Josh Sharp Disobeys Bridger

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
And I invited you here. I thought I made myself
perfectly clear. When you're a guest to my home, you
gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests,
your own presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,

(00:35):
So how do you dare to surbey me?

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Richard Winneger. What's
going on for that? I think this is the first recording.
This is the first recording since we're back from Chicago
or I'm I don't know why I say weird. It
was simply me. In Chicago. I had no help, zero assistance.
It was just me kind of stumbling through the city
putting on a show. Had a wonderful time. The audience

(01:12):
was begging to leave. The theater was nearly empty before
the show was even over. Let's see what happened. Oh,
I did wish a Hannah happy birthday on stage. Later
found out her name was Heidi so but it's now
too late to womb. Sorry to interrupt, but Klom, Heidi
Klum was there demanding a happy birth.

Speaker 3 (01:34):
Well, Hannah Klum was her birth name. Heidi Klum's her
Hollywood name. It's a little flashy. You were saying. I
didn't mean to interrupt. This isn't about Our guest is
just trying to burst into the show, and we'll get
to him in a moment, and we should get to
him quickly because I'm already rambling.

Speaker 2 (01:51):
But and there's very little going on. What's going on,
the Patreons still happening. I'm now, as you know, kind
of doing bonus episodes about the secret lives of Mormon wives.
That's become almost my entire existence just thinking about those gals.
So come on over. And then I just I saw
Mission Impossible last night, followed every moment of it. It

(02:12):
was perfectly clear what was going on. Tom Cruise has
completely transformed into kind of a tough as nails aunt,
looks like your mom's sisters, who's had a real year.
But actually I didn't have that good of a time.
Maybe I had ten minutes of a good time. I
kept trying to fall asleep and that didn't take. So

(02:35):
take from whatever that what you will. Let's get into
the show. I love today's guest. It's Josh Sharp. Josh,
You're already on the show. Welcomed, I said, no gifts.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
I'm jealous. You saw that impossible mission. Yeah, those films,
I really do. What was the last When you saw
the last one and you've seen everyone, and I go
to theater and I have a big thing of popcorn,
just as Tom intended, and I paced it out of
of course the whole film. I don't need it before
we know he hits oppressive. I love it. I feel
he's the most populist movie star we have in the lot.

(03:09):
Justin being popular. I like that. He's like, I do
my own, I will live or die. He's doing everything
myself off the cliff for your pleasure.

Speaker 2 (03:16):
But I'll say in this one, I think there are
two stunts, and one of them is kind of it's
unclear what the stunt is. It's largely underwater and he's
in an underwater suit, and it's like, what I guess
he's He's just floating through water, that's the stunt. Sure,
because there are parts where there's a deep because it
gets dodgy down there. Yeah, that's the big question. But
why would he need to be that far down for

(03:36):
a movie?

Speaker 3 (03:38):
Well, because he's Tom. Why does he need to do
any of this sport movie? Why? Because he cares? Why
does he need to ride a motorcycle off a cliff.
He loves Hollywood magic. He loves Hollywood magic. And you
can get the bins real easy. That in the movie.
I bet it is a big plot point. You might
get the bin.

Speaker 2 (03:54):
So then I don't want to give anything minutes.

Speaker 3 (03:56):
A film right there discussing the bins. It'd be great
if he got in the bloodstream. Is that what it is?
I think nitrogen or something nitrogen and then it makes
you dizzy to kill stuff there. No, I don't want
nitrogen in the blood stream. I'll tell you that girl.
You do not want nitrogen in your blood stream.

Speaker 2 (04:12):
He goes very deep and then shoots up to the surface.

Speaker 3 (04:15):
Well that's the part that'll get you. As someone who's
scuba dove, yes, about three times a decade ago. You
really have to pace your way up. I mean you
have how you get the bends. You have a history
of scuba doving. It's water.

Speaker 2 (04:29):
Well, this is true, I mean this is I love
the stuff. I don't know that's all you want to
talk about or not.

Speaker 3 (04:34):
It is true. It tried to kill me last year,
and you can find out all about this and Josharp
today my one man off Broadway show starting at the
Greenwich Hut the year later. Can I Yeah, I don't
know what you're gonna clip. I actually don't know how
your I don't know how your audience listens to this.
Maybe they started the end and go to the beginning,
or Memento style. Maybe they started at either end and
meet in the middle. That's a podcast. I just have

(04:55):
a series of polaroids of the podcast to try to
figure out what was going on. I've got to mention
dot Josh sharp to dot within every forty five seconds.
I'm gonna get it in a clip. I know the game.
I know the game.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
We're going to cut it out of. This is going
to be a very difficult episode to listen to. Good
that will all just be.

Speaker 3 (05:14):
That's what I hope to bring to every podcast, an
air of unlistenability.

Speaker 2 (05:20):
Yeah, but you have a so this is actually this
particular mission impossible might really hit home for you.

Speaker 3 (05:27):
Yeah, he's done some water stuff before. I feel like,
like two ago there was that one where there was
the big again. Can you remember a single plot point? No?
Absolutely not. And I have something sorry to tease the listener,
I have something really salacious about that to mention to you.
Off air. Oh, and it can't be on air, no
about tom Cruise or the water or the about the
whole world and the making of these films. Oh, something

(05:49):
I learned from someone who made one of these films
that I don't feel comfortable saying on air.

Speaker 2 (05:53):
Oh my god, I can't wait.

Speaker 3 (05:54):
And yet I do feel comfortable saying that. I don't
feel comfortable saying on air on air? You know what
I mean?

Speaker 2 (05:58):
Of course, I need to make some sort of reminder
for me, So like, that's good, I'm gonna put this.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
I don't feel comfortable. I feel comfortable saying I don't
feel comfortable saying it on air on air. That's one
of those great do you know what I mean? Of
course that's it's meaning us. It's just meaning this is
a mission impossible moved one time. This is maybe the
hardest I've ever made. Aaron Jackson laughed. I as a
joke the show This Is Us was on, I said this,
this is Us is Us and he thought that was

(06:24):
the greatest thing.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
Wait, but let's see the thing that you don't feel
comfortable saying, you don't feel comfortable talking.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
About it has to do with the writing of these films.
But I do find them to be pretty wild. There
was something that yeah, okay, like two or three moves. Yeah,
there was that. There was like a nuclear reactor. Remember
he had to like hold his breath for like three
minutes to go and do something to it.

Speaker 2 (06:48):
And that wasn't the last one.

Speaker 3 (06:49):
Maybe it was in this one.

Speaker 2 (06:51):
There are flashbacks of water like was that which where
in the timeline we're.

Speaker 3 (06:55):
In sort of like part two of part three of
part one, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (07:00):
The final reckoning.

Speaker 3 (07:01):
Yeah, this is the finally the end of the Russian
nesting dolls in his films.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Just as far as we know, he does have a
little It's.

Speaker 3 (07:06):
Good to know, because God, think of all he's reckoned
with he has reckoned. It must be a big load off,
the final thing to reckon. I think he's got.

Speaker 2 (07:14):
I have to imagine he's gonna have a craving for
reckoning in the future.

Speaker 3 (07:18):
I don't think he can stay away. He'll have a
different proper noun, but I have a feeling he'll still
be reckoning. The guy won't have the guy won't be Ethan,
but he'll be reckoning with things. I think he's still
in that movie where he goes to space. I love that.
Which when does he go to space? A few years
ago they announced that he's going to make a movie.
That's right, he actually goes to space. Katy Perry's style,
Katie Gail King style. Yes, it's actually a buy a

(07:40):
pick on Gail King. Tom's playing Gail King. Soaring High
the Gail King story. Tom is suiting up to play
Gail King. I can't wait for that.

Speaker 2 (07:53):
I think we're all kind of just uh, just very nervous,
very nervous for Tom. But he was He's literally going
to space.

Speaker 3 (08:00):
Hmm. For what purpose does the whole crew go to space?
Keep wanting to go? Why is he doing all this stuff?
You have the answer for our delight. He's going to
take a whole film crew to our delight. Maybe he's
gonna fill himself. I don't know. I wish I were
a producer on this film and I had these answers
for you, Bridger. Nothing would make me happier than to
have every answer, because it would mean I'm a producer

(08:20):
on the film. The fact that you remembered it's pretty
I should be trying to I'm buying for co producer.
You want to be shot into space? With him. Yeah,
I don't have an inclination to go to space, but
I would if Tom asked, would you? Yeah? Are you kidding?

Speaker 2 (08:35):
I wonder if I would?

Speaker 3 (08:36):
You think you wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (08:37):
I think I would really have to do some soul searching.
I would have to. I probably would.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
You'd have to offer it up in prayer. You'd have
to offer it up in prayer.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
Of course, I'd say quiet prayer and then go to
space with Tom. I probably would go. Yeah, even if
I died, who cares to have gone?

Speaker 3 (08:56):
What a way to go? And to be on camera
dying with Tom Cruise. You think of the residuals your
family would receive. Your family would be set for love
and Tom.

Speaker 2 (09:07):
His box office cachet is a little I think it's fading,
is it?

Speaker 3 (09:11):
But what didn't they feel that top on Mavericks sort
of like brought back movies? I brought back the possible
kind of sent movies to their I understood, understood, and don't.
I don't know how this one's well, maybe I don't
want to produce after all, here I thought i'd be rich.

Speaker 2 (09:25):
I believe this one's being beaten by Leelo and Stitch,
So maybe Lelo and Stitch has brought them?

Speaker 3 (09:31):
Do they do their own stunts?

Speaker 2 (09:33):
As far as I know, Stitch, which one's wait? Lelo
and Stitch is one of Is Leelo one of the humans?

Speaker 3 (09:40):
I'm realizing I've never seen Leelo and Stitch, not even
the old animated in my mind. And I understand, and
I'm giving myself the space to be wrong. Is human? Right?
Stitch is a creature from outer space? Question mark?

Speaker 2 (09:53):
That makes sense. But just until this moment, I thought
Leelo I. For whatever reason, I was under the impression
there were two outer space creatures. But of course it's
just the blue one.

Speaker 3 (10:03):
It might be a little two peas in a pod. Yeah,
you know you sort of want the odd couple of
it all, don't you? Right?

Speaker 2 (10:08):
You want the little You always want a small human
girl with an alien.

Speaker 3 (10:11):
Always you want this. I'm surprised one of us isn't
a small human girl, and I'm even more surprised one
of us isn't an alien. You know, how will this play?
I will two of us talking? Nobody cares, None of
you care.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
No, it's not there's sparks. What this is missing is
Tom Cruise welcoming you to the movies like he did
last night. The audience gasped, did you do that in
the last movie? Where it's like he's done it every
video where he's like, welcome to the movies.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
I think he's done it in all of them. Now
it's so important that you're here at the movies. I
was talking about this with people the other day. It
would have been incredible if in this one he didn't
do it. Some old man comes out, I want to
walk up movie, pulls off the masks. Oh my god,
like in the film, and then and then the set
breaks away and he's hanging on a helicopter and then

(10:58):
the movie starts there. It's in the world of the
move on the movie. Curtain up, light the lights, you
know how movies start.

Speaker 2 (11:05):
For that to be Ethan could be doing some Hollywood
high jinks within the movie.

