December 14, 2022 • 40 mins
Today is all about you—who you are now, who you want to be, and preparing for what's to come post-holiday season and into the new year. The urge to look back at 2022 and linger is real, so we say: let it go already. Because the past is just that—it's done. It happened. Let's move on...
But how do you do that energetically? Brenda Rose shares her step-by-step process for planning out a new year, setting you up for success, and inspiring you to explore and expand your vision. You'll learn how to identify and then fill in that gap between what you want and what you've been doing. Two magic words will become your mantra: Spaciousness and Curiosity.
Let's come together today and shift our perspectives, transforming the year in review and embracing the 23 & You.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of My Heart Radio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there,
I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side. Now,
y'all need to know that we are obsessed with everything
on the other side. Yes, we are, because once you
(00:22):
learn to navigate the energetic, or to some the invisible world,
life is going to be more fun and much more serene. Heck,
yes it can, because, let's be honest, Brian, earth school
is hard. In fact, you taught me that let's crush
Earth School together. Well, hello, my WITCHI pooh, how are you?
(00:46):
And little Lulu? There you go? Yes I did. I
finally changed it up nicely played little just in order
to how are you? Well, I'm staring at my pooch
(01:07):
and she's so asleep she's twitching, so she doesn't really
respond to my voice. Apparently she's an astral plane's partying.
She's having an astral party. Maybe she's hanging out with
Homer and Booger and Murphy and Hostly and Booger still left.
(01:30):
Um anyway, Hi, everybody. So we decided, by we, I
mean Brenda, that this is a good time to, you know,
really look into what the next year could be for
us and how we prepare for it. Um. And I
think we're gonna have a couple of parts to this.
(01:52):
So and I, okay, I have to confess everybody. UM.
So I tend to name a lot of the shows
and all of them okay, which is fine. I love yeah, okay,
like really all of them. And so this one I
called twenty three and you and Brenda gets on and
(02:12):
she goes, hey, did you change like the show? I said,
We're gonna do something about jeans. She's like, what are
you talking about talking about? I'm like, well, you named
it three, and you know, I assumed you were being clever.
I was being clever because you are. And I never
(02:33):
know what. You know, we have our discussions, but I
never know what we're actually Welcome everyone to apparently my
show because apparently Brenda thinks I'm goody changed topics on
a well anyway, so easy going you are? You really are.
So this is about and first when you were confused,
(02:55):
I was like, oh, ship, do I have the wrong year?
Like that's where I went if I wasn't quite sure
if I had the year one. So here we are called.
So I um, I love that this is a time
and you've you taught me this, like fucking everything else,
this is such a great time. Um, you know, because
(03:18):
people like to look back, you know, at the end
of the year, and they're like, screw you two or
screw you. I mean everybody's if you know, if you
noticed that, I was like, screw you want it to
fuck you year rare. Instead of looking at it going okay,
let's look forward, I was like, like, Okay, that happened, right,
(03:44):
I mean, it's already done. Why it's done. It already happened,
right Like even in you know, nineteen and twenty, where
you know, obviously was the kickoff of the pandemic when
people are so angry, I'm like, huh, like what did
you It wasn't personal. I mean, yes, it effects was personally,
but it wasn't like a personal affront to you, right
(04:06):
right exactly exactly. So I love that this is an
opportunity to um, not just you know, this isn't about
taking stock or inventory in the past. It's about taking
stock and who you are now and who you want
to be and preparing for what that could be. And
by the way, preparing for things that I'm not sure
(04:30):
people talk about a lot. I'm not sure people we
got to hit it all. So I think we should
just start hitting it. What do you want to start
with first? Well, you know, for me, in my in
my personal practice, I because I'm so my my life
is driven a lot by my calendar. So I put
like the big chunks on a big white board. I said,
(04:53):
this is what I've committed to, this is what I'm
accountable for. So like energetically, I'm holding the space for
these of courses, events, whatever I have to do right um,
and I don't know everything that's going to happen at
the beginning of the year. Um, so you know, we
want to create create spaciousness for we're kind of a
shitty psychic if you don't. That was just that was
(05:17):
psychic here everybody. So so I'm like, okay, knowing that
this is what I've committed to, right, this is you know,
my word that I'm holding the space for this. How
do I want to do that? What's the what's the frequency,
what's the vibration that I want to hold or activate
each one of these events, engagements and you know, and
(05:42):
I will write it down like holding this in light,
holding this in spaciousness, Uh, you know, really focused on
driving whatever the messages of that engagement. Um. So like
I'm really clear about how I have to show up,
ready to hold that space, ready to engage the person,
(06:03):
the group, whatever it is. So if I know what
I'm energetically accountable for, then I also know how I
need to be, how I need to prepare, how I
I can't go screaming into everything. You know red hot, Um,
you know that I'm coming in hot, like you don't
want to do that. Two certain things some things you
(06:23):
can do and that makes it fun or whatever, but
not for everything. So like I kind of back into
it that way. Does that make sense? It makes total sense?
So how would one do that? Like so we did.
We can plan things out the big things we know
whether it's basically work whatever it may be, and it's
locations and its classes. I want to study, its classes,
(06:45):
I want to teach, like it's all those things right.
So you know they say you put in the big
rocks first and then and then you gotta put the
little rocks in. Um around it, it says, okay, this
is this will set me up for success in these situations. Um,
And so I don't I try not to plan things
too too close together to you know, to intense things,
(07:06):
because I you know, will be is fresh. So you've
been really good about that. I've learned. I mean not
always you've been but calling my way back, but in
general though, I mean you were like, I can't do this,
it's too close to this, And UM, I think that
that is a really great way for people to look
(07:27):
at their life. Are these big events, the things that
they know, and then you make space for everything that
you don't know, because well that's mostly what life is.
The thing life is what happens while you're busy making plants, right,
exactly right. But but the spaciousness piece, you know, that
is hard one information like I didn't I used to
(07:49):
not do that, and you know it costs me, like
I would get sick you know when I put too
many things close together and things like that. So, um,
humility is a great teacher. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And and
so that's you know, but this is and it's not
just like physically can I get from one city to
(08:11):
the other, But it's that energetic piece that is so critical.
And write it down, like write those notes and say, hey,
this is this is one thing I'm not I'm a
little concerned about for this group or for this engagement.
These are things I don't know about. But this is
what I know, and this is what I'm going to
double down on until you know something else, until you
(08:31):
can update it. But like, it's nice to have those
energetic for me. It's like a frequency or an emotional space,
or you can even like write, you know, a playlist
you know that that gets you in the mood for each
event because music, music is so powerful on our our emotions,
and um, that can help like, Okay, this I'm gonna
get charged up for this event sort of thing. Does
that make sense? Oh my god, You're way better than
(08:53):
I am. I'm I'm the one that kind of comes
in hot all the time. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna know,
I'm really going to try this for this year. I
tend to this time of the year think about, Okay,
what have I learned? What do I want to learn? Um?
And how do I not come in so hot? That's
(09:15):
I mean, that's that's tends to be what I do.
