October 24, 2025 • 19 mins
It's rough out there. But stay hopeful.
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Speaker 1 (00:12):
So in thinking about dating and relationships, I've been thinking
about what hope means. And because I'm a double down,
because I'm a gambler, because I'm a calculated risk taker,
I always feel more alive when I'm in the game.
Like if I knew that I had eight people coming
in every day to get a massage, and I knew
(00:32):
exactly how much money the massages would cost and exactly
how much I would make, I would feel a little
bit hopeless because it would be a cap I would
know exactly what it could be, and that would be
slightly soul crushing for me. I would rather be paid
less but know that I have a tremendous upside, which
is why the Bethany clause was so liberating and exhilarating,
(00:53):
and why I took shitty pay the first season of Housewives,
because I took the shitty pay because I was betting
on myself and knew, yes, I'll take the shitty pay,
but you can't ever take a piece of anything that
I build, because I was betting on the back end,
and I'm a gambler in that way. I grew up
at the racetrack. I'm a gambler and when I've been
in relationships that are solid and peaceful and good, but
not inspiring, and I just feel like I'm kind of
(01:17):
selling myself a little bit short. I'm a little bit
like dead. I'm a little bit depressed. I'm a little
bit staying out of fear and security and logical reasons.
And many people are in relationships for different reasons, and
there are many people who need to be there for
security or for what kind of a parent the person is,
or because it's an arranged marriage, or whatever your reason is.
(01:39):
And I'm not saying that that's wrong if that's what
you want, but for me, the lack of hope is death.
So the lack of possibility of hope means you're not
alive in the casino, You're not there. Used to be
a thing called like the pick six at the racetrack,
and like you'd have to get a winner of each
(01:59):
race through the sixth race, and like you would say,
I'm still alive in the pick six, meaning you haven't won,
but you haven't lost yet. I like to still be alive.
So I like the possibility of hope in dating, meaning
I haven't found what I believe that I ultimately should
have and want and I'm looking for and I often
(02:23):
leave the game before I've really played it out. I've
always talked about the burner method, having different people on
the burner. Somebody might be on simmer, somebody's on boil.
You're not sure. Often I eliminate something right away just
because something turns me off. Sometimes you stay in something
too long because you're trying to convince yourself. But by
and large I get into a relationship. It's often the
(02:46):
wrong car that I'm getting into. It feels good, and
I never give myself really the chance to really grab
what my version of the brass ring is. And for me,
being in something that yes is secure and yes is
loving and good, but in ways soul crushing or dimming
my light or not really ultimately going for it, like
(03:08):
really going for the gold in my way, whatever that is,
that is a little bit soul crushing. And the lack
of possibility of hope is actually death for me because
I like inspiration and a chance and the dream and
I'm hopeful, romantic, not hopeless. So we've talked about bread crummers,
(03:29):
love bombers, pen pals, and there's a snooze, you lose
aspect so I've gone out with men and they like me,
and they're willing to wait weeks before the next date,
meaning like over a month for the next date. And
maybe I was somewhere, they were somewhere, et cetera, but like,
without even saying hi, I'd like to see you, when
(03:51):
can we see each other? Because then you'd be like, okay,
next week. And this is a person who's supposed to
put something on the board. In my case, it could
be someone very successful who could easily get on a
plane to take you to dinner. That's not relatable for everybody,
but for me it is. People have done it. And
whatever your version of that is, whether it's taking you
for pizza the next day or facetiming you because they
can't see you, or telling you how into you they are,
(04:13):
or sending you flowers, they have to get something going,
so you don't forget about them, because if they snooze,
they will lose You lose attention, you lose your excitement,
and it's not the same. It's hard to get the
ball back. You have momentum. You don't fuck around and
find out, especially at a certain age, especially at a
certain age, if it's hard to meet people, You're gonna
(04:34):
just like test fate and wait. Fuck that you want it,
you go get it right now. You do not take
for granted that it could be gone tomorrow. Absolutely not.
You like something, you take it, you go get it.
(05:01):
So I've started a dating concept, a dating community, and
I have overshot the mark in three weeks ten couples dating,
and my definition is a number of dates and if
you do it in a certain manner, which I'm gatekeeping
(05:21):
and choosing my words wisely, the success rate is crazy.
