May 13, 2025 • 22 mins
Listen up! Elite Matchmaker Barbie Adler has more expert dating advice on sex, being alone, and doing your homework on potential dates!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Let's talk about energy match in a relationship. Now, one
would say opposite to a tract. So why does someone
have to be a good energy match. You can be
the opposite to someone, but there's an energy match and
there is some crossover. Being an exact polar opposite might
not work. I know a friend who met a guy
in the club scene and they used to go out
(00:34):
to clubs a lot, and it's not really who he was.
It was kind of only who he wanted to be
when he got laid and she thought she was marrying
someone fun, and she was marrying a dud and a
sick in the mud and a drag on the ticket.
And it's been a challenge and you end up going
to other places and with your own friends to do things.
But it's nice to do something with your own partner.
(00:55):
And I've experienced this where it's not been an energy match,
and it's something not discussed as much as other things.
Hey wait, where do they live? Where are they from?
The Italian? What you know? All these things? Are they kind?
Are they funny? All these things are important and they're discussed,
but energy match is not discussed enough, and it's critical.
It's literally critical. There was a person I saw on
(01:15):
social media talking about attraction, talking about desire, talking about commitment,
do you want to commit? But ultimately talking about compatibility.
It was a dating expert, like, that's an energy match.
Are you compatible with the person? Do you feel like
you want to go out at night and this person
falls asleep at nine o'clock and you're dragging them? Then
you feel it feels boring, Like nothing feels worse than
(01:35):
when someone gets to a restaurant and you know that
they immediately want to leave. It's like a drag. It's
just an energy think. Nothing feels worse than when you're
always creating the fun. You're the life, You're the light,
and they extinguish the light. It wears on you. It
makes you depressed and it's not a good match. Or
someone doesn't like the cold, they don't like skiing. You
love skiing, it's part of your life. Mountains someone only
(01:58):
you know, someone only wants to sit their ass on it.
They're kind of lazy, they're not adventurous. Like these things
they add up energetically. You need a good energy match,
and it's undeniable. It doesn't mean you don't have fun
with the other person. Or connect with the other person.
Or you could have great sexual chemistry, but it might
not be a good energy match. And if you're not
a good energy match, it could affect the sexual chemistry.
(02:19):
Because nothing's worse than being a person who has the
light and the darkness extinguishes your light. Okay, alive. Now,
it doesn't mean I'm in a good mood all the time.
It doesn't mean I'm cheery. I have the light. I
am alive. Okay, you know it. If you're alive, I
am alive. And when I am in, I have ended
(02:41):
relationships because my light is being extinguished. And I've tried
so hard I want to be in the relationship, and
I have a hard time getting out. But when you
really realize your light, the very inner you, the light
bulb inside of you, is being extinguished, it starts to
kill you slowly, and you are just sort of a
little bit dead, and negativity will pull you down way
(03:03):
more strongly than your positivity will pull a negative person up.
A positive person can't make a depressed or negative person positive.
And it's extremely debilitating and it's been really challenging in
certain relationships. And it's a really big girl decision, big boy,
decision that you have to make, so do not let
anyone put out your light. Another thing I want to
(03:37):
discuss is money and relationships and young girls who want
to marry someone rich. I hear it all the time,
and mothers who say it's just as easy to marry
a rich man as a poor man. Okay, it is.
It is to just get down the aisle, you know,
it's not easy. My life coach said to me that
you said, you need to be with someone who is
(03:58):
something or is going to be something. So you could
meet a poor person that is going to be something.
You can just tell they have that hunger, et cetera.
But he said this to me because he felt that
if I was in a relationship with someone who lacked
the light, meaning they lack passion, they lack drive, they
lack determination, it will never work because I need to
be with someone who is something because they've done it,
(04:20):
or they're going to be something, because they're going to
do it, and that's critical, and that's not really Someone
could have money who lacks drive and determination. Maybe it's
been handed to them, you know, maybe they got lucky.
There are a million ways, but if they lack drive
and determination, and you're a person who's alive and you
have drive and determination, it could be a bad energy match.
