December 15, 2020 • 33 mins
On ayahuasca and online dating.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi. So I've been thinking about talking about dating and
dating apps. Of course, being single, I've been thinking about this,
(00:23):
um but I've thought about this in the past. I
think it's a very interesting space, and the dating apps
space is fascinating. I had a friend who was it
to three over three years ago, that is in her forties,
and she asked me if I had ever been out
a dating app, and I said no, and not like judging,
but maybe a little judging, and just thought I would
never do that. That's just not me and not even
(00:44):
really totally is a public person as a person from
a different generation, and just I don't know, it just
did not feel like it applied to me. It's like
I don't eat fish. I'm allergic to fish, so I
just never even look at it on the menu. So
I just thought no. And she said, well, I'm on
this app, and she showed me pictures of the guys
and they look like real, like they were walking upright,
they had all their teeth, like they were cute. I
(01:06):
just like, well, and they had jobs. I was just like, wow,
they're real human beings online dating and so she said, yeah,
but you have to make time for it. It becomes
sort of like a job. You can't just be in
a time when you you don't have any time to
do anything, which is a lot of my life by
the same token, if you don't have any time to
do anything, and I'm very antisocial, I'm very much a homebody.
(01:26):
I'm very surprisingly insular. And so online dating is great
because I think that nobody on there knows who I am,
just because I'll put like just be as my name,
and there's never anything. There's just like three pictures and
no profile. The only thing I ever would say was
I only swept the small stuff. But now I've taken
it down to the sticks, where if I was online dating,
(01:46):
it says nothing. And so you think, like, then no
one's ever gonna like you, because like other people are
like have kids, don't want more, smoke, don't smoke Jewish
if you like Trump, swipe to the left. If you
you know fucking five eleven, you know I'm an a
wine like long walks to the bar, short strolls on
the beach. I mean, people get really fucking into it.
And I don't read any of that, by the way,
(02:07):
I really don't. I just look to see where someone lives,
try to get a sense of their job, and you know,
maybe look at a watch, like look at you know,
to see if they're like some of them were those
like sort of glasses that look very like that just
says I just drink beer with a cozy on the
back of a boat, and I'm just like, that person
is not from me, or just like you know, they're
(02:29):
in a fleece. They're in just like a fleece in
a college sweatshirt and they're like fifty two. I'm like,
that's not for me, you know. Just you try to
get a sense, and then you know, you could take
it to the next level where I'm thinking, Okay, there's
no way this person is being able to handle my
whole program. So you start thinking all these things and
then you're just like, funk, why would I even do this?
And then you'll realize that someone knows who you are,
(02:49):
and then they a lot of people think I'm punking
that is this really? Bethany Frankel and I know a
couple of really famous people that do apps. Some do
like the mass apps like I'm talking about, and then
they're so many like there are ones that are like
hinge and I don't know what that means hinge. I
think it means like you know somebody that they know
somebody and okay, cupid. I remember I know somebody who
met somebody and it was like shocking to me that
he was going to marry her. And those seem like
(03:12):
more granular and you've gotta be some sort of an
expert like I think of it as. So there's rya
you've probably heard about, which is um like quote unquote
for famous people and um a lot yeah, a lot
of green juice, a lot of yoga poses, a lot
of you know, meditating on their One person said to
me two people two people on Riyah said, you're the
best dressed person on. Riyah said, that's because the other
(03:35):
women aren't dressed. They're not wearing clothing, so it was like,
not that big of they're wearing fucking bikinis, so thank you.
And there are a lot of skull caps in August,
people on motorcycles, a lot of tattoos, silver jewelry, a
lot of those sort of tribal tattoos, a lot of
people surfing. So for me, the rya is like the
(03:57):
ashtray department of Barney or their home department used to
have like four candles and like shark skin backgam and
sets and like you might be able to find something
in there, but you really have to search through and
things are from Sweden and Europe. Oh by the way,
there's a whole fucking international section. So you're like scrolling
in RYA and then all of a sudden, just like
(04:18):
for for days, everybody's from Stockholm in Germany and Australia. Like, sorry,
I had a fucking problem with Boston. I don't need
to be dating something from Stockholm. I'm not even good
at geography, nor am I aware of where that is,
but at Sweden. But like, is that what nine hours
on a plane I've been to Australia. It's fucking far. Okay,
you can plan that once every fucking millennium. Okay, So
(04:41):
there's a whole multiple day fucking you know, it's a
small world. After all, Epcot adventure that happens, I'm RYA.
That's really fucking frustrating. Figure out your fucking geography. But
also you run through the RYA and so fast, like
you're just out your your fucking supermarket card is empty
real fast. So and you're like, all right, so famous
(05:03):
people have a very small selection like that section of Barney's.
Then if you're on Bumble that's like Macy's, there could
be you know, there could be some gems in there.
You know, there's also some crap in there too, Like
you gotta lead through a lot of ship you know,
to get to something good, and you've gotta go through
a lot of these like Oakley glasses, you know, drinking
(05:26):
beer out of cozys, fucking fishing boat types you know
that are like growing out with me and my buddies
like that type, and that's like not for me. But
then you'll have like there's like a dangling shiny I mean,
I don't know if they're like billionaires there, but there's
like a dangling shiny successful banker in there. But you've
(05:46):
gotta fucking wage your way through, like you're that guy
on the Oceans Bay Cranberry commercial in those fucking galoshes.
So that's a challenging thing. And then there's another one
that's League, which is like I guess the concept is
supposed to be that everybody's educated. I would say ivy
league educated. I guess that's their goal, But then they
(06:07):
probably have to bring in some riff because you can't
something's not enough. So the league is like I don't know,
like Brooks Brothers, you know, like a little dorky and stodgy,
but you could find something in there that's that's like
nice that you would wear, but you're going through a
lot of Oxford button down collar, you know, stodgy kind
of ship in there. So that's what online dating is like.
(06:33):
And there's a world of matchmakers, and there's a world
of matchmakers for richer people. And then there are like
also like I don't want to say blue collar people,
but like a more affordable matchmakers have heard of. But
some of them, some of them like they're basically hooker wranglers,
Like they've got a bunch of billionaires, but they don't mind,
you know, throwing them some bimbos to to to make
the time go by in between finding them a wife.
(06:55):
And then are the ones who can't be in their
own relationship and they have like sort of some like
schlocky version. They're just like sort of narrowing down what's
on these apps I've just described to you or yeah,
it's like a lot of Then there's like the Sancho
pay hooker set where it's like these billionaire guys who
say they want a wife, but they really want to
get the bang down from some of the Instagram models
that are over on riots. They should sort of cross promote.
So dating is just a fucking dream. Let's just put
(07:17):
it that way. I'm excited to do it. Sounds de wifeful, alright,
So what do you think about online dating? Have you
done it? Do you have experience? Are you scared? Is
it intimidating? Does it seem counterintuitive? I was a dinosaur
and didn't realize how prevalent it is and how it's
really the way of the world. Do you think there's
a stigma on it or do you see it as
(07:38):
something that is just current and a sign of the times.
I'm excited for Chelsea Handler. She is a comedian, a writer,
a TV host, a producer, politically active. She is crazy.
(08:01):
She likes to cook crazy food. She is just wild
and unique and has built her own brand of brand.
So Chelsea has a new special on HBO, Max Chelsea
Handler Evolution. She is the author of several books, including
her latest New York Times bestseller, Life Will Be the
Death of Me. So Chelsea and I discussed online dating, politics,
(08:26):
cannabis and her success in the industry. Hi, Bethany, how
are you? I'm good? How are you? I mean ready
to kill myself? You know? I love election to be
done already? You really, if you live, it lives inside
your body, like you literally do you do you break out?
