November 9, 2022 • 47 mins
There are the Three Musketeers...then there are the four of us. Joining your crew this week are two of our friends/playmates/partners in mischief Isabela Merced and Kianah McWilson. You're lucky to be listening in on this special reunion, but we're luckier to be sharing it with you. Mental health, surviving the public eye, and the *best* musical outro yet are just a few of the things waiting for you on this flight.
Featuring: Isabela Merced and Kianah McWilson
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
He only got Captain, I gave me the same. Let's
go to the one already ready for wondering at the
same tack launching ladies, grants, gems, germs, drummers, drummers didn't
(00:31):
get bumbird bum bum bum everybody out there in between.
I just want to say, welcome in our own law,
all right, Yes we are. We have some very special
guests with us today. Ye go special two friends of
the heart that we met by a perfect circumstance. We
(00:54):
were at a dinner that we didn't really want to
go to um filled with a bunch of exact youtives,
and like true people of the soul, we happen to
find our way our own kids table. Yes, that's true.
We were the youngest ones there. We were the youngest
ones there, and we were like, you guys want to dips, Like,
(01:18):
I'll drive after watching you guys eat only vegetables all night? Wow?
Tell me really feel So we're here with Isabella, Medicine
and Kick. All right, So if you're joining us tonight, welcome.
(01:41):
You are in for a treat and it's the nighttime.
Apparently allegedly I love treats, but really we're here with
Kiki and is a Boer said, we are very happy
that you're here because it has been a journey to
get you guys here. So finally welcome to the in
our own world spaceship. Welcome, Thank you. Going on our
(02:02):
two years, you know that I know, I know crazy,
I know I really I really love you guys, because
once you're out of high school, when you're meeting people
by four sort of and making friends out of like necessity,
I feel like it's harder to make these kinds of friendships.
And I feel like on both of our sides, we've
(02:23):
just been proactive and intentional. When we first hung out
at the bowling alley, yeah right, and you stole the shoes.
I'm bad that you brought that up, because actually in
my closet right now, I have the bowling shoes from
that moment, because what actually happened was that we went bowling.
(02:45):
I brought, you know, shoes as everybody as everybody does
when they go bowling, and then I traded those shoes
for bowling shoes. I put the bowling shoes on and
left the establishment. She didn't mean to have I really
really really really really think so those shoes that she
(03:08):
left were originally really mine that she was wearing, so
she had to have like a whole conversation. I know,
I know, I know, as you know what. She actually
didn't replace them until like two weeks ago. True, I'm
sorry validating that statement over a year later. Way over it.
(03:30):
I mean, you guys are lucky. I can't fit anything
that has unless unless she decided to buy oversized. And
I'm like, my thick, I'm about to get in there
about the form and that you look good to the
pants and baby feet though not six six and sometimes damn,
(03:54):
I can't even try. No, like the slides the Champion
slides like I do it, but myles hang on the
end and I just skirt desperate times. If I have to,
I do it. Okay, So we love you, we know you,
(04:15):
But for those that don't know you, I would love
for you to share a little bit about yourselves. My
name is Kiana. I make clothes as of recently. Um,
I think I have my hat on right now, Yes
I do. Um. I mean I went to I went
to I went to film school, but um, I recently
(04:37):
got super invested into graphic designs, so I just kind
of like I went full force into it, enjoy it.
It's fun. I like clothes, so why not make my
own so that no one else has it until you
start selling it then like other people don't. But yeah, no, no,
(04:58):
are you super creative? And and and you would dancer?
Uh No, I do that because it's fun. No, you
can dance, Kona, and you can sing. I've seen you
do both. I've heard kind of thing last night. All right,
you know I can catch one too, or I can.
You're certainly not tell him deaf. She keeps her cards
(05:22):
close to a chest. I see it. Never let them know,
Just like you said, never let them know. The people
that get to know you're like, damn, but maybe they
don't actually know anyways. I am and I am an actor, singer,
(05:47):
h jumper, runner, producer, breather, breather lover friend. We have
a Kingdom Hearts voiceover actress right here. That's that's the thing.
I think you did the best. I'm sorry when Wow,
it was a while ago. I remember I knew the
(06:10):
whole story though. I was like, oh, this is fine.
And I got to watch the design of the game
while I was recording, and I was like, wait, I
didn't know this okay, I think so I don't. I
don't know. I don't just go around saying that because
people are usually like Dora, I'll be like, all right,
you're right, You're right, that is my most notable Yeah,
(06:30):
we have glorier stuff on Star and do nothing. Does
this have to do with what we were talking about?
I don't care. I'm just gonna vibe it. What do
you feel like as somebody who sings, who creates who? Everything?
Like how do you know? Like when is the moment
(06:51):
to create? You know what I mean? Like are you
do you wake up and do you have something to say?
Or is somebody tell you something to say? Like how
do you know that you need to release something into
the world? Um? Well, I have a lot of I
have a lot of anxiety, like the kind that's physically
(07:12):
debilitating in the sense that you know, I feel my
heart pounding out of my chest. I literally get sweaty,
my face gets read and then I start, you know, stuttering,
and and it's like I clenched my jaw and it's
it's the kind of stuff that I you know, you
need to go to therapyfore, So I'd say, whenever I
need to go to therapy. I write a song, and
(07:33):
if I'm ever in a situation where I don't know
what to do, I I start, I start, I start
writing songs. And I haven't. I haven't released a lot
of songs that I've written by myself. But She's heard them,
Emma's heard some. I wish the world could hear it.
I hope they do. They do. You and I share that, Kiana,
because we're both We're both lucky to be with people
(07:56):
that are songwriters and performers. And I have heard tons
of songs that nobody knows exists that m has written.
You guys have heard a lot of them, and it's like, oh,
I know it's but it's crazy because you can't push.
People'll be ready when they're ready exactly when it goes out.
It will be the right time. But I'm I'm grateful
(08:18):
to be able to hear them and see the process
if I'm able to, But it's crazy that they're just vaulted.
And I'm like, I know, what can either like put
someone in a bag, either inspire someone. I don't know.
They're just like, yeah, songs are really like I don't know.
(08:40):
Music helps a lot of people. You know, people usually
go to music when they're feeling some type of way. Yeah,
I love that. I want to go there bellow with you.
You mentioned about anxiety, and we've talked about why talking
about mental health is important in and I feel like
(09:03):
when you work in the industry that we work in,
all of us in our own ways, there's a lot
of blending between our professional life and our personal life,
and sometimes it's really hard to give yourself that space
(09:25):
when it's needed because the public needs you in another way.
And um, it's something that I've struggled with my whole life, uh,
in different ways, and I've had some really low moments
and some other ones, and it's I think it's a
journey that I'm still on m you know. Um, But
(09:49):
I think that really what what we need to do
a lot more of other than just talking about it,
is I don't know, allowing ourselves to be seen, you know.
Like I was having a conversation with somebody recently about
how like you look at role models and especially in Hollywood,
(10:11):
like in the world, what we deem as a celebrity
up until now, it's a persona and we know it's
a persona because we're doing it. But a lot of
the times the public doesn't realize that and go ahead.
I feel like you've got something to say, Well I don't.
I need to know where you're headed, though, something to
(10:32):
say about where you're at now, okay, all right, we'll
go there. We'll go there. Where I'm headed is I
(10:55):
wish when I was growing up that people were talking
about mental health. I wish when I was growing up
and I was looking at was It Day fourteen magazine
and like, you know, even people exactly. I wish the
people were brave enough, maybe not brave enough, allowed the
space because I know how hard it is to be
(11:17):
able to be like I am not good, And I
feel like that that space that's been robbed of a
lot of people that work in the industry that we
work in has resulted in straight up fatalities, straight up
like down. You know, that's obviously the extreme, but I
feel like we don't hold enough space for people to
(11:38):
be like I don't got it right now, and I
need to take a step back. I think the first
thing we need to stop doing is worshiping these people.
Like worshiping celebrities is the silliest, goofiest thing I've ever
heard of the one thing that I've realized after being
in those rooms where it's all the people that you
see on the internet, it's all the phaces you've seen before,
(12:00):
you feel like you know them. The first thing I
noticed is they got issues. Whether it's the anxiety that
I see in them that's mirrored in me or from
me perhaps, or it's like uh, or it's like you know,
you see them getting faded at a public event and
it's like, yo, you've got some issues, Like you need
to be faded to be here. And it's like going
(12:22):
into those rooms working with those people, they're just people.
