March 27, 2025 • 51 mins
Women want to date MEN, so you boys are going to have to level up. If you want to be seen as the man every woman desires, it’s time to raise your game. Barbie Adler is here to show you how.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
So I wanted to talk about what has just come
to me to be three ms, just because not because
I thought of it ahead of time, but just because
the three things I want to talk about are ms.
One is men, like I want to give men advice
because we're always talking about what women should do, and
I don't want to be so blanket and saying that
(00:32):
men are clueless. But I do think that many men
are clueless. I'll just be the one to say that.
So I want to get and women are clueless too,
but men are clueless. So I want to give some
tips to men on dating and relationships. I want to
talk about possibly merging, like blending families, like merging you
know how important it is to own property together, or
(00:55):
like kids merging how different people handle that.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
So I want to talk about men.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Merging, and money like which is similar to merging, Like
how you deal with money. And everyone has a different
approach to money, and it doesn't really matter if one
person's even if both people are wealthy, they could have
too drastically different ways of approaching money. Someone could be frugal,
someone could be a spender like some people gift giving
is their love language.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Some people will spend millions of.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Dollars on real estate, but no money on clothes, Like
there's just there're just money as a whole bag of
you know, a bag, a whole bag of money. So
what is exciting to you about these three times?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Like?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
What do you want to talk about? First?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
We could talk about men, like giving that what are
you interested in? Oh my gosh, they're all yes, I'd
love to talk about men. I'm I'm I love all
three topics.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
I'm so excited to address some tips from the Playbook
of Women that I constantly hear. And this applies to
all men across every decade, no matter what their age is,
where they live, what their ethnicity is, whatever their life
page is.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
It's it's literally a universal theme.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
What I always hear complaints about people when they meet
people before they come to selective search, of course, but.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Ongoing, all right, frustrations that men need some tips. Let's
play tennis. Let's go.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
You come up with one thing about men that they
that they a tip like that. We have to not
like it has to be like prescriptive because men are
not going to we cannot thrown on. We have to
go like, this is a tip we can discuss it.
Then I'll give what I think a tip. I don't
even have any in my mind, but I'm sure i'll
come right away. So yeah, I have so give a
tip for men that men like need to know and
(02:34):
must do in dating and or relationships.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
They need to be a man with the plan. They
need to plan.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
And schedule ahead. Is if you think about a woman
who they ask them out. They need to also tell
us where where we're going so we know what to wear.
But they need to first plan the date. They can't
just have not have a reservation. They have to have
the right time. Ask someone about is there food energies,
(03:02):
cuisine preferences. They just need to have a plan and
be thoughtful about it.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Okay, So I'm going to challenge that, not just for
the sake of it, but explain an experience of mind.
So I was in the Hampton this summer and someone
wanted to have a plan with me, and they asked me,
do you want to get together Saturday night? And they
didn't really have a plan and said, I don't know
if they said what do you want to do or something,
I don't remember, but they weren't from the Hamptons.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
But we're staying there for like three weeks.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
And by the way, someone not from somewhere can do research,
can ask people, et cetera. But I believe and have
come to realize that they probably were worried that like
I would definitely know better, and maybe because of who
I am and that I'm like savvy or seem like
a certain type of person, that they were going to
(03:50):
just like fire a random shot and come up with
something and that either wouldn't be good enough or that
it wouldn't be.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Like a good idea.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
And I said, in the text, which I know you
guys always talk about leaning into your feminine energy, it's
ceter I said, whatever the text was, I was like,
are you hesitating because you're not from here?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Do you need some help?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And he was like, I haven't been here in years.
And I said, okay, well, here are a couple of choices.
This place is there, and this is the vibe. This
is a situation where you could go on a boat.
I had to have this membership on a boat and
go and you can take the early plan or this
other thing. And he was like, I think we do
(04:33):
the early plan on the boat. So I was kind
of the one who had the plan, but I am
a person that believes it. In a relationship, best idea wins.
So in many cases, I'm the one who makes the plan,
but I require something else from the other person. Like
I relace the track, they like rock the flow. They
have to figure ou how we're getting there. They have
(04:54):
to do them. If there's a map before hiking, like
we're going on a trail, they figure it out.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
But I'll be like, let's go hiking this.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
This is more universal advice for what I hear constantly
from thousands and thousands of people saying, it's not attractive.
That guy might be attractive to you because you know
who he is and you already know he's a desirable person.
It's not attractive if someone doesn't put care into the
beginning of the date, and if they don't know the place,
it's fair to either do research or say what is
your preferences. Some people don't want to date in their
(05:22):
exact town because they don't want the whole community to
know their business, so it might be the next town over.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
They want to go date somewhere else.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
But I do think the overall tip to men should
start with they need to do the hunting. They need
to put thought into it. No high quality woman wants
a guy that's half asked that doesn't put a plan
or thought.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Okay, let's revise it because if we're writing a book together,
let's fill in the blank. So let's say a person
should have the intention for a plan, but if they
are still assertive and know what they don't know, they
find a way that the other person knows that they
have a plan, or that they that their intention is
to have a plan, that they may not. Actually, they
(06:05):
may think they might not have the best idea and
that the person they're talking to, you might have a
better idea.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
So be collaborative if necessary.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Right, So let's revise it to be a good communicator
and be thoughtful to say, do you want me to
take the lead of making some suggestions or or do
you have a certain place or idea that you'd have?
Speaker 2 (06:23):
All right?
Speaker 1 (06:23):
So chapter one is the intention for a plan, but
the potential collaboration in the plan, correct.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
All right, So that's a big thing.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
All right, So that's good, So we work together. Well,
that was good. That's good because, by the way, Barbie,
I've dated a lot more than you, so you have
been an expert at a higher level, you have a
texture that comes together where you're like a teacher of it.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
But I'm like out there in the field and you're saying.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Don't get so drunk, and I'm getting black act drunk
sometimes with still ending up with the person like you're
trying to give totally gut level.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yes, so yeah, all right.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
We were talking about how men need this this advice
because I don't think there's anyone giving them this advice.
So I think it's really important to know that if
you don't know a guy from Adam and you are
only able to evaluate him on his actions, if he
doesn't have the thoughtfulness to be a good communicator or
at least have an idea of a plan.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
You can't just go somewhere on a Saturday night. The
average person can't and get and have a meal.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
You're effectively saying that someone has to appear to be
making effort, which is interesting because it's literally the first
thing that you say that a man wants from a
woman in her appearance, and that she took care to
come to the date. The guy's about to pay for
a date in traditional systems, and she's showing up and
she made efforts, so you're effectively It doesn't really matter
about the content, it's about the delivery.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
It's the effort. It's putting the effort into it.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
So it's really more about the effort than correct calling
it a man with a plan. But the effort is
what it is. So let's say E for effort for
number one. We've even taken it deeper. All right, men,
that's great.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Okay, So under the whole theme of effort, I do
think that hygie and sometimes is overlooked and I don't
know what it is, but we hear this from people
go on dates on apps all the time that say
they didn't put an effort, like they're they have Noah's hair,
they have ear here, their eyebrows were bushy, they had
(08:16):
something on their shirt, they all the different things, so
like it's really important as a man.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
That's interesting.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
So we're saying, so this is good because we're opening
it up even bigger that it's effectively effort.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
It's effectively effort. Okay, so that's great.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
It's women are dolling up right, like we're putting an effort,
and we always hear that it. Men appreciate when we
put an effort for a date, and women are saying
the same thing about men, like make sure that you're
putting an effort.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Make sure that your version of dolling.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Up, which is take a shower, look presentable, make sure
that your nails are clean. It sounds so basic and like,
who what wouldn't be doing? It's a deal. We're are
not dirty. Yeah, I heard from my daughters all the
way to people all ages that have gone on dates
prior of course to us fixing them up, of just
people that are just not showing the effort. So I
(09:08):
think through hygiene head to toe that you put an effort.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
It's true because I've also found that like once a
guy's locked in and really likes you, then all of
a sudden he's like you're finding that he's manscaping because
he's like sort of more intentional and more into the effort.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
So that's good because we made a.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Blanket general category called effort that involves your appear effort
and involves the plan that is flexible in its nature
based on who you're dealing with him where you are.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Okay, so give me another one, I would say, effort
on the date. So you want to make sure that
you're not well. First effort in following up to make sure,
like the day before the date, looking forward to seeing
you tomorrow, just something where they know it's confirmed if
it was scheduled before.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
I love that. So effort is a big giant bucket.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
And then you're going into effort into the plan, into
the appearance, and then into the communication about what you're
yes the intention and also that you're excited.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Yeah, it just sets the tone like you took the time,
you care. You have to almost treat it. I mean
it's more important than a business meeting because it's your
personal life, but it's like you have to treat it
as how you would attack a business meeting right or
something you'd go after that you really want, you have
the strategic plan, it's the same thing. It's putting in
the effort to showing that you care, you're looking forward
(10:24):
to it.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
That quick text before the day before as well as
after the date.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
I think it's important to say like, had a great
time or let me know when you get home safe.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
That's a big pro tip.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
So on the date you want to be plugged in engaging,
be interesting and interested. So it's not a monologue. It's
a dialogue. It's not an interrogation. It's just a nice
back and forth, staying in the moment, having great conversation.
It's also being thoughtful, like if she seems cold by babies,
saying like to the manager, can you turn down the air?
(10:59):
Or was talking making sure that she feels like you're
she's being heard, understood.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
And that you're being attended to her needs.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Also, I would say then, like I don't want to
be a coworker with this person, meaning I don't want
to be involved in the process of like the tables
at two top and between two other people that I'm
the one who's like, that's a little weird. Like I
was out with a guy that he was gonna accept
with me who is public and doesn't need people to
my left and my right listening. You know, I'm in
(11:27):
a two top against the wall, and like then there's
two people on either side of me, you know, like,
and I'm.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Like so key.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
I had to say hey, like and I felt like
I was now being the man like to say, so
what table was it? I had a guy once do
advance work, like he walked in earlier, he went to
see what the table. As he came back, he texted
me that I should.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Go on another entrance. There were a lot of people there.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Now that doesn't usually apply to most people, but as
knowing who I was, he had done some research on
who he was with, and he didn't want me to
walk into a crowded entrance and it to be all
weird that I was going on a date and it
was public.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
So it shows such respect and such thoughtfulness. They could
get there fifteen minutes earlier. Talk to the hostess, say hey,
I'd love a corner table. Obviously in advance to ask
for a corner table, ask for a four top somewhere
private is great. But again, know your audience and know
what's a great ambience where you can actually hear each
other talking.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
What about men who always like to sit facing the door,
But isn't that the better seat and you're supposed to
give the woman the seat facing out of It really
doesn't matter, does it matter?
Speaker 2 (12:40):
I don't think it matters.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
The biggest thing is that you're not distracted by your
head is on a swivel where you're looking at every
other person but your date.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Same with the phone.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
If you have kids and you need to keep your
phone out, turn it upside down, maybe call your kids before,
just letting them know that you're going into a meal,
and only call if need be.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I don't think you should turn it upside don't think
I don't think it should be on the table.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Well, I'm saying upside down because sometimes people will put
it upside it and might not be appropriate to see
what's coming in.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
No, I'm saying, but I don't even think it should
be on the table, because that's fine, except for some
people might say it is the first time they have,
like a babysitter, or might be nervous about that.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
So it compromise is turning it down. But I agree,
if possible, don't put.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
It on the table.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yeah, I mean I but with that kind of thing
called the restaurant, I think you have to go old
school there too.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
The other thing is is that you, yeah, you don't
want to make sure you're on the phone. Look in
business mode. I don't care what business deal you have
to do. Everything can wait a couple hours. Like this
is an important you have to show that it's a
priority and that you're like engaged in your conversation. So
I do think giving someone that the view is nice,
but if it might be better to have the worse
views so you're not distracted by seeing what's around you
(13:43):
as well and can be more engaged.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Depending on I'll take it to the next level.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I don't think when you get back from the bathroom,
the man should have, like had the urgency it'll pick
up his phone and look at it. So when you're
walking back to the table, he's looking at the phone.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
I don't like that.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yeah, I want him to be thinking about how great
the data is present, looking around, eating, eating a piece
of bread.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I'm not interested.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I mean, I'm not interested in like he rushed to
get on the phone and second I went to the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
No, no, no, But if he forever is he should send
you a text saying I'm on a date with the
hottest woman tonight, or how did.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
I get so lucky? Right? I did that well because
you said that?
