Zach Noe Towers Disobeys Bridger

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Well, I invited you here. I thought I made myself
perfectly clear.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
But you're a guest to my home.

Speaker 1 (00:21):
You gotta come to me empty, and I said, no guests,
your presences presence and I already had too much stuff.

Speaker 3 (00:35):
So how did you dare to surbey me?

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Brigard Wineger. We're
in the backyard. I did some a little research before
the podcast, which means I checked the email and it
looks like this will be releasing on October thirty, first Halloween.
This is our annual Halloween episode, very spooky. I'm dressed

(01:11):
as a were wolf. Our guest is dressed as a
were wolf. Ann Lisa's dress is a giant peanut, so
just keep that in mind. Ignore any photo evidence on
the Instagram or anything. The costumes are removed before video
and photo and then put back on. It's a complicated
Halloween process. But what else we're about. We're just a

(01:34):
few days away from the election, and I'm not gonna
sway anybody or anything. But just to be clear, please
don't vote for Donald Trump. Vote for Kamala Harris. I
assume most of my listeners will do that. But then
I also think you listened to this podcast, You're capable
of anything. Ah. I have to do this just for
my own good, my own calm. We can't let Grandpa

(01:56):
drive again. We put him in the old folks home.
Do not of him the keys. We can't go through
the apocalypse this soon. I'm still in the middle of
my career. Okay, what is happening. It's the werewolf costume.
This is what's going on. It's driving me wild. So
let's get into the podcast. I absolutely love today's guest.
It's Zach noy Towers. Hello, Zach, Welcome to I said nokid,

(02:18):
I was actually opening.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
You would never introduce me and I could just listen
to your monologue because that tickled me senseless.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
Uh. That's about as long as I can talk on
my own before I really start to drown.

Speaker 3 (02:30):
No, no, no. And I'm also honored to be the
Halloween episode.

Speaker 2 (02:35):
Of course, I love Fall.

Speaker 3 (02:36):
I'm an October baby, and Halloween's I think my favorite holiday.

Speaker 2 (02:40):
When's your birthday? October eighteenth, October ninth right here?

Speaker 3 (02:44):
Stop?

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Yes, two little libras. Two libras.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
That explains why everyone likes us so much.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
Of course, were the most popular kids in school.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
We are the most likable people walking the earth, and
I dare you to say otherwise.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
And number three, it's a huge drop off for third
most popular person. That person's awful. Yes, we're miles asars likability. Hello,
you do like Halloween and you like horror movies.

Speaker 3 (03:11):
I love horror movies.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
I the last time I saw you, you are making
a very good case for me to watch Trap. No oh,
in a bad way?

Speaker 3 (03:21):
Yes, yes, don't you dare I the way I wanted
to walk out of this pod as I was like,
now I'm not gonna get gotcha by this journalism. I was, oh, man,
I hate talking shit. But I was floored by how
much I didn't like Trap.

Speaker 2 (03:36):
But in a way that made it seem so intriguing. Sure,
but I guess not enough for me to leave the house.
I never saw a movie.

Speaker 3 (03:45):
I feel like it's streaming now.

Speaker 2 (03:46):
I've actually looked this up because I was like, oh,
I did want to see it. I felt like I
should have been locked in a theater because I feel
like when it's on my to me way, I won't
be able to finish it. But it's coming soon. I
believe when I looked it up. You could rent it
for like ninety dollars something and that wasn't it, which
is because they're trying to recoup what they lost on it.
Of course they're begging people. You're gonna be a co

(04:07):
producer on Trap. Just rent it right now? Would you
like your name in the credit? Eleven hundred dollars.

Speaker 3 (04:13):
They'll c gi u n is one of Selene's back
What was her.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Name, Lady Raven, Lady Raven's number one fan. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
I mean that's that's what I'm thinking now. I think
I'm gonna listen to the album, the Lady Raven Album
over and over. So it feels like a concert film
for me.

Speaker 3 (04:30):
That could work, and that could actually work because I
feel like the pop music was maybe my favorite part
of it. It's fine, it's like nondescript pop music. It's
ai ai pop music.

Speaker 2 (04:39):
It's very odd. I was listening to and it's like,
this is so faceless. But I guess that's what you
need for a movie.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
Oh yeah, for well, no, I see, I think it
was m Night trying to propel his daughter's singing career.
Oh so he I think it was an elaborate commercial
for going to see Lady Raven in concert.

Speaker 2 (05:00):
She doesn't perform under the name Lady Raven, does she not? No,
she has another name. Well at least we know that.
And you messed up. Sileika Seleka Sleeka. Okay, now this
is the first legitimate piece of advertising She's gone, yes
and huge because everyone else is typing in Lady Raven.

Speaker 3 (05:17):
Because years when I'm be like this is from that
movie I hate.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
I was thinking that while listening to the music, like,
how is there anyone in the world that will ever
have an emotional response to this music. It doesn't feel
like music that you can feel anything to me? No, no, no,
no no.

Speaker 3 (05:35):
It's music born out of no adversity.

Speaker 2 (05:37):
I assume that's probably true. Other than like begging dad
to be in the movie, yes exactly, I feel like
her like this sort of level of spoiling your child
is like anybody else, like asking for a Nintendo for Christmas. Yes,
He's like, fine, I'll put you in the movie. You
make a tire film around the.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
Extreme wide release film you've been good for the past
ninety days. It's wild, I think, and you can probably
relate to this as someone who's got in vicious rounds
of notes on my projects? Oh to go sit in
an AMC theater and watch a movie like that? I
was like, who's giving notes to these people?

Speaker 2 (06:17):
Is anyone giving notes to these people? This is the
entire entertainment industry where everyone acts like your particular project
is not makeable, and then you go see what turn
on TV or go see a movie, or like, wait,
what's happening? This is horrible? This is pure garbage.

Speaker 3 (06:35):
Most recently, I've been pitching cartoons for a while because
I do love adult animation.

Speaker 2 (06:39):
Oh, you should be doing cartoons. I love it. And
if you're watching or CAS, I can do voices.

Speaker 3 (06:45):
But it's all about kind of like the like, what's
the diverse thing, what's like the family setup. There's a
new cartoon that's been on billboards called Universal Basic Guys,
Oh Boy, and it's just like it's like four white
guys who are awful husbands, boyfriends being stupid, And.

Speaker 2 (07:03):
I'm like, what is so far removed from reality? That's
a real fantastical thing to think about.

Speaker 3 (07:08):
People need to see themselves represented, I suppose in cartoons.

Speaker 2 (07:12):
But and now this is getting advertising. Oh we've got
eventually we'll eventually we're gonnacommend something we like quit.

Speaker 3 (07:19):
I actually make it a point to like because I
never understand why people take to the internet and complain.
I'm much more of a like, let's lift up things
we like as supposed to tear things down because trap
you universal basic guys like they still took people forever.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
To get made and there was someone's dream, yes, and
so Lee, Uh that's.

Speaker 3 (07:41):
All I can say. But go on, I think I do.

Speaker 2 (07:43):
Really, I think I'm on board with uh promoting something good.
But yeah, I mean basically, all I'm saying is that
it appears that Fox does not want to make anything
expensive anymore, and that's why, like they're going for whatever
the hell.

Speaker 3 (07:56):
This is just like a very very basic It's like
bad Family.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
Guy, Yes exactly, because I think Family Guys extraordinarily expensive
to make because all of their writers have been there
for twenty decades and so they're like, at the highest level, Well,
this sh'll probably cost more than Lord of the Rings.

Speaker 3 (08:12):
But they probably they keep the lights on at Fox,
I would assume, right, or Simpsons stops and Simpsons.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
Both super expensive, and then all of the voice cast
is expensive. I love to talk industry like people's Yeah, yeah,
and I what I have just said is probably about
forty percent accurate all of us, So everyone just takes.

Speaker 3 (08:37):
That's better than most news out there. That's better than
you're doing, better than most news outlets.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
Wait, but I feel like you were talking about pitching cartoons.

Speaker 3 (08:44):
Oh yeah, and what do we remember?

Speaker 2 (08:46):
What reason?

Speaker 3 (08:48):
Oh no, but that's again I said before we started recording.
I think as little as possible at all times, So like,
if you say something that makes me think of something,
I'll go down that road.

Speaker 2 (08:59):
But right, yeah, just memory of a goldfish podcast you
were ready to pitch me notes.

Speaker 3 (09:09):
Oh right, How did something so bad get made?

Speaker 2 (09:12):
If it makes any sense? Because nobody knows anything and
everyone's just acting confidently and they're also terrified, so they
just blow through things, make decisions based on hype m hm,
and truly anything, any idea that got made has about
the same chance of being good.

Speaker 3 (09:29):
Yes, whether celebrities are attached, whether the writer made willing grace.
You think of things like Joey the spin off from
Friends should have, in theory been like huge show. I
don't think it even got a full season. No, no, no, no, mulaney,
tough head writer of S and L like a huge cash.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
Yes, I don't think I made it one season. No,
there's no formula. No, there's no formula except for the
ones that I'm cooking up.

Speaker 3 (09:55):
Yes, which is verir.

Speaker 2 (09:56):
They're all tried and true. Bulletproof, absolutely bulletproof. I just
watched The blur Witch Project for the first time, the original. Yes,
how would you think I was not scared for a second.

Speaker 3 (10:11):
Okay, So my theory here is you needed to see
it in the brief window where us dumb dumbs thought
it was real, right, because I feel like it was
the first like found footage film, so like in that regards,
it was horrifying, right, Like the end were spoiler alert.

Speaker 2 (10:27):
People had twenty nine years to watch it.

Speaker 3 (10:30):
But when they go down and they're screaming and there's
handprints all over the wall and they're standing in the
corner like chat. I mean, I was young when it
came out, but like it scared the dickens.

Speaker 2 (10:41):
Yeah, and they really did, I think kind of falsely
advertise it as real. Yeah, so I think, Yeah, I
guess during that small summer of ninety eight or whatever,
you could be scared by this this, I was just like, Okay,
I've seen found footage before. It's just old hat. So
I immediately jumped into uh blur witch Book of Shadows.

(11:01):
Now have you seen this movie? Yes, I have obviously
a very tasteful tonal.

Speaker 3 (11:05):
Shift, not found footage anymore.

Speaker 2 (11:08):
No, it's bathing.

Speaker 3 (11:10):
Yeah, I don't see I've got I wish i'd watched
it recently. I know she's like dancing on a bat
or like freaking out on a beat at some point.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
See I haven't gotten to that part. I've only gotten
about fifteen minutes in. But the highlight so far as
there's an actor named Kim director she that does something
a sex porn actress in the movie. She plays Kim Diamond.
I guess that was part of her contract.

Speaker 3 (11:35):
That's what we is she the lead? Is she the
kind of reddish hair girl.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
I think she's either her okay on Lisa's nodding, yes,
I was gonna say either her or the goth girl. Okay,
but it's yeah, she's the red and I think she's
kind of a No, there's there's a witch, like an
earth witch.

Speaker 3 (11:49):
Yes, so that she strikes me as the more famous
person in the entire cast.

Speaker 2 (11:54):
Okay, I don't know where I'm playing that from any
of these people, damn. Okay, but it is so to
watch because you know that first movie is such a
specific thing, and then this is how do you get there?
And the way they try to explain it's very confusing,
where like the people in the movie are like, we
saw Blair Witch Project the movie, so that's why we're
doing this. But it's unclear whether the Blair Witch Project

(12:17):
they watched was fictional or whether it was real in
their world. It's very odd to watch, and it's all
shot like a like a studio film or like a
music video, like a Marilyn Manson video or something. I mean,
there is a Marilyn Manson song in the beginning, as
there should be, as there absolutely should be. That's why

(12:37):
the first one was such a flop.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
They should have made Marilyn Manson visual album inspired by
Blair Wit if.

Speaker 2 (12:46):
He hadn't been canceled. That would be a good idea
for him.

Speaker 1 (12:49):
He should have.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
He kind of was doing kind of these visual albums.
He had a very locked in aesthetic. He had a
vision scaring me to death when I was in you know,
middle school, when it was like the amorphous like gel
bodies with a kind of boob esque that I'm trying
to think. What's the name of the song? Is a
mechanical animals?

Speaker 3 (13:13):
You could never get?

Speaker 2 (13:14):
Look? Is that the name of a Marilyn Manson song.

Speaker 3 (13:16):
I have a lot of buried information in my head
that's not in there.

Speaker 2 (13:20):
He's got beautiful people. Wow, my Malyn Manson, you gotta
let go of that. Oh the dope show. That's the
name of the song.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
Wow.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
You You're like a yeah, I manage hot Talk. This
podcast is my side hustle. Hot topic is kind of
my career, and so I've got to stay on top
of Marilyn Manson.

Speaker 3 (13:43):
You don't see many see many redheads in the goth community.
I don't, oh interesting.

Speaker 2 (13:47):
I feel like they would fit right in. They're so
pale agreed, but like those blue eyes and all that
real people that ruins the look.

Speaker 3 (13:54):
I'm just not picturing it. Maybe there are, and I'm
and I apologize. I know I'm excluding you for in
the community, but I.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
Know what a horrible, hurtful thing you've done.

