December 23, 2024 • 15 mins
We talk dating double standards, getting through the holidays alone, how to think about your list of 'must haves' and more with dating coach Evan Marc Katz.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
So Evan is Evan our dating expert, our only male
dating expert, Evan Katz, which we love because I love
getting the male perspective is here. We're going to talk
more about dating relationships the holidays, and he has a
gift for all of you, which is amazing. So, Evan,
what is your gift going to be today? This is exciting.
It's a holiday, You're giving a gift.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I wouldn't get too excited about the gift, but it's
the gift of knowledge. If you go to my website,
Evanmarkatz dot com, forward slash just be, you could take
a short quiz, like a really short quiz, and you
will get an answer to the question have you been
wasting your time on the wrong men? And I predict
you will be shocked and appulled to discover that, indeed,
(00:56):
you spent most of your life wasting your time on
the wrong men. And I will continue to give you
free dating relationship advice.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
I need that, Okay, I need that quiz. Okay, great, Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
So I have been in a dating adventure era and
I decided that I wasn't going to get serious at
the earliest until.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Like the end of this year. Or the beginning of
the of the of the next year, right, and I haven't.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I've like flirted with I've posted some like pictures of
me holding someone's hand from behind and like the back
of someone's head, but.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I have not people.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Despite what the media says, I'm not hard launched anything
intentionally because I don't want any of my relationship life
to be so public. But even like little pat nip
and hints, just to make people that I'm dating feel
like they're part of something and not like, you know,
demoralized or like insignificant, I have posted like breadcrumbs, but
(01:55):
but I've been I've dated for months and when I'm
seen now, oh and like the truth that there have
been people that I've dated that no one's ever seen.
And then there have been some people that I happen
to have been a more public places or I want
to go to an event, and it's that part sort
of sucks when you're public, because a picture is worth
a million words, like everyone. So my question is, I
(02:16):
sometimes I don't want to like ever confirm or deny
or launch or not launch, but I feel like I
want to.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Why Why does Leonardo.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
DiCaprio, for example, get to run around and like just
be photographed with different people. But no one thinks he's
marrying them. No one says it's like his serious girlfriend.
No one says it's a hard launch. He's just like
in pictures of people. And even if you took a
picture and you saw a girl, wouldn't mean Leonardo DiCaprio
or any of these guys, you know, hard launched. And
it like women get crystallized and reduced to like if
(02:49):
she's in a picture with someone, it means they're in
a relationship, because that's all women are supposed to want.
Like we're not we're not. We don't get to be
like guys. I could just be dating. I could just
be dating. Why can't I just be a person that's
out dating. But it has to be defined because that's
the difference between women and men. Men get the fuck around.
Women have feel like they're begging to be married.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I agree with everything you said. It's a double standard,
and you're in a very unique position where you can
defy that and just say here's what I'm doing. I
don't care what the world thinks, just the fact that
you have you have to have a vocabulary for this
death and and again I look at what you do
with great admiration. The idea that you have to launch
(03:29):
your relationship publicly, that there's a pr campaign around that
instead of just two people who take down their dating
profiles and like each other and focus on each other,
that there has to be a larger thing behind it.
These are levels of complication that most people will never
have to be faced with. It's like relationships. Finding someone
you could spend all your time with for the rest
(03:51):
of your life is challenging enough. Now we layer what
a lot of people do in your position. I'm going
to remove you from it individually, but you know, public
long distance, vast sums of money, individual business ventures, tons
of travel. Think about just regular people, right, Doctors and
(04:14):
lawyers live in their suburbs. Right. And now you're laying
all this other stuff. And then you say, why is
it so hard the life you lead?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Right?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
This is Icarus stuff. I mean it is. There's zero
value judgment for what you've created. And I would never
want you to dim your shine. Just know this. These
are very very unique issues that are faced by people
who republic that regular folks don't have to deal with.
And now, but a complicating factors.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
No, But I always bring it down to the cul
de sac.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
If let's say that you're in the middle of the
country or some in a cul de sac community, and
you know, the husband breaks there's a divorce, and the
husband goes off and he's dating different people.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
He's sort of like a cat, and the women at
the car.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Pool want him, you know, and all of a sudden,
But if she's with someone, it means, oh, she found
someone and she's going to get what she really wants,
because women really want to get married again. Like it's
just as a construct that's different for men and women.