They're so at the end of day, they're doing the
same stuff as us. That's why I like be real.
Whenever I'm like I don't have a life, like I
need to go out and do something, I'm gonna be
real notification, I'll postmone I'll see what people are doing.
They're all just sitting on their couches or just watching
TV or like eating or something doing It's really it
(12:46):
just feels really reassuring that that everyone else is up
to nothing too. When we're not being abused for labor,
to be slaves to capitalism, we're all just watching a
show or a movie, like because Instagram will show you
three days ago when they were out doing something and
you're like, that's what they're doing right now, thank you.
(13:07):
Instagram is a lie. I have been in the room
with somebody who has been home for a week posting
footage as if she were traveling for three weeks ago. Okay,
you know, and if that's just what you said, when
you're in that environment and your face face to face
with some of your some of the people that you
(13:28):
looked up to, we've all been consumers of celebrity the
way that it's pitched to us, we all are I mean,
if we're honest, celebrities capitalism really what it is, we're
like the posters for it literally And so oh that's
a whole other conversation. This one is this one. You
just need to wake up, Like we just need to
wake up and realize that most of the clothes you
see them and they don't own all the jewelry, included, shoes, included,
(13:53):
all the movies you see them in, they didn't write those.
I mean sometimes they do and like props to them,
that's what I want to do, But like they're just
post for other people's work and they know that it
will sell, so they put it out there on them. Yep,
it is. It's all a lie. It's all a lie.
And Instagram like you were saying, it's highlights, it's what
(14:14):
people want you to see. It's so manipulated. I would
quite if it wasn't business related, straight up, I'd go
back to my fence, to which I still have. I
lost the password of along maybe that's really the best.
I still I still post my fence so from time
(14:35):
to time to remind myself. I still Cat doesn't even
have give me her password to her fence to so
you know, I don't. I don't. There's things on there
that are before your time, I guess if they're arguing
about to Oh my god. Alright, so um yeah, yes,
(14:55):
a thousand percent um. I just went back into that
mental health back right there. I mean now that we're
talking about mental health, absolutely like I have been somebody
who not only is currently every day, you know, like
dealing with the back and forth of mental health because
(15:17):
it's a it's a constant struggle. You have to keep
in touch with it every day, but also understanding that
you have to be kind to yourself and like understand
that when you seek help and you need help, not
a lot of people can actually acquire that help. It
(15:39):
requires money, it requires resources, it requires a lot of
things that many people out there can't get to quickly.
You know, we take it for granted because if I
called tomorrow, hey, I need help, I need this, I
need that, boom and we'll get done. And that's a privilege.
So if somebody out there needs help, there are also
(16:03):
not that we should actually try to find out where
we can direct people to, you know, seek help, help
and be able to get to those websites and those
phone numbers that are free and that are able, so
you know, like because all right, so I'm gonna put
(16:25):
myself from the perspective of like me and my low points, right,
try to at least I think the last thing that
I would want to do is call a stranger me personally.
But that's why you can't wait till you're at your
low points. People always wait till at their lowest point
(16:46):
to be like, oh, I need help with my mental issues.
Like that's the thing is, I'll ask friends. I'll be
like if people going to therapy lately, and they'll be like, no,
I'm actually doing really well right now, So I'm just
gonna wait till something bad happens. And I'm like, you
can't do that. It's a muscle. You need to train it.
You need to make sure that you know the proper
steps for when you get exiety, when you get those
panic attacks, when you feel like you're being overworked, because A,
(17:09):
it's talking to your body and be it's listening to
your body. That we're doing in in psychology, and I
know that because I studied it for two years. So
I didn't know that about you looked that I've learned
it every day. I wish I could have gotten a
degree in something, but I started working and I was like, well,
I'm going to college to work and I'm working. So
it's kind of getting in the way of the bag,
(17:29):
in the way of the check. Yeah, how did you
get started here? About? So? What's the name of your brand?
Indestructible Mind? Why did you da with that? I feel
like the mind is like the most powerful thing in
our in our body. I feel like if I feel
(17:51):
like if you have a mind, that is like like
you conquer your thoughts and you understand how your mind works,
and you're okay with it. Then you're like indestructible because
whatever happens or comes your way, and you can acknowledge
those things and kind of let them either be aware
(18:14):
of them and it can still hurt you, but be
aware that, like that's not a forever thing, and like
keep pushing through things. Then you're almost like indestructible as
long as you know your own mind, you know. So
I love that. It's kind of that was kind of
for me speaking to ourselves. Yeah, it's true. It's totally true.
(18:39):
Sometimes our emotions take control of us. But I'd like,
i'd like to believe that there's a way that we
can control them. Yeah, we can be in control without
forgetting them. I feel like a lot of people tactics
nowadays is to forget in order to heal. But that
(18:59):
is not part of the healing process. Yeah, but I'm guilty.
I do think it is the actual way to hear it.
Tell me to get through it, how though acknowledge it not.
I mean, you can acknowledge it, but I acknowledge to
get through that. I face it, like right, I would
face it head on, address the situation as if there
(19:22):
were no right or wrongs. Address it as if you
were just you doing what you wanted to do, and
for example, a panic attack. My strategy now, now that
I've had a few, I literally just feel in. I
just involved myself more emotionally instead of forcing it away
(19:44):
or doing other things to prevent it from following through.
I feel it and I try to embrace the feeling,
and I cry more, and I just I breathe heavier,
and it just it works because we don't have the
same coping mechanisms as other mammals. So you watch videos
of wild animals after a traumatic event where they're almost killed,
almost mauld in the jungle. Afterwards, they do this little shake,
(20:07):
the little all down their bodies and that's then they
walk away. And that's to recover from the trauma. We
need to do a little shake every now and then.
But how are we gonna We can't be like, no,
I'm not going to shake. That's embarrassing the shake. Embrace
the shape, and that's what I meant by that, embrace
(20:30):
the shake. Scary. Though it's scary, it happens at the
wrong times usually, But now that we're talking about until
health nowadays, in this society, I think it's more acceptable.
I think you can. There are safe places. I had
a panic attack on set and it was in the
middle of a scene, and the circumstances leading up to
it were valid, Like I definitely needed to have that moment,
(20:53):
But I mean, because we're in a place now where
mental health is really being talked about, everybody kind of
was like, oh, I get you. The producer to the director,
they were all just like, we'll sit with you, or
we'll sit away from you. But whatever you need, whatever
time you need, we'll get through this and you can
come back whenever you want. I love that. I love that.
I love to hear that it was awesome because sometimes
(21:13):
it's scary even to let yourself be seen that way
because you don't even know how people are going to respond,
and you're like, let me try to cover it up.
Always it always makes it worse, always makes worse. It
always makes it worse. And it's also it's also tough.
Like I went through probably like my biggest mental health
(21:34):
struggles as and I'm sure you know the effects of
it are lasting in my life. Had kind of blown
up my freshman year of high school. Like literally I
had been going to the high school that I really
wanted to go to. It was an art school with
all my closest friends from middle school, and I was
really happy to be there. My mom and dad got
(21:54):
divorced when I was young, when I was four, so
I spent my whole life living with my mom and
my sister, and my mom, you know, was a single mom.
And at this moment in my life that everything blew up.
I was like living with my dad for the first
time after you know, not seeing him all the time
because they were divorced, and I would see him, you know,
(22:15):
every other weekend or so unless I had something going on,
so it was like full fledged. My dad was like
parenting me. And I was not an easy kid because
I was just dealing with a lot all the time.
And I don't I don't know. I wish I knew
what I would have told myself at that age two
(22:37):
have helped myself because mental health combined with hormones feels
like the end of the world. I looked back at
myself then and what I was facing him like girl,
But at that moment, it was real. It was really
real everything that I felt, and to me, it was
(22:57):
better to find a way to end it all then
too I didn't have another resource. I didn't have another resource,
I didn't know how to get through that. And I'm lucky.
I'm lucky to be here. I'm happy i'm here. Thank
God you're here. Thank you. It's a lot, dude, especially,
(23:19):
I don't know. It's like you think about it from
a perspective of now looking at it, then it feels
or it seems like it's not that big of a problem,
like because now you have the tools and the knowledge
of how to get through something like that. It's kind
(23:39):
of like, I'm grateful that I'm here still because I
didn't think I needed to be here, you know. But
I'm grateful to be here. And I don't regret any
of the things I went through in high school because
it has made me who I am today. And I
(24:00):
I don't give myself enough credit, but I'm I'm grateful
to have been through the things I had to go
through at a young age to be where I'm at now.
