August 26, 2025 • 26 mins
B is back on the market and dating again. BUT there will be no red flags, compromises, or concessions. YOU'RE WELCOME.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
I am breaking the do not enter police line, do
not cross dating seal.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
The b is back now.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm not coming in with a vengeance because dating can
feel like a buffet where if you don't make good choices,
you indulge on a bunch of crap that makes you
feel sick and you don't even know what you ate.
So I have taken what's almost eight months, to not date,
to be celibate, to be selective, to reflect, to do
the therapy, to do the work, to be alone, to
(00:47):
use my solitude to think about what I really want,
to not settle, to not do the just go.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
It might be fun to not go out with.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
The younger, washboard ab Italian guy, because I'm bored and
that would make me feel sick anyway. That's like junk food.
And I don't want someone in my house that I
don't like. I don't want to be at someone else's house.
Like I want to be selective. I might picky you
better fucking believe it. Why Because I know I do
have a lot of opportunity. I do happen to have
(01:16):
several suitors. I have a good personality, I'm fun, I'm smart,
I don't need someone's money. I'm not a gold digger,
but I don't want someone who can't afford me. So
I've been super selective. And what has that process taught me?
Of being bored and alone and sort of not just
like going out just to have a drink with someone
(01:37):
just because just in case, like none of that. What
it's done is it's been like buying a house, where
when you buy a house, you choose what you want.
You say ahead of time, Okay, you're going in, you
have a price range, and you say, I want a house,
or I want a condo, or I want an apartment,
or I want to rent or whatever whatever you're doing,
and I want these things. I want to be by
(01:59):
the beach. I want to be by the lake. I
want to be by the golf course. I want to
be by the town. I want to be in a
cul de sac. I want to be near other kids.
I want to be in a good school district. I
want to be in houses next to each other because
it'll be more social for my kid when riding a bike.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I want to be on a farm. I want to
be secluded.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
You decide where you want to be, okay, then you
decide what you want it to be. Are you choosing
brand new, sparkling perfection, new construction, engineered wood floors, turn
the key on the door, walk in, and everything's perfect,
but you're paying a premium. Or are you choosing fix
or upper. Are you choosing a building that has tons
(02:38):
of amenities, dry cleaning, a gym, very social, big place
may have an indoor pool. Or are you choosing intimate
and charming and more like pre war or privacy or
bigger apartment because you don't have any amenities, so you're
getting a bigger apartment and you're getting a smaller lobby.
(03:01):
Same thing happens on a vacation when you go away
to a hotel. You decide what you want, and everyone
wants something different within the hotel, within the house, what
are you choosing. You may come in saying I want
a bathtub, I want high ceilings, I want brightness. I
want multiple little rooms because I have to hack it
up for my friends. I want one giant open space.
I want an open kitchen. I want the elevator to
(03:22):
open onto my floor, or I want to walk up
the stairs, or I want a doorman, or I don't
want a dorm in because I want privacy, Okay, you
say all of these things that you want. You want
a view, you want to be near the school, whatever
the thing is. Okay, So now you have made your list.
Here's what will happen. This is what happens with the house.
You came in and you set your sites high, of
course you did, but then reality sets in and you
(03:44):
may not find everything you want in your price range. Okay,
unlimited funds, then the sky's the limit. If you're brilliant,
you're funny, you're stunning, supermodel, you're a male Cloney, You've
travel all over the world, you're a human rights lawyer
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Then you get George Clooney.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Okay, but for the most part, and even supermodels they
always have to change their desires all the time. For
the most part, you go looking for a house and
then you start to decide what is worth giving up
and how the puzzle will shift. So you're going to
look for a house and you realize, wait, like my thing,
my non negotiable in Florida and in ever moving from
(04:29):
my Hampton's house for me was sand an ocean, not bay,
not lake, not boat, not dock, not farm, not anything like.
Non negotiable was water I don't need that in New
York City because I can't use it. I can't walk
on a beach, I can't swim. So now I have
(04:50):
four homes. Two are sort of more for business purposes,
meaning like Miami and New York City are like kind.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Of right off workplaces.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
But also we're good invest and also aren't huge, and
I could sell them for more than I paid right now,
and I feel good about keeping them because everything I
do is an investment as it pertains to real estate,
personal real estate, which is the only real estate I
invest in, and like, so all of my homes unrelatable sentence,
but this is the truth. Are on or near the water,
(05:20):
a beach and swimming usable water. That's what I want.
That's my happy place, that's my therapy. That's a non
negotiable item. You may have things that are just non negotiable,
Like I really did not want to move to Florida
and not be at the beach, but I also really
didn't want my daughter to not be near a town,
and I almost settled. So then you're by the beach,
(05:42):
but then you're really secluded and you can't just go
run and get something. So I ended up really prioritizing
being near some version of a town and the beach,
which is not that easy, and those are like non negotiables. Okay,
the beach was really no negotiable, but the town became
more important because it was important to my daughter. My
daughter had things for her that were no negotiable. For her.
(06:03):
It was she did not want to be in a condo.
She wanted to be in a home, backyard, her friends,
her fantasy. She's had some challenges in her life, in
our personal situation, and I want her to have that happiness,
that provincial life with other kids and so like, that
was something that she I rarely don't take into account
what she wants.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
She's an amazing person.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
She's such a light in my life, and she's so sweet,
and I want her to be happy and so non negotiable.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
So now when.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
You get to the house, you are thinking of what
you're willing to compromise on, right Are you willing to
compromise on privacy? Are you willing to compromise on a
basement which they don't even have them in Florida, or
a guest house which I've had in other places for privacy?
