July 29, 2025 • 43 mins
Meet Lynne Koplitz, a talented comedian and actress. You may know her from Change of Heart, How to Boil Water, Life and Syle, or Later. She's performed standup around the world and has appeared on a number of Comedy Central specials, including Premium Blend and Comedy Central Presents. Her stand up special Hormonal Beast is available to stream on Netflix. I hope you enJOY our conversation!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come
and see my brand new comedy hour well as Actually
it's about an hour and a half and I don't
have an opener because these guys cost money. But what
I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway,
Come and see me live on the Pants on Fire
Tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and
we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout twenty
(00:23):
twenty five and beyond. For a full list of dates,
go to the Craig Ferguson show dot com. See you
on the road, My DearS. My name is Craig Ferguson.
The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to
interesting people about what brings them happiness. Welcome to the
(00:46):
Kids Tripper Studios here in Brooklyn, New York. My name
is Craig Ferguson and I'm your host today on the
Joy Podcast. My guest today is she's got some great
stories about our mentor, Joan Rivers. I saw her one
night at the Village Underground in New York, and she
is as raw and as fantastic a comedian as she
(01:07):
ever was. Please welcome, Lynn, Couplets and Joe. So when
did you come to New York now, because I always
thought you were in New York until Saturday night. When
I saw you Saturday Night and you were saying, I
have to receive my mom in Florida, I was like,
I thought you.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I was born in New York in Long Island, and
we left when I was like seven or eight, and
I always came back my dad with my birthdad lived here.
But yeah, I grew up in Saraso. We moved to
Sarasota when I was about ten.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
See now I have to know about because you're you're
this type of stand up and when I saw you
do stand up on Saturday Night, right, and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Jesus, and I saw you and you're brilliant.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Well, you were brilliant. And here's the thing as well, though,
I was that we were at the Village Underground, which
I had never been to before.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
You love it.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Oh my god, that place is great.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
It's unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
And people have been telling me go to the comedy seller,
going to the comedyor go to the Village Undergard, which
is kind of like it's the same complex, right.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
It's the same family, right, And I was like, ah.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, I've heard about it and is amazing. It's an
amazing place. How long have you been doing it?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I mean as long as it's been up, it's been
like I mean.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
I've been hearing about it since I feel like the
nineties or something.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well, I've been there. I've been at the Cellar probably
about twenty five years. So when they really started making it,
I want to say it was about thirty years ago
when they started really where they were having big audiences. Yeah,
and then it just grew. So you're part of the
comedy sellar and then there's like four rooms, five rooms, right,
(02:46):
so it's all I always say. It's like, am I
performing in the bedroom? The living room? Like or the
garage or you know like.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
That the room office felt like it was a reasonable
size room. It was like, yeah, has a pretty big room,
but the Sailor itself is smaller.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Much more. But it's like the more prestigious.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Oh those bastards they told me the village underground was prestigious.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
But it's very intimate, you know, Like I always say
that people come to see comedy at the Cellar or
your die hard they're the same people est he makes
sun of me. But I'm like, they're the same people
who go on safaris, like they want to be this
close to wild animals. Are right, because you know, comics
were surely a lot. We're not always the nicest and
(03:29):
people think, oh, I want to be right up front,
and I always say, you don't. You really don't, not
with all of us, Like these are the best comics
in the world, and they're they're surly. I mean, they
could just look at you and think you look mad
or something and then they're like attack you.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
You but that I think that's when I was looking
at your when I was listening to your act and
watching your act on on on Saturday, and I was like,
this is not this is not an act though this
is this is like it is an act because you
it's stage wark and you're doing it, but you're not pretending,
you know what I mean, It's not you know, at
least I didn't feel like it. Like when you were
talking about you know, your boyfriend and and sex and stuff.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I was like, oh, and he does have bells posy.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
He really does have Bell's palsy.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Huh, it's almost better.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, Well I like that you dismiss it because he's
not here to But did you think he had a stroke,
because that Bell's posy is the thing.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
It looks like a stroke. But we knew right away
it was Bell's palusy.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Went to do all right?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
He did to an emergency room.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
He smells toast and taste pennies and stuff. If you get.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
I always say that. I sometimes I just like if
the lights blink, I always say, I smell toasts? Is
my grandma coming? Am? I having a stroke? I see Grandma?
But no, he didn't. It wasn't. The reason I mean
about it is because he's he said I gave it
to him, and then all his friends thought I gave
him Bell's palsy by stressing him out.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Really, I don't feel like that's how it works, isn't.
It doesn't.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Absolutely can't do it.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
How do you get?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
It's like a viral thing?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
All right? Oh, maybe you had it in your breath?
Did you have it in your breath?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Like you're such an idiot.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
You don't know? Is it like COVID or something? Can
you which it may or may not? I looked at it.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
You cannot give it to anyone with words or breath
or anything.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Right, Okay, do you it's a viral thing that you
get from what like things like that? Shingling? I've had shingles.
Have you had jingles? No, it's the worst.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
They're the worst.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
It's it's like it feels like shingles. It sounds like
it should be nice. Isn't that like on a roof shingles?
You got shingles. It's delightful.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
It sounds like you're right, it's like tingles tingles, but
it's not tingles.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
It's shingles.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
It's hideous.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I think hair piece has got the same problem, hair
piece says, and it's a similar thing.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
All kind of going the same categories.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Hair piece sounds like it would be nice, like a
hair piece. Like a hair piece, Yeah, like a hair piece.
Did your boyfriend have a hairpiece?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
No? Okay, but he got this So anyway, what do
you ask me? Is my act?
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Well? I felt like I felt like I was watching you.
That it was it was all real life. It was
very raw. I mean obviously it was you too. Yeah, no,
I do. But that's the kind of stuff I respond
to me too. I like I do comedy in the
way that I think it's going to make me laugh,
like or the style that would make me laugh, which
is raw and truthful, you know. But sometimes I watched,
(06:25):
I mean I was watching, I was like, oh my god,
I don't know if I could. I don't know if
I could go that far, like when you were talking
about you, and I.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Know there's other things I want to talk about that
I haven't approached yet. So it always tackles me when
somewhere like well you really go on the edge. I'm like, oh, no,
I have other things I want to talk about and
I haven't touched yet, and I'm just waiting to get
ready for them. And you know, I what were you
going to say?
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I'm sorry, no, no, no, I was just saying, it's interesting
because you know you were talking.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
About the telling men to kill themselves.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Well there was that, Yeah, I didn't know. It's like,
I don't know. I mean, you know, in context, and
it's fine, you know, And it's one of the great
things that it's one of the things I admire about
Anthony Jeselneck as well. He says things like this is
a terrible thing to say, but because he does it
(07:15):
so skillfully, and you do the same stuff and it's
like you do it so skillfully that it's not it's
not a terrible you change it, I.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Mean the center of it.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
So I tend to talk about things that make me
a victim and then I'm the victor.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Right, So you give yourself adversity and then triumph over it.
So it's a feel good type thing.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, Like it's so this middle aged man right dates me, right,
and I tell him, listen, if we're going to be intimate.
What I didn't what I say on stage sometimes, like
when I do an hour, is that I was celibate
up until I had been celibate for four years started dating.
I wanted to start over, yeah, me and God. And
(07:57):
I was like, I'm going to start fresh and for you.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
How long until you become a virgin again? It's like.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
That's right, right? And no, I mean I even went
on a few dates and I was very clear, like
I'm not gonna I'm sorry. It used to be a
bit of a whore dog, but not now.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I just that must be very nice to hear when
you're on a date with.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Crazy and it's over now.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I was really Fromiscus and thanks, but.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I would have done anything. I would have done anything now,
no missionary. But I I've been real clear with him.
So to me, what that joke is about, it's about
a middle aged woman kind of getting duped. Like all
of a sudden, this middle aged guy is has been saying, yeah,
I want us to be together, we live together a
(08:46):
little bit is now saying, you know what, I changed
my mind.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
He doesn't want to do that anymore. And but he
but no, in real life, I mean no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
We're not We're not in real life, we're really not
together anymore. But we aren't, but we are, Like I'm
tethered to him, so like I'm going there. We have
stuff together. We bought house and stuff together. We didn't
buy a house together, but we we had rented a
place that all my stuff is in the house and
his stuff is. It's all mingled. And so I'm staying
(09:19):
there this summer. He's not gonna be there. He'll be
in New Hampshire most of the time. He's picking me
up at the airport tomorrow. Like we're still in each
other's lives.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
What does he do what?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
He's retired from Verizon Verizon, but yet he worked like
he was like a cable guy he ran it.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
I love that you're a built like Jack Verizon or
whoever is I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
It's is also why when we get in big fights,
I'm like, go back to your small potato life, loseer.
But he's mean too, Like.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
So we're has he ever dated a comedian before?
Speaker 2 (09:56):
No, dated someone that lives in a city other than Boston.
In Boston is a real city, but I'm talking about
said Boston.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
It's not a city.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
It is, but I'm talking not not a city woman, right.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Because the women of Boston are.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
No, he's not dated women from Boston, right, He's dated
women who lived in South Boston. Greg, I'm trying not
to say it southy assholes, So you try not to
say it.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
I'm like, I don't want to be mean about him,
but I look, I'm sorry for pressing you about it.
