November 27, 2024 • 11 mins
YOU do the holidays, the holiday's don't do you! Don't let tradition and how things "should" be at the holidays ruin the holidays. You don't HAVE to do anything. Take the time now to think about how you want it all to go.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Let's talk about the holidays. Let's talk about the stress
of the holidays. Let's talk about the emotion of the holidays.
Let's try to lock the door before we get robbed. Okay,
the holidays are here. It's a combination of the changing
of the seasons. If you're in a colder climate, daylight, savings, darkness.
You know, these things affect our lives as a result
of this change in temperature and light.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
We also eat differently, and the way that when we eat.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Differently, we can get more depressed, have more anxiety. If
you're drinking more, you're going to experience more anxiety and depression.
If you're eating more sugar, you're going to experience more
anxiety and depression. You're going to feel more anxious. The
holidays are coming. It's subconscious, it's conscious or making plans.
You're already bracing yourselves for who you're going to be seeing,
(00:58):
who you have to make plans with, who's not doing
what you need them to do, who you don't want
to spend time with, who you are obligated to spend
time with. You have to co exist with exes, and
you have to blend families with new partners or if
you are in a relationship with someone who has their
(01:18):
own kids from their own divorces.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
It's kind of a shit show.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
So this is the time when you have to reduce
your drinking ironically because it's the season for drinking. Increase
your hydration, start doing things that will calm you down,
taking walks, meditating, if possible, doing yoga. I just went
up in my room that's upstairs at my house and
just started doing yoga, like for twenty minutes on one
(01:45):
of these apps. I'm a little unhinged. I'm feeling it.
It's coming and everyone has their own relationship to it.
Some people have a relationship to it because of their divorce.
I have a relationship to it because of my divorce,
because I pretty much because I'm an orphan, because my
daughter has a small unit, because of challenges as it
(02:05):
pertains to a very difficult divorce and custody situation. Because
the holidays triggers my childhood and what it was like,
even for brief periods, and now as an adult, what
it's like, and trying to make it into something I
want it to be, or gaslighted or pretend it doesn't exist.
I talk to Denise Richards, and I've talked on my
own about fake Christmas. Meaning let's say you're going through
(02:28):
a terrible divorce and you have to navigate custody schedules,
or even if you're not going through a divorce, if
you have to navigate going to someone's house that you
don't want to go to your kids not being.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
With you, you.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Got to lock the door before you get rob You
have to make plans. You can't just wish the problem away.
If your kids can't be with you on Thanksgiving, do
Thanksgiving on a Wednesday or Tuesday. If your kids, or
your husband or fiance or partner or friends can't be
with you on Christmas, do fake Christmas. Make Christmas Eve, Christmas,
make the twenty second Christmas, put the tree up on
the twenties.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Whatever works for you.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Do not try to fit into the constructs of a
Hallmark holiday. Market it in a different way. Make Christmas
on the twenty seventh, and then get all your presents
the day after for fifty percent off. Whatever you need
to do. Also, get organized with the gifts. Can you
please write out a list, write everyone's name down, write
out a list. Get creative, look at what you already have.
I don't know if you ever buy ahead. I buy ahead.
(03:22):
I've gone to the outlets in the past and bought
things on sale. I'll go online and buy things on sale.
I'll think before I jump. I don't just walk into
a mall blind and look for things that are perfect
for people. I come up with ideas. Is it a
toiletry kit or a makeup kit for women? Is it
a nice fuzzy robe. Is it monogramming? Because now monogramming
is something that if you do now, it makes a
(03:43):
gift seem so much more expensive and so much more elevated.
But you have to do it in a timely fashion
so it arrives. Can you just sit down and get
organized with this? Can you get the Christmas stuff out
before you start buying more crap? Can you get it
all out, go through it and really be militant and
be like, this is cheesy, this is kitchy, this is
for when they were kids. I don't have to hold
on to every single Christmas cheesy plaque, sign or wreath
(04:07):
that I ever bought. Lean out before you decide adding new.
