July 3, 2024 • 9 mins
It's exhausting, dehydrating, and a pain in the ass--But you're not going to accept less than what you deserve. Plus: if it's giving "boy," it's giving bye. Date MEN.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
So you have to have good banter by text, not
too much. You don't want to keep going and going
and droning on, but you want to hook them in
by saying, you know, by being authentically yourself, and by
being a little shocking and a little disruptive in a
way that is engaging, not in a way that makes
you like a psychopath. But when you're not getting exactly
what you want, meaning the normal version of interest, then
(00:34):
you just shut down. You are closed, you have dissolved,
you have evaporated, And in most cases, if you hook
them in the beginning, they'll come and be disengaged, and
what you'll say is either a yeah, I'm a serious person,
so I lose interest pretty quickly. So if someone's not
engaged with clear intentions and accountability, I lose interest because
(00:57):
that's confident. That's walking away from the business sale. It's
not like weed, you didn't call me, you didn't text
me and give all these dumb, dumb rules. It's being
the confident, grown ass woman that you are that basically
says things like something that I've said, I've said this sentence,
I've said yeah, without clear intention and pursuit. I lose
interest I've said that sentence and people have literally chewed
(01:20):
up their own food, spit it out, chewed up my
food and eaten it out of my hand. Like, basically,
you don't accept less than what you deserve. You don't
date down, you don't take scraps, you don't date boys,
and you don't date charming. You have self respect, and
you don't accept less than what you deserve. Clear communication
means no games. You're not on your first date one
(01:40):
drink and saying I want to get married, I want
to have kids, because that's ridiculous anyway, who is this guy?
You don't know, You don't know that you want that.
Don't be desperate you're interviewing him. We all are sitting
at these women like, oh my god, he's texting me yippie.
What are you a dog waiting for a treat? No,
you decide, you're body of your choice. Another big fatal flaw,
women and judging each date, going low, getting miserable, eating
(02:02):
ice cream, going home, self loathing because the date didn't
go well. A he didn't call, Okay, great, he didn't call.
He doesn't like you. Who cares? It's the only person
in your life. You're only gonna meet. You're at a
restaurant and there's one dish on the whole fucking menu.
That's all you could eat the rest of your life
is this one angel hair Arabiata. No who cares good?
You don't know what's going on with them. Maybe it
(02:23):
doesn't like you. Maybe he thinks you're annoying, Maybe he's
going through a breakup. Maybe he's a mama's boy. You
have no idea. So also getting home and like feeling
depressed because you've gone so many bad dates. You know
what those dates are for? Those dates are when you
go walking on an apartment tour to go look at homes,
which is exhausting, dehydrating and a pain in the ass.
But you know what looking for a home does for you,
(02:44):
shows you what you do want and don't want. It's
a real estate search. So you decide different than everybody else.
You need high ceilings and you need brightness, but you
don't require a bathtub. You need to be in a
good location and a gym in your building, but you
don't require amazing wood floors. Whatever your thing is, so
you walk away from each of these guys. You always
(03:07):
be a class actor. You always be nice you always
respond you don't ghost anybody. You're always wonderful to be around.
Why Because let's say there are putts, a moron, a loser,
they're not attractive. But they did one thing right. You
liked that they ordered for you. You like that they
opened the car door for you. That becomes something that
goes on your list of things that you're going to
(03:28):
want and that you now find out are possible because
your ex didn't do any of that, and that's why
you're in this situation. Your ex was not chivalrous. He
was selfish. He lets you walk through a parking lot
alone and didn't think about the fact that you needed
to be there. He'd let you walk on the street
side of the sidewalk where you could get splashed or
you know, something could happen with dust in the street.
(03:50):
This guy, this dork that you don't like, did the opposite. Okay,
that's one thing that you now know why you broke
up with your ex. So you take that as institutional
knowledge and you find the dream apartment for you, or
an apartment with things that have many things that you like,
but some things you can settle for. Also, that guy,
that dork that you don't like. You're gonna be nice
(04:11):
to him. Maybe he likes you more than you like him.
You're gonna say he was very handsome, you had a
wonderful time, Thank you so much. When he tries to
reach out, you know what, I think you're really wonderful.