I mean, we did our little pre talk talk that
it deserves two talks. Um. I think I announced that
I'm joining um like an interopool thing here because I
need to like that just calms me, mellows me, great
(09:38):
exercise to boot um. And I think and I need
more of those thinking times because I do better. And
so like the last six months, I haven't and I
can tell you know, been big moves, big changes, selling things,
buying things, and I'm I need to settle my ship
(10:02):
down and that's how I do. That's that's all earthiness,
you know, the moving stuff and some things and buying things.
You need that water right to exactly yeah, exactly exactly right.
And remember when when we find ourselves in that space,
it's nice to get one of those little like tabletop
fountains that you can have just in the corner of
(10:23):
the room running to get the emotional space moving. Oh
that's such a good idea. Yeah, I'll build one of
those into the new house. And how about I do
that and I'll put the big water feature. Yeah, I'll
put the big walks in first, and I'll put the
little ones in. That's right, like you know I will.
(10:44):
We'll probably need to take a quick break here and
we'll be right back everybody, and we're back to you
one section two with my giggle and which and I
(11:07):
hope three has many parts for all of you. Yes, well,
the world's change quite a bit, you know, and how
we right weird? Just I mean, the other day, the
other day, probably yesterday, I had such a Suzanne. I'm like, God,
(11:28):
did the world just feeling more different than it's ever felt?
And She's like, yeah, like everything feels different, um, good,
bad and different. It's just different. You know, it depends
how you look at it. Um. But I think what's
really fascinating. I do a lot of very I'm going
to talk about something that I'm not familiar with, but
(11:48):
I really appreciate it well because I like to listen
and read and like understand things beyond myself. And that's
a really interesting thing to look at for the next
year to be because I find a lot of people
are stuck in their own stuff and they only care
about their own thing and having a little community. I think,
(12:11):
look and caring doesn't hurt us because I think in
ways we've forgotten how to do that. So the party
we're out of practice now, we're out of practice, right,
And if everything is frequency, and the frequency we have
been vibrating is in our own pods, right, however big
or small that was. But it's been very insular and
so we have to get used to coming out and
(12:36):
engaging and so yeah, that's a shift. So for me,
like you know, I have been reading a lot, listening
a lot about what parents and teachers and kids have
been going through with school and how COVID really through
that on its head, how politics has thrown it into
(12:57):
its arena. And I've just been listening and paying attention
to it. And you know, I don't know, like because
but as I think, because I think about how has
changed their day to day lives. Right, so kids don't
learn the same way they were forced to, you know,
use zoom or where masks to school, which was a
(13:18):
different thing for them. Teachers are now are so politicized
it is I've I have more pain in my heart
for teachers than I can't even express. And I think
the way that parents, you know, um, the way their
work has changed how they parent. Right again, this is
not my arena. I've just been paying attention to it
(13:39):
and listening and talking and you know, I actually will
tell you a really amazing thing that happened for a
friend of mine because of COVID and coming out of
COVID and how her work has changed. She's a better
mom and she is so like she has. I hate
that COVID happened, but I get to work more from home,
(14:00):
and I now get to take my daughter to school
every day and pick her up. I get too. I
don't have to organize that kind of stuff. I am
far more present with her. And that's actually the bright
side of COVID. You know, that someone who decided to
look at it and take advantage of what it offered her.
She's a single mom, so that's a really big guess deal.
(14:22):
Just spend that much time with your kid, you know. Um,
I think how we work has really changed. Didn't change
for you as much traveling joking, traveling, you didn't. Yeah, yeah,
I was just going to change. It changed dramatically, but yeah,
not like some others in a dramatic way. Yeah yeah,
(14:43):
I was just kidding because you're like, oh, you were
like work from home when it wasn't cool, and now
it's like you're the cool kid because you know how
to do it better named buddy. It was boundaries tend
to be a problem with it that I found with
myself and with it with other people. When you're assume
you can work in all time zones, you can well,
(15:04):
and because you're home, it's somehow if you're not careful it,
it opens up the entire time you're home from all
the time. And that's problems because I have found myself
working on projects and stuff more than I've worked in years. Um.
And I think other people have probably done the same thing.
(15:26):
But I think that part about the parents and the
kids in school and all of that. You know. I
remember reading things and hearing interviews and and such in
the beginning of the pandemic and parents were like pulling
their hair out because you're stuck at home with their kids,
which I understand, are these small people and when are
they leaving? Exactly right? Exactly right? Obviously we're teasing, we're
(15:49):
completely teasing, but you know, parents, you know, parents are
like not there and say, yeah, that was me, man,
don't blame him. Um. But I just see how the
family unit has changed so much, Like has my life
changed that much some aspects, you know, But I don't
think nearly as radically as families have with kids in
the house. Families, and I think that is something that
(16:11):
I want to be moving forward for more tune too,
and helpful wherever I can be helpful for people. I
don't does that make any sense, that statement, because I
really see that as something that's kind of important. Well,
I do think people are struggling with it. I mean
especially for young children who would have entered schools when
(16:32):
the schools were you know, non operative. So I think
you know, they're saying that that development at those young ages,
you know, four or five, six, you know, that development
is delayed now because they didn't they didn't have the
socialization or even though there may not be as large
a need for masking, the kids still really want to
mask because that's how they're comfortable now, right right. I
(16:55):
think what I was that funny that you just had
said that, because the one way I think guy can
really do something is to just have an awful lot
of grace, you know. And I think that is instead
of being frustrated at a store or around friends kids
or family's kids or whomever. Um, it's just to have
(17:17):
more grace for the situation because um, you know, when
we get old, everything that we look at like our
context is how we were raised and I'm desperately trying
to take that out of my vocabulary because that is
not the world. It's irrelevant. It is absolutely utterly irrelevant,
(17:39):
and which is fine too write, but it's um again,
who do I want to be? Right? Who do I
want to be? And when I find myself in a
gap between where I want to be or who I
want to be or how I want to be versus
how I am feeling, how I am acting, how I
am speaking? Take note, right, and you don't have to
(18:03):
beat the crap out of yourself, but how can you
move into a place of mm hmm that curiosity? M hmm.
I wonder why this is so hard for me right now,
right just the curiosity, not judgmental. This is why is this?
This is really triggering me. I'm really struggling with this.
(18:25):
This is interesting, like that compassionate lens that can be
helpful because then things can bubble up without being fear
of being judged. You know, other people may be judging you,
but hopefully silently that um you know, the create space
where you can take time to figure it out or
just make a note on your phone that says, wow,
(18:47):
this person in line is really bothering me, what is
this about this behavior that is somehow familiar to me?
When's the last time or the first time I remember
experiencing this? Like, be curious about those questions for yourself
because you cannot control another. You cannot this is I mean,
you can try, but an answer I will tell you
(19:09):
exactly like looking in the last year or last two years,
because we haven't been around people as much as we were,
I mean we have lately at least I have. I
still mask up for the record, and I have been
poked more than a voodoo all um with shots of
every vaccine, but I still mask up. But I will
(19:30):
tell you, um. And my impatience I was never had
a lot, and I have even less. Yeah, and i've
I've I was like, whoa, what the hell is wrong
with me? And just because you have less patience, which
means that you get irritated faster, right, doesn't give you
permission to act out. Correct. Other people are not accountable
(19:54):
for your impatience. Correct, right, Like that's really interesting. I
notice I'm really impatient. Yep. So then I decided not
to go in public much anymore. And I'm just kidding,
but no, but it's true. These are those things. So
looking into I literally had that experience. I'm like, oh
(20:14):
my god, I have to get home, I have to
go back, and I have to go back in my
bubble soon. Yeah. Well I've definitely give it. Yeah, I've
definitely had to do that, there's no question. Um. But
but we're not here to isolate all the time. No, no, no,
And it would be really easy to do that at
(20:35):
this point in time. Um, but that's not my joy.