What I'm what I mean is this is like I
am fascinated by comedians that seemed to work out their
own personal issues on stage, because that is how I
do it. But what I've noticed is because when I
(10:47):
was doing that, I used to do that late night too.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
I was just like whatever, I watching monologues and stuff
because you just talked about it right.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
But the problem with that is that that people know
it you you you forget, and then people come over
and say things like I said something on late night
years ago and they I don't remember saying it, Like
I know.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
I have that too.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
People will tell me tags that aren't I don't ever
remember saying them.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Yeah, Like they say a punchline to a joke that
you've never told that I never told remember telling.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
It, or they just add something to it that is
not like they changed it.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
But I think people here really want to hear like
and they changed it in their mind like I. I
do this too, Like when you know, when uh Leonard
Nimoy died, I was like, I was talking to my wife,
what yeah, we died, And I was like, oh man,
the original mister spoke. He's so awesome. I wish i'd
had him on late night and we looked up and
(11:43):
he'd be on twice. There's no recollection.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Well, when I saw you the other night, I'm like,
so one of the one of the people who work
at the cellar goes fred Ferguson, and I got okay,
good for him, and she goes, no, isn't he your friend?
And I go, Fred Ferguson, Fred Ferguson, I'm gonna know
who that is. You don't know, Fred Ferguson. I thought
(12:11):
he was your friend. And I go, no, if I
knew if if this person was my friend, I connection, Well,
you opened for him, I thought, Fred Ferguson's a comment
And she goes, yeah. Now I go, what do you
mean I opened for him? Because you opened for him?
I thought you guys I worked at comics when he
was there, and it looked like you guys really liked
(12:32):
each other. Ago, I don't know who this is. So
she goes, turn around, He's right here, and turn around.
I go, it's Craig Ferguson. And she goes, oh, what's
the difference, And I go, the.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Whole person that is? That is to me, there's a difference.
I feel like Fred Craig. You know. I once went
to a birthday party. It was a surprise birthday party
someday thrue. It was actually Carrie Fisher threw me a
birthday party in Los Angeles and it was all like
celebrities were there and all that, and they got a
cake and the cake turned up and it said happy birthday.
(13:06):
Crane Kilbourn, Crane Kilbourne. You didn't even get one of
my names right. And it was the guy who I
took over from Happy Birthday, Crane Kilbourne. I'm like, for
fox sake, Carrie went well, I didn't look at the cake.
I just ordered the cake. I just didn't get Craig
at cake.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I was gonna say. I thought if she you know,
she was funny.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Carry, she missed it.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
She should have said calm down, Crane, Crane.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
She she called me Crane for a long time after that.
You guys would have loved each other. You would have
loved each other.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
She was very many people told me, and I think
people told her because I had so many people tell me.
I can't believe you haven't met Carry Fisher.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
I mean it seems odd to me because you would
have been either you would have been great friends or
deadliest enemies.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
No, we would have loved it.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah, I think you would have. Hello. This is Craig
Fergus and I want to let you know I have
a brand new stand up comedy special out now on YouTube.
It's called I'm So Happy, and I would be so
happy if you checked it out. To watch the special,
just go to my YouTube channel at the Craig Ferguson show,
(14:15):
and is this right there? Just click it and play
it and it's free. I can't look. I'm not going
to come around your house and show you how to
do it. If you can't do it, then you can't
have it. But if you can figure it out, it's yours,
you know.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Joan Rivers was like my mentors.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
She was like, I was going to ask because Joan.
There's a whole thing with Joan. I never met Joan Rivers,
and she's like my favorite comedian. I honestly think maybe
my favorite stand up comedian of anyone I've ever seen.
She's for me. She's up there with Richard Pryor, and
you know, I mean, she's just insane. How did you
(14:54):
guys meet?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
She's a groundbreaker. I was doing a TV show called
X Rock about a band, and they wanted it was
on the IFC channel, and they wanted Joan on it.
And I had done the pilot and she watched the
pilot and said, I'll do it if I can. I
got to work with that woman, so they said okay,
and they made her my aunt, which turned out to
(15:15):
be a nightmare for them because she was playing my aunt,
but she was playing Joan Rivers. It just happened to
be my aunt. And it was a loosely scripted show.
So we improved a lot. And when I met her,
I walked into her. I was very thin then, and
I walked in and she said, oh, I've never seen
the camera take weight off of somebody. And the whole
(15:38):
room went quiet, and I looked at her and I
went and started laughing, and she goes, come here, you
thick skin comic. And she gave me a hug, and
she said, I always do that to see who I'm
dealing with.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
She was and she told joke I've ever heard, which one, well,
one of the greatest jokes I've ever had was a
couple but when she was talking, she was on Fashion Police,
and remember Ryan Lockey, this swimmer. Yeah, and you go, like,
terrible trouble. He was getting in a terrible trouble all
over the place. And she said, she said, Ryan Lockley
(16:12):
is like my vagina. When it's dry, the magic is gone.
And I went, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Well, you know, in her funeral, Howard Sterne told her
I think one of her best vagina jokes ever was
that he said Joan Rivers had a very dry vagina.
This was the first words out of his mouth at
her funeral. It had a very dry vagina. He goes,
I know this because she told me all the time.
And he said, and she told me once, Howard, my
vagina is so dry that if Whitney Houston had it,
(16:41):
she'd be alive today. Jesus. But my favorite old joke.
That's terrible, but my favorite old joke of hers. It
was corny. It's corny. People always look at me like
I'm corny, but I just love the joke. She goes,
I'm so old when I was when I was a child,
dead Sea was sick.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
That's a great joke.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
It's a great, brilliant and she wrote it, and it's
a brilliant, brilliant joke.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
But she was. What's interesting to me, And this is
the thing I picked up on when I was because
I see, I remember you were act being The material
wasn't the same, but your style was similar twenty years ago.
I mean you were still raw, you were still you know,
working like that. And when I was watching a lot
of the other comics.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
I was much more TV friendly. I was much more
like I want everyone to like me now like that.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I think that's when you're young, you can would rather
the comics laugh. Well, I think if you're making the
comics laugh, you're kind of doing something right. I mean,
you're having a definite demographic, and it's probably a very
dark one because I think comedians.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Don't you think you hit a point like, excuse me
for interrupting. As an artist, I'm definitely the now I've
evolved where I'm that art Like when you knew me,
I was the artist that was still willing to paint
murals in people's houses. Yeah, and now I'm like, what
they want me to paint the couch green? So in
Matt is their couch in the picture? Tell them go
fuck yeah, I'm never doing that. So now that's where
(18:05):
if someone goes, can you not do that joke, I'm like, no,
I can just leave.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah I have to do the joke. I don't know.
I mean, I feel like it gets to a point
where you you just kind of like, I can't fucking
make everyone happy. I can't, you know. I mean, my
job is to make people laugh, but not necessarily make
them happy, you know.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
And that's a good point.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Yeah, I don't like I don't find this joke offensive, well, okay,
that's good. Or I do find this joke of fans,
well that's good. But there's a there's a lot of
talk recently about you can't say this, and you can't
say that, or you get into trouble, and now it's
like it's always been like that.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
But my point is is Joan had a rule, and
I think about it all the time. She said, talk
about whatever you want, just make sure it's funny.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yeah. I think that that's the thing. Undeniably undeniably funny
is right, because there there is that. But there's now
the situation. Well, I don't know if there was a
little moment there where certain things you weren't allowed to
even I felt like you weren't even meant to talk about.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
But you're talking about throwing your kid in the pool.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
And I was screaming, laughing. It's so funny. And it's
how when we were kids, that's how you learned to sway.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
You're lucky.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
If you got thrown in, usually just got kissed. Someone
drinking a beer shoved you with their front.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Didn't make it. But you know, we got a flutter.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
But but you know, even when you said it the
other night, I could I could see people going, oh,
why did you? But they're just sensitive now, I think so,
But I think they you made it funny immediately.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Right, And I think that the thing is as well
as that. I think people go, particularly places like the
sailor the Village Underground, all that stuff. I think people
go there with the expectation that I am going to
be tested by you know, I'm going to hear stuff
that I don't want to hear, and that's part of
the fun. I think it's been folded into to it
that now you like you. I think that's okay. I
think to feel that sense of danger like you mentioned
(20:04):
A tale. A Tale's always been one of my favorite
comics in mind because I watched David Tail. Sometimes I
think I don't know Dave. I can't go God damn it.
He made me laugh again. I mean, he's and David Tel.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You know. It's funny because I'm not usually a fan
of comics that I don't know something about. At the
end of their act, I can. I can appreciate that
Jerry Seinfeld is a master. He does an observational comedy.
He's one of the very best, but I don't enjoy
watching him. His comedy, his TV shows and stuff. I love.
(20:41):
He's a great writer, but it's just not my cup
of tea. Ellen is the same way. Ellen degenerous, but
that Boston style of comedy where they're like, and then
I killed the guy, Like I never find that funny.
You didn't do it.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
You didn't kill the guy, you know. And that's the
difference between Boston and New York comedy. Then in New
York you have to actually have killed the guy.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
If you say I killed the guy, he might have
killed that guy. Like there's some opinion, there's you know,
you think when you're watching me, she might have actually
told this guy to kill himself.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Oh yeah, I thought you might have.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
I would be very sad if he killed himself. But
that's where I push it, you know, it's it's you
know how it is. You do it too. It's where fantasy, right, you.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Mess around with it, you mess around with it, with
the reality of it. That's all right. I mean, it's
called a poetic license.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
I suppose for me, it's always believable my situation, Like
I have a joke where I'm talking about young feminists,
and I wanted to see I did it because they
traditionally have been annoying me a lot. So I thought,
I wonder if I can talk about them and still
win them, because young women love me right, And I
(21:53):
think it's because I tell the truth.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Well, I told you you were doing credit work with
a couple of girls in the front row. The young
women in the front row.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
No matter what I say, Greg, they never hate me.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
They were great. They loved you.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
We love you, we love you, and I'm like, shut up,
I don't want your love. We love you so much.
