January 17, 2024 • 37 mins
What role do you have in your happiness? It can be challenging to accept that you have to be part of the problem if you're going to be part of the solution, especially concerning your professional life.
Today, we travel back in time to when Brenda was hired to be Julie's business coach. It was a time of multiple leadership changes, where Julie had to accept that vulnerability is the key to all problematic situations. Sharing advice that applies to each of us today just as it did with Julie many moons ago, you'll learn timeless tools to guide you through times of change and conflict.
Because Earth School is hard, and we bond through our common imperfections, held by the Other Side Spirit Connections.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hi there, I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the
Other Side.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Now, y'all need to know that we are obsessed with
everything on the other side.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yes we are, because once you learn to navigate the energetic,
or to some the invisible world, life is going to
be more fun and much more serene.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Uh heck, yes it can, because, let's be honest, for
in Earth school is hard.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
In fact, you taught me that let's crush Earth School together.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Well, hello, my witchy pooh halp. Were the holidays for you?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Happy holidays? Of course they were actually very happy.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I think I think an elf might have sent you
something fat nebulous, possibly.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Allegedly. You said bossy Doll.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I did in Witchy Doll so awesome.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
In Witchy Doll.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
That's bossing around, I know, right, just like I had
the skull that you picked out for me, the new
my skull that was bossing me around.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Well, I think you picked it out first. I just
affirmed when it was on sale.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Well, you just kept calling me saying this call keeps
talking to you telling me your name. It's like at yours,
get your checkout, you said, get your check book out
my helf. Anyway, know what we're talking about today? And
but I have to tell you, I'm so excited that
I found a new medicine man here in Santa Fe.
(01:43):
I love a good like Eastern medicine person. Is that
a medicine woman? I think in La So this is
a medicine man and Santa Fe and his name is
Omar and I I'm actually soaking right now in a
hot uh tea of mugwort and some other herbs for
(02:03):
my foot because I kind of clomp. Apparently I don't
think I exactly walk properly, which is funny because Mona
used to tell me that. So I think it's time
for me to fix it. And I've been working on it.
But and so I have I injured myself walking on concrete.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Well, your body's just telling you this coping pattern that
you've you know, that has worked for you is no
longer working. You may want to find a Fellon Christ
practitioner because there that's their thing is movement.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Okay, yeah, yeah, so I will do that next, But
right now I'm dealing with the pain and it's not severe,
but it's like, you know, it's it's irritating. And so
he's really funny because he also clarified a few things
that you've been trying to tell me over the years,
which is about heat, and because he said, do not
(02:53):
ice that, and he's like, you need heat. Heat is
what you know creates helps them blood flow and the
nutrients from the blood heals whatever. You know, you've messed up.
And and he goes, you know, he goes Americans, he
goes Americans. Americans don't like pain, and and sometimes we
(03:15):
have to work through the pain with the pain. And
because you talked about ice being something that just feels
very metaphorical, doesn't it. Ice is something that dulls it,
but it's not only it numbs it, but only temporarily.
Because Americans don't like pain, that is correct, which leads
us to today. It's kind of funny, isn't it right.
(03:43):
I totally feel like I am. I totally feel like
I am. There's a great South Park episode about the
Panda verse, So I think people should watch that because
there's metaverse stuff in it that my brain. Hey, I
it was my brother and his family that called that
we're watching it on Christmas Eve and they were like,
we aunt Julie was here because this is so her
because there was metaverse anyway, it's pretty funny. Yeah, so
(04:07):
it you know, I think that we really wanted to
specifically address like first of the year January. You know,
people want to reassess their lives and we go through
our processes of.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
It's a natural reflection point, totally, totally totally to take
a look reassess Mercury's retrograde.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
It helps, right, and you know people always want to
have their New Year's resolutions all that. You know, there's
all these things, right, and we've never started the year
talking about, you know, assessing the work part of our lives, right,
and and we thought this would be good. And actually
(04:56):
it's really fun because fun I say fun because at
the time it wasn't very fun. But we get to
talk about and we've talked about bits and pieces of this.
But when when you know, Fox hired you as my
work coach, they did, that's correct, and and what what
we did together and it was so different than what
(05:17):
our normal our other kind of regular life together was
like the friendship. This was very different.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Yeah, it was. It was very unusual when you're like
I got you know, I got the support, I can
hire a coach. And I was like that's great. You're like, no,
I want to hire you.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
And I'm like that really it was so funny. That
was so funny.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
It was it was really great that they gave you
that support.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah, they did, and and the freedom to choose because
and I think, actually, let's let's go back a second.
Why did I feel like I needed a work coach? Right?
Like that's the I think the really interesting piece.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
And I think they were acknowledging like this is difficult. Yeah,
you're in a difficult situation.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
And I was, you know, I was in a situation.
This is where you're like really honest with yourself, right,
Like I was in this space of like going, Okay,
I'm struggling here and I need help. I need help
to navigate these relationships. Like we do. We want help
(06:21):
to navigate ourselves. We want help to navigate relationships outside
of the workspace. Why would we need help to navigate
relationships inside the workspace. And That's where I was, And
so I kind of, you know, cried uncle, and I'm like,
if anybody knows that reference. I think you'd be old
maybe to know that one. But that means I recognize
(06:42):
I can't do this on my own anymore. I need
some help, and yeah, I need help. That's really what
it came down to. And you know I was growing
in my work and I needed to manage all of that.
You know, we also had leadership. Well, I was going
(07:03):
to say we had leadership changes.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
And that's always a point, always a pain, it's such
a bad points. And the point point is that we
get our work done through relationships right before. Oftentimes it's
not to say there's not a physical component of works.
Of course there is, but we would get work done
by working next to each other, right we'd move whatever
(07:28):
from A to B, you know, and we create something
or build something, or connect something to move something or
whatever it was physically, but at some point, many not
all obviously, but many work roles. And you know how
we contribute is we coordinate our work through relationships. We
get work done. And so now when all of a
(07:50):
sudden one of those cogs changes in our workflow, we
have to pay close attention. We have to really focus,
we have to rebuild trust, we have to understand how
someone else works, we have to adjust to match it.
What puts me a risk? How am I going to
be successful? Like? What's so stress on both sides of
the equation, right, for both the leader coming in and
(08:11):
for the team that's adjusting.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
And what I saw happening was my own chaos and
how I was feeling. And then I was also looking
at everybody around me and they were going through the
same thing. Yeah, it's hard because you know, you have
a leadership change in an organization and there's no there's
no handbook that comes with that new person. Nope, you know,
(08:35):
and all we have is here's the other thing. I
don't care who you are. Everybody has a boss, right,
everybody has a boss, So you got to figure this
shit out. And then you're also somebody else's boss in
a lot of cases, so you got to figure that
shit out too. But back to there's no handbook. What
ended up happening is there were all these leadership changes
(08:56):
happening and they were bam bam bam, like I had
very steady leadershi it for quite a while there and
then right and we were all in a flow like
it's unspoken.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
It worked, you know, shorthand.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Oh I love a good shorthand so much.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Trust right, yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Same people too, working together for a period of time.
