December 21, 2022 • 31 mins
Do you love the energy of the holiday season, or is all of the hullabaloo something you can do without? Or perhaps we should say: do you prefer your chestnuts roasting on an open fire, or are you about ready to burn the place down?No matter which direction your dreidel spins, the holidaze stir up a lot of energy. Today, Julie and Brenda share why this is not the most wonderful time of the year for each of them personally. We also discuss ways to align your belief systems and personal ethics with gift-giving and revisit the OG origin story of Christmas.Earth School is hard—treat yourself to something nice, and never forget the Other Side magic around you, 24/7, needing no reason or season.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of My Heart Radio. Hi y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there,
I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the other Side. Now,
y'all need to know that we are obsessed with everything
on the other side. Yes we are, because once you
(00:22):
learn to navigate the energetic, or to some the invisible world,
life is going to be more fun and much more serene. Heck,
yes it can, because let's be honest, Brian, earth school
is hard. In fact, you taught me that let's crush
Earth School together. Well, hello, my holiday, Wigie pooh, how
(00:46):
are you? I am Gray, my ouf. But it is
your season just for the clothes. It's for the clothes,
for the attire at suitly is um out? Oh my god? Yes,
(01:07):
and I mean everything is elf these days. I just
hate to say it, but everything's elf. And finally everybody
caught up with us um to celebrate what should be
celebrated are the workers, the hard workers. We do all
the damn work exactly, That's all I'm saying, thank you.
(01:29):
So we have a we have probably a little bit
of a surprise episode because um, for one is if everybody,
here's my dogs. I apologize that they're very happy today.
That's not the surprise. That's what's actually like Suki's barking
at me right now, which is for attention. But you know,
we titled this episode Holiday Spirit, but we decided to
(01:51):
put a question mark on it. I mean, who does that?
You know, just because I'm an elf doesn't mean I'm
a merry Christmas kind of gal or a happy holiday
kind of gal, whatever gal I'm supposed to be. But
(02:13):
I think it's it's you know, um, I think it's
more of a year round kind of elf right. And
really my attire is leggings and sweatshirts, so or stripes
or not. This is what this It's a modern day
elf costume. Um. But we were talking and funny, we've
(02:35):
actually learned something very interesting about one another, which is
how we feel about the holiday time. Yeah, it's not
what people may expect. That's why. That's why I think
it's wild and so uh so we're really talked about
We talked about it with each other before, or I
(02:56):
know with our people, you all on our tribe that
you might there might be some of you who resonate
with this sort of experience. Yeah, and you know, so
let's go backwards because, um, I think what you and
I go backwards being to start at the top and
go backwards, is that we weirdly kind of share the
(03:17):
same feeling about it, which is we're not all into Christmas.
And I say Christmas. It could be whatever holiday. We
were both raised in the kind of Christian Church things,
so I guess Christmas would be the right thing to say.
But it's our background. Yeah, it's our background, and you know,
neither one of us give a giant shit about it.
(03:37):
I mean just to like like put the hammer down,
and this is what it is. Christmas spirit and it's
not right Christmas spirit. Question. Right. It's not that we're
like ba humbuggy, but in way we kind of are.
But we I think we just look at the world
very differently. And I think part of how we look
at the world is also what happened us in childhood.
But I'll tell you, like Suzanne, for thirty years, this
(03:58):
poor woman has tried to get me excited about Christmas
and Christmas decorations and trees and ornaments and all that
kind of stuff. And I really don't give to flying Fox. Um,
and but I I I haven't, and I think that's
what's really interesting. And I know a lot of people
that there's I mean half are kind of like you
(04:20):
know and whatever others are like all in I mean lights,
they're very popular position like, oh my god, my favorite part.
Just you know, they're my favorite part. By the way,
they are for me too. I remember going and um
doing tours with my mom and Tulsa when she was
(04:40):
still um obviously on the planet. I mean, I could
do with her. Now she's just with me all the time.
She was yapping at me last night. By the way,
it's kind of funny. But but I like the lights too.
I like how the extent that people go. I also
used to laugh about how we had lights in our
house in Sherman Oaks and the only other light a
person of lights on the neighbor in the neighborhood was
Mona Um because we lived in a Jewish neighborhood and
(05:04):
you know, in our lives were pretty minimal. Hers wasn't
everything moment, it was big, but so that part was
kind of fun. But it's more about, like, you know,
what I actually do you tell people. Let's just start.
I'm we're gonna jump around, folks, Let's bear with us.
Will you tell them because I didn't know this until
you told me earlier about the origins of Christmas, like
(05:27):
where it came from the celebrating of the holiday, right right,
So you know my understanding, and you know I've done
some studying about it, is that the Christian Church was,
you know, trying to convert people and create value in
Christianity for people, but they were so tied to their
(05:47):
pagan celebrations and holidays that they really wanted to use
serup the solstice, right, the winter solstice that occurs on one,
So they created the I'm not saying the Manger scene
didn't happen. I don't know about that. I but but
they moved into the of December because the the data
(06:12):
would would point to a March, late March birth for Jesus,
not in December. So that's what I know it was.
It was moved. It was moved, right, it was moved.
I thought that was fascinating. So so we can start
out with that being so there's that, y'all. This is
(06:35):
not a time when the whole baby Majorie thing that
that said Majorie didn't I um, which is different than Mangi.
So that's it was different than it is. Yeah, it
is different than maji UM. But as a kid. So
now I'm going to so the top is, I'm not
a big Christmas fan UM, and it's and I just
(06:56):
want to be clear, and I think we should be
clear about this before we get into how we're not
very Christmas see or holiday is UM. I am all
in every day of the year to um to actually
give someone a very thoughtful and loving gift. Always into that,
always into the generosity of it. Whether you know. There
was a year where Susanne and I UM we sent
(07:17):
out books to everyone and it was Vagina Monologues UM
and we and we donated money. We've we've donated money
a lot to plan parenthood. Different holidays we'll do, we'll
donate in people's names, We'll do things that are hopefully
more meaningful. We're doing that this year, UM, doing something
a little different kind of meaningful to us. UM. We
(07:38):
hope it's meaningful to everybody else. So that part of it,
I love. Yeah, candles like that, that was a good
year to write. Susanna and I made um treasure candles
UM with stones and UM like little Buddhas and I'm
so cute. Those were great Susanne's a hell of a candlemaker. Um.