Or do I have an office that's separate. Do I like,
what are the things we're not willing to compromise on. I, oddly,
(06:53):
in this particular move, for the first time, got everything
I wanted. I am very close to the beach, not
on it, so I sack not being on it because
I could have been on it if I was going
to be in a condo, but my daughter didn't want that.
So to be on the ocean in a home is
much harder in Florida. So I'm next to it, literally
(07:14):
right next to it. But I'm saying when I look outside,
it's not like my Hampton's house where I see the water.
So that's one compromise. Okay, I was willing to move
that puzzle piece on the board because of the circumstances.
And then the list goes on and on and you
determine how it's going to work. But this is all
to say that dating is not unlike this. So you
(07:35):
might say, I want a man that is this height,
this age, this religion, lives in this general area or
these two areas, has one home, has multiple homes, has
two kids, has three kids, whatever. Okay, then you get
into reality and the pieces will move. And someone was
(07:55):
trying to set me up with someone and I told
them exactly what I wanted, but I changed one of
the pieces because of a situation. So there's a certain
success level that I would like. Okay, there's a certain
success level that I would like. I'm loud and proud
about it. I am very successful. I don't want anyone
else to feel inferior or insecure. I've dealt with that
in many different ways. I've gotten bullseye to understanding what
(08:19):
I need and don't need. I've never been at this
point in my entire life known exactly what I need
and don't need because I took this time to be
quiet and think about all of the mistakes that I've
made in all of the cars that I've gotten into
that were going in the wrong direction. So there's a
certain success level that I wanted. I decided to make
an exception for one person because the person was younger,
(08:43):
very successful now. The younger and the very successful now
equals how successful they're going to be. This could be
some version of a partnership. I could actually help this
person be successful. Meaning if I was dating someone ten
years older than myself, I want to know that they
were pretty establish where they are because they're not like
in their business prime, and where they are going to
(09:04):
be success wise is where they're landing. And you could
do this in your twenties and thirties too, by the way,
So where they are in their success life, yes, they
could become very successful in their sixties and seventies. Anything
can happen. So for that I would require that they
are at a different financial and business success level and
power level and accomplishment level. Then if someone is slightly
(09:26):
younger than me, I said to this person, no, this
guy actually could work. But if someone was brilliant and
funny and powerful and lived in the right places, I
might settle on.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
The looks I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
So I chose in this equation to tell the person
who wanted to set me up with someone else.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I was like.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
They were like, wait, this person isn't as successful as
you were talking about. I'm like, right, but look at
how old they are, look at how good looking they are,
how tall they are, look at the schools they went to,
and look exactly where they live.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
And look that they don't have five kids. They have
five kids.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Like no, So even if they're handsome and successful, those
two things cancel it out.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
So what I'm saying is you have.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
To really be very clear on what you want and
what your puzzle is and kind of don't settle. You
can move pieces around and adjust, but you better have
a real good justification to yourself as to why you're
doing that. I don't want to go out with someone
(10:30):
until I'm excited. Why not because I'm an expert on it.
And yes, in your life you could be surprised, But
think about how many times in your life you were
not excited and you were pleasantly surprised by someone who
wasn't your physical type, didn't live where you wanted them to,
wasn't successful enough, something they had turned you off.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
How many times have you gone on that date and
had it be good?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Because mine is probably zero to one if any I
don't remember any. So I don't want to go unless
I'm excited because it probably will be a disappointment anyway.
Not to be negative, I'm saying, it's just like, ah
are so I want to be really excited because if
you go and you second guess yourself and you knew
you shouldn't go, and then it's bad.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
You could go low. You could go depressed.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
It's like that buffet that you ate all the wrong
things and you're like disgusted by it because you don't
even know what you did and why you did it.
Then you don't want to go the next time, and
there's a really good one. So don't go unless there's
a really good reason. Actually, my last house in Connecticut,
I only wanted a house that had a pool. I
settled on that, but my broker was like, it has
all these other things, and I went, and I was
(11:32):
glad that I ended up going because I heard him
out on all the other things. But you better have
other things to make up for what you're sacrificing, and
don't delude yourself just to like match up with what
you're doing, like don't get in the wrong car. So
I'm excited about starting to date because I've been tight
and right and rock solid and exactly what I want.
(11:54):
And it is a puzzle and I can't wait until
I get it right to tell you how I got
it right. And I'm really not going to be sharing
like a lot about specific dates about people and specifics
or what happened or didn't happen. And when something is right,
I'll just tell you guys. Something is right.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
It feels right. But I'm not going to get into
details because I really want to keep this private.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I do believe that like my profile and my what
I do for a living and all this craziness and
my pajamas and my grays and my shit show and
this fucking calamity probably to scare some people, but maybe
it doesn't. I have no fucking idea, but I'm definitely ready.
So last night I did something really problematic. Let me
(12:38):
tell you the story. Let me set the stage. Here's
what I did. I had someone working with me at
my house, my home that I owned that I paid
for with my own big girl money, and we were
just talking and I offered her it was like probably
six o'clock, five thirty, I don't care if it was
(12:59):
nine am, but I offered her a drink and we
had a couple of SIPs of a margarita.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Then she departed.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Then I saw a Miley Cyrus song on TikTok that
I love that you already know about. Was in pajamas
because I had just shot something that required pajamas. Was
having a drink and I got up on the counter
and I did a Miley Cyrus dance to a sound.