(08:48):
Like do you not sleep? How deep does this go? Well?
I have zanex and I have edible, so I sleep.
But I mean it's the daytime I have the problem with. Well,
I was shocked that you were doing the show. I
thought that, what the funk Chelsea Hammah was doing my show?
Like does she even know who I am? She? I did? She?
Like why would she do my show? And like, you know,
(09:08):
you are a fucking force. You know. I think we
don't realize the power of our own personalities or the
power of our own words. I didn't think I was
like that. I thought I was just telling Like I
really believed I was just telling people the truth, Like, yeah,
you're you're an idiot. This person's an idiot. Your belt
is ugly. You need to get your ship together, like
sitting on my little pedestal that from who from me?
(09:28):
You know? Like I had this kind of misplaced confidence
and arrogance, definitely arrogance. And I didn't realize that that
fierceness and that toughness. You know, when you're that fierce
and you're that tough, you're usually protecting yourself from from
something that happens. And you're protecting yourself from vulnerability, absolutely,
And the entertainment industry awards bad behavior, so no one's
(09:50):
telling you it's working for You're on television, you're being opinionated.
You know, your dog is more famous than than most celebrities,
and why would you stop at that time? You know,
I mean that's that's that was your identity. And yeah,
it was working for me. And you know when you
when you're really successful and you get one opportunity thrown
you know, as you know, you get one opportunity thrown
(10:11):
at you after another and you say yes, and you're
you stopped thinking about the why of it, and you
just keep going at the same kind of alacrity that
you've become accustomed to. And so you're for me. And
I was doing my show, I was writing my books,
I was doing stand up tours always year round, back
to back to back to back, because I didn't want
(10:33):
to sit still and and sit with my thoughts. That
was a scary place for me to have to go,
and I don't want to deal with that. I was like, no, no, no,
I'm not in this whole manifestation gratitude yoga retreat, Kale
bullshit scene of l A. I'm from New Jersey. I'm
not going down that road, right, you know what I mean?
I thought it was just like it made me like,
(10:55):
you know, clench my vagina show when I would hear
to people talk about meditation and and treats, and you know,
and then and then you know, there's a way to
there's a way to get in to therapy and get
all the stuff out of it without without participating in
all of that. You still, yeah, you still don't have
to be a douche bag in the middle of the
(11:17):
day hanging at a coffee bean for four hours and
in overalls drinking green juice. You can still be your
version of that. I'm the same version as you are
of that. Like I get on the app for a
couple of minutes, it makes me feel like I'm changing
the world. I'll sit in a sauna and you know,
I hate water more than you do. I fucking hate water.
It's it should be. It's just a nightmare. And when
(11:37):
you talked about in your special warm water, it's a
fucking offense. Leave me alone now you're time. I can't
even have a cold with ice, like fuck you, who
cares if it's best consumed like urine? It's bullshit, it's
but I don't know the difference between any water either.
I don't like all this, Like I'll drink water out
of a fucking toilet bowl. It doesn't matter. It's still water.
It still tastes like nothing. And the most what's even
(12:00):
more annoying than warm water is when they put in
like a couple of ice cubes. It's like, hey, hey, hey,
come back here with a big boatload of ice lemon wedge,
and then maybe I can drink because then it's like
little slivers of ice, or it's like a couple of
sprigs of mint, like no, that's nothing lemons like put
there's cantaloup pieces in that urn of water, Like what
(12:20):
the fund is that going to do? Nobody wants to
drink candlo flavored water. It's all a nightmare, all of it.
It's bullshit. So you're right, I'll get into it after
we do this interview, but let's let's let's have a
quick reminder that there are children in Africa that are
trying to get clean water and in Detroit actually, and
we should say that as a caveat that we're this
is our privilege. We have to do. We have to
(12:43):
because we're gonna be in big trouble for this. So
we'll be editing out the water portion, which is the
best portion, Okay, which is all the portion people care about.
So my next question for you is, so I watched
the Howard stern On Letterman Netflix interview and they both
agreed that they had been sort of working and focused
on work, and Howard said it was to his detriment
(13:03):
of his family, and um Letterman said the same thing.
He was just so singular focused on his show. And
I'm just curious if you had, if you had that
same experience. You're saying that the doing all this was
your identity and you didn't want to sit still and
you didn't want to like hear just the natural noise
of your own thoughts. So you were just running and
all these projects were your identity. Is that is it
(13:24):
similar to what they were talking about? Yeah, you know,
I did but I didn't have a family or personal
life that it was affecting an idltarious way in the
way that they did because they were both married, you know,
like I at least was. I knew I was so
career driven from such an early age, and I was
so ambitious that I didn't care about that. I'm like,
I don't care about men. I care about my career.
I care about having a voice, and I care about,
(13:46):
you know, becoming something. I didn't ever want to be
reliant on a man, you know, for for reasons that
I talked about in my special you know, the men
that I relied on the most disappointed me when I
was a little girl. They lied to me in my mind,
you know, and so as you know, growing up, I
was like, that's the last thing I want to worry about.
You know. Now I'm not a place some forty five
and I'm like, okay, ready, I ready to meet someone,
(14:10):
you know. I mean, well, it's like I have one
eye that's going balls, I have to shave my face
now because of all the hair that grows on my face,
and I have orthotics in every pair of shoes. It's
like I'm in decline and now I'm ready to get serious.
But it's liberating. And you know what, men really like
women who are not like fucking coquettish and I'll laced
up in baby doll. Men like women who are just like,
(14:31):
you know, you're entertaining, you're smart, you're fun. I feel
that embracing that in that way, men don't really give
a ship. Real men don't give a ship about any
of that stuff. They want a real person to really
talk to who's entertaining and stimulating. I really believe that
because I am not. You know, once in a while,
I'll you know, get get get bombed and put some
lingerie on just to like be like, all right, I've
(14:52):
got to fucking do this now, just like giving a blowjob,
you know, in the right way, but looks like shit.
And the guys don't really here about that stuff I feel.
I think you're right. It's just more my personality that
seems to be the roadblock for me with with men.
I I I you know, I talked about in my
special how I like older Matt. I really do. But
now that I'm forty five, it's like, well, wait a second,
(15:13):
I don't want them to do that much older, you know,
what I mean, we're getting into territory here where the
margin needs to be like slimmed a little bit. But
do you need do you need to be with someone
who's as or more successful. I'm pretty transparent about being like, listen,
you gotta be someone has to be able to understand
a really big career, otherwise the relationship wouldn't work. And
I feel like you want someone to go with you
(15:33):
into the end zone and just be like you're a partner.
This is amazing, We're in rare air. Let's do this.
So what what do you think could what do you
really think could get it done? Like, what do you
really need and want in a relationship? For me? You know,
I need somebody now. They don't have to be like
more successful or more money than me or anything like that.
They just have to be confident about the fact that
I'm confident and that I'm going to have this career
(15:55):
and I'm gonna be outspoken and I'm gonna air my
dirty laundry and I'm gonna you know, for text you
in that. If you're not comfortable with it, fine, but
you need to be able to accept, like you don't
have to be part of it, like I don't have
to sit there and you know, talk about our sex
life if you're not comfortable with that. I'll always respect
somebody who wants to, you know, be private, as long
as they conduct themselves with respect towards me as well.