I'm in a weird place right now. I'm not sure
that this is right, but you know what, I have
so many I have many girls, and because I think
you were so lovely to me and you did this,
that and the other thing. Right when I think of someone,
I'm gonna call you. Or maybe that guy works somewhere
(04:33):
where one of your friends might want a job. Maybe
that guy has other friends that you might want to
go out with. Maybe that guy has a great social
schedule and you might end up at a party with him.
Don't be small picture, don't play checkers. Dating is getting
institutional knowledge. It's crowdsourcing information only dumb, dumb, basic bitches
take it on face value and start just criticizing the guy.
(04:54):
Oh he wore ugly shoes, he did this, that's for
basic bitches. You're not basic. You are the prize and
you're going to figure it out along the way. So
everything is an opportunity for you to grow in this
dating experience and don't date boys, date men. A twenty
five year old person can be a man, and a
seventy five year old man can be a boy. You
(05:16):
date men, not boys. You send them all right through
the strainer, and if it's giving, boy, it's giving by
(05:37):
Relationships can become your identity. Why you're young, You went
pre wed. You wanted to be taken care of. You
thought that that's something that would be the envy of millions.
All your friends would love it. Everybody's going to your wedding,
it's your time, et cetera. But you are entrepreneurial. But
somehow you feel like it's going to satisfy you enough
to be in this relationship, because this is going to
(05:57):
be your identity. You're going to live in a cul
de sac, You're gonna meet a bunch of friends. You
might play tennis, you might have a cute little job.
You're gonna do the costumes for the school play. And
this is going to be satisfying. And then you're gonna
be forty five, and then you're gonna be drinking rose
with your friends, buy the washing machine, gossiping. Maybe at
book club, and you're gonna be like, what the fuck
am I doing? He's doing what he's doing, And now
I have no purpose and I don't have a job,
(06:19):
and I don't feel like I really went and did it.
And I see people like Bethany Frankel who maybe haven't
been successful in relationships, but she really fucking went and
grabbed the bag. She was on the cover of Forbes magazine.
She can do whatever she wants, buy whatever she wants,
go wherever she wants, a date whoever she wants. And
I'm sitting over here by my washing machine. So what
you're gonna do is do both. You're gonna work and
keep your identity in work. And if a relationship is
(06:42):
going to debilitate or diminish that you may not be
in that relationship because you got to secure something on
your own. If you want to be an entrepreneur, I'm
not saying you want to be an entrepreneur. I'm not
saying you don't want to be a stay at home mom.
Nothing wrong with that. But for me, had I stayed
in my very secure relationship in my twenties where I
knew his family would ultimately support me, where I knew
that I would have financial mediocre security from my current standards,
(07:06):
I would have stayed there, and I would have been
itching because it was always in my body and my
gut instinct. If it's itching inside of you but you're
scared because it's not going that great and you're broke,
the way to solve that is not to jump into
a relationship because that's going to save you. It will
not save you. It will become your identity and you
will still have that itching part of you, but you'll
(07:27):
be much older and much less marketable. Why you don't
need a guy in finance trust fun blue eyes. Six '
five six ' five is categorically too tall. If you
are five to eleven, you probably need a guy that's
six y two six ' three, and it could be
six y five. And I'm not discriminating against anybody. Six
y five. Tall guys are great. I think height is wonderful.
(07:49):
You don't need a guy that's sixty five unless you
want to be carried out of a fire. That's a
good reason. Trust fund means entitled means, don't understand word ethic,
don't understand the value of a dollar, have been given everything.
It means boredom. It means they've never had to fight
for something or earn something. They're not self made. It
(08:10):
means getting really bored and cheating, unrest unsettled, It means
the Emperor has no clothes. It means feeling less than
and like you have no drive and purpose and you
have to fill that void with toys and purchases. And
it means depression. Finance means you run around with a big,
(08:31):
swinging dick in crisp clothes, your hair slipped back with
gel and some cologne, that you hang out in bars
at happy hour, that you're expensing to your boss saying
you have to go out for drinks on Tuesday night
to go sell to other people. It means you're working
for someone else. You're not making that much money. You're
fronting and stunting, and you will have sex with girls
and ghosts them. You do not need that guy and
(08:54):
that girl who created the sound can do better. Do
not date down, Do not accept screw apps. Women are
accepting scraps. The littlest thing that he did he texted
and it was a hard It wasn't a Sideway's emoji
winky face. Get your life together. You're not that desperate.
