October 5, 2023 • 39 mins
As it turns out Bethenny and Jana have a lot in common in life…and with that comes a lot of heated opinions! They discuss how their childhood affected their lives, personal evolution and they dish on Friday Night Lights! Plus, find out what Jana loves more than hating her Ex.
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Speaker 1 (00:11):
My guest today is actress, singer, and podcast host Jana Kramer.
We dive into a deep conversation about past relationships, co parenting,
and more. Jana's new book, The Next Chapter, Making Peace
with Hard Memories, Finding Hope All Around Me and Clearing
Space for Good Things to Come, comes out in October
twenty fourth and is available for pre order. Now, this
(00:33):
is just be with Jana Kramer. Let's get into it. Hi,
Hi lady, how are you? I'm good? How are you wonderful?
So that is your podcast setup? It's beautiful. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
It's a little messy now that I'm looking at it,
but thanks girl.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Are you in La? No?
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I just moved into a new house in Nashville. How
is Nashville? I love it, I really do. I've been
here now, let's see four years, and it's great.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Is it like a mini La? Now?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Unfortunately it's becoming that way really like that's almost everybody
in my neighborhood is from California. But I will say
the good piece of that is they're bringing in really
good restaurants and they're they're having to up their Southern
game a little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Interesting. So okay, so the first interaction besides Friday Night
Lights that I've had with you was I think I
commented on something on a post and you commented back.
I'm like, oh, we're friends now, Like I remember, like
or then you followed me. I followed you, and that
was a couple of years ago. It was like surrounding
Jay Cutler and I don't know what I commented, but
there was like an interaction that we had and you
(01:43):
were on my radar and I then connected, Oh my god,
that's the girl from Friday Night Lights, which I was
obsessed with my daughter. I got her into it. I mean,
I think it's one of the greatest shows ever.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
It was one of my favorite shows I've ever done,
and it was it was one of those things where
because a lot of times it's shows you know there,
they'll be like, well, here's your mark, you have to
hit your mark. And I remember the first time I
went on set, they're like, all right, action, and I'm like,
but we didn't rehearse and we didn't, like, where's my
mark and they're.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Like, just just go and I'm like, oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Like it was the coolest thing because it was wait,
what is it mark?
Speaker 1 (02:20):
The physical mark? What do you mean hit my mark?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
What's there's like a t in acting where you have
to do camera blocking and then you know the things,
and then you have to hit literally your mark so
the camera can get you. But in frint night lights,
they're all on the handheld, so they'll they'll get you
wherever you stand.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Oh interesting, but that's funny that that's a thing. Where's
my mark? I never I see I know what you're
talking about when we do photoshoots, but I didn't literally
know you meant oh funny. Yeah, I think it was
such an excellent show. Yeah, whose show was it? Peter
Berg's exactly? I just watched his. Uh his show on
on opioids was crazy, same killer. That was insane, insane.
(02:58):
I'm so angry about I know because I'm like that person.
They kept blaming the addicts, so I'm like, he wasn't
an addict. He hurt his back and then he became
an addict and they paid like a billion dollars over time.
They didn't even feel a mark's And he must be
angry and he must have a personal association to it
because it was a very personal show. What was that
that wasn't on Netflix? Where was the Hulu.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I think it was Netflix, and then Taylor Kitch was
also in it, who was Frid. He always uses Taylor
a lot. Yeah, yeah with Peter, Yeah, he uses him
in a lot of his stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
I mean, I mean, were you did you when you
were on set with him? Did you die?
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Like?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Was he as gorgeous then to you as he was
to me? He was so cool?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
He was.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
We became like very like Broie where when we first
met we would play volleyball after set. There was like
this really cool volleyball outdoor sand volleyball thing that we'd
all go to.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
So he was awesome, I would say as an adult,
like as a kid, it was Matt Dillan as an
adult like he was my guy, Like that was the
one that was the one that hurt was painful? Yeah, yeah, Okay.
So I was reading your bio and I was shocked
by all of the things that you've been through, all
of like this circuitous route to yes, your career, but
(04:12):
your personal life, like you really have been through a journey.
And I was thinking about what your childhood was like,
like where you grew up and how you grew up
because I was just thinking about your choices you reflecting
the mistakes I've been in many relationships like you, and
I feel self conscious about it. Sometimes I was wondering
if you feel self conscious about it. I was just
(04:33):
thinking about this, this relationship and personal life journey.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
So it's when I've sat down. Obviously, in therapy, you
go back and you go to your childhood wounds and
your traumas and you think back, Okay, when did this start?
Where was my first belief? And it was when I
was six and it was I'm not enough. And so
what happened was is unfortunately that came from my dad,
and because it was my dad, from those years on,
(05:02):
I was always trying to get the approval of a man.
You know, he ended up cheating on my mom, which
then he left the house, and so I was always
finding at that time too an older man. But I
always wanted them to say you're enough and I love you.
But those are the guys that were never going to
(05:22):
tell me that I was enough and that they loved me.
So I just kept picking those kind of men to
be like, choose me, love me, pick me, because I
didn't get that.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
And now that you're going to change them, because you
want to change your dad that you're going to be
the one that's going to make them different.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Right, Like he's not like try to get him to
stay like my dad left me, even though you know,
when you're older, you kind of look at it in
a bigger, broader stance.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
So it's I see now that my dad was just
doing the best that he could. And I get all that,
but that doesn't help the little girl and me that
still was fighting for love and fighting for attention and
fighting to be chosen. And yeah, taking these men that
are just you know, weren't available, and didn't you know
they would just give me little pieces of themselves of
(06:08):
So then I'm like, well, no, love me, love me,
choose me, pick me. And then when they did, I'm like, wait,
I don't even want that person.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
But you just said something that I have said until recently,
and I stopped saying. You just said he did the
best that he could. And I always used to say
that about my mother who had me at twenty and like,
it's like this lot thing that I just say. And
I thought the other night it was actually weird. It
was related to the Danny Masterson thing, which reminded me
of a lot of the abuse in my childhood and
(06:36):
I ended up going and spinning out and going in
a different direction and an abuse I had in a relationship,
and I thought to myself, the way I was raised
was despicable. And I thought to myself, I always say
they did the best they could, but I don't think
that's actually true. So do you really think that your
dad did the best that he could. So I don't
know the whole situation. I'm just asking because it was interesting.
You just said that thing that I always say, and
(06:57):
I stopped saying it because I don't know if I
think it's true.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
For a long time, no, I would say that he didn't.
And again, I grew up in a very angry household.
My dad was always yelling, My parents were always fighting.
He was he had some massive anger issues, and my
brother got most of that physical, but I saw it.
(07:22):
My mom stayed in it, and it was just that
kind of household. And when I look at it, I
from a bigger place, I go, Okay, what was his upbringing?
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Like?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Well, my grandpa was a very tough German Man. He
was very hard on my dad. He was most likely
physical as well. And I think back then, like our generation,
like we know boundaries and we go to therapy, and
I don't think that. Yes, I mean, I know therapy
was available then, but I think as a man back
(07:55):
then in that day, that would have been yes. Could
Would I have love for him to go to therapy?
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
But I think I do believe he was doing the
best that he could because I don't think therapy was
a very right acceptable thing back then.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
You know, Yeah, you just it wasn't. There wasn't also,
quote unquote the conversation in society. It wasn't a conversation
about what we're People weren't indulging themselves by thinking about
what they're doing right and what they're doing wrong. It
was called, oh, smoke a cigarette while you're pregnant, open
the door, let the kids at the back, and pray
for the best. Yeah pretty much. Yeah, So I get that.
(08:27):
I get that. It's just funny because I say that,
I still yeah, I just think it's an interesting thing
to think about if people are doing the best that
they can. But yeah, people weren't self aware or reflecting.
It just wasn't, like I said, the conversation right.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
And I for so long, I mean, all my twenties
I just blamed him for every problem I had. I'm like, well,
you're the reason that I picked cheers, You're the reason
I pick abusers, You're the reason I do this, and
his head spinning because you know, again, I think and
my dad and I just had this conversation because we're
good now. He's so anxiously attached and he's like trying
to make up for lost time, and I'm like, Dad,
(09:01):
you just like So He's like, well, it's anxious attachment,
and I'm like, you gotta let me breathe for a second,
Like stop asking me about my middle school boyfriend. I
had no idea what happened to him, you know, like
he's just trying.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
So hard to be evolved and like do the cram
course to being evolved?
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Yeah, And it's just like you can, we can sit
here and we're we are okay, you know. And I
just like your kids, Yes, I accept them. And that's
the thing. Like I loved my grandpa, his dad, so
I'm like, I want my kids to have a relationship
with their grandpa. And you know, does does my mom
do it perfectly every day? No? But I have my
own boundaries around my parents now, and I just kind
(09:35):
of accept them for who they are because I can't
change them at this stage, and I don't see them
going to therapy. So it's like I either have them
in my life in my kid's life, or I hold
on to stuff and I just don't want to hold
on it into anything that feels more weighted in today's
already weighted world.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
And I think the dynamic of you controlling the boundaries
with kids is a really interesting thing. It kind of
gives you power, gives us power with our parents to
be able to raise us the things that they thought
were okay for them to say and do with us
that we will create the boundaries that it's not acceptable
and that will not be discussed in this house in
front of my kid, because this is my path, you
know for sure.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Like my mom and I got into one thing one
time because she said she was gonna, you know, bake
cookies with my daughter and stay for a certain amount
of time, while she ended up leaving early, and that
was a huge trigger for me. I was like, you
can lie to me or not tell me or change plans,
but you don't get to do that to my daughter,
Like she doesn't get to feel that disappointment, like, because
now she's going to feel what did I do wrong
for Nana to leave early?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Mmm?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Interesting? Right, was like you've done that?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
It was at times, right, you've just changed your plan
and whatever. But it is it affects.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
No, I mean you yourself have experienced your mom a
million times, yes, exactly, and I'm like, it's affected me.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
You don't get to have that affect my daughter. So
from now on, we don't say how long you're here
because you might change your mind. And that's okay if
you change your mind, but you don't get to tell
her how long you're here.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Mmmm.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Fascinating. Wow, So you have three kids now?
