October 9, 2025 • 17 mins
A dating idea that's too good to tell. PLUS: Ben and JLo continue to delight!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
So I just divulged a little bit about this dating
concept of mine on social media. I'm gatekeeping the concept
because it's a business concept ultimately. Right now, it's a
passion project and it's effectively a dating social experiment that
is proving to be very successful.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
And I am shook.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I have a community of like minded, aligned, intentional daters,
people that want to meet their life partner right now.
And shockingly, there are way more men than women. That's
what's shocking me. Like there are men. Men by nature
are less complicated as we are emotionally, and when they
are ready and they want something, they want it now.
(00:57):
And they always say women may the loves of their lives,
and men marry the person that is there when they
are ready. And I have tapped into the men who
are actually ready, not the men that pretend they're ready,
not the men that say they're ready, not the men
that hire matchmakers so they can act like they're ready,
but they really just are doing that to check a
(01:18):
box and they don't want to meet someone men that
are ready right now to go. And it's so liberating.
The concept is proprietary. It's something I thought about over
a year ago, and something just came up and it
just made me do it. And now it has come
to fruition and I'm dealing with the back of the
house meeting. I'm dealing with the business of it and
what it's called and how it works. And I've got
(01:39):
someone dealing with the front of it, meaning like the
day to day. But it's lit and people are fixated, obsessed.
Twenty five percent of the people have said they work
with matchmakers, and I don't think they should be the
only tool, but I don't think they should be thrown out.
I think they're a good tool to be in your
overall arsenal of dating tools. In this there's no bread crumbing,
there's no pen paling. Like people, I can't explain how
(02:03):
it works because then I would be giving it away.
But it's not dealing with dating from the outside in
like a gimmick like oh, four friends recommend someone, or
people who like fish, or Jewish singles who eat bagels
or Christian mingle and all the shit like, it's not
like that. It's from the inside. It's unbelievable. And I
think I talk to you guys about bread crumming and
pen paling in detail, but like I'm learning more that
(02:26):
men they like. I think it's because they don't want
to do the emotional work. They'll penpal like they want
to send you a picture I woke up this morning.
It's beautiful because they have an idea of something that
they want, like a relationship that they want. Then they
end up really getting to know someone and they have
to actually do the work to back it up. So
some of these men, in the meantime, while they're in
the fantasy stage, will send you these photos of their dog,
(02:48):
of their couch, of their view of the life together,
of your horoscope, all the shit, because they are like
fantasizing of what it could be. But you're real, living,
breathing human being, and once you get together with them,
they have to deal with your insecurities. You're complaining, you're inconsistencies,
you're being laid on a date, you're taking long to
get ready, like all of reality. And it almost feels
(03:10):
like some men the wrong men want a penpal because
it like prolongs it.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
It makes it seem like it's real. And we do
that too. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I don't waste time and I don't waste money, So
if I don't know that someone's worthy investment. I'm not
going to take all this bandwidth time just getting to
know someone by text. You're giving a part of yourself.
You're allowing someone part of yourself for nothing, for free, Like, dude,
do the work, pick up a phone, call me, make
a date. Let's go out and we gaslight ourselves and
(03:39):
pretend that that's the scraps we deserve, that's the cookie.
They usually are older men that I found, but young
men do it a lot too, So that's a blanket statement.
Just brag comers who just want to lob of text
to see that there's a pulse and like has it
going today? And then you say what's happening? They don't
move the ball forward, they don't ask for any plans.
They're just it's like a fucking locks just that's useless,
(04:00):
and you just like get out here. And the problem
is you end up going back and forth just because
you're not going to be rude and they ask you
a dumb question, but like it makes you feel irritable
and you're annoyed because it's just like you're giving them
part of you just by being alive, and it's a
little bit passive aggressive because like you'd almost rather not
respond at all, but then it's like rude, and then
(04:20):
they're like, wait, what what's wrong, And it's like then
you have to say what's wrong, and you just want
to say, like I don't want to fucking penpal, And
it's really a bad setup dynamic.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
If you're going to text someone, have a reason for it.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Text's supposed to be like I'm sitting out front, I'm
in the green shirt, or hope you're having a nice day,
but it's not supposed to be some bizarre, like low
grade form of communication. And pen paling is the same.