(08:01):
So we love to do things like that. What I
don't like is the expectations. I don't like the retail
part of it. I don't like if I spent this
much on you should kind of spend Like the expectations
that people have is a tip for tat it's cycle.
If I spend fifty, you spend fifty if you like,
it's just a very It became so much more different
(08:23):
than the spirit of it what it is still to me,
which is if I love you, I'm gonna get you something, um,
full stop. Yeah. And I'm like, if I see something
that inspires me, I will get you something any time
of the year exactly. Because there's just sometimes you see
something you're like, oh my god, this person has to
have this, this is so fabulous for them U. But yeah,
(08:47):
the pressure that has to happen on this timing is
that really my thing? Right? And the pressure because there's
lots of pressures, right, there's the pressure of families being
together and there you know, there's just all sorts of
hold on. We have a surprise being an interviewing. Yeah,
(09:08):
that's Rebels playing with the toy. Um so, okay, Rebel
got that for Christmas last year, I think, and that,
by the way, I will gift dogs all year long
and Christmas as well, so love that too. But let's
take a quickie break and let's come back and maybe
explain a little bit of why we are where we
are with it, because we haven't given anybody an origin
(09:29):
story yet. And we yes, I know you love a
good origin, so I do. And we again, we assume
we are not alone and correct medium enthusiasm. The commercial
medium is ops for me. Okay, we'll be right back, y'all,
(09:51):
and welcome back. Are Simmer Christmas, super big, big fucking bummer.
That's just episode. But you'll understand here in a minute. No,
but it's real. And I know other people have experienced
the same thing. I've had this conversation with people throughout
the years, and um, so I'll just share a bit
(10:12):
of my origin. And I didn't really understand it for
a long time. Um, as I got older, I didn't
know why I wasn't a big fan of it. I
didn't really give a ship. I don't have an ugly
sweater all that kind of stuff. Um, and you know
it goes back to you know, I clearly have daddy issues.
We've we've established that years ago. And this contribute is
(10:33):
to part of my daddy issues is you know, when
I was a kid, my stepdad, who clearly he and
I did not have a nice relationship. Um, he would
I mean I was like seven and eight when he
was doing this kind of stuff. But you know, when
you're supposed to fill the stockings when the kids are
asleep kind of thing. He would fill my brothers and
it would be just like overflowing with all the stuff
(10:53):
a kid would want, like candy specifically, let's be honest, Um,
And then and my stocking was like a couple of
nuts in an orange. So Christmas to me is punishment
because that's what that felt like. So I'm just curious,
because you know your mom was so watchful of you.
What how did that fly? Well? I that year? Well
(11:16):
that year, well, I think then at night they kind
of like did different jobs, you know, like maybe Mom
got the presents, his job was to do the stocking
or whatever. Mom probably didn't pay attention to it, but
I remember this, I literally remember this. I can see
it I can weirdly feel it, which I don't like.
Is Um, I remember dumping out my stocking. I looked
(11:36):
at Mom and I had tears, and Mom, I think,
reamed him a new asshole. Um but it but it's
still stuck, you know what I mean. It's like the
whole after damage was done. How do you fix that
with a with a seven year old? Right? So, so
it always it's never meant anything great to me because
you know, as a child, I spent them with this
(11:58):
man who I really hated and ye doing those really
impressionable those really impressionable years. And I was always treated different, always,
always always. And then I had a natural father who
liked to just forget because he was you know he
I mean he was a little bit of a drinker.
When I mean one year I forgot my birthday, my
big birthday person either, which is weird. I mean I
like the big, big ones, but it's like I can
(12:19):
live without it. But you know, being a being a
twelve year old and your father forgets your birthday right
like those Again, sorry I'm going off the daddy issues.
We'll go back to Christmas. So, so Christmas was like
you know, my brother was and it had no no
bearing on how I felt about him, because I knew
then it wasn't him. But I'm gonna tell you what
(12:39):
was so interesting is I really didn't understand, Like for years,
I really could have skipped it been fine, And then
I it dawned on me, not dawned on me. It
was through my therapist in San Francisco where I started
to figure out actually why I had that issue is
because it felt like punishment, which I know it's not
(12:59):
with the Hall Spirits supposed to be, but that's what
it translated to me. So then I didn't care about
the trees, the food, the whole like, none of it
had any meaning to me. Right, just get just extends
through the whole tradition. Yeah, I don't have an ugly
sweat sweater. I mean, I bet I have a lot
of ugly stuff, but I don't have an ugly Christmas sweater.
I don't like partaking that kind of stuff. So you know,
(13:22):
it just became like a burden, yeah for me and
well and something you have to conform to and there's
a lot of pressure and there's a lot of hype.
I mean, it's a bit like New Year's Eve in
that way, like oh, what are you so excited for Christmas?
What are your plans? And you're like, oh, you mean
New Year's Eve? Well when is it? I mean Christmas
(13:43):
can be the whole thing, right, you know that, Like
there's we put so much pressure on ourselves and you know,
I know with a lot of even you know, just
people around me in clients that they put themselves through
the wringer to get the night president, to get the
presents wrapped, to get the you know, all the food,
and get everything taking care of. And they, you know,
particularly the female clients, will you know, put just run
(14:07):
around like crazy, and even you end up getting sick
for the holiday when they finally can stop, because you know,
for the four six weeks before in the hand they
just like to get this and get this and chip that,
and you know, right right, we're right. The only thing
I really like about it or the movies die Hard,
which is a Christmas movie. Well in that debate, it's
not a debate, folks, die Hard is a Christmas movie.
(14:28):
And then here's what's funny. This is very telling. I
like things like Bad Santa. Is that a movie? Yes?
It is. Bad Santa is like he is like a
he uh it's Billy Bob Thornton. He goes in and
gets a job as a Santa at a mall, so
you can tell it's dated, and um, he ends up
becoming like a thief. He has a heist. All this
(14:49):
kind of stuff I like. I mean, there's another movie
out which is um something about a Santa thing. Anyway,
it's like a rated R. So of course I like it.