And for me, my metric is not like if someone
gets married. I don't like, that's their own business and
that's their own life. My problem to solve is like
going on a date and actually liking the person, the
person being as described, connecting and wanting to see them
multiple times. To me, that's success. I'm not a fucking therapist.
(05:42):
It's not my job to make sure that people get
down the aisle. And by the way, who cares like
not everyone wants to be married or legally married, and
that doesn't have to be everybody's construct. And I think
the whole entire wedding industry I'm going to fucking turn
upside down and the dating industry. With a little luck,
I'm going to rock like a fucking sooner. We keep
going deeper and deeper, and it feels almost like when
(06:02):
I started be Stronger. I was exhausted, but like I
kept going for it. And it's not only a not
for profit, it's a Bethany is paying for it model
right now because I'm spending money to be able to
have people help me with it, to be able to
facilitate whatever I need for it, intellectual property, business lawyers,
all the things, because I think this could be a
(06:24):
massive thing, and I'm flushing it all out. But I
told this now. I told this to someone who created
one of the most successful apps, and they said they
get thirty pitches a week and this was their favorite
by far out of hundreds. I pitched it to a massive,
massive tech billionaire who invests in different businesses and brands,
and this person said they never like any ideas and
(06:48):
they were obsessed. And they said, quote unquote, I'm all in.
I've had twenty five people minimum ask me to invest,
and I don't need anybody's money. I've had twenty five
people minimums say that they've worked with matchmakers and they're
the biggest group of crooks in the world because they
do a method of just like check the box, fill
the quota. So they want to get you a date
(07:08):
because you've been bothering them about it because it's been weeks,
and then you go on the date and the guy
literally does not align with you at all. He could
have ten kids. There have been people that have six kids,
eight kids like that are Bible belt strict, devout Christians,
but it was never marketed that way. It was marketed
that they're Christian or Catholic, but not that they listen
to only Christian music. And you're setting me up with
(07:29):
this person, a man whose ex wife supports him. Have
you seen my ten year divorce? Which is basically what
that was like. They just want to check the box.
This is why these men also have told me that
they found out that women have been paid to go
out with them, which is why all the women that
were seeing are saying that they and many other people
are all saying they've been passed around the same guys
(07:51):
from these matchmakers. Everyone says, I'm not even saying this
is my opinion. I have my own opinion. A lot
of people don't love apps, but I don't mind apps
in ways. I don't use them that much, but I
think there's a benefit to them. And why have matchmakers
from the biggest places in the country. You've been calling
me since I've been talking about this, asking me what
my concept is, like worried with one person is like
two people actually said I would consider leaving. What are
(08:12):
you got going? I'm not playing around because I'm so
mad at women not being in charge and being in
the power and control of their own love lives, and
being fucking beggars waiting for these matchmakers weeks on end
to find you one guy when you on your own
could find five. But you spend money because you think
they have this majestic formula which they don't have. And
(08:33):
they tell you, you know, this man is very interested,
but he can't speak until September because it's the summer
and he's traveling. You're like, no, this guy's not interested then,
because no interested intentional party is willing to wait that
you could get scooped up by someone else once they
say that they're interested in you. So it's a punt.
It's punting. It's literally the most archaic, ridiculous process you
(08:54):
can have or they'll say, I have a guy for you.
Can we set a call next week. You're gonna speak
to someone in nine days about a guy that they
have for you. He could be married by then. We
could all be dead by then. Like, call me today,
he's interested. I'm in, she said, Let's get this going,
like needs to be immediate. Also, women have no idea
what to wear in a fucking first date. It's crazy.
I've been talking about this, like I today went to
(09:15):
go find this woman what to wear because women are
wearing the wrong thing on the first date. I know
this now because of what all the women are wearing.
And I'm like, wow, that's what you thought. Immediately, No,
immediately no. So I'm going to start listing what I
think good choices are for women to wear on first
dates and frankly men and frankly men. I'm starting out
(09:36):
with women. But it's crazy. It's crazy. Okay, So what's
your place of wounding and dating and relationships? What's the flaw?