Speaker 3 (14:04):
I joined Marilyn Manson in cancelhood. I'm like, yeah, don't
go over the Gingers. We'll take you out.

Speaker 2 (14:11):
I want to see you open for Marilyn Manson.

Speaker 3 (14:15):
Well, he famously dated Rose McGowan. Yes, I thank god
I knew that.

Speaker 2 (14:19):
Okay, so now you I mean, wow, I know a
lot about him. Well, it's because I was kind of
obsessed with him in like high school, not in a
like I didn't enjoy him. I thought it was Yeah,
it was like, this is so stupid, stupid dope shows
a great song.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
I don't know his music, beautiful hate that you're trying
to get me to remember it.

Speaker 2 (14:42):
They're very within the Trent Reznor world, and I think
he produced some of that, so I think that's probably
why it was good. Okay, and it's campy.

Speaker 3 (14:49):
Congrats even though he's canceled. Let's so many bad things,
I mean, talk about a scary episode.

Speaker 2 (14:57):
We're gonna have to make a list of good things
that we just re through like credits at the end
of this, because we still haven't mentioned a single that
we like. It's very hard to do.

Speaker 3 (15:07):
I did like Rose McGowan a lot, does that And
because of Scream, Tatum oream right.

Speaker 2 (15:15):
She was great in Scream, Yes, and I assume she's
been great another thing, Charmed. I have never seen Charmed,
really Charmed The TV show.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
Correct with Shannon Doherty Alissa Milano.

Speaker 2 (15:27):
Yes right, oh man.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
I feel so bad for that third one because I
don't remember her name. Holly Holly Marie Combs.

Speaker 2 (15:35):
Holly Marie Combs. Is that is Marie Combs? One word?
I think it's Holly Marie. Okay, Holly Marie Combs.

Speaker 3 (15:45):
She got ambitious having three names, and.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
Marie Combs sounds like a greeting, like, yeah, Hally Marie
comes that. It really does.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
Hally maricosgeh unto you, and Holly Marie comes.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Okay, So we do have rosemackgown'. We've represented her. Hopefully
she hasn't done anything bad in the last ten years.

Speaker 3 (16:12):
I feel like she went a little cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

Speaker 2 (16:15):
Oh did she?

Speaker 3 (16:15):
I think? But that could be me being a secret misogynist, right,
which you are.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
I mean, you're trying to bring it out into the
line and be public misogynists. You've made that a goal.

Speaker 3 (16:25):
I am one of those. I mean, I'm a gay
of the Yeah, I'm thirty eight. Like I feel like
a lot of us like have mistreated women in one
way or another. Oh sure, whether it's like going out
to the bars with the girlfriend and then leaving her
or you know, we did a lot of fondling, like
in like my college days. It was very like flat

(16:46):
girl's butts and stuff. Right, So I just want to
This is my only apology I'll ever make to the community.
But I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
I feel very lucky that I I mean, this is
one good thing about me coming out out so late
that I got to avoid kind of the bad behavior. Yes,
you know, like the misogyny.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
You were smart enough.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
I just yeah, I just got to be good friends
with women and we respected each other.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
We have you said, You've said it too many times
on the pod. What was your relationship with women like
until thirty? Like were you dating and penetrating?

Speaker 2 (17:22):
There was some very light dating, but very heavy extremely
I'm so sorry to ever.

Speaker 3 (17:32):
Do you not hear about that on the pod?

Speaker 2 (17:33):
I no, I mean, that's fine. We probably won't get
deep into it. My mom listens to the podcast, but.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
Hally Marie combs this whining girl.

Speaker 2 (17:41):
But no, but the answer is like, and this is
truly wild. This was when I was in LA I
was like I did some dating women like in my
mid twenties, just as a final like, we got to
give this a shot. You've got to give it an honor.
Maybe being gay is fake, and we just unlock it
and prove all of these homos wrong. Yes, obviously that

(18:03):
didn't work out. But my relationship prior to being in
LA in my mid twenties, all those years before basically
just very good friends with women and realizing how I mean,
you know, like in the aughts and tens, there's a
new magazine article about every week are women funny?

Speaker 3 (18:19):
And oh sure, you mean today?

Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, I mean it's continues, but there was a real
heavy period where and I think this is true of
most gay men, but I was just like, oh I didn't.
That question was never what is this being asked? All
of the funniest people I know are women.

Speaker 3 (18:33):
I literally only care to hear female funny voices, right,
Like I have no interest in straight male comics. It
is amazing if one of them can hold my time.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah, yeah, and yeah, and like women are like how
I learned how to be funny? Or like my little
sister was so funny. So it was that was just baffling,
But you know, I was, I was piecing all these
things together, trying to find out that I was gay
essential Oh but yeah, I'm so advanced beyond other straight guys.
It's like, well, no, no, you're actually sorry. You're actually

(19:11):
not advanced for a gay man. Yeah, you're so behind.
You could be leaving women behind in bars and girl peace.
They come get in here. The water's fine. I keep
forgetting how we're getting to any of this. I think
it's the heat. Probably, like if we speak on a

(19:32):
topic for more than two minutes, the memory of how
it started just washes away like a sand castle in
the ace. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (19:38):
Now, I don't know because I brought up, Oh you
you came out late in life. I was a misogynist
and I was like what, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
Why we were there either, interesting and the listeners probably like, well,
that all happened ten seconds ago. I'm keeping track.

Speaker 3 (19:51):
The listeners probably having an aneurysm right now, like they've.

Speaker 2 (19:55):
Driven off the road. They're like crashed into a snowbank, which.

Speaker 3 (19:59):
Would be very scary, which is the theme of today episode.

Speaker 2 (20:03):
Yeah, the scary on this is like subtle, and we
get there in interesting ways for the surprise for the
jump scare, Yes, and that's how you're sitting directly in
front of a bush. Something could pop out of that
at any time. Totally, we should have set that up.
You're getting a real scare out of you on this podcast.

Speaker 3 (20:21):
Well you probably didn't because of Ellen. Ellen started off
scaring people and then it ruined her career.

Speaker 2 (20:28):
What.

Speaker 3 (20:28):
Yeah, I mean the whole thing was it was it
was like insidious because she liked to scare people on
the show, and then she was like terrorizing writers and stuff.

Speaker 2 (20:36):
Is that true?

Speaker 3 (20:37):
She talks about it her special. She too, like one
of the writers and one of the producers hated snakes.
She had a trapdoor installed in the writer's room that
would drop snakes, like fake ones. But she's like, oh,
now that I say it out loud, that is pretty evil.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
And so that was kind of the toe in the
water that it was just like, so now I can
just fall out psychologically attack, yes, and then kind of
not apologies for it all. Ever. Yeah. I watched a
bit of the special, and I mean it was It's
baffling to watch. I mean, it's one of the weirdest
things I've ever seen to see somebody who could easily

(21:13):
just fully apologize.

Speaker 3 (21:14):
I know, go oh yeah, like Hollywood, what a nice industry.
She basically was like, people have been meaner than me
in the past, right, let's move on.

Speaker 2 (21:24):
Yes, and the obviously the clip has been chaired everywhere
of like the standing ovation that lasts thirty minutes.

Speaker 3 (21:31):
It's too many a pause breaks.

Speaker 2 (21:32):
Where do those people come from? Where did they find them?
Had they been trapped in Ellen's studio since the cancelation.
We will release you if you'll clap non stop. You've
been practicing in the warehouse.

Speaker 3 (21:42):
I just like think, if forty percent of our country
loves Donald Trump, there's a theater full of people that
are obsessed with Allen degenereses.

Speaker 2 (21:50):
There's somebody for everyone, I guess, yeah, yeah, there's a
special somebody or presidential candidate or talk show host for everyone. Yes,
that will get people off their their butts out of
their seats. Oh right, I'm trying to There are very
few people I would give a standing ovation, and not
for that long. I'm tired. After about four seconds, I'm
like looking at other people like is it time to okay?

(22:12):
Can we just stop it?

Speaker 3 (22:12):
And I'm so glad you brought this up because this
is my theory on what's happening with those like this
film received a seventeen minutes standing ovation. Yeah, because if
the actors and writers and director in the room, I
dare you to sit down first. So of course I'm like,
I'm not sitting. I'm fucking not sitting.

Speaker 2 (22:33):
Like this is how mass suicide happens. Yes, that starts
essentially the same thing. Oh no, but that makes sense. Yeah,
every time every year around can like it was a
forty five minute standing ovations, and then the movie comes
out six months later and people are like, this is garbage.

Speaker 3 (22:49):
I stood up to walk out. Speaking of I tried
to watch Mygalopolis. Oh, there needs to be a Megalopolis challenge,
Like how far can you get through? I literally got
through fourteen fourteen? Yeah, my friends. I went with two
girlfriends and we said, Okay, if at any point you
want to like pull the emergency release hacks, just do this,

(23:09):
and one of them was in like minute seven, and
I was like, oh, I can like make it longer
than that, and then fourteen I was like wow. And
then if we all we only needed two thumbs up too. Sorry,
I just realized I did something visual on a podcast.
There's a thumb thumbs up, yumbs up, and we left.
I sayed an hour, and I wanted to say for
the whole thing, because the only reason I got left
was because I got a little sleepy.

Speaker 2 (23:32):
The movie. I mean, like, it's so horrible. I was like,
I have to keep watching. What is going to happen next?
What horrible ideas next? Like, and now I'm about to
reveal something about myself that I just cannot manage to
train my brain to do. How do we say? Shaylabuff
Shia Shia.

Speaker 3 (23:49):
That's what I say.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
Has been famous for well over two decades and I
still have I mean even now you just said it,
and I'm so like, wait, Shia, this isn't it shi
a Shia Shia? But that is that is she raw?

Speaker 3 (24:03):
And man, I've never struggled with that. So I'm gonna
leave you out on a ledge here.

Speaker 2 (24:08):
But but he did you get to his part in it?

Speaker 3 (24:11):
I mean he's kind of littering the whole thing, isn't he?

Speaker 2 (24:15):
I can't remember.

Speaker 3 (24:15):
It's in the first few scenes with drawn on eyebrows
and dancing on like a little like.

Speaker 2 (24:20):
Nymph, right, almost Marilyn Manson esque.

Speaker 3 (24:22):
Sure I would have preferred Marilyn Manson in that I
would have loved to see famously an abuser of of
FKA Twigs.

Speaker 2 (24:30):
He's he has some littered past. I mean, legally we'll
have to maybe edit around that, but it seems like
he's been not a great person.

Speaker 3 (24:38):
Yeah, I mean, my sister was staunchly against the movie
for that reason alone.

Speaker 2 (24:43):
Right, and then they've got John Voight, who's also an
awful human being. Oh, I don't think you made it
to John in the movie. He absolutely didn't. And I'm
sure there are some other I mean, obviously the director
had a bunch of accusations come out. I don't know
that it was a super healthy team working on it.

Speaker 3 (24:58):
Well, and then again, will you get back to the
real theme of the episode? How did this get made?

Speaker 2 (25:03):
How did this? Well? This we actually know? Oh, he
he did it. He spent all of his children's inheritance. Wow. Wow,
he sold his share in the wine business?

Speaker 1 (25:14):
Is it that?

Speaker 2 (25:15):
Was it that important to him? I guess which? To me?
You couldn't. You couldn't get me to spend four dollars
on my own project, Like I'm not financing financing Bridge
or Windegar not happening there's got to trick somebody else
into doing this.

Speaker 3 (25:33):
So funny, so funny. Wait, is there any truth to that? Stavement?

Speaker 2 (25:38):
I'm so cheap about my own ideas, Like I'm just
like I can't if I can get somebody else to
find it, Like, what's.

Speaker 3 (25:43):
The what's the thing behind that?

Speaker 2 (25:45):
I hate myself.

Speaker 3 (25:48):
I was gonna get us there in a much more
like loving way. But like that's wild to me. You're
so smart and funny, and.

Speaker 2 (25:54):
That's very sweet. That's very sweet. You're like, not believe
it at all. It's the idea of spending money like
investing in myself.

Speaker 3 (26:02):
No no, no, no, no, noah, you have some notes
for yourself. You're like, oh, it's not quite universal. Basic guys, we.

Speaker 2 (26:11):
Loved meeting with Bridger, but this word, particularly, this is
not for us.

Speaker 3 (26:17):
That is so that's heartbreaking because it's like I would
love to inject a little bit of Francis Ford Coppola,
whatever mental illness he has into you.

Speaker 2 (26:25):
We could all probably use a little bit of that.
That's what he should have done, is use that money
to somehow spread whatever he's got into humanity.

Speaker 3 (26:33):
The substance in his spine, and inject us.

Speaker 2 (26:36):
With a little bit of it. Now you liked the substance.
I loved the substance, very loud, helicopter.

Speaker 3 (26:41):
Body horror in my experience, I bet they won't be
able to hear that.

Speaker 2 (26:45):
They will. They will. Okay, that's a shittier recipment.

Speaker 3 (26:53):
Because every time I've in my pods in the past,
I've been like a tray dumpster or something going by
and I'm like, oh God, hold on.

Speaker 2 (26:59):
And then when I read listened to just being oh God,
hold on. If we're like, what's going on?

