Free Your Mind and Your Algorithm Will Follow

In this episode Jill, Laiya, and Aja talk to F.D. Signifier a content creator who focuses on media, music, and subculture analysis. You can find his content on social media, YouTube, and Patreon. They dive into everything from the world of content creators, the manosphere, and how our algorithm works.

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/FDSignifire
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fdsignifier/?hl=en
Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@f.dsignifire?lang=en
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/fdsignifier

 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Jay dot il, a production of I Heart Radio. Hi. Hi,
everybody's welcome to Jay dot Elder Podcast. Uh, it is
a glorious day to be a black woman here. Feel

(00:24):
good right. I feel like my my feet have been
beside you, even though they haven't. I feel like I
have had a wonderful afternoon of just stimuli. I'm titulated.
So welcome to Jay dot Elder Podcast, and I'm hoping

(00:45):
that we titulate you all today. I'm here with my
sister friends, Ada graydon Donza. I just feel like you
would saying Diddy for everybody you know me. I was
just at the I'm sorry, hello everyone, how are you? Yes,

(01:08):
we're going to titty late, let's do it, and and
then tentifying like yes sink Claire as they say a
DC A tenny ball. I'm sorry, Okay, I'm sorry. We
are having a good day. Okay. I hope that you

(01:29):
all are having a good day too. It's funny like
this is the way we want to feel. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we want to feel like joyful and energetic and you know,
kind of reason to smile. It's funny though that we
will suck around on this Beyonce's Internet, and out of

(01:49):
all the fantastic things that there are, people are you know,
there's a lot of positive energy, a lot of positive
things to say. We say, we look at these things
and scroll right on buy and wait for some chaos,
wait for some train wrecks, for some foolishness. Really like, seriously,
something that a fool would do, you know, to make

(02:11):
the king laugh. You know, that's what we're waiting for.
And I'm wondering, I'm wondering why we do that. We
have a guest today that is going to talk about
these things with us eight Ja Graden Dance. If you'd
be so kind, y'all know that I if you listen
to show, you know, I'd be on the internet, Okay,
I'd be on the social media's and you know, and

(02:34):
certainly it is, you know, not a place that doesn't
have more than enough charismatic people who will pull in
the vibe and before you know it, they like all
the way social media is famous. But they are absolutely
and one hundred percent probably mad tick And the worst

(02:55):
problematic earth that you can do is then tell their
loyal and I mean fanatical audience that they are a problem.
And there you have it, it becomes a war outside.
No man is safe safe, you know what I'm saying.

(03:21):
So anyway, I want to introduce y'all to our guests
for today. His name is f D Signifier. He is
a former educator and researcher turned content creator who specializes
in analyzing black culture and black experience through media analysis.
His previous experience is working with boys and men and
researching behavioral health. Has continued in his work discussing issues

(03:41):
of gender and masculinity in his content. So y'all know,
he gets really talked about real bad on the people's
social media's you know what I'm saying, and they come
for you. Finally, I want y'all to know right now
that he is a loving husband and father of two
black boys. Him invested interest in contributing to a better

(04:02):
world where his boys can feel safe, actualized You're gonna
underline that, and fully realized humans underlining quote unquote strong
black men. In between content creation, FD is a media
junkie and Chicago Bears fan, which you want to talk
about because we and a gamer. So anyway, I heard

(04:23):
this guy and he really, hands down has one of
the best analysis that I've seen on the people's internet,
and they can't come for him and call him all
the names because he fits into all of the stereotypical
uh you know boxes married and surprise though they still do.
But welcome, welcome, welcome FD signifier to Jay by Area.

(04:45):
I love the name. Thank you so much. Don't even though,
like I gotta get the nerves out, especially after you
read them a little bio. I'm like, oh shit, I'm
really here? Are we cursing? Yeah? Okay, cool. We didn't
have a whole titty roundtable moment to get into the
it's a teddy round table. So yeah, this is this
is dope. This is uh a dream come true in
a weird way. Like I'm gonna tell when I tell

(05:07):
my boys that I was on a zoom call with
Jill Scott. No, no shade of a lady in the room.
But I'm just keeping the room. You know. It is
Harry's done. You know it was it was, it was twisted,
it roped up. I was like, I need to get
these curls crimping for on this podcast. The elbows are moisturized.

(05:29):
I got my most medium shirt. You know what I'm saying, Like, no,
thank you so yes, yeah, So this is just like
a wild experience to be here to talk my ship
to people that I admire, this is this is crazy
for me. So I'm very appreciative to be here and
hope that I can contribute what y'all want from my presence.
This is her social media is as wild is a

(05:50):
wild experience. So we need some navigation. Oh man, uh
just leave like like real talk. I am twittering less,
uh in twenty twenty three, especially on Elon must twitter
because after you get a certain amount of followers or whatever,
and especially if you talk about certain things and you

(06:12):
in different populations of a political thought, like one tweet
that you're not thinking too hard about will haunt you
for a whole week, you know what I'm saying, and
and be don cost you a couple of thousand subs
or a couple of nights arguing with people. So we
I'm it, Twitter hacks your brain. So I'm trying to
reduce my presence there, you know, but you still follow

(06:34):
me as if they sitting on Twitter. You at. One
of the things that I always find interesting about the
way that you you look at things is like, you know,
you try to find this kind of fair way to
discuss this right and get into all the different ways
that people can be drawn in. And one of the
things that you know that that hurts us, particularly as
Black people, is that we are very much kind of

(06:56):
tied into charismatic people. You know, we talk about out
Malcolm X and mL K and you know, these leaders
and the movement icons, and we look at this moment
and I think we're very emotionally attached to this. And
so do you see like a connection between what are
the desires of black people and how do we get

(07:17):
kind of pulled into these moments with these specific type
of personalities online Because you guys, remember it used to
be like a melody, you know, well, I mean I
think that may still be a very big part of it.
You know, you've got the pastors and and you know why,

(07:37):
you know that people come back over and over and
over again. There's a cadence in the rhythm that's still
you know, people, So like, I'm not I'm gonna try
to throw as minimal shade to people as possible, but
I'm gonna just say a particular Pan African political figure
that has popped up a lot, I'm sure you all

(07:59):
he does that very will, and that is the key
I would say to his prominence, Um he's been on
Breakfast Club a couple of times. Um he's building a school.
I'm sure he is right. So like he has an
excellent like he embodies that that like rhythm of the pastor.

(08:21):
You know what I'm saying. That was a thing for
Kevin Samuel's where it's like there's an image, especially for
black men that we kind of desire this cadence in
this image. To answer your question, I think black folks
just want to see like health and wellness in front
of us. We want to see success. Who want to
see blackness that hasn't been ruined by white supremacy. You

(08:44):
know what I experience. And so if you show them that,
even if it's not quite real, even if it's a
little even if the message is a little thrown off,
you get attached to the image because that image is
you know, that's the thing that gets us going, because
that's maybe the thing we want to pursue. You go
back to Fred Hampton, you know what I mean. You
ever hear Fred Hampton talk, He sounds like a pastor.

(09:05):
You know, it's it's a rhythment. Maybe it's in our bones.
Maybe it's in the melan I don't know, but it's
in there, so we gravitate to that. But it's also
you know, to me, honestly, it just seems like the
uglier the energy is behind something, you know, whatever it
is you're talking about, whether you're talking about sports or

(09:25):
you're talking about music or faith, whatever it is, it
seems like the uglier the energy, the more people are
attracted to it. And you know, I don't know about
the rest of y'all, but that definitely concerns me because
we're seeing things like toxic relationships, and we're watching it

(09:47):
and it is fascinating. It's fascinating in the middle of
the street, Yes, it's very fascinating, right right, Like nobody
wants that, right right, I mean, we want to consume it.
Maybe I don't think anybody wants to be fighting in
the middle of the street, but I don't know. There's

(10:08):
it's hard to look away. And so then one thing
I talk about a lot in my content is how
so much of our consumption of media now is controlled
by algorithmsifier thank you. I don't know how deep, y'all
I get into it, but like, like YouTube, Twitter, TikTok Facebook.