I I mean, I don't pick that. I just say
that in general and because it is a little different. Um,
but it's good to think about these things, right. This
are just a couple examples of thinking about what do
I want to bring into the next year. What is
it I want to address. I don't want to sit
(20:55):
here on December thirty one to eleven thirty pm, going
back two you know whatever it is probably what i'd say, um,
but not really is actually a pretty good year. They're
all good years, they really are. That's the thing. They're
all good years. I'm still here. Yeah, if you're here
to celebrate, it hasn't been a good year, which I
(21:16):
think let's break and let's talk about when we're not
here to celebrate because I think we need to talk
about that. How do we make that a good year too?
How do we make that a good year? Two? We'll
be right back people, Welcome back, everybody, toe and you
Part one, Section three nice, just all numerology all around us. So, Bran,
(21:45):
when you actually brought this topic up to me, you
had me hook line and sinker for what you want
to talk about next. Well, the whole reason why I
think this is an interesting topic is obviously we want
to embody our lives according to our vision to our
highest available blah blah blah, which is good and excellent
(22:07):
and really helpful. But I really think the supermove, the
power move to make is how can I live my life,
make choices aligned to my vision for the life I
want to have and create on the other side, Right,
that's the interesting part of all these questions. And so
(22:29):
when you live and engage and explore life with that lens,
it can look very different, completely different. You know, people
are so concerned about does my life have meaning when
I living my purpose and when I which is a
fine question, right, these are fine questions. But when you
(22:50):
think about that, oftentimes when I hear like, tell me
what brings you that question, how are you thinking about that?
It's usually an external focus that says I need to
be a armed like this publicly externally, which again is fine.
But my question is when you get to the other
side and you imagine sitting through your life review that
(23:15):
you know, where you get to experience everything you made
other people feel like that to me should be informing
how you engage, how you move, how through this life,
what you bring to this life, how how you will
show up that says this is something I wouldn't mind revisiting, right, right,
(23:38):
you know the other would be proud to be part
of this, right and how Um, you know you've you've
You've talked about a couple of things throughout the years
to me, and one was, yeah, you don't want to
do this again. So what I think about how I
live my life. I think about it definitely in the
(24:01):
context of a life review, because I've had the great
fortune to talk to a number of people that have
actually gone through one in this lifetime, and um, and
I wanted to be as good as I can make it,
you know, because that means you're we're trying to be
a good person. And I know I'm as you know,
imperfect of every as everybody else, but I would like
(24:24):
to try right. And but I also look at it
as the what do I do? Like? How? How? How
doing something? Not doing something, saying something, not saying something,
pursuing something, not pursuing something. What does that mean for
me having to do this again? Like I've already lived
this life. I don't want to live it again. Well
(24:46):
you you won't live this life again, no, I know.
But it's more of like learning the lesson again. It's
kind of what I'm talking about. I want to get
it here because I want new ones. I want new challenges.
I don't want the same old, same old challenges. Yeah,
that's great, that's a great way to put it, you know.
And even even in this life, we've all had those experiences,
(25:08):
whether it's you know, getting the same job in a
different organization where you've got the same struggles, the same
archetypes working around you, feeling stuck, who steal your work
or what, you know whatever, or relationships, oh he's alcoholic again,
you know, whatever it is. You know, like we we
(25:28):
get the rinse repeat because we didn't get the lesson right,
So keep attracting the same type of people in my life,
I keep dealing with it the same way. Why don't
I try to do it a little different? Right? Remember?
So that's what I think about one listener who wrote
and literally like I can't remember it was marriage or
dated the same guy with the same name, like right
(25:50):
three times? That that was classic. That was totally classic.
I mean I've got of it twice. But this was
like a life one mission to marry literally the same man,
different clothes, but the same guy, right, same same issue. Um,
and again, I think, so when you live, like, Okay,
(26:13):
what am I going to be proud? What am I
personally gonna be proud of? What is up to my
standard of what I know is possible for me? Because
the truth is, anyone who's watching, they don't know what
it takes to be you. They don't know what's easy
for you, it's hard for you. They just know what
happens when they're with you, Like that's what they know.
But the inside part, only you know what's possible and
(26:35):
why that standard can be, and how impactful it can
be and how strategic you can be, are elegant you
can be with it and so and I just want
to remind everybody very quickly back to your point about
the life review. And this was my friend who worked
at Disney when he was kidnapped and assaulted in Manhattan
(26:56):
and he was in a tub. I know. I talked
about this on the show and Um, he was hit
um with the handle of a gun. Mh. And he goes,
I think I almost died. I go, oh, yeah, tell
me more. And then he started to tell me he
effectively went through a life review and the first thing
that he felt was how he made Valet Parkers feel.
(27:21):
So this is a really critical thing, like it is
to that extent of which our life review is to
how we made people who were strangers because I'm sure
he didn't know their name, um feel in the world.
So how do we act towards cashiers? And by the way,
(27:41):
a lot of people during COVID nineteen, they're going to
get their ass kicked in their life review or how
nasty they were to our beloved people of service because
they were assholes, and they're going to get that Valet
life review on them, I think, Um. But it's to
that degree, and that's why I think it's so important
to bring it back up because when we think about
(28:02):
when you talk about that life review and how we
made everybody feel, my friend was not spared. In fact,
it very great. Came up very quickly about what a
dick he was to Valet Parkers. It's such a random
and specific thing. It's for real. Yeah, And I remember,
(28:23):
like literally I was waiting tables, so I must have
been in high school. But I went out to lunch
with my sister and my dad, uh to a restaurant
which was like this only happened once, like it was
a very very unusual thing, and my dad was so
rude to the waitress. I left the table and I
(28:49):
left the table and I waited in the car, like
just placing the order. He was just belligerent, and I
just couldn't. I couldn't witness it. And if I had
since something, it would have just been an argument. But
I just like, I cannot witness this. I cannot be
a part of this. And of course I apologize probviously
to the way to the server. You know, as I left,
(29:09):
I said, I'm so sorry he's mentally mentally just because
I bet your dad got that when it was his turn, huh.
He probably I would imagine too. I mean, if my
friend got the Valet Parkers. I mean, so it's that
everything It's like everything counts, I think is the lesson, right,
(29:31):
The Valet Parker lesson to us is a everybody counts.
So that's number one. Everybody counts. We are no better
and no worse than anybody else. Everybody counts, and we're
all connected. We are completely connected. This is the one
way that's very clear. We're all connected, it is. And
(29:53):
that's what Anita more Johnny talks so much about in
her book and then her UM, her when she does
her speaking events, things like that, her Facebook account, all
these things she does, she talks about how we are one.