(16:16):
You know what I mean. Um, but I what I'm
looking for. First of all, I want somebody who can
fucking ski. I need a skier because that is really
what I care about the most about. That's my most
joyful time of year is from December through March. And
so they can be black, white, they can be uh,
they could be anything. I'm I'm open to dating anyone. Anyone, um,
(16:41):
you know, obviously not a Republican at this point in time,
so that's off. So that's like the country. So let's
cross those guys off the list. So we have a
skiing Democrat. Yeah, ski, I forgot to how funny you
are a refany you skiing democrat? Sounds like, wow, you
really are at the bottom you Maybe it's your authotics.
(17:05):
They have to be they have to be masculine, like
more masks. I like guys that are physically bigger than me,
that are physically dominant, you know. I like to be
like tossed around a little bit. I liked, I want
a guy who can tell me to shut up and
sit out. Okay, yeah, that's why. That's why a gangster,
a mafia person doesn't work for you because they don't ski.
You would be good with the Italian guys that don't ski,
(17:27):
you know what I mean. Well, think about this. So
you said you always knew you wanted to be successful.
You didn't know at what you wanted to be. You
wanted to be loved, you wanted to be known. You
just wanted to make a mark, wanted to make money.
(17:48):
Like what drives you? Where did this all come from?
You know? I think when I was young, I wanted
people to know that I was a leader. Like I
wanted to lead. I don't have to be the leader,
but I want to be a leader, and I want
to you know, I wanted to influence people, and I
wanted I knew I had. I knew I could spread
(18:09):
goodness and like you know, and and joy and ideas,
and I knew I could influence people. It came so
easily to me growing up, Like I'd always have a
gavel of girlfriends, you know, and I'd be at the
head of the group being like, Okay, this is what
we're gonna do. This is what we're gonna do, and
and I wanted to take that and I wanted to
be first. I think my my impulse to come to
(18:30):
Hollywood and to become successful and to become well known
was simply it was just as simplistic as wanting to
be heard, you know, out of a family of six.
And after my brother died, you know, I had been
the center of attention up until my brother died. And
then so not only did I lose him, but I
lost my place in my family because no one was
paying attention to me. No one was paying attention to
(18:51):
each other. There was no nothing to do but grieve,
and so I had to look for that outlet elsewhere,
which you know, made me do it at school. And
I wanted attention, but not for my brother. I didn't
want negative attention. I wanted to distract and to deflect.
And so and then I think, you know, growing up
and having success and evolving, you know, that's why the
(19:12):
Specials called evolution is because I realized, now, you know,
I'm growing into myself. I understand what my responsibility is now.
I understand that I can be a beam of light
instead of a beam of criticism. Or I can make
people feel good, and I can impact people, and I
can have influence over things, and you know, and open
(19:34):
people's eyes to things that they may not have thought
about as deeply, you know. And I understand that responsibility,
and I take a lot of pride. And that's a
self assessment, so obviously you can take it or leave it,
but um, I do have that. I feel that responsibility
now and it makes sense now to me why I
had to go through all of that to get to
a more peaceful and more grounded, focused, clear place. You know.
(19:58):
And I've read your books. I have book s actually
signed by you. And what percentage are the story is
actually true? And then what what percentage of hyperbole is
on them? I mean it's hard to know because you know,
once you change the story, you can't remember what the
truth was and what it wasn't. Even when I was
writing my book, like a couple of years ago, I
was like, wait, is this I was talking about that
(20:18):
that scene with my brother in the serial, you know,
having this last moment with him that I remember, and
I and then after a while I was like talking
to my sisters and she was like, I never knew
that that happened right before he left for that trip
with you. And I was like, god, I don't know
if that happened either. Sean was like, it did happen.
You told me about it like like three days after
he died, and I was like I did, and she
(20:39):
was yes, he told me. I was like, oh, thank god,
because you know, yeah, with even with well, with grief,
it's one thing you change things up in your mind,
you know, and in trauma, like at nine eleven, I
remember this Malcolm Gladwell podcast. I listened to that talking
about like how people remember themselves in different places than
they actually were on traumatic occasions. But it's the same
(21:00):
with comedy because I'm always adding a line here or
there that's not necessarily true, but you know, makes it
even funnier, or makes it sharper, or makes or is
a callback. So but I would say, I mean, listen,
I just came home from a vacation in Maine. That
is going to be the first chapter of my next book,
and it all comes from real experiences. Like I literally
(21:23):
went on this vacation. I was like, well, after I left,
I go, well, here we go. This is chapter one.
I've got a whole new book in me, and my
sister is like, yeah, yeah, you do, because they come
from real experiences. But of course there's there's there are
embellishments and little you know, little extra comedic flair bits
for comedic flair. It's amazing. And your callbacks are hysterical.
(21:43):
I mean hysterical. I mean just your referencing. Kal She's
she's talking about a salesperson comparing them to a koala
because they're just moving so cuddly and slowly, and I'm
like fucking crying because it's just the references are just
good and random. All right, So you've always loved the
cannabis space. I'm getting into the acnnabis space. But I
like where you're coming from with it, because you're coming
(22:03):
from a place of health and anti opioids and anti
you know, ambient and and what's the other klonopin And
you're saying like there are issues that people have with
sleeping and anxiety, et cetera, and you're talking about cannabis,
and I like, I like the way you're doing or
like the message. Well, I like listen, I really like
pharmaceuticals as well. I'm like, I consider myself to be
(22:26):
a pharmacological into it, and a lot of people depend
on me for this knowledge because I can seriously look
at someone's body and talk to them for five minutes
and be like, Okay, you're not gonna be able to
handle an edible like a strong one. You're gonna need
something lighter, or you're gonna just need CBD, or you're
gonna survive. You know, like you're gonna have the personality
that's gonna do great on ayahuasca. You're the type of
(22:46):
personality who should never do ayahuasca. I don't even know
what that is. What's ayahuasca? Hold on, you haven't even
seen me. You're just talking to me, and you could
tell that I shouldn't do ayahuasca. No, you don't. You
shouldn't do iowascar you. It would be too it would
be too intense for you because you're already at a
very high vibration. So no cancel, So right, No iolas
it's like a constant cocaine or something. It's like special
(23:08):
K and one of those like ones. Ago. No, No,
it's it's it's it's psychedelic. No, no, no time, no
thank you. I just want you to know that I
took my shirt off and put it back on during
this podcast because I was so hot. Some air you
run always always. That's why I hate room temperature. Fucking
water too. Okay, sorry, I keep going with your drugs.
(23:29):
So the drugs, with the with the edibles. I just
like once I was able to pivot from first of all,
from alcohol to two pharmaceuticals. I still drink, I just
my drinking was cut in a half a minute. I
discovered edibles because now we're in a situation where you
take two and a half milligrams, you micro dose. It's
like it's just a little sans. It's not. It's not
(23:53):
a doughnut. It's a way to make everybody a little
bit less annoying. Yes, and you are so right by
the way, I have my entire life, I've had chronic constipation,
I mean my whole life. So your thing about magnesium
taking magnesium, no one ever told us this, Like milk
of magnesia is not just taking magnesias. Everyone's got all
these like mirror ax and citr cell and fiber and magnesium.
(24:17):
It is amazing for constipation. If you take it. Regularly,
as you said, Yeah, I had no idea, Like I
just thought all girls didn't go to the bathroom for like,
you know that we went to the bathroom like twice
a week. You know. I didn't know that that I
had a problem. And then I was just like, this
can't be. You know when you hear people my best
friend Mary's like, I had no problem going to the bathroom, like, well,
that's great, you're annoying exactly, You're an anomaly and most
(24:39):
women do. But instead she instead of sympathizing with my play,
all she does is bragged about how easy it is
for her and magnesium most seven. I take three of
those every single night. Absolutely it helps me. Oh my god. Yeah,
And now I'm regular keep saying this OH seven. In
my cabinet. There's one that's called like Malatte or something
m A L A T E. And I gotta say
(25:00):
you the bottle because that's the one I took that.
