February 28, 2025 • 55 mins
Good sex equals less problems—period. And this week, the mothership is taking a deep dive into the galaxy of pleasure, intimacy, and sexual health with none other than Dr. Sonjia Kenya, aka Dr. K, a renowned sexologist whose mission is to help the world have better, healthier sex. Gem and Em ask the big questions: What makes good sex good? How does sexual wellness affect our overall health? What is the “O gap”? And what is the function of a sex surrogate? Brace for impact, Earthlings—this episode is getting hot!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, let's talk about sex. Should I never learned? Where
should I put my fingers? Do you want to? You know,
in the front hole or in the back of the
All right, exactly? You know what?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I bet you People would cheat less and have fewer
STDs if they were having great sex with a partner.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Because you can communicate.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
You could say, hey, I'd like to go date other people,
so then you wouldn't be in this situation where you
don't know that you're not in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Better sex, fewer sex.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
We underestimate how much pleasure we get from giving. I
have a colleague who is a psychologist who has been
married over a decade and has three children and has
never had an orgast that most of the time, though,
I think, like the orgasm you give yourself, you kind
of know what to expect. There's no element of mystery
(00:57):
or a surprise or hey, they got it, or wow,
I wasn't expecting that.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
Earthlinks you are in for a treat today, and I
am in for a bigger treat because I am closer
to who we.
Speaker 5 (01:18):
Are interviewing today.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
However, I want to welcome to in our own world today,
somebody completely unbelievable. A trailblazer not only in medicine, public health,
and sexual wellness. Came here a long time ago to
help with the HIV epidemic, which we're going to talk
about today. Doctor Kenya is a full professor at the
University of Miami, founder of the Champ HIV Prevention program,
and the creator of Yoga for Better Sex. We're not
(01:42):
doing that here, okay, but you definitely need to go
to her class. No, we definitely are stay tuned. You
don't know what's going to happen to you. She's breaking
barriers as the first black woman full professor of medicine
at her university and has been recognized for her work
in reducing the HIV disparities.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
She's done it on her own.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Author, podcast hosts now podcast guest, and certified yoga instructor.
Doctor Kenya uniquely combines scientific research with a community advocacy
and innovative approaches to sexual health.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
One of the most important things that we need to
talk about more.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Everybody does it, everybody loves it. We need to talk
about it in a way that makes sense and joins
us to that part of ourself. And this woman right
here knows exactly how to do that. Get ready for
an enlightening conversation that promises to be both educational and entertaining.
The one and only say it with me, Sanchaiya Kenya.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Welcome also best intro ever, Thank you you earned it.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Thank you for making it so easy, Thank you for
having me. What a pleasure to.
Speaker 6 (02:48):
Be here, and on the perfect day, right right, This
isn't going to come out on Valentine's Day, but so
you know, it is Valentine's Day today in space, on outer.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Space, exactly in space, it's Valentine's Day. But when we
talked about talking about the subject from season one, we've
wondered how to approach it, and we wanted somebody that
not only knew what they were talking about, but dedicated
so much of their time to research, which she does.
And now that we have somebody here, we feel like
it's a responsible, appropriate way to tackle this subject that
(03:18):
can be taboo, that can be confusing, that can be
weird to even touch, and we want to make it
comfortable and accessible and give the right information.
Speaker 5 (03:26):
So thank you for being here to do that.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Oh, what an honor, What a treat, especially on this
day when we know so many people are planning to
have some really great actions. Yes, right, right, So it's
a good time to really bring this up and to
remind people that every time, you know, you get excited
about taking your clothes off with someone else, it's also
a great opportunity to learn and advance your skills.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Yeah, okay, so how did you get into this field
of work if you don't mind sharing with us?
Speaker 5 (03:55):
When did you know this was your passion?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
So when I was growing up, Actually, so when I
was born, there was no HIV. Wow. And then as
I was growing up and I hit puberty and my
adolescent development, HIV emerged as a fatal sexually transmitted infection.
And I can remember going to a doctor's office my
(04:18):
first year in college and you're on the college campus
and you're at like student health services, and the doctor
is like, well, you know, be careful because you're probably
gonna get HIV someday.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
And I was like what, And.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
He's like, you know, black women, heterosexual black women are
at the greatest risk for HIV.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
And you know, so get ready.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And I thought that was the craziest thing anyone ever
said to me. And when you're a young kid, you're
like especially you're a seventeen eighteen year old kid, You're like, huh,
I'm going to show you.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I'm never getting HIV.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
And then when I actually first went to graduate school,
and I went to Columbia University for graduate school, I
went to UCLA for undergrad I'm from San Francisco, and
it should be noted that the first wedding I ever
attended was a lesbian wedding when I was seven.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Years old work.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
So it helped that I grew up in a family
that was really open and liberal about sexual wellness and
in a city like San Francisco where sexual health and
sexual diversity is a normal thing. I did go to
all girls school for eighteen years. So my joke is,
(05:34):
if you go to all girls Catholic school for your
whole life, you will become a sexologist.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
The nuns did not teach us anything about sex.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I remember asking what does it mean to get wet
one day in biology class, and I was told you
will know when the time is right, and that was
horrible advice. And one of my girlfriends did graduate nine
months pregnant. You know, obviously immaculate conception. Ye, So my
(06:08):
early education experience is coupled with this doctor telling me,
now I'm going to get HIV. Now that I'm a
sexually active woman in America, I'm going to get HIV.
It did feel a passion like how could I How
could I have this horrific sexual problem when I don't
even know how to have good sex yet.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I don't know if I've had an orgasm yet.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I haven't I and I thought, you know, I think
that's probably where the.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Fire was lit. Curiosity.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
And then when I went to graduate school at Columbia University,
I started doing research in a hospital. It was a
diet and exercise study for HIV positive obese women. And
at the times, the medications had just started working to
keep people alive, so everybody was living, but they were
(07:00):
the medications were causing side effects, and it was body
fat redistribution. So women were losing fat in their arms
and legs and gaining it in their gut.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
And like the back of their neck.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
So they were losing their butt and their thighs and
waking up with a bigger gut. So people stopped taking
their meds. They're like, oh, I'm not taking these medications.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
This is horrible.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
So I really started doing research on how can we
get people, particularly minority women, to adhere to their HIV
medications even with these side effects. So one of my
first studies was a diet and exercise study on HIV
positive obese women, and from there I really learned a
(07:44):
lot about relationships. And what scared me the most was
most of the women who I worked with, and they
reminded me so much of myself. You guys are beautiful.
You look like you're in your mid twenties. So some
of my patients at the time, they were like twenty
six year old woman. I'm in graduate school and they're
like they had their first serious boyfriend. It turned out
(08:07):
he was married. The wife would call her and say, hey,
by the way, you need to get tested. Or this
other young woman who was twenty and she was at
a frat party and she doesn't remember what happened. So
all of these people just reminded me so much of myself.
And I can remember one day security called me because
a patient they wouldn't let her in the hospital because
(08:28):
she had a gun, and she said, I know, I'm
always going to carry around because I'm going to kill
the person.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Who gave me HIV.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
And I thought, man, if you're going to contract a
fatal disease, should have been some really good sex. I
mean you should orgasms. Yeah, it's going to lead to
you walking around with a gun. You want to kill people.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
You don't know how you got it.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
And I think that's really important to recognize about HIV
and a lot of other sexually transmitted infections. Is there
are famous people we know about Charlie Sheen Johnson, and
both of those people say, I don't know where I
got it from. Good sex isn't risky sex. Good sex
is when you're thinking about am I gonna get pregnant?
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Am I gonna get a disease? Are they gonna call
me tomorrow? Are they?
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Good sex is when you feel free to really be
yourself and being vulnerable and how many climaxes can I have?
You know, maybe I can squirt this time?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
You know how far.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
Can I squirt this time?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Exactly?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
And maybe I can find a new orogen a zone
and my partner.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
That's what great sex is. So it occurred to me
very young.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I think of my professional career that I think people
need someone to help them learn how to have good sex.
As someone who went to all girls Catholic school with
no education. I knew I did, and so that's what
really was.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
The beginning of this journey.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Wow. And then when you start so young, you know
that was one hundred years ago, it feels like. And
so along the line, I have been fortunate to continue
you a very a very distinguished academic medicine career, which
I'm super proud of. I just got a proclamation to
the City of Miami from both Mayor's Danielle Levine and
(10:12):
Francis Waz for all that I've contributed to healthcare here.
And you know, I got Educator of the Year last
year for South Florida.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
This is like for sex education essentially.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah, I run so I run the largest street based
sexual wellness clinic, and all of these are funded by
our national Institutes of Health, the Florida and Apartment of Health.
I have tons of different funders. So I'm really really
proud of what I've been able to accomplish in my
academic medicine career. But unfortunately, you know, there's very little
funding to teach people about how sexual pleasure or how
(10:50):
to maintain a good, uh sexual relationship that can evolve
over time.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I have a question for you if you do you
think that if people zoned in more on their personal
sexual experience that perhaps some of these outside factors would decrease.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Absolutely, that is such a great question because what you're
saying is I actually one of my early early hypothesis
was that you know what, I bet you people would
cheat less and have fewer STDs if they were having
great sex as a partner. Right, because you can communicate,
you could say, hey, I'd like to go date other people.
So then you wouldn't be in this situation where you
(11:33):
don't know that you're not in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Or you'd be like, you know, you'd be.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Able to communicate I'd like to try this, or And
I think, unfortunately, that's such a great question because I
almost compare our sexual relationships now, like a lot of
people just live in this jail cell.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
So many women tell me like, no, I just try
to like I changed my clothes in the bathroom and
I try to wait till my partner goes to sleep,
so I don't have to be in shaping them or
that they're not like avoiding pleasure.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah, they're avoiding it.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
One of my events I have is called Date Night
Special where we bring a couple of couples out, five
to ten couples out and starts at the World Erotic
Art Museum.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
And we just go through these.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
All natural, organic strategies to really help your central relationship evolved.
And it's such a wonderful experience to see couples learn.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
About each other. Yes, this guy was like.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
They've been married for sixteen years, and he said, right
now is the first time I understand the word intimacy.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I don't know what she was talking about this whole time.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
And so it's really I'm always like excited and honored
when I can help people home that side of too,
because that means, you know, basically, stronger couples, stronger families,
stronger communities, fewer sex problems, yeah, period.
Speaker 4 (13:04):
More sex, fewer sex problems, better sex, sex problems.
Speaker 6 (13:11):
Absolutely yeah, and then fewer sex problems, less problems.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
In general, absolutely exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
And we're sitting here filming this in Miami, Dad, which
has the highest rates of new HIV infections year after
year after year after year, and I didn't know that, Yes,
HIV is still a leading cause of death and that
in Florida and Miami has the highest concentration of HIV
cases in the state of Florida. And what's crazy is
(13:41):
we have PREP and PEP, which can prevent HIV transmission
before or after you're at risk.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
And so it's nuts to me that we have.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
One of the high not only the highest rates of
new infections, but the highest rates of death because there's
all these treatments that help people live the rest of
their lives a healthy person if they are HIV infected.
And we have Brian White Insurance which covers people who
don't have insurance.
Speaker 6 (14:07):
Do you think it's like lack of knowledge or resource.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, lack of knowledge, lack of resources. Miami, as most
of the United States, we have not done great in
making sure people who don't have a lot of money
know that they have access to public health care.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
And with the don't please, don't get me started on
the new administration.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
We're in space, and I think we're in the space.
