July 6, 2022 • 44 mins
Content Warning: This episode discusses gun violence, self harm, and suicide.
If you were a child in today's society and you took a look around, what would you see? Hear? And how would you feel?
Inspired by conversations with younger members of Julie’s family, Brenda and Julie discuss the state of the world as seen and felt through a child’s eyes. They share ways you can comfort them, inspire them, and remind them of the power they have to both shape the planet and keep their vibe high. They also discuss the ways technology has connected us all, both good and bad, and how to self-regulate the effects this has on our psyche.
Generations inspire each other in such beautiful ways when the doors of communication are open and judgment-free.
Earth School is hard, without the Other Side's insight, guidance, and advice for humans of any age.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of My Heart Radio. Hi y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there,
I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the other Side.
Now you all need to know that we are obsessed
with everything on the other side. Yes we are, because
(00:21):
once you learn to navigate the energetic, or to some
the invisible world, life is going to be more fun
and much more serene. Heck, yes it can, because, let's
be honest, Brian, Earth school is hard. In fact, you
taught me that let's crush Earth School together. Well, hello,
(00:44):
my witchy pooh, and I do have a song for you,
which is skip to the Witchy, Skip my witch anyway,
that's more come. I love that, Thank you, thank you.
I should have been skipped to my Lulu, my witchy poo,
(01:06):
given that is your furry baby. Then her head wouldn't
pop up. She said, don't, don't say it out loud exactly.
How are you? I'm doing great? I'm doing better now
after my song? And how are you you know I
am I'm always good, you know, like I'm always I
never fall below a B plus you know, I just yeah,
(01:29):
I kind of never fall below that I mean I have.
I didn't say I never, but it's like, you know,
so I'm generally good. Yeah, yeah, I don't know if
it's I'm naive or what it is, but I just
tend to be fairly generally happy human. And as we've discussed,
you have an amazing life. So right, I do have
(01:53):
a really great life and you yes, I did, Indeed,
I did, indeed. Um, And every once in a while, UM,
you and I are like so incredibly connected on what
we want to talk about with our listeners, and today's
one of those days. This is one of those days,
and um, and it was really just let Alice let
(02:15):
the listeners into a little inside baseball sometimes on how
we do things, which is Brenda will get an email
invite from me with a title of a show, just
random words. There has no context, without ever pre talking
like it's just like we're gonna talk about this today.
And so Brenda just a few minutes ago, was like,
(02:37):
so what exactly did you want to talk about? And
I and I and I explained what is now you
guys see the title as the kids are not all right?
And you know we we both you know, live a
life and we're out in the world, and um, and
we start to see patterns or experience things from those
(02:57):
that we like, love care for. And this happened to
be one that came together, can dealed at the right
time for us to talk about it. Right. We both
had this same experience and the same witnessed the same
behavior and had the same concerns and thoughts. Um, so
we thought you might be having our listeners might be
(03:18):
having the same experience in the world too. So yeah,
and these and even though we say the kids are
not all right, um, and you know, there is the
movie called The Kids Are all Right lesbian movie. But whatever, Um,
I did see that movie. I don't think of it
as lesbian movie. I think it a movie. There was
too long, but I think it is more great movie.
(03:40):
And is that Benning? Yes, they're both amazing, and that
Benning is one of my long time actress crushes. I've
always loved her. I thought she was amazing and um
uh with the president, the US president, the American American president,
I loved her in the hoodie. Okay, anyway, sorry, I
got okay, coming back, my Hollywood elf, come on back
(04:05):
back to your show. Yeah, because this this topic, which
I think is sensitive and relevant and pervasive. So I
think so I think it's one of the of the conversation. UM.
And it's always we got to the you know, the
kids are not all right, knowing that we are all
(04:26):
kids at heart, right, and they're all not all right. Yeah,
But I think the kids come up because they need guidance,
and they can get guidance from adults, and they need support. Yeah,
and we have to be able to talk about things. Right.
So here's I if you don't mind, I'll I'll share
where this came from with me is that UM. I
(04:47):
was spending time with my brother and his family in
in Minneapolis and his youngest UM identifies by Max now
um non binary, right, which I love, you know how
much I love that. I love the generation that's teaching
us quit looking at my body. You a holes than exactly.
(05:09):
I'm the boss of me, back off right. So UM,
And I love this kid. I love all the kids.
I love this kid. I love this kid. I love
this kid. So they said, you know, UM, and they say,
Auntie Julie, which is the whole northern thing. Julie. I wanna, UM,
I want you to watch a show that I started watching,
(05:32):
I'm like, great, what is it? And Max said it
was It's a series on HBO called The Time Traveler's
Wife And for those that watched the movie, same thing.
So it is now just turned into a series and
it actually has one of the women from ship Game
(05:52):
of Thrones um and the hottie guy. And I can
say that I can still like chicks and still think
guys are hot. A hottie guy from the whole Divergent series,
holy crap, he sees but a lot in this show.
Not the point but anyway, either of those, but oh
my god, this guy's great. Anyway. So, um, I watched
the show with Max. I think in the first episode
(06:13):
of this, I can't. I think that can't be true.
I'm gonna quiz you after the show just to make
sure you actually did it's true. I wouldn't. I would
live about that true. So after Max and I, you know,
watched a few episodes, I asked, I said, so, what
did you love this? Where I'm like, what what? I
(06:34):
go this is a love story like that doesn't seem
to be you know, um, a superhero movie or anime
or you know, y a anything like that. And Max,
who is very deep and in touch and can articulate
(06:54):
like how they're feeling. Um. And it goes into another
conversation they had with Max. But it's like, you know,
I just I want to believe that there's something better
out there than the world we live in, Like there's hope,
that there's like Max is reaching for something to hold
(07:14):
onto because the world feels so violent and broken and
mean to them. And I took everything out of me
to not just break down and sob for this child's future.
That's how they see it. And then I also know
(07:35):
that Max isn't the only one. There are kids, and
I'm very fortunate, whether it's friends kids or friends who
are grandparents their grandchildren, because I'm now at that age
which is really fucked up. I mean, not for nothing,
um And And it's this seems to be very consistent,
(07:56):
you know. They kids don't seem light, they don't feel
like I think, the world feels very heavy. And so
we had lots of conversations right about this, and but
that's why I you know, um and I and I
knew when this was happening. Of course, this is how
my life goes now. And I'm like making a mental note,
(08:17):
and he talked to Brenda about this because if this
is happening here, it's got to be happening everywhere. And
we talk all the time about what what can we
what can we discuss on our show that can serve everyone,
and this felt like something that would serve all listeners.
So I'm so curious, Um, what what would she want
(08:39):
to escape too? What's very funny that you say that?
Because I was asking, um, both of my nieces. By
the way, there's not a non binary, non gender term
for nieces and nephews just f y. I. Um, there
is for like the parents, siblings, cousins, but there's not
for that. So I have to call them nieces in
(09:01):
this case because I'm very respectful of them. So that's
why I'm saying it. Um. And I asked them funny enough, I, well,
do you guys want to have kids? That was a
fair question. I mean when I was in high school,
all the girls were like talking about their wedding was
going to be and they were gonna have kids, like
this is what they would dream about. Not me. I
didn't find that category. Wasn't me doesn't mean it's not okay,
(09:23):
just wasn't me? Or it also wasn't Cubby for the record,
because I have to get Cubby into every episode I can.
It's now a game dream check and check that Cubby,
you can have a shot of Kale. That was for you, Brenda.
Their answers were no, no kids, no kids, And I said,
(09:44):
well how come? And they one answered well if I
didn't live in this country was one answer. I thought
that was very interesting, um. And the other one was like,
I just don't think I can bring a it into
this world. I don't think it'll still be here or
it will be sustainable or there it will, you know,
(10:07):
it won't be. Just constant warring is what they feel like.
They feel this constant warring that is going on. I
mean it is it is like, um, you know it's
the age of anger. Yeah. Did they say more about
what living in a different country would get them? Um?
(10:28):
Not here? Just just not here. Not here is how
they feel. And I think for them, you know, these
kids are wise beyond their years, of course, because that's
there that generation and not for nothing. They're a reader.
Um that was a joke. I thought that was funny. Um. Um.
But you know things that upset them are guns, right,
(10:50):
because they're also in school and now there's every school
child rights thinking about going to die today at school.
We did, we we thought that in different terms, like
we can't get this crap beat out of us at school.
