May 14, 2025 • 14 mins
How do you raise a kid with healthy fear? It's so heartbreaking! PLUS: How you leave is how you will be remembered—in work and life.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
So I'm going on a trip and my daughter's coming
with me, and I was just speaking to one of
her friend's moms because I may bring someone, and the
mom was talking to me about safety, and you know,
I said, we would have at least one or two
men if the girls would go get ice cream or something.
(00:32):
The only thing that would be I said, like, I'll
be with them. The only time that i wouldn't be
with them is let's say I'm at a work thing
and then there is one of the boat members, the
crew members that would be with the girls to go
get ice cream. They won't be alone. And she was like, yeah,
because of trafficking, etc. And trafficking is a brutal concept.
And there have been times when my daughter's been with
(00:56):
friends and she's been like in the city and they're
going to dinner and you know, or they're taking a
daytime train from the suburbs into the city and like
you just cringe a little, like you don't know how
hard to go. You know what we did, but I
think it's a different world and it's terrifying. And so
you're trying to convey to your kids the fear, but
(01:18):
also like they can't know what it's like until they
feel scared about something. So like I always say to
my daughter, you know, you don't know what it's like
in Puerto Rico after an earthquake or a hurricane or something,
when they've lost everything and they're waisted deep in filthy
water and have no electricity. She can't understand that unless
(01:38):
I take her, and I haven't yet taken her. The
one time I was supposed to take her to North Carolina,
she was a really little kid and she got sick
and I was going to take her to Poland and
it didn't work out. And I'm going to take her,
and it's not late because I do this as a
part of my life, but I'm going to take her.
But I want her to feel it. And in the
same way, it's almost like something happened recently with a
(02:02):
friend group, and something happened where there was something occurred
where there was like a she got a glimpse of fear,
and I was also scared, but I was also happy
because it was like getting in a car and spilling
something at the beginning of the ride, like something's going
to get spilled, let's just get it out of the way,
meaning like I want her to feel a sense of
(02:22):
fear so she knows that, like, the world isn't so
innocent and pure. You want to keep them pure, but
you also want them to have a little bit of
neuro season anxiety about being alert, about being a target,
about you know, all these kids they drink, that they vape.
I don't know if the vaping is pot or what
it is, but I don't know what goes on. You know,
(02:43):
you want your kids to know, never put your drink down.
And you have those testers, like how far do you
go with it? You want your kids to know. I mean,
I've said to my daughter. We were in Florida walking
on the path and I looked down and I said
that there's like a baggy there, which even if it's shiny,
it looks like there's jewelry in it, it could be fentanyl.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Like that. That's the scary world we live in, and
I don't.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Love that you have to kind of traumatize your kids,
but there's really not much of an option, like this
is what we have to do because the world is
a scary place. And another thing is, you know, I
watch the kids, my daughter's age, and I look at
the outfits and like, no matter how fresh and cute
and natural they are, they get into that phase where
(03:24):
they want to wear like the slutty outfit or the
boustille or the crop top or the short skirt or
the dark color or whatever, and like, yes, it's self expression,
but you kind of are looking at it like you
are so beautiful, and yes you can like be flirty
and cute even you know, I know young girls want
to be older and they want to be sexy, but
you know you're trying to say it so they don't
(03:45):
rebel and then go do it right. And also and
we've all been through it with the trends and different
things like that. And also this is a big one.
Listen as a woman my age, my age, I have
been out with men and whether I've had somebody to
drink or not, and felt like I don't really want
(04:07):
to do anything physically with them, but you kind of
just go for it because you sort of are worried
about like you want to do something for them, or
you're worried about what they're going to think. I'm a
fifty something year old woman. Think about as a kid.
A you're feeling good, your body's feeling something, b a
guy could manipulate you and tell you anything about they
(04:28):
really love you, or they really want to get to
know you, or you're so beautiful. They could tell you
anything because they only have one goal, and like in
the moment, the game moves quickly. And if it's kids
and they're drinking, and they have no judgment because we
as adults do stupid things when we drink or take
a smoke or take an edible or something, we do
(04:48):
stupid things.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
We make bad decisions.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Okay, so many adults there are politicians that have gotten DUIs, crashed, killed,
people gone to jail. Like adults that are politicians, their
entire lives been crafted. What do we expect from kids?
So it's extremely hard to try to convey that to children.