Speaker 6 (14:34):
I'd mentioning that the Department of Health is one of
your funders. I had a thought internally that now I
feel welcome to express where I was like, fuck, I
really hope they don't cut her spending.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Oh yeah, the one thing actually even though I have
not always been aligned. How that's a good way to say.
With the political leadership in the state of Florida or
in the United s States, one thing that I will.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Say is that.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Every leader who's been in the White House, even the
ones who I am not aligned with at all, have
been okay with HIV. They have been supportive of expanding.
So that is what's amazing. They do realize somehow scientists
have been able to convey that this is a preventable, treatable,
(15:28):
curable disease, and if we put enough resources into it,
we can nip this thing. And we've already started the
human trials on the cure. So in our lifetime we're
going to see the cure.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
You're going to cure it.
Speaker 6 (15:44):
I wish you could be that doctor and be like, listen,
it might only be like.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Blue eyed males who get the cures.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
But you know, so we're first in line, I will say,
at least from people that I admire and support. Like
I mentioned, we're thirty. Obviously, we live in a time
where we've seen a lot of change happening. Even though
gay marriage was legalized while we were together, like we
went through medical scare and we ran and got a
domestic partnership because weren't allowed to get married, so if
(16:11):
something happened, that was our only option. But I've seen
a lot of people that I care about in the
queer community, particularly because we're in the queer community, but
advocating for PREP and like doing commercials and like spreading
the word to the community like Trixie Mattel and so
many people that if it reaches young people now and
(16:34):
they understand it in that way, that's like it's not scary,
like we're here to help you.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
This is happening. Let's see how we can do it
for me.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
I would love to see, you know, like more of
that in media because I feel like we can reach
a lot of people there. So whoever's making sure that
gets on media get more right.
Speaker 6 (16:51):
Absolutely, So question back to love and romance and pleasure.
I know, I'm sure that you have so many things
(17:11):
that you can share with us for somebody out there
who might be listening and they might be curious as
to what's one thing they can do to not only
improve their relationship with sex as individuals, but also with
their partners. Is there one thing that you think, all right,
if they have to start somewhere. This is where I
would start knowing everything.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
You know, absolutely, I think just acknowledging that you probably
haven't had enough of the education and training to reach
your optimal level of pleasure. Just boom, And none of
us have, right, Yeah, we all learned through traveling here
and none of us had a teacher.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Like all right, guys, you know this.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Is so I think just acknowledging that because we have
to approach our sexual wellness like from a growth mindset,
we don't know nothing. So I'm I'm an avid reader
and I'm always reading a book and this book i'm
reading now and I even forget the title, but she
it's a true story and she's in this some sort
(18:16):
of divine femininity retreat or whatever. And it's like, I'm
not a big fan of the P word, but and
part of it is because I love actually, but it
is a powerful word.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I'm talking about the word pussy.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah, like pussy, pussy, pussy.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
I'm not so the reason that was something I was
learning here.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
But I'm like, I'm old school.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I'm like, I went, I don't want my son to
grow up and use that word inappropriately. But I also
think that there is a lot of power in it.
So like, let's take the three of us and actually
there's four women in the room here, and let's think
about like like my delicious, juicy pussy.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, it's like, and then make me uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
It is such a beautiful, luscious thing, like of course
everybody wants to like some of my juice.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yea, it is so.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
And then if you do that, like when I'm saying
these things, you see my hands, that's actually what my
lower lips are actually doing. At the same time, it's like,
why not exercise and think about delicious sensual thoughts And
it's like a playful.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Thing to do.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
You can be And I try to tell people this
exercise do it like when you're mad, you're returning something
at the store and they're like calling the manager because whatever,
and you just start.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Thinking it delicious.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
I'm doing it.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
You're just thinking it.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
It gives you a whole different vibe what you're giving
off and energy. Now the manager comes and he's just, yeah,
I know what you're He's like, obviously you got to
give her this plus a discount certificate for the next time.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
She goes plus.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
So the power of the pee. Yes, And it's like
it doesn't matter. I say, every you can get so
far by flirting all the time. You don't have to
be with them. But we approached them as a huge
flirt from such an huge standpoint.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
We attroach it.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
It's like someone's in traffic and you be like, oh,
you look hot when you get mad, like you.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Know, like then they're just there. They don't even know
what to do. They're like, bitch, I don't know if
you want someone catch you.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
In the groceester are like, oh, you must be in
a rush to do somebody, And it's it's definitely like
a copy for our stressful world. But a lot of
times people who feel out of touch with their sexuality
or their sensuality, they're also very uncomfortable talking about it.
So it's like a dare you exercise? Right, it's Friday night,
(20:46):
I dare you? And I always say do it with
someone who you actually don't want to sleep with.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
That's the best way. Like the guy comes to pict
your toilet, like.
Speaker 4 (20:54):
Okay, but that sounds like ye, yes, maybe not bad.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
You know, but my pipes are clocks.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
But you know, I've been asked out by people who
and I've actually been out to dinner with them and
I was like, oh, it's a date.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
I'm sorry, girl, I am so sorry. I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
I thought we were having like girls ride out went
too far?
Speaker 5 (21:20):
How was he?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
So I think just and that can go.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
You know, whether you're a male, whatever your p is
down there, whether whatever you are, and clenching your I
call them, you know, your front and back.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Openings, just like doing it.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
And I you know, sometimes and I'm in a very
high level, high stress business, meaning i could be in
DC reviewing grants for the National and Suits of Health.
Definitely not agreeing with what this person is to say,
and I'm like, I'm gonna have to advocate for this
person because I want this grand funded. I want this
grand funded. So I'm like, you know, and it does take.
It's like this whole.
Speaker 6 (21:54):
Take a practice, yeah, practice that I do.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
And then when you come out, it's like everybody's so
into what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Well, because the way that she is.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Going to measure the effects of this intervention is so
they're like they don't know, they don't hear anything. They're
just and I've actually had which is so interesting. Colleagues
say to me, like, you know, Sanjaya or doctor Kenya.
You know, I don't hear anything you're saying. I'm just
watching you talk right now. But yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Wow, So you are the son. You are my son
right now.
Speaker 6 (22:27):
So if they're like the size there has to be
I'm sure you don't. Is there like the science behind that? Like,
is it fairmones?
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Like?
Speaker 6 (22:35):
What's the effect that you're having on people when they're like, Google,
i'd listening to you speak.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Okay, So you guys, we've all been through a dry
spell where like nobody loves us, right, Like nobody wants
to call us. We're not going on any day, we
feel ugly whatever. It's like I don't know what's wrong
with me. Yeah, yeah, type of thing. And then you
finally get together with someone, right, and you have a
few orgasms, right, and then you go out into the
world and why now you already have someone have orgasms with?
Speaker 1 (23:01):
But everyone every wants to say yeah, and you're like,
what is it? It's because your mojo, your hormones. And
that's the thing. Sex really fulfilling.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Sexual experience of confidence.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
It has really significant physiological benefits. One we start producing
all of these happy hormones. Oxytotin you know, oxytocin, right,
hormone you're like, And I tell people, especially.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
You know when girls two women, Yes, we talked about that.
I don't even know why I can't stop. Yes, it's
just like crazy.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
It's so there's oxytosin. There's also dopamine, and dopamine is
like that's what's released, you know when That's why people
do cocaine because they want that huge dopamine release. And
I tell this to people, like having a great explosive orgasm.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Is like the of cocaine.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
It's a godfather levels of cocaine, you know, Like so,
and there's serotonin, and serotonin is really like a pleasing
like hey.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Everything's kind of cool, you know.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It's like, yeah, the cousin of the cousin of t
to fan, which is what what we eat on Thanksgiving
from Turkey.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Absolutely.
Speaker 6 (24:16):
I love how well versu you are.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
This, you know, So we have all of the finethyline
is another one. We have all of these great happy
hormones that are produced which are actually very similar to
the hormones you release when you exercise. So another reason
why exercise is so good. I mean you've never.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Left the gym or working out and been like, man,
those waste of time.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Like.
Speaker 6 (24:39):
Ol but no, no, no, not a waste of time.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
I mean like I've spent this time having ten orgasms
the gym, and that's the gym.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
So it just it's sort of contagious. So the same
thing happens when you start thinking it. You know, it's
sort of the law of attraction, and so if you're
producing these happy hormones, they're magnetic. People don't want to
be around bitter people, which is also why if someone's
just gone through a hard breakup and now they're like,
you know, you got to get back out there, you gotta,
(25:10):
but they're still very sad and they look so beautiful
and you know, their hair, their makeup, their clothes have
never been better. But at the bar people just stay
away from that vibe. And it's like, who, it's our hormones,
and we really don't realize energy effective. So it's really
important to try to do things to make ourselves happy
(25:31):
and to find healthy coping mechanisms. And I mean that
is one of the things I do teach the Yoga
for Better Sex class, but even just participating in a
regular yoga class, like getting your mojo aligned, you know,
your intentions aligned with your physicality, giving yourself that space
(25:53):
to breathe and appreciate what your body can do. And
a lot of data is out there showing that exercise,
including yoga, can have tremendous benefits for sexual functioning, more
lubrication production, more higher levels of desire, stronger public floor.
Speaker 7 (26:14):
Exactly you, Okay, this is something that I'm dying to
hear from you.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
What is the difference or is there a difference between
an orgasm you give yourself an orgasm orgasm somebody gives you.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
So this is a great question.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yeah, so maybe physiologically your body may not always be
able to tell the difference, except for the emotional part.
Most of the time, though, I think like the orgasm
you give yourself, you kind of know what to expect.
There's no element of mystery or a surprise or they
(27:00):
got it or wow, I wasn't expecting.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
That, Like surprise yourself.
Speaker 6 (27:05):
Right, I know you were going to do that.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
So there's that, and then there's also, as you guys said,
there is a level of emotional and like energetic connection
that comes from being with another person.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
It's like two brains are greater than one.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
You can have a great idea and then you talk
about it with her, and then this great idea becomes
brilliant yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Or worse. Well, but and the same thing can happen.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
And I think there's also really we underestimate how much
pleasure we get from giving thing.
Speaker 6 (27:54):
Yeah, I think I feel like it's a lesbian community,
at least in my experience. That's something that I really
feel that we have or we've unlocked, that I don't
always see in other partnerships. Like I and my colleagues,
we really own are the enjoyment that we receive from
(28:15):
pleasing our partners, right, And so I think it's I mean,
if those in heterosexual relationships, I always recommend, no, you only.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Date an evolved man.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
No. If it's not good enough for your lips, it's
definitely not good enough for your dick. Yeahs don't go
down well first of all, And I think from a
health perspective, as a man, you need to go down
and look at it and smell it and make sure
everything good esthetic. Why would you put your penis in
something unless you're absolutely sure that it's going to.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Be good for your penis, and these are not good
enough for your lips.
Speaker 6 (28:47):
It's not good enough for your dick.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Right or licked dick enough to whatever you. And I've
had men come to me. I haven't seen patients in
probably over ten years, but I used to do one
on one sessions and They'll be like, well, she didn't
smell and I'm like, well, why would you want to
do her? Why would you put your penis in something
that is potentially toxic. If you won't trust your mouth
(29:12):
on that, why would you trust and it so I
think also society has really trained, unfortunately, men to believe
that they don't have an obligation to please women. And
that's something It's okay to blame a woman if she
doesn't achieve orgasm as easily as he would like her too,
(29:33):
or as easily as his ex girlfriend did. And I
think that is one of the traps that too many
women fall into. No, honey, nothing is wrong with you
at all, something's wrong with him. And being able to
safely advocate for our own pleasure.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
These are the types of trainings that we need more of.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
It's like I always say, when I'm like, when HIV
has done when all the sex problems are done in
academic medicine. That's all I'm going to do is focus
on helping people own their orgasm have more pleasure.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
I'm gonna be like Missus Foker.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Seniors in my backyard doing you know, doing different smells.