You know, whatever, we had tornado gus guns, right, it
was a tornado. It was Mother Nature's gun. Um. Yeah. So,
(11:14):
you know, guns concern them because of all the mass shootings.
And I get that they're not like anti Second Amber,
they're not political kids. It's just it's just reality. It's
like it's the guns part. Abortion is very upsetting to
them because these are born girls and it's upsetting that,
you know, violence on their body. Yeah, it's absolutely you know,
(11:37):
all the social media and all the bullshit and lies
and fake this and fake that, and and also the
fighting and the anger that people have, the bullying that
happens because when you are anonymous or at least not
face to face with somebody, people say anything. People will
say anything, and and I so I think it's it's
(11:58):
clearly not easy to be a kid. I mean, like
there's a lot in war, by the way, like with
happening in Russia, upsets them. That happens, Like I don't
know if we've ever lived in a time where somebody
wasn't attacking another country. Um. Not doesn't make it, doesn't
make it, Okay, it's just and they see the division
among people, the division among friends. They actually know what
friends of theirs kind of match their ideology and and
(12:21):
then they reject everyone else. I cannot tell you as
growing up, and I sound like I sound so old,
and I told them to I'm like, I sound so
old right now when I say this stuff. I had
no idea any of my if my friends even had
political phil affiliations or what their parents were, had no
clutting care. Yeah, but now it's a thing. You know,
everybody's going to their camps, you know there everything is divided,
(12:46):
there's and there's no decency. And they were also with
me on the beach when the guy called me a libtard. Okay,
so they were there with me. In fact, it was
max who I was who I wished away from this
guy just I don't know, you know, calls me a
limp tard and um, and so it's those kinds of things,
like there's no decency. So that would probably be my answer,
(13:09):
okay to question. Um, you know, there's so many gifts
of having the technology that makes the world small, right
that we get to connect and see and be inspired
by things that are happening. And then you can't have
that without having the exposure to the other, right, the
(13:33):
things that divide us, the things that frighten us, the
things um and the bully bully used to be on
the schoolyard. Now it's twenty four hours a day. Yeah,
but then you would get bullied on the schoolyard. But
then you come in and sit next to them, and
then you have are in a reading group together, like
you know, like that we're and and we don't have
that now, right, so anyone can believe you from anywhere,
(13:54):
and it just feels too vulnerable. Um. You know, we
we opened it talking about your grand life, right that
you created. And you know, I do think of you
as one of the most creative people. I know you
are never sure of what we could do it this way,
we could do it this way. Hey what about this?
You know like you have you know, it's one of
(14:17):
your many superpowers. It's a childlike part of me think yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, Um,
but I I don't so I think that's part of
one of the things that set the foundation for your
life is that you understood I can do anything if
I want, Like, if I'm motivated, I'll figure it out,
(14:39):
you know. And if there's some things that are in
my reach, I'm probably not even interested in those things, right,
And yeah, can I share what my mama said? Yeah?
Tell me because what she said to me when I
was fifteen years old and she was teaching me how
to drive. We were around any which is Northeast Oklahoma
Junior College, exactly where we were when she said this,
and she's like, take a ride. And after she said
(15:01):
she said, take it right, she goes, you know, baby,
could you call me baby? You know, baby, you can
do whatever you want. In fact, you could do it
better than a man. Now, mind you, this is a feminist.
And yeah, she goes and she said, don't ever feel
like you have to get married and rely on somebody,
(15:22):
because you don't. And she goes and don't ever think
you actually have to have kids, because you don't. If
you decide you want them, you could always adopt, she was.
In fact, if you really wanted to, you could just
check up and adopt. She's there all your choices, honey,
it's your life. So I was brought up with that
one a gift right, the greatest right, and and and
it's true. And I think this, this affirmation of your
(15:45):
empowerment is part of the essential link. I'm not saying
it's not there because obviously your brother and his wife
are raising amazing young people world right, Yeah, they're amazing.
But this this kind of affirmation that went in Like
some some parents would say that, but it bounce off.
(16:06):
You're like, whatever, mom, you don't you have no idea.
You know, I'm totally los around in the world. You
have no idea, You're just you know, because kids do that, right,
But with this, I just like I want there to be.
I want them to know how accountable, how responsible they
are as human human beings, and what can feel that
(16:30):
is empowered creativity, like so that they know, like, you're
not doing this on your own little like inspiration, right,
the word inspiration is with spirit like you you can be.
That's where creative it comes from, Like it says the Muse.
People talk about it, but it's really this dance with
the divine and that is your birthright. And we have
a pouch for that, pouch by pouch for that well,
(16:54):
that reason. I mean, we have a lot of different
creative combination tools for people for this very very reason,
because of the power of creativity. I mean, to do
a thing on vibes. But we have the muse. We
call it the muse. And this is why we have it, right,
because it's it's such an essential part of who we
are as human beings and it is part of our superpowers.
(17:15):
But without confidence and hope and a grander vision of
ourselves in the world, we can't even entertain it, right,
And so like, how yeah, so this send them them
these pouches that yeah, I mean, it's it's it's help
to tell people what's in the pouches? Do you remember?
Oh yeah, it's high light and uh it's so high
(17:36):
light with um Actually I think it's sunstone and highlight
with may Ru Laham super charged super charge charged rama. Yeah,
I lights a great stone for this, right. Highlight is
amazing for creativity. It's my go to. I have. I
keep it in my pocket all the time. Um, so's
(18:00):
take a quick break because I have I I We're
going to get in a long train with this, so
I think for a second or to hop off. The
train's gonna slow down, We're back on and welcome back.
(18:20):
Did you grab did you grab it? I light while
you were out? I don't have to always have it handed.
Um so my my, my lovelies asked me, um, you know,
Aunt Julie, I have say Aunt Auntie, sounds weird coming
out of my mouth. Um, Aunt Julie, Like, how would
you describe your life? They ask lots of questions, and
I love all the questions. They asked me everything. They
(18:43):
asked me, how old are you when you lost your
virginity the first time you got drunk? And of course
I answer it all. I talked about finding their grandma
Margaret's vibrator and her drawer that looked like it came
from like when the original ones ever made. They could
not have been happier with my stories. So they asked
lots of stuff, and they said, you know, how would
(19:05):
you kind of characterize your life? And I said, I
have had a grand life. I have had a phenomenal life.
Like well, yeah, of course you got to go to
the Grammys or you know, Academy Awards. I was like,
oh no, honey, that's just decorations. My life is grand
because I know I've learned more today, and I know
more than I did yesterday, than I did ten years ago,
(19:26):
forty years ago, fifty years ago. Because I've paid attention
and I've learned and I've ascended. I've become a better
version of myself every single day. That's when my life
is grand. And that is because of a lot of
different reasons. Right one is the is the creativity part
of things. It's like, I mean, I can amuse myself
(19:46):
by creating something for weeks. Yes, you know I have
benefited from that many times you have. I have a
six by six canvas waiting for me because I'm going
to make um a piece of statement. Are about Roe
v Wade. I have two fifty wire hangars that I'm
going to use for this piece and that. But that's
(20:08):
how it's my expressions, her expressed myself. But it's why
I feel my life is grant. You don't have to
think it is nobody else. It doesn't matter whatever they
think my life is, or if they're like, why are
you wasting two one and fifty wire hangars, it's it's
because it's my life. And that's what I was trying
to get to them. I go, it's because it's mine,
(20:30):
and I am the author of my own life. I am.
I don't like something, I get to change it. And
that is something that not exclusively, but uniquely is part
of our American history. Yes, right, yes, I mean it's
part of it. It's part of it's in our culture
we have is this individualism that we value and that
(20:52):
doesn't exist everywhere. No, it doesn't exists obviously in other places,
but not everywhere. And um, so it's it's a real
privilege to have that be part of very Western Yeah.
And it could be something that they don't see or
they that generation doesn't identified. Well, I think what's happened.
And because also what I told them about the grand life,
(21:15):
I said, um, and I go, you know, it's mostly
an inside job. Yeah, And they looked at me and
I said, okay, it means that I am responsible for
what I do, what I think, what I say, and
how I feel. That is all on me. And when
you can actually fully be in charge of your own faculties, um,
(21:38):
and a lot of kids aren't quite yet, Like a
lot of them are pretty baked that but the dinner
hasn't gone off yet. The last is really important. Yeah, Well,
it's it's it's the forming of the of the frontal lobe.