Now there's other issues and conflicts that can happen with that,
but that's not what was happening at this time. And
so I was flat out struggling, and so I picked you.
So why don't we take a quick break and let's
go back and let's kind of reminisce about what happened
(09:37):
at that time and what you had me do and
what we uncovered together and then I had to act
upon all. Right, y'all, we are back to hear about
what was wrong with me. The list is long, y'all.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
The list is long, not at all at all. So
you know how Omar is asking you to soak your
foot to address the pain, right, and not just numb
the pain, but actually brings circulation to it. That's kind
of what where we started.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Nice look at you go, Holy shit.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
So because this is the thing, you know, when Omar said,
you know you in America, people don't like to be
in pain. People don't like to be in pain anywhere.
We're just less tolerant of it, I think. But what
happens when I start working with people, is they're going
to tell me about how wrong they've been, how bad
their bosses are, how broken the system is.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Victim victim, victim, victim victim.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Which can all be one hundred percent true. But the
problem with that situation is you don't have any power
in that situation, and so I have to spend time
building trust with people. Now, you and I already had trust,
so that was easy, right, We didn't have to spend
a lot of time in this front part. That's because
you have to know that you have to be part
(11:08):
of the problem if you're going to be the solution,
because you can't walk around fixing people. They hate that.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Are you kidding? How many times more people have said
to me and it just really pisses me off, telling
me what I should think and how I should feel,
And all I want to do is scream in their face,
fuck you. And you're not here to tell me what
to think and how to feel. They had to get
there first.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, exactly, and you know it's hard to hear that.
So you know, for all of our listeners, think about
how many times it doesn't matter if it's with your kids,
your loved ones, your family, your you know, work people
when you're like, you know what you should do? Take
that phrase out because no one hears anything you say after.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
That still true. And also I think just as a
starting point too, is I just want to acknowledge that
up to that point, I had done a tremendous amount
of work on myself. So I was obviously very open,
you know, So we started with the shorthand. And also
I was very open, and I was unafraid. I understood,
(12:17):
like I learned so much about myself through tourou that
was amazing what I learned. I learned so much about
myself through astrology, through enneogram, through the Colby test, all those.
So I started I really had a decentile, a decent
(12:37):
profile of who I was.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
And that's that's a great lead up. So you came
wide open. And it was so funny because my experience was,
you know, we would talk regularly about whatever we were talking about, playful,
have fun, and once a while you tell me something
about work and I'd be like, well, you know, have
you thought about and you would like nod your head, energetic,
(13:00):
but nothing got really activated. But somehow, when Fox hired me,
you showed up to these calls like what tell me
what to do? I don't know what to do. I've
tried this, I've tried this, i've tried this. None of
it's working. What's going on? And instead you just you
just leaned in so hard and you're like, I can
(13:22):
do that. You know whatever I asked you to do,
I can do that. And it was how can you
take you know, awareness and responsibility enough so that you know,
in a strong way, not like showing up as a
total mess, falling apart, vulnerable, but you can show up
and say, hey, I want to talk about this today,
(13:44):
but first what I want to talk about is my
part in this right And you did that.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
So let me just roll it back for folks, just
really so they have a perspective I had. There was
a leadership change where we had we're gonna call him
Guy one because next segment you're gonna hear about Guy too.
So Guy one he came in from another studio to
be the president of marketing, and I had been struggling,
(14:14):
not because I didn't it's not that I didn't like him.
I actually really liked him, but things were not going
well for us. And this was I think our first
really big assignment together was to help me manage through
that situation and be like, what, what, what role do
you have in your own happiness?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
And he came in drastically different than all my bosses before,
drastically different than Tony, drastically different than Orrin. I mean, well,
there's everybody's drastically different than Tony. And both of them
are loves of my life. I mean, I I just
I couldn't ask for two better men in my life.
And but this was different. He was a he was
(14:59):
a great man in a different way. But here's what
we do, here's what we learned. One is you were like, Julie,
have to be vulnerable. What's your role? And as I
look back at what it was, is that I wanted
him to treat me the way the other ones did.
I was expecting to be special. I'm going to confess it.
I was not special anymore. I didn't like it.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Well, these Orrin and Tony adorned you. They did, They
adored you. They knew your genius, they knew your screwballness,
and they loved it all.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Yeah, they did.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
And this guy came in and was like, what are
the results? They're like, you are killing my joy.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Well that was part of it, because you know those guys,
and I use this analogy. You used to let me
swim in the whole pool, not a not just in
a lane, and this other one wanted me to swim
in a lane and I had. So you were like, Okay,
now we're getting down to what the struggle is. So
(16:01):
now what are you going to do about it? My health?
And I said, I need to go talk to him? Yeah,
so I scheduled a meeting and he only did things
in thirty minute meetings, by the way, which is another
thing that srove me crazy because but it was him right,
and and and I and I. So I said to him.
(16:23):
He goes, what do you want to talk about? I said, well,
I want to talk about us. He goes, okay. He
was super open, by the way. So it's also really shocking,
that's the other thing, or surprising, whatever word you want
to use that when you're ready to be vulnerable, it's
kind of amazing that people are open. And also it's
pretty emosing amazing how they become the same way.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
So, right, we literally have wiring in our brain that
we will match people vibrationally. Right, we want to. We
are hardwired to connect mirror. So when some right, it's
the mirroring neuron. Right. So when someone opens up and
leads with I want to talk about us, and as
(17:05):
opposed to you could have watched him and said, look,
what we have talked about is really important. We need
more than thirty minutes. But that's not You didn't do that.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
No, And I was in it for three hours just
for the records.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Of course, of course you were, because he's like, this
is real. He's going to mirror you. He felt that sincerity.
You can't show up and be vulnerable and be a jerk.
It has to be authentic and you a thousand percent
work because you normally are.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I can't help it, but I I But that's how
I showed up. And I had said to him, I said, listen,
he had been there like over a year at that time,
and I said, I think the first half of your tenure.
My misery is on me, fully on me. And he
looked at me and goes, well, why why do you say? Why?
(17:49):
Why do you think like he really got engaged. He goes, well,
why do you think I think he really wanted to
know and understand what my process, my thought process or
emotional process was. And I said, you know, I had
been able to be far more creative and involved in
the overall marketing of these films than just what my
title was. And I said, so, I felt like I
(18:10):
was in a refrigerat and I said, I describe it.
I felt like I've been in a refrigerator box and
I've been trying to kick it open, and it's exhausting,
and it's like and I was exhausting you, and I
was exhausting me. And he goes, well, how do you
feel now? I said, well, I'm sitting comfortably in my
refrigerator box because I've now cut some windows so I
(18:31):
can see out, I can breathe. And he and then
the first thing he said to me, he goes, I
feel the same way with my bosses. He not, like
we were the same and how we felt about our leadership.
