June 12, 2025 • 17 mins
When should a guy text after a date? And many more rules of dating. PLUS: Jason and Bethenny judge each other's dating habits!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
This is so funny.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I've done stand up, and the one of the reasons
I don't love the idea of doing stand up is
because I've watched stand up comedians upstairs at the club
and then there's one downstairs say the same exact act twice,
and that sounds like fraudulent to me. It's like, even
though that's their bit, they say it as if it's
like new And when I was on reality TV, I
felt the responsibility to clue this audience in on the
(00:35):
problems in my marriage, not because I think it's totally
their business, but in that space, I couldn't give them
a half truth. I'm here on this show, so either
don't do it or do it. So I've always been
a very direct and honest person and whether people want
to at some point pretend, oh, she didn't tell the
truth about this or about that. Most people believe me.
They may not like me, but they believe me. The
(00:57):
truth is right there. Just be truthful, and sometimes it's hard,
but find a way through.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
You mentioned truth, you said marriage, You said fraud like
when you think about Real Housewives. You mentioned that Rebecca
Minkoff was telling me about how she has this like
fluzy clause and her pre nump, and it's it's essentially
that if her husband, if they get divorced for any reason,
and her husband gets remarried, and or if she passes
all the assets that we're supposed to go to him
(01:21):
then transfer to the kids. So essentially she calls it
a fluzie clause. You can't be with a fluzie if
I'm not in the game. And you talked about marriage fraud.
And there's a lot of action there, like what's your
overall take on like love, money, pre numps.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
So my feeling is this, and this does happen with age,
things just get different. That's kind of where I am now.
So now you're not eating something if it's not phenomenal.
You're not buying something if it's not exceptional. And my
life mantra is if I don't love it, I don't
like it. So it's so black and white because you
(01:55):
never have to say, like, well, logically, this person is
this paper and there there that you don't have to
say that because you just know if you love it,
this is not going to say. So it's a very
crystallized quality versus quantity thing. And you can also if
you've made money and you're successful and you can buy
anything you want, go anywhere you want. You can be like, yeah,
(02:16):
I'm not dating it. I'm not dating someone poor. Sorry,
any other questions, but you're allowed to do it the
fuck you want. It's my my I'm in the story.
I get to buy what I want to buy.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
Do you have your things or no.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I I want to feel alive. I don't want someone
to pull me down. I want to feel young. I
want someone to be adventurous with, do things with. I
want to have a great sexual connection. I want to
have fun and to live. I mean, everyone's got all
these logical rules and I just want to like have fun.
I just don't want someone to pull me down and
(02:47):
dim my light, which is what has happened. Like people say, oh,
that's too much, that's gonna be a lot, you can't
fit this all. Like when I want to go to
Australia and then go to somewhere else the next week,
that sounds like a lot, Like just the pulling down.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
I don't want. I want to be lifted up.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I feel like they're pulling down those a lot of control.
It's usually like insecurity within from someone and then they're
trying to find some kind of control. But the like
and love it thing got me interested because you're telling me, like,
you go on a date and you like someone, but
you're not sure you'll love it, and you're not gonna.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Go on another date.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
No, if there's an ick, if there's any ick whatsoever,
the ick is a crack and it becomes a creator.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
The reason I asked that question is like if I
if I like someone and I'm not sure if I
like love it and I don't know, I'll go on
another date. But I think the things that like, hmm,
maybe I should live my life more like that, Like
if I don't absolutely love.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
It, I should just be dumb. But I'm also like,
I don't know if I could do that.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I think you could start saying it to yourself when
you look at anything.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Okay, I'm gonna try it for a week, but it's
hard to like put on paper, like what works, what
doesn't work. I think people that are inconsistent irritate me.
I think people that talk shit constantly. If you're constantly
talking shit about other people while we're on a date
or other things, you're constantly you're negative about it. The
second I walk away from the table. I know you're
talking shit about me or someone that like matters. I
don't like people that got up like consistency in the
(04:01):
way people treat someone. So whether it's uber driver, it's
a waiter, it's a waitress, like consistency. You know, everyone's
got their family hardships and they go through. But I
think having like a well balanced or at least attempting,
given your circumstances, to have a healthy relationship with the
people that matter is super important. And to be honest,
I think that I get it. I enjoy nice things,
but I think people that are strictly living like their
(04:24):
identity and their value through material things, no matter how
much money you have. I have friends who are billionaires,
and I have friends who are broke. And I was
just at a funeral by Buddy's dad who just passed
away sixty two, totally unexpected, gets hit with stage four
pancreatic cancer. He married is prom date and he has
four beautiful kids. And it's just like, at the end
of the day, truly like what you do, the happiness
(04:46):
you bring, the legacy you leave, and the way you
like build communities is the most important. But there's so
many people, especially in New York City and the places
that you're dealing with and the people they're meeting, that
like their entire being is set on material stick things.