But I'm gonna try the OH seven now. But I
didn't know by the way, I think any magnesium will
work this way. But you have a very specific OH seven.
It's like a James Bond formula. Yeah, it's a James
bond formula, and you start out with I'm not And
this isn't a paid endorsement or anything. This is a
true customer review. If you start out with four for
(25:20):
people who are listening, if you take those, you start
out with four, and then once you go to the
bathroom one morning, from then on you would go and
you reduced to three per day. Broke the sea, and
then yes, and then you're and then you're It's an
easy stream. Even if I miss a day. Now, I've
been doing it for like two years, and I used
to not be good about taking my supplements until I
started getting older, and I'm like, oh, this is desperation. Um,
(25:42):
I have to take stuff. But if you if you now,
even if I don't take it a night, like if
I miss a night, I'm still regular the next morning.
So I'm on a real system. And I would encourage
everybody who has trouble going to the bathroom to get
on my system. And I feel like we should record
this to be on a like an audio dating app
for our profile. So I think this is very sexy. Um,
(26:02):
this is one of the first things I bring up. Yeah,
same same. I I ordered spinach and just say sautet
oily vegetables and magnesium O seven will be a great
morning tomorrow. So so wait we just you just said
something about that you said about the magnesium is gonna
remind me something. Oh, I'm gonna send you my supplements
because I have supplements not for this thing, but send
them for collagen for intimacy that really actually work for intimacy, hair, skin,
(26:26):
and nails. I'm gonna send you. Yeah, I know. Um,
all right, So how important is sex really to you?
Because I just feel like you make me feel like
I'm not masturbating enough or like having sex with people
in foreign countries enough, and I just want to understand
how important great sex is to you. I don't have Listen,
I don't have a lot of sex either. I'm trying
(26:46):
to get something going, like I need to start having
sex before it becomes a year or that I haven't
had it, you know what I mean. I like, I
think I had sex last March, right before COVID struck.
So like I'm trying to get something going. So yeah,
I'm on Riya. I sometimes have hookups on Riya. That's
been my best way to like get sex without you know,
(27:08):
being going on dates. So you're a very sexual being
because you can. I'm that loser that needs to like
connect with someone and would not won't have sex because
of my childhood. I've seen some pretty bad like a
sex following abuse, so I have weird issues of sex.
But if I don't trust someone or if I connect
with them, like I, I would like to sort of
(27:28):
have goals of just like having sex and be like
it's cool, like you're like a sex person that I like,
and you're my friend, and like I would love to
maybe have a friend with benefits. I've just never been
able to do that. And you sound like a professional
at that, like you can really detach emotionally. Uh No, No,
I have problems with you know, the superficial ship like
belts and shoes, like if I see a belt, even
if I mean, this guy came over here the other
(27:49):
night and I was like, Okay, this is good. He
seems reasonable. I could have sex with him. We talked
for an hour and a half. I do need to
have a connection. I just can't just have sex with anybody.
I'm with you on that part. I don't maybe need
it as much of a connection as you do, but
I definitely need to be like, they can't be stupid,
you know what I mean, hold on to just have
sex with them. I can't be stupid if I were
(28:09):
able to just have sex and mute who cares. Well.
This guy said that he doesn't think masks work, So
that is a book. That's a boater killer. I agree,
that's a I can't fox. I can't sux somebody who
says masks don't work. That's I can't suck that. I
get it. But you can't have sex if somebody has
a bad belt or shoes. Yeah, that's a problem for me.
(28:33):
I'm just having sex with them. Like, you're not gonna
You're gonna is this because you're interviewing a regular won't
even get that far. It won't get that far if
they're wearing an airma's belt. I'm not Yeah, no, I'm
not gonna. No, it's not happening. I can't forget that
you wore that. Wait, someone came to your house at
an H belt on the actual like the h It
wasn't at my house. It was a date that I
(28:54):
went on. Like a couple of years ago, I met
this guy at a hotel bar and he walked in
with so much cologne and an h belt and I
had one cocktail. He's like, should we order some food.
I'm like, it's not going to be necessary. And I
lacked because I can't have sex with somebody like that.
I just am turned off and then I can't turn
back on. Wow. No, that that No, that that I get,
(29:14):
but I get. I'm dying to know what the rest
of the alph it was. And it sounds like he
was on the show's Shaws of Sunset because they all
have all Yeah, it sounds like it, and maybe he was.
And I hadn't seen that show, so I didn't know
better because they all have like big ages and cardier. Wow.
All right, Well, I think you're great. I just think
you're fun and honest, and I'm happy that you're in
(29:36):
the best place. And you know what, you came from
a place of yes, you've used the pandemic. You know
that people are like starving and homeless and unwell. But
and it's a stressful year. But you've used the pandemic
from a place of yes, saying let me get my
my mental health and my physical health together. And I
think that's admirable because I've been saying to people self care.
It sounds cheesy and callish like you were saying, but
(29:58):
the truth is, it's the time I'm to just say
there are things I can't control, but let me focus
on what I can control, you know, let me try
to just drink water if I could, which I won't,
or meditate or whatever your version is. And I like
that you've just embraced that and taken that, taken that on.
First of all, thank you for all of that. Thank you.
It was really fun to talk to you and do
your podcast, and I hope to talk to you again
(30:19):
sometime soon. And every next time in York, will go
for a drink and not drink water together. I would
love to go for a drink and take an edible
and not drink water together. The show continues to just
please me and surprise me, and I just never know
what I'm walking into with a conversation. I have had
(30:40):
the experience that everyone has come to play and just
have a real conversation, which just humbles me and it
just really makes me so happy. I just love the
conversation because it was a mix of humor and dating
and business and drive. I really liked her and we
have a lot in common and Chelsea's HBO Max special
(31:02):
is out now and it is so hilarious. It is
so unique and authentically her. But I mean, honestly, I
was crying laughing, So please go check it out. The
takeaway here is you'll keep making the same mistake until
you'll learn the lesson that could be in relationships, that
could be in business. You know, at some point we
(31:23):
all have to grow up. At some point we have
to sort of take care of ourselves and be aware
and the same thing doesn't work over and over. And
I think that that would be what Chelsea has really
really learned and taught me, and that she wanted to
be a leader, and she took a very circuitous route
to getting there. She's a leader through communicating, through humor,
(31:44):
through her own message. But there are many different ways
to lead or shine, or communicate or teach or you know,
be inspired, And so I think that's really interesting. And
you know, she had her drive early on, or at
least she was listening to what she wanted to do,
and she just made that happen. So you know, we
can learn and we can we can help our kids
(32:06):
with these situations. So thank you so much for listening
Please continue to rate, review and subscribe. It really helps.
It's making a difference to me, and it's keeping us
going and I really appreciate it, so thank you so much.
(32:26):
Just Be is hosted and executive produced by me, Bethany Frankel,
Brail Productions and Endeavor Content. Our managing producer is Samantha
Allison and our producer is Caroline Hamilton's Corey Preventure is
our consulting producer, with the ever faithful Sarah Katanac as
our assistant producer. Our development executive is Nae and tar Roy.
(32:48):
Just Be is a production of Endeavor Content and Spoke Media.