She's very clear on that. And anybody else that I've
talked to as well that has experienced UM and n
(30:15):
d E, they all come back. It's like I know
one thing for sure. I don't understand it, but I
know it, which is that we are we are all
belonged to one. You know, it's so interesting because when people,
you know, often when they look back on a year,
even though it's not what we're talking about specifically this year,
but you know, when they look back, they think about, oh,
blah blah blah was so mean to me or challenged
(30:36):
me so hard it's like they're just picking on me,
and it's like, you know, or they just love you
so much they came back to challenge you to help
you grow. Because this even when we look at something
with a victim lens, which is never empowering, but sometimes
you know, this is the the emotion that goes with
this engagement. But when you can flip it and go,
(30:58):
what am I getting out of this? How is this
person actually helping me become more resilient, be more clear
about what I'm what I'm passionate about, and what I'm
going to change and how I want how I'm going
to change myself and how I want to be. And
this person is just a challenge. They don't have authority
over me. I still get to decide how I'm going
to do this, and I have to do it in
(31:19):
a different way. I might have to get scrappy and
might have to get really innovative, you know, go in
the side door or something. But I can still do
it because I'm in charge of me. They're not in
charge of me. And that's the energy that I'm inviting
you to invoke instead of resisting and pushing against a
person in a situation that is challenging. How can you
use work with the energy that's there and use it
(31:43):
as fuel for innovation? Right? So, and I always remember
we're all one and be kind as much as you
can get people who park your car at l at
especially them. Yeah, it's like just because when you don't.
(32:05):
I think probably why it came up so quick for
him is that that was such a I'm better than
you move, you know, being so nasty to somebody like consistently.
I don't know your friend, I don't know this friend
of yours, but I imagine it was very inconsistent with
who he was with everyone else. Oh see, I think
(32:28):
that what he learned what he and I talked about.
So this is why I know is um, he places
different values. He can be by the way I adored him,
but he needed something from me oh okay, yeah yeah, yeah,
one of those. Yeah. And I think he figured out
that's like, wait, this is not that don't fly right?
(32:50):
And so anyway, I just think that because what we
I think, what so many of us are missing. And
I think that COVID didn't help because we were so
stressed out and scared and unsure and all of those
things that we became so much more self self. Yeah, yeah,
(33:12):
self preservation. That's probably the fair is nicest way to
put it. Um that we forgot about everybody else. Yeah,
maniacal would be another way, yeah, miniacal. Yeah, but we
forgot about everybody else. So I think that's something to
think about, especially like, because we don't know when we're
gonna go. We don't know when we're our jump date
is you know, we don't know unless you plan it
(33:34):
and then that's all on you. But but we don't
know when we're going to do it, when it's going
to happen. And I would really like to actually be like,
have my side of the street as clean as possible,
and and and the the you know, another thing is
we the lie we tell ourselves is that we have forever. Yeah,
we don't, and we don't. We don't. If we lived
(33:57):
more like we were dying, it might be a little better. Seriously,
think of how much nicer it would be and kinder,
and you know, help somebody cross the street. I don't know.
We will let more stuff go, And I honestly cannot
tell you the last time I have watched somebody help
(34:17):
another person and it's been a while and I know
they're out there. I just haven't seen it as much.
Maybe I just live in smaller populations, um because I
used to again live the second life, just in the
United States. But it's just that moment still to give it,
to give just a little bit of a ship. You
don't have to give a whole ship. You don't have
(34:39):
to give every fun in the world, just a few focks,
just just a little bit right, just too and not
even for the selfish reason. But it's like, one of
these days, odds are we're going to be in that
same spot. There's gonna be a time when somebody is
probably gonna need to help me across the street. It's
gonna happen. I just saw my friend and her mom
(35:03):
and our god daughter this last weekend and and her
mom Sam. I to this day I still thank her.
It happened when I was four nine three is when
this has been happened, and I still think her. I
had a scooter accident and I may they live the
closest to me to where my accident was, and Sam
patched me up head to toe. I mean, it was
(35:25):
really gnarly, and I still thank her because I was vulnerable.
I needed her and I was bleeding, um a lot.
I'm not laughing at that, So it's funny. Yeah, Well
the way I tell everything, it's funny, I hope, unless
I'm really piste off and nothing's funny. Um. But I
still think her to this day, and part of that
(35:48):
experience has helped me just to like, if somebody is
in distressed, to go help them because I know what
it's like to be helped. And it's just those things
about being connected, you know. And again, I like, I
know we're all going to have life reviews and some
of it's gonna not be pleasant, um, but I sure
(36:09):
would like a lot of it to be pleasant. Yeah,
as pleasant as possible. And that's how we interact dated
day and day out, live like you're dying, right, because
here's the thing. Somebody's gonna die in twenty three. Lots
of people will across the planet, right, I mean, just
the math, right, It just it's just how it works
(36:31):
every day, um. And I mean I just found out
a friend of mine from my o U golf team
just jumped um two days ago, and she had leukemia.
And I have I'm gonna bet she has won the
Best Life Reviews. What's extraordinary human being? I mean, she
lived every day that's fifty five years like a fucking saint.
(36:55):
And I just love her and think the world of her.
And also either way told her, like a year or
two ago, how important that she was to me during
that time in my life. M that is the thing
that and I you know, that's what Cindy Ray did
to me, told me how important that I was to
(37:15):
her in her life and what that meant. And then
and it's like and those are well, listen, we're all
going to die, everybody. It just is what it is.
Everybody knows I have I have a bucket list for
when I'm a ghost. Um. But being able to have
all of that in check while everybody's still on the
(37:36):
planet and telling people how you feel and thanking them
and what they meant, and to be graceful and to
be graceful when they tell you what you meant to them. Um,
it's not easy being graceful about it. And um, especially women,
you know, that's kind of how we're made up, I think. Um,
but when the loss happens, when they jump, it is
(37:59):
makes Yeah, what are we going to say? Better words?
Than I take it. I'm just gonna say, it just
makes it. I mean, nothing takes away from the grieving,
but it does feel better to have had those honest, beautiful,
heart to heart exchanges. Yeah, and to be open and
to know that you were the best you were with
that person and for that person. That's how we were
(38:21):
when Homer died. I know, as crazy as a dog,
but that dog was like the center of my universe,
matters big and I remember all my crying and snot
blowing and snot flinging and all that stuff. I knew
that there was not one moment that I regretted with
that dog, not a single moment. I was a great
dog mom the minute that motherfucker walked in our door
(38:44):
until the minute he jumped, I knew I didn't regret
one thing. And that's right, and that is rare. But
like with Maggie, you were the same way with Maggie,
I can't imagine you regretted. Oh you can, miss Meggie.
I would argue all the time, we argue these arguments.