(10:31):
Once upon a time, you just had an account and
you connected your friends to your account or the people
you like to watch your account, and that's what showed
up when you opened up the app. And ten or
so years ago, a little more than that, probably people
started understanding algorithmically based consumption models for these apps were

(10:52):
better for keeping up engagement, aka better for keeping you scrolling,
to keep you looking, to keep you on the app.
And so the most engaging thing for humans across the
board tends to be the abhorrent, the scary, the disgusting,
the repulse of the violent, the things that like, it's

(11:13):
a proven thing in research that you will sit and
look at something that brings you that makes you feel
anger or discussed longer than something that makes you feel joy.
Like that's just they've they've tested this, and so world
Star exists, right, Like it's why a site like world
Star can exist. World Star was probably where they figured
it out, Like world Star started before all of this stuff.

(11:34):
It algorithm is popping world Star wars like yo fight
videos and and and upfront about it. Yeah, this is
where this is kind of what we're here for. And
and really with that the whole reality of that from
like a from science, okay, like just from the data, okay,
knowing that as black people we have to kind of

(11:55):
enter into this space like hyper aware, knowing that this
is what is happening to us. And what's messed up
about is that social media has been a place where
we really have benefited from some very good information. So
what I find is really difficult is or especially to
explain to other black folks whom I love, is that, Okay, listen,

(12:16):
just because you believe a thing right, you believe this
thing right, and you look at content that validates this
thing you believe. Every time you look at that content,
you're getting more and more of it, and so in
your mind, you're thinking, I'm getting my belief validated through
the information that I'm taking in. So I'm researched, I've
looked at all of the you know, I've heard it

(12:38):
from five different sources. When the app is basically saying, Okay,
you like strawberries, I'm just going to send you fifty
different types of strawberry content so that you start to
believe that strawberries is the preferred fruit for the entire
you know country, everybody likes strawberries. No one's allergic, you

(12:59):
know what I'm saying. It was like I think that
at the end of the day, it's like this thing
where we we go to a go there for something
and it has now become really our Achilles heel, you
know what I'm saying, and soul. Anyway, I just love
you to kind of speak to some of that energy
as we're as we're out here trying to get conscious.
Like okay, we're out here trying to get woked it
and trying to figure stuff out. You ain't gonna do

(13:21):
it through social media, not without a real You better
hit them encyclopedias back up. That's that's where my like,
if you want to ask you my my intellectual foundation started.
It was being a nerdy little boy who had that
full own box set of all the books in the basement.
So it's the Nintendo, it was, it was my cousin's

(13:43):
DJ tables, and it was Encyclopedia. That was our culture
and our time. So yeah, all of us had that,
but no, honey, I had our through them. Okay, girl,
I keep trying to tell you it was bougie the
whole thing. Neither don't get it. I had the whole thing,
and I'm from North Philly, North Side. I'm just saying

(14:08):
I was Chicago suburbs. I own the relative boogeness of
my experience. You know it is, we enjoy it. It's
a Chicago thing to a degree. People don't talk about
that part of Chicago. Chicago old black money. Got some
old black money in Chicago, right right, Which we'll circle
back to that in a second. Maybe. Yeah. My point

(14:28):
was to amplify what Age was just saying. If I
search something on Google or better yet, on one YouTube,
especially YouTube tracks what I searched for, and it gives
me what it thinks is its best like answers to
that question, and then it tracks which one I click on,
and then it uses that information to say, okay, this

(14:50):
person is you know, it pulls all It's like it's
like one of the Matrix movie where they pulling off
the screens in the one spot. It does that to
kind of say, okay, we know now collecting data on
this user, and we're going to surround this user with
things that will keep it watching. And just as as
Agent said, this tricks us into thinking that this is

(15:10):
all of YouTube, this is the world, This is the
information that everybody's seeing. But no, that is information that
has been curated for you to see, not for accuracy
or for your intellectual enhancement, but for you to keep
watching and so it will catch it will catch tendencies,
and it's and it's got two billion users, so it's

(15:33):
seen enough for us before to say, Okay, this person
clicked this, this, and this, so we know exactly what
to bring to the table and what it brings to
the table. If it's some bullshit, if it's some wild shit,
if it knows it places your vulnerabilities and it'll keep
you clicking. Like the thing I talked about a lot
in one of my videos when I was talking about
the manisphere, is that my research. And this is not

(15:55):
like I am an academic researcher by trade, but this
is also this is YouTube the time, right, But the
research I've done, the people I'll talk to the Minister
of People will come at between like thirteen and twenty
two and they'll give you six months to two years.
The average person, and what happens is they have a breakup,
they get cheated on, they get dumped, they strike out

(16:17):
on a girl they really liked, they feel like they
got played, they got you know whatever, and they start
they'll just search how to talk the girls. And so
how to talk the girls might start with some decent,
you know, some decent advice. Yo, be yourself and you know,
make sure you wear your best outfit. Don't be trying
to talk to girls when when you ask you whatever,
it'll start with that. But like two or three more

(16:37):
clicks in this. You know women, you wouldn't be so hard.
Women were more submissive. And if black women didn't do
this and didn't do that. And once you start and
you're vulnerable in that moment because you're usually coming from
a place of lacking pain, and you hear people in
your ear telling you exactly what you want to hear,
it's a very it's a grooming process, and boys are
actually groomed from early on. That's why that statement I

(17:00):
made at the beginning, not just strong black men, because
while I aspire to and desire that from myself and
my sons, that sets a precedent for boys to be
groomed into certain attitudes and certain world views that are
harmful not just to other people if they don't do
it right, but to their own emotional wellness. And so
if you like been in that for a long time

(17:22):
and you start getting them videos telling you it's all
the women's fault, man, that'll suck you right in. I
don't know what it is. It's in our brains, it's
in our systems. We see the results. You know. It's
the same thing with the q onin folks, any type
of nonsense when people are vulnerable, the nonsense will that
feels that vulnerability, that makes them feel whole again, They're
gonna seek that out like a drug in the algorithm,

(17:43):
just a computer. I don't care. It just knows you
can keep watching these ads. That's all it cares about.
More real talk after the break. So while you're out

(18:05):
there trying to kind of counteract us as a creator, right,
and you're out there saying, okay, I'm pointing this out
to y'all and specifically about the minisphere, which when you
answer this, I would love for you to like just
kind of give our listeners a little bit of a
background and what that is. But I think, um, so
while you're out there doing that, what is the reaction

(18:27):
from from your own folk black folk men and women, Like,
what is this reaction like when you say, Hey, this
is what you're listening to is playing to your vulnerability.
There's a problem. What is the feedback? It's a Bill Kurve, right,
So it's like a variety of different responses. The first
thing I want to put out there is that you know,

(18:47):
and I'm sure you I assume that you all have
experienced in real life like good brothers. You know what
I'm saying. We all know, we all know a few
of them dudes. But like in my experience, most of
the men in my life and that I've been around,
wouldn't set foot in the manisphere, wouldn't be caught dead.
Like I said it in one of my videos, these
dudes are low key, really losers. But they but they're

(19:10):
they're charged up, like they're propped up by the algorithms.
They're propped up because they make for good content. Literally hilarious. Yeah,
it's very exactly. You know, train wrecks. You know, I'm
going to use some language that clowns. I'm trying. I'm
trying to be careful of my in my language about

(19:31):
ableis and mental illness. Clown clown niggels. I feel good
about that one. And so a clown nigga can't be
the center of attention anywhere but the Internet. But if
he gets in the Internet and he's surrounded by the
clown niggas, he becomes like clown clown, he becomes Kevin Samuels,
you know what I'm saying. Like, if you know Kevin
Samuels's background, you know, and this is not to disparage

(19:53):
the dead for those who are sensitive to that, but
if you if you research his background, that man was
a buffoon and a loser for most of his life
until he embarrassed a black woman and collected a lot
of clowns. You know what I'm saying. And some of
his clowns where other black women. Let's be let's keep
a buck, keep it a buck, um, right right, right.
So to answer your question, I have a lot of

(20:15):
black men, the vast I would say. If I have
four hundred thousand some chain subscribers, I'm gonna say thirty
forty percent of that as black men. And most of
those men are like, I am so happy to hear
somebody speaking and making me feel like I'm not crazy,
you know what I'm saying, making me feel like I'm
not the only one, because you know, We're gonna be real.