But like I like all the things that are on
the edge of it, that kind of attack it in
a way. And again there is a market for that,
and there's a reason for that, because there's an audience
far us that they're like, you know what this is.
(15:10):
This is just gotten. It's just gotten a little out
of control of forgetting what the actual spirit of Christmas is.
And look, I know before we rejumpt on this, I've
had a call with a client who said, because of
our time together, she is going to go be present
(15:31):
with her family. She's like, I have told them I'm
not giving presents. I'm going to do a lot of
the cooking. I'm going to do a lot of this
to make it easy for people, but I am not
buying twenty seven presents. For everybody who's going to be there,
Like I, I am just gonna be present. I'm not
going to be on my phone for work. I'm stepping
away from work, which is really she's a big job.
And um it said this is her gift, gift for her. Yeah,
(15:55):
good for her and for her to be present. A listen,
I totally new things. Oh my god, I've checked out
a more Christmas as I had its more origin. I
spent Christmas one year. I think I was like in
my teens maybe, and um, mom and Tommy and I
went to go see Arlene the grandmother. That was no
(16:17):
fun because all she wanted to do was it was
criticized me and it's like, so Christmas has never been
a good thing. Last year, though, I will say, Susanne
and I, this is what I love to do. It
was Christmas Eve, and I got her so many funny
things and we were on the floor rolling and laughing
like that. I'm into like the gaggy gifts stuff all
(16:39):
just like anything to make me giggle to get my
mind off of why I don't like Christmas. But that
that was a good that was a good answer. But
how about you did you like? I mean that's my
origin story. I had ass whole relatives. Go ahead, will
I think you know what I mean. We shared the
alcoholic father thing, and I think for me it was
just so stress full because there wasn't a lot of money.
(17:02):
We entertained family, we hosted things, and you know, my
mom didn't always quote unquote get money from my dad
because he would just change his mind at the last
min go no, I don't know when we're not doing that,
and so I just gotta put on a dinner with
no cash. You know, would like it was that kind
of stress that would just be you know, it was
just very very difficult, like you could literally cut it
(17:23):
in the air. It was so so it wasn't a
joyful time. It was just like, oh God, please knowing
I don't nobody get hit, Like that was the goal,
you know, very very low bar um. That's why we're
not different brand than other people is because I know
other people because if I've heard it, have had these
same type of stories. But yeah, it wasn't It wasn't
(17:45):
that joyful celebration. I will say when the extended family
did arrive, it diffused, right, It diffused, and then there
was always music and then there was singing, and like
I liked that part. But then even you know, eventually
that night they go away, you know, so and then
the stress comes back. But um so again in between
(18:07):
the you know, the the origin story and the original trauma.
But and then the commercialization that louse that really you know,
doesn't address the magic as much. It's you know, it's
just not that fabulous. I think it's it's a big
hype with not you know, I'll phone no beer. As
our friend Reuben would say, Oh my god, that's hilarious. Also,
(18:29):
now for kids, you know totally get. I mean how
much fun, Like what I was for by the Christmas
is awesome. It's like I believed in Santa Claus and
you know, it was like under the tree was barren,
and then the next morning it was like full. You know,
it was like all those fun things for kids, and
(18:50):
you know, and I think as an adult that would
bring you a lot of joy, right and and so
I understand a lot of that fun part of it
without a doubt. Yeah about for pizza, So we did
that by the way in l A. Susanne and I
we would go eat because it was it was l
A and everything's open. It's like just another day. They're
um because heavy Jewish Jewish population. So it's like and
(19:14):
a big movie day and it's a big movie day.
And so we would go out to eat and then
we would go see movies the rest of the day.
It was awesome. It's a fun thing to do. I like,
I could I get behind that tradition for sure. Yeah,
it's a good tradition. If you want to take a break,
I bet dan't you. We're gonna take a break, all right, y'all,
(19:39):
we're back and uh we're gonna have Santa Brenda. Uh So,
what I do think is possible, no matter what your
origin stories are for the holidays or what your recent
stories are, is to challenge yourself to make sure that
(20:00):
the traditions you're creating for you, right, not for anyone else,
but for you support your specific magic or your own
Christmas spirit whatever that would be, or Solstice spirit or
Kwanza or I don't even know all the other ones. Right, Yeah,
that's not a really big one, you know it's not.
(20:22):
But we've actually celebrated a lot of Hanka. It's funny
we have I actually really enjoy it. But yeah, I
mean yeah, but so all of them. Right, whatever it is,
like what lights you up and and figure out a
way to create that celebration. And it can be spat day,
it can be creative day. It can be baking day,
(20:42):
cleaning day, clearing day, like singing day, whatever it is like,
and invite your loved ones to experience it with you,
because it's really all about connections. I mean, that's what
all holidays should be. When we get to step away
from work, not create, Like ten times the amount of
step away from the mundane of working on end make
(21:06):
it sacred. And we can make anything mundane sacred when
we invoke our own spirit and bring our own essence
forward in a generous way, Like that's what ritual is
all about, to invoke something bigger than ourselves. Say like,
this is what I want to dedicate this day too,
Will you come with me to I don't care to
take the movie somebody? Yeah, whatever it is, like whatever
(21:28):
it is you want to do, Like movies are great,
Like look at it. You celebrate storytelling. I mean that's
such a great gift to humanity. Like that's amazing, right, So, um,
but that take time to figure out, Like what is
something I could share and it could be with one
other person and they don't even have to be in
the same city with you, like you can you can,
don't make it hard, to just make it simple and
(21:49):
then you can talk about your experience and like that's
the connection and right and also where you are in
your life. Because when Susanna and I moved to San
Francisco twenty eight years ago, um, we had this crappy
apartment in the Tenderloin across from Frenchie's Triple X Theater. Uh.
(22:12):
The movie that was playing was John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut.