That's the big suggestion that I have for you. I
don't think you should just pile on. Don't walk into
the store. I refuse to go to TJ Max. I
just will not go in there because I all come
out with a bunch of stuff and it will create anxiety.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
So use what you have.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Also, start baking of batches of cookies and send them,
you know, right after December first, like get organized. You
don't have to wait to do everything on the twenty third.
Just be crazy. I'm gonna be that crazy person that's
sending gifts at Thanksgiving. I don't care the thought counts.
I give three hundred gifts. I don't have to wait
till December twenty third to give them out.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I'm doing me. I'm doing what works for me.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
And the holidays are very stressful. So find your ways
to lock your door before you get robbed. Thanksgiving it's
(05:08):
coming up. How to avoid overeating, over drinking, over emoting.
It will move pretty quickly. You'll be sitting with family
that will trigger you. It's been a very polarizing election year.
This will be a conversation that will also trigger you.
What do I suggest. I suggest hydration. I suggest not
drinking at your normal clip because when you get exasperated,
(05:33):
which I know from housewives, and reality TV. When your
nervous system starts kicking in, that's when you want to
drink more. It almost feels like you're hydrating your body
with alcohol. Believe me, I've done it. You need to
mitigate this. In addition, get your played out, take a
little bit of everything, but know what you've done versus
just constantly going back and shoveling piles so you feel bloated, full,
(05:59):
self low, and like you overdid it. Also, don't starve
yourself all day until the main meal. You will end
up eating four times the calories for an overall day.
Then if you throughout the day, it's sensible. You had
a salad, you had some high volume foods, you had
some soup, you had some protein, You had some things
that are filling, You had some period vegetable soup, you
had some green juices days before. Just to make yourself
(06:20):
feel a little calmer, clearer, cleansed. Come up with your
plan and stick to it. Don't walk in cold like,
don't walk in without a plan. Also for conversation, if
somebody starts talking about something that makes you feel uncomfortable,
or you know you're gonna get lit and you know
you just want to fire a random shot and slap somebody.
Stand up, Go take a walk around the block. You
(06:41):
just do not need the stress and the aggravation. You
don't need your nervous system pumping. You just don't need
to coke bears in the zoo. You got to take
deep breaths because everybody that I know gets into this.
And if Thanksgiving isn't going to be what you remember
it as as a child, or what you wanted to be,
or you get depressed, that's okay too.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Lean into that.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Go don't try to make yourself do things that you
don't want to do, because you'll end up getting unhinged
and exploding. I have literally spent I think two Thanksgivings
on my own happily. I've done yoga, I've hidden, I
haven't told everybody so people feel sorry for me. I've
not been able to handle it for different reasons in
(07:24):
my life, a terrible divorce, family situations, and I've just
wanted to be alone. And that's okay. It's a hallmark holiday.
It doesn't mean that the day is actually any different
than any other day. You've got to realize that, so
do what works for you. If it's friendsgiving if it's
being with you know, my daughter does a love Thanksgiving.
(07:47):
Here's another thing about holidays, Christmas and Thanksgiving, Hanika, Kwanza,
whatever it is, communicate with your kids and your family
about it because everybody has this ideal about what it
needs to be and if you get realistic. I've talked
to my daughter about it because this year I'm with
her and we decided to go to Florida. Now it
doesn't have that feeling, it doesn't have that you know,
all the different colored leaves.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
But I've talked to her about it.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
She doesn't love the Thanksgiving food, she doesn't love the
holiday that much. So we are going down to Florida,
and I said, Okay, do you want to go over
these people's house. They're going to have kids, a lot
of different people, so it means we're going to go over,
have a reason to get dressed up. There'll be interesting
people there, there'll be good Thanksgiving food. We get to
feel like we're at a family house, but we don't
have to do it. She was like, I love that.
Another year we went out to a very cozy fireplacey
(08:29):
like you know, brick fireplace in and we loved that too,
because it was the two of us and we got
to talk and we bonded. And that might not seem
very Thanksgiving is, but for us it became a ritual.
And I've talked to you before about traditions. We do
different traditions that we create. One year, we cooked at
just the two of us, and I think it was
the night before and we used my airfire when we
made this air fried turkey breast that we still remember.