They're like little puppies. But I think it's because there's
an auntie quality to me, like she's telling us the truth.
She's on our side, she's going to protect us. And
so my whole joke is about do you want me
to tell you? It's just about the feminism thing. Where
(22:26):
I go, there is a young if you haven't met
young New York feminists yet, they're very they're not like
the old school feminists. They're very like right in your
face and growley. And I said, some one jumps in
front of me with a clipboard recently and she's like,
what have you done for women? Today, and I go, well,
I'm not going to punch you in the throat, so
(22:48):
that's one thing. And then I do this whole thing
about getting behind this young girl because I know my
days of free drinks and having doors held open are
very long gone. But I'm like, this young fertile girl
is going in the bank where the doors are heavy.
My arms are not what they were, and I'm like,
I'm going to get behind her like a like a
(23:10):
little car getting behind a big semi in a stom.
This bitch is gonna save my life. So I get
behind her and she stops. This is true story. This
is based on a true story. She stops cold, and
she says to the guy holding the door, I can
get my own door, thank you very much. And I've
never seen it. Have you seen in real life?
Speaker 1 (23:31):
It's happened to me. Really, it's happened to me. I'll
tell you about it in a minuse.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
So I go, well, I can't excuse me. Part of
me I kind of walk past. So then I go
I'm telling this joke true story again at the cellar
at the little room, and a girl in the front
road goes yes, and I go, you know what what
what are you yesing? And she goes, she told him,
(23:55):
She told him we can get our own doors, and
we can buy our own food, and we don't need
men trying to take our power. And I turned to her,
and now I say, the audience, let me tell you something.
No one can take your fucking power. You got to
give it to him. Nat usually gets an a pause
break and I go, you girls are not looking at
this the right way. The way I see it is
(24:17):
they owe me that, they owe me holding the door,
buying me dinner. I go, you know why, because we've
been blowing these guys for centuries. I am kneeling on
the shoulders of my ancestors. Somewhere in my line, someone
in my family probably sucked the deck of some guy
(24:38):
coming back from World War One with tick her tape
on it. I go, then, I'm sure, I'm sure I
have some pilgrim ancestor. So that I was like, when
I'm done churning this butter, and Ezekiel gets home, I
got to breathe out of my nose for four minutes,
and I'm like, I'm sure I've got some cave woman
relative that was justugh And he pokes on the shoulder
(25:00):
and she's like, oh, so you owe me reparations, and
I talk about my boyfriend and all that, but it
kills with the girls and it starts me not being
nice to them. But like you said, then I empower them.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
It's very interesting to words you work because it is.
I mean, it's funny that you mentioned Joan, because I
got that kind of like style vibe from you as well.
Like the the idea is like I will I will
go with people, you know, I will make fun of somebody,
I will have a go with someone, but it's always
really me who I'm going at, which is very smart
(25:46):
and and and how it works. I think. As far
as the holding the door open thing that happened to
me in in La, it was as a gay at
the school on one of my kids was young and
I held the gate open for one of the moms
in the school and she was pretty angry. Maybe she
was a tough day. Everybody's tired, they have little kids.
But she won't buy me, I don't need you to
(26:07):
hold hold the door open for me, And kind of
like I was like, I didn't know to open for you.
I held open for my mom. You were just there.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
You should have just that. That's how you get hit.
You know, I probably have five across the time.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
But here's the thing. It's funny though, because the the idea,
and you've touched on this and and I'm interested in this,
and you mentioned Allen as well, because Ellen get into
a lot of trouble because it turns out she's not
as nice in real life as she is on TV.
I don't know her, well, I've met a couple. You
seemed very nice to me. I don't know. I mean,
I was meeting her on a TV show. I've got
(26:46):
certainly no Allen stories. But but what I was kind
of fascinated by is that people and people will say
this about anyone, Like if you meet anyone famous, anyone
at all, they say they were they nice. Like like, now,
I don't need I don't need like I don't I
don't need Jimmy Page to be nice. I don't need.
I don't even need he plays a guitar. Let him
(27:06):
play the guitar. If he's not nice, I don't fucking care.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
You have to be super talented to not be nice.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
To know it be nice, I suppose you do, actually,
because I think that that seems to be the thing
that most people want is for you to be nice,
and I the truth says, I'm nice sometime. A lot
of the time I think I'm nice, and sometimes I'm
probably a deck I know I am.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
So for me, one story about a celebrity does not
make them who they are, right, Like if someone tells me,
I think for.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
A lot of people it does, though, amazing, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
But it shouldn't because everybody's a person. Yeah, So yes,
you're allowed. You're allowed to even react to her, yeah
and say, oh, well next time, I definitely won't, you
know whatever, because maybe you're having a bad day and
you're trying to be nice and she was a jerk
about it. I'm not saying you should be like that,
but I'm saying that, but that doesn't define who you are.
(27:56):
So I was just about to say to you about Ellen.
I've heard that she can be prickly, but I don't
know her, so I reserve that, like I don't you know,
I've said to people, I'm not going to judge this
person because I don't know. Now, there are other celebrities
where I'm like, oh, yeah, he's an asshole, but I
know him asshole, and I would tell him to his
face he's an asshole.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah, I think that that's it's a weird thing. I
remember I was once changing planes at Danver. You know,
I have Danver like you do road work, you know, Denver.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Airport I got stuck, the only one I ever got
stuck at.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
I hate Denver Airport so much. Do you know if
you see it from the guy, it kind of looks
like a swastika as well.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
You know, I'm not surprised.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
And the people at the airport have you ever noticed this?
They're so crazy, like there's no like sides of the
street walking like everyone looks. Everyone looks s frazzled, like
they're racing to a sail.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Yeah, it's it's weird. It's like Black Friday every day
and and well not Black Friday.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
It is a swastika.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Well yeah, it's like black uniform, Brady. But they I
was getting off while I was changing planes or something
at Denver Airport and I bumped to this guy from Africa.
That was my fault. And this African guy but me
and he's wearing the full like all the African gear
and stuff, and I bumped into I was kind of embarrassed.
I stumbled a little bit and he went to help me.
(29:17):
He was a younger guy, and he went to help
me with my case because I was kind of falling
over a little bit. And I was like, ah, I
fell that. I was tired. I was a jerk and
he said, he went, I'm helping you with your case.
What a jerk? And I was like, oh no, and
I started walking away and I thought, good, I am
a jerk. And I was looking around. I was trying
to find him to apologize for being a jerk, and
(29:38):
I couldn't find him. So I think probably he watches
this podcast and I and now he'll know that. No,
he won't because he'll think I'm a jerk and like,
I'm not watch.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
You'll know you're doing it. He's not want to listen.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
No, he'll hate me. But it's just this. He didn't
know who I was. He was just he just thought
I was a jerk in Denver airport. And you know what,
I for that moment, I fucking was a jerk in
Denver airport.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
But he might have known. That's the weird part about
TV and stuff. Because I was nice to a lady
in the airport one time. She had a kid who
was screaming, and you know some mothers have that they
get that look like this is the day. I'm leaving
the kid in the airport and I saw the show
and she was frazzled and she had like an infant
and a little three year old that was going ape
(30:22):
shit crazy. And I had dog toys in my purse
for my dog, so I was going home and I
just went it squeezed the ball and the little three
year old turned and came walking over and I threw
the ball and the kid came back. And I just
played with a kid with this dog ball heaven.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
And the mother said in the airport with.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
A kid, how are you doing this? Not who are you?
But how are you doing this? And I said, look,
I'm not a mom. She because you must be a mom,
and I said, no, I own a dog. But you
know how old is your kids? It was almost three,
and I said, yes, aren't they kind.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Of the second?
Speaker 2 (30:57):
And anyway, I played with the kid and I said
on the floor and the mom said, don't you have like, no,
I have an hour. And I was just nice to
this little kid and I said, do you want to
go somewhere? Do you want me to watch them? And
do you have to pee or anything? Seriously, like the
look on her face. Craig was like, no. Well, next
thing I know, I get a call from my manager
like a week later, and I gave the little you know,
(31:18):
screaming one the dog toy and it really was a
dog toy. That's what's so embarrassing. But my manager said, Lynn,
you know we have Google alerts on you. I want
you to read something. And the woman knew who I was.
You recognize me from TV with Johan and said this
(31:39):
woman was one of the nicest women. And when I
was so flustered, but it was it was really sweet.
But it made me go, oh shit. And then I
when I was with DV, I had other ones that
were like I saw lannekpless today fighting with her boyfriend,
And now most of them are like, I think I
saw you crying in the park. That's what people.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
But it's funny though, because I think now everybody it
used to be like if you were kind of if
you were famous, you were you were in that that
kind of position. But no, that was very passive aggressive,
passive aggressive, you know. It was like yeah, right right, yeah, yeah, Okay,
(32:25):
so I still think it was passive aggressive. But it
used to be just like famous people would get that,
like you walk around and like you do something dumb
and get shamed. But now I think anyone, because everyone
has a camera and everyone has you know, Instagram and
and all that kind of stuff, that anyone who does
(32:46):
something dumb, there's the opportunity to go viral and and
be shamed.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Yeah, which is why I like people film it, film it,
go ahead. I don't care, but I'm not you. You're famous,
You're famous. I'm now. I have to always say to myself,
don't get mad at Heckler's. You're talking to them, yeah,
and they feel comfortable with you, yeah, and they feel
like you want them to be part of this. So
(33:13):
once in a while I'll say, okay, we you and
I are done. Now I'm going to go back to
my own show, you know.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
I mean, look, you've run into it as well. It's
like when you see people that have expectations of how
you know that it's going to go and it's not
going that way. I've done it. Look, I've done it myself.