Never will forget that, legit. This is what our Christmas
was our first year in San Francisco. And we had
a chair and we called it our Christmas chair. And
my mother had sent me plug ins because the building
smelled so bad. Um, but it was like right, but
(22:34):
it's like it's where you are, and you know what,
Susanna and I made the best of it. We went
across the street to Tommy's Joint and j O Y
and T Tommy's joint on on Venice, and um, we
you know, had a nice little dinner and we had
the Christmas chair and and it was one that we
still talk about right like you know, or when we
(22:56):
um later in San Francisco. I used to get a
lot of gift basket from vendors and stuff in the
business that I was in Susanne, and I made an
agreement that every single basket will we break it down
and then we took them to senior centers sum because
we wanted them to feel some the spirit, right, We
(23:17):
wanted them to feel that way. So we've evolved, We've
done different things different years. We've done soup kitchens. We've
actually went to a church once, which was weird and awesome.
It was in San Francisco, and you know, it's I
think it's just where you are also as kind of
what you want to think about, you know, because l
a became movies in Chinese food, but still wanting to
(23:39):
always give, you know, whether it was to charity, but
that's what we chose, right, So I think the big
thing is, you know, you pick how you want to celebrate,
and I think that's the bottom line. Yeah, And and
don't be limited to what the commercialization of this time,
right isn't in a time where the the nights are
(23:59):
in the Southern Hemisphere, the nights are long and the
days are short, so it's really an invitation to go inside. Right,
That's what the Dark Knights are supposed to bring us,
like a deep reflection, a purification of the external noise
and distractions from our own essence. So to use the
Dark Knights to to facilitate that inner reflection and and
(24:23):
you know, just draw out the things that no longer
serve you, or the practices or the external pressures and
expectations versus what you long for. What's calling your attention,
your resources, your your guidance, your celebration from deep within. Right,
that's the invitation to me for the Dark Knights to
use them in this appropriate way, you know. And it's
(24:43):
funny because during actually around the same timing that you
talked about about twenty eight years ago is around the
time my brother passed. And that's when you know, I
had those conversations with my mom and my sister and said,
why are we wrapping up these external objects and sending
them to each other and they have to be returned
(25:04):
or you know like that that it didn't make sense
to me at this time when you know, we were
like restructuring our whole inner world. After after this bright
bright force had left the planet and and so I'm like,
why why don't So we we decided the new tradition
was going to be that we would rotate who picks
the charity that we donate to as Christmas instead of
(25:25):
buying each other Christmas presents, because we all had means
to to acquire whatever was needed. Right, doesn't mean that
there weren't things we wanted, but you know, like to
anything that was needed. So we were fine and to
to give generously and triplicate the impact with with our
connection to each other and supporting each other in the process.
So that that's, you know, a tradition that we carry
(25:47):
on and that we that brings us great joy. So
I love that. Or you could go have Chinese food
like you can also go aheadnes So I have to
ask before we sign off, do you have plans this? Uh? Yes, yes,
yes we do have plans. And the house is decorated.
(26:08):
I had some external help because that one of my
one of my friends is a great talented designer and
says she has come and designed a beautiful Christmas tree.
I know, I'm so lucky. So my my mom is
I'm flying my mom in Sandy give her a big
hug and spoitch for me please. So yeah, and my
(26:29):
mom has since converted to Judaism, so Christmas is not
a big deal for her. So we can you know,
be together and downplay it low. So it's fine. Yeah.
So so it's not the big pressure. It's just really
about being together and you know, taking advantage of time
away from work to be together. And I'm looking forward
(26:50):
to that. And then she actually has a friend here,
you know, that is a friend separate, separate, like she
had a relationship with this person before I did. That
lives here, and so we'll get other and with friends
and they'll be fun. Oh that's nice. That's nice. We're hoping,
um that my crazy aunt, Marline's sister and Alice is
(27:11):
going to fly into Albuquerque because that's where her son lives,
and we'll go spend the day with them, which is
all about just being with people that you love, because
I'm so crazy about my aunt Alice, and that would
be like the best gift ever is just to spend
the day with her, like the best day ever. That
sounds lovely. Yeah, how that happens, I hope, I hope
(27:32):
she makes it, you know. So it's weather, right, Like
that's more of the issue. It's she lives in Buffalo, right,
so it's unpredictable. It's a long way to come to yeah, exactly. So.
So what I think what we wanted to really, what
we're hoped to do today was just to be able
to kind of haven't be an open range for everybody
(27:53):
to decide how they want to spend a holiday, what
it means to them. You don't have to follow whatever
you have to be a follower. You know, you can
do what feels right to you. And if you're traumatized, um,
it wasn't you, um, but you can choose how you know,
you just get to choose, no matter if you're traumatized
(28:15):
or not. But you just get to choose. And I
think that's the really most important part of this was
to open that up and talk about something that really
I think a lot of people don't are uncomfortable to
talk about. I've never had an issue saying fucking hate Christmas.
And I mean, I've said up so many times to
sign funny but I am, but I am, but I
may right. I don't really hold back. I don't I mean,
(28:35):
I don't hate it. I just I'm not doing it. Yeah,
well okay, I'm a little more extreme than you are. Um,
so fairly I would say that. But to make my point,
I say, fucking hate Christmas. But but I really don't
hate it. I just like, I don't know. I'm not
much of a joiner in general. So um, but you know,
we thought there were others of you out there, so
(28:56):
we just wanted to share our stories with you, give
you things to consider. We're always because we're always offering
options you and leave the rest and hopefully got a
few giggles out of this. If you're like, wait, I
love Christmas, They're bullshit And maybe you just laughed a little,
that's that's all you needed to do. Because it is
fully acceptable for you to be all into it too.
(29:18):
No one's telling you you can't. Well, and it's fun
to see people get excited, you know, to bring their
own childlike spirit forward. That parts fun. I just don't
think you have to go through all the gyrations to
make it happen. And here we go, and you can
do that any day the way. That's right. That's right.
You can also be kind and generous every day. Um.