They're title in that moment or releve.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
But let's break this down. Let's break this down. Because
the women are so hyperfixated on their appearance. The head
is down in the phone, the extensions are on, the
nails are on, the lashes are on, the beat of
the makeup is on, and they and I was out
with like thirty something influencers not so long ago, much
(05:23):
younger than I am, and every one of them is like,
there are no good men. I'm looking at them. They
all look like dolls, Like I can't. I'm like, you guys,
want is hotter than the next. But they all also
looked boring because they all looked the same, and you
could just literally see and smell that they all looked
like they were like running game. They had worked from
head to toe every aspect and focused on that. They've
(05:44):
spent no time focusing on their personality. They walk in
like the world owes them something like a Chanel bag
should just come with the dinner. And it's like I
could see that they're going the wrong way, Like I
could see the whole guy.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Damn.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
I'm like, I get why you guys are.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
All single, and you should be because your fucking vapid,
useless creature that just think that you what have you done?
You've done anything, You've a done anything? Who cares that
you have eyelashes yours? So they're doing themselves a disservice
because they think that that's what a guy like you
probably wants.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
No exactly, I think like if I'm in a conversation,
I'm out a data, I'm not mentally stimulated in some capacity,
you're not challenging me in some way, or you're not
passionate about something in some direction that's going to keep
this conversation flow, and that's where I lose interest.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
I think that's where a lot of people do.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
But though, I mean, you just gave examples of like
where the women are missing, but I could give you
many examples of where men are missing.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Let's go because the age is your age, and forties
are better than the fifties.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
I mean, I think first and foremost like nine not
a ten guy, And I was one of those guys.
I was like an anti therapy guy. I'm fine, everything's good.
I've avoided every single feeling until I was probably thirty one.
But the majority of guys can't at all connect their head,
their heart in their mouths, so they don't know how
to say what they're thinking, and feel what they're feeling,
and then speak what they all those things. As a
(06:55):
result of it, they have no ability to connect. And
when they don't have an ability to connect, they're using
all different ways to try and connect. So these same
people that are expecting the chanel bag, those same guys
are showing up with the chanel bag because they don't
know what else to do. And that's the problem.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
The men in their fifties are divorced and are like
literally not walking upright, so they have no idea how
to communicate. And also men think, I actually don't know
what men think. I can't know what men think. I
just can know that. All right, let's role play for dating.
We meet someone, sets us up, we go out to dinner,
We have a nice time.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
The chemistry's there. You drink, Do you drink?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
I drink.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
We have a couple of drinks, We're laughing. The whole
thing's great. We make out, but I don't sleep with you.
Maybe you come over, we have a drink, you leave,
you know whatever. Okay, what happened? I want do not both?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You like me?
Speaker 2 (07:56):
You like that, it's a connection. You're not sure, you
don't love it, but you like it. What happens the
next day? Exactly? You text me right now? What is
your text or is it a call? Like me, like,
you're intrigued?
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Do you like me?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
And to the other point of what you said before,
it's not that the woman has to be the hottest.
In my opinion, the matchmaker said, the woman has to
just look like she takes care of herself, like she
made an effort and smells good and pretty and like
that can go a long way, is what the matchmakers
say that my dating podcast.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
So you can ve all right, so you're.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
Intrigued, got it, I'm intrigued.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
The first thing I'm gonna do is, like, especially like
kissed I left, I'm going to send some kind of
text at the end of the night, just like like
hey do you get back?
Speaker 4 (08:37):
All right? Like that it's such a great time.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
I'm going to make some connection to first of all,
even like the first interaction, I think that's guys are
so like they're so direct because they want to be
so macho, and you go, it's like so dumb. Like
when you're first talking to someone, just find a common connection,
Like just find something in the room you're both laughing
at and just like, oh my god, how funny is that?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, or what happened when you.
Speaker 4 (08:59):
Were watching everyone walks out.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
It's like imagine like the guy shows up at your
front desk or front door, like trying to sell you something. Well,
someone shows up your front door, you're immediately guarded. So
like I think when I'm first interacting with someone, if
I'm role playing, it's you be all right, just disarmed.