Did you ever watch did you watch Game of Thrones?
Speaker 2 (33:32):
I love your Yeah, are you kidding?
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Right? So Game of Thrones, I got a call from, uh.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Did they shoot in Scotland?
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Ireland?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Ireland?
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Vibe was in California, and I get this call or
they asked me to host the Game of Thrones panel
at Comic Con in San Diego. I was like, sure,
I love Game of Thrones. I'd never seen it, but
I but I but then I watched all of it
before I did it, like it was all a DVDs
and stuff like that. So I watched it all and
I get to the backstage at Comic Con.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
And then you were psyched on two right.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
It was great. I love that show. And uh, and
I'm backstage at Comic Con and all the Game of
Thrones people was there, and the actor who played Jamie Lanister,
you know, the super handsome he walked in and I went,
oh hey, and I hugged him. I have so many
of those. And I thought, I thought I knew because
(34:25):
I've just been watching him on TV. And I but
over and I hugged him. And then I hugged him
and I felt and kind of like tense, and I
was like, oh shit, I've never met this guy. And
I said, I'm sorry, I, I've never met you in
my life. Have a and he went, no, he's very
you know you were of course maybe I don't know,
but he yeah, he did. But he was like, of course.
(34:49):
I said, I'm so sorry, and he said it happens
more often than you would think. It's all right. And
he was very, very good.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
So he was nice.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
He was nice. And that's the thing I have to
tell you. But the actor whose name I will in
sat later on. You know that guy? He what's his name? Dude?
Can you He played Jamie and he's a fabulous actor.
It's just his name escapes me for the moment.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Yeah, that Nichol, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Yeah, he he was lovely. He was just lovely.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
But there was another one that wasn't.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
No, they were all pretty nice, yeeah, they don't. I
I was the stalker, is what I'm saying. I was
the good Do you ever mean, do you ever go
up to famous people you think you know and and
start talking to him? But you realize when I.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
First moved to New York, and I wasn't even yeah,
I wasn't on TV or a comic or anything. I
was an aspiring young actress. I used to get on
I'd get on the subway and I would talk to
soap stars all the time, thinking I knew them, and
I'd be like, oh, Hi, how you doing, and and
they would usually say oh hi, and think the world
(35:56):
and they would think maybe I know her, you know,
and then go so, Dixie, you know, it's good to
see you. You'd go, yeah, something, it's the character. And
then I'd go with Dixie, Oh my god, you know,
and I would usually be really And one time, when
I was young, people would sometimes say I looked a
little bit like Cindy Crawford. Anyone watching this now, I
do not look anything like her.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
No, I feel like you did.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
And when I was younger, I might have a little
tiny bit. And one day I saw Steven Spielberg on
the street and he was wearing an ambulin hat.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
And carry some people would.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Reganize he saw me and he went hey, And I
was right by Ford modeling ages. He had every right
in the world to think it was me. I mean,
it was her, And he went hey, and I go hi,
and we're crossing the street, and I thought, I wonder
how long it's going to take for him to realize
he doesn't know me? Yeah, well, right as we got close,
he went like to look in his face, Craig like,
(36:53):
I can't even whatever. I just I just called it
on like whatever happens now? I started and I went
it's okay, and he goes thank you, and he just
walked away. And I actually thought that was kind of
sweet of him because he just thank you.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Steve Spielberger, and I have to report he is nice.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
He was very sweet. But he was very sweet to me,
like thank you so much, like he realized like she
she's nice.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
You know.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
It was cute, but it was really funny because he
started it like can you imagine?
Speaker 1 (37:27):
I mean, look, I've I've done it, and do you
Sometimes people say hey, how you doing, and you don't
want to be rude, but they don't know you, so
you're like, hey. That's why in La now everybody says
nice to see you instead of nice to meet you,
or you never say nice to meet you to someone.
You'll say nice to see you, because nice to see
(37:48):
you can be nice to meet you or it can
be nice.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
To That's why in the South everyone says hey. They
just tell hey, hey, because hey, it just means like
I might know you all the Guys are always called guy, Hey, guy, hey, guy.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Oh I've been called that. I realized that that.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Usually means I don't know your name.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
But women, I always call a guy handsome if I
don't remember his name. Oh, hey, good looking.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Yeah. So you can't do that for your guy because
he'll be creepy.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
You just to call the woman skinny, Hey, skinny, hey, skinny, hey, pretty.
We don't hear anything else, all right, unless it's the
woman you hold the door for, and then she's like,
I can be fat if I want to be.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Well, see when I didn't make any comment to this
woman at all when I held the gate for her,
I just just I didn't mean anything by it. I
didn't wasn't trying to oppress her. I just kind of
didn't think about it.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
You weren't thinking I'm going to take her power. I
haven't new talk about walking down the street and the
guy goes smile. I bet you'd be a lot prettier
I go. Now. I don't know about you, girls, but
I love a command from a strange man, and I
don't know an emotional command. I always find that really nice.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Is that does that really still happen? I mean all
the time.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
It just happened recently. No smile, you be a lot
prettier if you did.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
No one ever says that, and I went like that,
I did that. That's kind of nice.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Are you were? You right?
Speaker 1 (39:11):
I can't believe that still happens.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Geez, it does, and it's hilarious to me. It's a
good way to get yourself, Like I've even said on stage,
like I'm like, please put an end to this misery
of a career, like, go ahead, cancel me. Then I'm done,
because you can't get fired from stand up.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
You can't do you know, I know it's likely that
some people that go canceled actually started doing stand up.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
It's like if you get canceled from being an actress something, well,
I'll go and do stand up and go, oh so
it's all right to be a stand up well like.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Or they'll do this with me, like they'll go ha
ha oh boo, and I go listen, No, you really
want to not see me do this anymore? Just don't
make a noise. Just let's all sit and stare at
each other and then I can just be done, like
please please. I never should have gotten as far as
I've gotten. It's been a long while. And remember one
(40:05):
time we were in the little room and I was
telling jokes and there was silence from the men like
I was saying something, and all the men looked pissed.
They were all kind of sitting. It was before I
was as nuanced to comment because I am now. The
women liked me. They were laughing, but the men were
very And I came off stage and I said to
(40:27):
Jim Norton goes, great set, and I go, oh, god, no,
the men hate me. And he goes, they're not asleep.
And I said what And he goes, if they hate you,
it's just as good as loving you. They're awake and
they're listening. They can't get mad at you if they're
not listening to you.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
That's smart.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
And I said, oh, you're right. Yeah, and in what
we were talking about the truth and I know you
have to go. But I one time I was doing
stand up maybe fifteen, no twenty years ago, and everything
was changing. I was getting older and my jokes weren't
(41:06):
working for me because I was getting older. It wasn't
I looked like Sidney Crawford. Blah blah blah blah, none
of it was working, and I was I put on
weight again. I always go up and down, and I
had had I had these horrible like leggings on with
a big shot. I was in Kansas and I thought,
I said a little prayer and I said, God, what,
(41:28):
I don't know what to do? Like, I just feel
like a fraud. And link Kopplice doesn't do well when
she feels like a fraud. And I said, okay, and
I heard it was the first time I heard God
say tell the truth. So I walked out on stage
and I said, this is what you look like when
you start giving up. I'm not even doing comedy anymore.
(41:50):
This is more of an unraveling. And then I started
and Jim Norton saw me again and he goes, real smart,
what you did? And I said, what do you mean?
And he goes, you don't even have to do stand up.
If they don't laugh at you, who cares. You told
them up front you're not doing that. You're not here
for that. And then eventually I changed it to people
(42:12):
ask me if I'm from Michigan, and I'm like, no,
this is what you look like when you give up.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
Right, It's the same law which is a well crafted joke.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Well I turned them into jokes.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
But it's always you're the victim. You're the victim who
becomes the victor, victim who becomes the victim.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
That's right, right, that's what you look like when you
start giving up. But you know what, I don't even care.
I'm here to get fired. I'm just trying to get
this stuff out. Take what you like, leave what you don't,
and you know it's it's wild. But at this point
in my life, I'm pretty blessed to be able to
still be. I mean, I'm not famous, but I'm a
bit of a journeyman. I'm still doing it.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
I think you know, the people that know about comedy
and love comedy know exactly who you are. And I
are always happy to see you in the States. Not
afine one of that. It's a joy to see you. Thanks.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
I got nervous to say hi to your because I
was like, what if he doesn't remember me? Like that's
who we all are. We're neurotic weirdos. That's true. And
then you were your beautiful, effusive, lovely self. So keep in.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
Touch with try to be nice. I will keep in
touch with you.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Get out of here yet, Okay
This is me, Craig Ferguson. I'm inviting you to come
and see my brand new comedy hour well as Actually
it's about an hour and a half and I don't
have an opener because these guys cost money. But what
I'm saying is I'll be on stage for a while. Anyway,
Come and see me live on the Pants on Fire
Tour in your region. Tickets are on sale now and
we'll be adding more as the tour continues throughout twenty
(00:23):
twenty five and beyond. For a full list of dates,
go to the Craig Ferguson show dot com. See you
on the road, My DearS. My name is Craig Ferguson.