(39:06):
She always won by kidding, remember Homer, I mean, he
always had the last word. But like, what if you
you were as good a person with your pets, which
is unconditional love. If you took that, you know, like
you'll go off the mat, and you took that out
into the world, right, So that's the version of you
(39:27):
you took out into the world. Oh my god, I
love that. I'm not gonna say anything else because I
think that is absolutely perfection. Thank you, so thanks for listening,
everybody as you consider remember her school is hard without
the other side. Thanks everybody, Thank you for joining us. Everyone,
(40:00):
and a special thanks to our producer Joey pat and
our executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who guides us while
we guide. You hit us up on Instagram at other
Side Guides, or shoot us a note at high Hi
at vibes dot store. We want to know what you think,
We want to know what you know, and we want
to hear your stories and remember our school is hard
(40:24):
without the other side. Insider's Guide to the Other Side
is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts
from my Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Spotify,
Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of My Heart Radio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there,
I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side. Now,
y'all need to know that we are obsessed with everything
on the other side. Yes, we are, because once you
(00:22):
learn to navigate the energetic, or to some the invisible world,
life is going to be more fun and much more serene. Heck,
yes it can, because, let's be honest, Brian, earth school
is hard. In fact, you taught me that let's crush
Earth School together. Well, hello, my WITCHI pooh, how are you?
(00:46):
And little Lulu? There you go? Yes I did. I
finally changed it up nicely played little just in order
to how are you? Well, I'm staring at my pooch
(01:07):
and she's so asleep she's twitching, so she doesn't really
respond to my voice. Apparently she's an astral plane's partying.
She's having an astral party. Maybe she's hanging out with
Homer and Booger and Murphy and Hostly and Booger still left.
(01:30):
Um anyway, Hi, everybody. So we decided, by we, I
mean Brenda, that this is a good time to, you know,
really look into what the next year could be for
us and how we prepare for it. Um. And I
think we're gonna have a couple of parts to this.
(01:52):
So and I, okay, I have to confess everybody. UM.
So I tend to name a lot of the shows
and all of them okay, which is fine. I love yeah, okay,
like really all of them. And so this one I
called twenty three and you and Brenda gets on and
(02:12):
she goes, hey, did you change like the show? I said,
We're gonna do something about jeans. She's like, what are
you talking about talking about? I'm like, well, you named
it three, and you know, I assumed you were being clever.
I was being clever because you are. And I never
(02:33):
know what. You know, we have our discussions, but I
never know what we're actually Welcome everyone to apparently my
show because apparently Brenda thinks I'm goody changed topics on
a well anyway, so easy going you are? You really are.
So this is about and first when you were confused,
(02:55):
I was like, oh, ship, do I have the wrong year?
Like that's where I went if I wasn't quite sure
if I had the year one. So here we are called.
So I um, I love that this is a time
and you've you taught me this, like fucking everything else,
this is such a great time. Um, you know, because
(03:18):
people like to look back, you know, at the end
of the year, and they're like, screw you two or
screw you. I mean everybody's if you know, if you
noticed that, I was like, screw you want it to
fuck you year rare. Instead of looking at it going okay,
let's look forward, I was like, like, Okay, that happened, right,
(03:44):
I mean, it's already done. Why it's done. It already happened,
right Like even in you know, nineteen and twenty, where
you know, obviously was the kickoff of the pandemic when
people are so angry, I'm like, huh, like what did
you It wasn't personal. I mean, yes, it effects was personally,
but it wasn't like a personal affront to you, right
(04:06):
right exactly exactly. So I love that this is an
opportunity to um, not just you know, this isn't about
taking stock or inventory in the past. It's about taking
stock and who you are now and who you want
to be and preparing for what that could be. And
by the way, preparing for things that I'm not sure
(04:30):
people talk about a lot. I'm not sure people we
got to hit it all. So I think we should
just start hitting it. What do you want to start
with first? Well, you know, for me, in my in
my personal practice, I because I'm so my my life
is driven a lot by my calendar. So I put
like the big chunks on a big white board. I said,
(04:53):
this is what I've committed to, this is what I'm
accountable for. So like energetically, I'm holding the space for
these of courses, events, whatever I have to do right um,
and I don't know everything that's going to happen at
the beginning of the year. Um, so you know, we
want to create create spaciousness for we're kind of a
shitty psychic if you don't. That was just that was
(05:17):
psychic here everybody. So so I'm like, okay, knowing that
this is what I've committed to, right, this is you know,
my word that I'm holding the space for this. How
do I want to do that? What's the what's the frequency,
what's the vibration that I want to hold or activate
each one of these events, engagements and you know, and
(05:42):
I will write it down like holding this in light,
holding this in spaciousness, Uh, you know, really focused on
driving whatever the messages of that engagement. Um. So like
I'm really clear about how I have to show up,
ready to hold that space, ready to engage the person,
(06:03):
the group, whatever it is. So if I know what
I'm energetically accountable for, then I also know how I
need to be, how I need to prepare, how I
I can't go screaming into everything. You know red hot, Um,
you know that I'm coming in hot, like you don't
want to do that. Two certain things some things you
(06:23):
can do and that makes it fun or whatever, but
not for everything. So like I kind of back into
it that way. Does that make sense? It makes total sense?
So how would one do that? Like so we did.
We can plan things out the big things we know
whether it's basically work whatever it may be, and it's
locations and its classes. I want to study, its classes,
(06:45):
I want to teach, like it's all those things right.
So you know they say you put in the big
rocks first and then and then you gotta put the
little rocks in. Um around it, it says, okay, this
is this will set me up for success in these situations. Um,
And so I don't I try not to plan things
too too close together to you know, to intense things,
(07:06):
because I you know, will be is fresh. So you've
been really good about that. I've learned. I mean not
always you've been but calling my way back, but in
general though, I mean you were like, I can't do this,
it's too close to this, And UM, I think that
that is a really great way for people to look
(07:27):
at their life. Are these big events, the things that
they know, and then you make space for everything that
you don't know, because well that's mostly what life is.
The thing life is what happens while you're busy making plants, right,
exactly right. But but the spaciousness piece, you know, that
is hard one information like I didn't I used to
(07:49):
not do that, and you know it costs me, like
I would get sick you know when I put too
many things close together and things like that. So, um,
humility is a great teacher. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And and
so that's you know, but this is and it's not
just like physically can I get from one city to
(08:11):
the other, But it's that energetic piece that is so critical.
And write it down, like write those notes and say, hey,
this is this is one thing I'm not I'm a
little concerned about for this group or for this engagement.
These are things I don't know about. But this is
what I know, and this is what I'm going to
double down on until you know something else, until you
(08:31):
can update it. But like, it's nice to have those
energetic for me. It's like a frequency or an emotional space,
or you can even like write, you know, a playlist
you know that that gets you in the mood for each
event because music, music is so powerful on our our emotions,
and um, that can help like, Okay, this I'm gonna
get charged up for this event sort of thing. Does
that make sense? Oh my god, You're way better than
(08:53):
I am. I'm I'm the one that kind of comes
in hot all the time. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna know,
I'm really going to try this for this year. I
tend to this time of the year think about, Okay,
what have I learned? What do I want to learn? Um?
And how do I not come in so hot? That's
(09:15):
I mean, that's that's tends to be what I do.
I mean, we did our little pre talk talk that
it deserves two talks. Um. I think I announced that
I'm joining um like an interopool thing here because I
need to like that just calms me, mellows me, great
(09:38):
exercise to boot um. And I think and I need
more of those thinking times because I do better. And
so like the last six months, I haven't and I
can tell you know, been big moves, big changes, selling things,
buying things, and I'm I need to settle my ship
(10:02):
down and that's how I do. That's that's all earthiness,
you know, the moving stuff and some things and buying things.
