June 3, 2025 • 25 mins
Bethenny runs her current dating moves by star matchmaker Barbie Adler PLUS: There's no excuse for "bad texters" in dating.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
Barbie Adler, So I wanted to talk to you about
like male types, like archetypes, let's just say, and I
want you to tell me what you think of this
approach or these approach is and like red flags and
things that I might be doing or maybe give me
(00:33):
an a on.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
My test for what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
So because I think many women can relate to a
lot of the things that I've been experiencing and doing
first and foremost, which you would definitely say, and you
did say in the beginning of being on this podcast
that like, for example, I had a guy that I
was supposed to go out with in New York. Now
I wasn't a nervous wreck like I am right now,
(00:58):
but it wasn't a great day, Like I just wasn't
feeling right. And I canceled on him and I said,
I'm not present right now, like I'm just I'm not present.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
And he had come into town to take me to dinner.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
And I felt a little bit badly, but it was
like I think that had I gone, it would have
been a bad scene anyway. I mean, even energetically, even
if you act great, you look gorgeous, and you're still engaging.
I feel like there is an energy to things, and
I just and you had talked in the beginning, not
about that, like on the micro meaning an individual date,
but overall that people should be working on themselves and
(01:37):
like do your own therapy before you start dating. So
I think on a that's a macro, but on a micro,
I think that makes sense. On an individual date, you
want to do it, you want it to save you,
and you want to fall in love on a Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
But if you are a mess, you should not be
going out with anybody. Yeah, I completely agree.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
I think that sometimes people think like, oh, I feel
bad he flew off his way or had the reservation.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
But if you show up and it's just like a job.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Interview, you show up and you're not an ace it
and you're not yourself, you're gonna flunk it and you might.
It's like so now you're just lost out. There's no
second chances. It's just not as dress rehearsal. So plus
they're not gonna get to know the real you. So
the best thing to do is what you did, whether
you say you're not present or say I'm so sorry
my schedule totally shifted. I am so bummed because you
(02:24):
want to make sure that they know that it's not
them and you're not blowing them off, that you really
do feel bad.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
But I think the sooner you could do it.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
So for example, today I probably shouldn't be like doing
a podcast because I am a little bit of a mess.
That being said, I said to myself, and I used
to say this sound reality TV like an actor say it.
Use it like meaning I just launched into like talking
to you about it, versus like getting putting a bunch
of makeup on. I have black circles. I was up
all night like I'm leaning into like this is what
I really am. So let's just say that it's something
(02:53):
where you actually think you've maybe you canceled on the
guy before, like something you actually think that you probably
won't be able to go out this again if you do,
that would what I would do, but it has to land.
I wouldn't be drinking five drinks and being a train wreck.
What I would do if it were that situation, I
would say, Hi, I totally understand if you want to cancel.
I want to let you know that this move is
(03:15):
overwhelming me in a way that I didn't expect. So
I'm not going to really be totally myself tonight. I'll
share a little bit of it with you, but I
don't want to put that on you. And we can
talk like basically, let them be a little vulnerable with
the other person so they know that you're going through
something that's extenuating.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
What do you think about that? I just this is
the thing.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Some people could switch gears and go from an intense
business situation, switch gears and be lovely as adults. We
have to do that with our kids. We would do
that with work with others. You don't go well round
and be unfiltered and share every emotion. If you could
switch gears and have a great time and just put
it on a shelf, whatever issues you're going through go
on the date. You actually might be in a better
(03:54):
place if you actually can escape your issues and go
on the date.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
But if you go on the date.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
And it's a fair session or you are in such
a funk that they're gonna be like, WHOA, They're gonna
think you can't regulate your emotions, and they'll be like,
this is the person I know, and they won't be
able to un hear unsee what happens that way, and
then and then, like you said, if you use alcohol
as a crush or you didn't eat, and they could
be just a downwards train wreck. So I think you
(04:19):
leveraging this for a podcast is good because people know
you and then you're being vulnerable and being like, I'm
not perfect and having a really shitty day and that's real,
but on a first impressions date where they're gonna be like, WHOA,
totally got a lot going on or she can't handle
her stuff, but it sounds like she's got a lot
of baggage.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
And I've had men who are going through a divorce
that like, even though they know and they might say
I'm not going to talk about it, and it's not
they can't help themselves. They have to tell you. And
then they get into intimate details and you're just like,
I don't fucking want to hear about your vote.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Yeah, and then it's too much and then it's like WHOA,
that person's like not available or the judgment call, Like
I had someone that we fixed up and he got
really bad news about his son and he went on
the date and he shared really deep stuff and the
woman was like and then it's yeah, you.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Should be with your son right now, like you shouldn't
be on this date.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Yes, and then it could be a judgment call or
he didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but now he's sharing
and then she's like, what what kind of person is this?
So and he didn't do anything wrong except for he
just he shouldn't have gone. And no one wants to
be canceled last minute, especially a girl being canceled on,
because the time involved to get ready is different than
a guy taking his usual shower.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
To get ready.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
But still as long as you make that person feel
like you don't usually do this. Something came up and
I don't even think I have to share what it is,
because if you don't know the person, you don't owe
them this and it could be overshare, but it's like
something came up.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
I'm so bummed. I hope we could reschedule.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I was really looking forward to tonight and then you know,
you just make sure it's warmth. It's like not ghosting
and you're not playing games, but the sooner is yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Even like and if that guy's not gonna go out
you again exactly.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Even My daughter called me this morning and goes, I
feel horrible. Should I cancel my date, and I said,
sometimes in the morning you feel the worst and then
you feel better. But by noon, if you feel horrible,
canceled because you can never get that back. And what
are you gonna be like sneezing and coughing and miserable
and you can't like enjoy their date. It's a one shot.