That's what I'm saying. Well, I have to talk about
myself for celebrities as an example, but then I distill
it because it's not relatable.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
And I do think that most of these things can.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
So it's not about someone who is on the cover
of Forbes magazine, but it's about a woman who society
is telling to become more successful and to be motivated
and to want to go get it. But then you know,
the dope who works at the car wash is going
to feel intimidated. It always works, I think for.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
It, I feel like you're getting a lot of power
over to the dope at the car wash and what
the people think. And again, I'm not in your shoes.
So I would go back to the ceo intern metaphor.
No one's telling you, as a woman what limits you
should have on yourself. If you want to be alone
for the rest, if you want to be Martha Stewart,
go ahead and be Martha's Stewart. Right. I have a
(06:04):
Martha Stuart story which I won't tell here, but I like,
but like, there's a very conscious choice to put that
first in relationship second, and you will end up with
great wealth, but you might end up lacking a certain
amount of romantic love. And it's not bad and it's
not wrong. It's a choice I would tell any woman,
(06:24):
no matter where you live, no matter what you do,
no matter how old you are, I don't care if
you're listening to Bethany and you make twenty one grand
a year, Right, you were the CEO of your love's life.
Men are the interns applying for a job with you.
You hold that job open until you find someone who's
worthy of it. Right, and you can do whatever you want.
(06:45):
You could cycle in turns out every three months, because
that's where you're at in your life and that's perfectly
good and no one has to judge you for it.
When you decide you're ready to get serious, don't let
someone occupy that space so you can. And I encourage
women to be because most of the resentment I'm picking
up is I want to date like a man. Great death,
did he date like a man?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
So women's hiring how much you know, as a relationship
in New York City apartment, you're not getting high ceilings, light,
a bathtub, and space, like because you're the CEO, you're
hiring an intern. Okay, how much of that job do
they have to be able to do? What are women's expectations?
Like if a man's going to be loyal, they're not
going to cheat, they're gonna love you.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
But they may have a definition that's different.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
They may you may be dating they give bad text
or they you may be dating someone divorced and they're
always going to put their kids kids entirely first.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
You might feel like your second fiddle or you're a stepmom.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
And like whatever the so where is the where does
the CEO decide who can fill that position?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
And how much of it?
Speaker 1 (07:59):
And what about Like you had if you had your
last person build six of the points, this new person
feels a different six, Like, how do you decide which
six you want?
Speaker 3 (08:07):
For example?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Oh wow, we're really going there today? I love it. Okay,
there's no one size fits all answer. I mean, I
try to give one size fits all answers because they
make for a good copy. But generally we're talking about
a feeling. People go for lists, but there the list
they're going for ten to be the wrong list. And
again I don't want to say there's one way to
(08:28):
do it. Woman to say, I need him to be
six feet tall, I need him to be colleg I
need him that list. A lot of women have been
dining out on that list forever. And what is that
led to? Dating guys who are tall, cute, handsome, successful
who treat him like shit and they feel emotionally be
raffed and unseen and unimportant and small and they can't
(08:49):
set their boundaries and they can't speak their mind, and
there's a lot of tension in those relationships. So I
drive people not to a specific kind of guy, I
just drive I drive people to a specific type of feeling.
The feeling is for it, and it's not across the
board is safe, heard and understood. So we start there,
(09:10):
Can this guy make me feel like I could be myself,
let down my guard, know that he's I could trust him,
that he's never going to abandon me, that he's not
going to judge me, that we could repair conflict easily. Right,
because a lot of women try to contort themselves to
be with a certain kind of man. We want to
(09:30):
get rid of that contortion. Right, If you're the CEO,
you should not have to spend all your time walking
on eggshells about what the intern thinks. So we start
with the feeling of safe, heard and understood, and then
we add that's the floor. Then we need to add
these other things on to that, and then we ask
is it necessary? So I loved your New York City
apartment metaphor the trade offs, Oh, I could live closer
(09:54):
to Central Park, but it's going to be more expensive there.
Maybe if I live, you know, Park Avenue, I can
go up a little bit higher and be closer to
the subway. Whatever the hell it is, there's always a tradeoff.