I don't know everything, and I haven't been through everything,
but I feel like i feel like I've been through
enough to have to yeah, enough to know. And a
(24:21):
lot of people don't know. They don't they really don't know.
It's common sense to us now, and to other people
they just are like, huh, you know, I really believe
that you cannot prepare somebody for a mistake. You have to,
like you have to look at them and accept the
fact that it's going to happen to them in order
for them to learn use. Everybody's hard, though, because I now,
(24:44):
I don't know how my mom feels. My mom like
looking at me making the same mistake she probably made,
like telling me the exact same thing her mother probably
told her, and then watching it happen again. I mean,
because everyone's on their own journey and they don't learn it.
The best way to learn something is to go through it.
That's how do you feel about that? Like evolving our
(25:06):
journey as latinas you know, like wherever we come from,
how do you how do we evolve our species? Like
how do we take what our families have taught us
and take it to the next level? And then Kiki
as a black woman too, how two perspectives here? How
do we do that though? For real? Like how do
(25:26):
we put it forward? How do we do what we
need to do? I don't know if it's about like
putting it forward? You know because like what Bell is
saying is, we're repeating the cycle in a way like
you because you have to figure it out on your own.
You know that you you can't really learn something, not
(25:47):
truly until you've experienced. But even then, look at your
car crash incident. Yeah, you learned from it, and now
you have something to reference. Like you said earlier, I do,
I do right, but I do get close to repeating it.
But maybe I need to repeat it in order to
learn it's true. I do. I do believe that. I
(26:09):
believe that the universe doesn't stopped repeat the car crash.
But but I know what you meant, But I think
that I'm like, the universe isn't gonna stop trying to
teach you something just because you did to learn it
the first time. They're just gonna go on on the
route and you're gonna learn it regardless. The millennial gen
(26:41):
Z generation is at the head, at the forefront of
these conversations. And I know that my mom's generation, our
mom's generation, looks at our generation like we're we because
they did all of this. My mom was like I
had two girls by myself and a business and I
was twenty four and I did this, and I did that,
(27:01):
and I'm like, mom, I'm crumbling. One thing to add
to that inflation, because you've seen the statistics about what
they could afford back in the day and what we
can afford because inflation and minimum wage are not increasing
at the same time. In a different world, we were
not at all. There's a study literally that said that,
(27:22):
and I've shared this before that our mental health is
relevant to that of insane asylum patients in the sixties,
like our stress levels are simulation. It's a lot, it's
a lot. I'm different. I know that we have grown
up in a completely different environment than our parents, but
(27:43):
we have that, like, you know, to go back to
the mental health thing, we have that constant pressure. I
think of just the generation before us having to have like,
you know, throw the backpack over their shoulders and just
kept going and now they're hardened. So yeah, well, cost though,
what causeses Shoving down your emotions and your needs and
(28:03):
wants and boundaries gonna make you feel like an accomplished
human life goes by and the flash of an eye,
like everyone that's on their deathbed has always said I
want to do it over again, or like it went
by so fast, and everything amounts to one moment. So
how would you like the average of your feelings to
be when you arrive at that one moment? Would you
(28:23):
want it to be sad? Numb? You don't want to
be numb before. I would want to be happy that
I loved and happy that I that I was heartbroken,
happy that I just felt things to the extreme, So
you would even be happy for the sad stuff. Yes, absolutely,
that's my That's what I that's what I live in
when I act, That's what I live in. When I
act as I thrive to embrace the sadness in each performance.
(28:46):
Full disclosure, No not no disclosure. Um. Love is like
the best thing in the universe. Absolutely, that is the
only thing that makes life worth living. And I'll say
it again, Yeah, I really that. Like everything is or
most things are just like a form of love, absolutely platonic, romantic,
(29:06):
even to inanimate objects like our houses. Just even like
if you think about the habits that you have or
like the things that you do, the reasons why you
do them, you could probably trace them back to love.
Absolutely hate it's just another form of love. Never I've
always it's an obsession yeah, I know you. I don't
think that hate is the absence of love. I actually
(29:27):
think the absence of love is fear. I think the
only thing that could really kill love is fear. Oh
oh yeah, wait that needs to be the title. That's
since she has said that, I'm like ship because hate
is actually you're so invested in that person that very
(29:49):
queer to me, it's pretty gay to Hey. The tea
is that I really really feel like today I posted
something in my story that was like, if you're hating,
you're actually like you're the one that has a problem,
like if you're a concerned about somebody else, like those
who aren't hating, those who are hating hat happy, and
those who ait happy are hating exactly, but like absolutely absolutely, yeah,
(30:17):
I mean it's just a reflection of yourself. If you
if you hate something about somebody, that means that you
hate that about yourself or you want it. But also
that just goes back to insecurity. Yeah exactly, something I
don't feel like you're lacking something in your life. Um.
I really strongly suggest everybody today or at some point
just kind of like sit by themselves in a room
(30:38):
and just see if you can stand it and if
you can't, then you need to work on that. But
if you like being alone without a distraction, yeah, because
then you're something else to do, like showering. I love showering.
When I get there, I could be there forever. Wait,
should we do more? Can we ask you guys question? Dude? Please?
(31:00):
Who's better at twerking? Job? I've kind of seen a
bit of it. You haven't even seen my wall move yet.
That's for later. That's for later tonight. That's where we
go out later. Yeah, you know what, I'm really proud
of it. I'm happy for you. Thank you. That's I
(31:23):
wish I had more of a butt to do, like
more things with it. I feel like Keana is a
closeted twerker, like yeah, really really good at I agree,
but like not, she's not like I'm the only one
who sees you know you've seen it? Let them wait.
I have a question. Okay, do you feel like it's
(31:45):
better to be yourself on the internet as a celebrity
or have a persona? Okay, and I will probably actually
disagree with this, because go ahead. I actually I'm a
very private person. I'd like to preserve my p to
see what I mean by that. Well, I love saying
that Jim is my woman. I don't have anything to hide,
(32:09):
you know, Like, I think that it's wonderful to promote
your love if you feel like that's something that you're
ready to do, you know, etcetera. I do, however, feel
like there are certain things you shouldn't share on the internet,
you know, and that's up to you. You know. I
really think that your privacy is in your hands. But
(32:30):
do you prefer so you're saying I prefer privacy, okay,
but or do you believe that a person would be
more successful if they had a persona? Oh that's different. Yeah,
that's if your first question was do you think I
should you should be yourself or have a persona? Right?
Because so you're saying you should be yourself but with privacy.
(32:50):
But privacy wasn't an option. It was just yourself or persona. Okay,
go ahead, Sorry, no, no, I want you to take
over right now. But I just feel like a persona
in and of itself is not you, right, because like,
if you're already like, oh, I'm going to be a persona,
then you're putting some of yourself to the side, right.
I think that that exists, though, and there's there's a
(33:13):
room for that. I think that there's space for I
think there's space for everything. If you have created an
image for yourself or persona, let me think of somebody.
So yeah, okay, see, but more than that, more of
a persona, you know, cartoon, Yeah, the gorillas? Okay, I'm
(33:34):
sure doesn't. It doesn't have to be a musical artist.
Who's this girl that's a that's c G I, Mikaela,
whatever her name is. You know what I'm talking about.
She's a complete c G character. She's a charac but
it's the same thing in a way. So that's what
I'm getting at. There's room for everything. And if you,
if your career right is this persona, then I think
(33:56):
that it's perfectly acceptable for you to show up as
a sona. And I think that everybody is like their
own guide for that. Me personally, I've always been an
open book my whole life. I've never been ashamed of
sharing anything because to me, they're just truths. I don't
feel like I do myself or anyone else a service
(34:17):
by concealing those truths about myself. Maybe I don't volunteer
that information. If I don't if I can read the room,
and I don't see that as necessary. But if you
ask me, I will always share because I just will
see why not beyond that? You know I have you,
guys know, I expressed myself in a lot of different
kinds of arts. You are very yourself on the on
social media. Absolutely, I try to be. I try to be.
(34:40):
I really try to be because I feel like in
my art and being lucky enough like all of us
to have lived as a creative my whole life, and
one of my biggest expressions being writing, I feel like
you really bear your soul in your art, and so
I'm comfortable in that environment. But it's social media. It's
(35:02):
difficult because it's curated. Yeah, I agree. I mean I
think you should be yourself for sure. I don't. I
don't have any other option. I don't know any other option.
