Michelle Collins Disobeys Bridger

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:08):
And I invited you here.

Speaker 2 (00:13):
Thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guess
to my home, you gotta come to me empty. And
I said, no, guests, your own presences presence enough, and
I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare.

Speaker 1 (00:36):
To surbey me?

Speaker 3 (00:49):
Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Pritchard Wineger and
I'm totally disoriented. I'm in the studio feeling normal and
not normal and very off. And so that's the energy
that I'm kind of trying to put out into the world. Why, well,
I have some bad news to report. Yesterday I stood

(01:12):
up for myself. Somebody cut in front of me in line,
and I cleared my throat, and so I don't think
that they'll ever do that again, you know, And I
probably won't either, because it was very uncomfortable and the
ensuing confrontation when I was asked, did we cut in
front of you? I didn't want to have to answer
that question, and I did, and then it was just

(01:32):
a disaster. So from now on, just steamroll me. Whatever.
Is there anything else going on? Not as far as
I can tell. I'm just I think what's happening is
they've started wrapping the baby bell cheese and paper. And
this is a new experience. I don't know if you've
had the baby bell cheese in the past. It used

(01:53):
to be a more crinkly paper or crinkly wrap, and
now it's a paper. And now the rest of my
life has been thrown off course. So before anything else
bad happens, let's just get into the podcast. I love
today's guest. It's Michelle Collins. Michelle, Oh my god, I said, no.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
Gifts for sure. It is like psychically you know me
so well to even open with standing up for yourself
because I always stand up for myself. You do, Yes,
I have personal problems because of it, like not.

Speaker 3 (02:20):
Good what like what are you standing up for yourself
in like in minor situations?

Speaker 1 (02:24):
Well, it happened to me funny enough, and hello listeners,
and I'm so thrilled to be here. And I just
you put me in such a good, lovely place as
a person.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
Well, I've been wanting to have you here for years,
but you know, space and time and all these things
get in.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
The way, all those continuums. I always say that. Yes, Well, anyway,
I was coming here from New York, where I was
there for work, and I was at the airport and
actually this was in DC, so you know there was
like a different clientele in DC. I had a connection
right right, And I'm in line for United Airlines Group one.
Not to brag, I'm no Delta, I'm no Delta.

Speaker 3 (02:58):
Col I'm a United Airlines Section seven. Usually are you ismile?

Speaker 1 (03:03):
What's your airline?

Speaker 3 (03:05):
Literally? Any airline is that right? And I always ended
up in either what section F or Section eight? So
it's a tough uh, It's it's hard being me.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
That does suck for you. I'm not gonna lie because
the truth is I used to be like you, always
like cheapest flight, done, done done, and then I made
a decision I'm going to commit to one airline. It
has backfired many times, but I will tell you that
the Group one boarding it does. I get stressed about
things that haven't happened, so like boarding with a bunch

(03:35):
of people, getting a bag space, all these things will
keep me up at night the night before.

Speaker 3 (03:39):
Right, of course, I'm nuts. No, I think that that's
totally rational. Okay, when I'm standing in line, I'm already
arguing with someone on the flight about well I need
to put my bag in the overhead storage. I will
not check the bag.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
I check three bags and have overhead storage and an
under the seat unless I'm in the exit rodwhich how
are you alive? This is what I'd like to know.
Say to me, because you know I'm very buff. Sure,
it's wheeling. It's wheeling the bags. I don't go to
it in no yoga, nothing, And that's it.

Speaker 3 (04:06):
Entirely travel and luggage.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
Entirely Sam Sinai based. Yes. But anyway, So I was
waiting in group one. There was an elderly man in
front of me. Easiest way to describe the man in
front of me, and this is not meant in any
good or bad way. Like able bodied Stephen Hawking, he
was about ninety five.

Speaker 3 (04:22):
Can I say that I have no idea to be
totally a same That's.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
Why I'm confused. Leave it in anyway he was, but
exactly the same face, same age, right, but standing and anyway.
Behind us was a guy who had wrap around yellow
tinted sunglouda problem already a problem, possibly soul patch. Okay, oh,
younger wife or girlfriend. They call group one, mind you,

(04:46):
we are in line behind all the other ones. He walks,
not just around me, but around the old guy. I
big mouth. Go excuse me? I say to the old guy,
I go, are you group one? He goes, yes, I go,
me too, We're all in group. But also the assumption
that I, in my Asos bootcuts would not be in
group one. It offended me very deeply. I thought, I

(05:09):
mean I didn't have make sure you go to hell?

Speaker 3 (05:12):
Count Dari. How did he respond?

Speaker 1 (05:13):
Not well? And he got behind me and then me
and the old man. I said, the entitlement because you
have to always have to find a friend.

Speaker 3 (05:19):
Oh yeah, of course, of course. Otherwise everyone feels like
everyone's looking at you, and it's just like, well, no,
we need everyone on my side.

Speaker 2 (05:26):
Now.

Speaker 3 (05:27):
Oh I'm a hero.

Speaker 1 (05:28):
I'm the hero.

Speaker 3 (05:28):
I know this was uncomfortable for everyone, but I'm the hero.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
Now. That's how I feel. That is if there's a
word for that mental illness, maybe narcissism, I don't know,
I have it. And then he was like I know.
And then we ended up sitting next to each other,
me and the old man on the flight, and he
offered me the oldest mint in history from his pocket,
and I said, oh, I'm okay. And then he really
wanted to talk to me, and it was my fault.
But I was so tired and then I kind of

(05:52):
was like, wait, I'm again. I'm the problem because I initiated,
I broke. You created this whole world for yourself and him. Anyway,
the point is is that I like to stand up
for myself. I have hundreds of stories every day like that.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
I need to be better at it. But you know,
yesterday it was like, well this just led to nothing.
They already got to buy their thing. It's not like
they got behind me.

Speaker 1 (06:09):
They didn't get behind you.

Speaker 3 (06:10):
No, they were done with their transaction.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
Where were you?

Speaker 3 (06:14):
It was a place called Lemon Poppy Kitchen LPKI got
in front of you shut a healthy California.

Speaker 1 (06:23):
Poppy kitchen call. I can't believe it.

Speaker 3 (06:27):
Wonderful restaurant, usually a wonderful clientele. Wow, I will say.
My friends and I sat down to eat and we
watched as they Later on, they caught my eye, these
people who had butt in front of me. They were
getting into their car. It was not only like a
Tesla suv. It was with the doors that go up,
and I thought, okay, well I'm vindicated.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
They told the DeLorean Tesla. You know with the moment
you said, getting into their car, it used to be
BMW might go to a whole carr and I said,
it's going to be a Tesla with the wings.

Speaker 3 (06:55):
I'm in shock with the wings. You know, a lot
of normal people are now driving Tesla's, but the wings
come into play. There's a select group and they had
a license plate that said, and so I feel bad
even drawing this musical group into it, because it's not
their fault.

Speaker 1 (07:12):
Do you know this?

Speaker 3 (07:13):
Of course they're perfectly good, But like these people that
they decided that's their license plate. I mean everything about
it was such a perfectly tied bow for me. And
it's just like good for me for clearing my throat.

Speaker 1 (07:25):
Yes, their minds have been rotted by ecstasy. I've decided.
These are people who have been rotted, disemboweled by drug usage.
And they can't even see lines. They don't even know
what a line is anymore except a very specific kind.

Speaker 3 (07:40):
They swerved out of the parking lot and out of
my life. Yes, you know, maybe I should learn the
right lesson from this. And it was okay for me
to stand up.

Speaker 1 (07:48):
I think it's fine for you. I listen. I'm all
for people standing up when it's right, and I want
you to know I've done wrong things people have set
up to me and I bowed out tail between legs.
I also know when.

Speaker 3 (07:58):
To wow is do you have Is there any pushback
from you when the person first approaches with your error?
So like, because I feel like that's my natural thing
of like, oh, well, I didn't do anything wrong, but
naturally i've you know, you've done something wrong.

Speaker 1 (08:11):
Like I feel like I've accidentally gotten in front of
someone in a line. You know, oftentimes it's like a
mess of a line. You don't realize right, and then
when there's a look thrown, I go, oh my gosh,
were you in line? And then I retreat. I mean,
I'm the first one. I'll go to the very back
of the line, like I have good person.

Speaker 3 (08:28):
Yes, I'm off to jail.

Speaker 1 (08:30):
I'm gonna actually just lock myself into I go to
Tesla and no ac lock the windows, facemash the window.
It's fine. I don't mind.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
Do you have a lot of problems on planes in general?
Because you travel a lot more than I do, and
I feel like I travel not that often and I
run into at least one situation on every flight.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
Not too many problems.

Speaker 3 (08:49):
Honestly, no, I think I just have problems with people
in general.

Speaker 1 (08:52):
I don't see that for you. I could see that
for me because I'm very like you know, I'm painting
myself to be the worst human alife. I'm also in
a weird place today, so of all days to be
talking about myself. But you seem so easy going. I
can't see it.

Speaker 3 (09:03):
I love that I'm projecting anything close to that image
to me.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
Yeah, you're not. What's your sign? Don't don't kill me
for asking?

Speaker 3 (09:11):
Can you guess? Try to get virgo. I'm a Libra Libra,
that's my moon. What does that mean for me?

Speaker 1 (09:18):
Oh no, no, okay, I don't know. I'm a cancer at
the Libra moons. All I know is that I should
be sobbing at another moment.

Speaker 3 (09:24):
Okay, And I feel like that's kind of what I
should be sobbing at every moment of every day.

Speaker 1 (09:29):
I want to ask you a quick question. Do you
have diagnosed or self diagnosed ADHD?

Speaker 3 (09:34):
Okay? This is a very good question because the listeners
are starting to ask.

Speaker 1 (09:38):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (09:39):
Some listeners have reached out and been like, it sounds
like you might have ADHD and then, uh, what I
did with that information was just talk about it on
the podcast and then did no research. I like, I've
looked or I've heard that, like when you think you
have ADHD, you just go to your GP or whatever
and they just they ask you that list of questions
that's like are you easily distracted? And well, it's hard

(10:02):
for me to say. I'm I don't have anybody else's viewpoints,
so I'm like, sure, yeah, I'm easily distracted, but it
might just be a normal person. So I'm not sure
how to actually drill down and see if I actually
have ADHD.

Speaker 1 (10:15):
Well, I don't take medication really for it, but I
know also not diagnosed professionally. But I just it's like take, take, take,
whenever I take those quizzes. Can you fill a form
out with no problem with ease? Like what sort of
form for example, if you need to get to your
passport renewed like things like that, Right.

Speaker 3 (10:31):
I feel like I can fill out that sort of form. Yeah,
but I feel like, you know, I'll sit down to
do something and then I mean suddenly there are nine
other things I've gotten done before the initial task, and
I can't remember what listeners were like, Bridge, that sounds
like you have ADHD. What like the symptom was, But
more and more I feel like maybe I should look

(10:54):
into it. But then I'm on medication, which is not
a problem.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
But are you on ADHD medica?

Speaker 3 (10:59):
No? I'm like, what does that do? In general?

Speaker 1 (11:04):
Car would know it's gonna make you focus lock in,
which is what I need. I mean, people always like,
write a book. I go, I can't. Even I can
write a blog post if that makes sense. I can
write something if I know that day it's going out
there us. But you're gonna tell me to write into
this vacuum of time.