What's the mistake you keep making over and over? I'll
go first. So mine is my picker can be off,
but I respond to how much someone loves me, So
(10:00):
it's hard for me to keep my feet on the
ground and keep my seatbelt buckled because I get up
and lean into how much someone loves me, and that
becomes something that's a life for me and it can
sustain me. Now, if in fact I love someone that
much on my own and my own right, then that's
obviously the winning, perfect combination. But it's hard to know
(10:22):
that because you're getting so swept up. I how someone
feels for you. Everybody wants that, maybe someone's spoiling you
with gifts or flowers or candy or whatever, and you
have to I have to keep myself fucking buckle because
no one else can decide what I want. So it's
a very big thing for me. And when I started
this whole dating era, after nine months of not dating,
(10:43):
I made a commitment to myself to take six months
from when I first liked somebody, like really liked somebody,
not meaning I will go on a second date with
them that doesn't mean anything, meaning I really like someone,
maybe I'm being intimate with them, and take six months
from that time, which is really hard. I've never been
able to do it. I think three is hard, but
the goal is six months and don't fully commit and
lock it down until you've been through that six months.
(11:05):
So it's two full seasons. Obviously you don't get married,
get engaged or anything like that until four seasons, but
it's really two seasons to be like, is this my
person based on all of the things that I really
want by and large not based on like just impulse
and passion and intimacy and like immediate. The other thing
is another place of wounding is being critical. I always
(11:29):
envy and I always feel so comforted by men who
like aren't critical at all of me. They just love
me the way I am. Meaning I'm looking like a
train wreck, I go my hair frizzed out. I couldn't
give a shit. I'm not vain, I'm so abrasive. Sometimes
I'm so outspoken. I'm so insane and unhinged and unfiltered.
And so I always when someone accepts me the way
(11:50):
I am, I'm always like, wait, wow, you must be
a really patient, tolerant person. And I also always realize, like,
who the fuck do I think? I am being critical?
And I'm I'm this person, But I can be critical
what somebody chose to wear, what they did or didn't do,
how they handled this situation or didn't handle the situation, like,
what are their kids like? What is their dog? Like?
(12:10):
What is their cat like? What is there? How many
cats do they have? Do they have any cats? Like?
What's their relationship with their mother? Like? And it really
is a New York City apartment. You're not gonna get
everything gonna You're not gonna get a good skyline, a
nice bathtub and high ceilings and have a good view,
like you have to pick a big kitchen. You have
to pick what's the most important to you. And trusting
(12:31):
the process is critical, and intervening in your own behavior
and criticism is critical too. I've known women that'll be like,
his shoes really turned me off, And it's like, are
you fucking kidding me? By the way, I get it?
I get it, shoes turned me off. You could break
up with someone over bad shoes, but you really could
change that. You do not understand how clueless men are.
You don't get it. Men get divorced and they don't
(12:52):
know what the fuck they're wearing. It's like that movie
Crazy Stupid Love. They need a makeover, they really do.
They need some help. They all do. Women I don't
know either. Women go out with the hoe bag, like
severe makeup, look the extensions, the lashes, everything, and they
don't realize it's not what men really want. That's their
insecurity is going on a date. Oh, I'm thinking about
this as I set somebody up for tonight, and I
(13:13):
like set her up for such success with what the
hell she's gonna wear, and I'm so excited. I feel
like I'm going on it. This dating concept has me
shook because I feel like I'm going on a date tonight.
I mean I actually am, but that's not what And
also other fun fact, I'm not dating within it. I
got my own program. I'm not dating within there. Not
that I wouldn't get high on my own supply, I
absolutely fucking would. But I'm just doing my own thing.
(13:35):
Every time a great man comes in, I don't even
think of myself. I'm just like, who's it going to
be for? Back to the dating thing. Another crazy thing
is that women gatekeep and women won't share a man
they went out with, even if the man didn't like
them or they didn't like the man. And the craziest
thing is that two women could look exactly the same,
live in the same neighborhood, and be the same age
(13:55):
and literally want completely different things because it's about the
other things like what they want, like how many kids
does he have? How does he vibe? What's his personality temperature?