Speaker 3 (11:11):
Yeah, why didn't they see this?

Speaker 2 (11:13):
Is you pitching yourself as a future producer for Think of.

Speaker 3 (11:15):
Me for space, think of me for the Gael King story.
Is all I'll say, Hollywood, Now that I'm here in LA.
You know, in New York nobody takes seriously as a producer.
Now that I'm here in.

Speaker 2 (11:25):
LA, you're making moves. You're in a very la T shirt.

Speaker 3 (11:30):
Thank you. This the Clark Street. Yeah, the one on
one diner. One time I saw Fred Durst there about
fifteen years ago. One was that awesome? What was he
doing eating? Noting the breakfast of course? Why eating breakfast?
Of course? Well, having a delicious meal in the seventies abbiance.
It's the one on one now Clark Street.

Speaker 2 (11:50):
I love the Clark Street.

Speaker 3 (11:51):
Oh. I love the Clark Street Diner. I can go
there today, make a reservation. Josh sharptdaw dot com book
a table with Fred Durst at the Clark Street Diner.
I love the Clerk Street done. I'm glad you clocked this.
Some people don't know it's merch. Some people just think
it's a shirt with breakfast.

Speaker 2 (12:07):
It's a good shirt, and I'm there probably twice a week.

Speaker 3 (12:10):
I love that place. My friends used to live around
the corner and I would go there all the time
when it was the one I won. It's such a
good diner. I find this shirt is well received by
the community, but that like every time I wear it,
someone comes up and they go, I love breakfast. People
often just think it's about breakfast, and I have a
bold statement, but I celebrate that. Of course, there's a
lot to love. And it's a good looking breakfast. That's
the diner breakfast. Do you know I have one note

(12:32):
on this breakfast? What can you guess what it is?

Speaker 2 (12:34):
That it shouldn't be twenty two dollars?

Speaker 3 (12:36):
Well, sweetie, oh god, clip it. Get into a war
with them? Am I doing this right? You know? I
don't have a podcast, but I'm aware of your culture.
Clip it. We just say clip it. Well, we will
with it whenever you want. It doesn't no matter what
you said previously. My my biggest note is that breakfast, brunch,
diner culture. It's about beverages. Okay, I need double the

(12:56):
beverages here. This has already got two drinks. Coffee have
probably forty dollars orange. I want a big glass of
water and then I probably want like a boozy drink too,
like if this is if this is brunch, I want
fresh squeeze orange juice. I want bad coffee, some of
the worst coffee. Well, then this is a bad place
for you to be. They have good coffine. They actually
do have good coffee. I want water and I want
a bloody mary.

Speaker 1 (13:17):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
That is to me the joy of brunch is so
many A sip of everything.

Speaker 2 (13:23):
Even the water.

Speaker 3 (13:24):
Yes, oh, I want I'm drinking water all all the time.
Not for me, I'm not drinking breakfast with the stuff.
I'm one of those people who like the taste of water.
Is that true? Yes?

Speaker 2 (13:34):
I think I don't mind the taste of water. But
I'm gonna taste this.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
Wait, do it am a ms R A ms R style?
That's not right, but I'm sticking to it a M
s R A I think ams R. You know it's
a SMR. It's a sm you can always remember because
it's related to SMM. That's the nomonic. Y Okay, now

(13:58):
me just choking. That's well, no, wonder you just don't
know how to drink it. Sorry, it's good, right, I
fucking love water. Water rules.

Speaker 2 (14:12):
People say they don't like the taste, what are we
talking about?

Speaker 3 (14:16):
Yeah exactly.

Speaker 2 (14:17):
I mean they're clearly drinking dirty water because it's such
a pure thing.

Speaker 3 (14:21):
Like Yeah, and I don't like to participate in the
New York versus LA if at all. I like I
like both. I promise you we do have you beat
on water. See this is something I don't believe you
you've tasted both, though I've had both. Maybe dynamite.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
I might have kind of a dull taste bud for water,
because I think I can drink about any water. I
think that tastes about the same.

Speaker 3 (14:43):
Sure ours really banks and yours has some issues. Would
you're not fully at the beach where you're like, oh god,
you know, but this is it's not right.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
I would like someone to bring me a bottle of
New York water and pour it into I would like
to do it myself.

Speaker 3 (15:00):
Sorry to pull back the curtain. I wish that was
my gift, and not even like aquafina, just like a
fucking from my tower. That would have been so good.
And I kept it in the fridge. It was just
like I've somehow got it on the plane. I checked
so dry ice I shipped it.

Speaker 2 (15:17):
I guess that's the hard thing about getting water here.
You would have to check a bag of water.

Speaker 3 (15:21):
I could have gifted you three ounces of water so easy,
I could liters of water, and that would have been
such an incredible gift. I mean, that's enough to.

Speaker 2 (15:30):
That's all you truly need to get the taste.

Speaker 3 (15:32):
It's a tasting menu. Yeah, it's a flight a flat water.
I could have brought you a flight of waters from
all over the country, all over the globe, even from
outer space. With Tom we could have gone to the
moon and fetched that water that's there.

Speaker 2 (15:48):
New York does famously have good tap water. I wonder
if there's a place that has better tap water than
New York. There must be outside of the country.

Speaker 3 (15:56):
I think it's one of the best metropolitan top parties
because we get it from some upstate reservoir that's like
known for good. You know. I feel like if you're you.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
Know, where's l A's coming from?

Speaker 3 (16:07):
Well, exactly interesting, y'all don't have enough to water your lawns,
So yeah, where is it coming from? Probably Utah? Your
Mormon wives, they're probably sending you ther water open.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
This is the subject that my dad will bring up
on occasion. You're taking all of our water?

Speaker 3 (16:22):
Where does your father live Utah?

Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, I believe it, But Utah is also a desert,
so I don't quite believe that either, right, But that
water is already coming from I don't know.

Speaker 3 (16:30):
The people of Utah have faith. They have faith in
the way that we don't, so that they're making water
in the water, they're finding water in the desert if
anyone is. It's a faith based people, these godless heathens.
You live in a desert and it's staying a desert.
You have no faith. Utah is a desert, but you
have faith. So the water take a step and the

(16:51):
you know, when there's one step of footprints, you know
who's carrying you. When you're in a desert. Throw a bag,
a big bag of water. When there's only one set
of stopping footprints, you know who it is. Jesus fresh
out the bath, bubbles in his hair, bubbles in his hair,
bubble bath. Yeah, and a big sort of fun like
Santa Beard, like when you're when you're three years old

(17:13):
and you're making the big bubble beard over his regular beard. Absolutely,
he thinks that's he gets the meta joke of that
one beard, one of the famous alt comics. Jesus. He's
a little off kilter. He's oh slightly on, always off,
you know what I mean. I think it was CBS
or CBS was characters welcome, Yes, Oh, characters welcome. That's Jesus'

(17:38):
you meet them twelve And that hooker he's got twelve.
He's got twelve in that hooker following him around Jesus
was such characters welcome, the Twelve in the Hooker, Jesus
was so characters welcome. He really was. He loved of
all types. He loved all types. One of his things, Yes,
one of his big things was Luke John. That's the others,

(18:01):
those other jos. I mean, we're talking. You want to
talk characters. Judas is one of the more famous of
the guys, isn't he full care? The ones who wrote books,
Matthew Mark, Luke John, you know, they they got their
sort of titular story. Peter Peter, of course, well the
doubter Tom. What did Peter do?

Speaker 2 (18:20):
Peter kind of just floated around, just made sure he
was feeling okay, he may need a snack, Yes, exactly, Thomas, God.

Speaker 3 (18:28):
How many can we get? Because you were raised Mormon
or maybe still are raised, and you don't want to
get back, I just you're refusing that one. You're refusing
to go on the record with that one. I'm well
on the record. No, I've listened to every episode. Yeah,
I was raised Presbyterian. We have we have different guys,

(18:49):
I guess different guides. Do the Mormons believe in the
twelve Guys? Oh? Yeah, the twelve guys. I'm absolutely so. Peter, Peter, James, Wait, Matthew, Mark, Luke,
John Matthew, Mark, Peter James, Peter James, Dunton, Thomas, Thomas,
Thomas with all them damned doubts, Judas, Judas of course,
the bad boy of the group. Yeah, the classic fat boy.

(19:10):
And we're missing four. Uh, don't you feel like we'll
get there.

Speaker 2 (19:15):
I'm trying to think of Italian Catholics in my life.
You should get these names?

Speaker 3 (19:19):
Oh yeah, yeah? Uh, Michael, you want to believe there's
a Michael. Let's let's not look this up, but let's
call it a Michael. It's also I want to give
us some old Testament names like Esyl, but I know.

Speaker 2 (19:31):
Those they're real like guy guy names.

Speaker 3 (19:34):
They're they're basically like Kyle's and Martin Ye, Matthews, honestly
a lot of the like gay guy names. Brendan, Brendan. Yeah, Okay,
we're missing three because Michael. David must be there. I
mean not the one who thought Goliath, of course.

Speaker 2 (19:47):
But isn't David. It's Mary and David are the parents
Mary and Joseph?

Speaker 3 (19:53):
But was there? Christian? Was there? Joseph and the guys.

Speaker 2 (19:57):
Maybe Okay, No, there's no Joseph. That would have gotten
weird for the whole situation.

Speaker 3 (20:01):
Let's say there's a David. Let's say there's a Dave.
That's the tenth is Dave. Two people, we're still too short.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
Tyson Tyson, Tyson and Lance and Lance. Uh wow, I
really shocked that I can't. Some of these guys were duds,
most of them, honestly, like probably eight of these men
were full duds.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
Sorry to go, Hollywood producer again, you come in. I
got this story. It's me, this hooker in twelve guys go,
I could cut eight of the guys for story. I'm like,
keep the main guy for sure, he's he's our guy,
Like we're sending this one to space, he's the campaign
is Jesus of course, keep the hooker. And then I'm like,
I think maybe eight of those guys could go for story.

(20:43):
No budget and budget my god, yeah, maybe be full Blumhouse.
But I'm cutting speaking parts.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
Yeah, maybe these are background are.

Speaker 3 (20:51):
Background guys for certain, The Four Apostles eight background on Hooker,
The Four Apostles eight background and hooker. Now that sells,
that's selling away the Bible hasn't as we know the
Bible very poor sales or sales poor sales. One of
the worst selling books of all time. Absolutely one of

(21:12):
the absolute bombs. Those residuals must be nice.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
That one's the original bomb, the bomb Turkey. It was
a turkey. It was a box office turkey.

Speaker 3 (21:26):
Yeah. I don't know how we possibly got to the
four Apostles eight I do and again, when the listener
is listening to this as intended Memento style, front than back,
front than back, meat in the middle, it will all
make sense. Do you need to promo right now? Absolutely?
Starting July seventh, from Josh Sharp and the director of O,

(21:46):
Mary sam Pinggleton comes Josh Sharp Toda a one man
solo experience in the off Broadway kind of way. God,
imagine the sexy West Village evening. You'll have a cosmo
before a cosmo after. Carry the rest of the girls again,
imagine if there were twelve sex in the City girls.
You're like, you only need four.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
There's no chance, are you kidding? And it's like you're
not taking a quiz where you're trying to figure out
which of twelve characters you.

