April 25, 2023 • 10 mins
Bethenny gets incredibly personal with this rant and we think you know where it’s going… but we guarantee you don’t know where it ends up!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Vacation sex is different. Number one, it's existent, it exists,
it occurs, and number two, like it could occur with frequency,
like oral sex, you know, missionary sex, just vacation sex.
And I went on a vacation with Paul to Miami,
and like we're not really Miami people. I've been going
(00:33):
to Miami my whole life, and I've been there over
a hundred times, but like, I don't think of myself
as a Miami person because it's nightclubs and it's like
for hotshots and it's action and everyone's out in like
a purple ferrari and like wearing no clothes and mesh
and whatever. But like we're action adjacent, so we like
to go there and go to like we would go
to a beza and have the best fucking time because
we go to dinner at eight o'clock. No one's going
(00:55):
to dinner, go to the shops, eat the good foods,
stay at the hotels and just like why like people watch,
like leave dinner when people are coming, you know, just
do things upside down. So we're like that in Miami,
we're going to dinner at seven o'clock. We did it.
We went to the cool restaurant. I wore my great outfits.
I went to the pool, leave the pool, get up
for beach walk at seven in the morning, have breakfast
at eight o'clock, and be like leave the pool at noon,
(01:18):
and everyone's waking up and getting there to like day
drink and like Douche douche douche music. Like we're not
those people, but we participate and we like it because
it's like action adjacent. So like in Miami, we went
to Miami and we're in a hotel room and I'm
just like initiating sex and Paul his heart is stopping.
He's like, what's going on. We're getting an apartment here.
He's wearing like, you know, a Versachi shirt button down.
(01:40):
He has zero chest hair. Literally, he has two chest hairs.
Often I'm like, oh my god, you're so hairy because
he has two chest hairs. No exhaction. No, he's quarter Japanese.
He has two chest hairs. So I'll be like, oh
my god. So Paul's wearing like a giant gold watch,
a Versachi shirt down to his navel, a gold chain,
and we're having sex in the middle of the day.
He's like looking at real estate listings. He's calling himself
(02:00):
Tony Montana. He's never tried to drug in his life.
He's a different person now because we're doing like vacations,
So vacation sex is just different. It's all that I
have to say. I've decided that at restaurants where like
you're like beggars. You go to a hip restaurant and
you like you're like, Hi, yeah, no, is there is
(02:23):
there any chance I could just like a no, like
pecans like no, like sugar pecans, like can I can
I try the dressing? And you're like begging. It's like
you know all the elements of what's in the restaurant.
You know that, like it's not one of those shake
your own salads at the airport that's already made, so
you know they have a rouge law, and you know
they have already chocks because you saw it somewhere else.
You also know it's forty dollars for a fucking pasta,
(02:43):
and you're just like, hey, is there anyway you could
like and I realize we're beggars. You're like paying and
you're a beggar, and like you just feel like the
whole time you're just like Hi, yeah, no, and someone
comes up like, Hi, what kind of water would you like?
And I'm like, I'd like wet water, and I don't
need like overpriced like twenty dollars, like they're like sparkling water.
(03:07):
Like no, I'll take club soda, like no one's marketing
club soda because it doesn't like you can't mark up
the bill for twenty dollars for club soda. So I
just you feel like a loser. You're like a club
soda and I'll just have like water, just water, h
two ol, It's just like that is it liquid? I'd
like it over ice? Thank you so much? And is
your ice made of perie beauxent if I like need
to get perier, like I'm putting perie over like shitty
(03:27):
water ice like water faucet ice, So like what are
we fucking doing? Don't ask me about the sparkling water.
Don't ask me if I'd like bottled water. Don't do
it like I'd like to come into be like we
are not bottled water. People like that's just not who
we are. But anyway, so then we go through that
moment and that same person you just want to ask
(03:47):
that same person if we could get like a drink.
You're here, like it's gonna be it's liquid. Can you
just be a liquid person? You came up. We don't
need like a second part, like got the liquid person,
who's got the sparkling water? Just the water conversation, and
then we have to have a I hate transacting, anyone
who knows my fucking hate transacting. I don't like, can
I get your room key? And you want a towel
and you want another towel and you want to like no,
I don't want all these conversations, so we have to
(04:10):
have a water conversation that I don't want to have
to begin with. So then we're like, no, could just
because it's short, nay. Also like you're trying to get
it as quick as you can, so they think it's
part of the water program, which they don't. Oh yes,
someone else will be by soon to take your drinks.