Speaker 3 (27:04):
But the substance, if you don't know Tom More, Margaret Qually,
and it's such like a Tales from the Crypt episode
totally that's been blown up in this beautiful technicolor way
and it was so simple and poignant and like, I
just loved it.

Speaker 2 (27:21):
Let me ask you this, could forty minutes have been
shed from the Yes, okay specifically and without any spoilers.

Speaker 3 (27:28):
The third act dragged for me, which is interesting because
it was like the most happening. I think, right, so
much is going on, But it could have they literally
go to cut I think twenty minutes from the third act.

Speaker 2 (27:39):
That could have you basically get what's going on? In
that act and we're like, this could have been maybe
three scenes and then we could have said goodbye.

Speaker 3 (27:45):
I completely agree with that.

Speaker 2 (27:47):
Because you're sitting there having such an entertaining, disgusting time
for the first ninety minutes, and it gives that ninety
minute energy. Yes, and you're like, oh, it's probably over.

Speaker 3 (27:55):
Yeah, No, it's not, because it's like over two hours.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
I think well over two hour, probably two twenty at least.

Speaker 3 (28:01):
And I I think I agree with you. First of all,
all movies should be ninety minutes. That's the theme of
this entire podcast, is it really? I cannot sit through
more than ninety minutes of a movie. Honey, If you
can't tell your story in ninety minutes, right, go back
to yeah, back to the drawing board.

Speaker 2 (28:18):
The fact that that Wicked part.

Speaker 3 (28:21):
One is like two and a half hours long, I
think two forty.

Speaker 2 (28:26):
And there's a second Partond Broadway Musical is shorter than that.
How did you make it longer? I don't know. I
have no idea. I just like it's you know what.

Speaker 3 (28:37):
This is the same thing with me and relationships, where
I think beautiful short term relationships are dragged into long
term relationships.

Speaker 2 (28:45):
Oh, interesting.

Speaker 3 (28:46):
Just have a ninety minute relationship.

Speaker 2 (28:47):
You get all the good stuff.

Speaker 3 (28:48):
Yes, and when it starts to get a little tired,
a little run down, a little dragged out when you're
making up plot points or being boring, snip snip snip, bitch.

Speaker 2 (29:00):
Yeah, roll credits, get out. Absolutely, you know a sequel later,
have a reboot. Have a reboot. I mean I'm Ben
and Jen and we've seen how well that's worked out. Yeah, wait,
Ben and Jan j lo oh oh oh yeah, I
don't Ben and Jan Now, I don't know if you're
looking forward to that star coup. Is there is there

(29:20):
any celebrity named Jan No just the Brady Yeah. I
think that's the last Jan to exist.

Speaker 3 (29:25):
Jan oh, Alice and Janny.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
Okay, she probably gets called Jan by close friends. Danny mcfanny.
I would love for you to approach her and call
her Janny mcfanny. Honestly, I think she might respect it.
Either that or she would like you would be laid
out on the floor. She would absolutely just knock.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
You out, just like throat punch. I imagine she's much
taller than me.

Speaker 2 (29:55):
She's a tall person. Yeah, she's statuesque totally. But yeah,
as far as other Jans go. I have no Jans
in my life. I can't name a single character named
Jan outside of Jan Brady. I wonder if she really
just cursed that name. And our apologies to any Jan listeners.

Speaker 3 (30:13):
I'm okay with offending them. Oh there's Jane Jones.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
Well but she's not Jan. Yeah, Jan Jones would be
Jan Jones interest, she would.

Speaker 3 (30:22):
Not be famous.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
She definitely would have been her next man, I can
tell you that much, Jan Jones. That's way too snappy.
Totally you want, kind of yeah you want. She wouldn't
have been Betty Draper. No, Jan Jones as Betty Draper.

Speaker 3 (30:34):
Jan Jones might have actually been in Madman as Jan Jones.
Oh yeah, absolutely, I'm Jan Jones. See Jan Jones is like.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
A lesbian advertiser that comes up against Don his number
one rival, Jan Jones, and.

Speaker 3 (30:51):
It's for like a feminine hygiene product, and she doesn't
get the bill, Like she doesn't get the job. Like
he's better at talking about periods than Jan Jones. What
does Jan Jones know about menstruation?

Speaker 2 (31:04):
If they ever do a movie mad Men, the movie,
they've got to get a Jan Jones in there.

Speaker 3 (31:09):
How do you feel about series ending with a movie
because it's happened a few times.

Speaker 2 (31:12):
I think that's a rough way to go.

Speaker 3 (31:14):
I think so too. I don't.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
It's just not necessary. It's like because the feeling is,
oh no, I just have to watch a long episode
of the show, and I never like a long episode
of the show. You've been trained to watch forty five minutes,
and now I have to watch it at least, Like,
doesn't work, right? What which ones are you thinking of?

Speaker 3 (31:32):
Didn't Transparent end with like a musical, oh boy movie?

Speaker 2 (31:36):
I believe it.

Speaker 3 (31:37):
I think it did. I didn't watch it. I feel
like Looking ended with oh, right, so they had a
movie or something. Maybe maybe A those could both be
lies that I've made up in my head. And then
b maybe this is not like a thing as much
as I thought it was.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
But I Breaking mad had something, Okay, breaking bad.

Speaker 3 (31:57):
We're getting somewhere. It turns out even if it does
a gas I've never watched one of them.

Speaker 2 (32:02):
Right, So Sopranos had a weird thing weird then nobody
liked the d Oh really, Oh that series? I'm perfect.

Speaker 3 (32:10):
I've never watched it.

Speaker 2 (32:11):
Oh you haven't. It's so funny, it's very yes, Wait.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
Between, I haven't watched Breaking Bad either or Game of Thrones.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
I'm really just trying to avoid cultural conversation. No, I am.
I don't gravity towards dramas in general. Oh okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (32:26):
And I tried to watch the Game of Thrones with
a hot guy that I liked, but I was so
confused the whole time. And there's something very unsettling about
being confused that, like I hated so every at the
end visas, I'd ever look at him and be like,
like read his face to tell what was going on.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
My pitch for any historical drama or thing that takes
place in the past the first three episodes, everyone should
have a name tag thank you until we've been trained
to know what their names are. Thank you. And this
also brings me to a question. I've been talking to you,
and so I'm having about one more thing. Do you
ever wish you had a straight boyfriend? Oh? Sometimes when
I'm watching a show like this or like I'll try

(33:06):
to play a new type of video game, I'm like,
I wish I just had a straight boyfriend sitting here
telling them what to do.

Speaker 3 (33:12):
Do you mean boyfriend like we say girlfriend? Or do
you mean like dating a story.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
I wish it was just a straight man that lived
in my house that could tell me walking through stuff,
maybe not even fixed stuff, just literally like straight entertainment. Oh, sure,
things are. I'm like, I'd like to see why this matters,
and I can't. I can't mentally get there. And if
someone was just walking me through step by step, sure,
but that's unfortunately not a possibility for me.

Speaker 3 (33:36):
And I would never let him live in my house.
I would let him live in like a converted garage
in the attic, yeah, or like an adu. But no,
I don't want the influence of a straight guy in
my home. I I've been talking about on stage how
gay guys are just better than straight guys at like
literally everything.

Speaker 2 (33:55):
Sure, I mean that makes sense.

Speaker 3 (33:57):
Yeah, except for sports suppressing emotion and murdering women straight guys.

Speaker 2 (34:04):
On top of it.

Speaker 3 (34:05):
Oh my god, checking out couldn't catch up. If we
tried to kill ninety women today, we.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
Each would to make a dent to even just a
ripple in the ponds, a little pebble, a pebble in
the ocean.

Speaker 3 (34:21):
No, we're not catching up.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
Well, there is something else we do have to talk about. Unfortunately. Look,
I was looking forward to having you here on the
podcast today. I adore you, you know that. Yes, despite
not taking your very hard recommendation for trape this is
Oscar material, Oscar the grouse in a garbage can, I

(34:49):
was looking forward to you being here. So I was,
you know, I thought we'd have a great time on
I said no gifts. You knew what the podcast was.
I know, on the way over, your thought you thought
I'm going to I said, no gifts. So I was
a little surprised, maybe a lot surprised, when I saw
you kind of wander into my backyard holding what's obviously

(35:10):
a gift. What define gift? Really?

Speaker 3 (35:14):
Is it a good thing? Because that could be full
of cursed objects? And is it really a gift anymore?
It's a you know, a gift is a thing we
give of ourselves. Ah, there's definitely none of that in
the box. So you brought me a wrapped box? I did,
so you Okay, So maybe you did follow the rule.

Speaker 2 (35:34):
You didn't bring a gift.

Speaker 3 (35:36):
Yeah, I brought a beautiful box of shit.

Speaker 2 (35:41):
Well, either way, do you think I should open it
here on the podcast? Yeah? Why not? Okay? Right?

Speaker 3 (35:45):
Or is that dissuaded from and you know, I'm willing
to do it this one time.

Speaker 2 (35:49):
Okay, okay, okay, okay. So it's in this beautiful oh
you know.

Speaker 3 (35:55):
Okay, Bridger just threw it to the ground. Well, despite
all of the obviously the signs that I know about
not bringing gifts, I got into it because I think
I'm of the age where I'm like, I'm excited to like.

Speaker 2 (36:08):
Wrap a thing. You know, you wrapped it beautifully.

Speaker 3 (36:12):
I mean the tapes on the outside and you can see.

Speaker 2 (36:14):
It acts much better than I could do.

Speaker 3 (36:16):
I have, well, I believe that, but but I I
will say it's old. It's old gift grap that I
got from like an old person's basement. They were like,
whatever you want, and here's a great tip. Old people
are the easiest to rob. No, but he was like,

(36:36):
take whatever you want from the basement. And there was
all this like beautiful old.

Speaker 2 (36:40):
Crack and gorgeous. Yeah, there will be a picture of
this on the Instagram, yes, queen. And then there's a.

Speaker 3 (36:48):
Card on top, and I did a card. I'm also
the age where when I travel I love getting cards,
like local cards, yes, like cards, and for any any
like any like occasion, so like, I just and it's
so funny because it's like, oh my god, I'm becoming
the loser adult that I like.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
There's this weird old guy.

Speaker 3 (37:09):
Yeah, mommy has a box of cards. Why And now
I'm like, I have a card for this.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
I've acquired enough goods that I have to give them away. Okay,
I'm gonna open this up. Okay, okay, oh, this is
very cute. It's two little rabbits and it says one
says there's a land not far away from here where
rabbits live in harmony with all other creatures. And then
the other rabbit says, that's a complete load of shit.

Speaker 3 (37:37):
And you know what, Okay, I didn't realize you're gonna
open the card. I'm a firm believer all cards should
have money, So I put a five dollar bill in
the car.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
This is such a beautiful thing. I haven't opened a
card with five dollars for such a long time. But
remember you get cards from your grandma.

Speaker 3 (37:58):
You shake it and be like, I'm on, bitch, where's
the dough?

Speaker 2 (38:04):
And I say bitch in the loving like gay way,
the way we all call our grandma's bitch. She opens
the door with a plate of cookies and like, hey bitch,
yeah wow. To see a five dollar bill in a
gift card, I mean this is really thrown me into
a tizzy. This is elementary school.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
Yeah, and with inflation, I know, five dollars, it's essentially
put this away. What if I put like three quarters
in it?

Speaker 2 (38:31):
I'm telling you, I five dollars to me is still like,
oh that's that's a spend. Yeah, I have I have
a serious mental problem. Where quarters anything? I'm I cannot
spend money. Oh oh you save? Yeah, I five dollars.
This is you know, this is worth the thing? You know,
it's absolutely I.

Speaker 3 (38:50):
Will pick I will bend one to pick up a quarter.
Quarter certainly I think, I mean, I guess I might
die for a while. But quarters are juicy to me.
Oh a quarter is like freedom. It's kind of like
this will get me a gumball of meter.

Speaker 2 (39:07):
In a city full of broken meters. When I'm like,
you can't see the screen for the credit card. Sometimes
not like if only had a quarter right now, you
hit on something I would have never thought of. But yes,
when the screen is cracked, it's infuriated.

Speaker 3 (39:20):
I'm like, is it is it?

Speaker 2 (39:21):
Paid. I think if the screen is cracked, you shouldn't
have to put anything in there. It's the city's problem
you should have taken. If you want my money so much,
treat me like a person, I agree, treat me like
a meter.

Speaker 3 (39:32):
I'm pretty sure that the meters in Glendale are only
coin operated.

Speaker 2 (39:36):
Still. Wow, yeah, how old fashioned. I know, good for them.
Evil that feels o. Pasadena has an actual, actually worse
situation where it's only quarters or the app.

Speaker 3 (39:46):
Oh, that's sick.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
No one should sit ever have to download an app
for parking. Okay.

Speaker 3 (39:52):
The only way I'm on board is if you can
refill the uh, if you can recharge it from wherever
you are. I think you can see running back to
a meter to put more time in it is just
entirely abusive, but.

Speaker 2 (40:04):
It's also a good excuse for a break in the
conversation or to leave.