(04:42):
So when mothers tell their daughters you want, it's just
as easy to marry someone rich as poor. Let me
discuss that dynamic. You marry for money, you pay the
rest of your life. You marry someone because they're wealthy,
or even as a big part, because they're wealthy without
the rest. That's just the frosting. What's going to happen
(05:03):
to a woman. It's going to reduce your ambition, reduce
your motivation because you know you're taken care of, you're
on the program. You have a sponsor, so you don't
need to work as hard. And when you're young, and
it's like a good gimmick and everyone thinks it's so great.
Oh my god, you're so cute. You always look perfect,
you have the bag. Your lunching is a verb, your
shopping is a verb. And everybody wants your life. And
(05:24):
you have a big ring and you had a great wedding,
and everybody's jealous and they all want your life because
that's what you're portraying. That's what The Housewives was made
of and built on. Fronting and stunting. It's more important
for other people to think I have money or a
good life than for me to actually have it. People
could be in foreclosure and broke, and websites are writing
there worth thirty five to fifty million dollars. It is
(05:45):
absolutely untrue. These shows are about fronting and stunting, and
girls who marry for money want a front and stunt,
or they have to front and stunt because it's going
to make them feel better. And what happens is you
end up medicating and the men end up with the power.
Sooner or later, no matter how it goes. Men know
every dollar, and if he or she makes the gold,
(06:07):
they make the rules. And it comes in many different forms.
One form is that you marry someone with money and
it's kind of their program. Ultimately, where you're gonna live,
what you're gonna do, where you're gonna go on vacation,
the life you guys are going to live will ultimately
be he or she who makes the gold makes the rules.
(06:28):
And it could be subtle, but it builds up. It's
gonna be you don't have your own money, you don't
know where the finances are, and you're medicating with stuff
too if you really don't have your own purpose and
your own job, and then your kids grow up, leave
school and you're an empty nester. There's no fucking way
that just being married to someone rich is gonna fulfill you.
There's no way you could. I've heard talked to too
many people. Okay, you're medicating with stuff. Then what happens
(06:50):
is you medicate with bags, you medicate with watches, you
medicate with jelry And I've done it. I've done it
because when we're young, we want the easy way out.
In a way, it's like you just want to meet someone.
They're gonna save you, They're gonna take care of you.
The mom is right. It's just as easy to marry
a rich man or a poor man. But do it.
Once you have your own thing. You can marry someone rich,
you can marry someone poor, you can marry someone old,
you can marry someone young. Do it when you have
(07:11):
your own skill set, your own money, your own nesting.
Then you can make clear decisions. You have the cake,
then you can get the frosting. You cannot frost nothing.
You have to have the cake. You cannot make a
life out of a lifestyle. You can make a lifestyle
out of a life. You can marry someone that you
love and you have your own life and your own freedom,
(07:33):
but you could trust and believe if you marry someone
for money, you're gonna pay the rest of your life.
You're gonna be medicating with stuff, and the medication is
to mask the real symptoms, which are boredom. You're not
sexually stimulated, you're not intellectually stimulated, you're not emotionally stimulated.
You don't respect the partner, you're turned off, whatever it is.
(07:54):
You're gonna feel trapped. If you are in a situation
and you don't have any money and no access to
making money, you're gonna feel trapped, and slowly but surely,
it's gonna be death by a thousand paper cuts. You're
gonna be doing what the other person wants to do,
whether subtlely or outwardly, and they make the fucking rules.
One day, they're gonna be having sex, cheating on you.
You feel like a bigger loser. You're gonna be complaining
(08:15):
you were there when they made it. All these things
are not cliches, they're true. All these things are true.
All these things are why sixty percent end up in divorce.
So just remember he or she who makes the gold
makes the rules. And if you marry for money, you
will pay for the rest of your life. And listen
to this. I made money, I have money. I can
(08:37):
buy myself flowers, I can buy myself bags. I have
been in relationships and had so many luxury items bought
for me with me, and it was medicating. I was
medicating because I wasn't happy and it was something to
do to fill avoid And it's a quick hit, that's
the honest truth. And then I've wanted to purge it
(08:59):
all because I don't need it. It's medicating. Just trust me,
and you know what I'm talking about. Stuff. It's more
stuff because it makes you avoid what's really going on.
True happy people probably don't need any stuff. They don't
want any stuff. They're not flexing, they're not trying to
make everybody else think they have such a great life.