Speaker 3 (11:19):
See that's my problem. Yeah, if I'm up against a
very close deadline, sure of course I'm going to do it.
What other choice do I have?

Speaker 1 (11:27):
And it'll be great.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
But if it's months away, well I have I need
to mop the counter. It's well slop the counter, so
I must have ADHD. If I'm moping counter, you're to
mob the counter. No, it's it is hot slop. If
I have months to work on something, I'm just like,
who cares about this? Do you leave piles of things
around your house? Or you seem I'm gonna say this,

(11:49):
and this may be a stereotype. You do seem neat.
I am neat. I will say I'm neat. My siblings
neither are four of us. There are two that are
not neat, and then my other brother and I are
very very neat people. So but I don't know, there's
a bit of ADHD that runs in the family because.

Speaker 1 (12:07):
The neatness goes against the ADHD rain. Like I can
be I'm neat with food. I don't like having plates
out like anything in the fridge. I like keeping it
or everything out right. And I'm not a hoarder, not
to rag, but I will toss, I'll donate, get it
out of the house. I also bring a lot of
stuff in, okay, And when, for example, let's say I'm
running late for dinner, I come home, there's a pile

(12:29):
of makeup, there's a pile of my clothes. Interesting, and
then I'm like, oh, that pile is there. Okay, So
if you open up a drawer, perhaps it'll be like
I'll know it's in there, but it will not be
container stored into something nice.

Speaker 3 (12:40):
It'll be a little bit I mean you, I have
what is known in my home as the napkin drawer,
and if you saw this thing, you might be able
to diagnose fifty mental illnesses because this is a disaster
in a way that's I can't defend myself in any
possible way. It's just take out now cans when they're

(13:01):
not used. I throw them in the drawer.

Speaker 1 (13:03):
I like that. I do that sometimes, but I do
it in the fork and knife drawer in the corner. Okay,
the Jersey Mikes, you'll see. It's almost like.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
I've got Jersey Mike napkins.

Speaker 1 (13:11):
So you're getting bad. Those are some good ones. You
can peel them away and just see, Like if I've
gained weight, you'll know from the napkin drawer your life.
So this fish is eating Yeah, truly, it's like the
rings on a tree, except it's like on my thigh.
They're like, oh. The reason really why I ask about
the ADHD is because this and I've talked about this
on my Patreon show plug get over There, thank You,

(13:33):
which is justice sensitivity, and it's something that I could
never put into words why I was the way I was.
I'm not only like that with myself. If I see
other people being treated unfairly, especially people who are you know,
need maybe someone to stick up for them or whatever. Right,
I am the FIRS. I love to step in. I
will involve myself interest. And I learned within the past

(13:55):
six months something called justice sensitivity that people with ADHD
have where if they feel for themselves or someone else
that something is unjust. It keeps me up at night.
And that's really true. So someone skipping in line, I'm interesting, yeah,
and I can remember times when people have skipped me
in line. One woman who was on the phone and
I was like, excuse me. I was in a foreign
country as well, so she's in Italy whatever, and I said,

(14:17):
you know, I'm standing here and she was like, I'm
with him to some guy in front of her. It
was actually clever, and I was like, you're not with him.
I know you're not with him. You're on the phone.
And she ordered in front of me, and I thought
the Charles de gall This woman food so rude. And
then I was with someone who was like, just let
it go, and I was like, I can't let it go.

(14:38):
Like she got me, I.

Speaker 3 (14:40):
Do okay, I do that. I mean, I don't act
on it. I don't do anything to rectify the situation.
But yeah, that sort of thing will just ring around
in my head for weeks.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yes, me too, it's crazy. Uh. Or if like you know,
but then again, if I've gotten great service in a store,
or if someone does a solid for me in a store,
maybe a coop on whatever, I don't even wait till
like to the car to leave a five star Google review.

Speaker 3 (15:02):
Oh you're leaving reviews.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
Oh. I constantly boost people too, because I'm like, it's right.
You gotta go both ways. You can't just complain. You
also have to give right. I'll skan QR codes. I
bought a watch recently. It is a Swatch. I have
a theory they're coming back. I don't really want to
talk about it, but I gotta swatch skin. Irony at
the outlets in New York, Okay, had the best experience there.

(15:24):
These other people were debating a watch. They were with
a different sales lead who also seem nice. I was like,
you gotta buy the watch and you gotta leave a review,
and they bought it and left. We were all there
leaving reviews like, oh.

Speaker 3 (15:34):
I will leave a review if I'm asked by the establishment,
or if I really love the place but it's under
a secret name, and I will also complain. I mean,
but it has to be really true in justice. If
I'm going to complain, oh me too. I lightly try
not to. I know, I have to know it goes,
the problem goes all the way to the top. It
can't be like, oh, the employee was me who cares.

(15:54):
A lot of employees are having bad days. But if
it feels like, oh, this is a company wide problem
or something, tip tap typing away, and I know it'll
make no difference.

Speaker 1 (16:06):
But one of the bravest things we could ever do,
and I'm not suggesting we do it now, is swap
phones and read each other as one star Google reviews.
I think that would that would be for me at least,
it's so revelatory.

Speaker 3 (16:20):
I would feel so naked.

Speaker 1 (16:22):
Oh not comfortable with that, absolutely up and look and
just panic right here. I know we're recording.

Speaker 3 (16:29):
I know I could tell you. I know the last
place I left a one star review, and it feels
like the community is coming together to leave a lot
of one star reviews for this particular restaurant that moved
in and it feels good to be part of the team.
That's like, no, you're not going to move in and
charge that much for a hamburger.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
Wait, which restaurant is it?

Speaker 3 (16:46):
I won't say it here here in la obviously it's here.
It's in Highland Park and it was new ownership and
they just kind of flipped the business model and suddenly
the neighborhood was just burning them down in a way
that is calmuck. So I think that was the last
time I left your review. And it felt good.

Speaker 1 (17:03):
Sometimes it does. I hate to say it.

Speaker 3 (17:05):
Yeah, it's a little revenge, a little something.

Speaker 1 (17:08):
It feels better to be nice, right, everybody in this
day and age, it's nice to be a little nice.
Try it. It's it makes you feel good.

Speaker 3 (17:14):
It really does feel better to be nice.

Speaker 1 (17:17):
Compliment people.

Speaker 3 (17:17):
But when do you get an opportunity I talk to everybody.

Speaker 1 (17:20):
I'm really and I'm I'm middle aged now, but I
know that in ten twenty years, when I officially amountedly,
it's going to be a problem. I already know.

Speaker 3 (17:27):
I'm I know you're just like chatting up strangers.

Speaker 1 (17:30):
God, so I talk.

Speaker 3 (17:32):
Oh I wish I wish I had that ability.

Speaker 1 (17:36):
You know, it's funny when people do it to me.
I hate it. Isn't that interesting? I go crazy I'm like,
don't like. If someone's like, oh I like that shirt,
I'm like, uh, cucko, Like, don't want to talk to them.
But when I do it, I'm like, this is great.
They're a loving mess.

Speaker 3 (17:51):
I think that's I can see that.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
Actually, I mean I'm nuts anyway, what else? What else
is going on?

Speaker 3 (17:58):
Well, I feel like there's I'll tell you something. It's
going on. It's not something I want to talk about.
It's not something I'm comfortable with. Michelle. I was excited
to have you here on the podcast today. You know,
it's been years in the works. I thought we'll have
a wonderful time. It'll feel like this reunion, and then
we'll go on with our lives. The podcast is called
I said no gifts. Yes, we came to an agreement

(18:21):
that you'd be on the show, and I thought you
would play by the rules. I thought you would have
some level of dignity when you came on, and then
that was all kind of wiped out when you walked
into the studio holding what could not more clearly be
a gift? Is it a gift for me?

Speaker 1 (18:37):
It is? Okay?

Speaker 3 (18:39):
Instead of gorgeous purple bag? Should we open it?

Speaker 1 (18:41):
Here?

Speaker 3 (18:41):
On the podcast.

Speaker 1 (18:42):
Yes, but the bag in itself is part of the gift.

Speaker 3 (18:45):
Well, let's take a look at this.

Speaker 1 (18:49):
I didn't even know that this was like a thing,
but it is in a Runway Tjmax. Stopping back now
before you open it. There's two things in here. One
is they're the same thing, different sizes. One is mine.
But that's why it's part of the story.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
It's part of the sts.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
I got us matching leotards and we're going to.

Speaker 3 (19:10):
So chy what a t would make me?

Speaker 1 (19:17):
Forget it, kid, I'd be tossing you into the stands.
People wouldn't know what to do with themselves.

Speaker 3 (19:24):
Wait, so Runway, is this a new store?

Speaker 1 (19:26):
Okay, so no, so listen, there are certain it's actually
all part of the story. I didn't even make really
all the connections. It's all connected.

Speaker 3 (19:32):
Okay, everything is well, that's very true.

Speaker 1 (19:35):
I pass out. So TJ Max has a designer faction.

Speaker 3 (19:39):
Okay, offshoot, one.

Speaker 1 (19:41):
Might even say, yes, move it from your beautiful face. Uh,
that they only have in certain stores, usually in sort
of well to do well healed neighborhood called Runway where
they get designer things. In Europe where I lived for
a couple of years. Amazingly, they call it t Kmax
because England had a store called TJ's. Oh, they weren't

(20:01):
allowed to call a TG, so they just said t
K because it's next to it on the keyboard. That's
the only reason.

Speaker 3 (20:06):
What does TJ stand for?

Speaker 4 (20:07):
Do we know?

Speaker 1 (20:09):
I can't my mind when some are dark, and I won't.

Speaker 3 (20:12):
Be able to say it on a least look into
that they.

Speaker 1 (20:14):
Must stand for, like THEO James from Down to Abbey?
Who would it stand for? Tommy Lee Jones?

Speaker 3 (20:19):
T LJ Max A TJ Max? Okay, it was called TK.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
T K Max in Europe and I lived in Amsterdam
and they would get stuff from pradam Um. I mean
they would get like I am bringing mellow cucinelli. However
you say it here they get that too sometimes. But
here in LA they have a lot of Runway Max stores,
and in Miami, which is where I'm from. When I
was home in Miami a couple of weeks ago, I
found a sweater at the Runway Max in Boca Raton, Florida.

Speaker 3 (20:47):
Have you been I haven't been to Boca Raton. I
love saying it though.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
It is mellifluously it's such a beautiful word to say.
It's two words, really, But they have a fantastic runway
Max in Boca. No I should.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
We got to get into the Boca.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
There's two really good ones. And this is like hot tea.
As they say hot TJ. I'm spelling the hot DJ
Boca and West Palm Beach has a t came our
TJ Max runway. Mind blowing. That one is really untouched. Okay,
so I go. I find literally the most beautiful fitting
sweater I've ever found in my life. Okay, it is
like and I'm tall, I'm six to one. The sleeves

(21:23):
are below the hand. I look like Ariana Grande. I
never had a sweater be so perfectly proportioned on my body.

Speaker 3 (21:30):
I run into similar problems.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
I believe that actually, yes, and it's when you find
that thing, Oh.

Speaker 3 (21:35):
It feels like, oh maybe I am meant for this world.

Speaker 1 (21:38):
I'm yes, I'm telling you that. I talk about this
fore because also big feet. I'm an eleven. There are
a lot of women who are elevens, and we're painted
to be some kind of freak. I don't think we are.
It's two millimeters bigger than a size nine I mean,
it's not a big deal.