Like is he a good parent? Does he like to party?
Does he like to travel? Does he play tennis? Is athletic?
Like if someone does traflons, I'm not going to be
attracted to them. But there could be another girl right
next to me that looks exactly like I do, and
(14:17):
she's my age and she loves men who do triathlons,
or he happens to be a democratic Jewish Man and
so that's perfect for her. It's just very, very specific.
But nuance is so critical. You could fall in love
with someone just because they play pick a ball and
that's a big part of your life, or just because
they're a homebody and they want to rest. Their eye
(14:38):
color and their height is not the be all end
all of who you're gonna end up with. So if
you are dating to meet someone as a life partner
(14:59):
or a high husband or a wife, okay, you need
to know in the beginning if the other person is
looking for the same thing. That doesn't make you desperate, needy,
or a beggar. And you can say it, but you're
not going to say to someone on a dating app
or in the messages like what are you looking for?
Someone said it to me and I actually respected it.
(15:21):
But you can't say it in a needy, beggar way.
You have to say it in a more straightforward way
on a first date, on a second date. But you
better in the beginning find your confident, secure way to
know if someone is ultimately looking for a life partner
or a relationship, or to have kids, or what they're
looking for. Because you don't got that kind of time.
(15:45):
You do not need to waste your time. It is
now time or no time. It is go time or
no time. Like that's it. The dating concept that everyone's
been freaking out about, that I've been talking about, that
I've been dipping my toe into. That is flying, that
has multiple serious couples, which I will not share the
details of how it works. But if you do not
(16:07):
want to be in a relationship or find a life partner,
this is not for you. I was talking to someone
two days ago who's good looking, handsome, wants to date,
said to him, are you looking for a life partner
right now? Are you looking for a wife or a
life partner. Nope, I'm not looking for that right now.
That changed it. One would think he's single, he wants
(16:28):
to date. You could go out with him on five dates.
He could take you on a trip, he could buy
you jewelry, he could be in love with you. He
doesn't want to get married or have a relationship. And
I know that because I asked him off the bat
ten seconds after he said yes, he's interested in a
dating concept. But when I weeded it out more and
was like, do you want a life partner slash wife? No, Okay,
(16:51):
this is not for you. You're excused very different when
you come into this thing. When you start dating, you
figure out what you want and you make sure that
what someone else wants is lined up, because you're not
going to make a dog a cat. You're not going
to show someone. Men are not like that. Men are
business minded creatures. Men the minute they know they go,
(17:16):
they want it now. And it's easier to find women
for a man who knows exactly what he wants than
to find men for a woman who knows exactly what
she wants. Because women don't know exactly what they want.
It's not the same women meet men and they want
the man. They want the good looking man, they want
the guy who has money, they want the man who
checks the boxes. Once they get with the man, then
they're gonna start getting critical about all his little things,
(17:38):
about the way he smells, breeze, eats, stresses. All that
stuff is going to annoy them because they already kind
of like they wanted it in the beginning because of
what it all sounded like. But now they're gonna get annoyed.
A man less so a man if he decides what
he wants and he gets it and he wants it,
and he's signed up for it, and he locks in
(17:58):
and he imprints, he's going to be more tolerant over
those stupid things. Think Adam Driver and girls that show
he wanted no part of. I still hate Lena Dunham
for that character. Brennan and I are so mad and
we haven't even seen the whole show. We're just mad.
But anyway, he was like a fuck around idiot in
his apartment and she would come over there and booty
(18:19):
calls and take the scraps, and then one day like
it was like she wants he was like do you want?
You want? Me to be your boyfriend. And she wanted it.
You could tell she wanted her body, her vagina, her actions,
her words, her desperation, her calls, all let into that.
Then the minute he gave it to her, she fucked
her ound with it. Because once he fell, he fell hard.
He was a man, he wanted, he was in. Men
(18:40):
know what they want, So it's easier to find a
man as an anchor and bring a woman to him.