Bread crumb is a little different. Bread Crumbing is like
you drop something, they pick it up.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
And like it's sort of sporadic.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Pen paling is like now we're in a fucking whole
dialogue back and forth, and that's ridiculous, Like you don't
need to be telling someone your life story and discussing
things ad nauseum writing back and forth.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
That's pen paling. That's more okay.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
And love bombing is another thing that goes on like
it's too much, too fast, and it's just creepy and
it's disproportionate with what's going on and the person's a stranger,
and it just makes you feel unomfortable and it's just
like bizarre, and it puts it on you. They're love
bombing you. You have to respond in some way, like
you want it to just stop. So emotionally pushy is
(05:22):
a different version. It's not love bombing. It's got the
same icky, syrapy feeling to it, but it's not love bombing.
It's like therapy bombing, like someone's personal shit bombing on you.
So let me give you an example. Let's say you
are not ready to go out with someone. Let's say
(05:42):
somebody lives in Wyoming, and you don't want to go
out with someone who lives in Wyoming, or they have
four kids, or they're too old, or they're too young,
or they like purple, it doesn't matter. So somebody has
something that you are not interested in. You really don't
think you want to go this is an example, and
you say I don't think, or you keep blowing it
off or you are punting it or you're and then
(06:03):
the person is like, come on, like you're taking this
too seriously.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Let's just go out.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
You're gonna have a good time, and you're like, I'll
be the fucking judge of if I'm gonna have a
good time and if I'm taking too seriously, like someone
pushing what they think it's going to be on you.
Or they say let's go for a picnic. I want
to do something that's more meaningful, and you're like, okay,
I'm good with a dinner and they're like, oh, I
(06:27):
just thought it picnic would be a better way for
us to get to know each other, and you're like, okay,
I'm I'm also great with a drink with a meal.
Like they are pushing their way of doing things on you,
but like being slightly judgmental about the way that you're
reacting to it. So I've had someone say to me
like let's get together and been like, it's.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Just been a little busy.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Work is a little crazy right now, and so I'm
trying to like come down from it, or I'm working
on this, or I'm focusing on that, or I've been
unhealthy or whatever, and then someone is like, well, I
guess it depends on what your priorities are. Yeah, yes,
if your priorities are being in a relationship, then you'd
make time for it. Like some I'm giving examples, but
they're not exact, but like someone's pushing the way that
(07:09):
they think it should be onto you, the way that
you should be thinking about it, the way that you
should be like over therapizing you, and it's such a
turn off and it will make me run like a
fucking thief in the night. It's like when someone tells
you to relax. It's the same type of feeling. You're like,
why don't you go fuck yourself. You don't need to
tell me how to prioritize that to be in a relationship,
(07:30):
what I want to do, what I don't want to do,
how it's gonna work, how it's not gonna work, how
to really connect, how to not connect, let me.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
The fuck alone.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Data, how you want to date, I'll date how I
want to date. It makes me nuts, like some cousin
of like faux spirituality, like over therapy. It's like a
little bit when like someone's sober and like your drink
it too much, they want to like analyze you about
it and their language because they just learned something and
their addiction therapy that they're going to dump onto you
(07:58):
when you don't have the same problem with they have.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
It's very annoying.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Men are stupid. They need to be told. They need
to be trained, they need to be taught, they need
to be this, they need to be that.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
He doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
He's working, he's busy, he's with his family, he's with
his kids.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
He's that, he's.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Distracted, he's still getting over this. He works so hard,
he's on vacation. Bullshit, bullshit. The men that are interested
in me are like, HI, want to get together tomorrow night,
let's meet here, or great, let's set a date. I'm
going out of town tomorrow for a week. I'll be
back on tuesday. Let's meet where you live where I live,
or let's set a date or a phone call bingo boom.