That would be some one. But if it ended, then
I'd be like, hey, that was a great night. Dot
ond you get home safe and like connect something from
an inside joke or something that happened.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
If you didn't text you, you didn't text your ready,
you just got in the car and then you're going
to text her when you got home.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Oh no, it wouldn't be a point out. I would say,
Like if it was like instant, I'd be like, oh okay,
that's quick. But I wouldn't think twice, i'd give me
a little, like a little, but then if.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
It's too long, you haven't texted her, so she should wait.
All right, you know what I'm.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
Saying like that, I'm not saying play the game fully,
But if you're telling me is like we said goodbye
and I'm in the car and I'm getting a ding.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It's like that's too much. Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
So the next day, Saturday night, you went out. When
are you reaching out?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Is it text? Is it phone? What does it look like?
And what should be the cadence?
Speaker 3 (09:54):
It wouldn't be rate in the morning because I'd want
to let them let the dust settle, Like okay, what
what am I really feeling?
Speaker 4 (09:59):
Was that last am I in? They're like what am I? Like?
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Let's just let the dust settle? Probably afternoon dust settles.
I'm like, I like this person. I'm probably gonna be
thinking about, like where on the date I didn't connect
and like things I'm curious about. So let's say we
didn't talk about I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
What I'm doing for the summer.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
Where I'm gonna be what are you doing for the summer?
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Hey, you didn't tell me, Like the next two what
do you got going, But it's the thought of like
let's connect what I missed with curiosity, but then also
planning for the future, like when's the next time I'm
going to see you? I would do that in twenty
four hours, So.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Twenty four hours you'd have something locked for now.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Yeah, you're gonna think it's like lock likety, we're going
on a date next week, But it's like flirting with
the idea of like, oh my god, I forgot to
ask you about this, but how can I get the
conversation flowing where we're doing it?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Also like next week I'm out of town, but like
the week after, are you in town? There's a concert
like if you're around, let me know, not like hard lock,
like when's our next date?
Speaker 4 (10:52):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
The other thing is I think it's a turn off
if someone doesn't text back, like within a certain period
of time, like it shows their insecure to lose. Like
for me, it doesn't matter you text like a text
back it's not ten seconds. But if I have my phone,
it's to what does this mean I'm a loser because
I text you right back. I think it's well known
improven that I'm not a loser. I'm just texting you
back because I saw it on my phone.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I don't argue that at all. I totally agree with that,
have a conversation. It's more efficient boom boom boom, be done.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
But if the girl doesn't text you back for forty
five minutes because she's in something, are you gonna wait
forty five and match what she did?
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Or you're gonna text right back because that's what you're doing.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
I don't play the texting game. I just connect the
text thing with like what I'm actually feeling. So like,
in the next morning, I'm gonna be like, hey, let's
let that digest for a second, and then I'm gonna text.
But I'm not gonna be like, you took an hour,
I'm gonna take an hour. You took twenty minutes, I'm
gonna take that's just stupid. I think that's that's what
I think.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Where are we going with that?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Exactly?
Speaker 3 (11:42):
I also think the older you get, the more you
go through stuff, the more you're just like the filter
is gone. It's like the longer I put that filter
up of like this nonsense of the games and all this,
the longer we're gonna delay this, the longer we're gonna
figure out who the hell we are. The longer, it's
gonna put us in a position to not work out.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Or work out.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
And also, I think you're already hard to get as
a person. You're a talent, you're good looking, you're successful.
Like I don't need to play hard. I am art together.
If you screw around, I'm Sicilian, we're never speaking again. Like,
it doesn't matter. So we could text a thousand times,
but if you are disrespectful or seem insecure or something,
you do something untoward, it's over anyway. So it doesn't
matter how we get there. It's either going or it's
(12:21):
not going. That's how I feel.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
I got a question for you, a little like in
this single.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Game, Like how I can't wait till we have a
dating podcast. This is good.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
We're going to do a dating but we'll match people up.
We'll have our own bats or show.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Yeah, I think so too. I stick we have a
good report.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
I thought thought it would be great.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
All right, let me ask my producers. Are hold on, producers,
are you guys dying right now? Okay?
Speaker 3 (12:54):
What is the take on? Like, Okay, I'm a single guy,
I'm single. If I go on a date, with someone
and the vibes there. I'm very open about the fact
like I'm single, I don't play games, and like I'm
going to commit to you and I put it. But
when you're single, what are the rules? Like do you
think it's wrong if I went on two dates?
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Three dates?