Speaker 3 (40:08):
Oh my meter's almost out. Yeah, and I don't want
to be here anymore.

Speaker 2 (40:13):
I set it for a half hour for this two
hours because I hate you and gotta get out of here. Boy.
But the card says thank you for having me on
your wonderful show. Oh that's very sweet. I apologize for
bringing a gift love zach Noy Towers. I cannot believe
I have five dollars. This is gonna I mean, it's
gonna ruin my week trying to think of how do
I spend five dollars?

Speaker 3 (40:32):
Is this the only way to buy a home in
Los Angeles?

Speaker 2 (40:36):
Truly?

Speaker 3 (40:38):
I love though I grew up really pretty poor and
so I am a saver and seeing money go up
in my savings or whatever brings me true joy.

Speaker 2 (40:46):
It does bring there's some weird security thing or something
you're like, oh wow, Like I mean, it is probably
unhealthy in ways, but like for me, I'm like, this
is I just have the safety net has to be
as much of a safety net as possible, and.

Speaker 3 (40:57):
It's not weird at all. Like is king like you
need money to breathe.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
And live, But I feel like there's got to be
an in between. For me, it's you know, it is paralyzing. Sometimes.

Speaker 3 (41:10):
I'll let you know when I reach that amount in
my bank account.

Speaker 2 (41:13):
Yeah, to get to a point where you're not thinking
about it, Yeah, I wonder what number that is? Sure?
I actually think I was talking to somebody about this
and their number was so much higher than mine. Oh oh,
oh oh.

Speaker 3 (41:24):
Every time I think I'm making money, I talk to
a friend who's making like four times when I'm making
and I'm like, mother, they're moving the gold posts on me,
like I passed what my parents make a long time,
like a bit ago. Sure, And then it's like, if
you're making more than your parents, who are supposed to
be the richest people in your life course anyway.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
Then it should feel like, oh, I've i've I've done
made it. Yeah, pushed the family to a new level.
But yeah, there's something about yeah, growing up, like having
to save money that really locks into your brain financial insecurity,
and then working in an industry that's so difficult. Yes, right, okay,
I'm going to open the gifts now.

Speaker 3 (42:02):
Okay, I didn't make it easy either, really because you
might need like a.

Speaker 2 (42:07):
Key, not like there's a lock on a lot, but
there's like packing, you know. So we're gonna see how
strong my fingers are.

Speaker 3 (42:15):
We all know it's not very.

Speaker 2 (42:18):
Weakest fingers in Hollywood.

Speaker 3 (42:21):
They all bend backwards and like snap.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
Just disgusting. People refuse to go to dinner with me.

Speaker 3 (42:28):
Well, you're unwrapping. I do want to advocate for the
best scary movie I've seen in a long time.

Speaker 2 (42:35):
Oddity. Oh, I haven't even heard of this. It's Irish,
I think, scary movie. It's twin sisters.

Speaker 3 (42:42):
One dies okay, and the other goes to the house
where it happened to figure out what happened to her.
That sister, though, is blind, but when she touches an object,
she can like feel the history of the object. Oh
it is I saw it twice in theaters.

Speaker 2 (42:57):
Is it streaming now?

Speaker 3 (42:58):
I believe it is streaming now.

Speaker 2 (43:00):
This sounds amazing.

Speaker 3 (43:01):
It might be a rental I think it's one of
those things where it's on Shutter for free, so if
you have Shutter, which is a horror streaming, but if
it's on Prime as well, but maybe for a rental fee.
But maybe by by October thirty versa, it'll.

Speaker 2 (43:12):
Be like, yeah, they want to get into the U
S spirit.

Speaker 3 (43:14):
I can't recommend enough, and I would actually say spend
the fifteen dollars if it costs.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
That sounds great. Irish people know how to do spooky.
They do ghost stuff.

Speaker 3 (43:22):
Well because they live without sunlight, yes, and constant diet
of rain yes, sure, potatoes and beer. I don't know.
I own types.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
Yes, yes, homes built from the earth. No. I A
while ago, I was looking up like Irish spirits or something.
I think I googled Banshee, just being like, what exactly
is this? And then it led to this rabbit hole
of the amount of the different spirits they have. Ooh,
they've really gone for it.

Speaker 3 (43:49):
You also jogged a memory of they are all about
fairies and changelings. Oh there's a great changling movie called
The The Hollows. Oh anyway, another one.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
Wow, fantastic. Okay those So now we're getting into good
recommend ye for making up. I haven't done any of
the work yet, but hopefully i'll get there. It's okay,
it's all on your time. It's all my time. This
is going to be very long, Okay.

Speaker 3 (44:11):
Yeah, I don't think you're going to get through it.

Speaker 2 (44:13):
I'm going to get through it, Okay.

Speaker 3 (44:16):
I have no faith in my friends.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
I'm like, uh, look at this.

Speaker 3 (44:19):
He's not face much adversity this tape. Oh he really Okay,
he flew through the raccoon. Okay, okay, okay, so the
first side.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
Wow, the surprise feelings you're giving me on this podcast
today are so great. Really, Yeah, I'm looking at should
I say or do you want to use some beautiful cookies?
You know how much I like cookies?

Speaker 3 (44:38):
Okay, good? Yeah, I remember that I baked yesterday and
these are pan bangingies.

Speaker 2 (44:45):
Sarah Keefer.

Speaker 3 (44:46):
Yes, so you do you bang the pan or whatever
I did? In fact forget to bang the pan until
it was much too late in the process. So they're
just kind of flat cookies, right, But people love them.

Speaker 2 (44:56):
They look amazed. Was this your first time making them? No?

Speaker 3 (44:58):
Make them a lot?

Speaker 2 (44:59):
Okay, I make them a lot too. I actually got her.
Would you call that a cookie book? You don't call
it a baking book a cookbook?

Speaker 3 (45:07):
Do you?

Speaker 2 (45:08):
Oh?

Speaker 3 (45:09):
A very question.

Speaker 2 (45:10):
Yeah, but it doesn't make any sense to me.

Speaker 3 (45:13):
Well, isn't cooking just anything with heat in a kitchen?

Speaker 2 (45:16):
Yeah? No, cooking and baking are two different things.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
But it's not a bake book.

Speaker 2 (45:20):
Oh I like that bake book maybe too cute? So
maybe that's a recipe book. Recipe book either.

Speaker 3 (45:27):
Cook I would have accepted accept a cookbook, but again
I don't think that much.

Speaker 2 (45:32):
Should we try these right now? Oh? May I go
for it? Please? Both of you? Oh? You should have
some too, just a pinch. I'm not going to eat
in front of you. I also have for this is
because they they're kind of big and the way you
wrapped them. Okay, so this is also we have to
take a picture.

Speaker 3 (45:48):
Is the thing I needed. I've been making them for
a while. I haven't heard how to make them perfect circles,
so I made them little tinfoil things. These bitches went
over the sides of them, so they couldn't even be.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
Tamed by the by the foil. I've never seen this before.
Well it doesn't work, so that's why. Yeah, you've basically
made little pie tins for each of them, which like, yeah,
this is so interesting. I mean, this could be a
new Maybe Sarah Keifer is gonna rip you off. Oh
I would love to be ripped off.

Speaker 3 (46:22):
Yeah, they're good nuts, so that Yes, the hack that
I've experienced is putting little balls of it in mini
muffin tins and then they make little cookie cups. They're
very easy to pop and share.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Right, you're a big baker.

Speaker 3 (46:38):
I'm not a bit I have this horrible reputation for
being a baker, and I'm not. I make like three
things and TikTok recipes, but I would never if and
there are any bakers listening, I'm going they're going to say,
I'm not a baker. I'm someone who puts ingredients together
in their kitchen.

Speaker 2 (46:55):
That's kind of where I think I fall on that
side as well, where I do bake constantly, but it's
a very limited amount of thing. Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (47:03):
It's like when I before I call myself a comedian,
I respected the title too much that I didn't want
to refer to myself as media. I was like, I'm
pursuing a career in comedy. Now I'm like, I'm a
fucking comedian, but like I'm nowhere near there with baking.

Speaker 2 (47:16):
Yes, that's exactly how I feel, and I don't think
i'll ever get there because I don't have that much
interest in baking beyond what I do. No, just cookies.

Speaker 3 (47:23):
No, I don't even understand how things work, like baking
soda versus baking.

Speaker 2 (47:28):
Powder, right, Like what it like if I put more
of this in? What would it do?

Speaker 3 (47:31):
The fourth of a teaspoon makes this thing exist? No,
I'm like a flat earther. I'm like, that doesn't that's
not real. There's another thing in there.

Speaker 2 (47:40):
There's nothing else in here.

Speaker 3 (47:41):
There is another thing.

Speaker 2 (47:42):
Oh, Okay, okay, let's oh.

Speaker 3 (47:47):
It's a it's a can of what I'm drinking and
the I brought them two of my favorite things. Cook Well,
it was cold, so I didn't want to just sweat.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
Smart.

Speaker 3 (47:58):
But I am one of the many awesome people addicted
to Celsius energy drinks. And Celsius really has me by
the throat because they keep releasing new flavors, and so
it becomes a thrill to see what new flavors. They
have a cherry cola and it's incredible.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
Should I try it? Now?

Speaker 3 (48:16):
Do you like energy drinks?

Speaker 2 (48:18):
I do love energy drinks. This is the current dilemma
I'm up against. I just drank a cold brew about
half an hour.

Speaker 3 (48:23):
Yeah, but you drink caffeine all the time.

Speaker 2 (48:25):
I just don't. I'd like to drink the whole thing
at once.

Speaker 3 (48:28):
Oh, then save it.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
But I want to try. I'm gonna try it. I
have to try.

Speaker 3 (48:31):
If I like it enough, I'll get another at some point.
Perhaps I have a taste test. Yes, please, I order these.
They have ten calories each. They really do a lot
with those ten calories too, because it is so flavorful.
I don't know if it pares well with the cookie, but.

Speaker 2 (48:47):
The cookie was gone far enough that I was able
to taste this. Okay, it's like I mean, if you
like it cherry good, just like cherry cold. Yes, wow,
that's wonderful, I know.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
And it's two hundred milligrams of caffeine plus a lot
of vitamins that your body probably doesn't even need. But
I love Celsius. Celsius is watching you know. Of course
I'm open to brand partnerships.

Speaker 2 (49:08):
I feel like I was a very early and not
by choice, early Celsius adopter. Really in twenty fourteen when
I was working at Jimmy Kimmel. For whatever reason, some
of them, I think they must have sent them to
the office or whatever. I was the only person drinking
these things, and I felt insane. Yeah, and then it
seemed like they went away for a while. Maybe they
almost went out of business. Let's let's give them a story.

Speaker 3 (49:31):
Absolutely, they only be better than Trap. This Elsie is
origin story, I promise is more interesting than Trap, the
major motion picture.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
So they basically almost went out of business, according to me,
did you see the wrong? Did they have a different
look to them? They did used to have it like
a hideous label. It felt like, yeah, it had a
very bad label and it almost felt like it was
this still says burns body fat, but it felt like
that it was really like trying to market itself as
fen fan.

Speaker 3 (49:57):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
Yeah, and so this feels like it's a this must
be part of it where that you can walk around
not embarrassed drinking Absolutely. When did this take off?

Speaker 3 (50:05):
And who's I've been drinking them for probably three years,
but I feel like about five years ago they became
a staple of CrossFit gems, at least in Los Angeles, California.
Everyone is addicted to CrossFit or we all know someone
afflicted by a CrossFit who has hurt themselves so badly
doing it. Waits to heal, to get right back in there.
And I'm like, but they they drink it for sports.

(50:30):
I drink it to just feel alive because I don't
have any other vices.

Speaker 2 (50:35):
Really do Do you drink coffee at all? Yeah?

Speaker 3 (50:38):
But I know coffee doesn't agree with me. I'm an
espresso boy, and it makes me, of course, so high.
I look forward to that first sick feeling Starbucks and
I immediately, I would say, within an hour and a
half crash or feel jittery or nauseous or like need
to lie down.

Speaker 2 (50:56):
Oh wow, what an effect. I know. Okay, I'm a
delicate little flower. I am able to consume a lot
of caffeine. I think my body chemistry is bad where
it's like it's truly so necessary for sure me to
be loaded on caffeine to just operate like a regular person.
Sure it's not just like, oh I need my coffee.
It's like no, no, no, like I just I am
a bad person, and so I'm consuming a lot of

(51:20):
caffeine throughout the day well into the night. But I
kind of step down at night. I can only drink
soda caffeine.

Speaker 3 (51:27):
Oh yeah, I mean soda. I mean I'm drinking a
lot of diet I can't dare diet coke to try
anything on me. You're not a diegog. I could have
a dietgog next to my bed and sip it throughout
the night. I get up to be drink half the
diet coke, go right back to sleep.

Speaker 2 (51:43):
I think there's a photo that Elon Musk posted of
his nightstand has a diet coke and a gun.

Speaker 3 (51:48):
On okay, goals, I mean a disgusting person does any
part of you want to get a gun? Absolutely not,
I do you do? Yeah, I would like to have like.