(20:35):
We're still a lot of men. Most men still operate
with a traditional classically masculine persona and ideology that's tied
to patriarchy, and that can be that has lots of
evidence that that doesn't lead to good things in certain situations,
white supremacy. You know, these these traditional gender norms are

(20:55):
tend to be unhealthy and in their best their typhone.
If there worse, they're Kevin Samuels, right, And so you know,
I don't I don't expect every brother to be as
deep into the leftist theory as I am. But a
lot of brothers don't like how black women, especially online,
talk about us and perceive us. And it's because we've

(21:17):
allowed these Well before I used to say, it's because
we've allowed these other men to speak for us on
social media platforms. And what I found out after getting
on here is that it's almost impossible to be a
black man and gain a platform without doing that crazy shit.

(21:37):
You know what I'm saying, because the algorithm will not
reward it. I gotta go on. It's gotta be one,
it's got to be more than just got be. But
let's take that statement that all more of them will
not reward it. And people are making a living off
of the Internet. And if you don't have something that's
salacious or a spirited then you're not going to make

(22:03):
the money that you you possibly could, or at least
making other people money. You gotta be able to make
other people money if you ain't got that other stuff.
Isn't this doubly triplely dangerous for black folk? Oh yeah,
like to engage in this kind of behavior. Yeah, it's
it's it's all those things because there and we're also
furthering the perception of who we are. Yeah, yeah, we

(22:28):
continuing that. It's it's it's a very hard So, like
I got on because I did some uh I pults me.
So I don't know some Michael Eric Dyson, uh some
Uh what's the what's the Van Jones? I did some
really good like, Hey, I'm a here's a video. I
am an intelligent I mean to stand up intellectual black man.

(22:51):
Yes I am intellectual black man that I love black
women Jones. But yes, I will talk to you about race,
but I won't make you feel so bad. Here's me
explaining to all the things. And so like I didn't
know I was doing that. I was just making videos
and then but I started to see like who I
was attracting with that. Now I was like, okay, okay,

(23:12):
I'm seeing how to split together. So my next video,
I'm starting out talking about the Saint Louis Race riots
first vide, I'll have to hit a million views my
next video. I started out with the Saint Louis Race riots.
But to kind of like say yes to you know
what YA was saying. I got on by proving myself
valuable to a whole different audience. And once I kind

(23:33):
of had that in hand, I started saying, how can
I serve essentially two masters? How can I bring out
all this other stuff that is truly more important to
me as a creator, but also make sure that algorithm
respects my gangster and keeps on showing people my videos
because people will have a million subscribers. But every video

(23:53):
is a new as a news. It's like I call
it a credit score. It's like a credit check. And
so like, right now, I got really good credit. So
if I drop a video, YouTube's like, hey, send that
nigga video everywhere. If we're good, that bore good. But
if I drop a couple of turns a couple of
joints that don't do well people not feeling them. It's
going to drop my credit score, and even if even

(24:14):
if nobody unsubscribed to my channel, it's going to be
hard for my video to reach as many people as
it did if I kept that credit score up. Thus
like and share. So in that mindset, there's a formula.
I'm guessing that you know this. There's like it must
be at least a few things that you do for
Relic in every video to kind of know that this
will at least get me here, right? Are there things

(24:37):
like that something like that? Like I know, so YouTube
gives you all your data and tells you about your
audience or who your audience watching, what they're searching for, etc.
So like, right now, my audience has been really like
I made a Lauren Hill video a couple of months back,
and so like people keep searching for Lauren Hill and
find my video. So like the algorithms telling me, hey,
making another Lauren Hill video, and I'm like, I don't

(24:57):
know if you understand that that's not going to really work.
I'm gonna trust my own instincts and then try to
do like Lauren Hill all the time and lose a
lot of people. So it gives you data. So yes,
like my next video, the video, I got a video
coming out in two weeks that's just gonna be all
about drama and like a lot of what I'm talking
to y'a all about, right, So I know that's gonna kill.

(25:18):
And then after that, I'm going to talk about men's desirability,
which I know I have a strong male fan base
and there's a lot of women that want to learn
and understand men better, So I know that video's gonna
do well. After that, I'm talking about black leftist movements
and black political movements from like you know, I'm explaining
how Mark the King and Malcolm X are really socialists

(25:38):
and stuff like that. That'll be good, right, the same audience,
And exactly I'm gonna wait for that video, right right,
you have worried about my drama videos. I'm gonna talk
about these white folks thisssing me on the back end,
right I know they are. But then I'm gonna come
back to give you some life when I get back

(26:00):
to this Fred Hampton, Uh the King stuff, w boys,
black nationalism stuff. It's like, okay, now, I gotta pull
y'all back in, because that's that's why I want to
say anywhere this is mind blowing because people don't really,
I don't know, people respect content creators enough to know that, Like,
do y'all realize that this man just said he has
already prepared for four shows, like he's a month ahead
and it's more than that months? How many months? I'm

(26:23):
four videos down right now? So four months if I
release one one a month, okay, you know my and
then all of that to the thing is one for
the algorithm, one for the fans, one for you, hold
on right, one for the did your school listen? Write
it down? Down? One more time? The man has damn

(26:45):
there half a million subscribers. That's done a year and
a half. One for the algorithm, come on. Two one
for the fans, one for the fans, one for you,
one for you. I'm doing like I'm doing like two
for the algorithm, one for the ands, and then one
for me. Um And that last one is uh is
a I almost don't want to say it because I

(27:07):
just wanted to be a surprise with people. It's about
a rapper. It's about a rapper that don't nobody talk
about no more. But he's low key one of the
most influential rappers to ever spit but like he was
such a a weird, unique figure that like he just
kind of disappeared. Nope, Nope. When I tell this story,

(27:27):
you're gonna be like you right, You're right. I don't.
I still like them, but because I don't like him,
he's hilarious to me. But when I when I went
through his story, I was like, Yo, this story is like,
this is like one of the most important figures in
hip hop is alive. He's still alive. He's still making
music too. But you gotta wait till like March March,

(27:49):
March April ish. That's when the show, that's when you're doing.
That's when that video is going to Oh my god,
I gotta get my min together. That is a beautiful planning,
it is. But this is the thing, right, So, if
you're gonna be righteous, I'm sorry, if you're going to
even try to be righteous in these on these platforms,
in these streets, you have to be very intentional. And

(28:10):
what that has to tell you is that those who
don't mean you any good are also intentional. Who if
who who claim to be righteous, but everything about them
says that they are feeding the algorithm. They want the
algorithm to reward them. And so these are things I
need to be clear on. Yeah, is this so, is