(08:44):
Then you go out. Hi, I had a great time.
When can we do it again? Are you available this weekend?
What are you doing over Thanksgiving? What are you doing
over Christmas? What do you do with your daughter for
the holidays? Just getting the lay of the land, to
see who you are and what you're like. Furthermore, when
you meet someone, if they're already to negotiate you out
of being you run like you're fucking being paid or
chased by the cops. Because I've had men on the
(09:06):
first day being like, wow, oh, it seems like a lot.
You are pretty busy, Like you have a lot going on.
Like they're already assigning what they think they don't want
onto you, okay, like you have a daughter and you
have something going on, or you have a busy career
and they're already negotiating with themselves about how there's something
wrong with that because they may want all of you
or their time consumer, or they want you to travel
with them or role with their program, or they have
(09:28):
a big family, or they have this whole idea of
what you're supposed to be versus I think it's amazing
that you're like that. I think it's great. Wow you're
so inspiring. Wow you're so interesting. Wow you're so passionate,
you're so hard working, you're so driven.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Yay.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
I celebrate you for exactly who you are because I
went on a date with you, not the idea of
what I want to turn you into anymore than you're
trying to turn a cat into a dog.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
So be smart in the beginning. Don't get in the
wrong fucking cars. You know.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I keep telling you this, and once you're in, you
can't get out. It's like a tesla. It locks and
you can't get out. Okay, something goes wrong, you can't
get out. You're locked in there. So make sure you
want to be in that tesla. Make sure that that
tesla is going where you want it to go, and
being direct is secure. I've said to someone this exact thing. Hey,
(10:16):
we've been out one time, and I really do like you,
but like now it's gone so long and we're back
and forth that I'm investing time and bandwidth into you
when you are effectively a stranger, respectfully a nice, lovely stranger,
but I don't know you. And so it's like, yes,
there's due diligence on business deals, but when you do
(10:38):
due diligence on business deals, the other person is giving
you more and more to work with and more and
more hope that it's going to be great. I had
someone that would be an amazing deal and they canceled
the call twice after the initial discussion. I tell my partner, no,
I don't give a shit. We don't have the time
for that. We ain't got no time for someone who
blew off two phone calls. Okay, another company so interested
(10:58):
want to be involved with me? Big fans love me,
I could move the needle, blah blah blah, went away
on vacation, went a way to do something else, like
didn't miss a phone call, not chasing us to call us,
not getting us the information we asked for. Get the
fuck out of here. That is not an interested party.
Be it with someone that meets you where you're at
in every way. So if you liked someone, it is
(11:20):
within their best interest to get another date on the board.
Why would someone allow for the fact that you might
meet someone else. They're going to take that kind of
chance with precious cargo. You're going to stick a wedding
cake in the back of the trunk and see what happens.
If you met someone and you think they're amazing, you
fucking better be somewhat available man or woman. You don't
have to be desperate in like a beggar, but you
(11:41):
better act like you are open for business, because otherwise
you shouldn't have gone on the first date.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Don't go on the.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
First date if you can't immediately go on the second date.
Don't write checks you can't cash. So this dating community
that I've created is for people that walk in are
like Hi, I'm a customer with money to spend. I'm
in this store to buy. I want a relationship, and
I want it now. Otherwise I'll come back when I
do want it right now. Because I'm prepared to call someone,
(12:08):
I'm prepared to go out with them. I'm prepared to
go out with them again and again and again, and
if I like them, I'm prepared to commit to them,
and then I'm prepared to marry them if it's applicable,
have kids with them, or because you told me what
they're like, take on their kids like I'm here to play.
Don't go out with someone because you think they're going
to turn into what you want them to be. If
(12:28):
they're not there as a paying customer that wants what
you're going to serve them, get the fuck out of there.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
No stuttering, no discussion, and stop making excuses for men.