I give you guys, my by by the.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Way, these natural things that you can do. Yeah. I
think that everybody should pretend like they're a lesbian.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
Sometimes I'm opposed to that.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
I like this.
Speaker 6 (30:31):
I love the topic of women and sexual health because
at least in the statistics that I've read, which I
know don't compare to what you know, but there's a
huge disparity in pleasure between men and women.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Huge the O gap, the orgasm gap.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
So a man basically has a climax every single time
he engages in sex. Right a woman, it's like one
to three to one to four. And that's what we
know from the data, which means it's probably like.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
One day nine.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Because a lot of are they're a shamed they're in
a relationship not going to tell you know, for ten
years I've been I have a colleague who is a
psychologist who has been married over a decade and has
three children and has never.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Had an orgast.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
I hear it right, So people are embarrassed to share
that type of thing, and they're so we we're never
going to have accurate data on these things. But what
it's also important how many women even have been educated
on like how to masturbate, how to please themselves, because
we have to be we are the owners of our
(31:32):
own body. We are the educators in order to own
our orgasms. We need to know what what what initiates
an orgasm?
Speaker 4 (31:39):
Yeah, before we move on, Like, I feel like because
I've been with men and women sexually and in life,
but anyway, I also have noticed that I feel like
they're that men don't there's no way they can understand.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
But they don't understand that.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
Although it is attainable to have an orgasm from internal
you know from penetration, that that is not our main
source of pleasure.
Speaker 6 (32:11):
Is that true?
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Okay, seventy five percent of women cannot achieve an orgasm
through penetration alone.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
I've only had one orgasm in my life that had
nothing to do that was only penetration.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Now, the question I would ask, well, and you don't
have to tell me about that, but what I want
the men listening to know is that a woman or.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
And also the women listening.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Because penetration happens in many different variations, a woman is
much more likely to have an orgasm through penetrative intercourse
if she has an orgasm prior to penetration. Yeah, because
we can have multiple So it's really really valuable.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
It's a good use of your.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Time to try to have a woman climax prior to penetration.
It's sort of like you know, it's it's four play.
I think it is like that appetizer. Yeah, you want that,
you want to wet the appetite. She's going to be
more lubricated by the time something enters her or someone
enters her, and she's the nerves are already going to
(33:16):
be tingling, They're going to be sensitized already. So then
it's easier to have the second and third orgasm through penetration.
It's much easier when something when she climbaxes prior.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Yeah, that makes total sense to me.
Speaker 4 (33:31):
I feel like, again, even in my experience, like you said,
and I'm sure I don't want to speak for you,
but when a male is finished, he's finished.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Is this true?
Speaker 4 (33:41):
I'm saying in the point of like you can't immediately
Like from my experience, and I haven't been with a
lot of dudes, what I'm saying from my experience, like
when a male reaches that that point, there is a
period of time where like some dudes, most dudes are like,
don't even don't even touch me, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Period, Yes, where they just need I mean they need
like a brain nap. I mean, but I mean it
depends on their health, their age, whether they had sex
five times yesterday or.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Not, or masturbated or yeah.
Speaker 5 (34:08):
But I'm saying like for women, at least in my experience.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
Literally right after the first orgasm, you're already going to
the second one though there ain't no break there.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
We're ready, Yeah, we're ready. We're ready.
Speaker 6 (34:30):
For somebody who's not sure or is curious, maybe you know,
unsure of whether or not they've experienced an orgasm, How
do we identify it? What constitutes an orgasm?
Speaker 1 (34:42):
What a wonderful question.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
So normally it's like an orgasm is measured with I
don't know if anyone if you can watch the movie Kinsey.
I haven't seen it, and he's one of the first
sexual scientists. I always is named. My last name, you know,
is Kenya. And so I had all these vision I
was going to be called doctor K, doctor K.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Doctor Sanjai. I just stuck. I never got to really
be doctor K.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
But so if when you call me doctor Kenya sometimes
every now and again, I can be doctor K. But
Kinsey is the first sexual scientists who measured that women
really have orgasms, who proved that women had orgasms.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Was prior to then, women didn't have orgasonics. One was this,
this was we're just like the sixties. That's sad.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Yeah, women didn't have orgasms although we knew. I mean,
we can talk a little bit more about this historically. Actually,
you know women the old so DSM five is a
diag Okay, you guys.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Have I'm a therapist.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
It's the only reason I know that, But they don't.
Speaker 5 (35:40):
It'll tell them.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
It's the book that medical professionals use to diagnose people.
It's a diagnostic manual. So if the conditions in there,
it tells us the criteria. Someone, for example, with the
rectile dysfunction, if they don't get in, if they're unable
to achieve an erection for six months or thirty days,
there's the criteria and if they meet that criteria, then
(36:01):
they can be diagnosed with a rectile dysfunction. And you know,
so there what orgasmic dysfunction was just added to the DS.
I mean definitely less than twenty years ago. I want
to say five maybe five years ago. It was just
added orgasmic dysfunction. And so Kinsey was the first scientist
to prove that orgasms existed, and he did that by
(36:24):
measuring contractions in the uterus. So a lot of times
women you'll hear about the shake, and it's their uterus
contracting sort of uncontrollably. It's just like the uterus is
just kind of going nuts for a minute.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
So that's how you can measure it.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
But of course, so a lot of things can feel pleasurable,
you know, with sex. So I don't want women who
might have a different version of an orgasm to think, oh,
if my uterus is not measurably contracting about orgas.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
It's like the same with squirting.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Squirting can or can happened, doesn't mean that you're not
having great sex. If you're not squirting, you know, it
could just mean you're dehydrated. But prior what I was
wanted to talk to you is prior to orgasmic dysfunction
being a diagnosable condition, prior to Kinsey proving that women
(37:19):
did have orgasms. They had in the DSM five a
diagnosis or the DSM I don't know what for a hysteria.
And there is that movie now that came out a
couple of years ago called I think it's called hysteria.
So when a woman was diagnosed with hysteria, she would
go to the doctor's and he would insert a device
(37:41):
or his fingers in her and work the hysteria out
of her. Basically, she would have an orgasm and then
she would not. That would be the treatment for hysteria.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
So I love to say it.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
It's true, like orgasms can be that therapeutical.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Like that's why p pool.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Who don't have great sex and who don't have orgasms
on a regular basis, I mean, pardon, but they're kind.
Speaker 5 (38:08):
Of a bite.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
They're angry, they're angry.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Oh my god, if I could just get someone to
do her all.
Speaker 4 (38:14):
The time much nice to when people are When people
are mad at me in traffic blowerland, I'm like, somebody
blow him, like.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Please, I mean, can we think about the person who
is running the country right now, whatever the opposite, but
thinking about all of these women were running the country. Yeah,
like as if the country is running at this point,
but think.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
About the thank you the country needs. I'm like, come on, Millennia,
take a job, do your job.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Take that staring out of the US.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
I was like, that is exactly.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
And also if you recognize all of these women who
have been with him, the vast majority of them are paid.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
They are they might be.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Uh a pornographic model performance because to be with that
type of person you might have to be picked.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
It's a job.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Let's not which is it's a job, and you know, God,
you know, bless his wife. She must have a very stressful,
crazy life. But remember she came from a communist country,
so she.
Speaker 3 (39:27):
No definitely or at least not by him.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Well definitely not. Hopefully she's got a pool boy somewhere something, hopefully.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
But it's like, and that creates a lot of anger,
these angry men, these angry women. It is it's like,
maybe we should start prescribing masturbation or I often tell people,
maybe just get a massage, you know, not a happy
ending massage, a regular one, because skin to skin contact
(39:54):
releases oxytocin.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Or get a pet just to be a pet. Not
yeah right, right, but that you've been rubbing a connection.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yeah, petting an animal for twenty seconds or more can
also produce oxytocin, but you have to take some sort
of steps to try to get those happy hormones going.
Speaker 6 (40:12):
Yeah, so I recently learned I'm going to butcher the name.
So I need your help in that there.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Very funny.
Speaker 6 (40:21):
You're good, You're good good, But that there is I
don't know if it's prescribed. I don't know if health
insurance backs this or what it is, but there is
such something that's referred to I think as like assisted sex.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
Oh, yes, what's the what's it?
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Right?
Speaker 4 (40:38):
We went I saw this documentary about people who have
disabilities who perhaps don't have access to sex the way
that sexual part.
Speaker 5 (40:46):
Or going out to a bar or sexual partners the
same way.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
So sex, that's what it was. Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
You guys are so even though you're thirty, very young.
About ten years ago, I was on the news. I
was super pregnant and there was a movie about sex surrogacy.
So they interviewed me just about what is a sex surrogance? So,
oh my god, my life turned into I was like, I.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Got so many calls FTV.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
It was like, will you do a TV show in
sex surgus. I was like, no, I'm pregnant. They're like, ooh,
good tea. I was like, you, I'm not a sex surrogate.
I'm not a sex surrogate. But sex surrogacy is actually
a very legitimate form of therapy. There is an actually
an i think it's called IPSE, the International Professional Surrogacy Association,
(41:33):
where you can actually find a qualified sex surrogate and
the way that's sex and it's not just for people
with disabilities. So what a sex surrogate does is helps
people who need help with sexual relationships because they've never
had the opportunity to learn how to have one or
to be able to develop a sentual connection with someone.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
So they might not know how to look someone.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
In the eye, or they might be feeling really a
shame to their body and not how to know how
to be naked in front of someone, or never have
held someone's hand, or and you would be surprised by
how many people are very very successful in their jobs
and they're living in their you know, their fat condo
and they're you know, they're driving their fancy cars and
(42:19):
they have never been on a real date in their life.
And it's very easy to happen, especially with the infusion
of all of these technology focused relationship Right when I
was growing up, you had to meet people in real life, right,
so you couldn't.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Have a whole relationship online. It didn't exist. So sex surrogets.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
Normally you would work with someone like me, like I'm
a sex I'm a clinical sexologist, and or you'd work
with a therapist someone like me, and we would agree
that this is called for. Yes, it would be great
for you to have some expert guy experience in developing
(43:02):
your ability to connect intimately with someone. So I actually
in a safe space, I actually know sex surrogates here,
and I might call one of the sex surrogates and
they we would all meet in the therapeutic office and
discuss what the goals of the therapeutic of this therapy.
Speaker 3 (43:19):
It's a therapy.
Speaker 4 (43:20):
It's not like you're an Amsterdam going you know right now,
there's anything wrong with that, but.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
This it apy. What is your goal?