(28:32):
this an entire world of for lack of a better phrase, sellouts.
I mean, it's selling out now though, but it for
different purposes. Yeah, I would say it's for the same purpose.
It's just easier to do it now. And it's more
like the rewards are more instant, you know what I mean, Like,

(28:53):
can you talk about that? Can you talk about the rewards?
The rewards are clout, fame, money, you know what I'm saying,
and low effort like the thing that's the other thing
that's crazy. So let's you know, insert I'm much again.
I'm gonna try to not throw shave it. Insert like
Raggedy Nigga here with a platform, right, you know, just
putting in your head and then think about how much

(29:14):
work I put for agencies. You've watched, You've seen how
much work I'll be putting in my videos. You know,
I'm writing ten thousand words scripts. I got a whole editor,
I paid for per project. I got music direction from
my head, I got art direction. I'm on Twitter. I'm
managing like I'm doing all kinds of stuff because I
know the algorithm. I gotta keep showing it's it's really

(29:36):
on some twice as good for half as much shit.
But if I was a coofye nigga that just wanted
to shoot on black women, I could easily make the
same amount, do the same numbers, and and with like
a fraction of the effort. Like you look at you
look at Kevin Samuels's rise, like he never even had

(29:56):
decent audio, Like he never got he never figured out. Yeah,
but no, right he show up, he says. And the
funniest thing is when you hear people say, the excuse
that most folks would make for Kevin Samuels is that
he just really wanted to help black people. You know
what I'm saying, He's just running black men and women

(30:17):
to get right and get married, et cetera, et cetera.
Which if you, if you stretch, you could you could
pull that out of his content. But what you what
you realize if you do the research, is that whatever
positive he was doing, what didn't nobody care? What nobody
paying attention until he started embarrassing black women. And when
he started embarrassing black women. Yeah, suddenly the floodgates opened

(30:40):
for him to get more attention. He started going viral
over and over again, and then he became this prophet
to people. You know what I'm saying, it's like, oh
were you what did you come for? When did you?
When did you get there? Because he would talk bad
as he would talk just as bad about black men
as he did black women on at times. It's just
that those pieces wouldn't always take it out of the

(31:01):
into virility. And is this cross cultural? What I'm asking
is if an Asian man did the same to Asian women,
if a Latin like is it just asked the question? Yeah, sorry,
it's number one? Is this cross cultural? Where it occurs?
And number two, would they be as successful or are
we just the most successful at this because of black

(31:24):
women being in the target. It's it's so this a
both end. So yes, it's cross cultural. However, shitting on
black people is like the top tier. That's the that's
the code, is it, Kobe b for that's the that's
the top of the top of the food chain. One

(31:46):
thing I realized, so within the manisphere, there are no
major white figures, none of the major figures in the
manisphere that have been successful over the years have been
white men. They've all been South Asian. Um uh, we'll
say racially yea South Asian, not East Asian. That's a
very clear thing. They're a South Asian racially ambiguous, right, Well,

(32:11):
we're talking about as a guy, one of the new guys.
It's his name is Hamza. He's not as overtly toxic,
but he is a South Asian man from the UK,
very dark skinned, very good shape, and it's it's something
about how we consume. One thing people don't think about
is how everybody We talk about patriarchy in general, and

(32:34):
understandably so we're usually thinking about how patriarchy affects women
because women are usually on the receiving end of the
worst effects of patriarchy. But we don't always we don't
always have a good breakdown of how patriarchy is fueled
by the bodies the humanity of men, and the most

(32:54):
useful fuel is always going to be men of color,
because patriarchy of a self is a white supremacist construct.
So white men don't want to see other white men.
We don't want to see other white men acting crazy
towards their women. That ruins the mystique. We are on
a pedestal, so you're not supposed to do that. You
can't be doing that. So if you are a white man,

(33:15):
you can talk crazy about and trust me, those dudes
are out there, but they'll never be big because they
will be like there's an internal element especially and proud
boys don't do that. They do they do on the load,
but we just do that doesn't make it out. There's
plenty of like proud boys have done, they do on
the load, but that doesn't make it. That doesn't make

(33:35):
it out. What that doesn't go viral, that doesn't go
to the top their success? Yes, what gives them? Do
they get out? You know with the racism and the qcause.
But for for misogyny, we have it because it has
to be men of color, because misogyny is only really
okay against women of color who are real them in

(34:00):
to begin with, I can't deal with these truths. Put
this to these people. No, no, seriously, listen, Oh babay,
my edges are tangling because they're growing. A tan is
coming in. It's so thick to see the hair growing.

(34:21):
It's like a y and silky Jill Okay, I think
I think she is shocked. Ladies and gentlemen, Jill, I
think she. I don't know. We're gonna take a quick
break and then we'll be right back. I want you

(34:46):
to keep going about the humanity of men and how
patriarchy really affects them as a black women, because no,
seriously no, because this is something we don't talk about.
There is there does seem to be to be an
uptick and black men who are starting to express just
how heavy this load has been. Unfortunately some of them
tend to express that frustration towards black women. But help us,

(35:10):
help us to help them or help them to make
this connection as to who is really at fault for
the fact that you don't feel human and that how
patriarchy is really like chilling on your shoulder's head neck
back on a chess daily. So let's let's be clear.
The source of this problem is white supremacist capitalist patriarchy.

(35:31):
Now us, that's your good old Bill Hooks. And some
brothers hate hate on Bill Hooks. But like I ain't
one of them. You know what I'm saying. Every every
scholar has their flaws. Bill Hooks as less than most
and gives and gave gave life when I needed it
as a black man, when I was having my sons
um And so it starts with that because black people

(35:53):
were never meant to like embody these gender norms and
like ideals as we strive to do. And I'm not
saying you should do that. I'm I am a heterosexual man,
bread winner. Now offer YouTube money. Two kids, two boys,
were raising them as boys until further notice, Like I
am not put pulling the classic nature of of what's

(36:16):
it's safe is to do as a human in this country.
It's safe is to just go with the flow unless
you can't do it right. But what happens is we
start to think, and this is something, this is a
survival tactic from black people. We say, yo, you keep
doing this other shit. We can't stop stop that. You
know what I'm saying. As little girls, it was you
acting fast. Pull you know that skirt too short? You

(36:39):
know what I'm saying. The attitude is too loose, whatever
it is, and that is a protective like that's a
goal of protecting you, but it's an attack on your humanity,
you know what I'm saying. At the same time, and
we don't always have the language to say you know,
you know, big Mama didn't have the language to say, yo,
I'm trying to protect you from these streets or from
those people, from the boys, whatever that little big Mama said.