Speaker 2 (11:01):
So I've got my almost eight year old daughter, almost
five year old son, and then my fiance and are
expecting we're do in November.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
So how is the co parenting, the blending, what's the
dynamic like the back and forth? How does how's that
working for you?
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Now?
Speaker 1 (11:17):
It sounds like a lot, But being pregnant and having
a new marriage, it was, I mean, the first two
years post divorce were really I'll say like the first
year was really tough parenting with him because I was
still taking all the baggage and toxicity that we had,
and the anger and the resentment, and every time we talk,
(11:38):
like every time I'd see his phone come up. I
mean I even had he was labeled not healthy on
my phone and or it would be changed to a
whole one day, or just you know, I was just
so angry. And then we kind of joked one time,
I go, hey, you got your name back on my phone,
just like you're just Mike now Mike's c on my phone.
But what we've come to now in this past year
(12:01):
is realizing that we have a new relationship now. So
we have our past, our old marriage that was not great,
but we have to leave that away and this is
now our new relationship, and how does that look? You know,
and we have to leave the resentments and all the
stuff behind. We might still get triggered, and we both
still do because I'll say something or he'll say something
(12:23):
and that might trigger something from our past. But we
are now trying to create this new relationship and seeing
what that looks like. And we've done a really good
job so far. And I'm proud of how far we've
come considering all the crap that we went through together.
That's really healthy and it's early in the game. I mean,
I have to say, for you know, he maybe he
was doing the best that he could, because it sounds
(12:44):
like pretty evolved for what I've read about you know
what I read about today, I was like, Wow, you've
been through a lot a lot of abuse, a lot
of you know, mental torture, and that sounds really healthy
and really amazing. That's the ultimate goal.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Well, the thing is is like, I love my kids
more than I hate my ex. And I know people
have said that before, but that is that is the
biggest thing that I was Remember, I love my kids
more than I hate my ex, and I'm like, he,
I don't want him to take my joy. I don't
want him to steal the beautiful things that are happening
right in our life. I want him to be able.
I want us to be able to be in the
(13:19):
same room, because I remember my parents couldn't be in
the same room and I hated that it gave him
anxiety and I didn't like it. So I would love
for the fact that. So last year, I invited him
for the first time to a birthday party, like would
you like to come? Because I'm like, I think it'd
be good for the kids. I can set my own
stuff aside for our children. And I think that seed
planted and it just is now kind of growing that
(13:43):
there's more things that we're doing together as a family.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
And yeah, it's listen. I could harp and I did
for a long time. I mean I harped about it
when we were married, all the stuff he did wrong,
all the things you know at post marriage. And I
just don't want the I don't want the hate. I
don't like I don't like the negative energy. I just
really don't want it because I'm like, it's not good
(14:08):
for me, it's not good for my body, it's not
good for anything like it. I'm like, why, Like, Okay,
he did what he did. I did what I did.
Now let's just can we just please be happy? And
like I would love for him to be happy and
move on.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
And so I just say, holding on to anger is
like drinking poison and hoping the other person does.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah. I just because I've seen people like I know
people that are in that terrible divorce and they're just
they hate each other and they have to drop off
in you know, parking lots and and that's what works
for them. But I'm like, I just don't want that energy.
I can't, like I physically don't want to hold that
much hatred for someone.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
It's it's the worst thing I did. I've done it
for over a decade. It's it's a very bad thing.
Two people have to be willing to uh be that evolved.
And it sounds like your ex is evolving as a
as a person, which is amazing.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
But the thing is is like I could hate him
for everything he's done for the rest of my life,
and I have every reason to hate him forever, but like,
why would I want to hold onto that? Like what
is the purpose?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, I'm just remembering you went on Red Table Talk
and you talked about being cheated on. I think it
was thirteen times, like I was the first time, you know,
like I forgot that that was even you. Like I
remember the story, if that makes any sense. I remember
the story and it was Red Table Talk, but it
was probably in like the background in my periphery, and
like today I was reading, I'm like, oh my god,
that was her? What the hell? Like, you know, it's
(15:30):
interesting it is about people that we choose, Like it
really is because I had, like I said, I had
a very very abusive childhood and have seen everything. But
I've always, i think, been proactive about how to choose
because I don't think I could have. I could have
never handled that. I don't know how you handle that.
And even once many people would leave, but like you
(15:53):
definitely didn't think you deserved better.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
No, I don't, like that's the thing. Like, and I've
had this realization. It was about I don't know, a
couple weeks ago, someone you know, the people ask me
about my fiance and they're like, what's different, and I said,
he just respects me so much, and I stopped in
my tracks, going oh, because for the first time, I
actually am demanding respect, Like I actually believe that I
deserve respect, because when my ex cheated on me when
(16:16):
we were just dating.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
I'm like, that's okay.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
We all make mistakes.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
I'm like, no, you know what I mean, Like if
someone were to cheat and I'd be like, bye, I'm sorry,
you don't see the worth and what we have and
you know, but I know my worth now and I'm
just like, I would never because now I know that
I deserve respect. I deserve to be with someone that
chooses me and wants me and loves me and all
those things. But I didn't think that the last thirty years.
(16:39):
So what do you say to women who are attracted
to what they say is the bad boy or the
person who's cheated or cheated once or they want to forgive,
like is somebody always cheat? Or like, what is your
advice to those people?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
For me, it's what's the message that you're carrying around
the things that you deserve to be with someone like that?
Because when I was going through my healing work at
this retreat center, I didn't realize how much shame I
was carrying all the messages that I've been told to
that I've been told from other people that I carried
in war.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
So not enough.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
I deserve abuse, you know, I'm not this, that or
the other, And so I just constantly kept picking that.
So I think there's and people that might be like, no,
I deserve this, that and the other. I really don't
think someone would stay with someone if they didn't have
something in themselves that said something opposite.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
If that makes sense, well, you're right, because I wrote
about I wrote never settle for less than what you deserve,
But many people subconsciously think that's what they deserve, so
they're not really the baseline has to be this is
what I deserve. I'm establishing that and I won't accept
less than that, even like in business, in anything. I mean,
you don't want to be degraded in any kind of way,
you know, And it's very powerful when someone speaks to
(17:55):
you a certain way and you say, I am uncomfortable
with the way you're speaking to me. I don't accept that.
It goes it leads into every moment of a day,
not just in the macro person, the way they're cheating
on you, the way they're treating you, the way they're
canceling on you, the way they're you know, just energetic.
Also it's with family members too, like to just not
accept less than what you deserve and to make sure
(18:16):
that the bar for what you deserve is high.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, and to give yourself it's also it's it's hard,
I mean, how many years have you been spoken this
certain message that you've believed about yourself? So you have
to now think, Like I still have days where I
struggle with the season that I'm in right now. My
work is I don't know if I deserve the goodness
because I've never like when's the next shoe dropping? When
is when it feels uncomfortable. That's how it feels uncomfortable.
(18:41):
And also it can be boring if you're used to
having a roller coaster life, it can be boring. And
a relationship when it really settles into just being good
and solid can be boring. And it's weird if you
grew up like I grew up with action and gambling
and alcohol and drugs and cheating and beating and cops coming,
and so it's something you have to intervene in in
your own life to just accept.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Like I deserve peace. Yeah, yeah, and it can be safety. Yeah,
it's weird. Yes, he's a hurricane coming. Where's it? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (19:11):
I kept saying, I go, I must be dying because
I met an amazing man. I've you know, moving into
a beautiful house like this, I have something, you know
what I mean, like my death wish is coming?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
I don't know. Like, so it's a weird. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Do you think of yourself more as a country music
singer or as an actress? Like or equally both? Like
what as you are? I would say actress.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
That's what it started in because One Tree Hill was
kind of what led me into country music, and now
I just do music for fun and just kind of
a therapy tool and just to kind of keep things spinning.
And I do like writing and singing, but acting is
my is my number one. I'd love to get back
on a show that runs for years and years. That's
the dream.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
That's the dream because it's consistent and solid. It's like,
you just know, I'm not very much like I want
to provide for my family. So I keep telling where
most actors don't think it. Procedural is is creative enough.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I'm like, get me on a procedural that runs for
twenty years like I want it. I need to provide
for my children. I had like a study job, you know.