(29:39):
But if you're not a kind and generous person. You
at least have one day year you can't be take
it to make it well. Thanks for listening, for considering
our Christmas spirit, and no matter how you celebrate, remember
that sometimes schools hard without the your side. Thanks shal
(30:02):
Hi and happy holidays. Thank you for joining us everyone,
and a special thanks to our producer Joey pat and
our executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who guides us while
we guide. You hit us up on Instagram at other
(30:24):
Side Guides, or shoot us a note at high Hi
at Vibes dot Store. We want to know what you think,
We want to know what you know, and we want
to hear your stories and remember our school is hard
without the other side. Insider's Guide to the other Side
is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts
(30:45):
from my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Spotify,
Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of My Heart Radio. Hi y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there,
I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the other Side. Now,
y'all need to know that we are obsessed with everything
on the other side. Yes we are, because once you
(00:22):
learn to navigate the energetic, or to some the invisible world,
life is going to be more fun and much more serene. Heck,
yes it can, because let's be honest, Brian, earth school
is hard. In fact, you taught me that let's crush
Earth School together. Well, hello, my holiday, Wigie pooh, how
(00:46):
are you? I am Gray, my ouf. But it is
your season just for the clothes. It's for the clothes,
for the attire at suitly is um out? Oh my god? Yes,
(01:07):
and I mean everything is elf these days. I just
hate to say it, but everything's elf. And finally everybody
caught up with us um to celebrate what should be
celebrated are the workers, the hard workers. We do all
the damn work exactly, That's all I'm saying, thank you.
(01:29):
So we have a we have probably a little bit
of a surprise episode because um, for one is if everybody,
here's my dogs. I apologize that they're very happy today.
That's not the surprise. That's what's actually like Suki's barking
at me right now, which is for attention. But you know,
we titled this episode Holiday Spirit, but we decided to
(01:51):
put a question mark on it. I mean, who does that?
You know, just because I'm an elf doesn't mean I'm
a merry Christmas kind of gal or a happy holiday
kind of gal, whatever gal I'm supposed to be. But
(02:13):
I think it's it's you know, um, I think it's
more of a year round kind of elf right. And
really my attire is leggings and sweatshirts, so or stripes
or not. This is what this It's a modern day
elf costume. Um. But we were talking and funny, we've
(02:35):
actually learned something very interesting about one another, which is
how we feel about the holiday time. Yeah, it's not
what people may expect. That's why. That's why I think
it's wild and so uh so we're really talked about
We talked about it with each other before, or I
(02:56):
know with our people, you all on our tribe that
you might there might be some of you who resonate
with this sort of experience. Yeah, and you know, so
let's go backwards because, um, I think what you and
I go backwards being to start at the top and
go backwards, is that we weirdly kind of share the
(03:17):
same feeling about it, which is we're not all into Christmas.
And I say Christmas. It could be whatever holiday. We
were both raised in the kind of Christian Church things,
so I guess Christmas would be the right thing to say.
But it's our background. Yeah, it's our background, and you know,
neither one of us give a giant shit about it.
(03:37):
I mean just to like like put the hammer down,
and this is what it is. Christmas spirit and it's
not right Christmas spirit. Question. Right. It's not that we're
like ba humbuggy, but in way we kind of are.
But we I think we just look at the world
very differently. And I think part of how we look
at the world is also what happened us in childhood.
But I'll tell you, like Suzanne, for thirty years, this
(03:58):
poor woman has tried to get me excited about Christmas
and Christmas decorations and trees and ornaments and all that
kind of stuff. And I really don't give to flying Fox. Um,
and but I I I haven't, and I think that's
what's really interesting. And I know a lot of people
that there's I mean half are kind of like you
(04:20):
know and whatever others are like all in I mean lights,
they're very popular position like, oh my god, my favorite part.
Just you know, they're my favorite part. By the way,
they are for me too. I remember going and um
doing tours with my mom and Tulsa when she was
(04:40):
still um obviously on the planet. I mean, I could
do with her. Now she's just with me all the time.
She was yapping at me last night. By the way,
it's kind of funny. But but I like the lights too.
I like how the extent that people go. I also
used to laugh about how we had lights in our
house in Sherman Oaks and the only other light a
person of lights on the neighbor in the neighborhood was
Mona Um because we lived in a Jewish neighborhood and
(05:04):
you know, in our lives were pretty minimal. Hers wasn't
everything moment, it was big, but so that part was
kind of fun. But it's more about, like, you know,
what I actually do you tell people. Let's just start.
I'm we're gonna jump around, folks, Let's bear with us.
Will you tell them because I didn't know this until
you told me earlier about the origins of Christmas, like
(05:27):
where it came from the celebrating of the holiday, right right,
So you know my understanding, and you know I've done
some studying about it, is that the Christian Church was,
you know, trying to convert people and create value in
Christianity for people, but they were so tied to their
(05:47):
pagan celebrations and holidays that they really wanted to use
serup the solstice, right, the winter solstice that occurs on one,
So they created the I'm not saying the Manger scene
didn't happen. I don't know about that. I but but
they moved into the of December because the the data
(06:12):
would would point to a March, late March birth for Jesus,
not in December. So that's what I know it was.
It was moved. It was moved, right, it was moved.
I thought that was fascinating. So so we can start
out with that being so there's that, y'all. This is
(06:35):
not a time when the whole baby Majorie thing that
that said Majorie didn't I um, which is different than Mangi.
So that's it was different than it is. Yeah, it
is different than maji UM. But as a kid. So
now I'm going to so the top is, I'm not
a big Christmas fan UM, and it's and I just
(06:56):
want to be clear, and I think we should be
clear about this before we get into how we're not
very Christmas see or holiday is UM. I am all
in every day of the year to um to actually
give someone a very thoughtful and loving gift. Always into that,
always into the generosity of it. Whether you know. There
was a year where Susanne and I UM we sent
(07:17):
out books to everyone and it was Vagina Monologues UM
and we and we donated money. We've we've donated money
a lot to plan parenthood. Different holidays we'll do, we'll
donate in people's names, We'll do things that are hopefully
more meaningful. We're doing that this year, UM, doing something
a little different kind of meaningful to us. UM. We
(07:38):
hope it's meaningful to everybody else. So that part of it,
I love. Yeah, candles like that, that was a good
year to write. Susanna and I made um treasure candles
UM with stones and UM like little Buddhas and I'm
so cute. Those were great Susanne's a hell of a candlemaker. Um.
(08:01):
So we love to do things like that. What I
don't like is the expectations. I don't like the retail
part of it. I don't like if I spent this
much on you should kind of spend Like the expectations
that people have is a tip for tat it's cycle.