(37:02):
If you don't sit your ass down, I'm gonna get you,
know what I'm saying. Like, and so without unpacking that,
these things just become regular, normal statistical stuff does. And
so with boys it's worse because over time a lot
of women, you all develop a you all have more
opportunities to develop a critical lens on how you're treated

(37:24):
because you're you're you're you want to survive, right, You're
like trying to survive situations that I ain't. Like when
my all let my wife get gass here in Atlanta,
Like if the guards gotta get gassed up and I'm not,
and I'm not, Like my wife will take off the garbage,
but she won't get gas. You know what I'm saying,
I'm not even knowing that like a real man whatever,
I don't do that. But I know that if somebody

(37:46):
gonna get if I might go to the gas station
get robbed, my wife might go and get robbed and
kidnap you feel me, So it's a different set of risks. Yeah,
And so women develop this critical lens there's so much
out there for women to develop this critical lens um
at different stages in life. There's just so much there.
But for men we are kind of held to this no,

(38:09):
but you gotta be the men. And and a real
man does blank, And it's like, what if I don't
do that, does that make am I no longer real man?
And from that unfill so much trauma. And because of
the nature of emotions among men, we can't even unpack
that trauma. So we drink it, we smoke it, we

(38:33):
beat it, you know what I mean, we take it
out on y'all. Um. Like the thing a thing that
every every brother, So two things that almost every brother
you talk to will tell you is he probably he
was told he had to stop crying, and a woman
probably told him, and a woman probably told him ye.
And then he probably lost his virginity well before he

(38:59):
was ready to be engaged in sexual activity to a
woman that was way older than him. And though and
and and like, so you have men and so these
are like foundational experiences that black men, in particular, we
are more um exposed to these risk factors. Um, And
we've been dealing with this for as long as y'all

(39:20):
been dealing with everything y'all have been dealing with. We're
talking about general rate, we're talking about posts reconstruction, we've
been dealing with this ship and we still like the
sex thing, the the the habitual, the the the ritual
rape of black boys still hasn't entered this conversation. We're
at least talking about the crime, about the heaviness, right

(39:41):
we have, Yeah, we had a whole episode about this. Yeah, yeah,
y'all Black men and losing verity so young to older women,
and brothers ain't ready to have that conversation. I still can't.
It's still hard for me to get a brother to
think about whether or not him losing his virginity at
thirteen to a thirty year old was a healthy thing
for him, you know what I mean. And you look
at some of the brothers, brothers, and this is and

(40:03):
this is where it gets complex, right because because we're
talking about the problem, right, why supremacist superstructure, right, But
we in community together. So when I start yelling who
I'm ana hit first, I'm a yellow one of y'all.
And if I get hurt, who I'm gonna get hurt,
But I'm gonna get hurt by one of y'all. And
so like, it becomes complex because we we we see
who we see in the news on a regular basis

(40:24):
as black Man, Nick Cannon, the baby Chris Brown once
upon a time, Mike Tyson, all of those brothers, Little Wayne,
all of those brothers are victims of child sexual assault
that they that they r Kelly, I forgot about. Did
I call it? Did not call it? Yea call it? Yeah? Yeah, Oh,

(40:50):
I'm sorry. You asked me what was wrong with me earlier?
Nothing's wrong with me. I'm just receiving all of this information,
and it's hiding. It's it's heavy, it's it's very very heavy,
because you know, they're absolutely incredible men that I love,
and I have a son, and I have nephews, and

(41:13):
I'm watching this negative energy towards all of us, towards
all of us. Bitches ain't shit, niggas, ain't worth nothing.
You gotta get that money, get money off them. Niggas.
They're not people anymore. They're not human beings in any way,
shape or form. There are means to an end and

(41:34):
that is all. And that is very painful to me
for just just for the future. It is very painful
to me as a woman. I'm like in anytime. Okay,
for instance, um, something very close to me is an
incredible philanthropist on a regular basis. And I'm and I'm

(41:58):
not saying once a month, I'm talking come out once
a week. It's a whole effort to get homeless people
food and shelter and shoes and socks, you know, supplying
you know, crates and crates of socks for people like
you don't even think about it, but if you don't
have anything warm feet, like really really matter it, really
really mad. It's okay, So all of these gestures to

(42:20):
be kind and on his social media he'll get like
sixteen likes, sixteen, But that girl over there, who is
in a different outfit with you know, the same background,
is clapping her booty cheeks and she's about thousands of likes. Well, Jill,

(42:41):
have you seen anything when people do now they put
the little they put a girl who's like dancing tantally
with a little outfit on to get your attention and
then need to get your attention. And that's I think
that that's genus verse. Every time I see that, I think, Yes,
Lupa had a verse of one of his mixtapes where
he was like, Niples is nuclear missiles, Uh, you know

(43:02):
Loupelupe and so like it's on an old mixtape, and
he was talking about like, if I want to really
get some shit out, I gotta put it next to
the sexy to the sex syed right right right. And
I'm just trying to figure out, Okay, we know we're
aware of all the harms because the Adam motherfucker, so
niggas hear me something like that I got on the shirt.

(43:26):
So so how how on earth do we make this
work for our benefit? Like, I think that that's an
excellent suggestion. I've actually suggested that to them before, like
get to get a big booty Judie, let her dance
for about zero seven seconds and switch over to these
people are hungry in the country, right, and this is

(43:47):
what we're doing, and we'd appreciate some more support if
you could just you know, because it could be you
at any time. There's a conversation about you know, the
quote about the Master's tools, um, and yeah, I always
I'm always like, yeah, but I don't know, man, these short,

(44:08):
these swords are sharp, like these these tools is efficient
and so like there's I mean, like number one, intercommunal
local organizing is like it's key for anything you're doing
because you always be more beholden to the people who
you see I rl um or or online. You'll I'm sorry,

(44:30):
that's okay, Like and I'm forty, Like I ain't that
young personal zomig, we don't know that us us No,
that's fine, but as gen xers anyway, we are in
the height of having to keep up. So I'm not
surprised at your forty because we're the ones that got
to balance all this ship. Yeah, you're just a geriatric

(44:52):
midillennials beyond my ass, boy, I mean, you ain't got that. Yeah,
what's that? Can you can? You can you email that
to me? Email? Like right right? But yeah, they they
we gotta you know, local organization is useful, you know

(45:14):
what I'm saying, Like, just it starts with community because
communities will have like the research shows that the communities
that have the least amount of problems are the ones
that are the closest. Because you're not gonna rob the
store of your homeboy, auntie. You know what I mean.
You're not gonna break in your and your and your
sister's boyfriend or baby daddy house unless unless you're you know,

(45:36):
unless that was the plan. But you get my point.
Like generally, community is always a key, Yeah, But beyond that,
while we're in here, while we're on these platforms, we
gotta just we gotta step up the game, and we
gotta really like learn and understand how these systems work,
how they are not built and it's not And I

(45:58):
want to be clear, the system is a reflection of society.
It's a reflection of the people's reflection of where we are.
And let's I want to people want people say I
keep talking about the system, and I'm like, yeah, well,
if he fixed the system, the people will follow. But
I got to be clear, the people are there as well. Um.
But if we take advantage of how these systems work

(46:19):
and we understand how they maneuver, we can get certain
messages out there and grow. Like Kendrick Lamar is a
good example. Like when you when you like Kendra Lamar,
ain't did a whole song about trans understand the trans people.
This biggest rapper in the world did a whole song
about understanding trans people. It wasn't the perfect like you know,

(46:42):
like academic understood everything, but it's started the conversation you
never expected to come from the biggest rapper in the world.
I almost wish he would come outside more, but I'm like,
in a social way, just to fight some of the
other stuff like that. I saw him on a commercial
recently and I was like, damn, he don't do commercials.

(47:02):
This is crazy because you don't come out. But but
I think it's because of what we're talking about. It
is just the fact that it's like if you engage
too much, it can you can open yourself up to
the toxicity of it all, and it can shift you motivation,
it can shift what your you know, your ideals and
what's important to you. To have to kind of retreat

(47:22):
is important because you talked about community, but also think
it's that place to retreat, to pull out and to
reconnect to what it is is truly important to you
because and to reassess what your actual values are, like
why am I here? Why am I doing this? What
is my purpose? You know what I'm saying, because unfortunately
it's the quiet of it all. Another thing that we had.