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Or something yeah cute sexy like flirty text because that's
kind of fun place.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Yeah, but yeah, I think phone needs to be off.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
But if you are sending a text communication before the
date or after, you got to make sure you're being
mindful of your spelling. It's such a turn off when
people spell things wrong, and especially with autocorrect, it's even
send the wrong text.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Wow, or the name wrong. I've had my name spelled wrong. Yeah,
you guy have to be thoughtful about things like that.
Just again paying attention to the little things. But here's
an advanced move that most men unfortunately mess up someone
or the dates.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Over ubers are being ordered if you're not sharing a
car together, and sometimes people will leave the dates without
waiting for the woman's Uber. And I think it's such
a class act. It happens all the time. What it's
such a class act to wait until the uber arrives.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I would literally never speak to the person again.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Never.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Back in the day, there was a cab and then
you could slide.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
The gentleman could slide at twenty to the cab driver
saying make sure she gets home safe.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Nowadays, if someone's.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Going I mean, I don't thinking her own Uber and
paying for it either.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
By the way, well, there's really no other there's not
a mechanism where you could gift an uber.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
There's you can't call an uber for something. Yes, you
can put in your own Uber account their two address
could but they you could do that. Yeah, of course
they're sharing, but then you're sharing an Uber.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
No they're Uber. Oh you can't have two ubers going
at the same time. You could for you and a kid.
You call an uber, then you call it another ruber.
Now I see you're saying, so you first, first you
call for them, and then you call that for you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Yeah, most people just or most people are okay with
their having their ordering their own uber because what if
they don't want the person to know where they're going
or their address or whatever.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
It could be.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
But I think it's very polite to wait, and it
is a pro tip because a lot of people don't
have that. I think they're just ignoring you. They don't
know that that's not a polite thing to do. It's
always waits, So.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
No wonder everybody fails miserably because we're still on the
first date. Is the man ordering for the woman? Because
I've seen it both ways, what would you like and
then you say it? Or he asks what you would
like and then he orders for you. I do think
that's a nice note that something a girl would tell
their girlfriend. It's not necessary, but I think it's a
nice thing. He finds out what you want. He's not
just saying we'll both have the blah. But I like
(16:31):
and I also think there should be a collaboration so
you can find it if the person is a sharer,
because I'm a sharer and I like to say, like,
what do we want to get?
Speaker 3 (16:39):
But that's so fun, that's part of the whole thing.
That's what I think that bond Like, let's share.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
How about this?
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I love it?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Like or like I was thinking of getting to this.
Do you like that? Because you could have a bite,
like you don't have.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
To push your thing on them or vice versa, but
collaborating and like what you're getting because it's interactive and
food's a great conversation piece.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Why would it you And.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
You could be playful for whatever reason you're not a
share to say good because they'll have more more for
me or something like that if they're not. But it
is good to make it a fun experience because it
does bond you and it's kind of a happy thing
to talk about too.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
It's like an icebreaker.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Mine is always awkward because I always have to say
I'm allergic to fish, and it has to get out
of the way fast because if a guy might be
interested in kissing me, a third of the menu is
off limits for him.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Yeah, right, So that so that's a whole that's it
could be playful on how you you know, spin that
as well, how you present that one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I'm like, I'm just letting you know I'm definitely alerted
to fish.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
So good.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
So you're two minutes in, you're like, in the event
that we might kiss, fish is off the table. It's
not right, no, but it's kind of a fun thing
because they know they have to navigate around that menu
and fast. And then I feel so selfish, like for
the rest of their life, like if they want to
be with me, they now cannot order fish at restaurants.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Like it's a big sacrifice for people. You're worth it.
So it's all good, Okay.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
The other thing that's important is so now you're leave
the date and you could say it's very uncomfortable when
a guy asks a woman out for another date, because
sometimes people will polite and say yes when they don't
want to. So unless you really are vibing and you
already feel like it's kind of known that both people
(18:16):
want it, it's so much better to say you could say.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
I had such a wonderful time.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
I hope to see you again, but not going in
say detail and like assertive about it.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Not like let's do this again. I'm around on Thursday.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
That's a great note because it's like putting the contract
on the other person. You'd rather be like, get the
vibe of if they also had a nice time, and
then you tomorrow you say it or you call.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Yeah, I had a wonderful time. I hope we could
do this again. Just something chill, but not putting the
pressure where they have to answer it.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
It leaves a little bit of a mystery.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
But I do think it's nice to say, well, you
text me when you got home safe, because it shows
that you care and you want to make sure they
get home safe.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
And I think it's really a gentleman act to say,
like tex to me when you get home. Mind you, well,
let's take a step further.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Even if you don't like the woman, why not say
that just you have a good representation you don't like
the woman.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
It is so nice. That's the other thing, Like the
ghosting has to stop. It is unbelievable. I know why
people do it. They don't want to hurt somebody's feelings,
so they would rather say I'm back with an ax
or I just met someone, but it's not true. It's
just they're not interested and they don't want to hurt
someone's feelings. But they're gonna hurt someone's feelings more, and
they're gonna make themselves look like an asshole by not
(19:24):
following up. It's so much more attractive and just high
class to say I said a wonderful time tonight on
text or the next day.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I've given it more thought.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
I really I feel more of a friendship than a
romantic connection, and I'm really holding up for that. We
both deserve that. Whoever gets you a super lucky I
wish you all the best. It's just such a class act.
Go with the truth.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
I said to a guy that was I was set
up with. I said to a guy that yeah, I said,
I don't remember what I said. I said something like,
you call it a couple times, you want to go
out again, you're dragging it out. I just said I
think you're amazing, and I eventually said not then, But
you know, I might know someone who's interesting. I'm not
sure if it's a fit, but I think you're wonderful,
and anyone's lucky to just what you said.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
They have a human being and you get a good reputation.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
You don't know who you might set up, but you
don't know that maybe they might set you up with
their best friend. Once they meet someone, they may keep
you in mind. There's no reason to burn a bridge
and be a jerk.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Correct If you're a class act. They're going to say,
oh my gosh, I'm so bummy. He doesn't like me,
but he's such a great guy. And they're gonna think
of a girlfriend saying he doesn't like me, but he
might like you and he's such a good guy.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
But if they someone thinks that you're in a relationship,
you just.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Totally cut yourself off from other opportunities and you're also lying.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
And it's just it's you don't need to do that.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Just get back to someone promptly, takes two seconds, as
in a text, say something warm, that's a sincere compliment,
and done.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
It's over.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Then making somebody feel hurting their feelings and like it's painful.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
It's not necessary.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah, it's not necessary, and you could cut them loose
real fast and a nice one.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Yeah, it's good. Karma points to do the right thing.
And just treat people how you want to be treated.
Literally goes back down to kindergarten right of how you
want to be treated.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Treat people with that same kindness and that way, when it.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Happens to you, you'll realize that you hope that that
person would have handled it better themselves, like how you
are handling other people.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Well, same thing with business or a job interview when
someone just says like, it's not right, we're going with
another person.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Why leave you twisting in the wind for two weeks?
So listen? So this works.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Also, I've had one person on an app say to
me that you match and you were texting I met someone,
I think I'm going to give it a go, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
And you're like, great, good for you. You're cheering for them.
They're on an app.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah you don't even know them, but you're like yet
versus like ghosting you and texting.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
And then this has happened to me.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
I was out on the second date with someone that
I really liked and there was another very good looking
guy there and I happened to run into fun oddly enough,
a matchmaker, and she reached out to me later and
said to me that that other guy, the guy number
one was it was it was the second date the
other guy. She was like, that guy is a real
(22:03):
catch and he's interested in you, and I'd like to
connect you. Now. I wasn't sure if guy number one
was a player, if I was gonna be into him.
I was still wide open, so I was like, great,
Guy number two was in fact a catch. She says
to me, he wants your number and he wants to
get together with you.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
I look him up. He seems he's go.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Looking, he's single, all the things. So now it took
like for days, might have been a week. I was like,
he never reached out. She was like, oh, I think
he's with his family. This is happening, blah blah blah. Okay, bye,
and he had my number because she had connected the
two of us. Finally he texted me. And now, mind you,
things had accelerated with the guy that I was on
(22:42):
a second date with. Maybe by this time we had
been to like five days, and I was like, really
into him. You could be into somebody.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
That might be him calling right now literally talking about
you right now. Call you back.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
I'm on the podcast, but not you, but the guy
I'll call you back. So so I was on like
fifth day with him, and this other guy texted me
and said, hey, I think you're amazing and I'm really sorry.
He owes me nothing. The only thing that happens we
were in a group text. He's interested, he's supposed to
(23:13):
call me. I don't know him from Adam. He says,
I'm really sorry I didn't reach out sooner. I reconnected
with my ex and I really don't know what's going
to happen, but I would like to give this a shot.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
And I've said good for you.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
I hope it works out, and I said, so interesting
when I met you that night. But when I saw
you that night, I was actually on the second day
it was someone and now I think it's heating up
a little bit. And so that was like a very
like we were both cheering. We didn't even know each other,
but we were cheering for each other and it was
like classy.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, so nice. That's how more people need to do that.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
It's because that way, if whatever reason doesn't work out
for him or you, you can reach out and the
call will be so highly regarded because you ended it
with a bow.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
There's just a nice experience. How you do anything. It
is how you do everything. So be but that should
be the norm.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Be classy and every aspect of it, whether it works,
doesn't work, like her, don't like her, attracted, aren't attracted.
Even if you're supposed to text her, you follow through.
Even if you're not going, you fall through. Even if
you go, you don't like it, you fall through. If
you go, you like it, you fall through. Do the
right thing the whole way through. You get it.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
It's it's smart. That's a great come back to and
no one knows that. No one knows that. Okay.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
Other thing pro tips on dates be everyone has their
antenta up of how the way staff has treated right.
It's just like the little things like don't treat anyone
like the help. It's the total turn off on the date.
You don't want to grill someone about their ex especially
in a first date, like I know, sometimes it could
be like more of a biography date where you're catching
(24:47):
up on all aspects of life, but it's so much
more attractive, like in time you'll hear about people's pasts
and things like that, but just stay focused on the present,
Like there's so many things to talk about besides having
to just talk about who else they date or tales
from X.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
It goes negative.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
The biggest thing is talk about like be happy, Like
don't complain about your kids, don't complain about.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
You now be happy.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yes, but I will say this, it is often unavoidable
based on questions to not get into some version of
what you came from. But I would I'm going to
color that in the lines and say, be vague, but
in a way that moves this conversation forward in a
positive way, Like I think that was just a situation
where I might have needed a little bit more freedom,
(25:30):
and I'm looking for someone who you know, kind of
is a little more alive.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
So you're kind of talking about your experts.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
You're not like Joe used to take me out for
dinner and we had anticitize.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
It's not like that.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
It's a little more positive. You're paying it forward. I
think you have to reference the past to be in reality.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
I try if someone's asked, it's more of an elevator
speech where you land the ending, where you're not going
on and on and talking about where's the focus of
the conversation. If anything, it's two to three sentences and ends,
like I wish him all the best, and we're both
and I'm looking forward to being my person.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
It's not talking to it, but that's different. I'm saying
the way it informs the present, Like, you know, what
were you were together for four years? Oh?