It doesn't mean you're working for women. It doesn't mean
you're working for men. It means it's just an easier
anchor because he's more business minded, more decisive, more I
know what I want right now. Bring it to me,
But to the back, to the conser
So in thinking about dating and relationships, I've been thinking
about what hope means. And because I'm a double down,
because I'm a gambler, because I'm a calculated risk taker,
I always feel more alive when I'm in the game.
Like if I knew that I had eight people coming
in every day to get a massage, and I knew
(00:32):
exactly how much money the massages would cost and exactly
how much I would make, I would feel a little
bit hopeless because it would be a cap I would
know exactly what it could be, and that would be
slightly soul crushing for me. I would rather be paid
less but know that I have a tremendous upside, which
is why the Bethany clause was so liberating and exhilarating,
(00:53):
and why I took shitty pay the first season of Housewives,
because I took the shitty pay because I was betting
on myself and knew, yes, I'll take the shitty pay,
but you can't ever take a piece of anything that
I build, because I was betting on the back end,
and I'm a gambler in that way. I grew up
at the racetrack. I'm a gambler and when I've been
in relationships that are solid and peaceful and good, but
not inspiring, and I just feel like I'm kind of
(01:17):
selling myself a little bit short. I'm a little bit
like dead. I'm a little bit depressed. I'm a little
bit staying out of fear and security and logical reasons.
And many people are in relationships for different reasons, and
there are many people who need to be there for
security or for what kind of a parent the person is,
or because it's an arranged marriage, or whatever your reason is.
(01:39):
And I'm not saying that that's wrong if that's what
you want, but for me, the lack of hope is death.
So the lack of possibility of hope means you're not
alive in the casino, You're not there. Used to be
a thing called like the pick six at the racetrack,
and like you'd have to get a winner of each
(01:59):
race through the sixth race, and like you would say,
I'm still alive in the pick six, meaning you haven't won,
but you haven't lost yet. I like to still be alive.
So I like the possibility of hope in dating, meaning
I haven't found what I believe that I ultimately should
have and want and I'm looking for and I often
(02:23):
leave the game before I've really played it out. I've
always talked about the burner method, having different people on
the burner. Somebody might be on simmer, somebody's on boil.
You're not sure. Often I eliminate something right away just
because something turns me off. Sometimes you stay in something
too long because you're trying to convince yourself. But by
and large I get into a relationship. It's often the
(02:46):
wrong car that I'm getting into. It feels good, and
I never give myself really the chance to really grab
what my version of the brass ring is. And for me,
being in something that yes is secure and yes is
loving and good, but in ways soul crushing or dimming
my light or not really ultimately going for it, like
(03:08):
really going for the gold in my way, whatever that is,
that is a little bit soul crushing. And the lack
of possibility of hope is actually death for me because
I like inspiration and a chance and the dream and
I'm hopeful, romantic, not hopeless. So we've talked about bread crummers,
(03:29):
love bombers, pen pals, and there's a snooze, you lose
aspect so I've gone out with men and they like me,
and they're willing to wait weeks before the next date,
meaning like over a month for the next date. And
maybe I was somewhere, they were somewhere, et cetera, but like,
without even saying hi, I'd like to see you, when
(03:51):
can we see each other? Because then you'd be like, okay,
next week. And this is a person who's supposed to
put something on the board. In my case, it could
be someone very successful who could easily get on a
plane to take you to dinner. That's not relatable for everybody,
but for me it is. People have done it. And
whatever your version of that is, whether it's taking you
for pizza the next day or facetiming you because they
can't see you, or telling you how into you they are,
(04:13):
or sending you flowers, they have to get something going,
so you don't forget about them, because if they snooze,
they will lose You lose attention, you lose your excitement,
and it's not the same. It's hard to get the
ball back. You have momentum. You don't fuck around and
find out, especially at a certain age, especially at a
certain age, if it's hard to meet people, You're gonna
(04:34):
just like test fate and wait. Fuck that you want it,
you go get it right now. You do not take
for granted that it could be gone tomorrow. Absolutely not.
You like something, you take it, you go get it.
(05:01):
So I've started a dating concept, a dating community, and
I have overshot the mark in three weeks ten couples dating,
and my definition is a number of dates and if
you do it in a certain manner, which I'm gatekeeping
(05:21):
and choosing my words wisely, the success rate is crazy.