So I get that.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
That's why Kelly Rippa wanted to do the show. She
wanted to just know that every day she knew where
she was going to be. And what part does religion
play in your life?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
You know that that's a tough piece because again I've
always gone to well, I grew up not in a
we said grace, but it was something that was recited.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I don't even know the you know, God is good,
God is great, lest thing for a food that was
it like nothing was taken to heart with it. We
didn't go to church besides like once a year, and
for me, I always went to well, how why would
I pray to a father when a father leaves? So
that was my big thing. I was like, I don't
he's just going to abandon me. He's just gonna leave.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I'm probably not good enough for him anyways, or I've
messed up here, I'm and it was.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
It took me.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
It took till my divorce that I really was like, Okay,
I'm I'm alone, Like I'm just I am straight up alone,
and I don't want to be. I know he's there.
So it was I started a relationship with him post divorce,
and it was one of the best things for me
because I realized he was always there, he was just
waiting for me to let him in.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Wow, that's that's powerful. That's almost like the good man
in your life waiting for you to let them in.
Why get married again?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Legally married girl, I'm just like a glutton for punishment.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
No I, no I.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
I First of all, I love this man so much,
and he's the guy that I everything I wrote about
I wrote like in my Bible, like the man, I'm like,
please just send me this man. And it's every single
check mark that it's like what I wrote in my
bible about him. And for me personally, well, you know,
(22:11):
obviously when you look at Wikipedia. My first time, I
didn't even know the guy. I went to Vegas. I
was nineteen years old, and I'm not making excuses. But
at the same time, it's another one was we were
married for one week, you know, I really that was
That was the one of the ones where I was like,
love me, love me, And then when I was walking
down the aisle, I was like, wait, I don't love
you like this is this wasn't one I was chasing you,
(22:32):
and I don't this isn't what I want. I don't
want to have kids, you know, I don't want a
broken family. So for me, I only feel like I've
been married, true, because truly the other ones were a
week and you know, two weeks, and so Mike was
my only marriage, like we fought hard for seven years,
like that was a marriage. And but with Alan, like
(22:54):
I just he's I just want to I want to
marry him. I want him, I want our family to
be together. I want everything that I that I dreamt about,
and with him, it just feels like the right thing
to do. I said I wouldn't again. I said, there's
no way I'll change my name again. I won't get married.
But with him, it's He's the only one I've ever
wanted to walk down the aisle to. And it makes
(23:15):
me sad. I'm like, I wish I saved that for you,
because that's what I love.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
I get that. I get that. And what's the state
of your career now, Like, what are you the most
passionate about, what are you working on? What do you
want to be when.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
You grow up?
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Well, almost forty, So what I want obviously, I want
this baby to come out healthy and enjoy the holidays
with the baby, and then next year I would just
love to be able again to just get on a
show and support my children and you know, be a
working mom, but be the best mom that I can
be as well, So be on a show, and then
(23:53):
you know, I have the book coming out in October,
the next chapter and be able to just do everything
that I love. I don't like to I always say,
people always put me in a box. Well I was
the one putting myself in a box. So now I'm like,
I want to do it all. I want to you
know have I love doing my wind down podcasts. I
like writing, I like singing, I like acting. So it's
just putting and and you know and acting the things
(24:14):
off that are weighing me down. And would you move
back to la to do a show because it feels
like that sounds stressful having a new baby and a
you know, a partner. And does he have to be
in Nashville or so he's a he's a professional soccer coach,
so he'll be traveling too. And for me, I think
you can make I will I never never. I never
(24:36):
say never never, you know, I never say never. And
so if it takes me somewhere amazing, that just means
a new experience for the family. So I'm he's so
good with that. Yeah, and and yeah, because he'll be
he'll be traveling too.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
So I invested in a women's the women's soccer league,
the the Bass anyone who, Yeah, Cheryl Samberg just joined
on several months back. And it's a big it's a
big world, this this women in soccer.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah, there's a lot of suffer around them, but yeah,
you guys need a coach Alan Russell.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
He's a good one, all right. Nice.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
What about well, your kids into soccer? Yeah, they love
it and he's okay, so sweet helping them. So what
about the the leggings a pregnant thing? Like I read
that you can't live without your leggings, and it sounds
like a superficial question, but I'm not. I have leggings
and I'll wear them once in a while, but I don't.
I'm not a leggings person because I feel like they
trap me. So I want to understand. And the only
(25:33):
ones that didn't were beyond leggings because there's the breath
beyond yoga. These are the beyond yoga ones. Oh, Jody
Goober owns the company. I used to be friends with her. Yeah,
so these are these are the only ones that I'll
wear is beyond yoga. And that's what these are because
they're just super people.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Because and I like the over the bump too, so
and they can't see if some wearing black. But I'm
working out right after this, which is also why I'm
in leggings. But it's it's a little chilly today in Nashville.
But I mean, I have got a couple of pairs,
but I'm not like I like sweatshirts like I do.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Like to be cozy. Yeah, I like the whole match.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Are you you've been exercising the whole pregnancy. How is
your pregnancy?
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yeah, I've been working out and uh, it's fine, you know, girl,
I'm just older, so everything's a little harder, you know,
And everything's just the gravity and the veins down there.
I'm like, babe, don't don't look past the belly button.
Like it's just like I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
So will he be in the room?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Oh, one million percent. He's like my anxiety blanket. He's
so good with me because I go to, Oh my gosh,
I'm gonna I don't like to not feel my legs
for the epidural. So but he's just he's we're already
working on our breathing like he's he's the best.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
But he'll be up there, not down there.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Oh up, up, up up.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
He's not going to be down there.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Yeh, Because I mean I'm having I'm having the C section,
so oh okay.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
I had one too. And then where were you a waitress?
That's the weirdest last question, but I want to where
you were a waitress girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Where wasn't I a waitress?
Speaker 1 (26:57):
So I started.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
I started at Greek Island and then I went to
TGI Fridays, and then I went to Macaroni Grill, and
then I went to Joe's Crabshot because I wanted to
dance and I thought it was cute because they do
all like the like dance things. And then I was
a waitress at the time w Times Square when I
was eighteen. And then I was a waitress at the
Grove at the wood Ranch Grill which is now closed
(27:19):
in La I stole toilet paper from there because I
didn't have any money.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
So was it bad quality the toilet paper? Yeah? Yeah,
it was crap. It was like, you know, the kind
of like crumble, but I needed it. I didn't even care,
I know, I in my past. I think in my past,
like being in a cheap apartment, I'd been like, you know,
when you are at a toilet paper and it's just convenient.
I mean, you could have afforded the eighty eight cents
for toy, but it was convenient probably just to stick
it in your purse.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
And I was in the red all twenties, so it
was yeah, that or cotton balls, which is gross. But
and then let's see what else after wood Ranch I did.
I got fired at Pach's because I didn't know how
to open a wine bottle, which is ironic because now.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Wait, Patcha was your first one that was fancy. All
the rest are like very chain restaurant. Patcha is like
an automation for you. And I got fired because you
don't to open a wine bottle. Yeah, I'm like, jokes
on you, buddy, I'm a pro.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
No.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
And what was the first gig that you got?
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Click with Adam Sandler. That's a big gig to get
as your first gig. He was amazing.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
I was.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I went out to audition for his daughter and it
was between me and Katie Cassidy and the little girl.
He brought me into his office and met him and
he was fantastic Adam Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Wow. So you know Adam Sandler.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah, he's the coolest dude ever. I'm sure I don't
know if he remembers me, although he did leave me
a voice message like when I was at the top
of the charts and country music about like, oh my
kids love your music and it was supercab. Yeah, he
was like the nicest dude ever. But yeah, then he
he himself personally called him, called me and said, hey,
(28:57):
so the girl that the little girl, my little daughter
in the movie has blonde hair. So we're going to
go with Katie, but I'm going to find you apart
because I really like you and you're great, and so yeah,
he gave me it was a smaller role, but I
didn't even care.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I was just like, that's amazing, I'll do catering.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Like that was your first ever time, like on a
real set. Yeah, and then what was after that.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Prom night?
Speaker 1 (29:22):
So you working like you always? Like, how long after
starting did you like get work?
Speaker 2 (29:28):
It wasn't until One Tree Hill that I stayed out
of the Red like I would be I would have
to get a job, and then it could I'd be like,
oh shoot, I'm back in the Red, back to waitressing.
And then One Tree Hill is when the constant when
I when I started to like really work.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, I used to. I used to be a PA
on Saved by the Bell and I met Lea Remeni
and she I thought she was rich because she was
on a couple of guest episodes on Saved by the Bell,
and I'll never forget. I feel like we were eating
in her car for some reason that's like really resonating,
and I feel like I thought you rich, And she said, well,
if like eating tacos in the back of your car
(30:03):
is rich or something, I shill never forget like having
an interaction with her because I thought, if you were
on camera you were rich.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
No, you know, it's like crazy being rich and being
on TV or not the same thing as I'm sure
the strike is proving. Yeah, and like when you go
on tour, everyone thought because I was, I'd open for
Blake Shelton and all these big people for you know,
three months at a time, and oh, you must have
so much money, and like I am actually negative about
one hundred grand because of how much it costs to
be on a tour, oh tour bus and pay for
(30:33):
gas and the band members and I'm only getting paid
twenty five hundred bucks a night, so all that and
that's kind of marvelous, Miss masl Like that show is
kind of about that, Like she's like famous, but she's
not making any money. And yeah, I mean, you don't
really get treated a certain way until you really hit it.
Like if I tell my daughter that I was on
with you. I mean, because if One Tree Hill and
(30:53):
Friday Night Lights, we still watch One Tree Hill all
the time like it's beyond it holds up. Great show?