If I spend fifty, you spend fifty if you like,
it's just a very It became so much more different
(08:23):
than the spirit of it what it is still to me,
which is if I love you, I'm gonna get you something, um,
full stop. Yeah. And I'm like, if I see something
that inspires me, I will get you something any time
of the year exactly. Because there's just sometimes you see
something you're like, oh my god, this person has to
have this, this is so fabulous for them U. But yeah,
(08:47):
the pressure that has to happen on this timing is
that really my thing? Right? And the pressure because there's
lots of pressures, right, there's the pressure of families being
together and there you know, there's just all sorts of
hold on. We have a surprise being an interviewing. Yeah,
(09:08):
that's Rebels playing with the toy. Um so, okay, Rebel
got that for Christmas last year, I think, and that,
by the way, I will gift dogs all year long
and Christmas as well, so love that too. But let's
take a quickie break and let's come back and maybe
explain a little bit of why we are where we
are with it, because we haven't given anybody an origin
(09:29):
story yet. And we yes, I know you love a
good origin, so I do. And we again, we assume
we are not alone and correct medium enthusiasm. The commercial
medium is ops for me. Okay, we'll be right back, y'all,
(09:51):
and welcome back. Are Simmer Christmas, super big, big fucking bummer.
That's just episode. But you'll understand here in a minute. No,
but it's real. And I know other people have experienced
the same thing. I've had this conversation with people throughout
the years, and um, so I'll just share a bit
(10:12):
of my origin. And I didn't really understand it for
a long time. Um, as I got older, I didn't
know why I wasn't a big fan of it. I
didn't really give a ship. I don't have an ugly
sweater all that kind of stuff. Um, and you know
it goes back to you know, I clearly have daddy issues.
We've we've established that years ago. And this contribute is
(10:33):
to part of my daddy issues is you know, when
I was a kid, my stepdad, who clearly he and
I did not have a nice relationship. Um, he would
I mean I was like seven and eight when he
was doing this kind of stuff. But you know, when
you're supposed to fill the stockings when the kids are
asleep kind of thing. He would fill my brothers and
it would be just like overflowing with all the stuff
(10:53):
a kid would want, like candy specifically, let's be honest, Um,
And then and my stocking was like a couple of
nuts in an orange. So Christmas to me is punishment
because that's what that felt like. So I'm just curious,
because you know your mom was so watchful of you.
What how did that fly? Well? I that year? Well
(11:16):
that year, well, I think then at night they kind
of like did different jobs, you know, like maybe Mom
got the presents, his job was to do the stocking
or whatever. Mom probably didn't pay attention to it, but
I remember this, I literally remember this. I can see
it I can weirdly feel it, which I don't like.
Is Um, I remember dumping out my stocking. I looked
(11:36):
at Mom and I had tears, and Mom, I think,
reamed him a new asshole. Um but it but it's
still stuck, you know what I mean. It's like the
whole after damage was done. How do you fix that
with a with a seven year old? Right? So, so
it always it's never meant anything great to me because
you know, as a child, I spent them with this
(11:58):
man who I really hated and ye doing those really
impressionable those really impressionable years. And I was always treated different, always,
always always. And then I had a natural father who
liked to just forget because he was you know he
I mean he was a little bit of a drinker.
When I mean one year I forgot my birthday, my
big birthday person either, which is weird. I mean I
like the big, big ones, but it's like I can
(12:19):
live without it. But you know, being a being a
twelve year old and your father forgets your birthday right
like those Again, sorry I'm going off the daddy issues.
We'll go back to Christmas. So, so Christmas was like
you know, my brother was and it had no no
bearing on how I felt about him, because I knew
then it wasn't him. But I'm gonna tell you what
(12:39):
was so interesting is I really didn't understand, Like for years,
I really could have skipped it been fine, And then
I it dawned on me, not dawned on me. It
was through my therapist in San Francisco where I started
to figure out actually why I had that issue is
because it felt like punishment, which I know it's not
(12:59):
with the Hall Spirits supposed to be, but that's what
it translated to me. So then I didn't care about
the trees, the food, the whole like, none of it
had any meaning to me. Right, just get just extends
through the whole tradition. Yeah, I don't have an ugly
sweat sweater. I mean, I bet I have a lot
of ugly stuff, but I don't have an ugly Christmas sweater.
I don't like partaking that kind of stuff. So you know,
(13:22):
it just became like a burden, yeah for me and
well and something you have to conform to and there's
a lot of pressure and there's a lot of hype.
I mean, it's a bit like New Year's Eve in
that way, like oh, what are you so excited for Christmas?
What are your plans? And you're like, oh, you mean
New Year's Eve? Well when is it? I mean Christmas
(13:43):
can be the whole thing, right, you know that, Like
there's we put so much pressure on ourselves and you know,
I know with a lot of even you know, just
people around me in clients that they put themselves through
the wringer to get the night president, to get the
presents wrapped, to get the you know, all the food,
and get everything taking care of. And they, you know,
particularly the female clients, will you know, put just run
(14:07):
around like crazy, and even you end up getting sick
for the holiday when they finally can stop, because you know,
for the four six weeks before in the hand they
just like to get this and get this and chip that,
and you know, right right, we're right. The only thing
I really like about it or the movies die Hard,
which is a Christmas movie. Well in that debate, it's
not a debate, folks, die Hard is a Christmas movie.
(14:28):
And then here's what's funny. This is very telling. I
like things like Bad Santa. Is that a movie? Yes?
It is. Bad Santa is like he is like a
he uh it's Billy Bob Thornton. He goes in and
gets a job as a Santa at a mall, so
you can tell it's dated, and um, he ends up
becoming like a thief. He has a heist. All this
(14:49):
kind of stuff I like. I mean, there's another movie
out which is um something about a Santa thing. Anyway,
it's like a rated R. So of course I like it.
But like I like all the things that are on
the edge of it, that kind of attack it in
a way. And again there is a market for that,
and there's a reason for that, because there's an audience
far us that they're like, you know what this is.
(15:10):
This is just gotten. It's just gotten a little out
of control of forgetting what the actual spirit of Christmas is.