This episode was mixed by Sam Bear And To catch
more moments from the show, follow us on Instagram at
just They are taking the AfOR
Hi. So I've been thinking about talking about dating and
dating apps. Of course, being single, I've been thinking about this,
(00:23):
um but I've thought about this in the past. I
think it's a very interesting space, and the dating apps
space is fascinating. I had a friend who was it
to three over three years ago, that is in her forties,
and she asked me if I had ever been out
a dating app, and I said no, and not like judging,
but maybe a little judging, and just thought I would
never do that. That's just not me and not even
(00:44):
really totally is a public person as a person from
a different generation, and just I don't know, it just
did not feel like it applied to me. It's like
I don't eat fish. I'm allergic to fish, so I
just never even look at it on the menu. So
I just thought no. And she said, well, I'm on
this app, and she showed me pictures of the guys
and they look like real, like they were walking upright,
they had all their teeth, like they were cute. I
(01:06):
just like, well, and they had jobs. I was just like, wow,
they're real human beings online dating and so she said, yeah,
but you have to make time for it. It becomes
sort of like a job. You can't just be in
a time when you you don't have any time to
do anything, which is a lot of my life by
the same token, if you don't have any time to
do anything, and I'm very antisocial, I'm very much a homebody.
(01:26):
I'm very surprisingly insular. And so online dating is great
because I think that nobody on there knows who I am,
just because I'll put like just be as my name,
and there's never anything. There's just like three pictures and
no profile. The only thing I ever would say was
I only swept the small stuff. But now I've taken
it down to the sticks, where if I was online dating,
(01:46):
it says nothing. And so you think, like, then no
one's ever gonna like you, because like other people are
like have kids, don't want more, smoke, don't smoke Jewish
if you like Trump, swipe to the left. If you
you know fucking five eleven, you know I'm an a
wine like long walks to the bar, short strolls on
the beach. I mean, people get really fucking into it.
And I don't read any of that, by the way,
(02:07):
I really don't. I just look to see where someone lives,
try to get a sense of their job, and you know,
maybe look at a watch, like look at you know,
to see if they're like some of them were those
like sort of glasses that look very like that just
says I just drink beer with a cozy on the
back of a boat, and I'm just like, that person
is not from me, or just like you know, they're
(02:29):
in a fleece. They're in just like a fleece in
a college sweatshirt and they're like fifty two. I'm like,
that's not for me, you know. Just you try to
get a sense, and then you know, you could take
it to the next level where I'm thinking, Okay, there's
no way this person is being able to handle my
whole program. So you start thinking all these things and
then you're just like, funk, why would I even do this?
And then you'll realize that someone knows who you are,
(02:49):
and then they a lot of people think I'm punking
that is this really? Bethany Frankel and I know a
couple of really famous people that do apps. Some do
like the mass apps like I'm talking about, and then
they're so many like there are ones that are like
hinge and I don't know what that means hinge. I
think it means like you know somebody that they know
somebody and okay, cupid. I remember I know somebody who
met somebody and it was like shocking to me that
he was going to marry her. And those seem like
(03:12):
more granular and you've gotta be some sort of an
expert like I think of it as. So there's rya
you've probably heard about, which is um like quote unquote
for famous people and um a lot yeah, a lot
of green juice, a lot of yoga poses, a lot
of you know, meditating on their One person said to
me two people two people on Riyah said, you're the
best dressed person on. Riyah said, that's because the other
(03:35):
women aren't dressed. They're not wearing clothing, so it was like,
not that big of they're wearing fucking bikinis, so thank you.
And there are a lot of skull caps in August,
people on motorcycles, a lot of tattoos, silver jewelry, a
lot of those sort of tribal tattoos, a lot of
people surfing. So for me, the rya is like the
(03:57):
ashtray department of Barney or their home department used to
have like four candles and like shark skin backgam and
sets and like you might be able to find something
in there, but you really have to search through and
things are from Sweden and Europe. Oh by the way,
there's a whole fucking international section. So you're like scrolling
in RYA and then all of a sudden, just like
(04:18):
for for days, everybody's from Stockholm in Germany and Australia. Like, sorry,
I had a fucking problem with Boston. I don't need
to be dating something from Stockholm. I'm not even good
at geography, nor am I aware of where that is,
but at Sweden. But like, is that what nine hours
on a plane I've been to Australia. It's fucking far. Okay,
you can plan that once every fucking millennium. Okay, So
(04:41):
there's a whole multiple day fucking you know, it's a
small world. After all, Epcot adventure that happens, I'm RYA.
That's really fucking frustrating. Figure out your fucking geography. But
also you run through the RYA and so fast, like
you're just out your your fucking supermarket card is empty
real fast. So and you're like, all right, so famous
(05:03):
people have a very small selection like that section of Barney's.
Then if you're on Bumble that's like Macy's, there could
be you know, there could be some gems in there.
You know, there's also some crap in there too, Like
you gotta lead through a lot of ship you know,
to get to something good, and you've gotta go through
a lot of these like Oakley glasses, you know, drinking
(05:26):
beer out of cozys, fucking fishing boat types you know
that are like growing out with me and my buddies
like that type, and that's like not for me. But
then you'll have like there's like a dangling shiny I mean,
I don't know if they're like billionaires there, but there's
like a dangling shiny successful banker in there. But you've
(05:46):
gotta fucking wage your way through, like you're that guy
on the Oceans Bay Cranberry commercial in those fucking galoshes.
So that's a challenging thing. And then there's another one
that's League, which is like I guess the concept is
supposed to be that everybody's educated. I would say ivy
league educated. I guess that's their goal, But then they
(06:07):
probably have to bring in some riff because you can't
something's not enough. So the league is like I don't know,
like Brooks Brothers, you know, like a little dorky and stodgy,
but you could find something in there that's that's like
nice that you would wear, but you're going through a
lot of Oxford button down collar, you know, stodgy kind
of ship in there. So that's what online dating is like.
(06:33):
And there's a world of matchmakers, and there's a world
of matchmakers for richer people. And then there are like
also like I don't want to say blue collar people,
but like a more affordable matchmakers have heard of. But
some of them, some of them like they're basically hooker wranglers,
Like they've got a bunch of billionaires, but they don't mind,
you know, throwing them some bimbos to to to make
the time go by in between finding them a wife.
(06:55):
And then are the ones who can't be in their
own relationship and they have like sort of some like
schlocky version. They're just like sort of narrowing down what's
on these apps I've just described to you or yeah,
it's like a lot of Then there's like the Sancho
pay hooker set where it's like these billionaire guys who
say they want a wife, but they really want to
get the bang down from some of the Instagram models
that are over on riots. They should sort of cross promote.
So dating is just a fucking dream. Let's just put
(07:17):
it that way. I'm excited to do it. Sounds de wifeful, alright,
So what do you think about online dating? Have you
done it? Do you have experience? Are you scared? Is
it intimidating? Does it seem counterintuitive? I was a dinosaur
and didn't realize how prevalent it is and how it's
really the way of the world. Do you think there's
a stigma on it or do you see it as
(07:38):
something that is just current and a sign of the times.
I'm excited for Chelsea Handler. She is a comedian, a writer,
a TV host, a producer, politically active. She is crazy.
(08:01):
She likes to cook crazy food. She is just wild
and unique and has built her own brand of brand.
So Chelsea has a new special on HBO, Max Chelsea
Handler Evolution. She is the author of several books, including
her latest New York Times bestseller, Life Will Be the
Death of Me. So Chelsea and I discussed online dating, politics,
(08:26):
cannabis and her success in the industry. Hi, Bethany, how
are you? I'm good? How are you? I mean ready
to kill myself? You know? I love election to be
done already? You really, if you live, it lives inside
your body, like you literally do you do you break out?