You need that water right to exactly yeah, exactly exactly right.
And remember when when we find ourselves in that space,
it's nice to get one of those little like tabletop
fountains that you can have just in the corner of
(10:23):
the room running to get the emotional space moving. Oh
that's such a good idea. Yeah, I'll build one of
those into the new house. And how about I do
that and I'll put the big water feature. Yeah, I'll
put the big walks in first, and I'll put the
little ones in. That's right, like you know I will.
(10:44):
We'll probably need to take a quick break here and
we'll be right back everybody, and we're back to you
one section two with my giggle and which and I
(11:07):
hope three has many parts for all of you. Yes, well,
the world's change quite a bit, you know, and how
we right weird? Just I mean, the other day, the
other day, probably yesterday, I had such a Suzanne. I'm like, God,
(11:28):
did the world just feeling more different than it's ever felt?
And She's like, yeah, like everything feels different, um, good,
bad and different. It's just different. You know, it depends
how you look at it. Um. But I think what's
really fascinating. I do a lot of very I'm going
to talk about something that I'm not familiar with, but
(11:48):
I really appreciate it well because I like to listen
and read and like understand things beyond myself. And that's
a really interesting thing to look at for the next
year to be because I find a lot of people
are stuck in their own stuff and they only care
about their own thing and having a little community. I think,
(12:11):
look and caring doesn't hurt us because I think in
ways we've forgotten how to do that. So the party
we're out of practice now, we're out of practice, right,
And if everything is frequency, and the frequency we have
been vibrating is in our own pods, right, however big
or small that was. But it's been very insular and
so we have to get used to coming out and
(12:36):
engaging and so yeah, that's a shift. So for me,
like you know, I have been reading a lot, listening
a lot about what parents and teachers and kids have
been going through with school and how COVID really through
that on its head, how politics has thrown it into
(12:57):
its arena. And I've just been listening and paying attention
to it. And you know, I don't know, like because
but as I think, because I think about how has
changed their day to day lives. Right, so kids don't
learn the same way they were forced to, you know,
use zoom or where masks to school, which was a
(13:18):
different thing for them. Teachers are now are so politicized
it is I've I have more pain in my heart
for teachers than I can't even express. And I think
the way that parents, you know, um, the way their
work has changed how they parent. Right again, this is
not my arena. I've just been paying attention to it
(13:39):
and listening and talking and you know, I actually will
tell you a really amazing thing that happened for a
friend of mine because of COVID and coming out of
COVID and how her work has changed. She's a better
mom and she is so like she has. I hate
that COVID happened, but I get to work more from home,
(14:00):
and I now get to take my daughter to school
every day and pick her up. I get too. I
don't have to organize that kind of stuff. I am
far more present with her. And that's actually the bright
side of COVID. You know, that someone who decided to
look at it and take advantage of what it offered her.
She's a single mom, so that's a really big guess deal.
(14:22):
Just spend that much time with your kid, you know. Um,
I think how we work has really changed. Didn't change
for you as much traveling joking, traveling, you didn't. Yeah, yeah,
I was just going to change. It changed dramatically, but yeah,
not like some others in a dramatic way. Yeah yeah,
(14:43):
I was just kidding because you're like, oh, you were
like work from home when it wasn't cool, and now
it's like you're the cool kid because you know how
to do it better named buddy. It was boundaries tend
to be a problem with it that I found with
myself and with it with other people. When you're assume
you can work in all time zones, you can well,
(15:04):
and because you're home, it's somehow if you're not careful it,
it opens up the entire time you're home from all
the time. And that's problems because I have found myself
working on projects and stuff more than I've worked in years. Um.
And I think other people have probably done the same thing.
(15:26):
But I think that part about the parents and the
kids in school and all of that. You know. I
remember reading things and hearing interviews and and such in
the beginning of the pandemic and parents were like pulling
their hair out because you're stuck at home with their kids,
which I understand, are these small people and when are
they leaving? Exactly right? Exactly right? Obviously we're teasing, we're
(15:49):
completely teasing, but you know, parents, you know, parents are
like not there and say, yeah, that was me, man,
don't blame him. Um. But I just see how the
family unit has changed so much, Like has my life
changed that much some aspects, you know, But I don't
think nearly as radically as families have with kids in
the house. Families, and I think that is something that
(16:11):
I want to be moving forward for more tune too,
and helpful wherever I can be helpful for people. I
don't does that make any sense, that statement, because I
really see that as something that's kind of important. Well,
I do think people are struggling with it. I mean
especially for young children who would have entered schools when
(16:32):
the schools were you know, non operative. So I think
you know, they're saying that that development at those young ages,
you know, four or five, six, you know, that development
is delayed now because they didn't they didn't have the
socialization or even though there may not be as large
a need for masking, the kids still really want to
mask because that's how they're comfortable now, right right. I
(16:55):
think what I was that funny that you just had
said that, because the one way I think guy can
really do something is to just have an awful lot
of grace, you know. And I think that is instead
of being frustrated at a store or around friends kids
or family's kids or whomever. Um, it's just to have
(17:17):
more grace for the situation because um, you know, when
we get old, everything that we look at like our
context is how we were raised and I'm desperately trying
to take that out of my vocabulary because that is
not the world. It's irrelevant. It is absolutely utterly irrelevant,
(17:39):
and which is fine too write, but it's um again,
who do I want to be? Right? Who do I
want to be? And when I find myself in a
gap between where I want to be or who I
want to be or how I want to be versus
how I am feeling, how I am acting, how I
am speaking? Take note, right, and you don't have to
(18:03):
beat the crap out of yourself, but how can you
move into a place of mm hmm that curiosity? M hmm.
I wonder why this is so hard for me right now,
right just the curiosity, not judgmental. This is why is this?
This is really triggering me. I'm really struggling with this.
(18:25):
This is interesting, like that compassionate lens that can be
helpful because then things can bubble up without being fear
of being judged. You know, other people may be judging you,
but hopefully silently that um you know, the create space
where you can take time to figure it out or
just make a note on your phone that says, wow,
(18:47):
this person in line is really bothering me, what is
this about this behavior that is somehow familiar to me?
When's the last time or the first time I remember
experiencing this? Like, be curious about those questions for yourself
because you cannot control another. You cannot this is I mean,
you can try, but an answer I will tell you
(19:09):
exactly like looking in the last year or last two years,
because we haven't been around people as much as we were,
I mean we have lately at least I have. I
still mask up for the record, and I have been
poked more than a voodoo all um with shots of
every vaccine, but I still mask up. But I will
(19:30):
tell you, um. And my impatience I was never had
a lot, and I have even less. Yeah, and i've
I've I was like, whoa, what the hell is wrong
with me? And just because you have less patience, which
means that you get irritated faster, right, doesn't give you
permission to act out. Correct. Other people are not accountable
(19:54):
for your impatience. Correct, right, Like that's really interesting. I
notice I'm really impatient. Yep. So then I decided not
to go in public much anymore. And I'm just kidding,
but no, but it's true. These are those things. So
looking into I literally had that experience. I'm like, oh
(20:14):
my god, I have to get home, I have to
go back, and I have to go back in my
bubble soon. Yeah. Well I've definitely give it. Yeah, I've
definitely had to do that, there's no question. Um. But
but we're not here to isolate all the time. No, no, no,
And it would be really easy to do that at
(20:35):
this point in time. Um, but that's not my joy.