Speaker 2 (43:26):
Is your goal to be able to have to be
able to go out on dates with people who you
might meet. Is your goal to be able to have
a climax. Maybe you're someone who's just never had an
orgasm before. Is your goal to learn how to please
a partner, because there are some people who are very
insecure with their sexual skills and they really want to
learn how to please a partner. Is your goal to
(43:47):
be more comfortable being naked with someone. It depends on
what the therapeutic goals are and then the therapy experience
with the surrogate. You might meet with them once or
twice a week for eight to twelve weeks, or you
might go on like a three day trip or something
with them, depending on what is called for.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
It is not always inner course.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
It doesn't always involve sexual relationships, but sometimes it does.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
And it is a but it's therapy.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
It doesn't go beyond therapy, and it has a definite
end date and the goal is in.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
You're equipped to use these skills in real life.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
So yeah, and normally it's pretty under the radar because
we don't want people to have prostitution, not prostitution at all.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
It's not prostitution.
Speaker 4 (44:38):
So before we take a little break to hear from
our sponsors, but wish now we're all sex toy sponsors.
Speaker 3 (44:45):
It'll probably be like hot date.
Speaker 4 (44:48):
When we started this episode talking to you. There's one
thing with everything that we talk about that I feel
likes a string through talking about sex or sex. The
tabooonis the shame that we don't know how to approach
the subject. You floored me with that fact about discovering
female orgasms, because what floored me more about that is
not that a male had to discover it is that
(45:09):
the females were so ashamed to talk about experiences that
they were having with their body. For all this time
the world has been going And I say women because
I'm sorry, in this life when it comes to sex,
definitely with women were more ashamed. Yeah, you know or
feel we don't know how to approach or we don't
know what subduction.
Speaker 5 (45:28):
Your parents tell you.
Speaker 4 (45:29):
Don't talk to me about sex or this or that.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
So at least before we go to break.
Speaker 4 (45:33):
What I would love to ask you is parents out
there or people that are hearing us up. Maybe you've
been uncomfortable while you're hearing us speak, maybe you've blushed,
maybe you've felt a little awkward or whatnot.
Speaker 5 (45:44):
But how do you approach.
Speaker 4 (45:48):
A healthy way to open dialogue and conversations about sex
with your kids or with I want to say, with
your kids, but also like with your partner.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
That's my second.
Speaker 6 (46:00):
That's just where I should start, right, Yeah, how do.
Speaker 4 (46:02):
We educate or broach this subject without making it something?
Speaker 5 (46:06):
It's not great.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Question, I think for parents, And I'm also a parent,
and so this is a really important question. A lot
of his friends there there, they come over and they're like,
my mom said, I can ask you about sex.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
No, I got a book.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
We're going to be coming out walking from the beach
and they're like, did you have sex to have your son?
Speaker 1 (46:31):
Hi?
Speaker 2 (46:34):
So I think it's a really important question, And I
think for parents, what we really want to remember is
that we are the biggest role models in our children's lives,
and us normalizing sex is critically important because otherwise they
grew up thinking it's abnormal, and then we leave their
learning to someone else who we don't know.
Speaker 6 (46:56):
Something.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
We wouldn't have them babysat by someone who we don't know.
We wouldn't put them in an environment you know that
we don't know. But if we are not willing to
discuss sex and sexual development with our children. Then we're
saying okay. So that's the we're saying, okay, whatever happens,
you know is going to happen, and I'm willing to
take that risk. And basically, we're born with these vehicles
(47:18):
to get us through life right.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
Our body.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
We got one vehicle to get us through life right.
And there are potentially fatal situations where we can take
our vehicle too right. And unlike a car where we
need to go and get a driver's test, we are
allowed on the road with this vehicle with no training,
no So parents, remember your kids are driving this vehicle
with no education, no driver's license. And most important, parents,
(47:45):
sexual development. It's a developmental milestone. If your kid can't
walk by the time they're five, you're like, something's wrong, right,
something's wrong. If your kid is still pooping in their
pants when they're six, something's wrong. Something's wrong. You don't
want your kid to be a forty year old virgin.
It's a developmental milestone. So we want our kids to
have healthy sexual relationships. So acknowledging, yes, this is going
(48:07):
to happen, and as a parent, I actually have the
power and the influence to make sure that it happens
within a loving context with in a safe way, and
where my child is actually understands the goal of this
is pleasure. It's not to worry about did I get pregnant,
did I get an STI goal of this is pleasure?
Speaker 1 (48:31):
And you're like, wouldn't it be great if our.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Parents set that up for Yes, And every now and
again I meet a parent who has done that. One
of my colleagues did that for both of her children,
and her children are in their late twenties now, and
she told me both of them it was a beautiful experience.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
They made a playlist together, she bought them candles.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
Those candles, everything happen, and they also probably felt.
Speaker 4 (48:54):
Like they had their parents' support. So that also takes
that feeling.
Speaker 2 (48:58):
Talk to the other parents before and then when she
when they came home, she was all excited. She wanted
to know how to go. And both of our children,
a male and a female, have successful sexual relationships.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
They stayed with that person, you know, yeah that year
yet they were still in love.
Speaker 2 (49:16):
And then so I think that understanding it's just like
walking talking. It's just like teaching our kids how to
get ready by themselves.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Is the right or wrong age.
Speaker 2 (49:27):
I think you definitely want to do it before the age.
I would say eleven or twelve, because.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
That's what they hit. Well.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
The studies show that about twelve is when a lot
of kids start engaging in experimental behaviors, and so you
can get you know, there's this thing. Think about this,
mom and dad, if you're listening, there's this thing called
they're having rainbow parties. It's where girls who wear different
(49:55):
color lipsticks all perform oral sex on the same boy
so that they can leave a rainbow on his penis.
So this is what's going on now with the kids.
And there's that wonderful movie. Maybe you guys had to
watch it when you were in school. I used to
show it when I was a young professor teaching sexual
health in New York City.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
I used to show the movie kids, and you can
rent it.
Speaker 4 (50:17):
Actually maybe one hour sex education class, and they showed
us how to put in tampons and how to put
on pads, and that's it.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
I've shown my son and his friends how to put
on a condom using water bottles and stuff. It's so
clinical and so boring. Yeah that after they're like, can
I just go wash my hands?
Speaker 6 (50:36):
I'm sure.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Yeah, let's keep it like so, it's no big deal.
They know that you have to use a condom. My
son absolutely know some girl in his class one day
is going to get her period unexpectedly, and he's going
to be the guy to whisper in her ear, you
got to go use the bath. He absolutely understands. One
day maybe his girlfriend's going to ask him, you know,
(50:58):
to go buy some you know, menstrual supplies, and he's
going to be the guy to say, is it a light,
medium or heavy day? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (51:06):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
So I think that as parents, you really just want
to make sure that your kids hit their developmental milestone
as prepared as possible.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
And I don't know if we have time before the
break to talk about relationships before. I think your thing
is how do you talk about with your partner? So
what I always say, which is sort of like a plug,
is I always say, I have this super fun podcast.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
They're fifteen minute episode. I love it called Sex and Southeast.
Speaker 2 (51:32):
That's right, baby, you listen to it in the car
with your partner anywhere. What it's going to do, it's
going to ignite a sexual discussion that you've never had.
Speaker 1 (51:39):
Before it even does in my own life.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
It's like, oh my, and we're I might be talking
about lesbians, right, I might be talking about something that
doesn't necessarily even have to do with my personal life
right now with the latest episode.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
Is on vaginal gymnastics.
Speaker 5 (51:55):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
Right, So then you're talking to your partner like, should
I do some vaginal gymnastics? Should I be twisting and
turning and pulling and plugging?
Speaker 1 (52:03):
And would you like that?
Speaker 7 (52:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (52:05):
You have me to try that.
Speaker 3 (52:06):
I want to be the miles of vaginas.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
And so I think that there's I think if you
have like someone's gonna listen to this podcast, if they
listen to their partner, guess what, it's going to engage
them in a sexual conversation they've never happened.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
So that's going to be easy and light and fun.
Speaker 2 (52:23):
And our job, as people who care about the world
and think that more information like this needs to be
out in the world, is to create keep creating these
resources fun easy, like, Hey, let's talk about sex.
Speaker 1 (52:34):
Should I never learned? Where should I put my fingers?
Do you want to? You know, in the front hole
and the back of the hole right exactly?
Speaker 6 (52:43):
That's amazing az I love that.
Speaker 5 (52:45):
Whoever's out there listening.
Speaker 4 (52:47):
If you haven't started getting down by now, take this
break to do so, because when we come back, you're
going to hear some more incredible knowledge from Get ready.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
Doctor k yes, be right back.
Speaker 4 (53:13):
All right, well it's important. Now we've learned a lot
from you, but it's time for you to learn from me.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
Everybody that.
Speaker 4 (53:22):
It was called space news, So we report the news
in space about one to it is true, too large,
and the rest.
Speaker 3 (53:31):
Is up to you.
Speaker 4 (53:33):
This week in space link Global has raised more than
eighty five million dollars to expand its direct to smartphone
satellite network. Speeds will be faster than ever, with more
access to data than we've ever had. But don't get
too excited. You still have to sign in if you
want to use porn Hub.
Speaker 3 (53:50):
All right. Roses are red, violets are blue.
Speaker 5 (53:53):
Your event horizons me and I can't see you.
Speaker 4 (53:56):
As that ugly verse shows, black holes aren't exactly conductive
to a ro mantic imagery. However, a new simulation revealed
how dancing holes can vibe with one another, forming a
cosmic love story that's literally written in the stars. Also
written in the stars and completely unrelated is the launch
of my new band, Dancing Holes.
Speaker 3 (54:14):
Stay tuned for tour dates. And this has been space.
Speaker 1 (54:20):
You like that I was good, I'm dancing.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
It's a great name.
Speaker 6 (54:30):
The first part of it is always true that the
punshine is never dancing holes.
Speaker 3 (54:35):
Dancing Holes is what should happen when.
Speaker 2 (54:36):
You're I told my girlfriend that I was She's like,
she's a drummer, and she does all this stuff like,
oh good, that's cool. Hand.
Speaker 4 (54:48):
Well, anyway, unfortunately we have to cut you guys off
right here. But don't worry because we have a lot
more to say to Doctor K. So tune in next
week and come back and hear more about sex. And yes,
like she said, we're gonna talk about sex like it's
the weather, because that's what it is.
Speaker 1 (55:03):
We'll be right back launch.
Speaker 6 (55:10):
This podcast is brought to you by Moonflower Productions in
partnership with IHEARTSMI podcast Network. For more podcasts, visit the
iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Hey, let's talk about sex. Should I never learned? Where
should I put my fingers? Do you want to? You know,
in the front hole or in the back of the
All right, exactly? You know what?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I bet you People would cheat less and have fewer
STDs if they were having great sex with a partner.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
Because you can communicate.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
You could say, hey, I'd like to go date other people,
so then you wouldn't be in this situation where you
don't know that you're not in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Better sex, fewer sex.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
We underestimate how much pleasure we get from giving. I
have a colleague who is a psychologist who has been
married over a decade and has three children and has
never had an orgast that most of the time, though,
I think, like the orgasm you give yourself, you kind
of know what to expect. There's no element of mystery
(00:57):
or a surprise or hey, they got it, or wow,
I wasn't expecting that.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
Earthlinks you are in for a treat today, and I
am in for a bigger treat because I am closer
to who we.
Speaker 5 (01:18):
Are interviewing today.
Speaker 4 (01:20):
However, I want to welcome to in our own world today,
somebody completely unbelievable. A trailblazer not only in medicine, public health,
and sexual wellness. Came here a long time ago to
help with the HIV epidemic, which we're going to talk
about today. Doctor Kenya is a full professor at the
University of Miami, founder of the Champ HIV Prevention program,
and the creator of Yoga for Better Sex. We're not
(01:42):
doing that here, okay, but you definitely need to go
to her class. No, we definitely are stay tuned. You
don't know what's going to happen to you. She's breaking
barriers as the first black woman full professor of medicine
at her university and has been recognized for her work
in reducing the HIV disparities.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
She's done it on her own.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
Author, podcast hosts now podcast guest, and certified yoga instructor.