(08:48):
Like do you not sleep? How deep does this go? Well?
I have zanex and I have edible, so I sleep.
But I mean it's the daytime I have the problem with. Well,
I was shocked that you were doing the show. I
thought that, what the funk Chelsea Hammah was doing my show?
Like does she even know who I am? She? I did? She?
Like why would she do my show? And like, you know,
(09:08):
you are a fucking force. You know. I think we
don't realize the power of our own personalities or the
power of our own words. I didn't think I was
like that. I thought I was just telling Like I
really believed I was just telling people the truth, Like, yeah,
you're you're an idiot. This person's an idiot. Your belt
is ugly. You need to get your ship together, like
sitting on my little pedestal that from who from me?
(09:28):
You know? Like I had this kind of misplaced confidence
and arrogance, definitely arrogance. And I didn't realize that that
fierceness and that toughness. You know, when you're that fierce
and you're that tough, you're usually protecting yourself from from
something that happens. And you're protecting yourself from vulnerability, absolutely,
And the entertainment industry awards bad behavior, so no one's
(09:50):
telling you it's working for You're on television, you're being opinionated.
You know, your dog is more famous than than most celebrities,
and why would you stop at that time? You know,
I mean that's that's that was your identity. And yeah,
it was working for me. And you know when you
when you're really successful and you get one opportunity thrown
you know, as you know, you get one opportunity thrown
(10:11):
at you after another and you say yes, and you're
you stopped thinking about the why of it, and you
just keep going at the same kind of alacrity that
you've become accustomed to. And so you're for me. And
I was doing my show, I was writing my books,
I was doing stand up tours always year round, back
to back to back to back, because I didn't want
(10:33):
to sit still and and sit with my thoughts. That
was a scary place for me to have to go,
and I don't want to deal with that. I was like, no, no, no,
I'm not in this whole manifestation gratitude yoga retreat, Kale
bullshit scene of l A. I'm from New Jersey. I'm
not going down that road, right, you know what I mean?
I thought it was just like it made me like,
(10:55):
you know, clench my vagina show when I would hear
to people talk about meditation and and treats, and you know,
and then and then you know, there's a way to
there's a way to get in to therapy and get
all the stuff out of it without without participating in
all of that. You still, yeah, you still don't have
to be a douche bag in the middle of the
(11:17):
day hanging at a coffee bean for four hours and
in overalls drinking green juice. You can still be your
version of that. I'm the same version as you are
of that. Like I get on the app for a
couple of minutes, it makes me feel like I'm changing
the world. I'll sit in a sauna and you know,
I hate water more than you do. I fucking hate water.
It's it should be. It's just a nightmare. And when
(11:37):
you talked about in your special warm water, it's a
fucking offense. Leave me alone now you're time. I can't
even have a cold with ice, like fuck you, who
cares if it's best consumed like urine? It's bullshit, it's
but I don't know the difference between any water either.
I don't like all this, Like I'll drink water out
of a fucking toilet bowl. It doesn't matter. It's still water.
It still tastes like nothing. And the most what's even
(12:00):
more annoying than warm water is when they put in
like a couple of ice cubes. It's like, hey, hey, hey,
come back here with a big boatload of ice lemon wedge,
and then maybe I can drink because then it's like
little slivers of ice, or it's like a couple of
sprigs of mint, like no, that's nothing lemons like put
there's cantaloup pieces in that urn of water, Like what
(12:20):
the fund is that going to do? Nobody wants to
drink candlo flavored water. It's all a nightmare, all of it.
It's bullshit. So you're right, I'll get into it after
we do this interview, but let's let's let's have a
quick reminder that there are children in Africa that are
trying to get clean water and in Detroit actually, and
we should say that as a caveat that we're this
is our privilege. We have to do. We have to
(12:43):
because we're gonna be in big trouble for this. So
we'll be editing out the water portion, which is the
best portion, Okay, which is all the portion people care about.
So my next question for you is, so I watched
the Howard stern On Letterman Netflix interview and they both
agreed that they had been sort of working and focused
on work, and Howard said it was to his detriment
(13:03):
of his family, and um Letterman said the same thing.
He was just so singular focused on his show. And
I'm just curious if you had, if you had that
same experience. You're saying that the doing all this was
your identity and you didn't want to sit still and
you didn't want to like hear just the natural noise
of your own thoughts. So you were just running and
all these projects were your identity. Is that is it
(13:24):
similar to what they were talking about? Yeah, you know,
I did but I didn't have a family or personal
life that it was affecting an idltarious way in the
way that they did because they were both married, you know,
like I at least was. I knew I was so
career driven from such an early age, and I was
so ambitious that I didn't care about that. I'm like,
I don't care about men. I care about my career.
I care about having a voice, and I care about,
(13:46):
you know, becoming something. I didn't ever want to be
reliant on a man, you know, for for reasons that
I talked about in my special you know, the men
that I relied on the most disappointed me when I
was a little girl. They lied to me in my mind,
you know, and so as you know, growing up, I
was like, that's the last thing I want to worry about.
You know. Now I'm not a place some forty five
and I'm like, okay, ready, I ready to meet someone,
(14:10):
you know. I mean, well, it's like I have one
eye that's going balls, I have to shave my face
now because of all the hair that grows on my face,
and I have orthotics in every pair of shoes. It's
like I'm in decline and now I'm ready to get serious.
But it's liberating. And you know what, men really like
women who are not like fucking coquettish and I'll laced
up in baby doll. Men like women who are just like,
(14:31):
you know, you're entertaining, you're smart, you're fun. I feel
that embracing that in that way, men don't really give
a ship. Real men don't give a ship about any
of that stuff. They want a real person to really
talk to who's entertaining and stimulating. I really believe that
because I am not. You know, once in a while,
I'll you know, get get get bombed and put some
lingerie on just to like be like, all right, I've
(14:52):
got to fucking do this now, just like giving a blowjob,
you know, in the right way, but looks like shit.
And the guys don't really here about that stuff I feel.
I think you're right. It's just more my personality that
seems to be the roadblock for me with with men.
I I I you know, I talked about in my
special how I like older Matt. I really do. But
now that I'm forty five, it's like, well, wait a second,
(15:13):
I don't want them to do that much older, you know,
what I mean, we're getting into territory here where the
margin needs to be like slimmed a little bit. But
do you need do you need to be with someone
who's as or more successful. I'm pretty transparent about being like, listen,
you gotta be someone has to be able to understand
a really big career, otherwise the relationship wouldn't work. And
I feel like you want someone to go with you
(15:33):
into the end zone and just be like you're a partner.
This is amazing, We're in rare air. Let's do this.
So what what do you think could what do you
really think could get it done? Like, what do you
really need and want in a relationship? For me? You know,
I need somebody now. They don't have to be like
more successful or more money than me or anything like that.
They just have to be confident about the fact that
I'm confident and that I'm going to have this career
(15:55):
and I'm gonna be outspoken and I'm gonna air my
dirty laundry and I'm gonna you know, for text you
in that. If you're not comfortable with it, fine, but
you need to be able to accept, like you don't
have to be part of it, like I don't have
to sit there and you know, talk about our sex
life if you're not comfortable with that. I'll always respect
somebody who wants to, you know, be private, as long
as they conduct themselves with respect towards me as well.