Stop right now. It's so fucking true. We do it
all the time. We do it at every age. If
your daughter does it and you're trying to give her advice,
imagine how hard it is for our kids when it's
hard for us.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
We've been dating for years, decades. We're smart.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
So just create these disciplines and stick to them because guests.
When all is said and done, I'm going to absolutely
write a book with the updated rules, the real rules,
not the bullshit rules. Let's talk about Jennifer Lopez and
(13:22):
Ben Affleck. I thought I was in a time machine.
Ben Affleck was at Jennifer Lopez's premiere Kiss of a
Spider Woman. I don't know anything about it. I've heard
of it before. I really don't know anything about the movie.
But she's in it. She's still going, she never stops working.
Ben Affleck was there gushing on the red carpet to
support her. I will be jaded, and I will also
be hopeful. Last night I did a video and it
(13:44):
was all hopeful because I was so inspired by the
fact that he was on the carpet gushing about her.
And I was thinking, maybe they're just not meant to
be married in the traditional sense, but maybe they are married.
Maybe they are life partners in the will be in
each other's life forever since like they may not have
to be legally bound by a contract and this is
(14:06):
mine and this is yours, and we have to live
in the same marital residence and all that, But maybe
they just really care about each other and love each
other and it's a long life and they'll always be
in each other's lives. My fans, many of them agreed,
and then other people were saying, well, he produced or
funded or directed the movie, so of course he's going
to be there.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
I'll give you some leeway on that.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
But if you don't care for someone and you find
them insufferable and it was like a really nasty divorce,
you will not be within four city blocks of them,
like maybe even more so, you wouldn't even be gushing
on a red carpet about the person. You'd be like, yes,
I came to supporter, or you'd be standing across the room.
It seems like they care about each other. And I
really admire that. It's really adult, it's really to be respected,
(14:51):
it's really mature. It's for people that really understand. People
come in your life for a reason, for a season,
or you could love someone. It doesn't mean that they're
You're forever, day in, day out person. And when you
hit a certain age, you start to see life and
relationships and marriage and commitment and humans and life circumstances
(15:12):
and numbers of kids, and geography and careers and sensibility
and culture and politics and vibe and are you an extrovert?
Are you an introvert? You just see things differently. You
could love someone, but it doesn't mean that day in
day out, you are the perfect match. I've been in
long distance relationships with people that I love, and maybe
(15:33):
you get lonely, maybe the disconnect is too great, maybe
you shut down because you're too far. Maybe the person's amazing,
but it's the wrong time, and you're going to trust
the process and one day I'll end up together. Who knows,
they could end up together when they're eighty years old,
or they could just be good friends and go on
family vacations together with their kids and with their new girlfriend,
boyfriends or spouses. I'm just saying he was on that
(15:55):
red carpet, and I thought I was in a time warp,
and I was excited. I thought it was like meaningful,
and even if it's not what I assigned to it,
it's meaningful to me because I relate to that and
I get that, and I think it's a long road.
Life is short, but it's also a long road of
relationships and interconnected circumstances and kids. And it's kind of
(16:19):
why this dating concept I've created is so effective because
it takes into account all these nuanced dynamics with people
that aren't just oh he's rich and smart and tall
and blue eyes and jewish and two kids.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Like there's a nuance to people. There could be two women.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
There could be me and another woman my age, my
hair color, lives on my block, and it seems like
we'd be wanting the same things. And women are so
competitive and gatekeeping, but believe it or not, we don't
want the same things. You'd be shocked at how one
person may love five kids. They're dating someone with five kids.
They always wanted a station wagon. They always liked all
the activities and the big family vacations and a big
(16:57):
house of people around all the time.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I'm not like that. I'm not like that.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Another person thinks it's a massive red flag if someone
doesn't have kids or has never been married. I didn't
come from really family, so I'm not great with like
a gigantic group of people. Other people the more than married.
For me, it's more quality versus quantity in every area.
