Just B Dating: This One's For the Boys with Matchmaker Barbie Adler

Women want to date MEN, so you boys are going to have to level up. If you want to be seen as the man every woman desires, it’s time to raise your game. Barbie Adler is here to show you how.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:12):
So I wanted to talk about what has just come
to me to be three ms, just because not because
I thought of it ahead of time, but just because
the three things I want to talk about are ems.
One is men, like I want to give men advice
because we're always talking about what women should do, and
I don't want to be so blanket in saying that

(00:32):
men are clueless, but I do think that many men
are clueless. I'll just be the one to say that.
So I want to get and women are clueless too,
but men are clueless, So I want to give some
tips to men on dating and relationships. I want to
talk about possibly merging, like blending families, like merging you
know how important it is to own property together, or

(00:55):
like kids merging how different people handle that. So I
want to talk about men merging, and money like which
is similar to merging, Like how you deal with money.
And everyone has a different approach to money, and it
doesn't really matter if one person's even if both people
are wealthy, they could have too drastically different ways of
approaching money. Someone could be frugal, someone could be a

(01:17):
spender like some people gift giving is their love language.
Some people will spend millions of dollars on real estate,
but no money on clothes.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Like there's just there're just money as a.

Speaker 1 (01:26):
Whole bag of you know, a bag, a whole bag
of money. So what is exciting to you about these
three times? Like, what do you want to talk about?

Speaker 2 (01:34):
First?

Speaker 1 (01:34):
We could talk about men and like giving that what
are you interested in? Oh my gosh, they're all yes,
I'd love to talk about men. I'm I'm I love
all three topics. I'm so excited to address some tips
from the Playbook of Women that I constantly hear. And
this applies to all men across every decade, no matter
what their age is, where they live, what their ethnicity is,

(01:57):
whatever their life page is.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
It's it's literally a universal theme.

Speaker 3 (02:01):
What I always hear complaints about people when they meet
people before they come to selective search, of course, but.

Speaker 2 (02:07):
Ongoing, all right, frustrations that men need some tips. Let's
play tennis. Let's go.

Speaker 1 (02:12):
You come up with one thing about men that they
that they a tip, like we have to not like
it has to be like prescriptive because men are not
going to we cannot thrown on. We have to go like,
this is a tip we can discuss it. Then I'll
give what I think a tip. I don't even have
any in my mind, but I'll sure I'll come right away.

Speaker 2 (02:29):
So yeah, I have so give.

Speaker 1 (02:31):
A tip for men that men like need to know
and must do in dating and or relationships.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
They need to be.

Speaker 3 (02:38):
A man with the plan. They need to plan and
schedule ahead. So if you think about a woman who
they ask them out, they need to also tell us
where where we're going so we know what to wear.
But they need to first plan the date. They can't
just have not have a reservation. They have to have
the right time. Ask someone about is there food energies,

(03:02):
cuisine preferences. They just need to have a plan and
be thoughtful about it.

Speaker 1 (03:06):
Okay, So I'm going to challenge that, not just for
the sake of it, but explain an experience of mine.
So I was in the Hamptons this summer and someone
wanted to have a plan with me, and they asked me,
do you want to get together Saturday night? And they
didn't really have a plan and said, I don't know
if they said what do you want to do or something,
I don't remember, but they weren't from the Hamptons, but

(03:29):
we're staying there for like three weeks. And by the way,
someone not from somewhere can do research, can ask people,
et cetera. But I believe and have come to realize
that they probably were worried that like I would definitely
know better, and maybe because of who I am and
that I'm like savvy or seem like a certain type
of person, that they were going to just like fire

(03:51):
a random shot and come up with something and that
either wouldn't be good enough or that it wouldn't be
like a good idea. And I said, in the text,
which I know you guys always talk about leaning into
your feminine energy, it's ceter I said, whatever the text was,
I was like, are you hesitating because you're not from here?

Speaker 2 (04:11):
Do you need some help?

Speaker 1 (04:13):
And he was like, I haven't been here in years.
And I said, okay, well, here are a couple of choices.
This place is there, and this is the vibe. This
is a situation where you could go on a boat.
I happen to have this membership on a boat to
go and you can take the early plan or this
other thing. And he was like, I think we do

(04:33):
the early plan on the boat. So I was kind
of the one who had the plan, but I am
a person that believes it. In a relationship, best idea wins.
So in many cases, I'm the one who makes the plan,
but I require something else from the other person. Like
I relace the track, they like rock the flow. They
have to figure out how we're getting there.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
They have to do them.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
If there's a map before hiking, like we're going on
a trail, they figure it out.

Speaker 2 (04:57):
But I'll be like, let's go hiking.

Speaker 3 (05:00):
This is more universal advice for what I hear constantly
from thousands and thousands of people saying, it's not attractive.
That guy might be attractive to you because you know
who he is and you already know he's a desirable person.
It's not attractive if someone doesn't put care into the
beginning of the date, and if they don't know the place,
it's fair to either do research or say what is
your preferences. Some people don't want to date in their

(05:22):
exact town because they don't want the whole community to
know their business, so it might be the next town over.
They want to go date somewhere else. But I do
think the overall tip to men should start with they
need to do the hunting. They need to put thought
into it. No high quality woman wants a guy that's
half asked that doesn't put a plan or thought.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Okay, let's revise it because if we're writing a book together,
let's fill in the blank. So let's say a person
should have the intention for a plan, but if they
are still assertive and know what they don't know, they
find a way that the other person knows that they
have a plan, or that they that their intention is
to have a plan, that they may not. Actually, they

(06:05):
may think they might not have the best idea and
that the person they're talking to, you might have a
better idea.

Speaker 2 (06:09):
So be collaborative if necessary.

Speaker 3 (06:11):
Right, So let's revise it to be a good communicator
and be thoughtful to say, do you want me to
take the lead of making some suggestions or or do
you have a certain place or idea that you'd have?

Speaker 2 (06:23):
All right?

Speaker 1 (06:23):
So chapter one is the intention for a plan, but
the potential collaboration in.

Speaker 2 (06:29):
The plan, correct, all right, So that's that's a big thing.
All right, So that's good, So we work together. Wow,
that was good.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
That's good because, by the way, Barbie, I've dated a
lot more than you so you have been an expert
at a higher level. You have a texture that comes
together where you're like a teacher of it. But I'm
like out there in the field and you're saying, don't
get so drunk, and I'm getting black aut drunk sometimes
with still ending up with the person like you're trying
to give.

Speaker 2 (06:50):
Totally got level. Yes, so yeah, all right.