And the thing is, I told my daughter I would
never name the names, but I remember the girls that
(05:13):
were very promiscuous in high.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
School and college and after college.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Like I distinctly remember their names and their reputations. I
remember the girl I have her full name. I remember
very few people's names, but I remember her name. Ninth grade,
she had sex with her boyfriend, who I think was
a year or two older than her. Don't remember his name,
don't remember judging him. I mean, is it right?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
No?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Is it what we all thought? Yes, because we heard
that she had had sex at fourteen years old. Moving
right along, there was another girl that was fifteen sixteen,
but she two girls, pretty beautiful girls. They got reputations
to this, and one of them was brilliant. I think
she went on to be like a doctor, brilliant. I
remember she got an almost perfect score. I remember her
full name. I remember both their full names. Okay, this
(06:03):
is really weird. I don't remember so many people's full
names now. I remember the girl after college in our
twenties that would be in New York City who like
had been with everyone, and like, these people are adults
now and it doesn't even matter if they went to
Harvard Mit and cured an incurable disease.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
This is how I remember them.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
So I'm not saying people can't be sexually free and
wear what they want and do what they want. I'm
saying it's good to have choices in your life, and
if you don't want that kind of a reputation to
follow you around, not to mention the fact that like
colleges and everyone hears everything now and you don't know
how a college or a school or a camp or
(06:44):
a program is going to judge you, and why they
don't have to tell you exactly why they're not admitting you,
but everything gets out, so you're you know you're gonna
eventually want to go to an Ivy League school. Why
wouldn't someone if you're if you're accepting people to a
very coveted school, why wouldn't they look at some social
media or google someone? You know? I've even I'm obviously
(07:05):
I worry about it because I'm a public person, but
at least like a lot of mine gets rinsed out
because I have so such a volume of pr I'm
just saying, this is something that you go through in
high school, and you're trying to give the best possible
advice but also not traumatize.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
And it's a dance, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I want to talk about staff and employees and work
culture because I have learned so much through this move.
So I am a fair tough employer, but I am
very loyal and I never forget, like I never forget.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I've shouted out before.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
The girl Sarah Katannic, who worked for me and we
were going through multiple moves, and it was the pandemic,
and she was a young girl and she worked her
ass off and she I think had it. She had
it the most difficult of any of my assistants under
normal circumstances. Megan and Julia were there during my horrendous
(08:20):
divorce and had like physical intimidation from another person, and
like other types of things that I recognize. But one
of the elements and dynamics and things that I think
about the most is not how someone is when they
start and when they perform, and when they're working for
you and when you're currently paying them. When someone is leaving,
(08:43):
what is their work ethic? Like people should finish the
way they start. Are they leaving you high and dry?
I gave my employees a long time notice because I
knew I was leaving, And for some of them, I
have made several phone calls to get them jobs with
high profile people, with billionaires, with very successful employers, Like
(09:06):
I'm not I'm not leaving here unless these people are solid.
You know. There was a new employee that started to
work for us, and like she sort of was sweet
and she sweeped my dogs and sweep with the team,
and she's been like watching stuff be moved, you know,
in the first week. And she had not been here,
She's been here months, not years. And I went up
(09:27):
to her and I was like, you're not like you're
not invisible, like you're watching people move around you. That
must create anxiety. I'm gonna explain to you what's happening.
But I'm gonna get you a better job than this one.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I'm tough.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
I'm gonna get you a job with some unwealthier that
has more normal like stability, meaning every day is not
going to be like different, and I'm gonna hook you up,
you know. And so I have three people that I'm
really dedicated to helping financially that too, Like I mean,
it depends on who you're employed by. But I'm a
(09:59):
person who believes and chess not checkers, and some people
play checkers and like just immediately react versus like wanting
to sort of finish off really strong and it doesn't
go unnoticed. And the people that are super loyal and
ride or die to the end, they really this is
(10:20):
just who they are. But what they don't realize is
like I never forget, like this will all be like
this is why these are the people that I'm calling
up like actual powerful, successful, good people that happen to
be extraordinarily wealthy, that never lose employees and give people
a family and a life, And I'm going to get
(10:41):
them these amazing jobs for the people that really recognize
like that I'm in the midst of a move, and
that I've been very generous and very good. And I
feel broken hearted moving, like I feel like I'm abandoning people,
you know, even though I know it's like breaking up
with someone knowing they're going to have a better boy
after you. Will it be as chaotic and as wild
(11:02):
and as fun? And will they get as much free
stuff and as much coffee makers and makeup and handbags
and craziness and laughs and maaritas and inappropriateness and like
Japanese melons? No, will it be solid? Will it be
a good economical decision for them? Because I'm going to
make sure they all get paid more than I paid them,
which is I'm pretty fair to say the least, you know.