(06:17):
So she cancels, and I was like, good for you,
because like he's gonna have to understand. And on that
flip side, whoever cancels, you can't pout and take all
anyone that's canceled on you, and any abandonment issue.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Is on that person.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
You have to give a hall pass and say totally
get it, hope things are better, look forward to rescheduling,
even if you're so bummed about it.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I agree, you can't give them grief in return.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
You have to take the high road and be like,
it's not that person that rejected you before.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
It's not that person that didn't like you.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Something came up and we all have curveballs in life,
and you have to be understanding and you'll get more
points if you handle it with class and understand versus
being like really, I just got my hair blown out,
or like really I just got a babysitter. It happens,
and you're gonna want grace on the flip side when
it happens to you.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Okay, so let's go off on that road because I
have two and three more scenarios for you. But I
wouldn't want to go off on that road because I
know that you.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
It's not a philosophy.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Your mo is like, let's say that someone likes you
and you're texting and they don't text you for two
days or something. You're a big give a benefit of
the doubter. I have not really seen a lot of
evidence of someone that doesn't text normally really liking someone.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
I haven't seen it.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But I do agree with the fact that we get
in our own heads and try to assign and determine
what's going on. I don't know. You say, you never
know what's going on, so I'm gonna how busy they are.
I don't understand that, Like, I don't actually understand that
because I'm an extraordinarily responsive person and the successful people
that I know are extraordinarily responsive, So I don't actually
(08:09):
understand it.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Yeah, I agree, because you could look at it both
ways and it doesn't feel good when you're on the
receiving end and someone is not showing you through their
actions or words that they're showing you that you're special
and that they're thinking of you. But I will say
it depends on what you do also during the day,
because there's some careers where the market's open, they're busy,
(08:30):
there's like NonStop action going on, and they're just someone
doesn't communicate during the day.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah, it's figuring out.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Or sometimes people will go on a vacation with family
and they're they have people all around, there's ears on
them and there's no privacy where they're like, yes, you
could text at night or something like that. But if
you've got kids and there's so much going on, they
might be like, I'm in Europe with my family vacation.
I choose to plug into what I'm doing with my
family and choose to wait to focus on dating after.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
But it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
And I always do preach that if you're into someone,
let them know and make sure you communicate. But occasionally
there are curve balls where business deals happening, they're in
the middle of an ipo like whatever it might be,
or they're sick, or they don't want to overshare what's
happening with their kid, and they just are like, let
me deal with what's going on, or they're just bad texts.
(09:21):
There's a lot of people that are not good at texts.
They don't like it, they don't like the back and forth,
they don't like the this is what I ate today,
the sun rise?
Speaker 2 (09:30):
You know nothing. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
If you meet someone they really like you, and they
say like, i'd like to see you again, or when
we see each other, going I can't wait to explain
this to you whatever, I can't wait to see you again,
or something like that.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
What is the rule for you?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
When should somebody be putting something on the board, even
if they're on Mars but they know they're back in
a month. When what is the window for when they
should be putting something next actually tangibly on the board.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Yeah, it really depends on how much history you have beforehand.
And I think you have to do what feels good
to you, Like if you feel like you're being walked
on or someone's not respecting your time or like your boundaries,
that you have to say something. But I'm a big
believer in those kind of conversations are better received with
context in person at the next date, versus just sending
(10:27):
a doozy like a bomb of a text that's going
to end things like again, remember you can't take back
whatever you text, right, so you want to make sure
that you're not being reactive, you're not being overly emotional,
or you're not taking like your past history and then
completely throwing it down someone else's face because they're not
that person. So you have to make sure that whatever
(10:48):
you're doing is not going to kill the deal. But
the question is is like you could send a florry
text like haven't heard you from you in a while,
hope you're okay if you are, or like you know,
it's just something like like thought of you yesterday? Did
it you wake them back up? And if they are
too chill about it? That might be your answer that
the first year you said that, you said I can't
wait to tell you over dinner or something's going on,
(11:10):
then I would give more of space like Okay, obviously
something's going on. I'm gonna wait. Doesn't mean that I
can't date other people or do other things. In fact,
the best time to meet someone else is when you
like someone but you don't owe that person someone to
be exclusive, because you know that feeling of like, oh
I like someone, he likes me, but now I'm gonna
explore their things because I know my worst and you're
(11:31):
not doing anything wrong. But if it's just like he
was like all into and then stop communications, there's nothing
wrong with it being like, hey, I really am a
good place in life where I want to meet someone.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
I just want to are we Are we going out again?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
If not, just like let me know, kind of a
thing Like I don't think there's anything wrong with being
addressing it. I just think of the big conversation about
wanting to change Shoman's behavior, like, hey, I really do
like hearing from someone during the day or anything you
want to modify behavior.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Men are not mind. They don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
They're actually simple, I don't mean simple creatures, but they
really want to please. They like to be the hero,
not the zero. If they do like you, they're the hunters.
They will pursue you. But if there's a there's a
there's a curve ball in their life. They're not good multitaskers.
Women are awesome at being able to do everything, and
we're like super heroes and everything.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Guys sometimes that they have, they could go inwards, they retreat,
They have.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Different operating systems of how they're handling things, so it
might not be personal, which is why if you want
a different reaction from them, I always think in person
is better because you could be context with it being
like I agree really into you, but like I'm feeling
like you're not good with the phone, but like I
need a little organication and if you like me, I
need that from you.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I think that the biggest, the smartest thing in personal
and in business, in my life, in the texting world
is do nothing. Meaning there's no upside if you like
someone at all to saying something negative at all. So
even if I don't even if I think that they're
not participating and I don't love it, but I still
(13:08):
sort of.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Am intrigued by them.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
I And you know when your sense, like let's say
someone sends you somebody like, hey, how's it going, and
you're like, what the f you want to say to
your friends?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
What the fuck is this guy showed? What am I
your pen pal?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
And then but the way I that's what I say
to my friends, what I say to that person is
a little drop, a little cold, like not fully warm me.