The name of this podcast is Joy. I talk to
interesting people about what brings them happiness. Welcome to the
(00:46):
Kids Tripper Studios here in Brooklyn, New York. My name
is Craig Ferguson and I'm your host today on the
Joy Podcast. My guest today is she's got some great
stories about our mentor, Joan Rivers. I saw her one
night at the Village Underground in New York, and she
is as raw and as fantastic a comedian as she
(01:07):
ever was. Please welcome, Lynn, Couplets and Joe. So when
did you come to New York now, because I always
thought you were in New York until Saturday night. When
I saw you Saturday Night and you were saying, I
have to receive my mom in Florida, I was like,
I thought you.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
I was born in New York in Long Island, and
we left when I was like seven or eight, and
I always came back my dad with my birthdad lived here.
But yeah, I grew up in Saraso. We moved to
Sarasota when I was about ten.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
See now I have to know about because you're you're
this type of stand up and when I saw you
do stand up on Saturday Night, right, and I'm like.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Jesus, and I saw you and you're brilliant.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Well, you were brilliant. And here's the thing as well, though,
I was that we were at the Village Underground, which
I had never been to before.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
You love it.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Oh my god, that place is great.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
It's unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
And people have been telling me go to the comedy seller,
going to the comedyor go to the Village Undergard, which
is kind of like it's the same complex, right.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
It's the same family, right, And I was like, ah.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Yeah, I've heard about it and is amazing. It's an
amazing place. How long have you been doing it?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I mean as long as it's been up, it's been
like I mean.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
I've been hearing about it since I feel like the
nineties or something.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Well, I've been there. I've been at the Cellar probably
about twenty five years. So when they really started making it,
I want to say it was about thirty years ago
when they started really where they were having big audiences. Yeah,
and then it just grew. So you're part of the
comedy sellar and then there's like four rooms, five rooms, right,
(02:46):
so it's all I always say. It's like, am I
performing in the bedroom? The living room? Like or the
garage or you know like.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
That the room office felt like it was a reasonable
size room. It was like, yeah, has a pretty big room,
but the Sailor itself is smaller.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Much more. But it's like the more prestigious.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Oh those bastards they told me the village underground was prestigious.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
But it's very intimate, you know, Like I always say
that people come to see comedy at the Cellar or
your die hard they're the same people est he makes
sun of me. But I'm like, they're the same people
who go on safaris, like they want to be this
close to wild animals. Are right, because you know, comics
were surely a lot. We're not always the nicest and
(03:29):
people think, oh, I want to be right up front,
and I always say, you don't. You really don't, not
with all of us, Like these are the best comics
in the world, and they're they're surly. I mean, they
could just look at you and think you look mad
or something and then they're like attack you.
Speaker 1 (03:43):
You but that I think that's when I was looking
at your when I was listening to your act and
watching your act on on on Saturday, and I was like,
this is not this is not an act though this
is this is like it is an act because you
it's stage wark and you're doing it, but you're not pretending,
you know what I mean, It's not you know, at
least I didn't feel like it. Like when you were
talking about you know, your boyfriend and and sex and stuff.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I was like, oh, and he does have bells posy.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
He really does have Bell's palsy.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
Huh, it's almost better.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, Well I like that you dismiss it because he's
not here to But did you think he had a stroke,
because that Bell's posy is the thing.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
It looks like a stroke. But we knew right away
it was Bell's palusy.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Went to do all right?
Speaker 2 (04:24):
He did to an emergency room.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
He smells toast and taste pennies and stuff. If you get.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
I always say that. I sometimes I just like if
the lights blink, I always say, I smell toasts? Is
my grandma coming? Am? I having a stroke? I see Grandma?
But no, he didn't. It wasn't. The reason I mean
about it is because he's he said I gave it
to him, and then all his friends thought I gave
him Bell's palsy by stressing him out.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Really, I don't feel like that's how it works, isn't.
It doesn't.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Absolutely can't do it.
Speaker 1 (04:57):
How do you get?
Speaker 2 (04:58):
It's like a viral thing?
Speaker 1 (05:00):
All right? Oh, maybe you had it in your breath?
Did you have it in your breath?
Speaker 2 (05:03):
Like you're such an idiot.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
You don't know? Is it like COVID or something? Can
you which it may or may not? I looked at it.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
You cannot give it to anyone with words or breath
or anything.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Right, Okay, do you it's a viral thing that you
get from what like things like that? Shingling? I've had shingles.
Have you had jingles? No, it's the worst.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
They're the worst.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
It's it's like it feels like shingles. It sounds like
it should be nice. Isn't that like on a roof shingles?
You got shingles. It's delightful.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
It sounds like you're right, it's like tingles tingles, but
it's not tingles.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
It's shingles.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
It's hideous.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
I think hair piece has got the same problem, hair
piece says, and it's a similar thing.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
All kind of going the same categories.
Speaker 1 (05:46):
Hair piece sounds like it would be nice, like a
hair piece. Like a hair piece, Yeah, like a hair piece.
Did your boyfriend have a hairpiece?
Speaker 2 (05:54):
No? Okay, but he got this So anyway, what do
you ask me? Is my act?
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Well? I felt like I felt like I was watching you.
That it was it was all real life. It was
very raw. I mean obviously it was you too. Yeah, no,
I do. But that's the kind of stuff I respond
to me too. I like I do comedy in the
way that I think it's going to make me laugh,
like or the style that would make me laugh, which
is raw and truthful, you know. But sometimes I watched,
(06:25):
I mean I was watching, I was like, oh my god,
I don't know if I could. I don't know if
I could go that far, like when you were talking
about you, and I.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Know there's other things I want to talk about that
I haven't approached yet. So it always tackles me when
somewhere like well you really go on the edge. I'm like, oh, no,
I have other things I want to talk about and
I haven't touched yet, and I'm just waiting to get
ready for them. And you know, I what were you
going to say?
Speaker 1 (06:49):
I'm sorry, no, no, no, I was just saying, it's interesting
because you know you were talking.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
About the telling men to kill themselves.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Well there was that, Yeah, I didn't know. It's like,
I don't know. I mean, you know, in context, and
it's fine, you know, And it's one of the great
things that it's one of the things I admire about
Anthony Jeselneck as well. He says things like this is
a terrible thing to say, but because he does it
(07:15):
so skillfully, and you do the same stuff and it's
like you do it so skillfully that it's not it's
not a terrible you change it, I.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
Mean the center of it.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
Right.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
So I tend to talk about things that make me
a victim and then I'm the victor.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Right, So you give yourself adversity and then triumph over it.
So it's a feel good type thing.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, Like it's so this middle aged man right dates me, right,
and I tell him, listen, if we're going to be intimate.
What I didn't what I say on stage sometimes, like
when I do an hour, is that I was celibate
up until I had been celibate for four years started dating.
I wanted to start over, yeah, me and God. And
(07:57):
I was like, I'm going to start fresh and for you.
Speaker 1 (08:02):
How long until you become a virgin again? It's like.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
That's right, right? And no, I mean I even went
on a few dates and I was very clear, like
I'm not gonna I'm sorry. It used to be a
bit of a whore dog, but not now.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I just that must be very nice to hear when
you're on a date with.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Crazy and it's over now.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I was really Fromiscus and thanks, but.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I would have done anything. I would have done anything now,
no missionary. But I I've been real clear with him.
So to me, what that joke is about, it's about
a middle aged woman kind of getting duped. Like all
of a sudden, this middle aged guy is has been saying, yeah,
I want us to be together, we live together a
(08:46):
little bit is now saying, you know what, I changed
my mind.
Speaker 1 (08:50):
He doesn't want to do that anymore. And but he
but no, in real life, I mean no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (08:56):
We're not We're not in real life, we're really not
together anymore. But we aren't, but we are, Like I'm
tethered to him, so like I'm going there. We have
stuff together. We bought house and stuff together. We didn't
buy a house together, but we we had rented a
place that all my stuff is in the house and
his stuff is. It's all mingled. And so I'm staying
(09:19):
there this summer. He's not gonna be there. He'll be
in New Hampshire most of the time. He's picking me
up at the airport tomorrow. Like we're still in each
other's lives.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
What does he do what?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
He's retired from Verizon Verizon, but yet he worked like
he was like a cable guy he ran it.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
I love that you're a built like Jack Verizon or
whoever is I don't know.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
It's is also why when we get in big fights,
I'm like, go back to your small potato life, loseer.
But he's mean too, Like.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
So we're has he ever dated a comedian before?
Speaker 2 (09:56):
No, dated someone that lives in a city other than Boston.
In Boston is a real city, but I'm talking about
said Boston.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
It's not a city.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
It is, but I'm talking not not a city woman, right.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Because the women of Boston are.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
No, he's not dated women from Boston, right, He's dated
women who lived in South Boston. Greg, I'm trying not
to say it southy assholes, So you try not to
say it.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
I'm like, I don't want to be mean about him,
but I look, I'm sorry for pressing you about it.
What I'm what I mean is this is like I
am fascinated by comedians that seemed to work out their
own personal issues on stage, because that is how I
do it. But what I've noticed is because when I
(10:47):
was doing that, I used to do that late night too.
Speaker 2 (10:49):
I was just like whatever, I watching monologues and stuff
because you just talked about it right.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
But the problem with that is that that people know
it you you you forget, and then people come over
and say things like I said something on late night
years ago and they I don't remember saying it, Like
I know.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
I have that too.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:07):
People will tell me tags that aren't I don't ever
remember saying them.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
Yeah, Like they say a punchline to a joke that
you've never told that I never told remember telling.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
It, or they just add something to it that is
not like they changed it.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
But I think people here really want to hear like
and they changed it in their mind like I. I
do this too, Like when you know, when uh Leonard
Nimoy died, I was like, I was talking to my wife,
what yeah, we died, And I was like, oh man,
the original mister spoke. He's so awesome. I wish i'd
had him on late night and we looked up and
(11:43):
he'd be on twice. There's no recollection.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Well, when I saw you the other night, I'm like,
so one of the one of the people who work
at the cellar goes fred Ferguson, and I got okay,
good for him, and she goes, no, isn't he your friend?