Speaker 3 (06:53):
We were talking about how men need this this advice
because I don't think there's anyone giving them this advice.
So I think it's really important to know that if
you don't know a guy from adam and you are
only able to evaluate him on his actions, if he
doesn't have the thoughtfulness to be a good communicator or
at least have an idea of a plan. You can't

(07:14):
just go somewhere on a Saturday night. The average person
can't and get and have a meal.

Speaker 1 (07:19):
You're effectively saying that someone has to appear to be
making effort, which is interesting because it's literally the first
thing that you say that a man wants from a
woman in her appearance, and that she took care to
come to the date. The guy's about to pay for
a date in traditional systems, and she's showing up and
she made efforts, so you're effectively It doesn't really matter
about the content, it's about the delivery.

Speaker 2 (07:41):
It's the effort. It's putting the effort into it.

Speaker 1 (07:44):
So it's really more about the effort than correct calling
in a man with a plan. But the effort is
what it is. So that's let's say e for effort
for number one. We've even taken it deeper. All right, men,
that's great.

Speaker 3 (07:54):
Okay, So under the whole theme of effort, I do
think that hygie and sometimes is overlooked and I don't
know what it is, but we hear this from people
go on dates on apps all the time that say
they didn't put an effort, like they're they have Noah's hair,
they have ear here, their eyebrows were bushy, that had

(08:16):
something on their shirt. They all the different things, so
like it's really important as a man.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
That's interesting.

Speaker 1 (08:23):
So we're saying, so this is good because we're opening
it up even bigger that it's effectively effort.

Speaker 2 (08:28):
It's effectively effort. Okay, so that's great.

Speaker 3 (08:30):
It's women are dolling up right, like we're putting an effort,
and we always hear that men appreciate when we put
an effort for a date, and women are saying the
same thing about men, like make sure that you're putting
an effort. Make sure that your version of dolling up,
which is take a shower, look presentable, make sure that
your nails are clean. It sounds so basic, and like

(08:52):
who what wouldn't be doing? It's a deal, are not dirty? Yeah,
I heard from my daughters all the way to people
all ages that have gone on dates prior of course
to us fixing them up, of just people that are
just not showing the effort. So I think through hygiene
head to toe that you put an effort.

Speaker 1 (09:10):
It's true because I've also found that like once a
guy's locked in and really likes you, then all of
a sudden he's like you're finding that he's manscaping because
he's like sort of more intentional and more into the effort.
So that's good because we made a blanket general category
called effort that involves your appear efforts and involves the
plan that is flexible in its nature based on who

(09:31):
you're dealing with them where you are. Okay, so give
me another one.

Speaker 3 (09:34):
I would say, effort on the date. So you want
to make sure that you're not well. First effort in
following up to make sure, like the day before the
date looking for is seeing you tomorrow, just something where
they know it's confirmed if it was scheduled before.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
I love that. So effort is a big giant bucket.

Speaker 1 (09:51):
And then you're going into effort into the plan, into
the appearance, and then into the communication about what you're yes,
the intent and also that you're excited.

Speaker 2 (10:03):
Yeah, it just sets the tone like you took the time,
you care. You have to almost treat it.

Speaker 3 (10:09):
I mean it's more important than a business meeting because
it's your personal life. But it's like you have to
treat it as how you would attack a business meeting
right or something you'd go after that you really want,
you have the strategic plans the same thing. It's putting
in the effort to showing that you care, you're looking
forward to it. That quick text before the day before
as well as after the date. I think it's important

(10:32):
to say like had a great time or let me
know when you get home safe.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
That's a big pro tip.

Speaker 3 (10:37):
So on the date, you want to be plugged in, engaging,
be interesting and interested so it's not a monologue. It's
a dialogue. It's not an interrogation. It's just a nice
back and forth, staying in the moment, having a great conversation.
It's also being thoughtful, like if she seems cold by
baby saying like to the manager, can you turn down

(10:59):
the air?

Speaker 2 (10:59):
Or was talking like making sure that she.

Speaker 3 (11:01):
Feels like you're she's being heard, understood and that you're
being attended to her needs.

Speaker 1 (11:06):
Also, I would say then, like I don't want to
be a coworker with this person, meaning I don't want
to be involved in the process of like the tables
at two top in between two other people that I'm
the one who's like that's a little weird. Like I
was out with a guy that he was gonna accept
with me who is public and doesn't need people to
my left of my right listening. You know, I'm at

(11:27):
a two top against the wall, and like then there's
two people on either side of me, you know, like,
and I'm like so key. I had to say hey,
like and I felt like I was now being the
man like to say, so, what table is it? I
had a guy once do advance work, like he walked
in earlier he went to see what the table. As
he came back, he texted me that I should go
on another entrance. There were a lot of people there.
Now that doesn't usually apply to most people, but as

(11:49):
knowing who I was, he had done some research on
who he was with and he didn't want me to
walk into a crowded entrance and it to be all
weird that I was going on a date and it
was public.

Speaker 3 (11:58):
So it shows such respect and such thoughtfulness. They could
get there fifteen minutes earlier. Talk to the hostess, say hey,
I'd love a corner table. Obviously in advance to ask
for a corner table, ask for four top somewhere private
is great. But again, know your audience and know what's
a great ambience where can actually hear each other talking.

Speaker 1 (12:32):
What about men who always like to sit facing the door,
But isn't that the better seat and you're supposed to
give the woman face the seat facing at or it
really doesn't matter, Does it matter?

Speaker 2 (12:40):
I don't think it matters.

Speaker 3 (12:41):
The biggest thing is that you're not distracted by your
head is on a swivel where you're looking at every
other person but your date.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
Same with the phone.

Speaker 3 (12:49):
If you have kids and you need to keep your
phone out, turn it upside down, maybe call your kids before,
just letting them know that you're going into a meal,
and only call if it need be.

Speaker 1 (12:58):
I don't think you should turn it upside down. I
think I don't think it should be on the table.

Speaker 3 (13:01):
Well, I'm saying upside down because sometimes people will put
it upside it and might not be appropriate to see
what's coming in.

Speaker 1 (13:07):
No, I'm saying, but I don't even think it should
be on the table, because that's.

Speaker 3 (13:09):
Fine, except for some people might say it is the
first time they having a babysitter. It might be nervous
about that, so it compromises turning it down. But I agree,
if possible, don't put it on the table.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Yeah, I mean, if.

Speaker 1 (13:19):
That kind of thing called the restaurant, I think you
have to go old school there too.