And for me, my metric is not like if someone
gets married. I don't like, that's their own business and
that's their own life. My problem to solve is like
going on a date and actually liking the person, the
person being as described, connecting and wanting to see them
multiple times. To me, that's success. I'm not a fucking therapist.
(05:42):
It's not my job to make sure that people get
down the aisle. And by the way, who cares like
not everyone wants to be married or legally married, and
that doesn't have to be everybody's construct. And I think
the whole entire wedding industry I'm going to fucking turn
upside down and the dating industry. With a little luck,
I'm going to rock like a fucking sooner. We keep
going deeper and deeper, and it feels almost like when
(06:02):
I started be Stronger. I was exhausted, but like I
kept going for it. And it's not only a not
for profit, it's a Bethany is paying for it model
right now because I'm spending money to be able to
have people help me with it, to be able to
facilitate whatever I need for it, intellectual property, business lawyers,
all the things, because I think this could be a
(06:24):
massive thing, and I'm flushing it all out. But I
told this now. I told this to someone who created
one of the most successful apps, and they said they
get thirty pitches a week and this was their favorite
by far out of hundreds. I pitched it to a massive,
massive tech billionaire who invests in different businesses and brands,
and this person said they never like any ideas and
(06:48):
they were obsessed. And they said, quote unquote, I'm all in.
I've had twenty five people minimum ask me to invest,
and I don't need anybody's money. I've had twenty five
people minimums say that they've worked with matchmakers and they're
the biggest group of crooks in the world because they
do a method of just like check the box, fill
the quota. So they want to get you a date
(07:08):
because you've been bothering them about it because it's been weeks,
and then you go on the date and the guy
literally does not align with you at all. He could
have ten kids. There have been people that have six kids,
eight kids like that are Bible belt strict, devout Christians,
but it was never marketed that way. It was marketed
that they're Christian or Catholic, but not that they listen
to only Christian music. And you're setting me up with
(07:29):
this person, a man whose ex wife supports him. Have
you seen my ten year divorce? Which is basically what
that was like. They just want to check the box.
This is why these men also have told me that
they found out that women have been paid to go
out with them, which is why all the women that
were seeing are saying that they and many other people
are all saying they've been passed around the same guys
(07:51):
from these matchmakers. Everyone says, I'm not even saying this
is my opinion. I have my own opinion. A lot
of people don't love apps, but I don't mind apps
in ways. I don't use them that much, but I
think there's a benefit to them. And why have matchmakers
from the biggest places in the country. You've been calling
me since I've been talking about this, asking me what
my concept is, like worried with one person is like
two people actually said I would consider leaving. What are
(08:12):
you got going? I'm not playing around because I'm so
mad at women not being in charge and being in
the power and control of their own love lives, and
being fucking beggars waiting for these matchmakers weeks on end
to find you one guy when you on your own
could find five. But you spend money because you think
they have this majestic formula which they don't have. And
(08:33):
they tell you, you know, this man is very interested,
but he can't speak until September because it's the summer
and he's traveling. You're like, no, this guy's not interested then,
because no interested intentional party is willing to wait that
you could get scooped up by someone else once they
say that they're interested in you. So it's a punt.
It's punting. It's literally the most archaic, ridiculous process you
(08:54):
can have or they'll say, I have a guy for you.
Can we set a call next week. You're gonna speak
to someone in nine days about a guy that they
have for you. He could be married by then. We
could all be dead by then. Like, call me today,
he's interested. I'm in, she said, Let's get this going,
like needs to be immediate. Also, women have no idea
what to wear in a fucking first date. It's crazy.
I've been talking about this, like I today went to
(09:15):
go find this woman what to wear because women are
wearing the wrong thing on the first date. I know
this now because of what all the women are wearing.
And I'm like, wow, that's what you thought. Immediately, No,
immediately no. So I'm going to start listing what I
think good choices are for women to wear on first
dates and frankly men and frankly men. I'm starting out
(09:36):
with women. But it's crazy. It's crazy. Okay, So what's
your place of wounding and dating and relationships? What's the flaw?