And I go, Fred Ferguson, Fred Ferguson, I'm gonna know
who that is. You don't know, Fred Ferguson. I thought
(12:11):
he was your friend. And I go, no, if I
knew if if this person was my friend, I connection, Well,
you opened for him, I thought, Fred Ferguson's a comment
And she goes, yeah. Now I go, what do you
mean I opened for him? Because you opened for him?
I thought you guys I worked at comics when he
was there, and it looked like you guys really liked
(12:32):
each other. Ago, I don't know who this is. So
she goes, turn around, He's right here, and turn around.
I go, it's Craig Ferguson. And she goes, oh, what's
the difference, And I go, the.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Whole person that is? That is to me, there's a difference.
I feel like Fred Craig. You know. I once went
to a birthday party. It was a surprise birthday party
someday thrue. It was actually Carrie Fisher threw me a
birthday party in Los Angeles and it was all like
celebrities were there and all that, and they got a
cake and the cake turned up and it said happy birthday.
(13:06):
Crane Kilbourn, Crane Kilbourne. You didn't even get one of
my names right. And it was the guy who I
took over from Happy Birthday, Crane Kilbourne. I'm like, for
fox sake, Carrie went well, I didn't look at the cake.
I just ordered the cake. I just didn't get Craig
at cake.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
I was gonna say. I thought if she you know,
she was funny.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Carry, she missed it.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
She should have said calm down, Crane, Crane.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
She she called me Crane for a long time after that.
You guys would have loved each other. You would have
loved each other.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
She was very many people told me, and I think
people told her because I had so many people tell me.
I can't believe you haven't met Carry Fisher.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
I mean it seems odd to me because you would
have been either you would have been great friends or
deadliest enemies.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
No, we would have loved it.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Yeah, I think you would have. Hello. This is Craig
Fergus and I want to let you know I have
a brand new stand up comedy special out now on YouTube.
It's called I'm So Happy, and I would be so
happy if you checked it out. To watch the special,
just go to my YouTube channel at the Craig Ferguson show,
(14:15):
and is this right there? Just click it and play
it and it's free. I can't look. I'm not going
to come around your house and show you how to
do it. If you can't do it, then you can't
have it. But if you can figure it out, it's yours,
you know.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
Joan Rivers was like my mentors.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
She was like, I was going to ask because Joan.
There's a whole thing with Joan. I never met Joan Rivers,
and she's like my favorite comedian. I honestly think maybe
my favorite stand up comedian of anyone I've ever seen.
She's for me. She's up there with Richard Pryor, and
you know, I mean, she's just insane. How did you
(14:54):
guys meet?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
She's a groundbreaker. I was doing a TV show called
X Rock about a band, and they wanted it was
on the IFC channel, and they wanted Joan on it.
And I had done the pilot and she watched the
pilot and said, I'll do it if I can. I
got to work with that woman, so they said okay,
and they made her my aunt, which turned out to
(15:15):
be a nightmare for them because she was playing my aunt,
but she was playing Joan Rivers. It just happened to
be my aunt. And it was a loosely scripted show.
So we improved a lot. And when I met her,
I walked into her. I was very thin then, and
I walked in and she said, oh, I've never seen
the camera take weight off of somebody. And the whole
(15:38):
room went quiet, and I looked at her and I
went and started laughing, and she goes, come here, you
thick skin comic. And she gave me a hug, and
she said, I always do that to see who I'm
dealing with.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
She was and she told joke I've ever heard, which one, well,
one of the greatest jokes I've ever had was a
couple but when she was talking, she was on Fashion Police,
and remember Ryan Lockey, this swimmer. Yeah, and you go, like,
terrible trouble. He was getting in a terrible trouble all
over the place. And she said, she said, Ryan Lockley
(16:12):
is like my vagina. When it's dry, the magic is gone.
And I went, oh my god.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Well, you know, in her funeral, Howard Sterne told her
I think one of her best vagina jokes ever was
that he said Joan Rivers had a very dry vagina.
This was the first words out of his mouth at
her funeral. It had a very dry vagina. He goes,
I know this because she told me all the time.
And he said, and she told me once, Howard, my
vagina is so dry that if Whitney Houston had it,
(16:41):
she'd be alive today. Jesus. But my favorite old joke.
That's terrible, but my favorite old joke of hers. It
was corny. It's corny. People always look at me like
I'm corny, but I just love the joke. She goes,
I'm so old when I was when I was a child,
dead Sea was sick.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
That's a great joke.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
It's a great, brilliant and she wrote it, and it's
a brilliant, brilliant joke.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
But she was. What's interesting to me, And this is
the thing I picked up on when I was because
I see, I remember you were act being The material
wasn't the same, but your style was similar twenty years ago.
I mean you were still raw, you were still you know,
working like that. And when I was watching a lot
of the other comics.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
I was much more TV friendly. I was much more
like I want everyone to like me now like that.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
I think that's when you're young, you can would rather
the comics laugh. Well, I think if you're making the
comics laugh, you're kind of doing something right. I mean,
you're having a definite demographic, and it's probably a very
dark one because I think comedians.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
Don't you think you hit a point like, excuse me
for interrupting. As an artist, I'm definitely the now I've
evolved where I'm that art Like when you knew me,
I was the artist that was still willing to paint
murals in people's houses. Yeah, and now I'm like, what
they want me to paint the couch green? So in
Matt is their couch in the picture? Tell them go
fuck yeah, I'm never doing that. So now that's where
(18:05):
if someone goes, can you not do that joke, I'm like, no,
I can just leave.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Yeah I have to do the joke. I don't know.
I mean, I feel like it gets to a point
where you you just kind of like, I can't fucking
make everyone happy. I can't, you know. I mean, my
job is to make people laugh, but not necessarily make
them happy, you know.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
And that's a good point.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Yeah, I don't like I don't find this joke offensive, well, okay,
that's good. Or I do find this joke of fans,
well that's good. But there's a there's a lot of
talk recently about you can't say this, and you can't
say that, or you get into trouble, and now it's
like it's always been like that.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
But my point is is Joan had a rule, and
I think about it all the time. She said, talk
about whatever you want, just make sure it's funny.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Yeah. I think that that's the thing. Undeniably undeniably funny
is right, because there there is that. But there's now
the situation. Well, I don't know if there was a
little moment there where certain things you weren't allowed to
even I felt like you weren't even meant to talk about.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
But you're talking about throwing your kid in the pool.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
And I was screaming, laughing. It's so funny. And it's
how when we were kids, that's how you learned to sway.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
You're lucky.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
If you got thrown in, usually just got kissed. Someone
drinking a beer shoved you with their front.
Speaker 1 (19:24):
Didn't make it. But you know, we got a flutter.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
But but you know, even when you said it the
other night, I could I could see people going, oh,
why did you? But they're just sensitive now, I think so,
But I think they you made it funny immediately.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
Right, And I think that the thing is as well
as that. I think people go, particularly places like the
sailor the Village Underground, all that stuff. I think people
go there with the expectation that I am going to
be tested by you know, I'm going to hear stuff
that I don't want to hear, and that's part of
the fun. I think it's been folded into to it
that now you like you. I think that's okay. I
think to feel that sense of danger like you mentioned
(20:04):
A tale. A Tale's always been one of my favorite
comics in mind because I watched David Tail. Sometimes I
think I don't know Dave. I can't go God damn it.
He made me laugh again. I mean, he's and David Tel.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
You know. It's funny because I'm not usually a fan
of comics that I don't know something about. At the
end of their act, I can. I can appreciate that
Jerry Seinfeld is a master. He does an observational comedy.
He's one of the very best, but I don't enjoy
watching him. His comedy, his TV shows and stuff. I love.
(20:41):
He's a great writer, but it's just not my cup
of tea. Ellen is the same way. Ellen degenerous, but
that Boston style of comedy where they're like, and then
I killed the guy, Like I never find that funny.
You didn't do it.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
You didn't kill the guy, you know. And that's the
difference between Boston and New York comedy. Then in New
York you have to actually have killed the guy.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
If you say I killed the guy, he might have
killed that guy. Like there's some opinion, there's you know,
you think when you're watching me, she might have actually
told this guy to kill himself.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Oh yeah, I thought you might have.
Speaker 2 (21:15):
I would be very sad if he killed himself. But
that's where I push it, you know, it's it's you
know how it is. You do it too. It's where fantasy, right, you.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
Mess around with it, you mess around with it, with
the reality of it. That's all right. I mean, it's
called a poetic license.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
I suppose for me, it's always believable my situation, Like
I have a joke where I'm talking about young feminists,
and I wanted to see I did it because they
traditionally have been annoying me a lot. So I thought,
I wonder if I can talk about them and still
win them, because young women love me right, And I
(21:53):
think it's because I tell the truth.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
Well, I told you you were doing credit work with
a couple of girls in the front row. The young
women in the front row.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
No matter what I say, Greg, they never hate me.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
They were great. They loved you.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
We love you, we love you, and I'm like, shut up,
I don't want your love. We love you so much.
They're like little puppies. But I think it's because there's
an auntie quality to me, like she's telling us the truth.
