September 21, 2022 • 38 mins
When you lose someone you love it's hard to find your way through the pain of loss. So how do you know when you're ready to become a grief graduate?
The grief process isn't linear. No matter how long you grieve, you never not miss them. The beauty and clarity of the grieving process resides within. Once you realize you carry the energy and bond with your loved one with you, inside you, every moment of every day, the freedom comes in believing and releasing all the rest that's holding you back.
Energy never dies—it transfers and transcends time and space. Earthly possessions carry an energy that is sticky. By spending time with what you are holding on to in the name of grief and love, you will feel this shift and know when it's time to let go of the things, while holding on to the love.
Just as Giving is the catalyst for receiving; Grieving is the on-ramp to Living in the Present.
Earth School is hard, without the Other Side Guide to Letting Go.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to insider's guide to the other side, a production
of my heart radio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there,
I'm Brenda. Welcome to insider's guide to the other side.
Now you all need to know that we are obsessed
with everything on the other side. Yes, we are, because
(00:21):
once you learn to navigate the energetic, or, to some
the invisible world, life is going to be more fun
and much more serene. Heck yes, it can, because, let's
be honest, Brian, Earth School is hard. In fact, you
taught me that. Let's crush earth school together. Well, hello,
(00:43):
my witchie Pooh, you look fabulous. So how are you?
Thank you, thank you. I'm too great, but how are you?
Is the question. You have this pink on. It's fantastic.
I haven't seen more that. I love it. Uh, well,
(01:05):
I am Uppity, homeless right now. I'm not homeless. I
stay uppity because our moving truck, we're in Santa Fe,
got here a few days ago. Thank you. Oh my God,
it's amazing. Our moving truck is nowhere to be found.
I should have you know what I should have done?
I should have put an apple air tag so I
(01:28):
could track it. That's actually would have been a really
good idea. But we're staying in an AIRBNB because our
stuff isn't here to put into the rental and our
house doesn't close, which is going to be a year Rento,
until Thursday. So uppity homeless is, I think, a proper term.
So you have how many dwellings? Three, we're racing. Well,
(01:50):
this is a short term rental. We have a long
term rental and then we'll hopefully yeah, right, it's insane.
It's insane, but it's all good. I mean it's in
Santa Fe. You know, we're not mad, not mad at it.
It's a great place to be. Up Ay homeless and
I am staying in an Um, unhaunted air baby. Okay, unhaunted,
(02:13):
I don't know that's right word, but it is now.
It is now. Yes, it's not haunted, it's it's glorious. Actually,
it's just a glorious place, the old and it's just
like so much character. Anyway, it's fantastic. Um, we're not here.
I think today's talk about my not haunted AIRBNB. Um,
(02:34):
I think today we're going to talk about being a
grief graduate, and I think that graduates me. Yeah, we
want to hear about this. Well, I didn't say what
great I graduated. I just called the regraduate. So everybody
can be their own judge on how far they think
I've come in eleven years. Her school has many, many levels, right.
(02:58):
It is nuanced, layered right. Well, it's kind of a
part two of the purge. You know, the purge lead to,
oh my gosh, like uh lifting and understanding, a clarity
that I didn't have until then. And this has only
(03:22):
been probably a week ago, which is such an amazing opportunity.
And what I love about this is that you actually
are paying attention. Usually when we go under moving through life,
we undertake something big like moving, downsizing, moving multiple states away,
being in process so many times we can't see it
(03:43):
until we get settled, whenever that might be, and you
are dialed in and paying attention real time, and that
in the in and of itself is a graduate, kind
of graduate, kind of warm. So do I get like
the other tassels they have, like when they might? Can
I get a multicolored Little Tassel? I think would be
kind of great. Um, so it was. It's been really interesting,
(04:06):
and thank you for saying that, because I have practiced
really since meeting you, Um, to be more present. No,
for Real, I mean like I didn't really even understand
what that meant until you and boy was I present
throughout this whole process, very present, and even seeking out
more what, I don't know what to say, more ways
(04:28):
to be present, more like I I was. I was
not trying to move through it in a way, to
hurry through it, like I was stationary with it and
like I had tentacles reaching. I think maybe the best
way to describe it. And really that is the most
(04:48):
challenging thing, because you're like, Oh, I can be aware
of it, but that is tender. I cannot go into
it right now. I have too much on my plate.
I have to keep moving forward because I've got a
timeline and many boxes to check before I accomplished what
I need to do. And if you can slow things
down real time, it actually write the Japanese called Kaisene, right,
(05:09):
slowing down to go fast, because slowing down to be present,
to be aware, to be tender with yourself and being
able to take what comes, whether it's a crying Jake, celebration, uh,
you know, reaching out. Oh my God, I have to
share this with people, whatever it is if you can
be present with it, it actually clears the path well
(05:31):
down the road. Sometimes it's ten minutes, sometimes it's ten days,
but down the road you will feel the clearing and
the benefits. Um, you know, the return on that investment
of being multidimensionally present. Uh, shows over that was really
good brand and we're out. Well, it was so beautiful.
(05:53):
I'm like almost in tears based on what you just
said as I laugh, because I have to laugh through
cheers sometimes. But you know, if you don't, I would.
I would love to tell the story because, as we've
stated before, I feel like I have to live through
all this stuff to share these experience, well grow myself,
but to share them with everyone. You know, it's like that.
The journey of the Shaman, right, is you must heal
(06:14):
yourself before you can even attempt to try to help
heal other people. I mean, if Jeez, I think that
that's happening. That's beautiful. So here's it's interesting when you
talk like so the confluence of two things that happened Um,
and it Um was a little bit unexpected, which the
(06:34):
good things are. But one is I was actually doing
some war working in the middle of all of this Um,
and this was different than purging. This was it was purging,
but it was I knew I had all of this
stuff from my mother, from my father. You know my
my father, you know Um, next year will have jumped
(06:56):
from his body for forty years. And there a thing,
as I haven't even looked at that, you know, part
of his some of his belongings, which, again, I was
a kid, so I don't think I knew they were
even there, um. But here's what happened that was so interesting.
I think I've stated before anybody's looked at my Linkedin,
I am on the Board of directors for a company
(07:16):
called story fit, and story fit is this great ai
company that ingests scripts and they have thousands and thousands
of other shows, movies that compares it to with hundreds
of story element elements, emotional tags, all of these things
to truly understand and to compare to other properties that
(07:38):
have already been out into the world. And it's an
evaluation tool before somebody spends the money to green light
and all of that, to see where they fit and
what do they need to either play up, toned down,
whatever it may be. So I'm not sure if I
described it very well, but they've asked me to do
to work with them on a on a few projects effectively,
(07:59):
and there was a project that there was a pretty
fast deadline on and one of the comps the camp
films that we were looking at is it's called life itself.
It is an Amazon studios picture, weirdly, one I'd never seen,
which is odd because I could go through these things
and I've seen about everything and I've never seen this
(08:21):
movie called life itself, and so I needed to watch
it in order to understand, you know, what we were
comparing against. So if you haven't seen this movie, I
will encourage people to do it because it is a beautiful,
beautiful movie about how can I describe this? It's about
(08:43):
this one is specifically about a single event that happens
and how that event echoed into the future for people
that you didn't even know were affected by it. And
it was the end of the movie that really captured
me to where I not only cried, I hard cried,
like hard, like he heave cried, and it was long.