So in our pain, we shared pain. And I did
(18:55):
not expect that. I probably should have, but I didn't.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Because what happens is when you show up like we
bond through our imperfections, we don't bond through I'm great,
I'm great, I'm better than great. Look at me, so smart?
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Lai daddy, dahdi dah Yeah, no.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I'm in pain. Oh my gosh, I'm in pain too.
Can we be together? You know it feels better to
not be alone, exactly right, And so I was, I'm
so proud of you.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
So that ended up being like the core of the
heart of our relationship because then we started acting like
brothers and sisters and we were very entertaining. But when
we go back to the meeting though, because what was
also really really important that happened that day is that
we made agreements on how to interact with one another.
(19:48):
Because he would take because that the culture before he joined,
the culture that was created by Tom Rothman and Jim Gyanopolis,
who were the co chairs of the studio when it
for a very long time, by the way, and hi
successful that they made that studio, that they wanted everybody
to bring stuff up publicly, like they they were like, hey,
if you see a problem, bring it up. If you
(20:09):
don't agree, bring it up. Well to Mark, because of
how he was feeling, he didn't like when I would
challenge him in a meeting and I said, Mark, I
am so sorry. It was not intentional. It's not because
I don't like you. I actually think the world of view,
which is the funny thing about this whole thing. It's like,
there's actually nothing about you I don't like, and like
(20:30):
he's a good man, he cares, a great husband, a
great father. It's like just a good guy. And he said, well,
it feels to me that I feel smaller in a
public form when you do that to me. And I said,
I will never do it again, but I need an
agreement for you. He goes, what's that. I said that
(20:50):
I'm allowed to take notes and you and I address
our differences alone, separately from the meeting. He goes, that's
a deal.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
He felt embarrassed. I think he felt that I publicly
humiliated him, which which again, when I explained to him
the culture, he's like, I understand.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
It, yeah, but I'm not part of that culture.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Correct. And the culture changed.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
See, that's the thing, like we all because there was
no handbook, right, Like, he didn't know to come in
and say these things. He joined a new company, he
didn't know how whacky that place, because every studio is
pretty wacky and how they operate. He had didn't understand
our wackiness, so he didn't know to say Okay, guys,
here's how I want to operate, you know.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
And he was a public conflict in private, Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
That's exactly right. And so I saved our conflict and
then I would bring stuff up and he and I
would talk about it. And actually he was he was
my boss when I started coming up with the ideas
for the data strategy when I eventually got promoted to president.
So I had worked a good year plus on all
of that before or it really kind of took hold.
(22:03):
And he was very supportive of me through that because
we had we'd established that relationship. So I don't I
think that if he and I wouldn't have done that.
If you look at how the dominoes fall, you know
that that that part of my career may not have.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Happened, right, He could have stopped it. Well. The other
thing is because your creativity, your creative expression was limited.
You're such a creative person, it's going to come out sideways.
So it comes out in this, Oh what's over here?
Maybe I could play over here.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Exactly what I did.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Right, that's what you did. So kind of the biggest
gift ever. Right.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Yeah, So that relationship, which was painful for both of us,
for he and I, and I will so own my
part of it because I didn't exactly make it easy
for him either.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
And unintentionally. Oh it's not like you were trying to
tank him publicly.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
No, I was never. No, I actually liked him. In fact,
when he decided to leave the company, I was begging
him before he went to resign. It was begging him,
not to begging him. I'm like, Mark, please, don't you
are so loved by all of this, Please don't begging.
I mean, what a shift, right, So anyway, so that
(23:20):
was that was exercise in work conflict. Example one which
was vulnerability and it was so crucial and now I
mean so fearless of being vulnerable and that is such
a beautiful place to be. So that's that's number one.
(23:42):
Let's take a quick break and come back and hit
number two. Okay, that's funny. Number two. That's the twelve
year old boy in me. Y'all still there.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
And welcome back.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Hey, y'all, we're still here. We hope you are too.
So situation number two, because I was just informed that
situation number one went along, So I'm going to try
to be brief with situation number two, which you know
all won't happen. So situation number two was that there
was another leadership change that happened, and it actually happened
(24:24):
when situation number one resigned and left. So here I
am in another leadership change. And there were two guys
that took the role. And it was so strange because
they were they had headed up the international division, and
I knew them both and thought I had actually pretty
(24:46):
good relationships with them, but there was always this undercurrent,
not even undercurrent. There was always a current of domestic
versus international inside of the company. And because of course
it's egos, right, So once these guys were in charge
of the domestic group, they weren't very nice to people
(25:07):
and domestic because they had all the build up of years, right,
So this is different. The first one was a guy
coming in new to a culture. This is guys who've
been a part of the culture and how they wanted
to kind of deal with the part of the culture
culture they didn't like. Like I was known as you
(25:28):
belong to Tony. You're one of Tony's people, and Tony
just we've talked about Tony before, but I'll say his name,
Tony Sella is truly one of the loves of my life.
And he was a big the I mean, the guy
went more marketing creative marketing awards than you can shake
a stick at and just absolutely and you've and you've
met him a number of times and know each other
(25:51):
and know his genus and so but he's he can
be a guy like you either love him or you're don't.
There's no one in the middle. Nobody kind of likes Tony,
you know, they just don't. Nobody's neutral about this guy.
And so these guys were not neutral about him. And
I was deemed one of his people. And so that's again,
these are people I knew, got along with, went to
(26:12):
dinner with. Like it was a bit of a shock.
And so here I am in a situation that is volatile,
Like it's very different, Like like guy number one, he
and I really liked each other. We just had to
figure out our staff. This was a complete shift of energy.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Well, I think it was also a surprise. Oh I
could believe, like, wait, what did you guys have a
personality transplant? Why don't what what's your what's your being?
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Yeah it was it was whiplash, Yeah, it was it
was a it was a situation of whiplash and and I.
It's it's interesting because if Fox and a lot of suits,
they do think as pairs. They co things. They were
with coach chairman for a long time, we had co
(27:01):
presidents of marketing, they had co and so a lot
of co So this was a co situation. And so
I'm just going to tell everybody what you told me,
because during one of our sessions, I'm like, I said,
I think they're trying to get there. They want they
want to get me fired, like I was fearful for
my job, absolutely, and I go, I think that so
(27:23):
many they want to get me fired. And you said, yeah,
but it's not the one you think it is, which
told me everything. And it's interesting because the one that
was the more boisterous one, he and I actually had
a real conversation much like the one I had with
(27:44):
guy number one, and we kind of worked our stuff out.
He was really freaked out because all my psychic shit
kicked in, and I think he was like, I gotta
get out of here, because how do you see me
like it's freaking me out. But he and I had
a good relationship, but it was the other one. We're
gonna call him guy number two. He was the tricky fucker.