Speaker 3 (21:51):
What is that in Men's like a nine, a US nine,
and I think I'm a nine and my foot's not big.

Speaker 1 (21:56):
That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (21:57):
Okay, so where's my camera?

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Listen? I like, storm out, I rip the mic out
of its.

Speaker 3 (22:04):
Who lives?

Speaker 1 (22:06):
My head hits the light. I'm like, I have to
get out of your ie. Feel dropped? Anyway? I I
hope I have two hours of the story. Okay, please, Okay?
So I buy this sweater. It's from Helmut's lang Oh
German designer. Not familiar, are you not very austere? I
would say almost like poor man's Jill Sander a little
bit cheaper, certain, because Jill's expensive. Anyway, get the sweater,

(22:28):
take it back to New York. I'm like, this is
my sweater of the winter, like Song of the Summer
is my sweater the winter. I go to leave my
apartment that I'm staying in a it's a sublet in
New York to catch my flight to come here to
laure and I think, which sweater am I going to bring?
I gotta bring my sweater the summer winter?

Speaker 3 (22:48):
You need this coast needs to see.

Speaker 1 (22:49):
It exactly it was my debut in this sweater. Yes,
and also I like to usually look good at the airport.
I guarantee you that I like to look go to
the airport. I like to dress.

Speaker 3 (23:02):
I recently gave up on that.

Speaker 1 (23:03):
You know what, I do find it makes the travel
day better. I don't know how else to explain it.
I usually like I didn't have makeup on that day
because I had an early fight, But I usually like
to go with makeup, and I just I feel better.
You never know who'll sit next.

Speaker 3 (23:14):
To you, right, That's true Future Today's Show story.

Speaker 1 (23:17):
Yeah, okay, go I run downstairs. I'm gonna two story
walk up with my big ass seventy pounds saands tonight. Right,
so of course my weekend dry put the sweater on
top kills me and my carry on that has all
my equipment and everything. I go down to the Uber.
I load up the Uber like, uh, I don't know
where I thought it. I loaded the Uber truly like

(23:39):
a union member. I mean, I'm just like, all right, Chollie,
back it up like I'm just in it. I'm in it.
We get in the car. He starts driving away. Halfway
to the airport, I realized my sweater fell out of
my bag. You knew it was going there. I didn't.

Speaker 3 (23:52):
I didn't think fall out of your bank in the apartment, or.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
I believe I'm almost one thousand. Listen, if I get
back to the apartment and it's in that apartment, I'm
going to like in shawshank faults in the rain, tears, tears.
I'm ninety percent sure. Let's call it ninety five that
it fell out when I was loading the bag in
because I had it all tucked up and I was like, ready,
you know, so what have I done while here? So
first of all, now this gets to your gift.

Speaker 3 (24:16):
Okay, should we open it?

Speaker 1 (24:19):
Yes? Should I? Should? I set it up before you
open it up? The setup is now. I go to
the airport. A girl has to be cozy on the plane.
I also sit in the exit seat by the door.
There's cracks. Okay, I'm the first one to get sucked out.

Speaker 3 (24:33):
You feel the breeze, you do? You? It is colder
by the scary it is I'm telling here, you feel
that get.

Speaker 1 (24:42):
Not in United not in those seven So I have
to buy a sweatshirt of pork?

Speaker 3 (24:49):
And which store do you turn to?

Speaker 1 (24:51):
Well, folks, there's only one store, the Nemans of Newark
Hudson News. Maybe you've heard of it.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
Now.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
This is in Terminal A, which is actually nice New
Wark Terournal. I'm a big defender of Newark Airport, but
anyone who's flown in the past year or two knows
that they have very specific sweatshirts now in every city.
Now you can open up your get into this. It's
the top one because there's to.

Speaker 3 (25:16):
You.

Speaker 1 (25:17):
Yes, it's about opening.

Speaker 3 (25:19):
Oh yeah, okay, okay, I mean, first of all, I
just want to comment. This is a sweatshirt and it's
so soft.

Speaker 1 (25:24):
Okay, this is part of a story.

Speaker 3 (25:26):
It's just crazy.

Speaker 1 (25:26):
Here we go.

Speaker 3 (25:27):
Ready, we're opening gorgeous New Jersey sweat like this. I
know you what, it's tasteful.

Speaker 1 (25:35):
Wait, I agree.

Speaker 3 (25:36):
My boyfriend's from New Jersey.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
Are you joking? No, I'm actually not even being funny.
This whole thing was meant to bring you that sweatshirt.

Speaker 3 (25:42):
I know.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
I'm I'm an agnostic, but I believe in God when
things like this happen.

Speaker 3 (25:46):
The problem is he's Italian and he's from New Jersey.
I'm famously anti both.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
Huge mistake. I'm very pro both I'm very pro New Jersey.
I am a big Jersey to New Jersey my one
of my favorite states in the United States. Wait to look.
I hope it fits. It's a medium or large. I
didn't know. I got myself put it on.

Speaker 3 (26:02):
I'll put it on for until I get hot.

Speaker 1 (26:04):
Yeah, I got myself the two XL. Does your boyfriend
want this one? No?

Speaker 3 (26:08):
You want it? You don't connect us that sweet?

Speaker 1 (26:10):
Okay two?

Speaker 3 (26:11):
It actually gay men cannot have matching anything.

Speaker 1 (26:14):
Well, then I should give it back because I mean
at this point, but you don't think this is kind
of cute.

Speaker 3 (26:18):
I really and it feels soft. I can't believe it.

Speaker 1 (26:20):
So here's the thing. Wait, it actually is so cute
on you. I have to get out of the studio.
I feel trapped. I feel trapped. Wait no, I'm sorry, producers,
no britchet.

Speaker 3 (26:29):
Let me get a look on give you.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
I'm like attracted to you in it. I'm not being funny.
I feel scared. Well look like wait, stop, I feel crazy.
You look like you're about to, like say, in a
frat house, and I'm very into it.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
This is a good sweater and it's my color, it's
your color.

Speaker 1 (26:46):
So here's the thing. So they had this one. They
had like navy with white stripes. But I have been
obsessed with these because it's I'll tell you how much
I paid, because it's part of it. How much do
you think I paid for these?

Speaker 3 (26:54):
Okay, this is for two. I would say two sweatshirts
is probably a eighty dollars thirty.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
Four ninety nine for two for two. That's stupid. Whoa,
this is what I'm saying. And hire me to influence,
to get all the people.

Speaker 3 (27:11):
Yes, none of that makes any sense at all.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
And it's embroidered, and yes it's literally.

Speaker 3 (27:16):
It's not just printed all. Something's wrong at that airport.
They have a leak. They have a leak.

Speaker 1 (27:23):
So then wait, so now I have to wear this.
Now it's adorable, and you on me it is hideous.
It what it is. It's not great. I mean I
also got a huge size. I just looked. I'm in jeans.
I just look by the time I got off the flight.
You know, I always say val Kilmer back from the beyond.
So anyway I get into LA, I'm wearing this. I
go to budget rent a car to get my shitty rental.
Even though I also love budget, I like things that

(27:44):
are like a little shitty. I never That's why I like,
you know.

Speaker 3 (27:46):
A little texture.

Speaker 1 (27:48):
Yeah, Like I don't want to go to like Alamo.
Give me Budget, give me a car with like some issues.
That's how I am so anywake it to Budget and
I walk in and the guy working there is he
would be a fan of yours, okay, if you know
what I'm saying. And he's like hello, and I go Hi.
I go as a joke because I always have to
be funny and I'm unbearable. I go, don't judge me.

(28:09):
I go. I was forced to buy this. I lost
my sweater. I go, do you like it? He went no,
I said you don't like it? And I was kind
of like setting him up, obviously, but I was like
you don't like it? He goes, it does nothing for
your figure, and I was like, you're right. He was
right anyway, but I will keep this also mine. Then smelled,
I don't know, mind smells like a little oily. You're

(28:30):
smelled good. I sniffed it.

Speaker 3 (28:32):
It smells nice, fantastic. Actually really, Uh, I can lounge
around the house. Yeah, I wonder what sort of pants
I could combine this with. Probably jeans off.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
White sweatpants if you really want to go there, jeans hot.

Speaker 3 (28:46):
This is something I could wear to the airport too,
because I've recently gotten to like soft, comfortable things to
wear at the airport rather than you know, I'm someone
who wears their outfit for the day up until bedtime,
up until I'm going to get in bad. Is that right,
even while when I'm sitting watching TV, like I'm loosening
up a little bit. I've gotten a lot of flak
for like Bridger, you're at home and you're not going
anywhere else, Why wouldn't you put on sweatpants or something?

(29:08):
But for whatever reason, I needed to be fully dressed
until the absolute end of the day for up until
just recently. So the fact that I go to the
airport in you know, sweatpants is a real shock to
my lifestyle.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
It's a growth pattern and I like it.

Speaker 3 (29:23):
For you, yeah, it might be, you know, it's a
journey I might get back to, you know, head towards
like wearing a suit to the airport.

Speaker 1 (29:29):
Well, listen, you know, this is my issue with Americans
in general, is that men here never wear suits. You
never see a man in a suit. You go to London.
All the men employed all have suits and nice ones,
not like Joseph A Banks like they look.

Speaker 3 (29:44):
Right, they're really like, this is my uniform. I'm gonna
take care of it.

Speaker 1 (29:48):
Yes, but I also think women should dress up to
I'm not only I think it's time we start dressing
up again. Wow.

Speaker 3 (29:54):
I like to put myself together, but I don't like
to wear. I think because I grew up in a
church like a bristle at, wearing too much, dressing, too
much dress clothes.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
I can understand that. I think I would have thrived
in a church setting, as far as.

Speaker 3 (30:08):
It's not too late, Michelle, let's get you meat.

Speaker 1 (30:11):
You know, by the way, all right, I'm done for anything.
I love a Catholic. I think if I were to convert,
I would convert to.

Speaker 3 (30:20):
Knowing everything we know.

Speaker 1 (30:22):
Sorry, I love it, bit of glitz.

Speaker 3 (30:26):
I mean, if you do love Glamor, there's no other
religion for you.

Speaker 1 (30:29):
Hello, are you kidding me? I love it. I love Italy,
I love Oh.

Speaker 3 (30:33):
I like Ireland like I have no other religion. It's
doing what Catholicism is doing. As far as glam the
pope were red loafers.

Speaker 1 (30:41):
You know that. I remember that. Oh my course you
could forget I mean forget a Prada. Oh I love it.
I love Italy so much. I was just there for
a wedding. You would have the best time in that
sweatsheart in the switch. I can't even tell you like
the fact that you like the sweatshirt. I'm not playing
this up for the show. This is what will make me.
This is going to get me through my day. My
question about wearing house clothes in the house. Yes see,

(31:03):
I'm not a germophobe, and actually I think that one
of the reasons why I do get sick. Obviously, but
like I've had an okay, you're knock on wood with
not getting a cold so far, like a real one,
verge vergin. Then I get better. But I like wear
my shoes in the house, like my dirty New York shoes.
Not always. I don't stomp her on the bed or anything.
But like I'll forget, I'll come in, I'll drop bags

(31:24):
off or like shopping bags that have been on the
floor will come into the house. I will not put
my purse on the ground. I have a big rule
about this. Bad luck.