She's on our side, she's going to protect us. And
so my whole joke is about do you want me
to tell you? It's just about the feminism thing. Where
(22:26):
I go, there is a young if you haven't met
young New York feminists yet, they're very they're not like
the old school feminists. They're very like right in your
face and growley. And I said, some one jumps in
front of me with a clipboard recently and she's like,
what have you done for women? Today, and I go, well,
I'm not going to punch you in the throat, so
(22:48):
that's one thing. And then I do this whole thing
about getting behind this young girl because I know my
days of free drinks and having doors held open are
very long gone. But I'm like, this young fertile girl
is going in the bank where the doors are heavy.
My arms are not what they were, and I'm like,
I'm going to get behind her like a like a
(23:10):
little car getting behind a big semi in a stom.
This bitch is gonna save my life. So I get
behind her and she stops. This is true story. This
is based on a true story. She stops cold, and
she says to the guy holding the door, I can
get my own door, thank you very much. And I've
never seen it. Have you seen in real life?
Speaker 1 (23:31):
It's happened to me. Really, it's happened to me. I'll
tell you about it in a minuse.
Speaker 2 (23:35):
So I go, well, I can't excuse me. Part of
me I kind of walk past. So then I go
I'm telling this joke true story again at the cellar
at the little room, and a girl in the front
road goes yes, and I go, you know what what
what are you yesing? And she goes, she told him,
(23:55):
She told him we can get our own doors, and
we can buy our own food, and we don't need
men trying to take our power. And I turned to her,
and now I say, the audience, let me tell you something.
No one can take your fucking power. You got to
give it to him. Nat usually gets an a pause
break and I go, you girls are not looking at
this the right way. The way I see it is
(24:17):
they owe me that, they owe me holding the door,
buying me dinner. I go, you know why, because we've
been blowing these guys for centuries. I am kneeling on
the shoulders of my ancestors. Somewhere in my line, someone
in my family probably sucked the deck of some guy
(24:38):
coming back from World War One with tick her tape
on it. I go, then, I'm sure, I'm sure I
have some pilgrim ancestor. So that I was like, when
I'm done churning this butter, and Ezekiel gets home, I
got to breathe out of my nose for four minutes,
and I'm like, I'm sure I've got some cave woman
relative that was justugh And he pokes on the shoulder
(25:00):
and she's like, oh, so you owe me reparations, and
I talk about my boyfriend and all that, but it
kills with the girls and it starts me not being
nice to them. But like you said, then I empower them.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
It's very interesting to words you work because it is.
I mean, it's funny that you mentioned Joan, because I
got that kind of like style vibe from you as well.
Like the the idea is like I will I will
go with people, you know, I will make fun of somebody,
I will have a go with someone, but it's always
really me who I'm going at, which is very smart
(25:46):
and and and how it works. I think. As far
as the holding the door open thing that happened to
me in in La, it was as a gay at
the school on one of my kids was young and
I held the gate open for one of the moms
in the school and she was pretty angry. Maybe she
was a tough day. Everybody's tired, they have little kids.
But she won't buy me, I don't need you to
(26:07):
hold hold the door open for me, And kind of
like I was like, I didn't know to open for you.
I held open for my mom. You were just there.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
You should have just that. That's how you get hit.
You know, I probably have five across the time.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
But here's the thing. It's funny though, because the the idea,
and you've touched on this and and I'm interested in this,
and you mentioned Allen as well, because Ellen get into
a lot of trouble because it turns out she's not
as nice in real life as she is on TV.
I don't know her, well, I've met a couple. You
seemed very nice to me. I don't know. I mean,
I was meeting her on a TV show. I've got
(26:46):
certainly no Allen stories. But but what I was kind
of fascinated by is that people and people will say
this about anyone, Like if you meet anyone famous, anyone
at all, they say they were they nice. Like like, now,
I don't need I don't need like I don't I
don't need Jimmy Page to be nice. I don't need.
I don't even need he plays a guitar. Let him
(27:06):
play the guitar. If he's not nice, I don't fucking care.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
You have to be super talented to not be nice.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
To know it be nice, I suppose you do, actually,
because I think that that seems to be the thing
that most people want is for you to be nice,
and I the truth says, I'm nice sometime. A lot
of the time I think I'm nice, and sometimes I'm
probably a deck I know I am.
Speaker 2 (27:27):
So for me, one story about a celebrity does not
make them who they are, right, Like if someone tells me,
I think for.
Speaker 1 (27:33):
A lot of people it does, though, amazing, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
But it shouldn't because everybody's a person. Yeah, So yes,
you're allowed. You're allowed to even react to her, yeah
and say, oh, well next time, I definitely won't, you
know whatever, because maybe you're having a bad day and
you're trying to be nice and she was a jerk
about it. I'm not saying you should be like that,
but I'm saying that, but that doesn't define who you are.
(27:56):
So I was just about to say to you about Ellen.
I've heard that she can be prickly, but I don't
know her, so I reserve that, like I don't you know,
I've said to people, I'm not going to judge this
person because I don't know. Now, there are other celebrities
where I'm like, oh, yeah, he's an asshole, but I
know him asshole, and I would tell him to his
face he's an asshole.
Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah, I think that that's it's a weird thing. I
remember I was once changing planes at Danver. You know,
I have Danver like you do road work, you know, Denver.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Airport I got stuck, the only one I ever got
stuck at.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
I hate Denver Airport so much. Do you know if
you see it from the guy, it kind of looks
like a swastika as well.
Speaker 2 (28:33):
You know, I'm not surprised.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
I hate it.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
And the people at the airport have you ever noticed this?
They're so crazy, like there's no like sides of the
street walking like everyone looks. Everyone looks s frazzled, like
they're racing to a sail.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
Yeah, it's it's weird. It's like Black Friday every day
and and well not Black Friday.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
It is a swastika.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
Well yeah, it's like black uniform, Brady. But they I
was getting off while I was changing planes or something
at Denver Airport and I bumped to this guy from Africa.
That was my fault. And this African guy but me
and he's wearing the full like all the African gear
and stuff, and I bumped into I was kind of embarrassed.
I stumbled a little bit and he went to help me.
(29:17):
He was a younger guy, and he went to help
me with my case because I was kind of falling
over a little bit. And I was like, ah, I
fell that. I was tired. I was a jerk and
he said, he went, I'm helping you with your case.
What a jerk? And I was like, oh no, and
I started walking away and I thought, good, I am
a jerk. And I was looking around. I was trying
to find him to apologize for being a jerk, and
(29:38):
I couldn't find him. So I think probably he watches
this podcast and I and now he'll know that. No,
he won't because he'll think I'm a jerk and like,
I'm not watch.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
You'll know you're doing it. He's not want to listen.
Speaker 1 (29:49):
No, he'll hate me. But it's just this. He didn't
know who I was. He was just he just thought
I was a jerk in Denver airport. And you know what,
I for that moment, I fucking was a jerk in
Denver airport.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
But he might have known. That's the weird part about
TV and stuff. Because I was nice to a lady
in the airport one time. She had a kid who
was screaming, and you know some mothers have that they
get that look like this is the day. I'm leaving
the kid in the airport and I saw the show
and she was frazzled and she had like an infant
and a little three year old that was going ape
(30:22):
shit crazy. And I had dog toys in my purse
for my dog, so I was going home and I
just went it squeezed the ball and the little three
year old turned and came walking over and I threw
the ball and the kid came back. And I just
played with a kid with this dog ball heaven.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
And the mother said in the airport with.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
A kid, how are you doing this? Not who are you?
But how are you doing this? And I said, look,
I'm not a mom. She because you must be a mom,
and I said, no, I own a dog. But you
know how old is your kids? It was almost three,
and I said, yes, aren't they kind.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Of the second?
Speaker 2 (30:57):
And anyway, I played with the kid and I said
on the floor and the mom said, don't you have like, no,
I have an hour. And I was just nice to
this little kid and I said, do you want to
go somewhere? Do you want me to watch them? And
do you have to pee or anything? Seriously, like the
look on her face. Craig was like, no. Well, next
thing I know, I get a call from my manager
like a week later, and I gave the little you know,
(31:18):
screaming one the dog toy and it really was a
dog toy. That's what's so embarrassing. But my manager said, Lynn,
you know we have Google alerts on you. I want
you to read something. And the woman knew who I was.
You recognize me from TV with Johan and said this
(31:39):
woman was one of the nicest women. And when I
was so flustered, but it was it was really sweet.
But it made me go, oh shit. And then I
when I was with DV, I had other ones that
were like I saw lannekpless today fighting with her boyfriend,
And now most of them are like, I think I
saw you crying in the park. That's what people.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
But it's funny though, because I think now everybody it
used to be like if you were kind of if
you were famous, you were you were in that that
kind of position. But no, that was very passive aggressive,
passive aggressive, you know. It was like yeah, right right, yeah, yeah, Okay,
(32:25):
so I still think it was passive aggressive. But it
used to be just like famous people would get that,
like you walk around and like you do something dumb
and get shamed. But now I think anyone, because everyone
has a camera and everyone has you know, Instagram and
and all that kind of stuff, that anyone who does
(32:46):
something dumb, there's the opportunity to go viral and and
be shamed.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
Yeah, which is why I like people film it, film it,
go ahead. I don't care, but I'm not you. You're famous,
You're famous. I'm now. I have to always say to myself,
don't get mad at Heckler's. You're talking to them, yeah,
and they feel comfortable with you, yeah, and they feel
like you want them to be part of this. So
(33:13):
once in a while I'll say, okay, we you and
I are done. Now I'm going to go back to
my own show, you know.