(09:03):
I was, I was, I was so ugly, oh my goodness,
and the only one that saw me was silky, so
Um bute and I wasn't on a plane, right. I mean,
I've normally like to cry on planes. Um. So, but
in it what I realized what I was taught, and
(09:24):
it's so funny. It's like why I love our show
is because I really feel that that when somebody can
say something in a different way, and you've always done
this with me, you say it in a different way
to truly understand it. And that's what this movie did
and what it said to me in a different way,
something I knew, but I needed them to tell me,
you know. And it was talking about this. There's there's
(09:48):
a lot of definite so there was a death and
Um and talking about this woman's child and and talked
about how this child, I'm gonna Start Crying, Oh my God, Um,
is actually her legacy. And now, mind you, I am
sorting through ship like you wouldn't believe. Right, photographs are
(10:08):
this all from your parents, from from my parents? Right,
and and I in anybody who looked at my instagram,
I posted a picture of two jars of homemade raspberry
jam that my mother made that I've been toting around
for over eleven years, and I guarantee you she made
(10:29):
it about thirty years ago. Uh Huh. Right, and it
and I'm seriously like that is some seriously hard grieving
going on. Um, and I knew it was time for
it to go, but it didn't go until the day
after I watched this movie, because when I realized, truly realized,
(10:54):
that I am, I am, my mother, is not this stuff,
I am her legacy, and it allowed me to get
rid of stuff, allowed me to throw away jam. That,
I mean, that's really fucked up. I mean, I can't like.
It is really like if we didn't have this show,
I don't think I would have told a soul. I
(11:15):
mean it's seriously one of those things that I'm like,
Holy Shit, like, what is wrong with you? I mean
in Godless Susan, she's always let me take, you know,
take up about six inches of space and the freezer
to drag it from house to house. Right. But when
I realized, right, that is true, no doubt. Um and
(11:37):
patience is a big part of love, but it was
this realization, and it wasn't even a realization, it was
it was I felt it in every cell in my body.
It's like, wait a second, I'm her legacy. This crap
isn't the it's me, it's it's interesting because when you
(11:58):
said that, it's literally like the your inner self, it
stood up taller in your body, like you had you
took up more space and you had more space within you,
like it just you expanded from deep within. So when
you say you felt it in every cell of your body,
like I saw it move through you and just expand
(12:23):
your experience and your understanding in life. And it's not
about a pride thing. It's about this is real, like
this concept of I am her legacy, like it was
just so real, like it just resonated from deep within.
And it's likely I don't need her jam to remind me.
(12:46):
And you know how much I love jam. Let's be honest.
We talked about it. I mean there's no secret. I'm
a fan of jam. So we've heard. I love it,
loves very form. May Have mentioned that, I know, I
know I have. I really wanted to have mittens of
English muffins and biscuits shoes, I recall. Uh Huh. But
(13:11):
it was and and it's it's funny because, I mean
I can't. It's like I can look in the mirror
and see I'm her. I can hear my voice and
know that I am her. I don't need to drag
all of this ship around. It is me right like,
and you would think I would have known this right
you would think those things, because I think we all
(13:32):
would like to think we know, but we don't. And
it's like you know what it was and not nearly
yourselves new, but somehow this experiences film activated it within
you in a way that you could receive. Because again,
that wisdom lived in yourselves, but the activation of your
(13:53):
conscious mind, receiving this blessing from this movie, activated it all.
And what it made me think of because again, again,
another movie is going to come up. Forgive me, everybody,
but if you ever watch, well, a TV show, the peanuts, right,
can we hold the peanuts until we come back from
damn it, fine, break peanuts on peanuts. Cliffhanger coming. We'll
(14:19):
be right back. I didn't welcome back from our peanuts
hip cliffhanger, as you were saying, my dear as I
was saying, Um, it was. It was interesting because it
(14:40):
made me think of Linus from the peanuts. Linus carried
the blanket around. Thank you. And for those who don't know,
Linus carries the blankets pig pen is the one who
my mother thought I was growing up with pig pen
and I believe she called me pig pen, if I'm
not taking but it was that blanket, you know. In
(15:03):
truth is linus didn't need the blanket and the real
truth is Julie doesn't need her mother's thirty year old
raspberry jam. Right. But then it led to something even
more magical, right, because when I was able to let go,
I was also able to give here we go. This
is the graduation. This is the graduate action. So as
(15:27):
I'm going through my mom's things, which is the first
time in eleven years, like, I didn't touch it. Suzanne
touched it. Oh, yeah, I didn't touch it. Yeah, I mean,
I love this woman. There's no question. Right here's true. So,
(15:48):
I mean, no, look, I'm want to crying again, damn it. Um. Okay,
so I was a pig pin, pig, pig, pig pin. Okay,
that makes me stop crying. Um. So I'm going through
her things and my mom was quite a cook, like
really good in fact. I think I've even said before
that I heard she stopped cooking when she had kids.
(16:09):
I'm like, well, wait a second, that's not fair. But when?
Because she started working. Oh sure, so. So mom was
quite a cook and she had all of these cookbooks
that were, I'm hilarious on how how used they were,
like they were used, and there was probably four or
five of them in there. And my niece Max, who
we've talked about, is quite a little cook themselves. and
(16:33):
Oh yeah, and um I just skipped a generation. It
just gets Oh yeah, because I'm married Suzanne, so smart.
This generation was wise because right that is something that
I just don't think I could do. Um, you have
to measure things and that's not my jam Um, but
my jam is my jam just not measuring. So Um.
(16:56):
So I see all these cookbooks and I'm like, you know,
I think this would be something really nice for Max
to have. And I'll keep in mind when when mom jumped,
Max was probably three years old. So Max never got
to know mom and I know that there is a
hole in that child's heart wanting to know their grandmother.
(17:17):
And so here's the magic that happened. So Suzanne packs
everything up. Plus I sent Max the key to the city,
to my Oklahoma that I got when I was a kid,
because I also realized there's a whole bunch of stuff
I don't need anymore, but Max said it was cool
and I think my brother stole it. But anyway, there's
cookbooks and a key to the city, and so Max
(17:38):
wrote me a text about two days later after they
received these cookbooks, and said I'm going through every page
to see where grandma stopped, to see the food stains
the nose and trying to identify the stains. And then
they said, you know, I feel like I'm getting to
know her by going through her cook books. She's in
(18:01):
the frequency. She's in the frequency and as Max is
texting me, mom starts to talk to me and starts
to tell me, let Max know that I'm watching over them.
My mom used the right pronouns. I'm watching over them
and I want them to know that I'm there through
(18:21):
lights electricity. So you tell your niece to look for me,
and I'm like okay. So I texted to maxim x GROBEG.
I said, so you're telling me that my grandmother is
haunting me now. I said yeah, but good haunt remember
she was a good cook. It's okay, she was. Okay, yeah,
she's a she's a great lady. She just wants you
to know she's there looking after you. So here's what
(18:42):
happened literally yesterday. Max was in a performance over the summer.
Um decided want to do some acting singing, like, you know,
open themselves up to something new, and I said I'd ask.