Speaker 2 (52:01):
A taser or one of those like orange guns that
shoots kind of a non lethal bullets. Yeah, if you
want a full on gun, want a gun, like a
cute one small that probably wouldn't kill you, especially with
my aim.

Speaker 3 (52:18):
But like I'm just like I refuse to be caught
with my pants down if someone comes to try to
hurt me.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
So you're looking for a cute accessory, dangerous successory, yes.

Speaker 3 (52:28):
Like bond girl.

Speaker 2 (52:33):
I also think like people.

Speaker 3 (52:34):
As a rule, I want more people to walk around
with the assumption that girls, gays, and days have a
lethal weapon on them.

Speaker 2 (52:41):
Oh that's a great yeah, and whether it's true or not, yes,
and see how people treat people that we should start
spreading that myth.

Speaker 3 (52:49):
Right, That's what I'm saying, And I'll start it with
a fact that I am armed and jumpy because I
drink celsius.

Speaker 2 (52:59):
So you just have to shoot one person that bad
and it has to be like, oh, like he was
well within his rights to shoot this person. Like, of course,
it's very cut and dry. Your life was absolutely in danger. Yeah,
and you took care of it. I did.

Speaker 3 (53:14):
Brad startled me, and he'll never startle anyone again startled.

Speaker 2 (53:21):
That's the justification in court. While he was startling to me,
I jumped. I jumped. I would like to have something
strapped to my thigh at all times, preach. I've got
to think to think of other things that aren't guns.
Maybe a knife or crossbow always on your back.

Speaker 3 (53:39):
My girlfriend Kelsey has a switch blade, oh that she
loves to bring with her and then forget in my spaces. Oh,
so she'll text me and be like, I left my
knife in your glove compartment. I'm like, mother, she's wanting
to frame you. She's truly, she just has a d
D really bad. But she'll be like, oh, I think

(54:00):
I left my knife in your like in your office.
I'm like, great, I hope. I can't wait for my
cleaning person to stumble upon a switchblade to the police.

Speaker 2 (54:08):
Yeah, well what she doing with her switchblade just self defense?

Speaker 3 (54:13):
Yeah, she also has a gun though she got broken into.
Her huss got broken into like three times in like
in like fifteen days. Whoa same person? It was kind
of someone obviously needed more access to mental health care.
But like this dude kicked in her back door. Yeah,
and so she has a gun that she has like

(54:34):
with a lock code and stuff. But like since then
she got swatted by someone, so like in the middle
of the night, helicopter police. Get out of the get
out of the house, Get out of the house, and
like these people they got a fault. This is this,
this is not worthy.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
I'm so you're talking about somebody's house being surrounded by
helicopters and yeah, and.

Speaker 3 (54:56):
It's so crazy because so her boyfriend came down first.
They were get out of here, get it, come out
of the house. They handcuff him, put him in a
cop car. She comes down, she's naked, she has all
this on like ring camera footage, and she's like, hold on,
I top my dog away. She's like, I do have
a gun. She's telling to them she didn't know put
it down anyway. Someone had called in that he had

(55:19):
just this person who called and said, I just killed
my wife. Oh my god, I have wrong and I'm
going to kill myself. And that's what the cops were
coming into ring, right, And then of course her boyfriend
was the first person to come out.

Speaker 2 (55:33):
Oh I know.

Speaker 3 (55:34):
And she has this dog that who's Uh, he's Instagram
famous and uh, she was afraid they were going to
like shoot her dog. She's like her dog's like barking
like crazy and stuff.

Speaker 2 (55:43):
Anyway, So was this someone have to get her? Or
is that just a random thing? I don't know. People
are we've just I mean, while, shut it all down, yeah,
shut it all down there, I know. Wow. Yeah, I
mean if someone were to break into your house, do
you truly think you'd have the wherewithal to get the
gun and aim at and take care of business?

Speaker 3 (56:03):
I would hope. So, okay, I you know, you know
what my real, honest to god fear is. I am
a sleep walker and talker, and so I'm terrified I
would get it in my sleep right as old as
time shoot something.

Speaker 2 (56:19):
Uh huh yeah, yeah, that that's kind of my That's
part of my reasoning of not having Like, I just
shouldn't be trusted with a weapon in any situation. Even
if you sent me to war, you'd be like, let's
not give him any of the Let's put him behind
the typewriter, let him just march into battle, have him
train the pigeons that we send messages all dream job.
I know, Oh, we should bring that carrier pigeons. That

(56:40):
feels like it could become a trend death. Somebody's just
got to do it once on TikTok Oh some hipster
and then is doing that right now? Yeah they must
still that must still happen somewhere. I mean, just give up.

Speaker 3 (56:54):
Chen just got a medal of honor. Oh no, I
think so for helping I mean recently it like recently
carried information from one place to another.

Speaker 2 (57:04):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (57:05):
But again I I ingest tiktoks and I just take
what I like and I spread it as gospel.

Speaker 2 (57:10):
There is so much false information on that, but usually it's.

Speaker 3 (57:14):
Kind of like innocent. Yeah, like me telling saying that
a pigeon got a medal of honor. Is that's great,
that's a beautiful made up story.

Speaker 2 (57:21):
Right, and then everyone just respects pigeons a little more exactly,
and they are so trodden upon, they really are. And
you know, pigeons are ant. Do pigeons live in the wild,
like do they live in like a forest?

Speaker 3 (57:33):
So I heard there's actually really sad plight of pigeons,
like they were bred as like pets and then turn
their back on and so they have no discernible skills
as like, oh birds, Wow, that.

Speaker 2 (57:46):
Kind of makes sense as to why they're only in
areas with people. Yeah, because I can't imagine coming upon
a pigeon in the middle of uh No National Park.

Speaker 3 (57:54):
You know, I feel like they're adjacent to the dodo
bird to be honest, like they move a little too.

Speaker 2 (57:59):
Late, right, there's just kind of not great at being
a bird.

Speaker 3 (58:02):
Have you seen? I mean, the pigeons of New York
are just the most weathered creatures I've ever seen. Some
of them have eyepatches, little pains one leg, and somehow
it's like getting along just as good as the other ones.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Like what is going on? They're tough, They've learned to
live in the streets.

Speaker 3 (58:21):
They tear, tattoos coming from their little eyes, all carry
a switchblade.

Speaker 2 (58:27):
Appears to be.

Speaker 3 (58:29):
I've seen some shit.

Speaker 2 (58:31):
Would you ever own a bird? Yeah? Yeah, bird ownership
is a tough one for me to do.

Speaker 3 (58:37):
You own animals?

Speaker 2 (58:38):
Oh you we had? I'm sorry you lost something to
apologize for.

Speaker 3 (58:43):
How has that been?

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Like? The grieving process horrible? Okay, Okay, you know it's been.
I don't want to bum anybody out, but it's been.
It's opened a lot of my brain to new the
world and what life experiences is is And obviously there's
a been a lot of beauty in it, but it's
also devastating, so devastating and so unpredictable. Yeah, and it

(59:07):
doesn't it gets easier in some ways and in other
ways it's just like, well, this is a pain that
will just be part of my life forever, and that
it's because I cared about something someone. But that's why
we don't own We don't have any pets right now.
I'm still in a state where I'm like, emotionally, I'm
not quite in a place to have an animal in
the house.

Speaker 3 (59:28):
Maybe you'll foster at some point.

Speaker 2 (59:30):
I think we'll definitely have another dog at some point.
I think it's so weird not to have a dog.
The house is so quiet. But you know, dogs are just.

Speaker 3 (59:40):
Like they are brilliant and this is old information, but
they anchor you to the present, like a dog is
nowhere but the present, like the fact that you can
actually step on its tail and thirty seconds later it's
like completely forgotten. It's so happy to be there, It's
like and you can't be up when when that happiness

(01:00:03):
like is taken from you like.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
Oh, it's unlike anything I've ever and nobody can prepare
you for it. No, you see other people grieving animals,
You're like, oh, yeah, it must be kind of sad,
and then it happens to you. It's another universe. You
don't have any pets right now.

Speaker 3 (01:00:18):
No, I fostered and my ex wound up adopting and
that dog and then adopting no in a beautiful way
that I thought I was going to be able to
adopt the dog, and then I found out very quickly.
I tour like I'm on the road all the time,
and he was always at the ex's house. Uh so,
thankfully the X was an introvert. It was a beautiful pairing.

(01:00:39):
I think, if anything, I did my part in like
bringing them together. But like, it was so hard for
me to love this thing and then not like when
I was out of town, I was thinking about it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:50):
Of course, it's it's wild. Yeah, and you can't talk
to it on the phone. There's nothing you can do now,
just fully separated. Mm hmmm. What kind of dog was it?

Speaker 3 (01:00:58):
A little mutt, like a little he was a kind
of like a corgy Chihuahua.

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
Oh, very cute.

Speaker 3 (01:01:03):
Loved other dogs, very distrusting of people, which is an
amazing instinct.

Speaker 2 (01:01:07):
Yeah, of course.

Speaker 3 (01:01:08):
Yeah, but he's still get his Nim's peanut, and he
lives in Kentucky and I'm hopefully going to see him
when I'm on tour this fall.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
Oh that's very sweet.

Speaker 1 (01:01:17):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:17):
It's hard when you're again in this horrible industry and everything,
you're moving and leaving all the time to have an animal. Yeah,
unless you have the resources to carry it on a
plane everywhere you go, or a partner yes.

Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
God forbid that would be at home with it, right,
or a.

Speaker 2 (01:01:31):
Real good friend that likes to stay your house. Yes,
But even then it's a little tricky.

Speaker 3 (01:01:36):
Oh my god.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
Yeah. And I don't know birds. Yeah again. Oh, when
you leave the house and a bird's there.

Speaker 3 (01:01:42):
I wouldn't feel very bad about the bird. I don't think.
I'm sure they're brilliant creatures, but I don't think of
them as like being well rounded or like or like
missing me for whatever.

Speaker 2 (01:01:53):
Yeah, I feel like the bird would never care about me. No,
I think that's probably part of the problem totally.

Speaker 3 (01:01:58):
I assume it would always be trying to get away
if I had to, if I had to get a prisoner.

Speaker 2 (01:02:04):
Birds are only prisoners. I have a prisoner bird, not
I have a pet bird.

Speaker 3 (01:02:08):
The fact that people clip their wings, yeah, so they
cannot do what they're dying to do, right, Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:14):
I think we've kind of just solved a big part
of life in the modern world. Birds are prisoners. Birds
are They're either street thugs or prisoners otherwise. Yeah, do
you have one in your a cage in your home?

Speaker 1 (01:02:30):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:02:31):
No, no, dark and they're throwing the seed on the floor.

Speaker 3 (01:02:33):
I don't think I believe in having any pet that
you have to have in a cage or box of
some sort.

Speaker 2 (01:02:37):
Oh interesting, right now, I don't. My friend is a bunny.
I'm like this, that's weird. I find it.

Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
So have you looked into a bunny's eyes? Soulless creatures?
There is nothing behind a bunny's eyes. Nothing.

Speaker 2 (01:02:52):
A lot of people really love their bunnies.

Speaker 3 (01:02:54):
Well, good for those.

Speaker 2 (01:02:57):
Kidding.

Speaker 3 (01:02:58):
Yeah, I just I personally don't see any soul there.

Speaker 2 (01:03:01):
I feel like a rabbit or a bunny is too
fragile of a creature to have now, so I'm always
like I would step on it and then it'd be over.
Of course, and they're so fast moving, and you know,
one darts under my heel. Yeah, by a bunny isn't
like you?

Speaker 3 (01:03:14):
I maybe I'm wrong. You don't come home from a
long day and the bunny like hops up to you
and gets on your lap and like nuzzles you. You
chase it down and then it bites you, and then
you're like hey, stop, hey, and then it like calms down.

Speaker 2 (01:03:28):
I guess you're just talking about like one wild animal
that you've just experienced. I'm sure there are all these
rabbit listeners, like I've got my trained talks. It can
open doors totally.

Speaker 3 (01:03:41):
You know what deranged thing I've been doing lately? What
is well lately? For two years, I've been feeding the
squirrels in the courtyard of my building. Oh so now
they come up to my screen door and like put
their paws on it. I know sweet, And I'll I
have like a thing of mixed nuts by my door,
so I'll put a handful in the lid and I'll
sit out there with the lid in front of me,

(01:04:03):
and they'll come up. Have a peanut, eat it, Come up,
get another one, eat it. We run away. One crawled
up the screen door. One No, it is crossing a
boundary from me. I want them to come inside my
house so bad. I'm like, bring your little diseased dass
in here.

Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
Give me typoil. I know.

Speaker 3 (01:04:21):
I'm like, I need one of them to like jump
on my shoulder at some point, or I'm gonna stop
feeding them because I'm not getting my full Disney princess story.

Speaker 2 (01:04:29):
I think that's well within your reach. I really think
that that squirrels can be trained. Yes, most of them
are hungry. They're going through the garbage and you're providing
a fresh store bought nut.

Speaker 3 (01:04:39):
Oh my god, lightly lightly roasted and sulted.

Speaker 2 (01:04:41):
Yes, they're putty in your hand.

Speaker 3 (01:04:43):
They have never experienced. I'm like the cheesecaka factory for
these bitches.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
And the rest of your neighbors are like, there's a
squirrel infestation. No, I'll have you know.