Speaker 3 (13:23):
The other thing is is that you, yeah, you don't
want to make sure you're on the phone. Look in
business mode. I don't care what business deal you have
to do. Everything can wait a couple hours. Like this
is an important you have to show that it's a
priority and that you're engaged in your conversation. So I
do think giving someone that the view is nice, But
if it might be better to have the worse views so
you're not distracted by seeing what's around you as well

(13:43):
and can be more engaged.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Depending on I'll take it to the next level.

Speaker 1 (13:47):
I don't think when you get back from the bathroom,
the man should have, like had the urgency it'll pick
up his phone and look at it. So when you're
walking back to the table, he's looking at the phone.

Speaker 2 (13:55):
I don't like that.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
Yeah, I want him to be thinking about how great
the data is present, looking around, eating, eating a piece
of bread.

Speaker 2 (14:02):
I'm not interested.

Speaker 1 (14:03):
I mean, I'm not interested in like he rushed to
get on the phone and second I went to the bathroom.

Speaker 3 (14:07):
No, no, no, But if he forever is he should send
you a text saying I'm on a date with the
hottest woman tonight, or how did.

Speaker 2 (14:15):
I get so lucky? Right?

Speaker 3 (14:16):
I did that well because you said that, or something
yeah cute sexy like flirty text because that's kind of
fun play. Yeah, but yeah, I think phone needs to
be off. But if you are sending a text communication
before the date or after, you got to make sure
you're being mindful of your spelling. It's such a turn
off when people spell things wrong, and especially with autocorrect,

(14:36):
it's even send the wrong text.

Speaker 2 (14:38):
Wow, or the name wrong.

Speaker 3 (14:39):
I've had my name is spelled wrong. Yeah, you guys
have to be thoughtful about things like that. Just again
just paying attention to the little things. But here's an
advanced move that most men unfortunately mess up.

Speaker 2 (14:50):
If someone or the dates.

Speaker 3 (14:51):
Over ubers are being ordered if you're not sharing a
car together, and sometimes people will leave the dates without
waiting for the woman's Uber. And I think it's such
a class act. It happens all the time. What it's
such a class act to wait until their uber arrives.

Speaker 2 (15:09):
I would literally never speak to the person again.

Speaker 3 (15:11):
Never.

Speaker 2 (15:12):
Back in the day, there was a cab and then
you could slide.

Speaker 3 (15:15):
The gentleman could slide at twenty to the cab driver
saying make sure she gets home safe.

Speaker 2 (15:19):
Nowadays, if someone's going.

Speaker 1 (15:20):
I mean, I don't thinking her own Uber and paying
for it either.

Speaker 3 (15:23):
By the way, well there's really no other there's not
a mechanism where you could gift an uber.

Speaker 2 (15:28):
There's you can't call an uber for something. Yes, you
can put in your own Uber account.

Speaker 3 (15:32):
They're two adress could but they you could do that yeah,
of course they're sharing, but then you're sharing an uber.

Speaker 2 (15:38):
No they're uber. Oh you can't have two ubers going
at the same time. You could for you and a kid.
You call an uber, then you call it know the uber.
Now I see you're saying, so you first first you
call for them, and then you call that for you.

Speaker 3 (15:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (15:50):
Most people just or most people are okay with their
having their ordering their own uber because what if they
don't want the person to know where they're going or
their address or whatever it could be. But I think
it's very polite to wait, and it is a pro
tip because a lot of people don't have that. I
think just ignoorance you. They don't know that that's not
a polite thing to do. It's it always waits, So.

Speaker 1 (16:11):
No wonder everybody fails miserably because we're still on the
first date? Is the man ordering for the woman? Because
I've seen it both ways, what would you like and
then you say it? Or he asks what you would
like and then he orders for you. I do think
that's a nice note that something a girl would tell
their girlfriend. It's not necessary, but I think it's a
nice thing. He finds out what you want, he's not
just saying we'll both have the blah. But I like

(16:31):
and I also think there should be a collaboration so
you can find it if the person is a sharer,
because I'm a sharer and I like to say.

Speaker 2 (16:38):
Like, what do we want to get? But that's so fun.

Speaker 3 (16:40):
That's part of the whole thing is that's what I
think that bond Like, let's share.

Speaker 2 (16:44):
How about this?

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (16:45):
I love it?

Speaker 1 (16:45):
Yeah?

Speaker 2 (16:45):
Like or like I was thinking of getting to this.
Do you like that?

Speaker 1 (16:48):
Because you could have a bite, like you don't have
to push your thing on them or vice versa. But
collaborating and like what you're getting because it's interactive and
food's a great conversation piece.

Speaker 3 (16:59):
Why would it you And you could be playful for
whatever reason you're not a share to say good because
they'll have more more for me or something like that
if they're not. But it is good to make it
a fun experience because it does bond you and it's
kind of a happy thing to talk about too.

Speaker 2 (17:14):
It's like an icebreaker.

Speaker 1 (17:15):
Mine is always awkward because I always have to say
I'm allergic to fish, and it has to get out
of the way fast because if a guy might be
interested in kissing me, a third of the menu is
off limits for him.

Speaker 3 (17:26):
Yeah, right, so that so that's a whole but that's
it could be playful on how you, you know, spin
that as well, how you present that one hundred percent.

Speaker 1 (17:32):
I'm like, I'm just letting you know I'm definitely alerted
to fish.

Speaker 2 (17:35):
So good.

Speaker 1 (17:36):
So you're two minutes in, you're like, in the event
that we might kiss, fish is off the table.

Speaker 3 (17:40):
It's not right, no, but it's kind of a fun
thing because they know they have to navigate around that
menu and fast, and then I feel so selfish, like
for the rest of their life, like if they want
to be with me, they now cannot order fish at restaurants.

Speaker 2 (17:51):
Like it's a big sacrifice for people. You're worth it.
So it's all good, Okay.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
The other thing that's important is, so now you're leading
the date, and you could say it's very uncomfortable when
a guy asks the woman out for another date, because
sometimes people will polite and say yes when they don't
want to. So unless you really are vibing and you
already feel like it's kind of known that both people

(18:16):
want it, it's so much better to say you could
say I had such a wonderful time. I hope to
see you again, but not going to say detail and
like assertive about it.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
Not like let's do this again. I'm around on Thursday.

Speaker 1 (18:26):
That's a great note because it's like putting the contract
on the other person. You'd rather be like, get the
vibe of if they also had a nice time, and
then you tomorrow you say it or you call.

Speaker 2 (18:37):
Yeah, I had a wonderful time. I hope we could
do this again.

Speaker 3 (18:39):
Just something chill, but not putting the pressure where they
have to answer it, and it leaves a little bit
of a mystery. But I do think it's nice to say, well,
you text me when you got home safe, because it
shows that you care and you want to make sure
they get home safe.

