May 3, 2024 • 8 mins
Bethenny dissects the pitfalls of being publicly personal after what happened when she recently posted a vulnerable moment of herself on social media.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
So I cried on the internet, and there's a conversation.
I've talked about it a while ago. I talked about
it with michaela On here. So I think people call
the relationship between people and their followers a paris social relationship,
but I guess it's this different type of social relationship
where you don't really know the people. And so when
(00:35):
I first came on TikTok a long time ago, more
than even Instagram, I would see people really emoting and
crying about their skin, about their life, about their weight,
about their loneliness, about their depression or anxiety. And I
felt that sometimes that seemed dangerous. I thought that it
(00:56):
seemed like, if you're doing it too much, you're kind
of using these followers as your therapists, and some this
boomerang can smack you, like a therapist is not only
professionally trained, but they're there to support and listen. Sometimes
people can really sting you on social media. So you
(01:17):
could be crying about something and one day they have
compassion for you and they're telling you everything you want
to hear, and we're here for you. And then you
do something wrong and unlike your therapist or your parents
or your family, they're going to like come back and
cancel you. So that's why it's a unique relationship and
why I don't really advocate for people like all the
time going on social media to treat your followers like
(01:42):
your therapists or like your best friends or like your family,
because the pendulum can swing and in a way that
unconditional love family members wouldn't. And of course unconditional love
family members can can, you know, cut you off, and
there can be extreme circumstances. But by in law, you
can make mistakes and tell people that you know that
(02:02):
you messed up, and they will be a nice cushion
for you. This is an environment where it could be
oh my god, we support you, we love you. And
also sometimes people like when someone's not happy and like
they want you to be down, and then once you
get happy, they're not. I mean, there's a lot of
stuff that goes on because these are not professional So
I don't really emote that much. I'll communicate and express,
(02:27):
but I don't really emote, and I haven't really cried
on the internet, and I have sometimes cringe when I've
seen people do it, and I've done it on reality TV,
and it's a cousin of this too, because it's a
similar situation, and then there's an edited situation which is
more scary. But after experiencing the loss of my mother
(02:47):
and some traumatic events, I chose to post something that
I thought was fascinating because before my mother passed away,
I was really I just had sort of an emotional breakdown.
I just was I just was not doing that great.
(03:08):
Like I just wasn't feeling right, I was feeling unsettled,
I was feeling not balanced. And I recorded this short
video during a period of that, saying like I don't
want I'm not I'm not doing that great, and like
I basically need to stop. I need to stop this
meaning social media. I need to stop working the way
(03:31):
that I've worked. And I just I just it was
not long. It was just very brief. It was just
like a break and I said, I probably won't have
the courage to post this and it's a little embarrassing.
And then I was looking through my drafts today because
I haven't been posting at all really on social media,
very very minimal since my mother passed, and said, since
I've been going through it and experiencing and not wanting
(03:52):
to distract and divert because social media, when people say
doom scrolling, you're diverting, You're just it's eating junk food,
you're just watching crap to like just yourself. And I
really have chosen, as I've talked to you about grief,
the method of going through this stuff, so not like
just taking the easy way out and not really medicating,
not distracting, not going out, not you know, doing other
(04:13):
things to distract. And so I was looked today and
saw that video and I posted it saying how crazy
that this is right before my mother passed away. And
it was interesting because I really do believe in energy
and signs and things like it's almost like your body,
you know your body, or the temperature outside, or like
there's her there's actually earthquake weather, like people in La
(04:36):
I remember there used to be earthquake weather, Like it's
so nice right before crazy earthquake. Or you can feel
like the swell before hurricane or before like the ocean
you could tell when a storm is coming. I feel
like we feel that emotionally. And it was weird that
I was just crying and I was like having an undefined,
unspecified emotional experience. And then my mother passed away, and
(04:58):
so I posted it today because I wanted to not
only post when things are perfect. This should not be
a habit of me just crying into the internet. But
by the same token, I think that we should not
always make it like things are perfect. Now. Forget the
(05:24):
fact that people are showing filters and their perfect lives
and their perfect vacations and their expensive bags despite maybe
them being broke. They're bragging only about the good in
a relationship. Despite the fact that social media is now
a commercial marketplace. It is a television show is everything
is for sale, and people are selling things even when
you don't know they're selling things. People are finaggling and
(05:46):
shady about the way they're doing it, and they're not
saying that they're a partner, they're not saying that they're paid.