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
What I think? And then I want to hear what
you think is okay for me. I think women who
are dating should think of it when they first enter
into it, like meaning you're ready, You've worked on yourself
emotion You have to work on yourself emotionally because you
can't dump your shit on someone. You have to have
that discipline to like not do a marathon when you
have it stretched, Like you have to know that you
(13:36):
are being honest with yourself, that you're not like a wreck,
it's not a rebound.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
All these things.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
So you're ready, Let's say you on the apps or
you ask people to set you up, whatever your program is, you.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Should think of it.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Doesn't mean you're going to do exactly this, but you
should think of it as like a Viking stove because
you're going to meet a lot of different people. Something's
on boil, something's on simmer, take something off put something
on because if you have something on boil you really
like someone, you'll focus too much on it, even energetically,
and they can somehow sense that, and so you want
other things just in the mix. Also to just be
(14:05):
sure two dates. Maybe I don't like going on I wouldn't.
I just it's exhausting. So maybe I would go on
one date max a week just for me personally. I
used to because I'm also but I'm more in a
real quality versus quantity life model. But I think I
would never be intimate with two people at the same time,
like kissing. Maybe it's never really happened, and you were
on the Bachelorette, so you're kissing and having sex with
(14:27):
multiple people in the same week, But there we are.
But I would say the hard thing is I won't
be intimate with someone who I think I'm not going
to be in a relationship with. I just not wired
that way, so it's pretty easy to discern. But I think, yeah,
you could be going on more than one date.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Interesting. For the record, I got dumped before the Fantasy Suite,
so tough break. Three months there at the dinner table,
right before you're supposed to get the card, I got
sent packet, So I just want to make that clear.
But let's say last week I go on a date,
and let's say I'm in New York next week business thing,
and I'm at an event and I meet someone and
I'm like, oh my gosh, this person's awesome.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Oh yeah, okay, so okay, so okay, I have an answer.
So I think you're in the headspace where you like
this person, so you're not like out in the store shopping.
But if you happen to be at a party next
week and see something you like, then I think you
should because you know it's all this is the new
car smell, and so if it's six months from now
and you know that wears off a little, you're gonna
(15:26):
be like, I wish I had talked to that other person.
Doesn't mean you're sleeping with two people at the same time,
and you could say, you know, I want you to
know that I really like you. So this person knows.
And if they heard that you went out with someone else,
I'm not going to bail. It'd be a sociopath. You're
on one date with them, but you like.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
You're saying, in like a two week period, you've never
hooked up with two.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
People, slept with two people.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
No, I don't think in a two week period, I've
like seen two people's penises.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
No, I'm not. I don't think so. I just don't
think i've seen you people.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
It would be interesting if you pulled your audience and
you asked them about what you just said. Be honest
with me, ladies, be honest with me. Dating culture, have
you seen two penises in two weeks? I would be
curious what the response would be, especially if you're like
a city that's like like New York City, where it's like,
you know, you're working hard, you're dating, you're doing your thing.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yeah, I think, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah, I don't know that in my whole entire life,
i've ever seen two penises two weeks. But then you know,
and this is my wellness summer, it's not my adventure era,
So I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I'm into my wellness.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Two penis isn't a month. What I hate seeing the
word penis or something.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Two penis is in a month. I haven't seen any
penises in six months.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
You ever see a penis at six months zero?
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I don't even know what a penis looks like I
have more show, I have more chance of seeing a
vagiana than a penis, but I haven't seen either in
six months.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
Is that in? No?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
I think I've just been busy and happy and focusing
on myself and exhausted to not want to date like that,
meaning like dating exhausted. If something comes, that's great, I'll
be really excited. And other than that, I like I said,
I'm in the a final love it. I'm like it,
and I want to just date to date, and now
I definitely don't want to sleep as someone to sleep
a something.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
No no, no, no no.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
All right, So when I see my next penis, I
guess if that ever happens, come up again. Bring the podcast. Yeah,
this was so fun. It's honestly, I want to do
a dating podcast.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
If you let's do it, and maybe you could set
me up find my next match.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Okay, perfect, that's amazing, But we should set each other up.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
That should be the show.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
That would be it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
That's a great idea for some version of a show.