Speaker 3 (22:09):
Never could Yeah, you're right. The human mind doesn't need
all twin, especially when you already got a hooker in
a lead. That's two. You really only needed two guys two,
you think, I mean, if we want the sort of
like cast of four, Yeah, that's true. Yeah, what are
you the Christ figure, the hooker, the doubting one, or
the bad guy? It's really Thomas Judas. Then there's no friend.

(22:31):
He's at least one friend. You're right, you've got to
have one. The hooker's a friend, but not in that way.

Speaker 2 (22:37):
Not in that one. So I imagine that would be Matthew.

Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, okay, so you really only need Jesus married matt
and Judas. I think. Wow.

Speaker 2 (22:48):
So now you're saying no doubter.

Speaker 3 (22:50):
Or do you think it's more dynamic to sort of
not have a full villain in the breaking bad way,
like you know, you know you don't want him just
be bad. Yeah, you need some gray area. He's the
great ar because Judas is kind of a gray character.
I guess you're right. He did it for you know,
he needed that bag of gold. He was conflicted, and
he also was part of the plan. And also you

(23:10):
feel for Judas because he knew, you know, there's no
small parts only small actors. He knew. He was like,
I have to do this. I'm predestined. That's the thing.
He's a patsy. He's a patsy.

Speaker 2 (23:19):
He really it's like this poor guy, like if he
hadn't done it, the plan would have fallen apart. It
was a heist ultimately, and that was his big part.
And everyone's so mad at him.

Speaker 3 (23:30):
Oh God, everyone's so mad. He knew he was the heel. Yeah,
he was the heel. He knew, like, I'm the heel.
Someone's got to do it.

Speaker 2 (23:38):
But he hopefully there was some like behind the scenes
contract work where it's like, yeah, everyone's gonna hate you,
but there'll be money under the table.

Speaker 3 (23:46):
Yeah, you're gonna be happy with how this plays. Happened absolutely.
I wonder if he was.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
Did he go to Hell?

Speaker 3 (23:52):
I guess to what happens to him after that? He
asked for forgiveness for it? Doesn't he I would hope. So.
If so, then he's going to heaven by the rules
I understood, But it seems like he's so got. I
was really in it. I was doing that thing. Because
did you have the Left Behind series?

Speaker 2 (24:09):
Was that a weirdly and kind of thank God Mormons
don't get into the left.

Speaker 3 (24:15):
Because I was so worried the rapture could happen any moment.
I just found myself sort of like quickly playing praying
for forgiveness like all the time. Okay, so it could
happen in the flash of but really I was just
like every minute, I forgive me for my sense. She's like, okay,
I'm good.

Speaker 2 (24:27):
Imagine if it had happened in between those prayers.

Speaker 3 (24:30):
Yeah, shame, or or if in praying I sort of
send if I was like, please God, forgive me for
my fucking sins, if like if that you know, toxological stressed. Yeah,
there should be like an iPhone alert. There should just
give me, you know, like an earthquake or a fire
or you get a few seconds you like sort it
all out. I don't think that it's fair that it's

(24:54):
more of a prank that it just happens the rapture.

Speaker 2 (24:59):
I think you should have a little leeway, a little like, hey,
you've got ten minutes.

Speaker 3 (25:04):
Right, I mean, like a fucking tsunami comes and they
can sound a siren. Yeah you know what I mean.
You tell me the rapture. You can't at least get
sort of a quick heads up, like the clouds should
gather absolute into this guy that you see the clouds
like flying through the air too quickly. There should be
a last call, you know what I mean? Rapture come
in last call and he'll want to pray for or
how many of you are full? Like, no, I love

(25:25):
to ride motorcycles and smoke cigarettes and I'll never give
that up. Get me to hell, d post rapture.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
Seconds after you're just standing there in your shoes, smoking
a bunch of empty shoes around you. What a feeling.

Speaker 3 (25:39):
Absolutely, you feel like the ultimate bad boy. You would
be having so much fun. You'd be like, finally, my people,
now that all these fucking squares are gone, let the
listener know, but the viewer will see. I had gorgeous
clip ons. I had to take them off for these
I had to take them off for these goddamn headphones,
which will never understand why we have to wear them.
But then I realized, yeah, no, I can hear me

(26:00):
in a very quiet room. Also, I hear myself all
day long through these damn ears. What do you think
these damn ears are? Four?

Speaker 2 (26:06):
I have an answer on why we have to wear
the headphones.

Speaker 3 (26:09):
For one moment. Let's see what it's like. What's it
like to do it this way? Feels so good?

Speaker 2 (26:14):
My ears aren't hot. Yeah, and I feel honest for
the first time on this podcast.

Speaker 3 (26:19):
Guess the idea of this is it sort of puts
you in producer mindset too. What are they gonna hear? Yeah?
That's true. Now, how do you feel that the right
way to think?

Speaker 2 (26:25):
How do you feel asymmetrical? Put them back on? I'm
not wearing them? Yeah, how does that feel? I'm do
you feel like this is an imbalance? Do you feel
like you know?

Speaker 3 (26:35):
Because I'm so in my own experience? Okay, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 2 (26:37):
You're so purely there.

Speaker 3 (26:38):
I'm so purely in this. Okay, But what I was
gonna Yeah, what was the deal? I realized the whole
of clip ons. Yes, they don't say by law, worry
they need to be clipped on. Interesting never port k
port k no los manos? You know, like, why not? Right? Could?
I absolutely? Do you know? Actually, this is my favorite
thing about clip ones. I don't have my ears pears.

(27:00):
I have a ton of clip ones and the reason
why is I love that they're social that often. Yeah,
totally This is actually how it goes when I'm out
in the real world.

Speaker 2 (27:09):
Josh is putting them on.

Speaker 3 (27:10):
I don't even ask to try them on, just be
coming up to be like, oh, I love your earrings
because this happens all the time, and this is what
I do. I'm not even putting them on. Well, and
that's fine, that's okay. They are there. Imagine they're unwell,
Oh I love those ear rings. Give them a spin,
trym on. You have them, are you sure? Yes? Absolutely,
find me later, you know, truly, I'll meet people out
and be like, find me in a half hour, and
then you get to sort of live the fantasy for
a while. Oh, they look great on you. Let's see here.

(27:33):
It's hard to find your ear lobe when you don't
do it that often. I know. Even when you do,
it's hard because.

Speaker 2 (27:38):
They're all a little different lobe is it on?

Speaker 3 (27:41):
Yeah, you look great.

Speaker 2 (27:41):
I want to get my eyes on this. I'm going
to turn on my camera here.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
See, you can't do this with real earrings. You know.
You can't say, like, take a spin, find me, you know,
I'll get someone. It's also why I never I always
spend single digits on them undertil how much were these
I get them at their shops. These were definitely less
than ten okay, because I know I give them to
the world and they don't always come back to me.
Oh wow, do you know what I mean? Kind of
a Johnny Appleseed? Absolutely in many ways, and I'm glad

(28:09):
we're getting into this, but no, in many ways creating orchards.
These belong to the I find these belong to the universe,
and I'm just happen to have them at this moment.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
Do you remember where we got these? Are these la clips?

Speaker 3 (28:23):
I have so many. Anytime I'm at any like thrift
or vintage shop, I'm looking for clip on.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
When you say thrift or vintage with particularly for ear rings,
are you saying like more of a curated thrift or vintagetore?
Are you saying like a goodwill either?

Speaker 3 (28:37):
Wow?

Speaker 2 (28:37):
So either this is where I would draw a line.

Speaker 3 (28:39):
Either. I've got some of the greatest ones that just
like Goodwill's.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
See so for in a goodwill there are a few
things I wouldn't buy.

Speaker 3 (28:45):
Sure, and it's the fresh Deelli meat. They should get
a deli counter in the head. What's holding it back?
They got everything else?

Speaker 2 (28:56):
Start carving up some turkey fresh deli meat, dairy.

Speaker 3 (29:03):
Almond soy. You do that stuff for the goodwill, right,
or just.

Speaker 2 (29:06):
Ye find that under a rack kind of rolling around.
I was like, oh, I didn't expect to find this here.
An ear ring, anything that I will, like, directly touch skin.
I'm always a little nervous about.

Speaker 3 (29:14):
What even directly touch. That's a good anything I can't
be put through a washer, Yeah, okay washing, don't you
feel like you could? Actually I found a pair of
sunglasses on a subway the other day and put them on,
and my boyfriend was so he was like, do you
know And I was like, no, what are you talking about.
He's like, they touch your eyes. I was like, they
literally don't touch my eyes, dude, they too. He was right,

(29:38):
but any but but then he but then he took
a Clorox wipe and he did it. Right.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
You could do that with right, Yeah, okay, that's a
good idea.

Speaker 3 (29:45):
The other thing I like about clip ons is they
have a look you can't get from pierced ear rings.
Like clip clip ons inevitably look like your grandma removed
them to answer the phone in the eighties, Like there's
a chunkiness that exists there, and you can really find
those that the Goodwill or the Housing Works Housing Works
in New York. Great clipons.

Speaker 2 (30:04):
My grandma never got her earspere. She only wore clip
on earrings.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
And does she have big low hangers?

Speaker 2 (30:10):
No, she had big she had ones like this, the
big buttony toe, I mean her lobes. Oh interesting, did.

Speaker 3 (30:15):
You have big low hangers? I don't remember, you know something,
grandma's get them low hangers and not. And if you
clip this out of context, so you think I'm talking
about tits, my god, don't let it be known. I'm
talking about lobes on these women, not tits. But did
your grandma have them low hangers? Does she have them

(30:35):
low hangers? Your grandma? And I'm you know what I'm
talking about. If you if you twist my words to
make it seem like I'm a pervert when I'm so not.
I'm talking about your grandma's low hanging, luscious ear lobes.
I'm not a pervert. I'm a normal guy. I'm just
a fucking normal guy who wants to know what your
grandma's low hanging ears. The answer is yes, yes, hoping

(31:00):
that'd be the case.

Speaker 2 (31:04):
I think there's something else we need to talk about
anything as much as i'd i'd like to stay on
this exact topic, let.

Speaker 3 (31:11):
On one topic the whole time. We've been so cogent.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
That's the podcast we you know, we start with a
topic and I say, we're going to dive deep into
this focus focus.

Speaker 3 (31:22):
No, We've got to you to stay focused. You said
to me, we are.

Speaker 2 (31:25):
Going to flesh out this one thing as we what
we've been doing. But we have to. There's one other
thing I'd like to talk to you about. I would
love I was really excited to have you here today
to plug your show over and over and over and
if you'd like to do it.

Speaker 3 (31:38):
Now Josh Sharp Today. Tickets available now at josharp today
dot com. July sum went through August twenty third, seven
nights week. Uh.

Speaker 2 (31:47):
I was excited to have you here doing that. So
I was a little surprised the podcast is called, I said,
no gifts. I know, and I have to imagine you
are a dedicated listener. I am riding in and begging
to be on the show. So it's shocked when you.

Speaker 3 (32:04):
Walked in the mail to handwritten long form cursive all
capsursive cursive pages. Yes, screaming incursive. I know, and yet
I just felt it would be rude to not bring
you this gift. I put so much thought into the
wrap the guest. Yes, it looks like you went to Nordstrom,

(32:27):
and I don't want to give away.