What's the mistake you keep making over and over? I'll
go first. So mine is my picker can be off,
but I respond to how much someone loves me, So
(10:00):
it's hard for me to keep my feet on the
ground and keep my seatbelt buckled because I get up
and lean into how much someone loves me, and that
becomes something that's a life for me and it can
sustain me. Now, if in fact I love someone that
much on my own and my own right, then that's
obviously the winning, perfect combination. But it's hard to know
(10:22):
that because you're getting so swept up. I how someone
feels for you. Everybody wants that, maybe someone's spoiling you
with gifts or flowers or candy or whatever, and you
have to I have to keep myself fucking buckle because
no one else can decide what I want. So it's
a very big thing for me. And when I started
this whole dating era, after nine months of not dating,
(10:43):
I made a commitment to myself to take six months
from when I first liked somebody, like really liked somebody,
not meaning I will go on a second date with
them that doesn't mean anything, meaning I really like someone,
maybe I'm being intimate with them, and take six months
from that time, which is really hard. I've never been
able to do it. I think three is hard, but
the goal is six months and don't fully commit and
lock it down until you've been through that six months.
(11:05):
So it's two full seasons. Obviously you don't get married,
get engaged or anything like that until four seasons, but
it's really two seasons to be like, is this my
person based on all of the things that I really
want by and large not based on like just impulse
and passion and intimacy and like immediate. The other thing
is another place of wounding is being critical. I always
(11:29):
envy and I always feel so comforted by men who
like aren't critical at all of me. They just love
me the way I am. Meaning I'm looking like a
train wreck, I go my hair frizzed out. I couldn't
give a shit. I'm not vain, I'm so abrasive. Sometimes
I'm so outspoken. I'm so insane and unhinged and unfiltered.
And so I always when someone accepts me the way
(11:50):
I am, I'm always like, wait, wow, you must be
a really patient, tolerant person. And I also always realize, like,
who the fuck do I think? I am being critical?
And I'm I'm this person, But I can be critical
what somebody chose to wear, what they did or didn't do,
how they handled this situation or didn't handle the situation, like,
what are their kids like? What is their dog? Like?
(12:10):
What is their cat like? What is there? How many
cats do they have? Do they have any cats? Like?
What's their relationship with their mother? Like? And it really
is a New York City apartment. You're not gonna get
everything gonna You're not gonna get a good skyline, a
nice bathtub and high ceilings and have a good view,
like you have to pick a big kitchen. You have
to pick what's the most important to you. And trusting
(12:31):
the process is critical, and intervening in your own behavior
and criticism is critical too. I've known women that'll be like,
his shoes really turned me off, And it's like, are
you fucking kidding me? By the way, I get it?
I get it, shoes turned me off. You could break
up with someone over bad shoes, but you really could
change that. You do not understand how clueless men are.
You don't get it. Men get divorced and they don't
(12:52):
know what the fuck they're wearing. It's like that movie
Crazy Stupid Love. They need a makeover, they really do.
They need some help. They all do. Women I don't
know either. Women go out with the hoe bag, like
severe makeup, look the extensions, the lashes, everything, and they
don't realize it's not what men really want. That's their
insecurity is going on a date. Oh, I'm thinking about
this as I set somebody up for tonight, and I
(13:13):
like set her up for such success with what the
hell she's gonna wear, and I'm so excited. I feel
like I'm going on it. This dating concept has me
shook because I feel like I'm going on a date tonight.
I mean I actually am, but that's not what And
also other fun fact, I'm not dating within it. I
got my own program. I'm not dating within there. Not
that I wouldn't get high on my own supply, I
absolutely fucking would. But I'm just doing my own thing.
(13:35):
Every time a great man comes in, I don't even
think of myself. I'm just like, who's it going to
be for? Back to the dating thing. Another crazy thing
is that women gatekeep and women won't share a man
they went out with, even if the man didn't like
them or they didn't like the man. And the craziest
thing is that two women could look exactly the same,
live in the same neighborhood, and be the same age
(13:55):
and literally want completely different things because it's about the
other things like what they want, like how many kids
does he have? How does he vibe? What's his personality temperature?