Because so many kids why like children um act like
if somebody takes the toy that the world is coming
(22:00):
to an end. Is because they only have the faculties
for the present. They don't have faculties for anything outside
of that. And that's what I mean by the frontal lobe. Um.
And so I explained about the inside job and and
I even use them and others. By the way, this
isn't just them. I'm talking about them quite a bit.
But this is very consistent to the experiences that I've
(22:23):
had with other people's kids o p K. Other people's kids,
which is what I prefer in this lifetime, is op
case um. And but what I found with other people's
kids as well is their world is so external everything,
But think about it. Technology makes things external for them.
(22:43):
It's in their pockets. Adults are adults are not separate
from this, right, I mean right there with them. And uh.
And they asked me, like, why aren't you on Facebook anymore?
I said, it's waste of my time. I can't do it.
I have other things I need to do and I'm
not to please Facebook that love Facebook. Don't be insulted
by that. But for me, it's not okay. For me,
it's it's for me. It's not like it's totally fine.
(23:04):
I don't try to make choices for other people, and
I also explain that to them. But I told, my god,
your world is so external because and I've seen this
with lots of kids, um based on their their ideals,
and I find them to be very idealistic and like,
if they pass by a store, I'll just use Chick
fil a great example. They are known to be gay haters.
(23:26):
They're clothes on Sunday, makes sense that usually goes hand
in hand, not for nothing, and because it tend tends
to be a very religious, like you know, kind of
thing and not against religion folks specific specific, Yes, it does.
I don't know evangelia, I don't know what the right
word is. I don't know enough. But anyway, but so
they'll drive by a Chick fil A and flip it off.
(23:49):
They're they're expressing themselves and right, and so when we
talk about the world, I'm like, you know, the world
is all energy, and I said, so you're actually contributing
to what you dislike? What is that mer or when
I need it right. Oh, in that age, they don't
like mirrors, I said, but I go, what you put
(24:12):
out into the world creates all of this. So like
if you sit there and you're sitting in your bedroom
and you're mad at the world, the world knows, yeah,
and you're putting more out there. And so it's like,
you know, think about consistence. Consistency is a word I
tried to use a lot, right, like, think about being consistent.
It's like the world you want to see, you need
(24:33):
to put it out there for the world that you
want to see. You can't hate everything that you don't
agree with or that don't agree with you. You can't.
We live in a society something, so you actually can.
But then you only have so much energy. And if
that's what your dominant focuses, that's what you're going to
create more of, exactly right, And so that's that's the choice.
So absolutely you can do that. You do you and
(24:56):
you you your negative energy, your hate or um low
frequency will be affirmed over and over and over and
you'll run out of energy. And that's I talked about.
You won't have enough energy to run your life. All
the same, you want anything left if you can use
it all for being mad um or being hateful or control.
(25:17):
You can't do anything about Chick fil A. Just don't
eat there if you don't want to, just don't go.
And that's powerful, right. Yeah. And by the way, they
use like seventy plus ingredients in one chicken nuggets. So
maybe if you're doing yourself a favor and you'll look
it up, there's a lot of ingredients in those chicken nuggets. Um.
I don't want to know word, you want recognize um,
(25:40):
but like you do things that way, so you know,
you don't perpetuate the would they would define as a
hateful world. It's like, well, then you probably don't want
to be hateful, yeah, you know, because you're not gonna
get anywhere with it. It's just you're taking up space
and not leaving room for, like you said, the creativity
(26:00):
and having conversations with him. Like the reason that Brendan
and I are going back and forth about all of
this is that we're hoping that within the words that
we're saying, they're serious ones and the funny ones, that
it might help um, you know, dialogue with those that
you love, whether they're kids, niece's nephews, adults because this
(26:21):
is not just four kids, but the kids are the
ones that need us the most. So that's why we're
focusing on the kids right now. Um, because we need
each other to like as, we got to find other
adults that can hold us up, that can you know,
point us in the right direction. Hey, this is where
you kind of went off the rails. This is where
I started noticing you know, a little you know, cracks
(26:43):
in the in the framework. Like this is where I
started getting concerned about you. Um, you know, I had
a conversation with with you know, my calibration, Uh, you know,
my my friend like, look, I know I'm on the bubble,
but you gotta tell me when I've crossed line. She's like,
you are on the bubble. We know this, and I
will be the first to tell you, right, So, like,
(27:05):
you know, you've got to have that conversation. Yeah. And
and just energy is one piece of it. The other
part that is happening is self harm has happened quite
(27:29):
a bit, um whether it is I mean, these are
all oldies, but goodies in terms of they're not new. Um.
But you know, anorexia, bulimia, cutting, um, pulling hair, which
actually has a word is called trick atilla mania and
it's very much like um, it's kind of the family
(27:49):
of cutting, and it is the pain makes you feel better.
And there are girls that will do that and they
will actually lose that hair for life. Yeah, it doesn't
grow back and when they put out. But yeah, and
it's because they're controlling it, right, I'm in control of
this pain as opposed to bullying, violence in the world,
(28:11):
the threat of violence in my world. Like, I can
control this pain, So it's okay. It's the only thing
they can control to them. And that's and that's what
obviously anorexia and bloem are as well. It is. Yes,
So this is this is huge issue. This is a
huge and let's not forget the suicidal thoughts because that
is also very prevalent as well. Kids are expressing that
(28:36):
more and they're doing it more. Yeah, I mean it
is insane. And you're also seeing a lot more girls
actually because it used to be a little more on
the boy department years ago. Um, and the girls are
flooding the suicide market right now. And it is it's
(28:58):
not okay for any gender or those that don't identify
with a gender. It's not okay for anybody. I've just
seen a pattern, and especially the ones that you see like, um,
you know, we've seen some like pageant girls, we've seen
some athletes. We've seen these people, and like, all of
these things should be wake up calls for all of us,
even if those of us that are not parents in
this lifetime we have been before. We're also all somebody's children.
(29:23):
Well they're and they're all all those kids are with
other kids, right, So it's it is this contagion energetically
like this, yeah, in the damage that it doesn't you know,
it's it's it's awful. It's it's a very very dangerous situation.
And one of the things, um, that one of one
(29:46):
of the stories that I tell a lot, and of
course it has to do with you, my witchy pooh
oh hey that rhymed. It has to do with you.
What would WITCHI poo do? Um? I tell the story
And this was probably about ten years ago, and you
were asking me some questions and I said, well, I'm
(30:06):
I said, I was afraid of something, Nio, what are
you exactly You're afraid of? Like, well, what if I die?
Like I was really trying to trick you is what
I was trying to be dramatic. Yeah, I was trying
to be dramatic. Well I am welcome and uh and
and your answer was and so Mather a matter of
fact and a very conversational voice, you go, but you'll
(30:29):
be back. So then what exactly are you're afraid of?
I'm like, ah, you're right. So the kids that are concerned,
like what if this happens? What if it's like the
what if game? It's like, honey, it's okay, It's all okay. See,
and this is this is the thing, the concept that
(30:50):
so many people you can't even like literally a client
fired me one time because I said, this is oh
my god, you know there, um, but everything that's wrong
because Earth school is hard, right, there's it's it's a
mess out there. But what if it was perfect? Boring?
(31:15):
But no, I'm saying, what if the mess is intentional?
And I think it is, yes, But what if it
is purposeful so that you can be inspired to a
great solution for you in this in whatever environment's upsetting
you or something that could help the world, Like what
if everything is perfect as is and you can just
(31:38):
choose your engagement, your response, your creation and empowered creativity
in response to it. Because you can, you can learn
to be that person. It takes a lot of maturity.
It takes discipline, it takes patience, It takes understanding the
concept that I don't need the world to be what
(32:00):
is in my mind in order for me to live
a grand and happy life. Right people want the world,
you know, I can't be happy until the dishes are done.
I can't be happy until every war is stopped. I
can't be happy until this. Then you set yourself up.
But if you understand your level of engagement energetically with
(32:21):
your attention, which is one of your most precious gifts ever,
your level of engagement is what dictates your happiness, and
you are completely in control of that. So get off Facebook.