I I mean, I don't pick that. I just say
that in general and because it is a little different. Um,
but it's good to think about these things, right. This
are just a couple examples of thinking about what do
I want to bring into the next year. What is
it I want to address. I don't want to sit
(20:55):
here on December thirty one to eleven thirty pm, going
back two you know whatever it is probably what i'd say, um,
but not really is actually a pretty good year. They're
all good years, they really are. That's the thing. They're
all good years. I'm still here. Yeah, if you're here
to celebrate, it hasn't been a good year, which I
(21:16):
think let's break and let's talk about when we're not
here to celebrate because I think we need to talk
about that. How do we make that a good year too?
How do we make that a good year? Two? We'll
be right back people, Welcome back, everybody, toe and you
Part one, Section three nice, just all numerology all around us. So, Bran,
(21:45):
when you actually brought this topic up to me, you
had me hook line and sinker for what you want
to talk about next. Well, the whole reason why I
think this is an interesting topic is obviously we want
to embody our lives according to our vision to our
highest available blah blah blah, which is good and excellent
(22:07):
and really helpful. But I really think the supermove, the
power move to make is how can I live my life,
make choices aligned to my vision for the life I
want to have and create on the other side, Right,
that's the interesting part of all these questions. And so
(22:29):
when you live and engage and explore life with that lens,
it can look very different, completely different. You know, people
are so concerned about does my life have meaning when
I living my purpose and when I which is a
fine question, right, these are fine questions. But when you
(22:50):
think about that, oftentimes when I hear like, tell me
what brings you that question, how are you thinking about that?
It's usually an external focus that says I need to
be a armed like this publicly externally, which again is fine.
But my question is when you get to the other
side and you imagine sitting through your life review that
(23:15):
you know, where you get to experience everything you made
other people feel like that to me should be informing
how you engage, how you move, how through this life,
what you bring to this life, how how you will
show up that says this is something I wouldn't mind revisiting, right, right,
(23:38):
you know the other would be proud to be part
of this, right and how Um, you know you've you've
You've talked about a couple of things throughout the years
to me, and one was, yeah, you don't want to
do this again. So what I think about how I
live my life. I think about it definitely in the
(24:01):
context of a life review, because I've had the great
fortune to talk to a number of people that have
actually gone through one in this lifetime, and um, and
I wanted to be as good as I can make it,
you know, because that means you're we're trying to be
a good person. And I know I'm as you know,
imperfect of every as everybody else, but I would like
(24:24):
to try right. And but I also look at it
as the what do I do? Like? How? How? How
doing something? Not doing something, saying something, not saying something,
pursuing something, not pursuing something. What does that mean for
me having to do this again? Like I've already lived
this life. I don't want to live it again. Well
(24:46):
you you won't live this life again, no, I know.
But it's more of like learning the lesson again. It's
kind of what I'm talking about. I want to get
it here because I want new ones. I want new challenges.
I don't want the same old, same old challenges. Yeah,
that's great, that's a great way to put it, you know.
And even even in this life, we've all had those experiences,
(25:08):
whether it's you know, getting the same job in a
different organization where you've got the same struggles, the same
archetypes working around you, feeling stuck, who steal your work
or what, you know whatever, or relationships, oh he's alcoholic again,
you know, whatever it is. You know, like we we
(25:28):
get the rinse repeat because we didn't get the lesson right,
So keep attracting the same type of people in my life,
I keep dealing with it the same way. Why don't
I try to do it a little different? Right? Remember?
So that's what I think about one listener who wrote
and literally like I can't remember it was marriage or
dated the same guy with the same name, like right
(25:50):
three times? That that was classic. That was totally classic.
I mean I've got of it twice. But this was
like a life one mission to marry literally the same man,
different clothes, but the same guy, right, same same issue. Um,
and again, I think, so when you live, like, Okay,
(26:13):
what am I going to be proud? What am I
personally gonna be proud of? What is up to my
standard of what I know is possible for me? Because
the truth is, anyone who's watching, they don't know what
it takes to be you. They don't know what's easy
for you, it's hard for you. They just know what
happens when they're with you, Like that's what they know.
But the inside part, only you know what's possible and
(26:35):
why that standard can be, and how impactful it can
be and how strategic you can be, are elegant you
can be with it and so and I just want
to remind everybody very quickly back to your point about
the life review. And this was my friend who worked
at Disney when he was kidnapped and assaulted in Manhattan
(26:56):
and he was in a tub. I know. I talked
about this on the show and Um, he was hit
um with the handle of a gun. Mh. And he goes,
I think I almost died. I go, oh, yeah, tell
me more. And then he started to tell me he
effectively went through a life review and the first thing
that he felt was how he made Valet Parkers feel.
(27:21):
So this is a really critical thing, like it is
to that extent of which our life review is to
how we made people who were strangers because I'm sure
he didn't know their name, um feel in the world.
So how do we act towards cashiers? And by the way,
(27:41):
a lot of people during COVID nineteen, they're going to
get their ass kicked in their life review or how
nasty they were to our beloved people of service because
they were assholes, and they're going to get that Valet
life review on them, I think, Um. But it's to
that degree, and that's why I think it's so important
to bring it back up because when we think about
(28:02):
when you talk about that life review and how we
made everybody feel, my friend was not spared. In fact,
it very great. Came up very quickly about what a
dick he was to Valet Parkers. It's such a random
and specific thing. It's for real. Yeah, And I remember,
(28:23):
like literally I was waiting tables, so I must have
been in high school. But I went out to lunch
with my sister and my dad, uh to a restaurant
which was like this only happened once, like it was
a very very unusual thing, and my dad was so
rude to the waitress. I left the table and I
(28:49):
left the table and I waited in the car, like
just placing the order. He was just belligerent, and I
just couldn't. I couldn't witness it. And if I had
since something, it would have just been an argument. But
I just like, I cannot witness this. I cannot be
a part of this. And of course I apologize probviously
to the way to the server. You know, as I left,
(29:09):
I said, I'm so sorry he's mentally mentally just because
I bet your dad got that when it was his turn, huh.
He probably I would imagine too. I mean, if my
friend got the Valet Parkers. I mean, so it's that
everything It's like everything counts, I think is the lesson, right,
(29:31):
The Valet Parker lesson to us is a everybody counts.
So that's number one. Everybody counts. We are no better
and no worse than anybody else. Everybody counts, and we're
all connected. We are completely connected. This is the one
way that's very clear. We're all connected, it is. And
(29:53):
that's what Anita more Johnny talks so much about in
her book and then her UM, her when she does
her speaking events, things like that, her Facebook account, all
these things she does, she talks about how we are one.