I said, so, has mom come to see you? And
Max is like, Oh yeah, I'm like, well, tell me
Mexico's she was at my play. Would she would have
(19:11):
gone to the physical if there is no doubt. I mean,
this is the woman that used to hide behind trees,
following me around in every golf hole like this. Are
you kidding? She loved to. But here was what Max said. Mexico's.
I was so freaked out before the performance, like freaked out,
nervous wreck, right, like anybody it would be, you know,
(19:35):
getting on a stage. And then Max said, and then
I see this, the lights flicker and this thing on
the stage. She goes and I knew immediately it was
my grandmother, and then I was chills everywhere. I love that.
Isn't that great? Right? See, this is what graduating grief is,
that you're able to let go and to give to
(19:57):
somebody else who actually needs her and needs that to connect. Right,
you know, it was a really magical moment for that
child who didn't have the luxury of knowing her, because
it was a luxury, you know, what a special child,
because so many younger people would be like, why are
you giving me this old, dirty book? And she's like,
(20:19):
I'm all in. I can't out if it's the oil
or if it's at this like what's you know? Isn't
that fun? I mean what it is? Intensely deep. Yeah,
intensely deep. So precious, adults, right, so precious. And then
another funny thing happened. But do we are you going
to make me break again before graduation? All right, all right,
(20:40):
we'll break. Oh wait, we'll cliffhang it. Well, cliff hang
this one. Wait, well, Cliffhang is my story. Well, Cliffhang
this one with I just I'm laughing, knowing all our
listeners are laughing with you. I'm up in Su come on,
(21:03):
we'll do this one. Well, we'll do a family tree cliffhanger.
There you go. Okay, family tree cliffhanger, by Dope, be
right back. All right, and welcome back from our to
(21:23):
our family tree cliffhanger. Taken Away my Elf. I will
take it away. Well, this is all part of the
you know, it's like all part of the class work,
right for grieving. This is the whole thing is. And
so it was really funny because Susanne and I have
not eaten home for two months with all of our GAYOS. Oh,
(21:45):
it's been insane. Yeah, we will be doing daily harvest,
if y I once we get into our rental house.
Oh No, it's not. No, but they should daily artist.
But I didn't get my by one. Get One. If
you guys do, go bog me and you'll get by one.
Get One anyway, Um, helpful hints from the mover. Um.
(22:08):
So I'm walking through the kitchen. Y'All, Brenda can't keep
her ship together right now. Is like one of my
favorite moments ever on the planet. It's Brenda can't get
her ship together. So Um. So I'm walking through the
House and I see like the boxes everywhere and there
(22:32):
was this odd shaped box and it was on the stove.
So and I'm like, well, we cook it up, lady.
So I said to Suzanne, I'm like, is this my
box or your box to go through, because I think
we said that to each other about a hundred times,
like is this minor yours? Because if it's yours, ain't
touching it. I got enough of my own because she
had to go through a lot of the same stuff, photographs,
(22:55):
and here's a rule everybody, before I tell you what
was in that box on the stove, is if you
see a picture yourself with people that you don't recognize,
toss the photo. I mean, I there was a lot
of those. There's something to be said for scanning. I
just wanted to put that in there. It takes a
lot less space and you can sort it out later.
(23:15):
That for real. It was exhausting. Um. So Suzanne said, Oh,
that's yours. She goes, I think it's a mix of
your mom and dad's stuff. I'm like Ale I went funk, realist.
I was already done. It's like, you know, you think
you're done, but you're not, and it's like that was mine.
I thought it was done, but I'm not so open
up this box and there were some things in there
that I recognized. You know, Margaret was a paper hoarder, Um,
(23:39):
whether it was magazines or recalled the magazines. Oh Yeah,
consumer reports and cat fancy Um, nineteen. And I hope
mom appreciates me telling like spilling all of her tea,
Brenda's nodding up and down. Yes, so I recognize a
(23:59):
lot of it. And they were like correspondence and stuff,
and she kept files on all of her ex husbands.
So I just tossed all that. It's like I don't
need this, is no that, this is not necessary in
the world. I know my mother was insane, but in
there was this envelope and I'm like, well, what is this?
A long envelope, like an odd shape, like we don't
do that anymore type shape of envelope, you know, like
(24:21):
long piece of paper kind of thing. So I opened
it up and it is a marriage license from nineteen
hundred and O two. WHOA right, and I'm like what
the Hell is this? I'm glad you did not burn
that up on the stove. Exactly right. But but here's
(24:41):
the thing. It caught fire in my family in a
good way, because I'm reading this thing and I see
the reader last name. I'm like, Oh, this is Dad's
side of the family. Let me see what this is.
And then, for some weird reason, and it might have
been him making me turn that piece of paper over,
Somebody had handwritten and our family tree on back of
(25:04):
this marriage license. In nineteen O two. And not only
that is so odd. That so odd. I'M gonna blow
your mind. Are you ready for this ship? This is crazy.
Not only are their names, there are birth dates and
birth times. Oh my God, I got chills everywhere. That's nuts.
(25:26):
That's nuts. So you had an astrologer in the family.
I had to have right, I mean had to if
you don't capture times unless you are curious about Oh
my God, and the early nineteen hundreds. That's so cool.
You got to find out whose handwriting that is on
the back. Oh Shit, how would I find that out?
(25:48):
I don't know, but I want to know. But how
cool does that right? So that's amazing. So there's this
thing now in astrology, total side. I've been talking like
a mother go so I just I just heard this
Um because you know, I've studied astrology for about fifteen
years but I would never call myself an astrologer. But
what they can look at someone's chart who's past and,
(26:14):
you know, put it against today's chart and figure out
and as as though that person's energy is still being
activated with today's configurations and aspects and transits and they
can tell about when it's a good time for you
to reach out and figure out, you know, who this
(26:35):
is or when you would republish their book or something
like that. So, like it's it's saying that our energy,
of our birth chart never is it's energy, right. So
energy can't be destroyed. So it still exists and still
gets activated today. So, like, I just texted to you,
by the way, I literally just texted you the back
of picture of the back of the marriage license. Oh
(27:00):
my God, I can't wait to take a look at this.
Isn't that crazy? Yeah, but it's it's it's really so
like I feel like when you opened that like somehow
there was probably an alignment with someone. Whoever wrote that
on the back. That's that got activated and kills on that. Yeah,
just look at this today, like it's it's like this
is now. It has to happen now. Oh my gosh,
(27:20):
it's so exciting. Yeah, so this marriage license is frank
j Reager, who I think is my great grandfather, and
he married somebody something Westendorf and Toledo, Ohio. Um, so
I sent either front and the back. It's it's fascinating too.
I didn't even know what exists in the world. So
here's what happened right, right, people, this is real time.
(27:43):
I'm looking at this right now. Yeah, beautiful penmanship, beautiful right.
You would think that was my mom's side because she
had amazing penmanship. So, knowing that my brother is way
into genealogy, because he really is, he gets excited about
it and, Um, so I called him and he was
in Nashville working and I said, I you're not gonna
(28:05):
believe what I found, and I told him, I said,
I'll send it to if you want me. He Goes,
Oh God, yes, please. So I sent it to him
and he's going to be doing all the research on
what's written on the back. And again, Max also super excited.
Effect it was Max who texted me the photographs, because
my brother didn't and I didn't take any ahead of time,
which is kind of dumb. Are You finding something interesting?
(28:26):
So much, that is so good. Thank you for sharing it.