(08:51):
It was the best turkey breast we ever had. It
wasn't the whole turkey. She doesn't like all the dark meats.
She likes the white turkey breast. We each made our
own sides and we had the best time cooking together.
That was another tradition in ritual. It was non traditional
for most people, but for us it became a tradition.
And this year I said, okay, so during the day,
do you want to go to this amazing big buffet
(09:11):
in Florida and like have a brunch Mommy and me
brunch because at dinner we're going to go to these
people's houses. The point is, we talked about it and
we decided what we wanted. In addition, for Christmas, we
were supposed to be down in Florida. She said, I
really want to go to the Hampton's because that's where
we have the Christmas tree feeling, the holiday feeling. You know,
that's where she remembers her childhood memories and us buying
(09:32):
ornaments together and doing things together. So instead of three
of the days that we'd be in Florida where it's warm,
and that could be depressing too. If you're not near snow,
you may feel depressed. You're not feeling it. The holiday
didn't happen. A thousand things can trigger you. It doesn't
have to be that it traditionally has to be snowy.
It doesn't have to be that you have to be
with other people. It's your own thing. So she said,
(09:53):
can we go to the Hampton's because I want to
feel that feeling. Because we talked about it. I said,
do you want to feel the snowy feeling if you want?
She's like yes, And now there are all these things
we've done since she was a kid that we just remember.
So yes, we're going to go for three nights to
the Hamptons just to feel the fireplaces, snowy hickory smell
feeling and that will give us what we need and
(10:14):
it works in relationships too. I believe when you're in
a relationship, you talk to the person in the new
relationship about how you want the holidays to go, Like,
are we going to feel sad if we're not together?
Is it going to come too quickly? And we haven't
made our plans and we think it's going to be okay,
but then on the day it's going to be depressing.
How is this all going to shake down? Because theory
(10:35):
and reality are two very different things. So I just
suggest that you mentally and emotionally plan and prepare for
the holidays as much as you physically plan for the holidays. Thanks,
Happy holidays. Most persons went to the past, almost went
(11:06):
to the pastor
Let's talk about the holidays. Let's talk about the stress
of the holidays. Let's talk about the emotion of the holidays.
Let's try to lock the door before we get robbed. Okay,
the holidays are here. It's a combination of the changing
of the seasons. If you're in a colder climate, daylight, savings, darkness.
You know, these things affect our lives as a result
of this change in temperature and light.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
We also eat differently, and the way that when we eat.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Differently, we can get more depressed, have more anxiety. If
you're drinking more, you're going to experience more anxiety and depression.
If you're eating more sugar, you're going to experience more
anxiety and depression. You're going to feel more anxious. The
holidays are coming. It's subconscious, it's conscious or making plans.
You're already bracing yourselves for who you're going to be seeing,
(00:58):
who you have to make plans with, who's not doing
what you need them to do, who you don't want
to spend time with, who you are obligated to spend
time with. You have to co exist with exes, and
you have to blend families with new partners or if
you are in a relationship with someone who has their
(01:18):
own kids from their own divorces.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
It's kind of a shit show.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
So this is the time when you have to reduce
your drinking ironically because it's the season for drinking. Increase
your hydration, start doing things that will calm you down,
taking walks, meditating, if possible, doing yoga. I just went
up in my room that's upstairs at my house and
just started doing yoga, like for twenty minutes on one
(01:45):
of these apps. I'm a little unhinged. I'm feeling it.
It's coming and everyone has their own relationship to it.
Some people have a relationship to it because of their divorce.
I have a relationship to it because of my divorce,
because I pretty much because I'm an orphan, because my
daughter has a small unit, because of challenges as it
(02:05):
pertains to a very difficult divorce and custody situation. Because
the holidays triggers my childhood and what it was like,
even for brief periods, and now as an adult, what
it's like, and trying to make it into something I
want it to be, or gaslighted or pretend it doesn't exist.