I haven't worked on the persona. I haven't thought, I
haven't put really thought into it. But I do see
why people have personas. It's a great defense mechanism. It's
(35:24):
a great way to dissociate from your art in a
way that doesn't harm you. Um So I'm like, if
I could do it all over again, I wouldn't really,
I wouldn't show my face. I would just have people
focus on the art. But I was at the beginning,
I was I was into the notoriety of it all.
I was absolutely like, one day everyone's going to know
(35:45):
my name. I'm sorry, but but I didn't know what
it was. You know, you don't know the depths of it.
You don't know the extent of how much you have
to give of yourself. And then at the end of
the day, you can't even go buy groceries, like you
can't even just do things that you want to do,
walk your dog and ship Like the day that I
have to hire a dog walker and not walk my
(36:06):
dogs may be so sad. I love taking them because
it's gonna come. Baby, You're already there, You're already there.
You already know what it's like to have people stop
you when you don't want to be in people who well,
specifically people who don't know their boundaries, like they don't
don't respect you as a human being. It's so weird
(36:27):
being touched by a stranger in a way that you
don't even you know, you don't even consent to, and
they feel entitled to that and that's the problem with
being yourself. So if I could do to it, I
wouldn't be myself because people start to feel like they
like you, they own you, not know, you have to
(36:48):
have some kind of align, like you have to have
some kind of control. So that's why I value privacy.
You I do too. But at the same time, it's like,
why do I have to change my true nature because
you don't know how to behave change it or not
share it? Ship both both both, because I just wish
(37:08):
more people understood the ballance that they are no different
than this person. It's just their artwork is in your face, yes,
and you see it because it's sold that because they
knew the right people, and that's how they got here.
Who industry is about the people, you know, have props
to be at the right time. A lot of people
(37:29):
have ended up where they are because like I was
in the right place at the right tipe of this
lad and you met the right people. Yeah, totally totally.
And you know, like that's not taking away from anybody's
old light because I believe that you shine as an
individual and people pick up on that. But yeah, but
you have to be putting out a certain frequency in
order for people to see it and believe it right,
like you was just forced into the public eye because
(37:50):
they don't deserve it, Like you've done something to be here.
That's why I even the TikTokers like those people their
socialites and that's a business, so I respect that, Like
you made that money you probably is a full time job.
Oh yeah, they'd be making videos and having to think
of them all the time. I'm like, that is something
that people, I think don't realize even to make one
real either. It's so embarrassing. It's so like you you're
(38:11):
fighting a lot of like urges to not at the
same time, you're like, okay, either I play the game
or the game plays. Yeah, I'll tell you this. My sister,
when she was twenty, had an issue with her thyroid
and it infuriated me because she had been progressing with
(38:34):
one doctor for a while and it got bad. She
had to get the thyroid remove. We ended up finding
out that she had cancer and she had to stop
seeing her doctor because her insurance didn't coverage. She couldn't
afford it. And I remember I was already with them
and I was like, this is why I would rather
play the game mhm. This is why, because I don't
(38:56):
ever want to be in a position right now is
the way the world works. I don't ever want to
be in a position where not having access to resources
impacts my Life's like you can't protect your loved ones
exactly or the way that I would like to. I mean, ship,
there's other ways there, you know. I mean, yeah, there's
other ways here we could. We don't have to go
(39:17):
down the discussion of like, you know what health care
is in this in this country, but but still that
that actions the access to options that you that you
get real talk when you have money. When did a
metro card get so expensive? Dude? The last time I
was in New York it changed by at least a dollar.
It's like gas or food or groceries. See, those are
(39:42):
the moments when I'm like, Okay, I want to go
to my own little island. I know how to grow card.
That's that's what I want to learn. I'm gonna learn farming.
I want to play the game advantage of it, and
we can have a commune. Then already have two other
lesbians that are down. Everybody's hustling, you guys, like everybody's
(40:02):
out there. If you're not out there trying to you know,
make your way, then fine, you're not out there hustling.
But if you are out there hustling, there's a million
ways to hustle. TikTok, acting fee picks. I mean for
real though, for I like only fans, dude, I'm I'm
(40:23):
saying like, I ain't hating noe those I ain't hating
none those creators. Their doing their thing. You know, I
gotta do what you gotta do. If if it's so accessible.
We have a friend who was like straight up would
see you know, his sugar daddy twice a month and
was getting four granted his bank account. You don't usually
have to do a lot. I think that day they
(40:47):
smart at all of us. I mean, you can make
a deal where like it's only a date or like
yeah we just talk to them, yeah twice. Sometimes people
just want company and that's beautiful. Yeah, I know, yeah,
I know what I'm telling you. I celebrate I celebrate
sex judging. People think today that we just talked about
(41:09):
now you hate it, you fucking hating what is it?
I know? You know what I'm saying, though, I really
feel that way, Like if you are if you are
feeling some kind of way about somebody else's life, You're
probably feeling some kind of way about your own life, dude.
And also, get a hobby, please, like, please, come on
(41:33):
man like. Oh god, social media, back to social media.
It boggles my mind when I see a hateful comment.
I am here for calling people out. I am here
for accountability. There was a creator a few months ago
who got a ton of views on the way to
make Cuban coffee. I was pissed, personally offended. Cuban coffee
(41:55):
is a ritual to our people, and I have no
problem delivering constructive criticism. I don't hide behind anything though.
People who create zero followers, zero post instagrams just to
come on your page, just to say something. It's a lot,
first of all, but this is what I'm saying, get
(42:18):
a hobby. Get a hobby. Please. Blocked six times and
still making new ones. Oh my god, So I've had
to do that so many times. Like people just keep
creating the same accounts. The biggest hate comment you've ever gotten, Bella,
it's fubbly like I want you to die. Same. Well,
one of ours was like we want you to get
(42:40):
assaulted with a wasn't assaulted the R word, the R
word with a stick, wooden stick infected with aids and
I help you die. Yeah that we got that one once. Okay,
but hello, we're talking about the other day. That Instagram
a real thing that I most of me and m
(43:01):
that out of nowhere started getting traction because I got
a bunch of Latin ladies like, no, this is why
the world is coming to them, And I was like,
you know what, thank you, you know what. They're right, sure, absolutely,
we are welcome with the gates of her Absolutely, I'll
see you there. Goods can okay, the cake of hell
(43:27):
Hell's kitchen. Yeah, it's burning in here. He's like, it's
it's a little too hot. Welcome back. He's gonna ask
us a question. Now, my question for you guys. Yeah,
give us your question. If you have children, who will
(43:48):
be the father? Oh, come on, question you know the
answer that I'm not zaddi. Oh. I was gonna say,
jan they have and the father I'm like very paternal,
very much like make sure taking you know what. You
(44:11):
know how I knew that and what moment I knew
that was when you guys gave us gifts and and
Jim knew exactly what was in there and and was
like oh. I was like, oh, thanks for getting me this.
She's like, oh, we got you. This 's such a
dad move right there. I definitely the daddy out there.
(44:39):
I'll be your daddy. I'll be your daddy. You said
you wanted a jam. Okay, jam for the outro. Okay,
let's do it all right, guys. So before we go,
we're I'm about to acquire the instruments. But thank you
for being with us. We had so much fun being
our friends. And thank you for being our friends. And
(45:02):
thank you for a friend. Hey, Tray back again, thank
you love. We're back to thank you for being a friend. Yeah, okay,
(45:22):
this is the a spacetionship and now we're coming back
to us. We're just for lesbians. We are all friends.
That's why we're going back to I'm beating playing I
(45:52):
Love You the same chord. Oh that's the end. That's
(46:14):
that's the end, right there. Well that was that. Thanks
for flying with dy cooking horrors. I love this song.
We'd love the crap out of you. I'm so love
we wrote the worst song every together. Good. We love
you so much. Guys. Thanks for flying with us. We
(46:34):
love you guys. If you are a loved one are
mental distress, called the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at for
free and confidential seven support, information and resources. You can
also visit mental health dot com for immediate help and
much more information. You are not alone. This podcast is
(46:58):
brought to you by Moonflower Productions partnership with I Hearts
Michael Juna Podcast Network. For more podcasts, visit the I
Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
H
He only got Captain, I gave me the same. Let's
go to the one already ready for wondering at the
same tack launching ladies, grants, gems, germs, drummers, drummers didn't
(00:31):
get bumbird bum bum bum everybody out there in between.