I just think that as you get older, you realize
that one size does not that all.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
There's room enough for everybody.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
There's a seat for every ass and there are different
shapes and sizes of people and relationships
So I just divulged a little bit about this dating
concept of mine on social media. I'm gatekeeping the concept
because it's a business concept ultimately. Right now, it's a
passion project and it's effectively a dating social experiment that
is proving to be very successful.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
And I am shook.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
I have a community of like minded, aligned, intentional daters,
people that want to meet their life partner right now.
And shockingly, there are way more men than women. That's
what's shocking me. Like there are men. Men by nature
are less complicated as we are emotionally, and when they
are ready and they want something, they want it now.
(00:57):
And they always say women may the loves of their lives,
and men marry the person that is there when they
are ready. And I have tapped into the men who
are actually ready, not the men that pretend they're ready,
not the men that say they're ready, not the men
that hire matchmakers so they can act like they're ready,
but they really just are doing that to check a
(01:18):
box and they don't want to meet someone men that
are ready right now to go. And it's so liberating.
The concept is proprietary. It's something I thought about over
a year ago, and something just came up and it
just made me do it. And now it has come
to fruition and I'm dealing with the back of the
house meeting. I'm dealing with the business of it and
what it's called and how it works. And I've got
(01:39):
someone dealing with the front of it, meaning like the
day to day. But it's lit and people are fixated, obsessed.
Twenty five percent of the people have said they work
with matchmakers, and I don't think they should be the
only tool, but I don't think they should be thrown out.
I think they're a good tool to be in your
overall arsenal of dating tools. In this there's no bread crumbing,
there's no pen paling. Like people, I can't explain how
(02:03):
it works because then I would be giving it away.
But it's not dealing with dating from the outside in
like a gimmick like oh, four friends recommend someone, or
people who like fish, or Jewish singles who eat bagels
or Christian mingle and all the shit like, it's not
like that. It's from the inside. It's unbelievable. And I
think I talk to you guys about bread crumming and
pen paling in detail, but like I'm learning more that
(02:26):
men they like. I think it's because they don't want
to do the emotional work. They'll penpal like they want
to send you a picture I woke up this morning.
It's beautiful because they have an idea of something that
they want, like a relationship that they want. Then they
end up really getting to know someone and they have
to actually do the work to back it up. So
some of these men, in the meantime, while they're in
the fantasy stage, will send you these photos of their dog,
(02:48):
of their couch, of their view of the life together,
of your horoscope, all the shit, because they are like
fantasizing of what it could be. But you're real, living,
breathing human being, and once you get together with them,
they have to deal with your insecurities. You're complaining, you're inconsistencies,
you're being laid on a date, you're taking long to
get ready, like all of reality. And it almost feels
(03:10):
like some men the wrong men want a penpal because
it like prolongs it.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
It makes it seem like it's real. And we do
that too. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I don't waste time and I don't waste money, So
if I don't know that someone's worthy investment. I'm not
going to take all this bandwidth time just getting to
know someone by text. You're giving a part of yourself.
You're allowing someone part of yourself for nothing, for free, Like, dude,
do the work, pick up a phone, call me, make
a date. Let's go out and we gaslight ourselves and
(03:39):
pretend that that's the scraps we deserve, that's the cookie.
They usually are older men that I found, but young
men do it a lot too, So that's a blanket statement.
Just brag comers who just want to lob of text
to see that there's a pulse and like has it
going today? And then you say what's happening? They don't
move the ball forward, they don't ask for any plans.
They're just it's like a fucking locks just that's useless,
(04:00):
and you just like get out here. And the problem
is you end up going back and forth just because
you're not going to be rude and they ask you
a dumb question, but like it makes you feel irritable
and you're annoyed because it's just like you're giving them
part of you just by being alive, and it's a
little bit passive aggressive because like you'd almost rather not
respond at all, but then it's like rude, and then
(04:20):
they're like, wait, what what's wrong, And it's like then
you have to say what's wrong, and you just want
to say, like I don't want to fucking penpal, And
it's really a bad setup dynamic.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
If you're going to text someone, have a reason for it.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Text's supposed to be like I'm sitting out front, I'm
in the green shirt, or hope you're having a nice day,
but it's not supposed to be some bizarre, like low
grade form of communication. And pen paling is the same.