Doctor Kenya uniquely combines scientific research with a community advocacy
and innovative approaches to sexual health.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
One of the most important things that we need to
talk about more.
Speaker 4 (02:13):
Everybody does it, everybody loves it. We need to talk
about it in a way that makes sense and joins
us to that part of ourself. And this woman right
here knows exactly how to do that. Get ready for
an enlightening conversation that promises to be both educational and entertaining.
The one and only say it with me, Sanchaiya Kenya.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Welcome also best intro ever, Thank you you earned it.
Speaker 1 (02:44):
Thank you for making it so easy, Thank you for
having me. What a pleasure to.
Speaker 6 (02:48):
Be here, and on the perfect day, right right, This
isn't going to come out on Valentine's Day, but so
you know, it is Valentine's Day today in space, on outer.
Speaker 4 (02:56):
Space, exactly in space, it's Valentine's Day. But when we
talked about talking about the subject from season one, we've
wondered how to approach it, and we wanted somebody that
not only knew what they were talking about, but dedicated
so much of their time to research, which she does.
And now that we have somebody here, we feel like
it's a responsible, appropriate way to tackle this subject that
(03:18):
can be taboo, that can be confusing, that can be
weird to even touch, and we want to make it
comfortable and accessible and give the right information.
Speaker 5 (03:26):
So thank you for being here to do that.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
Oh, what an honor, What a treat, especially on this
day when we know so many people are planning to
have some really great actions. Yes, right, right, So it's
a good time to really bring this up and to
remind people that every time, you know, you get excited
about taking your clothes off with someone else, it's also
a great opportunity to learn and advance your skills.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Yeah, okay, so how did you get into this field
of work if you don't mind sharing with us?
Speaker 5 (03:55):
When did you know this was your passion?
Speaker 2 (03:57):
So when I was growing up, Actually, so when I
was born, there was no HIV. Wow. And then as
I was growing up and I hit puberty and my
adolescent development, HIV emerged as a fatal sexually transmitted infection.
And I can remember going to a doctor's office my
(04:18):
first year in college and you're on the college campus
and you're at like student health services, and the doctor
is like, well, you know, be careful because you're probably
gonna get HIV someday.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
And I was like what, And.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
He's like, you know, black women, heterosexual black women are
at the greatest risk for HIV.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
And you know, so get ready.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
And I thought that was the craziest thing anyone ever
said to me. And when you're a young kid, you're
like especially you're a seventeen eighteen year old kid, You're like, huh,
I'm going to show you.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
I'm never getting HIV.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
And then when I actually first went to graduate school,
and I went to Columbia University for graduate school, I
went to UCLA for undergrad I'm from San Francisco, and
it should be noted that the first wedding I ever
attended was a lesbian wedding when I was seven.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
Years old work.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
So it helped that I grew up in a family
that was really open and liberal about sexual wellness and
in a city like San Francisco where sexual health and
sexual diversity is a normal thing. I did go to
all girls school for eighteen years. So my joke is,
(05:34):
if you go to all girls Catholic school for your
whole life, you will become a sexologist.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
The nuns did not teach us anything about sex.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
I remember asking what does it mean to get wet
one day in biology class, and I was told you
will know when the time is right, and that was
horrible advice. And one of my girlfriends did graduate nine
months pregnant. You know, obviously immaculate conception. Ye, So my
(06:08):
early education experience is coupled with this doctor telling me,
now I'm going to get HIV. Now that I'm a
sexually active woman in America, I'm going to get HIV.
It did feel a passion like how could I How
could I have this horrific sexual problem when I don't
even know how to have good sex yet.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
I don't know if I've had an orgasm yet.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I haven't I and I thought, you know, I think
that's probably where the.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Fire was lit. Curiosity.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
And then when I went to graduate school at Columbia University,
I started doing research in a hospital. It was a
diet and exercise study for HIV positive obese women. And
at the times, the medications had just started working to
keep people alive, so everybody was living, but they were
(07:00):
the medications were causing side effects, and it was body
fat redistribution. So women were losing fat in their arms
and legs and gaining it in their gut.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
And like the back of their neck.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
So they were losing their butt and their thighs and
waking up with a bigger gut. So people stopped taking
their meds. They're like, oh, I'm not taking these medications.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
This is horrible.
Speaker 2 (07:20):
So I really started doing research on how can we
get people, particularly minority women, to adhere to their HIV
medications even with these side effects. So one of my
first studies was a diet and exercise study on HIV
positive obese women, and from there I really learned a
(07:44):
lot about relationships. And what scared me the most was
most of the women who I worked with, and they
reminded me so much of myself. You guys are beautiful.
You look like you're in your mid twenties. So some
of my patients at the time, they were like twenty
six year old woman. I'm in graduate school and they're
like they had their first serious boyfriend. It turned out
(08:07):
he was married. The wife would call her and say, hey,
by the way, you need to get tested. Or this
other young woman who was twenty and she was at
a frat party and she doesn't remember what happened. So
all of these people just reminded me so much of myself.
And I can remember one day security called me because
a patient they wouldn't let her in the hospital because
(08:28):
she had a gun, and she said, I know, I'm
always going to carry around because I'm going to kill
the person.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
Who gave me HIV.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
And I thought, man, if you're going to contract a
fatal disease, should have been some really good sex. I
mean you should orgasms. Yeah, it's going to lead to
you walking around with a gun. You want to kill people.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
You don't know how you got it.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
And I think that's really important to recognize about HIV
and a lot of other sexually transmitted infections. Is there
are famous people we know about Charlie Sheen Johnson, and
both of those people say, I don't know where I
got it from. Good sex isn't risky sex. Good sex
is when you're thinking about am I gonna get pregnant?
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Am I gonna get a disease? Are they gonna call
me tomorrow? Are they?
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Good sex is when you feel free to really be
yourself and being vulnerable and how many climaxes can I have?
You know, maybe I can squirt this time?
Speaker 1 (09:24):
You know how far.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
Can I squirt this time?
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Exactly?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
And maybe I can find a new orogen a zone
and my partner.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
That's what great sex is. So it occurred to me
very young.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I think of my professional career that I think people
need someone to help them learn how to have good sex.
As someone who went to all girls Catholic school with
no education. I knew I did, and so that's what
really was.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
The beginning of this journey.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Wow. And then when you start so young, you know
that was one hundred years ago, it feels like. And
so along the line, I have been fortunate to continue
you a very a very distinguished academic medicine career, which
I'm super proud of. I just got a proclamation to
the City of Miami from both Mayor's Danielle Levine and
(10:12):
Francis Waz for all that I've contributed to healthcare here.
And you know, I got Educator of the Year last
year for South Florida.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
This is like for sex education essentially.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah, I run so I run the largest street based
sexual wellness clinic, and all of these are funded by
our national Institutes of Health, the Florida and Apartment of Health.
I have tons of different funders. So I'm really really
proud of what I've been able to accomplish in my
academic medicine career. But unfortunately, you know, there's very little
funding to teach people about how sexual pleasure or how
(10:50):
to maintain a good, uh sexual relationship that can evolve
over time.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
I have a question for you if you do you
think that if people zoned in more on their personal
sexual experience that perhaps some of these outside factors would decrease.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
Absolutely, that is such a great question because what you're
saying is I actually one of my early early hypothesis
was that you know what, I bet you people would
cheat less and have fewer STDs if they were having
great sex as a partner. Right, because you can communicate,
you could say, hey, I'd like to go date other people.
So then you wouldn't be in this situation where you
(11:33):
don't know that you're not in a monogamous relationship.
Speaker 1 (11:37):
Or you'd be like, you know, you'd be.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Able to communicate I'd like to try this, or And
I think, unfortunately, that's such a great question because I
almost compare our sexual relationships now, like a lot of
people just live in this jail cell.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
So many women tell me like, no, I just try
to like I changed my clothes in the bathroom and
I try to wait till my partner goes to sleep,
so I don't have to be in shaping them or
that they're not like avoiding pleasure.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah, they're avoiding it.
Speaker 2 (12:10):
One of my events I have is called Date Night
Special where we bring a couple of couples out, five
to ten couples out and starts at the World Erotic
Art Museum.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
And we just go through these.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
All natural, organic strategies to really help your central relationship evolved.
And it's such a wonderful experience to see couples learn.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
About each other. Yes, this guy was like.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
They've been married for sixteen years, and he said, right
now is the first time I understand the word intimacy.
Speaker 1 (12:43):
I don't know what she was talking about this whole time.
Speaker 2 (12:47):
And so it's really I'm always like excited and honored
when I can help people home that side of too,
because that means, you know, basically, stronger couples, stronger families,
stronger communities, fewer sex problems, yeah, period.
Speaker 4 (13:04):
More sex, fewer sex problems, better sex, sex problems.
Speaker 6 (13:11):
Absolutely yeah, and then fewer sex problems, less problems.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
In general, absolutely exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
And we're sitting here filming this in Miami, Dad, which
has the highest rates of new HIV infections year after
year after year after year, and I didn't know that, Yes,
HIV is still a leading cause of death and that
in Florida and Miami has the highest concentration of HIV
cases in the state of Florida. And what's crazy is
(13:41):
we have PREP and PEP, which can prevent HIV transmission
before or after you're at risk.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
And so it's nuts to me that we have.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
One of the high not only the highest rates of
new infections, but the highest rates of death because there's
all these treatments that help people live the rest of
their lives a healthy person if they are HIV infected.
And we have Brian White Insurance which covers people who
don't have insurance.
Speaker 6 (14:07):
Do you think it's like lack of knowledge or resource.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
Yeah, lack of knowledge, lack of resources. Miami, as most
of the United States, we have not done great in
making sure people who don't have a lot of money
know that they have access to public health care.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
And with the don't please, don't get me started on
the new administration.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
We're in space, and I think we're in the space.
Speaker 6 (14:34):
I'd mentioning that the Department of Health is one of
your funders. I had a thought internally that now I
feel welcome to express where I was like, fuck, I
really hope they don't cut her spending.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
Oh yeah, the one thing actually even though I have
not always been aligned. How that's a good way to say.
With the political leadership in the state of Florida or
in the United s States, one thing that I will.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Say is that.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Every leader who's been in the White House, even the
ones who I am not aligned with at all, have
been okay with HIV. They have been supportive of expanding.
So that is what's amazing. They do realize somehow scientists
have been able to convey that this is a preventable, treatable,
(15:28):
curable disease, and if we put enough resources into it,
we can nip this thing. And we've already started the
human trials on the cure. So in our lifetime we're
going to see the cure.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
You're going to cure it.
Speaker 6 (15:44):
I wish you could be that doctor and be like, listen,
it might only be like.
Speaker 1 (15:48):
Blue eyed males who get the cures.
Speaker 4 (15:51):
But you know, so we're first in line, I will say,
at least from people that I admire and support. Like
I mentioned, we're thirty. Obviously, we live in a time
where we've seen a lot of change happening. Even though
gay marriage was legalized while we were together, like we
went through medical scare and we ran and got a
domestic partnership because weren't allowed to get married, so if
(16:11):
something happened, that was our only option. But I've seen
a lot of people that I care about in the
queer community, particularly because we're in the queer community, but
advocating for PREP and like doing commercials and like spreading
the word to the community like Trixie Mattel and so
many people that if it reaches young people now and
(16:34):
they understand it in that way, that's like it's not scary,
like we're here to help you.