My dance to Miley Cyrus's sound. I had a great time.
I was home alone. My daughter informed me she was
going for a botchy with her friends because she's a tenant.
(13:29):
I'm a landlord, which we're going to get into soon.
I am officially missus roper slash mcaulay Culkin.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Home alone.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
So we're about to describe to you the difference between
TikTok and Instagram. And it's a fact, it's true. No
one disagrees, it's not even up for discussion. But I'm
just going to tell you. I'm going to highlight something
that you may not know. And if you're on both
of those apps, you do know. And if you're on
one of those apps, you'll understand how those different neighborhoods
relate to one another and don't have they contrast and compare.
(13:59):
So I then had trolls on Instagram TikTok. Fine, you
could do whatever you wanted TikTok. You could hula hoop
naked okay. On the other app, Instagram, the Betty Bowling, Alley,
Karen Middle Aged bake Sale, Marriott Christmas Party, lanyard name tag,
Dusty Vibrator crew. They come in and they're like, looks
(14:24):
like someone drinking alone. I'm like, yes, yes, it is guilty.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Is charged?
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Asked an answered, my own house, my own drinks, my
own body, my own choice, my fourth home, my fourth
luxury home that I purchased, my own money from the
cocktail that I created, that I invented that I sold
to get myself on the cover of Forbes magazine.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
But like a.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Bunch of those like Dusty Old, like Miserable, Oh pray
for her daughter. I had one drink and it was
like a water down sort of wine based drink. Got
on my pajamas early started watching High Town Eating Chips sober.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
As a goalpost. That is Instagram.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
You could post something that is like slightly askew but funny,
and on Instagram they're so literal. Instagram is like the
rule following bakesale mom that comes into He's like, well,
now you're only supposed to have one parking spot, or
you're supposed to park behind the yether line. You're supposed
to get your application and by that day, well, the
costumes need to be sewn by June ninety nine. Because
(15:25):
this is like Reese Witherspoon from Elections Mom, who's just
like worried about every rule, the ultimate loser rule follower
that is just no fucking fun, right. I live on
Bad Mom's Christmas Talk. Okay, so I got But where
you're on Instagram, they are in the lobby of a
(15:46):
midtown Marriotte at the Christmas party, having one and a
half drinks with a glass of water in between, having
two little ardeuvs. They're on the Weight Watchers Points program
or Jenny Craig or whatever they're doing. But there's secretly
swilling wine with others right before the fucking pot luck
where they're gonna call you next Tuesday to make sure
(16:07):
you gave them back their stained, scratched tupperware. So that
person is at the Lanyard Lobby Christmas party and they're.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Sell impressed by celebrities.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Right Meanwhile, the fun people on TikTok are on the
rooftop hula hooping, dancing with tassels on their titties. And
that's the difference. And I have a residence in the
Lanyard Lobby community, but I go up to that rooftop
and I want to have fun. So yes, if you
ask me, did I have a drink alone in my
own casa that I built with my own fucking money.
(16:40):
I don't have to sleep with some fat, hairy remote
control hugging golf playing.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Hey Dan, how's your game doing? Hit them straight? Is
it raining all day?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Is a Tuesday all day bob, because that's that woman's husband,
My own body, my own choice. And Betty Bowling Alley,
who's complaining about what time I showed up at the
bake sale and l is it gluten free? Is it
net free as it taste free as it's soul free?
That woman she pays my bills because she watches my
(17:15):
content way longer and is up for every video so
she can come in on her keyboard with her cape
and sword and shield and fight me every day. So
not only do I say you're welcome, but to Betty
Bowling Alley, thank you. And I'm starting to hit my
stride and I'm starting to feel good in this complete
(17:39):
dry streak. That's an intentional dry streak. That's a celibate
intentional So now I'm not breaking my non dating diet.
If it's not worth it, it's got to be expensive
shit that is worth it. I am whil watching shark fishing.
It has to be exactly what I want. So I
do have a fish on the line. I do have
(17:59):
a fish that just jumped on the line. You will
never know anything about them. Not a bread crumber. It's
a you connected. The person asked you for a date,
you said, yes, date is being set. Anything else is ridiculous.
Some other guy came in, Hey did you see this?
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Did you read that? Where do you live? What are
you doing?
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Upside downside, sideways up to guess what? You could ask
me the five questions. Yes, I have kids, I live here,
I live there, I go here, I go there, I'm that,
I'm this, I want this, I want that. Make a
fucking date. I do not want a pen pal. I
don't care about what books you're reading at all.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
And no, because you're reading The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People and I'm not. But I read it years ago,
or I don't know how to read, or I need
flash cards. It doesn't mean we're gonna be compatible or not.
This is what I want, This is what I don't want. This.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Where I live is where I don't live. I'm interested,
I'm open.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Let's go or get the fuck out, piece, the fuck
out scram ain't nobody got time. Nothing feels cleaner than
matching with someone and just deleting and expiring goodbye, and
for them to meet too. You don't like what you
see in this window, walk on by, walk on by.
We don't need to waste each other's time. No, thank you.
(19:13):
We can cosplay. You could be at the dunkin Donuts
drive through window. I could drive by, order a latte,
ask you three questions. I'll know right away. You don't
even have to take me for a full drink. Hand
me a latte. I'll know right away whether we're right
for each other.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
And so will you?