If that which works perfectly for you. If you struggle
with it, then get off. If you're fine it doesn't
affect you, then that's cool. But if that's something that
(32:43):
is so negative. The other thing is that I had
to talk with the girls about was you know we
use guns. That was an example, and I said, if
you are this word scared upset, write a letter to
your senator, to your congress person, to the n R
a whoever you want to write it too, and so
(33:04):
you can get it out of your body and know
that you just move the energy in the direction that
you want it to go. Now, if it doesn't go
your way, you at least know that you contributed to
the best you could in the power that you had
to that. And by the way, the inverse too, Like
I just don't want to be the crazy liberal on
on the podcast, but I mean, obviously i am. But
if you have, if there's a child that really believes
(33:25):
that abortion is terrible and women should not have the choice,
then write a letter about it, Like, write a letter
about it, like you don't have to hold it no
matter what the child's point of view is. It's legitimate,
it's real, and to do something about it, to move
that energy out of their their sphere so they can
continue functioning and growing and learning and loving and playing
(33:47):
as they should. I now have energy to create something else, right,
super important. Right, So these are some of the things,
like you know, right things talking the is magic and
um and I'm going to tell you my brother is
a great dad. My sister in law is a magnificent mom. Magnificent,
(34:09):
I mean she's super mom. Infect she needs truly needs
a cape. And they try to talk. They do all
these like they do like every effort, and the communication
is why I think these kids are actually able to
talk to me about how they're feeling and so on
and so forth. So conversation, dialogue. Even if a kid
(34:31):
doesn't want to talk, write a question down on a
piece of paper and have them answered on the paper,
you know, do do a like a vision board with
what they think it is, Cut stuff out, use pictures,
whatever it may be, because it is right though. My gosh,
they're not and they're really easy to manipulate. Yeah, they are.
(34:53):
Like they are. They can be a blessing and boy, howdy,
I just said, boy howdy, Oh my god, boy howdy
can they be a curse? Boy howdy, Gideon, Oh my goodness.
But it's a very impassioned plead that I'm having on this.
And by the way, you can do it for yourself too.
(35:14):
I was just gonna say, everything we talked about is
really you know, the inspiration was the kids that we've
we've been talking with. But the the truth is we
need all this too. We need an outlet for our sadness,
for our frustration, for our confusion for our overwhelmed and stress,
(35:35):
and we need to honor our creativity and how and
choose activities and conversations and engagement that honors our empowered creativity.
How do the place to get there you have to
be in order for that to happen is to be
in a place of peacefulness and calmness in order to
(35:57):
do those things, like you have to be a good
that's the inside job part, right, very funny thing is
that they were all fighting over the hell white bracelets
that I brought the did you not bring enough for everybody?
They were lining their arms and with the peach moonstone
because they it immediately made them feel better, like it
(36:18):
was it was the greatest thing. I'm like, I'm like, babies,
i will send you whatever you want. You know, I'm
your aunt whatebs and I'm your auntie um and so
whatever it takes to get them to feel better, like
that's healthy, right, Like we again, even even that is
an inside job to figure out what it takes to
(36:40):
feel better. I mean, I was having a conversation as
someone who's having a tough week, and I said, what's
what's on your list? Like for your recharge list? What's
on you? I don't I don't even remember was the answer.
I don't even remember, which is conclude with the jet.
We've all been there. But then make a new damn
list like you have to put on your phone. You
have to have it ready to go. You you no
(37:00):
one creative with it blue and glitter. What I would do?
That is awesome. It's great, by the way, everybody, But anyway,
sorry Brett, But my my point is that, like you
have to if someone can give you a list, but
it's not going to be as impactful. Someone can love
you and take you to a water park and have
(37:22):
that be the most fun thing ever and for you,
that's not gonna work. Like you have to take you
have to have an element of empowerment and accountability to
you in this game of recovery and restabilization and cultivating
hope in your life and those areas those things too. Um,
(37:43):
try to have fun because fun is at a minimum
these days. Yeah, and one thinks it has to be
so big and it's this. No it doesn't. It's too hard,
it's too complicated. Yeah. I took the girls to UM.
We went at throwing UM. They were super because they
were not aware of their aunts, keen hand eye coordination.
(38:08):
Um so yes, I kicked their asses hard, but that's fine.
My brother beat me at pool the day before. I'm
gonna not for nothing. Learning how to be a graceful
loser is really important, you know, it is so critical. Mike,
my brother, he literally kicked my ass. We're playing pool
and I was winning at one point, and he had
(38:31):
this shot and he got three of his like I
think he was stripes three and one shot went in
the in different pockets by the way. It was magnificent.
And then he when he got the eight ball in
and I said, I could not be happier to lose.
I've never been happier actually in my life to lose
because I got to witness this amazing, that's amazing. This
was every time I lose. Every time. If I can
(38:51):
witness something like that, that's greatness for sure, you know.
And it's like being graceful for those types of things
is also really important because kids, again, this is also
gets kids remember the French real quarter, they are so competive,
they want to win, they get mad, they make excuses
why they're not winning. They may do all this kind
of stuff and it's like it's okay that somebody's better
(39:12):
than you. Yeah, I mean I've lived in that world
my whole life, and is actually how you get better.
It is how you get better. It's the only is
one of the most effective ways of how to get better. Yeah,
it's not the only way, but it's really a very
effective And let your in. Let your brother kick your
ass on Pool. I letn't let him let he will
kick your amazing. One of my highlights was that shot
(39:33):
and being so happy for him, and I'm like, everydime
kick my ass man, that was That's an inside job. Again,
this is so important, right, like, what's what is the
game that's being played here? I'm connecting with my brother.
It happens to be through pool, right absolutely. And I
(39:54):
didn't let him win. I mean, and you can't let
that happen. What happening doesn't like, you don't let that happen. Um.
But it was connecting with him. It was laughing and
the joy in a world that we described early on
that other people feel, we were still able to find
joy and what was what people would claim as a
(40:17):
really terrible time on the planet, but we found it
and you can find it everybody can find it. You
might have to make a bit of an effort with it,
you might lose your ass to your brother, whatever it
may be. But you can find it, and you can
help your kids find it. You can help your friends
find it, yourself find it. It's possible and have a
(40:38):
grand life because remember, yeah, I mean really, actually, everything
we talked about today, we understand that our school is hard,
right that was me. Oh, it's true. So it's true.
It is true, and it's become upfront for us. And
(40:59):
it's not the only thing. Yeah, it's not. It's not.
There's so much more in every moment because every moment
is not guaranteed. So every moment you're here is actually
nothing short of a miracle. It's absolutely true. And with
these kids, all of them that I am so fortunate
to spend time with, whether they're forced to be related
(41:21):
to me or not. Um is um is to remember that.
You know, there's always a storm of ruin, always a storm, um.
But you can stay calm in a storm. It's very possible.
You can get shelter from it. You can go to
the eye of the storm and let it happen around you,
(41:41):
because you can't run from the storm. Yeah, but you can,
you can actually find happiness. So I hope this was
helpful for people. Um. It was very important, um for
for brand and I, um, because it's uh, it's coming
up a lot. If it's coming up our lives is
bound to be coming up in yours. And remember, when
(42:02):
someone is not okay in front of you, let that
be okay. It's the most powerful thing you can do,
not to fix them, not to judge them, because if
that's your mirror right in front of you, people right
to just be with them. That's exactly right. Is there
anything I can do? Is there anything you need? Is
there anyone we should call? Right? These are questions. They're
(42:25):
in charge, right, you're not and and you know, but
other than that, just let it be okay when someone's
not okay. That is amazing advice. And that is absolutely true.
And that's part of the inside job. Yeah, because it
makes people uncomfortable and we want to fix and we
don't have to. Yeah, well okay, we can't either, So
(42:47):
that's the that's a matter of fact of it. Yeah,
that is it. All right. We went over whoa I'm
hearts to be mad and Joey we leave this in
your capable hands. Sorry, he's not gonna be okay with this.
Don't cut any Get to live with it, baby, Just
live with it. Thanks everybody, Thanks for listening and thanks
(43:08):
for being with us. And remember her school is hard
without the other side. Oh, I wanted to do that
last part with me. That's again and remember first hard
without side. We can never do a duet, but we tried. Everybody,
(43:33):
be good, love hard, have a good time and remember,
as always an inside job. Hi by everybody. Thank you
for joining us. Everyone, and a special thanks to our
producer Joey pat and our executive producer Maya Cole Howard,
(43:55):
who guides us well. We guide you. Hit us up
on Instagram at the other Side Hides, or shoot us
a note at high Hi at vibes dot store. We
want to know what you think, We want to know
what you know, and we want to hear your stories.