You'd rather be alone than date down. If you're begging
(09:15):
for scraps and getting excited over morsels and crumbs, be
alone
So you have to have good banter by text, not
too much. You don't want to keep going and going
and droning on, but you want to hook them in
by saying, you know, by being authentically yourself, and by
being a little shocking and a little disruptive in a
way that is engaging, not in a way that makes
you like a psychopath. But when you're not getting exactly
what you want, meaning the normal version of interest, then
(00:34):
you just shut down. You are closed, you have dissolved,
you have evaporated, And in most cases, if you hook
them in the beginning, they'll come and be disengaged, and
what you'll say is either a yeah, I'm a serious person,
so I lose interest pretty quickly. So if someone's not
engaged with clear intentions and accountability, I lose interest because
(00:57):
that's confident. That's walking away from the business sale. It's
not like weed, you didn't call me, you didn't text
me and give all these dumb, dumb rules. It's being
the confident, grown ass woman that you are that basically
says things like something that I've said, I've said this sentence,
I've said yeah, without clear intention and pursuit. I lose
interest I've said that sentence and people have literally chewed
(01:20):
up their own food, spit it out, chewed up my
food and eaten it out of my hand. Like, basically,
you don't accept less than what you deserve. You don't
date down, you don't take scraps, you don't date boys,
and you don't date charming. You have self respect, and
you don't accept less than what you deserve. Clear communication
means no games. You're not on your first date one
(01:40):
drink and saying I want to get married, I want
to have kids, because that's ridiculous anyway, who is this guy?
You don't know, You don't know that you want that.
Don't be desperate you're interviewing him. We all are sitting
at these women like, oh my god, he's texting me yippie.
What are you a dog waiting for a treat? No,
you decide, you're body of your choice. Another big fatal flaw,
women and judging each date, going low, getting miserable, eating
(02:02):
ice cream, going home, self loathing because the date didn't
go well. A he didn't call, Okay, great, he didn't call.
He doesn't like you. Who cares? It's the only person
in your life. You're only gonna meet. You're at a
restaurant and there's one dish on the whole fucking menu.
That's all you could eat the rest of your life
is this one angel hair Arabiata. No who cares good?
You don't know what's going on with them. Maybe it
(02:23):
doesn't like you. Maybe he thinks you're annoying, Maybe he's
going through a breakup. Maybe he's a mama's boy. You
have no idea. So also getting home and like feeling
depressed because you've gone so many bad dates. You know
what those dates are for? Those dates are when you
go walking on an apartment tour to go look at homes,
which is exhausting, dehydrating and a pain in the ass.
But you know what looking for a home does for you,
(02:44):
shows you what you do want and don't want. It's
a real estate search. So you decide different than everybody else.
You need high ceilings and you need brightness, but you
don't require a bathtub. You need to be in a
good location and a gym in your building, but you
don't require amazing wood floors. Whatever your thing is, so
you walk away from each of these guys. You always
(03:07):
be a class actor. You always be nice you always
respond you don't ghost anybody. You're always wonderful to be around.
Why Because let's say there are putts, a moron, a loser,
they're not attractive. But they did one thing right. You
liked that they ordered for you. You like that they
opened the car door for you. That becomes something that
goes on your list of things that you're going to
(03:28):
want and that you now find out are possible because
your ex didn't do any of that, and that's why
you're in this situation. Your ex was not chivalrous. He
was selfish. He lets you walk through a parking lot
alone and didn't think about the fact that you needed
to be there. He'd let you walk on the street
side of the sidewalk where you could get splashed or
you know, something could happen with dust in the street.
(03:50):
This guy, this dork that you don't like, did the opposite. Okay,
that's one thing that you now know why you broke
up with your ex. So you take that as institutional
knowledge and you find the dream apartment for you, or
an apartment with things that have many things that you like,
but some things you can settle for. Also, that guy,
that dork that you don't like. You're gonna be nice
(04:11):
to him. Maybe he likes you more than you like him.
You're gonna say he was very handsome, you had a
wonderful time, Thank you so much. When he tries to
reach out, you know what, I think you're really wonderful.
I'm in a weird place right now. I'm not sure
that this is right, but you know what, I have
so many I have many girls, and because I think
you were so lovely to me and you did this,
that and the other thing. Right when I think of someone,
I'm gonna call you. Or maybe that guy works somewhere
(04:33):
where one of your friends might want a job. Maybe
that guy has other friends that you might want to
go out with. Maybe that guy has a great social
schedule and you might end up at a party with him.