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Let me get the fuck out of here. Here's my
four ninety nine and a thirty five percent tip. Piece
the fuck out. Nobody has the time, and there should
be like a rule. After fifteen minutes, you have the
lease option to buy. I've come to meet you for
drinks fifteen minutes and I can be like, I don't
think this is gonna work me neither.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
By.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Go do what you gotta do, get a hooker, get
a meal, jerk off, watch TV, watch Game of Thrones,
do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
I understand your time is precious.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Nothing is more valuable, which is why I've waited this
long to date people. In my comments, ooh no, wonder
she's alone exactly. That's not an insult. If dancing on
my counter by myself is a reason I'm alone, fuck off, good, good,
then I should be alone because if there's not a
(20:14):
man that's going to understand that when he's watching the
game or sleeping, that I'm gonna go danceairs, make myself
a drink in flower pajamas and dance on my countertop,
then I would rather be alone. Biggie and Smallest didn't
have a problem with it, and they are grown ass
furry men. Let's talk about dating profile red flags. This
(20:48):
is so good because I really am excellent at this. Okay,
so this is some obvious stuff, but let's just warm up.
The person's worst picture is the closest to what they
actually look like. Person's worst picture is the closest to
what they actually look like. Okay, everybody can have a
good day. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
(21:09):
The height they will lie within two inches, okay, saying
that they're two inches taller. If someone shows a big house,
a nice car, or a private plane, or them next
to a celebrity, or them like flexing on some podium
(21:32):
or with like a known like professional sports team behind them,
you know what I mean, Like they're at the super
Bowl or something, or they're then it's a red flag
because it means that they are showing off something they
probably don't really have. So you might find your own
version of that, like whatever that is. But if it's
something that is some version of showing something off that
(21:53):
it's like a flex, then they want to prove something.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
A real guy.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Has it but isn't going to show it even with Okay,
so a shirtless photo or a tank top at the
gym photo, Like there has to be some way that
they would be smart enough to take a picture that
you know they have a good body, but they're not
in a tank top, or that you would understand that
they're wealthy from their job description or where you find
(22:22):
out that they live, what area it is, et cetera.
But not by like being in front of a fancy
sports car. These things are red flags because the ones
who show that, like there was a guy that I
saw and he lived in his town is an expensive town,
like obviously even expensive towns have in expensive houses, but
it was an expensive town and he was standing in
(22:45):
front of a very expensive house, Like I could tell
that the house was millions of dollars, and I later
came to find that it wasn't that person's house. So
that's like the equivalent of when someone's sitting inside a
private plane, Like it's either that the person's side of
a private plane and so insecure and the plane isn't
really theirs, or they were wance on someone else's plane
(23:05):
and now you think they have a plane, but then
like you just it's just a red flag if someone's
posting like that, like inside of a private plane, if
someone's posting next to someone famous. For me, it's absolutely
cringe because I know so many famous people, and then
it means that they're impressed by fame, and like like
I've seen people in in profile picks next to sharks,
(23:26):
and I'm like, I'm friends with these people, Like it's
just they're so impressed. It's just also that they're trying
to show you that they're hobnobbing with people. So even
if you aren't friends with famous people, there's just some
version of a cringey flex. So look for whatever version
that is. I also and I bet you don't do this,
like really zoom into the background in their house and
(23:49):
you can tell if it's their house probably, or if
it's like a vacation lobby or if it's a hotel
room or something.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
You know, you could sort of tell.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
But like, I'll look in at like I'll see someone
with like a leather sofa, and I'm like a boy
abort in twenty twenty five. I Am not going to
date someone who has a other sofa, so like, oh,
you'll see the window treatments or is their counter messy
or like is it still like friggin old wood paneling
kitchen cabinets? Like I know it sounds crazy, and you
can have whatever yours is. You could have whatever yours is.
(24:17):
You could see an ashtray and hate smokers, it's not about me.
You could see a bunch of liquor and think of
they drink too much. You don't drink whatever. They have
a bracelet on your note into man jewelry. I don't
know what it is, but for me, I really look
and I aborted yesterday because I found out that they
live in a not great house. But like post it
in front of like a palatial mansion. Like that's false advertising.
(24:41):
That's false advertising. When people battled me years ago about
how I felt about being in person versus at home work,
it was a.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
It was a controversial thing.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
And the truth is, I have realized I'll spend time
in person with people that I work with, that I
love and I loved work with, that I idate with,
that I produce with, that I brainstorm with, and when
we are together, we laugh, we connect. It's a different experience.
And it's the same thing with my friends. My relationships
(25:13):
with my friends ever since the pandemic and being older
and more obligations and living in different places, has gotten
really like formulaic. I had a long distance relationship like that.
It's not the same as in person now. You can
define whether it needs to be every day or occasionally.
But the pandemic was good and that it allowed us
and fostered us and taught us how to produce from home.
(25:37):
But we've aired in a direction that I don't think
is great. Like I go a long time without human
connection now as I used to not, and I get
a lot more done when I'm in person with my people,
and when I spend quality time with my daughter. You
can't do anything from Afar like that, so I just
wanted to mention that to the aster
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Aster, to the conser
I am breaking the do not enter police line, do
not cross dating seal.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
The b is back now.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm not coming in with a vengeance because dating can
feel like a buffet where if you don't make good choices,
you indulge on a bunch of crap that makes you
feel sick and you don't even know what you ate.