He was actually the one that was trying to get
(28:05):
me fired actively actually, and I know that our chairman
didn't want that to happen, so he was I think,
holding say no, she's untouchable, you can't do that. But
he still wanted to make my life miserable.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Which which made him mad.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Oh, totally made him mad, madter that he was before. Yeah, Like,
it's so that is interestingly, I'm not sure of the
like the ownership part of that. It's very different. I owned,
I owned the other two that I had discussions with.
This one. This one was really about boundaries.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Well, the thing is, you are such a full on player, Like,
so you come in, you give everything you have, You're
all in. You're like team, let's win, here we go,
whatever I have, whatever you need. And that didn't work
for them because they didn't like the team. Correct specifically,
(29:00):
you know, guy number two didn't like the team. So
you were exhausting yourself, turning yourself into a pretzel trying
to win his support when right what he was not
going to play. It was and so when you bring
your best and you support other people and you're pouring
all your energy in and nothing is coming back. Right,
(29:21):
it's the opposite. You're getting, you know, beaten down, like
taken down.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
You told me to sit in the back bench in
the conference room. Remember that. You're like, you need to
just go sit in the back and listen. And it
freaked everybody out, by the.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
Way, Oh yeah, because you know you're not a row person.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
You're like, no, I mean that can take time.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
I came to play.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Yeah, I came to you know, like that idea.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Here's another one. What do you need? What else do
you need? Okay, we can do we need more, we
can do less of that.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
What do you need?
Speaker 2 (29:48):
You know? Right? And because you're an all around player,
but when when someone becomes abusive like that, you have
to go, wait a minute. I am and what I need.
What is the most productive thing for me and for
the team is boundaries. Right. I'm not going to overgive
because it doesn't wield anything. Right, So when I need
(30:10):
is boundaries. Here. I needed to self preserve a little bit.
And then they started going like, oh wait, she kind
of took up. She took our plaything away, right, and
I did you did it?
Speaker 1 (30:22):
It was very effective, It was very interesting too, because
the tools that you gave me during that time, and
it was specifically you said when you have to go
meet with them, because you will. You said, you need
to sit, give yourself ten fifteen minutes before the meeting.
You need to go into a meditation state, and you
need to listen. Listen. Whether it's your guides that are
(30:45):
talking to you, whether it's your higher self, you know
what to trust. It makes no difference, but go and listen.
And I have to tell you it was one of
the most profound moments because this guy number two had
called me in his office. It was there was a
big ad agency review that was going on and he
(31:07):
had called me to his office and so it was
before that meeting, and the message that I got was
don't give him everything. And those are the words, yep,
don't give him everything. And then I sat there and
I'm like, okay, can you give me a little bit more.
It's like, what do you mean all I do is
(31:28):
give everything? What the fuck are you talking about? Spirit?
I cannot see disembodied spirit. What was happening? And it
was also, by the way, it was a man's voice.
Just f why I don't have ever told you and
I think it was uh, I think it was my guide.
Actually I think it was Jacob, and you're nodding your head. Yes.
So I said, tell me more, like, how do I
(31:50):
do this? Because I didn't know how to not give everything?
And he said, just answer the questions. And that's what
I did, and it was I left completely satisfied. And
I think he left completely dissatisfied because he didn't know
the questions to ask. He didn't he had to probe
to get stuff out of me, and I only answered
the questions. But I felt so it was this. It's interesting.
(32:12):
It's a it's a powerful feeling in a very different way.
I've had, you know, very powerful feelings throughout life, like everyone, Well.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
You felt powerful because you retained some of your energy,
as opposed to I'm going to give you everything I
have and you're going to crap all over it, right,
because it didn't it didn't matter what you gave him.
He wasn't going to affirm it, he wasn't going to
use it. He was just going to abuse you.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Exactly wrong.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
This won't work. What's wrong with your right? And so
you're like, here's you know, He's like, what about this
that's your answer. What about this? That's your answer, Like,
you didn't exhaust yourself, so it makes sense that you
actually walked out of there feeling more powerful.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Well, and I held, you know, I held onto the
magic part of me. I didn't give my magic away,
Like I left without emptying my knowledge bank. Yeah, to
someone who didn't really even want it. And I think
(33:08):
that's the story of boundaries, right. It's like and it
is assessing. It's a lot of work, y'all.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
It is.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
So it's a lot of work, it's a lot of energy,
but it's worth it no matter what your work situation is.
These are just stories of mine, right, because we thought,
you know, because Brenda, you know, was for a number
of years my work coach, that we have all these
stories and we're actually going to share some more of
them in some other episodes. But but you have to
(33:38):
think about what your challenge is. I don't care if
you are a barista, I don't It doesn't matter what
you do or if you are the president of the
United States. You have to be thinking about the team
you work with. You have to do your own in
or work and figure out like how's the health this
(34:00):
relationship how's the health of that relationship. So I used
to do a health check with people who in the
hierarchy were above me and those who work for me
constantly doing health checks, and so that's part of what I
think we want to see this kind of mini series
to be about. This is to start thinking about your
world in this way, because Brenda, what is it that
(34:20):
you said to me before, like you bring yourself wherever whatever?
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yeah, you take yourself wherever you go. And a good
way to assess the health right in case it's not obvious,
is if you just close your eyes and you think
about whether you're meeting with a team or an at work,
or an individual at work, or a group of people
in your personal life, or an individual in your personal life.
Just close your eyes and feel how it feels to
meet with them, like you're getting ready to see them,
(34:45):
You're getting ready to walk into a meeting or getting
ready to walk into a luncheon or whatever. Are you excited?
Are you dreading it? Are you hoping that someone calls
and says the house is on fire? Like you know what?
Like what I need I need to call in sick
and my dog game, my homework sort of situation. That's
how you know without knowing you know exactly why yet
(35:05):
because you haven't done a deep knife. But is this
a healthy relationship for me? Do I? Do I value
this relationship or is it? Is it a forced relationship?
Is it something I'm overgiving or undervaluing or you know,
over sensitive about? Like you just know your nervous system,
your whole body system will tell you so pain, drop
(35:26):
it into your belly and feel Does this feel good?
Or am I dreading this?
Speaker 1 (35:31):
That's brilliant. Yes, that's absolutely brilliant. So we're gonna tie
this one up. But I'm gonna tease y'all for the
next episode because I'm going to tell the story about Deadpool.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Okay, that's a nice name dropper, It's awesome.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
I'm gonna tell you inside really interesting story about Deadpool,
about about where you helped me get to So we're
going to talk about deadpools and a week or whenever
we're going to do it.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Okay, don't let me forget. I will got a written down.
Stay tuned. All right, Thanks for listening, everybody, and remember
our school is hard.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Without your witchypoo and the other side.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
Thank y'all, Bye, Thank you, for joining us, everyone, and
a special thanks to our producer Joey pat and our
executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who guides us while we guide.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
You hit us up on Instagram at other Side Guides,
or shoot us a note at high Hi at vibes
dot store.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
We want to know what you think, we want to
know what you know, and we want to hear your stories.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
And remember, our school is hard without the other Side.
Insider's Guide to the other Side is a production of iHeartRadio.