That really up. They did a show. Hold up, they
both hold up. What was your rose and your thorn
(31:15):
of your career? I rose in my thorn. That's a
good one. Uh, I would say.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
My thorn was this movie I did called The Return
of the Living Dead, and I had to have I
wrote about it in the next chapter two. It is
the first time I ever had a panic attack. But
I had to get my appendix taken out in Romania.
But it wasn't They took out the wrong They took
out the wrong organ. Wait in the movie, no, like
in real life? What because that sounds like something would
(31:43):
happen in Return of the Living Dead, I know. And
then like I know, they put the wrong they put
somebody else's organ in your body and then you live
but you're dead.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah, sounds like a great plot.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
I know.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
So I wrote about that in the book and it
was Yeah, that was that was appendix taken out in Romania.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yeah, but they did, they were It was never my
appendix that was the problem was, Actually they should have
taken out my gallbladder. It's it's like a whole thing
Jesus Christ was experience. It sounds pretty serious, sounds like
those are two important parts.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
You really don't need either. But I'm also like, well,
why did God give it? Give them to us then
if we didn't need it? But what do you have
now in the body? I mean I got a uterus,
I have a You don't have a gallbladder or an appendix. No,
I'm fascinated. I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Sound they sound important when you say them, the names,
they sound important. They're like big words. Wow. Okay, so
you're without those? Put them in your dating profile? No,
I'm doing, I'm done. I'm done.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
This is it?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah back in the day, Yeah, mindset, I only sought
the small stuff. Yours, says girl without an appendix or
gall bladder? Yeah, wow, Yeah, that's I mean, it's not hysterical,
but that's hysterical, you know.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
What I'm I know, I'm not even trying to be
super publicity with this one or trying to promote it,
but I would say I'm just so proud of the
book that I'm about to put out because everything that
I feel like I've been through, it's uh, I'm proud
that I actually I never thought I could write my
own book, and it was very much My editors were like,
you should get a ghost writer, and I'm like, I
(33:12):
need to write this myself. And that was something that
I'm just really proud of.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
So that you should be. That's another Kelly rip of things.
She wrote her whole book herself. I found it to
be extremely impressive, like it's something that requires help and
you did it yourself.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
Yeah, I just was.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
I think it was because my ax when we wrote
our first book, he had said, well, you know, you
can't write. You talk like you you type, and I'm like,
well I do and that's what makes it like me
and people would reallyize meaning you write like you talk
like the words on the poet. Yeah, like you know,
and so not perfectly formed. But I just I had
(33:46):
to prove it to myself that I could do it.
And that's just kind of always been my personality too.
But how long did it take a long time? No,
I mean took it like two years. That sounds about
write though, I mean it's not that he used to
write a book. Yeah, here to write.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
I had a year to edit it.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
But I also will say it was because I went back.
I was very angry when I started it, and then
I went back and I go, I don't need to
put that story in there. I don't need to put
that in there. I don't need to put that in
there that's interesting. So I went back and I edit
it because I just was like, it's the father of
my kids. I don't need to be telling these kind
of stories. That's our past so interesting. Yeah, not everything
needs to be said. I burned a whole book in
(34:22):
the barbecue and started over when I did a place
of yes, yeah, because it's just like, what is the
point with that? And it's at the end of the day,
it's not about None of these books are about any
of my exes. Like I've got this one ex boyfriend
that's trying to be like, oh, I was just talking
about me the book, and I'm like, buddy, the book
is not about you. It's nothing to You might have
a little blip in my but it has nothing to
(34:42):
do with you. It's everything to do about me and
like the choices that I made and the missteps and whatever.
So don't try to get your pr but like no,
like don't flat about you. It's not a Taylor Swift song.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
No.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
And then what is your parenting style?
Speaker 2 (35:00):
This is where I struggle And I actually just had
therapy about this because sometimes I feel like I'm a
little too hard. I didn't have the parent that pushed
me to be the best version of myself. Like if
I didn't want to take my essayts or my acts,
or if I was a C average student, they'd be like,
great job. So I never really was pushed, and so
(35:20):
I think now I'm on the other pendulum swing of
that being like work harder and you know. So I'm
trying to find a balance right now of being of yeah,
of not being too hard, but I'm also very loving
and all those things. But I just I see the
potential in my children and I just want them to
have all the opportunities.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Are you strict?
Speaker 2 (35:43):
I definitely discipline, Like they're not kids that you know,
every time I go to the store they get a
toy or if it's something that I will take something
away like I do.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
I am.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
I despise And this is the biggest fight to this
day that my ex and I get into. I hate technology.
I don't like iPads. I don't want them to phones.
I don't want any of it. I think it's bad
for their little brains.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
Oh I know.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
And I'm like, they go to his house and they're
watching them for six hours, and I'm like, this is
not okay.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
And she's not a tech kid. My kid, she has
obviously phone and she's on it. But there are some
kids that are literally it's an appendage, and it does
work being that way because later they're just not it's
not a crutch. I know so many kids that it
is an appendage, and I think it's such a turn off.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Yeah, I don't hate it. I don't like seeing kids.
And I know parents have to do they have to
do when they go to restaurants, but I'm not the
parent that will at dinner. I'm like saying, talk to
your kids, tell the color with them at the table,
do something like that. And again I'm going to get
probably so hated up for.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
That, but I don't think you will. But no, people
feel judgment, And yes, that's fine, your choice is to
not do that, but yes, I know I've It's funny
because I think I had a post I was going
to put up the other day and I thought, oh's
that Judgey because I'm not the path of least. I
don't want to. But we're not working three jobs. We're
not waitressing. And I understand giving someone a device so
you could just have a moment a piece that sounds
(36:58):
really good, but it's a hard disapoint and to stick
to you do.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
It Like I'm my mom on the plane room. I'm like,
here's the flash car. You get your iPad for one
hour on this four hour so the first.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
Hour that's serious and I'm not knowing that's serious. That's
very serious. I was like that when she was younger,
but getting older, I will be on the iPad the
entire flight. I just that's what that was. The bridge
I couldn't cross. That's yeah, that's that's very serious varsity stuff.
But it's uh yeah, I just I'm like, go outside,
(37:28):
go play. Like I loved my childhood. I love to
be able to go outside. And that's just I'm always
if it is, even if it's raining, I'm like, let's
go do some chalk in the garage. I don't care. Yeah,
it puts more on you. Apps you have to do
more work too, because you're not just throwing it in
front of the TV. Yeah, and wind down. I hear
your podcast does really really well and that you're great
(37:49):
at it.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
Thank you. It's so fun.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
It's also been it's hard because I I still get no,
it's not as bad, but I still get moments of
anxiety when I see a headline. I'm like, that's not
exactly what I said, or that's not the context of this,
and so good luck. I'm fighting myself to not again.
I've gotten so much better where I don't feel like
I have to defend it anymore, but it still bothers
(38:11):
me because it's I'm like, if you just listen, you'll
see that wasn't my intent or I didn't mean.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
It like that, or but that's not an interesting headline.
That's my story. Every every single day, page six writes
about something I said on TikTok or Instagram, and the
headline is always so like Bethany drags Tailor Swift, Like
I didn't drag Tailor Swift. I just mentioned that she
was on a date with a guy at a game
and it looked like they had been together forever, and
that women should be reminded to have their own identity.
(38:35):
I wasn't talking about like her per se. It was
just a vehicle. But it's every day and you cannot
kill every bug in Manhattan, so you cannot take the bait.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
I know.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
I just I still have this.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
One of my negative traits personality traits, is I want
one hundred percent approval, right, So for the people that
go on those US weekly things, they're like, oh my god,
can she just shut up already?
Speaker 1 (38:55):
And she's so annoying, and I'm like, but but get
to know me, we'd be friends.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Like oh that.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
Yeah, Well, if you try to please everybody, you end
up pleasing nobody, and you have.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
To have a point of view and you have to
pick a side and a lane and just do it.
And so yeah, as I'm nearing forty, I'm I'm like,
I'm giving less crap.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
When you get to fifty, you will give zero. Great
I cannot. Yeah, for sure. I was talking to someone
about that yesterday. It was so nice to talk to
you and to finally get to meet you at hear
a lot about you from the girls.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
Well, thank you so much for having me on. I
really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
I'm like a huge fan.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
So im so grateful, thank you. I'm well, congratulations on
the baby and your relationship and this sort of you know, chapter,
the next chapter, and your book, and I wish you
the best.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Thank you so much, Bethany.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (39:40):
Jays.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
I have an awesome day, all right, hie girl.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
See ya,
My guest today is actress, singer, and podcast host Jana Kramer.
We dive into a deep conversation about past relationships, co parenting,
and more. Jana's new book, The Next Chapter, Making Peace
with Hard Memories, Finding Hope All Around Me and Clearing
Space for Good Things to Come, comes out in October
twenty fourth and is available for pre order. Now, this
(00:33):
is just be with Jana Kramer. Let's get into it. Hi,
Hi lady, how are you? I'm good? How are you wonderful?
So that is your podcast setup? It's beautiful. Thank you.
Speaker 2 (00:48):
It's a little messy now that I'm looking at it,
but thanks girl.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Are you in La? No?
Speaker 2 (00:53):
I just moved into a new house in Nashville. How
is Nashville? I love it, I really do. I've been
here now, let's see four years, and it's great.
Speaker 1 (01:04):
Is it like a mini La? Now?