(11:25):
And will I give them, you know, a financial reward
when I leave for being so amazing and making sure
that my move goes smoothly, so they're making sure that
my move is going smoothly, and I'm making sure that
their move is going smoothly. So I play the long game,
and I'm always one that like. That's how I've always
worked whenever I've worked for someone, which was a long
(11:46):
time ago. Actually it's not because I do deals with
partnerships and beauty brands and publishers and things like that.
Whenever I work for someone, I give it my all. Now,
in the housewives landscape, I was always on time, I
always livered, I was always professional. Always when I worked
in event production, I was always immaculate. I made the
(12:11):
most money. I took it seriously, Like I believe in
integrity and it's what you do and no one's looking.
And I believe in like if you work hard, not hard,
like work your fucking ass off to the twenty sixth mile.
I'm gonna tell you why. If you work your ass
(12:35):
off to the twenty fourth mile, the only thing anyone's
gonna remember is the last two miles.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
I remember an employee that was excellent in so many
ways because she was loyal, and she was sweet, and
she was nice. She wasn't that capable, but there was
a point during the job that she said please, I
want this. I'm in because I'm like, if I'm going
to train you and teach you everything, are you going
to say? She said yes, and then she left six
months later after I taught her everything, and I was
(13:04):
very resentful in how she left. It didn't matter all
the good, it really did it. That's the truth. It
really didn't. And it's happening. It's happened recently with some
people as well, like I feel differently about the way
that they've chosen to depart, and I've also been surprised
by other people in the way that they are departing.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
I just think you finish how you start.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Even in relationships, I have one relationship of my entire
life that is not clean right now. I have had
many breakups and I still speak to many of those men.
It should be clean, it should be respectful. It can
have a little bit of, like obviously, tension and there's
a wound when you break up. You're not a robot,
but by and large, ultimately you know it should still
(13:46):
be healthy. You know, I still have a healthy relationship
with ninety nine point ninety nine to nine percent of
the people I've ever been in a relationship with. Because
how you start is how you finish
Speaker 2 (14:04):
To the
So I'm going on a trip and my daughter's coming
with me, and I was just speaking to one of
her friend's moms because I may bring someone, and the
mom was talking to me about safety, and you know,
I said, we would have at least one or two
men if the girls would go get ice cream or something.
(00:32):
The only thing that would be I said, like, I'll
be with them. The only time that i wouldn't be
with them is let's say I'm at a work thing
and then there is one of the boat members, the
crew members that would be with the girls to go
get ice cream. They won't be alone. And she was like, yeah,
because of trafficking, etc. And trafficking is a brutal concept.
And there have been times when my daughter's been with
(00:56):
friends and she's been like in the city and they're
going to dinner and you know, or they're taking a
daytime train from the suburbs into the city and like
you just cringe a little, like you don't know how
hard to go. You know what we did, but I
think it's a different world and it's terrifying. And so
you're trying to convey to your kids the fear, but
(01:18):
also like they can't know what it's like until they
feel scared about something. So like I always say to
my daughter, you know, you don't know what it's like
in Puerto Rico after an earthquake or a hurricane or something,
when they've lost everything and they're waisted deep in filthy
water and have no electricity. She can't understand that unless
(01:38):
I take her, and I haven't yet taken her. The
one time I was supposed to take her to North Carolina,
she was a really little kid and she got sick
and I was going to take her to Poland and
it didn't work out. And I'm going to take her,
and it's not late because I do this as a
part of my life, but I'm going to take her.
But I want her to feel it. And in the
same way, it's almost like something happened recently with a
(02:02):
friend group, and something happened where there was something occurred
where there was like a she got a glimpse of fear,
and I was also scared, but I was also happy
because it was like getting in a car and spilling
something at the beginning of the ride, like something's going
to get spilled, let's just get it out of the way,
meaning like I want her to feel a sense of
(02:22):
fear so she knows that, like, the world isn't so
innocent and pure. You want to keep them pure, but
you also want them to have a little bit of
neuro season anxiety about being alert, about being a target,
about you know, all these kids they drink, that they vape.
I don't know if the vaping is pot or what
it is, but I don't know what goes on. You know,
(02:43):
you want your kids to know, never put your drink down.