For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Spotify,
Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to Insider's Guide to the Other Side, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hi, y'all, I'm Julie.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Hi there, I'm Brenda. Welcome to Insider's Guide to the
Other Side.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
Now, y'all need to know that we are obsessed with
everything on the other side.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yes we are, because once you learn to navigate the energetic,
or to some the invisible world, life is going to
be more fun and much more serene.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
Uh heck, yes it can, because, let's be honest, for
in Earth school is hard.
Speaker 2 (00:36):
In fact, you taught me that let's crush Earth School together.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
Well, hello, my witchy pooh halp. Were the holidays for you?
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Happy holidays? Of course they were actually very happy.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I think I think an elf might have sent you
something fat nebulous, possibly.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Allegedly. You said bossy Doll.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I did in Witchy Doll so awesome.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
In Witchy Doll.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
That's bossing around, I know, right, just like I had
the skull that you picked out for me, the new
my skull that was bossing me around.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Well, I think you picked it out first. I just
affirmed when it was on sale.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Well, you just kept calling me saying this call keeps
talking to you telling me your name. It's like at yours,
get your checkout, you said, get your check book out
my helf. Anyway, know what we're talking about today? And
but I have to tell you, I'm so excited that
I found a new medicine man here in Santa Fe.
(01:43):
I love a good like Eastern medicine person. Is that
a medicine woman? I think in La So this is
a medicine man and Santa Fe and his name is
Omar and I I'm actually soaking right now in a
hot uh tea of mugwort and some other herbs for
(02:03):
my foot because I kind of clomp. Apparently I don't
think I exactly walk properly, which is funny because Mona
used to tell me that. So I think it's time
for me to fix it. And I've been working on it.
But and so I have I injured myself walking on concrete.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Well, your body's just telling you this coping pattern that
you've you know, that has worked for you is no
longer working. You may want to find a Fellon Christ
practitioner because there that's their thing is movement.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
Okay, yeah, yeah, so I will do that next, But
right now I'm dealing with the pain and it's not severe,
but it's like, you know, it's it's irritating. And so
he's really funny because he also clarified a few things
that you've been trying to tell me over the years,
which is about heat, and because he said, do not
(02:53):
ice that, and he's like, you need heat. Heat is
what you know creates helps them blood flow and the
nutrients from the blood heals whatever. You know, you've messed up.
And and he goes, you know, he goes Americans, he
goes Americans. Americans don't like pain, and and sometimes we
(03:15):
have to work through the pain with the pain. And
because you talked about ice being something that just feels
very metaphorical, doesn't it. Ice is something that dulls it,
but it's not only it numbs it, but only temporarily.
Because Americans don't like pain, that is correct, which leads
us to today. It's kind of funny, isn't it right.
(03:43):
I totally feel like I am. I totally feel like
I am. There's a great South Park episode about the
Panda verse, So I think people should watch that because
there's metaverse stuff in it that my brain. Hey, I
it was my brother and his family that called that
we're watching it on Christmas Eve and they were like,
we aunt Julie was here because this is so her
because there was metaverse anyway, it's pretty funny. Yeah, so
(04:07):
it you know, I think that we really wanted to
specifically address like first of the year January. You know,
people want to reassess their lives and we go through
our processes of.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
It's a natural reflection point, totally, totally totally to take
a look reassess Mercury's retrograde.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
It helps, right, and you know people always want to
have their New Year's resolutions all that. You know, there's
all these things, right, and we've never started the year
talking about, you know, assessing the work part of our lives, right,
and and we thought this would be good. And actually
(04:56):
it's really fun because fun I say fun because at
the time it wasn't very fun. But we get to
talk about and we've talked about bits and pieces of this.
But when when you know, Fox hired you as my
work coach, they did, that's correct, and and what what
we did together and it was so different than what
(05:17):
our normal our other kind of regular life together was
like the friendship. This was very different.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
Yeah, it was. It was very unusual when you're like
I got you know, I got the support, I can
hire a coach. And I was like that's great. You're like, no,
I want to hire you.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
And I'm like that really it was so funny. That
was so funny.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
It was it was really great that they gave you
that support.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Yeah, they did, and and the freedom to choose because
and I think, actually, let's let's go back a second.
Why did I feel like I needed a work coach? Right?
Like that's the I think the really interesting piece.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
And I think they were acknowledging like this is difficult. Yeah,
you're in a difficult situation.
Speaker 1 (06:01):
And I was, you know, I was in a situation.
This is where you're like really honest with yourself, right,
Like I was in this space of like going, Okay,
I'm struggling here and I need help. I need help
to navigate these relationships. Like we do. We want help
(06:21):
to navigate ourselves. We want help to navigate relationships outside
of the workspace. Why would we need help to navigate
relationships inside the workspace. And That's where I was, And
so I kind of, you know, cried uncle, and I'm like,
if anybody knows that reference. I think you'd be old
maybe to know that one. But that means I recognize
(06:42):
I can't do this on my own anymore. I need
some help, and yeah, I need help. That's really what
it came down to. And you know I was growing
in my work and I needed to manage all of that.
You know, we also had leadership. Well, I was going
(07:03):
to say we had leadership changes.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
And that's always a point, always a pain, it's such
a bad points. And the point point is that we
get our work done through relationships right before. Oftentimes it's
not to say there's not a physical component of works.
Of course there is, but we would get work done
by working next to each other, right we'd move whatever
(07:28):
from A to B, you know, and we create something
or build something, or connect something to move something or
whatever it was physically, but at some point, many not
all obviously, but many work roles. And you know how
we contribute is we coordinate our work through relationships. We
get work done. And so now when all of a
(07:50):
sudden one of those cogs changes in our workflow, we
have to pay close attention. We have to really focus,
we have to rebuild trust, we have to understand how
someone else works, we have to adjust to match it.
What puts me a risk? How am I going to
be successful? Like? What's so stress on both sides of
the equation, right, for both the leader coming in and
(08:11):
for the team that's adjusting.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
And what I saw happening was my own chaos and
how I was feeling. And then I was also looking
at everybody around me and they were going through the
same thing. Yeah, it's hard because you know, you have
a leadership change in an organization and there's no there's
no handbook that comes with that new person. Nope, you know,
(08:35):
and all we have is here's the other thing. I
don't care who you are. Everybody has a boss, right,
everybody has a boss, So you got to figure this
shit out. And then you're also somebody else's boss in
a lot of cases, so you got to figure that
shit out too. But back to there's no handbook. What
ended up happening is there were all these leadership changes
(08:56):
happening and they were bam bam bam, like I had
very steady leadershi it for quite a while there and
then right and we were all in a flow like
it's unspoken.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
It worked, you know, shorthand.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Oh I love a good shorthand so much.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
Trust right, yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (09:16):
Same people too, working together for a period of time.
Now there's other issues and conflicts that can happen with that,
but that's not what was happening at this time. And
so I was flat out struggling, and so I picked you.