I'll be like, good, had a big this, did that,
and I'm like, hope you're having a nice time. I
frosted it just so I don't seem like A'm icy
to do something to make it like I care what
they're doing. But I don't really care what they're doing.
I just want to wrap it in a bow. So
(13:40):
I don't blow it up because I want to blow
it up, but I just blow it up with my friends.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
I don't blow it up with them. I want to
blow it up.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
I want to say, yeah, I'm not big on being
a pempal, like that's what I want to say, but
I won't say that. Yeah, just like you wouldn't do
that with a job interview and be like, well you
didn't call me back, so I guess I don't want
this job anyway.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
You would never do that, because then soone right.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Unfortunately, then he could say to someone like she was
a real bitch and she was like angry and I
was dealing with my dad had cancer and I was
in you know, he just got to hospice and I
didn't I thought I just met her. I didn't want
to share that, and like she just totally overreacted and
now you're the emotional crazy.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Person, yes, or the friend or you may what if
you ever wanted to do business them or be friends
with them, it's a exactly exactly and.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
So like it's not it's not worth it.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
But I do think having like that, that release to
your friends, of like the comical value of being like
what the fuck?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Like what the actual fuck? Like?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
He does not deserve me, like go away is healthy.
But you never know what they're dealing with. But I'm
not saying be treated like poorly that stuff. We're not
talking about that, correct, I'm not talking about that at all.
That's that's fuck off and never speak to them again.
There's no being treated poorly. That doesn't exist. That's not it.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
You're not a doormat I'm talking about someone doesn't know
you anything, but they're not like, they're not really pursuing you,
and it's bothering you a little. I think you have
to be quiet, yeah, rapid and frosting. And this, ladies
and gentlemen, is why we have to try to not
sleep with someone before you are one hundred percent positive
(15:12):
they will be calling your texting you the next morning,
because you'll go so low. That's the reason. It's not
because there's something wrong with it. It's not because it's because
of the oxytocin. It's because the way we feel. And
I just think I had this other like dating coach
on here or she was like a psychologist. She was like,
just say, I don't sleep with anyone unless I'm going
to commit a relationship. And may that may not be
(15:33):
entirely true, but just if you protect yourself, protect your peace.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Right, you have to always protect yourself.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Now on the flim side, if you're like I don't
care if her calls or not, like you're not, don't
make a habit of this.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
But if it's liberating.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
To you, Oh that's different, and you feel like you
can handle it and you don't need the call the
next day, then do what makes you happy.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I think most can't.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Even if someone doesn't like someone that much, I still
and then they sleep with them. I still think it's
gonna bother them. They don't get the I think we
don't know ourselves as creatures as much as we think.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Most women.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Absolutely you want to be respected and called, and I
still think you could have fun and play, But do
the level of fun without hurting yourself.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, okay the next day.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, so scenario number two, which I actually, like you
would maybe advise against, but it just happened naturally. I
(16:37):
was out with my girlfriend. There had been a man
who had been pursuing me to go to dinner, and
he kept talking about this one specific place that he
wanted to take me to that I had already been to,
but it seemed like he was super excited about that place,
and it was on like a you know, like let's
say it's like a weekend night or something. It's more
of like a high pressure dating night, you know what
I mean, Like you might see people out, you know,
(16:57):
you're getting dressed up, et cetera. I'm one of these
people that feels like it's another thing to protect your
piece to not go if you're not really excited, because
it's almost like when you go to a buffet and
like you put the wrong things on your plate, you
get a little.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Sick and you don't want to go back.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
I think you have to set yourself up for positivity
because you could be discouraged from dating. You could be
bummed you put on an outfit. You're like, oh, why
is this person droning on for me. So this I
didn't want to go on this date. I was going
off my girlfriend to a day club like six to
eight to some DJ. It sounds insane, but it was fun,
(17:37):
and so I text this guy he had texted me,
and I made it super casual. I said, well, we
happened to be finishing this thing at eight o'clock. If
you want to meet us, I'll be with my friend,
but we happen to be going here if you want
to meet us at this place to grab a drink.
Super casual, and he said yeah, so he came to
meet us. It ended up being a very nice experience
(17:58):
with a nice man. It was actually happy that it
was an hour with a nice person that I could
text and would set him up with someone and now
know him and was totally nice to him and thanked
him afterwards for dinner because I felt guilty that he
picked up dinner when we'd only been there an hour,
like I felt like, I don't know, it's back to
my twenties when like you're out there, like I was like,
I hope the guy isn't thick, Like we wanted a
(18:19):
free meal.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I can afford a meal, but anyway.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
So that's how that went, and for me, that was
a no harm, no foul. I was in bed at
ten o'clock. I was happy with that whole program, and
I wanted to know your opinion on that decision.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
No, I actually I think that was a smart move
for someone like you who's busy. I do agree that
you always hear the stories like I wasn't going to
go out and didn't feel good or whatever, and then
he went out. You met the man of your dream.