Speaker 2 (18:52):
And I think it's really a gentleman act to say,
like tex to me when you get home. Mind you, well,
let's take a step further. Even if you don't like
the woman, why not say that just you have a.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
Good representation like the woman. It is so nice. That's
the other thing, Like the ghosting has to stop. It
is unbelievable. I know why people do it. They don't
want to hurt somebody's feelings, so they would rather say
I'm back with an AX or I just met someone,
but it's not true. It's just they're not interested and
they don't want to hurt someone's feelings. But they're gonna
hurt someone's feelings more, and they're gonna make themselves look

(19:22):
like an asshole by not following up. It's so much
more attractive and just high class to say I said
a wonderful time tonight on text or the next day.

Speaker 2 (19:33):
I've given it more thought.

Speaker 3 (19:34):
I really I feel more of a friendship than a
romantic connection, and I'm really holding up for that. We
both deserve that. Whoever gets you as super lucky. I
wish you all the best. It's just such a class act.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
Go with the truth.

Speaker 1 (19:45):
I said to a guy that was I was set
up with. I said to a guy that yeah, I said,
I don't remember what I said. I said something like,
you call it a couple times, you want to go
out again, you're dragging it out. I just said I
think you're amazing, and I eventually said not then, but
you know, I might know someone who's interesting, etc. I'm
not sure if it's a fit, but I think you're
wonderful and anyone's lucky to just what you said, look

(20:07):
to have a human being and you get a good reputation.
You don't know who you might set up, but you
don't know that maybe they might set you up with
their best friend. Once they meet someone, they may keep
you in mind. There's no reason to burn a bridge
and be a jerk.

Speaker 3 (20:19):
Correct If you're a class act, they're gonna say, oh
my gosh, I'm so bummy. He doesn't like me, but
he's such a great guy. And they're gonna think of
a girlfriend saying he doesn't like me, but he might
like you and he's such a good guy. But if
they someone thinks that you're in a relationship, you just
totally cut yourself off from other opportunities and you're also lying.

Speaker 2 (20:36):
And it's just it's you don't need to do that.

Speaker 3 (20:39):
Just get back to someone promptly, takes two seconds, as
in a text, say something warm, that's a sincere compliment,
and done, it's over. Then making someone feel hurting their
feelings and like it's painful.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
It's not necessary.

Speaker 1 (20:52):
Yeah, it's not necessary, and you could cut them loose
real fast and a nice way.

Speaker 2 (20:55):
Yeah, it's good.

Speaker 3 (20:56):
Karma points to do the right thing and just treat
people how you want to be treated. Literally goes back
down to kindergarten right of how you want to be treated,
to treat people with that same kindness and that way,
when it happens to you, you'll realize that you hope
that that person would have handled it better themselves, like
how you are handling other people.

Speaker 1 (21:12):
Well, same thing with business or a job interview when
someone just says like, it's not right, we're going with
another person.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
Why leave you twisting in the wind for two weeks?
So listen? So this works.

Speaker 1 (21:21):
Also, I've had one person on an app say to
me that you match and you were texting I met someone.
I think I'm going to give it a go, et cetera.
And you're like, great, good for you. You're cheering for them.
They're on an app. Yeah you don't even know them,
but you're like yes, versus like ghosting you and texting.

Speaker 2 (21:40):
And then this has happened to me.

Speaker 1 (21:42):
I was out on the second date with someone that
I really liked and there was another very good looking
guy there and I happened to run into, oddly enough,
a matchmaker, and she reached out to me later and
said to me that that other guy, the guy number one,
was it was it was the second date the other guy.
She was like, that guy is a real catch and

(22:04):
he's interested in you, and I'd like to connect you. Now.
I wasn't sure if guy number one was a player,
if I was gonna be into him. I was still
wide open. So I was like, great, guy number two
was in fact a catch. She says to me, he
wants your number and he wants to get together with you.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
I look him up.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
He seems he's good looking, he's single, all the things.
So now it took like for days, might have been
a week. I was like, he never reached out. She
was like, oh, I think he's with his family. This
is happening, blah blah blah. Okay bye, And he had
my number because she had connected the two of us.
Finally he texted me and no, mind you. Things had

(22:41):
accelerated with the guy that I was on a second
date with. Maybe by this time we had been to
like five days, and I was like, really into him,
you could be into somebody.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
That might be him calling right now, literally talking about
you right now. Call you back.

Speaker 1 (22:52):
I'm on the podcast, but not you. But the guy,
I'll call you back. So I was on like fifth
day with him, and this other guy texted me and said, hey,
I think you're amazing and I'm really sorry. He owes
me nothing. The only thing that happens is we were
in a group text. He's interested, he's supposed to call me.

(23:13):
I don't know him from Adam. He says, I'm really
sorry I didn't reach out sooner. I reconnected with my
ex and I really don't know what's going to happen,
but I would like to give this a shot. And
I've said good for you. I hope it works out.
And I said, so interesting when I met you that night.
When I saw you that night, I was actually on

(23:34):
the second day it was someone and now I think
it's heating up a little bit. And so that was
like a very like we were both cheering. We didn't
even know each other, but we were cheering for each other
and it was like classy.

Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, so nice.

Speaker 3 (23:47):
That's how more people need to do that, because that way,
if whatever reason doesn't work out for him or you,
you can reach out and the call will be so
highly regarded because you ended it with a bow.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
There's just a nice experience how you do anything is
how you do everything. So be but that should be
the norm.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
Be classy and every aspect of it, whether it works,
doesn't work, like her, don't like her, attracted, aren't attracted.
Even if you're supposed to text her, you follow through.
Even if you're not going, you fall through. Even if
you go, you don't like it, you fall through. If
you go, you like it, you fall through. Do the
right thing the whole way through, you get it. It's
it's smart. That's a great come back to.

Speaker 2 (24:23):
And no one knows that. No one knows that. Okay.

Speaker 3 (24:26):
Other thing pro tips on dates be everyone has their
antenta up of how the way staff is treated right.
It's just like the little things like don't treat anyone
like the help. It's a total turn off on the date.
You don't want to grill someone about their ex especially
in a first date, like I know, sometimes it could
be like more of a biography date where you're catching

(24:47):
up on all aspects of life, but it's so much
more attractive, like in time you'll hear about people's pasts
and things like that, but just stay focused on the present,
Like there's so many things to talk about besides having
to just talk about who else they date or tales
from X.

Speaker 2 (25:01):
It goes negative.