Why water is a drink? What if I'm only a
water drinker? Then this is my big drink. I want
a lemon in my water or club soda that's my cocktail.
(04:32):
Why can't we just do it all at the same time,
you're like begging, like they're rushing away and you're hungry.
They're rushing like they're rushing with it. No, No, we're
just gonna take your water order. There's someone else will
come over for that thing. Okay. So then like you're
hungry too, but you're not like ready for the commitment
of the main thing. But you're like not eating since lunch.
It's many hours and probably like, can we just get something?
I hear his voice change, Hike is the beast. We
(04:53):
can get some things for the table, like with his
furrowed brown he's like tears coming to his eyes. He's like, Nos,
he's asking for someone because he's a fucking beggar. So
he's like could be yeah, And then they're like, hi,
your server, we have to take the whole we have
to take the whole order at the same time, What
the fucking arbitrary rule is that? Why why it's not sushi?
Why why can't we just like I don't know, I
(05:15):
don't I'm not doing one thing, and I'm gonna be like, hi,
like one order of French fries. I'd like a steak.
Later on, we're gonna get the bait. I'm gonna get
the baked Alaskan And then come around and circles and
start ordering a case of DA and some other fucking things.
I get it. We just want to let's just do
some appetizers now, Is that okay? No, it's not because
you're a fucking beggar. It's like honestly, and then Jesus Christ,
(05:37):
it's not the pandemic anymore. Which where the scam of
like you packing your own food, you want to take
something to go, Well, it was a sixty eight dollars,
RUBI like you want some of it to go? Like
it's your body and your choice. It's a very expensive meal.
They just throw a box on the on the table,
so degrading, Like I don't have the right like tools
for this job. You know what I mean? You took
(05:58):
my utensils away. Now I'm like shaking my plate like
I'm wearing a white dress. I'm like shaking my plate
over that weird cardboard box. It's not it's not the
black plastic thing that has the clear plastic over to
steal it shut. It's like that weird like Lego or
GOMMI fucking brown plastic box. It like folds in, so
stuff is gonna leak through the corners. So you're trying
to like shake pasta, and it's not gonna like shimmy
(06:20):
in right, it's gonna like get on the corners, which
is going in your car. I'm gonna get on your dress.
And so like then you're trying to shut it and
you can't shut it because they fucking bought the cheap
oat to goat containers. Can you just have good to
go containers? It's degrading enough. I want to stack it.
I want it to go in a bag, and I
don't want clam sauce on my fucking car carpet. Is
that possible? So you're begging and then like they give
(06:41):
you this like porn bag of like it's a black
plastic or like a like it's our pleasure to serve
you when it's fucking not, you know it's not. And
then you're like carrying out this like plastic bag. It's
gonna like cut off your circulation, gona twisting circles on
your wrist, and like you don't get like mister Chow
gets the fucking award for the greatest mister who has
a very expensive upscale Chinese restaurant. They give you a
(07:02):
shopping bag. It looks like you went to like a
very expensive more than Victoria's secret, because it's like more firm.
It's not like paper and it's gonna rip. It's like
a very beautiful like it could be Gucci bag. It's gorgeous,
like you're proud to walk out with your to go food.
So to go containers and bags need to fucking get
with the program. Mark, I'm coining the phrase I own it,
(07:35):
it's mine. If somebody else says it, you fucking give
it the credit that it deserves. Like Paris Hilton said
that's hot and Christian Siriano said hot mess. It's their phrases.
Ozempa rexic is mine. It's gonna be a thin. I
already heard, you know. I talked about ozempic every day
ending and why because now there's a new thing. I
know two thing, guys. They just decided to get ozempic
(07:57):
to just fucking like quick. It's like a binge diet.
They're gonna do it for a week then go off.
How fucked up? Fuck everyone who said it wasn't gonna
go sideways. This thing is going sideways. Oh, Zempa exix thin.
People who get a quick prescription, they can afford it.
They inject themselves. They don't eat for a week, and
then they jump the fuck off. They use it like
intermittent fasting, except it's like weeks at a time, like
(08:20):
some you know people fast from Like, by the way,
what the fuck fasting? The I'm intermittent fasting. I stop
eating at eleven o'clock and I start eating at eight.
That's called sleeping. You fucking weirdo, Like people are so weird.