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Interesting?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Why you didn't why you broke off your engagement? That's relevant.
A person is also looking for rest less, so you
might be like, he lived far.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
It was really hard.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
I think it was amazing. I wish him the best.
To your point, I'm looking for something a little closer.
I'm looking for someone younger. I didn't want young kids. Whatever,
if it informs this situation, it can help this person
learn about you.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I think you can talk about the.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Past, but you're not trash talking somebody never And you're
also not romanticizing your ex.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Correct, and you're not romanticizing. You're not trash shocking.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
But you're also not making it the focus of the conversation,
not therapy. Yeah, it's now you wanted to be like,
I mean to explain it from a contact standpoint, but
then you're moving on and talking about other things.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
No, and you don't use it as a license to
keep going back to it because you did it once.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yes, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
You said it once you got away with it. You're
not now talking about Rob for two hours, right for sure?
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Okay, So now let's say you go on a date.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
You have a great date, you have good follow up,
she got home safe, you're setting your texting.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I'd love to see you again. What works for you? Well,
hold on before we even do that.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I don't think enough people say thank you on the
date either I know where you're going, and I don't
think the bill comes thank you so much it was
so amazing, like, or you look nice like.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
I think compliments are not given enough in general. Genuine
compliments should be given one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Even about a car, you're clothes like you could go
into a mansion. Don't act like you're not jaded just
because you know the person's rich or hasn't. I that's
a nice wild like, be complimentary in every way. Everybody's insecure,
That's what I think.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
And it could be physical compliments, it could be compliment
with what someone said, but it is really nice to
be complimented. It also does let people's guard down, like, Okay,
that person likes what they're seeing, so it is.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
A reinforcement reinforcement amazing.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
Yeah, that's good. But the other thing is after a date,
I would say the next day. And this is more
for women, but it is nice for a woman to
send a text saying, thank you so much. I had
a really nice time at dinner to thank you, because
men don't hear that enough and that gives buying signals
for them to make the next move.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Yes, but I'm gonna revise that. I'm gonna say that
night now the next day.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
You like it? You like it that night, you know
because the next day is a new day.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
And the girl feels like she's being a little desperate
and if a guy is that gameplay or insecur at all,
he might think she's doing that.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
And I think that night it doesn't count. It's like,
so let's revise it.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
That that night when they're when the guy says, do
me favor, tell me you get home safe, she sends
a text saying I got home safe and thanks for dinner.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
But maybe he didn't say that because he might not.
You Still it still counts. It's that night, thanks so much,
that was really fun.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Have this say to do that?
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Yes, it's it goes a class act and then the
biggest thing is though the guy has to go back
to having a plan, because you can't wait weeks and
have a lull. A guy might really like someone but
then think, oh, I'm busy, I'm gonna wait two weeks.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I've got this. But a woman is not going to
put up with a guy that's not keeping momentum, making
an effort and making sure that they're setting time to
see someone again. It signals they're either.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
Dating too many people, or they're not really interested, or
there's they're dating someone else.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Okay, so let's make it this because I think, yes,
a new plan, but I think that let's call it
within the next two to three days.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
The man should express interest for the next plan.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
He may not know his exact calendar, he may have
a custody schedule, but he should be like, I would
really like to get together again. Let me get back
to you with my cat. There should be some the
ball has moved forward in some way with intention.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Correct, he is expressing his intention to want to see someone.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
But if he says I'll go back to a couple
of days, he needs to get back in a couple days.
He is to be like the person that he says
he's going he has to do what he says he's
going to do, because he's also not attractive if he
says he's going to do something and then he does,
and like I'll get back to you on Wednesday and
now it's Friday. That's that's not cool.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
No, he also can't say on the let's say we
went out on Saturday and it's the Monday, let's get together.
You're getting together Saturday, and he's completely silent until Saturday
at four o'clock afternoon. That is you get insecure. He
forgot there needs to be a thread between.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Right, the day before is amazing to say, looking forth
seeing tomorrow night and remember to tell the person where
they're going so they know how.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
To dress facts, because what am I wearing? My wearing
jeans and it's like a casual place is a dressy?
Are we eating outside or walking a lot where I
have to be careful what shoes I'm wearing. I'm always
starting you might have a plan that day. Also, just
women get anxiety. They just want to know something to
like make a plan even we need I know, calms
us down.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Yeah, we need to know because we're planning our outfit.
Like days and the second you ask us out, we're
planning our outfit, like what are we gonna wear.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
And what you're doing that day and time to get home.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
It's not loose correct, So that is like a big
thing that guys need to do is have a little
bit more. But I do think that it's I mean,
if I was a guy, I would have the best
restaurants already, like on lockdown, like a month in advance,
so you have great ideas and options so that when
you are making a date, you have great tables even reserved,
(31:16):
or a great or experiences, whether it's a concert or
do cool fun things.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
It just requires planning.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
If you think about you know, Christmas time, most people
know to get the best resort and to get the
best of everything, you need to plan a year in
advance to know what you're doing next Christmas time, right,
So it's the same thing. If you want to have
the best experiences or if you care about ambiance, you
care about making sure that you have something.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
The more you could plan in advance is so attractive.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
And if you know that if you don't have a date,
you cancel it within the timeframe to cancel the reservation.
But there's nothing wrong with being that strategic and proactive
and putting and also putting to the universe, like I'm
going to go on some really great dates and making
some great reservations.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
I have a big one because I have gotten feedback
from so many men on this. Now I'm like thought
of as funny, so we're gonna put that to the side.
But as what happens with me is men are like
dying to make me laugh, Like they find when I'm laughing,
(32:22):
like it really is a bigger ego boost. And saying
they're handsome, they have a big peanut, Like it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
What you're rich, you're perfect, you're smart. Smart is a
big one.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Making someone feel like a man and validated and all
that stuff. But like I would say this is for women,
but just an insight into men, And like the humor
has to be found in the date by both parties,
so give us to men too, Like the humor in
the date is critical. It could literally make the difference.
Everybody wants to laugh, everybody wants to think something is funny,
(32:55):
and so finding the humor in the date to me
for me is absolutely critical. So for example, I remember
asking a guy I asked a guy what his worst
dating story has been like, and I told my worst
like Hall of Fame bad. And then I said to
him rate it, rate mine, and he said forrest and
(33:16):
holy shit, for what the hell is yours? And he
told me the crazy story and we were crying laughing.
But he felt like very validated and very you know,
it felt like a big man on campus because he
had like a big, good, funny story.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
So bring in the nuts.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Guys are guys, and guys are animals, so you can't
be too serious with them. And this is more for women,
but it's for both because I want like men to
know too the like the playfulness is on both sides.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
The humor is on both sides.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
Yeah, I was just about to say, if people don't
feel like they're funny, then go lean in on playful,
because I think the biggest thing is don't be so
stereily we're just talking about work, or we're just talking
about like the mundane things. Find the situational humor, have
a good exchange of his stories.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
Everybody can be funny.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
They don't have to be traditionally funny the way that
they dryly respond to someone funny. I'll be with Guys
that are never would never be called funny, but they're
funny around me because of like their reaction of something
I would do, Like.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
So it's a quick wit. It's like their response, it's
like how they're It.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Could be dry, it could be nothing, but it's funny
because because of the way, like there can't be two
clowns in the circus.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Like it could also just be good banter.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
It's just the biggest point is just make sure you're
being playful with each other where you're like engaging with
each other.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I'd like to talk about the pen pal. I don't
want to be a pen pal, like not for five minutes.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
I really don't.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
It's called I had a great time. If you meet
that's so funny. I just ate a cheeseburger. Send me
a picture of a cheeseburger.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Lol. My dog.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
First of all, I don't give a shit about your
dog all day long. There's a guy who I knew
from twenty years ago who still is in love with me.
I don't even care about his dog now. I don't
want to see pictures of your dog. I'm not interested.
I am so emphatic. This could be my biggest one
of all time and someone that you introduced me to. Remember, like,
I don't want a fucking pen pal. Let's move the board.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
We're doing it. We're not something. Text me later.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Move the You should keep in touch and correspond, like,
I hope your day is going well. That's fine because
you already have a plan on the board. You know
you have a plan. Hope your day's going well, gorgeous
day out here. Once you have a plan, you can
be a light pen pal and then yeah, look forward
seeing you Saturday. That's like the utter light pen pal.
(35:43):
But I'm not looking for a pen pald year. Well.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I think it's like, yeah, until your until your relationship.
It's it's it's the point.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
Of you want to make sure you're not over communicating
and becoming clingy and needy.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
It's just not attractive.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
I like, I'm referring to the casualness of we're now penthals.
We don't even have a on the board, right no
no oh yeah yeah, that's like a no no that
should not exist.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
I think everybody does that.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
Yeah, I mean, look, I'm always like people don't mind readers.
They don't know, so maybe there's things you need to
shit say, like before like setting a date. I don't know,
you might need to say something if that happens, if
someone's listening to the thing. Because some people do like
it and they like the bonding and getting to know someone,
so I think it's more of a personal thing. But
(36:31):
I think that it's when you're writing novels and you're texting.
I think the biggest thing is like text should be
about small things, not about bonding and communicating. It's more
about logistics or confirming or setting a cute, flirty, warm text.
It shouldn't be novels or mundane things like you said
about I just ate cheeseburger.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Here's a picture of my cheeseburger. Look my dad.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
My dog's doing the cues thing. Un till you're in
a relationship that it makes sense. But I agree it
should just be curbed. I also think before you know someone,
you should not be saying pictures like shirtless pictures or
asking people send me a pic of you. I think
it's just really distasteful. If you're on an app, you
already saw each other's photos. There's no reason to send more,
(37:11):
and it could be just a total turn off.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
It's like tacky. I think it's just.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
I think text needs to be used as a tool,
just something I can rely on, that weakness that you're
relying on your back and forth now you're like in
a dialogue, nor like it shouldn't be like a crutch,
like just a bridge to get us to when I
feel like I'm gonna ask.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
You out again. I don't like that. It really bothers me.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
And I've had a situation where a relationship that ended
up being great could have not worked because of it
because I was like, put some fun, put that, And
it could be something going on with the person where
they're going to do a bad divorce, they're with their kids,
and they're not sharing with you why it's happening.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
But you're there, You're like, this guy doesn't even what
does he think?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
And it's a very bad communication tool and you have
to find a confident way to break through it to
be like I really like you. This communication style isn't
isn't working from you. You have to like pat it and
you have to dip it in frosting, and you can't
you know, you can't say something rude like I don't
want to be your pem popcas.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
It could turn someone up. It's very hard to land.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
And because people say stop texting and back and then
they'll call you, it doesn't work like that. If you
don't text. It's the new communication. So if you don't
text them back, they're going to think you don't like them.
You have to find a way to verbalize to them.
And we're back to women again, because that's who we are.
You have to find a way to verbalize to them
that it's not your favorite communication style at this stage.
(38:39):
Better to maybe get on the phone or make a plan,
like you have to get the words up.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Yeah, I think there's a way to say where you
could again like kiss punch, but it's more like you
have to be You do have to maybe sugarcoat it,
but it is important. If it's a pet peeve of somebody's,
it's important to say, hey, I like you, but this
communication I'm not a texture. So looking forward to setting
a date or like if someone's texting it, you just
(39:04):
are like I want to now start my night, or
like I can't do this. I always just say to
putting my phone down, have a great night or something
like that, or about about to drive talk you know,
have a great night. Something that signals okay, we're done
with this chain because people will just keep going on
and not.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
I also, it doesn't matter and you can get through it.