So I think the fact that you went for it
was good. I liked that it sounds like your wing
woman was someone that was like pro you and because
(18:50):
it would backfire whoever you were with. The third was
not fun and into it engaging and didn't have your back,
and it wasn't competitive where it sounds like that that
first was going to try to get him versus you.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
So it sounds like you really have like a good friend.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
So if you have a girlfriend that's also single, I'm
not saying it's a different scenario. Think through because you
need it for yourself and not that you don't want
to be a good girlfriend, but like you just you know,
can't date both of you. So if you're worried about that,
then I would say, don't do that, but it sounded
like you were on the fence.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
You weren't sure he was all for it.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I don't think it's good if someone asks you out
to then say I have a friend.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
But it happened casually. It wasn't connected.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
We had not had plans on Saturday because of them,
I think going on and then it was just hey,
this is odd, but we're going there if you want
to meet us, like super casual.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
So that I love that, and I think it's good
because I also think it's good for you to see
how that person reacts, like right away with someone that
you like, trust that person can see you in more
of a social fun way. I think it takes away
less pressure, and I think it's brilliant because now you've
got to water a girlfriend and meet a guy and
then deciding to like him and a little bit. It's
like a drive by but a little bit more elegance
(20:00):
in a little more time. And I like that you
probably thanked him afterwards.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Well, I think with anything, it has to land because
you're gonna think I'm nuts, but like I'm moving and
I'm in the middle of a lot of stuff going on,
and so I've been spending time with my friends and
like immersing into Florida. My two best friends live there,
so that was my one best friend. These are both
from high school. So the next day it's great. There
had been another guy that I had blown off right,
(20:25):
so now he kept reaching out to me.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
So I just did a throwaway. I'm like, well, I'm
with my friend. I'll let you know.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
I think we're gonna go here if you want to
meet us. So it's crazy, and I am fresh out
of the ocean.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
I go.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I am ocean to table, Like know what you're walking into.
We've been at the beach all day, just had a margaret,
like a drink. We're ocean to table. And thank god,
this guy had seen me looking good at another thing,
which is when we first met. So he showed up
and walked in and had an energy and a charisma
and was dressed well and brought me and amazing.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
He brought me like.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Crabs and a pie for my daughter and brought a crazy, elaborate,
very expensive gift for me, said was a housewarming gift.
And my friend was like, what the fuck? This guy's
amazing and so is our partner, like what? And then
we had a really nice and it was only like
an hour long. Then I was ready and I was like,
I do want to go out with this guy? And
then we went out a couple of days later. So
(21:20):
I'm just saying, I guess what I'm saying is like
there can be like hybrid models of dating that are
not really discussed and low lift, and I just tried them.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
But you it has to land. You can't be like
I have my mind. You made that.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Yeah, you made that guy feel special, because like it's
one thing if you have a guy and then you're
too busy talking to your friend, but it's making sure
he's inclusive, including the conversation and it's plugged in versus
like he doesn't feel awkward. So yeah, it sounds like
you did a really good job of incorporating him where
he was also part of the focus. And again with
a girlfriend with the best friend knows you, loves you,
(21:54):
has your back, wants the best for you, not like
telling like things about you you wouldn't. Yeah, just things
like that, like you have to be careful who you're
around to pull that off and for it to land.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
But it sounds like you did that brilliantly.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
I also think it doesn't have to be Sometimes people
get offended if it's not just a dinner date. Like
it could be a brunch, it could be a walk
on the beach. It does not need to be just
a dinner date.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
By the way, I'm big by the way, I love
that you said that because the guy the night before.
I don't know why. My gut was I did not
want to. It's not like my saturdays are coveted. I'd
be home meeting pop tarts. It's that I just did
not want to put on the dress, blow dry the hair,
sprits perfume, go out to a nice restaurant, walk in,
and be like, fuck, this is not going to be it.
So I agree with you, go invite someone on a
(22:37):
walk on the beach because you're getting exercise and you're
walking and talking.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
It's another human being. You're getting your steps in your walk.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Yes, it's actually so fun and it could be super romantic,
and there's always could be another date loocause sometimes you
will get bombed out like oh, this person can only
do this, and it's like we have just this high
success rate of people meeting for a brunch, breakfast lunch,
like it doesn't have to be that.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Or like it hasn't been set yet as a major thing,
and to be like, I know this is crazy, but
I'm with my friends. We're getting marguerite. To your point, again,
no one's going to screw you over and whatever. You
have to take that chance. But yeah, to your I'm
with my friends on the beach, or she's your husband
if you want to stop by sack guy like, I
think that's very open and also shows that you have
a social life.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Absolutely, but again, make sure you're not overserved so by
the time they get there.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
That you're like plaid. That's a great note.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Make sure you don't ignore them, and then make sure
you're not flirting with other guys right you're there there,
right now, so they feel like, whoa, this girl's like
a party girl, like I want something serious.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
These are great now, you play it right to do that.
These are great.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
If you can, then you could pull it off and
you could win that way. Great people always realize, like,
don't pout. There could always be another date. But if
you're pouting and already seem disappointed on this date, you're
not going to get the next date. So play it right.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
On this date and it will lead to another date.
That's fair.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Okay, great, all right, I guess let's call this like
not tradition. Let's call this episode like non traditional dating,
Like this is like a non traditional model, And I
think that that is smart because not everything. Yeah, I
do like that. I like to take a walk. I like, yes,
the brain because someone might not want to hike. Someone
(24:18):
might want want to tell you that I want to
go like water, what is it called wakeboarding?
Speaker 3 (24:21):
The other thing you have to be careful about is
if you're going to do something active, you still have
to look cute. You can't just put no effort into
looking cute to go on after date. I've gotten so
many complaints when people are like she like we could
go on and walk, but like she looked like she
was like a hot mess.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Like still look cute.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
I'm not saying you have to be full glam, but
put on something that you feel good and that you
look cute.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
It it's your cute workout outfit.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
It's your little outfit that's intentional for getting coffee.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah, which is actually better than anything.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
It's your cute getting coffee outfit. Yes, I get exactly
what you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
You got to put some effort into it, but then
it it actually works your favor and because it's so
unexp back to have fun, it's like clean, squeaky clean fun.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
It could totally work to your favorite.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Plus with the endorphins of working out and getting your steps,
and people are in such good moods.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I like it. I like it a lot. I like
it a lot. I love you, thank you so much.
Barbie Adler, So I wanted to talk to you about
like male types, like archetypes, let's just say, and I
want you to tell me what you think of this
approach or these approach is and like red flags and
things that I might be doing or maybe give me
(00:33):
an a on.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
My test for what I'm doing.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
So because I think many women can relate to a
lot of the things that I've been experiencing and doing
first and foremost, which you would definitely say, and you
did say in the beginning of being on this podcast
that like, for example, I had a guy that I
was supposed to go out with in New York. Now
I wasn't a nervous wreck like I am right now,
(00:58):
but it wasn't a great day, Like I just wasn't
feeling right. And I canceled on him and I said,
I'm not present right now, like I'm just I'm not present.