This is so funny.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
I've done stand up, and the one of the reasons
I don't love the idea of doing stand up is
because I've watched stand up comedians upstairs at the club
and then there's one downstairs say the same exact act twice,
and that sounds like fraudulent to me. It's like, even
though that's their bit, they say it as if it's
like new And when I was on reality TV, I
felt the responsibility to clue this audience in on the
(00:35):
problems in my marriage, not because I think it's totally
their business, but in that space, I couldn't give them
a half truth. I'm here on this show, so either
don't do it or do it. So I've always been
a very direct and honest person and whether people want
to at some point pretend, oh, she didn't tell the
truth about this or about that. Most people believe me.
They may not like me, but they believe me. The
(00:57):
truth is right there. Just be truthful, and sometimes it's hard,
but find a way through.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
You mentioned truth, you said marriage, You said fraud like
when you think about Real Housewives. You mentioned that Rebecca
Minkoff was telling me about how she has this like
fluzy clause and her pre nump, and it's it's essentially
that if her husband, if they get divorced for any reason,
and her husband gets remarried, and or if she passes
all the assets that we're supposed to go to him
(01:21):
then transfer to the kids. So essentially she calls it
a fluzie clause. You can't be with a fluzie if
I'm not in the game. And you talked about marriage fraud.
And there's a lot of action there, like what's your
overall take on like love, money, pre numps.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
So my feeling is this, and this does happen with age,
things just get different. That's kind of where I am now.
So now you're not eating something if it's not phenomenal.
You're not buying something if it's not exceptional. And my
life mantra is if I don't love it, I don't
like it. So it's so black and white because you
(01:55):
never have to say, like, well, logically, this person is
this paper and there there that you don't have to
say that because you just know if you love it,
this is not going to say. So it's a very
crystallized quality versus quantity thing. And you can also if
you've made money and you're successful and you can buy
anything you want, go anywhere you want. You can be like, yeah,
(02:16):
I'm not dating it. I'm not dating someone poor. Sorry,
any other questions, but you're allowed to do it the
fuck you want. It's my my I'm in the story.
I get to buy what I want to buy.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
Do you have your things or no.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
I I want to feel alive. I don't want someone
to pull me down. I want to feel young. I
want someone to be adventurous with, do things with. I
want to have a great sexual connection. I want to
have fun and to live. I mean, everyone's got all
these logical rules and I just want to like have fun.
I just don't want someone to pull me down and
(02:47):
dim my light, which is what has happened. Like people say, oh,
that's too much, that's gonna be a lot, you can't
fit this all. Like when I want to go to
Australia and then go to somewhere else the next week,
that sounds like a lot, Like just the pulling down.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
I don't want. I want to be lifted up.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I feel like they're pulling down those a lot of control.
It's usually like insecurity within from someone and then they're
trying to find some kind of control. But the like
and love it thing got me interested because you're telling me, like,
you go on a date and you like someone, but
you're not sure you'll love it, and you're not gonna.
Speaker 4 (03:15):
Go on another date.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
No, if there's an ick, if there's any ick whatsoever,
the ick is a crack and it becomes a creator.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
The reason I asked that question is like if I
if I like someone and I'm not sure if I
like love it and I don't know, I'll go on
another date. But I think the things that like, hmm,
maybe I should live my life more like that, Like
if I don't absolutely love.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
It, I should just be dumb. But I'm also like,
I don't know if I could do that.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
I think you could start saying it to yourself when
you look at anything.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Okay, I'm gonna try it for a week, but it's
hard to like put on paper, like what works, what
doesn't work. I think people that are inconsistent irritate me.
I think people that talk shit constantly. If you're constantly
talking shit about other people while we're on a date
or other things, you're constantly you're negative about it. The
second I walk away from the table. I know you're
talking shit about me or someone that like matters. I
don't like people that got up like consistency in the
(04:01):
way people treat someone. So whether it's uber driver, it's
a waiter, it's a waitress, like consistency. You know, everyone's
got their family hardships and they go through. But I
think having like a well balanced or at least attempting,
given your circumstances, to have a healthy relationship with the
people that matter is super important. And to be honest,
I think that I get it. I enjoy nice things,
but I think people that are strictly living like their
(04:24):
identity and their value through material things, no matter how
much money you have. I have friends who are billionaires,
and I have friends who are broke. And I was
just at a funeral by Buddy's dad who just passed
away sixty two, totally unexpected, gets hit with stage four
pancreatic cancer. He married is prom date and he has
four beautiful kids. And it's just like, at the end
of the day, truly like what you do, the happiness
(04:46):
you bring, the legacy you leave, and the way you
like build communities is the most important. But there's so
many people, especially in New York City and the places
that you're dealing with and the people they're meeting, that
like their entire being is set on material stick things.