Speaker 5 (16:38):
This is happening. Let's see how we can do it
for me.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
I would love to see, you know, like more of
that in media because I feel like we can reach
a lot of people there. So whoever's making sure that
gets on media get more right.
Speaker 6 (16:51):
Absolutely, So question back to love and romance and pleasure.
I know, I'm sure that you have so many things
(17:11):
that you can share with us for somebody out there
who might be listening and they might be curious as
to what's one thing they can do to not only
improve their relationship with sex as individuals, but also with
their partners. Is there one thing that you think, all right,
if they have to start somewhere. This is where I
would start knowing everything.
Speaker 2 (17:31):
You know, absolutely, I think just acknowledging that you probably
haven't had enough of the education and training to reach
your optimal level of pleasure. Just boom, And none of
us have, right, Yeah, we all learned through traveling here
and none of us had a teacher.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
Like all right, guys, you know this.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Is so I think just acknowledging that because we have
to approach our sexual wellness like from a growth mindset,
we don't know nothing. So I'm I'm an avid reader
and I'm always reading a book and this book i'm
reading now and I even forget the title, but she
it's a true story and she's in this some sort
(18:16):
of divine femininity retreat or whatever. And it's like, I'm
not a big fan of the P word, but and
part of it is because I love actually, but it
is a powerful word.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
I'm talking about the word pussy.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Yeah, like pussy, pussy, pussy.
Speaker 3 (18:31):
I'm not so the reason that was something I was
learning here.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
But I'm like, I'm old school.
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I'm like, I went, I don't want my son to
grow up and use that word inappropriately. But I also
think that there is a lot of power in it.
So like, let's take the three of us and actually
there's four women in the room here, and let's think
about like like my delicious, juicy pussy.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, it's like, and then make me uncomfortable.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
It is such a beautiful, luscious thing, like of course
everybody wants to like some of my juice.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Yea, it is so.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
And then if you do that, like when I'm saying
these things, you see my hands, that's actually what my
lower lips are actually doing. At the same time, it's like,
why not exercise and think about delicious sensual thoughts And
it's like a playful.
Speaker 1 (19:22):
Thing to do.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
You can be And I try to tell people this
exercise do it like when you're mad, you're returning something
at the store and they're like calling the manager because whatever,
and you just start.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
Thinking it delicious.
Speaker 3 (19:37):
I'm doing it.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
You're just thinking it.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
It gives you a whole different vibe what you're giving
off and energy. Now the manager comes and he's just, yeah,
I know what you're He's like, obviously you got to
give her this plus a discount certificate for the next time.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
She goes plus.
Speaker 2 (19:54):
So the power of the pee. Yes, And it's like
it doesn't matter. I say, every you can get so
far by flirting all the time. You don't have to
be with them. But we approached them as a huge
flirt from such an huge standpoint.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
We attroach it.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
It's like someone's in traffic and you be like, oh,
you look hot when you get mad, like you.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
Know, like then they're just there. They don't even know
what to do. They're like, bitch, I don't know if
you want someone catch you.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
In the groceester are like, oh, you must be in
a rush to do somebody, And it's it's definitely like
a copy for our stressful world. But a lot of
times people who feel out of touch with their sexuality
or their sensuality, they're also very uncomfortable talking about it.
So it's like a dare you exercise? Right, it's Friday night,
(20:46):
I dare you? And I always say do it with
someone who you actually don't want to sleep with.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
That's the best way. Like the guy comes to pict
your toilet, like.
Speaker 4 (20:54):
Okay, but that sounds like ye, yes, maybe not bad.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
You know, but my pipes are clocks.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
But you know, I've been asked out by people who
and I've actually been out to dinner with them and
I was like, oh, it's a date.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
I'm sorry, girl, I am so sorry. I didn't know.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
I thought we were having like girls ride out went
too far?
Speaker 5 (21:20):
How was he?
Speaker 1 (21:21):
So I think just and that can go.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
You know, whether you're a male, whatever your p is
down there, whether whatever you are, and clenching your I
call them, you know, your front and back.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Openings, just like doing it.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
And I you know, sometimes and I'm in a very
high level, high stress business, meaning i could be in
DC reviewing grants for the National and Suits of Health.
Definitely not agreeing with what this person is to say,
and I'm like, I'm gonna have to advocate for this
person because I want this grand funded. I want this
grand funded. So I'm like, you know, and it does take.
It's like this whole.
Speaker 6 (21:54):
Take a practice, yeah, practice that I do.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
And then when you come out, it's like everybody's so
into what you're saying.
Speaker 1 (22:03):
Well, because the way that she is.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
Going to measure the effects of this intervention is so
they're like they don't know, they don't hear anything. They're
just and I've actually had which is so interesting. Colleagues
say to me, like, you know, Sanjaya or doctor Kenya.
You know, I don't hear anything you're saying. I'm just
watching you talk right now. But yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Wow, So you are the son. You are my son
right now.
Speaker 6 (22:27):
So if they're like the size there has to be
I'm sure you don't. Is there like the science behind that? Like,
is it fairmones?
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Like?
Speaker 6 (22:35):
What's the effect that you're having on people when they're like, Google,
i'd listening to you speak.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Okay, So you guys, we've all been through a dry
spell where like nobody loves us, right, Like nobody wants
to call us. We're not going on any day, we
feel ugly whatever. It's like I don't know what's wrong
with me. Yeah, yeah, type of thing. And then you
finally get together with someone, right, and you have a
few orgasms, right, and then you go out into the
world and why now you already have someone have orgasms with?
Speaker 1 (23:01):
But everyone every wants to say yeah, and you're like,
what is it? It's because your mojo, your hormones. And
that's the thing. Sex really fulfilling.
Speaker 4 (23:12):
Sexual experience of confidence.
Speaker 2 (23:14):
It has really significant physiological benefits. One we start producing
all of these happy hormones. Oxytotin you know, oxytocin, right,
hormone you're like, And I tell people, especially.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
You know when girls two women, Yes, we talked about that.
I don't even know why I can't stop. Yes, it's
just like crazy.
Speaker 2 (23:37):
It's so there's oxytosin. There's also dopamine, and dopamine is
like that's what's released, you know when That's why people
do cocaine because they want that huge dopamine release. And
I tell this to people, like having a great explosive orgasm.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Is like the of cocaine.
Speaker 2 (23:52):
It's a godfather levels of cocaine, you know, Like so,
and there's serotonin, and serotonin is really like a pleasing
like hey.
Speaker 1 (24:03):
Everything's kind of cool, you know.
Speaker 2 (24:05):
It's like, yeah, the cousin of the cousin of t
to fan, which is what what we eat on Thanksgiving
from Turkey.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Absolutely.
Speaker 6 (24:16):
I love how well versu you are.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
This, you know, So we have all of the finethyline
is another one. We have all of these great happy
hormones that are produced which are actually very similar to
the hormones you release when you exercise. So another reason
why exercise is so good. I mean you've never.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
Left the gym or working out and been like, man,
those waste of time.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
Like.
Speaker 6 (24:39):
Ol but no, no, no, not a waste of time.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
I mean like I've spent this time having ten orgasms
the gym, and that's the gym.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
So it just it's sort of contagious. So the same
thing happens when you start thinking it. You know, it's
sort of the law of attraction, and so if you're
producing these happy hormones, they're magnetic. People don't want to
be around bitter people, which is also why if someone's
just gone through a hard breakup and now they're like,
you know, you got to get back out there, you gotta,
(25:10):
but they're still very sad and they look so beautiful
and you know, their hair, their makeup, their clothes have
never been better. But at the bar people just stay
away from that vibe. And it's like, who, it's our hormones,
and we really don't realize energy effective. So it's really
important to try to do things to make ourselves happy
(25:31):
and to find healthy coping mechanisms. And I mean that
is one of the things I do teach the Yoga
for Better Sex class, but even just participating in a
regular yoga class, like getting your mojo aligned, you know,
your intentions aligned with your physicality, giving yourself that space
(25:53):
to breathe and appreciate what your body can do. And
a lot of data is out there showing that exercise,
including yoga, can have tremendous benefits for sexual functioning, more
lubrication production, more higher levels of desire, stronger public floor.
Speaker 7 (26:14):
Exactly you, Okay, this is something that I'm dying to
hear from you.
Speaker 4 (26:26):
What is the difference or is there a difference between
an orgasm you give yourself an orgasm orgasm somebody gives you.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
So this is a great question.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yeah, so maybe physiologically your body may not always be
able to tell the difference, except for the emotional part.
Most of the time, though, I think like the orgasm
you give yourself, you kind of know what to expect.
There's no element of mystery or a surprise or they
(27:00):
got it or wow, I wasn't expecting.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
That, Like surprise yourself.
Speaker 6 (27:05):
Right, I know you were going to do that.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
So there's that, and then there's also, as you guys said,
there is a level of emotional and like energetic connection
that comes from being with another person.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
It's like two brains are greater than one.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
You can have a great idea and then you talk
about it with her, and then this great idea becomes
brilliant yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:32):
Or worse. Well, but and the same thing can happen.
Speaker 2 (27:42):
And I think there's also really we underestimate how much
pleasure we get from giving thing.
Speaker 6 (27:54):
Yeah, I think I feel like it's a lesbian community,
at least in my experience. That's something that I really
feel that we have or we've unlocked, that I don't
always see in other partnerships. Like I and my colleagues,
we really own are the enjoyment that we receive from
(28:15):
pleasing our partners, right, And so I think it's I mean,
if those in heterosexual relationships, I always recommend, no, you only.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Date an evolved man.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
No. If it's not good enough for your lips, it's
definitely not good enough for your dick. Yeahs don't go
down well first of all, And I think from a
health perspective, as a man, you need to go down
and look at it and smell it and make sure
everything good esthetic. Why would you put your penis in
something unless you're absolutely sure that it's going to.
Speaker 1 (28:44):
Be good for your penis, and these are not good
enough for your lips.
Speaker 6 (28:47):
It's not good enough for your dick.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Right or licked dick enough to whatever you. And I've
had men come to me. I haven't seen patients in
probably over ten years, but I used to do one
on one sessions and They'll be like, well, she didn't
smell and I'm like, well, why would you want to
do her? Why would you put your penis in something
that is potentially toxic. If you won't trust your mouth
(29:12):
on that, why would you trust and it so I
think also society has really trained, unfortunately, men to believe
that they don't have an obligation to please women. And
that's something It's okay to blame a woman if she
doesn't achieve orgasm as easily as he would like her too,
(29:33):
or as easily as his ex girlfriend did. And I
think that is one of the traps that too many
women fall into. No, honey, nothing is wrong with you
at all, something's wrong with him. And being able to
safely advocate for our own pleasure.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
These are the types of trainings that we need more of.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
It's like I always say, when I'm like, when HIV
has done when all the sex problems are done in
academic medicine. That's all I'm going to do is focus
on helping people own their orgasm have more pleasure.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
I'm gonna be like Missus Foker.
Speaker 2 (30:10):
Seniors in my backyard doing you know, doing different smells.
I give you guys, my by by the.
Speaker 1 (30:18):
Way, these natural things that you can do. Yeah. I
think that everybody should pretend like they're a lesbian.