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Unfortunately it's becoming that way really like that's almost everybody
in my neighborhood is from California. But I will say
the good piece of that is they're bringing in really
good restaurants and they're they're having to up their Southern
game a little bit.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Interesting. So okay, so the first interaction besides Friday Night
Lights that I've had with you was I think I
commented on something on a post and you commented back.
I'm like, oh, we're friends now, Like I remember, like
or then you followed me. I followed you, and that
was a couple of years ago. It was like surrounding
Jay Cutler and I don't know what I commented, but
there was like an interaction that we had and you
(01:43):
were on my radar and I then connected, Oh my god,
that's the girl from Friday Night Lights, which I was
obsessed with my daughter. I got her into it. I mean,
I think it's one of the greatest shows ever.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
It was one of my favorite shows I've ever done,
and it was it was one of those things where
because a lot of times it's shows you know there,
they'll be like, well, here's your mark, you have to
hit your mark. And I remember the first time I
went on set, they're like, all right, action, and I'm like,
but we didn't rehearse and we didn't, like, where's my
mark and they're.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Like, just just go and I'm like, oh, okay.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
Like it was the coolest thing because it was wait,
what is it mark?
Speaker 1 (02:20):
The physical mark? What do you mean hit my mark?
Speaker 2 (02:22):
What's there's like a t in acting where you have
to do camera blocking and then you know the things,
and then you have to hit literally your mark so
the camera can get you. But in frint night lights,
they're all on the handheld, so they'll they'll get you
wherever you stand.
Speaker 1 (02:35):
Oh interesting, but that's funny that that's a thing. Where's
my mark? I never I see I know what you're
talking about when we do photoshoots, but I didn't literally
know you meant oh funny. Yeah, I think it was
such an excellent show. Yeah, whose show was it? Peter
Berg's exactly? I just watched his. Uh his show on
on opioids was crazy, same killer. That was insane, insane.
(02:58):
I'm so angry about I know because I'm like that person.
They kept blaming the addicts, so I'm like, he wasn't
an addict. He hurt his back and then he became
an addict and they paid like a billion dollars over time.
They didn't even feel a mark's And he must be
angry and he must have a personal association to it
because it was a very personal show. What was that
that wasn't on Netflix? Where was the Hulu.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I think it was Netflix, and then Taylor Kitch was
also in it, who was Frid. He always uses Taylor
a lot. Yeah, yeah with Peter, Yeah, he uses him
in a lot of his stuff.
Speaker 1 (03:30):
I mean, I mean, were you did you when you
were on set with him? Did you die?
Speaker 3 (03:34):
Like?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Was he as gorgeous then to you as he was
to me? He was so cool?
Speaker 3 (03:39):
He was.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
We became like very like Broie where when we first
met we would play volleyball after set. There was like
this really cool volleyball outdoor sand volleyball thing that we'd
all go to.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
So he was awesome, I would say as an adult,
like as a kid, it was Matt Dillan as an
adult like he was my guy, Like that was the
one that was the one that hurt was painful? Yeah, yeah, Okay.
So I was reading your bio and I was shocked
by all of the things that you've been through, all
of like this circuitous route to yes, your career, but
(04:12):
your personal life, like you really have been through a journey.
And I was thinking about what your childhood was like,
like where you grew up and how you grew up
because I was just thinking about your choices you reflecting
the mistakes I've been in many relationships like you, and
I feel self conscious about it. Sometimes I was wondering
if you feel self conscious about it. I was just
(04:33):
thinking about this, this relationship and personal life journey.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
So it's when I've sat down. Obviously, in therapy, you
go back and you go to your childhood wounds and
your traumas and you think back, Okay, when did this start?
Where was my first belief? And it was when I
was six and it was I'm not enough. And so
what happened was is unfortunately that came from my dad,
and because it was my dad, from those years on,
(05:02):
I was always trying to get the approval of a man.
You know, he ended up cheating on my mom, which
then he left the house, and so I was always
finding at that time too an older man. But I
always wanted them to say you're enough and I love you.
But those are the guys that were never going to
(05:22):
tell me that I was enough and that they loved me.
So I just kept picking those kind of men to
be like, choose me, love me, pick me, because I
didn't get that.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
And now that you're going to change them, because you
want to change your dad that you're going to be
the one that's going to make them different.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Right, Like he's not like try to get him to
stay like my dad left me, even though you know,
when you're older, you kind of look at it in
a bigger, broader stance.
Speaker 3 (05:48):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
So it's I see now that my dad was just
doing the best that he could. And I get all that,
but that doesn't help the little girl and me that
still was fighting for love and fighting for attention and
fighting to be chosen. And yeah, taking these men that
are just you know, weren't available, and didn't you know
they would just give me little pieces of themselves of
(06:08):
So then I'm like, well, no, love me, love me,
choose me, pick me. And then when they did, I'm like, wait,
I don't even want that person.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
But you just said something that I have said until recently,
and I stopped saying. You just said he did the
best that he could. And I always used to say
that about my mother who had me at twenty and like,
it's like this lot thing that I just say. And
I thought the other night it was actually weird. It
was related to the Danny Masterson thing, which reminded me
of a lot of the abuse in my childhood and
(06:36):
I ended up going and spinning out and going in
a different direction and an abuse I had in a relationship,
and I thought to myself, the way I was raised
was despicable. And I thought to myself, I always say
they did the best they could, but I don't think
that's actually true. So do you really think that your
dad did the best that he could. So I don't
know the whole situation. I'm just asking because it was interesting.
You just said that thing that I always say, and
(06:57):
I stopped saying it because I don't know if I
think it's true.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
For a long time, no, I would say that he didn't.
And again, I grew up in a very angry household.
My dad was always yelling, My parents were always fighting.
He was he had some massive anger issues, and my
brother got most of that physical, but I saw it.
(07:22):
My mom stayed in it, and it was just that
kind of household. And when I look at it, I
from a bigger place, I go, Okay, what was his upbringing?
Speaker 3 (07:32):
Like?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
Well, my grandpa was a very tough German Man. He
was very hard on my dad. He was most likely
physical as well. And I think back then, like our generation,
like we know boundaries and we go to therapy, and
I don't think that. Yes, I mean, I know therapy
was available then, but I think as a man back
(07:55):
then in that day, that would have been yes. Could
Would I have love for him to go to therapy?
Speaker 3 (07:59):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (08:00):
But I think I do believe he was doing the
best that he could because I don't think therapy was
a very right acceptable thing back then.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
You know, Yeah, you just it wasn't. There wasn't also,
quote unquote the conversation in society. It wasn't a conversation
about what we're People weren't indulging themselves by thinking about
what they're doing right and what they're doing wrong. It
was called, oh, smoke a cigarette while you're pregnant, open
the door, let the kids at the back, and pray
for the best. Yeah pretty much. Yeah, So I get that.
(08:27):
I get that. It's just funny because I say that,
I still yeah, I just think it's an interesting thing
to think about if people are doing the best that
they can. But yeah, people weren't self aware or reflecting.
It just wasn't, like I said, the conversation right.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
And I for so long, I mean, all my twenties
I just blamed him for every problem I had. I'm like, well,
you're the reason that I picked cheers, You're the reason
I pick abusers, You're the reason I do this, and
his head spinning because you know, again, I think and
my dad and I just had this conversation because we're
good now. He's so anxiously attached and he's like trying
to make up for lost time, and I'm like, Dad,
(09:01):
you just like So He's like, well, it's anxious attachment,
and I'm like, you gotta let me breathe for a second,
Like stop asking me about my middle school boyfriend. I
had no idea what happened to him, you know, like
he's just trying.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
So hard to be evolved and like do the cram
course to being evolved?
Speaker 2 (09:15):
Yeah, And it's just like you can, we can sit
here and we're we are okay, you know. And I
just like your kids, Yes, I accept them. And that's
the thing. Like I loved my grandpa, his dad, so
I'm like, I want my kids to have a relationship
with their grandpa. And you know, does does my mom
do it perfectly every day? No? But I have my
own boundaries around my parents now, and I just kind
(09:35):
of accept them for who they are because I can't
change them at this stage, and I don't see them
going to therapy. So it's like I either have them
in my life in my kid's life, or I hold
on to stuff and I just don't want to hold
on it into anything that feels more weighted in today's
already weighted world.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
And I think the dynamic of you controlling the boundaries
with kids is a really interesting thing. It kind of
gives you power, gives us power with our parents to
be able to raise us the things that they thought
were okay for them to say and do with us
that we will create the boundaries that it's not acceptable
and that will not be discussed in this house in
front of my kid, because this is my path, you
know for sure.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Like my mom and I got into one thing one
time because she said she was gonna, you know, bake
cookies with my daughter and stay for a certain amount
of time, while she ended up leaving early, and that
was a huge trigger for me. I was like, you
can lie to me or not tell me or change plans,
but you don't get to do that to my daughter,
Like she doesn't get to feel that disappointment, like, because
now she's going to feel what did I do wrong
for Nana to leave early?
Speaker 3 (10:34):
Mmm?
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Interesting? Right, was like you've done that?
Speaker 2 (10:37):
It was at times, right, you've just changed your plan
and whatever. But it is it affects.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
No, I mean you yourself have experienced your mom a
million times, yes, exactly, and I'm like, it's affected me.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
You don't get to have that affect my daughter. So
from now on, we don't say how long you're here
because you might change your mind. And that's okay if
you change your mind, but you don't get to tell
her how long you're here.