Speaker 2 (32:29):
We know it's not water Unfortunately, Should I open it
here on the podcast? The bag is falling apart, it's
so soggy.

Speaker 3 (32:39):
How do you do the one that sounds like that's
for the listener at home? Oh my god, my bag
is dripping. Go ahead, do folly. Oh my bag's dripping everywhere.
Oh my god, to the listener, my bag is dripping everywhere.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
Great fully, You've got to do everything in this business, now,
you know.

Speaker 3 (32:56):
You really do. You got to diversify, all right?

Speaker 2 (32:59):
Okay, should open here on the podcast?

Speaker 3 (33:01):
I feel you might as well well. Actually, would you
rather open it off air? I'm fine with that. I'm
just throwing it away right now. I don't need to
know what's in here now. This is a gift that
I thought a lot about. I've definitely seen what's inside
of there. Okay, there's no world in which I remembered
this morning that I left the gift in New York
and I got this from the house of the person
I'm staying with. There's absolutely no world in which that's true.

(33:24):
And I can't wait to look at this thing that
I definitely have a deep familiarity with.

Speaker 2 (33:34):
Okay, we're pulling it out. It's in a white bag
from what is this brand?

Speaker 3 (33:37):
Oh well, we all know this brand Glory warr Sorry,
but don't let that maybe the twelfth Apostle, that's the
one we were missing worry to make a bigger splash.
I forget what was his personality trait? He was stressing up?
Oh yeah, I was going out. He was the fashion
forward one. He was the nightlife apostle. He was the

(34:00):
culture correspondent to me. He was the one in the
morning being like, could y'all keep it down? Like, oh
my fucking god. Okay, I'm reaching in pulling out kind
of a silky oh what oh you know? And I know,
oh well, it came from Worri of course, a brand

(34:23):
I'm so familiar with. Several T shirts. And again, there's
no world in which these are T shirts that the
person I'm staying with was dying to give away. And
when I said, could I give them as a gift.
On this podcast, he said, when you could when you
see the burden be lifted where he was like, I
was here for months. I've been like, you have to
drive and donate these somewhere or give them away. Where
did he get these? I guess, but he didn't. And

(34:48):
they're exactly your size? Of course, yeah, these are form
fitting that they're exactly your size. Remind me what size
they are. These are an exn and that's you, and
that's you, and that's so you. And again there's no
world in which when I said to my friend, oh fuck,
I forgot the gift I was supposed to bring him.
Do you have anything you wouldn't mind me giving? And

(35:09):
when I say, a weight was lifted when he went,
I've been trying to get rid of these shirts. If
you could give these to him, it would be so
I kind of taken back to return them, and they
wouldn't return them, and so then I was like, well,
I have to donate them somewhere. But I've just been like,
I can't you know.

Speaker 2 (35:22):
Did he not try them on in store? What's wrong
with this person?

Speaker 3 (35:24):
I actually do think they were a gift from his mother. Okay,
oh yeah, and I won't name him in case his
mother's a listener. Okay, I like their gorgeous shirts. Now
the thing is, you want to try one on? Now?

Speaker 2 (35:32):
I do?

Speaker 3 (35:33):
I think I should think you should.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
So the thing is I've been complaining a lot recently
about how guests never bring me clothes because on our
live shows there's only one real, like stage worthy outfit
I've been given, and I've run it into the ground.
And I wonder if this is the next move.

Speaker 3 (35:48):
I think we should try one on.

Speaker 2 (35:49):
I would have to wear them pantsless on stage, sure,
as more of a dress.

Speaker 3 (35:52):
And there's also a world in which you layer them,
maybe one over the other or one on each leg
as sort of pants, while this just put it on
over your over your share if you don't mind. This
is almost like a tunic, Yeah, which I got you
of war tunic, darling, darling, put on your war color preference.

(36:13):
Let's start with the one in your hands. I think
you reached for something, right WHOA did you hear my
stomach grow? No? I wish it would do it again
on this That would be a cool eight s and
M S S S S M M m R. Sorry,
you're gonna have to pay Rihanna. Now, wow, it looks
so good. Please clap, please clap. Do you feel like

(36:35):
that's too small? It color? This is?

Speaker 2 (36:40):
This feels im modest, a little modest.

Speaker 3 (36:43):
I think it looks great on you. Do you think
I could wear this on stage without pants? Would that
be too small? I think you could wear it without pants.
It'd be sort of slutty. You'd be a little bit
of the hooker, you know. I'm you wouldn't be serving Matthew,
you and be serving Thomas, you'd be serving that hooker.
Which of the girls are you? You're Samantha, You're the

(37:05):
hooker hooker. This fits perfectly. I think if it's great,
and I think you could wear it without a pant,
and you could either do you could either be full
whoorror and sort of like have a thong and you're
getting the little peak of underboob, or you could do
sort of like an athletic underwear kind of sort like
mid thighs exactly like a Lula Lemons sort of. That
actually would be a great mom, sporty mom. And I

(37:27):
find what's really in fashion now is like proportion, where
it's like because everybody thinks it's just like all the
kids are wearing baggy shit. But it's really fun if
you sort of have one one bag yelement and then
one sort of not bag yelement. I think that right.

Speaker 2 (37:40):
No, this is and it's kind of a nice aqua
navy color.

Speaker 3 (37:46):
This is why don't you put one on? I would
love Does this color speak to you? Because they're both
sort of blue, and both of us in blue, And
thank god earlier we'd already sort of gotten ourselves used
to the no headphones. You know, I see why we
did that.

Speaker 2 (37:59):
Now you're ins.

Speaker 3 (38:00):
Because you can't or should I try to put it on?
With this song? You might as well? This is so comedy.
This is so comedy, he says to all three, to
the three camera set up, to the multi cam setup
you have here.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
You're getting so now it doesn't fit you as well
as me.

Speaker 3 (38:20):
No, this is more size. Yeah, swallows me up.

Speaker 2 (38:25):
Look, come on, you're you're not showing off anything in
this thing. Well, it went over your headphones better than
I expected to be.

Speaker 3 (38:34):
I actually thought it would. Yeah, but no, it actually
sort of works, and it keeps this wire on me
at all times, so you can't get away. Yeah, now
I know where she's at maybe that sort of part
of the style.

Speaker 2 (38:45):
Is oh that's a nice a little.

Speaker 3 (38:49):
Okay, well that's really good, And what do we do
with the last one? On? Elise? Would you like to
try it on? Sure? Come on in here, come on
in here on. We should all be in a top.

Speaker 2 (38:58):
We should all be.

Speaker 3 (38:59):
In our war war kind of new eth lead ath leisure.
Look how long, by the way, the tag is so long?
This is in sort of giving CBS received.

Speaker 2 (39:13):
This is really like a response to the tag liss
t shirt absolutely saying.

Speaker 3 (39:18):
What if it was tagged what if it was tag full?
They said tag less? More like tag full. And if
you want to pair it with these no pressure, open invitation.

Speaker 2 (39:32):
We're all trying new looks over vests.

Speaker 3 (39:35):
Ovest vest over would be its own look. But this
sort of feels more of the the runway.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
That we're okay on alease, it's got a top on
we all.

Speaker 3 (39:46):
I mean, it works for almost any good and it
just and the shape, the way it accentuates the shape
of the vest. And don't forget you can put it
on your fingers, you clip them on anything you want.
But but I celebrate the years. That's one of the
classic places, just getting the take clip.

Speaker 2 (40:03):
On on kind of a side ear.

Speaker 3 (40:05):
Yeah, oh that's right.

Speaker 2 (40:08):
Getting into the cartilage.

Speaker 3 (40:09):
Yeah, there we go. There we go. That looks good,
that looks great. There we go. So this is this
is why we do a video. We look incredible. We
look incredible. Listener, we look we look immaculate the way
the way you could conceive of this would be immaculately.
It's it's an immaculate conception in a way, the way

(40:31):
we look absolutely. But yeah, you can go the video.
Just go to w Josh Shark today dot com and
that's where you'll see our stuff is uick time QuickTime video.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
Okay, only just taking them or may take them permanently.
We have no idea where they're going to end up. Wow,
look how good we look.

Speaker 3 (40:54):
And you know, I'm so glad that the intention in
Karen thought I put into this is reading because you're right,
we do look good.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
This is for me kind of a not my mom,
but a grandma shirt purchase, which is there was a
long time when my grandma would buy me medium sized
T shirts. I think in a kind of an attempt
to say I think you're bigger than you.

Speaker 3 (41:12):
Are, because let's because we're let's call it as it is.
You're a small I'm a small. Yeah, that's small.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
And I was born.

Speaker 3 (41:19):
There's no shame in that.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
There was no shame.

Speaker 3 (41:21):
But my grandma, I think, may have felt some shame.
She felt she was embarrassed. She felt she could raise
you as medium.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
Perhaps she didn't want to look a cashier in the
eye and say I have a small grandson.

Speaker 3 (41:30):
Well, to be fair, she had them low hanging loves.
This is a different grandma. Oh, you have to have
more than one. How does that? How does the math
work on that? God, I don't even know. Spoil a podcast.
Swimming in Grandma drowning in the stuff, kind of a
Tom cruise in under the ocean of grandma's. I've said
that to you before so many times, and I'm glad

(41:52):
it finally makes sense to everyone. I'm coming up from those
grandma's and I'm getting the ransures. Oh God, yeah, how
to describe. He's sort of like a Tom cruise swimming
in an ocean of grandma. Do you know what I'm
talking about? There's so many Grandmas.

Speaker 2 (42:03):
You're worried about him, Yep, you're worried of if he's
going to make it out alive, and then he does
every time, and he saves the movies. So we've got
these shirts on and your friend, Wow, this is the
sort of life I would love to live to just
apparently not try the shirts on, just have them, take
them home, and then not want them.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
I need to get more of the story on why
he didn't want them. What I know is when I
said do you have anything I could give away? Immediately
he lit up like it truly was. He was like,
this is so great for me. I've been trying to
get rid of these and now you actually have a
use for them. Ow. Unbelievable to think that this could
become content. Really goes to show you anything can be

(42:43):
content if.

Speaker 2 (42:43):
You think, just if you think hard enough, anything can
be content.

Speaker 3 (42:47):
You know, I hate it should be. This is why
Tom is struggling in the box office, because we've allowed
anything to be content.

Speaker 2 (42:52):
Well, do you want to know there's a line in
the movie that feels a little anti content. Tom says,
do you want me to tell you what?

Speaker 3 (42:59):
Is?

Speaker 2 (43:00):
Spend too much time on the Internet? And that's kind
of a you know, like a little one linery scotch.
So there's a lesson to you all. This is a
movie that's very much about cyberspace. They say cyberspace. Every
character says it at least one time.

Speaker 3 (43:14):
That phrase space phrase we're saying all the time is
very current. Yeah, so they have like a gen z
writer on this. I guess I mean Alpha.

Speaker 2 (43:24):
Maybe this is somebody who's like, was raised by someone
who was born with the Internet. You know, this is
somebody who.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
Is the granddaughter of someone who have Internet the whole life,
granddaughter of a gen zy person writing this movie. And
if you can feel it on the screen, it's like
every inch of the screen is covered by someone who's
beyond Internet life. Someone who doesn't isn't even on TikTok.
It's so old, embarrassed.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
And they are saying that we need to protect cyberspace.
Cyberspace could be destroyed. This is said the film. And
then Tom ultimately kills someone and says, you spent too
much time on the Internet.