I just want to say, welcome in our own law,
all right, Yes we are. We have some very special
guests with us today. Ye go special two friends of
the heart that we met by a perfect circumstance. We
(00:54):
were at a dinner that we didn't really want to
go to um filled with a bunch of exact youtives,
and like true people of the soul, we happen to
find our way our own kids table. Yes, that's true.
We were the youngest ones there. We were the youngest
ones there, and we were like, you guys want to dips, Like,
(01:18):
I'll drive after watching you guys eat only vegetables all night? Wow?
Tell me really feel So we're here with Isabella, Medicine
and Kick. All right, So if you're joining us tonight, welcome.
(01:41):
You are in for a treat and it's the nighttime.
Apparently allegedly I love treats, but really we're here with
Kiki and is a Boer said, we are very happy
that you're here because it has been a journey to
get you guys here. So finally welcome to the in
our own world spaceship. Welcome, Thank you. Going on our
(02:02):
two years, you know that I know, I know crazy,
I know I really I really love you guys, because
once you're out of high school, when you're meeting people
by four sort of and making friends out of like necessity,
I feel like it's harder to make these kinds of friendships.
And I feel like on both of our sides, we've
(02:23):
just been proactive and intentional. When we first hung out
at the bowling alley, yeah right, and you stole the shoes.
I'm bad that you brought that up, because actually in
my closet right now, I have the bowling shoes from
that moment, because what actually happened was that we went bowling.
(02:45):
I brought, you know, shoes as everybody as everybody does
when they go bowling, and then I traded those shoes
for bowling shoes. I put the bowling shoes on and
left the establishment. She didn't mean to have I really
really really really really think so those shoes that she
(03:08):
left were originally really mine that she was wearing, so
she had to have like a whole conversation. I know,
I know, I know, as you know what. She actually
didn't replace them until like two weeks ago. True, I'm
sorry validating that statement over a year later. Way over it.
(03:30):
I mean, you guys are lucky. I can't fit anything
that has unless unless she decided to buy oversized. And
I'm like, my thick, I'm about to get in there
about the form and that you look good to the
pants and baby feet though not six six and sometimes damn,
(03:54):
I can't even try. No, like the slides the Champion
slides like I do it, but myles hang on the
end and I just skirt desperate times. If I have to,
I do it. Okay, So we love you, we know you,
(04:15):
But for those that don't know you, I would love
for you to share a little bit about yourselves. My
name is Kiana. I make clothes as of recently. Um,
I think I have my hat on right now, Yes
I do. Um. I mean I went to I went
to I went to film school, but um, I recently
(04:37):
got super invested into graphic designs, so I just kind
of like I went full force into it, enjoy it.
It's fun. I like clothes, so why not make my
own so that no one else has it until you
start selling it then like other people don't. But yeah, no, no,
(04:58):
are you super creative? And and and you would dancer?
Uh No, I do that because it's fun. No, you
can dance, Kona, and you can sing. I've seen you
do both. I've heard kind of thing last night. All right,
you know I can catch one too, or I can.
You're certainly not tell him deaf. She keeps her cards
(05:22):
close to a chest. I see it. Never let them know,
Just like you said, never let them know. The people
that get to know you're like, damn, but maybe they
don't actually know anyways. I am and I am an actor, singer,
(05:47):
h jumper, runner, producer, breather, breather lover friend. We have
a Kingdom Hearts voiceover actress right here. That's that's the thing.
I think you did the best. I'm sorry when Wow,
it was a while ago. I remember I knew the
(06:10):
whole story though. I was like, oh, this is fine.
And I got to watch the design of the game
while I was recording, and I was like, wait, I
didn't know this okay, I think so I don't. I
don't know. I don't just go around saying that because
people are usually like Dora, I'll be like, all right,
you're right, You're right, that is my most notable Yeah,
(06:30):
we have glorier stuff on Star and do nothing. Does
this have to do with what we were talking about?
I don't care. I'm just gonna vibe it. What do
you feel like as somebody who sings, who creates who? Everything?
Like how do you know? Like when is the moment
(06:51):
to create? You know what I mean? Like are you
do you wake up and do you have something to say?
Or is somebody tell you something to say? Like how
do you know that you need to release something into
the world? Um? Well, I have a lot of I
have a lot of anxiety, like the kind that's physically
(07:12):
debilitating in the sense that you know, I feel my
heart pounding out of my chest. I literally get sweaty,
my face gets read and then I start, you know, stuttering,
and and it's like I clenched my jaw and it's
it's the kind of stuff that I you know, you
need to go to therapyfore, So I'd say, whenever I
need to go to therapy. I write a song, and
(07:33):
if I'm ever in a situation where I don't know
what to do, I I start, I start, I start
writing songs. And I haven't. I haven't released a lot
of songs that I've written by myself. But She's heard them,
Emma's heard some. I wish the world could hear it.
I hope they do. They do. You and I share that, Kiana,
because we're both We're both lucky to be with people
(07:56):
that are songwriters and performers. And I have heard tons
of songs that nobody knows exists that m has written.
You guys have heard a lot of them, and it's like, oh,
I know it's but it's crazy because you can't push.
People'll be ready when they're ready exactly when it goes out.
It will be the right time. But I'm I'm grateful
(08:18):
to be able to hear them and see the process
if I'm able to, But it's crazy that they're just vaulted.
And I'm like, I know, what can either like put
someone in a bag, either inspire someone. I don't know.
They're just like, yeah, songs are really like I don't know.
(08:40):
Music helps a lot of people. You know, people usually
go to music when they're feeling some type of way. Yeah,
I love that. I want to go there bellow with you.
You mentioned about anxiety, and we've talked about why talking
about mental health is important in and I feel like
(09:03):
when you work in the industry that we work in,
all of us in our own ways, there's a lot
of blending between our professional life and our personal life,
and sometimes it's really hard to give yourself that space
(09:25):
when it's needed because the public needs you in another way.
And um, it's something that I've struggled with my whole life, uh,
in different ways, and I've had some really low moments
and some other ones, and it's I think it's a
journey that I'm still on m you know. Um, But
(09:49):
I think that really what what we need to do
a lot more of other than just talking about it,
is I don't know, allowing ourselves to be seen, you know.
Like I was having a conversation with somebody recently about
how like you look at role models and especially in Hollywood,
(10:11):
like in the world, what we deem as a celebrity
up until now, it's a persona and we know it's
a persona because we're doing it. But a lot of
the times the public doesn't realize that and go ahead.
I feel like you've got something to say, Well I don't.
I need to know where you're headed, though, something to
(10:32):
say about where you're at now, okay, all right, we'll
go there. We'll go there. Where I'm headed is I
(10:55):
wish when I was growing up that people were talking
about mental health. I wish when I was growing up
and I was looking at was It Day fourteen magazine
and like, you know, even people exactly. I wish the
people were brave enough, maybe not brave enough, allowed the
space because I know how hard it is to be
(11:17):
able to be like I am not good, And I
feel like that that space that's been robbed of a
lot of people that work in the industry that we
work in has resulted in straight up fatalities, straight up
like down. You know, that's obviously the extreme, but I
feel like we don't hold enough space for people to
(11:38):
be like I don't got it right now, and I
need to take a step back. I think the first
thing we need to stop doing is worshiping these people.
Like worshiping celebrities is the silliest, goofiest thing I've ever
heard of the one thing that I've realized after being
in those rooms where it's all the people that you
see on the internet, it's all the phaces you've seen before,
(12:00):
you feel like you know them. The first thing I
noticed is they got issues. Whether it's the anxiety that
I see in them that's mirrored in me or from
me perhaps, or it's like uh, or it's like you know,
you see them getting faded at a public event and
it's like, yo, you've got some issues, Like you need
to be faded to be here. And it's like going
(12:22):
into those rooms working with those people, they're just people.
They're so at the end of day, they're doing the
same stuff as us. That's why I like be real.
Whenever I'm like I don't have a life, like I
need to go out and do something, I'm gonna be
real notification, I'll postmone I'll see what people are doing.
They're all just sitting on their couches or just watching
TV or like eating or something doing It's really it
(12:46):
just feels really reassuring that that everyone else is up
to nothing too. When we're not being abused for labor,
to be slaves to capitalism, we're all just watching a
show or a movie, like because Instagram will show you
three days ago when they were out doing something and
you're like, that's what they're doing right now, thank you.