Speaker 3 (25:03):
The biggest thing is talk about like be happy, like
don't complain about your kids, don't complain about you be happy.

Speaker 1 (25:09):
Yes, but I will say this, it is often unavoidable
based on questions to not get into some version of
what you came from. But I would I'm going to
color that in the lines and say be vague, but
in a way that moves this conversation forward in a
positive way, Like I think that was just a situation
where I might have needed a little bit more freedom,

(25:30):
and I'm looking for someone who you know, kind of
is a little more alive.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
So you're kind of talking about your expert.

Speaker 1 (25:36):
You're not like Joe used to take me out for
dinner and we had a roman antic tize.

Speaker 2 (25:41):
It's not like that.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
It's a little more positive. You're paying it forward. I
think you have to reference the past to be in reality.

Speaker 3 (25:48):
I try if someone's asked, it's more of an elevator
speech where you land the ending, where you're not going
on and on and talking about where's the focus of
the conversation. If anything, it's two to three sentences and
ends like I wish him all the best, and we're
both and I'm looking forward to being my person.

Speaker 2 (26:06):
It's not talking to it, but that's different.

Speaker 1 (26:09):
I'm saying the way it informs the present, Like, you know,
what were you were together for four years? That oh
interesting that you didn't why you broke off your engagement,
that's relevant. A person is also looking for rest dress,
so you might be like, he lived far, it was
really hard. I think it was amazing. I wish him
the best. To your point, I'm looking for something a
little closer. I'm looking for someone younger. I didn't want
young kids. Whatever, if it informs this situation, it can

(26:32):
help this person learn about you.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
I think you can talk about the.

Speaker 3 (26:35):
Past, but you're not trash talking somebody never And you're
also not romanticizing your ex. Correct, and you're not romanticizing.
You're not trash shocking. But you're also not making it
the focus of the conversation, not therapy. Yeah, it's now
you wanted to be like, I'm going to explain it
from a contact standpoint, but then you're moving on and
talking about other things.

Speaker 1 (26:53):
No, and you don't use it as a license to
keep going back to it, because you did it once.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yes, you know what I mean.

Speaker 1 (26:58):
You said it once you got away with You're not
now talking about rob.

Speaker 2 (27:01):
For two hours, right for sure? Okay, So now let's
say you go on a date.

Speaker 3 (27:05):
You have a great date, you have good follow up,
she got home safe, you're setting your texting.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
I'd love to see you again, and what works for you? Well,
hold on before we even do that.

Speaker 1 (27:14):
I don't think enough people say thank you on the
date either I know where you're going, and I don't
think the bill comes thank you so much it was
so amazing, like, or you look nice like.

Speaker 3 (27:24):
I think compliments are not given enough in general. Genuine
compliments should be given one hundred percent.

Speaker 1 (27:31):
Even about a car, you're clothes like you could go
into a mansion. Don't act like you're not jaded just
because you know the person's rich or hasn't. I that's
a nice wild like, be complimentary in every way. Everybody's insecure,
That's what I think.

Speaker 3 (27:43):
And it could be physical compliments, it could be compliment
with what someone said, but it is really nice to
be complimented. It also does let people's guard down, like, Okay,
that person likes what they're seeing, so it is a reinforcement,
reinforcement amazing. Yeah, I think that's good. But the other
thing is after a date, I would say the next day.

(28:05):
And this is more for women, but it is nice
for a woman to send a text saying thank you
so much. I had a really nice time at dinner
to thank you, because men don't hear that enough and
that gives buying signals for them to make the next move.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Yes, but I'm gonna revise that. I'm gonna say that night,
you have the next day, you like it? You like
it that night?

Speaker 1 (28:22):
No, because the next day is a new day, and
the girl feels like she's being a little desperate and
if a guy is a gameplay or insecured all, he
might think she's doing that.

Speaker 2 (28:30):
And I think that night it doesn't count. It's like,
so let's revise it.

Speaker 3 (28:34):
That that night when they're when the guy says, do
me favor, tell me you get home safe, she sends
the text saying I got home safe and thanks for dinner.

Speaker 1 (28:42):
But maybe he didn't say that because he might not.
You Still it still counts. It's that night, thanks so much,
that was really fun. Have they to do that?

Speaker 3 (28:50):
Yes, it's it goes a class act and then the
biggest thing is is though the guy has to go
back to having a plan because you can't wait weeks
and have a lull. A guy might really like someone
but then think, oh, I'm busy, I'm going to wait
two weeks.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
I got this. But a woman is not going to
put up with a guy that's not keeping momentum, making
an effort and making sure that they're setting time to
see someone again. It signals they're.

Speaker 3 (29:15):
Either dating too many people, or they're not really interested,
or there's they're dating someone else.

Speaker 1 (29:21):
Okay, so let's make it this because I think, yes,
a new plan, but I think that let's call it
within the next two to three days. The man should
express interest for the next plan. He may not know
his exact calendar, he may have a custody schedule, but
he should be like, I would really like to get
together again.

Speaker 2 (29:36):
Let me get back to you with my can. There
should be.

Speaker 1 (29:38):
Some the ball has moved forward in some way with intention. Correct,
he is expressing his intention to want to see someone.

Speaker 3 (29:46):
But if he says I'll go back to a couple
of days, he needs to get back in a couple
of days. He is to be like the person that
he says he's going he has to do what he
says he's going to do, because he's also not attractive
if he says he's going to do something and then
he does, and like I'll get back to you on
Wednesday and now it's Friday.

Speaker 2 (30:03):
That's that's not cool.

Speaker 1 (30:04):
No, he also can't say on the let's say we
went out on Saturday and it's the Monday, let's get together.
You're getting together Saturday, and he's completely silent until Saturday
at four o'clock afternoon. That is you get insecure. He
forgot there needs to be a thread between right, the.

Speaker 3 (30:21):
Day before is amazing to say, looking worth seeing you
tomorrow night. And remember to tell the person where they're
going so they know how to dress.

Speaker 2 (30:30):
Facts, because what am I wearing? Am I wearing jeans?
And it's like a casual place is a dressy?

Speaker 3 (30:35):
Are we eating outside or walking a lot where I
have to be careful what shoes I'm wearing.

Speaker 1 (30:39):
I'm always starting you might have a plan that day. Also,
just women get anxiety. They just want to know something
to like make a plan even we need to calms
us down.

Speaker 3 (30:47):
Yeah, we need to know because we're planning our outfit
like days and the second you ask us out, we're
planning our outfit, like what are we going to wear.

Speaker 2 (30:53):
And what you're doing that day and time to get home.