Speaker 2 (01:11):
And he had come into town to take me to dinner.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
And I felt a little bit badly, but it was
like I think that had I gone, it would have
been a bad scene anyway. I mean, even energetically, even
if you act great, you look gorgeous, and you're still engaging.
I feel like there is an energy to things, and
I just and you had talked in the beginning, not
about that, like on the micro meaning an individual date,
but overall that people should be working on themselves and
(01:37):
like do your own therapy before you start dating. So
I think on a that's a macro, but on a micro,
I think that makes sense. On an individual date, you
want to do it, you want it to save you,
and you want to fall in love on a Tuesday.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
But if you are a mess, you should not be
going out with anybody. Yeah, I completely agree.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
I think that sometimes people think like, oh, I feel
bad he flew off his way or had the reservation.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
But if you show up and it's just like a job.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
Interview, you show up and you're not an ace it
and you're not yourself, you're gonna flunk it and you might.
It's like so now you're just lost out. There's no
second chances. It's just not as dress rehearsal. So plus
they're not gonna get to know the real you. So
the best thing to do is what you did, whether
you say you're not present or say I'm so sorry
my schedule totally shifted. I am so bummed because you
(02:24):
want to make sure that they know that it's not
them and you're not blowing them off, that you really
do feel bad.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
But I think the sooner you could do it.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
So for example, today I probably shouldn't be like doing
a podcast because I am a little bit of a mess.
That being said, I said to myself, and I used
to say this sound reality TV like an actor say it.
Use it like meaning I just launched into like talking
to you about it, versus like getting putting a bunch
of makeup on. I have black circles. I was up
all night like I'm leaning into like this is what
I really am. So let's just say that it's something
(02:53):
where you actually think you've maybe you canceled on the
guy before, like something you actually think that you probably
won't be able to go out this again if you do,
that would what I would do, but it has to land.
I wouldn't be drinking five drinks and being a train wreck.
What I would do if it were that situation, I
would say, Hi, I totally understand if you want to cancel.
I want to let you know that this move is
(03:15):
overwhelming me in a way that I didn't expect. So
I'm not going to really be totally myself tonight. I'll
share a little bit of it with you, but I
don't want to put that on you. And we can
talk like basically, let them be a little vulnerable with
the other person so they know that you're going through
something that's extenuating.
Speaker 2 (03:30):
What do you think about that? I just this is
the thing.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Some people could switch gears and go from an intense
business situation, switch gears and be lovely as adults. We
have to do that with our kids. We would do
that with work with others. You don't go well round
and be unfiltered and share every emotion. If you could
switch gears and have a great time and just put
it on a shelf, whatever issues you're going through go
on the date. You actually might be in a better
(03:54):
place if you actually can escape your issues and go
on the date.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
But if you go on the date.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
And it's a fair session or you are in such
a funk that they're gonna be like, WHOA, They're gonna
think you can't regulate your emotions, and they'll be like,
this is the person I know, and they won't be
able to un hear unsee what happens that way, and
then and then, like you said, if you use alcohol
as a crush or you didn't eat, and they could
be just a downwards train wreck. So I think you
(04:19):
leveraging this for a podcast is good because people know
you and then you're being vulnerable and being like, I'm
not perfect and having a really shitty day and that's real,
but on a first impressions date where they're gonna be like, WHOA,
totally got a lot going on or she can't handle
her stuff, but it sounds like she's got a lot
of baggage.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
And I've had men who are going through a divorce
that like, even though they know and they might say
I'm not going to talk about it, and it's not
they can't help themselves. They have to tell you. And
then they get into intimate details and you're just like,
I don't fucking want to hear about your vote.
Speaker 3 (04:52):
Yeah, and then it's too much and then it's like WHOA,
that person's like not available or the judgment call, Like
I had someone that we fixed up and he got
really bad news about his son and he went on
the date and he shared really deep stuff and the
woman was like and then it's yeah, you.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Should be with your son right now, like you shouldn't
be on this date.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
Yes, and then it could be a judgment call or
he didn't necessarily do anything wrong, but now he's sharing
and then she's like, what what kind of person is this?
So and he didn't do anything wrong except for he
just he shouldn't have gone. And no one wants to
be canceled last minute, especially a girl being canceled on,
because the time involved to get ready is different than
a guy taking his usual shower.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
To get ready.
Speaker 3 (05:31):
But still as long as you make that person feel
like you don't usually do this. Something came up and
I don't even think I have to share what it is,
because if you don't know the person, you don't owe
them this and it could be overshare, but it's like
something came up.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
I'm so bummed. I hope we could reschedule.
Speaker 3 (05:45):
I was really looking forward to tonight and then you know,
you just make sure it's warmth. It's like not ghosting
and you're not playing games, but the sooner is yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Even like and if that guy's not gonna go out
you again exactly.
Speaker 3 (05:57):
Even My daughter called me this morning and goes, I
feel horrible. Should I cancel my date, and I said,
sometimes in the morning you feel the worst and then
you feel better. But by noon, if you feel horrible,
canceled because you can never get that back. And what
are you gonna be like sneezing and coughing and miserable
and you can't like enjoy their date. It's a one shot.
