's see here, hmm,
but I feel like it is.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
I mean, it's so much taste aligns with.

Speaker 3 (10:57):
With with Yeah, I don't want to say something that's
a good band, and then you're just like say, oh
Jesus Christ, I'm nervous to tell you my opinion. I'm
trying to think the.

Speaker 2 (11:11):
Listener does like to just listen to two people kind
of just slow.

Speaker 3 (11:14):
Slowly come up with something. All the bands that I'm
coming up with are terrible right now. I guess the
Rolling Stones.

Speaker 2 (11:20):
I like Rolling Stones.

Speaker 3 (11:22):
We're talking about bands. We're talking about sixties bands were
exclusively For some reason, I cannot think of a band
past the nineteen sixty nine right now.

Speaker 2 (11:34):
I feel like there's probably an area within the eighties
when there's like a band that's amazing and they just
happen to pick not a super great name, but unfortunately.

Speaker 3 (11:44):
In the eighties, like a rock band tears, because it'd
be like the first one that.

Speaker 2 (11:48):
Came my tears is a bad name. But I feel
like they're like a mid mid quality.

Speaker 3 (11:53):
Okay, oh, that that's a shot. I loved your reasons. Yes,
I don't.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
Well, now let's see what's their biggest song.

Speaker 3 (12:01):
Everyone wants to rule the one.

Speaker 2 (12:02):
Oh right, right, it's a little too uh you don't
like that new wave big big too like, uh, it's
too attle down the middle. I was gonna say along
those lines, is o MD, which sends for orchestral Maneuvers
in the dark, who I think is a great band.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
That's a bad band. That's a bad name.

Speaker 2 (12:19):
That's I mean, that's stupid. It is, It's ultimately stupid, stupid.
I guess that's we make the four bands out there,
O M D, Tears for Fiers, Rolling Stones in.

Speaker 3 (12:31):
The d and the Beatles. Everybody knows the four bands
out there.

Speaker 2 (12:35):
I'm just I feel good that I was able to
remember four things from a few minutes ago. That feels
impressive for my.

Speaker 4 (12:41):
How do you feel about Steely Dan?

Speaker 3 (12:43):
Steely Dan? Okay, Well, I people are very divided about. Yeah,
I like Steely Dan, right, sometimes they run into like
Dad Country, Right, but the name is okay, I guess yeah.

Speaker 2 (12:57):
It's kind of like it means nothing.

Speaker 3 (12:59):
It means kind of nothing, right, right, And.

Speaker 4 (13:01):
It's named after a dildo in the novel Naked Lunch
William Right.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
Well, then I feel like like, sure, sure, great, I
can't argue against it. And also the band has become
this kind of thing where it's divisive, but it's also
kind of joke, a joke but not.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
But not sometimes people, I mean, I don't know I
like the band, right, I don't.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
I'm not familiar enough with Steely Dan. Okay, So I
couldn't say one way or the other. But the name
doesn't offend me, it doesn't offend you. Ultimately, Maroon five. Ultimately,
it all goes back to Maroon five and the boys.
I assume the singer is named Maroon five.

Speaker 3 (13:39):
The main guys, Wait, it's Adam Levine, Adam Levine. Is
there another Adam Levine? I'm oh, my god, is there
another Adam Levine? Uh? There's like Adam Uh. I don't think.
I don't Maybe it sounds like it.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
Sounds like a name it's Yeah, it's like an innocuous
enough but sound.

Speaker 4 (14:02):
I'm thinking of Adam divine, Adam.

Speaker 3 (14:04):
Divine, devine, which you would pronounce devine just like you two,
Adam de Vin, reach out, reach out to us. We
need clarification on how you pronounce your divine name.

Speaker 2 (14:25):
God knows how it got to Adam devine.

Speaker 3 (14:30):
What else is going on? What is going on in
my life? Yeah, I'm speaking of dads. I am living
the dad life. I have two children. I didn't know
you had kids. Yes, I have a seven and a
half year old and a two and a half year old,
and my life is mostly consumed with their life. Was
naming them a nightmare? Yes? It was. I love that.

(14:52):
That's your first follow up? Yeah? Is this about Bonnie? Yes?

Speaker 2 (14:57):
Yes, because it's so different, I mean difficult, I mean,
I guess the stakes are equally high for when your name. Ever,
you're naming something you love.

Speaker 3 (15:04):
Yes, and you're I will say that having had a pet,
this is your first.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
Pet, No, this is our this is our second dog.

Speaker 3 (15:10):
Okay, you're The name changes all the time. You start
to call it all kind of like yeah, shithead or
whatever it is, and it just changes over time. Anyway, right,
but uh, yeah, I had a terrible time coming up
with a name with pets. I have a list. I
have a list, you do, yes, I have have a list.
Can you reveal any of the names? Well, the number

(15:32):
one list. The number one name that me and my
wife have for a cat they were gonna get is Bopkin.
Oh that's great, yes, and that is after a salesman
that we found in a tile place. First name Bopkin.
We were like, that is a perfect name for it.
A cat.

Speaker 2 (15:49):
That's such a good It's like, sounds kind of like
a name, but not so much that it's not so
bizarre that it sounds like a joke.

Speaker 3 (15:57):
No, it almost sounds like it's like some English dessert
or like else I have a piece of Actually, now
it sounds like a jew like maybe it's too close
to Bobka. Oh that's true.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
It's very close, but also could be like one of
the cats and Cats, Yeah, one of the cut cats
from Cats.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
Huh didn't quite make Yeah, Bopkins didn't make it.

Speaker 2 (16:17):
Bupkin's a very nice name.

Speaker 3 (16:19):
No, it's hard with how'd you get to Bonnie? Well?

Speaker 2 (16:22):
You know, with pet names, I feel like there are
several categories. There's like I feel like there was a
trend for a while that was like just find the
most bland human name you can for a right, Yeah,
which whatever? I darrel like that kind of that sort
of thing.

Speaker 3 (16:34):
Which whatever?

Speaker 2 (16:36):
And then there's like I feel like there's a new
trend where it's like you name the thing table you know,
you know which I don't. I don't. God bless everyone
that's doing it. But you got to give the animal
some respects.

Speaker 3 (16:48):
That's the first thing I thought of, Like, oh my god,
that's like, yeah, no respect for the animal you're calling it.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
It shouldn't be an object unless it's an object you appreciate. Yeah,
it sounds kind of nice.

Speaker 3 (16:57):
Let's name it toilet mak it's life miserable. Uh.

Speaker 2 (17:03):
Then there then there's a category that everyone runs into
of names where you associate it with the people in
your life you hate, and so that eliminates so many
names for me.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
Okay, yes, all and that that that's the same way
it is with naming babies. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (17:17):
Oh, I mean with babies it's even more difficult because
you only really have human names to pick.

Speaker 3 (17:22):
Yes, that's true. You can't just name them strawberry. I
mean you can, sure, but also you have to keep
in mind like what are they going to be made
fun of for? What are the are the nicknames? Of course? Yeah,
so you're limited in that way. And also initials like
does it spell something awful? So you have to sort
of think about all that. There's traps everywhere, right.

Speaker 2 (17:44):
What's your middle name?

Speaker 3 (17:45):
I don't have one?

Speaker 4 (17:46):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (17:46):
Interesting? Yeah, you're too disgusting, you really, I am, No,
I do not have. My full name is gillad Oh yes,
I would have assumed Gilbert obviously, No, just gil odd
g I L dash A D. I have a dash
on my birthday that I don't. I mean, it's like fine,

(18:10):
it's fine. It means joy forever.

Speaker 2 (18:13):
I mean that's gorgeous.

Speaker 3 (18:14):
That is I like that. That's cute. What's your middle name? Eric?

Speaker 2 (18:18):
Eric, which is to me a middle name with a
confusing first name. It's nice to have a middle name
that most people.

Speaker 3 (18:24):
Can under named after someone.

Speaker 2 (18:26):
A mountain man named Jim Bridger, a mountain many. I
grew up in Salt Lake City and he was a
mountain man throughout the mountains. Okay, I think in Salt
Lake and.

Speaker 3 (18:38):
Your parents had a connection to him or just just
from living in and where's Eric. That's a great question, huh.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
I should probably get into that with my parents, But
I feel like it was just a name they like
the sound of which to me, I think is an
odd pick for a middle name. I feel like, should
you want to pick like something sent the very strange?
They kind of did it backwards with me, right, But
I'm glad they gave me that because at restaurants, you
know you're not I can just be Eric.

Speaker 3 (19:06):
Oh okay, you know you're not going by.

Speaker 2 (19:08):
Not expelling my name all the time to everybody. I
like that, but often I'll say Eric to people, and
when they mishear that, I give up and just say,
well whatever.

Speaker 3 (19:17):
H And if they also that's part of the reason
why I cut to just Gill. Of course, I was
just like, I can't anymore. I'm fucking done.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
There are very few situations where, like you, the investment
is enough to be like, okay, this is how my
name is spelled. You need to know what it's like
your passport and your driver's like exactly, and maybe your
spouse should know yea.

Speaker 3 (19:37):
But outside of that, well, my child now uses it.
My older child in a derogatory way. My name. Oh no,
that just says it in like he key lot. You know,
it's like it's like a curse or something. And I actually,
because I am sort of self conscious about it slightly,
it feels insulting, of.

Speaker 2 (19:58):
Course, and she'll probably continue to wep. Yeah, she grows
to absolutely and so she should. I'm proud of her.
I'm proud of her for doing so. When did she
learn your whole name?

Speaker 1 (20:08):
Uh?

Speaker 3 (20:09):
When she was like four or something? Okay, yeah, or four?

Speaker 2 (20:11):
And was there a period when you had to be like,
don't do me gil, don't call me gilla.

Speaker 3 (20:15):
There are yeah, sometimes where she's trying to be disrespectful
on purpose, you know, and calling me by my name
or by my full name, or you know, she likes
to call me butthole too. She is obsessed. The older
one now is obsessed with like buttholes, but butt cracks
of course, like hairy crack, all the type of like

(20:38):
cracks you can have.

Speaker 2 (20:39):
Do you feel like she learned that at home or
at school?

Speaker 3 (20:43):
The obsession with butts probably home, okay, sure, And I
think but I think, like, yeah, reinforced at school.

Speaker 2 (20:52):
Yeah, there's terrible kids there's terrible. You can't you really
can't choose who your kids get to commune at school,
and they need some real tough type.