Speaker 4 (30:25):
Sometimes I'm opposed to that.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
I like this.
Speaker 6 (30:31):
I love the topic of women and sexual health because
at least in the statistics that I've read, which I
know don't compare to what you know, but there's a
huge disparity in pleasure between men and women.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
Huge the O gap, the orgasm gap.
Speaker 2 (30:45):
So a man basically has a climax every single time
he engages in sex. Right a woman, it's like one
to three to one to four. And that's what we
know from the data, which means it's probably like.
Speaker 1 (30:55):
One day nine.
Speaker 2 (30:57):
Because a lot of are they're a shamed they're in
a relationship not going to tell you know, for ten
years I've been I have a colleague who is a
psychologist who has been married over a decade and has
three children and has never.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Had an orgast.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
I hear it right, So people are embarrassed to share
that type of thing, and they're so we we're never
going to have accurate data on these things. But what
it's also important how many women even have been educated
on like how to masturbate, how to please themselves, because
we have to be we are the owners of our
(31:32):
own body. We are the educators in order to own
our orgasms. We need to know what what what initiates
an orgasm?
Speaker 4 (31:39):
Yeah, before we move on, Like, I feel like because
I've been with men and women sexually and in life,
but anyway, I also have noticed that I feel like
they're that men don't there's no way they can understand.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
But they don't understand that.
Speaker 4 (32:01):
Although it is attainable to have an orgasm from internal
you know from penetration, that that is not our main
source of pleasure.
Speaker 6 (32:11):
Is that true?
Speaker 1 (32:12):
Absolutely?
Speaker 2 (32:13):
Okay, seventy five percent of women cannot achieve an orgasm
through penetration alone.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
I've only had one orgasm in my life that had
nothing to do that was only penetration.
Speaker 2 (32:24):
Now, the question I would ask, well, and you don't
have to tell me about that, but what I want
the men listening to know is that a woman or.
Speaker 1 (32:32):
And also the women listening.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Because penetration happens in many different variations, a woman is
much more likely to have an orgasm through penetrative intercourse
if she has an orgasm prior to penetration. Yeah, because
we can have multiple So it's really really valuable.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
It's a good use of your.
Speaker 2 (32:54):
Time to try to have a woman climax prior to penetration.
It's sort of like you know, it's it's four play.
I think it is like that appetizer. Yeah, you want that,
you want to wet the appetite. She's going to be
more lubricated by the time something enters her or someone
enters her, and she's the nerves are already going to
(33:16):
be tingling, They're going to be sensitized already. So then
it's easier to have the second and third orgasm through penetration.
It's much easier when something when she climbaxes prior.
Speaker 1 (33:29):
Yeah, that makes total sense to me.
Speaker 4 (33:31):
I feel like, again, even in my experience, like you said,
and I'm sure I don't want to speak for you,
but when a male is finished, he's finished.
Speaker 1 (33:40):
Is this true?
Speaker 4 (33:41):
I'm saying in the point of like you can't immediately
Like from my experience, and I haven't been with a
lot of dudes, what I'm saying from my experience, like
when a male reaches that that point, there is a
period of time where like some dudes, most dudes are like,
don't even don't even touch me, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
Period, Yes, where they just need I mean they need
like a brain nap. I mean, but I mean it
depends on their health, their age, whether they had sex
five times yesterday or.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
Not, or masturbated or yeah.
Speaker 5 (34:08):
But I'm saying like for women, at least in my experience.
Speaker 4 (34:11):
Literally right after the first orgasm, you're already going to
the second one though there ain't no break there.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
We're ready, Yeah, we're ready. We're ready.
Speaker 6 (34:30):
For somebody who's not sure or is curious, maybe you know,
unsure of whether or not they've experienced an orgasm, How
do we identify it? What constitutes an orgasm?
Speaker 1 (34:42):
What a wonderful question.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
So normally it's like an orgasm is measured with I
don't know if anyone if you can watch the movie Kinsey.
I haven't seen it, and he's one of the first
sexual scientists. I always is named. My last name, you know,
is Kenya. And so I had all these vision I
was going to be called doctor K, doctor K.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
Doctor Sanjai. I just stuck. I never got to really
be doctor K.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
But so if when you call me doctor Kenya sometimes
every now and again, I can be doctor K. But
Kinsey is the first sexual scientists who measured that women
really have orgasms, who proved that women had orgasms.
Speaker 1 (35:18):
Was prior to then, women didn't have orgasonics. One was this,
this was we're just like the sixties. That's sad.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
Yeah, women didn't have orgasms although we knew. I mean,
we can talk a little bit more about this historically. Actually,
you know women the old so DSM five is a
diag Okay, you guys.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
Have I'm a therapist.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
It's the only reason I know that, But they don't.
Speaker 5 (35:40):
It'll tell them.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
It's the book that medical professionals use to diagnose people.
It's a diagnostic manual. So if the conditions in there,
it tells us the criteria. Someone, for example, with the
rectile dysfunction, if they don't get in, if they're unable
to achieve an erection for six months or thirty days,
there's the criteria and if they meet that criteria, then
(36:01):
they can be diagnosed with a rectile dysfunction. And you know,
so there what orgasmic dysfunction was just added to the DS.
I mean definitely less than twenty years ago. I want
to say five maybe five years ago. It was just
added orgasmic dysfunction. And so Kinsey was the first scientist
to prove that orgasms existed, and he did that by
(36:24):
measuring contractions in the uterus. So a lot of times
women you'll hear about the shake, and it's their uterus
contracting sort of uncontrollably. It's just like the uterus is
just kind of going nuts for a minute.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
So that's how you can measure it.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
But of course, so a lot of things can feel pleasurable,
you know, with sex. So I don't want women who
might have a different version of an orgasm to think, oh,
if my uterus is not measurably contracting about orgas.
Speaker 1 (36:57):
It's like the same with squirting.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
Squirting can or can happened, doesn't mean that you're not
having great sex. If you're not squirting, you know, it
could just mean you're dehydrated. But prior what I was
wanted to talk to you is prior to orgasmic dysfunction
being a diagnosable condition, prior to Kinsey proving that women
(37:19):
did have orgasms. They had in the DSM five a
diagnosis or the DSM I don't know what for a hysteria.
And there is that movie now that came out a
couple of years ago called I think it's called hysteria.
So when a woman was diagnosed with hysteria, she would
go to the doctor's and he would insert a device
(37:41):
or his fingers in her and work the hysteria out
of her. Basically, she would have an orgasm and then
she would not. That would be the treatment for hysteria.
Speaker 1 (37:52):
So I love to say it.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
It's true, like orgasms can be that therapeutical.
Speaker 1 (37:58):
Like that's why p pool.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Who don't have great sex and who don't have orgasms
on a regular basis, I mean, pardon, but they're kind.
Speaker 5 (38:08):
Of a bite.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
They're angry, they're angry.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
Oh my god, if I could just get someone to
do her all.
Speaker 4 (38:14):
The time much nice to when people are When people
are mad at me in traffic blowerland, I'm like, somebody
blow him, like.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
Please, I mean, can we think about the person who
is running the country right now, whatever the opposite, but
thinking about all of these women were running the country. Yeah,
like as if the country is running at this point,
but think.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
About the thank you the country needs. I'm like, come on, Millennia,
take a job, do your job.
Speaker 3 (38:53):
Take that staring out of the US.
Speaker 1 (38:55):
I was like, that is exactly.
Speaker 2 (38:58):
And also if you recognize all of these women who
have been with him, the vast majority of them are paid.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
They are they might be.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Uh a pornographic model performance because to be with that
type of person you might have to be picked.
Speaker 1 (39:16):
It's a job.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
Let's not which is it's a job, and you know, God,
you know, bless his wife. She must have a very stressful,
crazy life. But remember she came from a communist country,
so she.
Speaker 3 (39:27):
No definitely or at least not by him.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Well definitely not. Hopefully she's got a pool boy somewhere something, hopefully.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
But it's like, and that creates a lot of anger,
these angry men, these angry women. It is it's like,
maybe we should start prescribing masturbation or I often tell people,
maybe just get a massage, you know, not a happy
ending massage, a regular one, because skin to skin contact
(39:54):
releases oxytocin.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Or get a pet just to be a pet. Not
yeah right, right, but that you've been rubbing a connection.
Speaker 2 (40:02):
Yeah, petting an animal for twenty seconds or more can
also produce oxytocin, but you have to take some sort
of steps to try to get those happy hormones going.
Speaker 6 (40:12):
Yeah, so I recently learned I'm going to butcher the name.
So I need your help in that there.
Speaker 1 (40:20):
Very funny.
Speaker 6 (40:21):
You're good, You're good good, But that there is I
don't know if it's prescribed. I don't know if health
insurance backs this or what it is, but there is
such something that's referred to I think as like assisted sex.
Speaker 3 (40:35):
Oh, yes, what's the what's it?
Speaker 2 (40:37):
Right?
Speaker 4 (40:38):
We went I saw this documentary about people who have
disabilities who perhaps don't have access to sex the way
that sexual part.
Speaker 5 (40:46):
Or going out to a bar or sexual partners the
same way.
Speaker 3 (40:49):
So sex, that's what it was. Yeah, that's right.
Speaker 2 (40:54):
You guys are so even though you're thirty, very young.
About ten years ago, I was on the news. I
was super pregnant and there was a movie about sex surrogacy.
So they interviewed me just about what is a sex surrogance? So,
oh my god, my life turned into I was like, I.
Speaker 1 (41:11):
Got so many calls FTV.
Speaker 2 (41:13):
It was like, will you do a TV show in
sex surgus. I was like, no, I'm pregnant. They're like, ooh,
good tea. I was like, you, I'm not a sex surrogate.
I'm not a sex surrogate. But sex surrogacy is actually
a very legitimate form of therapy. There is an actually
an i think it's called IPSE, the International Professional Surrogacy Association,
(41:33):
where you can actually find a qualified sex surrogate and
the way that's sex and it's not just for people
with disabilities. So what a sex surrogate does is helps
people who need help with sexual relationships because they've never
had the opportunity to learn how to have one or
to be able to develop a sentual connection with someone.
Speaker 1 (41:55):
So they might not know how to look someone.
Speaker 2 (41:57):
In the eye, or they might be feeling really a
shame to their body and not how to know how
to be naked in front of someone, or never have
held someone's hand, or and you would be surprised by
how many people are very very successful in their jobs
and they're living in their you know, their fat condo
and they're you know, they're driving their fancy cars and
(42:19):
they have never been on a real date in their life.
And it's very easy to happen, especially with the infusion
of all of these technology focused relationship Right when I
was growing up, you had to meet people in real life, right,
so you couldn't.
Speaker 1 (42:36):
Have a whole relationship online. It didn't exist. So sex surrogets.
Speaker 2 (42:42):
Normally you would work with someone like me, like I'm
a sex I'm a clinical sexologist, and or you'd work
with a therapist someone like me, and we would agree
that this is called for. Yes, it would be great
for you to have some expert guy experience in developing
(43:02):
your ability to connect intimately with someone. So I actually
in a safe space, I actually know sex surrogates here,
and I might call one of the sex surrogates and
they we would all meet in the therapeutic office and
discuss what the goals of the therapeutic of this therapy.
Speaker 3 (43:19):
It's a therapy.
Speaker 4 (43:20):
It's not like you're an Amsterdam going you know right now,
there's anything wrong with that, but.
Speaker 1 (43:24):
This it apy. What is your goal?