Speaker 3 (31:31):
Oh oh, I didn't know that. Well, that explains my entire.

Speaker 1 (31:33):
Life money flies out. That's what they say. Person Never,
ladies especially, do not put your bag. I see people
on the subway putting their backpacks on the floor. I'm like,
are you fucked up in that hat?

Speaker 3 (31:44):
That's what very common.

Speaker 1 (31:46):
Even the rats are like this. They're like, we're not
putting your bag bursts up in the air for the
rat anyway. But I really do think that a little
bit of germiness is good for you.

Speaker 3 (31:58):
Like exposing small children to germs so they can grow,
you know. Yeah, resistance, I.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
Think a little dooty bug here and there is good
for you. However, I don't like to get under the
covers in I'll sit on the couch in my street clothes, okay,
but I really will not get under I won't touch
my sheets in my street clothes, right, you do that?

Speaker 3 (32:18):
I will not.

Speaker 1 (32:19):
I will.

Speaker 3 (32:19):
I'll lie on the top cover.

Speaker 1 (32:21):
Interesting, but I won't pushing it a little.

Speaker 3 (32:24):
And this is in La so in New York that
might be a different store.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
That's fair.

Speaker 3 (32:28):
If I'm under the covers in my street clothes, something
has gone horribly wrong, either emotionally or physically.

Speaker 1 (32:36):
You're going to crawl in your jersey, ye it's.

Speaker 3 (32:38):
Just like it's over. I'm in jeans in bed. But
what I don't like is when people really flinch when
you like sit down on a bed in your jeans.
It's like, it's what are you talking? What are you
doing in your jeens? That's so filthy that you're having
that reaction? Relax?

Speaker 1 (32:55):
Wash your blanket. Have you heard of it? You can
just throw it in the wash.

Speaker 3 (32:59):
No, people have lost it all together, right, I mean,
unless you were dealing with like biohazard material in your jeans,
go ahead, sit on the comforter.

Speaker 1 (33:08):
Which on the subway, you are to be fair.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
On the subway. And again that's a whole different situation.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
I shoved a strange woman last week and a young
girl because I was on the subway there was a
puddle on the seat next to me, small clear poddle.

Speaker 3 (33:23):
Oh no, probably water whatever.

Speaker 1 (33:25):
So I had I had a little bag from a
place called Manga. You know this place?

Speaker 3 (33:28):
Wait Manja, No, I don't think I do.

Speaker 1 (33:29):
I almost brought your sweatshirt in a Manja bag, and
then I thought, because I have that here too, but
I was like not bringing it on delicious sandwiches hit
or miss anyway. So wait, it's like my lemon poppy
kitchen and me, oh, okay, sure. So I have my
back kind of resting on the seat. But you know,
it's a big poo poo to take a seat up
with your bag. Obviously it looks like a terrible person.

(33:50):
So the train is filling and this girl and I'm like, oh,
I don't want her to think that I'm putting my
bag here instead of her, So I move it to indicate, hey,
this is open, and flashed Gordon. In two seconds, she
comes over and goes to put her ass in the water.
And I had and she had very very long hair,
and I literally I touched this woman's there. I didn't

(34:11):
like it for you, but I pushed her. I pushed
her back. I went, don't and she looked at me
and I went, there's a puddle. And then we're the
best of friends.

Speaker 3 (34:19):
Okay, so she was okay with it.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
I mean she should have been kissing my feet.

Speaker 3 (34:23):
Yes, But it was like in New York that behavior
is kind of okay. Everybody's a little bit like a
lot of things are a disaster. We watch out for
e shows.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
You have to. That's why I do love New York
and people in New York down for a laugh Americans
in general. It took me leaving this country to have
a real appreciation for the American spirit. And I really
mean that.

Speaker 3 (34:42):
Really, yes, Wow, what's going on in other countries? I've
never really noticed this that, Like, I haven't spent extended
amounts of time in other countries just humor listeners.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
Not everywhere. Italians can be funny. I was in Rome
for this wedding. I mentioned it. How many times can
I bring it in? Can? We said? An account just
tick every time you bring it up? But I usually
I had never really had a great time in Rome,
and this trip I had the best time and everybody
was nice, like just it was I think, as it
wasn't so touristy. It was September. I highly recommend but

(35:14):
no I lived in you could call it a Scandinavian country,
the Netherlands or adjacent and nice people. Some were very fun.
I have Dutch friends, great people, and this is gohest
in England too. I think that you know when you
walk into a store here, or a restaurant whatever, they
want to know about your day. When you sit at
Fridays and they go how's your day? When you take

(35:36):
a seat, you recline in your local tgis and you know,
Bruce comes over and he goes, how's your day, and
you go, don't ask rust And then you have a
lap and he's like, tell me about it.

Speaker 3 (35:46):
You both get it.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
You get it. You go go home soon. I always end.
My favorite thing to do. I'm an unbearable person. Two things. One,
and I've talked about this on my show, is that
when it's Black Friday time, the quickest way to ingratiate
yourself with a shop key is go you work on
Black Friday the whole week leading up it's my Christmas.
I go, you work on Black Friday. They love it.
They go yes, yes or no. They either go thank

(36:09):
God no or they go can you imagine?

Speaker 3 (36:10):
Yeah, what a great conversation starter the checkout line.

Speaker 1 (36:14):
You work in Black Friday, you get discounts. I'm telling you,
they want to emote about Black Fight.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
Of course, I've worked Black Friday before. It was hell
on Earth where best Buy.

Speaker 1 (36:24):
I'm I can't believe what you're saying. Imagine you're spending
best Buy.

Speaker 3 (36:29):
I don't know. I can't believe I'm saying, Oh yeah,
I was at best Buy. And I worked at Black Friday.
It was hell on Earth.

Speaker 1 (36:36):
And this was I'm going to guess because I feel
like now Black Friday has changed and now it's like online, cyberminded.
But there were times for those too young to remember
where Black Friday was gang fights, middle fingers, lying, tense,
it was like the new Star Wars, like everyone went nuts.

Speaker 3 (36:50):
Was it that peak Black Friday time? I would say,
I would say, right before it's you know, slow decline.
I shouldn't. I stoodn't the exact same place for probably
nine hours, just ringing up the same computer over and
over and over. They put me back near the washing machine.
That's a good place to be, though, don't you think,
who's not very pleasant? It's not very there's not much

(37:11):
to look at.

Speaker 1 (37:12):
I could see that.

Speaker 3 (37:12):
But Black Friday is not a pleasant time to be working.
So that's a great thing to bring up.

Speaker 1 (37:17):
Well, I had a retail job, but I think it
was it was ninety eight, okay, jay crew. I was
in high school, sure, and then my mom worked at
the same store, but I think as she was older,
I don't think they put her on the Black Friday shift.
I'm almost sure because she was in her sixties. Okay,
and they knew better like trampled. Yes, no, no, no, whatever
happened to trampling? Yeah, we've got to get back to

(37:37):
tramp traveling in a minute. I'm sorry, clear the herd,
Charlotte Trampling. We need to bring trampling back. You know
why I keep people on their toes. We people gotten
too comfortable shopping. Absolutely not.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
We need to strike the fear of trampling back into America.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
Yes, brings the rhinoceray in. I say, we got a Jumanji.
These people back into shape.

Speaker 3 (37:59):
The day this release, there will be nine tracking.

Speaker 1 (38:02):
I mean really, that's the thing. And that's every time
I do something two days later people like you Eve,
I'm like, wait, this is pre the famed, the same
stampede of twenty.

Speaker 3 (38:10):
Two historical Tramplin. We should So we're October sixth. Let's
just mark the date. We're talking about trampling on October sixth,
just to be clear.

Speaker 1 (38:20):
It's like a hostage video. Yes, very smart, October sixth.
I used to go, I say, I actually love Black
Friday as a consumer back in its heyday, not for
the best buye of it all, because that was like
I didn't want to actually get shot. But as someone
who really loves you could say consumerism. I mean, I
love the bargain hunt for me, a hunt that's my

(38:42):
life for me, it's like the Hunt. It's like my
own personal game show. And I love game shows, so
it kind of all tracks. I just like shopping at
three in the morning. I think it's so fun to
be up in the middle of the night. And this
was always in Miami, going to Sawgrass Mills, one of
the best outlet malls in the nation and world, and
just seeing babies up three thirty in the morning and
the parents they all bring the suitcases and they load

(39:03):
them up with a didas and things to bring back
to you know, Brazil or wherever.

Speaker 3 (39:07):
There's an uncanniness to being in a store at that
time of night. It's just like, oh this fields.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
Yeah, it's like a sleepover. Yes, it's like a sleepover
with a bunch of crazy strangers. And I miss that.
I do, because now they don't keep the malls open late,
and I don't.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
Know, it's all over. The wonderful days of everything being
bad on Black Friday are done.

Speaker 1 (39:27):
Yeah, what the hell? But no Americans are nice? Going
back circling back. We are friendly, humor loving people when
you keep politics out of it.

Speaker 3 (39:36):
I feel like I would thrive in another country.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
Where would you like to go?

Speaker 3 (39:40):
I mean in a Scandinavian country. I feel like I
would that sort of social atmosphere. I'd be perfectly fine.

Speaker 1 (39:46):
I could see that. But you know, you say that,
and I don't think you realize how when you have
grown up here and how used to the warmth you are.
It really for me and I had an amazing time there.
I would go back like, I'm not like shitting on
their people because I've gotten flacked by this before. But
for me, it did slowly chip away at my spirit.
I'm being.

Speaker 3 (40:09):
You're a different woman.

Speaker 1 (40:11):
I'm being serious. Though. In London it's better because the
English are always always drunk and they're always down for
an lol, like they sure she love a little bit of.

Speaker 3 (40:18):
A laugh that crunk, you know, but you well, is
there anything left to say about this beautiful sweatshirt? I
wish now so much time in Jersey here and there
a half Okay, I think it's really underrated. I grew
up in a state that was a real butt of
jokes Utah, so I always kind of you know, when
New Jersey was also, I felt a kinship for New Jersey.

Speaker 1 (40:38):
I actually got canceled by New Jersey years ago.

Speaker 3 (40:41):
You got canceled by New Jersey.

Speaker 1 (40:42):
I haven't thought about this what happened. Okay. I hope
it's clear that I love New Jersey and that this
was clearly a joke. But you're gonna like this. So
before I was a comedian right out of college, I
was a legal secretary, okay, and I was blogging secretly.
That was like how I kind of got my start. Wonderful,
Thank you, that's what. That's the story.

Speaker 3 (41:02):
What an incredible story. Thank you so much for being here, Michelle.

Speaker 1 (41:06):
No, and there was a famous day in New York
that you may ring a bell for you, where the
whole city smelled like maple syrup. Do you remember that?

Speaker 2 (41:14):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (41:14):
Yes, yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 (41:15):
So did you know that I broke that story?

Speaker 3 (41:17):
No way, yes.

Speaker 1 (41:19):
And I was the very first mention. I think maybe
someone of the radio said it, maybe before me, But
I was like the first written men show, the first
one brave enough to go public and say, hey, sniff, sniff,
the whole city smells like maple syrup. And I knew
this because I worked down on Wall Street. Again, Secretary
always sounds like I had some big job. I was
like eating alpo out of the can. I worked down

(41:41):
on Wall Street, but I lived near Columbia uptown, and
so I used to walk home, or like walk halfway
home as my exercise, and the whole walk, I'm like,
stinks like maple syrup. And then I had roommates and
I got home and my roommate, Sarah Smellon, was like
hy Sarah still friends with her. She was like, it
smells like syrup. Our room smelled like.