Speaker 3 (21:00):
Yeah, Like there's real gross hose out there with like
awful parents who are just you see it like trickle
down to your own kid and it's a nightmare.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
But I guess kind of good that some level of
their life is not in your control. They bring things home.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
Yeah, they bring the Yeah, they bring diseases home. They
bring uh, they so much weird food. Like I traded,
I traded my my carrots for this like fucking weird
you know, like version of a twinkie that it's like
it's you. Yeah, they're just like eating you have no

(21:36):
control and it's just they come back with like weird stuff.

Speaker 2 (21:39):
Did your parents pack you lunch for school?

Speaker 3 (21:40):
They did?

Speaker 2 (21:41):
And was it stuff you wanted to eat? No?

Speaker 3 (21:44):
No, it was the same shit every day. It was
a granola bar and it was like a sandwich with
cream cheese on it. Sometimes it had pickles. It was
just it was gross. What about you did you.

Speaker 2 (21:56):
My mom packed lunch and it was a similar thing
where I think it was like an apple, uh huh,
some type of cookies. Which were rotating yel fudge, choreo chips,
a hooy that sounds great. Those were the only thing
that basically got eaten.

Speaker 3 (22:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
And then a sandwich which my mom would put butter
on no matter what the contents. Oh no, God bless,
but it would be like a peanut butter sandwich. Ad
But I think in an attempt to be like, I
need to get some weight on these kids, but my
thin children. But the paradox was I was eating none
of it because this is.

Speaker 3 (22:26):
Like, this has butter on this. But did you have
you seen those like videos online of that like father
who will He's like he has like a really like
soft voice.

Speaker 5 (22:36):
And he's like, I'm packing my children lunch today. Today
it's you know steak over, you know, steakover rice, charred broccolini,
and it's like sliced octopus. Like sometimes he puts like
baby octopus on there. It really is, Uh, I don't
know if it's true or not.

Speaker 3 (22:53):
He doesn't have kids. He probably does not have kids.
It's like also those people who have they pack lunches
or not pack lunches. They make lunches for their dog
and it looks like give me five star. It looks
like a Michelin Star dinner but with like rabbit heads
and I don't know who it's four or what's It's
like so confusing to me and upsetting.

Speaker 2 (23:14):
Yeah, I just don't believe any of that's actually happened. Actually,
it's very easy to put yourself on video doing whatever
you want. Yeah, put a GoPro in the lunch bag
and let me go to school with the kid and
see them eat that lunch.

Speaker 3 (23:24):
Yeah. Otherwise I know it's I guess part of it's
just to make me angry, right, Oh yeah, it's like yeah, ye,
pure rage bait, Like, look what I'm doing for my
child that you cannot possibly do. There is no way,
there's no way. It's insane. You have to wake up
at like four in the fucking.

Speaker 2 (23:40):
Morning, right yeah, and you're doing it on camera.

Speaker 3 (23:43):
And you're doing it on camera. It's awful.

Speaker 2 (23:46):
No, I don't, uh yeah, I think that until I
got to middle school. I'm unpacked me lunches, and then
she started sending I think like two dollars to buy
lunch at school, which I then would only use part
of to buy cookies and then save the rest of
my video games. I was just out of control. I
think it probably is why I'm so short.

Speaker 3 (24:04):
I probably like that, that's why you think you're sure
malnutrition self impose. That's so funny for me, it's definitely
jeans is why I'm short. But my daughter will go
to school and there's like a snack, so she'll eat.
She'll be like, I'll be like, you cannot eat snack today,
don't fucking do it, and she will go and eat.
They have like fruit bars covered in like drizzled chocolate,

(24:27):
and she will eat it. And then she'll be like,
and any lunch today, I'm like, so annoying. Why do
they have the snack?

Speaker 2 (24:35):
Why did they have that trap?

Speaker 3 (24:37):
They offer snack or recess, and you get one or
the other, get one or the other. And so she
chooses snack every fucking time so she doesn't have to
eat the shitty lunch that I pack her.

Speaker 2 (24:48):
The psychological game the school is playing with the children, this.

Speaker 3 (24:50):
Chrie it is.

Speaker 2 (24:52):
That's very odd.

Speaker 3 (24:53):
Would you like pleasure or exercise? Yeah, exactly, Wow, that's
very odd. No, we didn't.

Speaker 2 (24:58):
We weren't allowed to eat during school. I think in
fifth grade our teacher would give us one saltine, but
no gum or anything that's like prison food, but like
you're so hungry in the middle of the day. Yeah, incredible.

Speaker 3 (25:10):
Yeah, yeah, that's true. And I actually will say that
for salty I'm sorry, I would say that giving saltines
out and only saltines is prison like. But saltines are incredible.

Speaker 2 (25:20):
They really are an underrated they are. There's something about
eating one saltine and it's just like pure salt.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
Pure salt. But I was whenever my grandparents had saltines,
I was right. Let me steal that. Let me get
your wheat thin, let me take your a bully, your
total Like for some reason, their food seems appetizing to me.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
Yeah, if you had that stuff at home, I don't
think you would ever go for it. No, but like
for as a forbidden foods ex. Saltine, Yeah, give me
one of these.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
Give me one of those right now. Let me feel
like I'm in a bunker for a minute. Let me.

Speaker 2 (25:52):
There are certain categories of food where like if I
can kind of uh frame them as a certain type
of thing, Like for example, if I'm eating McDonald's for
whatever reason, if I'm like, huh, if I were on
like a space station, oka and this is the like
in the future. This is like Jetson's food. It's good,
maybe not compared to regular hamburger or anything else. Like
an example, I mean that mcdonalcdonald's. Yeah, like I'm at McDonald's.

(26:16):
Like I'm not at McDonald's.

Speaker 3 (26:19):
I'm at a McDonald's right now, like you paint a picture.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
No, but like a cheeseburger barely resembles to me a
real cheeseburger. Correct, So it's almost like I guess like
in remember in the second Back to the Future movie
where they have the pizza that turns into a big pizza.

Speaker 3 (26:37):
Yes, like you put it in like one of those
toaster microwave.

Speaker 2 (26:40):
If I can just contextualize it as a future food, huh,
then you can eat it. It's like a cheeseburger flavored food.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
So you're imagining when you eat like a McDonald's. My
glasses are fogging, by the way, I'm always it's sweating
and short hot in here. So when you eat a cheeseburger,
you're imagining you're like in like a Kubrick movie, like
in the future, like you're bright light. Then suddenly it's
tasty for you. It's or it's tolerable. It's tolerable.

Speaker 2 (27:07):
It's better than what it is. Okay, but only with
a McDonald's cheese. With only a McDonald I'm making a
cheeseburger from a restaurant that cares. Okay, I don't have
to give it any fish.

Speaker 3 (27:17):
Don't like you don't like the taste of McDonald's. You're
just like it's McDonald's.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
It's another category. It's a food stuff, gotcha, instead of
a food I could see.

Speaker 3 (27:26):
I guess it would make it more fun.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
Yeah, I think it makes it more fun. I think
it makes it less depressed.

Speaker 3 (27:31):
Right, It's like cutting a sandwich into fours.

Speaker 2 (27:33):
Or something, or even now it's cute.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
Now I can eat it. It's a cute sandwich. Or
diagonally it's like, whoa, you have to dress it up exactly.
Let me put an olive in a toothpick on top
of my sandwich, and now it's I can eat it.

Speaker 2 (27:48):
One of the great wastes of food is putting an
olive on what That makes no sense?

Speaker 3 (27:52):
That's right, we should be eating the toothpick.

Speaker 2 (27:56):
Throw away the olive, toothck. I love the well there's
something else that I kind of you know, occasionally on
this podcast. Have to like think of another reframe in
my mind, so I don't freak out. I was excited
to have you here today. I already said I was
looking forward to having you here the podcast.

Speaker 3 (28:17):
Is it too early to say I love you?

Speaker 2 (28:20):
I feel like I could get there maybe by the
end of the podcast.

Speaker 3 (28:24):
Maybe if I dress you up with an olive, I
can get there.

Speaker 2 (28:28):
Okay, but by then you're gonna be asking me to
move in. Yes, now you're moving too fast. Uh, But
you know, I was looking forward to having you here
the podcast. Though it's called I said no gift.

Speaker 3 (28:41):
Correct.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
I don't know if you received an email or several
phone calls from producer on a lease. They're known to
kind of harass by.

Speaker 3 (28:47):
The man knocked on my door and said you better
bring some shit.

Speaker 2 (28:52):
I was a little surprised when you walked in holding
an enormous gift. I'll just say you walked in it
in a way that I had to offer help.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
Uh huh, that's true.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
Uh, and I believe it does, say to Bridger's So
I assume this is a gift for me, that's correct?

Speaker 3 (29:11):
Well, should I open it here on the podcast? I
mean it's for you. Okay, I feel I love that
you're acting like this is not something that you really
really want. Wait, is this like a thing that you
do on I don't know. It feels like you're trying
to excuse your baby. Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (29:27):
It feels like you're trying to back away from a
mistake you made.

Speaker 3 (29:31):
No, I did not make I did not make a mistake.
This this is a huge gift for you that I
was required to bring. Bye who by who? The security
guard at the front of the studio would not let
me in if I didn't come. They I was forced.
A guy came to my house dressed as an at
and t.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
He was holding a gun.

Speaker 3 (29:53):
He was holding a gun. He did choke me out,
and so I had to bring this gift. So, yeah,
I was forced to bring something large.

Speaker 2 (30:02):
Okay, Well I'll open it here. I mean, I will
say it's enormous, so let me grab it. I might
have to, yeah, his headphones off?

Speaker 3 (30:08):
Okay, all right, I will should I do a voiceover
and narrate? Okay, So Bridger is lifting this gift? It
is I can now barely be uh seen over it.

Speaker 2 (30:25):
It's enormous for anyone watching. You're not gonna be able
to see me for a few minutes. I'm completely blocked
out by the gift where they get blocked out.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
By, which seems, by the way, very nice, I will say,
nicely wrapped, beautifully, beautifully wrapped, and very important, like there's
something extremely important inside there.

Speaker 2 (30:46):
It has two different bows on it. So let's let's
I'm kind of.

Speaker 3 (30:50):
On camera here, Yeah, let's get in there. Okay, now
we're opening, getting the ribbon off. We're just and have
fun with it, you know what I mean. I mean,
this seems like it's not every day you get such Okay,
Oh my god, the rap rapping. It looks like it
was wrapped. I don't know why. It looks like it

(31:11):
was wrapped in a in a in a home for
the age. It looks like these by the uniform. I
hope there's not a bomb in there. Wink wink. I
hope we're not gonna die today like the families on
uh the little House on the prairie. Okay, we're still opening.

(31:34):
It's an okay that I'm open, absolutely tear at it.
It only took me years to get to do it
this beautifully. Do you want to help? Sure? No? You
know what? No, actually I want to kind of watch.
I want it to be work, and that was part
of the plan. Okay, we're getting closer. We're getting close,

(31:56):
all right, I like this. What's in there?