They're title in that moment or releve.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
But let's break this down. Let's break this down. Because
the women are so hyperfixated on their appearance. The head
is down in the phone, the extensions are on, the
nails are on, the lashes are on, the beat of
the makeup is on, and they and I was out
with like thirty something influencers not so long ago, much
(05:23):
younger than I am, and every one of them is like,
there are no good men. I'm looking at them. They
all look like dolls, Like I can't. I'm like, you guys,
want is hotter than the next. But they all also
looked boring because they all looked the same, and you
could just literally see and smell that they all looked
like they were like running game. They had worked from
head to toe every aspect and focused on that. They've
(05:44):
spent no time focusing on their personality. They walk in
like the world owes them something like a Chanel bag
should just come with the dinner. And it's like I
could see that they're going the wrong way, Like I
could see the whole guy.
Speaker 4 (05:55):
Damn.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
I'm like, I get why you guys are.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
All single, and you should be because your fucking vapid,
useless creature that just think that you what have you done?
You've done anything, You've a done anything? Who cares that
you have eyelashes yours? So they're doing themselves a disservice
because they think that that's what a guy like you
probably wants.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
No exactly, I think like if I'm in a conversation,
I'm out a data, I'm not mentally stimulated in some capacity,
you're not challenging me in some way, or you're not
passionate about something in some direction that's going to keep
this conversation flow, and that's where I lose interest.
Speaker 4 (06:24):
I think that's where a lot of people do.
Speaker 3 (06:25):
But though, I mean, you just gave examples of like
where the women are missing, but I could give you
many examples of where men are missing.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
Let's go because the age is your age, and forties
are better than the fifties.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
I mean, I think first and foremost like nine not
a ten guy, And I was one of those guys.
I was like an anti therapy guy. I'm fine, everything's good.
I've avoided every single feeling until I was probably thirty one.
But the majority of guys can't at all connect their head,
their heart in their mouths, so they don't know how
to say what they're thinking, and feel what they're feeling,
and then speak what they all those things. As a
(06:55):
result of it, they have no ability to connect. And
when they don't have an ability to connect, they're using
all different ways to try and connect. So these same
people that are expecting the chanel bag, those same guys
are showing up with the chanel bag because they don't
know what else to do. And that's the problem.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
The men in their fifties are divorced and are like
literally not walking upright, so they have no idea how
to communicate. And also men think, I actually don't know
what men think. I can't know what men think. I
just can know that. All right, let's role play for dating.
We meet someone, sets us up, we go out to dinner,
We have a nice time.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
The chemistry's there. You drink, Do you drink?
Speaker 4 (07:45):
I drink.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
We have a couple of drinks, We're laughing. The whole
thing's great. We make out, but I don't sleep with you.
Maybe you come over, we have a drink, you leave,
you know whatever. Okay, what happened? I want do not both?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
You like me?
Speaker 2 (07:56):
You like that, it's a connection. You're not sure, you
don't love it, but you like it. What happens the
next day? Exactly? You text me right now? What is
your text or is it a call? Like me, like,
you're intrigued?
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Do you like me?
Speaker 2 (08:11):
And to the other point of what you said before,
it's not that the woman has to be the hottest.
In my opinion, the matchmaker said, the woman has to
just look like she takes care of herself, like she
made an effort and smells good and pretty and like
that can go a long way, is what the matchmakers
say that my dating podcast.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
So you can ve all right, so you're.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
Intrigued, got it, I'm intrigued.
Speaker 3 (08:29):
The first thing I'm gonna do is, like, especially like
kissed I left, I'm going to send some kind of
text at the end of the night, just like like
hey do you get back?
Speaker 4 (08:37):
All right? Like that it's such a great time.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
I'm going to make some connection to first of all,
even like the first interaction, I think that's guys are
so like they're so direct because they want to be
so macho, and you go, it's like so dumb. Like
when you're first talking to someone, just find a common connection,
Like just find something in the room you're both laughing
at and just like, oh my god, how funny is that?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, or what happened when you.
Speaker 4 (08:59):
Were watching everyone walks out.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
It's like imagine like the guy shows up at your
front desk or front door, like trying to sell you something. Well,
someone shows up your front door, you're immediately guarded. So
like I think when I'm first interacting with someone, if
I'm role playing, it's you be all right, just disarmed.