Speaker 3 (41:58):
It, and I smell you want to smell disbodied from food,
pancakes have to be nearby.

Speaker 1 (42:05):
It actually was sickening. It was nauseating, and I wrote
about it, and fast forward. The New York Times contacted
me for a quote because I was the very first
like blogger to write about this. This would have been
in whenever that happened two thousand and five or six.

Speaker 3 (42:19):
Two thousand and five.

Speaker 1 (42:20):
Okay, I know how I know so, and I said
something along the lines of, well, we just figured that
stench was coming from New Jersey, where most stenches originated.
I made a joke about New Jersey being smelly or
having industrial waste, which it does. For the record, I
love it.

Speaker 3 (42:40):
But it doesn't.

Speaker 1 (42:41):
Well, this is the thing, and people got I remember,
they got pissed me. But that story was why I
got fired from my job.

Speaker 3 (42:46):
By the way, that's amazing because my.

Speaker 1 (42:48):
Boss saw it. I was like, are you blogging from here?
And I went no, And I think I didn't get fired.
Excuse me. I ended up quitting to go work at
VH one. But that was like the breaking.

Speaker 3 (42:56):
Out than Michael Syrup. Did they ever figure it out?

Speaker 1 (43:00):
I don't think they did. I think a reporter years
later tried to find out and they do. Believe. Correct
me if I'm wrong that it was a chemical spell.

Speaker 3 (43:07):
Wow, I think chemicals smell like maybe it was natural
flavoring or whatever.

Speaker 1 (43:12):
It was delicious chemicals good to me. I look like
two faces girl? Did you get in the chemicals again?
I'm like, you caught me? I love chemis.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
Well, you owe everything to New Jersey.

Speaker 1 (43:22):
Actually in a way, yes, so my apologies to New Jersey.
I have spent a lot of money in your state.
I love Bergen.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
I love this big mall with the ski jump or whatever.
The American American Dream's a tough name for a mall
that's failing.

Speaker 1 (43:37):
It is failing, right, I think. So have you ever
been to the Mall of America?

Speaker 3 (43:40):
No, I've never been to either of these malls. I
was obsessed with them as a kid. It's like, I
want to go to the biggest mall, but you don't
really Your parents don't really have a recent to vacation
near one of those malls. No anything vacation destinations. Maybe
I'll get to the American dream at some point. I'm
back in Jersey every once in a while.

Speaker 1 (43:56):
So we're in Jersey is a boyfriend from Lyndhurst. Great
Costco's in New Jersey. New Jersey is a where I
believe I got COVID for the first time at a
Costco in Wayne. And also they have the best I
just I really am pro Jersey. If I had to
move back to New York, I would live in Jersey.
Probably a lot of people do. Yeah, well, I think
we should play a game. Okay, We're gonna play a

(44:17):
game called Gift to a Curse. But I need a
number between one and ten from you. I have to go.
I'll go eight.

Speaker 3 (44:23):
Okay, I have to do some light calculating to get
our game pieces right now. You can promote, recommend, do
whatever you want.

Speaker 1 (44:28):
Well, I have a show nearly every day on my Patreon.
It's called the Michelle Collins showpatreon dot com slash mish Call.
You can also go to my Instagram at mish call
and link it there. I also have a live show
in New York October twenty second at Joe's Pub called Wait,
why Don't I Know You? I had one here in
La sold out. I did five shows of Joe's Pub.

(44:49):
They nearly sold out, and then they were such a
rousing success that they gave me another night. And it's
really I'm proud of it, and I think people should
come see. It's funny.

Speaker 3 (44:58):
Everybody goes see Michelle and yeah, listen to Michelle. Use
your internet to figure it out.

Speaker 1 (45:03):
Yeah, I think you'd enjoy it. If you like If
you like this, if you like this, this is what
it is basically every day. It's just.

Speaker 3 (45:11):
Wonderful.

Speaker 1 (45:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:12):
No, this is a very smart show. People learn this
is I say it over and over. It's a utility. Ultimately,
they're getting their news from this. Let's check in with Oniz.
I want to see if TJ Max ever got if
we ever got to the bottom what TJ stands for.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
Nobody knows.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
Nobody knows. It's a mystery, is it.

Speaker 5 (45:30):
Yeah, I tried to dig. There's some theories around, but
not not anything that's concrete.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
It's it's just kind of vague. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:36):
Wow, TJ. Max needs to speak to that. It's time
that they come clean on what TJ stands for.

Speaker 1 (45:42):
Especially what with the popularity of Trader Joe's. You would
think they would want to differentiate.

Speaker 3 (45:46):
Themselves unless it is Trader Joe's, and then they're like,
we cannot let this get out to the public. This
could ruin everything.

Speaker 1 (45:52):
The maximum Trader Joe's. Just you go, and they do
have a lot of food items.

Speaker 3 (45:56):
You get in the checkout line. You're going to be
buying some caramel core and you're going to be buying
some the ex brand chocolate.

Speaker 1 (46:02):
You know, it's really funny. And then I saw so
I literally am there every day. I love it. It's
fine for me. It's like my museum. And they had
pumpkin spice cheesecake popcorn. Oh, and I actually thought the
devil is the Devil is among us. I couldn't believe
that that was something that someone thought this. There's a
market for this.

Speaker 3 (46:19):
Where does the cheesecake come in at that? The pumpkin spice,
I get it like I throw the seasoning on it,
But then we're getting into like dairy tanginess.

Speaker 1 (46:26):
I don't understand it. The creaminess. I don't like it
at all. Sorry, thank you?

Speaker 3 (46:29):
Yes, okay, this is how we play Gift or a curse.
I'm going to name three things. You're gonna tell me
if they're a gift or a curse and why, and
then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong, because there
are correct dands. Oh my god, okay, all right. Number
one this is from a listener named Kendra. Gift or
a curse. Setting your clock a few minutes fast to
trick yourself into being on time. Gift Why.

Speaker 1 (46:49):
I have worked on myself, but I used to be
chronically late, even though technically I was also late today.
But I told you guys, you were you were?

Speaker 3 (46:58):
Yes, yes, I.

Speaker 1 (46:59):
Was on time for the time that way. But as
someone who does run late and is constantly trying to improve,
I do think that that does work, and I have
no issue with it at all.

Speaker 3 (47:10):
Wrong curse this the trick here I will say is
we're tricking ourselves. It works for maybe a month, and
then you get used to it, and then it's just
now you're just living by that time, and it's because
you're probably less on time to places because your clock's
all screwed up. You've totally bent your what you believe

(47:30):
time is, and you've taken yourself out of society. You
need to get it back. I know it might work once.
Maybe it'll probably work total a month. Then the trick
doesn't work anymore.

Speaker 1 (47:40):
You're mistaken.

Speaker 3 (47:41):
It's a bad, bad thing to do.

Speaker 1 (47:43):
Typical of a former best Buy employee to state such lies.
I like it. We're not talking. We're not talking like
ten minutes. We're talking two three minutes in the range.
It helps.

Speaker 3 (47:54):
You're wrong, Okay, you're wrong. You didn't get the point.

Speaker 1 (47:56):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (47:57):
Okay, but that's fine. Let's see if you do any better. Okay, okay.
The second one is from a listener named Dan Gift
her a curse perfumes at the dog groomer, for example, cotton, candy,
pumpkin spice, etc.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
Now I don't have a dog pumpkin spice. I'm mad
I have to say curse. Why? Now? Listen I love dogs.
When I was at the outlets the other day, these
people came with nine Pomeranians. And if you don't think,
I did a twenty five minute set for every employee
there about it. They were on the floor and you
can call the store for proof. But I don't think

(48:29):
that dogs should smell unnatural. I think that they should
smell soapy. I love a soap smell scent. I like
a clean dog. Believe me. I don't love a wet
dog smell right, he does, but I do think that
it is chemically and unnatural.

Speaker 3 (48:42):
Okay, wrong, Michelle. I'm so sorry to hear this look
on a human. No human should smell like a food.
When the soap smells like food for people, no thank
you with the dog. I love the dog to smell
like a treat. I talked to my dog like she's
a cookie. Anyway, I think bring her, bring her back

(49:02):
smelling like a what's a food?

Speaker 1 (49:07):
Riggotni. I don't know why they came to mind.

Speaker 3 (49:09):
Yeah, not RIGATONI, as long as it's not a savory food.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
A sweet food.

Speaker 3 (49:13):
No sweet food.

Speaker 1 (49:14):
We were just talking about maple syrup smell smelling horrible.

Speaker 3 (49:16):
There's no way starlight mint. I love my dog to
smell like starlight mint.

Speaker 1 (49:20):
You think that, and you're wrong. One time I stayed
in a hotel which was so minty that my eyes
were on fire, and I had to leave in the morning.
This is true story. And people I had a show
at the time, and people were lice to have one
now too, by the way, but the people who listened
to me were like, that was a rat infested hotel
and they were using mint to get rid of rats.
And so you think you don't.

Speaker 3 (49:41):
Oh no, you heard that. The rats are has step down, Kathy,
she did.

Speaker 1 (49:45):
That's my new job. I'm like, oh, opening and the
rats are the rats are stepped down. She's not doing
a good job at the place.

Speaker 3 (49:51):
She's not doing a good job. Well, she's no longer there,
so I guess she's I have.

Speaker 1 (49:55):
To stop my feet walking back to this apartment building
to get all the rats out of the way. I'll
come it down there. Stop stop in the yard bridge.

Speaker 3 (50:01):
Oh god, well she's done ratzarring. Maybe she'll come to
La to ratsar. I don't know.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
Do they have a lot of rats here?

Speaker 3 (50:07):
Oh my god, I've seen I think as many rats,
if not more, in La than in New York. I've
had some bad interactions with rats in LA.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
That's a shame because I remember I love a possum.

Speaker 3 (50:17):
Okay, I've recently like, I don't love them, but I've
recently stopped fearing them this month.

Speaker 1 (50:22):
They're so sweet and cute. I watched a.

Speaker 3 (50:23):
Video the other day of someone just petting it, putting
his hand in its mouth. It did nothing.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
They're the cutest. There was one I think she passed
away named Heidi who was cross eyed. Can we pull
up it? Have you ever seen her? You must pull
up Heidi. Heidi was a famous cross eye possum. She
may have been an opossum, because I know they're different,
so please, I'm no different. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:44):
I thought that people just had given up on saying
oh possum.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
Like when they're like singing like, oh possum, my posa.

Speaker 3 (50:50):
I figured we all possible. We were just like, well,
we'll just say possum.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
No, I think it's different. We'll pull it up. But Heidi,
the look at her, that's real. Yes, she is an opossum.
Excuse me, looks she's so funny. I think she passed
the cutest rip And they used to put her in
little outfits. Heidi was a true star.

Speaker 3 (51:11):
My entry point for possums was the babies. Once you
see a baby possum, you're like, Okay, I'm starting to
get what a weird little freak you are?

Speaker 1 (51:19):
God bless, there's so cute. Also, baby skunks.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
I love a baby skunk. Forget about it.

Speaker 1 (51:23):
I'm locked and loaded in. There are just some animals,
like baby donkeys. You know, Angelica Houston has a donkey farm,
and I think she's doing life the.