So why don't we take a quick break and let's
go back and let's kind of reminisce about what happened
(09:37):
at that time and what you had me do and
what we uncovered together and then I had to act
upon all. Right, y'all, we are back to hear about
what was wrong with me. The list is long, y'all.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
The list is long, not at all at all. So
you know how Omar is asking you to soak your
foot to address the pain, right, and not just numb
the pain, but actually brings circulation to it. That's kind
of what where we started.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Nice look at you go, Holy shit.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
So because this is the thing, you know, when Omar said,
you know you in America, people don't like to be
in pain. People don't like to be in pain anywhere.
We're just less tolerant of it, I think. But what
happens when I start working with people, is they're going
to tell me about how wrong they've been, how bad
their bosses are, how broken the system is.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Victim victim, victim, victim victim.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
Which can all be one hundred percent true. But the
problem with that situation is you don't have any power
in that situation, and so I have to spend time
building trust with people. Now, you and I already had trust,
so that was easy, right, We didn't have to spend
a lot of time in this front part. That's because
you have to know that you have to be part
(11:08):
of the problem if you're going to be the solution,
because you can't walk around fixing people. They hate that.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
Are you kidding? How many times more people have said
to me and it just really pisses me off, telling
me what I should think and how I should feel,
And all I want to do is scream in their face,
fuck you. And you're not here to tell me what
to think and how to feel. They had to get
there first.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
Yeah, exactly, and you know it's hard to hear that.
So you know, for all of our listeners, think about
how many times it doesn't matter if it's with your kids,
your loved ones, your family, your you know, work people
when you're like, you know what you should do? Take
that phrase out because no one hears anything you say after.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
That still true. And also I think just as a
starting point too, is I just want to acknowledge that
up to that point, I had done a tremendous amount
of work on myself. So I was obviously very open,
you know, So we started with the shorthand. And also
I was very open, and I was unafraid. I understood,
(12:17):
like I learned so much about myself through tourou that
was amazing what I learned. I learned so much about
myself through astrology, through enneogram, through the Colby test, all those.
So I started I really had a decentile, a decent
(12:37):
profile of who I was.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
And that's that's a great lead up. So you came
wide open. And it was so funny because my experience was,
you know, we would talk regularly about whatever we were talking about, playful,
have fun, and once a while you tell me something
about work and I'd be like, well, you know, have
you thought about and you would like nod your head, energetic,
(13:00):
but nothing got really activated. But somehow, when Fox hired me,
you showed up to these calls like what tell me
what to do? I don't know what to do. I've
tried this, I've tried this, i've tried this. None of
it's working. What's going on? And instead you just you
just leaned in so hard and you're like, I can
(13:22):
do that. You know whatever I asked you to do,
I can do that. And it was how can you
take you know, awareness and responsibility enough so that you know,
in a strong way, not like showing up as a
total mess, falling apart, vulnerable, but you can show up
and say, hey, I want to talk about this today,
(13:44):
but first what I want to talk about is my
part in this right And you did that.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
So let me just roll it back for folks, just
really so they have a perspective I had. There was
a leadership change where we had we're gonna call him
Guy one because next segment you're gonna hear about Guy too.
So Guy one he came in from another studio to
be the president of marketing, and I had been struggling,
(14:14):
not because I didn't it's not that I didn't like him.
I actually really liked him, but things were not going
well for us. And this was I think our first
really big assignment together was to help me manage through
that situation and be like, what, what, what role do
you have in your own happiness?
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
And he came in drastically different than all my bosses before,
drastically different than Tony, drastically different than Orrin. I mean, well,
there's everybody's drastically different than Tony. And both of them
are loves of my life. I mean, I I just
I couldn't ask for two better men in my life.
And but this was different. He was a he was
(14:59):
a great man in a different way. But here's what
we do, here's what we learned. One is you were like, Julie,
have to be vulnerable. What's your role? And as I
look back at what it was, is that I wanted
him to treat me the way the other ones did.
I was expecting to be special. I'm going to confess it.
I was not special anymore. I didn't like it.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Well, these Orrin and Tony adorned you. They did, They
adored you. They knew your genius, they knew your screwballness,
and they loved it all.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Yeah, they did.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
And this guy came in and was like, what are
the results? They're like, you are killing my joy.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
Well that was part of it, because you know those guys,
and I use this analogy. You used to let me
swim in the whole pool, not a not just in
a lane, and this other one wanted me to swim
in a lane and I had. So you were like, Okay,
now we're getting down to what the struggle is. So
(16:01):
now what are you going to do about it? My health?
And I said, I need to go talk to him? Yeah,
so I scheduled a meeting and he only did things
in thirty minute meetings, by the way, which is another
thing that srove me crazy because but it was him right,
and and and I and I. So I said to him.
(16:23):
He goes, what do you want to talk about? I said, well,
I want to talk about us. He goes, okay. He
was super open, by the way. So it's also really shocking,
that's the other thing, or surprising, whatever word you want
to use that when you're ready to be vulnerable, it's
kind of amazing that people are open. And also it's
pretty emosing amazing how they become the same way.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
So, right, we literally have wiring in our brain that
we will match people vibrationally. Right, we want to. We
are hardwired to connect mirror. So when some right, it's
the mirroring neuron. Right. So when someone opens up and
leads with I want to talk about us, and as
(17:05):
opposed to you could have watched him and said, look,
what we have talked about is really important. We need
more than thirty minutes. But that's not You didn't do that.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
No, And I was in it for three hours just
for the records.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Of course, of course you were, because he's like, this
is real. He's going to mirror you. He felt that sincerity.
You can't show up and be vulnerable and be a jerk.
It has to be authentic and you a thousand percent
work because you normally are.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I can't help it, but I I But that's how
I showed up. And I had said to him, I said, listen,
he had been there like over a year at that time,
and I said, I think the first half of your tenure.
My misery is on me, fully on me. And he
looked at me and goes, well, why why do you say? Why?
(17:49):
Why do you think like he really got engaged. He goes, well,
why do you think I think he really wanted to
know and understand what my process, my thought process or
emotional process was. And I said, you know, I had
been able to be far more creative and involved in
the overall marketing of these films than just what my
title was. And I said, so, I felt like I
(18:10):
was in a refrigerat and I said, I describe it.
I felt like I've been in a refrigerator box and
I've been trying to kick it open, and it's exhausting,
and it's like and I was exhausting you, and I
was exhausting me. And he goes, well, how do you
feel now? I said, well, I'm sitting comfortably in my
refrigerator box because I've now cut some windows so I
(18:31):
can see out, I can breathe. And he and then
the first thing he said to me, he goes, I
feel the same way with my bosses. He not, like
we were the same and how we felt about our leadership.
So in our pain, we shared pain. And I did
(18:55):
not expect that. I probably should have, but I didn't.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Because what happens is when you show up like we
bond through our imperfections, we don't bond through I'm great,
I'm great, I'm better than great. Look at me, so smart?