(13:07):
Instagram is a lie. I have been in the room
with somebody who has been home for a week posting
footage as if she were traveling for three weeks ago. Okay,
you know, and if that's just what you said, when
you're in that environment and your face face to face
with some of your some of the people that you
(13:28):
looked up to, we've all been consumers of celebrity the
way that it's pitched to us, we all are I mean,
if we're honest, celebrities capitalism really what it is, we're
like the posters for it literally And so oh that's
a whole other conversation. This one is this one. You
just need to wake up, Like we just need to
wake up and realize that most of the clothes you
see them and they don't own all the jewelry, included, shoes, included,
(13:53):
all the movies you see them in, they didn't write those.
I mean sometimes they do and like props to them,
that's what I want to do, But like they're just
post for other people's work and they know that it
will sell, so they put it out there on them. Yep,
it is. It's all a lie. It's all a lie.
And Instagram like you were saying, it's highlights, it's what
(14:14):
people want you to see. It's so manipulated. I would
quite if it wasn't business related, straight up, I'd go
back to my fence, to which I still have. I
lost the password of along maybe that's really the best.
I still I still post my fence so from time
(14:35):
to time to remind myself. I still Cat doesn't even
have give me her password to her fence to so
you know, I don't. I don't. There's things on there
that are before your time, I guess if they're arguing
about to Oh my god. Alright, so um yeah, yes,
(14:55):
a thousand percent um. I just went back into that
mental health back right there. I mean now that we're
talking about mental health, absolutely like I have been somebody
who not only is currently every day, you know, like
dealing with the back and forth of mental health because
(15:17):
it's a it's a constant struggle. You have to keep
in touch with it every day, but also understanding that
you have to be kind to yourself and like understand
that when you seek help and you need help, not
a lot of people can actually acquire that help. It
(15:39):
requires money, it requires resources, it requires a lot of
things that many people out there can't get to quickly.
You know, we take it for granted because if I
called tomorrow, hey, I need help, I need this, I
need that, boom and we'll get done. And that's a privilege.
So if somebody out there needs help, there are also
(16:03):
not that we should actually try to find out where
we can direct people to, you know, seek help, help
and be able to get to those websites and those
phone numbers that are free and that are able, so
you know, like because all right, so I'm gonna put
(16:25):
myself from the perspective of like me and my low points, right,
try to at least I think the last thing that
I would want to do is call a stranger me personally.
But that's why you can't wait till you're at your
low points. People always wait till at their lowest point
(16:46):
to be like, oh, I need help with my mental issues.
Like that's the thing is, I'll ask friends. I'll be
like if people going to therapy lately, and they'll be like, no,
I'm actually doing really well right now, So I'm just
gonna wait till something bad happens. And I'm like, you
can't do that. It's a muscle. You need to train it.
You need to make sure that you know the proper
steps for when you get exiety, when you get those
panic attacks, when you feel like you're being overworked, because A,
(17:09):
it's talking to your body and be it's listening to
your body. That we're doing in in psychology, and I
know that because I studied it for two years. So
I didn't know that about you looked that I've learned
it every day. I wish I could have gotten a
degree in something, but I started working and I was like, well,
I'm going to college to work and I'm working. So
it's kind of getting in the way of the bag,
(17:29):
in the way of the check. Yeah, how did you
get started here? About? So? What's the name of your brand?
Indestructible Mind? Why did you da with that? I feel
like the mind is like the most powerful thing in
our in our body. I feel like if I feel
(17:51):
like if you have a mind, that is like like
you conquer your thoughts and you understand how your mind works,
and you're okay with it. Then you're like indestructible because
whatever happens or comes your way, and you can acknowledge
those things and kind of let them either be aware
(18:14):
of them and it can still hurt you, but be
aware that, like that's not a forever thing, and like
keep pushing through things. Then you're almost like indestructible as
long as you know your own mind, you know. So
I love that. It's kind of that was kind of
for me speaking to ourselves. Yeah, it's true. It's totally true.
(18:39):
Sometimes our emotions take control of us. But I'd like,
i'd like to believe that there's a way that we
can control them. Yeah, we can be in control without
forgetting them. I feel like a lot of people tactics
nowadays is to forget in order to heal. But that
(18:59):
is not part of the healing process. Yeah, but I'm guilty.
I do think it is the actual way to hear it.
Tell me to get through it, how though acknowledge it not.
I mean, you can acknowledge it, but I acknowledge to
get through that. I face it, like right, I would
face it head on, address the situation as if there
(19:22):
were no right or wrongs. Address it as if you
were just you doing what you wanted to do, and
for example, a panic attack. My strategy now, now that
I've had a few, I literally just feel in. I
just involved myself more emotionally instead of forcing it away
(19:44):
or doing other things to prevent it from following through.
I feel it and I try to embrace the feeling,
and I cry more, and I just I breathe heavier,
and it just it works because we don't have the
same coping mechanisms as other mammals. So you watch videos
of wild animals after a traumatic event where they're almost killed,
almost mauld in the jungle. Afterwards, they do this little shake,
(20:07):
the little all down their bodies and that's then they
walk away. And that's to recover from the trauma. We
need to do a little shake every now and then.
But how are we gonna We can't be like, no,
I'm not going to shake. That's embarrassing the shake. Embrace
the shape, and that's what I meant by that, embrace
(20:30):
the shake. Scary. Though it's scary, it happens at the
wrong times usually, But now that we're talking about until
health nowadays, in this society, I think it's more acceptable.
I think you can. There are safe places. I had
a panic attack on set and it was in the
middle of a scene, and the circumstances leading up to
it were valid, Like I definitely needed to have that moment,
(20:53):
But I mean, because we're in a place now where
mental health is really being talked about, everybody kind of
was like, oh, I get you. The producer to the director,
they were all just like, we'll sit with you, or
we'll sit away from you. But whatever you need, whatever
time you need, we'll get through this and you can
come back whenever you want. I love that. I love that.
I love to hear that it was awesome because sometimes
(21:13):
it's scary even to let yourself be seen that way
because you don't even know how people are going to respond,
and you're like, let me try to cover it up.
Always it always makes it worse, always makes worse. It
always makes it worse. And it's also it's also tough.
Like I went through probably like my biggest mental health
(21:34):
struggles as and I'm sure you know the effects of
it are lasting in my life. Had kind of blown
up my freshman year of high school. Like literally I
had been going to the high school that I really
wanted to go to. It was an art school with
all my closest friends from middle school, and I was
really happy to be there. My mom and dad got
(21:54):
divorced when I was young, when I was four, so
I spent my whole life living with my mom and
my sister, and my mom, you know, was a single mom.
And at this moment in my life that everything blew up.
I was like living with my dad for the first
time after you know, not seeing him all the time
because they were divorced, and I would see him, you know,
(22:15):
every other weekend or so unless I had something going on,
so it was like full fledged. My dad was like
parenting me. And I was not an easy kid because
I was just dealing with a lot all the time.
And I don't I don't know. I wish I knew
what I would have told myself at that age two
(22:37):
have helped myself because mental health combined with hormones feels
like the end of the world. I looked back at
myself then and what I was facing him like girl,
But at that moment, it was real. It was really
real everything that I felt, and to me, it was
(22:57):
better to find a way to end it all then
too I didn't have another resource. I didn't have another resource,
I didn't know how to get through that. And I'm lucky.
I'm lucky to be here. I'm happy i'm here. Thank
God you're here. Thank you. It's a lot, dude, especially,
(23:19):
I don't know. It's like you think about it from
a perspective of now looking at it, then it feels
or it seems like it's not that big of a problem,
like because now you have the tools and the knowledge
of how to get through something like that. It's kind
(23:39):
of like, I'm grateful that I'm here still because I
didn't think I needed to be here, you know. But
I'm grateful to be here. And I don't regret any
of the things I went through in high school because
it has made me who I am today. And I
(24:00):
I don't give myself enough credit, but I'm I'm grateful
to have been through the things I had to go
through at a young age to be where I'm at now.
I don't know everything, and I haven't been through everything,
but I feel like i feel like I've been through
enough to have to yeah, enough to know. And a
(24:21):
lot of people don't know. They don't they really don't know.