Speaker 3 (51:31):
Way I would like to do it. She's got a
lot of donkeys she does what does she do with them?
She just feeds them and pets.

Speaker 1 (51:36):
And hangs out with them, cleans up their little blueberry duties,
you know.

Speaker 3 (51:39):
For Angelica. Yes, she's so great.

Speaker 1 (51:41):
I love her.

Speaker 3 (51:42):
Okay, okay, you've gotten zero so far. Tough to hear.

Speaker 1 (51:47):
Oh I drove all the way into the valley to
get zero.

Speaker 3 (51:51):
Not taking the sweatshirt back, so I don't forget.

Speaker 1 (51:53):
I have my own.

Speaker 3 (51:54):
This final one is from a listener named Antonia. Gift
her a curse. Finding a piece of hair in your
food that you can immediately tell is yours curse?

Speaker 1 (52:02):
Why listen? I don't care you know where to even begin.
I just finding hair in food is excuse me. Sometimes
that you have short hair, so you wouldn't necessarily know this,
but sometimes women you know are my hair falls out
quite a bit.

Speaker 5 (52:16):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (52:16):
In fact, there's for sure hair on me as we speak.
Nobody wants to pull a hair out because the shock,
the ice cold blood that runs through your system in
the figuring out period of whose hair is this? You know,
to quote Seinfeld when they bought the vodka and Aline goes, well,
it's a short hair, and Jerry goes, do you think
that makes it better? I mean, it's just it's a hair.

(52:36):
So hair. I thought you were going to say, because
this I could see as a gift, finding a hair
and a meal you didn't like, and then happy reason
to send it back and be like, you know, I'm
so nauseous.

Speaker 3 (52:48):
I need to carry a little plastic bag of hair
around with your just plush. Well, I can't know my
hair isn't going to work. They'll know immediately that it's
my hair.

Speaker 1 (52:55):
That's true. I'll give you how many forget your hair
after feathers? What you need? I have so much shit
flying off of me today. It's not even funny. I
think you have sweatshirt lint on your head. I just
noticed it. Yeah, you got it. Thank you, You're welcome.

Speaker 3 (53:08):
That's my treat to the listener and the viewer. Curse.
You're correct, it's an absolute curse. I would much rather
it be somebody else's because when it's mine, the immediate
feeling is shame. I'm embarrassed. I'm like, oh God, And
I don't get to play the little detective of who
could this hair be? Who do I get to blame?
That's what I ultimately care about when I find a

(53:29):
hair in my food is getting to blame another person
one thousand to be robbed of that opportunity and have
a hair in your food, no thank you. I also
have real issues with restaurants that feel comfortable serving food
with onion skin and sprouts. Why fool me into thinking,
you know, sometimes there's onion skin.

Speaker 1 (53:48):
No, listen. Sometimes you know when you slice an onion, yes,
and you get those little like in visit skins between
the rings. Right, of course, so sometimes in salads they
chop it up, but the invisit skin stay in.

Speaker 3 (54:00):
Wow, that's a sloppy restaurant.

Speaker 1 (54:03):
I won't name what it recently happened to me subway artist.
My ass, it's me doing Chicago anyway. Yeah, and sprout
a very anti sprout.

Speaker 3 (54:15):
I like, I like a sprout on a sandwich on occasion,
but I feel like it's a you're playing a very
dangerous game with food poisoning.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
First of all, it is a prime you're basically eating
a prime amount of dooty bug. I mean, it's so
full of dooty bugs. Yeah, and then just everything about sprouts.

Speaker 3 (54:32):
If we could find a way to really make sure
those are clean. Sure, but you know, you hear stories
and there's always a news report that they're poisoning people,
and ultimately for what, it's not that good.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
I have a question for you, what not to flip
the script here and be the host. You walk by
a restaurant they have a B grade? You go in
or no, I'll go in. Okay, same And.

Speaker 3 (54:53):
I'll actually wait, I actually think a B grade restaurant.
You know, they're probably the food's probably a little better.
They're concerned about the food, they're not concerned about the
exact keeping everything in order.

Speaker 1 (55:04):
So I agree with you, because I was supposed to
have dinner or have dinner with my friend. We just
didn't go where we intended to go with a friend.
A couple of days ago in New York, there was
a B grade. She went, I won't go in. I said,
you're joking. She goes. Her boyfriend is a manager at
a restaurant. She goes, you don't understand how many infractions
they have to get to get the bally like, even
when they get the A, they're not perfect. Like you know,
certain things are whatever to go down A grade, things

(55:27):
are bad below would be you're dealing in true.

Speaker 3 (55:30):
Well, then, yeah, what's happening with the C? Why is
the sea allowed to remain open? Why are why is
the bee allowed? Why is it allowed also go in
the bee? You know, I believe in redemption, and I
feel like the the B maybe they're trying their best
to get back to an A and they're aware of
the problems.

Speaker 1 (55:46):
Now, well that's maybe they're saying. Listen, there was a
restaurant in Fort Lauderdale. I'm dying to say the name.

Speaker 3 (55:52):
You can say it, can I for sure? Okay, figure
we might have to beep it eventually.

Speaker 1 (55:57):
But so there's a restaurant in for a Louderdale called
but it's gorgeous. It's like waterfront. You see the boats passing.
It's like really on a magical day in Florida, you
can really feel happy. There was an article my mom
sent to me the like I think it had roach chefs.
I think the chefs were it was a roach chef.
It was roach to too week. They had roaches. There
were so many roaches found there, and i'd e and

(56:19):
they're probably like three or four times in my lifetime.
So of course I'm like, well, now we can never
go back. But then it's like no, but now they're
not gonna be there's not gonna be a roach like
they have to. Yeah, now's the time to go.

Speaker 3 (56:28):
To right, because I feel like the A restaurants they're
riding high. They they're not looking at their problems at all.
They're not even thinking about it. No, they're cruising along
and the roaches are sneaking in. Meanwhile b is swatting
them as soon as they appear.

Speaker 1 (56:41):
That looks like my face when I read that article.
Do you see those two holes in that mouth? It's
just so funny.

Speaker 3 (56:46):
It just looks like a ninja turtle, and it really does.
This will go to Instagram eventually and it'll be so compelling.

Speaker 1 (56:52):
Oh, people are gonna love it. Look at your nice
phone case.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
No, it's falling apart. Okay, well you got one out
of three. Okay, that's a perfect grade.

Speaker 1 (57:00):
Sounds good to me. State school here, I come.

Speaker 3 (57:03):
All right, Well we should answer a listener questions. Let's
let time people writing in. They're sending voice notes to
I said no gifts at gmail dot com. We're going
to answer a question on alyst. Will you play the question?

Speaker 4 (57:14):
Hello Bridger and Lucky guest. I'm Liz from Milton, Delaware.
I was wondering if someone gives a gift such as
nuts or cheese or jam to someone who's not a
cook or doesn't really care to be in the kitchen,
is that a burden because that person then needs to
buy crackers or bread or has to think of an

(57:37):
idea for that item and maybe they don't want to
Or is it really truly a gift because you're providing
them with something to eat?

Speaker 3 (57:45):
Thanks in advance.

Speaker 1 (57:47):
I'm so happy her opening was so warm because I'm
not going to tear her apart as a results.

Speaker 3 (57:53):
Do you feel like tearing her apart?

Speaker 1 (57:55):
There is an instinct within me that says, of all
the questions to ask in the world, I've never gotten
a food. Funny enough, my mind goes somewhere else if
I get a food gift or I'm like they think,
because I eat a lot. You know, I'm so sick
as a woman who's grown up a millennial. No, this
is how broken I am so No. I mean, imagine
you get a first of all, who's giving blocks of
cheese as a gift? Is my thing? If you already

(58:16):
you know, if you come to someone's home, sure with
some cheese, there's an assumption that there's a cracker in
the house.

Speaker 3 (58:22):
Right, right, they'd be wrong about me. I don't have
any crackers in my house, but I like to eat
a cheese. I don't see any problem. I feel like
she's got a problem with this. Why else would she
have sent the voice note And she's got a huge
problem with it. I don't cook. Bring me a jam.
I'll find something to spread that on. I might eat
it with a spoon.

Speaker 1 (58:39):
I also don't cook. I'm happy you don't.

Speaker 3 (58:41):
I mean, I'm not happy or proud, but it's my
life and the ADHD you know all the think so
I really do.

Speaker 1 (58:47):
Oh interesting because I can't get it together to cook.
I'm like, I don't know what this is. I gotta
go and I leave. But I thought her question was
going to be, do you clear that they don't have
a nut allergy? I thought she was going an allergy room.
So for her to then suggests that buying a cracker
is such a burden for a generous listen, Darius expensive

(59:08):
these days. I would love to get some fake jam
and a big thing a breath.

Speaker 3 (59:12):
I'll go out and buy some bread if I get that. Yes,
that's not a burden for me.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
Give me a begin anything, but get out of here.
I genuinely my mind is erotted. But no, I think
it's She was such a nice girl and a beautiful voice.
I enjoyed listening to her, so I'm gonna let it go.
But no, I think that's fine.

Speaker 3 (59:28):
I think that's perfectly fine. I welcome any you know,
as someone who's received literally every type of gift at
this point. Oh yeah, somebody brought a little jar of jam.
I'll figure it out.

Speaker 1 (59:38):
Have you ever seen six degrees of separation?

Speaker 3 (59:39):
No? What I didn't. I just thought that was like
a concept.

Speaker 1 (59:44):
No, oh my, one of the girls, well, it was
a play, but then it was turned into a movie
with Will Smith, Stocker Channing, Donald Sutherland.

Speaker 3 (59:53):
Oh my god, I just learned about this and Will
Smith plays like a gay character.

Speaker 1 (59:59):
Yes he does, right, Michael Hall. I believe it was
written by John Guar and I just had to throw
that out there because it was killing me that I
didn't remember who wrote it. But it's essentially Will Smith
is cosplaying as a wealthy Upper east Side guy and
be friends the super rich families. These like nose in
the air Upper east Side families. But one of the
things they do is uh pot of jam. You know

(01:00:21):
that if you have to buy a gift for someone,
you get them a pot of jam. And it's just
it's actually considered one of the most elegant gifts you
can really buy, according to this movie from the nineteen
eighty Oh.

Speaker 3 (01:00:31):
I agree nineties because a good jam is much better
than a bad jam. A bad jam, I have no
interest in that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
I've had bad jam.

Speaker 3 (01:00:39):
I've had bad jam, and I've had My mom makes jam?
Does she incredible? Raspberry jam? Really difference with the seed
with the seed interesting delicious tart. Most like that most
jam you buy is too sweet?

Speaker 1 (01:00:53):
I love a tart, jam I love. I'm not a
chocolate person, so I like an apricot and an orange
and greene like a freshman dream. That's haaven for me.

Speaker 3 (01:01:03):
Take people, jam, I think I answer to the question.

Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
Of jam and see you have to see six degrees.

Speaker 3 (01:01:08):
This is the second time it's come up in two months.

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
So oh, it's a movie is coming on one of
the great soundtracks. The best acting you'll recognize half Anthony
rap is in it. JJ Abrams is in it.

Speaker 3 (01:01:17):
It's just got everybody interesting. Okay, Well, I feel like
we answered the question perfectly. Me too, and I now
am I'm not even hot in the sweatshirt, by the way,
I usually get very warm in here.