Speaker 1 (19:13):
Lai daddy, dahdi dah Yeah, no.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I'm in pain. Oh my gosh, I'm in pain too.
Can we be together? You know it feels better to
not be alone, exactly right, And so I was, I'm
so proud of you.
Speaker 1 (19:26):
So that ended up being like the core of the
heart of our relationship because then we started acting like
brothers and sisters and we were very entertaining. But when
we go back to the meeting though, because what was
also really really important that happened that day is that
we made agreements on how to interact with one another.
(19:48):
Because he would take because that the culture before he joined,
the culture that was created by Tom Rothman and Jim Gyanopolis,
who were the co chairs of the studio when it
for a very long time, by the way, and hi
successful that they made that studio, that they wanted everybody
to bring stuff up publicly, like they they were like, hey,
if you see a problem, bring it up. If you
(20:09):
don't agree, bring it up. Well to Mark, because of
how he was feeling, he didn't like when I would
challenge him in a meeting and I said, Mark, I
am so sorry. It was not intentional. It's not because
I don't like you. I actually think the world of view,
which is the funny thing about this whole thing. It's like,
there's actually nothing about you I don't like, and like
(20:30):
he's a good man, he cares, a great husband, a
great father. It's like just a good guy. And he said, well,
it feels to me that I feel smaller in a
public form when you do that to me. And I said,
I will never do it again, but I need an
agreement for you. He goes, what's that. I said that
(20:50):
I'm allowed to take notes and you and I address
our differences alone, separately from the meeting. He goes, that's
a deal.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
He felt embarrassed. I think he felt that I publicly
humiliated him, which which again, when I explained to him
the culture, he's like, I understand.
Speaker 2 (21:09):
It, yeah, but I'm not part of that culture.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Correct. And the culture changed.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
See, that's the thing, like we all because there was
no handbook, right, Like, he didn't know to come in
and say these things. He joined a new company, he
didn't know how whacky that place, because every studio is
pretty wacky and how they operate. He had didn't understand
our wackiness, so he didn't know to say Okay, guys,
here's how I want to operate, you know.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
And he was a public conflict in private, Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
That's exactly right. And so I saved our conflict and
then I would bring stuff up and he and I
would talk about it. And actually he was he was
my boss when I started coming up with the ideas
for the data strategy when I eventually got promoted to president.
So I had worked a good year plus on all
of that before or it really kind of took hold.
(22:03):
And he was very supportive of me through that because
we had we'd established that relationship. So I don't I
think that if he and I wouldn't have done that.
If you look at how the dominoes fall, you know
that that that part of my career may not have.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
Happened, right, He could have stopped it. Well. The other
thing is because your creativity, your creative expression was limited.
You're such a creative person, it's going to come out sideways.
So it comes out in this, Oh what's over here?
Maybe I could play over here.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Exactly what I did.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Right, that's what you did. So kind of the biggest
gift ever. Right.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Yeah, So that relationship, which was painful for both of us,
for he and I, and I will so own my
part of it because I didn't exactly make it easy
for him either.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
And unintentionally. Oh it's not like you were trying to
tank him publicly.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
No, I was never. No, I actually liked him. In fact,
when he decided to leave the company, I was begging
him before he went to resign. It was begging him,
not to begging him. I'm like, Mark, please, don't you
are so loved by all of this, Please don't begging.
I mean, what a shift, right, So anyway, so that
(23:20):
was that was exercise in work conflict. Example one which
was vulnerability and it was so crucial and now I
mean so fearless of being vulnerable and that is such
a beautiful place to be. So that's that's number one.
(23:42):
Let's take a quick break and come back and hit
number two. Okay, that's funny. Number two. That's the twelve
year old boy in me. Y'all still there.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
And welcome back.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Hey, y'all, we're still here. We hope you are too.
So situation number two, because I was just informed that
situation number one went along, So I'm going to try
to be brief with situation number two, which you know
all won't happen. So situation number two was that there
was another leadership change that happened, and it actually happened
(24:24):
when situation number one resigned and left. So here I
am in another leadership change. And there were two guys
that took the role. And it was so strange because
they were they had headed up the international division, and
I knew them both and thought I had actually pretty
(24:46):
good relationships with them, but there was always this undercurrent,
not even undercurrent. There was always a current of domestic
versus international inside of the company. And because of course
it's egos, right, So once these guys were in charge
of the domestic group, they weren't very nice to people
(25:07):
and domestic because they had all the build up of years, right,
So this is different. The first one was a guy
coming in new to a culture. This is guys who've
been a part of the culture and how they wanted
to kind of deal with the part of the culture
culture they didn't like. Like I was known as you
(25:28):
belong to Tony. You're one of Tony's people, and Tony
just we've talked about Tony before, but I'll say his name,
Tony Sella is truly one of the loves of my life.
And he was a big the I mean, the guy
went more marketing creative marketing awards than you can shake
a stick at and just absolutely and you've and you've
met him a number of times and know each other
(25:51):
and know his genus and so but he's he can
be a guy like you either love him or you're don't.
There's no one in the middle. Nobody kind of likes Tony,
you know, they just don't. Nobody's neutral about this guy.
And so these guys were not neutral about him. And
I was deemed one of his people. And so that's again,
these are people I knew, got along with, went to
(26:12):
dinner with. Like it was a bit of a shock.
And so here I am in a situation that is volatile,
Like it's very different, Like like guy number one, he
and I really liked each other. We just had to
figure out our staff. This was a complete shift of energy.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
Well, I think it was also a surprise. Oh I
could believe, like, wait, what did you guys have a
personality transplant? Why don't what what's your what's your being?
Speaker 1 (26:41):
Yeah it was it was whiplash, Yeah, it was it
was a it was a situation of whiplash and and I.
It's it's interesting because if Fox and a lot of suits,
they do think as pairs. They co things. They were
with coach chairman for a long time, we had co
(27:01):
presidents of marketing, they had co and so a lot
of co So this was a co situation. And so
I'm just going to tell everybody what you told me,
because during one of our sessions, I'm like, I said,
I think they're trying to get there. They want they
want to get me fired, like I was fearful for
my job, absolutely, and I go, I think that so
(27:23):
many they want to get me fired. And you said, yeah,
but it's not the one you think it is, which
told me everything. And it's interesting because the one that
was the more boisterous one, he and I actually had
a real conversation much like the one I had with
(27:44):
guy number one, and we kind of worked our stuff out.
He was really freaked out because all my psychic shit
kicked in, and I think he was like, I gotta
get out of here, because how do you see me
like it's freaking me out. But he and I had
a good relationship, but it was the other one. We're
gonna call him guy number two. He was the tricky fucker.
He was actually the one that was trying to get
(28:05):
me fired actively actually, and I know that our chairman
didn't want that to happen, so he was I think,
holding say no, she's untouchable, you can't do that. But
he still wanted to make my life miserable.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Which which made him mad.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
Oh, totally made him mad, madter that he was before. Yeah, Like,
it's so that is interestingly, I'm not sure of the
like the ownership part of that. It's very different. I owned,
I owned the other two that I had discussions with.