So people are gonna, oh, Zemba exic, and they're not
gonna fast, They're gonna fucking naughty for a week and
then jump back onto food, go out, go away on
(08:41):
vacation and going to CenTra Pa. I'm eating shake freed
every day and I'm enjoying my life. Go to Coachella,
get drunken ey cheeseburgers, and then I'm doing ozempic for
a week, or Moonjaro or kill them on draw kill
kill a Moonjaro and Ozemba exic. You heard it here,
don't fucking steal it, or steal it and give me credit,
like the skinny margarita that I invented that everybody says,
and I never get the credit. And I'm the one
(09:03):
who says, credit seekers don't get credit, so that's probably
why I'm not getting credit. Can we discuss? Can we
discuss why planes have a goddamn window in between seat rows,
Like sometimes it's shimmied where it's closer to the person,
(09:25):
like a person has their own window, and then there's
like a weird hybrid window that's sort of mine and
sort of theirs. It's just asking for a fucking argument.
It's just asking for a fucking argument like that person
and it's past agabat. It's like more like you need
a lawyer, We need like a mediator on the plane,
because it's more it's closer to them. But the glare
of the sun it provides is on me. The real
(09:47):
estate of the sun and the light that it provides
is eighty five percent mine. The handle of it is
eighty five percent theirs. So I sometimes when someone's sleeping
out a sneak my hand and like shut. I'm like,
they're not gonna care, and they're already sleeping, and why
didn't they want to shut anyway if they had intention
of going to sleep, And maybe they're those sleepers that
can just sleep on their own or they have eyemasks.
(10:08):
I don't fucking know. I don't live with them, I
didn't pack with them. I don't give a good fuck,
and I don't have a lawyer. But I'm shutting that
shit because if a window is in my eyes and
I'm gonna like have sun in it, it needs to shut.
But it gets tricky, I'll just like stick my hand
up and like take liberty and shut it. I haven't
gotten fucked. Sometimes you get into a little fight with
someone passag or someone will like put it up like this,
(10:29):
like they need it up a little warm. I'm like,
the sun is still in my eyes. Someone said to me, oh, well,
we're gonna pass that soon, like we're in the clouds.
We're gonna come out soon. I'm like, oh the fuck
are you? Like Al Roker? Now, I know I'm an
angry woman and it comes to playing conduct and it's
not checking by my window. I'm a violating contact with
the light, like singing my corneas. Forget it.
Vacation sex is different. Number one, it's existent, it exists,
it occurs, and number two, like it could occur with frequency,
like oral sex, you know, missionary sex, just vacation sex.
And I went on a vacation with Paul to Miami,
and like we're not really Miami people. I've been going
(00:33):
to Miami my whole life, and I've been there over
a hundred times, but like, I don't think of myself
as a Miami person because it's nightclubs and it's like
for hotshots and it's action and everyone's out in like
a purple ferrari and like wearing no clothes and mesh
and whatever. But like we're action adjacent, so we like
to go there and go to like we would go
to a beza and have the best fucking time because
we go to dinner at eight o'clock. No one's going
(00:55):
to dinner, go to the shops, eat the good foods,
stay at the hotels and just like why like people watch,
like leave dinner when people are coming, you know, just
do things upside down. So we're like that in Miami,
we're going to dinner at seven o'clock. We did it.
We went to the cool restaurant. I wore my great outfits.
I went to the pool, leave the pool, get up
for beach walk at seven in the morning, have breakfast
at eight o'clock, and be like leave the pool at noon,
(01:18):
and everyone's waking up and getting there to like day
drink and like Douche douche douche music. Like we're not
those people, but we participate and we like it because
it's like action adjacent. So like in Miami, we went
to Miami and we're in a hotel room and I'm
just like initiating sex and Paul his heart is stopping.
He's like, what's going on. We're getting an apartment here.
He's wearing like, you know, a Versachi shirt button down.
(01:40):
He has zero chest hair. Literally, he has two chest hairs.
Often I'm like, oh my god, you're so hairy because
he has two chest hairs. No exhaction. No, he's quarter Japanese.
He has two chest hairs. So I'll be like, oh
my god. So Paul's wearing like a giant gold watch,
a Versachi shirt down to his navel, a gold chain,
and we're having sex in the middle of the day.
He's like looking at real estate listings. He's calling himself
(02:00):
Tony Montana. He's never tried to drug in his life.