So I have taken what's almost eight months, to not date,
to be celibate, to be selective, to reflect, to do
the therapy, to do the work, to be alone, to
(00:47):
use my solitude to think about what I really want,
to not settle, to not do the just go.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
It might be fun to not go out with.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
The younger, washboard ab Italian guy, because I'm bored and
that would make me feel sick anyway. That's like junk food.
And I don't want someone in my house that I
don't like. I don't want to be at someone else's house.
Like I want to be selective. I might picky you
better fucking believe it. Why Because I know I do
have a lot of opportunity. I do happen to have
(01:16):
several suitors. I have a good personality, I'm fun, I'm smart,
I don't need someone's money. I'm not a gold digger,
but I don't want someone who can't afford me. So
I've been super selective. And what has that process taught me?
Of being bored and alone and sort of not just
like going out just to have a drink with someone
(01:37):
just because just in case, like none of that. What
it's done is it's been like buying a house, where
when you buy a house, you choose what you want.
You say ahead of time, Okay, you're going in, you
have a price range, and you say, I want a house,
or I want a condo, or I want an apartment,
or I want to rent or whatever whatever you're doing,
and I want these things. I want to be by
(01:59):
the beach. I want to be by the lake. I
want to be by the golf course. I want to
be by the town. I want to be in a
cul de sac. I want to be near other kids.
I want to be in a good school district. I
want to be in houses next to each other because
it'll be more social for my kid when riding a bike.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
I want to be on a farm. I want to
be secluded.
Speaker 1 (02:16):
You decide where you want to be, okay, then you
decide what you want it to be. Are you choosing
brand new, sparkling perfection, new construction, engineered wood floors, turn
the key on the door, walk in, and everything's perfect,
but you're paying a premium. Or are you choosing fix
or upper. Are you choosing a building that has tons
(02:38):
of amenities, dry cleaning, a gym, very social, big place
may have an indoor pool. Or are you choosing intimate
and charming and more like pre war or privacy or
bigger apartment because you don't have any amenities, so you're
getting a bigger apartment and you're getting a smaller lobby.
(03:01):
Same thing happens on a vacation when you go away
to a hotel. You decide what you want, and everyone
wants something different within the hotel, within the house, what
are you choosing. You may come in saying I want
a bathtub, I want high ceilings, I want brightness. I
want multiple little rooms because I have to hack it
up for my friends. I want one giant open space.
I want an open kitchen. I want the elevator to
(03:22):
open onto my floor, or I want to walk up
the stairs, or I want a doorman, or I don't
want a dorm in because I want privacy, Okay, you
say all of these things that you want. You want
a view, you want to be near the school, whatever
the thing is. Okay, So now you have made your list.
Here's what will happen. This is what happens with the house.
You came in and you set your sites high, of
course you did, but then reality sets in and you
(03:44):
may not find everything you want in your price range. Okay,
unlimited funds, then the sky's the limit. If you're brilliant,
you're funny, you're stunning, supermodel, you're a male Cloney, You've
travel all over the world, you're a human rights lawyer
or whatever.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
Then you get George Clooney.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Okay, but for the most part, and even supermodels they
always have to change their desires all the time. For
the most part, you go looking for a house and
then you start to decide what is worth giving up
and how the puzzle will shift. So you're going to
look for a house and you realize, wait, like my thing,
my non negotiable in Florida and in ever moving from
(04:29):
my Hampton's house for me was sand an ocean, not bay,
not lake, not boat, not dock, not farm, not anything like.
Non negotiable was water I don't need that in New
York City because I can't use it. I can't walk
on a beach, I can't swim. So now I have
(04:50):
four homes. Two are sort of more for business purposes,
meaning like Miami and New York City are like kind.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Of right off workplaces.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
But also we're good invest and also aren't huge, and
I could sell them for more than I paid right now,
and I feel good about keeping them because everything I
do is an investment as it pertains to real estate,
personal real estate, which is the only real estate I
invest in, and like, so all of my homes unrelatable sentence,
but this is the truth. Are on or near the water,
(05:20):
a beach and swimming usable water. That's what I want.
That's my happy place, that's my therapy. That's a non
negotiable item. You may have things that are just non negotiable,
Like I really did not want to move to Florida
and not be at the beach, but I also really
didn't want my daughter to not be near a town,
and I almost settled. So then you're by the beach,
(05:42):
but then you're really secluded and you can't just go
run and get something. So I ended up really prioritizing
being near some version of a town and the beach,
which is not that easy, and those are like non negotiables. Okay,
the beach was really no negotiable, but the town became
more important because it was important to my daughter. My
daughter had things for her that were no negotiable. For her.
(06:03):
It was she did not want to be in a condo.
She wanted to be in a home, backyard, her friends,
her fantasy. She's had some challenges in her life, in
our personal situation, and I want her to have that happiness,
that provincial life with other kids and so like, that
was something that she I rarely don't take into account
what she wants.
Speaker 2 (06:23):
She's an amazing person.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
She's such a light in my life, and she's so sweet,
and I want her to be happy and so non negotiable.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
So now when.
Speaker 1 (06:33):
You get to the house, you are thinking of what
you're willing to compromise on, right Are you willing to
compromise on privacy? Are you willing to compromise on a
basement which they don't even have them in Florida, or
a guest house which I've had in other places for privacy?