It's wild, right, so, this is, it is, this, is,
it's that. So, even though stuff is stuff, right, but
there is stuff like this, or my mother's cookbooks or
whatever it is, that can just help you understand a
little bit more either about who you are somebody else
in your family that wants to find that and and
(28:49):
so I gave it all the way and it feels
amazing because I didn't need it anymore and they did.
And and it will continue on now because they of it. Because,
you listen, we don't have kids, my brother does. You know,
in some ways those kids are a little bit a
part of my legacy too, and they need this is theirs.
It doesn't really belong. I don't see that belongs to
(29:11):
me anymore. I think it belongs to them. It's so beautiful.
That's so beautiful and how perfect that you work at this,
you know, work with this organization that put you at
a new level of healing and grieving all in one
(29:31):
during this specific time of release, right. I mean it's
so perfect. It's so perfect. What a gift, what an
amazing gift, and you are present to be able to
activate it within your own life. It's beautiful and that
is and that is the thing we always talk about,
and I think this is such a great example about
being present. You know, this truly is. If you can
(29:54):
muster it and be there with it, even if it hurts,
it'll sma amazing what you can do from that point
of being present. You know, if I was just trying
to hurry through it. I'll be in the garbage can
right now, for real. That's my heart to think about it,
but that's what happens then. What happens right? Yeah, I mean,
(30:18):
I will tell you. Go ahead, I'm sorry, go ahead. No, no,
you go, because I'm gonna say something funny. You Go,
I'll say something. Well, I just I just love it
and I love how you said it. To be present,
even when it hurts like just to to to reach in,
because on the other side of that is such freedom,
such serenity from deep within, right, and you can't get
(30:41):
that any other way other than going through that. That
those final layers, you know, or just the next layers.
I don't know if you ever get done grieving. You
know someone that you you love so deeply. There's always
that oh well, why can't they be here? I don't
want to know what they would say. Right. So that's
always going to be there, but still being able to act,
to experience that without the deep crushing pain, is because
(31:06):
you're very present for the begrieving process and I think
that's what you've gone through. Yes, and not to avoid it,
because that's I didn't touch stuff because I avoided it,
and that's just the truth. I did, I didn't, I
mean it, I didn't want to. You know, it was
my last birthday, right my morbid birthday, that I actually
finally took my mom's ashes to, you know, the Piscopal Church,
(31:28):
which this morning, by the way, when I was walking Silkie,
we were staying in this air baby that's by the
Piscopal church here in Santa Fe. I took a picture
and I sent it to Cabo, who I talked about,
and I said thinking about you this morning and you
and like you always have a place to stay if
you want to come visit, because I absolutely love this woman.
So it's like all those things that just creates so
much more depth. So two funny things. One is the
(31:50):
entire time I'm going through stuff, my mother is behind
my shoulder saying Ditchit, child, and then if there's something
that was hard, she'd call me baby. But it's like
she like when she was demanding, like it's honey, you
don't even that anymore. It's just weighing you down. You
don't need it. You know, it is freedom and she
knew exactly what it was. But here's the funny thing.
(32:11):
So I'm gonna tell you about one more object. So
we're gonna end it on, hopefully a big gass laugh.
We set it up too much. But here's what was funny.
It was in mom's boxes of ship and there's another
very large envelope that those stand out for the record,
very long large envelope, and I don't think it had
been open. I'm staken. I'm like, well, what do what
(32:33):
this is? It was addressed to me for the record,
and I'm like it was. It was an all mom stuff,
and so I opened it up and it is this
letter from the Oklahoma state government or Congress or I
don't know what the hell they call him. Right nineteen
seven I think it was, and it's when I won
(32:55):
the State Championship and all that in golf and all
that kind of stuff, and it was congratulates. So the
whole bunch of Republicans that are graduating me on my
golf thing is probably I never opened it. And by
the way, apparently I was a registered Republican in nine.
I found the cards. Those are in the trash. Those
are being burned as we speak. Um. So, so I'm
(33:17):
looking at this thing and I'm like, I didn't even
know you existed and I looked at it and I
go Huh, and put it in the trash. It was
like didn't need it. I didn't need acknowledgement from strangers.
Oh my God, didn't need it. You know, because when
the reasons I played golf for so long was the
attention was food, and it kind of affect up how
(33:40):
in a situation with my Stepdad, but it was like
it was, it was, it fed me and I look
at I'm like, I don't need this, it doesn't taste
good anymore. Like I don't need it. So I just
I got rid of all golf stuff. I got rid
of everything. I even sent my golf all I got
a hole in one with to my friend Audre. Don't anyway,
I feel like I've graduated thing. I don't know. Maybe
(34:00):
it's first grade, maybe it's grade, I don't know what
it is, but it felt like a major graduation day
when all this stuff really transpired, because all happened in
one day, oh my gosh, a one day. Congratulations to you.
I really burned through it fast. Thank you. That is amazing.
Congratulations to our recent graduate. Thank you, and I hope
(34:24):
that other people like deeply. When all this was happening.
I just said to Susanna go I hope and I
can find a way to talk about this, because there
is no way in the world that other people aren't
dealing with this. In fact, I even got a text
from a friend who was going through pictures and asking
me what to do with them, and I told her
what I just did. Yeah, and she's like, you just
set me free. You know. I just think, thank you
(34:46):
for being generous with your story and all the giggles
and the tears too, because this is a very human story.
We accumulate stuff and you know it's sometimes it's out
of obligation, because someone gives it to us, and you know,
sometimes it's just because it's the last place it stopped,
as in your your home. So there's all kinds of reasons.
But to to say what am I moving towards? What?
(35:08):
What's going to be helpful? What the energy of the
vibration I want around me to create that experience of
whatever's next? That's what you keep your eyes on and
everything else you bless and release right and if you
can find someone you know who wants you're hole in
one golf ball. You know it's not sunny, like just
blessed them with it, right, because it's fun, like people
(35:29):
like to have something to to, you know, share your
this experience with you. Be Generous in that way, because
when you move with with clarity on your path forward,
it's easy to release things at sticky. It's not sticky,
it's just like, oh no, I love that, and it's
in the past. It's not this blanket. Right, I have
(35:50):
the memory, I had the experience, I was there. I
don't have to need I don't need this this element,
whatever it is. Yeah, and that is where we got to.
And Susanne and I both, through this experience, or like,
we have a very different, far and more healthy relationship
with stuff today than we've ever had. Right, and going
through Suzanne's experience of recent years. Is a reset. Yes,
(36:13):
it is serious. It's a serious reset. Yes, it is,
because you find out what's important, right, which is, I think,
is why we're here. Yep, you know, I believe is
why we are like all of these things that happen,
it's it's because life is a journey, it just is,
and you to go. You do the best you can
through each each each each phase, each whistle stop, you
(36:33):
you end up in you know. Yes, I'd like to
think this is our last one, because nobody ever let
me move again if I ever mentioned it. Remind me
of the other nightmare that we have gone through so far.
It's been a blessings, no doubt, no doubt. Thank you
(36:54):
again for sharing your your story. It's thanks for letting
me absolutely thing and thanks for listening, everybody, and remember,
our school is hard without the other side. Thanks, y'all.