But if it goes on too long, but the person
has a very long delay in texting you back, it's
a problem. You'll see how they text their kids. You'll
see that they are texters. And I'll tell you something,
whether it's Steve Cohen or Mark Cuban or the most
(39:44):
successful people in the world, you know, text me back immediately.
People that are successful and smart and secure text back immediately.
It's the way of twenty twenty four. It's extremely rare.
You're an adoctor, You're you're taking a NAT like it's
late night. Yes, obviously people don't have a phone attached them,
but people do text back. And I've only found this
(40:07):
because I found that the people that don't then later
somehow you jolt it, you get in a relationship, but
then they're texting you every second like it's kind of
a scam. You're either playing a game or something's going on.
It's just it's a it's a flag. It may not
be pinking, may it be read. It is a flag.
So men, set your intention, set your pace from the
beginning whatever it's going to be, but you can't be
(40:28):
haphazard about it because it becomes a signal and a
sign Yeah, and I agree, then it's game plan, Like
wait a minute, you were sting to me before and
you always texted me, and now there's all these lulls
and it does make it like it does you know,
our intends are up and we're smarter than that, so
it is important to not play games.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
And same with love bombing. I think the same thing implies.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
What about establishing, defining and communicating what your communication style is,
so at least someone understands you could be a doctor
and you like, I don't really text a lot during
the day. There are exceptions like or I you know
something like that, or I really am not good on
text some people.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
During the day. I'm not.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
I think it's the same thing, Like it's just communicating
and just being upfront by saying one thing that's important
for you to know about me. I don't text during
the day, yeah, Or I'm not a big textor I
don't love that kind of communication. And there's a playful
way you could say that to someone, whether on a
date or in a text to say, so love that
you're reaching out, but I'm so much better. I'm so
(41:30):
much more of a phone girl, or I just I
prefer just setting a plan and getting to know you better.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Or when when I'm with my kids, I'm not I
don't text.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
So something that just gives you something, Yeah, because we
listen to everything.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
So I think that's good. You said love bombing.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
I just think it's still a thing, and I don't
know if people are just over using that label, but
I think what happens is someone might genuinely be excited
about someone or they like that phase, like the adrenaline
rush of love bombing, and then when it settles into
the real thing, then they exit out. So I just
(42:05):
think that people have to be really careful, like you said,
set the stage of your intention, because if you can't
keep up with that pace, we're gonna notice that there's
a shift in your communication style or in yours.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
It's it's not gonna end.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Well, that's a good note, but even otherwise. There was
a guy this summer that I went out with and
he loved bogged me immediately, and it turned me off.
Now I don't believe that he was right. I mean
I know that he wasn't right for me, and I
wouldn't have ended up with him, but there was such
a vibe on it that it was like dick and
it put on me. Like he'd be like, oh, hey,
good morning or something, and I'd be like, I didn't
(42:41):
really sleep well and he'd say, oh, well, usually when
you meet, when Cupid's arrow hits, you would have a
good night's sleep, like assigning to me that I'm supposed
to feel a certain weight based on that we had
gone out for a good date. And then I felt like,
almost like emotionally attacked. It was like subtle, but it
was like yeah, and I'm like, yeah, no, I just
you know, I just haven't had a good night to
(43:02):
be like ooh, someone's not great in the morning. Like
it was almost like assigning all this stuff to me,
and it really turned me off. It was like I
felt like someone was like suffocating me so fast. It
was like a different version of love vom me. He
wasn't like, let's one vacation, and he wasn't to me
to keep saying that, but yeah, just like put his
own shit on me, and I was like, get off,
you're on my jock it's too much.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
Yeah, too much, too fast, over communicating. Oversharing is a turnoff.
It just it sounds like he was just giving you shit,
like he was trying to be funny and it wasn't funny.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
I had two guys like that too.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
That like you got on the phone one time, We
did FaceTime one time, then like, okay, I'm going.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Into a meeting. We just talked for fifteen minutes and
he'd be like, I'm going into a meeting. Okay, great.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
Then the minute he's out, he's texting me we haven't
been on a date. You're like, I don't want to
talk to you all day.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
I don't know yet. It's weird. That's why it's so
much better when you know someone it's not the date.
I agree.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
It's almost like sometimes people get insecure when you don't
when someone doesn't want to do that. But I always
try to educate that when you meet someone, it's more
healthy when there's a real connection between two people and
then it's a natural communication out of their relationship versus
just falsely wanting to.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
Have a communication with somebody. It's like a placeholder.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
Well, I think it's like people are dying for a relationship,
so they won't watch a relationship like you start talking
to them. It's the opposite of like ghosting. It's like
immediately we're now in a relationship. We had a good correspondence,
or we texted right now in each other's lives fully
in some way, or even after a date, like we
had a good date, congratulations, Like we're not in a
relationship the day after because you were attracted to me
(44:36):
because I look hot, because you're successful and smart, Like
does it You can't like rush a relationship.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
We're not in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (44:43):
No, And I think that that's great to show the confidence,
not the arrogance, but the confidence of just let it
be a slow burn. No one needs to be in
a hurry, because when it's reeks of desperation, when you're
pushing and pressing so so much.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
That's the word. This would be under the desperation category.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
And that's anick. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
Yeah, the glove buttoning is desperate. Pushing your program is desperate.
Too many plans too soon is desperate. Too much correspondence
is desperate, too much. Check all of that. That's exactly yeah, right,
So not to be trusted, No, well.
Speaker 3 (45:20):
That's the thing is it just I think that it's
like shows the pattern of insecure and not a healthy
dynamic of a relationship. And sometimes men just can't be alone,
so they just want to do that because they need
to be your relationship.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
But that's not healthy and that's not healthy for the person.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
So make sure that you just take the time to
be thoughtful and again, like just operate with being authentic
and not just in a hurry, because it is such
a turnoff.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
Okay, so let's talk about I call it manic.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
So I've been in two different scenarios where I think
it's like real and it is real. I don't think
it's really it's real equally as real as one another.
And in one scenario, you fall for a person very
not that quickly, but in a reasonable couple of months,
let's say. But it doesn't feel manic. It feels like
(46:13):
you're going deeper into a yoga post or massaging or needing.
And in other scenarios it's equally as like, oh my god,
this is it.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
But it feels manic. You feel like you're a little exasperated, you.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Feel like you can't breathe, you feel like a little anxiety,
you're waking up that has felt for me like something
that's not It doesn't mean it's not real, but it's
not sustainable. So there are two ways to start like something,
because you can't just say I know, I was out
to deal with people who were hed it for twenty
years the other night that in three months two and
a half months got engaged and they've been together for
(46:45):
twenty years. So I'm not going to be here to
criticize fast. But yeah, it just worked. They got on
the road.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
It was healthy. It just happened.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
But they weren't like lunatics manic love bombing come to
Vegas tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
They just loved being with you each other. They folded
it in.
Speaker 1 (47:02):
It was like layering a sauce where it just you
keep folding in the ingredients.
Speaker 2 (47:05):
It keeps working something versus like Manic out of the
Gate love bonding. We're doing everything. You can never be apart.
Speaker 1 (47:12):
We're imprinted on each other where one person I've done
it and it's very different in the result.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I think, again, that's a very personal thing.
Speaker 3 (47:19):
But I think to know yourself and know what works
better for you and how your reaction to it, you
have to listen to your gut with something like that,
and it could be the right person but the wrong pace,
and then it could just be a conversation like, hey,
I like to go slow and steady. I truly believe
dating through the seasons is so important because it's one
thing to have great few dates and the chemistry is
(47:42):
off the charts and you like literally can't wait to
Ripischli's close off and you're into it. It's another thing
when someone shows that they're a good partner, when they
think of you and they're thoughtful and they're doing things
that they're not selfish, and all that plays out through time,
and you can't rush that, so be in a hurry
to know is this my person? It's just like, let's
(48:03):
just see what happens is we're having so much fun
figuring it out, but you can't be Sometimes you want
to know so bad is this my person? But you
won't know until the situations of let's see what happens,
how we treat each other, how we deal with conflicts,
how we deal with navigating everything.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
I'm like a step sooner saying, if you feel like
you're driving without breaks, you probably are, Like I've done
that in a wrong relationship. Like a bad boy, where
you feel like you're driving about breaks. I've also done
it with someone that's great, but it's the way that
you feel. And you've talked about how someone makes you feel,
even if it's you feel good, but it feels a
little exasperating.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Something needs to comp down.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
Is what I'm saying, because I mean is silence Again,
there's so much pressure from society, like your girlfriend's like
your family. You have to silence all the noise of
everyone like liking this person, like fan clubbing them, and
being like, how do I feel and how is this
person making me feel?
Speaker 2 (48:58):
And what do I need to communicate different or better?
Speaker 3 (49:01):
Or what do I need from this person that I'm
not getting to be able and then communicate because no
one's a mind reader. But it's like, but if you
keep it going, then you shame on you because you're
allowing it to happen. Well, I think it's regulating yourself,
but also to your point, I.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
Think it could be regulating other person.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
Yes, and we get so excited and then we're reading
them off a resume of things that we think are
going to sound impressive and I don't even meet it
in a superficial way, Oh my god, he's so great
with his kids or his dog or you know, he's
a doctor or whatever the thing is.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
And you're like reading the resume.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
And I've done that so many times versus like getting
in touch with yourself to see what you feel. And
it's very easy to do because things look shiney and
they're exciting. But like every new car has that smell
and then it fades, So I think that's really critical. Ye,
And so men men need to do that too, And
that's kind of connected to love bombing and regulation and
(50:00):
coming in and getting all excited and you're right. I
do notice with men they come in really hot. Sometimes
we got the quiplication and this, and they get excited
and you're right, then the new car smell is gone.
Speaker 2 (50:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (50:12):
The ones they land you, their communication style changes there
all of a sudden, they want to they have other
plans with their guy friends or their kids, other things.
So it's just more about again taking the time to
know what you know you're worth, enjoy getting to know
that person, and if it's not right for you, then
don't stay too long just because it looks good to
everybody else, because if you're miserable behind closed doors. It's
(50:36):
a long, hard life
So I wanted to talk about what has just come
to me to be three ms, just because not because
I thought of it ahead of time, but just because
the three things I want to talk about are ms.
One is men, like I want to give men advice
because we're always talking about what women should do, and
I don't want to be so blanket and saying that
(00:32):
men are clueless. But I do think that many men
are clueless. I'll just be the one to say that.
So I want to get and women are clueless too,
but men are clueless. So I want to give some
tips to men on dating and relationships. I want to
talk about possibly merging, like blending families, like merging you
know how important it is to own property together, or
(00:55):
like kids merging how different people handle that.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
So I want to talk about men.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Merging, and money like which is similar to merging, Like
how you deal with money. And everyone has a different
approach to money, and it doesn't really matter if one
person's even if both people are wealthy, they could have
too drastically different ways of approaching money. Someone could be frugal,
someone could be a spender like some people gift giving
is their love language.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
Some people will spend millions of.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Dollars on real estate, but no money on clothes, Like
there's just there're just money as a whole bag of
you know, a bag, a whole bag of money. So
what is exciting to you about these three times?
Speaker 3 (01:33):
Like?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
What do you want to talk about? First?