(47:44):
You know, obviously, you know we all you know, our
members at the church and in that ministry. You know
what I'm saying. So even when we talk about rest
and that that kind of taking that moment to be
able to have space to think about our ideas because
there's so much rick, there's so much noise, there's so
much going on that you know, you don't even have

(48:05):
a chance to decide what you feel or think about
a thing. It's being dictated to you every single day,
all day long, and you'll be sitting up there spitting
an opinion. It's not even your opinion, it's it's the
shit you heard three or four and that's something that
you heard. You don't even know you know heard. You
know what I'm saying, to really think about how those

(48:27):
things affect the person to your left. You're right, your
front and your back. I tell people all the time,
people be talking about all this stuff about relationships, and
they grandma and the women ain't how they used to be.
I said, tell me, you ain't never had a conversation
with your grandma without telling me you ain't never had
a conversation with your grandma. Come on, tell me that
tell me you have never had a conversation with your

(48:48):
grandma without telling me that you ain't never had a
conversation with your grandma, right, say shit like women ain't
how they used to be Grandma, grandpa, stay together, y'all
came like you ever hear what grandma? I have to
deal with the statement exactly. And somebody tweeted this and
I will not take credit for this. Ign't remember the
girl's neighbor, she said, first of her. The reason why
some of us don't do the same things our grandma's

(49:09):
did because some of our grandmas pulled our asses off
to the side and said, don't do this, don't do that.
You know what I'm saying. So it's like it is
that the beauty of conversation, you know, and not to
not to be on our whole, Like let's turn it
full circle to what we do here at Drey darn Ill.
But that is what we do here. We're having a

(49:30):
conversation because at the end of the day, the culture
part of it is the harder part to change. Yeah, yeah,
it's because people some of the factors. And one thing
you said that also, I think connects to something Jill
just said, like a lot of brothers are in survival
more in a way that I don't think, Like, I
think women want to understand, and I think women think

(49:52):
they understand what I'm telling y'all, y'all don't understand. No,
we know, we don't understand. We know, we just want to.
We do want to. I think you, like a lot
of women do know that. But I think the nature
the energy, especially on social media, it feels like a
lot of brothers just feel like they're being talked down
to and talked over when they're trying to speak to

(50:13):
certain things. But even before that, right, Like, that's like
when we get into these frivolous, you know, gender wars conversations,
and I don't give a lot of credence to that
because so much of that is just for low key entertainment.
When I'm talking about like Jill's nephews, right what they what?
What has to be recognized. I talked about this in
the video I can't if y'all want to watch me

(50:34):
like this conversation with another brother from Chicago who like
is also deep into this um I talked about, y'all
remember the story of Yummy Sandiford. I don't he was
he was a thirteen year old Chicago, and I guess
this would have had to be ninety five, ninety six.
That guy, that guy he was. It's it's it's a
horrible story. I don't want to get too deep into
the story, but like that story haunts me because that

(50:58):
at thirteen, even in the sub birds, it hit me
like what black male humanity was really worse. I had
heard the Immett Till story before, which is also like,
you know, a scarring thing, and I had, you know,
heard such and such gang violence, whatever, whatever. But when
that boy's face popped up on the news, it took
a piece from it, like it took a piece from

(51:21):
me that I have yet to get back because I
see it in my son's eyes. And by the way,
my son just had a little boy died. My son
and we go to a good school. Little boy got
shot at the bowling now a couple of weeks ago,
soever years old. They didn't gone, and my son came
out of school. He was like, Dad, you did you
hear about the little boy that got shot? And I'm like, yeah, man, well,

(51:46):
and I almost said, like I didn't say this, but
it's like it was like I here, we go, this
is the beginning of this conversation. And so what these
boys need, what your nephews need, your sons, is they
need opportunity to take off that armor that they're building
because they see this, they see what just happened in Memphis.

(52:06):
You know what I'm saying. They see how how black
men are depicted, how we depict ourselves, and they start
they start adding plis, they start adding shelves, and that
allows them to be callous to women. That allows them
to be callous to each other, you know what I'm saying.
And like that is and that's why I, even though

(52:27):
I'm critical, I try to hold space because I'm lucky
enough to have had a relatively emotionally engaged father and
a lot of of like emotionally engaged men and strong
black women who said I not really though, like like
you be okay, protect you, mentors, access whatever. So I've
never had to armor up like some of these brothers said.

(52:49):
This typeree thing is really making I feel like two,
it's a whole other level of brother's arm armor, Like
this has just been heavy for all of us as
a community. But you know, yeah, because I think that
the thing is that like the humanity aspect, you said,
like you like here, it goes right here here, here's
the beginning of it. For me to look at my

(53:11):
son's and think, you know, I think a similar thing happened.
And I wouldn't say similar, but a somewhat similar thing
happens with women. The first time that you have to
talk to your daughter about what's going to happen when
she goes outside, regardless of what she's welcoming or not,
right that that that moment that you look at your
twelve year old daughter and you're like, damn it, I
gotta talk to her about cat calls. I got to

(53:32):
talk to her about creepy looks. I got to talk
to her about right, I got to talk it's and
and you've got to talk about old If you say
no that you're gonna be called a bit, you're stuck
up bl blah blah blah blah blah. So there's it's
similar somewhat, But I understand that the humanity aspect of it,
the life or death aspect of it, it is beyond

(53:55):
the understanding of not being able to live in that
body and live in that experience. And I want this
so badly for black men to be able to be
to understand their humanity, and for us to celebrate their
humanity and not in words, in action and understanding all
of these systems. If you're not having a conversation for me,

(54:16):
and much love to you, it doesn't affect my love right,
But for me, you can't have a conversation with me
about racism, about white supremacy, if we're not having a
conversation about gender patriarchy, if we're not talking about its
effect on your humanity in mind, then unfortunately, it is
not the level of conversation to which I'm interested in

(54:37):
engaging with you about. Like I can love you, I
can want the best for you, but we are not
able to have that conversation because it is one in
which I know it's never going to end up in
your liberation. You're not going to feel like a human
if you're not going to consider this part of the experience.

(54:57):
And that's the problem I have with so many soul calls,
so pro black folk that come out here. They don't
they're not really actually talking about the humanity of black men. Yeah,
they're playing a hit, still talking about a character. They're
still talking about something that don't exist. And that's the thing,
like imagine, Like, so I don't like to play the
oppression Olympics because it's it's always going to rail the conversation.

(55:21):
But the one thing I think that would help is
we both have this similar experience of like having to
like the personalized from our humanity as black people a
man and women as children. But the difference is, I
think women have developed that conversation over generations y'all, But

(55:42):
like niggas weren't even Like I'm the like niggas didn't
even talk to their fathers until like thirty years ago.
You hit a dad in the home that nigga did
not talk to you if you was born before nineteen eighty,
that's like and like to do that was to teach
you how to be a man. Shut the fuck up
and do the thing. Watch me and suck it up.

(56:04):
Watch me. Don't say shit till we don't ask for
a ug don't ask me how I feel. I don't
got no feelings, nigga, I'm surviving offenses and so like,
we haven't developed that stuff. And so that's what I
think a lot of brothers are doing now. And it's
hard because and I'm gonna just keep it real. It's
hard on all lovers y'all can think of. It's there's

(56:26):
a lot of brothers that's so invested in patriarch and
they're like, these niggas soft, these niggas gay, these niggasist
is niggas that we need the real man to stand up.
That's what we need. And it's like, all right, y'all
been here for a minute, We see what y'all been
spending your time on. So it's a lot of that,
right white spens. But a thing that doesn't get talked
about is women are invested in that caricature as much

(56:47):
as men are. Oh yeah, yeah man or a strong
man right right then that nigga was emotional, and that's
don't do that. Don't do that. You know, it's can balance,
that's all us I'm saying, as us. The balance is

(57:11):
all fair. More conversation after the break. Can I can
I propose how to fix this thing? I don't know.