Bread crumb is a little different. Bread Crumbing is like
you drop something, they pick it up.
Speaker 2 (04:46):
And like it's sort of sporadic.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Pen paling is like now we're in a fucking whole
dialogue back and forth, and that's ridiculous, Like you don't
need to be telling someone your life story and discussing
things ad nauseum writing back and forth.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
That's pen paling. That's more okay.
Speaker 1 (05:01):
And love bombing is another thing that goes on like
it's too much, too fast, and it's just creepy and
it's disproportionate with what's going on and the person's a stranger,
and it just makes you feel unomfortable and it's just
like bizarre, and it puts it on you. They're love
bombing you. You have to respond in some way, like
you want it to just stop. So emotionally pushy is
(05:22):
a different version. It's not love bombing. It's got the
same icky, syrapy feeling to it, but it's not love bombing.
It's like therapy bombing, like someone's personal shit bombing on you.
So let me give you an example. Let's say you
are not ready to go out with someone. Let's say
(05:42):
somebody lives in Wyoming, and you don't want to go
out with someone who lives in Wyoming, or they have
four kids, or they're too old, or they're too young,
or they like purple, it doesn't matter. So somebody has
something that you are not interested in. You really don't
think you want to go this is an example, and
you say I don't think, or you keep blowing it
off or you are punting it or you're and then
(06:03):
the person is like, come on, like you're taking this
too seriously.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
Let's just go out.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
You're gonna have a good time, and you're like, I'll
be the fucking judge of if I'm gonna have a
good time and if I'm taking too seriously, like someone
pushing what they think it's going to be on you.
Or they say let's go for a picnic. I want
to do something that's more meaningful, and you're like, okay,
I'm good with a dinner and they're like, oh, I
(06:27):
just thought it picnic would be a better way for
us to get to know each other, and you're like, okay,
I'm I'm also great with a drink with a meal.
Like they are pushing their way of doing things on you,
but like being slightly judgmental about the way that you're
reacting to it. So I've had someone say to me
like let's get together and been like, it's.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Just been a little busy.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
Work is a little crazy right now, and so I'm
trying to like come down from it, or I'm working
on this, or I'm focusing on that, or I've been
unhealthy or whatever, and then someone is like, well, I
guess it depends on what your priorities are. Yeah, yes,
if your priorities are being in a relationship, then you'd
make time for it. Like some I'm giving examples, but
they're not exact, but like someone's pushing the way that
(07:09):
they think it should be onto you, the way that
you should be thinking about it, the way that you
should be like over therapizing you, and it's such a
turn off and it will make me run like a
fucking thief in the night. It's like when someone tells
you to relax. It's the same type of feeling. You're like,
why don't you go fuck yourself. You don't need to
tell me how to prioritize that to be in a relationship,
(07:30):
what I want to do, what I don't want to do,
how it's gonna work, how it's not gonna work, how
to really connect, how to not connect, let me.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
The fuck alone.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Data, how you want to date, I'll date how I
want to date. It makes me nuts, like some cousin
of like faux spirituality, like over therapy. It's like a
little bit when like someone's sober and like your drink
it too much, they want to like analyze you about
it and their language because they just learned something and
their addiction therapy that they're going to dump onto you
(07:58):
when you don't have the same problem with they have.
Speaker 2 (08:00):
It's very annoying.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
Men are stupid. They need to be told. They need
to be trained, they need to be taught, they need
to be this, they need to be that.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
He doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
He's working, he's busy, he's with his family, he's with
his kids.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
He's that, he's.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Distracted, he's still getting over this. He works so hard,
he's on vacation. Bullshit, bullshit. The men that are interested
in me are like, HI, want to get together tomorrow night,
let's meet here, or great, let's set a date. I'm
going out of town tomorrow for a week. I'll be
back on tuesday. Let's meet where you live where I live,
or let's set a date or a phone call bingo boom.
(08:44):
Then you go out. Hi, I had a great time.