Thank you for joining us, everyone, and a special thanks
(37:15):
to our producer, Joey Pat and our Executive Producer, Maya
Cole Howard, who guides us. Well, we guide you. Hit
US up on Instagram at other side guides, or shoot
us a note at high hi at Vibes Dot store.
We want to know what you think, we want to
know what you know and we want to hear your
stories and remember, our school is hard without the other side.
(37:39):
Insider's guide to the other side is a production of
I heart radio. For more podcasts from my heart radio,
visit the I heart radio APP, spotify, apple podcast or
wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to insider's guide to the other side, a production
of my heart radio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there,
I'm Brenda. Welcome to insider's guide to the other side.
Now you all need to know that we are obsessed
with everything on the other side. Yes, we are, because
(00:21):
once you learn to navigate the energetic, or, to some
the invisible world, life is going to be more fun
and much more serene. Heck yes, it can, because, let's
be honest, Brian, Earth School is hard. In fact, you
taught me that. Let's crush earth school together. Well, hello,
(00:43):
my witchie Pooh, you look fabulous. So how are you?
Thank you, thank you. I'm too great, but how are you?
Is the question. You have this pink on. It's fantastic.
I haven't seen more that. I love it. Uh, well,
(01:05):
I am Uppity, homeless right now. I'm not homeless. I
stay uppity because our moving truck, we're in Santa Fe,
got here a few days ago. Thank you. Oh my God,
it's amazing. Our moving truck is nowhere to be found.
I should have you know what I should have done?
I should have put an apple air tag so I
(01:28):
could track it. That's actually would have been a really
good idea. But we're staying in an AIRBNB because our
stuff isn't here to put into the rental and our
house doesn't close, which is going to be a year Rento,
until Thursday. So uppity homeless is, I think, a proper term.
So you have how many dwellings? Three, we're racing. Well,
(01:50):
this is a short term rental. We have a long
term rental and then we'll hopefully yeah, right, it's insane.
It's insane, but it's all good. I mean it's in
Santa Fe. You know, we're not mad, not mad at it.
It's a great place to be. Up Ay homeless and
I am staying in an Um, unhaunted air baby. Okay, unhaunted,
(02:13):
I don't know that's right word, but it is now.
It is now. Yes, it's not haunted, it's it's glorious. Actually,
it's just a glorious place, the old and it's just
like so much character. Anyway, it's fantastic. Um, we're not here.
I think today's talk about my not haunted AIRBNB. Um,
(02:34):
I think today we're going to talk about being a
grief graduate, and I think that graduates me. Yeah, we
want to hear about this. Well, I didn't say what
great I graduated. I just called the regraduate. So everybody
can be their own judge on how far they think
I've come in eleven years. Her school has many, many levels, right.
(02:58):
It is nuanced, layered right. Well, it's kind of a
part two of the purge. You know, the purge lead to,
oh my gosh, like uh lifting and understanding, a clarity
that I didn't have until then. And this has only
(03:22):
been probably a week ago, which is such an amazing opportunity.
And what I love about this is that you actually
are paying attention. Usually when we go under moving through life,
we undertake something big like moving, downsizing, moving multiple states away,
being in process so many times we can't see it
(03:43):
until we get settled, whenever that might be, and you
are dialed in and paying attention real time, and that
in the in and of itself is a graduate, kind
of graduate, kind of warm. So do I get like
the other tassels they have, like when they might? Can
I get a multicolored Little Tassel? I think would be
kind of great. Um, so it was. It's been really interesting,
(04:06):
and thank you for saying that, because I have practiced
really since meeting you, Um, to be more present. No,
for Real, I mean like I didn't really even understand
what that meant until you and boy was I present
throughout this whole process, very present, and even seeking out
more what, I don't know what to say, more ways
(04:28):
to be present, more like I I was. I was
not trying to move through it in a way, to
hurry through it, like I was stationary with it and
like I had tentacles reaching. I think maybe the best
way to describe it. And really that is the most
(04:48):
challenging thing, because you're like, Oh, I can be aware
of it, but that is tender. I cannot go into
it right now. I have too much on my plate.
I have to keep moving forward because I've got a
timeline and many boxes to check before I accomplished what
I need to do. And if you can slow things
down real time, it actually write the Japanese called Kaisene, right,
(05:09):
slowing down to go fast, because slowing down to be present,
to be aware, to be tender with yourself and being
able to take what comes, whether it's a crying Jake, celebration, uh,
you know, reaching out. Oh my God, I have to
share this with people, whatever it is if you can
be present with it, it actually clears the path well
(05:31):
down the road. Sometimes it's ten minutes, sometimes it's ten days,
but down the road you will feel the clearing and
the benefits. Um, you know, the return on that investment
of being multidimensionally present. Uh, shows over that was really
good brand and we're out. Well, it was so beautiful.
(05:53):
I'm like almost in tears based on what you just
said as I laugh, because I have to laugh through
cheers sometimes. But you know, if you don't, I would.
I would love to tell the story because, as we've
stated before, I feel like I have to live through
all this stuff to share these experience, well grow myself,
but to share them with everyone. You know, it's like that.
The journey of the Shaman, right, is you must heal
(06:14):
yourself before you can even attempt to try to help
heal other people. I mean, if Jeez, I think that
that's happening. That's beautiful. So here's it's interesting when you
talk like so the confluence of two things that happened Um,
and it Um was a little bit unexpected, which the
(06:34):
good things are. But one is I was actually doing
some war working in the middle of all of this Um,
and this was different than purging. This was it was purging,
but it was I knew I had all of this
stuff from my mother, from my father. You know my
my father, you know Um, next year will have jumped
(06:56):
from his body for forty years. And there a thing,
as I haven't even looked at that, you know, part
of his some of his belongings, which, again, I was
a kid, so I don't think I knew they were
even there, um. But here's what happened that was so interesting.
I think I've stated before anybody's looked at my Linkedin,
I am on the Board of directors for a company
(07:16):
called story fit, and story fit is this great ai
company that ingests scripts and they have thousands and thousands
of other shows, movies that compares it to with hundreds
of story element elements, emotional tags, all of these things
to truly understand and to compare to other properties that
(07:38):
have already been out into the world. And it's an
evaluation tool before somebody spends the money to green light
and all of that, to see where they fit and
what do they need to either play up, toned down,
whatever it may be. So I'm not sure if I
described it very well, but they've asked me to do
to work with them on a on a few projects effectively,
(07:59):
and there was a project that there was a pretty
fast deadline on and one of the comps the camp
films that we were looking at is it's called life itself.
It is an Amazon studios picture, weirdly, one I'd never seen,
which is odd because I could go through these things
and I've seen about everything and I've never seen this
(08:21):
movie called life itself, and so I needed to watch
it in order to understand, you know, what we were
comparing against. So if you haven't seen this movie, I
will encourage people to do it because it is a beautiful,
beautiful movie about how can I describe this? It's about
(08:43):
this one is specifically about a single event that happens
and how that event echoed into the future for people
that you didn't even know were affected by it. And
it was the end of the movie that really captured
me to where I not only cried, I hard cried,
like hard, like he heave cried, and it was long.