And you have those testers, like how far do you
go with it? You want your kids to know. I mean,
I've said to my daughter. We were in Florida walking
on the path and I looked down and I said
that there's like a baggy there, which even if it's shiny,
it looks like there's jewelry in it, it could be fentanyl.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Like that. That's the scary world we live in, and
I don't.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Love that you have to kind of traumatize your kids,
but there's really not much of an option, like this
is what we have to do because the world is
a scary place. And another thing is, you know, I
watch the kids, my daughter's age, and I look at
the outfits and like, no matter how fresh and cute
and natural they are, they get into that phase where
(03:24):
they want to wear like the slutty outfit or the
boustille or the crop top or the short skirt or
the dark color or whatever, and like, yes, it's self expression,
but you kind of are looking at it like you
are so beautiful, and yes you can like be flirty
and cute even you know, I know young girls want
to be older and they want to be sexy, but
you know you're trying to say it so they don't
(03:45):
rebel and then go do it right. And also and
we've all been through it with the trends and different
things like that. And also this is a big one.
Listen as a woman my age, my age, I have
been out with men and whether I've had somebody to
drink or not, and felt like I don't really want
(04:07):
to do anything physically with them, but you kind of
just go for it because you sort of are worried
about like you want to do something for them, or
you're worried about what they're going to think. I'm a
fifty something year old woman. Think about as a kid.
A you're feeling good, your body's feeling something, b a
guy could manipulate you and tell you anything about they
(04:28):
really love you, or they really want to get to
know you, or you're so beautiful. They could tell you
anything because they only have one goal, and like in
the moment, the game moves quickly. And if it's kids
and they're drinking, and they have no judgment because we
as adults do stupid things when we drink or take
a smoke or take an edible or something, we do
(04:48):
stupid things.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
We make bad decisions.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Okay, so many adults there are politicians that have gotten DUIs, crashed, killed,
people gone to jail. Like adults that are politicians, their
entire lives been crafted. What do we expect from kids?
So it's extremely hard to try to convey that to children.
And the thing is, I told my daughter I would
never name the names, but I remember the girls that
(05:13):
were very promiscuous in high.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
School and college and after college.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Like I distinctly remember their names and their reputations. I
remember the girl I have her full name. I remember
very few people's names, but I remember her name. Ninth grade,
she had sex with her boyfriend, who I think was
a year or two older than her. Don't remember his name,
don't remember judging him. I mean, is it right?
Speaker 2 (05:39):
No?
Speaker 1 (05:40):
Is it what we all thought? Yes, because we heard
that she had had sex at fourteen years old. Moving
right along, there was another girl that was fifteen sixteen,
but she two girls, pretty beautiful girls. They got reputations
to this, and one of them was brilliant. I think
she went on to be like a doctor, brilliant. I
remember she got an almost perfect score. I remember her
full name. I remember both their full names. Okay, this
(06:03):
is really weird. I don't remember so many people's full
names now. I remember the girl after college in our
twenties that would be in New York City who like
had been with everyone, and like, these people are adults
now and it doesn't even matter if they went to
Harvard Mit and cured an incurable disease.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
This is how I remember them.
Speaker 1 (06:22):
So I'm not saying people can't be sexually free and
wear what they want and do what they want. I'm
saying it's good to have choices in your life, and
if you don't want that kind of a reputation to
follow you around, not to mention the fact that like
colleges and everyone hears everything now and you don't know
how a college or a school or a camp or
(06:44):
a program is going to judge you, and why they
don't have to tell you exactly why they're not admitting you,
but everything gets out, so you're you know you're gonna
eventually want to go to an Ivy League school. Why
wouldn't someone if you're if you're accepting people to a
very coveted school, why wouldn't they look at some social
media or google someone? You know? I've even I'm obviously
(07:05):
I worry about it because I'm a public person, but
at least like a lot of mine gets rinsed out
because I have so such a volume of pr I'm
just saying, this is something that you go through in
high school, and you're trying to give the best possible
advice but also not traumatize.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
And it's a dance, you know.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
I want to talk about staff and employees and work
culture because I have learned so much through this move.
So I am a fair tough employer, but I am
very loyal and I never forget, like I never forget.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
I've shouted out before.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
The girl Sarah Katannic, who worked for me and we
were going through multiple moves, and it was the pandemic,
and she was a young girl and she worked her
ass off and she I think had it. She had
it the most difficult of any of my assistants under
normal circumstances. Megan and Julia were there during my horrendous
(08:20):
divorce and had like physical intimidation from another person, and
like other types of things that I recognize. But one
of the elements and dynamics and things that I think
about the most is not how someone is when they
start and when they perform, and when they're working for
you and when you're currently paying them. When someone is leaving,
(08:43):
what is their work ethic? Like people should finish the
way they start. Are they leaving you high and dry?
I gave my employees a long time notice because I
knew I was leaving, And for some of them, I
have made several phone calls to get them jobs with
high profile people, with billionaires, with very successful employers, Like
(09:06):
I'm not I'm not leaving here unless these people are solid.