Speaker 2 (32:00):
Another there's another a wrapped item.

Speaker 3 (32:03):
No, no way, no, it's one of these. Okay, all right, okay,
all right, we've made it smaller.

Speaker 2 (32:13):
Listener, I've now pulled out a thing now in full
wrapping paper. It was in a big brown box and
now it's in some two different types of wrapping paper.

Speaker 3 (32:20):
And it's more of a round object. It's more of
a round object. Yeah, it almost looks like an ottoman,
a wrapped ottoman, beautifully wrapped. Might I add once again, someone,
someone from some sort of department store, must have done this.
This is a stroke. This is this is an elf.
This is an Elves doing you went to Okay, all right,

(32:44):
the wrapping taper is coming on.

Speaker 2 (32:46):
Another layer off, and now we're too like a plastic
there's a bin, a bin with tape and another big
piece of like poster or the tag.

Speaker 3 (32:55):
On the top here and now we're going at looks
like there's packing tape here. Someone really cared about what
they were doing. It looks like and we will get
to the bottom of it. Yeah, we've got to find
out what is a very important the longest un hasn't
been Okay, I'm breaking records left and right here. Okay,

(33:16):
we're getting I hear a little giggle coming from Now
we're getting in. I'm getting I'm getting in. You look
at the next thing. By the way. Bridgard's arms are
cut and slashed. He's got blood running down his eyes.
He's tried, what are we seeing here? Oh? This is weird.

(33:43):
What's this?

Speaker 2 (33:44):
There's another wrapped gift inside a giant plastic bucket, So
we'll take this.

Speaker 3 (33:48):
We'll take that out. Looks like a almost like a
Russian doll. Yes, no, this is a beautifully bread. That's beautifully.
This sounds really beautiful. It's like a almost.

Speaker 2 (33:57):
Like a treasure box, a chat in another wrapping paper
with a gold bow.

Speaker 3 (34:03):
There's got to be like the balloons in here. Something
obviously treasure.

Speaker 2 (34:07):
Yeah, okay, pulling this apart, now, this one's really okay.
Now the next thing is really beautiful. So this must
be the gal.

Speaker 3 (34:16):
Yeah, it must be. I think we're here.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
Okay, So now we're getting to the next layer, which
is now all posts.

Speaker 3 (34:25):
By the way you're if you're listening to this on
your you know your phone, you have not mistakenly rewound it.
This is still the gift being opened.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
Yeah, we're now to a again a treasure chest or
like a wagon train stock shaped box, which is made
out of more cardboard and tape.

Speaker 3 (34:47):
We're very very close. I feel it must be to this,
to the gift.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
Now we're getting in here.

Speaker 3 (34:56):
Oh, by the way, this is what I this is
what I think heaven feels like to me, someone suffering
through my horrendous bit.

Speaker 2 (35:10):
Okay, okay, we're like a wood a wooden crate.

Speaker 3 (35:17):
What do we what do we see? Inside?

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Inside the wooden crate is a gift bag, So let's.

Speaker 3 (35:23):
Pull this out. Okay, we've pulled out the gift bag.
All right, this has gotta be all right. Now, this
is a gift bag that's kind of a wavy blue
and green. Very cute. Yeah, very cute. Obviously very expensive.
So we'll open it up. But I'm sure whatever's in
here it's the gift. Absolutely the gift. Okay, what have

(35:43):
we got here? We've got the gift and it is.

Speaker 2 (35:47):
There's another nft in here. Now, this is a gift
it's a smaller box. It's a kind of round.

Speaker 3 (35:52):
Top, a little bit less of a treasure chest, more
of a well, how would you describe this is probably
like a it's a swollen box, a swollen box with
a star wrapping paper. It's a box that got stung
by a bee, is what happened, but with a night.

Speaker 2 (36:10):
Sky scape and a purple bow. Okay, so let's I'm
sure the gift is under here.

Speaker 3 (36:16):
So let's open this all right, and we're here. We
are here.

Speaker 2 (36:20):
Okay, I'm standing in maybe a foot of garbage.

Speaker 3 (36:28):
Which is part of the gift.

Speaker 2 (36:30):
Okay, I can finally sit down. Oh nice, so I can.
I'm now back to the mic completely. I've been standing
this whole time. So now we're to like a little
white box, very cute again, well wrapped, a more tape,
well wrapped, probably more tape.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
This is the most taped layer we've felt. Yeah, you
can tell just from the wrapping that a lunatic did
not wrap.

Speaker 2 (36:49):
Yeah, this is a normal part.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
This is a normal person. Yes, this is what it
felt like for Ted, like Christmas at Ted Kaczinski's house.
By the way.

Speaker 2 (37:00):
Okay, now the tape on here. This is again the
most tape layer. So I'm sure whatever's beneath this layer
is what gilbro.

Speaker 3 (37:07):
Yes, absolutely, so we'll open it where we go tough.
This is the hardest layer yet. Okay.

Speaker 2 (37:14):
So we're getting into it and it's I.

Speaker 3 (37:16):
Believe there's no packing tape below this one.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
So there may be no This is the Yeah, this
could have been shipped across the country.

Speaker 3 (37:24):
Roger is using his teeth. He's biting it and might
I add you can't see it, but he's swallowing some
of the tape. He's he needs to open this gift. Okay.

Speaker 2 (37:36):
So now we have a plastic bin kind of like
a tupperware bin, and within this uh is actually a gift.

Speaker 3 (37:44):
So I'll pull this prize surprise.

Speaker 2 (37:46):
And now this is again this is like a treasure
box that they would have at the dentist office.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
That's that's where you get your prize. But it's wrap
that's right. This is a construction guy's lunchbox, right, A
big bea yes, fall down if you make fun of
your wife, that kind of thing.

Speaker 2 (38:02):
Okay, So this is a like a Dalmatian wrapping paper
of the Dalmatians on skateboard and uh with a.

Speaker 3 (38:08):
Bow, another beautiful buzz we'll put that opening.

Speaker 2 (38:10):
I can't wait to see what's in here.

Speaker 3 (38:12):
Yeah, me too, what's very exciting.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
Okay, so interesting. So now there's another wrap. Now this
is just you know, your white poster board girl with
a scotch tape. That's just easier on the hands and arms.
And I won't have to do my teeth this time.
We're opening. We're opening, which.

Speaker 3 (38:32):
Is disappointing a little bit. Yeah, I would rather you
do it with your teeth.

Speaker 2 (38:36):
But my jaws are so tired. Okay, so we've gotten
and I've got some tape on my hand. We'll just
slowly pull.

Speaker 3 (38:43):
You can hear that. Yeah, good sound effects.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
Now we've got a little cute, cute little plastic bin
which uh uh clear see through and it's holding uh interestingly,
a gift.

Speaker 3 (38:56):
A little little gift. It's a bag.

Speaker 2 (38:59):
It's a bag with all sorts of fun.

Speaker 3 (39:01):
Snatch and that I got in an adult store. This
was adults only. Yeah, that's right. There was a parting
gift at a strip club.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
It's got hot dogs and ice cream cones with faces
and one has googly eyes, actual googly eyes. I guess
they couldn't afford all googly eyes.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
Oh I didn't even notice that.

Speaker 2 (39:23):
So that's a special little treat. But let's see, let's
see what let me see what gift is.

Speaker 3 (39:27):
Let's see it, because this is it. It can't get
any smaller than this. And we've got what do we have?
So we have a gift. Oh my gosh, it's almost
like we're going nuts, folks. I'm gonna this is very
This is the Greek, this is always.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
That's life is. You're just constantly opening a gift that.

Speaker 3 (39:51):
Never never, yeah, pans out. But I will say I
really do hope it pays off for the for the
person who made this. I hope it pays off once
we get to Now look.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
At that little gift, it's like a it's a we're
now half a shoebox size, that's right, with the most
darling flower wrapping paper.

Speaker 3 (40:12):
Yes I would.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
So now we're opening this, we're unwrapping.

Speaker 3 (40:18):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (40:19):
If people are listening to this at a loud volume
on their car speakers, the speakers are destroyed, destroyed, that's right, absolutely, Okay,
Now we're getting to this is the most novel box.

Speaker 3 (40:28):
Yeah, this one.

Speaker 2 (40:29):
We haven't seen a box like.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
This, no It's almost like a bent out of shape
to go box for a restaurant. Almost call it a
stupid box. It looks very stupid.

Speaker 2 (40:38):
Yeah, I don't know what this would actually hold. Medical supplies,
It don't like.

Speaker 3 (40:44):
It looks like it is a like a little container
for pens, like two of them taped together. That's what
it looks like. I don't know if that's true.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
That would be an interesting guest, but I was thinking
the same.

Speaker 3 (40:56):
Okay, so I lied about the package, the pack tape.
It's back. It's back and harder than ever. Okay, all right,
here we go and we open this. It does look
a little styrofoam. It almost looks like the package in
for the mcdelt.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
Yeah, mcdelt, or like a kidney kidneys for a kidney.

Speaker 3 (41:15):
Okay, oh oh, and now talk about cute. We're getting
cuter folks now.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
The box is probably the size of uh yeah, like
a mcdelt. I would say, okay, no, this is a McNuggets.

Speaker 3 (41:27):
This is a McNuggets. This is a six by the way,
everything else we will refer to it as a McDonald's.

Speaker 2 (41:32):
Because this is the they said we'll pay start paying
for the episode at forty minutes.

Speaker 3 (41:37):
Yes, uh huh.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
And so now this.

Speaker 3 (41:38):
We're in the future. By the way, this is the future.
Everything is McDonald's. Like now this, this is this is
the gift. By the way, I have to say, this
is it. We have reached the gift, and I believe you.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
It's a pink wrapping paper with strawberries and flowers and popsicles.
Very cute with a bow. I've never seen. This is
like a four yeah, very flower, swush flower.

Speaker 3 (42:01):
Pull that off.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
Now we're unwrapping this gift. And what we got here, oh,
inside is another wrapped and now this is probably the
size of a I would say this is like a
small McDonald's fries, that's right, a little mess fries on
the market.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
That's right. You could also like you would also put
like maybe six Wendy's nuggets in. Okay, but that again,
Wendy says, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's McDonald's.

Speaker 2 (42:34):
It's this could be filled with the McDonald's yogurt. Okay,
if they're still selling yogurt. I always buy yogurt at
I think people only go to McDonald's for yogurt.

Speaker 3 (42:43):
Yeah, that's there. Over a billions, over a billion sold
yogurt yogurts.