(06:17):
So she cancels, and I was like, good for you,
because like he's gonna have to understand. And on that
flip side, whoever cancels, you can't pout and take all
anyone that's canceled on you, and any abandonment issue.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Is on that person.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
You have to give a hall pass and say totally
get it, hope things are better, look forward to rescheduling,
even if you're so bummed about it.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I agree, you can't give them grief in return.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
You have to take the high road and be like,
it's not that person that rejected you before.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
It's not that person that didn't like you.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Something came up and we all have curveballs in life,
and you have to be understanding and you'll get more
points if you handle it with class and understand versus
being like really, I just got my hair blown out,
or like really I just got a babysitter. It happens,
and you're gonna want grace on the flip side when
it happens to you.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Okay, so let's go off on that road because I
have two and three more scenarios for you. But I
wouldn't want to go off on that road because I
know that you.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
It's not a philosophy.
Speaker 1 (07:27):
Your mo is like, let's say that someone likes you
and you're texting and they don't text you for two
days or something. You're a big give a benefit of
the doubter. I have not really seen a lot of
evidence of someone that doesn't text normally really liking someone.
Speaker 2 (07:46):
I haven't seen it.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
But I do agree with the fact that we get
in our own heads and try to assign and determine
what's going on. I don't know. You say, you never
know what's going on, so I'm gonna how busy they are.
I don't understand that, Like, I don't actually understand that
because I'm an extraordinarily responsive person and the successful people
that I know are extraordinarily responsive, So I don't actually
(08:09):
understand it.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
Yeah, I agree, because you could look at it both
ways and it doesn't feel good when you're on the
receiving end and someone is not showing you through their
actions or words that they're showing you that you're special
and that they're thinking of you. But I will say
it depends on what you do also during the day,
because there's some careers where the market's open, they're busy,
(08:30):
there's like NonStop action going on, and they're just someone
doesn't communicate during the day.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Yeah, it's figuring out.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
Or sometimes people will go on a vacation with family
and they're they have people all around, there's ears on
them and there's no privacy where they're like, yes, you
could text at night or something like that. But if
you've got kids and there's so much going on, they
might be like, I'm in Europe with my family vacation.
I choose to plug into what I'm doing with my
family and choose to wait to focus on dating after.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
But it doesn't feel good.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
And I always do preach that if you're into someone,
let them know and make sure you communicate. But occasionally
there are curve balls where business deals happening, they're in
the middle of an ipo like whatever it might be,
or they're sick, or they don't want to overshare what's
happening with their kid, and they just are like, let
me deal with what's going on, or they're just bad texts.
(09:21):
There's a lot of people that are not good at texts.
They don't like it, they don't like the back and forth,
they don't like the this is what I ate today,
the sun rise?
Speaker 2 (09:30):
You know nothing. Here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
If you meet someone they really like you, and they
say like, i'd like to see you again, or when
we see each other, going I can't wait to explain
this to you whatever, I can't wait to see you again,
or something like that.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
What is the rule for you?
Speaker 1 (09:46):
When should somebody be putting something on the board, even
if they're on Mars but they know they're back in
a month. When what is the window for when they
should be putting something next actually tangibly on the board.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Yeah, it really depends on how much history you have beforehand.
And I think you have to do what feels good
to you, Like if you feel like you're being walked
on or someone's not respecting your time or like your boundaries,
that you have to say something. But I'm a big
believer in those kind of conversations are better received with
context in person at the next date, versus just sending
(10:27):
a doozy like a bomb of a text that's going
to end things like again, remember you can't take back
whatever you text, right, so you want to make sure
that you're not being reactive, you're not being overly emotional,
or you're not taking like your past history and then
completely throwing it down someone else's face because they're not
that person. So you have to make sure that whatever
(10:48):
you're doing is not going to kill the deal. But
the question is is like you could send a florry
text like haven't heard you from you in a while,
hope you're okay if you are, or like you know,
it's just something like like thought of you yesterday? Did
it you wake them back up? And if they are
too chill about it? That might be your answer that
the first year you said that, you said I can't
wait to tell you over dinner or something's going on,
(11:10):
then I would give more of space like Okay, obviously
something's going on. I'm gonna wait. Doesn't mean that I
can't date other people or do other things. In fact,
the best time to meet someone else is when you
like someone but you don't owe that person someone to
be exclusive, because you know that feeling of like, oh
I like someone, he likes me, but now I'm gonna
explore their things because I know my worst and you're
(11:31):
not doing anything wrong. But if it's just like he
was like all into and then stop communications, there's nothing
wrong with it being like, hey, I really am a
good place in life where I want to meet someone.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
I just want to are we Are we going out again?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
If not, just like let me know, kind of a
thing Like I don't think there's anything wrong with being
addressing it. I just think of the big conversation about
wanting to change Shoman's behavior, like, hey, I really do
like hearing from someone during the day or anything you
want to modify behavior.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Men are not mind. They don't know.
Speaker 3 (12:00):
They're actually simple, I don't mean simple creatures, but they
really want to please. They like to be the hero,
not the zero. If they do like you, they're the hunters.
They will pursue you. But if there's a there's a
there's a curve ball in their life. They're not good multitaskers.
Women are awesome at being able to do everything, and
we're like super heroes and everything.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Guys sometimes that they have, they could go inwards, they retreat,
They have.
Speaker 3 (12:25):
Different operating systems of how they're handling things, so it
might not be personal, which is why if you want
a different reaction from them, I always think in person
is better because you could be context with it being
like I agree really into you, but like I'm feeling
like you're not good with the phone, but like I
need a little organication and if you like me, I
need that from you.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I think that the biggest, the smartest thing in personal
and in business, in my life, in the texting world
is do nothing. Meaning there's no upside if you like
someone at all to saying something negative at all. So
even if I don't even if I think that they're
not participating and I don't love it, but I still
(13:08):
sort of.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Am intrigued by them.
Speaker 1 (13:10):
I And you know when your sense, like let's say
someone sends you somebody like, hey, how's it going, and
you're like, what the f you want to say to
your friends?
Speaker 2 (13:16):
What the fuck is this guy showed? What am I
your pen pal?
Speaker 1 (13:18):
And then but the way I that's what I say
to my friends, what I say to that person is
a little drop, a little cold, like not fully warm me.