Speaker 3 (10:57):
Mmmm.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
Fascinating. Wow, So you have three kids now?
Speaker 2 (11:01):
So I've got my almost eight year old daughter, almost
five year old son, and then my fiance and are
expecting we're do in November.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
So how is the co parenting, the blending, what's the
dynamic like the back and forth? How does how's that
working for you?
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Now?
Speaker 1 (11:17):
It sounds like a lot, But being pregnant and having
a new marriage, it was, I mean, the first two
years post divorce were really I'll say like the first
year was really tough parenting with him because I was
still taking all the baggage and toxicity that we had,
and the anger and the resentment, and every time we talk,
(11:38):
like every time I'd see his phone come up. I
mean I even had he was labeled not healthy on
my phone and or it would be changed to a
whole one day, or just you know, I was just
so angry. And then we kind of joked one time,
I go, hey, you got your name back on my phone,
just like you're just Mike now Mike's c on my phone.
But what we've come to now in this past year
(12:01):
is realizing that we have a new relationship now. So
we have our past, our old marriage that was not great,
but we have to leave that away and this is
now our new relationship, and how does that look? You know,
and we have to leave the resentments and all the
stuff behind. We might still get triggered, and we both
still do because I'll say something or he'll say something
(12:23):
and that might trigger something from our past. But we
are now trying to create this new relationship and seeing
what that looks like. And we've done a really good
job so far. And I'm proud of how far we've
come considering all the crap that we went through together.
That's really healthy and it's early in the game. I mean,
I have to say, for you know, he maybe he
was doing the best that he could, because it sounds
(12:44):
like pretty evolved for what I've read about you know
what I read about today, I was like, Wow, you've
been through a lot a lot of abuse, a lot
of you know, mental torture, and that sounds really healthy
and really amazing. That's the ultimate goal.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Well, the thing is is like, I love my kids
more than I hate my ex. And I know people
have said that before, but that is that is the
biggest thing that I was Remember, I love my kids
more than I hate my ex, and I'm like, he,
I don't want him to take my joy. I don't
want him to steal the beautiful things that are happening
right in our life. I want him to be able.
I want us to be able to be in the
(13:19):
same room, because I remember my parents couldn't be in
the same room and I hated that it gave him
anxiety and I didn't like it. So I would love
for the fact that. So last year, I invited him
for the first time to a birthday party, like would
you like to come? Because I'm like, I think it'd
be good for the kids. I can set my own
stuff aside for our children. And I think that seed
planted and it just is now kind of growing that
(13:43):
there's more things that we're doing together as a family.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
And yeah, it's listen. I could harp and I did
for a long time. I mean I harped about it
when we were married, all the stuff he did wrong,
all the things you know at post marriage. And I
just don't want the I don't want the hate. I
don't like I don't like the negative energy. I just
really don't want it because I'm like, it's not good
(14:08):
for me, it's not good for my body, it's not
good for anything like it. I'm like, why, Like, Okay,
he did what he did. I did what I did.
Now let's just can we just please be happy? And
like I would love for him to be happy and
move on.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
And so I just say, holding on to anger is
like drinking poison and hoping the other person does.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Yeah. I just because I've seen people like I know
people that are in that terrible divorce and they're just
they hate each other and they have to drop off
in you know, parking lots and and that's what works
for them. But I'm like, I just don't want that energy.
I can't, like I physically don't want to hold that
much hatred for someone.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
It's it's the worst thing I did. I've done it
for over a decade. It's it's a very bad thing.
Two people have to be willing to uh be that evolved.
And it sounds like your ex is evolving as a
as a person, which is amazing.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
But the thing is is like I could hate him
for everything he's done for the rest of my life,
and I have every reason to hate him forever, but like,
why would I want to hold onto that? Like what
is the purpose?
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, I'm just remembering you went on Red Table Talk
and you talked about being cheated on. I think it
was thirteen times, like I was the first time, you know,
like I forgot that that was even you. Like I
remember the story, if that makes any sense. I remember
the story and it was Red Table Talk, but it
was probably in like the background in my periphery, and
like today I was reading, I'm like, oh my god,
that was her? What the hell? Like, you know, it's
(15:30):
interesting it is about people that we choose, Like it
really is because I had, like I said, I had
a very very abusive childhood and have seen everything. But
I've always, i think, been proactive about how to choose
because I don't think I could have. I could have
never handled that. I don't know how you handle that.
And even once many people would leave, but like you
(15:53):
definitely didn't think you deserved better.
Speaker 2 (15:54):
No, I don't, like that's the thing. Like, and I've
had this realization. It was about I don't know, a
couple weeks ago, someone you know, the people ask me
about my fiance and they're like, what's different, and I said,
he just respects me so much, and I stopped in
my tracks, going oh, because for the first time, I
actually am demanding respect, Like I actually believe that I
deserve respect, because when my ex cheated on me when
(16:16):
we were just dating.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
I'm like, that's okay.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
We all make mistakes.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
I'm like, no, you know what I mean, Like if
someone were to cheat and I'd be like, bye, I'm sorry,
you don't see the worth and what we have and
you know, but I know my worth now and I'm
just like, I would never because now I know that
I deserve respect. I deserve to be with someone that
chooses me and wants me and loves me and all
those things. But I didn't think that the last thirty years.
(16:39):
So what do you say to women who are attracted
to what they say is the bad boy or the
person who's cheated or cheated once or they want to forgive,
like is somebody always cheat? Or like, what is your
advice to those people?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
For me, it's what's the message that you're carrying around
the things that you deserve to be with someone like that?
Because when I was going through my healing work at
this retreat center, I didn't realize how much shame I
was carrying all the messages that I've been told to
that I've been told from other people that I carried
in war.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
So not enough.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
I deserve abuse, you know, I'm not this, that or
the other, And so I just constantly kept picking that.
So I think there's and people that might be like, no,
I deserve this, that and the other. I really don't
think someone would stay with someone if they didn't have
something in themselves that said something opposite.
Speaker 1 (17:33):
If that makes sense, well, you're right, because I wrote
about I wrote never settle for less than what you deserve,
But many people subconsciously think that's what they deserve, so
they're not really the baseline has to be this is
what I deserve. I'm establishing that and I won't accept
less than that, even like in business, in anything. I mean,
you don't want to be degraded in any kind of way,
you know, And it's very powerful when someone speaks to
(17:55):
you a certain way and you say, I am uncomfortable
with the way you're speaking to me. I don't accept that.
It goes it leads into every moment of a day,
not just in the macro person, the way they're cheating
on you, the way they're treating you, the way they're
canceling on you, the way they're you know, just energetic.
Also it's with family members too, like to just not
accept less than what you deserve and to make sure
(18:16):
that the bar for what you deserve is high.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Yeah, and to give yourself it's also it's it's hard,
I mean, how many years have you been spoken this
certain message that you've believed about yourself? So you have
to now think, Like I still have days where I
struggle with the season that I'm in right now. My
work is I don't know if I deserve the goodness
because I've never like when's the next shoe dropping? When
is when it feels uncomfortable. That's how it feels uncomfortable.
(18:41):
And also it can be boring if you're used to
having a roller coaster life, it can be boring. And
a relationship when it really settles into just being good
and solid can be boring. And it's weird if you
grew up like I grew up with action and gambling
and alcohol and drugs and cheating and beating and cops coming,
and so it's something you have to intervene in in
your own life to just accept.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
Like I deserve peace. Yeah, yeah, and it can be safety. Yeah,
it's weird. Yes, he's a hurricane coming. Where's it? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (19:11):
I kept saying, I go, I must be dying because
I met an amazing man. I've you know, moving into
a beautiful house like this, I have something, you know
what I mean, like my death wish is coming?
Speaker 3 (19:21):
I don't know. Like, so it's a weird. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:35):
Do you think of yourself more as a country music
singer or as an actress? Like or equally both? Like
what as you are? I would say actress.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
That's what it started in because One Tree Hill was
kind of what led me into country music, and now
I just do music for fun and just kind of
a therapy tool and just to kind of keep things spinning.
And I do like writing and singing, but acting is
my is my number one. I'd love to get back
on a show that runs for years and years. That's
the dream.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
That's the dream because it's consistent and solid. It's like,
you just know, I'm not very much like I want
to provide for my family. So I keep telling where
most actors don't think it. Procedural is is creative enough.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I'm like, get me on a procedural that runs for
twenty years like I want it. I need to provide
for my children. I had like a study job, you know.
So I get that.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
That's why Kelly Rippa wanted to do the show. She
wanted to just know that every day she knew where
she was going to be. And what part does religion
play in your life?
Speaker 2 (20:31):
You know that that's a tough piece because again I've
always gone to well, I grew up not in a
we said grace, but it was something that was recited.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
I don't even know the you know, God is good,
God is great, lest thing for a food that was
it like nothing was taken to heart with it. We
didn't go to church besides like once a year, and
for me, I always went to well, how why would
I pray to a father when a father leaves? So
that was my big thing. I was like, I don't
he's just going to abandon me. He's just gonna leave.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
I'm probably not good enough for him anyways, or I've
messed up here, I'm and it was.
Speaker 3 (21:07):
It took me.
Speaker 2 (21:08):
It took till my divorce that I really was like, Okay,
I'm I'm alone, Like I'm just I am straight up alone,
and I don't want to be. I know he's there.