Speaker 2 (42:48):
Okay, so now we're opening this and we're pulling this
white package.

Speaker 3 (42:51):
Oke, let's see what we got in here. Okay.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
So now now what I've found, and I believe this
has to still continue to be open, but it is
now the package is a dog food a Caesar Is
it weird? Is Caesar the dog trainer guy?

Speaker 3 (43:07):
Is this dog? I couldn't tell you?

Speaker 2 (43:09):
Or is it a competing season?

Speaker 3 (43:10):
It might be the name of the dog. It might
be this white dog here. Yeah, but it's overcalling him
Caesar for a long time.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
That was so many years and meetings and but it's
made with real beef and filats and gravy.

Speaker 3 (43:24):
But it is.

Speaker 2 (43:25):
It looks like it needs to be open because it
still takes weird and it does smell like dog food.

Speaker 3 (43:29):
No, it must have been washed.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
So let's repeatedly open.

Speaker 3 (43:33):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (43:33):
So now we've opened this and for the viewer, for
the listener, we're showing this little dog food thing. I've opened,
uh to find interestingly, a small gift whoa which is
now the size of a fifty cent piece, which can
buy you maybe half a ninety nine cent drink of
McDonald's if they're on sale, right, that's a rare thing.

Speaker 3 (43:53):
You find it almost like it looks like the size
of a water bottle cap that you might get an McDonald.

Speaker 2 (44:00):
Or a very large contact for somebody with a huge eye,
a very.

Speaker 3 (44:04):
That's so funny that you say that, and you'll find
out why in a second. Okay, so we're also funny.
This is almost like we're telepathic at this point. And
now I will hand't even believe you just said that.
That's absolutely wild. Do you have a camera in a
Teddy Bear in my house? I don't understand.

Speaker 2 (44:24):
Well, i'll remind you a few weeks ago, you've got
a delivery, a large box.

Speaker 3 (44:28):
That's right. An AT and T serviceman came and gave
me a delivery, said keep this in the corner of
your house.

Speaker 2 (44:36):
I was like, all right, And now I'll point out
something else I've noticed here is the hair got attached
to the tape.

Speaker 3 (44:41):
On this one. If you go back and look at
the tape, there is a wig of hair here. You
can make a fucking wig of hair.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
You can't wrap a gift without a piece of hair, gning.

Speaker 3 (44:52):
No, absolutely no, Actually, you gotta put one in for
good luck.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
Yes, for good luck. Okay, So we're opening and this
is a polka dot wrapped and again professionally wrapped this
and now.

Speaker 3 (45:02):
Oh oh, how interesting, how interesting? I actually psychic unbelievable.
It is the.

Speaker 2 (45:09):
Half of a contact lens holder.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (45:12):
And I've never seen one in this color you have,
I always see it in a green.

Speaker 3 (45:16):
Where Okay, I chose the purple. I was like, I
love this one the most. Yeah, this is really nice. Surprisingly,
they cut in half very easily. Yeah, I've never seen
one cut in half. No, you don't because people usually
have two eyes, you'll have the two contacts. Yep.

Speaker 2 (45:29):
But this is a mono contact.

Speaker 3 (45:32):
Yes. Now it's getting small. I don't know how many
we're going to fit in here. What do we gotten there?

Speaker 2 (45:39):
Now, this is the first thing that is not dry
which through this process that I've opened, and it looks
like a raspberry.

Speaker 3 (45:47):
You'd be right, that is a raspberry. It's a true
real resb. Now I have to ask you a question.

Speaker 2 (45:52):
Right, they're not sold a McDonald's.

Speaker 3 (45:53):
They're not sold at McDonald's, no fruit allowed. I have
to ask you a question. What do you know about
the properties of a raspberry? What do you know can
you name a few properties of a raspberry?

Speaker 2 (46:07):
I would say a proper raspberry is hollow.

Speaker 3 (46:09):
That you could fit a what in there?

Speaker 2 (46:15):
I mean, whatever your imagination comes.

Speaker 3 (46:17):
A gift, my friend, a gift.

Speaker 2 (46:20):
I'm gonna pull out this raspberry from a contact lens.

Speaker 3 (46:23):
Nature's pocket, Nature's rapping, right, what do we got?

Speaker 2 (46:28):
I eat the raspberry as I'm opening it.

Speaker 3 (46:30):
I wouldn't know you want to get sick.

Speaker 2 (46:34):
So I've opened a raspberry.

Speaker 3 (46:35):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Put that back in the lens contact lens holder, and
I found what appears to be a raisin.

Speaker 3 (46:42):
That's correct. Your gift is per absolutely, maybe back maybe
a seed, maybe a tiny uh, you.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Can't as well. We've gotten this far. My hands are wet,
all right.

Speaker 3 (46:57):
This is what I wanted to do. Make you look
like a psychopath because he's opening a raisin right now.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
It's a raspberry soaks raisin, that's right. And I think
that's the end of it.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
That's it. This is kind of the center of the universe.
It is this might be this is like the center
of the units. It's like, you know, the universe on
a turtle's back. It's where right? This is it?

Speaker 2 (47:21):
And who's really to say where the center of the
universe is.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
It's right here. It could be this, Yeah, it could
be this, it could be city walk, it could be
Mario Lopez, could be Mario Lopez would be that's his goal.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
It made it the center of Okay, I need to
buy something to wipe my hands with, so I and
unfortunately I.

Speaker 3 (47:37):
Don't have much paper from here, so I'll have.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
To look around the ground.

Speaker 3 (47:41):
Oh, here's some, here's some. I'll just use this as
a napkin. Have you ever gotten a raisin before?

Speaker 2 (47:47):
In my Life's actually like the last nine episodes, which
just a shame because it's you know, you get tired,
you do.

Speaker 3 (47:57):
And it's so funny. We were talking about old people
food and along comes the sweet raisin, the gentle raisin.

Speaker 2 (48:06):
Kind of the basis of every senior's diet, that's right foundation.

Speaker 3 (48:10):
Yeah, and it's not too sweet.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
It's it's a little snack.

Speaker 3 (48:15):
It's a little little treat, gives you a little pick
me up during the day.

Speaker 2 (48:20):
Not too hard to choose through, but not too soft
to make you feel old.

Speaker 3 (48:22):
Uh huh. Children like it, and old people.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
Children, I will say, out of all people, children love
raisins the most love raisin. Probably the biggest audience for raisins.

Speaker 3 (48:32):
It's children. Children.

Speaker 2 (48:33):
You go trick or treating, a child will love a raisin.

Speaker 3 (48:36):
I was just talking about how fun it is to
get raisins in a little box. Okay, you know those
little sun made box. Of course, I mean the little
box is half of the raisin. I mean, like, think
about like these boxes, that's half the gift.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
I'm shocked one of those little boxes didn't come into
play here.

Speaker 3 (48:53):
That's right, that's right. I fucked up huge. Actually overlook
oversight by, do me a favor. We'll just pause recording.
I will go by.

Speaker 2 (49:02):
You're not far from here.

Speaker 3 (49:04):
No, I'm just run home.

Speaker 2 (49:05):
And if you wouldn't I just doing this all over
one difference.

Speaker 3 (49:09):
It is though, like exactly like the olive, isn't it
where Like it makes raisins, It makes you want to
eat like the kids. If I offer my child like
just straight up loose raisins, right, if I put it
in a tiny fucking cute box, suddenly it's like, whoa,
look what I got? I got? I got a fun toy.

Speaker 2 (49:31):
And that's happening at you.

Speaker 3 (49:33):
I mean, it could speak to how like moronic my
children are. But I think it more speaks to we
love opening little presents.

Speaker 2 (49:41):
It's there's nothing more fun.

Speaker 3 (49:43):
I mean, I've just opened, did you I would get
like nineteen yeah, something.

Speaker 2 (49:49):
Like byers of yeah, and each one was more fun
than the less. That's right, you know the first one.
If I had just opened and there was just one
thing in there, day I'm already hanging by a thread, right,
I would have been a mess yep. But then to
see I have eighteen more things to open, it's like
Christmas over and over.

Speaker 3 (50:06):
Not work at all. No, that's what you want to do,
is you want to keep opening gifts.

Speaker 2 (50:12):
You never want to get an object and then you want.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
It to be a fucking meaningless little raisin. That's what
you want. You want a huge gift. Do you want
the anticipation and then the payoff of a raising anticipation
is better. It is always and the unknown.

Speaker 2 (50:28):
Exactly in a horror movie, once you see the monster,
it's over. Exactly at Christmas, once you open the sweater,
it's over.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
It's over once you go. Once you're like, oh, let's
go out on New Year's Eve, Let's go to a restaurant.
Let's go to Disneyland. Anytime you get there, it's just like, oh,
now there's people here. Now this is my life, this
is my life. It's like the excitement is so much better.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
Yeah, the imagining of what could possibly be here, Yeah,
could have never lived up to a.

Speaker 3 (50:57):
Raise to a raisin. Well, I'm glad you.

Speaker 2 (51:00):
Edible raspberry and ate you did find nature's gift wrap.
I did, at least as far as the berry category,
I would say within vegetables, probably a romaane.

Speaker 3 (51:12):
Romane, I mean, strawberries have a little hole in the middle.
Let's not forget that.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
Yeah, but that one always feels wrong.

Speaker 3 (51:18):
It does.

Speaker 2 (51:18):
It feels like you couldn't just fill it up.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
They made a mistake. What is that hole for? What
is what's people call in or write to the show
about berries, about berries, things you find in the woods
for it. Yeah, you should have people if anyone knows
what that hold of evolutionary like, what's the point of it?

Speaker 2 (51:38):
Like what allowed Maybe it allowed the bug to live
in there rather than to eat its way in. So
it's like, listen, this is a home for you as
long as you don't mess things up there or is allowed.

Speaker 3 (51:49):
Just don't eat any just don't eat anything.

Speaker 2 (51:51):
And that allowed them for billions of years to become
the strawberry we know and loved.

Speaker 3 (51:54):
Is the strawberry flour. Strawberry is exclusively a flower, it is.
And what about a raspberry? A raspberry a nut? It
is a nut? Uh huh? Yes, wow, So you that
was an immediate response, so much so that I believe
that you have this is something you've studied or learned.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
Well, that's my other podcast. Okay, is it a nut
over a flower? Okay, cauliflower cauliflowers a meat, Colie nut
Callie nut is a space rock Okay, Okay, So things
are and that's another podcast for someone else. Yes, yeah,
you know, leave that out of my show.

Speaker 3 (52:28):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
I mean I can only do so many things.

Speaker 3 (52:30):
I apologize for mixing and matching.