And remember our school is hard without the other side.
Insider's Guide to the Other Side is a production of
(44:17):
I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio,
visit the i heart Radio apps, Spotify, Apple podcast, or
wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of My Heart Radio. Hi y'all, I'm Julie. Hi there,
I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the other Side.
Now you all need to know that we are obsessed
with everything on the other side. Yes we are, because
(00:21):
once you learn to navigate the energetic, or to some
the invisible world, life is going to be more fun
and much more serene. Heck, yes it can, because, let's
be honest, Brian, Earth school is hard. In fact, you
taught me that let's crush Earth School together. Well, hello,
(00:44):
my witchy pooh, and I do have a song for you,
which is skip to the Witchy, Skip my witch anyway,
that's more come. I love that, Thank you, thank you.
I should have been skipped to my Lulu, my witchy poo,
(01:06):
given that is your furry baby. Then her head wouldn't
pop up. She said, don't, don't say it out loud exactly.
How are you? I'm doing great? I'm doing better now
after my song? And how are you you know I
am I'm always good, you know, like I'm always I
never fall below a B plus you know, I just yeah,
(01:29):
I kind of never fall below that I mean I have.
I didn't say I never, but it's like, you know,
so I'm generally good. Yeah, yeah, I don't know if
it's I'm naive or what it is, but I just
tend to be fairly generally happy human. And as we've discussed,
you have an amazing life. So right, I do have
(01:53):
a really great life and you yes, I did, Indeed,
I did, indeed. Um, And every once in a while, UM,
you and I are like so incredibly connected on what
we want to talk about with our listeners, and today's
one of those days. This is one of those days,
and um, and it was really just let Alice let
(02:15):
the listeners into a little inside baseball sometimes on how
we do things, which is Brenda will get an email
invite from me with a title of a show, just
random words. There has no context, without ever pre talking
like it's just like we're gonna talk about this today.
And so Brenda just a few minutes ago, was like,
(02:37):
so what exactly did you want to talk about? And
I and I and I explained what is now you
guys see the title as the kids are not all right?
And you know we we both you know, live a
life and we're out in the world, and um, and
we start to see patterns or experience things from those
(02:57):
that we like, love care for. And this happened to
be one that came together, can dealed at the right
time for us to talk about it. Right. We both
had this same experience and the same witnessed the same
behavior and had the same concerns and thoughts. Um, so
we thought you might be having our listeners might be
(03:18):
having the same experience in the world too. So yeah,
and these and even though we say the kids are
not all right, um, and you know, there is the
movie called The Kids Are all Right lesbian movie. But whatever, Um,
I did see that movie. I don't think of it
as lesbian movie. I think it a movie. There was
too long, but I think it is more great movie.
(03:40):
And is that Benning? Yes, they're both amazing, and that
Benning is one of my long time actress crushes. I've
always loved her. I thought she was amazing and um
uh with the president, the US president, the American American president,
I loved her in the hoodie. Okay, anyway, sorry, I
got okay, coming back, my Hollywood elf, come on back
(04:05):
back to your show. Yeah, because this this topic, which
I think is sensitive and relevant and pervasive. So I
think so I think it's one of the of the conversation. UM.
And it's always we got to the you know, the
kids are not all right, knowing that we are all
(04:26):
kids at heart, right, and they're all not all right. Yeah,
But I think the kids come up because they need guidance,
and they can get guidance from adults, and they need support. Yeah,
and we have to be able to talk about things. Right.
So here's I if you don't mind, I'll I'll share
where this came from with me is that UM. I
(04:47):
was spending time with my brother and his family in
in Minneapolis and his youngest UM identifies by Max now
um non binary, right, which I love, you know how
much I love that. I love the generation that's teaching
us quit looking at my body. You a holes than exactly.
(05:09):
I'm the boss of me, back off right. So UM,
And I love this kid. I love all the kids.
I love this kid. I love this kid. I love
this kid. So they said, you know, UM, and they say,
Auntie Julie, which is the whole northern thing. Julie. I wanna, UM,
I want you to watch a show that I started watching,
(05:32):
I'm like, great, what is it? And Max said it
was It's a series on HBO called The Time Traveler's
Wife And for those that watched the movie, same thing.
So it is now just turned into a series and
it actually has one of the women from ship Game
(05:52):
of Thrones um and the hottie guy. And I can
say that I can still like chicks and still think
guys are hot. A hottie guy from the whole Divergent series,
holy crap, he sees but a lot in this show.
Not the point but anyway, either of those, but oh
my god, this guy's great. Anyway. So, um, I watched
the show with Max. I think in the first episode
(06:13):
of this, I can't. I think that can't be true.
I'm gonna quiz you after the show just to make
sure you actually did it's true. I wouldn't. I would
live about that true. So after Max and I, you know,
watched a few episodes, I asked, I said, so, what
did you love this? Where I'm like, what what? I
(06:34):
go this is a love story like that doesn't seem
to be you know, um, a superhero movie or anime
or you know, y a anything like that. And Max,
who is very deep and in touch and can articulate
(06:54):
like how they're feeling. Um. And it goes into another
conversation they had with Max. But it's like, you know,
I just I want to believe that there's something better
out there than the world we live in, Like there's hope,
that there's like Max is reaching for something to hold
(07:14):
onto because the world feels so violent and broken and
mean to them. And I took everything out of me
to not just break down and sob for this child's future.
That's how they see it. And then I also know
(07:35):
that Max isn't the only one. There are kids, and
I'm very fortunate, whether it's friends kids or friends who
are grandparents their grandchildren, because I'm now at that age
which is really fucked up. I mean, not for nothing,
um And And it's this seems to be very consistent,
(07:56):
you know. They kids don't seem light, they don't feel
like I think, the world feels very heavy. And so
we had lots of conversations right about this, and but
that's why I you know, um and I and I
knew when this was happening. Of course, this is how
my life goes now. And I'm like making a mental note,
(08:17):
and he talked to Brenda about this because if this
is happening here, it's got to be happening everywhere. And
we talk all the time about what what can we
what can we discuss on our show that can serve everyone,
and this felt like something that would serve all listeners.
So I'm so curious, Um, what what would she want
(08:39):
to escape too? What's very funny that you say that?
Because I was asking, um, both of my nieces. By
the way, there's not a non binary, non gender term
for nieces and nephews just f y. I. Um, there
is for like the parents, siblings, cousins, but there's not
for that. So I have to call them nieces in
(09:01):
this case because I'm very respectful of them. So that's
why I'm saying it. Um. And I asked them funny enough, I, well,
do you guys want to have kids? That was a
fair question. I mean when I was in high school,
all the girls were like talking about their wedding was
going to be and they were gonna have kids, like
this is what they would dream about. Not me. I
didn't find that category. Wasn't me doesn't mean it's not okay,
(09:23):
just wasn't me? Or it also wasn't Cubby for the record,
because I have to get Cubby into every episode I can.
It's now a game dream check and check that Cubby,
you can have a shot of Kale. That was for you, Brenda.
Their answers were no, no kids, no kids, And I said,
(09:44):
well how come? And they one answered well if I
didn't live in this country was one answer. I thought
that was very interesting, um. And the other one was like,
I just don't think I can bring a it into
this world. I don't think it'll still be here or
it will be sustainable or there it will, you know,
(10:07):
it won't be. Just constant warring is what they feel like.
They feel this constant warring that is going on. I
mean it is it is like, um, you know it's
the age of anger. Yeah. Did they say more about
what living in a different country would get them? Um?
(10:28):
Not here? Just just not here. Not here is how
they feel. And I think for them, you know, these
kids are wise beyond their years, of course, because that's
there that generation and not for nothing. They're a reader.
Um that was a joke. I thought that was funny. Um. Um.
But you know things that upset them are guns, right,
(10:50):
because they're also in school and now there's every school
child rights thinking about going to die today at school.
We did, we we thought that in different terms, like
we can't get this crap beat out of us at school.
You know, whatever, we had tornado gus guns, right, it
was a tornado. It was Mother Nature's gun. Um. Yeah. So,
(11:14):
you know, guns concern them because of all the mass shootings.