Speaker 3 (01:04:53):
The gays that live above me also feeding these squirrels.
Oh interesting, So we've created a real sick environment. It's
like a method. Don't clinic first, girls.

Speaker 2 (01:05:02):
As long as there are no rats rats.

Speaker 3 (01:05:05):
Oh, anything with fur doesn't bother me.

Speaker 2 (01:05:08):
But the possum A possum, Now, possum terrifies me. Although
I I mean over. You know, it used to be
probably my number one most feared thing, but I've realized
that they're so unbelievably safe to be around and scared.
They're very scary. Yeah, I mean, I do think that
they look like they existed before Earth.

Speaker 3 (01:05:29):
They do look subterranean.

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
Yeah, there is something truly from a portal about them. Yeah,
or like when you say mole people, I'm yeah, of course,
just on its hind legs and the light always catches
their fucking eyes. And the teeth, I mean, the teeth
are far too long.

Speaker 3 (01:05:47):
Raccoons one of the keyest animals in the world. Unbelievably dangerous, Okay.
I have one that comes and dig several that dig
up this garden constantly. They're looking for something and I
don't know what it is. They buried a body.

Speaker 2 (01:05:59):
They're trying to move it.

Speaker 3 (01:06:00):
We've got to get this out of here before the
cop I want to be like Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous
Minds with a group of raccoons.

Speaker 2 (01:06:08):
Teaching them poets, treating.

Speaker 3 (01:06:10):
Them whatever, how to throw rocks.

Speaker 2 (01:06:13):
That's a great movie. I think so too, maybe with
Michelle Pfeiffer.

Speaker 3 (01:06:18):
Oh my as one of the raccoons dressed real raccoons.
And then Michelle Viifer, you don't care about us.

Speaker 2 (01:06:28):
I've never seen Dangerous Minds. I've seen the trailer. Of course.
It had a very vibe, quite an impact on me
as a kid.

Speaker 3 (01:06:34):
Yes, it's very I mean it's probably definition White Savior,
of course, but like it's her and getting more like
streaked whatever that means to connect.

Speaker 2 (01:06:46):
She's got coolio playing.

Speaker 3 (01:06:48):
Yes, oh my god, that was Gangster's I bet that's
a very painful rewatch.

Speaker 2 (01:06:54):
No questions or for us watch. Yeah, there's I cannot
imagine that's aged. Maybe it has, maybe we're underestimating it. Yeah, well,
is there anything left to say about Celsius. I'm gonna
take another sip.

Speaker 3 (01:07:07):
Oh, Celsius.

Speaker 2 (01:07:08):
I just like delicious.

Speaker 3 (01:07:10):
There's all these like tiktoks of like girls having panic
attacks having drink of Celsius, and I like, haven't gotten
there yet, but maybe I aspire to. I just like, yeah,
I love that caffeine thrill.

Speaker 2 (01:07:22):
Oh right, I remember, can you remember the first time
you had an energy drink? I have a very specific
memory because the way I grew.

Speaker 3 (01:07:29):
Up, mine was probably a vodka red Bull when I
was a teenager, and there were all these reports saying
it'll make your heart explode or something, and I was like,
I dare you to explode my heart?

Speaker 2 (01:07:43):
And I, uh, well, let's see, let's see what's yours mine,
I mean mine similar. There was no vodka involved, but
I was in it. Must have been like a junior
in high school and for whatever reason, we were at
the grocery store and I thought I need energy and
there was red Bull was pretty new. I was like,
am I gonna try it? I'm gonna try it. I
tried it, and then I was scared for twenty four hours.

(01:08:04):
Oh my god. I felt like I had broken some
sort of Mormon rule and I thought my heart's gonna explode,
my parent's gonna be Oh yeah, oh you did, Yeah,
you broke a big one. Well, actually, caffeine. This is
something I've had to clarify a lot recently. I think
because it's Mormons are so in the culture. Most Mormons
will drink caffeine soda, but not coffee, but not coffee
or tea. They go strictly for the most unhealthy version

(01:08:28):
of caffeine.

Speaker 3 (01:08:28):
That's so interesting. Yeah, you think coffee and tea would
be the Okay, ones right, like the more natural yes
from the earth. God obviously gave.

Speaker 2 (01:08:36):
This yes, yes, No, it's the opposite. You can have
a diet mountain dew. And I think at this point
most people would like drink a red bull. Wait, what's
but I need to know.

Speaker 3 (01:08:45):
The loophole because I am so sick of like religious
people like having rules, but then they don't apply to
them exactly, Like I'm just curious.

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
It is interesting. I think that that loophole has just
kind of always existed for whatever reason. They basically they're
like scripture, I believe, just as no hot drinks, which
then gets which gets confusing because they drink hot chocolate
an apple cider. I walk out of all the subjects
that we walk into our Yeah, I'm I can't be
on this planet and.

Speaker 3 (01:09:15):
I'm unpooked my mic that I'm not wearing. You're like,
where do you get that?

Speaker 2 (01:09:19):
Laugh? There's a boom mic over you. Okay, boys, let's
get out of here. I'm done.

Speaker 3 (01:09:26):
I'm dying.

Speaker 2 (01:09:27):
You have a whole crew Union crew. For some reason,
this episode cost it fifty thousand dollars. No, they can
drink those two hot drinks, but not coffee.

Speaker 3 (01:09:39):
And not iced tea, but there is no hot.

Speaker 2 (01:09:45):
Drinks, but they have kind of decided that means coffee
or tea in any form, and then even like coffee
ice cream.

Speaker 3 (01:09:53):
If you Oh my god, I'm like beyond annoyed right now.
They're like and no.

Speaker 2 (01:09:59):
Drug but math on the high Holy Days is okay. Yeah,
there's a lot of flexibility where you're like, I don't
I'm not quite sure how this gymnastics is been done.

Speaker 3 (01:10:10):
But I can't express how much that bothers me.

Speaker 2 (01:10:13):
I can't feel like you should say, if this is
your religion, just you have to do the religion.

Speaker 3 (01:10:18):
Yeah, especially when people start imposing their things on other people,
not saying mos do that. But it's just like it's
just it's hip.

Speaker 2 (01:10:25):
It's hypocrisy, of course, I mean, and it's so I'm
gonna blow your mind right now, there are some hypocrisy
in religion. What No, there is an interesting thing within
Mormonism that's been happening that I've noticed recently that like
I think as people have become more aware of the
world and you know, what the religion is or whatever,

(01:10:47):
people will stick to the religion, but are still are
starting to do more of like the cafeteria Catholic thing
where you just pick which parts of it like, but
Mormon more excuse me. Mormonism in particular is so like
you should buy the God has brought religion back, and
we should follow every detail of this. So it feels
like a weird religion to be in and then be
picking and choosing. Yeah, it's like it's like no, our

(01:11:09):
whole thing is being staunched, right, Like these are the rules,
the new rules follow them. So yeah, I don't know,
I guess it's a comfort thing. I don't know it's
a but that's a I have to I'm just trying
to go on record in as many places as possible Mormons.
Most Mormons will drink caffeine, except it has to come
from a fountain.

Speaker 3 (01:11:28):
I hope they enjoy.

Speaker 2 (01:11:29):
Hell, there are gonna be very few Mormons that actually
make it.

Speaker 3 (01:11:34):
Could you imagine if they get if they are in
limbo and they're like, yeah, we have you drinking eighteen
gallons of diet hope throughout the course of our live
one day. So bye bye a trapdoor, let's go.

Speaker 2 (01:11:48):
I mean, have you watched secret lives of Mormon wives
or real housewives of Selex I.

Speaker 3 (01:11:51):
Don't really do matreality.

Speaker 2 (01:11:53):
So if I'm being honest, there's a lot of soda consumption. Yeah,
of course there is.

Speaker 3 (01:11:57):
We have a little god have a selsia.

Speaker 2 (01:12:00):
Do you ever tour through Salt Lake City?

Speaker 3 (01:12:02):
I have done a show. They're like opening for someone
and you're fine. Audiences.

Speaker 2 (01:12:07):
I've heard there are good audiences in Utah, I think
because there there aren't that many sources of entertainment.

Speaker 3 (01:12:11):
You know, it's bonkers that I've realized from touring. If
you bring up Utah in other places, a lot of
people boo really yeah, and it's it's actually be fuddled me. Wow, yeah, Like,
in what context are you bringing up Utah? Doesn't these
states suck?

Speaker 2 (01:12:31):
Why aren't you clapping?

Speaker 3 (01:12:32):
No, it's it's honestly been opening for bigger comics in
like bigger venues, and they the bigger comic will be
like we were in Utah last week boo. And I
only bring this up because it has happened enough times
for me to clock it, which is just weird.

Speaker 2 (01:12:50):
Well, it does have a bit of a reputation that's
a little bit earned. I mean, I love the state
and I love a lot of the people there, but
like there are certain things that I would boo. Maybe
not as an audience member, but.

Speaker 3 (01:13:00):
If other audience members were doing, would you with the crowd? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you'd stone Utah. You to be the first one to throw.

Speaker 2 (01:13:08):
You have no no, But having grown up in Utah
and it's such a butt of so many jokes, I'm
very sensitive to other states being like New Jersey, like,
leave New Jersey alone. Leave They've all got something decent
about them. Yeah, I mean even Florida.

Speaker 3 (01:13:23):
It's like going over to your dad's or stepdad's house,
like you can do anything here. I'm not gonna tell mom,
like you actually don't have to wear shoes.

Speaker 2 (01:13:33):
And then you think about all of the good, normal
people that are trapped in really bad places, and you're like, oh,
that's got to suck to be the butt of the
joke and you're not in on the horror.

Speaker 3 (01:13:41):
Yeah, I always. I guess everyone has their unique uh
like situation.

Speaker 2 (01:13:46):
But it's like, leave, that's not a possibility for everyone,
is it not?

Speaker 1 (01:13:52):
No?

Speaker 3 (01:13:53):
I mean I barely made it out, I guess, so
I just like, yeah, I mean I left. It wasn't easy.
I shared my bedroom, I shared a studio apartment, but
like I knew I wanted to be in La right,
and I like just made it work.

Speaker 2 (01:14:07):
But other places do have the things that I think
people want to They do have good qualities. Oh yeah, yeah,
yeah yeah. I mean I can't imagine living anywhere else
at this point, but I've been here for fourteen years,
like I would wither anywhere else. Sixteen sixteen. It feels
like one long week. It feels like vacation. Yeah, it
still feels like vacation because the lack of seasons really

(01:14:28):
does alter your sense of time. Throws it throws you.
It's probably why everyone here goes insane.

Speaker 3 (01:14:34):
Yeah, in a beautiful way and a beautiful but everyone
has botox, so you can't really tell how crazy they are.
It's all simmering beneath the surface. Like no, I've been
making a screenpace for like ten years. I just can't
reflect that.

Speaker 2 (01:14:49):
And then you get to the point where you're dropping
snakes from the ceiling.

Speaker 3 (01:14:51):
Yes, torturing your employees, where I cannot wait to see
what type of monster I evolve into. Oh, when I
like get those big fat check.

Speaker 2 (01:15:00):
You wouldn't evolve into a monster. There's no way I might. No, no, no, no,
For me space to do it. I think that you
would be okay. I think that certain people just have
that latent monster in them that's waiting to waiting. Yeah,
and other people are just becoming famous and having money
probably throws them off a little bit, but they're able

(01:15:21):
to be decent. You know.

Speaker 3 (01:15:22):
It's wild, the anomaly, the monster with no credits.

Speaker 2 (01:15:26):
Oh yeah, where are these people coming? I mean we
both know. I'm sure dozens of Oh my god, I'm like,
you are not famous enough to be this before the horse, Yeah,
like whoa, yeah, that is that? Like they're overshooting. They're like,
you have to be confident, so confidence means just terrorizing everyone.

Speaker 3 (01:15:46):
I guess. I don't even know if it's like a
decision in their head. I think they are actually just
like they see the world differently. It's like a narcissistic thing, right,
I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:15:54):
Yeah, Like I think I've experienced some of this, like
in hosting and trying to book a podcast, where like
it's so interesting, like some of the most successful people
I've had on the show are so game for everything,
and then other people who are not game for anything.
I'm like, well, hegi, you are terrible. Like there's a
reason that you are where you are because you refuse
to do anything. I want to be clear, you're not

(01:16:15):
a get exactly, You're lucky to be here.

Speaker 3 (01:16:19):
I've experienced the same thing with interviewing people, and I'm like,
you cannot be boring.

Speaker 2 (01:16:26):
You do not have the luxury of being boring. This
is your opportunity.

Speaker 3 (01:16:30):
Yes to shine, give me a clip, say something wacky.

Speaker 2 (01:16:36):
Yeah, some people just gets ahead of them and maybe
they were just born that way.

Speaker 3 (01:16:40):
What sucks is that maybe they will still get successful.

Speaker 2 (01:16:42):
I know that's the worst when they get rewarded and
then you're like, maybe I should have done that. Yeah,
maybe I should have been the worst personal.

Speaker 3 (01:16:50):
Next time.