I talk to Denise Richards, and I've talked on my
own about fake Christmas. Meaning let's say you're going through
(02:28):
a terrible divorce and you have to navigate custody schedules,
or even if you're not going through a divorce, if
you have to navigate going to someone's house that you
don't want to go to your kids not being.
Speaker 2 (02:39):
With you, you.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Got to lock the door before you get rob You
have to make plans. You can't just wish the problem away.
If your kids can't be with you on Thanksgiving, do
Thanksgiving on a Wednesday or Tuesday. If your kids, or
your husband or fiance or partner or friends can't be
with you on Christmas, do fake Christmas. Make Christmas Eve, Christmas,
make the twenty second Christmas, put the tree up on
the twenties.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Whatever works for you.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
Do not try to fit into the constructs of a
Hallmark holiday. Market it in a different way. Make Christmas
on the twenty seventh, and then get all your presents
the day after for fifty percent off. Whatever you need
to do. Also, get organized with the gifts. Can you
please write out a list, write everyone's name down, write
out a list. Get creative, look at what you already have.
I don't know if you ever buy ahead. I buy ahead.
(03:22):
I've gone to the outlets in the past and bought
things on sale. I'll go online and buy things on sale.
I'll think before I jump. I don't just walk into
a mall blind and look for things that are perfect
for people. I come up with ideas. Is it a
toiletry kit or a makeup kit for women? Is it
a nice fuzzy robe. Is it monogramming? Because now monogramming
is something that if you do now, it makes a
(03:43):
gift seem so much more expensive and so much more elevated.
But you have to do it in a timely fashion
so it arrives. Can you just sit down and get
organized with this? Can you get the Christmas stuff out
before you start buying more crap? Can you get it
all out, go through it and really be militant and
be like, this is cheesy, this is kitchy, this is
for when they were kids. I don't have to hold
on to every single Christmas cheesy plaque, sign or wreath
(04:07):
that I ever bought. Lean out before you decide adding new.
That's the big suggestion that I have for you. I
don't think you should just pile on. Don't walk into
the store. I refuse to go to TJ Max. I
just will not go in there because I all come
out with a bunch of stuff and it will create anxiety.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
So use what you have.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Also, start baking of batches of cookies and send them,
you know, right after December first, like get organized. You
don't have to wait to do everything on the twenty third.
Just be crazy. I'm gonna be that crazy person that's
sending gifts at Thanksgiving. I don't care the thought counts.
I give three hundred gifts. I don't have to wait
till December twenty third to give them out.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
I'm doing me. I'm doing what works for me.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
And the holidays are very stressful. So find your ways
to lock your door before you get robbed. Thanksgiving it's
(05:08):
coming up. How to avoid overeating, over drinking, over emoting.
It will move pretty quickly. You'll be sitting with family
that will trigger you. It's been a very polarizing election year.
This will be a conversation that will also trigger you.
What do I suggest. I suggest hydration. I suggest not
drinking at your normal clip because when you get exasperated,
(05:33):
which I know from housewives, and reality TV. When your
nervous system starts kicking in, that's when you want to
drink more. It almost feels like you're hydrating your body
with alcohol. Believe me, I've done it. You need to
mitigate this. In addition, get your played out, take a
little bit of everything, but know what you've done versus
just constantly going back and shoveling piles so you feel bloated, full,
(05:59):
self low, and like you overdid it. Also, don't starve
yourself all day until the main meal. You will end
up eating four times the calories for an overall day.
Then if you throughout the day, it's sensible. You had
a salad, you had some high volume foods, you had
some soup, you had some protein, You had some things
that are filling, You had some period vegetable soup, you
had some green juices days before. Just to make yourself
(06:20):
feel a little calmer, clearer, cleansed. Come up with your
plan and stick to it. Don't walk in cold like,
don't walk in without a plan. Also for conversation, if
somebody starts talking about something that makes you feel uncomfortable,
or you know you're gonna get lit and you know
you just want to fire a random shot and slap somebody.
Stand up, Go take a walk around the block. You
(06:41):
just do not need the stress and the aggravation. You
don't need your nervous system pumping. You just don't need
to coke bears in the zoo. You got to take
deep breaths because everybody that I know gets into this.