And I get that they're not like anti Second Amber,
they're not political kids. It's just it's just reality. It's
like it's the guns part. Abortion is very upsetting to
them because these are born girls and it's upsetting that,
you know, violence on their body. Yeah, it's absolutely you know,
(11:37):
all the social media and all the bullshit and lies
and fake this and fake that, and and also the
fighting and the anger that people have, the bullying that
happens because when you are anonymous or at least not
face to face with somebody, people say anything. People will
say anything, and and I so I think it's it's
(11:58):
clearly not easy to be a kid. I mean, like
there's a lot in war, by the way, like with
happening in Russia, upsets them. That happens, Like I don't
know if we've ever lived in a time where somebody
wasn't attacking another country. Um. Not doesn't make it, doesn't
make it, Okay, it's just and they see the division
among people, the division among friends. They actually know what
friends of theirs kind of match their ideology and and
(12:21):
then they reject everyone else. I cannot tell you as
growing up, and I sound like I sound so old,
and I told them to I'm like, I sound so
old right now when I say this stuff. I had
no idea any of my if my friends even had
political phil affiliations or what their parents were, had no
clutting care. Yeah, but now it's a thing. You know,
everybody's going to their camps, you know there everything is divided,
(12:46):
there's and there's no decency. And they were also with
me on the beach when the guy called me a libtard. Okay,
so they were there with me. In fact, it was
max who I was who I wished away from this
guy just I don't know, you know, calls me a
limp tard and um, and so it's those kinds of things,
like there's no decency. So that would probably be my answer,
(13:09):
okay to question. Um, you know, there's so many gifts
of having the technology that makes the world small, right
that we get to connect and see and be inspired
by things that are happening. And then you can't have
that without having the exposure to the other, right, the
(13:33):
things that divide us, the things that frighten us, the
things um and the bully bully used to be on
the schoolyard. Now it's twenty four hours a day. Yeah,
but then you would get bullied on the schoolyard. But
then you come in and sit next to them, and
then you have are in a reading group together, like
you know, like that we're and and we don't have
that now, right, so anyone can believe you from anywhere,
(13:54):
and it just feels too vulnerable. Um. You know, we
we opened it talking about your grand life, right that
you created. And you know, I do think of you
as one of the most creative people. I know you
are never sure of what we could do it this way,
we could do it this way. Hey what about this?
You know like you have you know, it's one of
(14:17):
your many superpowers. It's a childlike part of me think yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, Um,
but I I don't so I think that's part of
one of the things that set the foundation for your
life is that you understood I can do anything if
I want, Like, if I'm motivated, I'll figure it out,
(14:39):
you know. And if there's some things that are in
my reach, I'm probably not even interested in those things, right,
And yeah, can I share what my mama said? Yeah?
Tell me because what she said to me when I
was fifteen years old and she was teaching me how
to drive. We were around any which is Northeast Oklahoma
Junior College, exactly where we were when she said this,
and she's like, take a ride. And after she said
(15:01):
she said, take it right, she goes, you know, baby,
could you call me baby? You know, baby, you can
do whatever you want. In fact, you could do it
better than a man. Now, mind you, this is a feminist.
And yeah, she goes and she said, don't ever feel
like you have to get married and rely on somebody,
(15:22):
because you don't. And she goes and don't ever think
you actually have to have kids, because you don't. If
you decide you want them, you could always adopt, she was.
In fact, if you really wanted to, you could just
check up and adopt. She's there all your choices, honey,
it's your life. So I was brought up with that
one a gift right, the greatest right, and and and
it's true. And I think this, this affirmation of your
(15:45):
empowerment is part of the essential link. I'm not saying
it's not there because obviously your brother and his wife
are raising amazing young people world right, Yeah, they're amazing.
But this this kind of affirmation that went in Like
some some parents would say that, but it bounce off.
(16:06):
You're like, whatever, mom, you don't you have no idea.
You know, I'm totally los around in the world. You
have no idea, You're just you know, because kids do that, right,
But with this, I just like I want there to be.
I want them to know how accountable, how responsible they
are as human human beings, and what can feel that
(16:30):
is empowered creativity, like so that they know, like, you're
not doing this on your own little like inspiration, right,
the word inspiration is with spirit like you you can be.
That's where creative it comes from, Like it says the Muse.
People talk about it, but it's really this dance with
the divine and that is your birthright. And we have
a pouch for that, pouch by pouch for that well,
(16:54):
that reason. I mean, we have a lot of different
creative combination tools for people for this very very reason,
because of the power of creativity. I mean, to do
a thing on vibes. But we have the muse. We
call it the muse. And this is why we have it, right,
because it's it's such an essential part of who we
are as human beings and it is part of our superpowers.
(17:15):
But without confidence and hope and a grander vision of
ourselves in the world, we can't even entertain it, right,
And so like, how yeah, so this send them them
these pouches that yeah, I mean, it's it's it's help
to tell people what's in the pouches? Do you remember?
Oh yeah, it's high light and uh it's so high
(17:36):
light with um Actually I think it's sunstone and highlight
with may Ru Laham super charged super charge charged rama. Yeah,
I lights a great stone for this, right. Highlight is
amazing for creativity. It's my go to. I have. I
keep it in my pocket all the time. Um, so's
(18:00):
take a quick break because I have I I We're
going to get in a long train with this, so
I think for a second or to hop off. The
train's gonna slow down, We're back on and welcome back.
(18:20):
Did you grab did you grab it? I light while
you were out? I don't have to always have it handed.
Um so my my, my lovelies asked me, um, you know,
Aunt Julie, I have say Aunt Auntie, sounds weird coming
out of my mouth. Um, Aunt Julie, Like, how would
you describe your life? They ask lots of questions, and
I love all the questions. They asked me everything. They
(18:43):
asked me, how old are you when you lost your
virginity the first time you got drunk? And of course
I answer it all. I talked about finding their grandma
Margaret's vibrator and her drawer that looked like it came
from like when the original ones ever made. They could
not have been happier with my stories. So they asked
lots of stuff, and they said, you know, how would
(19:05):
you kind of characterize your life? And I said, I
have had a grand life. I have had a phenomenal life.
Like well, yeah, of course you got to go to
the Grammys or you know, Academy Awards. I was like,
oh no, honey, that's just decorations. My life is grand
because I know I've learned more today, and I know
more than I did yesterday, than I did ten years ago,
(19:26):
forty years ago, fifty years ago. Because I've paid attention
and I've learned and I've ascended. I've become a better
version of myself every single day. That's when my life
is grand. And that is because of a lot of
different reasons. Right one is the is the creativity part
of things. It's like, I mean, I can amuse myself
(19:46):
by creating something for weeks. Yes, you know I have
benefited from that many times you have. I have a
six by six canvas waiting for me because I'm going
to make um a piece of statement. Are about Roe
v Wade. I have two fifty wire hangars that I'm
going to use for this piece and that. But that's
(20:08):
how it's my expressions, her expressed myself. But it's why
I feel my life is grant. You don't have to
think it is nobody else. It doesn't matter whatever they
think my life is, or if they're like, why are
you wasting two one and fifty wire hangars, it's it's
because it's my life. And that's what I was trying
to get to them. I go, it's because it's mine,
(20:30):
and I am the author of my own life. I am.
I don't like something, I get to change it. And
that is something that not exclusively, but uniquely is part
of our American history. Yes, right, yes, I mean it's
part of it. It's part of it's in our culture
we have is this individualism that we value and that
(20:52):
doesn't exist everywhere. No, it doesn't exists obviously in other places,
but not everywhere. And um, so it's it's a real
privilege to have that be part of very Western Yeah.
And it could be something that they don't see or
they that generation doesn't identified. Well, I think what's happened.
And because also what I told them about the grand life,
(21:15):
I said, um, and I go, you know, it's mostly
an inside job. Yeah, And they looked at me and
I said, okay, it means that I am responsible for
what I do, what I think, what I say, and
how I feel. That is all on me. And when
you can actually fully be in charge of your own faculties, um,
(21:38):
and a lot of kids aren't quite yet, Like a
lot of them are pretty baked that but the dinner
hasn't gone off yet. The last is really important. Yeah, Well,
it's it's it's the forming of the of the frontal lobe.
Because so many kids why like children um act like
if somebody takes the toy that the world is coming
(22:00):
to an end. Is because they only have the faculties
for the present. They don't have faculties for anything outside
of that. And that's what I mean by the frontal lobe. Um.