Speaker 2 (52:31):
Yes, And a raisin ultimately is a gift. That's the
category within the whole family tree of the category is gift.
Raisin is gift. Well, I'm so thrilled. I wonder it
happened with the rest of the raisins you had.

Speaker 3 (52:50):
Okay, so now I have to be honest with you.
That raisin I found on the floor, that is a
loose child rug raisin, so I would highly recommend not
eating it. It could have been like weeks old.

Speaker 2 (53:10):
Did you find the raspberry in the back of your car.

Speaker 3 (53:12):
The raspberry I took out of the fridge. Raspberry took
out of the fridge, by the way, I had to
like search a bunch of different I needed a perfect pocket.
But that raisin. I was like, I need something, I
need something. Should it be like I was thinking a crumb?
Maybe I needed something perfect? And then it was just
like you know, like the guy like a choir saying ah,

(53:34):
and like the light came down from like a stained
glass window and shined onto this dirty, little shitty raisin
on the floor.

Speaker 2 (53:40):
This reminds me like the one story I've heard about you,
I think was from Daniel Libman, okay, and I think
it like the first day that you were working.

Speaker 3 (53:47):
Or like very was they were just recently on the show. Yes,
I loved this too so much.

Speaker 2 (53:52):
They were working with you on a show very early on,
and one of them noticed you had I think a
vanilla oreo. You had a shark and you were and
I was coloring, coloring it to look like a regular area.
So this is where they come together.

Speaker 3 (54:07):
Yeah, I know it does it does? I like doing that?
I like drawing on food.

Speaker 2 (54:12):
Do you have ever any memory of that?

Speaker 3 (54:13):
Oreo? I do? I mean you just brought me back
like nom too. It was on Happy Endings. We worked
together on a show. Yes, yes, but yeah I was.
I was at first. I started as a writer's assistant
on that show, and I was horrific, like not taking
didn't care not taking notes, didn't know what I was doing,
didn't know how to use final draft, like was like

(54:34):
hired for something specific but didn't And then that's what
I would do all day. It's like, you know, how
did you make it? Maybe? Yeah? I was just like,
you know, trying.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
To be silly writers as system job is one of
the most stressed shows you can you.

Speaker 3 (54:52):
Can have, and I was terrible at it and yelled
at and then got promoted to a writer after that,
They're like, you're so bad, we want please you can't.
It was always like did you take notes on that?
I'd be like it was like all that, like Gil,
did you write that down? You get that? Whoo?

Speaker 2 (55:11):
It was a lot of that. Did you ever get
in trouble for it?

Speaker 3 (55:14):
I mean trouble I don't know.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
You ever feel like, oh, my job's in danger.

Speaker 3 (55:19):
Uh No, I didn't care. I think at that point
I was just like, yeah, I was like for some
reason in my head, I was like, I you know,
you guys need me. I don't need this. It was
very right turns. It's good to have that attitude when
in any job, not to be grateful for anything. That's

(55:40):
what I've learned entry level. Just be the worst possible
at your job, that's right, and people will be mesmerized
by you. You will work yourself up. It is like
Forrest Gump or what's that movie being, Being? There Being
I've never seen Being. Oh, it's great, it's like the
good Forrest Gump. Oh he's watching?

Speaker 2 (56:01):
Yeah, what is the He just goes through life and
has interesting things happened to him.

Speaker 3 (56:05):
Exactly and just like moves through life. I forgot his
name is like something Chance something. I forgot what his
name is in the movie, but it's Yeah, Peter Sellers
is incredible in it. It's good. It's sort of the
same premise.

Speaker 2 (56:16):
Right, I like the premise falling up kind of right.
And then there was a sequel to Forrest Gump. Apparently
there was what was it. Apparently Forrest Gump two. No,
that's true, that's not true.

Speaker 3 (56:26):
There was a book sequel. Stop the movie is based
on a book. Apparently it is.

Speaker 2 (56:31):
Look and now maybe I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (56:32):
This, Oh my god, no, no, no, I think it sounds
it sounds right.

Speaker 2 (56:37):
But apparently there was a sequel. And I think it
gets very dark.

Speaker 3 (56:40):
In Forrest Gump. What oh no, it happens to Forrest. Wait,
is he alive at the end of the first one, yes,
right before he snaps he kills. He kills Haley Jills
killing like, oh oh you liked him, you morons.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
Every famous person and he meets in the sequel die
ends up dead in a.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
Horrifically first scene in Fars Gump, Too farst Gump puts
Hayley Joe Osman in a dryer and turns it on.
That is what happened. What a disappointment. That's what we
were rooting for.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
This guy and.

Speaker 3 (57:15):
This guy, and now he's tumbling his little child. That's
fucking crazy.

Speaker 2 (57:20):
He had just been through a lot. He went to war,
he had met one president.

Speaker 3 (57:25):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (57:26):
Those are two things I remember.

Speaker 3 (57:27):
Everyone forgot that he was stupid.

Speaker 2 (57:30):
He met he saw his girlfriend play naked Live, that's right,
and he played Ping Pong, opened a or co, opened
a franchise shrimp company, that's right, which is still maybe
at CityWalk, Mario Lopez maybe eating there right now for
all we know.

Speaker 3 (57:47):
My god, when's the last time you were there at citywas?

Speaker 2 (57:49):
I've been to CityWalk one time and it was because
of this show someone gave me.

Speaker 3 (57:54):
By the way, you're still there. You don't know this,
but you're actually still there hallucinating something broken.

Speaker 2 (58:00):
That day, I was given a gift certificate to go
indoor skydiving.

Speaker 3 (58:06):
Oh did they have that there? They have that there?

Speaker 2 (58:08):
And so I went for that purpose only the I mean,
there are a colleidoscope of reasons I don't want to
go to the Universal city Walk, but the main one
is I don't want to pay for parking, and so
this was a free parking Okay, So I thought, okay, fine.

Speaker 3 (58:21):
I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll suffer.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
So I was there at about ten thirty in the
morning before the crowds when indoor skydive a smart way
to do it. Yes, it was empty. I imagine Maroon
five was blasting over the speakers.

Speaker 3 (58:35):
Obviously, and I was digning gifts or something like that.
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
They have a book signing there every morning there exactly.
It doesn't matter what book. Bring them any book. Adam
Levine will sign your book at Universal City Walk. But
I went, I did the skydiving. Fell in love with
indoor skydiving. Really what a time? Haven't been back.

Speaker 3 (58:57):
It sounds fun.

Speaker 2 (58:58):
The price ranges a little, I imagine. But yeah, now
since I've been.

Speaker 3 (59:03):
Just a few people get you know, sucks the man.

Speaker 2 (59:06):
Kind of Willy Wonka stuff. Yeah, but people are very
good at it. It's like you can like learn like ballet. Yeah,
Like people since I've been on that listeners have sent
in like have you seen this, and they're like World
Indoor Skydiving Championship. People will be like synchronized skydiving, which
to me doesn't make any sense, like physically, I don't

(59:28):
know how you've learned to do that. That was my
one experience at the and I'd like to keep that
my one experience, one experience. The only other thing I'll do.

Speaker 3 (59:35):
You see a movie there every week. You see a
movie there every week.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
During my break on my shift at the theater. No,
I'll say if Mario is willing to interview me.

Speaker 3 (59:47):
Then you'll do it. I'll do it. The last time
I was there was Valentine's Guy of course guests. Well
I didn't go. I went with a friend because our
wives were out of town, okay, and so we were like,
let's have a date ourselves. So we went to City Walk,
went to eat at Wolfgang Pucks, which was closed a restaurant.
Oh he did, he did that monstrosity. I think is

(01:00:10):
still I think it's open. I'm not sure, but because
I haven't been there since like forever, like ten years
or so. And we went and couldn't get into Wolfgang Pucks.
It was packed because it's ended up having to eat
at Subway. But the worst day of our yet. Do

(01:00:31):
you know Jo? Do you know him? I know of him? Okay,
that was who I was with. And then we went
to eat. Then we went to see Percy Jackson, another
romantic another romantic movie. We get in there there was
like coca cola like spilled all over the like concession
stand like and it was like in my sleeve. We
got we had the we were having the worst night ever.

(01:00:53):
We go into the movie theater. He's got this like
huge cup of cherry coke or something, and some god
I goes, like, trying to be funny, goes to John, uh,
hey can I get a sip of that that drink?
And John was like at breaking point and he goes, yeah,
but you're gonna have to fucking kill me first, and

(01:01:15):
I lost it. I like dropped to my knees and
started crying of laughter. It was just like like a
culmination of like the worst night ever. It was so funny.
And the guy was like, whoa, whoa, what did I
just walk into right now?

Speaker 4 (01:01:30):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (01:01:30):
Oh that's terrifying. That's what. That's what that is what
city walk the vibes City Walks gives me.

Speaker 2 (01:01:37):
But how was Percy Jackson?

Speaker 3 (01:01:39):
Incredible? The best movie I've ever seen? Best movie I've
ever seen.

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
It's like Percy Jackson in the Lightning Chasers or.

Speaker 3 (01:01:47):
Something something like that. Yeah, it's like, yeah, what a night,
Harry Potter.

Speaker 2 (01:01:52):
Clone, Yeah, exactly kind of off brand. Yeah, yeah, I
don't know what I know. People who regularly go to
the Universal any Walk, I don't.

Speaker 3 (01:02:00):
Know how you can stand it. I were trying to
have like an ironic night and it ended up being
like no, it's actually very bad.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
You do me when people do things like big activity
activities ironically, it's like you're doing a bad thing. You're
doing I'll tell you, it just won't be a good experience.

Speaker 3 (01:02:15):
And I want to remind everybody this was a long time.
I don't do things ironically anymore. This was that was
the last time I was like, oh, I'm paying for it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
I've never you know, the ironic. My number one least
favorite is going to a restaurant ironically. Yes, I'm like,
well then I'm just eating.

Speaker 3 (01:02:29):
Food that Yeah, the joke's on you. Exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
No, let's just have a nice tone. But that feels
like at least you got all in you odd on
this time experience.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
Exactly, it was an overdose and you had a.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
I mean, at least you got to watch John Threatn
a stranger.

Speaker 3 (01:02:46):
That was good.

Speaker 2 (01:02:47):
A friend just told me about an experience, a road
rage experience where he was backing. He was going to
back his car out and the person beeped too hard
or something and freaked out, and then my friend backed
out and was a little annoyed, so he like followed
the person.

Speaker 3 (01:03:03):
Oh no, that's oh step person, Oh gosh.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
And said I've got nothing to lose, so good. And
so my friend was like okay and just had to drive.
What's he doing that experience in that situation?