He's a different person now because we're doing like vacations,
So vacation sex is just different. It's all that I
have to say. I've decided that at restaurants where like
you're like beggars. You go to a hip restaurant and
you like you're like, Hi, yeah, no, is there is
(02:23):
there any chance I could just like a no, like
pecans like no, like sugar pecans, like can I can
I try the dressing? And you're like begging. It's like
you know all the elements of what's in the restaurant.
You know that, like it's not one of those shake
your own salads at the airport that's already made, so
you know they have a rouge law, and you know
they have already chocks because you saw it somewhere else.
You also know it's forty dollars for a fucking pasta,
(02:43):
and you're just like, hey, is there anyway you could
like and I realize we're beggars. You're like paying and
you're a beggar, and like you just feel like the
whole time you're just like Hi, yeah, no, and someone
comes up like, Hi, what kind of water would you like?
And I'm like, I'd like wet water, and I don't
need like overpriced like twenty dollars, like they're like sparkling water.
(03:07):
Like no, I'll take club soda, like no one's marketing
club soda because it doesn't like you can't mark up
the bill for twenty dollars for club soda. So I
just you feel like a loser. You're like a club
soda and I'll just have like water, just water, h
two ol, It's just like that is it liquid? I'd
like it over ice? Thank you so much? And is
your ice made of perie beauxent if I like need
to get perier, like I'm putting perie over like shitty
(03:27):
water ice like water faucet ice, So like what are
we fucking doing? Don't ask me about the sparkling water.
Don't ask me if I'd like bottled water. Don't do
it like I'd like to come into be like we
are not bottled water. People like that's just not who
we are. But anyway, so then we go through that
moment and that same person you just want to ask
(03:47):
that same person if we could get like a drink.
You're here, like it's gonna be it's liquid. Can you
just be a liquid person? You came up. We don't
need like a second part, like got the liquid person,
who's got the sparkling water? Just the water conversation, and
then we have to have a I hate transacting, anyone
who knows my fucking hate transacting. I don't like, can
I get your room key? And you want a towel
and you want another towel and you want to like no,
I don't want all these conversations, so we have to
(04:10):
have a water conversation that I don't want to have
to begin with. So then we're like, no, could just
because it's short, nay. Also like you're trying to get
it as quick as you can, so they think it's
part of the water program, which they don't. Oh yes,
someone else will be by soon to take your drinks.
Why water is a drink? What if I'm only a
water drinker? Then this is my big drink. I want
a lemon in my water or club soda that's my cocktail.
(04:32):
Why can't we just do it all at the same time,
you're like begging, like they're rushing away and you're hungry.
They're rushing like they're rushing with it. No, No, we're
just gonna take your water order. There's someone else will
come over for that thing. Okay. So then like you're
hungry too, but you're not like ready for the commitment
of the main thing. But you're like not eating since lunch.
It's many hours and probably like, can we just get something?
I hear his voice change, Hike is the beast. We
(04:53):
can get some things for the table, like with his
furrowed brown he's like tears coming to his eyes. He's like, Nos,
he's asking for someone because he's a fucking beggar. So
he's like could be yeah, And then they're like, hi,
your server, we have to take the whole we have
to take the whole order at the same time, What
the fucking arbitrary rule is that? Why why it's not sushi?
Why why can't we just like I don't know, I
(05:15):
don't I'm not doing one thing, and I'm gonna be like, hi,
like one order of French fries. I'd like a steak.
Later on, we're gonna get the bait. I'm gonna get
the baked Alaskan And then come around and circles and
start ordering a case of DA and some other fucking things.
I get it. We just want to let's just do
some appetizers now, Is that okay? No, it's not because
you're a fucking beggar. It's like honestly, and then Jesus Christ,
(05:37):
it's not the pandemic anymore. Which where the scam of
like you packing your own food, you want to take
something to go, Well, it was a sixty eight dollars,
RUBI like you want some of it to go? Like
it's your body and your choice. It's a very expensive meal.
They just throw a box on the on the table,
so degrading, Like I don't have the right like tools
for this job. You know what I mean? You took
(05:58):
my utensils away. Now I'm like shaking my plate like
I'm wearing a white dress. I'm like shaking my plate
over that weird cardboard box. It's not it's not the
black plastic thing that has the clear plastic over to
steal it shut. It's like that weird like Lego or
GOMMI fucking brown plastic box. It like folds in, so
stuff is gonna leak through the corners. So you're trying
to like shake pasta, and it's not gonna like shimmy
(06:20):
in right, it's gonna like get on the corners, which
is going in your car. I'm gonna get on your dress.