I'll be like, good, had a big this, did that,
and I'm like, hope you're having a nice time. I
frosted it just so I don't seem like A'm icy
to do something to make it like I care what
they're doing. But I don't really care what they're doing.
I just want to wrap it in a bow. So
(13:40):
I don't blow it up because I want to blow
it up, but I just blow it up with my friends.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
I don't blow it up with them. I want to
blow it up.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
I want to say, yeah, I'm not big on being
a pempal, like that's what I want to say, but
I won't say that. Yeah, just like you wouldn't do
that with a job interview and be like, well you
didn't call me back, so I guess I don't want
this job anyway.
Speaker 2 (13:57):
You would never do that, because then soone right.
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Unfortunately, then he could say to someone like she was
a real bitch and she was like angry and I
was dealing with my dad had cancer and I was
in you know, he just got to hospice and I
didn't I thought I just met her. I didn't want
to share that, and like she just totally overreacted and
now you're the emotional crazy.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Person, yes, or the friend or you may what if
you ever wanted to do business them or be friends
with them, it's a exactly exactly and.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
So like it's not it's not worth it.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
But I do think having like that, that release to
your friends, of like the comical value of being like
what the fuck?
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Like what the actual fuck? Like?
Speaker 3 (14:34):
He does not deserve me, like go away is healthy.
But you never know what they're dealing with. But I'm
not saying be treated like poorly that stuff. We're not
talking about that, correct, I'm not talking about that at all.
That's that's fuck off and never speak to them again.
There's no being treated poorly. That doesn't exist. That's not it.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
You're not a doormat I'm talking about someone doesn't know
you anything, but they're not like, they're not really pursuing you,
and it's bothering you a little. I think you have
to be quiet, yeah, rapid and frosting. And this, ladies
and gentlemen, is why we have to try to not
sleep with someone before you are one hundred percent positive
(15:12):
they will be calling your texting you the next morning,
because you'll go so low. That's the reason. It's not
because there's something wrong with it. It's not because it's because
of the oxytocin. It's because the way we feel. And
I just think I had this other like dating coach
on here or she was like a psychologist. She was like,
just say, I don't sleep with anyone unless I'm going
to commit a relationship. And may that may not be
(15:33):
entirely true, but just if you protect yourself, protect your peace.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Right, you have to always protect yourself.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Now on the flim side, if you're like I don't
care if her calls or not, like you're not, don't
make a habit of this.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
But if it's liberating.
Speaker 3 (15:47):
To you, Oh that's different, and you feel like you
can handle it and you don't need the call the
next day, then do what makes you happy.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
I think most can't.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Even if someone doesn't like someone that much, I still
and then they sleep with them. I still think it's
gonna bother them. They don't get the I think we
don't know ourselves as creatures as much as we think.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Most women.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
Absolutely you want to be respected and called, and I
still think you could have fun and play, But do
the level of fun without hurting yourself.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Yeah, okay the next day.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Yeah, so scenario number two, which I actually, like you
would maybe advise against, but it just happened naturally. I
(16:37):
was out with my girlfriend. There had been a man
who had been pursuing me to go to dinner, and
he kept talking about this one specific place that he
wanted to take me to that I had already been to,
but it seemed like he was super excited about that place,
and it was on like a you know, like let's
say it's like a weekend night or something. It's more
of like a high pressure dating night, you know what
I mean, Like you might see people out, you know,
(16:57):
you're getting dressed up, et cetera. I'm one of these
people that feels like it's another thing to protect your
piece to not go if you're not really excited, because
it's almost like when you go to a buffet and
like you put the wrong things on your plate, you
get a little.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
Sick and you don't want to go back.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
I think you have to set yourself up for positivity
because you could be discouraged from dating. You could be
bummed you put on an outfit. You're like, oh, why
is this person droning on for me. So this I
didn't want to go on this date. I was going
off my girlfriend to a day club like six to
eight to some DJ. It sounds insane, but it was fun,
(17:37):
and so I text this guy he had texted me,
and I made it super casual. I said, well, we
happened to be finishing this thing at eight o'clock. If
you want to meet us, I'll be with my friend,
but we happen to be going here if you want
to meet us at this place to grab a drink.
Super casual, and he said yeah, so he came to
meet us. It ended up being a very nice experience
(17:58):
with a nice man. It was actually happy that it
was an hour with a nice person that I could
text and would set him up with someone and now
know him and was totally nice to him and thanked
him afterwards for dinner because I felt guilty that he
picked up dinner when we'd only been there an hour,
like I felt like, I don't know, it's back to
my twenties when like you're out there, like I was like,
I hope the guy isn't thick, Like we wanted a
(18:19):
free meal.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
I can afford a meal, but anyway.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
So that's how that went, and for me, that was
a no harm, no foul. I was in bed at
ten o'clock. I was happy with that whole program, and
I wanted to know your opinion on that decision.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
No, I actually I think that was a smart move
for someone like you who's busy. I do agree that
you always hear the stories like I wasn't going to
go out and didn't feel good or whatever, and then
he went out. You met the man of your dream.
So I think the fact that you went for it
was good. I liked that it sounds like your wing
woman was someone that was like pro you and because
(18:50):
it would backfire whoever you were with. The third was
not fun and into it engaging and didn't have your back,
and it wasn't competitive where it sounds like that that
first was going to try to get him versus you.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
So it sounds like you really have like a good friend.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
So if you have a girlfriend that's also single, I'm
not saying it's a different scenario. Think through because you
need it for yourself and not that you don't want
to be a good girlfriend, but like you just you know,
can't date both of you. So if you're worried about that,
then I would say, don't do that, but it sounded
like you were on the fence.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
You weren't sure he was all for it.
Speaker 3 (19:25):
I don't think it's good if someone asks you out
to then say I have a friend.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
But it happened casually. It wasn't connected.