That would be some one. But if it ended, then
I'd be like, hey, that was a great night. Dot
ond you get home safe and like connect something from
an inside joke or something that happened.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
If you didn't text you, you didn't text your ready,
you just got in the car and then you're going
to text her when you got home.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
Oh no, it wouldn't be a point out. I would say,
Like if it was like instant, I'd be like, oh okay,
that's quick. But I wouldn't think twice, i'd give me
a little, like a little, but then if.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
It's too long, you haven't texted her, so she should wait.
All right, you know what I'm.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
Saying like that, I'm not saying play the game fully,
But if you're telling me is like we said goodbye
and I'm in the car and I'm getting a ding.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
It's like that's too much. Okay.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
So the next day, Saturday night, you went out. When
are you reaching out?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Is it text? Is it phone? What does it look like?
And what should be the cadence?
Speaker 3 (09:54):
It wouldn't be rate in the morning because I'd want
to let them let the dust settle, Like okay, what
what am I really feeling?
Speaker 4 (09:59):
Was that last am I in? They're like what am I? Like?
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Let's just let the dust settle? Probably afternoon dust settles.
I'm like, I like this person. I'm probably gonna be
thinking about, like where on the date I didn't connect
and like things I'm curious about. So let's say we
didn't talk about I don't know.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
What I'm doing for the summer.
Speaker 4 (10:18):
Where I'm gonna be what are you doing for the summer?
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Hey, you didn't tell me, Like the next two what
do you got going, But it's the thought of like
let's connect what I missed with curiosity, but then also
planning for the future, like when's the next time I'm
going to see you? I would do that in twenty
four hours, So.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
Twenty four hours you'd have something locked for now.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Yeah, you're gonna think it's like lock likety, we're going
on a date next week, But it's like flirting with
the idea of like, oh my god, I forgot to
ask you about this, but how can I get the
conversation flowing where we're doing it?
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Also like next week I'm out of town, but like
the week after, are you in town? There's a concert
like if you're around, let me know, not like hard lock,
like when's our next date?
Speaker 4 (10:52):
You know.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
The other thing is I think it's a turn off
if someone doesn't text back, like within a certain period
of time, like it shows their insecure to lose. Like
for me, it doesn't matter you text like a text
back it's not ten seconds. But if I have my phone,
it's to what does this mean I'm a loser because
I text you right back. I think it's well known
improven that I'm not a loser. I'm just texting you
back because I saw it on my phone.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
I don't argue that at all. I totally agree with that,
have a conversation. It's more efficient boom boom boom, be done.
Speaker 2 (11:17):
But if the girl doesn't text you back for forty
five minutes because she's in something, are you gonna wait
forty five and match what she did?
Speaker 1 (11:23):
Or you're gonna text right back because that's what you're doing.
Speaker 3 (11:25):
I don't play the texting game. I just connect the
text thing with like what I'm actually feeling. So like,
in the next morning, I'm gonna be like, hey, let's
let that digest for a second, and then I'm gonna text.
But I'm not gonna be like, you took an hour,
I'm gonna take an hour. You took twenty minutes, I'm
gonna take that's just stupid. I think that's that's what
I think.
Speaker 4 (11:41):
Where are we going with that?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
Exactly?
Speaker 3 (11:42):
I also think the older you get, the more you
go through stuff, the more you're just like the filter
is gone. It's like the longer I put that filter
up of like this nonsense of the games and all this,
the longer we're gonna delay this, the longer we're gonna
figure out who the hell we are. The longer, it's
gonna put us in a position to not work out.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Or work out.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
And also, I think you're already hard to get as
a person. You're a talent, you're good looking, you're successful.
Like I don't need to play hard. I am art together.
If you screw around, I'm Sicilian, we're never speaking again. Like,
it doesn't matter. So we could text a thousand times,
but if you are disrespectful or seem insecure or something,
you do something untoward, it's over anyway. So it doesn't
matter how we get there. It's either going or it's
(12:21):
not going. That's how I feel.
Speaker 4 (12:22):
I got a question for you, a little like in
this single.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Game, Like how I can't wait till we have a
dating podcast. This is good.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
We're going to do a dating but we'll match people up.
We'll have our own bats or show.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
Yeah, I think so too. I stick we have a
good report.
Speaker 4 (12:33):
I thought thought it would be great.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
All right, let me ask my producers. Are hold on, producers,
are you guys dying right now? Okay?
Speaker 3 (12:54):
What is the take on? Like, Okay, I'm a single guy,
I'm single. If I go on a date, with someone
and the vibes there. I'm very open about the fact
like I'm single, I don't play games, and like I'm
going to commit to you and I put it. But
when you're single, what are the rules? Like do you
think it's wrong if I went on two dates?