Like is he a good parent? Does he like to party?
Does he like to travel? Does he play tennis? Is athletic?
Like if someone does traflons, I'm not going to be
attracted to them. But there could be another girl right
next to me that looks exactly like I do, and
(14:17):
she's my age and she loves men who do triathlons,
or he happens to be a democratic Jewish Man and
so that's perfect for her. It's just very, very specific.
But nuance is so critical. You could fall in love
with someone just because they play pick a ball and
that's a big part of your life, or just because
they're a homebody and they want to rest. Their eye
(14:38):
color and their height is not the be all end
all of who you're gonna end up with. So if
you are dating to meet someone as a life partner
(14:59):
or a high husband or a wife, okay, you need
to know in the beginning if the other person is
looking for the same thing. That doesn't make you desperate, needy,
or a beggar. And you can say it, but you're
not going to say to someone on a dating app
or in the messages like what are you looking for?
Someone said it to me and I actually respected it.
(15:21):
But you can't say it in a needy, beggar way.
You have to say it in a more straightforward way
on a first date, on a second date. But you
better in the beginning find your confident, secure way to
know if someone is ultimately looking for a life partner
or a relationship, or to have kids, or what they're
looking for. Because you don't got that kind of time.
(15:45):
You do not need to waste your time. It is
now time or no time. It is go time or
no time. Like that's it. The dating concept that everyone's
been freaking out about, that I've been talking about, that
I've been dipping my toe into. That is flying, that
has multiple serious couples, which I will not share the
details of how it works. But if you do not
(16:07):
want to be in a relationship or find a life partner,
this is not for you. I was talking to someone
two days ago who's good looking, handsome, wants to date,
said to him, are you looking for a life partner
right now? Are you looking for a wife or a
life partner. Nope, I'm not looking for that right now.
That changed it. One would think he's single, he wants
(16:28):
to date. You could go out with him on five dates.
He could take you on a trip, he could buy
you jewelry, he could be in love with you. He
doesn't want to get married or have a relationship. And
I know that because I asked him off the bat
ten seconds after he said yes, he's interested in a
dating concept. But when I weeded it out more and
was like, do you want a life partner slash wife? No, Okay,
(16:51):
this is not for you. You're excused very different when
you come into this thing. When you start dating, you
figure out what you want and you make sure that
what someone else wants is lined up, because you're not
going to make a dog a cat. You're not going
to show someone. Men are not like that. Men are
business minded creatures. Men the minute they know they go,
(17:16):
they want it now. And it's easier to find women
for a man who knows exactly what he wants than
to find men for a woman who knows exactly what
she wants. Because women don't know exactly what they want.
It's not the same women meet men and they want
the man. They want the good looking man, they want
the guy who has money, they want the man who
checks the boxes. Once they get with the man, then
they're gonna start getting critical about all his little things,
(17:38):
about the way he smells, breeze, eats, stresses. All that
stuff is going to annoy them because they already kind
of like they wanted it in the beginning because of
what it all sounded like. But now they're gonna get annoyed.
A man less so a man if he decides what
he wants and he gets it and he wants it,
and he's signed up for it, and he locks in
(17:58):
and he imprints, he's going to be more tolerant over
those stupid things. Think Adam Driver and girls that show
he wanted no part of. I still hate Lena Dunham
for that character. Brennan and I are so mad and
we haven't even seen the whole show. We're just mad.
But anyway, he was like a fuck around idiot in
his apartment and she would come over there and booty
(18:19):
calls and take the scraps, and then one day like
it was like she wants he was like do you want?
You want? Me to be your boyfriend. And she wanted it.
You could tell she wanted her body, her vagina, her actions,
her words, her desperation, her calls, all let into that.
Then the minute he gave it to her, she fucked
her ound with it. Because once he fell, he fell hard.
He was a man, he wanted, he was in. Men
(18:40):
know what they want, So it's easier to find a
man as an anchor and bring a woman to him.
It doesn't mean you're working for women. It doesn't mean
you're working for men. It means it's just an easier
anchor because he's more business minded, more decisive, more I
know what I want right now. Bring it to me,
But to the back, to the conser
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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