But it goes so much deeper and so much more
layer than that. So now you're on social media and
treating it as like your friend and like your therapist
and all this. So I think there has to be
a balance between being authentic there and also just not
(06:06):
overusing it. It shouldn't be a place to live, and a
lot of people that are these influencers they're gonna be
like child Stars, where it's gonna run out one day.
This is not going to go on forever, and there
are gonna be some emotional ramifications. It's just sometimes too
raw and too real to be expressing and emoting all
day all the time. So I think I'm developing a
better relationship with it. Also, I just don't want to
(06:27):
do it that often, and I want to live in
what I'm actually feeling and not It's a great distraction,
and the pandemic again made us insular, made us in
our pajamas, gave us license to stay home and to
connect with people that are, in many cases strangers. You
get a familiarity with certain people, but they're not you know,
they're not your best friends. And people expect something from you.
(06:49):
Once you become an influencer or a famous person. People
expect you're going to tell us about your money, your
sex life, your relationship. You didn't tell us this, what's
going on with that? Like as if they're owed something,
And it's like you want to say to the people
that are they're like, okay with you. Tell me how much?
How many times a week you fuck your husband? What's
in your bank account? How much do you make a year?
You know, people are very very intrusive in a way
(07:09):
that your own therapist will be a little more patient, thoughtful,
all of that. So I think that's an interesting conversation.
Where's the line, where's the balance? How much to share?
How much not to share? Should you cry? Should you
not cry? Should you be filtering, should you be faking?
Should you be showing only the good and not the bad?
You know what? Should you be on there only to sell?
(07:29):
And then it becomes, you know, it's just a commercial space.
So for younger kids, they have to know how to
navigate this. This is why it's been so insane with
all the shit that they're buying. And these kids are
literally they don't even know what they think. They're buying
peel peel products on their face at eleven years old.
It's why there's that problem. It's aphora. They don't even
(07:50):
know what they're buying. They're just buying pretty colorful packaging
and what's being marketed to them. I give my daughter
a lip oil today from a very major viral brand
because like, it's not good, but I just knew that
she would want it because it has this big viral
brand name on it, and it's not a good product.
I don't care if it's from the drug store or
if it's this viral name product. But the truth is
(08:10):
she cares because they're so influenced more than when we
were kids. More than when we were kids. It was
around Christmas, you know, the Cabbage Patch dolls and that
shit would come and everyone will be obsessed, and yes,
I get that, but it wasn't every minute of every day.
This is all these fucking kids want is what someone
else told them to want. It's really insane.
So I cried on the internet, and there's a conversation.
I've talked about it a while ago. I talked about
it with michaela On here. So I think people call
the relationship between people and their followers a paris social relationship,
but I guess it's this different type of social relationship
where you don't really know the people. And so when
(00:35):
I first came on TikTok a long time ago, more
than even Instagram, I would see people really emoting and
crying about their skin, about their life, about their weight,
about their loneliness, about their depression or anxiety. And I
felt that sometimes that seemed dangerous. I thought that it
(00:56):
seemed like, if you're doing it too much, you're kind
of using these followers as your therapists, and some this
boomerang can smack you, like a therapist is not only
professionally trained, but they're there to support and listen. Sometimes
people can really sting you on social media. So you
(01:17):
could be crying about something and one day they have
compassion for you and they're telling you everything you want
to hear, and we're here for you. And then you
do something wrong and unlike your therapist or your parents
or your family, they're going to like come back and
cancel you. So that's why it's a unique relationship and
why I don't really advocate for people like all the
time going on social media to treat your followers like
(01:42):
your therapists or like your best friends or like your family,
because the pendulum can swing and in a way that
unconditional love family members wouldn't. And of course unconditional love
family members can can, you know, cut you off, and
there can be extreme circumstances. But by in law, you
can make mistakes and tell people that you know that
(02:02):
you messed up, and they will be a nice cushion
for you. This is an environment where it could be
oh my god, we support you, we love you. And
also sometimes people like when someone's not happy and like
they want you to be down, and then once you
get happy, they're not. I mean, there's a lot of
stuff that goes on because these are not professional So
I don't really emote that much. I'll communicate and express,
(02:27):
but I don't really emote, and I haven't really cried
on the internet, and I have sometimes cringe when I've
seen people do it, and I've done it on reality TV,
and it's a cousin of this too, because it's a
similar situation, and then there's an edited situation which is
more scary. But after experiencing the loss of my mother
(02:47):
and some traumatic events, I chose to post something that
I thought was fascinating because before my mother passed away,
I was really I just had sort of an emotional breakdown.
I just was I just was not doing that great.