And so I explained about the inside job and and
I even use them and others. By the way, this
isn't just them. I'm talking about them quite a bit.
But this is very consistent to the experiences that I've
(22:23):
had with other people's kids o p K. Other people's kids,
which is what I prefer in this lifetime, is op
case um. And but what I found with other people's
kids as well is their world is so external everything,
But think about it. Technology makes things external for them.
(22:43):
It's in their pockets. Adults are adults are not separate
from this, right, I mean right there with them. And uh.
And they asked me, like, why aren't you on Facebook anymore?
I said, it's waste of my time. I can't do it.
I have other things I need to do and I'm
not to please Facebook that love Facebook. Don't be insulted
by that. But for me, it's not okay. For me,
it's it's for me. It's not like it's totally fine.
(23:04):
I don't try to make choices for other people, and
I also explain that to them. But I told, my god,
your world is so external because and I've seen this
with lots of kids, um based on their their ideals,
and I find them to be very idealistic and like,
if they pass by a store, I'll just use Chick
fil a great example. They are known to be gay haters.
(23:26):
They're clothes on Sunday, makes sense that usually goes hand
in hand, not for nothing, and because it tend tends
to be a very religious, like you know, kind of
thing and not against religion folks specific specific, Yes, it does.
I don't know evangelia, I don't know what the right
word is. I don't know enough. But anyway, but so
they'll drive by a Chick fil A and flip it off.
(23:49):
They're they're expressing themselves and right, and so when we
talk about the world, I'm like, you know, the world
is all energy, and I said, so you're actually contributing
to what you dislike? What is that mer or when
I need it right. Oh, in that age, they don't
like mirrors, I said, but I go, what you put
(24:12):
out into the world creates all of this. So like
if you sit there and you're sitting in your bedroom
and you're mad at the world, the world knows, yeah,
and you're putting more out there. And so it's like,
you know, think about consistence. Consistency is a word I
tried to use a lot, right, like, think about being consistent.
It's like the world you want to see, you need
(24:33):
to put it out there for the world that you
want to see. You can't hate everything that you don't
agree with or that don't agree with you. You can't.
We live in a society something, so you actually can.
But then you only have so much energy. And if
that's what your dominant focuses, that's what you're going to
create more of, exactly right, And so that's that's the choice.
So absolutely you can do that. You do you and
(24:56):
you you your negative energy, your hate or um low
frequency will be affirmed over and over and over and
you'll run out of energy. And that's I talked about.
You won't have enough energy to run your life. All
the same, you want anything left if you can use
it all for being mad um or being hateful or control.
(25:17):
You can't do anything about Chick fil A. Just don't
eat there if you don't want to, just don't go.
And that's powerful, right. Yeah. And by the way, they
use like seventy plus ingredients in one chicken nuggets. So
maybe if you're doing yourself a favor and you'll look
it up, there's a lot of ingredients in those chicken nuggets. Um.
I don't want to know word, you want recognize um,
(25:40):
but like you do things that way, so you know,
you don't perpetuate the would they would define as a
hateful world. It's like, well, then you probably don't want
to be hateful, yeah, you know, because you're not gonna
get anywhere with it. It's just you're taking up space
and not leaving room for, like you said, the creativity
(26:00):
and having conversations with him. Like the reason that Brendan
and I are going back and forth about all of
this is that we're hoping that within the words that
we're saying, they're serious ones and the funny ones, that
it might help um, you know, dialogue with those that
you love, whether they're kids, niece's nephews, adults because this
(26:21):
is not just four kids, but the kids are the
ones that need us the most. So that's why we're
focusing on the kids right now. Um, because we need
each other to like as, we got to find other
adults that can hold us up, that can you know,
point us in the right direction. Hey, this is where
you kind of went off the rails. This is where
I started noticing you know, a little you know, cracks
(26:43):
in the in the framework. Like this is where I
started getting concerned about you. Um, you know, I had
a conversation with with you know, my calibration, Uh, you know,
my my friend like, look, I know I'm on the bubble,
but you gotta tell me when I've crossed line. She's like,
you are on the bubble. We know this, and I
will be the first to tell you, right, So, like,
(27:05):
you know, you've got to have that conversation. Yeah. And
and just energy is one piece of it. The other
part that is happening is self harm has happened quite
(27:29):
a bit, um whether it is I mean, these are
all oldies, but goodies in terms of they're not new. Um.
But you know, anorexia, bulimia, cutting, um, pulling hair, which
actually has a word is called trick atilla mania and
it's very much like um, it's kind of the family
(27:49):
of cutting, and it is the pain makes you feel better.
And there are girls that will do that and they
will actually lose that hair for life. Yeah, it doesn't
grow back and when they put out. But yeah, and
it's because they're controlling it, right, I'm in control of
this pain as opposed to bullying, violence in the world,
(28:11):
the threat of violence in my world. Like, I can
control this pain, So it's okay. It's the only thing
they can control to them. And that's and that's what
obviously anorexia and bloem are as well. It is. Yes,
So this is this is huge issue. This is a
huge and let's not forget the suicidal thoughts because that
is also very prevalent as well. Kids are expressing that
(28:36):
more and they're doing it more. Yeah, I mean it
is insane. And you're also seeing a lot more girls
actually because it used to be a little more on
the boy department years ago. Um, and the girls are
flooding the suicide market right now. And it is it's
(28:58):
not okay for any gender or those that don't identify
with a gender. It's not okay for anybody. I've just
seen a pattern, and especially the ones that you see like, um,
you know, we've seen some like pageant girls, we've seen
some athletes. We've seen these people, and like, all of
these things should be wake up calls for all of us,
even if those of us that are not parents in
this lifetime we have been before. We're also all somebody's children.
(29:23):
Well they're and they're all all those kids are with
other kids, right, So it's it is this contagion energetically
like this, yeah, in the damage that it doesn't you know,
it's it's it's awful. It's it's a very very dangerous situation.
And one of the things, um, that one of one
(29:46):
of the stories that I tell a lot, and of
course it has to do with you, my witchy pooh
oh hey that rhymed. It has to do with you.
What would WITCHI poo do? Um? I tell the story
And this was probably about ten years ago, and you
were asking me some questions and I said, well, I'm
(30:06):
I said, I was afraid of something, Nio, what are
you exactly You're afraid of? Like, well, what if I die?
Like I was really trying to trick you is what
I was trying to be dramatic. Yeah, I was trying
to be dramatic. Well I am welcome and uh and
and your answer was and so Mather a matter of
fact and a very conversational voice, you go, but you'll
(30:29):
be back. So then what exactly are you're afraid of?
I'm like, ah, you're right. So the kids that are concerned,
like what if this happens? What if it's like the
what if game? It's like, honey, it's okay, It's all okay. See,
and this is this is the thing, the concept that
(30:50):
so many people you can't even like literally a client
fired me one time because I said, this is oh
my god, you know there, um, but everything that's wrong
because Earth school is hard, right, there's it's it's a
mess out there. But what if it was perfect? Boring?
(31:15):
But no, I'm saying, what if the mess is intentional?
And I think it is, yes, But what if it
is purposeful so that you can be inspired to a
great solution for you in this in whatever environment's upsetting
you or something that could help the world, Like what
if everything is perfect as is and you can just
(31:38):
choose your engagement, your response, your creation and empowered creativity
in response to it. Because you can, you can learn
to be that person. It takes a lot of maturity.
It takes discipline, it takes patience, It takes understanding the
concept that I don't need the world to be what
(32:00):
is in my mind in order for me to live
a grand and happy life. Right people want the world,
you know, I can't be happy until the dishes are done.
I can't be happy until every war is stopped. I
can't be happy until this. Then you set yourself up.
But if you understand your level of engagement energetically with
(32:21):
your attention, which is one of your most precious gifts ever,
your level of engagement is what dictates your happiness, and
you are completely in control of that. So get off Facebook.