Speaker 1 (01:34):
We could talk about men, like giving that what are
you interested in? Oh my gosh, they're all yes, I'd
love to talk about men. I'm I'm I love all
three topics.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
I'm so excited to address some tips from the Playbook
of Women that I constantly hear. And this applies to
all men across every decade, no matter what their age is,
where they live, what their ethnicity is, whatever their life
page is.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
It's it's literally a universal theme.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
What I always hear complaints about people when they meet
people before they come to selective search, of course, but.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Ongoing, all right, frustrations that men need some tips. Let's
play tennis. Let's go.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
You come up with one thing about men that they
that they a tip like that. We have to not
like it has to be like prescriptive because men are
not going to we cannot thrown on. We have to
go like, this is a tip we can discuss it.
Then I'll give what I think a tip. I don't
even have any in my mind, but I'm sure i'll
come right away. So yeah, I have so give a
tip for men that men like need to know and
(02:34):
must do in dating and or relationships.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
They need to be a man with the plan. They
need to plan.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
And schedule ahead. Is if you think about a woman
who they ask them out. They need to also tell
us where where we're going so we know what to wear.
But they need to first plan the date. They can't
just have not have a reservation. They have to have
the right time. Ask someone about is there food energies,
(03:02):
cuisine preferences. They just need to have a plan and
be thoughtful about it.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Okay, So I'm going to challenge that, not just for
the sake of it, but explain an experience of mind.
So I was in the Hampton this summer and someone
wanted to have a plan with me, and they asked me,
do you want to get together Saturday night? And they
didn't really have a plan and said, I don't know
if they said what do you want to do or something,
I don't remember, but they weren't from the Hamptons.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
But we're staying there for like three weeks.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
And by the way, someone not from somewhere can do research,
can ask people, et cetera. But I believe and have
come to realize that they probably were worried that like
I would definitely know better, and maybe because of who
I am and that I'm like savvy or seem like
a certain type of person, that they were going to
(03:50):
just like fire a random shot and come up with
something and that either wouldn't be good enough or that
it wouldn't be.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
Like a good idea.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
And I said, in the text, which I know you
guys always talk about leaning into your feminine energy, it's
ceter I said, whatever the text was, I was like,
are you hesitating because you're not from here?
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Do you need some help?
Speaker 1 (04:13):
And he was like, I haven't been here in years.
And I said, okay, well, here are a couple of choices.
This place is there, and this is the vibe. This
is a situation where you could go on a boat.
I had to have this membership on a boat and
go and you can take the early plan or this
other thing. And he was like, I think we do
(04:33):
the early plan on the boat. So I was kind
of the one who had the plan, but I am
a person that believes it. In a relationship, best idea wins.
So in many cases, I'm the one who makes the plan,
but I require something else from the other person. Like
I relace the track, they like rock the flow. They
have to figure ou how we're getting there. They have
(04:54):
to do them. If there's a map before hiking, like
we're going on a trail, they figure it out.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
But I'll be like, let's go hiking this.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
This is more universal advice for what I hear constantly
from thousands and thousands of people saying, it's not attractive.
That guy might be attractive to you because you know
who he is and you already know he's a desirable person.
It's not attractive if someone doesn't put care into the
beginning of the date, and if they don't know the place,
it's fair to either do research or say what is
your preferences. Some people don't want to date in their
(05:22):
exact town because they don't want the whole community to
know their business, so it might be the next town over.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
They want to go date somewhere else.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
But I do think the overall tip to men should
start with they need to do the hunting. They need
to put thought into it. No high quality woman wants
a guy that's half asked that doesn't put a plan
or thought.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Okay, let's revise it because if we're writing a book together,
let's fill in the blank. So let's say a person
should have the intention for a plan, but if they
are still assertive and know what they don't know, they
find a way that the other person knows that they
have a plan, or that they that their intention is
to have a plan, that they may not. Actually, they
(06:05):
may think they might not have the best idea and
that the person they're talking to, you might have a
better idea.
Speaker 2 (06:09):
So be collaborative if necessary.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Right, So let's revise it to be a good communicator
and be thoughtful to say, do you want me to
take the lead of making some suggestions or or do
you have a certain place or idea that you'd have?
Speaker 2 (06:23):
All right?
Speaker 1 (06:23):
So chapter one is the intention for a plan, but
the potential collaboration in the plan, correct.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
All right, So that's a big thing.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
All right, So that's good, So we work together. Well,
that was good. That's good because, by the way, Barbie,
I've dated a lot more than you, so you have
been an expert at a higher level, you have a
texture that comes together where you're like a teacher of it.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
But I'm like out there in the field and you're saying.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Don't get so drunk, and I'm getting black act drunk
sometimes with still ending up with the person like you're
trying to give totally gut level.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yes, so yeah, all right.
Speaker 3 (06:53):
We were talking about how men need this this advice
because I don't think there's anyone giving them this advice.
So I think it's really important to know that if
you don't know a guy from Adam and you are
only able to evaluate him on his actions, if he
doesn't have the thoughtfulness to be a good communicator or
at least have an idea of a plan.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
You can't just go somewhere on a Saturday night. The
average person can't and get and have a meal.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
You're effectively saying that someone has to appear to be
making effort, which is interesting because it's literally the first
thing that you say that a man wants from a
woman in her appearance, and that she took care to
come to the date. The guy's about to pay for
a date in traditional systems, and she's showing up and
she made efforts, so you're effectively It doesn't really matter
about the content, it's about the delivery.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
It's the effort. It's putting the effort into it.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
So it's really more about the effort than correct calling
it a man with a plan. But the effort is
what it is. So let's say E for effort for
number one. We've even taken it deeper. All right, men,
that's great.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Okay, So under the whole theme of effort, I do
think that hygie and sometimes is overlooked and I don't
know what it is, but we hear this from people
go on dates on apps all the time that say
they didn't put an effort, like they're they have Noah's hair,
they have ear here, their eyebrows were bushy, they had
(08:16):
something on their shirt, they all the different things, so
like it's really important as a man.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
That's interesting.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
So we're saying, so this is good because we're opening
it up even bigger that it's effectively effort.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
It's effectively effort. Okay, so that's great.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
It's women are dolling up right, like we're putting an effort,
and we always hear that it. Men appreciate when we
put an effort for a date, and women are saying
the same thing about men, like make sure that you're
putting an effort.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Make sure that your version of dolling.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
Up, which is take a shower, look presentable, make sure
that your nails are clean. It sounds so basic and like,
who what wouldn't be doing? It's a deal. We're are
not dirty. Yeah, I heard from my daughters all the
way to people all ages that have gone on dates
prior of course to us fixing them up, of just
people that are just not showing the effort. So I
(09:08):
think through hygiene head to toe that you put an effort.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
It's true because I've also found that like once a
guy's locked in and really likes you, then all of
a sudden he's like you're finding that he's manscaping because
he's like sort of more intentional and more into the effort.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
So that's good because we made a.
Speaker 1 (09:23):
Blanket general category called effort that involves your appear effort
and involves the plan that is flexible in its nature
based on who you're dealing with him where you are.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Okay, so give me another one, I would say, effort
on the date. So you want to make sure that
you're not well. First effort in following up to make sure,
like the day before the date, looking forward to seeing
you tomorrow, just something where they know it's confirmed if
it was scheduled before.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
I love that. So effort is a big giant bucket.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
And then you're going into effort into the plan, into
the appearance, and then into the communication about what you're
yes the intention and also that you're excited.
Speaker 3 (10:03):
Yeah, it just sets the tone like you took the time,
you care. You have to almost treat it. I mean
it's more important than a business meeting because it's your
personal life, but it's like you have to treat it
as how you would attack a business meeting right or
something you'd go after that you really want, you have
the strategic plan, it's the same thing. It's putting in
the effort to showing that you care, you're looking forward
(10:24):
to it.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
That quick text before the day before as well as
after the date.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
I think it's important to say like, had a great
time or let me know when you get home safe.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
That's a big pro tip.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
So on the date you want to be plugged in engaging,
be interesting and interested. So it's not a monologue. It's
a dialogue. It's not an interrogation. It's just a nice
back and forth, staying in the moment, having great conversation.
It's also being thoughtful, like if she seems cold by babies,
saying like to the manager, can you turn down the air?
(10:59):
Or was talking making sure that she feels like you're
she's being heard, understood.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
And that you're being attended to her needs.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Also, I would say then, like I don't want to
be a coworker with this person, meaning I don't want
to be involved in the process of like the tables
at two top and between two other people that I'm
the one who's like, that's a little weird. Like I
was out with a guy that he was gonna accept
with me who is public and doesn't need people to
my left and my right listening. You know, I'm in
(11:27):
a two top against the wall, and like then there's
two people on either side of me, you know, like,
and I'm.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
Like so key.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
I had to say hey, like and I felt like
I was now being the man like to say, so
what table was it? I had a guy once do
advance work, like he walked in earlier, he went to
see what the table. As he came back, he texted
me that I should.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Go on another entrance. There were a lot of people there.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
Now that doesn't usually apply to most people, but as
knowing who I was, he had done some research on
who he was with, and he didn't want me to
walk into a crowded entrance and it to be all
weird that I was going on a date and it
was public.
Speaker 3 (11:58):
So it shows such respect and such thoughtfulness. They could
get there fifteen minutes earlier. Talk to the hostess, say hey,
I'd love a corner table. Obviously in advance to ask
for a corner table, ask for a four top somewhere
private is great. But again, know your audience and know
what's a great ambience where you can actually hear each
other talking.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
What about men who always like to sit facing the door,
But isn't that the better seat and you're supposed to
give the woman the seat facing out of It really
doesn't matter, does it matter?
Speaker 2 (12:40):
I don't think it matters.
Speaker 3 (12:41):
The biggest thing is that you're not distracted by your
head is on a swivel where you're looking at every
other person but your date.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Same with the phone.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
If you have kids and you need to keep your
phone out, turn it upside down, maybe call your kids before,
just letting them know that you're going into a meal,
and only call if need be.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
I don't think you should turn it upside don't think
I don't think it should be on the table.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
Well, I'm saying upside down because sometimes people will put
it upside it and might not be appropriate to see
what's coming in.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
No, I'm saying, but I don't even think it should
be on the table, because that's fine, except for some
people might say it is the first time they have,
like a babysitter, or might be nervous about that.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
So it compromise is turning it down. But I agree,
if possible, don't put.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
It on the table.
Speaker 1 (13:18):
Yeah, I mean I but with that kind of thing
called the restaurant, I think you have to go old
school there too.
Speaker 3 (13:23):
The other thing is is that you, yeah, you don't
want to make sure you're on the phone. Look in
business mode. I don't care what business deal you have
to do. Everything can wait a couple hours. Like this
is an important you have to show that it's a
priority and that you're like engaged in your conversation. So
I do think giving someone that the view is nice,
but if it might be better to have the worse
views so you're not distracted by seeing what's around you
(13:43):
as well and can be more engaged.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Depending on I'll take it to the next level.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
I don't think when you get back from the bathroom,
the man should have, like had the urgency it'll pick
up his phone and look at it. So when you're
walking back to the table, he's looking at the phone.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
I don't like that.
Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yeah, I want him to be thinking about how great
the data is present, looking around, eating, eating a piece
of bread.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
I'm not interested.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
I mean, I'm not interested in like he rushed to
get on the phone and second I went to the bathroom.
Speaker 3 (14:07):
No, no, no, But if he forever is he should send
you a text saying I'm on a date with the
hottest woman tonight, or how did.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
I get so lucky? Right? I did that well because
you said that?
Speaker 3 (14:18):
Or something yeah cute sexy like flirty text because that's
kind of fun place.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
Yeah, but yeah, I think phone needs to be off.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
But if you are sending a text communication before the
date or after, you got to make sure you're being
mindful of your spelling. It's such a turn off when
people spell things wrong, and especially with autocorrect, it's even
send the wrong text.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Wow, or the name wrong. I've had my name spelled wrong. Yeah,
you guy have to be thoughtful about things like that.