(57:32):
I don't know, but I think you know, this goes
back to how do we eat an elephant? You know
one by that at the time deep programming programming process
because because because it can go either way, when when
you when you're dealing with the man, and then the
man is for emotional You know that can't work either.

(57:54):
It's irrational. It's a risk for y'all different than us,
you know what I'm saying, Because yeah, like y'all just
needs to be normal, because you never know which dude is,
like right, But I need you to have at least
five emotions, and not just to please oh please. I
don't care about the number of emotions. I just need

(58:14):
you to maybe like develop a little bit of your
ability to have the words that match them. Thank you,
like just say I don't. You can say all the
things you want to feel, like bro, but if it's
if it's if it's jealousy, if it's an abandoned men,
if it's if it's you know whatever, whatever, the words are, happy, joy, whatever.
I just when I went to therapy, I got this

(58:36):
picture of a yarn, right, and it was called the
Ball of Emotions, and on all the little pieces of
yarn were different feeling words. And I realize how little
feeling word vocabulary I had as an adult person. And
that's why I don't fault men or anybody for not
having this language. I'm just asking that we all try

(58:58):
because if we can communicate with feeling, that changes and
it all cooking humanizes you towards each other. If you
can say this, this is what I am feeling. If
you have to default to happy or sad, angry, happy, sad, angry,
oh God in the bathroom, you need more than that. Yeah.
I just feel like they don't get hurt. And this
is real. As a brother, you don't get hurt if

(59:21):
you unless you're angry or lustful or violent, you know
what I mean. That's when we that's that's a that's
a Bill Hooks quote. You know what I'm saying. Black
man receive the most attention when they're violetly acting out.
And you don't think that's changing a little bit. It's
changing because I just said to a brother the other day,
I was like, he said, you know, he said he
got electric tooth brush and a therapist. And I was like, nigga,

(59:42):
you don't know how sexy that's saying. And an electric
two brush. You are evolved black man. And that's the frontier.
I think I'm one where so things are growing and changing, right,
and so some dudes are really feeling, they start to
feel insecure about the they status because like dudes will
come in the room be like, I'm an alpha male.

(01:00:03):
I'm an alpha male. I don't need emotions. I got
ten women, I got I got what the bugattis. That's
what Andrew Table was talking about. And it's like and
like there are less women have y'all are y'all look
at you know, y'all like this, This doesn't look like
a healthy brother. The build life went to connect too
long term. But this dude over here with the electric toothbrush,
in the in the in the plants, Yes, you plant

(01:00:29):
and it's healthy. Yeah. So like you if you got
to announce that you're an alpha male, you ain't be
an alpha male if you if you, if you'll you
know the my video coming up, we're talking about desirability.
And it's like the funny thing that I found through
my research. It's something I kind of knew but just
didn't have the details on. It's like dudes would be

(01:00:50):
on tender right, Dudes will there'll be they'll be in
a gym getting it in right. And so they got
the all the all the all the extra bumps and
veins that you know, somebody love it. Some ladies like it,
but they think all the ladies love it, and so
they tender thing be like who and it's like ain't no,
ain't when they're clicking that bro like if you don't,

(01:01:12):
if you don't, if you don't cook something. That's me
and my husband. Me and my husband will talking about
this recently about about like R and B music where
it's just like the old kind of go tos for
R and B male singers to like get women going.
They don't work anymore, like if you see it, it
just it's not the same that whole humping the stage
and you got your shirt unbuttoned down to the belly

(01:01:34):
button and it's like, you know, I've been giving the
hey girl, they still work for me. I don't know,
I said, I don't know for me as for me
and my study. So I think I'm going to love
for the It's nostalgic, baby, it's nostalgic. You old honey
is playing too into the nostalgiob. Okay, have you seen Bobby?

(01:01:55):
I mean I don't, I don't. I don't know what
the young bro boys I mean, I got it. I
see it like one of my home he's terb a
shout out to home term he got like, you know,
pink locks, and he got like the choker with the
cross on it, so he like he like a black vampire,
and like, I know, i'd be talking to him, like
I'd be careful. There's at a certain point once you

(01:02:17):
get enough subscribers, they're gonna come and you need to
be responsible and smart about how them dms work, because
the dms, you know, it's it's it's it's an interesting experience.
And I'm not I wasn't a brother, you know, I'm
I'm from the nineties, so like being the thoughtful, intellectual
shot brother was not getting the panties thrown at me

(01:02:39):
in high school. But undergrad I figured out how to
perform uh masculinity, desirable masculinity, and you know, we got
some we learned some things, and then I met my
wife and we just grew together and figured it out
with each other. But like, if I was to hit
the streets again, I'd be like, I don't know what's
I don't know what these folds are doing. Getting all
the panties is even a cold like ever since I

(01:03:09):
hate that. It's a goal, man. I mean what I
said when I said I hate I would prefer you know, honestly,
you know, since I'm a mom, you know, and my aunt,
I would prefer for you to choose well that not
get it all quality over quantity for real, And I
would really love for you to care about your penis.
You care about you dick, if you you might want

(01:03:37):
to use that. And that's another thing brothers be, you know,
like it ain't possible, like some brothers will look like
I don't know, Jonathan Majors to look like he looks
right now. That ain't natural for most men. I think
maybe Michael b might be the only dude that ain't
working super super look like that. What you mean, y'all,
muscle memory is crazy better than ours, it's better in y'alls,

(01:04:00):
but like it still ain't to look like how Jonathan
Major's looks right now. Work on that. You gotta work
on that in a way that either you got certain
chemicals in your body or you got a ridiculous work ethic,
you know that. And that work ethic comes out of
costs and it calls certain equipment. Like folks, they won't

(01:04:20):
tell you that, y'all know that that's true, but oh
speak the truth. I just heard that, Yeah, and I
can also attest that there there's certain men that are
just blessed that way, just blessed what you do, just
like some women are just ridiculously blessed. God knew not

(01:04:44):
to give it to me, He knew she don't know,
she don't deserve it. Siana Sailors said, she don't. She
don't exercise at all. She just dance. And it's like,
clearly that's just a blessing, you know what I'm saying.
Some people like it. Some people are like that, I
should say, but I'll be trying to tell brothers, like,
look y'all out here, you you're gonna need like you

(01:05:04):
like Jill just said, you're gonna need that later. Yeah,
you know what I'm saying. Yeah, I didn't think about that.
You're teaching class today, sir. People like all kinds of
things anyway, you know. Also also blood pressure, So blood pressure,
please speak on it. I'm gonna Get'm gonna get a
little personal right. I'm forty years old. I was diagnosed

(01:05:25):
so how blood pressure at thirty six ish, and it
runs my family runs in a lot of folks families.
But also diet, I'm overweight, et cetera. And boy for
for like when I had to first get medicine for
that first six months, I was like, oh no, we
gotta something gotta give because I can't live like this.
I can't live like this for the rest of my life.

(01:05:45):
So um, and think I got started exercising, I got
to lower my dositch and I got functional and I
was like, okay, cool, And like, COVID has not been
nice to me in this new job where I'm literally
doing this for most of my days has put weight
on me. But you best believe your boy got a
gym membership late last year and I'm trying to work
it out for you. Some brothers will function, but they're

(01:06:08):
not in there, like they're not with you. And and
I'm sure y'all of it. Have you experienced that some
brothers can can can be there with the equipment that
you need, but the connection that you desire during the act,
they and they have been in and out of so
many women and so many experiences that they just don't
even have the valuative. It's very performed because because a

(01:06:30):
lot of brothers. I have a video you can watch.
Um it's called a Conservatives are bad at sex um.
But I get into that we've going back to how
black men are are idealized. Um, you know the man Dingo,
the pipe layer, you know what I'm saying, the myster
fix it, the Jodi, and so a lot of brothers

(01:06:52):
start separating genuine pleasure from sex early on because sex
is only about checking off scores, like numbers going up.
For a lot of brothers, I don't understand an orgasm,
just thinking that it means that something's coming out your body,
something coming out body, this feels we want and so like, yeah,

(01:07:13):
you got to do that. Hopefully you know everybody different,
but like you got to do that for the rest
of your life. And like if you start out the
bat disentangling like pleasure and connection and sensuality from the
act of sex. I know, I know brothers that are
interested in sex. Now, I'm sure, y'all. I'm sure, y'all.