(16:16):
You know what I mean. Um, but I what I'm
looking for. First of all, I want somebody who can
fucking ski. I need a skier because that is really
what I care about the most about. That's my most
joyful time of year is from December through March. And
so they can be black, white, they can be uh,
they could be anything. I'm I'm open to dating anyone. Anyone, um,
(16:41):
you know, obviously not a Republican at this point in time,
so that's off. So that's like the country. So let's
cross those guys off the list. So we have a
skiing Democrat. Yeah, ski, I forgot to how funny you
are a refany you skiing democrat? Sounds like, wow, you
really are at the bottom you Maybe it's your authotics.
(17:05):
They have to be they have to be masculine, like
more masks. I like guys that are physically bigger than me,
that are physically dominant, you know. I like to be
like tossed around a little bit. I liked, I want
a guy who can tell me to shut up and
sit out. Okay, yeah, that's why. That's why a gangster,
a mafia person doesn't work for you because they don't ski.
You would be good with the Italian guys that don't ski,
(17:27):
you know what I mean. Well, think about this. So
you said you always knew you wanted to be successful.
You didn't know at what you wanted to be. You
wanted to be loved, you wanted to be known. You
just wanted to make a mark, wanted to make money.
(17:48):
Like what drives you? Where did this all come from?
You know? I think when I was young, I wanted
people to know that I was a leader. Like I
wanted to lead. I don't have to be the leader,
but I want to be a leader, and I want
to you know, I wanted to influence people, and I
wanted I knew I had. I knew I could spread
(18:09):
goodness and like you know, and and joy and ideas,
and I knew I could influence people. It came so
easily to me growing up, Like I'd always have a
gavel of girlfriends, you know, and I'd be at the
head of the group being like, Okay, this is what
we're gonna do. This is what we're gonna do, and
and I wanted to take that and I wanted to
be first. I think my my impulse to come to
(18:30):
Hollywood and to become successful and to become well known
was simply it was just as simplistic as wanting to
be heard, you know, out of a family of six.
And after my brother died, you know, I had been
the center of attention up until my brother died. And
then so not only did I lose him, but I
lost my place in my family because no one was
paying attention to me. No one was paying attention to
(18:51):
each other. There was no nothing to do but grieve,
and so I had to look for that outlet elsewhere,
which you know, made me do it at school. And
I wanted attention, but not for my brother. I didn't
want negative attention. I wanted to distract and to deflect.
And so and then I think, you know, growing up
and having success and evolving, you know, that's why the
(19:12):
Specials called evolution is because I realized, now, you know,
I'm growing into myself. I understand what my responsibility is now.
I understand that I can be a beam of light
instead of a beam of criticism. Or I can make
people feel good, and I can impact people, and I
can have influence over things, and you know, and open
(19:34):
people's eyes to things that they may not have thought
about as deeply, you know. And I understand that responsibility,
and I take a lot of pride. And that's a
self assessment, so obviously you can take it or leave it,
but um, I do have that. I feel that responsibility
now and it makes sense now to me why I
had to go through all of that to get to
a more peaceful and more grounded, focused, clear place. You know.
(19:58):
And I've read your books. I have book s actually
signed by you. And what percentage are the story is
actually true? And then what what percentage of hyperbole is
on them? I mean it's hard to know because you know,
once you change the story, you can't remember what the
truth was and what it wasn't. Even when I was
writing my book, like a couple of years ago, I
was like, wait, is this I was talking about that
(20:18):
that scene with my brother in the serial, you know,
having this last moment with him that I remember, and
I and then after a while I was like talking
to my sisters and she was like, I never knew
that that happened right before he left for that trip
with you. And I was like, god, I don't know
if that happened either. Sean was like, it did happen.
You told me about it like like three days after
he died, and I was like I did, and she
(20:39):
was yes, he told me. I was like, oh, thank god,
because you know, yeah, with even with well, with grief,
it's one thing you change things up in your mind,
you know, and in trauma, like at nine eleven, I
remember this Malcolm Gladwell podcast. I listened to that talking
about like how people remember themselves in different places than
they actually were on traumatic occasions. But it's the same
(21:00):
with comedy because I'm always adding a line here or
there that's not necessarily true, but you know, makes it
even funnier, or makes it sharper, or makes or is
a callback. So but I would say, I mean, listen,
I just came home from a vacation in Maine. That
is going to be the first chapter of my next book,
and it all comes from real experiences. Like I literally
(21:23):
went on this vacation. I was like, well, after I left,
I go, well, here we go. This is chapter one.
I've got a whole new book in me, and my
sister is like, yeah, yeah, you do, because they come
from real experiences. But of course there's there's there are
embellishments and little you know, little extra comedic flair bits
for comedic flair. It's amazing. And your callbacks are hysterical.
(21:43):
I mean hysterical. I mean just your referencing. Kal She's
she's talking about a salesperson comparing them to a koala
because they're just moving so cuddly and slowly, and I'm
like fucking crying because it's just the references are just
good and random. All right, So you've always loved the
cannabis space. I'm getting into the acnnabis space. But I
like where you're coming from with it, because you're coming
(22:03):
from a place of health and anti opioids and anti
you know, ambient and and what's the other klonopin And
you're saying like there are issues that people have with
sleeping and anxiety, et cetera, and you're talking about cannabis,
and I like, I like the way you're doing or
like the message. Well, I like listen, I really like
pharmaceuticals as well. I'm like, I consider myself to be
(22:26):
a pharmacological into it, and a lot of people depend
on me for this knowledge because I can seriously look
at someone's body and talk to them for five minutes
and be like, Okay, you're not gonna be able to
handle an edible like a strong one. You're gonna need
something lighter, or you're gonna just need CBD, or you're
gonna survive. You know, like you're gonna have the personality
that's gonna do great on ayahuasca. You're the type of
(22:46):
personality who should never do ayahuasca. I don't even know
what that is. What's ayahuasca? Hold on, you haven't even
seen me. You're just talking to me, and you could
tell that I shouldn't do ayahuasca. No, you don't. You
shouldn't do iowascar you. It would be too it would
be too intense for you because you're already at a
very high vibration. So no cancel, So right, No iolas
it's like a constant cocaine or something. It's like special
(23:08):
K and one of those like ones. Ago. No, No,
it's it's it's it's psychedelic. No, no, no time, no
thank you. I just want you to know that I
took my shirt off and put it back on during
this podcast because I was so hot. Some air you
run always always. That's why I hate room temperature. Fucking
water too. Okay, sorry, I keep going with your drugs.
(23:29):
So the drugs, with the with the edibles. I just
like once I was able to pivot from first of all,
from alcohol to two pharmaceuticals. I still drink, I just
my drinking was cut in a half a minute. I
discovered edibles because now we're in a situation where you
take two and a half milligrams, you micro dose. It's
like it's just a little sans. It's not. It's not
(23:53):
a doughnut. It's a way to make everybody a little
bit less annoying. Yes, and you are so right by
the way, I have my entire life, I've had chronic constipation,
I mean my whole life. So your thing about magnesium
taking magnesium, no one ever told us this, Like milk
of magnesia is not just taking magnesias. Everyone's got all
these like mirror ax and citr cell and fiber and magnesium.
(24:17):
It is amazing for constipation. If you take it. Regularly,
as you said, Yeah, I had no idea, Like I
just thought all girls didn't go to the bathroom for like,
you know that we went to the bathroom like twice
a week. You know. I didn't know that that I
had a problem. And then I was just like, this
can't be. You know when you hear people my best
friend Mary's like, I had no problem going to the bathroom, like, well,
that's great, you're annoying exactly, You're an anomaly and most
(24:39):
women do. But instead she instead of sympathizing with my play,
all she does is bragged about how easy it is
for her and magnesium most seven. I take three of
those every single night. Absolutely it helps me. Oh my god. Yeah,
And now I'm regular keep saying this OH seven. In
my cabinet. There's one that's called like Malatte or something
m A L A T E. And I gotta say
(25:00):
you the bottle because that's the one I took that.