Just again paying attention to the little things. But here's
an advanced move that most men unfortunately mess up someone
or the dates.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Over ubers are being ordered if you're not sharing a
car together, and sometimes people will leave the dates without
waiting for the woman's Uber. And I think it's such
a class act. It happens all the time. What it's
such a class act to wait until the uber arrives.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
I would literally never speak to the person again.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Never.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
Back in the day, there was a cab and then
you could slide.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
The gentleman could slide at twenty to the cab driver
saying make sure she gets home safe.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Nowadays, if someone's.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Going I mean, I don't thinking her own Uber and
paying for it either.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
By the way, well, there's really no other there's not
a mechanism where you could gift an uber.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
There's you can't call an uber for something. Yes, you
can put in your own Uber account their two address
could but they you could do that. Yeah, of course
they're sharing, but then you're sharing an Uber.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
No they're Uber. Oh you can't have two ubers going
at the same time. You could for you and a kid.
You call an uber, then you call it another ruber.
Now I see you're saying, so you first, first you
call for them, and then you call that for you. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Yeah, most people just or most people are okay with
their having their ordering their own uber because what if
they don't want the person to know where they're going
or their address or whatever.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
It could be.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
But I think it's very polite to wait, and it
is a pro tip because a lot of people don't
have that. I think they're just ignoring you. They don't
know that that's not a polite thing to do. It's
always waits, So.
Speaker 1 (16:11):
No wonder everybody fails miserably because we're still on the
first date. Is the man ordering for the woman? Because
I've seen it both ways, what would you like and
then you say it? Or he asks what you would
like and then he orders for you. I do think
that's a nice note that something a girl would tell
their girlfriend. It's not necessary, but I think it's a
nice thing. He finds out what you want. He's not
just saying we'll both have the blah. But I like
(16:31):
and I also think there should be a collaboration so
you can find it if the person is a sharer,
because I'm a sharer and I like to say, like,
what do we want to get?
Speaker 3 (16:39):
But that's so fun, that's part of the whole thing.
That's what I think that bond Like, let's share.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
How about this?
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I love it?
Speaker 1 (16:45):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:45):
Like or like I was thinking of getting to this.
Do you like that? Because you could have a bite,
like you don't have.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
To push your thing on them or vice versa, but
collaborating and like what you're getting because it's interactive and
food's a great conversation piece.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
Why would it you And.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
You could be playful for whatever reason you're not a
share to say good because they'll have more more for
me or something like that if they're not. But it
is good to make it a fun experience because it
does bond you and it's kind of a happy thing
to talk about too.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
It's like an icebreaker.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
Mine is always awkward because I always have to say
I'm allergic to fish, and it has to get out
of the way fast because if a guy might be
interested in kissing me, a third of the menu is
off limits for him.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
Yeah, right, So that so that's a whole that's it
could be playful on how you you know, spin that
as well, how you present that one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
I'm like, I'm just letting you know I'm definitely alerted
to fish.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
So good.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
So you're two minutes in, you're like, in the event
that we might kiss, fish is off the table. It's
not right, no, but it's kind of a fun thing
because they know they have to navigate around that menu
and fast. And then I feel so selfish, like for
the rest of their life, like if they want to
be with me, they now cannot order fish at restaurants.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
Like it's a big sacrifice for people. You're worth it.
So it's all good, Okay.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
The other thing that's important is so now you're leave
the date and you could say it's very uncomfortable when
a guy asks a woman out for another date, because
sometimes people will polite and say yes when they don't
want to. So unless you really are vibing and you
already feel like it's kind of known that both people
(18:16):
want it, it's so much better to say you could say.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
I had such a wonderful time.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
I hope to see you again, but not going in
say detail and like assertive about it.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Not like let's do this again. I'm around on Thursday.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
That's a great note because it's like putting the contract
on the other person. You'd rather be like, get the
vibe of if they also had a nice time, and
then you tomorrow you say it or you call.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
Yeah, I had a wonderful time. I hope we could
do this again. Just something chill, but not putting the
pressure where they have to answer it.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
It leaves a little bit of a mystery.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
But I do think it's nice to say, well, you
text me when you got home safe, because it shows
that you care and you want to make sure they
get home safe.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
And I think it's really a gentleman act to say,
like tex to me when you get home. Mind you, well,
let's take a step further.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
Even if you don't like the woman, why not say
that just you have a good representation you don't like
the woman.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
It is so nice. That's the other thing, Like the
ghosting has to stop. It is unbelievable. I know why
people do it. They don't want to hurt somebody's feelings,
so they would rather say I'm back with an ax
or I just met someone, but it's not true. It's
just they're not interested and they don't want to hurt
someone's feelings. But they're gonna hurt someone's feelings more, and
they're gonna make themselves look like an asshole by not
(19:24):
following up. It's so much more attractive and just high
class to say I said a wonderful time tonight on
text or the next day.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
I've given it more thought.
Speaker 3 (19:34):
I really I feel more of a friendship than a
romantic connection, and I'm really holding up for that. We
both deserve that. Whoever gets you a super lucky I
wish you all the best. It's just such a class act.
Go with the truth.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
I said to a guy that was I was set
up with. I said to a guy that yeah, I said,
I don't remember what I said. I said something like,
you call it a couple times, you want to go
out again, you're dragging it out. I just said I
think you're amazing, and I eventually said not then, But
you know, I might know someone who's interesting. I'm not
sure if it's a fit, but I think you're wonderful,
and anyone's lucky to just what you said.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
They have a human being and you get a good reputation.
Speaker 1 (20:10):
You don't know who you might set up, but you
don't know that maybe they might set you up with
their best friend. Once they meet someone, they may keep
you in mind. There's no reason to burn a bridge
and be a jerk.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Correct If you're a class act. They're going to say,
oh my gosh, I'm so bummy. He doesn't like me,
but he's such a great guy. And they're gonna think
of a girlfriend saying he doesn't like me, but he
might like you and he's such a good guy.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
But if they someone thinks that you're in a relationship,
you just.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
Totally cut yourself off from other opportunities and you're also lying.
Speaker 2 (20:36):
And it's just it's you don't need to do that.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Just get back to someone promptly, takes two seconds, as
in a text, say something warm, that's a sincere compliment,
and done.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
It's over.
Speaker 3 (20:47):
Then making somebody feel hurting their feelings and like it's painful.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
It's not necessary.
Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah, it's not necessary, and you could cut them loose
real fast and a nice one.
Speaker 3 (20:55):
Yeah, it's good. Karma points to do the right thing.
And just treat people how you want to be treated.
Literally goes back down to kindergarten right of how you
want to be treated.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Treat people with that same kindness and that way, when it.
Speaker 3 (21:06):
Happens to you, you'll realize that you hope that that
person would have handled it better themselves, like how you
are handling other people.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Well, same thing with business or a job interview when
someone just says like, it's not right, we're going with
another person.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Why leave you twisting in the wind for two weeks?
So listen? So this works.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
Also, I've had one person on an app say to
me that you match and you were texting I met someone,
I think I'm going to give it a go, et cetera.
Speaker 2 (21:33):
And you're like, great, good for you. You're cheering for them.
They're on an app.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah you don't even know them, but you're like yet
versus like ghosting you and texting.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
And then this has happened to me.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
I was out on the second date with someone that
I really liked and there was another very good looking
guy there and I happened to run into fun oddly enough,
a matchmaker, and she reached out to me later and
said to me that that other guy, the guy number
one was it was it was the second date the
other guy. She was like, that guy is a real
(22:03):
catch and he's interested in you, and I'd like to
connect you. Now. I wasn't sure if guy number one
was a player, if I was gonna be into him.
I was still wide open, so I was like, great,
Guy number two was in fact a catch. She says
to me, he wants your number and he wants to
get together with you.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
I look him up. He seems he's go.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Looking, he's single, all the things. So now it took
like for days, might have been a week. I was like,
he never reached out. She was like, oh, I think
he's with his family. This is happening, blah blah blah. Okay, bye,
and he had my number because she had connected the
two of us. Finally he texted me. And now, mind you,
things had accelerated with the guy that I was on
(22:42):
a second date with. Maybe by this time we had
been to like five days, and I was like, really
into him. You could be into somebody.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
That might be him calling right now literally talking about
you right now. Call you back.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
I'm on the podcast, but not you, but the guy
I'll call you back. So so I was on like
fifth day with him, and this other guy texted me
and said, hey, I think you're amazing and I'm really sorry.
He owes me nothing. The only thing that happens we
were in a group text. He's interested, he's supposed to
(23:13):
call me. I don't know him from Adam. He says,
I'm really sorry I didn't reach out sooner. I reconnected
with my ex and I really don't know what's going
to happen, but I would like to give this a shot.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
And I've said good for you.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
I hope it works out, and I said, so interesting
when I met you that night. But when I saw
you that night, I was actually on the second day
it was someone and now I think it's heating up
a little bit. And so that was like a very
like we were both cheering. We didn't even know each other,
but we were cheering for each other and it was
like classy.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, so nice. That's how more people need to do that.
Speaker 3 (23:49):
It's because that way, if whatever reason doesn't work out
for him or you, you can reach out and the
call will be so highly regarded because you ended it
with a bow.
Speaker 2 (23:58):
There's just a nice experience. How you do anything. It
is how you do everything. So be but that should
be the norm.
Speaker 1 (24:04):
Be classy and every aspect of it, whether it works,
doesn't work, like her, don't like her, attracted, aren't attracted.
Even if you're supposed to text her, you follow through.
Even if you're not going, you fall through. Even if
you go, you don't like it, you fall through. If
you go, you like it, you fall through. Do the
right thing the whole way through. You get it.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
It's it's smart. That's a great come back to and
no one knows that. No one knows that. Okay.
Speaker 3 (24:26):
Other thing pro tips on dates be everyone has their
antenta up of how the way staff has treated right.
It's just like the little things like don't treat anyone
like the help. It's the total turn off on the date.
You don't want to grill someone about their ex especially
in a first date, like I know, sometimes it could
be like more of a biography date where you're catching
(24:47):
up on all aspects of life, but it's so much
more attractive, like in time you'll hear about people's pasts
and things like that, but just stay focused on the present,
Like there's so many things to talk about besides having
to just talk about who else they date or tales
from X.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
It goes negative.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
The biggest thing is talk about like be happy, Like
don't complain about your kids, don't complain about.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
You now be happy.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yes, but I will say this, it is often unavoidable
based on questions to not get into some version of
what you came from. But I would I'm going to
color that in the lines and say, be vague, but
in a way that moves this conversation forward in a
positive way, Like I think that was just a situation
where I might have needed a little bit more freedom,
(25:30):
and I'm looking for someone who you know, kind of
is a little more alive.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
So you're kind of talking about your experts.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
You're not like Joe used to take me out for
dinner and we had anticitize.
Speaker 2 (25:41):
It's not like that.
Speaker 1 (25:42):
It's a little more positive. You're paying it forward. I
think you have to reference the past to be in reality.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
I try if someone's asked, it's more of an elevator
speech where you land the ending, where you're not going
on and on and talking about where's the focus of
the conversation. If anything, it's two to three sentences and ends,
like I wish him all the best, and we're both
and I'm looking forward to being my person.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
It's not talking to it, but that's different. I'm saying
the way it informs the present, Like, you know, what
were you were together for four years? Oh?
Speaker 2 (26:15):
Interesting?
Speaker 1 (26:16):
Why you didn't why you broke off your engagement? That's relevant.