Or do I have an office that's separate. Do I like,
what are the things we're not willing to compromise on. I, oddly,
(06:53):
in this particular move, for the first time, got everything
I wanted. I am very close to the beach, not
on it, so I sack not being on it because
I could have been on it if I was going
to be in a condo, but my daughter didn't want that.
So to be on the ocean in a home is
much harder in Florida. So I'm next to it, literally
(07:14):
right next to it. But I'm saying when I look outside,
it's not like my Hampton's house where I see the water.
So that's one compromise. Okay, I was willing to move
that puzzle piece on the board because of the circumstances.
And then the list goes on and on and you
determine how it's going to work. But this is all
to say that dating is not unlike this. So you
(07:35):
might say, I want a man that is this height,
this age, this religion, lives in this general area or
these two areas, has one home, has multiple homes, has
two kids, has three kids, whatever. Okay, then you get
into reality and the pieces will move. And someone was
(07:55):
trying to set me up with someone and I told
them exactly what I wanted, but I changed one of
the pieces because of a situation. So there's a certain
success level that I would like. Okay, there's a certain
success level that I would like. I'm loud and proud
about it. I am very successful. I don't want anyone
else to feel inferior or insecure. I've dealt with that
in many different ways. I've gotten bullseye to understanding what
(08:19):
I need and don't need. I've never been at this
point in my entire life known exactly what I need
and don't need because I took this time to be
quiet and think about all of the mistakes that I've
made in all of the cars that I've gotten into
that were going in the wrong direction. So there's a
certain success level that I wanted. I decided to make
an exception for one person because the person was younger,
(08:43):
very successful now. The younger and the very successful now
equals how successful they're going to be. This could be
some version of a partnership. I could actually help this
person be successful. Meaning if I was dating someone ten
years older than myself, I want to know that they
were pretty establish where they are because they're not like
in their business prime, and where they are going to
(09:04):
be success wise is where they're landing. And you could
do this in your twenties and thirties too, by the way,
So where they are in their success life, yes, they
could become very successful in their sixties and seventies. Anything
can happen. So for that I would require that they
are at a different financial and business success level and
power level and accomplishment level. Then if someone is slightly
(09:26):
younger than me, I said to this person, no, this
guy actually could work. But if someone was brilliant and
funny and powerful and lived in the right places, I
might settle on.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
The looks I don't want to.
Speaker 1 (09:41):
So I chose in this equation to tell the person
who wanted to set me up with someone else.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
I was like.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
They were like, wait, this person isn't as successful as
you were talking about. I'm like, right, but look at
how old they are, look at how good looking they are,
how tall they are, look at the schools they went to,
and look exactly where they live.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
And look that they don't have five kids. They have
five kids.
Speaker 1 (09:59):
Like no, So even if they're handsome and successful, those
two things cancel it out.
Speaker 2 (10:03):
So what I'm saying is you have.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
To really be very clear on what you want and
what your puzzle is and kind of don't settle. You
can move pieces around and adjust, but you better have
a real good justification to yourself as to why you're
doing that. I don't want to go out with someone
(10:30):
until I'm excited. Why not because I'm an expert on it.
And yes, in your life you could be surprised, But
think about how many times in your life you were
not excited and you were pleasantly surprised by someone who
wasn't your physical type, didn't live where you wanted them to,
wasn't successful enough, something they had turned you off.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
How many times have you gone on that date and
had it be good?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Because mine is probably zero to one if any I
don't remember any. So I don't want to go unless
I'm excited because it probably will be a disappointment anyway.
Not to be negative, I'm saying, it's just like, ah
are so I want to be really excited because if
you go and you second guess yourself and you knew
you shouldn't go, and then it's bad.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
You could go low. You could go depressed.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
It's like that buffet that you ate all the wrong
things and you're like disgusted by it because you don't
even know what you did and why you did it.
Then you don't want to go the next time, and
there's a really good one. So don't go unless there's
a really good reason. Actually, my last house in Connecticut,
I only wanted a house that had a pool. I
settled on that, but my broker was like, it has
all these other things, and I went, and I was
(11:32):
glad that I ended up going because I heard him
out on all the other things. But you better have
other things to make up for what you're sacrificing, and
don't delude yourself just to like match up with what
you're doing, like don't get in the wrong car. So
I'm excited about starting to date because I've been tight
and right and rock solid and exactly what I want.
(11:54):
And it is a puzzle and I can't wait until
I get it right to tell you how I got
it right. And I'm really not going to be sharing
like a lot about specific dates about people and specifics
or what happened or didn't happen. And when something is right,
I'll just tell you guys. Something is right.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
It feels right. But I'm not going to get into
details because I really want to keep this private.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
I do believe that like my profile and my what
I do for a living and all this craziness and
my pajamas and my grays and my shit show and
this fucking calamity probably to scare some people, but maybe
it doesn't. I have no fucking idea, but I'm definitely ready.
So last night I did something really problematic. Let me
(12:38):
tell you the story. Let me set the stage. Here's
what I did. I had someone working with me at
my house, my home that I owned that I paid
for with my own big girl money, and we were
just talking and I offered her it was like probably
six o'clock, five thirty, I don't care if it was
(12:59):
nine am, but I offered her a drink and we
had a couple of SIPs of a margarita.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
Then she departed.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Then I saw a Miley Cyrus song on TikTok that
I love that you already know about. Was in pajamas
because I had just shot something that required pajamas. Was
having a drink and I got up on the counter
and I did a Miley Cyrus dance to a sound.