Speaker 3 (30:55):
It's not loose correct, So that is like a big
thing that guys need to do is have a little
bit more. But I do think that it's I mean,
if I was a guy, I would have the best
restaurants already, like on lockdown, like a month in advance,
so you have great ideas and options so that when
you are making a date, you have great tables even reserved,

(31:16):
or a great or experiences, whether it's a concert or
do cool fun things.

Speaker 2 (31:21):
It just requires planning.

Speaker 3 (31:22):
If you think about you know, Christmas time, most people
know to get the best resort and to get the
best of everything, you need to plan a year in
advance to know what you're doing next Christmas time, right,
So it's the same thing. If you want to have
the best experiences or if you care about ambiance, you
care about making sure that you have something.

Speaker 2 (31:43):
The more you could plan in advance is so attractive.

Speaker 3 (31:46):
And if you know that, then if you don't have
a date, you cancel it within the time frame to
cancel the reservation. But there's nothing wrong with being that
strategic and proactive and putting and also putting to the universe,
Like I'm going to go on some really great dates
and making some great reservations.

Speaker 1 (32:01):
I have a big one because I have gotten feedback
from so many men on this. Now I'm like thought
of as funny, so we're gonna put that to the side.
But as what happens with me is men are like
dying to make me laugh, like they find when I'm laughing,

(32:22):
like it really is a bigger ego boost. And saying
they're handsome, they have a big peanut, like it doesn't
matter what you're rich, you're perfect, you're smart.

Speaker 2 (32:30):
Smart is a big one.

Speaker 1 (32:31):
Making someone feel like a man and validated and all
that stuff. But like I would say this is for women,
but just an insight into men.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
And like the.

Speaker 1 (32:42):
Humor has to be found in the date by both parties,
so give us to men too. Like the humor in
the date is critical. It could literally make the difference.
Everybody wants to laugh, everybody wants to think something is funny,
and so finding the humor in the date to me
for me is absolutely critical. So for example, I remember

(33:03):
asking a guy. I asked a guy what his worst
dating story has been like, and I told my worst
like Hall of Fame bad. And then I said to
him rate it, rate mine, and he said forrest and
holy shit, for what the hell is yours? And he
told me the crazy story and we were crying laughing,
but he felt like very validated and very Yeah, it

(33:27):
felt like a big man on campus because he had
like a big, good funny story. So bring in the nuts.
Guys are guys and guys are animals, so you can't
be too serious with them. And this is more for women,
but it's for both because I want like men to
know too the like the playfulness is on both sides.

Speaker 2 (33:42):
The humor is on both sides. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (33:43):
I was about to say, if people don't feel like
they're funny, then go lean in on playful, because I
think the biggest thing is don't be so stereily we're
just talking about work, or you're just talking about like
the mundane things. Find the situational humor, have a good
exchange of stories.

Speaker 2 (33:59):
Everybody can be funny.

Speaker 1 (34:00):
They don't have to be traditionally funny. That the way
that they dryly respond to someone funny I'll be with
guys that are never would never be called funny, but
they're funny around me because of like their reaction of
something I would do.

Speaker 2 (34:15):
Like so it's a quick wit.

Speaker 3 (34:17):
It's like their response, it's like how they're de It
could be dry, it could be nothing, but it's funny
because because of the way, like there can't be two
clowns in the circus.

Speaker 2 (34:24):
Like it could also just be good banter.

Speaker 3 (34:26):
It's just the biggest point is just make sure you're
being playful with each other where you're.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
Like engaging with each other. I'd like to talk about
the pen pal. I don't want to be a pen pal,
Like not for five minutes.

Speaker 2 (34:52):
I really don't.

Speaker 1 (34:53):
It's called I had a great time. If you meet,
that's so funny. I just ate a cheeseburger. Send me
a picture of a cheeseburger.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
Lol. My dog.

Speaker 1 (35:00):
First of all, I don't give a shit about your
dog all day long. Is a guy who I knew
from twenty years ago, who still is in love with me.
I don't even care about his dog now. I don't
want to see pictures of your dog. I'm not interested.
I am so emphatic. This could be my biggest one
of all time and someone that you introduced me to.

Speaker 2 (35:16):
Remember, like, I don't want a fucking pen pal. Let's
move the board. We're doing it. We're not something. Text
me later.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
Move the You should keep in touch and correspond, like,
I hope your day is going well. That's fine because
you already have a plan on the board. You know
you have a plan. Hope your day's going well, gorgeous
day out here. Once you have a plan, you can
be a light pen pal and then yeah, look forward
to seeing you Saturday. That's like the utter light pen pal.

(35:43):
But I'm not looking for a pen pald Er Well,
I think it's.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Like, yeah, until your until your relationship.

Speaker 3 (35:49):
It's it's it's the point of you want to make
sure you're not over communicating and becoming clingy and needy.

Speaker 2 (35:55):
It's just not attractive.

Speaker 1 (35:57):
I like, I'm referring to the casualness of we're now penthals.

Speaker 2 (36:01):
We don't even have a on.

Speaker 3 (36:02):
The board, right no, no, no, well oh yeah yeah,
that's like a no no that should not exist.

Speaker 2 (36:07):
I that's that everybody does that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
I mean, look, I'm always like people don't mind readers.
They don't know, so maybe there's things you need to
shit say, like lookfore like setting a date. I don't know,
you might need to say something if that happens, if
someone's listening to the thing. Because some people do like
it and they like the bonding and getting to know someone,
so I think it's more of a personal thing. But

(36:31):
I think that it's when you're writing novels and you're texting.
I think the biggest thing is like text should be
about small things, not about bonding and communicating. It's more
about logistics or confirming or setting a cute, flirty, warm text.
It shouldn't be novels or mundane things like you said
about I just ate cheeseburger. Here's a picture of my cheeseburger.
Look my dad, my dog's doing the cues thing. Un

(36:52):
till you're in a relationship that it makes sense. But
I agree it should just be curbed. I also think
before you know someone, you should not be saying pictures
like shirtless pictures or asking people send me a pic
of you. I think it's just really distasteful. If you're
on an app, you already saw each other's photos. There's
no reason to send more, and it could be just

(37:12):
a total turn off. It's like tacky.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
I think it's just I think text needs to be
used as a tool just now something rely on that
weakness that you're relying on your back and forth now
you're like in a dialogue, nor like it shouldn't be
like a crutch, like just a bridge to get us
to when I feel like I'm gonna ask you out again.

Speaker 2 (37:33):
I don't like that. It really bothers me.

Speaker 1 (37:36):
And I've had a situation where a relationship that ended
up being great could have not worked because of it
because I was like, put some fun, put that, And
it could be something going on with the person where
they're going to a bad divorce, they're with their kids,
and they're not sharing with you why it's happening.