Speaker 3 (44:04):
That's his big sort of Yeah, wow, mic dropline, you
spend too much time on the Internet.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
May I go that way, But I'll say that Tom
has a thriving Instagram presence.

Speaker 3 (44:15):
Does he? I don't follow him, and I should I looked.

Speaker 2 (44:18):
It up yesterday. You know it's not off the cuff.
These are you know, promo stills, this sort of thing
that I have to imagine a scientologist is running this. Sure,
I can't imagine. There's just like a normal person.

Speaker 3 (44:32):
One time I went to the center like in Los Feels,
like the one by UCB. Oh. Of course, I went
to the restaurant there. You've never had better service in
a restaurant. You can no longer go there. They I tried, Well,
you can't. This was years ago because of.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
Tax some sort of tax problem. They're constantly trying to
evade taxes, and I believe you now have to be
like a member of the religion in order to enjoy
the cafe.

Speaker 3 (44:57):
Incredible service there. Michl star Worthy really attentive. When I
asked where the bathroom was, it was a far ways away,
and he said, I'll walk you there. Well around, But
that was just sort of the energy you just felt,
very like it needs were anticipated. You know, they're there
with the fork right after you drop it in away.
We're like, how did you know they were under the
table to catch the fork before it hits the gar Yeah,

(45:19):
incredible food. I have no memories of the food.

Speaker 2 (45:23):
I remember looking at the food online and it looked
a little like wedding catering.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
Yeah, that feels right. This was probably the year twenty eighteen, probably.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
And that makes sense.

Speaker 3 (45:33):
It's been a while.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
I've been to the Celebrity Center right next door, and
as a celebrity. As a celebrity, I said, make way,
everybody here comes to the celebrity I went in there
and they need to open a window. That's mostly, but
I imagine they don't know borndows.

Speaker 3 (45:50):
For temperature, for smell or both.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Okay, there's a stuffiness to the air that feels like,
let's let's air it out. Yeah, it's but I want
if there's something about not wanting to open the windows
in in case somebody wants to move in or out
of place, being undetected. Sure, but there was a stuffiness.
And I've also been to the blue building, the big
hospital size one.

Speaker 3 (46:14):
No, I don't if I have. I forgot that.

Speaker 2 (46:16):
One's in those feelas.

Speaker 3 (46:17):
It's that I must have seen it right, absolutely how
much time I've spent stopping around those feelings.

Speaker 2 (46:22):
The very is the worst blue you can imagine painting
a building.

Speaker 3 (46:25):
Okay, and not like these two shades. Actually, these are
some of the best blues.

Speaker 2 (46:31):
It might be the color of the shirt, yes, a
little lighter. And I believe it's a former.

Speaker 3 (46:36):
Hospital but now and sort of current. I'm sure a
lot of the people love to be lost. My producer play,
Oh my god, I literally just shot myself. Don't clip this,
don't clip this. Keep this for our listeners only. Going wide.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Thomas browsing suggested reels, and one runs by and he
sees it. Then he sees this and he's like, I'm
not going to space with this asshole.

Speaker 3 (47:00):
No way. Unbelieveable. Tom's got a new girl, really does he?
I think so?

Speaker 2 (47:05):
A non scientologist, I believe. Oh who knows what's gonna
happen to her? Water and oil, fire and ice. Tom
Cruise and his non scientology girlfriend. These are classic pairs.
Of course, doctor a patient, these are classic pairs.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
But he's circling somebody, and I mean, what is that?
What do you mean?

Speaker 2 (47:28):
What is that? The experience of being in his field
of vision as a romantic interest. Oh yeah, see taking
you on motorcycle rides, see hot air balloon rides.

Speaker 3 (47:39):
I hate to do this again. I have a second story.
I'm going to tell you off air.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
Oh my god, I haven't come from the same source. Okay,
I have one that's more. It feels more like an
urban legend that involves Tom Cruise an island and his birthday.

Speaker 3 (47:50):
Oh that's fun, that's fun.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
Yeah, it's a it's a wild one. And I don't
know that. I mean, it feels like such a myth
that I feel like you could say it on.

Speaker 3 (47:59):
You know, But there's there's many forms of truth. There's
the things that just like feel so true in the
myth building way that you're just sort of like, this
is I know this is apocryphal, but it's like true
to the essence, right, So maybe it's one of those.

Speaker 2 (48:11):
Yeah, this one, and it's an exciting one. It's a
there's an element of danger and sexy.

Speaker 3 (48:15):
I bet, I bet knowing that guy and on his birthday,
of all days, one of the most sexy days, and
there's danger there too the birthday. You know what he
does do on his birthday? Cakes? You think he gets
a lot of cook I had on this podcast, how

(48:36):
for not one that was from him, just from the show.

Speaker 2 (48:38):
Fortune themesir was aware. I think she may have gotten
one from him.

Speaker 3 (48:42):
I bet Fortune feels like she's on that level, that
she brought God to be on that level. What are
you in it for? You know, Hollywood News asking me
what are your goals as an as an entertainer of
little renown, and I go, well, I hope to break
out of my niche cabal of queer comedy and off Broadway.

(49:03):
You're on work at Josh Sharp today and go to
the next level, which is receiving a coconut cake from Tom.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
I think that's within reach. I think the list is long,
and I think it's constantly shifting. I think some people
are like, oh, I didn't get one, what did I
do wrong? Fascinating, But I can't imagine it's Tom. I
think it's kind of a picky assistant who's or a
PR team, Yeah, PR team, or just someone like it's
probably IMDb Star Meter.

Speaker 3 (49:29):
They're probably just like, yeah, look for the top. That's
not a bad way to do it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:34):
I might start doing that, sending a thousand cakes.

Speaker 3 (49:38):
It would be good for the guy from I said
no gifts to give out, to be known for his
gift giving to the top thousand.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
You know, I wonder how much that would cost well,
probably one hundred thousand dollars or so. If everyone will
donate a little bit of money to my next PR stunt.

Speaker 3 (49:54):
That's your Patreon, right, Yeah, you're clearing six daily, release
your taxes to the listener, release your taxes richer, and
as transparency, We're going.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
To create a specific tier of the Patreon, which is
donate cakes to the top thousand star meter on IMDb.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
And a tier above that where if you pay enough,
you get to see your taxes. There should be a
one tier that's like one person gets to see my
taxes if you pay. How much should that be? How
much would I let for someone to see my taxes?
Actually not that much. No, the idea that it's only
one person is sort of fun, right then I actually
don't need that much money.

Speaker 2 (50:30):
But then do they have to sign an NDA because
you don't want them leaking and then people getting.

Speaker 3 (50:34):
A private thing experience. Then if they won't tell anybody,
two hundred bucks, I would say, fifty bucks, Yeah, I was.
I went there in my head and I was like,
come on, self worth, give you some a little more
than that.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
Yeah, but two hundred dollars Okay, you should start a
Patreon exclusively to show one person your text.

Speaker 3 (50:53):
And when you log on, it's like one of one
slots filled. You like, can't do it? Yeah, exactly. I
think you have to wait for that person to die
an allied a month to keep having access.

Speaker 2 (51:03):
Yeah, I think so you can't. You that can be
a one time and your taxes are fluctuating. You could
hit hard times, you could hit a big and the.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
And have Do you want to promote promote anything? Mission impossible?
Go to Tom Cruise dot com. Go to I went there. God,
I should have called my show the Final Reckoning, Josh
the Final Reckoning. There's still time, there's still time to switch.
Go to josharp Today dot com to see me and
Josh Sharp the Final Reckoning his website.

Speaker 2 (51:32):
I went and looked at this little information. There is
a biography which is extremely long.

Speaker 3 (51:38):
Think and it's fun to think about your like, huh,
this Tom Cruise guy, what's his story? And your first
thought being I guess I'll go to Tom Cruise dot com
and see if there's a biography there. You're gonna find
your entry point. What was the thing that brought him
into your culture? And yet there was still so many
nothing about this person. It's very like about me.

Speaker 2 (51:57):
That's like you get in there and I can't image
who wrote that? Who do you hire to write the
Tom Cruise biography?

Speaker 3 (52:04):
Read it the voice? It didn't feel like Tom is
what you're saying. It could have been.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
He's up late one night, is thinking why not? Yeah,
people should know beginning.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
He's had a little too much coconut cake, stuffed to
the gills, He's past his bedtime. He knows he was
being naughty. He had an extra slice when he shouldn't.
He said, oh god, I won't be able to sleep
at all. But fine, And then he's up a little wired,
a little crazy. Be goes, what if I wrote in
about me? Fires up the computer.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
I will say the biography ends before the most the
current mission impossible. So I feel like someone's gonna get fired.
Clifang clip this and get that person fire. Yeah, because
they need to update final reckoning maybe somebody Maybe he
forgot the password, Maybe.

Speaker 3 (52:44):
You forgot the password. What would it really say? And
at the end of the day, he reckoned with everything
you know, And to conclude his gorgeous career, he did that.
He did one last reckon for the girls. The end
that's the last line of the film. This is for
you girls, This is for you girls. One last reckon
to camera, straight the camera. Hey, just you know these

(53:07):
ninety two films, they've all been for you girls. Stay reckoning.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
Dives back into the oceans. No, the biography is worth reading.

Speaker 3 (53:20):
What name should have when he goes to space?

Speaker 2 (53:22):
Oh like, what new character? I feel like play?

Speaker 3 (53:27):
That's play to Chris. Yeah? No, or oh, Chris, what
was the name of this Chris Warri Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris,
Chris ware is really good.

Speaker 2 (53:41):
Actually, yeah, that's nice. That's a little too I would
say it's a little downtown.

Speaker 3 (53:47):
Yes, that's a coded way to say yes. And I
don't know that he wants to get too close. This
is you know, one of your mom's friends at church
and your son. Is he still downtown? This is this
is your mom's church friend, trying to inquire your mom
forcing a smile. Yes, he's actually never been more downtown.

(54:10):
Keeps moving south. Actually, but he's got a job. But
he's got a job and a partner.

Speaker 2 (54:22):
Chris Vai, I mean that's I think that may just
have to be it. Chris, I mean, but actually actually,
unfortunately it's the Gail King story. I think we already
know he's playing Gail King's Gail King or maybe Gail.

Speaker 3 (54:35):
King as could be the sort of like you know
in the biopick where they sort of invent the composite
character that's like, oh, we sort of need to put
six people in one like it's his manager and also
his grandpa, and also his lawyer and also his cake maker.
Chris fare is like the one who inspires Gail to
go to space, also played by Tom also played by
Tom kind of a clumps what we in the business

(54:57):
call a clumps scenario. You know, there's only four story
as they say, it's Casablanca. It's clumps and clumps and clumps.
There's only so many stories that we keep retelling, and
we keep doing clumps. Sinners Sinners is a clump. Sinners
is a clumps. Ultimately, Sinners is a clumps. Ultimately it's also,
i would say, almost a word for word retelling of

(55:17):
the clumps. Yes, adaptation, that's a clumps. We have so
many great clumps in the in the lexicon, in the
media landscale.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
How many clumps were there?