(09:03):
I was, I was, I was so ugly, oh my goodness,
and the only one that saw me was silky, so
Um bute and I wasn't on a plane, right. I mean,
I've normally like to cry on planes. Um. So, but
in it what I realized what I was taught, and
(09:24):
it's so funny. It's like why I love our show
is because I really feel that that when somebody can
say something in a different way, and you've always done
this with me, you say it in a different way
to truly understand it. And that's what this movie did
and what it said to me in a different way,
something I knew, but I needed them to tell me,
you know. And it was talking about this. There's there's
(09:48):
a lot of definite so there was a death and
Um and talking about this woman's child and and talked
about how this child, I'm gonna Start Crying, Oh my God, Um,
is actually her legacy. And now, mind you, I am
sorting through ship like you wouldn't believe. Right, photographs are
(10:08):
this all from your parents, from from my parents? Right,
and and I in anybody who looked at my instagram,
I posted a picture of two jars of homemade raspberry
jam that my mother made that I've been toting around
for over eleven years, and I guarantee you she made
(10:29):
it about thirty years ago. Uh Huh. Right, and it
and I'm seriously like that is some seriously hard grieving
going on. Um, and I knew it was time for
it to go, but it didn't go until the day
after I watched this movie, because when I realized, truly realized,
(10:54):
that I am, I am, my mother, is not this stuff,
I am her legacy, and it allowed me to get
rid of stuff, allowed me to throw away jam. That,
I mean, that's really fucked up. I mean, I can't like.
It is really like if we didn't have this show,
I don't think I would have told a soul. I
(11:15):
mean it's seriously one of those things that I'm like,
Holy Shit, like, what is wrong with you? I mean
in Godless Susan, she's always let me take, you know,
take up about six inches of space and the freezer
to drag it from house to house. Right. But when
I realized, right, that is true, no doubt. Um and
(11:37):
patience is a big part of love, but it was
this realization, and it wasn't even a realization, it was
it was I felt it in every cell in my body.
It's like, wait a second, I'm her legacy. This crap
isn't the it's me, it's it's interesting because when you
(11:58):
said that, it's literally like the your inner self, it
stood up taller in your body, like you had you
took up more space and you had more space within you,
like it just you expanded from deep within. So when
you say you felt it in every cell of your body,
like I saw it move through you and just expand
(12:23):
your experience and your understanding in life. And it's not
about a pride thing. It's about this is real, like
this concept of I am her legacy, like it was
just so real, like it just resonated from deep within.
And it's likely I don't need her jam to remind me.
(12:46):
And you know how much I love jam. Let's be honest.
We talked about it. I mean there's no secret. I'm
a fan of jam. So we've heard. I love it,
loves very form. May Have mentioned that, I know, I
know I have. I really wanted to have mittens of
English muffins and biscuits shoes, I recall. Uh Huh. But
(13:11):
it was and and it's it's funny because, I mean
I can't. It's like I can look in the mirror
and see I'm her. I can hear my voice and
know that I am her. I don't need to drag
all of this ship around. It is me right like,
and you would think I would have known this right
you would think those things, because I think we all
(13:32):
would like to think we know, but we don't. And
it's like you know what it was and not nearly
yourselves new, but somehow this experiences film activated it within
you in a way that you could receive. Because again,
that wisdom lived in yourselves, but the activation of your
(13:53):
conscious mind, receiving this blessing from this movie, activated it all.
And what it made me think of because again, again,
another movie is going to come up. Forgive me, everybody,
but if you ever watch, well, a TV show, the peanuts, right,
can we hold the peanuts until we come back from
damn it, fine, break peanuts on peanuts. Cliffhanger coming. We'll
(14:19):
be right back. I didn't welcome back from our peanuts
hip cliffhanger, as you were saying, my dear as I
was saying, Um, it was. It was interesting because it
(14:40):
made me think of Linus from the peanuts. Linus carried
the blanket around. Thank you. And for those who don't know,
Linus carries the blankets pig pen is the one who
my mother thought I was growing up with pig pen
and I believe she called me pig pen, if I'm
not taking but it was that blanket, you know. In
(15:03):
truth is linus didn't need the blanket and the real
truth is Julie doesn't need her mother's thirty year old
raspberry jam. Right. But then it led to something even
more magical, right, because when I was able to let go,
I was also able to give here we go. This
is the graduation. This is the graduate action. So as
(15:27):
I'm going through my mom's things, which is the first
time in eleven years, like, I didn't touch it. Suzanne
touched it. Oh, yeah, I didn't touch it. Yeah, I mean,
I love this woman. There's no question. Right here's true. So,
(15:48):
I mean, no, look, I'm want to crying again, damn it. Um. Okay,
so I was a pig pin, pig, pig, pig pin. Okay,
that makes me stop crying. Um. So I'm going through
her things and my mom was quite a cook, like
really good in fact. I think I've even said before
that I heard she stopped cooking when she had kids.
(16:09):
I'm like, well, wait a second, that's not fair. But when?
Because she started working. Oh sure, so. So mom was
quite a cook and she had all of these cookbooks
that were, I'm hilarious on how how used they were,
like they were used, and there was probably four or
five of them in there. And my niece Max, who
we've talked about, is quite a little cook themselves. and
(16:33):
Oh yeah, and um I just skipped a generation. It
just gets Oh yeah, because I'm married Suzanne, so smart.
This generation was wise because right that is something that
I just don't think I could do. Um, you have
to measure things and that's not my jam Um, but
my jam is my jam just not measuring. So Um.
(16:56):
So I see all these cookbooks and I'm like, you know,
I think this would be something really nice for Max
to have. And I'll keep in mind when when mom jumped,
Max was probably three years old. So Max never got
to know mom and I know that there is a
hole in that child's heart wanting to know their grandmother.
(17:17):
And so here's the magic that happened. So Suzanne packs
everything up. Plus I sent Max the key to the city,
to my Oklahoma that I got when I was a kid,
because I also realized there's a whole bunch of stuff
I don't need anymore, but Max said it was cool
and I think my brother stole it. But anyway, there's
cookbooks and a key to the city, and so Max
(17:38):
wrote me a text about two days later after they
received these cookbooks, and said I'm going through every page
to see where grandma stopped, to see the food stains
the nose and trying to identify the stains. And then
they said, you know, I feel like I'm getting to
know her by going through her cook books. She's in
(18:01):
the frequency. She's in the frequency and as Max is
texting me, mom starts to talk to me and starts
to tell me, let Max know that I'm watching over them.
My mom used the right pronouns. I'm watching over them
and I want them to know that I'm there through
(18:21):
lights electricity. So you tell your niece to look for me,
and I'm like okay. So I texted to maxim x GROBEG.
I said, so you're telling me that my grandmother is
haunting me now. I said yeah, but good haunt remember
she was a good cook. It's okay, she was. Okay, yeah,
she's a she's a great lady. She just wants you
to know she's there looking after you. So here's what
(18:42):
happened literally yesterday. Max was in a performance over the summer.
Um decided want to do some acting singing, like, you know,
open themselves up to something new, and I said I'd ask.
I said, so, has mom come to see you? And
Max is like, Oh yeah, I'm like, well, tell me
Mexico's she was at my play. Would she would have
(19:11):
gone to the physical if there is no doubt. I mean,
this is the woman that used to hide behind trees,
following me around in every golf hole like this. Are
you kidding? She loved to. But here was what Max said. Mexico's.