And so like then you're trying to shut it and
you can't shut it because they fucking bought the cheap
oat to goat containers. Can you just have good to
go containers? It's degrading enough. I want to stack it.
I want it to go in a bag, and I
don't want clam sauce on my fucking car carpet. Is
that possible? So you're begging and then like they give
(06:41):
you this like porn bag of like it's a black
plastic or like a like it's our pleasure to serve
you when it's fucking not, you know it's not. And
then you're like carrying out this like plastic bag. It's
gonna like cut off your circulation, gona twisting circles on
your wrist, and like you don't get like mister Chow
gets the fucking award for the greatest mister who has
a very expensive upscale Chinese restaurant. They give you a
(07:02):
shopping bag. It looks like you went to like a
very expensive more than Victoria's secret, because it's like more firm.
It's not like paper and it's gonna rip. It's like
a very beautiful like it could be Gucci bag. It's gorgeous,
like you're proud to walk out with your to go food.
So to go containers and bags need to fucking get
with the program. Mark, I'm coining the phrase I own it,
(07:35):
it's mine. If somebody else says it, you fucking give
it the credit that it deserves. Like Paris Hilton said
that's hot and Christian Siriano said hot mess. It's their phrases.
Ozempa rexic is mine. It's gonna be a thin. I
already heard, you know. I talked about ozempic every day
ending and why because now there's a new thing. I
know two thing, guys. They just decided to get ozempic
(07:57):
to just fucking like quick. It's like a binge diet.
They're gonna do it for a week then go off.
How fucked up? Fuck everyone who said it wasn't gonna
go sideways. This thing is going sideways. Oh, Zempa exix thin.
People who get a quick prescription, they can afford it.
They inject themselves. They don't eat for a week, and
then they jump the fuck off. They use it like
intermittent fasting, except it's like weeks at a time, like
(08:20):
some you know people fast from Like, by the way,
what the fuck fasting? The I'm intermittent fasting. I stop
eating at eleven o'clock and I start eating at eight.
That's called sleeping. You fucking weirdo, Like people are so weird.
So people are gonna, oh, Zemba exic, and they're not
gonna fast, They're gonna fucking naughty for a week and
then jump back onto food, go out, go away on
(08:41):
vacation and going to CenTra Pa. I'm eating shake freed
every day and I'm enjoying my life. Go to Coachella,
get drunken ey cheeseburgers, and then I'm doing ozempic for
a week, or Moonjaro or kill them on draw kill
kill a Moonjaro and Ozemba exic. You heard it here,
don't fucking steal it, or steal it and give me credit,
like the skinny margarita that I invented that everybody says,
and I never get the credit. And I'm the one
(09:03):
who says, credit seekers don't get credit, so that's probably
why I'm not getting credit. Can we discuss? Can we
discuss why planes have a goddamn window in between seat rows,
Like sometimes it's shimmied where it's closer to the person,
(09:25):
like a person has their own window, and then there's
like a weird hybrid window that's sort of mine and
sort of theirs. It's just asking for a fucking argument.
It's just asking for a fucking argument like that person
and it's past agabat. It's like more like you need
a lawyer, We need like a mediator on the plane,
because it's more it's closer to them. But the glare
of the sun it provides is on me. The real
(09:47):
estate of the sun and the light that it provides
is eighty five percent mine. The handle of it is
eighty five percent theirs. So I sometimes when someone's sleeping
out a sneak my hand and like shut. I'm like,
they're not gonna care, and they're already sleeping, and why
didn't they want to shut anyway if they had intention
of going to sleep, And maybe they're those sleepers that
can just sleep on their own or they have eyemasks.
(10:08):
I don't fucking know. I don't live with them, I
didn't pack with them. I don't give a good fuck,
and I don't have a lawyer. But I'm shutting that
shit because if a window is in my eyes and
I'm gonna like have sun in it, it needs to shut.
But it gets tricky, I'll just like stick my hand
up and like take liberty and shut it. I haven't
gotten fucked. Sometimes you get into a little fight with
someone passag or someone will like put it up like this,
(10:29):
like they need it up a little warm. I'm like,
the sun is still in my eyes. Someone said to me, oh, well,
we're gonna pass that soon, like we're in the clouds.
We're gonna come out soon. I'm like, oh the fuck
are you? Like Al Roker? Now, I know I'm an
angry woman and it comes to playing conduct and it's
not checking by my window. I'm a violating contact with
the light, like singing my corneas. Forget it.
Host
Bethenny Frankel
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