My dance to Miley Cyrus's sound. I had a great time.
I was home alone. My daughter informed me she was
going for a botchy with her friends because she's a tenant.
(13:29):
I'm a landlord, which we're going to get into soon.
I am officially missus roper slash mcaulay Culkin.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
Home alone.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
So we're about to describe to you the difference between
TikTok and Instagram. And it's a fact, it's true. No
one disagrees, it's not even up for discussion. But I'm
just going to tell you. I'm going to highlight something
that you may not know. And if you're on both
of those apps, you do know. And if you're on
one of those apps, you'll understand how those different neighborhoods
relate to one another and don't have they contrast and compare.
(13:59):
So I then had trolls on Instagram TikTok. Fine, you
could do whatever you wanted TikTok. You could hula hoop
naked okay. On the other app, Instagram, the Betty Bowling, Alley,
Karen Middle Aged bake Sale, Marriott Christmas Party, lanyard name tag,
Dusty Vibrator crew. They come in and they're like, looks
(14:24):
like someone drinking alone. I'm like, yes, yes, it is guilty.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Is charged?
Speaker 1 (14:29):
Asked an answered, my own house, my own drinks, my
own body, my own choice, my fourth home, my fourth
luxury home that I purchased, my own money from the
cocktail that I created, that I invented that I sold
to get myself on the cover of Forbes magazine.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
But like a.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Bunch of those like Dusty Old, like Miserable, Oh pray
for her daughter. I had one drink and it was
like a water down sort of wine based drink. Got
on my pajamas early started watching High Town Eating Chips sober.
Speaker 2 (14:57):
As a goalpost. That is Instagram.
Speaker 1 (15:01):
You could post something that is like slightly askew but funny,
and on Instagram they're so literal. Instagram is like the
rule following bakesale mom that comes into He's like, well,
now you're only supposed to have one parking spot, or
you're supposed to park behind the yether line. You're supposed
to get your application and by that day, well, the
costumes need to be sewn by June ninety nine. Because
(15:25):
this is like Reese Witherspoon from Elections Mom, who's just
like worried about every rule, the ultimate loser rule follower
that is just no fucking fun, right. I live on
Bad Mom's Christmas Talk. Okay, so I got But where
you're on Instagram, they are in the lobby of a
(15:46):
midtown Marriotte at the Christmas party, having one and a
half drinks with a glass of water in between, having
two little ardeuvs. They're on the Weight Watchers Points program
or Jenny Craig or whatever they're doing. But there's secretly
swilling wine with others right before the fucking pot luck
where they're gonna call you next Tuesday to make sure
(16:07):
you gave them back their stained, scratched tupperware. So that
person is at the Lanyard Lobby Christmas party and they're.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
Sell impressed by celebrities.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Right Meanwhile, the fun people on TikTok are on the
rooftop hula hooping, dancing with tassels on their titties. And
that's the difference. And I have a residence in the
Lanyard Lobby community, but I go up to that rooftop
and I want to have fun. So yes, if you
ask me, did I have a drink alone in my
own casa that I built with my own fucking money.
(16:40):
I don't have to sleep with some fat, hairy remote
control hugging golf playing.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Hey Dan, how's your game doing? Hit them straight? Is
it raining all day?
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Is a Tuesday all day bob, because that's that woman's husband,
My own body, my own choice. And Betty Bowling Alley,
who's complaining about what time I showed up at the
bake sale and l is it gluten free? Is it
net free as it taste free as it's soul free?
That woman she pays my bills because she watches my
(17:15):
content way longer and is up for every video so
she can come in on her keyboard with her cape
and sword and shield and fight me every day. So
not only do I say you're welcome, but to Betty
Bowling Alley, thank you. And I'm starting to hit my
stride and I'm starting to feel good in this complete
(17:39):
dry streak. That's an intentional dry streak. That's a celibate
intentional So now I'm not breaking my non dating diet.
If it's not worth it, it's got to be expensive
shit that is worth it. I am whil watching shark fishing.
It has to be exactly what I want. So I
do have a fish on the line. I do have
(17:59):
a fish that just jumped on the line. You will
never know anything about them. Not a bread crumber. It's
a you connected. The person asked you for a date,
you said, yes, date is being set. Anything else is ridiculous.
Some other guy came in, Hey did you see this?
Speaker 2 (18:15):
Did you read that? Where do you live? What are
you doing?
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Upside downside, sideways up to guess what? You could ask
me the five questions. Yes, I have kids, I live here,
I live there, I go here, I go there, I'm that,
I'm this, I want this, I want that. Make a
fucking date. I do not want a pen pal. I
don't care about what books you're reading at all.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
I don't care.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
And no, because you're reading The Seven Habits of Highly
Effective People and I'm not. But I read it years ago,
or I don't know how to read, or I need
flash cards. It doesn't mean we're gonna be compatible or not.
This is what I want, This is what I don't want. This.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Where I live is where I don't live. I'm interested,
I'm open.
Speaker 1 (18:49):
Let's go or get the fuck out, piece, the fuck
out scram ain't nobody got time. Nothing feels cleaner than
matching with someone and just deleting and expiring goodbye, and
for them to meet too. You don't like what you
see in this window, walk on by, walk on by.
We don't need to waste each other's time. No, thank you.
(19:13):
We can cosplay. You could be at the dunkin Donuts
drive through window. I could drive by, order a latte,
ask you three questions. I'll know right away. You don't
even have to take me for a full drink. Hand
me a latte. I'll know right away whether we're right
for each other.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
And so will you?