Don't be small picture, don't play checkers. Dating is getting
institutional knowledge. It's crowdsourcing information only dumb, dumb, basic bitches
take it on face value and start just criticizing the guy.
(04:54):
Oh he wore ugly shoes, he did this, that's for
basic bitches. You're not basic. You are the prize and
you're going to figure it out along the way. So
everything is an opportunity for you to grow in this
dating experience and don't date boys, date men. A twenty
five year old person can be a man, and a
seventy five year old man can be a boy. You
(05:16):
date men, not boys. You send them all right through
the strainer, and if it's giving, boy, it's giving by
(05:37):
Relationships can become your identity. Why you're young, You went
pre wed. You wanted to be taken care of. You
thought that that's something that would be the envy of millions.
All your friends would love it. Everybody's going to your wedding,
it's your time, et cetera. But you are entrepreneurial. But
somehow you feel like it's going to satisfy you enough
to be in this relationship, because this is going to
(05:57):
be your identity. You're going to live in a cul
de sac, You're gonna meet a bunch of friends. You
might play tennis, you might have a cute little job.
You're gonna do the costumes for the school play. And
this is going to be satisfying. And then you're gonna
be forty five, and then you're gonna be drinking rose
with your friends, buy the washing machine, gossiping. Maybe at
book club, and you're gonna be like, what the fuck
am I doing? He's doing what he's doing, And now
I have no purpose and I don't have a job,
(06:19):
and I don't feel like I really went and did it.
And I see people like Bethany Frankel who maybe haven't
been successful in relationships, but she really fucking went and
grabbed the bag. She was on the cover of Forbes magazine.
She can do whatever she wants, buy whatever she wants,
go wherever she wants, a date whoever she wants. And
I'm sitting over here by my washing machine. So what
you're gonna do is do both. You're gonna work and
keep your identity in work. And if a relationship is
(06:42):
going to debilitate or diminish that you may not be
in that relationship because you got to secure something on
your own. If you want to be an entrepreneur, I'm
not saying you want to be an entrepreneur. I'm not
saying you don't want to be a stay at home mom.
Nothing wrong with that. But for me, had I stayed
in my very secure relationship in my twenties where I
knew his family would ultimately support me, where I knew
that I would have financial mediocre security from my current standards,
(07:06):
I would have stayed there, and I would have been
itching because it was always in my body and my
gut instinct. If it's itching inside of you but you're
scared because it's not going that great and you're broke,
the way to solve that is not to jump into
a relationship because that's going to save you. It will
not save you. It will become your identity and you
will still have that itching part of you, but you'll
(07:27):
be much older and much less marketable. Why you don't
need a guy in finance trust fun blue eyes. Six '
five six ' five is categorically too tall. If you
are five to eleven, you probably need a guy that's
six y two six ' three, and it could be
six y five. And I'm not discriminating against anybody. Six
y five. Tall guys are great. I think height is wonderful.
(07:49):
You don't need a guy that's sixty five unless you
want to be carried out of a fire. That's a
good reason. Trust fund means entitled means, don't understand word ethic,
don't understand the value of a dollar, have been given everything.
It means boredom. It means they've never had to fight
for something or earn something. They're not self made. It
(08:10):
means getting really bored and cheating, unrest unsettled, It means
the Emperor has no clothes. It means feeling less than
and like you have no drive and purpose and you
have to fill that void with toys and purchases. And
it means depression. Finance means you run around with a big,
(08:31):
swinging dick in crisp clothes, your hair slipped back with
gel and some cologne, that you hang out in bars
at happy hour, that you're expensing to your boss saying
you have to go out for drinks on Tuesday night
to go sell to other people. It means you're working
for someone else. You're not making that much money. You're
fronting and stunting, and you will have sex with girls
and ghosts them. You do not need that guy and
(08:54):
that girl who created the sound can do better. Do
not date down, Do not accept screw apps. Women are
accepting scraps. The littlest thing that he did he texted
and it was a hard It wasn't a Sideway's emoji
winky face. Get your life together. You're not that desperate.
You'd rather be alone than date down. If you're begging
(09:15):
for scraps and getting excited over morsels and crumbs, be
alone
Host
Bethenny Frankel
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.