A person is also looking for rest less, so you
might be like, he lived far.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
It was really hard.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
I think it was amazing. I wish him the best.
To your point, I'm looking for something a little closer.
I'm looking for someone younger. I didn't want young kids. Whatever,
if it informs this situation, it can help this person
learn about you.
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I think you can talk about the.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
Past, but you're not trash talking somebody never And you're
also not romanticizing your ex.
Speaker 2 (26:40):
Correct, and you're not romanticizing. You're not trash shocking.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
But you're also not making it the focus of the conversation,
not therapy. Yeah, it's now you wanted to be like,
I mean to explain it from a contact standpoint, but
then you're moving on and talking about other things.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
No, and you don't use it as a license to
keep going back to it because you did it once.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yes, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (26:58):
You said it once you got away with it. You're
not now talking about Rob for two hours, right for sure?
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Okay, So now let's say you go on a date.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
You have a great date, you have good follow up,
she got home safe, you're setting your texting.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
I'd love to see you again. What works for you? Well,
hold on before we even do that.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
I don't think enough people say thank you on the
date either I know where you're going, and I don't
think the bill comes thank you so much it was
so amazing, like, or you look nice like.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
I think compliments are not given enough in general. Genuine
compliments should be given one hundred percent.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
Even about a car, you're clothes like you could go
into a mansion. Don't act like you're not jaded just
because you know the person's rich or hasn't. I that's
a nice wild like, be complimentary in every way. Everybody's insecure,
That's what I think.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
And it could be physical compliments, it could be compliment
with what someone said, but it is really nice to
be complimented. It also does let people's guard down, like, Okay,
that person likes what they're seeing, so it is.
Speaker 2 (27:55):
A reinforcement reinforcement amazing.
Speaker 3 (27:59):
Yeah, that's good. But the other thing is after a date,
I would say the next day. And this is more
for women, but it is nice for a woman to
send a text saying, thank you so much. I had
a really nice time at dinner to thank you, because
men don't hear that enough and that gives buying signals
for them to make the next move.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Yes, but I'm gonna revise that. I'm gonna say that
night now the next day.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
You like it? You like it that night, you know
because the next day is a new day.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
And the girl feels like she's being a little desperate
and if a guy is that gameplay or insecur at all,
he might think she's doing that.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
And I think that night it doesn't count. It's like,
so let's revise it.
Speaker 3 (28:34):
That that night when they're when the guy says, do
me favor, tell me you get home safe, she sends
a text saying I got home safe and thanks for dinner.
Speaker 1 (28:42):
But maybe he didn't say that because he might not.
You Still it still counts. It's that night, thanks so much,
that was really fun.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Have this say to do that?
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Yes, it's it goes a class act and then the
biggest thing is though the guy has to go back
to having a plan, because you can't wait weeks and
have a lull. A guy might really like someone but
then think, oh, I'm busy, I'm gonna wait two weeks.
Speaker 2 (29:04):
I've got this. But a woman is not going to
put up with a guy that's not keeping momentum, making
an effort and making sure that they're setting time to
see someone again. It signals they're either.
Speaker 3 (29:16):
Dating too many people, or they're not really interested, or
there's they're dating someone else.
Speaker 1 (29:21):
Okay, so let's make it this because I think, yes,
a new plan, but I think that let's call it
within the next two to three days.
Speaker 2 (29:28):
The man should express interest for the next plan.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
He may not know his exact calendar, he may have
a custody schedule, but he should be like, I would
really like to get together again. Let me get back
to you with my cat. There should be some the
ball has moved forward in some way with intention.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Correct, he is expressing his intention to want to see someone.
Speaker 3 (29:46):
But if he says I'll go back to a couple
of days, he needs to get back in a couple days.
He is to be like the person that he says
he's going he has to do what he says he's
going to do, because he's also not attractive if he
says he's going to do something and then he does,
and like I'll get back to you on Wednesday and
now it's Friday. That's that's not cool.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
No, he also can't say on the let's say we
went out on Saturday and it's the Monday, let's get together.
You're getting together Saturday, and he's completely silent until Saturday
at four o'clock afternoon. That is you get insecure. He
forgot there needs to be a thread between.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Right, the day before is amazing to say, looking forth
seeing tomorrow night and remember to tell the person where
they're going so they know how.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
To dress facts, because what am I wearing? My wearing
jeans and it's like a casual place is a dressy?
Are we eating outside or walking a lot where I
have to be careful what shoes I'm wearing. I'm always
starting you might have a plan that day. Also, just
women get anxiety. They just want to know something to
like make a plan even we need I know, calms
us down.
Speaker 3 (30:47):
Yeah, we need to know because we're planning our outfit.
Like days and the second you ask us out, we're
planning our outfit, like what are we gonna wear.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
And what you're doing that day and time to get home.
Speaker 3 (30:55):
It's not loose correct, So that is like a big
thing that guys need to do is have a little
bit more. But I do think that it's I mean,
if I was a guy, I would have the best
restaurants already, like on lockdown, like a month in advance,
so you have great ideas and options so that when
you are making a date, you have great tables even reserved,
(31:16):
or a great or experiences, whether it's a concert or
do cool fun things.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
It just requires planning.
Speaker 3 (31:22):
If you think about you know, Christmas time, most people
know to get the best resort and to get the
best of everything, you need to plan a year in
advance to know what you're doing next Christmas time, right,
So it's the same thing. If you want to have
the best experiences or if you care about ambiance, you
care about making sure that you have something.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
The more you could plan in advance is so attractive.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
And if you know that if you don't have a date,
you cancel it within the timeframe to cancel the reservation.
But there's nothing wrong with being that strategic and proactive
and putting and also putting to the universe, like I'm
going to go on some really great dates and making
some great reservations.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
I have a big one because I have gotten feedback
from so many men on this. Now I'm like thought
of as funny, so we're gonna put that to the side.
But as what happens with me is men are like
dying to make me laugh, Like they find when I'm laughing,
(32:22):
like it really is a bigger ego boost. And saying
they're handsome, they have a big peanut, Like it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
What you're rich, you're perfect, you're smart. Smart is a
big one.
Speaker 1 (32:31):
Making someone feel like a man and validated and all
that stuff. But like I would say this is for women,
but just an insight into men, And like the humor
has to be found in the date by both parties,
so give us to men too, Like the humor in
the date is critical. It could literally make the difference.
Everybody wants to laugh, everybody wants to think something is funny,
(32:55):
and so finding the humor in the date to me
for me is absolutely critical. So for example, I remember
asking a guy I asked a guy what his worst
dating story has been like, and I told my worst
like Hall of Fame bad. And then I said to
him rate it, rate mine, and he said forrest and
(33:16):
holy shit, for what the hell is yours? And he
told me the crazy story and we were crying laughing.
But he felt like very validated and very you know,
it felt like a big man on campus because he
had like a big, good, funny story.
Speaker 2 (33:31):
So bring in the nuts.
Speaker 1 (33:32):
Guys are guys, and guys are animals, so you can't
be too serious with them. And this is more for women,
but it's for both because I want like men to
know too the like the playfulness is on both sides.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
The humor is on both sides.
Speaker 3 (33:43):
Yeah, I was just about to say, if people don't
feel like they're funny, then go lean in on playful,
because I think the biggest thing is don't be so
stereily we're just talking about work, or we're just talking
about like the mundane things. Find the situational humor, have
a good exchange of his stories.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
Everybody can be funny.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
They don't have to be traditionally funny the way that
they dryly respond to someone funny. I'll be with Guys
that are never would never be called funny, but they're
funny around me because of like their reaction of something
I would do, Like.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
So it's a quick wit. It's like their response, it's
like how they're It.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Could be dry, it could be nothing, but it's funny
because because of the way, like there can't be two
clowns in the circus.
Speaker 2 (34:24):
Like it could also just be good banter.
Speaker 3 (34:26):
It's just the biggest point is just make sure you're
being playful with each other where you're like engaging with
each other.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
I'd like to talk about the pen pal. I don't
want to be a pen pal, like not for five minutes.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
I really don't.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
It's called I had a great time. If you meet
that's so funny. I just ate a cheeseburger. Send me
a picture of a cheeseburger.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Lol. My dog.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
First of all, I don't give a shit about your
dog all day long. There's a guy who I knew
from twenty years ago who still is in love with me.
I don't even care about his dog now. I don't
want to see pictures of your dog. I'm not interested.
I am so emphatic. This could be my biggest one
of all time and someone that you introduced me to. Remember, like,
I don't want a fucking pen pal. Let's move the board.
Speaker 2 (35:21):
We're doing it. We're not something. Text me later.
Speaker 1 (35:23):
Move the You should keep in touch and correspond, like,
I hope your day is going well. That's fine because
you already have a plan on the board. You know
you have a plan. Hope your day's going well, gorgeous
day out here. Once you have a plan, you can
be a light pen pal and then yeah, look forward
seeing you Saturday. That's like the utter light pen pal.
(35:43):
But I'm not looking for a pen pald year. Well.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
I think it's like, yeah, until your until your relationship.
It's it's it's the point.
Speaker 3 (35:50):
Of you want to make sure you're not over communicating
and becoming clingy and needy.
Speaker 2 (35:55):
It's just not attractive.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
I like, I'm referring to the casualness of we're now penthals.
We don't even have a on the board, right no
no oh yeah yeah, that's like a no no that
should not exist.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
I think everybody does that.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
Yeah, I mean, look, I'm always like people don't mind readers.
They don't know, so maybe there's things you need to
shit say, like before like setting a date. I don't know,
you might need to say something if that happens, if
someone's listening to the thing. Because some people do like
it and they like the bonding and getting to know someone,
so I think it's more of a personal thing. But
(36:31):
I think that it's when you're writing novels and you're texting.
I think the biggest thing is like text should be
about small things, not about bonding and communicating. It's more
about logistics or confirming or setting a cute, flirty, warm text.
It shouldn't be novels or mundane things like you said
about I just ate cheeseburger.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
Here's a picture of my cheeseburger. Look my dad.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
My dog's doing the cues thing. Un till you're in
a relationship that it makes sense. But I agree it
should just be curbed. I also think before you know someone,
you should not be saying pictures like shirtless pictures or
asking people send me a pic of you. I think
it's just really distasteful. If you're on an app, you
already saw each other's photos. There's no reason to send more,
(37:11):
and it could be just a total turn off.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
It's like tacky. I think it's just.
Speaker 1 (37:16):
I think text needs to be used as a tool,
just something I can rely on, that weakness that you're
relying on your back and forth now you're like in
a dialogue, nor like it shouldn't be like a crutch,
like just a bridge to get us to when I
feel like I'm gonna ask.
Speaker 2 (37:32):
You out again. I don't like that. It really bothers me.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
And I've had a situation where a relationship that ended
up being great could have not worked because of it
because I was like, put some fun, put that, And
it could be something going on with the person where
they're going to do a bad divorce, they're with their kids,
and they're not sharing with you why it's happening.
Speaker 2 (37:52):
But you're there, You're like, this guy doesn't even what
does he think?
Speaker 1 (37:55):
And it's a very bad communication tool and you have
to find a confident way to break through it to
be like I really like you. This communication style isn't
isn't working from you. You have to like pat it and
you have to dip it in frosting, and you can't
you know, you can't say something rude like I don't
want to be your pem popcas.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
It could turn someone up. It's very hard to land.
Speaker 1 (38:17):
And because people say stop texting and back and then
they'll call you, it doesn't work like that. If you
don't text. It's the new communication. So if you don't
text them back, they're going to think you don't like them.
You have to find a way to verbalize to them.
And we're back to women again, because that's who we are.