Speaker 3 (01:03:19):
Okay, you you you can't do that. You don't know
why people have like guns and everything. It's like so bad.
Once I was in a car and somebody coming out
this is also a long time ago. I do not
do this, and somebody cut me off and I pulled
my car up to their front when and I had
like this was complete road rage, and I was like,

(01:03:42):
you pit the wrong day, lady. That is my line.
That's what came out of my mouth. Can you believe
that forward? I don't know, I don't know. It sounded
like something Stallone would say. And I was just like
we were both looked at each other like what and
and then I just drove away. Yeah. It was so
I'm like, I'm so sorry that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:03):
When you say you picked the wrong day, you have
to kill the person.

Speaker 3 (01:04:05):
Yeah, exactly. And it's like I wasn't having a bad day.
It was like a fine day. I don't know, like
what I was. Road rage is crazy. It's crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:04:14):
Your brain goes to a totally different place. Yeah, I
mean I was talking to some of one about this recently,
and like, is the reason that happens is because it
just naturally your body's adrenaline while driving really fast has
to be up a little bit. So it's like you're
not aware that you're adrenaline is super high. I think so,
so you're ready to be set off.

Speaker 3 (01:04:29):
You're like, Okay, my life is at stake, right, and
this person has no care. It's also that feeling that
you have, like when you're on the internet and you
can't see the person's face and you're like, I'm gonna
say whatever the fuck I want in this comment section.
That's what I feel like.

Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
And you're a notorious and I'm a notorious trow. I
will go to anybody, especially like younger actors. But seriously, though,
it feels like I'm now equating, like, Okay, maybe YouTube
comments are like road rage on the internet, but it
it is like you don't know, You're like, they're not
a real human being until you actually see their face,

(01:05:05):
you know, and so you're like, I can say whatever
the fuck I want?

Speaker 3 (01:05:08):
How dare they?

Speaker 2 (01:05:08):
And everybody kind of has this reservoir of just built
up frustration and anger. Oh, this is a place to
kind of let that out.

Speaker 3 (01:05:14):
Yeah, exactly. But it's so dangerous. It's so dangerous it
makes no sense. And also I talk about I just
talked about this with my wife. We talk about this
all the time, which is you want the person who
you're talking to to learn a lesson ultimately be like
either a better driver or not do it in the future,
and that is never going It's like in your head,

(01:05:36):
the fantasy is, oh, that person taught me that, like
taught me ago. Now I will actually follow the rules.
Thank god, No, I didn't know. Yeah, Like you're like,
I hope that person gets into an accident, and but
they're okay and they just learned their lesson, and then
like it's it's you. You're not it's just anger. It's
just like pent up anger. Nothing comes from letting it out.

(01:05:59):
I feel like the like most all do at this point.

Speaker 2 (01:06:02):
And I actually think this might be even more dangerous
is when someone's mad at me is to smile and wave,
which I have to imagine is even more infuriating.

Speaker 3 (01:06:10):
Probably, yes, that is more infuriating. One time I had
someone in New York. I was walking on the street
and someone said something horrible to me. And for some
reason my reaction was I forgive you. I forgive you.
And this insensed the man. He was like, you can't
forgive me, you can't be sweet to me. He was

(01:06:31):
just like so angry, and I was like, I forgive you,
I forgive you. It was like a goodwill hunting or
something like. I was like, I forgive you, sir. It
like it is. There's something about being kind to someone.

Speaker 2 (01:06:45):
Like they don't like they short circuit.

Speaker 3 (01:06:46):
Yah, they short circuit.

Speaker 2 (01:06:47):
They're like, I thought you would just match my energy.

Speaker 3 (01:06:49):
Yeah no, no, no, I am better than you, sir.
I'm better. I am like zen right now.

Speaker 2 (01:06:55):
The only kind of satisfying road rage is when someone
cuts you off, speeds past you, and then you end
up at the red light together. You don't even have
to look at them. It's just that feeling of like, oh,
I feel like the most powerful person in the universe
right now. That person must be like such an asshole.

Speaker 3 (01:07:10):
Yeah, yeah, they have to like look at you and
such shame. Yeah, shame sitting their mess. Yeah, that's what
I get off on, actually, the shame of other people,
especially if they're like older people. If like an older
person's cut me off, I'm like, okay, so late in
life they're almost close to death and you still feel shame,

(01:07:33):
like that's like you've never gotten over it. I'm never no.

Speaker 2 (01:07:38):
Oh, well, is there anything left to say about raisins
or raspberries?

Speaker 3 (01:07:42):
They're great. Do you have a favorite berry? Oh? God,
I will say. I was gonna say strawberry, but I
find them recently to be too inconsistent. That's their big law, right,
that is, strawberry was number one on my fruit list.
Now I think it's peach, and that is because but
that's also so it's way more inconsistent. But I would

(01:08:05):
say that the best peach is better than the best strawberry.
I agree, So that's how I rate it. Now, whatever
the best, give me the best of the platonic, yes, exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:08:17):
Yeah, And I will say for peaches, there's like a
pretty good time window that you're aware of that they'll
be good. Strawberries I've never been able to figure out
when you're supposed.

Speaker 3 (01:08:25):
To get that's right? And what about the whole? Can
we talk about the whole? For no one's talking about
what's talking about that missing fruit?

Speaker 2 (01:08:32):
Once people know about this whole.

Speaker 3 (01:08:34):
Yeah, strawberries or strawberries are done. Once people figure out like,
oh my god, I'm missing like I paid for a
full strawberry. I'm getting, like, you know, two thirds of
a strawberry.

Speaker 2 (01:08:45):
Life has been wasted.

Speaker 3 (01:08:46):
What is this? What's this? Lie? Meanwhile, peach half of
it is a stone. It's right, it's true. Even there's
like grooves in the pit of a peach, you fit
fruit in there. That's true. You're getting fruit. That's a
efficient that's efficient.

Speaker 2 (01:09:01):
And you get something you can throw at someone use
as a toy.

Speaker 3 (01:09:04):
Yeah, or like like rap and gives it to a
gift or something like that. You can always jewelry the
whole buffalo.

Speaker 2 (01:09:12):
What happens when a peach pit dries out? Is it gross?
Or is it usable?

Speaker 3 (01:09:17):
Uh? Are you really? I feel like somebody could like
build something out of those. I'm sure they can feel
like you could. Well, thank you, first of all, thank you.
I'm actually very flattered and blushing right now. I can
build something out of peach pits.

Speaker 2 (01:09:33):
You should become a pit worker.

Speaker 3 (01:09:34):
I should. I should do stuff just a pit artist.

Speaker 2 (01:09:37):
Like on YouTube building things out of hits.

Speaker 3 (01:09:40):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
This is an ideas podcast. I say it all the
time you throw it out and let the guest. Yeah,
we'll see with the benefits. Yeah, well I'm incredible. I'll
obviously be saving both of these great those will not
be thrown anywhere.

Speaker 3 (01:09:54):
No, no, as well as all of this rap. If
you want me to send you some sort of vibe
to put them in trying too, I can do that.

Speaker 2 (01:10:02):
You know, a little uh fragrance sampler, that would be great.
Stuff those down in there, seal it up. But then
it's a time capsule. That's right, the world for as
time capsule, that's right, not a bad idea.

Speaker 3 (01:10:14):
Nope.

Speaker 2 (01:10:15):
Well I think it's time play a game. Okay, We're
gonna play a game called Gift you a Curse. Okay,
but first I need to number between one and ten
from you. Ten okay, wow, I think you're a very
small number of people who I have to do some
light calculating to get our game piece right now, game pieces,
So right now, you can recommend, promote, do whatever you
want with the microphone. I'll be right back.

Speaker 3 (01:10:36):
Okay. So all right, so I recommend and promote the
show Big Mouth, which I write for and act on.
This final season is out right now on Netflix, so
please check that out. It's uh, it's great and it's
nice to say goodbye. It was out. How's that was

(01:10:57):
that good? A little bit on here. Netflix is a
streaming service. Basically, you go onto your your big computer,
you use your okay.

Speaker 2 (01:11:09):
And again, Netflix is only available via the desktop PC.

Speaker 3 (01:11:13):
That's correct. You have to have a mouse. You have
to have a mouse and one of those like big
huge PCs. Yes, you can hear down the block.

Speaker 2 (01:11:22):
An engine, power engine, a diesel powered modem.

Speaker 3 (01:11:28):
Oh god, this is how we play.

Speaker 2 (01:11:30):
Gift or a curse. I'm going to name three things
and you're can tell me if they're a gift or
a curse and why Okay, then I'll tell you if
you're right or wrong. Because there are correct answers. There's
a strong chance you can lose. There's a small chance
you can win. And what happens if I lose, Well,
you're humiliated. Oh okay, and you've had a flawless podcast
so far. It would be sad to see you fall
on your face at the very end. Absolutely, the nerves,

(01:11:53):
my god, Yeah, you're shaking.

Speaker 3 (01:11:54):
I'm shaking. You're shaking.

Speaker 2 (01:11:55):
You're drooling for some.

Speaker 3 (01:11:56):
Reason, I'm drooling. I feel number three coming on. I'm like,
I'm that okay.

Speaker 2 (01:12:03):
This first one is from a listener named Sydney from
the Megateer of Suggestions.

Speaker 3 (01:12:08):
Okay, so it's very important.

Speaker 2 (01:12:10):
Gift you a curse checking your bag at the gate
because the flight is too full.

Speaker 3 (01:12:16):
Checking your bag at the cake. I would uh, I
would say curse why because I fucking hate checking and waiting.
I hate waiting for baggage, and I don't know what
is the what are you what's the benefit just that?
What is the benefit or checking your bag? What's the

(01:12:36):
benefit that you're helping other people out? Is that it?
I'm truly asking you. Well, I've got an answer. Okay, great,
So then I know I feel like I'm wrong and
I'm going to change my answer to of course you
check your bag, all right? What is it?

Speaker 2 (01:12:52):
So you think it's a gift or a curse.

Speaker 3 (01:12:53):
I think it's a curse. I will say it's a curse.

Speaker 2 (01:12:56):
Gill, it's a gift. We got to get the word
out that this is a game.

Speaker 3 (01:13:00):
Okay, tell me why.

Speaker 2 (01:13:01):
I explain to you, Well, first of all, what a
generous thing to do from your home?

Speaker 3 (01:13:05):
No no, no, no, no service. That's your answer. First
of all, not people airlines.

Speaker 2 (01:13:12):
When you're boarding an airline, the first thing you should
be thinking is what is the health of Delta, What
is happening on United Airlines?

Speaker 3 (01:13:21):
How can I help Jet Blue?

Speaker 2 (01:13:22):
Yes, what is the what's happening financially for this company?
They've got to pack these things with people, They've got
to they have to overbook, and I'm part of that process.