I think people tend to make the more trade off,
the wrong trade offs. Men venerate youth and beauty above everything,
(10:14):
and women venerate money and power over everything to their
to their detriment. So it's not that you should stop
being attracted to the things you're attracted to. It's if
a guy is in the ninetieth percentile of intelligence and income,
he's a pretty solid guy, right, A lot of women
(10:34):
would look past him because, as I said, you know
I make five hundred thousand and he makes two hundred thousand,
and that well, together you make seven and you could
have a nice life. So I think once we get
away from the dick measuring contest of who makes more
money and who has more power, it's how do these
(10:55):
two people work together? It's the system you've built companies, Right,
there's culture, there's a flow. So in a good marriage,
there's a flow. And it's fundamentally easy. If you find
you have to constantly negotiate all these little things, that
relationship ship's gonna be torn apart, no matter how much
(11:16):
you haven't come and no matter how amazing that first
date was, no matter how amazing the sex is. I
really work backwards from safe heard and understood, and is
this easy? Because if it's not easy, why are you
still doing it?
Speaker 3 (11:28):
How do you.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Advise women to operate and protect themselves. Around the holidays.
There's a lot of emotion, There's a lot of expectation, balance, stress,
New Year's Eve meaning placed on things that are just days,
but they have meaning for people. How do you navigate
that or tell people how to navigate that.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I think that I think holidays become a time of reflection.
You can't avoid reflection, am I Where I want to
be something about the combination of the family holiday Thanksgiving,
Christmas coupled by New Year's Eve, which is often a
couple's holiday where you kiss. So people kind of get
in their heads around this time of year. It doesn't
(12:11):
have to be torture. You can surround yourself with friends
and distract yourself with the fact that you don't have
someone that you love unconditionally, or that you're not loved unconditionally.
And it could also be a motivating factor to say, hey,
next year, I'm going to be more intentional about dating
and the kind of partner I choose because I don't
want to be in this position next year. So you
(12:32):
do not have to be you know, you know, like
the Valentine's Day thing, you know, some sort of like
lonely hearts, lamenting what you don't have. You could go
out and kick ass and have fun and go home
with a stranger and that's perfectly great. And if that
is not where you ultimately want to be, you could
take steps forward to a more positive outcome because dating
(12:53):
and relationships, we're proving it here are a skill.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Or even if you're melancholy and said, which is normal
and reflecting, at least turn it into something good.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Like there have been people who get hurt and I'm like, okay.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Well, like drink green juices, like make it a health thing,
Like do something, give yourself face masks, like every day
what do something where you feel like you're making this
hard time meaningful. So you're kind of saying you can't
wrap yourself and bubble wrap. It may be challenging, but
but make it into something meaningful when you reflect.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
But and that makes love no different than anything else
in the world.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Okay, there's a lot of there's a lot of suffering.
There's a lot of loss. You know people, I know
people right this very second who are going through a divorce,
who're fighting cancer. I'm speaking for myself right now, are
going through you know, no people going through those things.
I'm not going through those things, and they have to.
It's hard not to let the dark cloud of negativity win.
(13:50):
And so I think listening to two podcasts like yours,
where you have a very can do spirit, you don't
let you know. You know you're tough and shit happen,
so you don't let it get you down. You fight
your way.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
It could be that could be annoying now because then
you're not Yeah, I know, it's like you're always managing
something and you're always like versus like actually dealing with it.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
So that's its own problem, that makes any sense.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
It happened simultaneously, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Solving something. I'm great at that. It's like you're always
gonna be okay, I'm a survivor. But like it's not
as it's better for people to just like be in
it at least and have a feelings versus like manage it.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
You don't always have to do something. Holidays can be
a time for rest and reflection, and the new year
is gonna come no matter what. Yeah, it's it's yeah,
can take an argument. I found girlfriends three years in
a row over December because everybody else is like kind
of shutting down. Yeah, and I was like, you know what,
I'm kind of lonely and I'm not wright.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I understand that too. That's funny you say that. I've
heard that too, like thanks Giving and Chris. People are home,
they're reflecting, they want it.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
It's so true.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
It's yeah. So sometimes if everybody's gonna dig, then you
use that.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Yeah, that's the pandam was the pandemic. So amazing, awesome.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Walk back to, walk back to after, walk back to
the after
So Evan is Evan our dating expert, our only male
dating expert, Evan Katz, which we love because I love
getting the male perspective is here. We're going to talk
more about dating relationships the holidays, and he has a
gift for all of you, which is amazing. So, Evan,
what is your gift going to be today? This is exciting.