You have to find a way to verbalize to them
that it's not your favorite communication style at this stage.
(38:39):
Better to maybe get on the phone or make a plan,
like you have to get the words up.
Speaker 3 (38:42):
Yeah, I think there's a way to say where you
could again like kiss punch, but it's more like you
have to be You do have to maybe sugarcoat it,
but it is important. If it's a pet peeve of somebody's,
it's important to say, hey, I like you, but this
communication I'm not a texture. So looking forward to setting
a date or like if someone's texting it, you just
(39:04):
are like I want to now start my night, or
like I can't do this. I always just say to
putting my phone down, have a great night or something
like that, or about about to drive talk you know,
have a great night. Something that signals okay, we're done
with this chain because people will just keep going on
and not.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
I also, it doesn't matter and you can get through it.
But if it goes on too long, but the person
has a very long delay in texting you back, it's
a problem. You'll see how they text their kids. You'll
see that they are texters. And I'll tell you something,
whether it's Steve Cohen or Mark Cuban or the most
(39:44):
successful people in the world, you know, text me back immediately.
People that are successful and smart and secure text back immediately.
It's the way of twenty twenty four. It's extremely rare.
You're an adoctor, You're you're taking a NAT like it's
late night. Yes, obviously people don't have a phone attached them,
but people do text back. And I've only found this
(40:07):
because I found that the people that don't then later
somehow you jolt it, you get in a relationship, but
then they're texting you every second like it's kind of
a scam. You're either playing a game or something's going on.
It's just it's a it's a flag. It may not
be pinking, may it be read. It is a flag.
So men, set your intention, set your pace from the
beginning whatever it's going to be, but you can't be
(40:28):
haphazard about it because it becomes a signal and a
sign Yeah, and I agree, then it's game plan, Like
wait a minute, you were sting to me before and
you always texted me, and now there's all these lulls
and it does make it like it does you know,
our intends are up and we're smarter than that, so
it is important to not play games.
Speaker 2 (40:47):
And same with love bombing. I think the same thing implies.
Speaker 1 (40:50):
What about establishing, defining and communicating what your communication style is,
so at least someone understands you could be a doctor
and you like, I don't really text a lot during
the day. There are exceptions like or I you know
something like that, or I really am not good on
text some people.
Speaker 2 (41:08):
During the day. I'm not.
Speaker 3 (41:09):
I think it's the same thing, Like it's just communicating
and just being upfront by saying one thing that's important
for you to know about me. I don't text during
the day, yeah, Or I'm not a big textor I
don't love that kind of communication. And there's a playful
way you could say that to someone, whether on a
date or in a text to say, so love that
you're reaching out, but I'm so much better. I'm so
(41:30):
much more of a phone girl, or I just I
prefer just setting a plan and getting to know you better.
Speaker 2 (41:35):
Or when when I'm with my kids, I'm not I
don't text.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
So something that just gives you something, Yeah, because we
listen to everything.
Speaker 2 (41:41):
So I think that's good. You said love bombing.
Speaker 3 (41:43):
I just think it's still a thing, and I don't
know if people are just over using that label, but
I think what happens is someone might genuinely be excited
about someone or they like that phase, like the adrenaline
rush of love bombing, and then when it settles into
the real thing, then they exit out. So I just
(42:05):
think that people have to be really careful, like you said,
set the stage of your intention, because if you can't
keep up with that pace, we're gonna notice that there's
a shift in your communication style or in yours.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
It's it's not gonna end.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Well, that's a good note, but even otherwise. There was
a guy this summer that I went out with and
he loved bogged me immediately, and it turned me off.
Now I don't believe that he was right. I mean
I know that he wasn't right for me, and I
wouldn't have ended up with him, but there was such
a vibe on it that it was like dick and
it put on me. Like he'd be like, oh, hey,
good morning or something, and I'd be like, I didn't
(42:41):
really sleep well and he'd say, oh, well, usually when
you meet, when Cupid's arrow hits, you would have a
good night's sleep, like assigning to me that I'm supposed
to feel a certain weight based on that we had
gone out for a good date. And then I felt like,
almost like emotionally attacked. It was like subtle, but it
was like yeah, and I'm like, yeah, no, I just
you know, I just haven't had a good night to
(43:02):
be like ooh, someone's not great in the morning. Like
it was almost like assigning all this stuff to me,
and it really turned me off. It was like I
felt like someone was like suffocating me so fast. It
was like a different version of love vom me. He
wasn't like, let's one vacation, and he wasn't to me
to keep saying that, but yeah, just like put his
own shit on me, and I was like, get off,
you're on my jock it's too much.
Speaker 3 (43:24):
Yeah, too much, too fast, over communicating. Oversharing is a turnoff.
It just it sounds like he was just giving you shit,
like he was trying to be funny and it wasn't funny.
Speaker 1 (43:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (43:35):
I had two guys like that too.
Speaker 1 (43:36):
That like you got on the phone one time, We
did FaceTime one time, then like, okay, I'm going.
Speaker 2 (43:41):
Into a meeting. We just talked for fifteen minutes and
he'd be like, I'm going into a meeting. Okay, great.
Speaker 1 (43:45):
Then the minute he's out, he's texting me we haven't
been on a date. You're like, I don't want to
talk to you all day.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
I don't know yet. It's weird. That's why it's so
much better when you know someone it's not the date.
I agree.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
It's almost like sometimes people get insecure when you don't
when someone doesn't want to do that. But I always
try to educate that when you meet someone, it's more
healthy when there's a real connection between two people and
then it's a natural communication out of their relationship versus
just falsely wanting to.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
Have a communication with somebody. It's like a placeholder.
Speaker 1 (44:15):
Well, I think it's like people are dying for a relationship,
so they won't watch a relationship like you start talking
to them. It's the opposite of like ghosting. It's like
immediately we're now in a relationship. We had a good correspondence,
or we texted right now in each other's lives fully
in some way, or even after a date, like we
had a good date, congratulations, Like we're not in a
relationship the day after because you were attracted to me
(44:36):
because I look hot, because you're successful and smart, Like
does it You can't like rush a relationship.
Speaker 2 (44:42):
We're not in a relationship.
Speaker 3 (44:43):
No, And I think that that's great to show the confidence,
not the arrogance, but the confidence of just let it
be a slow burn. No one needs to be in
a hurry, because when it's reeks of desperation, when you're
pushing and pressing so so much.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
That's the word. This would be under the desperation category.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
And that's anick. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (45:05):
Yeah, the glove buttoning is desperate. Pushing your program is desperate.
Too many plans too soon is desperate. Too much correspondence
is desperate, too much. Check all of that. That's exactly yeah, right,
So not to be trusted, No, well.
Speaker 3 (45:20):
That's the thing is it just I think that it's
like shows the pattern of insecure and not a healthy
dynamic of a relationship. And sometimes men just can't be alone,
so they just want to do that because they need
to be your relationship.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
But that's not healthy and that's not healthy for the person.
Speaker 3 (45:36):
So make sure that you just take the time to
be thoughtful and again, like just operate with being authentic
and not just in a hurry, because it is such
a turnoff.
Speaker 2 (45:47):
Okay, so let's talk about I call it manic.
Speaker 1 (45:50):
So I've been in two different scenarios where I think
it's like real and it is real. I don't think
it's really it's real equally as real as one another.
And in one scenario, you fall for a person very
not that quickly, but in a reasonable couple of months,
let's say. But it doesn't feel manic. It feels like
(46:13):
you're going deeper into a yoga post or massaging or needing.
And in other scenarios it's equally as like, oh my god,
this is it.
Speaker 2 (46:21):
But it feels manic. You feel like you're a little exasperated, you.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Feel like you can't breathe, you feel like a little anxiety,
you're waking up that has felt for me like something
that's not It doesn't mean it's not real, but it's
not sustainable. So there are two ways to start like something,
because you can't just say I know, I was out
to deal with people who were hed it for twenty
years the other night that in three months two and
a half months got engaged and they've been together for
(46:45):
twenty years. So I'm not going to be here to
criticize fast. But yeah, it just worked. They got on
the road.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
It was healthy. It just happened.
Speaker 1 (46:53):
But they weren't like lunatics manic love bombing come to
Vegas tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
They just loved being with you each other. They folded
it in.
Speaker 1 (47:02):
It was like layering a sauce where it just you
keep folding in the ingredients.
Speaker 2 (47:05):
It keeps working something versus like Manic out of the
Gate love bonding. We're doing everything. You can never be apart.
Speaker 1 (47:12):
We're imprinted on each other where one person I've done
it and it's very different in the result.
Speaker 2 (47:17):
I think, again, that's a very personal thing.
Speaker 3 (47:19):
But I think to know yourself and know what works
better for you and how your reaction to it, you
have to listen to your gut with something like that,
and it could be the right person but the wrong pace,
and then it could just be a conversation like, hey,
I like to go slow and steady. I truly believe
dating through the seasons is so important because it's one
thing to have great few dates and the chemistry is
(47:42):
off the charts and you like literally can't wait to
Ripischli's close off and you're into it. It's another thing
when someone shows that they're a good partner, when they
think of you and they're thoughtful and they're doing things
that they're not selfish, and all that plays out through time,
and you can't rush that, so be in a hurry
to know is this my person? It's just like, let's
(48:03):
just see what happens is we're having so much fun
figuring it out, but you can't be Sometimes you want
to know so bad is this my person? But you
won't know until the situations of let's see what happens,
how we treat each other, how we deal with conflicts,
how we deal with navigating everything.
Speaker 1 (48:20):
I'm like a step sooner saying, if you feel like
you're driving without breaks, you probably are, Like I've done
that in a wrong relationship. Like a bad boy, where
you feel like you're driving about breaks. I've also done
it with someone that's great, but it's the way that
you feel. And you've talked about how someone makes you feel,
even if it's you feel good, but it feels a
little exasperating.
Speaker 2 (48:40):
Something needs to comp down.
Speaker 3 (48:41):
Is what I'm saying, because I mean is silence Again,
there's so much pressure from society, like your girlfriend's like
your family. You have to silence all the noise of
everyone like liking this person, like fan clubbing them, and
being like, how do I feel and how is this
person making me feel?
Speaker 2 (48:58):
And what do I need to communicate different or better?
Speaker 3 (49:01):
Or what do I need from this person that I'm
not getting to be able and then communicate because no
one's a mind reader. But it's like, but if you
keep it going, then you shame on you because you're
allowing it to happen. Well, I think it's regulating yourself,
but also to your point, I.
Speaker 2 (49:17):
Think it could be regulating other person.
Speaker 1 (49:20):
Yes, and we get so excited and then we're reading
them off a resume of things that we think are
going to sound impressive and I don't even meet it
in a superficial way, Oh my god, he's so great
with his kids or his dog or you know, he's
a doctor or whatever the thing is.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
And you're like reading the resume.
Speaker 1 (49:38):
And I've done that so many times versus like getting
in touch with yourself to see what you feel. And
it's very easy to do because things look shiney and
they're exciting. But like every new car has that smell
and then it fades, So I think that's really critical. Ye,
And so men men need to do that too, And
that's kind of connected to love bombing and regulation and
(50:00):
coming in and getting all excited and you're right. I
do notice with men they come in really hot. Sometimes
we got the quiplication and this, and they get excited
and you're right, then the new car smell is gone.
Speaker 2 (50:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (50:12):
The ones they land you, their communication style changes there
all of a sudden, they want to they have other
plans with their guy friends or their kids, other things.
So it's just more about again taking the time to
know what you know you're worth, enjoy getting to know
that person, and if it's not right for you, then
don't stay too long just because it looks good to
everybody else, because if you're miserable behind closed doors. It's
(50:36):
a long, hard life
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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