It's common sense to us now, and to other people
they just are like, huh, you know, I really believe
that you cannot prepare somebody for a mistake. You have to,
like you have to look at them and accept the
fact that it's going to happen to them in order
for them to learn use. Everybody's hard, though, because I now,
(24:44):
I don't know how my mom feels. My mom like
looking at me making the same mistake she probably made,
like telling me the exact same thing her mother probably
told her, and then watching it happen again. I mean,
because everyone's on their own journey and they don't learn it.
The best way to learn something is to go through it.
That's how do you feel about that? Like evolving our
(25:06):
journey as latinas you know, like wherever we come from,
how do you how do we evolve our species? Like
how do we take what our families have taught us
and take it to the next level? And then Kiki
as a black woman too, how two perspectives here? How
do we do that though? For real? Like how do
(25:26):
we put it forward? How do we do what we
need to do? I don't know if it's about like
putting it forward? You know because like what Bell is
saying is, we're repeating the cycle in a way like
you because you have to figure it out on your own.
You know that you you can't really learn something, not
(25:47):
truly until you've experienced. But even then, look at your
car crash incident. Yeah, you learned from it, and now
you have something to reference. Like you said earlier, I do,
I do right, but I do get close to repeating it.
But maybe I need to repeat it in order to
learn it's true. I do. I do believe that. I
(26:09):
believe that the universe doesn't stopped repeat the car crash.
But but I know what you meant, But I think
that I'm like, the universe isn't gonna stop trying to
teach you something just because you did to learn it
the first time. They're just gonna go on on the
route and you're gonna learn it regardless. The millennial gen
(26:41):
Z generation is at the head, at the forefront of
these conversations. And I know that my mom's generation, our
mom's generation, looks at our generation like we're we because
they did all of this. My mom was like I
had two girls by myself and a business and I
was twenty four and I did this, and I did that,
(27:01):
and I'm like, mom, I'm crumbling. One thing to add
to that inflation, because you've seen the statistics about what
they could afford back in the day and what we
can afford because inflation and minimum wage are not increasing
at the same time. In a different world, we were
not at all. There's a study literally that said that,
(27:22):
and I've shared this before that our mental health is
relevant to that of insane asylum patients in the sixties,
like our stress levels are simulation. It's a lot, it's
a lot. I'm different. I know that we have grown
up in a completely different environment than our parents, but
(27:43):
we have that, like, you know, to go back to
the mental health thing, we have that constant pressure. I
think of just the generation before us having to have like,
you know, throw the backpack over their shoulders and just
kept going and now they're hardened. So yeah, well, cost though,
what causeses Shoving down your emotions and your needs and
(28:03):
wants and boundaries gonna make you feel like an accomplished
human life goes by and the flash of an eye,
like everyone that's on their deathbed has always said I
want to do it over again, or like it went
by so fast, and everything amounts to one moment. So
how would you like the average of your feelings to
be when you arrive at that one moment? Would you
(28:23):
want it to be sad? Numb? You don't want to
be numb before. I would want to be happy that
I loved and happy that I that I was heartbroken,
happy that I just felt things to the extreme, So
you would even be happy for the sad stuff. Yes, absolutely,
that's my That's what I that's what I live in
when I act, That's what I live in. When I
act as I thrive to embrace the sadness in each performance.
(28:46):
Full disclosure, No not no disclosure. Um. Love is like
the best thing in the universe. Absolutely, that is the
only thing that makes life worth living. And I'll say
it again, Yeah, I really that. Like everything is or
most things are just like a form of love, absolutely platonic, romantic,
(29:06):
even to inanimate objects like our houses. Just even like
if you think about the habits that you have or
like the things that you do, the reasons why you
do them, you could probably trace them back to love.
Absolutely hate it's just another form of love. Never I've
always it's an obsession yeah, I know you. I don't
think that hate is the absence of love. I actually
(29:27):
think the absence of love is fear. I think the
only thing that could really kill love is fear. Oh
oh yeah, wait that needs to be the title. That's
since she has said that, I'm like ship because hate
is actually you're so invested in that person that very
(29:49):
queer to me, it's pretty gay to Hey. The tea
is that I really really feel like today I posted
something in my story that was like, if you're hating,
you're actually like you're the one that has a problem,
like if you're a concerned about somebody else, like those
who aren't hating, those who are hating hat happy, and
those who ait happy are hating exactly, but like absolutely absolutely, yeah,
(30:17):
I mean it's just a reflection of yourself. If you
if you hate something about somebody, that means that you
hate that about yourself or you want it. But also
that just goes back to insecurity. Yeah exactly, something I
don't feel like you're lacking something in your life. Um.
I really strongly suggest everybody today or at some point
just kind of like sit by themselves in a room
(30:38):
and just see if you can stand it and if
you can't, then you need to work on that. But
if you like being alone without a distraction, yeah, because
then you're something else to do, like showering. I love showering.
When I get there, I could be there forever. Wait,
should we do more? Can we ask you guys question? Dude? Please?
(31:00):
Who's better at twerking? Job? I've kind of seen a
bit of it. You haven't even seen my wall move yet.
That's for later. That's for later tonight. That's where we
go out later. Yeah, you know what, I'm really proud
of it. I'm happy for you. Thank you. That's I
(31:23):
wish I had more of a butt to do, like
more things with it. I feel like Keana is a
closeted twerker, like yeah, really really good at I agree,
but like not, she's not like I'm the only one
who sees you know you've seen it? Let them wait.
I have a question. Okay, do you feel like it's
(31:45):
better to be yourself on the internet as a celebrity
or have a persona? Okay, and I will probably actually
disagree with this, because go ahead. I actually I'm a
very private person. I'd like to preserve my p to
see what I mean by that. Well, I love saying
that Jim is my woman. I don't have anything to hide,
(32:09):
you know, Like, I think that it's wonderful to promote
your love if you feel like that's something that you're
ready to do, you know, etcetera. I do, however, feel
like there are certain things you shouldn't share on the internet,
you know, and that's up to you. You know. I
really think that your privacy is in your hands. But
(32:30):
do you prefer so you're saying I prefer privacy, okay,
but or do you believe that a person would be
more successful if they had a persona? Oh that's different. Yeah,
that's if your first question was do you think I
should you should be yourself or have a persona? Right?
Because so you're saying you should be yourself but with privacy.
(32:50):
But privacy wasn't an option. It was just yourself or persona. Okay,
go ahead, Sorry, no, no, I want you to take
over right now. But I just feel like a persona
in and of itself is not you, right, because like,
if you're already like, oh, I'm going to be a persona,
then you're putting some of yourself to the side, right.
I think that that exists, though, and there's there's a
(33:13):
room for that. I think that there's space for I
think there's space for everything. If you have created an
image for yourself or persona, let me think of somebody.
So yeah, okay, see, but more than that, more of
a persona, you know, cartoon, Yeah, the gorillas? Okay, I'm
(33:34):
sure doesn't. It doesn't have to be a musical artist.
Who's this girl that's a that's c G I, Mikaela,
whatever her name is. You know what I'm talking about.
She's a complete c G character. She's a charac but
it's the same thing in a way. So that's what
I'm getting at. There's room for everything. And if you,
if your career right is this persona, then I think
(33:56):
that it's perfectly acceptable for you to show up as
a sona. And I think that everybody is like their
own guide for that. Me personally, I've always been an
open book my whole life. I've never been ashamed of
sharing anything because to me, they're just truths. I don't
feel like I do myself or anyone else a service
(34:17):
by concealing those truths about myself. Maybe I don't volunteer
that information. If I don't if I can read the room,
and I don't see that as necessary. But if you
ask me, I will always share because I just will
see why not beyond that? You know I have you,
guys know, I expressed myself in a lot of different
kinds of arts. You are very yourself on the on
social media. Absolutely, I try to be. I try to be.
(34:40):
I really try to be because I feel like in
my art and being lucky enough like all of us
to have lived as a creative my whole life, and
one of my biggest expressions being writing, I feel like
you really bear your soul in your art, and so
I'm comfortable in that environment. But it's social media. It's
(35:02):
difficult because it's curated. Yeah, I agree. I mean I
think you should be yourself for sure. I don't. I
don't have any other option. I don't know any other option.
I haven't worked on the persona. I haven't thought, I
haven't put really thought into it. But I do see
why people have personas. It's a great defense mechanism. It's
(35:24):
a great way to dissociate from your art in a
way that doesn't harm you. Um So I'm like, if
I could do it all over again, I wouldn't really,
I wouldn't show my face. I would just have people
focus on the art. But I was at the beginning,
I was I was into the notoriety of it all.