Speaker 1 (19:26):
Let me get the fuck out of here. Here's my
four ninety nine and a thirty five percent tip. Piece
the fuck out. Nobody has the time, and there should
be like a rule. After fifteen minutes, you have the
lease option to buy. I've come to meet you for
drinks fifteen minutes and I can be like, I don't
think this is gonna work me neither.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
By.
Speaker 1 (19:44):
Go do what you gotta do, get a hooker, get
a meal, jerk off, watch TV, watch Game of Thrones,
do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
I understand your time is precious.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
Nothing is more valuable, which is why I've waited this
long to date people. In my comments, ooh no, wonder
she's alone exactly. That's not an insult. If dancing on
my counter by myself is a reason I'm alone, fuck off, good, good,
then I should be alone because if there's not a
(20:14):
man that's going to understand that when he's watching the
game or sleeping, that I'm gonna go danceairs, make myself
a drink in flower pajamas and dance on my countertop,
then I would rather be alone. Biggie and Smallest didn't
have a problem with it, and they are grown ass
furry men. Let's talk about dating profile red flags. This
(20:48):
is so good because I really am excellent at this. Okay,
so this is some obvious stuff, but let's just warm up.
The person's worst picture is the closest to what they
actually look like. Person's worst picture is the closest to
what they actually look like. Okay, everybody can have a
good day. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
(21:09):
The height they will lie within two inches, okay, saying
that they're two inches taller. If someone shows a big house,
a nice car, or a private plane, or them next
to a celebrity, or them like flexing on some podium
(21:32):
or with like a known like professional sports team behind them,
you know what I mean, Like they're at the super
Bowl or something, or they're then it's a red flag
because it means that they are showing off something they
probably don't really have. So you might find your own
version of that, like whatever that is. But if it's
something that is some version of showing something off that
(21:53):
it's like a flex, then they want to prove something.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
A real guy.
Speaker 1 (22:00):
Has it but isn't going to show it even with Okay,
so a shirtless photo or a tank top at the
gym photo, Like there has to be some way that
they would be smart enough to take a picture that
you know they have a good body, but they're not
in a tank top, or that you would understand that
they're wealthy from their job description or where you find
(22:22):
out that they live, what area it is, et cetera.
But not by like being in front of a fancy
sports car. These things are red flags because the ones
who show that, like there was a guy that I
saw and he lived in his town is an expensive town,
like obviously even expensive towns have in expensive houses, but
it was an expensive town and he was standing in
(22:45):
front of a very expensive house, Like I could tell
that the house was millions of dollars, and I later
came to find that it wasn't that person's house. So
that's like the equivalent of when someone's sitting inside a
private plane, Like it's either that the person's side of
a private plane and so insecure and the plane isn't
really theirs, or they were wance on someone else's plane
(23:05):
and now you think they have a plane, but then
like you just it's just a red flag if someone's
posting like that, like inside of a private plane, if
someone's posting next to someone famous. For me, it's absolutely
cringe because I know so many famous people, and then
it means that they're impressed by fame, and like like
I've seen people in in profile picks next to sharks,
(23:26):
and I'm like, I'm friends with these people, Like it's
just they're so impressed. It's just also that they're trying
to show you that they're hobnobbing with people. So even
if you aren't friends with famous people, there's just some
version of a cringey flex. So look for whatever version
that is. I also and I bet you don't do this,
like really zoom into the background in their house and
(23:49):
you can tell if it's their house probably, or if
it's like a vacation lobby or if it's a hotel
room or something.
Speaker 2 (23:53):
You know, you could sort of tell.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
But like, I'll look in at like I'll see someone
with like a leather sofa, and I'm like a boy
abort in twenty twenty five. I Am not going to
date someone who has a other sofa, so like, oh,
you'll see the window treatments or is their counter messy
or like is it still like friggin old wood paneling
kitchen cabinets? Like I know it sounds crazy, and you
can have whatever yours is. You could have whatever yours is.
(24:17):
You could see an ashtray and hate smokers, it's not about me.
You could see a bunch of liquor and think of
they drink too much. You don't drink whatever. They have
a bracelet on your note into man jewelry. I don't
know what it is, but for me, I really look
and I aborted yesterday because I found out that they
live in a not great house. But like post it
in front of like a palatial mansion. Like that's false advertising.
(24:41):
That's false advertising. When people battled me years ago about
how I felt about being in person versus at home work,
it was a.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
It was a controversial thing.
Speaker 1 (24:51):
And the truth is, I have realized I'll spend time
in person with people that I work with, that I
love and I loved work with, that I idate with,
that I produce with, that I brainstorm with, and when
we are together, we laugh, we connect. It's a different experience.
And it's the same thing with my friends. My relationships
(25:13):
with my friends ever since the pandemic and being older
and more obligations and living in different places, has gotten
really like formulaic. I had a long distance relationship like that.
It's not the same as in person now. You can
define whether it needs to be every day or occasionally.
But the pandemic was good and that it allowed us
and fostered us and taught us how to produce from home.
(25:37):
But we've aired in a direction that I don't think
is great. Like I go a long time without human
connection now as I used to not, and I get
a lot more done when I'm in person with my people,
and when I spend quality time with my daughter. You
can't do anything from Afar like that, so I just
wanted to mention that to the aster
Speaker 2 (26:12):
Aster, to the conser
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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