And look, I know before we rejumpt on this, I've
had a call with a client who said, because of
our time together, she is going to go be present
(15:31):
with her family. She's like, I have told them I'm
not giving presents. I'm going to do a lot of
the cooking. I'm going to do a lot of this
to make it easy for people, but I am not
buying twenty seven presents. For everybody who's going to be there,
Like I, I am just gonna be present. I'm not
going to be on my phone for work. I'm stepping
away from work, which is really she's a big job.
And um it said this is her gift, gift for her. Yeah,
(15:55):
good for her and for her to be present. A listen,
I totally new things. Oh my god, I've checked out
a more Christmas as I had its more origin. I
spent Christmas one year. I think I was like in
my teens maybe, and um, mom and Tommy and I
went to go see Arlene the grandmother. That was no
(16:17):
fun because all she wanted to do was it was
criticized me and it's like, so Christmas has never been
a good thing. Last year, though, I will say, Susanne
and I, this is what I love to do. It
was Christmas Eve, and I got her so many funny
things and we were on the floor rolling and laughing
like that. I'm into like the gaggy gifts stuff all
(16:39):
just like anything to make me giggle to get my
mind off of why I don't like Christmas. But that
that was a good that was a good answer. But
how about you did you like? I mean that's my
origin story. I had ass whole relatives. Go ahead, will
I think you know what I mean. We shared the
alcoholic father thing, and I think for me it was
just so stress full because there wasn't a lot of money.
(17:02):
We entertained family, we hosted things, and you know, my
mom didn't always quote unquote get money from my dad
because he would just change his mind at the last
min go no, I don't know when we're not doing that,
and so I just gotta put on a dinner with
no cash. You know, would like it was that kind
of stress that would just be you know, it was
just very very difficult, like you could literally cut it
(17:23):
in the air. It was so so it wasn't a
joyful time. It was just like, oh God, please knowing
I don't nobody get hit, Like that was the goal,
you know, very very low bar um. That's why we're
not different brand than other people is because I know
other people because if I've heard it, have had these
same type of stories. But yeah, it wasn't It wasn't
(17:45):
that joyful celebration. I will say when the extended family
did arrive, it diffused, right, It diffused, and then there
was always music and then there was singing, and like
I liked that part. But then even you know, eventually
that night they go away, you know, so and then
the stress comes back. But um so again in between
(18:07):
the you know, the the origin story and the original trauma.
But and then the commercialization that louse that really you know,
doesn't address the magic as much. It's you know, it's
just not that fabulous. I think it's it's a big
hype with not you know, I'll phone no beer. As
our friend Reuben would say, Oh my god, that's hilarious. Also,
(18:29):
now for kids, you know totally get. I mean how
much fun, Like what I was for by the Christmas
is awesome. It's like I believed in Santa Claus and
you know, it was like under the tree was barren,
and then the next morning it was like full. You know,
it was like all those fun things for kids, and
(18:50):
you know, and I think as an adult that would
bring you a lot of joy, right and and so
I understand a lot of that fun part of it
without a doubt. Yeah about for pizza, So we did
that by the way in l A. Susanne and I
we would go eat because it was it was l
A and everything's open. It's like just another day. They're
um because heavy Jewish Jewish population. So it's like and
(19:14):
a big movie day and it's a big movie day.
And so we would go out to eat and then
we would go see movies the rest of the day.
It was awesome. It's a fun thing to do. I like,
I could I get behind that tradition for sure. Yeah,
it's a good tradition. If you want to take a break,
I bet dan't you. We're gonna take a break, all right, y'all,
(19:39):
we're back and uh we're gonna have Santa Brenda. Uh So,
what I do think is possible, no matter what your
origin stories are for the holidays or what your recent
stories are, is to challenge yourself to make sure that
(20:00):
the traditions you're creating for you, right, not for anyone else,
but for you support your specific magic or your own
Christmas spirit whatever that would be, or Solstice spirit or
Kwanza or I don't even know all the other ones. Right, Yeah,
that's not a really big one, you know it's not.
(20:22):
But we've actually celebrated a lot of Hanka. It's funny
we have I actually really enjoy it. But yeah, I
mean yeah, but so all of them. Right, whatever it is,
like what lights you up and and figure out a
way to create that celebration. And it can be spat day,
it can be creative day. It can be baking day,
(20:42):
cleaning day, clearing day, like singing day, whatever it is like,
and invite your loved ones to experience it with you,
because it's really all about connections. I mean, that's what
all holidays should be. When we get to step away
from work, not create, Like ten times the amount of
step away from the mundane of working on end make
(21:06):
it sacred. And we can make anything mundane sacred when
we invoke our own spirit and bring our own essence
forward in a generous way, Like that's what ritual is
all about, to invoke something bigger than ourselves. Say like,
this is what I want to dedicate this day too,
Will you come with me to I don't care to
take the movie somebody? Yeah, whatever it is, like whatever
(21:28):
it is you want to do, Like movies are great,
Like look at it. You celebrate storytelling. I mean that's
such a great gift to humanity. Like that's amazing, right, So, um,
but that take time to figure out, Like what is
something I could share and it could be with one
other person and they don't even have to be in
the same city with you, like you can you can,
don't make it hard, to just make it simple and
(21:49):
then you can talk about your experience and like that's
the connection and right and also where you are in
your life. Because when Susanna and I moved to San
Francisco twenty eight years ago, um, we had this crappy
apartment in the Tenderloin across from Frenchie's Triple X Theater. Uh.
(22:12):
The movie that was playing was John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut.
Never will forget that, legit. This is what our Christmas
was our first year in San Francisco. And we had
a chair and we called it our Christmas chair. And
my mother had sent me plug ins because the building
smelled so bad. Um, but it was like right, but
(22:34):
it's like it's where you are, and you know what,
Susanna and I made the best of it. We went
across the street to Tommy's Joint and j O Y
and T Tommy's joint on on Venice, and um, we
you know, had a nice little dinner and we had
the Christmas chair and and it was one that we
still talk about right like you know, or when we
(22:56):
um later in San Francisco. I used to get a
lot of gift basket from vendors and stuff in the
business that I was in Susanne, and I made an
agreement that every single basket will we break it down
and then we took them to senior centers sum because
we wanted them to feel some the spirit, right, We
(23:17):
wanted them to feel that way. So we've evolved, We've
done different things different years. We've done soup kitchens. We've
actually went to a church once, which was weird and awesome.