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
Garbage. This is what I'm trying to say. I was
freezing on the flight. I'm like this polyester piece of shit,
seventeen fifty for what is that the only question?

Speaker 3 (01:01:38):
That's the only question.

Speaker 1 (01:01:38):
So that's it. That's not the whole show.

Speaker 3 (01:01:41):
That's the show's over.

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
We've barely I'm plumbed feathers out here, but crotch here.
We barely even hit the hour.

Speaker 3 (01:01:46):
I thought we barely hit an hour. Yeah, I've lost
I'm telling you. I have totally lost track of time, Michelle.
In a way, something's gone used to my biological like
internal clock used to be a Swiss act. You know,
I thought we had just gone the regular length of
an episode.

Speaker 1 (01:02:03):
Well, because I make time pass so fast, it sounds
to me like I deserve a second point for changing
the time on a watch.

Speaker 3 (01:02:11):
Well, listen, we can Analise has a gift a curse
we can do onalse is gonna read us there gift
to a curse and we both have to answer Analise,
do you know what it is? We weren't wearing the headphones?

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
Gift you a curse?

Speaker 5 (01:02:23):
Decorating your Christmas tree for Halloween?

Speaker 1 (01:02:26):
Oh well, my mind hurts from that one. I'm not
gonna lie. That gave me a little bit of a
brain pain.

Speaker 3 (01:02:33):
Have you seen this happen before?

Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:02:35):
Okay?

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
Can you no? Because I'm sorry? When do you put
the Christmas tree up? Okay?

Speaker 3 (01:02:42):
Well that's a great question. That is a very good question.
I feel like there's one person I follow on Instagram
who's out of her mind, and I've spoken about her
on this podcast a lot of time, and she has
her Christmas tree up at times at least until Valentine's
Day becomes a Valentine's state tree. So a real tree,

(01:03:03):
it has to be a fake tree must be fake. Yeah,
otherwise she's begging for a home fire.

Speaker 1 (01:03:07):
You know, needles galore? What is this train spotting three?
I mean, we can't have that, Okay, go on.

Speaker 3 (01:03:13):
So I feel like there is a culture of this,
and so I wonder if there's some feeling of like, well,
we'll put up the tree then we want to well
we want it'll already be up for Christmas, but we'll
do Halloween. I mean, what do you think gift for
a curse?

Speaker 1 (01:03:30):
Listen to me. Look, part of the joy of the
Christmas season, which I do partake in gladly, is the
specialness of saving joy for winter. You have to save
joy and lights. I mean, that's what makes visiting like
New York or London or a town that gets Christmas y.
That's what makes it fun. You get to go in November,

(01:03:51):
late November, December, see the lights, and then January comes
and they wax that, they rip it out from under you.
They go, no, it's over, so that you can appreciate
it while.

Speaker 3 (01:04:01):
It's up right right.

Speaker 1 (01:04:02):
So to me, I think putting your tree up in
October is sick, especially now that it's so warm in October.
Number one, But like, also save the joy, make it special.
So I think decorating also Halloween is a wicked holiday.

Speaker 3 (01:04:16):
Well, you're famously kind of you don't celebrate any holidays.
You feel like this is a satanic You know.

Speaker 1 (01:04:23):
You have a point. I don't really cell Wait, hold on,
I don't really celebrate holidays. Hold on, no, I actually
do celebrate like New Year's Christmas. I like, I don't
celebrate Christmas for religious reasons, but as an American, I
celebrate it for fun. It's fun. It's just fun to
you know, get dressed and things like that.

Speaker 3 (01:04:40):
Yeah, so you're saying curse. Yes, I think I tend
to agree with that curse. And I think it's kind
of in the same realm we're doing this to Halloween now,
where it's like people are starting to decorate for Halloween
in August and now we're combining it with Christmas. With
the decorations, now, this is no longer special. Nobody knows
what this means. It's not the Christmas tree is not scary.

(01:05:02):
It's gotta be spooky. You've got to have a spooky decoration.

Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
Yeah, that's why they're selling skeletons my size at home.
People put it on your house. If you care so
much about Halloween, go buy some cotton, put some spiderwebs.

Speaker 3 (01:05:12):
Up, yes on October first, and have those things down
November first. I don't care what else is going on
in your life. Keep it together. I can barely tell
what time it is. Ever, I can't be driving past
Halloween decorations mid September.

Speaker 1 (01:05:26):
When I see those spirit halloweens pop up in August,
I'm like sick. Ohs. Anyone buying your costume in August
is sick in the head. I don't want to see
skulls in August. I don't like it. I don't like
skulls in general. But because I don't like it's a
wicked holiday, I don't. I don't even like getny dressed
up for Halloween. People always think because I'm like a
funny girl and I like to laugh, they was going,
you must love Halloween. Hate I love to perform. Hate Halloween.

(01:05:49):
It's like how I hate Santa Coon.

Speaker 3 (01:05:50):
They're just certainly I mean, who who among us likes Santa?

Speaker 1 (01:05:54):
But there is a commonality there because it's people who
the whole year they're a little quiet, and I respect it.
This is their time to shine, then do it. But
it's just not my time. You know. They use Halloween.
They're like, this is the night I'm gonna slut it up.
I'm gonna really go nuts. It's like New Year's you know.
And I think that's great if that's how you let loose,

(01:06:14):
fantastic for me, that's the night that I want to
truly stain, be at my street, clothes under the covers,
shoes on, and not leave the house.

Speaker 3 (01:06:22):
What am I going to get a holiday to slutt
it up? I don't get where's my holiday for slotting
around flooding?

Speaker 1 (01:06:28):
Well, isn't that like pride? Don't be Oh no, that's wrong.

Speaker 3 (01:06:33):
I feel like Pride's not even for me. They've kicked
me out of the community. They're keeping me at arms.
Leg what happens, I'll go with Arbor Day.

Speaker 1 (01:06:41):
Tree holiday. You can't steal my holiday.

Speaker 3 (01:06:44):
I've got allow that.

Speaker 1 (01:06:45):
I have not allow you to impinge and infringe on
Arbor Day. What about there's got to be something for you.

Speaker 3 (01:06:53):
Let's see May President's Day. You look like you could
president on President's Day. Oh yeah, I'm not. I so
I don't get Saint Patrick's Day.

Speaker 1 (01:07:01):
What's your background?

Speaker 3 (01:07:02):
Scottish? English, German?

Speaker 1 (01:07:05):
Can you get your English passport?

Speaker 3 (01:07:07):
I should look into that.

Speaker 1 (01:07:08):
I really should, and then marry me. Sorry, boyfriend. We'll
have this episode as proof when we fell in love.
When you show to the government, I'm like, no, this
was the moment.

Speaker 3 (01:07:15):
Sparks too.

Speaker 1 (01:07:18):
We cut the pride stuff out. I'm like no, he
we locked eyes in our jersey sweatshirts and me.

Speaker 3 (01:07:24):
We consummated the marriage with this audience. Oh well, I'm
going to look into a holiday to get slutty. We'll
find it. Yes, I'll find Easter.

Speaker 1 (01:07:35):
Oh that's an easy one. Easter is an easy one.

Speaker 3 (01:07:38):
Rabbit cost now, you know what?

Speaker 1 (01:07:39):
Even saying that, I'm like, wait, maybe I do need
to slut it up on hall. I'm gonna be in
Miami on Halloween.

Speaker 3 (01:07:42):
What was the last Halloween costume you had?

Speaker 2 (01:07:45):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:07:45):
My god, I gotta rack my brain. What was the
last hallowen? I remember that I spent a lot of time.
I was going to a party this years ago, probably
pre COVID, okay, and I thought it would be funny
now mind you, this was in like twenty nineteen. I
have to defend myself. But I thought it would be
funny instead of being a basic bitch, to be a
basic witch. So I bought uggs, I went to a
T shirt chop and I made the Starbucks logo with

(01:08:06):
a witch hat. I was like, bro, you are so funny.
In my mind, it was the only time I've ever
really put effort into a costume. Couldn't have been a
bigger loser on Holloway. I mean it was Oh. I
put a Starbucks copper on a broom. I was like,
this is so funny. People are gonna love my basic witch.
And then even having to say basic witch was humiliation

(01:08:27):
off off. I hated every second of that. I was like,
this is why I hate this holiday. When I was little,
I had some cute little costumes. I was a freaky kid,
so I was Skeletor one year star Field that was
pee wee Like I was like a bit of a
little weirdo.

Speaker 3 (01:08:41):
Yeah right, I still am, well, you should dress up
this year.

Speaker 1 (01:08:44):
I know what should I be? Pee wee again?

Speaker 3 (01:08:47):
Pee?

Speaker 1 (01:08:47):
I love me some peewee.

Speaker 3 (01:08:48):
I got to buy a suit though, I mean it
requires that's an expensive costume.

Speaker 1 (01:08:52):
Actually, I know back in my day it was some
toys arrests. It was like a right when you can buying.

Speaker 3 (01:08:56):
On it, potentially a plastic Paul Ruben's face or something.

Speaker 1 (01:09:00):
Literally what I had, I could be ed guyine. I
don't know. I would send the news this skin. I thought,
you're making.

Speaker 3 (01:09:06):
A big mistake here, which is going topical. Don't go
topical on Halloween. You will regret it every time because
you'll look back and be like, oh my god, what
was I thinking?

Speaker 1 (01:09:17):
Remember when I was Michael Ducoccus, No one liked that.
Everybody went, what is she thinking? And I said, people
are going to be a hit.

Speaker 3 (01:09:24):
This is the year you should be Michael Ducaccus. Actually, yes,
this Marilyn Quail.

Speaker 1 (01:09:28):
That's a good one. There you go, spring hairspray in
my mouth. I'm like, I'm a drunk. What was her thing?
I mean I was like ten when that happened, So
this is me.

Speaker 3 (01:09:34):
Really what did she do?

Speaker 1 (01:09:36):
She was an alcoholic and she used to drink hairspray.
Oh wow, yeah, I remember even as a kid, I
was like, bad bitch, I love it.

Speaker 3 (01:09:42):
And you would drink hairspray by with the aerosol.

Speaker 1 (01:09:45):
Yes, because I think that they were. This is, by
the way, I'm now lying. I don't know if this
is what happened out. She definitely drank hairspray that I remember,
But my theory is obviously that she was dangerous around
the sauce, and so they sauce freed the house and
then she was like, well, gotta get a work, and
then grabbed a white rain can and went to town.
And we don't consider that huffing because it's spraying. She's

(01:10:06):
drinking it. Have you ever killed a bug with hair spray?

Speaker 3 (01:10:09):
I have no, I haven't, but it works. It seems
kind of humane.

Speaker 1 (01:10:12):
I think so too.

Speaker 3 (01:10:13):
Make them beautiful and then yeah, stop them out, freeze
them in time.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
Yes, stunning. What are you going to be for Halloween? Bridge?

Speaker 3 (01:10:19):
I have no plans this year.

Speaker 1 (01:10:21):
The to Miami. I have a big apartment. I'm doing it.

Speaker 3 (01:10:24):
The covers genes wait, I would love that.

Speaker 1 (01:10:27):
Perfect for the government. They love that be like we
were closing up on well, then we're getting somewhere.

Speaker 3 (01:10:33):
Okay, we're building a story. We're building a narrative.