Speaker 1 (33:18):
I mean, look, you've run into it as well. It's
like when you see people that have expectations of how
you know that it's going to go and it's not
going that way. I've done it. Look, I've done it myself.
Did you ever watch did you watch Game of Thrones?
Speaker 2 (33:32):
I love your Yeah, are you kidding?
Speaker 1 (33:33):
Right? So Game of Thrones, I got a call from, uh.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
Did they shoot in Scotland?
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Ireland?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
Ireland?
Speaker 1 (33:42):
Vibe was in California, and I get this call or
they asked me to host the Game of Thrones panel
at Comic Con in San Diego. I was like, sure,
I love Game of Thrones. I'd never seen it, but
I but I but then I watched all of it
before I did it, like it was all a DVDs
and stuff like that. So I watched it all and
I get to the backstage at Comic Con.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
And then you were psyched on two right.
Speaker 1 (34:04):
It was great. I love that show. And uh, and
I'm backstage at Comic Con and all the Game of
Thrones people was there, and the actor who played Jamie Lanister,
you know, the super handsome he walked in and I went,
oh hey, and I hugged him. I have so many
of those. And I thought, I thought I knew because
(34:25):
I've just been watching him on TV. And I but
over and I hugged him. And then I hugged him
and I felt and kind of like tense, and I
was like, oh shit, I've never met this guy. And
I said, I'm sorry, I, I've never met you in
my life. Have a and he went, no, he's very
you know you were of course maybe I don't know,
but he yeah, he did. But he was like, of course.
(34:49):
I said, I'm so sorry, and he said it happens
more often than you would think. It's all right. And
he was very, very good.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
So he was nice.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
He was nice. And that's the thing I have to
tell you. But the actor whose name I will in
sat later on. You know that guy? He what's his name? Dude?
Can you He played Jamie and he's a fabulous actor.
It's just his name escapes me for the moment.
Speaker 2 (35:12):
Yeah, that Nichol, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Yeah, he he was lovely. He was just lovely.
Speaker 2 (35:19):
But there was another one that wasn't.
Speaker 1 (35:21):
No, they were all pretty nice, yeeah, they don't. I
I was the stalker, is what I'm saying. I was
the good Do you ever mean, do you ever go
up to famous people you think you know and and
start talking to him? But you realize when I.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
First moved to New York, and I wasn't even yeah,
I wasn't on TV or a comic or anything. I
was an aspiring young actress. I used to get on
I'd get on the subway and I would talk to
soap stars all the time, thinking I knew them, and
I'd be like, oh, Hi, how you doing, and and
they would usually say oh hi, and think the world
(35:56):
and they would think maybe I know her, you know,
and then go so, Dixie, you know, it's good to
see you. You'd go, yeah, something, it's the character. And
then I'd go with Dixie, Oh my god, you know,
and I would usually be really And one time, when
I was young, people would sometimes say I looked a
little bit like Cindy Crawford. Anyone watching this now, I
do not look anything like her.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
No, I feel like you did.
Speaker 2 (36:17):
And when I was younger, I might have a little
tiny bit. And one day I saw Steven Spielberg on
the street and he was wearing an ambulin hat.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
And carry some people would.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
Reganize he saw me and he went hey, And I
was right by Ford modeling ages. He had every right
in the world to think it was me. I mean,
it was her, And he went hey, and I go hi,
and we're crossing the street, and I thought, I wonder
how long it's going to take for him to realize
he doesn't know me? Yeah, well, right as we got close,
he went like to look in his face, Craig like,
(36:53):
I can't even whatever. I just I just called it
on like whatever happens now? I started and I went
it's okay, and he goes thank you, and he just
walked away. And I actually thought that was kind of
sweet of him because he just thank you.
Speaker 1 (37:11):
Steve Spielberger, and I have to report he is nice.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
He was very sweet. But he was very sweet to me,
like thank you so much, like he realized like she
she's nice.
Speaker 1 (37:22):
You know.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
It was cute, but it was really funny because he
started it like can you imagine?
Speaker 1 (37:27):
I mean, look, I've I've done it, and do you
Sometimes people say hey, how you doing, and you don't
want to be rude, but they don't know you, so
you're like, hey. That's why in La now everybody says
nice to see you instead of nice to meet you,
or you never say nice to meet you to someone.
You'll say nice to see you, because nice to see
(37:48):
you can be nice to meet you or it can
be nice.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
To That's why in the South everyone says hey. They
just tell hey, hey, because hey, it just means like
I might know you all the Guys are always called guy, Hey, guy, hey, guy.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Oh I've been called that. I realized that that.
Speaker 2 (38:04):
Usually means I don't know your name.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
But women, I always call a guy handsome if I
don't remember his name. Oh, hey, good looking.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Yeah. So you can't do that for your guy because
he'll be creepy.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
You just to call the woman skinny, Hey, skinny, hey, skinny, hey, pretty.
We don't hear anything else, all right, unless it's the
woman you hold the door for, and then she's like,
I can be fat if I want to be.
Speaker 1 (38:25):
Well, see when I didn't make any comment to this
woman at all when I held the gate for her,
I just just I didn't mean anything by it. I
didn't wasn't trying to oppress her. I just kind of
didn't think about it.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
You weren't thinking I'm going to take her power. I
haven't new talk about walking down the street and the
guy goes smile. I bet you'd be a lot prettier
I go. Now. I don't know about you, girls, but
I love a command from a strange man, and I
don't know an emotional command. I always find that really nice.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
Is that does that really still happen? I mean all
the time.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
It just happened recently. No smile, you be a lot
prettier if you did.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
No one ever says that, and I went like that,
I did that. That's kind of nice.
Speaker 2 (39:08):
Are you were? You right?
Speaker 1 (39:11):
I can't believe that still happens.
Speaker 2 (39:12):
Geez, it does, and it's hilarious to me. It's a
good way to get yourself, Like I've even said on stage,
like I'm like, please put an end to this misery
of a career, like, go ahead, cancel me. Then I'm done,
because you can't get fired from stand up.
Speaker 1 (39:28):
You can't do you know, I know it's likely that
some people that go canceled actually started doing stand up.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (39:36):
It's like if you get canceled from being an actress something, well,
I'll go and do stand up and go, oh so
it's all right to be a stand up well like.
Speaker 2 (39:44):
Or they'll do this with me, like they'll go ha
ha oh boo, and I go listen, No, you really
want to not see me do this anymore? Just don't
make a noise. Just let's all sit and stare at
each other and then I can just be done, like
please please. I never should have gotten as far as
I've gotten. It's been a long while. And remember one
(40:05):
time we were in the little room and I was
telling jokes and there was silence from the men like
I was saying something, and all the men looked pissed.
They were all kind of sitting. It was before I
was as nuanced to comment because I am now. The
women liked me. They were laughing, but the men were
very And I came off stage and I said to
(40:27):
Jim Norton goes, great set, and I go, oh, god, no,
the men hate me. And he goes, they're not asleep.
And I said what And he goes, if they hate you,
it's just as good as loving you. They're awake and
they're listening. They can't get mad at you if they're
not listening to you.
Speaker 1 (40:45):
That's smart.
Speaker 2 (40:46):
And I said, oh, you're right. Yeah, and in what
we were talking about the truth and I know you
have to go. But I one time I was doing
stand up maybe fifteen, no twenty years ago, and everything
was changing. I was getting older and my jokes weren't
(41:06):
working for me because I was getting older. It wasn't
I looked like Sidney Crawford. Blah blah blah blah, none
of it was working, and I was I put on
weight again. I always go up and down, and I
had had I had these horrible like leggings on with
a big shot. I was in Kansas and I thought,
I said a little prayer and I said, God, what,
(41:28):
I don't know what to do? Like, I just feel
like a fraud. And link Kopplice doesn't do well when
she feels like a fraud. And I said, okay, and
I heard it was the first time I heard God
say tell the truth. So I walked out on stage
and I said, this is what you look like when
you start giving up. I'm not even doing comedy anymore.
(41:50):
This is more of an unraveling. And then I started
and Jim Norton saw me again and he goes, real smart,
what you did? And I said, what do you mean?
And he goes, you don't even have to do stand up.
If they don't laugh at you, who cares. You told
them up front you're not doing that. You're not here
for that. And then eventually I changed it to people
(42:12):
ask me if I'm from Michigan, and I'm like, no,
this is what you look like when you give up.
Speaker 1 (42:16):
Right, It's the same law which is a well crafted joke.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Well I turned them into jokes.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
But it's always you're the victim. You're the victim who
becomes the victor, victim who becomes the victim.
Speaker 2 (42:27):
That's right, right, that's what you look like when you
start giving up. But you know what, I don't even care.
I'm here to get fired. I'm just trying to get
this stuff out. Take what you like, leave what you don't,
and you know it's it's wild. But at this point
in my life, I'm pretty blessed to be able to
still be. I mean, I'm not famous, but I'm a
bit of a journeyman. I'm still doing it.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
I think you know, the people that know about comedy
and love comedy know exactly who you are. And I
are always happy to see you in the States. Not
afine one of that. It's a joy to see you. Thanks.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
I got nervous to say hi to your because I
was like, what if he doesn't remember me? Like that's
who we all are. We're neurotic weirdos. That's true. And
then you were your beautiful, effusive, lovely self. So keep in.
Speaker 1 (43:13):
Touch with try to be nice. I will keep in
touch with you.
Speaker 2 (43:15):
Get out of here yet, Okay
Host
Craig Ferguson
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