Speaker 2 (37:52):
But you're there, You're like, this guy doesn't even what
does he think?

Speaker 1 (37:55):
And it's a very bad communication tool and you have
to find a confident way to break through it to
be like I really like you. This communication style isn't
isn't working from you. You have to like pat it and
you have to dip it in frosting, and you can't
you know, you can't say something rude like I don't
want to be your pem popc as it could turn
someone up. It's very hard to land and because people

(38:18):
say stop texting them back and then they'll call you,
it doesn't work like that. If you don't text, it's
the new communication. So if you don't text them back,
they're going to think you don't like them. You have
to find a way to verbalize to them. And we're
back to women again, because that's who we are. You
have to find a way to verbalize to them that
it's not your favorite communication style at this stage. Better

(38:39):
to maybe get on the phone or make a plan,
like you have to get the words up.

Speaker 3 (38:42):
Yeah, I think there's a way to say where you
could again like kiss punch, but it's more like you
have to be You do have to maybe sugarcoat it,
but it is important. If it's a pet peeve of
somebody's it's important to say, hey, I like you, but
this communication I'm not a texture. So looking forward to
setting a date or like if someone's texting it, you

(39:04):
just are like I want to now start my night,
or like I can't do this.

Speaker 2 (39:06):
I always just say.

Speaker 3 (39:09):
To putting my phone down, have a great night or
something like that, or about about to drive talk you know,
have a great night. Something that signals, okay, we're done
with this chain, because people will just keep going on
and not.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
I also, it doesn't matter and you can get through it.

Speaker 1 (39:24):
But if it goes on too long, but the person
has a very long delay in texting you back, it's
a problem. You'll see how they text their kids. You'll
see that they are texters. And I'll tell you something,
whether it's Steve Cohen or Mark Cuban or the most

(39:44):
successful people in the world, you know, text me back immediately.
People that are successful and smart and secure text back immediately.
It's the way of twenty twenty foor. It's extremely rare.
You're an adoctor.

Speaker 2 (39:59):
You're taking ant like it's late night.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
Yes, obviously people don't have a phone attached them, but
people do text back. And I've only found this because
I found that the people that don't then later somehow
you jolt it, you get in a relationship, but then
they're texting you every second like it's kind of a scam.
You're either playing a game or something's going on. It's
just it's a it's a flag. It may not be pinking,

(40:21):
may i'd be read it is a flag. So men,
set your intention, set your pace from the beginning, whatever
it's going to be.

Speaker 2 (40:27):
But you can't be haphazard about it because it becomes
a signal and a sign Yeah, and I agree.

Speaker 3 (40:32):
Then it's game planing, Like wait a minute, you were
soting to me before and you always texted me, and
now there's all these lulls and it does make like
it does you know, our intents are up and we're
smarter than that, so it is important to not play games.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
And same with love bombing. I think the same thing implies.

Speaker 1 (40:50):
What about establishing, defining and communicating what your communication style is,
so at least someone understands you could be a doctor
and you like, I don't really text a lot during
the day.

Speaker 2 (41:01):
There are exceptions like or I.

Speaker 1 (41:04):
You know something like that, or I really am not
good on text some people are.

Speaker 2 (41:08):
During the day, I'm not.

Speaker 3 (41:10):
I think it's the same thing, Like it's just communicating
and just being upfront by saying one thing that's important
for you to know about me. I don't text during
the day, yeah, Or I'm not a big text or
I don't love that kind of communication.

Speaker 2 (41:21):
And there's a playful way you could.

Speaker 3 (41:23):
Say that to someone whether on a date or in
a text to say so love that you're reaching out,
but I'm so much better.

Speaker 2 (41:29):
I'm so much more of a phone girl.

Speaker 3 (41:31):
Or I just I prefer just setting a plan and
getting to know you better.

Speaker 1 (41:35):
Or when when I'm with my kids, I'm not, I
don't text. So something that just gives you something, Yeah,
because we listen to everything.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
So I think that's good. You said love bombing.

Speaker 3 (41:43):
I just think it's still a thing, and I don't
know if people are just over using that label, but
I think what happens is someone might genuinely be excited
about someone or they like that phase, like the adrenaline
rush of love bombing, and then when it settles into
the real thing, then they exit out. So I just

(42:05):
think that people have to be really careful, like you said,
set the stage of your intention, because if you can't
keep up with that pace, we're gonna notice that there's
a shift in your communication style or in yours.

Speaker 2 (42:18):
It's not gonna end. Well, that's a good note, but
even otherwise.

Speaker 1 (42:22):
There was a guy this summer that I went out
with and he loved bogged me immediately and it turned
me off. Now I don't believe that he was right.
I mean, I know that he wasn't right for me,
and I wouldn't have ended up with him, but there
was such a vibe on it that it was like
ick and it put on me.

Speaker 2 (42:36):
Like he'd be like, oh, hey, good.

Speaker 1 (42:39):
Morning or something, and I'd be like I didn't really
sleep well and he'd say, oh, well, usually when you
meet when Cupid's arrow hits, you would have a good
night's sleep, like assigning to me that I'm supposed to
feel a certain weight based on that we had gone
out for a good date.

Speaker 2 (42:54):
And then I felt like almost like emotionally attacked.

Speaker 1 (42:56):
It was like subtle, but it was like yeah, and
I'm like yeah, no, I just you know, I just
haven't had a good nights to be like ooh, someone's
not great in the morning. Like it was almost like
assigning all this stuff to me, and it really turned
me off. It was like I felt like someone was
like suffocating me so fast. It was like a different
version of love vomb me. He wasn't like, let's one
vacation and he wasn't to me to keep saying that,

(43:17):
but yeah, just like put his own shit on me,
and I was like, get off.

Speaker 2 (43:21):
You're on my jock.

Speaker 3 (43:23):
It's too much. Yeah, too much, too fast, over communicating.
Oversharing is a turnoff. It just it sounds like he
was just giving you shit, like he was trying to
be funny and it wasn't funny.

Speaker 2 (43:35):
Yeah. I had two guys like that too.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
That Like you got on the phone one time, We
did FaceTime one time, then like, okay, I'm going.

Speaker 2 (43:41):
Into a meeting. We just talked for fifteen minutes and
he'd be like, I'm going to a meeting. Okay, great.
Then the minute he's out, he's texting me we haven't
been on a date. You're like, I don't want to
talk to you all day. I don't know you, and
it's weird. That's why it's so much better when you
know someone it's not the date. I agree.