Speaker 4 (13:13):
Three dates?
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
What I think? And then I want to hear what
you think is okay for me. I think women who
are dating should think of it when they first enter
into it, like meaning you're ready, You've worked on yourself
emotion You have to work on yourself emotionally because you
can't dump your shit on someone. You have to have
that discipline to like not do a marathon when you
have it stretched, Like you have to know that you
(13:36):
are being honest with yourself, that you're not like a wreck,
it's not a rebound.
Speaker 1 (13:39):
All these things.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
So you're ready, Let's say you on the apps or
you ask people to set you up, whatever your program is, you.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
Should think of it.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
Doesn't mean you're going to do exactly this, but you
should think of it as like a Viking stove because
you're going to meet a lot of different people. Something's
on boil, something's on simmer, take something off put something
on because if you have something on boil you really
like someone, you'll focus too much on it, even energetically,
and they can somehow sense that, and so you want
other things just in the mix. Also to just be
(14:05):
sure two dates. Maybe I don't like going on I wouldn't.
I just it's exhausting. So maybe I would go on
one date max a week just for me personally. I
used to because I'm also but I'm more in a
real quality versus quantity life model. But I think I
would never be intimate with two people at the same time,
like kissing. Maybe it's never really happened, and you were
on the Bachelorette, so you're kissing and having sex with
(14:27):
multiple people in the same week, But there we are.
But I would say the hard thing is I won't
be intimate with someone who I think I'm not going
to be in a relationship with. I just not wired
that way, so it's pretty easy to discern. But I think, yeah,
you could be going on more than one date.
Speaker 3 (14:43):
Interesting. For the record, I got dumped before the Fantasy Suite,
so tough break. Three months there at the dinner table,
right before you're supposed to get the card, I got
sent packet, So I just want to make that clear.
But let's say last week I go on a date,
and let's say I'm in New York next week business thing,
and I'm at an event and I meet someone and
I'm like, oh my gosh, this person's awesome.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
Oh yeah, okay, so okay, so okay, I have an answer.
So I think you're in the headspace where you like
this person, so you're not like out in the store shopping.
But if you happen to be at a party next
week and see something you like, then I think you
should because you know it's all this is the new
car smell, and so if it's six months from now
and you know that wears off a little, you're gonna
(15:26):
be like, I wish I had talked to that other person.
Doesn't mean you're sleeping with two people at the same time,
and you could say, you know, I want you to
know that I really like you. So this person knows.
And if they heard that you went out with someone else,
I'm not going to bail. It'd be a sociopath. You're
on one date with them, but you like.
Speaker 4 (15:40):
You're saying, in like a two week period, you've never
hooked up with two.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
People, slept with two people.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
No, I don't think in a two week period, I've
like seen two people's penises.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
No, I'm not. I don't think so. I just don't
think i've seen you people.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
It would be interesting if you pulled your audience and
you asked them about what you just said. Be honest
with me, ladies, be honest with me. Dating culture, have
you seen two penises in two weeks? I would be
curious what the response would be, especially if you're like
a city that's like like New York City, where it's like,
you know, you're working hard, you're dating, you're doing your thing.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
Yeah, I think, Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Yeah, I don't know that in my whole entire life,
i've ever seen two penises two weeks. But then you know,
and this is my wellness summer, it's not my adventure era,
So I don't know.
Speaker 1 (16:26):
I'm into my wellness.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Two penis isn't a month. What I hate seeing the
word penis or something.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Two penis is in a month. I haven't seen any
penises in six months.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
You ever see a penis at six months zero?
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I don't even know what a penis looks like I
have more show, I have more chance of seeing a
vagiana than a penis, but I haven't seen either in
six months.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
Is that in? No?
Speaker 2 (16:46):
I think I've just been busy and happy and focusing
on myself and exhausted to not want to date like that,
meaning like dating exhausted. If something comes, that's great, I'll
be really excited. And other than that, I like I said,
I'm in the a final love it. I'm like it,
and I want to just date to date, and now
I definitely don't want to sleep as someone to sleep
a something.
Speaker 4 (17:04):
No no, no, no no.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
All right, So when I see my next penis, I
guess if that ever happens, come up again. Bring the podcast. Yeah,
this was so fun. It's honestly, I want to do
a dating podcast.
Speaker 3 (17:16):
If you let's do it, and maybe you could set
me up find my next match.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Okay, perfect, that's amazing, But we should set each other up.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
That should be the show.
Speaker 4 (17:24):
That would be it.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
That's a great idea for some version of a show.
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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