Speaker 2 (43:26):
Is your goal to be able to have to be
able to go out on dates with people who you
might meet. Is your goal to be able to have
a climax. Maybe you're someone who's just never had an
orgasm before. Is your goal to learn how to please
a partner, because there are some people who are very
insecure with their sexual skills and they really want to
learn how to please a partner. Is your goal to
(43:47):
be more comfortable being naked with someone. It depends on
what the therapeutic goals are and then the therapy experience
with the surrogate. You might meet with them once or
twice a week for eight to twelve weeks, or you
might go on like a three day trip or something
with them, depending on what is called for.
Speaker 1 (44:06):
It is not always inner course.
Speaker 2 (44:08):
It doesn't always involve sexual relationships, but sometimes it does.
Speaker 1 (44:13):
And it is a but it's therapy.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
It doesn't go beyond therapy, and it has a definite
end date and the goal is in.
Speaker 1 (44:22):
You're equipped to use these skills in real life.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
So yeah, and normally it's pretty under the radar because
we don't want people to have prostitution, not prostitution at all.
Speaker 1 (44:36):
It's not prostitution.
Speaker 4 (44:38):
So before we take a little break to hear from
our sponsors, but wish now we're all sex toy sponsors.
Speaker 3 (44:45):
It'll probably be like hot date.
Speaker 4 (44:48):
When we started this episode talking to you. There's one
thing with everything that we talk about that I feel
likes a string through talking about sex or sex. The
tabooonis the shame that we don't know how to approach
the subject. You floored me with that fact about discovering
female orgasms, because what floored me more about that is
not that a male had to discover it is that
(45:09):
the females were so ashamed to talk about experiences that
they were having with their body. For all this time
the world has been going And I say women because
I'm sorry, in this life when it comes to sex,
definitely with women were more ashamed. Yeah, you know or
feel we don't know how to approach or we don't
know what subduction.
Speaker 5 (45:28):
Your parents tell you.
Speaker 4 (45:29):
Don't talk to me about sex or this or that.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
So at least before we go to break.
Speaker 4 (45:33):
What I would love to ask you is parents out
there or people that are hearing us up. Maybe you've
been uncomfortable while you're hearing us speak, maybe you've blushed,
maybe you've felt a little awkward or whatnot.
Speaker 5 (45:44):
But how do you approach.
Speaker 4 (45:48):
A healthy way to open dialogue and conversations about sex
with your kids or with I want to say, with
your kids, but also like with your partner.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
That's my second.
Speaker 6 (46:00):
That's just where I should start, right, Yeah, how do.
Speaker 4 (46:02):
We educate or broach this subject without making it something?
Speaker 5 (46:06):
It's not great.
Speaker 2 (46:08):
Question, I think for parents, And I'm also a parent,
and so this is a really important question. A lot
of his friends there there, they come over and they're like,
my mom said, I can ask you about sex.
Speaker 1 (46:21):
No, I got a book.
Speaker 2 (46:24):
We're going to be coming out walking from the beach
and they're like, did you have sex to have your son?
Speaker 1 (46:31):
Hi?
Speaker 2 (46:34):
So I think it's a really important question, And I
think for parents, what we really want to remember is
that we are the biggest role models in our children's lives,
and us normalizing sex is critically important because otherwise they
grew up thinking it's abnormal, and then we leave their
learning to someone else who we don't know.
Speaker 6 (46:56):
Something.
Speaker 2 (46:56):
We wouldn't have them babysat by someone who we don't know.
We wouldn't put them in an environment you know that
we don't know. But if we are not willing to
discuss sex and sexual development with our children. Then we're
saying okay. So that's the we're saying, okay, whatever happens,
you know is going to happen, and I'm willing to
take that risk. And basically, we're born with these vehicles
(47:18):
to get us through life right.
Speaker 1 (47:20):
Our body.
Speaker 2 (47:20):
We got one vehicle to get us through life right.
And there are potentially fatal situations where we can take
our vehicle too right. And unlike a car where we
need to go and get a driver's test, we are
allowed on the road with this vehicle with no training,
no So parents, remember your kids are driving this vehicle
with no education, no driver's license. And most important, parents,
(47:45):
sexual development. It's a developmental milestone. If your kid can't
walk by the time they're five, you're like, something's wrong, right,
something's wrong. If your kid is still pooping in their
pants when they're six, something's wrong. Something's wrong. You don't
want your kid to be a forty year old virgin.
It's a developmental milestone. So we want our kids to
have healthy sexual relationships. So acknowledging, yes, this is going
(48:07):
to happen, and as a parent, I actually have the
power and the influence to make sure that it happens
within a loving context with in a safe way, and
where my child is actually understands the goal of this
is pleasure. It's not to worry about did I get pregnant,
did I get an STI goal of this is pleasure?
Speaker 1 (48:31):
And you're like, wouldn't it be great if our.
Speaker 2 (48:33):
Parents set that up for Yes, And every now and
again I meet a parent who has done that. One
of my colleagues did that for both of her children,
and her children are in their late twenties now, and
she told me both of them it was a beautiful experience.
Speaker 1 (48:46):
They made a playlist together, she bought them candles.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
Those candles, everything happen, and they also probably felt.
Speaker 4 (48:54):
Like they had their parents' support. So that also takes
that feeling.
Speaker 2 (48:58):
Talk to the other parents before and then when she
when they came home, she was all excited. She wanted
to know how to go. And both of our children,
a male and a female, have successful sexual relationships.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
They stayed with that person, you know, yeah that year
yet they were still in love.
Speaker 2 (49:16):
And then so I think that understanding it's just like
walking talking. It's just like teaching our kids how to
get ready by themselves.
Speaker 3 (49:25):
Is the right or wrong age.
Speaker 2 (49:27):
I think you definitely want to do it before the age.
I would say eleven or twelve, because.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
That's what they hit. Well.
Speaker 2 (49:34):
The studies show that about twelve is when a lot
of kids start engaging in experimental behaviors, and so you
can get you know, there's this thing. Think about this,
mom and dad, if you're listening, there's this thing called
they're having rainbow parties. It's where girls who wear different
(49:55):
color lipsticks all perform oral sex on the same boy
so that they can leave a rainbow on his penis.
So this is what's going on now with the kids.
And there's that wonderful movie. Maybe you guys had to
watch it when you were in school. I used to
show it when I was a young professor teaching sexual
health in New York City.
Speaker 1 (50:14):
I used to show the movie kids, and you can
rent it.
Speaker 4 (50:17):
Actually maybe one hour sex education class, and they showed
us how to put in tampons and how to put
on pads, and that's it.
Speaker 2 (50:25):
I've shown my son and his friends how to put
on a condom using water bottles and stuff. It's so
clinical and so boring. Yeah that after they're like, can
I just go wash my hands?
Speaker 6 (50:36):
I'm sure.
Speaker 2 (50:37):
Yeah, let's keep it like so, it's no big deal.
They know that you have to use a condom. My
son absolutely know some girl in his class one day
is going to get her period unexpectedly, and he's going
to be the guy to whisper in her ear, you
got to go use the bath. He absolutely understands. One
day maybe his girlfriend's going to ask him, you know,
(50:58):
to go buy some you know, menstrual supplies, and he's
going to be the guy to say, is it a light,
medium or heavy day? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (51:06):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (51:07):
So I think that as parents, you really just want
to make sure that your kids hit their developmental milestone
as prepared as possible.
Speaker 1 (51:15):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2 (51:17):
And I don't know if we have time before the
break to talk about relationships before. I think your thing
is how do you talk about with your partner? So
what I always say, which is sort of like a plug,
is I always say, I have this super fun podcast.
Speaker 1 (51:29):
They're fifteen minute episode. I love it called Sex and Southeast.
Speaker 2 (51:32):
That's right, baby, you listen to it in the car
with your partner anywhere. What it's going to do, it's
going to ignite a sexual discussion that you've never had.
Speaker 1 (51:39):
Before it even does in my own life.
Speaker 2 (51:42):
It's like, oh my, and we're I might be talking
about lesbians, right, I might be talking about something that
doesn't necessarily even have to do with my personal life
right now with the latest episode.
Speaker 1 (51:54):
Is on vaginal gymnastics.
Speaker 5 (51:55):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
Right, So then you're talking to your partner like, should
I do some vaginal gymnastics? Should I be twisting and
turning and pulling and plugging?
Speaker 1 (52:03):
And would you like that?
Speaker 7 (52:05):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (52:05):
You have me to try that.
Speaker 3 (52:06):
I want to be the miles of vaginas.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
And so I think that there's I think if you
have like someone's gonna listen to this podcast, if they
listen to their partner, guess what, it's going to engage
them in a sexual conversation they've never happened.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
So that's going to be easy and light and fun.
Speaker 2 (52:23):
And our job, as people who care about the world
and think that more information like this needs to be
out in the world, is to create keep creating these
resources fun easy, like, Hey, let's talk about sex.
Speaker 1 (52:34):
Should I never learned? Where should I put my fingers?
Do you want to? You know, in the front hole
and the back of the hole right exactly?
Speaker 6 (52:43):
That's amazing az I love that.
Speaker 5 (52:45):
Whoever's out there listening.
Speaker 4 (52:47):
If you haven't started getting down by now, take this
break to do so, because when we come back, you're
going to hear some more incredible knowledge from Get ready.
Speaker 1 (52:56):
Doctor k yes, be right back.
Speaker 4 (53:13):
All right, well it's important. Now we've learned a lot
from you, but it's time for you to learn from me.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
Everybody that.
Speaker 4 (53:22):
It was called space news, So we report the news
in space about one to it is true, too large,
and the rest.
Speaker 3 (53:31):
Is up to you.
Speaker 4 (53:33):
This week in space link Global has raised more than
eighty five million dollars to expand its direct to smartphone
satellite network. Speeds will be faster than ever, with more
access to data than we've ever had. But don't get
too excited. You still have to sign in if you
want to use porn Hub.
Speaker 3 (53:50):
All right. Roses are red, violets are blue.
Speaker 5 (53:53):
Your event horizons me and I can't see you.
Speaker 4 (53:56):
As that ugly verse shows, black holes aren't exactly conductive
to a ro mantic imagery. However, a new simulation revealed
how dancing holes can vibe with one another, forming a
cosmic love story that's literally written in the stars. Also
written in the stars and completely unrelated is the launch
of my new band, Dancing Holes.
Speaker 3 (54:14):
Stay tuned for tour dates. And this has been space.
Speaker 1 (54:20):
You like that I was good, I'm dancing.
Speaker 3 (54:29):
It's a great name.
Speaker 6 (54:30):
The first part of it is always true that the
punshine is never dancing holes.
Speaker 3 (54:35):
Dancing Holes is what should happen when.
Speaker 2 (54:36):
You're I told my girlfriend that I was She's like,
she's a drummer, and she does all this stuff like,
oh good, that's cool. Hand.
Speaker 4 (54:48):
Well, anyway, unfortunately we have to cut you guys off
right here. But don't worry because we have a lot
more to say to Doctor K. So tune in next
week and come back and hear more about sex. And yes,
like she said, we're gonna talk about sex like it's
the weather, because that's what it is.
Speaker 1 (55:03):
We'll be right back launch.
Speaker 6 (55:10):
This podcast is brought to you by Moonflower Productions in
partnership with IHEARTSMI podcast Network. For more podcasts, visit the
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Hosts And Creators
Gemeny Hernandez
Emily Estefan
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