Speaker 2 (01:16:51):
Yeah, that's it goes back to there's no formula, nobody
knows anything, nobody knows anything. Just do your own thing.

Speaker 3 (01:16:58):
But I am back to that, and that's why I
pained me to hear you won't invest five dollars in yourself.
Maybe that's what that five dollars is. And maybe we
should already gofund me the untitled Bridge or Wineger project.
And like we just raised the budget we raise and
you'll see reflected in your loyal fans and listeners how
much faith they have in you.

Speaker 2 (01:17:18):
It's gonna be very low. That's going to confirm my feelings. No, no,
this just leads to me driving into the ocean.

Speaker 3 (01:17:27):
Maybe that's the project. Maybe maybe it's this beautiful like
underwater adventure where you get like an ambigious member those
the cars that turn into boats. Oh, of course, maybe
that's it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:40):
I remember like there were a lot of like Basic
cable shows in the nineties and thousands where they had
futuristic things, and I remember one of those dots. It
was like every episode those were in the future, and in.

Speaker 3 (01:17:52):
The future we were promised still exists. Though it still exists,
I get kind of excited when I see it.

Speaker 2 (01:17:57):
I would, I honestly think if I had some be like,
this is great. It is.

Speaker 3 (01:18:01):
It's a weird sensation. The freezer dried neess like sticks
to all areas of your mouth until it succumbs to
the heat of your tongue.

Speaker 2 (01:18:09):
And the flavor is unlike any other flavor of ice cream,
because I think it's very artificial.

Speaker 3 (01:18:13):
Chemical chemical peanut flavor.

Speaker 2 (01:18:15):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, it's almost like bubblegum or something.

Speaker 3 (01:18:18):
Which, oddly enough, I'm getting weirded out by all the
flavors of chips happening.

Speaker 2 (01:18:22):
It's ores. We have got to just absolutely slam on
the brain. Whoever at Nabisco has lost control of the vehicle. No, no, no, no,
no is watermelon oreos coke go to bed. Oh my god,
I just had a Coke zero oreo flavor. Oh you've
talked about that. No, we haven't talked about this. Then

(01:18:42):
now is the time. There has never been a better time.

Speaker 3 (01:18:45):
I knew you would get to something important if we
just talked long enough.

Speaker 2 (01:18:49):
On the week of a national presidential election.

Speaker 3 (01:18:53):
They were literally like, they're not talking about Halloween. They're
not talking about scary movies. They're talking about things they hate.
An oreo flavored Coke zero and.

Speaker 2 (01:19:00):
Coke zero flavored oreos. There were both things. No, it's
some sort of this all started with collabs. Collabs have
ruined Earth.

Speaker 3 (01:19:10):
You know the clad they can go straight to hell.
Cheese it and taco bell Oh no, one asks for that.

Speaker 2 (01:19:16):
No. The last thing I want with my Mexican food
is cheese crackers. It's not the flavor you think about
with Mexican folly.

Speaker 3 (01:19:24):
It's not even the type of I'm not thinking of
crackers when I'm thinking of Mexican food.

Speaker 2 (01:19:29):
I'm not thinking of sharp cheddar. No, I'm thinking of
a mild cheddar, a moneray jack, even a pepper jack
if you will. Yes, but like, and let's be very clear,
I love to cheese it. I love a cheese nip.

Speaker 3 (01:19:40):
Yeah, but get the out of my crunch track, Supreme.

Speaker 2 (01:19:43):
I love that you have been censoring yourself because it
makes it seem like we have decided you were the
first person will censor on this podcast.

Speaker 3 (01:19:49):
Well, I got a little insecure when I brought up
sex and You're like, we're not gonna talk about that.
So it's like I'm not.

Speaker 2 (01:19:54):
Gonna say.

Speaker 3 (01:19:57):
You're just you said it very beautifully. You're like, we
can maybe a little bit. But I've been interviewing people
enough to know like, no, fly zone, don't do it.
And I usually, if anyone knows me, I turn a
lot of things sexual very fast as you do.

Speaker 2 (01:20:12):
But you're so good at it because you're so I
think you're just you're you're a free person.

Speaker 3 (01:20:16):
I'm a free person and I'm definitely leading with like
kindness and an open minded but it's not like healthy. Yes,
but my blank smells like you know, I'm not like
just trying to gross people out. I'm like genuinely curious
about this.

Speaker 2 (01:20:29):
I mean, it's a very not even modern. It still
feels like future way of thinking because almost so many
people are still trapped within what's while it's the shame,
it's wild, it's not even shame for me at this point.
It's just like, well, I don't know. I'm just like,
I guess my brain is just stunted in I guess
unrecorded media.

Speaker 3 (01:20:47):
Sure, and that's what it is. I just wish more people. Yeah,
were like we were talking about cheese, it's and taco
and now I'm on.

Speaker 2 (01:20:56):
A soapbox about our attention s it's zero.

Speaker 3 (01:21:02):
Yeah, I wonder if this will be a liked episode
or I had to turn this off episode.

Speaker 2 (01:21:07):
This should be sent to someone who can prescribe some
sort of ADHD medication, because I need them to hear me.
It's my inability to say on any topics.

Speaker 3 (01:21:17):
This is a typical add person and an enabler of
an add person.

Speaker 2 (01:21:21):
It's just two people absolutely freebasing. But we talk about
chip flavors. Have you had any of these?

Speaker 3 (01:21:27):
I just like it, and the thing is like, maybe
it's me being closed by and maybe it's like my boomer,
the boomer and me coming out where it's like not
buffalo and reranch, like just one or the other. But
then you taste it and like this oddly tastes like
buffalo and ranch, right. But for me it's just like
but the if I want of those things, I would
have those flow wings and ranch. It's like, I know,

(01:21:49):
peanut butter and jelly frozen yogurt. I'm like, if I
love this flavor so much, why am I not making
myself a sand and J I completely agree with you,
It's just I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:21:58):
I don't know. I guess it's not inherent wrong, no,
but it feels like stunts.

Speaker 3 (01:22:02):
But I guess yes, Okay, okay, yes, this is where
I'm getting. Where you get something crazy, I think for
the sake of being crazy, I annoyed.

Speaker 2 (01:22:11):
Right. Had I tried a sour patch oreo recently? It
was one of the top five most revolting things ever,
it was, and you knew that before you've been of course.
I mean, but I have an open heart, and I
thought I'm giving them a chance. I had to spit
it out.

Speaker 3 (01:22:27):
Did you spend four ninety nine on a whole box.

Speaker 2 (01:22:29):
No, they were at the office and there was fair.
I should have taken note that none of them had
been eaten fair, I mean a very select few. It's
a dare.

Speaker 3 (01:22:37):
But this is the thing where why are we playing
fear factor at the grocery store like I dare you
to eat?

Speaker 2 (01:22:43):
I want to food for me really is a very
sacred area where I'm like, every element of it I
want to enjoy.

Speaker 4 (01:22:50):
Of course on Alish, I'm sorry, I just have to
it came on this on Reddit, just this line sour
patch oreos.

Speaker 3 (01:22:58):
Just why not everything has to be a collab?

Speaker 2 (01:23:02):
Oh, thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:23:05):
Six nine six nine sixty nine.

Speaker 2 (01:23:08):
That's your private account. You're upvoting all of your videos. No,
these were disgusting and no, like people will like go
out to eat ironically sometimes at like restaurants that they
know are bad, And I just think, no, you are
not roping me into that. I'll meet you after because
I have to have a good dinner.

Speaker 3 (01:23:27):
No, I completely agree.

Speaker 2 (01:23:30):
Such a waste of money and an experience to enjoy.
Resources Now I'm thinking about people who don't have food.
You're making a.

Speaker 3 (01:23:38):
Mockery of it by embarrassing like and if you would
send this item to like a ward worn country that
desperately needed food, and they wouldn't eat it.

Speaker 2 (01:23:46):
Like Oreo is going to get there. They are going
to get to an Oreo where no person would consume it,
no matter.

Speaker 3 (01:23:56):
I don't know, sour patch kid Oreo is. It might
be there, pretty demented. It's like one before fish food.
I think it was kind of like a neon. Oh no,
the cookie was actually I think the cookie was the
white cookie.

Speaker 2 (01:24:07):
Like the vanilla.

Speaker 3 (01:24:08):
The vanilla cookie.

Speaker 2 (01:24:08):
That doesn't matter, Like it could have just as well
been the chocolate. It was going to be as disgusting
as it was.

Speaker 3 (01:24:13):
I somehow think vanilla is better with a sour patch
than a chocolate.

Speaker 2 (01:24:19):
Of course, in your brain that makes.

Speaker 3 (01:24:20):
Sense logically speaking, But this is.

Speaker 2 (01:24:24):
Not a logical product. It shouldn't exist in any form.
So just give it the chocolate cookie and let's just
move on to the next one.

Speaker 3 (01:24:31):
Make throw up in the box and put it on
the shelf. Just do vomit flavor so we can all
move on with our lives.

Speaker 2 (01:24:38):
We could reset to just plain Oreo, it's unfair and
it's yeah, even the peanut butter ones don't work.

Speaker 3 (01:24:46):
They have Tiara Massou flavored ones.

Speaker 2 (01:24:48):
Again, that's what No, what does that? What does that
even mean? That just turns Tea massoux into an idea exactly.
And I like Tira Masseau. I think it's like my
favorite dessert maybe, but like I don't need it here.
And part of Tira Masou is the texture. Yes, Oh,
I could eat a sheet. Oh, it's the only thing.
Put a lady finger in preach either. The moment I

(01:25:14):
was a halfway through sat that sentence.

Speaker 3 (01:25:17):
I mean, you can put three lady fingers and me
wouldn't do much. Horrible.

Speaker 2 (01:25:27):
Okay, it's time to play a game. Okay, it's time
to play a game. Let's play Gift to a curse.
I need a number between one and ten from you. Nine. Okay.
I have to do some light calculating to get our
game pieces. So right now, you can recommend something, promote something,
say something good about something.

Speaker 3 (01:25:44):
Oh right, I'm gonna I'm gonna shamelessly promote me.

Speaker 2 (01:25:47):
I have a show.

Speaker 3 (01:25:49):
Well, I'm on if you're listening to this when it
comes out, I'm on the road opening for Bob the
Drag Queen between October twenty third and November third, and
then I'm headlining in Kansas City on November thirteenth, Omaha
November fourteenth, and Saint Louis, Missouri November sixteenth, And I
would love your support because they're big venues and I
have a lot of tickets left, which is so crazy

(01:26:12):
to say out loud, but I value honesty absolutely.

Speaker 2 (01:26:16):
Everybody goes see Zach buy tickets to live things. Oh
my god, please, it's very hard for especially it seems
like in comedy right now people are like begging, please
come see the thing you like.

Speaker 3 (01:26:27):
Yeah, this is the other thing.

Speaker 2 (01:26:28):
Though.

Speaker 3 (01:26:28):
It's like I also believe in the universe and like,
obviously I'll go in the direction I'm supposed to go.
And if ticket sales don't pick up at.

Speaker 2 (01:26:34):
Some point, maybe that's the universe saying you're not that
good and it's not well.

Speaker 3 (01:26:40):
I know I think so too, But like I'm just saying, like,
no sweat, if you don't want to go, don't feel
like you're you're being forced to go. Sure, but if
any part of you values like a little live theatrical moment,
I think I deliver a really good hour.

Speaker 2 (01:26:55):
I just think people have kind of forgotten how much
fun it can be so they've fallen into that rut.

Speaker 3 (01:27:00):
There's also there's never been more comedians ever, ever, ever,
in the history.

Speaker 2 (01:27:03):
There should be a calling. We've got to shed some
of these people.

Speaker 3 (01:27:06):
Is that where you kill people?

Speaker 2 (01:27:07):
Yes?

Speaker 3 (01:27:08):
Yeah, And when I.

Speaker 2 (01:27:09):
Say calling, I don't mean metaphoric. I do think it
should be killed.

Speaker 3 (01:27:12):
I although a wood chipper of sorts.

Speaker 2 (01:27:15):
Of stand up comics. Okay, I have to remind you
to promote one other thing. Okay, the shirt you're wearing.

Speaker 3 (01:27:22):
Oh, my sister, So I'm wearing a ghost face embroidery.
My little sister, Jules Towers, has an amazing Etsy called
Unsettled Roots, and I think we'll tag it maybe in
the post. But she does custom embroidery and so cool.
It was a gift and I love it so much
because I love scary movies. Screams one of my favorite
scary movies, and she just made it and I love it,
and I just love all the stuff she makes.

Speaker 2 (01:27:43):
I Yes, I guess I should also promote my sister's
thing she's got going. I've done this once before. But
if we're promoting sisters, yes, I feel like why not
a timeless thing. She has a new company called Lovesy.
She was a nick you nurse, and so she knows
everything about baby care. She's created and again I'm not
an expert, so I don't know, but she's created this

(01:28:05):
this clothing that apparently is incredible l u v s
I e oh go on Instagram, and I'm so proud
of her. I'm just like, wow, this is so great.
You're doing this thing and solving what seems to be
a problem that I'll never experience, but apparently you know
a lot of people do or maybe not even a problem,
but like, no, make things better. Yeah, look at our
sister zoas everything.