Speaker 3 (55:27):
Actual clumps and not just the story retold, I just.

Speaker 2 (55:30):
Want you to answer the question no other information.

Speaker 3 (55:33):
You are so can I apologize deeply? You are so right.
I didn't mean obviously. Thank you, Thank you, my god.
I'm ashamed. How many clumps were there? There is actually
so many reads on that I know because it's both
How many in this version of like Casablanca's are there
to which I would say probably two hundred and fifty
stories that clump? Okay me in the franchise, I want

(55:54):
to say three, But then I'm also going but in
the family of clumps, how many members of clumps were there?

Speaker 2 (55:59):
And I'm during a dinner table.

Speaker 3 (56:00):
And I'm portraying dinner table. I'm wanting to go eight.
And are they all Eddie? I don't know, but there
are I think more clumps than there are Eddies. You know.
I think he's some of the clumps, and I think
there's others.

Speaker 2 (56:10):
There are other people that are not. Yeah, I guess
the field. He has to playoff a clump.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
I've never seen a clump. A clump needs another person
to play culturally aware of a clump. Yeah, clump needs
can't all be clump to clump. It can't all be
Eddie to Eddie. Sometimes it's got to be Oh, poison
the audience. It's poison the audience. How many clumps are there? Gosh,
we're going to try and name them, like the like
the Disciples again, Matthew Luke, John Clump, doubting, Thomas Clump

(56:35):
hooker Clump Uh, Thomas Clump at the dinner table. I
don't know about all this.

Speaker 2 (56:43):
Well, I I actually have to believe there's a last
supper scene of the clumps, and I'm sure somebody's done that.

Speaker 3 (56:51):
Well, they're all on one side of the table. Yeah,
last supper style.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Yeah, I believe that.

Speaker 3 (56:55):
I'm sure that's been made somewhere made as we speak.
Listener right now is going I could get rich just
running to their paints and well, is there anything left
we need to say about these T shirts? The feel
is nice, you know, like layered, and you mean that

(57:16):
open parentheses complimentary, close parenthesies. Yes, you're not trying to
be open printeses derogatory like it's winter and the shirt
hasn't made me warm.

Speaker 2 (57:24):
No, it's I'm saying this is good. This is good
as a layer. It almost feels like breathes, I guess,
is what we would say right, it breathes. I think
it is kind of an athleisure or a sportswear.

Speaker 3 (57:34):
Definitely an athlete Shure's why. I think it would pair
well with your Lululemon sort of right.

Speaker 2 (57:38):
For your next live show, or a stiff denim or a.

Speaker 3 (57:41):
Stiff denim real. And I think there's something to you
trying to embrace all three in the look. Either they're
layered on top or or two where like armed big
long arm sleeves, you make a pant out of it,
make kind of a skirch the Lulu limen and they're
sort of up each leg as sort of like almost
like a big flowy player a bell bottom that hits

(58:01):
mid thigh, I think, or something to that. There we go.
I think there's something too that feels like the next
on stage. I feel like now I have no choice whether.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
It works or not.

Speaker 3 (58:11):
You were retired from the stage, right I was done,
turned in your equity card like Patty Lapone, and now
we're dragging you back. I'm giving controversial interviews always. You're
in one right now, aren't you? Who on Broadway should
I insult? Right now? Oh? Gosh, who on Broadway should
you insult? Right now? Who on off Broadway Josh Sharp Tada,

(58:34):
of course, ask me what I thought of your show? Bridger,
what do you think of my show? And then I'll
do the New Yorker quote At that Bridger stared off
into the window for fifteen seconds. Then what line did
you come back on? It's like weather's nice to beautiful
day Brava. Finally, and Angelina who reads the New Yorker? Finally,

(58:56):
we love Patty a menace, an absolute menace society. Have
you thought about starting a magazine? The Angelina? That's not
a bad Has anybody ever tried another thing? I don't
want to look up.

Speaker 2 (59:07):
There's never been a better time to experiment in print
media than.

Speaker 3 (59:10):
Never been a better The getting is good in print.
It's just a cash grab. It's a barrel. It's a
Start a newspaper, kids, you want some advice from an
old dog, Start a newspaper. That's what I wish I did.
You want to know where the money is. You want
to know where the money is. Start a daily newspaper,

(59:33):
Buy a print factory. It's it's gonna get good. It's
gonna get good. It's gonna get better. It is good.
It's gonna get great.

Speaker 2 (59:43):
Well, I think we should play a game.

Speaker 3 (59:44):
I would love to play a game.

Speaker 2 (59:45):
Okay, we're gonna play a game called Gift or a Curse.
But I need a number between one and ten from you.

Speaker 3 (59:50):
Well, the answer, of course is nine. Nine.

Speaker 2 (59:52):
I love a nine.

Speaker 3 (59:53):
Gorgeous, rarely picked people don't care about leaning against the boom. Yes,
Jessica Rabbin, long cigarette, huge head, no husband, many boyfriends,
Miss nine, Miss that's miss nine. I haven't been missus
nine for years.

Speaker 2 (01:00:15):
Uh. I have to do some like calculating to get
our game pieces. So right now, you can promote, you
can recommend, you could do whatever you want. I would
feel so tacky to be I know you're not that person. No,
I'll tell you this because we mentioned this off here
to answer your question. Yes, my off Broadway run Josh
Sharp Todad, directed by Sam Pinkleton of o'mary and produced

(01:00:36):
by Mike and Carly who've worked with caper Land, Jacquelynovac,
my Big Early your Favorites.

Speaker 3 (01:00:41):
The show's in the Greenwich House Theater. And yes, that's
where Immersive Sweeney Todd was in twenty nineteen. Question Mark,
you could sit in the pie shop and eat pie
while Sweeney in the gang jumped up on the table
and did their high chinks. So yes, as a gay comedian,
it's my birthright to get to haunt that space all summer.
And I do intend to kill myself at the end

(01:01:02):
of the run so that I can haunt the space
as a specter. So come in while I'm alive about
come in after, and I'll be haunting your ass. Was
that enough? Time? That was perfect?

Speaker 2 (01:01:13):
Did we ever hear about the quality of the pie
or was it like somebody ran to?

Speaker 3 (01:01:19):
When I went to see it, I did not sit
down there. I sat in the balcony. There were like
two rows of balcony seats if you didn't want to
be in it. And I was like, if you were
hungry for dinner. You weren't hungry for dinner. Yeah, I
can't imagine it was good, but that's true to the text. Oh,
if you taste good, you go shit. This is gonna
be a bad production of Sweeney. Huh. It's like when

(01:01:40):
you cast the Sally Bulls who can sing too well. Right,
everyone understands every single thing we have said. I felt
like I had one. Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:01:50):
What I was going to say is everyone should see
the show. I saw a very early run of it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:53):
It was rough.

Speaker 2 (01:01:55):
Josh was working through a lot of things, and your
note saved the production. I got on stage about halfway
through the show and just I had to kind of
guide him physically.

Speaker 3 (01:02:04):
He moved my limbs, but.

Speaker 2 (01:02:08):
I said, I did save the show, and now they're
gonna try it again. I'm not gonna be in New York,
so I can't save it again. So we're gonna just
have to trust that Josh will do it. But it's
one of the it's an amazing feat. Everyone should see
this show, and it's I mean, it's truly everything you need.

Speaker 3 (01:02:23):
You're too kind, it's so good.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Okay, this is how we play gift or a Curse.
I'm going to name three things. You're gonna tell me
if there're a gift or a curse and why. Then
I'll tell you if you're right or wrong, because there
are correct answer.

Speaker 3 (01:02:34):
I know, and you forgot the last part, which is
I will get them all right. That's how the game
is played. We all know this. We'll see.

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
We'll just have to wait and see.

Speaker 3 (01:02:41):
We'll see. We'll see me get them all right. Say it.

Speaker 2 (01:02:46):
And we'll see you get them all. Right, absolutely, you're
worth two hundred dollars a month. Okay, these are all
Patreon suggestions. First one up is from a listener named
Austin Give to recurse the mayor's recorded greeting at the airport.

Speaker 3 (01:03:04):
Curse. Why I don't need to be greeted by this man?
There's so many When I come to a city, it's
not for its political figurehead greet me with the culture.
I'd rather hook her say hello to me than the mayor.

(01:03:27):
I spit. Also, let's be specific, you want to land
in New York and have that that cheeto Eric Adams
welcome you yuck. Curse. Correct, it's a curse if they
if the mayor cared, they'd be there. Well, exactly, be

(01:03:47):
there at the gate. And you are the mayor. You're
going to the fucking vo booths to record this bullshit? Yeah,
shouldn't you even? Should be literally, I would so much
rather Mayor I Adams sweep the streets for an hour
a day or there's so many things a mayor can do.
And you know it wasn't the first take. No, they

(01:04:08):
were in the booth all day and again again, and
you know he came back for pickups. Probably sure, and
they're like, you don't have to do this, It's just
you know, it's just weeks of work. And you know
it was non union.

Speaker 2 (01:04:21):
Of course, the mayor didn't get the pay he needed.

Speaker 3 (01:04:23):
No nor the crew nor the crew.

Speaker 2 (01:04:27):
Everyone was cheated in this production. And it makes you
feel uneasy at the airport.

Speaker 3 (01:04:31):
I don't want that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:33):
Don't talk to me at the airport, especially over.

Speaker 3 (01:04:36):
You know what greets you at. Have you been to
Logardia recently? I have, but remember it used to be
greeted by a beautiful water features. I was just about
to bring up Ligordia used to be a dump. It's
one of the greatest airports we have. I could not
have water feature set to New York, New York. That
happens on the fifteen. That's you being greeted by the mayor.
Do you know what I mean? There's nothing more mayoral

(01:04:58):
than do your water sounds one done done, that's my mayor.
You've been greeted heartily. We the people of New York say,
enjoy our water feature.

Speaker 2 (01:05:15):
That airport they've done. They've such a good job, wonders.
I was scared to go into it, and then I'll
never go to another airport, Burbank to LaGuardia.

Speaker 3 (01:05:26):
Oh, that's living. It's a dream vacation. When you fly
into Burbank here my god, and baggage claim outside, you're like,
what am I in the Caribbean. It's the tropics.

Speaker 2 (01:05:36):
Baggage claim outside is such a you could do that
in a cold climate. I think people are thrilled to
get outside and get.

Speaker 3 (01:05:42):
Really do feel like you've just you know, you're you
feel like you're about to board a carnival cruise.

Speaker 2 (01:05:46):
There's something a little safari about it.

Speaker 3 (01:05:48):
M h. It's very Bahamanian. Yes, all right, you've gotten
one right so far, so you're on track. I'll get
to more right. We know this.

Speaker 2 (01:05:56):
This next one is from a listener named Nicola nicol
n I c o l A. Maybe that's a name
for Tom Cruise.