But I'm gonna try the OH seven now. But I
didn't know by the way, I think any magnesium will
work this way. But you have a very specific OH seven.
It's like a James Bond formula. Yeah, it's a James
bond formula, and you start out with I'm not And
this isn't a paid endorsement or anything. This is a
true customer review. If you start out with four for
(25:20):
people who are listening, if you take those, you start
out with four, and then once you go to the
bathroom one morning, from then on you would go and
you reduced to three per day. Broke the sea, and
then yes, and then you're and then you're It's an
easy stream. Even if I miss a day. Now, I've
been doing it for like two years, and I used
to not be good about taking my supplements until I
started getting older, and I'm like, oh, this is desperation. Um,
(25:42):
I have to take stuff. But if you if you now,
even if I don't take it a night, like if
I miss a night, I'm still regular the next morning.
So I'm on a real system. And I would encourage
everybody who has trouble going to the bathroom to get
on my system. And I feel like we should record
this to be on a like an audio dating app
for our profile. So I think this is very sexy. Um,
(26:02):
this is one of the first things I bring up. Yeah,
same same. I I ordered spinach and just say sautet
oily vegetables and magnesium O seven will be a great
morning tomorrow. So so wait we just you just said
something about that you said about the magnesium is gonna
remind me something. Oh, I'm gonna send you my supplements
because I have supplements not for this thing, but send
them for collagen for intimacy that really actually work for intimacy, hair, skin,
(26:26):
and nails. I'm gonna send you. Yeah, I know. Um,
all right, So how important is sex really to you?
Because I just feel like you make me feel like
I'm not masturbating enough or like having sex with people
in foreign countries enough, and I just want to understand
how important great sex is to you. I don't have Listen,
I don't have a lot of sex either. I'm trying
(26:46):
to get something going, like I need to start having
sex before it becomes a year or that I haven't
had it, you know what I mean. I like, I
think I had sex last March, right before COVID struck.
So like I'm trying to get something going. So yeah,
I'm on Riya. I sometimes have hookups on Riya. That's
been my best way to like get sex without you know,
(27:08):
being going on dates. So you're a very sexual being
because you can. I'm that loser that needs to like
connect with someone and would not won't have sex because
of my childhood. I've seen some pretty bad like a
sex following abuse, so I have weird issues of sex.
But if I don't trust someone or if I connect
with them, like I, I would like to sort of
(27:28):
have goals of just like having sex and be like
it's cool, like you're like a sex person that I like,
and you're my friend, and like I would love to
maybe have a friend with benefits. I've just never been
able to do that. And you sound like a professional
at that, like you can really detach emotionally. Uh No, No,
I have problems with you know, the superficial ship like
belts and shoes, like if I see a belt, even
if I mean, this guy came over here the other
(27:49):
night and I was like, Okay, this is good. He
seems reasonable. I could have sex with him. We talked
for an hour and a half. I do need to
have a connection. I just can't just have sex with anybody.
I'm with you on that part. I don't maybe need
it as much of a connection as you do, but
I definitely need to be like, they can't be stupid,
you know what I mean, hold on to just have
sex with them. I can't be stupid if I were
(28:09):
able to just have sex and mute who cares. Well.
This guy said that he doesn't think masks work, So
that is a book. That's a boater killer. I agree,
that's a I can't fox. I can't sux somebody who
says masks don't work. That's I can't suck that. I
get it. But you can't have sex if somebody has
a bad belt or shoes. Yeah, that's a problem for me.
(28:33):
I'm just having sex with them. Like, you're not gonna
You're gonna is this because you're interviewing a regular won't
even get that far. It won't get that far if
they're wearing an airma's belt. I'm not Yeah, no, I'm
not gonna. No, it's not happening. I can't forget that
you wore that. Wait, someone came to your house at
an H belt on the actual like the h It
wasn't at my house. It was a date that I
(28:54):
went on. Like a couple of years ago, I met
this guy at a hotel bar and he walked in
with so much cologne and an h belt and I
had one cocktail. He's like, should we order some food.
I'm like, it's not going to be necessary. And I
lacked because I can't have sex with somebody like that.
I just am turned off and then I can't turn
back on. Wow. No, that that No, that that I get,
(29:14):
but I get. I'm dying to know what the rest
of the alph it was. And it sounds like he
was on the show's Shaws of Sunset because they all
have all Yeah, it sounds like it, and maybe he was.
And I hadn't seen that show, so I didn't know
better because they all have like big ages and cardier. Wow.
All right, Well, I think you're great. I just think
you're fun and honest, and I'm happy that you're in
(29:36):
the best place. And you know what, you came from
a place of yes, you've used the pandemic. You know
that people are like starving and homeless and unwell. But
and it's a stressful year. But you've used the pandemic
from a place of yes, saying let me get my
my mental health and my physical health together. And I
think that's admirable because I've been saying to people self care.
It sounds cheesy and callish like you were saying, but
(29:58):
the truth is, it's the time I'm to just say
there are things I can't control, but let me focus
on what I can control, you know, let me try
to just drink water if I could, which I won't,
or meditate or whatever your version is. And I like
that you've just embraced that and taken that, taken that on.
First of all, thank you for all of that. Thank you.
It was really fun to talk to you and do
your podcast, and I hope to talk to you again
(30:19):
sometime soon. And every next time in York, will go
for a drink and not drink water together. I would
love to go for a drink and take an edible
and not drink water together. The show continues to just
please me and surprise me, and I just never know
what I'm walking into with a conversation. I have had
(30:40):
the experience that everyone has come to play and just
have a real conversation, which just humbles me and it
just really makes me so happy. I just love the
conversation because it was a mix of humor and dating
and business and drive. I really liked her and we
have a lot in common and Chelsea's HBO Max special
(31:02):
is out now and it is so hilarious. It is
so unique and authentically her. But I mean, honestly, I
was crying laughing, So please go check it out. The
takeaway here is you'll keep making the same mistake until
you'll learn the lesson that could be in relationships, that
could be in business. You know, at some point we
(31:23):
all have to grow up. At some point we have
to sort of take care of ourselves and be aware
and the same thing doesn't work over and over. And
I think that that would be what Chelsea has really
really learned and taught me, and that she wanted to
be a leader, and she took a very circuitous route
to getting there. She's a leader through communicating, through humor,
(31:44):
through her own message. But there are many different ways
to lead or shine, or communicate or teach or you know,
be inspired, And so I think that's really interesting. And
you know, she had her drive early on, or at
least she was listening to what she wanted to do,
and she just made that happen. So you know, we
can learn and we can we can help our kids
(32:06):
with these situations. So thank you so much for listening
Please continue to rate, review and subscribe. It really helps.
It's making a difference to me, and it's keeping us
going and I really appreciate it, so thank you so much.
(32:26):
Just Be is hosted and executive produced by me, Bethany Frankel,
Brail Productions and Endeavor Content. Our managing producer is Samantha
Allison and our producer is Caroline Hamilton's Corey Preventure is
our consulting producer, with the ever faithful Sarah Katanac as
our assistant producer. Our development executive is Nae and tar Roy.
(32:48):
Just Be is a production of Endeavor Content and Spoke Media.
This episode was mixed by Sam Bear And To catch
more moments from the show, follow us on Instagram at
just They are taking the AfOR
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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