I was absolutely like, one day everyone's going to know
(35:45):
my name. I'm sorry, but but I didn't know what
it was. You know, you don't know the depths of it.
You don't know the extent of how much you have
to give of yourself. And then at the end of
the day, you can't even go buy groceries, like you
can't even just do things that you want to do,
walk your dog and ship Like the day that I
have to hire a dog walker and not walk my
(36:06):
dogs may be so sad. I love taking them because
it's gonna come. Baby, You're already there, You're already there.
You already know what it's like to have people stop
you when you don't want to be in people who well,
specifically people who don't know their boundaries, like they don't
don't respect you as a human being. It's so weird
(36:27):
being touched by a stranger in a way that you
don't even you know, you don't even consent to, and
they feel entitled to that and that's the problem with
being yourself. So if I could do to it, I
wouldn't be myself because people start to feel like they
like you, they own you, not know, you have to
(36:48):
have some kind of align, like you have to have
some kind of control. So that's why I value privacy.
You I do too. But at the same time, it's like,
why do I have to change my true nature because
you don't know how to behave change it or not
share it? Ship both both both, because I just wish
(37:08):
more people understood the ballance that they are no different
than this person. It's just their artwork is in your face, yes,
and you see it because it's sold that because they
knew the right people, and that's how they got here.
Who industry is about the people, you know, have props
to be at the right time. A lot of people
(37:29):
have ended up where they are because like I was
in the right place at the right tipe of this
lad and you met the right people. Yeah, totally totally.
And you know, like that's not taking away from anybody's
old light because I believe that you shine as an
individual and people pick up on that. But yeah, but
you have to be putting out a certain frequency in
order for people to see it and believe it right,
like you was just forced into the public eye because
(37:50):
they don't deserve it, Like you've done something to be here.
That's why I even the TikTokers like those people their
socialites and that's a business, so I respect that, Like
you made that money you probably is a full time job.
Oh yeah, they'd be making videos and having to think
of them all the time. I'm like, that is something
that people, I think don't realize even to make one
real either. It's so embarrassing. It's so like you you're
(38:11):
fighting a lot of like urges to not at the
same time, you're like, okay, either I play the game
or the game plays. Yeah, I'll tell you this. My sister,
when she was twenty, had an issue with her thyroid
and it infuriated me because she had been progressing with
(38:34):
one doctor for a while and it got bad. She
had to get the thyroid remove. We ended up finding
out that she had cancer and she had to stop
seeing her doctor because her insurance didn't coverage. She couldn't
afford it. And I remember I was already with them
and I was like, this is why I would rather
play the game mhm. This is why, because I don't
(38:56):
ever want to be in a position right now is
the way the world works. I don't ever want to
be in a position where not having access to resources
impacts my Life's like you can't protect your loved ones
exactly or the way that I would like to. I mean, ship,
there's other ways there, you know. I mean, yeah, there's
other ways here we could. We don't have to go
(39:17):
down the discussion of like, you know what health care
is in this in this country, but but still that
that actions the access to options that you that you
get real talk when you have money. When did a
metro card get so expensive? Dude? The last time I
was in New York it changed by at least a dollar.
It's like gas or food or groceries. See, those are
(39:42):
the moments when I'm like, Okay, I want to go
to my own little island. I know how to grow card.
That's that's what I want to learn. I'm gonna learn farming.
I want to play the game advantage of it, and
we can have a commune. Then already have two other
lesbians that are down. Everybody's hustling, you guys, like everybody's
(40:02):
out there. If you're not out there trying to you know,
make your way, then fine, you're not out there hustling.
But if you are out there hustling, there's a million
ways to hustle. TikTok, acting fee picks. I mean for
real though, for I like only fans, dude, I'm I'm
(40:23):
saying like, I ain't hating noe those I ain't hating
none those creators. Their doing their thing. You know, I
gotta do what you gotta do. If if it's so accessible.
We have a friend who was like straight up would
see you know, his sugar daddy twice a month and
was getting four granted his bank account. You don't usually
have to do a lot. I think that day they
(40:47):
smart at all of us. I mean, you can make
a deal where like it's only a date or like
yeah we just talk to them, yeah twice. Sometimes people
just want company and that's beautiful. Yeah, I know, yeah,
I know what I'm telling you. I celebrate I celebrate
sex judging. People think today that we just talked about
(41:09):
now you hate it, you fucking hating what is it?
I know? You know what I'm saying, though, I really
feel that way, Like if you are if you are
feeling some kind of way about somebody else's life, You're
probably feeling some kind of way about your own life, dude.
And also, get a hobby, please, like, please, come on
(41:33):
man like. Oh god, social media, back to social media.
It boggles my mind when I see a hateful comment.
I am here for calling people out. I am here
for accountability. There was a creator a few months ago
who got a ton of views on the way to
make Cuban coffee. I was pissed, personally offended. Cuban coffee
(41:55):
is a ritual to our people, and I have no
problem delivering constructive criticism. I don't hide behind anything though.
People who create zero followers, zero post instagrams just to
come on your page, just to say something. It's a lot,
first of all, but this is what I'm saying, get
(42:18):
a hobby. Get a hobby. Please. Blocked six times and
still making new ones. Oh my god, So I've had
to do that so many times. Like people just keep
creating the same accounts. The biggest hate comment you've ever gotten, Bella,
it's fubbly like I want you to die. Same. Well,
one of ours was like we want you to get
(42:40):
assaulted with a wasn't assaulted the R word, the R
word with a stick, wooden stick infected with aids and
I help you die. Yeah that we got that one once. Okay,
but hello, we're talking about the other day. That Instagram
a real thing that I most of me and m
(43:01):
that out of nowhere started getting traction because I got
a bunch of Latin ladies like, no, this is why
the world is coming to them, And I was like,
you know what, thank you, you know what. They're right, sure, absolutely,
we are welcome with the gates of her Absolutely, I'll
see you there. Goods can okay, the cake of hell
(43:27):
Hell's kitchen. Yeah, it's burning in here. He's like, it's
it's a little too hot. Welcome back. He's gonna ask
us a question. Now, my question for you guys. Yeah,
give us your question. If you have children, who will
(43:48):
be the father? Oh, come on, question you know the
answer that I'm not zaddi. Oh. I was gonna say,
jan they have and the father I'm like very paternal,
very much like make sure taking you know what. You
(44:11):
know how I knew that and what moment I knew
that was when you guys gave us gifts and and
Jim knew exactly what was in there and and was
like oh. I was like, oh, thanks for getting me this.
She's like, oh, we got you. This 's such a
dad move right there. I definitely the daddy out there.
(44:39):
I'll be your daddy. I'll be your daddy. You said
you wanted a jam. Okay, jam for the outro. Okay,
let's do it all right, guys. So before we go,
we're I'm about to acquire the instruments. But thank you
for being with us. We had so much fun being
our friends. And thank you for being our friends. And
(45:02):
thank you for a friend. Hey, Tray back again, thank
you love. We're back to thank you for being a friend. Yeah, okay,
(45:22):
this is the a spacetionship and now we're coming back
to us. We're just for lesbians. We are all friends.
That's why we're going back to I'm beating playing I
(45:52):
Love You the same chord. Oh that's the end. That's
(46:14):
that's the end, right there. Well that was that. Thanks
for flying with dy cooking horrors. I love this song.
We'd love the crap out of you. I'm so love
we wrote the worst song every together. Good. We love
you so much. Guys. Thanks for flying with us. We
(46:34):
love you guys. If you are a loved one are
mental distress, called the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at for
free and confidential seven support, information and resources. You can
also visit mental health dot com for immediate help and
much more information. You are not alone. This podcast is
(46:58):
brought to you by Moonflower Productions partnership with I Hearts
Michael Juna Podcast Network. For more podcasts, visit the I
Heart Radio app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
H
Hosts And Creators
Gemeny Hernandez
Emily Estefan
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Boysober
Have you ever wondered what life might be like if you stopped worrying about being wanted, and focused on understanding what you actually want? That was the question Hope Woodard asked herself after a string of situationships inspired her to take a break from sex and dating. She went "boysober," a personal concept that sparked a global movement among women looking to prioritize themselves over men. Now, Hope is looking to expand the ways we explore our relationship to relationships. Taking a bold, unfiltered look into modern love, romance, and self-discovery, Boysober will dive into messy stories about dating, sex, love, friendship, and breaking generational patterns—all with humor, vulnerability, and a fresh perspective.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com