Speaker 3 (01:06:08):
That's absolutely who's trying to take the spaceship down? Who's
kind of on the back of the first time I've
done it all episode gift or a curse? Overnight oats
overnight oats gift or a curse. I think we're going
to disagree on this. To me, curse, I just don't

(01:06:31):
really get it. I don't really understand why it needs
to do what it does overnight. I don't know why
everything you're getting from it can't be done in the morning.
And I'm even pro oats pulling me some hot water
on these oats. Come now, a hearty, warm breakfast. I
just don't get all of the to do. It's not

(01:06:52):
like it's there's not a maturation. It's not a fine wine.
It's not a kombucha. You just need these these oats
to be soggy. I just don't think it needs all that.
I don't like that. It's the last thing you see
when you go to bed and the first thing you
see when you wake up. That should be a prayer.
That should be your beautiful wife, or a prayer to

(01:07:14):
God on High. But not these dry and then wet oats.
Go ahead, tell me I'm right correct. It's a curse.
I've tried them once or twice, never impressed. I've never
tried them.

Speaker 2 (01:07:26):
They don't look it's a cold wet thing.

Speaker 3 (01:07:28):
Yeah, I know, and I get it. I'm like, it's
a cold wet thing that we've already done hot and
cozy and lovely.

Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
Right, we already have the better version.

Speaker 3 (01:07:35):
You already do it warm and sprinkled with cinnamon. Why
do you want it wet and cold? And then on
top of that, it could be wet and cold in
just the morning oats? Right, do you know what I mean?
You could pour cold water on it. Why do you
have to do this whole thing.

Speaker 2 (01:07:50):
It's a waste of everyone's time. It's wasted my time personally,
at least twice. I was so excited to try it,
and I got ripped off.

Speaker 3 (01:07:57):
Can I ask what's in it other than the oats?
Does it have other things?

Speaker 2 (01:08:00):
I may have put peanut butter in it?

Speaker 3 (01:08:03):
And is that the whole thing that? It's like? You
let it sit with all these other flavor.

Speaker 2 (01:08:06):
I guess, and it kind of they intermingle, and then
you have I just.

Speaker 3 (01:08:09):
Don't get it, and I don't want to. I think
I feel very blue about that. I don't understand the
question I refuse to answer. It's my favorite arrest of development,
such a plater platter, the question I refuse answer. That's meat,
overnight oes, Yeah, overnight oats.

Speaker 2 (01:08:26):
I think it's a trend we're going to leave behind us,
and we're all going to say, remember overnight oats. We
will be embarrassed it's kind of the mango in salsa.

Speaker 3 (01:08:33):
We will be embarrassed.

Speaker 2 (01:08:35):
Where we all thought this is the thing we're talking
about it, No, we all knew it wasn't working. Okay,
you've found two so far.

Speaker 3 (01:08:42):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:08:42):
We'll see what happens. Finally, this is from a listener
named Kelsey. Gift or a curse. Brushing your teeth in
the work bathroom after lunch.

Speaker 3 (01:08:51):
Gift Gift nice. I love the feeling of a fresh mouth,
you know what I mean? And there also something a
little bit in this context. You know, I love to
brush my teeth in the morning. I love to brush
it at night before I go to bed, after a meal,
so that you don't taste whatever you've tasted. Of course, that's,
of course, that's a clear win. But then the icing

(01:09:11):
is the radical act of bringing this very private, very
home object into the workspace. It's you saying you don't
own me, you don't own me, you know what I mean.
It's you're you're walking towards what if I fucking have
a wink in the middle of the day at work?
Who cares? You know what I mean? It's the right
attitude towards work to say I'm the boss of me.

(01:09:35):
Now gift ring the bell, Josh, you won the case.
It's not about winning that we said this was going
to happen. It's a gift. You followed the rules. You
followed the rules, which were win the game. Yeah, I
followed the rules, which I'd get everyone right. It's a gift,
yeah for me.

Speaker 2 (01:09:52):
What a better way if you want to build buzz
around the office around you as a person, start.

Speaker 3 (01:09:56):
Brushing your teeth fresh. You're saying, now we're talking about you,
and you mean not just because you have the good breath,
a show of it. Yep. One coworker comes in, you're
brushing your teeth. They're telling everybody, And can I ask
where do you leave the toothbrush? Willy Nelly on the
counter or I was gonna say, bring your own drinking
glass and put it in there as if it's your home.

(01:10:17):
Maybe a cute novelty mug. I have a great mug
that's got a New Yorker cartoon and it's got these
two old men and they're sitting in rocking chairs on
a porch and one says to the other, were we
gay that mug with with with a toothbrush in it
at your work.

Speaker 2 (01:10:36):
And what I'll say is you get there early the
first thing you bring it. You have to get there
early before everyone else and put it in there, because
then you have a mystery for the day. Everyone's wondering
who brought it?

Speaker 3 (01:10:45):
Did this?

Speaker 2 (01:10:46):
Asking then the person, can I be you brought it in?

Speaker 3 (01:10:50):
You know it's you. I'm the first time a coworker
comes up and asks you, and you're so delighted to
feign you know that you don't know. Okay, can we
roleplay that? Yeah? Of course? Did you see there's a
toothbrush in the bathroom? Wait? Wait, I'm sorry, what did
you say? There's well, let me back up. There's a
hilarious mug in the bathroom, and then someone has put

(01:11:11):
what seems to be a personal toothpression there. Did you
see that here in our work bathroom? Yes? Who do
you think would have done that? I am? I don't know?

Speaker 2 (01:11:19):
Uh am I the first person you're asking? Yes, shit,
I don't all keep an eye out. And then we
meet in the bathroom and you feel so betrayed. Huh oh,
you got me, I say, and then you you quit?

Speaker 3 (01:11:33):
You got me? I can't work here anymore. You got me? Yeah,
I got you? Get me again. Don't do something like
that to me at work. Well, then don't be such
a dumb ass. You fell for it, and I'll go.
The mug was funny though. Were we gay? Come on?

(01:11:54):
You can picture it? That's the new picture? What is it?
What's the caption for the Angelina? Two old men on
the you know? I, uh, were we had a mission impossible?
Or no? Were we scientologist?

Speaker 2 (01:12:08):
I have a catch all for every New Yorker cartoon,
but I think works for every one of them, and
it's I see you've met my wife.

Speaker 3 (01:12:17):
I think you can put one hundred almost and it
basically works the two of men sitting in the rocking chair.
I see you've met my wife. I'm laughing. Everyone's laughing,
and they're bringing their own baggage to it because they're
trying to figure out what does that mean? Okay? It
also does work for an offer I should have called
my show, Josh Harp, I see You've met my wife?

(01:12:38):
The final record? That's so funny? Yeah? Dot com dot com? Wow,
you won the game?

Speaker 2 (01:12:46):
What can I say?

Speaker 3 (01:12:47):
I've followed the rules. You followed the rules. You didn't
win the game.

Speaker 2 (01:12:49):
You came here and you did what you needed to.

Speaker 3 (01:12:50):
I'm an eldest child. I'm an eagle Scout. I follow
an eagle Scout. Scott is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brand, clean,
and reverent. Does that answer your question? You're the first.

Speaker 2 (01:13:03):
I'm also an eagle Scout.

Speaker 3 (01:13:05):
Why didn't you join me?

Speaker 2 (01:13:05):
Because I was a bad one? I cheated my way
to the top.

Speaker 3 (01:13:08):
Wow, I didn't. I only had three out of twelve
of those Jesus boys. I knew that whole thing. I
didn't know. I knew that whole thing. Can you do
on my honor? I will do my best to do
my duty to God in my country, to keep myself
physically strong, mentally awake, morally, morally straight. I think I
morally straight. Oh, that's a tough one. Morally straight that

(01:13:32):
can't possibly And sexually straight, yeah, and sexually questioning this
is unbeloved. My morals was straight. It's my sexuality that's
a bit curved. That's Jonas, of course, Wow, Judas, I
meant to say fuck. I fucked up the joke like
he was Samantha Jones and.

Speaker 2 (01:13:53):
Swallowed by the Whale and the other eleven were wondering why,
actually he's an Old test my guy.

Speaker 3 (01:13:59):
He's with Abraham. All them, all them guys.

Speaker 2 (01:14:04):
They had the fun things happened to them.

Speaker 3 (01:14:05):
They had some crazy shit happened.

Speaker 2 (01:14:08):
Old Testament people got the adventures, the excitement.

Speaker 3 (01:14:10):
New Testament people got to meet a leper. I guess
talk to me when I got eaten by a while.

Speaker 2 (01:14:21):
Analise has a we're not gonna onalase has a gift
or a curse that they're going to get present to
both of us, absolutely, and we'll see who's right or wrong.

Speaker 3 (01:14:29):
Gift or a curse.

Speaker 4 (01:14:30):
The showstop around of the Great British Bakeoff.

Speaker 3 (01:14:35):
Gift. Okay, you gift. The show is a gift. Let's
start there. It's impossible to call any part of that
show a curse, you know, it's a gift. Perfect casting
that show always I care deeply for, and the archetypes,
the way they've managed to find so many iterations.

Speaker 2 (01:14:51):
What about Matt Lucas. That wasn't good casting.

Speaker 3 (01:14:54):
I even liked that. I hate it. I liked other
hosts more, but I liked Matt Lucas. Honestly, I've always
loved everything the amount of iterations they've found on like
Hawaiian shirt dad who loves his daughter. You know, they
have these like archetypes. They managed to keep filling me
with warmth. And the show stoppers, and you know, it's
where they get to really pull out the stops, you know,
they and they all they're so autobiographical, you know, and

(01:15:17):
the technical challenge. You don't get to show off like well,
actually I at work, I play violin from at the
lunch breaks, you know, so I made a big violin.
Like that's what you get out of the short stopper.
You get to really learn about these people. So that's
a gift to me. The whole show is a gift,
and one of the most gifting parts is the show stopper.

Speaker 2 (01:15:35):
To me, curse, this is the worst part of the show.
The showstopper on Bakeoff is an absolute waste of everyone's time,
and it goes against everything the show is about.

Speaker 3 (01:15:45):
Because you think it's realized about home baking, and it's like,
you'd never do this in the home.

Speaker 2 (01:15:48):
This is architecture, this is uh, this is model work.
This is a waste of my time. You're making toys
that aren't they don't look that good.

Speaker 3 (01:15:57):
It looks cheap.

Speaker 2 (01:15:58):
It is cheap, you know, spiritually cheap, I would say.
And I'm watching the show hoping to see something that
I would love to eat. I don't want to watch
you make your like bring it to class project. It's embarrassing.
It's a chance for everyone to fall on their face
making a hideous little sculpture. I think it's they should cut.
I stopped the show after the second round. I've stopped

(01:16:18):
watching to stop r I say, well, I don't need
to see that.

Speaker 3 (01:16:22):
So then you start the next episode. Every time you go,
where did that dad who loved its daughter in the
wine shirt? Goh, yes, I do basically, And I assume, well,
they probably created a horrible sculpture that nobody wanted because
that's not their that's not their ertise.

Speaker 2 (01:16:38):
Yeah, that's not they're calling. They need to cut the round.
They need to streamline or put a third round, which
is just another baked.

Speaker 3 (01:16:44):
Good third round is always just like biscuit biscuit, plain biscuit,
plain biscuit, no flavor, and for this week, a flower
biscuit flower flower no the flavor. It should taste of flour.
You have nineteen hours that round itself becomes three episodes.

(01:17:08):
Nol's coming over, bothering you, starving, I love Nol, Nol's great,
what a what a president? Well it was a big
bouche head back in the day.