It's a holiday, You're giving a gift.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
I wouldn't get too excited about the gift, but it's
the gift of knowledge. If you go to my website,
Evanmarkatz dot com, forward slash just be, you could take
a short quiz, like a really short quiz, and you
will get an answer to the question have you been
wasting your time on the wrong men? And I predict
you will be shocked and appulled to discover that, indeed,
(00:56):
you spent most of your life wasting your time on
the wrong men. And I will continue to give you
free dating relationship advice.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
I need that, Okay, I need that quiz. Okay, great, Okay.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
So I have been in a dating adventure era and
I decided that I wasn't going to get serious at
the earliest until.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
Like the end of this year. Or the beginning of
the of the of the next year, right, and I haven't.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
I've like flirted with I've posted some like pictures of
me holding someone's hand from behind and like the back
of someone's head, but.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
I have not people.
Speaker 1 (01:30):
Despite what the media says, I'm not hard launched anything
intentionally because I don't want any of my relationship life
to be so public. But even like little pat nip
and hints, just to make people that I'm dating feel
like they're part of something and not like, you know,
demoralized or like insignificant, I have posted like breadcrumbs, but
(01:55):
but I've been I've dated for months and when I'm
seen now, oh and like the truth that there have
been people that I've dated that no one's ever seen.
And then there have been some people that I happen
to have been a more public places or I want
to go to an event, and it's that part sort
of sucks when you're public, because a picture is worth
a million words, like everyone. So my question is, I
(02:16):
sometimes I don't want to like ever confirm or deny
or launch or not launch, but I feel like I
want to.
Speaker 3 (02:22):
Why Why does Leonardo.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
DiCaprio, for example, get to run around and like just
be photographed with different people. But no one thinks he's
marrying them. No one says it's like his serious girlfriend.
No one says it's a hard launch. He's just like
in pictures of people. And even if you took a
picture and you saw a girl, wouldn't mean Leonardo DiCaprio
or any of these guys, you know, hard launched. And
it like women get crystallized and reduced to like if
(02:49):
she's in a picture with someone, it means they're in
a relationship, because that's all women are supposed to want.
Like we're not we're not. We don't get to be
like guys. I could just be dating. I could just
be dating. Why can't I just be a person that's
out dating. But it has to be defined because that's
the difference between women and men. Men get the fuck around.
Women have feel like they're begging to be married.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I agree with everything you said. It's a double standard,
and you're in a very unique position where you can
defy that and just say here's what I'm doing. I
don't care what the world thinks, just the fact that
you have you have to have a vocabulary for this
death and and again I look at what you do
with great admiration. The idea that you have to launch
(03:29):
your relationship publicly, that there's a pr campaign around that
instead of just two people who take down their dating
profiles and like each other and focus on each other,
that there has to be a larger thing behind it.
These are levels of complication that most people will never
have to be faced with. It's like relationships. Finding someone
you could spend all your time with for the rest
(03:51):
of your life is challenging enough. Now we layer what
a lot of people do in your position. I'm going
to remove you from it individually, but you know, public
long distance, vast sums of money, individual business ventures, tons
of travel. Think about just regular people, right, Doctors and
(04:14):
lawyers live in their suburbs. Right. And now you're laying
all this other stuff. And then you say, why is
it so hard the life you lead?
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Right?
Speaker 2 (04:23):
This is Icarus stuff. I mean it is. There's zero
value judgment for what you've created. And I would never
want you to dim your shine. Just know this. These
are very very unique issues that are faced by people
who republic that regular folks don't have to deal with.
And now, but a complicating factors.
Speaker 3 (04:43):
No, But I always bring it down to the cul
de sac.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
If let's say that you're in the middle of the
country or some in a cul de sac community, and
you know, the husband breaks there's a divorce, and the
husband goes off and he's dating different people.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
He's sort of like a cat, and the women at
the car.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
Pool want him, you know, and all of a sudden,
But if she's with someone, it means, oh, she found
someone and she's going to get what she really wants,
because women really want to get married again. Like it's
just as a construct that's different for men and women.