It was in San Francisco, and you know, it's I
think it's just where you are also as kind of
what you want to think about, you know, because l
a became movies in Chinese food, but still wanting to
(23:39):
always give, you know, whether it was to charity, but
that's what we chose, right, So I think the big
thing is, you know, you pick how you want to celebrate,
and I think that's the bottom line. Yeah, And and
don't be limited to what the commercialization of this time,
right isn't in a time where the the nights are
(23:59):
in the Southern Hemisphere, the nights are long and the
days are short, so it's really an invitation to go inside. Right,
That's what the Dark Knights are supposed to bring us,
like a deep reflection, a purification of the external noise
and distractions from our own essence. So to use the
Dark Knights to to facilitate that inner reflection and and
(24:23):
you know, just draw out the things that no longer
serve you, or the practices or the external pressures and
expectations versus what you long for. What's calling your attention,
your resources, your your guidance, your celebration from deep within. Right,
that's the invitation to me for the Dark Knights to
use them in this appropriate way, you know. And it's
(24:43):
funny because during actually around the same timing that you
talked about about twenty eight years ago is around the
time my brother passed. And that's when you know, I
had those conversations with my mom and my sister and said,
why are we wrapping up these external objects and sending
them to each other and they have to be returned
(25:04):
or you know like that that it didn't make sense
to me at this time when you know, we were
like restructuring our whole inner world. After after this bright
bright force had left the planet and and so I'm like,
why why don't So we we decided the new tradition
was going to be that we would rotate who picks
the charity that we donate to as Christmas instead of
(25:25):
buying each other Christmas presents, because we all had means
to to acquire whatever was needed. Right, doesn't mean that
there weren't things we wanted, but you know, like to
anything that was needed. So we were fine and to
to give generously and triplicate the impact with with our
connection to each other and supporting each other in the process.
So that that's, you know, a tradition that we carry
(25:47):
on and that we that brings us great joy. So
I love that. Or you could go have Chinese food
like you can also go aheadnes So I have to
ask before we sign off, do you have plans this? Uh? Yes, yes,
yes we do have plans. And the house is decorated.
(26:08):
I had some external help because that one of my
one of my friends is a great talented designer and
says she has come and designed a beautiful Christmas tree.
I know, I'm so lucky. So my my mom is
I'm flying my mom in Sandy give her a big
hug and spoitch for me please. So yeah, and my
(26:29):
mom has since converted to Judaism, so Christmas is not
a big deal for her. So we can you know,
be together and downplay it low. So it's fine. Yeah.
So so it's not the big pressure. It's just really
about being together and you know, taking advantage of time
away from work to be together. And I'm looking forward
(26:50):
to that. And then she actually has a friend here,
you know, that is a friend separate, separate, like she
had a relationship with this person before I did. That
lives here, and so we'll get other and with friends
and they'll be fun. Oh that's nice. That's nice. We're hoping,
um that my crazy aunt, Marline's sister and Alice is
(27:11):
going to fly into Albuquerque because that's where her son lives,
and we'll go spend the day with them, which is
all about just being with people that you love, because
I'm so crazy about my aunt Alice, and that would
be like the best gift ever is just to spend
the day with her, like the best day ever. That
sounds lovely. Yeah, how that happens, I hope, I hope
(27:32):
she makes it, you know. So it's weather, right, Like
that's more of the issue. It's she lives in Buffalo, right,
so it's unpredictable. It's a long way to come to yeah, exactly. So.
So what I think what we wanted to really, what
we're hoped to do today was just to be able
to kind of haven't be an open range for everybody
(27:53):
to decide how they want to spend a holiday, what
it means to them. You don't have to follow whatever
you have to be a follower. You know, you can
do what feels right to you. And if you're traumatized, um,
it wasn't you, um, but you can choose how you know,
you just get to choose, no matter if you're traumatized
(28:15):
or not. But you just get to choose. And I
think that's the really most important part of this was
to open that up and talk about something that really
I think a lot of people don't are uncomfortable to
talk about. I've never had an issue saying fucking hate Christmas.
And I mean, I've said up so many times to
sign funny but I am, but I am, but I
may right. I don't really hold back. I don't I mean,
(28:35):
I don't hate it. I just I'm not doing it. Yeah,
well okay, I'm a little more extreme than you are. Um,
so fairly I would say that. But to make my point,
I say, fucking hate Christmas. But but I really don't
hate it. I just like, I don't know. I'm not
much of a joiner in general. So um, but you know,
we thought there were others of you out there, so
(28:56):
we just wanted to share our stories with you, give
you things to consider. We're always because we're always offering
options you and leave the rest and hopefully got a
few giggles out of this. If you're like, wait, I
love Christmas, They're bullshit And maybe you just laughed a little,
that's that's all you needed to do. Because it is
fully acceptable for you to be all into it too.
(29:18):
No one's telling you you can't. Well, and it's fun
to see people get excited, you know, to bring their
own childlike spirit forward. That parts fun. I just don't
think you have to go through all the gyrations to
make it happen. And here we go, and you can
do that any day the way. That's right. That's right.
You can also be kind and generous every day. Um.
(29:39):
But if you're not a kind and generous person. You
at least have one day year you can't be take
it to make it well. Thanks for listening, for considering
our Christmas spirit, and no matter how you celebrate, remember
that sometimes schools hard without the your side. Thanks shal
(30:02):
Hi and happy holidays. Thank you for joining us everyone,
and a special thanks to our producer Joey pat and
our executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who guides us while
we guide. You hit us up on Instagram at other
(30:24):
Side Guides, or shoot us a note at high Hi
at Vibes dot Store. We want to know what you think,
We want to know what you know, and we want
to hear your stories and remember our school is hard
without the other side. Insider's Guide to the other Side
is a production of I Heart Radio. For more podcasts
(30:45):
from my heart Radio, visit the i heart Radio app, Spotify,
Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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