Speaker 3 (01:28:27):
My sister is five years younger than me, and she's
absolutely acted as my big sister, like.

Speaker 2 (01:28:30):
Oh a million percent. I cannot tell you the life
advice and wisdom I've received from my younger sister same.
This person is so much more mature than I agreed.
I mean, starting elementary school.

Speaker 3 (01:28:42):
Uh huh.

Speaker 2 (01:28:43):
She taught me to tie my shoes, so aw, that's
actually kind of embarrassing. That probably shows some sort of
real really efficiency.

Speaker 3 (01:28:50):
On my parents look horrible. It was very dogg eat
dog in the households.

Speaker 2 (01:28:57):
I've put an embarrassment for decades okay. This is how
we play Gift or a Curse. I'm gonna name three things.
You'll tell me if there're a gift or a curse
and why okay, and then I'll tell you if you're
right or wrong. Because they are correct answers, you can
lose the game. No one is on your side here.

Speaker 3 (01:29:13):
I look forward to losing.

Speaker 2 (01:29:15):
Okay. Number one. This is from a listener named Emily
Gift or a curse parents or adults saying I want
to be her slash him when I grow up, referring
to a little kid.

Speaker 3 (01:29:25):
Oh, curse, don't lift up children. Yeah, no, that's embarrassing
for all parties involved. I'm completely on your side here.
This is horrifying to see when you formulate that sentence.

Speaker 2 (01:29:43):
I was like, yuck, there's a whole category of the
world and like the internet, and like even like product
marketing that lies in whatever this is. And it makes
my skin cross.

Speaker 3 (01:29:57):
It really does.

Speaker 2 (01:29:58):
There's a big factor. It's like this weird like slumber
party or like being a kid is like an adult.
I just look up to them.

Speaker 3 (01:30:07):
They I'm like, well, that's embarrassing.

Speaker 2 (01:30:09):
It's and hearing an adult say when I grow.

Speaker 3 (01:30:12):
Up honey, you're winding down, you're growing, You're growing down.

Speaker 2 (01:30:19):
Humiliating curse, no question. Okay, you've gotten one right so far.
That's very good. Number two. This is from a listener
named Erica gif to a curse when bands on tour
use the local city instead of the original city in
the song.

Speaker 1 (01:30:32):
I e.

Speaker 2 (01:30:33):
If Martha and the Vandelas were in Indianapolis and saying
dancing in the street and replaced New York City with Indianapolis, curse.

Speaker 3 (01:30:41):
This is this is a basic bitch move, Like it's
pandering to locals.

Speaker 2 (01:30:46):
It's not true.

Speaker 3 (01:30:47):
If this is a kin to someone doing karaoke and
changing the gender to make it work for them, Oh,
you don't do that. No, there's a great tweet like
don't you dare change the gender you're gay for the
next four minute, like if you're it's like a love
song about a guy or a girl or whatever. So
like no, like only like basic bitches are they going,

(01:31:10):
like when they hear Chicago instead of like whatever cooler
city the person named.

Speaker 2 (01:31:17):
Absolutely right, it's so cheap. It's so the audience hasn't
earned that. No, it's I mean, the pride in their
city was not earned. And it's like doing a simple
magic trick.

Speaker 3 (01:31:29):
You idiots and think they're not doing that for every city.

Speaker 2 (01:31:33):
Right, You're not special, You're a fool. You're not. Your
partner is cheating on you.

Speaker 3 (01:31:37):
Yes, with many bitches.

Speaker 2 (01:31:39):
Yes, you fall for everything. Yep, curse. I want to
hear the city, the city they actually cared about, same
city that Martha and the Vandela's actually car Yes, I mean,
ever they are that recommendation. I mean that detail almost
got me. I do love Martha and the Vandelas, but
you know, Martha and the Vandela's probably dancing in the street.
Uh loves like a heat wave. They've got a bunch

(01:32:03):
of great songs. Is Martha's still alive? Oh wow, good
for her. Hopefully she's still singing Martha reach out. Okay,
you've gotten two rights so far. This is very impressive.

Speaker 3 (01:32:15):
Well, we are both libras. Yeah, that's true, and we're
both on the ginger spectrum. Right, was incredibly talented. So
we'll see what happens with the third one.

Speaker 2 (01:32:26):
Mark. A listener named Mark, has suggested gift her a
curse back in angle street parking.

Speaker 3 (01:32:33):
Back in angle like parallel parking.

Speaker 2 (01:32:35):
No, I think this is when it's the it's not
the lines aren't straight, like you would pull up to
the curve on an angle almost, you know, like that's insane,
that's a curse. Oh and actually you don't even pull
up your backing in.

Speaker 3 (01:32:47):
He's said, that's insane. You're then facing the wrong direction
when you leave when you back in. Yeah, but if
it's angled and you're backing in, then you were facing
oncoming traffic. That's deranged. Am I getting this right? You're
going that they're angled in the direction of traffic.

Speaker 2 (01:33:07):
Correct to someone with zero spatial skills, So that me,
trying to put this together in my brain is very difficult.

Speaker 3 (01:33:13):
So I'm picturing like, okay, you know how it has
a flow of traffic, and then like say you're in
a mall whatever, and you have to go in a
certain direction, so the angles are like I'm going to
pull forward into this, do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 (01:33:28):
All like this as you go like this.

Speaker 3 (01:33:30):
So if you went past it and then backed first
of all, that's a too two move job. And then
you're I want this person take into a psychle ward immediately.
They definitely shouldn't have their license. That's mark you're.

Speaker 2 (01:33:49):
All the same, just as an option. He doesn't know either.

Speaker 3 (01:33:53):
Well, I hope I'm not also like getting this wrong.
But back in angled street parking, yes, no psycho curse,
a nuisance whatever that is.

Speaker 2 (01:34:04):
Zach wrong, It's a gift, and only because the way
you just explained it to me makes me think this
is an exciting opportunity to be able to pull in
and then the getaway is so scary you're pulling out
that the moves that have to happen as you're leaving
the space are so such a fun topper to the
mall or to the shopping center you've just been at,

(01:34:26):
very exciting. I'm so disappointed and the prowless you have
to show getting in there.

Speaker 3 (01:34:32):
It's part of your thing. You have to like make
me lose. Is that part of your sick twisted game.

Speaker 2 (01:34:38):
Part of the thing is that I'm always right? Oh,
and there are certain universal truths that only I have
access to.

Speaker 3 (01:34:45):
You know what your answer lies? In the just to
be Devil's advocate? You sound like right now.

Speaker 2 (01:34:52):
Man is showing your thirty year old show.

Speaker 4 (01:34:56):
Actually, actually you there's nothing illegal about parking that way,
and like then I can see who's coming.

Speaker 3 (01:35:09):
That's what you sound like.

Speaker 2 (01:35:12):
To see, you know, sore loser. I mean it is showing.
I mean they can see it from the moon. Okay,
we got two out of three, not too bad, and.

Speaker 3 (01:35:23):
That did for some reason, you're saying too out of three, Chap,
my ass real hard and I.

Speaker 2 (01:35:30):
The source loser ever to enter this arena.

Speaker 3 (01:35:32):
Well that makes mewitter ye that you dosers. I'm the
best loser.

Speaker 2 (01:35:39):
It's an excellent job at losing.

Speaker 3 (01:35:40):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:35:41):
Okay. This is the final segment of the podcast. It's
called I said no emails people right into I said
no gifts at gmail dot com begging for answers. That's
all you really need to know. Every one of my
listeners has countless life problems, and they're just like, please
take care of at least one of these. FORMATU, my
load is too heavy. Okay, that's two. You're lucky. At

(01:36:05):
the end you're talking about loads all of a sudden.
We hope me answer a listener question. Okay, okay, great,
this says let's see here. This says benevolent providers. Okay,
I don't know what quite what that means, but we'll
take it.

Speaker 3 (01:36:20):
It sounds culty.

Speaker 2 (01:36:21):
It does sound a little culty, and we'll take it. Okay,
you're taking it.

Speaker 3 (01:36:26):
Yeah, I'm taking this listener's load. Of taking this benevolent
load from the listener. We haven't said anything bad, it's all.

Speaker 2 (01:36:37):
This could all be on ABC. Yeah. I'm stuck on
what to get my little brother for Christmas. He's twenty four,
works for Whole Foods, lives with his girlfriend in a
beach area of Florida, and is a huge video game nerd.
It seems anything I buy him sits on a shelf
or isn't something he's interested in. He has a good
job now, so he buys anything he wants. I've thought

(01:36:57):
of getting him comic books and Oculus rift, a drone,
et cetera, but he apparently has all of those things already.
Do you or your lovely guest have suggestions for what
to get him? I can't think of anything, and I'm
tired of my gifts not being useful, disrespectful listener. That's
from someone named Matt, So Matt's brother has some sounds

(01:37:19):
like an impossible to please straight guy. Yes, who's it?
Must be a higher up at Whole Foods. I was
just bagging groceries.

Speaker 3 (01:37:28):
I can't believe that. But I was, like, what high
paying job is there at Whole Foods?

Speaker 2 (01:37:34):
Right? I mean, we appreciate all of our grocery workers,
but I don't think any of those are things where
you're like, I can but now buy anything I ever wanted,
unless you're irresponsible with money, which twenty four could be.

Speaker 3 (01:37:47):
Totally the girlfriend. So obviously bills are cut.

Speaker 2 (01:37:50):
In half, right, and he doesn't mind sailing into debt.

Speaker 3 (01:37:54):
Listen, this is the thing. I actually don't like gifts either.
For the most part. I like money. Uh, I don't
like when people guess for things. I don't like being
brought something that I then have to either get rid
of in a beautiful way or incorporate into my life. Sure, So,
like my go to is like, get them a gift card.

(01:38:15):
Give them a fucking Visa Bucks gift card.

Speaker 2 (01:38:17):
I love a Visa Bucks.

Speaker 3 (01:38:18):
I let them spend it how they whatever you were
going to spend on what dumb comic book? Get them
one hundred dollars and be done with it. And your
your brother sounds like he lacks any sentiment or sentimental appreciation,
so stop trying.

Speaker 2 (01:38:34):
I think teach him a lesson. Yeah, I think this
little grub needs to learn that just because you bought
everything for yourself doesn't mean you don't need a brother.

Speaker 3 (01:38:43):
Totally. Oh brother, Yes, and then with next Christmas eve
love thee yeah or double down.

Speaker 2 (01:38:52):
Yeah, make it worse every year. Next year you send
like a like a sowd off finger to you know,
things have gotten worse in this situations. And maybe eventually
he will appreciate the oculus rift. We can all use
two oculus rifts. We all love VR, we all love escaping.

(01:39:13):
I think that that's totally fair. This brother is an
absolutely spoiled brat and we're not on his side. I
think Whole Foods should look into should take these details
and find him and fire him.

Speaker 3 (01:39:23):
Also, little brothers are iconically the worst type of people.

Speaker 2 (01:39:27):
I've never experienced a little brother. Interesting, do you have one?

Speaker 3 (01:39:30):
Well, not personally, but like think of all Medians in
the early movie. It's a snot nose, Yes exactly. They're
either like treasured by the parents and annoying to the siblings,
or they're just a little cunts.

Speaker 2 (01:39:41):
Yeah, completely, and this one is probably both. I agree
Whole Foods. Track him down, lay him off, make him
learn what it is to you know struggle, Yes, Matt,
never right back in. Oh boy, Zach, I now have
three gifts. I've got still a lot of Celsius to

(01:40:02):
drink and delicious cherry Cola soda, two cookies and five dollars.
I'm out of my mind over this. Memories galore, hours
of audio. We should split this into three episodes than
I think. This may be our longest episode ever on Alice. Wow,

(01:40:25):
let's go for two, let's go for another twenty. Well,
now that we've reached the halfway heart, No, it's because
I've had, I mean, the best time with you same.
Thank you for the gifts, and thank you for being here.

Speaker 3 (01:40:34):
I was looking forward to it the whole since since
we've been trying to line up the date.

Speaker 2 (01:40:39):
And you were a real diva about that. I know.

Speaker 3 (01:40:42):
Well, it's life on my terms.

Speaker 2 (01:40:44):
Or get out, uh listener, the podcast is over. We're
letting you go. Maybe you could start the episode over.
I don't know. Try to memorize every word, you know,
like your favorite song. That's a new idea. Has anyone
ever memorized every word of a podcast? You could be
the first. This is the end. I love you, goodbye,

(01:41:10):
I said, no, Gifts is an exactly right production. It's
produced by our dear friend Annalise Nelson, and it's beautifully
mixed by Ben Holliday. And we couldn't do it without
our guest booker Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course,
could only come from miracle worker Amy Mann. You must
follow the show on Instagram. At I said, no gifts.

(01:41:31):
I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you
get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting.
And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts?

Speaker 3 (01:41:40):
The lie invit?

Speaker 1 (01:41:41):
Did you hear? Funa man myself perfectly clear? But you're
I guessed, Tom. You gotta come to me empty And
I said, no guests, your present persons enough. I already

(01:42:04):
had too much stuff, So how do you dare to
surbey me

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Bridger Winegar

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