Speaker 1 (01:10:36):
Everyone has a story. Love her. I could be Kathili Giffert.
What would you call costume? This is hard?

Speaker 3 (01:10:44):
Last year I went as Jessica Chessain, just trying to
run a few errands and it works perfectly, funny, it
worked perfectly. All I had to do is essentially put
on a wig in some ath leisure and get a
target bag.

Speaker 1 (01:10:55):
Bam, that is good. Were you her in Molly's Game?
Or which version was her?

Speaker 3 (01:11:00):
Out on the town? Just everyone leave me alone. I
just need to do a quick target trip. That's who
I was, and it works. I mean I did have
to explain it to every single person, which has its
ups and downs, but I think I got the costume correctly.

Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
Yeah. I like that a lot. I think it's hard
being a celebrity, though not for me.

Speaker 3 (01:11:18):
I pick a redheaded woman and I'm sot on my way.

Speaker 1 (01:11:21):
I gotta pick a lady with big bones. Who would
that be? Don't say it. I'm going to be mad.
Whatever you say. I'm gonna be a fan in that.

Speaker 3 (01:11:28):
We should have a quick conversation. This is I feel
like there should at least be an annual reminder to
every single person on earth. No one ever wants to
hear who they look like.

Speaker 1 (01:11:36):
No, don't say it.

Speaker 3 (01:11:38):
Why in the world would you ever tell somebody that.

Speaker 1 (01:11:41):
Let me tell you something? It backfires every time I
think the like sometimes people will say when they think
is nice, and I'm like, all right, but I won't
even I'm not gonna say. But it's like it's tough, right.

Speaker 3 (01:11:52):
You just don't like to hear it, and then you
start thinking like, oh, what like feature are they zeroing
in on? It will unsettle you for weeks weeks unless
it is objectively the most beautiful person alive, no one
wants to hear.

Speaker 1 (01:12:06):
A thousand percent.

Speaker 3 (01:12:08):
And it's shocking how many people don't know that.

Speaker 1 (01:12:11):
Listen, I've done it, I've said, I said to people,
I'm sure because sometimes but in my mind it's always
some when I find attractive.

Speaker 3 (01:12:18):
Everybody has their type, and your type might be unattractive
to the person by.

Speaker 1 (01:12:22):
The way to most Now we're getting somewhere. Actually, yes,
that is my favorite.

Speaker 3 (01:12:27):
It was a trap. It's a trap for everybody. Okay,
so that's a reminder. How did we get here? No
one ever knows on this podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:12:34):
Where do we go from here? Did you see Rachel
Ziegler singing as to a concert with the pladi Oh, interesting.
No good, very good. I mean she's a real born
and bred talent, that Rachel. She's very good. Uh really
blew her pipes on every song. You know there was
not a moment of She's sang stars from Limaz you know, sure,

(01:12:55):
sure in every word.

Speaker 3 (01:12:56):
My boyfriend was toured with Limaz.

Speaker 1 (01:12:58):
No as who oh my gosh, he's that funny.

Speaker 3 (01:13:03):
He's a funny man.

Speaker 1 (01:13:04):
Hold on, I'm seeing lame Is tomorrow night here in
la Oh no way, Yes, I was saying, wouldn't that
be so exciting? Would you want to come? No, you're busy.

Speaker 3 (01:13:17):
I've seen it once. That's nothing. It's a long show.

Speaker 1 (01:13:22):
I not long enough. Call up Shoenberg and booble eel
because I've got notes. I say, more songs, more pain
I need, I need. You know what I saw? Can
I say one last thing?

Speaker 3 (01:13:36):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:13:37):
Only because I really love the show. I spread the
gospel of the show to every show I go on
everyone I meet. Are you going to be in London
anytime soon?

Speaker 3 (01:13:44):
No? I wish?

Speaker 1 (01:13:45):
Why not?

Speaker 3 (01:13:47):
I have no reason to be there.

Speaker 1 (01:13:48):
Well, anyway, next time you go to London, listener and
you you gotta see Oliver Richard.

Speaker 3 (01:13:54):
People love Oliver.

Speaker 1 (01:13:56):
I hate children, you know that. I thought, I don't
want to see it. I don't care, and I went
almost as a favor. I went because a friend had
tickets and said, you want to go see it, and
I thought, well, I guess for free. I'll go to
anything for free, and I went. By the end, I
was buying merch. I was crazed. I was like out
of my head at Oliver, it's I think it might be.

(01:14:18):
Hello Dolly is one of the greatest shows I've seen live?

Speaker 3 (01:14:21):
Did you see it with Bette Midler?

Speaker 1 (01:14:22):
I was too poor. I saw with Donna Murphy, but
it was just as good. I saw with Gavin and
Beani and everybody, but it was Donna. Donna was great.

Speaker 3 (01:14:27):
I got to see bet No dear luck unbelievable. I mean,
she's like a birthday party.

Speaker 1 (01:14:34):
You're so it was. I couldn't the tickets looks.

Speaker 3 (01:14:36):
We got a deal. Thank god.

Speaker 1 (01:14:40):
I have no connections, so I had no deal. But
I saw Hello Dolly. Lay Miss is one of my
top of all time, but it was top three easily
of best live shows ever.

Speaker 3 (01:14:48):
Okay, I'm gonna have to look into Oliver.

Speaker 1 (01:14:50):
You have no clue what you're getting yourselves down the track.
Listen to the original with Jonathan Price. Okay, it'll really
get you in the mood. And I got to say everyone,
the those kids, I would have a child. I would
if I could guarantee talent. I'm being deadly serious. If
you could tell me, then shall have a child. And
then in five, six years, ten, fifteen, twenty years, your

(01:15:11):
kid will be blowing hole. That's not what I want
to say, blowing their pipes on a West End stage.
Forget it. In a second, roll the dice, see if
it happens. Oh, I couldn't possibly. Thank God for our
parents are so blessed. Of course we get to watch
us do what we do.

Speaker 3 (01:15:29):
Shine. This is my parents, Oliver, this podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:15:35):
I love it so much. Okay, I'm done. We can
wrap now. Thank you. I got the extra time I needed.

Speaker 3 (01:15:39):
No, I'm so happy.

Speaker 1 (01:15:40):
I had the best time.

Speaker 3 (01:15:41):
Thank you. So I'm so happy to have the sweatshirt.
I'm so happy we actually got to do the podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:15:46):
Me too. We I'm gonna ask you though, when you
get gifts, do you ever not like the gift that
people give you?

Speaker 3 (01:15:50):
Oh?

Speaker 1 (01:15:50):
I get a lot of crap, and you say.

Speaker 3 (01:15:51):
It if it's really a bad item, we'll discuss how
bad it is.

Speaker 1 (01:15:55):
Got it okay?

Speaker 3 (01:15:55):
Good? You know, Usually it's like it's at least something
cute or interesting enough to like display or something. But
occasionally it's something that just has to be shoved in
a cupboard. And then there have been some real There
have been like I think three bomb gifts, which I
won't say which I leave that up to the listener
to guess. But otherwise it's something to talk about. What's

(01:16:17):
the best gift you've gotten. It's a very good question.

Speaker 1 (01:16:20):
Have you always been? Is that like a common one?

Speaker 3 (01:16:22):
Yeah, and I feel like it's a tie. I would
say for practicality, I got a car garbage can from
the comedy writer John Milstein, and it's changed my life.
The other thing that felt, I'm never getting married. I
have no interest in getting married, and I'm so jealous
of people who get married and get to get appliances
they don't need. Cola Skull gave me a very nice

(01:16:44):
waffle maker.

Speaker 1 (01:16:45):
Wow, we love some Cola Skull. I mean, of course
brought the best gift.

Speaker 3 (01:16:50):
It's truly one of those things where it is like
I would have never considered purchasing this waffle maker, and
now I have this nice you use it. I've used
it a couple.

Speaker 1 (01:16:58):
Of gonna use this more than I don't care who
has won a Tony on this show. I don't care
what awards meaningless. I'm sorry. I I've won an award
in my time, and I think that you will get
more use out of your new jersey sweatshirts.

Speaker 3 (01:17:14):
I'm going to make a waffle in this sweatshirt.

Speaker 1 (01:17:17):
I'd like to see it.

Speaker 3 (01:17:18):
Do everybody proud?

Speaker 1 (01:17:19):
That's sweet? Okay, I'll accept. Thank you well, thank you
so much for having me. I adore you funniest before.

Speaker 3 (01:17:24):
Before we exit, let let it be known.

Speaker 5 (01:17:26):
Let the record show that you're both incorrect and that
decorating in the tree for Halloween is in fact a gift.

Speaker 1 (01:17:36):
So selfish, go on listen.

Speaker 5 (01:17:40):
I'm I am a big Halloween head, though, so I
I don't.

Speaker 1 (01:17:43):
I really do have a horse in this race.

Speaker 5 (01:17:45):
I love being able to celebrate it for a little
bit longer than we.

Speaker 1 (01:17:51):
Can question.

Speaker 5 (01:17:53):
Well, I have some good incandescent lights that are purple
and orange. I get some spooky decorations.

Speaker 3 (01:18:00):
You think because you're behind that glass, you're safe.

Speaker 5 (01:18:03):
Oh I know, I know.

Speaker 1 (01:18:05):
I am Anally's. Can I ask you a question? Sure?
Are you particular about where you buy your Halloween uh?
Accoutrement or decor?

Speaker 3 (01:18:12):
Like?

Speaker 1 (01:18:12):
Will you go to Michael's or is that beneath you?
Are you kidding? I love a Michael's CIGARETI did, and
that's funny. And I want to ask another question. Do
you think your obsession with Halloween is connected to any
trauma from your child?

Speaker 3 (01:18:25):
I think it is for everybody.

Speaker 1 (01:18:26):
It has to be, I mean, for that's why I
don't like.

Speaker 3 (01:18:29):
It, you know any interesting?

Speaker 1 (01:18:30):
Probably?

Speaker 5 (01:18:30):
Yeah, I think everybody has their own reasons for liking
scary things. I think for me it is a little
bit of like, I am an anxious person and it
is like, uh, it's controlled fears. And honestly, I'm to
bring it full circle to the beginning of the podcast,
surprised you don't like it more because Halloween and a
lot of films are all about standing up for yourself.

Speaker 3 (01:18:50):
So interesting.

Speaker 1 (01:18:51):
Yeah, We're gonna have to later episode because I'm not
seeing the connection there. But Iyadoria and I love you
and thanks for having me.

Speaker 3 (01:18:59):
Thank you for being here and listener the podcast. You
know it's over, you know yet you kind of got tricked.
But this is the final part of the podcast where
I say goodbye. I kick you out of the boat
and you learn to swim. I love you goodbye. I said,
No Gifts is an exactly right production. Our senior producer

(01:19:23):
is on Alisa Nelson, and our episodes are beautifully mixed
by Ben Tolliday. The theme song is by miracle Worker
Amy Mann, and we couldn't do it without our booker,
Patrick Cottner. You must follow the show on Instagram at
I said no Gifts, That's where you're going to see
pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. And don't
you want to see the gifts?

Speaker 1 (01:19:44):
And why did you hear? Fun?

Speaker 2 (01:19:48):
A man myself perfectly clear? But you're I guess you
gotta come to me empty And I said, no, guest,
your own presence is presents enough. I already had too

(01:20:09):
much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me?

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Bridger Winegar

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