You know. There was a new employee that started to
work for us, and like she sort of was sweet
and she sweeped my dogs and sweep with the team,
and she's been like watching stuff be moved, you know,
in the first week. And she had not been here,
She's been here months, not years. And I went up
(09:27):
to her and I was like, you're not like you're
not invisible, like you're watching people move around you. That
must create anxiety. I'm gonna explain to you what's happening.
But I'm gonna get you a better job than this one.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
I'm tough.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
I'm gonna get you a job with some unwealthier that
has more normal like stability, meaning every day is not
going to be like different, and I'm gonna hook you up,
you know. And so I have three people that I'm
really dedicated to helping financially that too, Like I mean,
it depends on who you're employed by. But I'm a
(09:59):
person who believes and chess not checkers, and some people
play checkers and like just immediately react versus like wanting
to sort of finish off really strong and it doesn't
go unnoticed. And the people that are super loyal and
ride or die to the end, they really this is
(10:20):
just who they are. But what they don't realize is
like I never forget, like this will all be like
this is why these are the people that I'm calling
up like actual powerful, successful, good people that happen to
be extraordinarily wealthy, that never lose employees and give people
a family and a life, And I'm going to get
(10:41):
them these amazing jobs for the people that really recognize
like that I'm in the midst of a move, and
that I've been very generous and very good. And I
feel broken hearted moving, like I feel like I'm abandoning people,
you know, even though I know it's like breaking up
with someone knowing they're going to have a better boy
after you. Will it be as chaotic and as wild
(11:02):
and as fun? And will they get as much free
stuff and as much coffee makers and makeup and handbags
and craziness and laughs and maaritas and inappropriateness and like
Japanese melons? No, will it be solid? Will it be
a good economical decision for them? Because I'm going to
make sure they all get paid more than I paid them,
which is I'm pretty fair to say the least, you know.
(11:25):
And will I give them, you know, a financial reward
when I leave for being so amazing and making sure
that my move goes smoothly, so they're making sure that
my move is going smoothly, and I'm making sure that
their move is going smoothly. So I play the long game,
and I'm always one that like. That's how I've always
worked whenever I've worked for someone, which was a long
(11:46):
time ago. Actually it's not because I do deals with
partnerships and beauty brands and publishers and things like that.
Whenever I work for someone, I give it my all. Now,
in the housewives landscape, I was always on time, I
always livered, I was always professional. Always when I worked
in event production, I was always immaculate. I made the
(12:11):
most money. I took it seriously, Like I believe in
integrity and it's what you do and no one's looking.
And I believe in like if you work hard, not hard,
like work your fucking ass off to the twenty sixth mile.
I'm gonna tell you why. If you work your ass
(12:35):
off to the twenty fourth mile, the only thing anyone's
gonna remember is the last two miles.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
I remember an employee that was excellent in so many
ways because she was loyal, and she was sweet, and
she was nice. She wasn't that capable, but there was
a point during the job that she said please, I
want this. I'm in because I'm like, if I'm going
to train you and teach you everything, are you going
to say? She said yes, and then she left six
months later after I taught her everything, and I was
(13:04):
very resentful in how she left. It didn't matter all
the good, it really did it. That's the truth. It
really didn't. And it's happening. It's happened recently with some
people as well, like I feel differently about the way
that they've chosen to depart, and I've also been surprised
by other people in the way that they are departing.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
I just think you finish how you start.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Even in relationships, I have one relationship of my entire
life that is not clean right now. I have had
many breakups and I still speak to many of those men.
It should be clean, it should be respectful. It can
have a little bit of, like obviously, tension and there's
a wound when you break up. You're not a robot,
but by and large, ultimately you know it should still
(13:46):
be healthy. You know, I still have a healthy relationship
with ninety nine point ninety nine to nine percent of
the people I've ever been in a relationship with. Because
how you start is how you finish
Speaker 2 (14:04):
To the
Host
Bethenny Frankel
Popular Podcasts
Boysober
Have you ever wondered what life might be like if you stopped worrying about being wanted, and focused on understanding what you actually want? That was the question Hope Woodard asked herself after a string of situationships inspired her to take a break from sex and dating. She went "boysober," a personal concept that sparked a global movement among women looking to prioritize themselves over men. Now, Hope is looking to expand the ways we explore our relationship to relationships. Taking a bold, unfiltered look into modern love, romance, and self-discovery, Boysober will dive into messy stories about dating, sex, love, friendship, and breaking generational patterns—all with humor, vulnerability, and a fresh perspective.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com