I was so freaked out before the performance, like freaked out,
nervous wreck, right, like anybody it would be, you know,
(19:35):
getting on a stage. And then Max said, and then
I see this, the lights flicker and this thing on
the stage. She goes and I knew immediately it was
my grandmother, and then I was chills everywhere. I love that.
Isn't that great? Right? See, this is what graduating grief is,
that you're able to let go and to give to
(19:57):
somebody else who actually needs her and needs that to connect. Right,
you know, it was a really magical moment for that
child who didn't have the luxury of knowing her, because
it was a luxury, you know, what a special child,
because so many younger people would be like, why are
you giving me this old, dirty book? And she's like,
(20:19):
I'm all in. I can't out if it's the oil
or if it's at this like what's you know? Isn't
that fun? I mean what it is? Intensely deep. Yeah,
intensely deep. So precious, adults, right, so precious. And then
another funny thing happened. But do we are you going
to make me break again before graduation? All right, all right,
(20:40):
we'll break. Oh wait, we'll cliffhang it. Well, cliff hang
this one. Wait, well, Cliffhang is my story. Well, Cliffhang
this one with I just I'm laughing, knowing all our
listeners are laughing with you. I'm up in Su come on,
(21:03):
we'll do this one. Well, we'll do a family tree cliffhanger.
There you go. Okay, family tree cliffhanger, by Dope, be
right back. All right, and welcome back from our to
(21:23):
our family tree cliffhanger. Taken Away my Elf. I will
take it away. Well, this is all part of the
you know, it's like all part of the class work,
right for grieving. This is the whole thing is. And
so it was really funny because Susanne and I have
not eaten home for two months with all of our GAYOS. Oh,
(21:45):
it's been insane. Yeah, we will be doing daily harvest,
if y I once we get into our rental house.
Oh No, it's not. No, but they should daily artist.
But I didn't get my by one. Get One. If
you guys do, go bog me and you'll get by one.
Get One anyway, Um, helpful hints from the mover. Um.
(22:08):
So I'm walking through the kitchen. Y'All, Brenda can't keep
her ship together right now. Is like one of my
favorite moments ever on the planet. It's Brenda can't get
her ship together. So Um. So I'm walking through the
House and I see like the boxes everywhere and there
(22:32):
was this odd shaped box and it was on the stove.
So and I'm like, well, we cook it up, lady.
So I said to Suzanne, I'm like, is this my
box or your box to go through, because I think
we said that to each other about a hundred times,
like is this minor yours? Because if it's yours, ain't
touching it. I got enough of my own because she
had to go through a lot of the same stuff, photographs,
(22:55):
and here's a rule everybody, before I tell you what
was in that box on the stove, is if you
see a picture yourself with people that you don't recognize,
toss the photo. I mean, I there was a lot
of those. There's something to be said for scanning. I
just wanted to put that in there. It takes a
lot less space and you can sort it out later.
(23:15):
That for real. It was exhausting. Um. So Suzanne said, Oh,
that's yours. She goes, I think it's a mix of
your mom and dad's stuff. I'm like Ale I went funk, realist.
I was already done. It's like, you know, you think
you're done, but you're not, and it's like that was mine.
I thought it was done, but I'm not so open
up this box and there were some things in there
that I recognized. You know, Margaret was a paper hoarder, Um,
(23:39):
whether it was magazines or recalled the magazines. Oh Yeah,
consumer reports and cat fancy Um, nineteen. And I hope
mom appreciates me telling like spilling all of her tea,
Brenda's nodding up and down. Yes, so I recognize a
(23:59):
lot of it. And they were like correspondence and stuff,
and she kept files on all of her ex husbands.
So I just tossed all that. It's like I don't
need this, is no that, this is not necessary in
the world. I know my mother was insane, but in
there was this envelope and I'm like, well, what is this?
A long envelope, like an odd shape, like we don't
do that anymore type shape of envelope, you know, like
(24:21):
long piece of paper kind of thing. So I opened
it up and it is a marriage license from nineteen
hundred and O two. WHOA right, and I'm like what
the Hell is this? I'm glad you did not burn
that up on the stove. Exactly right. But but here's
(24:41):
the thing. It caught fire in my family in a
good way, because I'm reading this thing and I see
the reader last name. I'm like, Oh, this is Dad's
side of the family. Let me see what this is.
And then, for some weird reason, and it might have
been him making me turn that piece of paper over,
Somebody had handwritten and our family tree on back of
(25:04):
this marriage license. In nineteen O two. And not only
that is so odd. That so odd. I'M gonna blow
your mind. Are you ready for this ship? This is crazy.
Not only are their names, there are birth dates and
birth times. Oh my God, I got chills everywhere. That's nuts.
(25:26):
That's nuts. So you had an astrologer in the family.
I had to have right, I mean had to if
you don't capture times unless you are curious about Oh
my God, and the early nineteen hundreds. That's so cool.
You got to find out whose handwriting that is on
the back. Oh Shit, how would I find that out?
(25:48):
I don't know, but I want to know. But how
cool does that right? So that's amazing. So there's this
thing now in astrology, total side. I've been talking like
a mother go so I just I just heard this
Um because you know, I've studied astrology for about fifteen
years but I would never call myself an astrologer. But
what they can look at someone's chart who's past and,
(26:14):
you know, put it against today's chart and figure out
and as as though that person's energy is still being
activated with today's configurations and aspects and transits and they
can tell about when it's a good time for you
to reach out and figure out, you know, who this
(26:35):
is or when you would republish their book or something
like that. So, like it's it's saying that our energy,
of our birth chart never is it's energy, right. So
energy can't be destroyed. So it still exists and still
gets activated today. So, like, I just texted to you,
by the way, I literally just texted you the back
of picture of the back of the marriage license. Oh
(27:00):
my God, I can't wait to take a look at this.
Isn't that crazy? Yeah, but it's it's it's really so
like I feel like when you opened that like somehow
there was probably an alignment with someone. Whoever wrote that
on the back. That's that got activated and kills on that. Yeah,
just look at this today, like it's it's like this
is now. It has to happen now. Oh my gosh,
(27:20):
it's so exciting. Yeah, so this marriage license is frank
j Reager, who I think is my great grandfather, and
he married somebody something Westendorf and Toledo, Ohio. Um, so
I sent either front and the back. It's it's fascinating too.
I didn't even know what exists in the world. So
here's what happened right, right, people, this is real time.
(27:43):
I'm looking at this right now. Yeah, beautiful penmanship, beautiful right.
You would think that was my mom's side because she
had amazing penmanship. So, knowing that my brother is way
into genealogy, because he really is, he gets excited about
it and, Um, so I called him and he was
in Nashville working and I said, I you're not gonna
(28:05):
believe what I found, and I told him, I said,
I'll send it to if you want me. He Goes,
Oh God, yes, please. So I sent it to him
and he's going to be doing all the research on
what's written on the back. And again, Max also super excited.
Effect it was Max who texted me the photographs, because
my brother didn't and I didn't take any ahead of time,
which is kind of dumb. Are You finding something interesting?
(28:26):
So much, that is so good. Thank you for sharing it.
It's wild, right, so, this is, it is, this, is,
it's that. So, even though stuff is stuff, right, but
there is stuff like this, or my mother's cookbooks or
whatever it is, that can just help you understand a
little bit more either about who you are somebody else
in your family that wants to find that and and
(28:49):
so I gave it all the way and it feels
amazing because I didn't need it anymore and they did.