So it was I started a relationship with him post divorce,
and it was one of the best things for me
because I realized he was always there, he was just
waiting for me to let him in.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
Wow, that's that's powerful. That's almost like the good man
in your life waiting for you to let them in.
Why get married again?
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Legally married girl, I'm just like a glutton for punishment.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
No I, no I.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
I First of all, I love this man so much,
and he's the guy that I everything I wrote about
I wrote like in my Bible, like the man, I'm like,
please just send me this man. And it's every single
check mark that it's like what I wrote in my
bible about him. And for me personally, well, you know,
(22:11):
obviously when you look at Wikipedia. My first time, I
didn't even know the guy. I went to Vegas. I
was nineteen years old, and I'm not making excuses. But
at the same time, it's another one was we were
married for one week, you know, I really that was
That was the one of the ones where I was like,
love me, love me, And then when I was walking
down the aisle, I was like, wait, I don't love
you like this is this wasn't one I was chasing you,
(22:32):
and I don't this isn't what I want. I don't
want to have kids, you know, I don't want a
broken family. So for me, I only feel like I've
been married, true, because truly the other ones were a
week and you know, two weeks, and so Mike was
my only marriage, like we fought hard for seven years,
like that was a marriage. And but with Alan, like
(22:54):
I just he's I just want to I want to
marry him. I want him, I want our family to
be together. I want everything that I that I dreamt about,
and with him, it just feels like the right thing
to do. I said I wouldn't again. I said, there's
no way I'll change my name again. I won't get married.
But with him, it's He's the only one I've ever
wanted to walk down the aisle to. And it makes
(23:15):
me sad. I'm like, I wish I saved that for you,
because that's what I love.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
I get that. I get that. And what's the state
of your career now, Like, what are you the most
passionate about, what are you working on? What do you
want to be when.
Speaker 3 (23:29):
You grow up?
Speaker 2 (23:31):
Well, almost forty, So what I want obviously, I want
this baby to come out healthy and enjoy the holidays
with the baby, and then next year I would just
love to be able again to just get on a
show and support my children and you know, be a
working mom, but be the best mom that I can
be as well, So be on a show, and then
(23:53):
you know, I have the book coming out in October,
the next chapter and be able to just do everything
that I love. I don't like to I always say,
people always put me in a box. Well I was
the one putting myself in a box. So now I'm like,
I want to do it all. I want to you
know have I love doing my wind down podcasts. I
like writing, I like singing, I like acting. So it's
just putting and and you know and acting the things
(24:14):
off that are weighing me down. And would you move
back to la to do a show because it feels
like that sounds stressful having a new baby and a
you know, a partner. And does he have to be
in Nashville or so he's a he's a professional soccer coach,
so he'll be traveling too. And for me, I think
you can make I will I never never. I never
(24:36):
say never never, you know, I never say never. And
so if it takes me somewhere amazing, that just means
a new experience for the family. So I'm he's so
good with that. Yeah, and and yeah, because he'll be
he'll be traveling too.
Speaker 1 (24:50):
So I invested in a women's the women's soccer league,
the the Bass anyone who, Yeah, Cheryl Samberg just joined
on several months back. And it's a big it's a
big world, this this women in soccer.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Yeah, there's a lot of suffer around them, but yeah,
you guys need a coach Alan Russell.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
He's a good one, all right. Nice.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
What about well, your kids into soccer? Yeah, they love
it and he's okay, so sweet helping them. So what
about the the leggings a pregnant thing? Like I read
that you can't live without your leggings, and it sounds
like a superficial question, but I'm not. I have leggings
and I'll wear them once in a while, but I don't.
I'm not a leggings person because I feel like they
trap me. So I want to understand. And the only
(25:33):
ones that didn't were beyond leggings because there's the breath
beyond yoga. These are the beyond yoga ones. Oh, Jody
Goober owns the company. I used to be friends with her. Yeah,
so these are these are the only ones that I'll
wear is beyond yoga. And that's what these are because
they're just super people.
Speaker 3 (25:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Because and I like the over the bump too, so
and they can't see if some wearing black. But I'm
working out right after this, which is also why I'm
in leggings. But it's it's a little chilly today in Nashville.
But I mean, I have got a couple of pairs,
but I'm not like I like sweatshirts like I do.
Speaker 3 (26:03):
Like to be cozy. Yeah, I like the whole match.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
Are you you've been exercising the whole pregnancy. How is
your pregnancy?
Speaker 2 (26:10):
Yeah, I've been working out and uh, it's fine, you know, girl,
I'm just older, so everything's a little harder, you know,
And everything's just the gravity and the veins down there.
I'm like, babe, don't don't look past the belly button.
Like it's just like I don't like it.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
So will he be in the room?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Oh, one million percent. He's like my anxiety blanket. He's
so good with me because I go to, Oh my gosh,
I'm gonna I don't like to not feel my legs
for the epidural. So but he's just he's we're already
working on our breathing like he's he's the best.
Speaker 1 (26:41):
But he'll be up there, not down there.
Speaker 3 (26:43):
Oh up, up, up up.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
He's not going to be down there.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
Yeh, Because I mean I'm having I'm having the C section,
so oh okay.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
I had one too. And then where were you a waitress?
That's the weirdest last question, but I want to where
you were a waitress girlfriend.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
Where wasn't I a waitress?
Speaker 1 (26:57):
So I started.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
I started at Greek Island and then I went to
TGI Fridays, and then I went to Macaroni Grill, and
then I went to Joe's Crabshot because I wanted to
dance and I thought it was cute because they do
all like the like dance things. And then I was
a waitress at the time w Times Square when I
was eighteen. And then I was a waitress at the
Grove at the wood Ranch Grill which is now closed
(27:19):
in La I stole toilet paper from there because I
didn't have any money.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
So was it bad quality the toilet paper? Yeah? Yeah,
it was crap. It was like, you know, the kind
of like crumble, but I needed it. I didn't even care,
I know, I in my past. I think in my past,
like being in a cheap apartment, I'd been like, you know,
when you are at a toilet paper and it's just convenient.
I mean, you could have afforded the eighty eight cents
for toy, but it was convenient probably just to stick
it in your purse.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2 (27:45):
And I was in the red all twenties, so it
was yeah, that or cotton balls, which is gross. But
and then let's see what else after wood Ranch I did.
I got fired at Pach's because I didn't know how
to open a wine bottle, which is ironic because now.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Wait, Patcha was your first one that was fancy. All
the rest are like very chain restaurant. Patcha is like
an automation for you. And I got fired because you
don't to open a wine bottle. Yeah, I'm like, jokes
on you, buddy, I'm a pro.
Speaker 3 (28:10):
No.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
And what was the first gig that you got?
Speaker 2 (28:16):
Click with Adam Sandler. That's a big gig to get
as your first gig. He was amazing.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
I was.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
I went out to audition for his daughter and it
was between me and Katie Cassidy and the little girl.
He brought me into his office and met him and
he was fantastic Adam Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Wow. So you know Adam Sandler.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Yeah, he's the coolest dude ever. I'm sure I don't
know if he remembers me, although he did leave me
a voice message like when I was at the top
of the charts and country music about like, oh my
kids love your music and it was supercab. Yeah, he
was like the nicest dude ever. But yeah, then he
he himself personally called him, called me and said, hey,
(28:57):
so the girl that the little girl, my little daughter
in the movie has blonde hair. So we're going to
go with Katie, but I'm going to find you apart
because I really like you and you're great, and so yeah,
he gave me it was a smaller role, but I
didn't even care.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I was just like, that's amazing, I'll do catering.
Speaker 3 (29:11):
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Like that was your first ever time, like on a
real set. Yeah, and then what was after that.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
Prom night?
Speaker 1 (29:22):
So you working like you always? Like, how long after
starting did you like get work?
Speaker 2 (29:28):
It wasn't until One Tree Hill that I stayed out
of the Red like I would be I would have
to get a job, and then it could I'd be like,
oh shoot, I'm back in the Red, back to waitressing.
And then One Tree Hill is when the constant when
I when I started to like really work.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yeah, I used to. I used to be a PA
on Saved by the Bell and I met Lea Remeni
and she I thought she was rich because she was
on a couple of guest episodes on Saved by the Bell,
and I'll never forget. I feel like we were eating
in her car for some reason that's like really resonating,
and I feel like I thought you rich, And she said, well,
if like eating tacos in the back of your car
(30:03):
is rich or something, I shill never forget like having
an interaction with her because I thought, if you were
on camera you were rich.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
No, you know, it's like crazy being rich and being
on TV or not the same thing as I'm sure
the strike is proving. Yeah, and like when you go
on tour, everyone thought because I was, I'd open for
Blake Shelton and all these big people for you know,
three months at a time, and oh, you must have
so much money, and like I am actually negative about
one hundred grand because of how much it costs to
be on a tour, oh tour bus and pay for
(30:33):
gas and the band members and I'm only getting paid
twenty five hundred bucks a night, so all that and
that's kind of marvelous, Miss masl Like that show is
kind of about that, Like she's like famous, but she's
not making any money. And yeah, I mean, you don't
really get treated a certain way until you really hit it.
Like if I tell my daughter that I was on
with you. I mean, because if One Tree Hill and
(30:53):
Friday Night Lights, we still watch One Tree Hill all
the time like it's beyond it holds up. Great show?