Speaker 3 (01:13:33):
You're worried about the airline. I'm worried about airlines first,
in the in the industry, or just the corporations.

Speaker 2 (01:13:39):
The corporations specifically. I don't care about the technology, the
people working, the employees, that doesn't matter to me. The shareholders.
It is the shareholders ultimately. So I'm thinking about shareholders,
which I do in every situation, and so this is
my little contribution to the shareholders is saying, look, you
can take this thing that I went out of my

(01:13:59):
way to pack and bring with me as just as
tightly as possible.

Speaker 3 (01:14:03):
So knowing that I wanted to bring it on the plane.

Speaker 2 (01:14:05):
Yes, so I wouldn't have to wait at the carousel
after so I could just get into the car or
god forbid, the lax shuttle to the car just trying
to eliminate one step from my life. But that was
a little selfish of me. That is true, I want
to send my bag to the bottom of the plane
and potentially lose it in transit.

Speaker 3 (01:14:23):
Well, I will agree with you on one condition. If
when you arrive at the airport, yes that you're going
to everyone claps for you. If that is, if you
can give me some sort of reward, I'm all in.
Everyone's just like, thank you for then I'm in. Then
I'm in.

Speaker 2 (01:14:42):
Uh they I feel like they did use to offer
some incentive that's gone away.

Speaker 3 (01:14:47):
Oh like a like we'll give you a or a
free scum. You're a complete scum on an airport, on
an airplane.

Speaker 2 (01:14:55):
Now, it's just out of the generosity, the openness of
your heart that you're willing to to sacrifice.

Speaker 3 (01:15:01):
And maybe maybe the clerk will laugh at you. Maybe
they'll be like you animal, you belong to a stupid
piece of shake. Go sit next to the bathroom. You know,
don't worry. Your luggage will be wet when you get it.
So ultimately, a gift.

Speaker 2 (01:15:18):
People need to know. This is a gift.

Speaker 3 (01:15:20):
Absolutely, And uh, now I think I see where we're heavy.

Speaker 2 (01:15:23):
You understand how stupid. You were a curse, absolutely, and
uh it's unfortunate, but you're learning.

Speaker 3 (01:15:28):
Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:15:29):
So number two, this is from a listener named Mark. Okay,
and this is a longer one, so pay attention, okay,
gift a dun't dose off? Gift or a curse. When
you're reading off a credit card number on the phone
and after every four digits they sit m hmm or okay,
or someone's reading off a number to you and they
won't continue until you satan hm or okay after every

(01:15:53):
four digits. I assume Mark is working at a call
center maybe yeah, or in customer service.

Speaker 3 (01:15:59):
Yeah, or he just recently had a traumatic experience with
it right, or just got a credit card, just got
a credit card. He's thirteen, Mark age eleft eight eleven.
Is it a gift or curse? At what that that
you have? An? Mm hmm h. I guess we should
reread this because there's a hard one to be like

(01:16:19):
what it looks like there's three scenarios in this question. Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:16:24):
So, so when you're reading off a credit card number
on the phone and after every four digits they satan
or okay huh, or someone's reading off a number to you,
and they won't continue to till your satan hm or okay,
after everything, I think.

Speaker 3 (01:16:38):
That's a curse. I think that they should. It is
known at this point that everyone just needs to keep going.
They can, They can separate with a little like four five, five,
five six two. You can do that. If I have
to hear your mm hmm, I'm like, just hurry the
fuck up. What are we doing here? We both don't

(01:17:00):
enjoy this. That's where I am wrong. Wrong, I knew it.
The credit card companies.

Speaker 2 (01:17:07):
I'm on the side of positive affirmation. Oh okay, get
a little reinforcement is good, Okay, No, I said the
four things. I need to hear from somebody else that
I did a good job, and I need to tell
somebody else that they did a good job. We need
these little moments of validation. And you know, every day
we're all really struggling through life.

Speaker 3 (01:17:24):
That's true.

Speaker 2 (01:17:25):
And if you get four numbers in a row, you
should hear from another person a plus.

Speaker 3 (01:17:29):
That's true. If we have it in our personal life,
why can't we have it in Like when I'm having
sex with my wife, she'll go mm hmm, and I
know I'm doing like a solid job every four every
four seconds. I've asked her to go mm hmm, and
then you say okay, and I say okay mm hm.
And if I don't hear that, I'm like, wait, we
have to start over again on the second. Where's the

(01:17:51):
Let's start from the beginning. I thought this was supposed
to be electric. Yeah, but no, no, I need that value.
You're right, You're right, Okay, I made a mistake.

Speaker 2 (01:17:59):
I apolog so. You've gone too wrong so far.

Speaker 3 (01:18:03):
It's a shame. But let's give you one more change.
All right.

Speaker 2 (01:18:06):
This is from a listener named Emily. Gift you a
curse short sleeved sweaters.

Speaker 3 (01:18:11):
Oh I'm sorry, I revealed my short sleeved sweaters. Now
what does that mean? Does that mean like cut off?

Speaker 2 (01:18:22):
I think it's kind of whatever you want. They just
don't have a foul.

Speaker 3 (01:18:26):
I'm gonna split my answer here. I'm gonna say that
if there is like a ringer at the end or
like it's hemmed, it's a fucking curse. It's disgusting. And
I'm gonna say that if it's cut off, like you know, uh,
what's his name in the Goonies? Uh? What was the

(01:18:47):
actor's name in no country, roll men, Oh he's so good.
Thank you. It looks insanely good in a cutoff sweater
anywhere one in no country for old hen he does too.
So I'm gonna say, gift if it's like cut off
in a organic way, not in a bought way, and

(01:19:11):
curse every other way. Okay, but I do need you
need his fallen answer for need. Okay, I'm gonna say
curse then wrong, wrong?

Speaker 2 (01:19:21):
No, what's wrong with taking a sleeve off? With sewing
up a sleeve? I've I've been watching secret lives of
Mormon wives, and I think I've seen this a little bit.
I think I saw somebody with a sleeveless sweatshirt or
sweater looked great. It's it's unconventional, it's fun. It's warming
up the part of the body that you want. Sometimes

(01:19:41):
you want just the chest to be warm, Sometimes you
just want the shoulder.

Speaker 3 (01:19:45):
I have a feeling you're being contrarian. I have a
feeling that you actually hate sweaters that are sleeveless or
half sleep.

Speaker 2 (01:19:55):
I'm gonna google one right now, without sleep or sleep?
What is it with short sleeves?

Speaker 3 (01:20:01):
He's on a private tab, folks, he doesn't even want
to show his husband that he looked for this stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:20:07):
Okay, let's see here, let's see. Okay, these are great
looking Look at this. How can you say this isn't?

Speaker 3 (01:20:14):
Who is it? If you're showing me a picture of
Adrian Brodie right now?

Speaker 2 (01:20:17):
Okay, now that's a more that's on the Loft website.

Speaker 3 (01:20:20):
Okay, for gals, decide what you want. You want to
be hot or you want to be cold, decide what
you want. Let's see and let's see.

Speaker 2 (01:20:27):
Okay, now here's a man in one.

Speaker 3 (01:20:29):
Let's see here. I think that's perfectly Now what site
are we on here? Banana Republic Factory.

Speaker 2 (01:20:36):
Yeah, so I guess they're not selling it in the
main sho.

Speaker 3 (01:20:39):
You know what, take this with a grain of salt.
If you're buying your stuff at Banana Republic, sure, go
for it, go for it. But if you're like me
and you shop at J Crew or you shop at
the Gap, you're not buying sweaters that have cut off sleeves. Okay,
well you got all three wrong. I know, I know

(01:21:00):
it's a travesty. Actually I apologie.

Speaker 2 (01:21:02):
You've ventured a very small pool of people who have
lost the game completely completely, So that's something to be
proud of in a way.

Speaker 3 (01:21:09):
No, I will go home and feel sick. Yeah, like
one of these old people who have just cut somebody off.
Total shame.

Speaker 2 (01:21:16):
And now on a lease, our producer has one gift
or curse which we both have to answer to. They
know the correct answer.

Speaker 3 (01:21:22):
Okay, on a lease. What is it?

Speaker 4 (01:21:25):
The County Fair?

Speaker 3 (01:21:26):
Hmm? Do you want to go? Or should I go?
I'm gonna go. Oh god, this is one where the
anticipation is better than the actual thing. Okay, you think
County Fair, You're like, I'm gonna have a good time.
You get there, it's like city walk on crack. I'm
gonna say, no fucking way, that's a curse. You go
there and it's the dregs of humanity doing the dregs

(01:21:49):
of humanities. You know, it's just activities. It's I would
I'm gonna say fun in maybe an ironic way, but
mostly it's a curse. It's a curse.

Speaker 2 (01:21:59):
I'm going to actually say gifts, I think and I
have a I'm going to say state Fair curse. State
state Fair.

Speaker 3 (01:22:07):
Is trash, So it depends on the side.

Speaker 2 (01:22:09):
State Fair is all concrete and like Marilyn Monroe Flee Splingks, Okayta.
Whereas the County Fair has got a little bit of
charm and class. It's more of a Charlotte's Web vibe.
They're blue ribbons. People are bringing their city Fair. Now,
city Fair is interesting, starting to get in. It really
is getting into city walk territory.

Speaker 3 (01:22:28):
It is okay and town fair.

Speaker 2 (01:22:30):
City Fair could be a new Rick Caruso property.

Speaker 3 (01:22:32):
What about a block party?

Speaker 2 (01:22:35):
Interesting?

Speaker 3 (01:22:35):
Block parties should start having pike contests. They should.

Speaker 2 (01:22:38):
I feel like that that's a new territory that block
parties haven't gotten into. They should bring the blue ribbon
in maybe some farman.

Speaker 3 (01:22:45):
Because you always want to see your neighbors with blueberry
all over their mouth. That makes you respect them a
little bit more.

Speaker 2 (01:22:53):
If you like look through their window and then turn
out and you lock eyes and there's blueberries all over their.

Speaker 3 (01:22:57):
Face, You're like, oh, man, yeah, I want them to
babysitting my child. So I'm going to say gift.

Speaker 2 (01:23:05):
As far as County Fair, State Fair again, trash got
it on Elish.

Speaker 3 (01:23:10):
It's a gift.

Speaker 4 (01:23:11):
Yes, wow often, I mean, think about it this way.
It's the closest experience we have to being able to
be in Roman times in you know you're gonna you know,
when you show up, you might see someone die.

Speaker 2 (01:23:25):
Interesting, now that feels like State Fair to me.

Speaker 3 (01:23:27):
There's something I have.

Speaker 2 (01:23:28):
Seen several people die at the State Fair.