And and it will continue on now because they of it. Because,
you listen, we don't have kids, my brother does. You know,
in some ways those kids are a little bit a
part of my legacy too, and they need this is theirs.
It doesn't really belong. I don't see that belongs to
(29:11):
me anymore. I think it belongs to them. It's so beautiful.
That's so beautiful and how perfect that you work at this,
you know, work with this organization that put you at
a new level of healing and grieving all in one
(29:31):
during this specific time of release, right. I mean it's
so perfect. It's so perfect. What a gift, what an
amazing gift, and you are present to be able to
activate it within your own life. It's beautiful and that
is and that is the thing we always talk about,
and I think this is such a great example about
being present. You know, this truly is. If you can
(29:54):
muster it and be there with it, even if it hurts,
it'll sma amazing what you can do from that point
of being present. You know, if I was just trying
to hurry through it. I'll be in the garbage can
right now, for real. That's my heart to think about it,
but that's what happens then. What happens right? Yeah, I mean,
(30:18):
I will tell you. Go ahead, I'm sorry, go ahead. No, no,
you go, because I'm gonna say something funny. You Go,
I'll say something. Well, I just I just love it
and I love how you said it. To be present,
even when it hurts like just to to to reach in,
because on the other side of that is such freedom,
such serenity from deep within, right, and you can't get
(30:41):
that any other way other than going through that. That
those final layers, you know, or just the next layers.
I don't know if you ever get done grieving. You
know someone that you you love so deeply. There's always
that oh well, why can't they be here? I don't
want to know what they would say. Right. So that's
always going to be there, but still being able to act,
to experience that without the deep crushing pain, is because
(31:06):
you're very present for the begrieving process and I think
that's what you've gone through. Yes, and not to avoid it,
because that's I didn't touch stuff because I avoided it,
and that's just the truth. I did, I didn't, I
mean it, I didn't want to. You know, it was
my last birthday, right my morbid birthday, that I actually
finally took my mom's ashes to, you know, the Piscopal Church,
(31:28):
which this morning, by the way, when I was walking Silkie,
we were staying in this air baby that's by the
Piscopal church here in Santa Fe. I took a picture
and I sent it to Cabo, who I talked about,
and I said thinking about you this morning and you
and like you always have a place to stay if
you want to come visit, because I absolutely love this woman.
So it's like all those things that just creates so
much more depth. So two funny things. One is the
(31:50):
entire time I'm going through stuff, my mother is behind
my shoulder saying Ditchit, child, and then if there's something
that was hard, she'd call me baby. But it's like
she like when she was demanding, like it's honey, you
don't even that anymore. It's just weighing you down. You
don't need it. You know, it is freedom and she
knew exactly what it was. But here's the funny thing.
(32:11):
So I'm gonna tell you about one more object. So
we're gonna end it on, hopefully a big gass laugh.
We set it up too much. But here's what was funny.
It was in mom's boxes of ship and there's another
very large envelope that those stand out for the record,
very long large envelope, and I don't think it had
been open. I'm staken. I'm like, well, what do what
(32:33):
this is? It was addressed to me for the record,
and I'm like it was. It was an all mom stuff,
and so I opened it up and it is this
letter from the Oklahoma state government or Congress or I
don't know what the hell they call him. Right nineteen
seven I think it was, and it's when I won
(32:55):
the State Championship and all that in golf and all
that kind of stuff, and it was congratulates. So the
whole bunch of Republicans that are graduating me on my
golf thing is probably I never opened it. And by
the way, apparently I was a registered Republican in nine.
I found the cards. Those are in the trash. Those
are being burned as we speak. Um. So, so I'm
(33:17):
looking at this thing and I'm like, I didn't even
know you existed and I looked at it and I
go Huh, and put it in the trash. It was
like didn't need it. I didn't need acknowledgement from strangers.
Oh my God, didn't need it. You know, because when
the reasons I played golf for so long was the
attention was food, and it kind of affect up how
(33:40):
in a situation with my Stepdad, but it was like
it was, it was, it fed me and I look
at I'm like, I don't need this, it doesn't taste
good anymore. Like I don't need it. So I just
I got rid of all golf stuff. I got rid
of everything. I even sent my golf all I got
a hole in one with to my friend Audre. Don't anyway,
I feel like I've graduated thing. I don't know. Maybe
(34:00):
it's first grade, maybe it's grade, I don't know what
it is, but it felt like a major graduation day
when all this stuff really transpired, because all happened in
one day, oh my gosh, a one day. Congratulations to you.
I really burned through it fast. Thank you. That is amazing.
Congratulations to our recent graduate. Thank you, and I hope
(34:24):
that other people like deeply. When all this was happening.
I just said to Susanna go I hope and I
can find a way to talk about this, because there
is no way in the world that other people aren't
dealing with this. In fact, I even got a text
from a friend who was going through pictures and asking
me what to do with them, and I told her
what I just did. Yeah, and she's like, you just
set me free. You know. I just think, thank you
(34:46):
for being generous with your story and all the giggles
and the tears too, because this is a very human story.
We accumulate stuff and you know it's sometimes it's out
of obligation, because someone gives it to us, and you know,
sometimes it's just because it's the last place it stopped,
as in your your home. So there's all kinds of reasons.
But to to say what am I moving towards? What?
(35:08):
What's going to be helpful? What the energy of the
vibration I want around me to create that experience of
whatever's next? That's what you keep your eyes on and
everything else you bless and release right and if you
can find someone you know who wants you're hole in
one golf ball. You know it's not sunny, like just
blessed them with it, right, because it's fun, like people
(35:29):
like to have something to to, you know, share your
this experience with you. Be Generous in that way, because
when you move with with clarity on your path forward,
it's easy to release things at sticky. It's not sticky,
it's just like, oh no, I love that, and it's
in the past. It's not this blanket. Right, I have
(35:50):
the memory, I had the experience, I was there. I
don't have to need I don't need this this element,
whatever it is. Yeah, and that is where we got to.
And Susanne and I both, through this experience, or like,
we have a very different, far and more healthy relationship
with stuff today than we've ever had. Right, and going
through Suzanne's experience of recent years. Is a reset. Yes,
(36:13):
it is serious. It's a serious reset. Yes, it is,
because you find out what's important, right, which is, I think,
is why we're here. Yep, you know, I believe is
why we are like all of these things that happen,
it's it's because life is a journey, it just is,
and you to go. You do the best you can
through each each each each phase, each whistle stop, you
(36:33):
you end up in you know. Yes, I'd like to
think this is our last one, because nobody ever let
me move again if I ever mentioned it. Remind me
of the other nightmare that we have gone through so far.
It's been a blessings, no doubt, no doubt. Thank you
(36:54):
again for sharing your your story. It's thanks for letting
me absolutely thing and thanks for listening, everybody, and remember,
our school is hard without the other side. Thanks, y'all.
Thank you for joining us, everyone, and a special thanks
(37:15):
to our producer, Joey Pat and our Executive Producer, Maya
Cole Howard, who guides us. Well, we guide you. Hit
US up on Instagram at other side guides, or shoot
us a note at high hi at Vibes Dot store.
We want to know what you think, we want to
know what you know and we want to hear your
stories and remember, our school is hard without the other side.
(37:39):
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