Speaker 1 (19:31):
We had not had plans on Saturday because of them,
I think going on and then it was just hey,
this is odd, but we're going there if you want
to meet us, like super casual.
Speaker 3 (19:38):
So that I love that, and I think it's good
because I also think it's good for you to see
how that person reacts, like right away with someone that
you like, trust that person can see you in more
of a social fun way. I think it takes away
less pressure, and I think it's brilliant because now you've
got to water a girlfriend and meet a guy and
then deciding to like him and a little bit. It's
like a drive by but a little bit more elegance
(20:00):
in a little more time. And I like that you
probably thanked him afterwards.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
Well, I think with anything, it has to land because
you're gonna think I'm nuts, but like I'm moving and
I'm in the middle of a lot of stuff going on,
and so I've been spending time with my friends and
like immersing into Florida. My two best friends live there,
so that was my one best friend. These are both
from high school. So the next day it's great. There
had been another guy that I had blown off right,
(20:25):
so now he kept reaching out to me.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
So I just did a throwaway. I'm like, well, I'm
with my friend. I'll let you know.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
I think we're gonna go here if you want to
meet us. So it's crazy, and I am fresh out
of the ocean.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
I go.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
I am ocean to table, Like know what you're walking into.
We've been at the beach all day, just had a margaret,
like a drink. We're ocean to table. And thank god,
this guy had seen me looking good at another thing,
which is when we first met. So he showed up
and walked in and had an energy and a charisma
and was dressed well and brought me and amazing.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
He brought me like.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Crabs and a pie for my daughter and brought a crazy, elaborate,
very expensive gift for me, said was a housewarming gift.
And my friend was like, what the fuck? This guy's
amazing and so is our partner, like what? And then
we had a really nice and it was only like
an hour long. Then I was ready and I was like,
I do want to go out with this guy? And
then we went out a couple of days later. So
(21:20):
I'm just saying, I guess what I'm saying is like
there can be like hybrid models of dating that are
not really discussed and low lift, and I just tried them.
Speaker 2 (21:29):
But you it has to land. You can't be like
I have my mind. You made that.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Yeah, you made that guy feel special, because like it's
one thing if you have a guy and then you're
too busy talking to your friend, but it's making sure
he's inclusive, including the conversation and it's plugged in versus
like he doesn't feel awkward. So yeah, it sounds like
you did a really good job of incorporating him where
he was also part of the focus. And again with
a girlfriend with the best friend knows you, loves you,
(21:54):
has your back, wants the best for you, not like
telling like things about you you wouldn't. Yeah, just things
like that, like you have to be careful who you're
around to pull that off and for it to land.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
But it sounds like you did that brilliantly.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
I also think it doesn't have to be Sometimes people
get offended if it's not just a dinner date. Like
it could be a brunch, it could be a walk
on the beach. It does not need to be just
a dinner date.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
By the way, I'm big by the way, I love
that you said that because the guy the night before.
I don't know why. My gut was I did not
want to. It's not like my saturdays are coveted. I'd
be home meeting pop tarts. It's that I just did
not want to put on the dress, blow dry the hair,
sprits perfume, go out to a nice restaurant, walk in,
and be like, fuck, this is not going to be it.
So I agree with you, go invite someone on a
(22:37):
walk on the beach because you're getting exercise and you're
walking and talking.
Speaker 2 (22:40):
It's another human being. You're getting your steps in your walk.
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Yes, it's actually so fun and it could be super romantic,
and there's always could be another date loocause sometimes you
will get bombed out like oh, this person can only
do this, and it's like we have just this high
success rate of people meeting for a brunch, breakfast lunch,
like it doesn't have to be that.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Or like it hasn't been set yet as a major thing,
and to be like, I know this is crazy, but
I'm with my friends. We're getting marguerite. To your point, again,
no one's going to screw you over and whatever. You
have to take that chance. But yeah, to your I'm
with my friends on the beach, or she's your husband
if you want to stop by sack guy like, I
think that's very open and also shows that you have
a social life.
Speaker 3 (23:21):
Absolutely, but again, make sure you're not overserved so by
the time they get there.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
That you're like plaid. That's a great note.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Make sure you don't ignore them, and then make sure
you're not flirting with other guys right you're there there,
right now, so they feel like, whoa, this girl's like
a party girl, like I want something serious.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
These are great now, you play it right to do that.
These are great.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
If you can, then you could pull it off and
you could win that way. Great people always realize, like,
don't pout. There could always be another date. But if
you're pouting and already seem disappointed on this date, you're
not going to get the next date. So play it right.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
On this date and it will lead to another date.
That's fair.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Okay, great, all right, I guess let's call this like
not tradition. Let's call this episode like non traditional dating,
Like this is like a non traditional model, And I
think that that is smart because not everything. Yeah, I
do like that. I like to take a walk. I like, yes,
the brain because someone might not want to hike. Someone
(24:18):
might want want to tell you that I want to
go like water, what is it called wakeboarding?
Speaker 3 (24:21):
The other thing you have to be careful about is
if you're going to do something active, you still have
to look cute. You can't just put no effort into
looking cute to go on after date. I've gotten so
many complaints when people are like she like we could
go on and walk, but like she looked like she
was like a hot mess.
Speaker 2 (24:39):
Like still look cute.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
I'm not saying you have to be full glam, but
put on something that you feel good and that you
look cute.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
It it's your cute workout outfit.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
It's your little outfit that's intentional for getting coffee.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah, which is actually better than anything.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
It's your cute getting coffee outfit. Yes, I get exactly
what you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
You got to put some effort into it, but then
it it actually works your favor and because it's so
unexp back to have fun, it's like clean, squeaky clean fun.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
It could totally work to your favorite.
Speaker 3 (25:05):
Plus with the endorphins of working out and getting your steps,
and people are in such good moods.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
I like it. I like it a lot. I like
it a lot. I love you, thank you so much.
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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