And if Thanksgiving isn't going to be what you remember
it as as a child, or what you wanted to be,
or you get depressed, that's okay too.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
Lean into that.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Go don't try to make yourself do things that you
don't want to do, because you'll end up getting unhinged
and exploding. I have literally spent I think two Thanksgivings
on my own happily. I've done yoga, I've hidden, I
haven't told everybody so people feel sorry for me. I've
not been able to handle it for different reasons in
(07:24):
my life, a terrible divorce, family situations, and I've just
wanted to be alone. And that's okay. It's a hallmark holiday.
It doesn't mean that the day is actually any different
than any other day. You've got to realize that, so
do what works for you. If it's friendsgiving if it's
being with you know, my daughter does a love Thanksgiving.
(07:47):
Here's another thing about holidays, Christmas and Thanksgiving, Hanika, Kwanza,
whatever it is, communicate with your kids and your family
about it because everybody has this ideal about what it
needs to be and if you get realistic. I've talked
to my daughter about it because this year I'm with
her and we decided to go to Florida. Now it
doesn't have that feeling, it doesn't have that you know,
all the different colored leaves.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
But I've talked to her about it.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
She doesn't love the Thanksgiving food, she doesn't love the
holiday that much. So we are going down to Florida,
and I said, Okay, do you want to go over
these people's house. They're going to have kids, a lot
of different people, so it means we're going to go over,
have a reason to get dressed up. There'll be interesting
people there, there'll be good Thanksgiving food. We get to
feel like we're at a family house, but we don't
have to do it. She was like, I love that.
Another year we went out to a very cozy fireplacey
(08:29):
like you know, brick fireplace in and we loved that too,
because it was the two of us and we got
to talk and we bonded. And that might not seem
very Thanksgiving is, but for us it became a ritual.
And I've talked to you before about traditions. We do
different traditions that we create. One year, we cooked at
just the two of us, and I think it was
the night before and we used my airfire when we
made this air fried turkey breast that we still remember.
(08:51):
It was the best turkey breast we ever had. It
wasn't the whole turkey. She doesn't like all the dark meats.
She likes the white turkey breast. We each made our
own sides and we had the best time cooking together.
That was another tradition in ritual. It was non traditional
for most people, but for us it became a tradition.
And this year I said, okay, so during the day,
do you want to go to this amazing big buffet
(09:11):
in Florida and like have a brunch Mommy and me
brunch because at dinner we're going to go to these
people's houses. The point is, we talked about it and
we decided what we wanted. In addition, for Christmas, we
were supposed to be down in Florida. She said, I
really want to go to the Hampton's because that's where
we have the Christmas tree feeling, the holiday feeling. You know,
that's where she remembers her childhood memories and us buying
(09:32):
ornaments together and doing things together. So instead of three
of the days that we'd be in Florida where it's warm,
and that could be depressing too. If you're not near snow,
you may feel depressed. You're not feeling it. The holiday
didn't happen. A thousand things can trigger you. It doesn't
have to be that it traditionally has to be snowy.
It doesn't have to be that you have to be
with other people. It's your own thing. So she said,
(09:53):
can we go to the Hampton's because I want to
feel that feeling. Because we talked about it. I said,
do you want to feel the snowy feeling if you want?
She's like yes, And now there are all these things
we've done since she was a kid that we just remember.
So yes, we're going to go for three nights to
the Hamptons just to feel the fireplaces, snowy hickory smell
feeling and that will give us what we need and
(10:14):
it works in relationships too. I believe when you're in
a relationship, you talk to the person in the new
relationship about how you want the holidays to go, Like,
are we going to feel sad if we're not together?
Is it going to come too quickly? And we haven't
made our plans and we think it's going to be okay,
but then on the day it's going to be depressing.
How is this all going to shake down? Because theory
(10:35):
and reality are two very different things. So I just
suggest that you mentally and emotionally plan and prepare for
the holidays as much as you physically plan for the holidays. Thanks,
Happy holidays. Most persons went to the past, almost went
(11:06):
to the pastor
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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