When can we do it again? Are you available this weekend?
What are you doing over Thanksgiving? What are you doing
over Christmas? What do you do with your daughter for
the holidays? Just getting the lay of the land, to
see who you are and what you're like. Furthermore, when
you meet someone, if they're already to negotiate you out
of being you run like you're fucking being paid or
chased by the cops. Because I've had men on the
(09:06):
first day being like, wow, oh, it seems like a lot.
You are pretty busy, Like you have a lot going on.
Like they're already assigning what they think they don't want
onto you, okay, like you have a daughter and you
have something going on, or you have a busy career
and they're already negotiating with themselves about how there's something
wrong with that because they may want all of you
or their time consumer, or they want you to travel
with them or role with their program, or they have
(09:28):
a big family, or they have this whole idea of
what you're supposed to be versus I think it's amazing
that you're like that. I think it's great. Wow you're
so inspiring. Wow you're so interesting. Wow you're so passionate,
you're so hard working, you're so driven.
Speaker 2 (09:40):
Yay.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
I celebrate you for exactly who you are because I
went on a date with you, not the idea of
what I want to turn you into anymore than you're
trying to turn a cat into a dog.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
So be smart in the beginning. Don't get in the
wrong fucking cars. You know.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I keep telling you this, and once you're in, you
can't get out. It's like a tesla. It locks and
you can't get out. Okay, something goes wrong, you can't
get out. You're locked in there. So make sure you
want to be in that tesla. Make sure that that
tesla is going where you want it to go, and
being direct is secure. I've said to someone this exact thing. Hey,
(10:16):
we've been out one time, and I really do like you,
but like now it's gone so long and we're back
and forth that I'm investing time and bandwidth into you
when you are effectively a stranger, respectfully a nice, lovely stranger,
but I don't know you. And so it's like, yes,
there's due diligence on business deals, but when you do
(10:38):
due diligence on business deals, the other person is giving
you more and more to work with and more and
more hope that it's going to be great. I had
someone that would be an amazing deal and they canceled
the call twice after the initial discussion. I tell my partner, no,
I don't give a shit. We don't have the time
for that. We ain't got no time for someone who
blew off two phone calls. Okay, another company so interested
(10:58):
want to be involved with me? Big fans love me,
I could move the needle, blah blah blah, went away
on vacation, went a way to do something else, like
didn't miss a phone call, not chasing us to call us,
not getting us the information we asked for. Get the
fuck out of here. That is not an interested party.
Be it with someone that meets you where you're at
in every way. So if you liked someone, it is
(11:20):
within their best interest to get another date on the board.
Why would someone allow for the fact that you might
meet someone else. They're going to take that kind of
chance with precious cargo. You're going to stick a wedding
cake in the back of the trunk and see what happens.
If you met someone and you think they're amazing, you
fucking better be somewhat available man or woman. You don't
have to be desperate in like a beggar, but you
(11:41):
better act like you are open for business, because otherwise
you shouldn't have gone on the first date.
Speaker 2 (11:46):
Don't go on the.
Speaker 1 (11:46):
First date if you can't immediately go on the second date.
Don't write checks you can't cash. So this dating community
that I've created is for people that walk in are
like Hi, I'm a customer with money to spend. I'm
in this store to buy. I want a relationship, and
I want it now. Otherwise I'll come back when I
do want it right now. Because I'm prepared to call someone,
(12:08):
I'm prepared to go out with them. I'm prepared to
go out with them again and again and again, and
if I like them, I'm prepared to commit to them,
and then I'm prepared to marry them if it's applicable,
have kids with them, or because you told me what
they're like, take on their kids like I'm here to play.
Don't go out with someone because you think they're going
to turn into what you want them to be. If
(12:28):
they're not there as a paying customer that wants what
you're going to serve them, get the fuck out of there.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
No stuttering, no discussion, and stop making excuses for men.