Speaker 2 (01:17:17):
Oh interesting, Well then this is really satisfying for you
to watch it.

Speaker 3 (01:17:20):
Profoundly satisfying. And the new person they've got in there
is good. I like her. Yeah, I don't know, I
like I like it. But the show stop around with
Prue Horry drunk terrific. She's drunk on the show. I
love it. And she's like a thousand years old. She's
actually much older than you think. She is really incredible. Actually,

(01:17:43):
this is the first thing I want you to look up,
because I'm pretty sure she's like eighty six or something,
and it's it's much older than you think. Okay, let's
see sure both with her, look her viv everything else.
I haven't cared enough to look up.

Speaker 2 (01:17:56):
One final guess how old do you think she is?

Speaker 3 (01:17:59):
I'm gonna, I'm gonna I really nail it.

Speaker 2 (01:18:00):
Okay, eighty three ninety three, that's.

Speaker 3 (01:18:04):
What I'm saying. She's just kidding, she's saying, but still
that's what. Yeah, she's she's like a mid sixties. She's
a mid sixties and she's eighty five.

Speaker 2 (01:18:12):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (01:18:12):
Good for her work. Can we be so lucky? Not
just working, drinking, drinking too much? Fucking that woman still
is horny and has fun and has a nip of whiskey. Yeah,
I love Prue. Wow. Prior to this, it looks like
she was doing a bunch of tea prewer to this
you meant to say, you mean to say preor to

(01:18:34):
this South African?

Speaker 2 (01:18:37):
Hm, Well on a lease, what is the answer.

Speaker 3 (01:18:44):
It's a gift.

Speaker 4 (01:18:45):
I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (01:18:46):
I was following the rules. This will all be I'm
not sorry.

Speaker 4 (01:18:49):
I'm not sorry because the one that I just watched
had the lead singer of the Kaiser Chiefs upside down
croak and boosh in the in the shape of a microphone.
I'm sorry that was made especially for me.

Speaker 3 (01:19:03):
How could I not love something me just access to
a white noise sound, not for zoo, you've actually pointed out,
though you are correct, of course, and I got it
right because I followed the rules. You're hitting on because
your hardline is like, oh, I don't want to see
the stuff that you want to actually bake. I actually
don't watch the celebrity ones because I was like, I
want normal people. I do want normal people, and this traders. Yeah,

(01:19:26):
I don't really watch the trade the traders.

Speaker 2 (01:19:28):
When it was normal people had the time of my life.
Now it's celebrities, the stakes feel much lower.

Speaker 3 (01:19:33):
So this is so. I was about to say, like,
which one I've seen it, and then as soon as
you said Kaiser Chiefs, I nope, yeah, definitely have it right.
But I love the show stopper. I love pushing them
into the deep end and making them do and it's silly,
it's just goofy.

Speaker 2 (01:19:44):
It's a waste of time.

Speaker 3 (01:19:45):
But the whole thing is why does Tom ride the
motorcycle off the cliff? It's all a waste of time.
Think about this. Riding off of the cliff is a
technical challenge. Think of the show Stopper like that. No,
it's it's applying technical no high to something you shouldn't
be doing.

Speaker 2 (01:20:01):
No, the show Stopper is the plot impossible movie.

Speaker 3 (01:20:05):
Is changing the oil on the motorcycle. Riding it off
a cliff is not what its intended use is. Riding
off the cliff is a technical challenge. Technical challenge is
making a full stop at a stoplight. That's its intended use.
That's making a flower biscuit, you know what I mean.
The motorcycle is not made to ride off the cliff.
That's show stopping. That's saying, stop this show, Patti Lapone.

(01:20:26):
This is Patti Lapone going, have you no decentse stop
taking pictures to a photographer hired to be there. It
is such a wild move. Sorry to fight you on
your own podcasts and to interrupt.

Speaker 2 (01:20:40):
I'm deeply wrong. Yeah, oh god. And to be so
shy not to even promote your show. And you've been
a difficult Yeah.

Speaker 3 (01:20:48):
I'm often told I need to speak up in life,
and definitely on podcasts.

Speaker 2 (01:20:53):
We need to answer a listener question.

Speaker 3 (01:20:54):
We help me answer a listener I'd love to be
delighted to people.

Speaker 2 (01:20:56):
Are writing into I said no gift stock Calm, no, no,
they're not. I said no gifts at Gmail dot com.
There's no I said no gifts dot com. Don't go there.

Speaker 3 (01:21:04):
I don't know what's to dot com.

Speaker 2 (01:21:06):
Go to Josh up to the A d ah. They're
writing in and begging for answers.

Speaker 3 (01:21:13):
We help me answer one. I would love to Okay,
this is deer bridger and Sweetypie guest.

Speaker 2 (01:21:16):
That's nice.

Speaker 3 (01:21:18):
It feels, you know, shot in the dark, right, but
they got sweet Pie, they got lucky. Good for you.

Speaker 2 (01:21:24):
You're building up your self confidence.

Speaker 3 (01:21:25):
Or they're present. They might be. They might have the
gift psychic Fackham's razor. They have the gift of sight.
I won't interrupt again.

Speaker 2 (01:21:36):
My friend was originally going to get married Valentine's Day
to a lovely person she had a quick whirlwind relationship with.
Several months after the wedding invite, we received a masked
text that they had broken up parentheses December. She said
she was devastated but still wanted to throw a Gallantine's
Day type of party to celebrate her friendships and pick
herself back up. I r s v P to this

(01:21:57):
as well. Okay, so she did it to the wedding.
End to this well, ready to party and cheer her up.
Come January, we received an updated RSVP text for the
party that it is now on with the boyfriend as
they are now back together but not planning to get
married again. On February fourteenth, in the original wedding venue
they paid for god a chapel in a cemetery Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:22:19):
Wow, do you have that says it all?

Speaker 2 (01:22:22):
Do you have experience with this type of situation? Of course,
who do you think you're talking to?

Speaker 3 (01:22:26):
What should I bring it to?

Speaker 2 (01:22:27):
A party in a cemetery on Valentine's Day? O or
a little late, I guess on Valentine's Day? That has
also the deeply awkward context of a broken off engagements
but still happily living together. It will be my first
time meeting the significant other. All I know about him
is that he's pursuing a doctorate in philosophy.

Speaker 3 (01:22:45):
Thank you for your help. And that's from carin talk
about a synectocky where the part represents the whole. The
chapel in the graveyard is like, yep, there it is
the whole situation, that's the whole thing. What do you bring?
What do you god? I mean, what do you do?
What do you do? I mean? I guess you have
to go. I would sort of I feel like I'd

(01:23:07):
want to embrace full ghoul and and actually whether I'm
told or not, or whether I tell others or not,
be like what if I make it spooky because it's
in a graveyard, like come like dressed as like a
maybe maybe hire someone to give me like really great
like Hollywood level like Spook makeup. That's it. I mean
I feel like, oh, and you could be like, because

(01:23:27):
we're in a graveyard and your relationships back from the dead,
do you get it? That'd be fun, of course.

Speaker 2 (01:23:35):
I mean I feel like that's beyond appropriate. Why else
were they having it in a graveyard for a wedding
on Valentine's Day?

Speaker 3 (01:23:43):
At every stage that was an interesting choice. They were
begging for someone to show up most sense in this one, yes,
makes less sense for Galentine's your wedding, right, Like, I'm
back with this flop boyfriend. It's like, yeah, then let's
do it in a monster and let's boogie. Absolutely ly
will boogie.

Speaker 2 (01:24:01):
Otherwise cut them out. You don't need what This was
a sort of friend no one rs VP to one
event and then.

Speaker 3 (01:24:09):
I still feel like maybe you still go at this
point because you're like, well, one last hurrah before I
cut this person out, because I would want to get
eyes on this.

Speaker 2 (01:24:16):
You want to see what's happening and what this thing
is not going to go, according to Planet hasn't from
the very beginning.

Speaker 3 (01:24:21):
And then i'd sort of remove them from my life.
And when like two years later, they're like, I haven't
heard from you ever. Did something happen? I go, absolutely,
absolutely something did.

Speaker 2 (01:24:31):
Just forward the RSVP back to them.

Speaker 3 (01:24:33):
Yeah, exactly, all familiar, all three. Yeah, you flooded. My
email flooded. I think that's my computer was smoking. My
computer was smoking. I have a Gateway two thousand desktop
and it couldn't handle all of these emails. I just
wrote Tom Cruise's biography. I just wrote, but I was
up late all night working on Tom Cruise and I

(01:24:56):
didn't save save my work and your email came in
and my Way two thousand and started smoking, and I
lost it and Tom had to write it himself, and
he had been eating cake, of course.

Speaker 2 (01:25:08):
So okay, So just to clear up, show up in
full Hollywood prothetics, some sort of horrible monster on Valentine's Day.
Just sit back and watch it all in bold, Watch
her leave screaming, not because of your costume, but because
this guy is a dud. Then go radio silent on her,

(01:25:31):
maybe change your phone number, wait for her to reach out,
and then throw it back in her face. Yeah, it's
the perfect plan, perfect Carinn. Your friend has pushed all
of us too far. I'm glad we answered this too late.
To be honest, absolutely, I think that she needed to
take her own energy to this thing that which was confusion.

(01:25:53):
Perfect We answered it perfectly. I now have three different tops.
I could wear these, you know, for weeks, you know,
just cycling.

Speaker 3 (01:26:02):
So that's a party in La all right, three different tops.
Sounds like a Friday night for Bridge or don't it?
Anyway you were saying, I was saying, Josharpteda dot com
dud's thank you at last last you show me.

Speaker 2 (01:26:20):
Someone had to say it on this podcast.

Speaker 3 (01:26:21):
Someone had to say it on this podcast. It would
have been then it wouldn't be made. That would be tacky.

Speaker 2 (01:26:24):
And this is the promo podcast. People come here, they're like,
what will be? What am I going to get plugged?
And I had to give them. You know, I teased
it throughout and I'm giving it. I get the listener
what they beg for, Josh, I've had a lovely time
with you here.

Speaker 3 (01:26:39):
Is well, thank you for having me here in your
gorgeous home.

Speaker 2 (01:26:42):
Of course, anytime and listener the podcast is over. I
feel a little bit of a sneeze coming on. But
now that I've said it, it's no longer coming on,
which is wow. I overcame it. The podcast is over,
so you have to do something else. I love you, goodbye,

(01:27:04):
I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production. Our
senior producer is on Alisa Nelson, and our episodes are
beautifully mixed by Ben Toliday. The theme song is by
miracle Worker Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without
our booker, Patrick Cottner. You must follow the show on
Instagram at I said No Gifts, That's where you're going
to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting.

Speaker 3 (01:27:26):
And don't you want to see the gifts line? Why
did you hear?

Speaker 1 (01:27:33):
Thought a man myself perfectly clear?

Speaker 2 (01:27:37):
But you're a guest to me.

Speaker 3 (01:27:41):
You gotta come to me empty, And.

Speaker 1 (01:27:46):
I said, no guests, your presences, presents, and I already
too much stuff. So how do you dad to surbey me?
Became with them

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Host

Bridger Winegar

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Josh Sharp Disobeys Bridger