If that which works perfectly for you. If you struggle
with it, then get off. If you're fine it doesn't
affect you, then that's cool. But if that's something that
(32:43):
is so negative. The other thing is that I had
to talk with the girls about was you know we
use guns. That was an example, and I said, if
you are this word scared upset, write a letter to
your senator, to your congress person, to the n R
a whoever you want to write it too, and so
(33:04):
you can get it out of your body and know
that you just move the energy in the direction that
you want it to go. Now, if it doesn't go
your way, you at least know that you contributed to
the best you could in the power that you had
to that. And by the way, the inverse too, Like
I just don't want to be the crazy liberal on
on the podcast, but I mean, obviously i am. But
if you have, if there's a child that really believes
(33:25):
that abortion is terrible and women should not have the choice,
then write a letter about it, Like, write a letter
about it, like you don't have to hold it no
matter what the child's point of view is. It's legitimate,
it's real, and to do something about it, to move
that energy out of their their sphere so they can
continue functioning and growing and learning and loving and playing
(33:47):
as they should. I now have energy to create something else, right,
super important. Right, So these are some of the things,
like you know, right things talking the is magic and
um and I'm going to tell you my brother is
a great dad. My sister in law is a magnificent mom. Magnificent,
(34:09):
I mean she's super mom. Infect she needs truly needs
a cape. And they try to talk. They do all
these like they do like every effort, and the communication
is why I think these kids are actually able to
talk to me about how they're feeling and so on
and so forth. So conversation, dialogue. Even if a kid
(34:31):
doesn't want to talk, write a question down on a
piece of paper and have them answered on the paper,
you know, do do a like a vision board with
what they think it is, Cut stuff out, use pictures,
whatever it may be, because it is right though. My gosh,
they're not and they're really easy to manipulate. Yeah, they are.
(34:53):
Like they are. They can be a blessing and boy, howdy,
I just said, boy howdy, Oh my god, boy howdy
can they be a curse? Boy howdy, Gideon, Oh my goodness.
But it's a very impassioned plead that I'm having on this.
And by the way, you can do it for yourself too.
(35:14):
I was just gonna say, everything we talked about is
really you know, the inspiration was the kids that we've
we've been talking with. But the the truth is we
need all this too. We need an outlet for our sadness,
for our frustration, for our confusion for our overwhelmed and stress,
(35:35):
and we need to honor our creativity and how and
choose activities and conversations and engagement that honors our empowered creativity.
How do the place to get there you have to
be in order for that to happen is to be
in a place of peacefulness and calmness in order to
(35:57):
do those things, like you have to be a good
that's the inside job part, right, very funny thing is
that they were all fighting over the hell white bracelets
that I brought the did you not bring enough for everybody?
They were lining their arms and with the peach moonstone
because they it immediately made them feel better, like it
(36:18):
was it was the greatest thing. I'm like, I'm like, babies,
i will send you whatever you want. You know, I'm
your aunt whatebs and I'm your auntie um and so
whatever it takes to get them to feel better, like
that's healthy, right, Like we again, even even that is
an inside job to figure out what it takes to
(36:40):
feel better. I mean, I was having a conversation as
someone who's having a tough week, and I said, what's
what's on your list? Like for your recharge list? What's
on you? I don't I don't even remember was the answer.
I don't even remember, which is conclude with the jet.
We've all been there. But then make a new damn
list like you have to put on your phone. You
have to have it ready to go. You you no
(37:00):
one creative with it blue and glitter. What I would do?
That is awesome. It's great, by the way, everybody, But anyway,
sorry Brett, But my my point is that, like you
have to if someone can give you a list, but
it's not going to be as impactful. Someone can love
you and take you to a water park and have
(37:22):
that be the most fun thing ever and for you,
that's not gonna work. Like you have to take you
have to have an element of empowerment and accountability to
you in this game of recovery and restabilization and cultivating
hope in your life and those areas those things too. Um,
(37:43):
try to have fun because fun is at a minimum
these days. Yeah, and one thinks it has to be
so big and it's this. No it doesn't. It's too hard,
it's too complicated. Yeah. I took the girls to UM.
We went at throwing UM. They were super because they
were not aware of their aunts, keen hand eye coordination.
(38:08):
Um so yes, I kicked their asses hard, but that's fine.
My brother beat me at pool the day before. I'm
gonna not for nothing. Learning how to be a graceful
loser is really important, you know, it is so critical. Mike,
my brother, he literally kicked my ass. We're playing pool
and I was winning at one point, and he had
(38:31):
this shot and he got three of his like I
think he was stripes three and one shot went in
the in different pockets by the way. It was magnificent.
And then he when he got the eight ball in
and I said, I could not be happier to lose.
I've never been happier actually in my life to lose
because I got to witness this amazing, that's amazing. This
was every time I lose. Every time. If I can
(38:51):
witness something like that, that's greatness for sure, you know.
And it's like being graceful for those types of things
is also really important because kids, again, this is also
gets kids remember the French real quarter, they are so competive,
they want to win, they get mad, they make excuses
why they're not winning. They may do all this kind
of stuff and it's like it's okay that somebody's better
(39:12):
than you. Yeah, I mean I've lived in that world
my whole life, and is actually how you get better.
It is how you get better. It's the only is
one of the most effective ways of how to get better. Yeah,
it's not the only way, but it's really a very
effective And let your in. Let your brother kick your
ass on Pool. I letn't let him let he will
kick your amazing. One of my highlights was that shot
(39:33):
and being so happy for him, and I'm like, everydime
kick my ass man, that was That's an inside job. Again,
this is so important, right, like, what's what is the
game that's being played here? I'm connecting with my brother.
It happens to be through pool, right absolutely. And I
(39:54):
didn't let him win. I mean, and you can't let
that happen. What happening doesn't like, you don't let that happen. Um.
But it was connecting with him. It was laughing and
the joy in a world that we described early on
that other people feel, we were still able to find
joy and what was what people would claim as a
(40:17):
really terrible time on the planet, but we found it
and you can find it everybody can find it. You
might have to make a bit of an effort with it,
you might lose your ass to your brother, whatever it
may be. But you can find it, and you can
help your kids find it. You can help your friends
find it, yourself find it. It's possible and have a
(40:38):
grand life because remember, yeah, I mean really, actually, everything
we talked about today, we understand that our school is hard,
right that was me. Oh, it's true. So it's true.
It is true, and it's become upfront for us. And
(40:59):
it's not the only thing. Yeah, it's not. It's not.
There's so much more in every moment because every moment
is not guaranteed. So every moment you're here is actually
nothing short of a miracle. It's absolutely true. And with
these kids, all of them that I am so fortunate
to spend time with, whether they're forced to be related
(41:21):
to me or not. Um is um is to remember that.
You know, there's always a storm of ruin, always a storm, um.
But you can stay calm in a storm. It's very possible.
You can get shelter from it. You can go to
the eye of the storm and let it happen around you,
(41:41):
because you can't run from the storm. Yeah, but you can,
you can actually find happiness. So I hope this was
helpful for people. Um. It was very important, um for
for brand and I, um, because it's uh, it's coming
up a lot. If it's coming up our lives is
bound to be coming up in yours. And remember, when
(42:02):
someone is not okay in front of you, let that
be okay. It's the most powerful thing you can do,
not to fix them, not to judge them, because if
that's your mirror right in front of you, people right
to just be with them. That's exactly right. Is there
anything I can do? Is there anything you need? Is
there anyone we should call? Right? These are questions. They're
(42:25):
in charge, right, you're not and and you know, but
other than that, just let it be okay when someone's
not okay. That is amazing advice. And that is absolutely true.
And that's part of the inside job. Yeah, because it
makes people uncomfortable and we want to fix and we
don't have to. Yeah, well okay, we can't either, So
(42:47):
that's the that's a matter of fact of it. Yeah,
that is it. All right. We went over whoa I'm
hearts to be mad and Joey we leave this in
your capable hands. Sorry, he's not gonna be okay with this.
Don't cut any Get to live with it, baby, Just
live with it. Thanks everybody, Thanks for listening and thanks
(43:08):
for being with us. And remember her school is hard
without the other side. Oh, I wanted to do that
last part with me. That's again and remember first hard
without side. We can never do a duet, but we tried. Everybody,
(43:33):
be good, love hard, have a good time and remember,
as always an inside job. Hi by everybody. Thank you
for joining us. Everyone, and a special thanks to our
producer Joey pat and our executive producer Maya Cole Howard,
(43:55):
who guides us well. We guide you. Hit us up
on Instagram at the other Side Hides, or shoot us
a note at high Hi at vibes dot store. We
want to know what you think, We want to know
what you know, and we want to hear your stories.
And remember our school is hard without the other side.
Insider's Guide to the Other Side is a production of
(44:17):
I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio,
visit the i heart Radio apps, Spotify, Apple podcast, or
wherever you get your podcasts.
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