That's what I'm saying. Well, I have to talk about
myself for celebrities as an example, but then I distill
it because it's not relatable.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
And I do think that most of these things can.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
So it's not about someone who is on the cover
of Forbes magazine, but it's about a woman who society
is telling to become more successful and to be motivated
and to want to go get it. But then you know,
the dope who works at the car wash is going
to feel intimidated. It always works, I think for.
Speaker 2 (05:42):
It, I feel like you're getting a lot of power
over to the dope at the car wash and what
the people think. And again, I'm not in your shoes.
So I would go back to the ceo intern metaphor.
No one's telling you, as a woman what limits you
should have on yourself. If you want to be alone
for the rest, if you want to be Martha Stewart,
go ahead and be Martha's Stewart. Right. I have a
(06:04):
Martha Stuart story which I won't tell here, but I like,
but like, there's a very conscious choice to put that
first in relationship second, and you will end up with
great wealth, but you might end up lacking a certain
amount of romantic love. And it's not bad and it's
not wrong. It's a choice I would tell any woman,
(06:24):
no matter where you live, no matter what you do,
no matter how old you are, I don't care if
you're listening to Bethany and you make twenty one grand
a year, Right, you were the CEO of your love's life.
Men are the interns applying for a job with you.
You hold that job open until you find someone who's
worthy of it. Right, and you can do whatever you want.
(06:45):
You could cycle in turns out every three months, because
that's where you're at in your life and that's perfectly
good and no one has to judge you for it.
When you decide you're ready to get serious, don't let
someone occupy that space so you can. And I encourage
women to be because most of the resentment I'm picking
up is I want to date like a man. Great death,
did he date like a man?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (07:18):
So women's hiring how much you know, as a relationship
in New York City apartment, you're not getting high ceilings, light,
a bathtub, and space, like because you're the CEO, you're
hiring an intern. Okay, how much of that job do
they have to be able to do? What are women's expectations?
Like if a man's going to be loyal, they're not
going to cheat, they're gonna love you.
Speaker 3 (07:37):
But they may have a definition that's different.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
They may you may be dating they give bad text
or they you may be dating someone divorced and they're
always going to put their kids kids entirely first.
Speaker 3 (07:50):
You might feel like your second fiddle or you're a stepmom.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
And like whatever the so where is the where does
the CEO decide who can fill that position?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
And how much of it?
Speaker 1 (07:59):
And what about Like you had if you had your
last person build six of the points, this new person
feels a different six, Like, how do you decide which
six you want?
Speaker 3 (08:07):
For example?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Oh wow, we're really going there today? I love it. Okay,
there's no one size fits all answer. I mean, I
try to give one size fits all answers because they
make for a good copy. But generally we're talking about
a feeling. People go for lists, but there the list
they're going for ten to be the wrong list. And
again I don't want to say there's one way to
(08:28):
do it. Woman to say, I need him to be
six feet tall, I need him to be colleg I
need him that list. A lot of women have been
dining out on that list forever. And what is that
led to? Dating guys who are tall, cute, handsome, successful
who treat him like shit and they feel emotionally be
raffed and unseen and unimportant and small and they can't
(08:49):
set their boundaries and they can't speak their mind, and
there's a lot of tension in those relationships. So I
drive people not to a specific kind of guy, I
just drive I drive people to a specific type of feeling.
The feeling is for it, and it's not across the
board is safe, heard and understood. So we start there,
(09:10):
Can this guy make me feel like I could be myself,
let down my guard, know that he's I could trust him,
that he's never going to abandon me, that he's not
going to judge me, that we could repair conflict easily. Right,
because a lot of women try to contort themselves to
be with a certain kind of man. We want to
(09:30):
get rid of that contortion. Right, If you're the CEO,
you should not have to spend all your time walking
on eggshells about what the intern thinks. So we start
with the feeling of safe, heard and understood, and then
we add that's the floor. Then we need to add
these other things on to that, and then we ask
is it necessary? So I loved your New York City
apartment metaphor the trade offs, Oh, I could live closer
(09:54):
to Central Park, but it's going to be more expensive there.
Maybe if I live, you know, Park Avenue, I can
go up a little bit higher and be closer to
the subway. Whatever the hell it is, there's always a tradeoff.