They're just living. And I don't think the moms are
(09:20):
right who say because it may be easy in the
short term, maybe easy in the short term, but it
won't be easy in the long term.
Let's talk about energy match in a relationship. Now, one
would say opposite to a tract. So why does someone
have to be a good energy match. You can be
the opposite to someone, but there's an energy match and
there is some crossover. Being an exact polar opposite might
not work. I know a friend who met a guy
in the club scene and they used to go out
(00:34):
to clubs a lot, and it's not really who he was.
It was kind of only who he wanted to be
when he got laid and she thought she was marrying
someone fun, and she was marrying a dud and a
sick in the mud and a drag on the ticket.
And it's been a challenge and you end up going
to other places and with your own friends to do things.
But it's nice to do something with your own partner.
(00:55):
And I've experienced this where it's not been an energy match,
and it's something not discussed as much as other things.
Hey wait, where do they live? Where are they from?
The Italian? What you know? All these things? Are they kind?
Are they funny? All these things are important and they're discussed,
but energy match is not discussed enough, and it's critical.
It's literally critical. There was a person I saw on
(01:15):
social media talking about attraction, talking about desire, talking about commitment,
do you want to commit? But ultimately talking about compatibility.
It was a dating expert, like, that's an energy match.
Are you compatible with the person? Do you feel like
you want to go out at night and this person
falls asleep at nine o'clock and you're dragging them? Then
you feel it feels boring, Like nothing feels worse than
(01:35):
when someone gets to a restaurant and you know that
they immediately want to leave. It's like a drag. It's
just an energy think. Nothing feels worse than when you're
always creating the fun. You're the life, You're the light,
and they extinguish the light. It wears on you. It
makes you depressed and it's not a good match. Or
someone doesn't like the cold, they don't like skiing. You
love skiing, it's part of your life. Mountains someone only
(01:58):
you know, someone only wants to sit their ass on it.
They're kind of lazy, they're not adventurous. Like these things
they add up energetically. You need a good energy match,
and it's undeniable. It doesn't mean you don't have fun
with the other person. Or connect with the other person.
Or you could have great sexual chemistry, but it might
not be a good energy match. And if you're not
a good energy match, it could affect the sexual chemistry.
(02:19):
Because nothing's worse than being a person who has the
light and the darkness extinguishes your light. Okay, alive. Now,
it doesn't mean I'm in a good mood all the time.
It doesn't mean I'm cheery. I have the light. I
am alive. Okay, you know it. If you're alive, I
am alive. And when I am in, I have ended
(02:41):
relationships because my light is being extinguished. And I've tried
so hard I want to be in the relationship, and
I have a hard time getting out. But when you
really realize your light, the very inner you, the light
bulb inside of you, is being extinguished, it starts to
kill you slowly, and you are just sort of a
little bit dead, and negativity will pull you down way
(03:03):
more strongly than your positivity will pull a negative person up.
A positive person can't make a depressed or negative person positive.
And it's extremely debilitating and it's been really challenging in
certain relationships. And it's a really big girl decision, big boy,
decision that you have to make, so do not let
anyone put out your light. Another thing I want to
(03:37):
discuss is money and relationships and young girls who want
to marry someone rich. I hear it all the time,
and mothers who say it's just as easy to marry
a rich man as a poor man. Okay, it is.
It is to just get down the aisle, you know,
it's not easy. My life coach said to me that
you said, you need to be with someone who is
(03:58):
something or is going to be something. So you could
meet a poor person that is going to be something.
You can just tell they have that hunger, et cetera.
But he said this to me because he felt that
if I was in a relationship with someone who lacked
the light, meaning they lack passion, they lack drive, they
lack determination, it will never work because I need to
be with someone who is something because they've done it,
(04:20):
or they're going to be something, because they're going to
do it, and that's critical, and that's not really Someone
could have money who lacks drive and determination. Maybe it's
been handed to them, you know, maybe they got lucky.
There are a million ways, but if they lack drive
and determination, and you're a person who's alive and you
have drive and determination, it could be a bad energy match.
(04:42):
So when mothers tell their daughters you want, it's just
as easy to marry someone rich as poor. Let me
discuss that dynamic. You marry for money, you pay the
rest of your life. You marry someone because they're wealthy,
or even as a big part, because they're wealthy without
the rest. That's just the frosting. What's going to happen
(05:03):
to a woman. It's going to reduce your ambition, reduce
your motivation because you know you're taken care of, you're
on the program. You have a sponsor, so you don't
need to work as hard. And when you're young, and
it's like a good gimmick and everyone thinks it's so great.