(01:07:34):
If it's not you, no shade. But if it's not you,
you know a girlfriend that's like such and such I've
been with forever, it ain't And that comes from not
coming right. Wow, there's a lot into our glasses. There's
a lot being poured into there, and you know we

(01:07:57):
are primarily dehydrated anyway, most of us. So what we're
getting is a lot of um is a lot of bullshit.
And what I'm asking you to do as well as
myself shit, all of us. We just pay attention to
what is showing up on our social media. Pay attention.
If it's a bunch of you know, um, negativity or

(01:08:21):
or or disrespect for black women or black men, you
start blocking the shit. I don't know if that, if
that works in changing your algorithm. No, you got to
change your art. No, it's their fault, it's yours, your faults.
Start looking at other shit like I do. I am
really manipulating my algorithm. I'm like, I want the right

(01:08:41):
shopping shit, talk about it. I got friends who their
algorithm is everything. They in the cooking shit all and
shit come up, all the people who cook they're to
come up. You know what I'm saying. If you're in
the other jewelry and all come up, like you just
have to change yo. Shit. It ain't about the internet.
You are if you aren't interested in changing your shit. Right,

(01:09:02):
there's two or three ways to manipulate your algorithm. One,
start a whole new account from scratch. If you don't
want to do that, Um, you gotta you gotta start
intentionally shitting on the bad stuff. So like, if you
got YouTube right, YouTube don't like when you watch one
second of a video and click off. Oh YouTube hates

(01:09:25):
that shit. So if you see some some negative shit
pop up on your feed, click on that, watch for
one second, then click off that shittube. They don't like it.
They don't like it. We got you, we like YouTube
is one of the one of the I talked because
I've talked to these people. They say, it's like a
puppy that just wants to please you. And the puppy
when you come in the house, the puppies like, hey,

(01:09:45):
I got let me go get you this thing. And
they come to the to ther door with you know,
a bone or something. And if you take the bone,
I like, this is great. The puppies gonna wag, they
tell and bring you more bones. But if you take
the bone, but like, shit out of here, the puppies
gonna feel bad for a second. But it's gonna find
something else for you to you, for you to play with.
You know what I'm saying, If you would notice, and
I think that I think that even ties into what

(01:10:07):
you were saying about the master's tools. It's like, yes,
and this is not in any way to discredit you know,
argu lord, but to say, at the end of the day,
there is a way to engage with these tools so
that you can then make your voice heard. So maybe
you can't change that system, but you can let that
system know. I'm not fucking with that right if I

(01:10:28):
don't appreciate it. You want my engagement, stop showing me
this shit. Yeah, that's basically what the what the puppy
is trying. You know what the algorithm wants to I'm
gonna want your engagement. I'm gonna have no morals as
no soul, it has no dislike. But it's only Facebook
want with a dislike. Huh dislike. But but the dislike
is keep scrolling, keep scrolling, and then when you find

(01:10:51):
something that really feeds you you, when you find that
thing you want more of stop Okay, a comment, leave alike,
heart whatever. That's why you hear YouTubers constantly say like
hair and comment, because that is how they keep their
engagement up. If you see content that you like, don't
just be like, oh that was real good. You want

(01:11:14):
to like it? Share it, x Y and Z. You
want to make sure those people feel and hear that
in a way that's real, that comes up in data
that they can then use to keep moving forward, and
they do analysis on like the types of comments you
leave too. So if you say I love this, this
was really somebody to see today whatever, like, they say, Okay,

(01:11:34):
that's that's that's good. We want that. And if they
and if you argue with the motherfucking the comments or
some shit you don't like, they will keep feeding you
all this. They don't they really liked that, So we're
gonna send them more of that because that will keep
them engaged. You got you gotta train it like a dog.
Engagement has no morals about everything, y'all, Like you're crazy,

(01:12:00):
you know, don't let me get into my capitalism bag.
We only got we only got a few more minutes.
It starts and start talking about how the corporations and
the plutocracy and all. I don't I don't want to
get to autocracy. See I don't want you know what
I'm saying like this. That's why that's why age was
like when I get to that that black conservative socialist video,
you know what I'm saying. We got to start that's

(01:12:24):
you know. My goal is to this not to be
the last time I talked to some famous people. But
I'm scared because I don't know how far I'm gonna
get before either a I start telling the rich niggas
today face that they need to change, or I become
a rich nigg and be like, oh no, that's cool.
Second part. I'm second part as as a rich niggod.

(01:12:46):
I'm gonna just tell you money does not make it
the man. That's that's the goal I appreciate. Go go
get your coins, friend, go get all your coins. We're trying.
My wife with a job last year, so she congratulations. Yeah, yeah,
it was an amazing She she needed it because she
was out there in corporate America, you know, working working

(01:13:08):
in that that whole I was I was saving the world,
working with kids and shit, you know what I'm saying.
And she up here talking to these old white men
trying to get them to sell and box stuff. And
I was like, yeah, baby, look we switched. I got it.
Go ahead, take these naps. Get your skin good. Anytime

(01:13:31):
you offer somebody a nap, that's just a nice time.
Shout out to A. J's so funny. She went out
with a friend and her friend was asking her about
her skin routine and she was like, yo, I take
a lot of naps because she stopped wearing makeup in
the last like three or four months. And then like
your skin is long. She's like, yeah, good jeans in
the sleep every once and again. My husband coming, why

(01:13:54):
I'm taking my nap and you know that, okay. Blessings, blessings, blessing.
Thank you so much for coming and spending some time
with us. We really really appreciated. Look here, y'all, it
just seemed to me like this. If you're paying attention
to your social media's and you find that a lot

(01:14:16):
of toxicity and negativity is in it, Number one, take
account to the good people that are around you. Take
account of the love that you receive, take account to
the people that are supportive of you, and know that
this is not the real world. The majority of this
shit is for show, okay, And you know, for likes.

(01:14:39):
I don't know what happened when we become people that
need likes so much, but it's always the people that
are going their own direction that seem to get to
the price. And remember anything that you're involved in too
much can make you an addict. Thank you so much.
We appreciate you at Jay dot Ill, thank you, mister
seg the fire Laura. Don't she liked to do that

(01:15:06):
to them? She liked to do it. Oh, Jill, you can't.
You can't do that to me. The city backo stairs
like everything normal. I can't. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try.

(01:15:29):
How do you eat an elephant? One? By it time? Hey, listeners,
it's Amber the producer, here to dive deeper into all
things media and internets. Please follow f D signifier on
all social media platforms, YouTube and Patreon. I'll drop links

(01:15:52):
to all of his accounts and the show notes. And
I just want to reiterate you have the power to
alter your algorithm by what you can assume the most,
so be mindful. Hi. If you have comments on something

(01:16:19):
you said in this episode, call eight six six. Hey Jill,
if you want to add to this conversation, that's eight
six six four three nine five four five five. Don't
forget to tell us your name and the episode you're
referring to. You might just hear your message on a
future episode. Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents

(01:16:41):
Jay dot Ill. The podcast Jay dot Ill is a
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