Speaker 4 (01:23:31):
You look up at that carousel, you look up at
that ferris wheel, it's shaking, it's rattling, the mighty rolling,
it's you know that something bad could happen, and just
the thrill. How many everything's so protected and organized these days.

Speaker 3 (01:23:44):
I don't know. I was talking to a total Nazi
right now who wants to see death and destruction. But yeah, okay, fine,
I love it. I absolutely love it. If you're going
there to see death, Absolutely, the County Fair is the
number one place to go. The County Fair.

Speaker 2 (01:24:02):
You'll see the risk of death and potential of death.

Speaker 3 (01:24:05):
That's fair.

Speaker 2 (01:24:05):
You will see, you will see death. You'll probably enter
and there will be a body being there. You get
to step over a body to get into that's right,
to get your funnel cake, that's right. Whereas the County
Fair it might just be an extra bit of spice
to the night. I remember when that person.

Speaker 4 (01:24:19):
Says it's it's just a little extra thing there that's all.
It's just a little excitement for your life.

Speaker 2 (01:24:24):
Gil for you to have lost the game in such
a complete way. Oh my god, the efficiency, Oh my lord.
I shouldn't have said ten is the problem.

Speaker 3 (01:24:31):
I think ten. You've started off too high right away.

Speaker 2 (01:24:35):
Okay, we need to answer a listener question people are
writing into I said, no gifts at you email dot com.
They're also occasionally, or we would hope more often. Now
we just opened the gates to voicemail only. Is what
are the needs and wants from you? As far as
a voicemail.

Speaker 4 (01:24:49):
If you'd like to send us a voice note, please
make it under sixty seconds, okay, record it in a
quiet space. Okay, so no ac running in the background
or anything, no dogs or anything. And then when you
send it in you just have to acknowledge you give
us permission to either use it or not use it
at our discretion. So thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:25:06):
Okay, I said no gifts at gmail dot com.

Speaker 3 (01:25:10):
Will you help me answer a question? Yeah, I would
love to.

Speaker 2 (01:25:12):
Okay, we've got a run one right here. It says
dear Bridger and delightful but incredibly rude guest. Okay, whatever,
My sister moved to Portland, Oregon, from San Francisco Bay
Area about twenty years ago with her husband. They bought
a house, had a kid, and recently realized they've been
homesick the entire time. They are moving back to the

(01:25:32):
Bay Area with their seventeen year old and their dog.
They are going to rent a house while they figure
out where exactly they want to live. Slash can afford
to live around here? Well, it sounds like she's kind
of shaming her sister's bank account here. Whatever they anticipate
renting for about three years, what is a housewarming slash
welcome home gift I can give them and that won't
add to clutter, especially since they'll be moving again three

(01:25:54):
years from now. She's also kind of saying, my sister
can't commit to anything. Whatever they are, they are literary
types who love books and music. The seventeen year old
has generously agreed to do their senior year of high
school here. Okay, generously, you do what your parents tell
you to do. Send this kid off to naval academy.
A house plant is a given, my sister loves plants.

(01:26:16):
And gift card for dinner out there out in the
new town seems obvious. Okay, but there are some food
allergies in the family that can make dining out difficult.
Do you have any ideas? I love you and the pod. Okay, well,
I apologize for everything I've said so far, and that's
just from happy sister. I guess that's probably on her
driver's license. Yeah, maybe her.

Speaker 3 (01:26:35):
Name is happy, Yeah, happy, last name, last name sister.
Sure my first thought, and this is gonna be a
weird answer, but tent steaks, tent stakes. Okay, your sister
can't stay still, and you need to give her a
fucking hint about what you want her to do, right,
So give her something that's going to undermine her entire

(01:26:58):
trip back, give her tense stak saying oh, yeah, this
is what you need, right because you can't say still
because you can't make a fucking decision. Let me get
you grounded, honey, that's what you need to do.

Speaker 2 (01:27:08):
But Gil, the sister has just realized she's wasted her
whole life.

Speaker 3 (01:27:12):
She's sorry, but she's still wasting her life.

Speaker 2 (01:27:15):
She's so I mean, the emotions are running high. She's like,
my time is running out. She's probably going to realize
soon that she's not in love with her husband. That's right,
there has split the kid. Seventeen year old, kid's going
to be miserable.

Speaker 3 (01:27:28):
We already have a hint that the kid's a brat. Yes,
ungrateful brat, ungrateful, disgusting brat and the dog ugly. I
would say, I mean the question, yeah, I mean it
sounds disgusting.

Speaker 2 (01:27:39):
Yeah, the kid, they would have said baby boy or
baby girl, seventeen year old baby boy say.

Speaker 3 (01:27:44):
He probably has a middle part, Yes, but really gotte
is Yeah, we really eight middle part. We've already decided
that short people are disgusting right at the top of
this show. So first of all, yeah, I mean, maybe
get her the gift of a hit man for her
ugly child. I don't know, take out the kickoff the kid.

Speaker 2 (01:28:04):
Then the kid probably has all the allergies, and so
you can get a gift card to any restaurant in town,
go crazy with it.

Speaker 3 (01:28:10):
Which where would you say, Wolfgang Poks?

Speaker 2 (01:28:13):
Where would you I assume he has a branch in
San Francisco. Oh yeah, probably the San Francisco City Walk.

Speaker 3 (01:28:19):
Absolutely, there's a city walk by the way in every county.
Every they hold the fair.

Speaker 2 (01:28:27):
This is her after this big move, She's going to
be craving a steak, and I assume Wolfgang probably does
a decent steak at one of his franchise. I bet
he has one in the airport, right.

Speaker 3 (01:28:37):
Wait, did you mean steaks like.

Speaker 2 (01:28:38):
I meant realize.

Speaker 3 (01:28:41):
I mean we're on the same wavelength, like with the
contact lens, and I just think something in the steak world.
I don't know if it's ten steaks or real stakes.

Speaker 2 (01:28:51):
Speaking of steaks, my boyfriend just bought his uh father
for Father's Day, first birthday, a box of one of those.
He sent him one of those boxes of steaks you know,
Oh okay, And there was a mistake in the mail
where they sent sake.

Speaker 3 (01:29:03):
Oh my God and Jesus, this is classing.

Speaker 2 (01:29:07):
I can barely breathe with all the steaks around. But
he sent it to him. But there was a mistake
where they also sent us a box and we thought, oh,
we got a box of stakes where we were going
out for the night. So we left it on the
counter because it's in the frozen thing. We get home,
we open it up. There was no dry ice in there.
It was just rotting me.

Speaker 3 (01:29:22):
No, oh God, did you complain and ask for a
new freeze that's what my boyfriend said. But you can't.

Speaker 2 (01:29:27):
You can't complain about the thing that accidentally sent you.

Speaker 3 (01:29:30):
Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 (01:29:31):
He's like, we should have warned them. It's like, no,
you did.

Speaker 3 (01:29:33):
You end up throwing it out.

Speaker 2 (01:29:34):
I had to be thrown out. And I'm sure a
raccoon was so tempted. Mm or coyotes were probably give
it to a neighbor and look, looks so nice, looks
so nice until they're dead, Until they're dead. I feel like,
send a box of steaks that I love.

Speaker 3 (01:29:49):
That your suggestion is exactly what you did for someone.
What I did is actually a great gift.

Speaker 2 (01:29:57):
And uh and then but while it's in transit, go
over with the wrapped box of tent steaks and double whammy.
And if she freaks out when she sees the tent steaks,
you'll be far enough away that she can have her
melt down at home, and then she'll get this thing
on the port and starving for meat. I've had my

(01:30:18):
child's killed. She's gonna go crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:30:22):
That sounds like a good plan.

Speaker 2 (01:30:24):
What a way to enter the San Francisco Bay. I know, congrats,
happy sister. I feel like we answered the question beyond perfectly.
We saved a family.

Speaker 3 (01:30:36):
We saved a family, and we killed a child.

Speaker 2 (01:30:41):
That's what happens. That's the trade off thing exactly. That's family.

Speaker 3 (01:30:46):
If your marriage is falling, apart from kill your child,
kill your kid. The kid's the problem, family, the family therapist,
kill Ozari. Your child's a problem.

Speaker 2 (01:31:04):
Well I can see what the problem.

Speaker 3 (01:31:06):
I can see. Are they leaving raisins on the floor.
Do yourself a favor and shoot them up.

Speaker 2 (01:31:15):
We answered the question perfectly.

Speaker 3 (01:31:17):
You failed the game. I failed the game.

Speaker 2 (01:31:19):
I have a raisin to hold on to for the
rest of my life.

Speaker 3 (01:31:22):
And paper. You're not throwing any of this wrapping paper.

Speaker 2 (01:31:25):
No, no, no. I've been throughout this. I have been
barely here mentally. Okay, I've been thinking where can.

Speaker 3 (01:31:30):
That go in my home? Because I did enter a
like a new level at Target, getting all this like
I have like the black card now at Target. I
have entered like you know, the one hundred top customers
at Target.

Speaker 2 (01:31:46):
Yeah you get to go in before store hours. Yeah,
you get to use the private bathroom.

Speaker 3 (01:31:50):
Yeah they close it down for your birthday. That's right.
I get a wipe down cart. I get everything I need.

Speaker 2 (01:31:56):
Well, I really appreciate all of this, of course, and
I've so had that you could be here.

Speaker 3 (01:32:00):
Thank you for having me. It was great. It's great
to thank you for being here.

Speaker 2 (01:32:03):
And listener, I have so much paper in my life.
I'm so I feel kind of settled for the first time.
This might be the final episode of the podcast. This
is kind of what I was looking for, and so
I'm going to go off and try to decide if
I'll do another an Oh no.

Speaker 3 (01:32:20):
This is really it? Just a gunshot rings you end
the podcast? Kill scream? Oh no?

Speaker 4 (01:32:32):
Oh no?

Speaker 2 (01:32:33):
How long do you think I would have to stay
here before I could leave? They would ask you wait
till they clean up? Yeah, and then and can I
take the reason? You can't take the risk? Okay, listener,
the podcast is over. I love you, goodbye. I Said

(01:32:55):
No Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer
is on Alise Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed
by Ben Holliday. The theme song is by miracle Worker
Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our booker,
Patrick Cottner. You must follow the show on Instagram at
I Said No Gifts. That's where you're going to see
pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't

(01:33:18):
you want to see the gifts?

Speaker 3 (01:33:20):
The lie invit? Did you hear?

Speaker 1 (01:33:24):
Funna made myself perfectly clear. When you're I guess to me,
you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests,
your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,

(01:33:46):
So how do you dare to survey me

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Bridger Winegar

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