Oh my god, you're so cute. You always look perfect,
you have the bag. Your lunching is a verb, your
shopping is a verb. And everybody wants your life. And
(05:24):
you have a big ring and you had a great wedding,
and everybody's jealous and they all want your life because
that's what you're portraying. That's what The Housewives was made
of and built on. Fronting and stunting. It's more important
for other people to think I have money or a
good life than for me to actually have it. People
could be in foreclosure and broke, and websites are writing
there worth thirty five to fifty million dollars. It is
(05:45):
absolutely untrue. These shows are about fronting and stunting, and
girls who marry for money want a front and stunt,
or they have to front and stunt because it's going
to make them feel better. And what happens is you
end up medicating and the men end up with the power.
Sooner or later, no matter how it goes. Men know
every dollar, and if he or she makes the gold,
(06:07):
they make the rules. And it comes in many different forms.
One form is that you marry someone with money and
it's kind of their program. Ultimately, where you're gonna live,
what you're gonna do, where you're gonna go on vacation,
the life you guys are going to live will ultimately
be he or she who makes the gold makes the rules.
(06:28):
And it could be subtle, but it builds up. It's
gonna be you don't have your own money, you don't
know where the finances are, and you're medicating with stuff
too if you really don't have your own purpose and
your own job, and then your kids grow up, leave
school and you're an empty nester. There's no fucking way
that just being married to someone rich is gonna fulfill you.
There's no way you could. I've heard talked to too
many people. Okay, you're medicating with stuff. Then what happens
(06:50):
is you medicate with bags, you medicate with watches, you
medicate with jelry And I've done it. I've done it
because when we're young, we want the easy way out.
In a way, it's like you just want to meet someone.
They're gonna save you, They're gonna take care of you.
The mom is right. It's just as easy to marry
a rich man or a poor man. But do it.
Once you have your own thing. You can marry someone rich,
you can marry someone poor, you can marry someone old,
you can marry someone young. Do it when you have
(07:11):
your own skill set, your own money, your own nesting.
Then you can make clear decisions. You have the cake,
then you can get the frosting. You cannot frost nothing.
You have to have the cake. You cannot make a
life out of a lifestyle. You can make a lifestyle
out of a life. You can marry someone that you
love and you have your own life and your own freedom,
(07:33):
but you could trust and believe if you marry someone
for money, you're gonna pay the rest of your life.
You're gonna be medicating with stuff, and the medication is
to mask the real symptoms, which are boredom. You're not
sexually stimulated, you're not intellectually stimulated, you're not emotionally stimulated.
You don't respect the partner, you're turned off, whatever it is.
(07:54):
You're gonna feel trapped. If you are in a situation
and you don't have any money and no access to
making money, you're gonna feel trapped, and slowly but surely,
it's gonna be death by a thousand paper cuts. You're
gonna be doing what the other person wants to do,
whether subtlely or outwardly, and they make the fucking rules.
One day, they're gonna be having sex, cheating on you.
You feel like a bigger loser. You're gonna be complaining
(08:15):
you were there when they made it. All these things
are not cliches, they're true. All these things are true.
All these things are why sixty percent end up in divorce.
So just remember he or she who makes the gold
makes the rules. And if you marry for money, you
will pay for the rest of your life. And listen
to this. I made money, I have money. I can
(08:37):
buy myself flowers, I can buy myself bags. I have
been in relationships and had so many luxury items bought
for me with me, and it was medicating. I was
medicating because I wasn't happy and it was something to
do to fill avoid And it's a quick hit, that's
the honest truth. And then I've wanted to purge it
(08:59):
all because I don't need it. It's medicating. Just trust me,
and you know what I'm talking about. Stuff. It's more
stuff because it makes you avoid what's really going on.
True happy people probably don't need any stuff. They don't
want any stuff. They're not flexing, they're not trying to
make everybody else think they have such a great life.
They're just living. And I don't think the moms are
(09:20):
right who say because it may be easy in the
short term, maybe easy in the short term, but it
won't be easy in the long term.
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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