Stop right now. It's so fucking true. We do it
all the time. We do it at every age. If
your daughter does it and you're trying to give her advice,
imagine how hard it is for our kids when it's
hard for us.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
We've been dating for years, decades. We're smart.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
So just create these disciplines and stick to them because guests.
When all is said and done, I'm going to absolutely
write a book with the updated rules, the real rules,
not the bullshit rules. Let's talk about Jennifer Lopez and
(13:22):
Ben Affleck. I thought I was in a time machine.
Ben Affleck was at Jennifer Lopez's premiere Kiss of a
Spider Woman. I don't know anything about it. I've heard
of it before. I really don't know anything about the movie.
But she's in it. She's still going, she never stops working.
Ben Affleck was there gushing on the red carpet to
support her. I will be jaded, and I will also
be hopeful. Last night I did a video and it
(13:44):
was all hopeful because I was so inspired by the
fact that he was on the carpet gushing about her.
And I was thinking, maybe they're just not meant to
be married in the traditional sense, but maybe they are married.
Maybe they are life partners in the will be in
each other's life forever since like they may not have
to be legally bound by a contract and this is
(14:06):
mine and this is yours, and we have to live
in the same marital residence and all that, But maybe
they just really care about each other and love each
other and it's a long life and they'll always be
in each other's lives. My fans, many of them agreed,
and then other people were saying, well, he produced or
funded or directed the movie, so of course he's going
to be there.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
I'll give you some leeway on that.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
But if you don't care for someone and you find
them insufferable and it was like a really nasty divorce,
you will not be within four city blocks of them,
like maybe even more so, you wouldn't even be gushing
on a red carpet about the person. You'd be like, yes,
I came to supporter, or you'd be standing across the room.
It seems like they care about each other. And I
really admire that. It's really adult, it's really to be respected,
(14:51):
it's really mature. It's for people that really understand. People
come in your life for a reason, for a season,
or you could love someone. It doesn't mean that they're
You're forever, day in, day out person. And when you
hit a certain age, you start to see life and
relationships and marriage and commitment and humans and life circumstances
(15:12):
and numbers of kids, and geography and careers and sensibility
and culture and politics and vibe and are you an extrovert?
Are you an introvert? You just see things differently. You
could love someone, but it doesn't mean that day in
day out, you are the perfect match. I've been in
long distance relationships with people that I love, and maybe
(15:33):
you get lonely, maybe the disconnect is too great, maybe
you shut down because you're too far. Maybe the person's amazing,
but it's the wrong time, and you're going to trust
the process and one day I'll end up together. Who knows,
they could end up together when they're eighty years old,
or they could just be good friends and go on
family vacations together with their kids and with their new girlfriend,
boyfriends or spouses. I'm just saying he was on that
(15:55):
red carpet, and I thought I was in a time warp,
and I was excited. I thought it was like meaningful,
and even if it's not what I assigned to it,
it's meaningful to me because I relate to that and
I get that, and I think it's a long road.
Life is short, but it's also a long road of
relationships and interconnected circumstances and kids. And it's kind of
(16:19):
why this dating concept I've created is so effective because
it takes into account all these nuanced dynamics with people
that aren't just oh he's rich and smart and tall
and blue eyes and jewish and two kids.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Like there's a nuance to people. There could be two women.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
There could be me and another woman my age, my
hair color, lives on my block, and it seems like
we'd be wanting the same things. And women are so
competitive and gatekeeping, but believe it or not, we don't
want the same things. You'd be shocked at how one
person may love five kids. They're dating someone with five kids.
They always wanted a station wagon. They always liked all
the activities and the big family vacations and a big
(16:57):
house of people around all the time.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I'm not like that. I'm not like that.
Speaker 1 (17:02):
Another person thinks it's a massive red flag if someone
doesn't have kids or has never been married. I didn't
come from really family, so I'm not great with like
a gigantic group of people. Other people the more than married.
For me, it's more quality versus quantity in every area.
I just think that as you get older, you realize
that one size does not that all.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
There's room enough for everybody.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
There's a seat for every ass and there are different
shapes and sizes of people and relationships
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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