She's very clear on that. And anybody else that I've
talked to as well that has experienced UM and n
(30:15):
d E, they all come back. It's like I know
one thing for sure. I don't understand it, but I
know it, which is that we are we are all
belonged to one. You know, it's so interesting because when people,
you know, often when they look back on a year,
even though it's not what we're talking about specifically this year,
but you know, when they look back, they think about, oh,
blah blah blah was so mean to me or challenged
(30:36):
me so hard it's like they're just picking on me,
and it's like, you know, or they just love you
so much they came back to challenge you to help
you grow. Because this even when we look at something
with a victim lens, which is never empowering, but sometimes
you know, this is the the emotion that goes with
this engagement. But when you can flip it and go,
(30:58):
what am I getting out of this? How is this
person actually helping me become more resilient, be more clear
about what I'm what I'm passionate about, and what I'm
going to change and how I want how I'm going
to change myself and how I want to be. And
this person is just a challenge. They don't have authority
over me. I still get to decide how I'm going
to do this, and I have to do it in
(31:19):
a different way. I might have to get scrappy and
might have to get really innovative, you know, go in
the side door or something. But I can still do
it because I'm in charge of me. They're not in
charge of me. And that's the energy that I'm inviting
you to invoke instead of resisting and pushing against a
person in a situation that is challenging. How can you
use work with the energy that's there and use it
(31:43):
as fuel for innovation? Right? So, and I always remember
we're all one and be kind as much as you
can get people who park your car at l at
especially them. Yeah, it's like just because when you don't.
(32:05):
I think probably why it came up so quick for
him is that that was such a I'm better than
you move, you know, being so nasty to somebody like consistently.
I don't know your friend, I don't know this friend
of yours, but I imagine it was very inconsistent with
who he was with everyone else. Oh see, I think
(32:28):
that what he learned what he and I talked about.
So this is why I know is um, he places
different values. He can be by the way I adored him,
but he needed something from me oh okay, yeah yeah, yeah,
one of those. Yeah. And I think he figured out
that's like, wait, this is not that don't fly right?
(32:50):
And so anyway, I just think that because what we
I think, what so many of us are missing. And
I think that COVID didn't help because we were so
stressed out and scared and unsure and all of those
things that we became so much more self self. Yeah, yeah,
(33:12):
self preservation. That's probably the fair is nicest way to
put it. Um that we forgot about everybody else. Yeah,
maniacal would be another way, yeah, miniacal. Yeah, but we
forgot about everybody else. So I think that's something to
think about, especially like, because we don't know when we're
gonna go. We don't know when we're our jump date
is you know, we don't know unless you plan it
(33:34):
and then that's all on you. But but we don't
know when we're going to do it, when it's going
to happen. And I would really like to actually be like,
have my side of the street as clean as possible,
and and and the the you know, another thing is
we the lie we tell ourselves is that we have forever. Yeah,
we don't, and we don't. We don't. If we lived
(33:57):
more like we were dying, it might be a little better. Seriously,
think of how much nicer it would be and kinder,
and you know, help somebody cross the street. I don't know.
We will let more stuff go, And I honestly cannot
tell you the last time I have watched somebody help
(34:17):
another person and it's been a while and I know
they're out there. I just haven't seen it as much.
Maybe I just live in smaller populations, um because I
used to again live the second life, just in the
United States. But it's just that moment still to give it,
to give just a little bit of a ship. You
don't have to give a whole ship. You don't have
(34:39):
to give every fun in the world, just a few focks,
just just a little bit right, just too and not
even for the selfish reason. But it's like, one of
these days, odds are we're going to be in that
same spot. There's gonna be a time when somebody is
probably gonna need to help me across the street. It's
gonna happen. I just saw my friend and her mom
(35:03):
and our god daughter this last weekend and and her
mom Sam. I to this day I still thank her.
It happened when I was four nine three is when
this has been happened, and I still think her. I
had a scooter accident and I may they live the
closest to me to where my accident was, and Sam
patched me up head to toe. I mean, it was
(35:25):
really gnarly, and I still thank her because I was vulnerable.
I needed her and I was bleeding, um a lot.
I'm not laughing at that, So it's funny. Yeah, Well
the way I tell everything, it's funny, I hope, unless
I'm really piste off and nothing's funny. Um. But I
still think her to this day, and part of that
(35:48):
experience has helped me just to like, if somebody is
in distressed, to go help them because I know what
it's like to be helped. And it's just those things
about being connected, you know. And again, I like, I
know we're all going to have life reviews and some
of it's gonna not be pleasant, um, but I sure
(36:09):
would like a lot of it to be pleasant. Yeah,
as pleasant as possible. And that's how we interact dated
day and day out, live like you're dying, right, because
here's the thing. Somebody's gonna die in twenty three. Lots
of people will across the planet, right, I mean, just
the math, right, It just it's just how it works
(36:31):
every day, um. And I mean I just found out
a friend of mine from my o U golf team
just jumped um two days ago, and she had leukemia.
And I have I'm gonna bet she has won the
Best Life Reviews. What's extraordinary human being? I mean, she
lived every day that's fifty five years like a fucking saint.
(36:55):
And I just love her and think the world of her.
And also either way told her, like a year or
two ago, how important that she was to me during
that time in my life. M that is the thing
that and I you know, that's what Cindy Ray did
to me, told me how important that I was to
(37:15):
her in her life and what that meant. And then
and it's like and those are well, listen, we're all
going to die, everybody. It just is what it is.
Everybody knows I have I have a bucket list for
when I'm a ghost. Um. But being able to have
all of that in check while everybody's still on the
(37:36):
planet and telling people how you feel and thanking them
and what they meant, and to be graceful and to
be graceful when they tell you what you meant to them. Um,
it's not easy being graceful about it. And um, especially women,
you know, that's kind of how we're made up, I think. Um,
but when the loss happens, when they jump, it is
(37:59):
makes Yeah, what are we going to say? Better words?
Than I take it. I'm just gonna say, it just
makes it. I mean, nothing takes away from the grieving,
but it does feel better to have had those honest, beautiful,
heart to heart exchanges. Yeah, and to be open and
to know that you were the best you were with
that person and for that person. That's how we were
(38:21):
when Homer died. I know, as crazy as a dog,
but that dog was like the center of my universe,
matters big and I remember all my crying and snot
blowing and snot flinging and all that stuff. I knew
that there was not one moment that I regretted with
that dog, not a single moment. I was a great
dog mom the minute that motherfucker walked in our door
(38:44):
until the minute he jumped, I knew I didn't regret
one thing. And that's right, and that is rare. But
like with Maggie, you were the same way with Maggie,
I can't imagine you regretted. Oh you can, miss Meggie.
I would argue all the time, we argue these arguments.
(39:06):
She always won by kidding, remember Homer, I mean, he
always had the last word. But like, what if you
you were as good a person with your pets, which
is unconditional love. If you took that, you know, like
you'll go off the mat, and you took that out
into the world, right, So that's the version of you
(39:27):
you took out into the world. Oh my god, I
love that. I'm not gonna say anything else because I
think that is absolutely perfection. Thank you, so thanks for listening,
everybody as you consider remember her school is hard without
the other side. Thanks everybody, Thank you for joining us. Everyone,
(40:00):
and a special thanks to our producer Joey pat and
our executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who guides us while
we guide. You hit us up on Instagram at other
Side Guides, or shoot us a note at high Hi
at vibes dot store. We want to know what you think,
We want to know what you know, and we want
to hear your stories and remember our school is hard
(40:24):
without the other side. Insider's Guide to the Other Side
is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts
from my Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Spotify,
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