That really up. They did a show. Hold up, they
both hold up. What was your rose and your thorn
(31:15):
of your career? I rose in my thorn. That's a
good one. Uh, I would say.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
My thorn was this movie I did called The Return
of the Living Dead, and I had to have I
wrote about it in the next chapter two. It is
the first time I ever had a panic attack. But
I had to get my appendix taken out in Romania.
But it wasn't They took out the wrong They took
out the wrong organ. Wait in the movie, no, like
in real life? What because that sounds like something would
(31:43):
happen in Return of the Living Dead, I know. And
then like I know, they put the wrong they put
somebody else's organ in your body and then you live
but you're dead.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
Yeah, sounds like a great plot.
Speaker 3 (31:51):
I know.
Speaker 1 (31:52):
So I wrote about that in the book and it
was Yeah, that was that was appendix taken out in Romania.
Speaker 2 (31:59):
Yeah, but they did, they were It was never my
appendix that was the problem was, Actually they should have
taken out my gallbladder. It's it's like a whole thing
Jesus Christ was experience. It sounds pretty serious, sounds like
those are two important parts.
Speaker 1 (32:09):
You really don't need either. But I'm also like, well,
why did God give it? Give them to us then
if we didn't need it? But what do you have
now in the body? I mean I got a uterus,
I have a You don't have a gallbladder or an appendix. No,
I'm fascinated. I didn't know.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:27):
Sound they sound important when you say them, the names,
they sound important. They're like big words. Wow. Okay, so
you're without those? Put them in your dating profile? No,
I'm doing, I'm done. I'm done.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
This is it?
Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah back in the day, Yeah, mindset, I only sought
the small stuff. Yours, says girl without an appendix or
gall bladder? Yeah, wow, Yeah, that's I mean, it's not hysterical,
but that's hysterical, you know.
Speaker 2 (32:50):
What I'm I know, I'm not even trying to be
super publicity with this one or trying to promote it,
but I would say I'm just so proud of the
book that I'm about to put out because everything that
I feel like I've been through, it's uh, I'm proud
that I actually I never thought I could write my
own book, and it was very much My editors were like,
you should get a ghost writer, and I'm like, I
(33:12):
need to write this myself. And that was something that
I'm just really proud of.
Speaker 1 (33:16):
So that you should be. That's another Kelly rip of things.
She wrote her whole book herself. I found it to
be extremely impressive, like it's something that requires help and
you did it yourself.
Speaker 3 (33:24):
Yeah, I just was.
Speaker 2 (33:25):
I think it was because my ax when we wrote
our first book, he had said, well, you know, you
can't write. You talk like you you type, and I'm like,
well I do and that's what makes it like me
and people would reallyize meaning you write like you talk
like the words on the poet. Yeah, like you know,
and so not perfectly formed. But I just I had
(33:46):
to prove it to myself that I could do it.
And that's just kind of always been my personality too.
But how long did it take a long time? No,
I mean took it like two years. That sounds about
write though, I mean it's not that he used to
write a book. Yeah, here to write.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
I had a year to edit it.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
But I also will say it was because I went back.
I was very angry when I started it, and then
I went back and I go, I don't need to
put that story in there. I don't need to put
that in there. I don't need to put that in
there that's interesting. So I went back and I edit
it because I just was like, it's the father of
my kids. I don't need to be telling these kind
of stories. That's our past so interesting. Yeah, not everything
needs to be said. I burned a whole book in
(34:22):
the barbecue and started over when I did a place
of yes, yeah, because it's just like, what is the
point with that? And it's at the end of the day,
it's not about None of these books are about any
of my exes. Like I've got this one ex boyfriend
that's trying to be like, oh, I was just talking
about me the book, and I'm like, buddy, the book
is not about you. It's nothing to You might have
a little blip in my but it has nothing to
(34:42):
do with you. It's everything to do about me and
like the choices that I made and the missteps and whatever.
So don't try to get your pr but like no,
like don't flat about you. It's not a Taylor Swift song.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
No.
Speaker 1 (34:55):
And then what is your parenting style?
Speaker 2 (35:00):
This is where I struggle And I actually just had
therapy about this because sometimes I feel like I'm a
little too hard. I didn't have the parent that pushed
me to be the best version of myself. Like if
I didn't want to take my essayts or my acts,
or if I was a C average student, they'd be like,
great job. So I never really was pushed, and so
(35:20):
I think now I'm on the other pendulum swing of
that being like work harder and you know. So I'm
trying to find a balance right now of being of yeah,
of not being too hard, but I'm also very loving
and all those things. But I just I see the
potential in my children and I just want them to
have all the opportunities.
Speaker 1 (35:40):
Are you strict?
Speaker 2 (35:43):
I definitely discipline, Like they're not kids that you know,
every time I go to the store they get a
toy or if it's something that I will take something
away like I do.
Speaker 3 (35:51):
I am.
Speaker 2 (35:52):
I despise And this is the biggest fight to this
day that my ex and I get into. I hate technology.
I don't like iPads. I don't want them to phones.
I don't want any of it. I think it's bad
for their little brains.
Speaker 3 (36:04):
Oh I know.
Speaker 2 (36:05):
And I'm like, they go to his house and they're
watching them for six hours, and I'm like, this is
not okay.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
And she's not a tech kid. My kid, she has
obviously phone and she's on it. But there are some
kids that are literally it's an appendage, and it does
work being that way because later they're just not it's
not a crutch. I know so many kids that it
is an appendage, and I think it's such a turn off.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
Yeah, I don't hate it. I don't like seeing kids.
And I know parents have to do they have to
do when they go to restaurants, but I'm not the
parent that will at dinner. I'm like saying, talk to
your kids, tell the color with them at the table,
do something like that. And again I'm going to get
probably so hated up for.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
That, but I don't think you will. But no, people
feel judgment, And yes, that's fine, your choice is to
not do that, but yes, I know I've It's funny
because I think I had a post I was going
to put up the other day and I thought, oh's
that Judgey because I'm not the path of least. I
don't want to. But we're not working three jobs. We're
not waitressing. And I understand giving someone a device so
you could just have a moment a piece that sounds
(36:58):
really good, but it's a hard disapoint and to stick
to you do.
Speaker 2 (37:02):
It Like I'm my mom on the plane room. I'm like,
here's the flash car. You get your iPad for one
hour on this four hour so the first.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
Hour that's serious and I'm not knowing that's serious. That's
very serious. I was like that when she was younger,
but getting older, I will be on the iPad the
entire flight. I just that's what that was. The bridge
I couldn't cross. That's yeah, that's that's very serious varsity stuff.
But it's uh yeah, I just I'm like, go outside,
(37:28):
go play. Like I loved my childhood. I love to
be able to go outside. And that's just I'm always
if it is, even if it's raining, I'm like, let's
go do some chalk in the garage. I don't care. Yeah,
it puts more on you. Apps you have to do
more work too, because you're not just throwing it in
front of the TV. Yeah, and wind down. I hear
your podcast does really really well and that you're great
(37:49):
at it.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
Thank you. It's so fun.
Speaker 2 (37:51):
It's also been it's hard because I I still get no,
it's not as bad, but I still get moments of
anxiety when I see a headline. I'm like, that's not
exactly what I said, or that's not the context of this,
and so good luck. I'm fighting myself to not again.
I've gotten so much better where I don't feel like
I have to defend it anymore, but it still bothers
(38:11):
me because it's I'm like, if you just listen, you'll
see that wasn't my intent or I didn't mean.
Speaker 1 (38:15):
It like that, or but that's not an interesting headline.
That's my story. Every every single day, page six writes
about something I said on TikTok or Instagram, and the
headline is always so like Bethany drags Tailor Swift, Like
I didn't drag Tailor Swift. I just mentioned that she
was on a date with a guy at a game
and it looked like they had been together forever, and
that women should be reminded to have their own identity.
(38:35):
I wasn't talking about like her per se. It was
just a vehicle. But it's every day and you cannot
kill every bug in Manhattan, so you cannot take the bait.
Speaker 3 (38:43):
I know.
Speaker 1 (38:43):
I just I still have this.
Speaker 2 (38:45):
One of my negative traits personality traits, is I want
one hundred percent approval, right, So for the people that
go on those US weekly things, they're like, oh my god,
can she just shut up already?
Speaker 1 (38:55):
And she's so annoying, and I'm like, but but get
to know me, we'd be friends.
Speaker 2 (38:59):
Like oh that.
Speaker 1 (39:00):
Yeah, Well, if you try to please everybody, you end
up pleasing nobody, and you have.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
To have a point of view and you have to
pick a side and a lane and just do it.
And so yeah, as I'm nearing forty, I'm I'm like,
I'm giving less crap.
Speaker 1 (39:12):
When you get to fifty, you will give zero. Great
I cannot. Yeah, for sure. I was talking to someone
about that yesterday. It was so nice to talk to
you and to finally get to meet you at hear
a lot about you from the girls.
Speaker 2 (39:22):
Well, thank you so much for having me on. I
really appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (39:25):
I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
I'm like a huge fan.
Speaker 1 (39:27):
So im so grateful, thank you. I'm well, congratulations on
the baby and your relationship and this sort of you know, chapter,
the next chapter, and your book, and I wish you
the best.
Speaker 2 (39:38):
Thank you so much, Bethany.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
I appreciate it.
Speaker 3 (39:40):
Jays.
Speaker 1 (39:40):
I have an awesome day, all right, hie girl.
Speaker 3 (39:42):
See ya,
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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