I think people tend to make the more trade off,
the wrong trade offs. Men venerate youth and beauty above everything,
(10:14):
and women venerate money and power over everything to their
to their detriment. So it's not that you should stop
being attracted to the things you're attracted to. It's if
a guy is in the ninetieth percentile of intelligence and income,
he's a pretty solid guy, right, A lot of women
(10:34):
would look past him because, as I said, you know
I make five hundred thousand and he makes two hundred thousand,
and that well, together you make seven and you could
have a nice life. So I think once we get
away from the dick measuring contest of who makes more
money and who has more power, it's how do these
(10:55):
two people work together? It's the system you've built companies, Right,
there's culture, there's a flow. So in a good marriage,
there's a flow. And it's fundamentally easy. If you find
you have to constantly negotiate all these little things, that
relationship ship's gonna be torn apart, no matter how much
(11:16):
you haven't come and no matter how amazing that first
date was, no matter how amazing the sex is. I
really work backwards from safe heard and understood, and is
this easy? Because if it's not easy, why are you
still doing it?
Speaker 3 (11:28):
How do you.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
Advise women to operate and protect themselves. Around the holidays.
There's a lot of emotion, There's a lot of expectation, balance, stress,
New Year's Eve meaning placed on things that are just days,
but they have meaning for people. How do you navigate
that or tell people how to navigate that.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
I think that I think holidays become a time of reflection.
You can't avoid reflection, am I Where I want to
be something about the combination of the family holiday Thanksgiving,
Christmas coupled by New Year's Eve, which is often a
couple's holiday where you kiss. So people kind of get
in their heads around this time of year. It doesn't
(12:11):
have to be torture. You can surround yourself with friends
and distract yourself with the fact that you don't have
someone that you love unconditionally, or that you're not loved unconditionally.
And it could also be a motivating factor to say, hey,
next year, I'm going to be more intentional about dating
and the kind of partner I choose because I don't
want to be in this position next year. So you
(12:32):
do not have to be you know, you know, like
the Valentine's Day thing, you know, some sort of like
lonely hearts, lamenting what you don't have. You could go
out and kick ass and have fun and go home
with a stranger and that's perfectly great. And if that
is not where you ultimately want to be, you could
take steps forward to a more positive outcome because dating
(12:53):
and relationships, we're proving it here are a skill.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Or even if you're melancholy and said, which is normal
and reflecting, at least turn it into something good.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
Like there have been people who get hurt and I'm like, okay.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Well, like drink green juices, like make it a health thing,
Like do something, give yourself face masks, like every day
what do something where you feel like you're making this
hard time meaningful. So you're kind of saying you can't
wrap yourself and bubble wrap. It may be challenging, but
but make it into something meaningful when you reflect.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
But and that makes love no different than anything else
in the world.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Okay, there's a lot of there's a lot of suffering.
There's a lot of loss. You know people, I know
people right this very second who are going through a divorce,
who're fighting cancer. I'm speaking for myself right now, are
going through you know, no people going through those things.
I'm not going through those things, and they have to.
It's hard not to let the dark cloud of negativity win.
(13:50):
And so I think listening to two podcasts like yours,
where you have a very can do spirit, you don't
let you know. You know you're tough and shit happen,
so you don't let it get you down. You fight
your way.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
It could be that could be annoying now because then
you're not Yeah, I know, it's like you're always managing
something and you're always like versus like actually dealing with it.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
So that's its own problem, that makes any sense.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
It happened simultaneously, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Solving something. I'm great at that. It's like you're always
gonna be okay, I'm a survivor. But like it's not
as it's better for people to just like be in
it at least and have a feelings versus like manage it.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
You don't always have to do something. Holidays can be
a time for rest and reflection, and the new year
is gonna come no matter what. Yeah, it's it's yeah,
can take an argument. I found girlfriends three years in
a row over December because everybody else is like kind
of shutting down. Yeah, and I was like, you know what,
I'm kind of lonely and I'm not wright.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
I understand that too. That's funny you say that. I've
heard that too, like thanks Giving and Chris. People are home,
they're reflecting, they want it.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
It's so true.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
It's yeah. So sometimes if everybody's gonna dig, then you
use that.
Speaker 3 (14:51):
Yeah, that's the pandam was the pandemic. So amazing, awesome.
Speaker 1 (15:02):
Walk back to, walk back to after, walk back to
the after
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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