This one. This one was really about boundaries.
Speaker 2 (28:39):
Well, the thing is, you are such a full on player, Like,
so you come in, you give everything you have, You're
all in. You're like team, let's win, here we go,
whatever I have, whatever you need. And that didn't work
for them because they didn't like the team. Correct specifically,
(29:00):
you know, guy number two didn't like the team. So
you were exhausting yourself, turning yourself into a pretzel trying
to win his support when right what he was not
going to play. It was and so when you bring
your best and you support other people and you're pouring
all your energy in and nothing is coming back. Right,
(29:21):
it's the opposite. You're getting, you know, beaten down, like
taken down.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
You told me to sit in the back bench in
the conference room. Remember that. You're like, you need to
just go sit in the back and listen. And it
freaked everybody out, by the.
Speaker 2 (29:34):
Way, Oh yeah, because you know you're not a row person.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
You're like, no, I mean that can take time.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
I came to play.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
Yeah, I came to you know, like that idea.
Speaker 2 (29:43):
Here's another one. What do you need? What else do
you need? Okay, we can do we need more, we
can do less of that.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
What do you need?
Speaker 2 (29:48):
You know? Right? And because you're an all around player,
but when when someone becomes abusive like that, you have
to go, wait a minute. I am and what I need.
What is the most productive thing for me and for
the team is boundaries. Right. I'm not going to overgive
because it doesn't wield anything. Right, So when I need
(30:10):
is boundaries. Here. I needed to self preserve a little bit.
And then they started going like, oh wait, she kind
of took up. She took our plaything away, right, and
I did you did it?
Speaker 1 (30:22):
It was very effective, It was very interesting too, because
the tools that you gave me during that time, and
it was specifically you said when you have to go
meet with them, because you will. You said, you need
to sit, give yourself ten fifteen minutes before the meeting.
You need to go into a meditation state, and you
need to listen. Listen. Whether it's your guides that are
(30:45):
talking to you, whether it's your higher self, you know
what to trust. It makes no difference, but go and listen.
And I have to tell you it was one of
the most profound moments because this guy number two had
called me in his office. It was there was a
big ad agency review that was going on and he
(31:07):
had called me to his office and so it was
before that meeting, and the message that I got was
don't give him everything. And those are the words, yep,
don't give him everything. And then I sat there and
I'm like, okay, can you give me a little bit more.
It's like, what do you mean all I do is
(31:28):
give everything? What the fuck are you talking about? Spirit?
I cannot see disembodied spirit. What was happening? And it
was also, by the way, it was a man's voice.
Just f why I don't have ever told you and
I think it was uh, I think it was my guide.
Actually I think it was Jacob, and you're nodding your head. Yes.
So I said, tell me more, like, how do I
(31:50):
do this? Because I didn't know how to not give everything?
And he said, just answer the questions. And that's what
I did, and it was I left completely satisfied. And
I think he left completely dissatisfied because he didn't know
the questions to ask. He didn't he had to probe
to get stuff out of me, and I only answered
the questions. But I felt so it was this. It's interesting.
(32:12):
It's a it's a powerful feeling in a very different way.
I've had, you know, very powerful feelings throughout life, like everyone, Well.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
You felt powerful because you retained some of your energy,
as opposed to I'm going to give you everything I
have and you're going to crap all over it, right,
because it didn't it didn't matter what you gave him.
He wasn't going to affirm it, he wasn't going to
use it. He was just going to abuse you.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
Exactly wrong.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
This won't work. What's wrong with your right? And so
you're like, here's you know, He's like, what about this
that's your answer. What about this? That's your answer, Like,
you didn't exhaust yourself, so it makes sense that you
actually walked out of there feeling more powerful.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Well, and I held, you know, I held onto the
magic part of me. I didn't give my magic away,
Like I left without emptying my knowledge bank. Yeah, to
someone who didn't really even want it. And I think
(33:08):
that's the story of boundaries, right. It's like and it
is assessing. It's a lot of work, y'all.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
It is.
Speaker 1 (33:15):
So it's a lot of work, it's a lot of energy,
but it's worth it no matter what your work situation is.
These are just stories of mine, right, because we thought,
you know, because Brenda, you know, was for a number
of years my work coach, that we have all these
stories and we're actually going to share some more of
them in some other episodes. But but you have to
(33:38):
think about what your challenge is. I don't care if
you are a barista, I don't It doesn't matter what
you do or if you are the president of the
United States. You have to be thinking about the team
you work with. You have to do your own in
or work and figure out like how's the health this
(34:00):
relationship how's the health of that relationship. So I used
to do a health check with people who in the
hierarchy were above me and those who work for me
constantly doing health checks, and so that's part of what I
think we want to see this kind of mini series
to be about. This is to start thinking about your
world in this way, because Brenda, what is it that
(34:20):
you said to me before, like you bring yourself wherever whatever?
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Yeah, you take yourself wherever you go. And a good
way to assess the health right in case it's not obvious,
is if you just close your eyes and you think
about whether you're meeting with a team or an at work,
or an individual at work, or a group of people
in your personal life, or an individual in your personal life.
Just close your eyes and feel how it feels to
meet with them, like you're getting ready to see them,
(34:45):
You're getting ready to walk into a meeting or getting
ready to walk into a luncheon or whatever. Are you excited?
Are you dreading it? Are you hoping that someone calls
and says the house is on fire? Like you know what?
Like what I need I need to call in sick
and my dog game, my homework sort of situation. That's
how you know without knowing you know exactly why yet
(35:05):
because you haven't done a deep knife. But is this
a healthy relationship for me? Do I? Do I value
this relationship or is it? Is it a forced relationship?
Is it something I'm overgiving or undervaluing or you know,
over sensitive about? Like you just know your nervous system,
your whole body system will tell you so pain, drop
(35:26):
it into your belly and feel Does this feel good?
Or am I dreading this?
Speaker 1 (35:31):
That's brilliant. Yes, that's absolutely brilliant. So we're gonna tie
this one up. But I'm gonna tease y'all for the
next episode because I'm going to tell the story about Deadpool.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Okay, that's a nice name dropper, It's awesome.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
I'm gonna tell you inside really interesting story about Deadpool,
about about where you helped me get to So we're
going to talk about deadpools and a week or whenever
we're going to do it.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Okay, don't let me forget. I will got a written down.
Stay tuned. All right, Thanks for listening, everybody, and remember
our school is hard.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
Without your witchypoo and the other side.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
Thank y'all, Bye, Thank you, for joining us, everyone, and
a special thanks to our producer Joey pat and our
executive producer Maya Cole Howard, who guides us while we guide.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
You hit us up on Instagram at other Side Guides,
or shoot us a note at high Hi at vibes
dot store.
Speaker 2 (36:35):
We want to know what you think, we want to
know what you know, and we want to hear your stories.
Speaker 1 (36:40):
And remember, our school is hard without the other Side.
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