(03:08):
Like I just wasn't feeling right, I was feeling unsettled,
I was feeling not balanced. And I recorded this short
video during a period of that, saying like I don't
want I'm not I'm not doing that great, and like
I basically need to stop. I need to stop this
meaning social media. I need to stop working the way
(03:31):
that I've worked. And I just I just it was
not long. It was just very brief. It was just
like a break and I said, I probably won't have
the courage to post this and it's a little embarrassing.
And then I was looking through my drafts today because
I haven't been posting at all really on social media,
very very minimal since my mother passed, and said, since
I've been going through it and experiencing and not wanting
(03:52):
to distract and divert because social media, when people say
doom scrolling, you're diverting, You're just it's eating junk food,
you're just watching crap to like just yourself. And I
really have chosen, as I've talked to you about grief,
the method of going through this stuff, so not like
just taking the easy way out and not really medicating,
not distracting, not going out, not you know, doing other
(04:13):
things to distract. And so I was looked today and
saw that video and I posted it saying how crazy
that this is right before my mother passed away. And
it was interesting because I really do believe in energy
and signs and things like it's almost like your body,
you know your body, or the temperature outside, or like
there's her there's actually earthquake weather, like people in La
(04:36):
I remember there used to be earthquake weather, Like it's
so nice right before crazy earthquake. Or you can feel
like the swell before hurricane or before like the ocean
you could tell when a storm is coming. I feel
like we feel that emotionally. And it was weird that
I was just crying and I was like having an undefined,
unspecified emotional experience. And then my mother passed away, and
(04:58):
so I posted it today because I wanted to not
only post when things are perfect. This should not be
a habit of me just crying into the internet. But
by the same token, I think that we should not
always make it like things are perfect. Now. Forget the
(05:24):
fact that people are showing filters and their perfect lives
and their perfect vacations and their expensive bags despite maybe
them being broke. They're bragging only about the good in
a relationship. Despite the fact that social media is now
a commercial marketplace. It is a television show is everything
is for sale, and people are selling things even when
you don't know they're selling things. People are finaggling and
(05:46):
shady about the way they're doing it, and they're not
saying that they're a partner, they're not saying that they're paid.
But it goes so much deeper and so much more
layer than that. So now you're on social media and
treating it as like your friend and like your therapist
and all this. So I think there has to be
a balance between being authentic there and also just not
(06:06):
overusing it. It shouldn't be a place to live, and a
lot of people that are these influencers they're gonna be
like child Stars, where it's gonna run out one day.
This is not going to go on forever, and there
are gonna be some emotional ramifications. It's just sometimes too
raw and too real to be expressing and emoting all
day all the time. So I think I'm developing a
better relationship with it. Also, I just don't want to
(06:27):
do it that often, and I want to live in
what I'm actually feeling and not It's a great distraction,
and the pandemic again made us insular, made us in
our pajamas, gave us license to stay home and to
connect with people that are, in many cases strangers. You
get a familiarity with certain people, but they're not you know,
they're not your best friends. And people expect something from you.
(06:49):
Once you become an influencer or a famous person. People
expect you're going to tell us about your money, your
sex life, your relationship. You didn't tell us this, what's
going on with that? Like as if they're owed something,
And it's like you want to say to the people
that are they're like, okay with you. Tell me how much?
How many times a week you fuck your husband? What's
in your bank account? How much do you make a year?
You know, people are very very intrusive in a way
(07:09):
that your own therapist will be a little more patient, thoughtful,
all of that. So I think that's an interesting conversation.
Where's the line, where's the balance? How much to share?
How much not to share? Should you cry? Should you
not cry? Should you be filtering, should you be faking?
Should you be showing only the good and not the bad?
You know what? Should you be on there only to sell?
(07:29):
And then it becomes, you know, it's just a commercial space.
So for younger kids, they have to know how to
navigate this. This is why it's been so insane with
all the shit that they're buying. And these kids are
literally they don't even know what they think. They're buying
peel peel products on their face at eleven years old.
It's why there's that problem. It's aphora. They don't even
(07:50):
know what they're buying. They're just buying pretty colorful packaging
and what's being marketed to them. I give my daughter
a lip oil today from a very major viral brand
because like, it's not good, but I just knew that
she would want it because it has this big viral
brand name on it, and it's not a good product.
I don't care if it's from the drug store or
if it's this viral name product. But the truth is
(08:10):
she cares because they're so influenced more than when we
were kids. More than when we were kids. It was
around Christmas, you know, the Cabbage Patch dolls and that
shit would come and everyone will be obsessed, and yes,
I get that, but it wasn't every minute of every day.
This is all these fucking kids want is what someone
else told them to want. It's really insane.
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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