Speaker 3 (43:53):
It's almost like sometimes people get insecure when you don't
when someone doesn't want to do that. But I always
try to educate that when you meet someone, it's more
healthy when there's a real connection between two people and
then it's a natural communication out of their relationship versus
just falsely wanting to.

Speaker 2 (44:12):
Have a communication with somebody. It's like a placeholder.

Speaker 1 (44:15):
Well, I think it's like people are dying for a relationship,
so they won't want cheate a relationship, like you start
talking to them. It's the opposite of like ghosting. It's
like immediately we're now in a relationship. We had a
good correspondence, or we texted right now in each other's
lives fully in some way, or even after a date,
like we had a good date, congratulations, Like we're not
in a relationship the day after because you were attracted

(44:36):
to me because I look hot, because you're successful and smart,
Like does it You can't like rush a relationship.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
We're not in a relationship.

Speaker 3 (44:43):
No, And I think that that's great to show the confidence,
not the arrogance, but the confidence of just let it
be a slow burn. No one needs to be in
a hurry, because when it's streeks of desperation, when you're
pushing and pressing so so much, that's the word.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
This would be under the desperation category, and that's an it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (45:05):
Yeah, the glove buttoning is desperate. Pushing your program is desperate.
Too many plans too soon is desperate. Too much correspondence
is desperate too much.

Speaker 2 (45:14):
Check all of that. That's exactly yeah, right, So that
to be trusted.

Speaker 3 (45:19):
No, well, that's the thing, is it just I think
that it's like shows the pattern of insecure and not
a healthy dynamic of a relationship. And sometimes men just
can't be alone, so they just want to do that
because they need to be your relationship.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
But that's not healthy and that's not healthy for the person.

Speaker 3 (45:36):
So make sure that you just take the time to
be thoughtful and again, like just operate with being authentic
and not just in a hurry, because it is such
a turnoff.

Speaker 2 (45:47):
Okay, so let's talk about I call it manic.

Speaker 1 (45:50):
So I've been in two different scenarios where I think
it's like real and it is real. I don't think
it's really it's real equally as real as one another.
And in one scenario, you fall for a person very
not that quickly, but in a reasonable couple of months,
let's say. But it doesn't feel manic. It feels like

(46:13):
you're going deeper into a yoga post or massaging or needing.
And in other scenarios it's equally as like, oh my god,
this is it. But it feels manic. You feel like
you're a little exasperated, you feel like you can't breathe.
You feel like a little anxiety you're waking up that
has felt for me like something that's not It doesn't
mean it's not real, but it's not sustainable. So there

(46:35):
are two ways to start like something, because you can't
just say I know, I was out to deal with
people who were hed it for twenty years. The other
night that in three months two and a half months
got engaged and they've been together for twenty years.

Speaker 2 (46:46):
So I'm not going to be here to criticize fast.
But yeah, it just worked. They got on the road.
It was healthy. It just happened.

Speaker 1 (46:53):
But they weren't like lunatics manic love bombing come to
Vegas tomorrow.

Speaker 2 (46:58):
They just loved being with you each other. They folded
it in.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
It was like layering a sauce where it just you
keep folding in the ingredients. It keeps working something versus
like Manic out of the Gate love bonding.

Speaker 2 (47:10):
We're doing everything. You can never be apart.

Speaker 1 (47:12):
We're imprinted on each other where one person I've done
it and it's very different in the result.

Speaker 2 (47:17):
I think, again that's a very personal thing.

Speaker 3 (47:19):
But I think to know yourself and know what works
better for you and how your reaction to it. You
have to listen to your gut with something like that,
and it could be the right person but the wrong pace,
and then it could just be a conversation like, hey,
I like to go slow and steady. I truly believe
dating through the seasons is so important because it's one
thing to have great few dates and the chemistry is

(47:42):
off the charts and you like literally can't wait to
Ripischlither's clothes off and you're into it. It's another thing
when someone shows that they're a good partner, when they
think of you and they're thoughtful and they're doing things
that they're not selfish, and all that plays out through
time and you can't rush that so be in a
hurry to know is this my person? It's just like,

(48:03):
let's just see what happens is we're having so much
fun figuring it out, but you can't be Sometimes you
want to know so bad is this my person? But
you won't know until the situations of let's see what happens,
how we treat each other, how we deal with conflicts,
how we deal with navigating everything.

Speaker 1 (48:20):
I'm like a step sooner saying if you feel like
you're driving without breaks. You probably are like, I've done
that in a wrong relationship, like a bad boy, where
you feel like you're driving about breaks. I've also done
it with someone that's great. But it's the way that
you feel. And you've talked about how someone makes you feel,
even if it's you feel good, but it feels a
little exasperating.

Speaker 2 (48:40):
Something needs to comp don, is what I'm saying. It
doesn't mean it is silence.

Speaker 3 (48:44):
Again, there's so much pressure from society, like your girlfriend's
like your family. You have to silence all the noise
of everyone like liking this person, like fan clubbing them,
and being like, how do I feel and how is
this person making me feel?

Speaker 2 (48:58):
And what do I need to communicate different or better?

Speaker 3 (49:01):
Or what do I need from this person that I'm
not getting to be able and then communicate because no
one's a mind reader. But it's like, but if you
keep it going, then you shame on you because you're
allowing it to happen.

Speaker 1 (49:12):
Well, I think it's regulating yourself, but also to your point,
I think it could be regulating other person. Yes, and
we get so excited and then we're reading them off
a resume of things that we think are going to
sound impressive and I don't even meet it in a
superficial way.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Oh my god, he's so great with his.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
Kids or his dog or you know, he's a doctor
or whatever the thing is.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
And you're like reading the resume.

Speaker 1 (49:38):
And I've done that so many times versus like getting
in touch with yourself to see what you feel. And
it's very easy to do because things look shiny and
they're exciting. But like every new car has that smell
and then it fades, So I think that's really critical. Ye,
And so men men need to do that too, And
that's kind of connected to love bombing and regularly and

(50:01):
coming in and getting all excited and you're right.

Speaker 2 (50:02):
I do notice with men they come in really hot.

Speaker 1 (50:05):
Sometimes we got the quification and this, and they get
excited and you're right, then the new car smell is gone.

Speaker 2 (50:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
The ones they land you, their communication style changes are
all of a sudden. They want to they have other
plans with their guy friends or their kids, other things.
So it's just more about again taking the time to
know you know, you're worth enjoy getting to know that person,
and if it's not right for you, then don't stay
too long just because it looks good to everybody else,
because if you're miserable behind closed doors, it's a long,

(50:37):
hard life.